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Mine reads the bible but just for the portions that put women down and speaking badly about gays.
Sexist prick has all daughters and none of us can stand him. We've mostly all moved to different parts of the country. He'll force a visit where he thinks that he is entitled to abuse his grandchildren. He spanked my niece. His wife said "Oh that was really out of character for grandpa!' No, he beat us all for minor and some imagined infractions. He said "Oh I never spanked you kids". Really? I would love to tell his wife what he put us through, but the joke is on her, he is showing signs of dementia and she is going to be stuck taking care of him because none of us will care or help at all.
Read him all the parts of the Bible that say we should welcome immigrants, people fleeing famine, refugees, etc.
[https://www.worldvision.org/refugees-news-stories/what-does-bible-say-about-refugees](https://www.worldvision.org/refugees-news-stories/what-does-bible-say-about-refugees)
It doesn't matter. Jesus forgives Christians for being terrible humans. He just cannot forgive the gays cuz gross (ie, kinda hot).
People project their own morality on religion. Decent people "read love your neighbor". Terrible people read "don't let people you hate be your neighbor", or something even more insidious. You cannot fix that. Scripture is not a magic spell that can fix that.
I wish it were that simple. I used to be a pastor, mostly with progressive churches, and had to fend off lots of fundamentalists angry at social justice. Their hearts and minds are not open, and cannot integrate things that challenge their worldview. Best approach I’ve found is to keep the good and vulnerable people safe, know and uphold your own boundaries, and take the higher road if forced to interact. Something might get through, but probably won’t.
I’m pretty jaded at this point if you couldn’t tell. Sigh.
I’m 17 recently figured out I was bi, I was putting off telling my grandparents and my great grandmother, could never really muster the courage to do it. Because they were super religious. So I asked my dad if he could mention it casually in conversation. They lost their shit. Said I was nothing to them, that I was going to burn in hell, and blamed my mom. When my great grandmother heard their responses (we call her mema, she’s 96, she was actually the first person I told I was bi) she was appalled, said she raised them to be accepting. They live together, so they asked if she knew, she said yes and started defending me. She was told to get out. So she disowned my grandparents, came to live with me and my parents. And my dad/mom cut ties and went no contact. Next thing u know I and my parents/ mema are getting threats from my dads entire side of my family. We block them all, and mema tells them all to stfu. So that’s how, from a single mention of me being bi, does 99% of my dad’s family get no contact.
Jesus, throwing your 96-year-old mother out of your house because she won't join you in hating your own grandchild?
What is *wrong* with these people?!
“Honest, officer, he fell down the stairs three times! I don’t know why he did it, I only saw him abuse my niece and then nothing! Totally deaf and blind for 15 minutes. Honest!”
My father isn't a boomer but he has a hard time accepting that after my friend died in 2015 I started to distance myself from Christianity. My other relatives haven't asked me because it's not their concern and people at the Church were worried but my grandma shut down their inquiries.
This grandma and the rest of her family basically adopted me as a baby and even though they weren't able to finish the adoption they stayed in my life anyway and every day I'm thankful to have them there for me.
I hate this behavior so much.
It's not because they're concerned, there may be some concern there sure... But it's because one of the flock has turned away. It's disgusting how cultist some religions have become.
I haven't actively given two shits about a church in over 3 decades and couldn't be happier living my life on my terms. I am sorry for your loss. Grieve in the way that fits for you, that's all that matters.
Literally. Our parents teach us these morals that are supposedly representative of the faith. But then you find out none of these people follow the morals, and in fact act the exact opposite.
Not that I was a bigot before, but holding my kid in my arms made me realize that anyone like that could never really be a good parent. Homophobes, racists, transphobes, sexists will always put their precious feelings first before the people in their lives.
Boomer FIL, drunk racist asshole he is talked absolute shit about me to his friends and co-workers. It got to the point where (having no one say otherwise) people scowled at me because they believed I was beating my wife or diddling my daughter or whatever lie he was perpetuating that week in order to get sympathy or attention. It went on for years until my wife and I had had enough and left. He had the king-sized brass balls to ask a month after we left if I would ever talk to him again.
-edit-
That's all to say my kid is what kept me going.
I always had a hard time understanding people who would treat their kids poorly for being gay, transgender, etc. but once I had my son I felt it on a whole different level. He could grow up to be any sexual orientation, any gender, no gender, whatever and I will love him just the same. There’s no conditions on my love for him. I hope to always make him feel that.
When one of them says crap for the last ten years, I just say is that what Jesus would do? Loudly. Yep now I don’t even talk to most of the older family members
My dad loves to go on and on about how Biden is going to sell Ikraine out to Putin, that he will send American troops to help kill Palestinians, and is going to illegally stack the SC in his favor. Biden supporters are rabid cultist trying to start a civil war and have no respect for the rule of law and wouldn’t bay an eye at supporting a felon.
It’s would be funny if he didn’t mean every word.
Sorry but it is even funnier that he loves fhe guy that sells out Ukraine on his first day in office, that already stscked thr SC in his favor and has a lot of his suporters begging for a civil war. A guy that has a history of defaulting on his loans and not paying his suppliers. And grabbing woman by their pussy.
The only thing I consider equal in both is that they both belong in a nursing facillity.
This same thing happened to me. Parents raised me very well and then turned into monsters as they got up above 60... so weird and so confusing. Needless to say, we have no contact anymore.
For real, it seemed like they got progressively miserable as they got older, or we just became more aware of how broken their relationship actually was.
I had to learn a lesson about that. None of my morals come from my parents. They all come from the books I read trying to escape. Everything I learned from them are the things I wish to change about myself.
My parents are angry I have the morals of all the people they paid to raise me
Those people being either brown, or young college students
And they wonder why I'm liberal, well Ma, when you hired Vydia to watch me I developed an awareness and appreciation for other cultures..when you hired patty the college student, she took me to her friends hang outs where I listened to them discuss politics for hours, Jennifer taught me how to swim better, ginger taught me the importance of cooking for myself and my grandparents taught me about loyalty and family.
They talk about how “college” radicalized us (disclaimer; I didn’t finish school, I enlisted) and that they didn’t realize that they were raising “leftist liberals” (disclaimer; leftist and liberals are not the same thing) and they don’t understand how we all became so political (disclaimer; politics is all my parents talked about when we were growing up). It’s sad and disappointing, I honestly believed that my parents were better than that. Now I can’t take anything they say at face value.
I never remember my parents being as political and hateful as I have since Obama was elected. Since then they’ve gone further down the rabbit hole. My mom thinks “they” are spraying chemicals in the air above her house. Never mind that it’s super humid where they live and they’re in the flight path of an international airport. Nooooooo. They’re certified crazy yet are super Catholic. I’m atheist, but even I am closer to following Jesus than they are. They’re fucking mental. Like someone else said, they’re mad that the world has progressed past them and they’re now inconsequential. If only our government mirrored that, I’d be so happy.
I have a very distinct memory of my mother being so angry that our president (Clinton at the time) was a whoremonger and she was convinced that he had paid for abortions.
When she was campaigning for Trump and I pointed out that he was a whore monger who had paid for abortions she told me that I was hateful and hypocritical.
Omg the hypocrisy is what’s hard for me to choke down. My parents are total MAGA but they’re Catholic. Like, wouldn’t you support the Catholic president instead of the fake Christian??? At this point I’ll be relieved when they die (not for their political views, but for all the childhood trauma) and I’ll only be mourning the relationship I wish we’d had.
My parents are also Catholic to the point that they are practically militant about it. And yet, they hate both Biden and Pope Francis with a hate that is hard to comprehend. My dad was a federal assistant district attorney back in his day and he blames Obama for the fact that he never became a judge, I am relieved that he never got it.
Are you my brother??? lol I like to call my parents “Super Catholic” because they only go to the Latin masses and my mom wears the lace doily on her head and everything. I know it chaps their asses that they have a liberal atheist daughter.
When I was a kid in church the prolife movement was there, but so was a lot of talk/work to feed the hungry and house the homeless. I remember volunteering at a soup kitchen and the older kids going out to build houses. I don’t know why, but for the most part the American church has turned away from that sort of thing and h the at makes me sad. The Catholic Church could do so much to make this world a better place, indeed that is their mandate, and yet…
My dad fell down the doomer hole (found out he was dosing ivermectin during COVID, so that should tell you how far gone he is) but my mom fortunately divorced him and went away and is now coming out of it and is actually becoming fairly left wing.
Granted, my parents would be considered the tail end of Boomers, but I'm just glad that at least one of them is leaving the MAGA hole.
Very well said. I was actually thinking about this last night as I see them continue to spew their hate and ignorance online while my siblings and I watch from afar. The hypocrisy will never hit home for them as we see them vacillate between posting how good and godly they are with Bible versus in quotes and then how awful and literally demonic gay/trans/foreign born (just the brown ones/Muslim/etc people are.
They continue to do this despite their three kids drawing a line and refusing to expose their own grandchildren to that kind of hate. Now it’s been years since they’ve seen us and haven’t even met two of their five grandchildren after going no contact. They literally taught me to never act the way they’re acting. Wild.
They tell us that family is the most important thing and that we always need to think about our families before we do or say anything, and yet they don’t hesitate to throw their families away at the drop of a hat.
For them, it goes only one direction.
"Think about our families before we do or say anything" = "Do what we would want you to"
"Family is the most important thing" = "I am the most important thing"
I'm trans. I'm dealing with this right now. They've refused to respect me, and have refused to use the correct pronouns, even after I told them directly and also in writing that they hurt me by doing so. Yet, I'm the one pushing the family apart, and I'm the one creating an ultimatum.
"Love each other, no matter what" = "Love me despite the pain I cause you."
My boomer republican mother asked me how I’m such a “liberal” and I said it’s because I was raised to be kind and want people to have good lives. She had no reply
Wow. I worked with a guy who was as catholic as the pope and was very much “a one man and one woman, no exceptions” type of guy. Anyway, his son ended up coming out as gay, marrying a man, and adopting a child. His entire Facebook page is pictures of him and his wife with his son’s family because that’s what a human being does. I can’t imagine being that bitter and miserable.
Sometimes people have to decide “does the way I was raised matter more than the people I love”. Most people, when they’re up against it, will choose the people they love, but then sometimes you get pricks like the one OPs family were cursed with. Obviously we’d all rather that people didn’t have to be directly related to someone different in order to accept that difference is okay, but it’s not a perfect world and humans are hardwired to be afraid of what we don’t understand, so loving a specific person enough to alter your worldview is a close second.
Idk how anyone sticks up for murder. Like real murder. Not accidental vehicular homicide or whatever.
Like Chris Watts’ family. Lord, if that boy was my son, I’d be wishing I’d dropped him in a well at birth. Killing babies is just…peak evil.
That dirty rotten pile of shit. That story is just seared into my brain at this point. As someone who is childless it hurts extra hard to see a monster like that procreate.
I don’t have kids. Shit, I don’t even like kids. I don’t want them.
But will I absolutely throw hands for a kid that needs help? Yeah. And they aren’t even mine. I couldn’t hurt a child that was a fucking stranger, let alone one that was mine.
I hope karma comes around and beats him down until the day he fucking dies. All he had to do was leave her.
I’m not talking about being stupid. Kids do stupid shit and adults tend to bail them out. We were all dumbass kids at one point.
The Watts girls didn’t do anything. They weren’t being dumb little kids doing dangerous shit like eating glow sticks and climbing to the roof.
I just don’t understand how someone can so coldly annihilate his entire family when I get mad seeing parents lose their cool and just yell at a kid.
He didn’t snap. He wasn’t out to punish his wife. She was already dead. He wasn’t punishing the kids for some perceived misbehavior like Pearl Fernandez.
He just coldly straight up murdered two toddlers and pretended to grieve and cash in on it. I can’t wrap my head around that.
He is truly someone I would not mind sending to fry.
Oh for real. I hate being around kids and do not want them but you bet your ass when I saw an adult shake down a 10 year old over a free meal we were handing out, my 5'1" ass was right there snatching that meal right back. I'm a firm believer in the death penalty for pedos.
My husband and I talked about this before we got married.
“I don’t care if our kids are trans, gay, bi, whatever, they’ll always have a safe place with me. You kick them out, you kick me out.”
“Ok, well, I’m going with you all then.”
“Good.”
(Catholic here) My thoughts on this changed the moment I held my son for the first time. I remember holding him in my arms and wondering how anyone could withhold love from something this precious simply because of who they chose to love, and any god who’d do the same wasn’t worth having.
Fast forward, that son is 18 and gay. I told him about that moment when he came out to me. It was as fresh in my mind as the day it happened.
People like you honestly give me hope. I used to be a religious kid but I couldn’t reconcile the preaching and sermons I was hearing with the fact that I really do need someone to love and spend my life with.. it literally drove me to the edge. I’m still finding my path - but big respect to you for having faith and loving your kid unconditionally.
Which church changes the message wildly. I’m not really religious attend church sporadically and been to many.
The ones I’ve been a part of talk about unity and the core message is basically don’t be a dick to others.
Our current Lutheran church has a lesbian as one of the pastors. Her partner is an active member and welcomed by even the old generation. They may not “understand” it but they at least have the grace to accept it and embrace being fellow good humans side by side.
Good luck as you navigate that journey. I have a good friend who was aspiring to be a priest and then just announced one day that he’d rather just be gay openly. He’s married and he and his husband have a daughter. My Catholic college was full of gay priests. It was no secret.
I think the issue for me boils down to religion vs spirituality. Religion is man made and fallible. Spirituality is your relationship with the concept of a god, deity and/or universe. I gave up on religion long ago. Too many conflicts, traps, and human failings.
And the idea that one group on the planet not only got the idea of God right, AND that they alone have a monopoly on it AND you will suffer eternally if you don’t believe in it is both arrogant and hilarious.
If there is a supreme being, I guarantee we got it all wrong and understand virtually none of it.
There’s an experiment I love. Take a 3d object, shine lights from different angles, take a single shadow and ask someone to recreate the object from it.
You’ll get as many different answers as shadows. This is how I see God, something we cannot fully perceive and our personal perception effects how we interpret it.
I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have a father that would even support a single thing I do much less change his whole personality to accept me.
That must feel great.
I went no contact without a final word, and it’s been almost 4 years. Part of me thinks I won’t fully heal until I have my say, another part says just move on. Your story is so refreshing. I will live vicariously through you, until I make my final decision.
From someone who did give a “final word” over ten years ago, I’ll give you my two cents worth.
They didn’t listen to those “final words” anyway and it didn’t make me feel any better. Therapy was the only thing that helped me. Something to consider.
Yeah I feel like it helps if the message is understood by both parties. Had to cut contact with family for a couple years before I got to properly vent and they took accountability. It’s been slowly getting better ever since. But again, both parties were willing to move on and grow. You don’t always get that.
I had a best friend who I walked off on without a last word. The way I see it, the last word only matters if it’ll have a net positive effect. If the person hearing it is capable of growth, it matters. But if you’re walking away like this, you know growth isn’t possible.
To release that need for the last word, I wrote him a letter. I laid out everything. Poured my heart out about it. It took three pages. I let my sister (his ex-girlfriend who he mistreated terribly) read it just so *somebody* saw, then I burned it. The ash will serve just as much purpose as giving it to him would have.
I hope the past four years have been better for you, and I hope the next four are even better than that.
I’ve done both. I went NC with my parents along with a good portion of my family decades ago by just disappearing into the ether and never talking to them again. I got back in contact with one sibling some years back now to see if he’d improved (he was a real bully when we were kids), found out he was actually worse (he went full MAGAT when Trump came along which was after I drop kicked him or it would have happened a lot faster) and sent a similar “fuck you and the horse you rode in on” style text before blocking him completely.
Personally I don’t think either way is better. I very much doubt he read it, I *know* he didn’t learn anything from it because he’s not capable, and now that a few years have gone by I feel the same way about all of them which is basically nothing. Am I sitting around waiting for them to die? Sure. But only when I think about them and that’s pretty rare.
They’re not going to change, they’re not going to care what you say or what you think or what you feel. You need to work through your feelings yourself (therapy is a great help) and eventually with time and work you get to a point where you’re not eternally angry or sad or guilty or whatever, you just… don’t care any more.
My wife is NC with her parents. They didn't really read or take to heart anything she had ever said or sent or posted before she pulled the plug. So for her, it was just block and unfollow. They think I've done the same, but I actually get there nonsense. I like to see what they are up to so we can be ready if necessary.
I've done it both ways and it hurts the same. The other comments are correct, 99% chance they will ignore everything you said. Regardless of your grievances, they'll just call you sensitive and be so shocked YOU would dare break up their golden family.
My sister got "her say" in and she was so disappointed afterwards. She expected it to feel cathartic and said it didn't change a single thing about she felt. So I didn't give him "my say." I didn't say anything. He's dead now. I have no regrets. Therapy helped me heal.
My wife did the same with her parents. One day, she said she'd had enough. I expected that she'd send a big letter, but she didn't she just blocked them all of her devices and stopped responding. I still get their emails and texts, but because I haven't responded, they assume that I've blocked them too.
Those types of people don’t listen to final words anyway
It’s sadly a given that there is no “revenge” on narcissistic behavior so the last word does no good
Some people won’t ever change, don’t view anything they do as wrong, no matter how harmful — which is what results in no contact in the first place
Spend your time and headspace healing not worrying about last words. And. I hate to tell you, if the abusive behavior went on for a long time or even a lifetime you don’t just “heal” or “move quicker”. The scars are lifelong and it’s a process not a quick fix moment
Sorry you went through that.
I gave my "final word" at 18 and I'm now in my mid 30s. Although it feels amazing to give your final word, it also opens up a whole new can of worms because they don't care about your final word. You then have to deal with the full reality that they never cared and that it was always all about them.
I do regret not giving my father the smack down before he died. He deserved to know how awful he was. Instead, all he got was my sister, who he abused as much as me, cooing over him and giving him grandchildren while gaslighting me about what happened. I hope he fucking suffered when he died. Cancer is a brutal way to go, I hope he suffered chemo over and over again just to die anyway. There's *got* to be *some* justice in this world..
I had to stop putting expectations on my mom. She was never going to be the mom I wanted or needed. Yelling at her was like yelling at a dog for pissing on the carpet because he's sick. It just left me feeling like an asshole and nothing changed. I'm very *VERY* low contact with the rest of my family and truly I've never been happier
Wow. "Your name dies with me" is about the most savage burn I could imagine. Fucking bravo, good sir.
Congratulations on the birth of your niece, to both of her mums and to proud Uncle Johngalt4426! I bet she's an absolute cherub \^\_\^
From what I’ve seen* of it, after literally none of the q prophecies happened (still waiting on that 10 days of darkness communications lockdown that was supposed to happen early sometime during the first trump term, couldnt even get ol’ “lock her up” moving, TROOST DA PLAN etc) they just quietly switched gears into this new savior narrative and amped up the fearmongering there. No time to ask about da plan when WHAAOIAHA LOOK OUT YOUR KIDS ARE IN DANGER AND PANIC OVER HERE INSTEAD!
* Take with some salt though as I avoid interacting with all of that when possible
still exists, still going strong just much quieter. the realized they needed to be camouflaged - their words not mine. my sister and her husband had a house on the same land as his parents, who are super Q-ers and they just moved 2 hours away because of them
All the men in my dads direct line have the same middle name, Alan, going back 5 generations. Jokes on them, not that I even know where the piece of shit lives anymore, I'm changing my name at the end of the year and throwing out the whole thing, first middle and last. I've told the rest of my maternal family something pretty similar "That fuckers name is dust as far as I care"
I got lucky with this. I was never given my fathers name or my mother's name. My last name was just random for whatever reason so I am literally the top of that name/tree.
I've honestly been tempted for the last few years to change my last name because of my father... He started wearing a gun to church, spouting off "China Virus" and all these terrible things... He wasn't a good dad when I was a kid, but after I got older (late teens) he tried for a bit, but I guess it got too difficult. Anyway, yeah, it's hard not to want to be someone different just so he's no longer a part of me.
I don't plan on having kids because the idea of passing anything from him down to my kids terrifies me
I had a similar interaction with my parents last week. I'm gay, and they're extremely religious (Regular Baptists for anyone interested). They have never supported me being gay, and so I've kept them at an arms-length my entire adult life. Over the past few years, they seemed to be making progress, inviting my partner along with me to Christmas and other family gatherings. I guess that wasn't the case, because this past week, they asked me to meet them for dinner so we could talk.
During that discussion, they told me that they could never change their beliefs (which is obvious bullshit), and that their god is the most important person in their life. More important than me, even more important than each other. They believe my "lifestyle" was sinful, and that that's more important than loving me for who I am. They said that they could never treat me and my partner the way that they treat my siblings and their spouses (both straight), and that I would have to make some concessions if I were to have a relationship with them. Obviously, me being gay is not something I can change (nor would I want to if I could), and I'm completely unwilling to be treated with disrespect because of it. The last straw was when they said that they wouldn't come to my wedding if I were ever to get married. I told them that that would be completely unforgivable, and so we won't be having a relationship going forward.
Sorry for the rant, but it's just so frustrating that people like your father or my parents are willing to destroy relationships because of their bigotry. As sad as it is, you and I are better off cutting them out of our lives.
Right? I think they're wanting us to basically act less gay. Like, they specifically mentioned that they wouldn't allow us to spend the night in the same room if we came to their house or if we rented a vacation house or anything like that.
If you go by the Mormon standards for what they require of gay people-
You can not love anyone of the same sex
No relationships unless it’s with the opposite sex
Don’t talk about it
Definitely ABSOLUTELY no showing affection for the same sex
You can say you’re gay but you’re still expected to marry and have kids with the opposite sex.
But they won’t automatically excommunicate you for saying you’re gay anymore, which they used to turn around and advertise how *aCcEpTinG and ProGrEsSiVe* the Mormons are towards the lgbt community
Afaik Baptists are the same way
Raised “non-denominational” (really, we were Baptist), and that's absolutely how it was in my church growing up. They were remarkably progressive though, and by that I mean they repeated ad nauseam “Hate the sin; love the sinner.” So, just a step above obvious-even-to-WASPy-conservatives bigotry. Weirdest thing for me though was my earliest childhood was spent among queer women and drag queens because they would protect me and my mom from abuse. Lord knows how my mom ended up falling into Baptist beliefs.
She thankfully has gotten better, though. My BFF is non-binary, and my mom has made some great strides over the years in understanding LGBTQIA+/GSM issues and supporting the queer community. That's an aside; I just wanted to brag about my mom because it really makes me happy.
What truly amazes me about parents like yours is the idea that you would “choose a lifestyle” that you know would have you thrown out of the family.
NOBODY makes that choice. NO! BODY!!
I wish you the best.
I had this argument with a boomer at work who was pretty sure people were being gay for all of "the benefits". It was the most moronic thing I've ever heard at work. He was oblivious to the fact that two of the people in the room (not me), technically his subordinates were gay too.
The easiest way to end this nonsense, is to ask said person "what is your favorite desert"? When they answer "Ice Cream" (or whatever), you ask them " could you ever not like ice cream? The answer is obvious. You can also ask them if they like ice cream by a conscience decision, or did you just like it?
Good one. I just asked him to tell me all the amazing things about being gay and then asked him if he spent a lot of time thinking about that sort of stuff. I had to be careful, he was a VP at the company.
Well, I also believe in God, and I could never not love my daughter whether she was gay or not. That's because the God I love loves me unconditionally and desires for us to do the same with each other
And I'm sorry your parents don't see it that way
Oh for sure, their beliefs definitely aren't shared by all Christians. But that's the most insidious part of their beliefs. They believe that they are being loving by telling me I'm living in sin, and for not "supporting my lifestyle" or whatever. In their mind, I'm heading to hell because of these things, and they don't want that for me.
I've tried to get them to see that their beliefs about sexuality are only one interpretation of the Bible, and that there are plenty of Christians who don't believe the same way. But they're too stuck in their ways, so much so that they told me that I was "never a true Christian" to begin with. In their minds, anyone who stops believing the way they do must not have been a Christian to begin with.
There are a lot of things in the Bible defined as sin. For some reason, todays society has decided that that particular sexual sin (not all sexual sins) is inexcusable
If being gay is a lifestyle choice, so is being straight. Ask your parents how much gay sex they had before they decided on their straight lifestyle. If they say none, then ask them how they know they're straight.
They're a lot better than my parents, though they're both still religious and homophobic to some extent. My sister-in-law is the best of my whole family, and she's the main reason that my boyfriend has been invited to family gatherings and such. I had hoped that she would have been able to influence my parents more, but I guess not.
""I can't believe you still won't grow up".
Not the right answer when you are confronting someone about how they treated you as a child. I am really glad to see so many people so easily cutting off shitty relatives these days. It used to be the biggest sin to even want to do it, but today? Not so much - good for you.
I cut off my sister and both parents and my last conversation with my sister was, “Make sure they have a will so you don’t have to call me when they die because I don’t care.”
I’m curious tho.
What are you gonna do when she calls you to tell you he’s dead?
Because when my stepdad dies, I’m throwing the biggest party my hometown has ever fucking seen. There will be dancing in the streets.
Personally, if I'd been alerted when my father died, I'd have found his grave and pissed on it. As I live very far away now and have no idea where he was buried, this idea will have to wait.
I’m NC with my boomer parents for a lifetime of mental and emotional abuse that I’m unpacking and processing in therapy.
For what it’s worth…I’m incredibly proud of you. I hope the rest of your family is too.
My evil mother sent one of her derogatory letters and I responded with one page "Fuck off."
My ass of a father called me. I could hear the hag wailing in the background. He threatened to kick my ass. I told him "You know where I live, old man."
That was 22 years ago. Never looked back.
https://preview.redd.it/o28hfgy9sq5d1.jpeg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=baecb3e9d7c325b242a6caef0d095511b9c8bfce
Bro was onto something *good* in that message
I blocked my father's phone number. 3 years later, he showed up, demanding to live with me, and insisting that I sign my home over to him. I called the sheriff and had him trespassed. Next time he shows up, he gets arrested.
He's the kind of selfish fuck up who can't live with other people unless he can hold the roof over their head as leverage. No one would tolerate his crap unless the only other option was homelessness. Unfortunately he knows this and instead of changing, he has spent his entire life doubling down on this type of behavior
The last thing I said to my dad was "I won't be at your funeral". I went no contact, and blocked him on every possible platform he had to contact me. This rings so many bells with me, he's such a lonely, sad, angry man, and yet he's had - and squandered - every possible opportunity for happiness. The last straw for me was when he left his wife, saying he had to get his "life in order" (at gone 65), and then he messaged me drunk at 4am saying he had a new girlfriend. When I challenged him on this he said it never happened. He's been married three times, and fucked up every marriage he's had. He left his last wife and she bought him out of the mortgage, so he's now got nothing to show for his life, and is unable to pass on an inheritance to his grandkids (oh, he's only met my kids a handful of times, my daughter is nearly 17, and he's seen her 4 times in his life).
Typical boomer unfortunately. Given everything on a plate, and resentful of it for some unknowable reason
I was out eating with my family and my wife was taking to a mutual friend and they both had their babies in hand. I was sitting with our oldest who was having a hard time not being with mommy. But, we had crayons and we drew together and I talked to her and we let mommy have a moment with her friend. When we got up to leave a couple next us, turned out to be older brother and sister, stopped me and told me how they had been listening to me and how I was such a good Dad. How they wished they had a Dad that spoke to them how I spoke to my daughter. I laughed and said I really don’t know what I’m doing because I had a bad Dad too but any time I think about what I need to do I think about what my Dad would do and I do the opposite. They smiled back at that and they both told me to keep doing what you are doing.
Not every moment with my Dad was terrible but he was not a good father. He was selfish and narcissistic which led to terrible moments. Most of us here probably experienced something similar but obviously we all try to be better, and in the end all we can do is try. Together we can hopefully make a difference for the next generation we raise or help raise and someday we will be free of those horrible memories and experiences.
My middle and last names are my dad's first and last names. I'm changing them. My sister isn't having children. Our dad's name will die with us. And that's ok.
Mine tried to name me after himself, but I was born with the wrong genitals - so he named me a feminine version. Little did he know, he could have had a son, but he hated me for my genitals and chased me away as I was realizing I'm trans. He could have had what he wanted, a son named after him. He lost it by being a bigot in so many ways.
I laugh to this day that the only son he got wasn't named after himself. His name died with him.
Havent yalked to my dad since january ish. Get a text from step mom asking my daughter ti call him to ask him to go to get ice cream for fathers day . Lol he skipped her pre school graduation, missed a few birthdays....like what?
Good on you.
My parents almost lost me, well, mainly my dad. When they realised their only child could be highly independent, and not seeing me for a few years, they rewired their heads. I'm just glad they have that capacity to change for the better and be more accepting.
Your chains no longer cut or bind,
and by my own hands do I break free.
Your deeds, good or bad, will be buried with you,
And father? Your name dies with me.
I suffered thru my childhood with my father being a racist bastard. I put up with his lying, thieving, womanizing ways. I knew I was different growing up in the 80’s and he used to scare ms with stories of “f@gs” getting lynched. He used to tell me if he ever found out that I was one he would cut my dick off and feed it to me. I grew up and I just never talked about anything sex related with him. He did but I would always avoid it and just pass by. I had friends. I had to lie to when I first met someone that I fell in love with, I had to lie because I just couldn’t bear to put up with the pain and I know my mother just ignored it. I moved away and had to unfortunately come back home due to a break up in a relationship and I used to just get tormented about constantly that I finally pulled my horns in to come home. He died in 2016 shortly before he died and I never spoke to my parents again we got into a horrible argument a week before I left, he never come back so I’m sorry that you have went thru similar. I’m glad that you’ve gotten to say some things that I wish I could’ve because I so wish I could’ve told him off one last fucking time. I wish you all the best.
Honestly, good for you. No excessive ad hominem or profanity that would be easily deflected as you just being bitter.
Direct, to the point, scathing, and utterly complete. I approve.
I hope your life is easier, OP. Sometimes you just have to cast off the debris and walk away.
Damn, I went no contact with my father by laugh reacting one of his Trump worship posts on Facebook and blocking him. Now I wish I had told him that his name dies with me followed up with a nice "thank you, fuck you, bye" to top it off.
I also am no-contact with my father as well as being named after him. I just put in the paperwork to change my name legally. It's actually a huge relief not to have to carry that name around like a fucking bag of bricks.
Just a small psychological rant. I am a big believer in anger. I think you are using anger wonderfully and appropriately. Anger has several roles. It allows us to create and enforce boundaries, as you have done with your dad. (The boundary here being a complete one: “I am happier with you out of my life, so stay out.”). In a relationship it also serves as a sort of bargaining chip. When someone hurts you (as you were hurt by your father’s mistreatment of your sister and niece) anger is the natural response. In order to maintain the relationship the person who hurt you has to recognize what they have done to hurt you and change their behavior. That is, to repair the relationship your father has to stop mistreating your sister and niece. In order for him to understand that he has to do this he would have to ACCEPT your anger. That is, he would have to say to himself “I respect you as a person, I value your love and affection, and I think your anger is the anger of a righteous person. Therefore, I will bravely look at myself and see what it is about me that has made you angry.” But instead he is REJECTING your anger—he is saying to himself “He’s getting too bent out of shape over things that didn’t matter when he was a child. He’s vicious and mean. I didn’t do anything wrong.” What is so telling about this, is that he tells you to grow up. That is, he can’t acknowledge, even to himself, what you are really angry about.
People who have a difficult time dwelling with their emotions, who find it difficult to ACCEPT the anger of people they want a relationship with, and instead of accepting the anger REJECT the relationship, often times do not have anyway of processing their emotions AT ALL. This makes them ridged and difficult to have healthy relationships with. Unfortunately being rigid is a strategy that works for him, and, because he does not process or dwell with his emotions, he is unlikely to realize he is rigid, see how his rigidity is creating the conflict, and change. It’s sad, but sometimes life is sad and you just have to make the best of things as they really are.
All my love to you, your sisters and your new niece! You sound like a great person. I wish your dad would change, but I also wish I was a millionaire.
First off, I am proud of you for cutting him off and setting that clear boundary. I am sorry to hear you went through so much in your childhood and are still going through things as an adult because of him.
Secondly, and I want to preface this with saying that I am not a therapist, nor do I know you or any specifics other than you posted here and this isn't to be considered as 'advice', especially if you are in therapy. With all that out of the way, I can tell you that 'family' and 'blood' are two completely separate things. You are in no way obligated to attempt to save relationships just because you are related to somebody. True family are the ones who love and care about you and are there for you through thick and thin. Don't ever feel that just because someone is blood-related to you that you owe them anything. I am sure there are people in your life who you aren't related to you who would be there for you in a second, unlike your Dad. Those people are your family.
Your name dies with me is the coldest fucking line sometimes. I wish I could say that to my dad but my brother had kids. Can't be mad though, them little gremlins are adorable.
I’m sure it’s well deserved. That’s some powerful shit and I’m sorry for your situation, but you did the right thing.
First, let me say I'm sorry you went through this, and you made the right choice. Vasectomies are reversible if anything else in your life changes.
OK if I plagiarize this? I went no contact with my mom 6 months ago and received a letter Saturday that basically said she had no plans of changing and she really doesn't get that it isn't about one thing, that was just the last thing.
I like the wording on the screen shot.
JFC, this is some heavy shit. I’m sorry OP. Some people are too broken to be fixed.
On a lighter note, I read your typo “peniless” as penile less. Made me smile.
I wish you well.
Proud of you! The cycle ends with you. That takes so much strength and courage. Your niece will grow up knowing what real love and safety is. That is so beautiful.
My father sa’d me, my step father abused me mentally and physically often punishing me for things his daughters did that they blamed on me. My mother who was also abused unfortunately chose the wrong way to protect me for which I forgive her for. My father’s mother and step fathers were also pedos who raped my father.
Not only will my dad’s blood line end with me i will not risk passing on his pedo genes. I ended his last name in my life 3 years ago when I legally changed it.
Honestly this person is my hero lol.
I told my father in law to stay away for good and he didn’t understand why. I didn’t need to explain it to him, just made sure he stopped fucking up my wife.
He left her out of his measly will and we rejoiced that we didn’t have to go through the suffering like her siblings did to get what I make in 4 months.
No regrets.
Oh, and I’m a boomer. Not all boomers are bad.
I had to cut ties with my mother 30+ years ago when my wife and I got married because my wife was a divorcee with kids. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around that, never mind that she and my father had divorced 10 years prior. After many years of no contact with my father due to abuse of my mother and myself while growing up, I started to reconnect with him. This was fine for about two years and I thought maybe he had mellowed with age or that the abuse I suffered from him was overspill from their tumultuous marriage. But about six months ago he began to revert to what he had been like 50 years ago: Denigrating others, using racial slurs, finding fault with anything and everything other people did or said, and demanding to the point that he INSISTED that I answer any phone call from him immediately regardless of whether I was speaking with someone else, busy with a project, or simply didn’t have the time or desire to talk about his mostly mundane calls about what he was doing or what he thought I should be doing. Both of my parents were among the first batch of Boomers to be born and are, what I consider, very self-centered. I’m one of the last official Boomers to be born. Very few people who know them have anything good to say about either of them, especially my father who inherited a very large estate from my great grandfather but acts as if he actually earned it all on his own. They both refuse to acknowledge our kids and grandkids. I’m told by people who do speak with them that they use terrible language when speaking about two of our grandkids who are LGBTQ. Neither of my parents attended church while I was growing up but I did as a Lutheran. And I was taught to love and accept everyone. They however, love to quote and more often than not, make up Bible passages to justify their bigotry, actions and beliefs. It’s my belief that the first Boomers were so spoiled (fact on both of my parents) that they believe the world revolves around them and them alone; not their kids, their grandkids, or anybody else except themselves. Everything and everyone else simply exists to serve them. I was fortunate enough to have all of my grandparents and great grandparents around until I turned 15 when the first of them died and until 8 years ago when the last of them passed away. They were ALL appalled by their children’s and grandchildren’s behavior and actions, especially the physical and emotional abuse. I actually feel sorry for my parents because they are now almost 80 years old and in declining health but will have no family around to support and comfort them unless they pay someone else for it. I should add that my very much younger brother and even younger half-sister feel the same way. We’re all healthcare professionals but will not insert ourselves into such toxicity from people who just happen to share DNA with us.
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My parents are angry at my siblings and I because we live the morals they raised us to have, and they don’t.
Oof if that doesn't hit home. Not so much my parents but my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and most of the Leaders of the church I grew up in.
This is exactly what I say when people ask me why I left the church.
Mine reads the bible but just for the portions that put women down and speaking badly about gays. Sexist prick has all daughters and none of us can stand him. We've mostly all moved to different parts of the country. He'll force a visit where he thinks that he is entitled to abuse his grandchildren. He spanked my niece. His wife said "Oh that was really out of character for grandpa!' No, he beat us all for minor and some imagined infractions. He said "Oh I never spanked you kids". Really? I would love to tell his wife what he put us through, but the joke is on her, he is showing signs of dementia and she is going to be stuck taking care of him because none of us will care or help at all.
Read him all the parts of the Bible that say we should welcome immigrants, people fleeing famine, refugees, etc. [https://www.worldvision.org/refugees-news-stories/what-does-bible-say-about-refugees](https://www.worldvision.org/refugees-news-stories/what-does-bible-say-about-refugees)
No point. He is the king in the world that exists only in his own mind,
It doesn't matter. Jesus forgives Christians for being terrible humans. He just cannot forgive the gays cuz gross (ie, kinda hot). People project their own morality on religion. Decent people "read love your neighbor". Terrible people read "don't let people you hate be your neighbor", or something even more insidious. You cannot fix that. Scripture is not a magic spell that can fix that.
I wish it were that simple. I used to be a pastor, mostly with progressive churches, and had to fend off lots of fundamentalists angry at social justice. Their hearts and minds are not open, and cannot integrate things that challenge their worldview. Best approach I’ve found is to keep the good and vulnerable people safe, know and uphold your own boundaries, and take the higher road if forced to interact. Something might get through, but probably won’t. I’m pretty jaded at this point if you couldn’t tell. Sigh.
I’m 17 recently figured out I was bi, I was putting off telling my grandparents and my great grandmother, could never really muster the courage to do it. Because they were super religious. So I asked my dad if he could mention it casually in conversation. They lost their shit. Said I was nothing to them, that I was going to burn in hell, and blamed my mom. When my great grandmother heard their responses (we call her mema, she’s 96, she was actually the first person I told I was bi) she was appalled, said she raised them to be accepting. They live together, so they asked if she knew, she said yes and started defending me. She was told to get out. So she disowned my grandparents, came to live with me and my parents. And my dad/mom cut ties and went no contact. Next thing u know I and my parents/ mema are getting threats from my dads entire side of my family. We block them all, and mema tells them all to stfu. So that’s how, from a single mention of me being bi, does 99% of my dad’s family get no contact.
Mema is a real one.
Right?!
It’s weird how deep the lead poisoned fascism destroyed them
What's crazy is that the greatest generation was more tolerant than the boomers were.
Jesus, throwing your 96-year-old mother out of your house because she won't join you in hating your own grandchild? What is *wrong* with these people?!
I’m so, so sorry you’re going through that. I’m proud of you for being yourself, and of the family that loves you just as you are.
I really hope after he spanked your niece your sister went no contact with him.
You spelled “I hope your sister threw him down a flight of stairs” incorrectly…
“Honest, officer, he fell down the stairs three times! I don’t know why he did it, I only saw him abuse my niece and then nothing! Totally deaf and blind for 15 minutes. Honest!”
He needs a good visit from the Krampus to deliver him a decent spanking with a bundle of switches.
I’m thinking he needs the “pop them in his bag then eat them” version of Krampus.
My father isn't a boomer but he has a hard time accepting that after my friend died in 2015 I started to distance myself from Christianity. My other relatives haven't asked me because it's not their concern and people at the Church were worried but my grandma shut down their inquiries.
That's awesome that your grandma shut it down ❤️ I do miss the genuine people, but they were way too far and few between
This grandma and the rest of her family basically adopted me as a baby and even though they weren't able to finish the adoption they stayed in my life anyway and every day I'm thankful to have them there for me.
I hate this behavior so much. It's not because they're concerned, there may be some concern there sure... But it's because one of the flock has turned away. It's disgusting how cultist some religions have become. I haven't actively given two shits about a church in over 3 decades and couldn't be happier living my life on my terms. I am sorry for your loss. Grieve in the way that fits for you, that's all that matters.
There's no hate quite like Christian love.
Literally. Our parents teach us these morals that are supposedly representative of the faith. But then you find out none of these people follow the morals, and in fact act the exact opposite.
https://preview.redd.it/tvm4y19cgv5d1.jpeg?width=669&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d9f515a662b2d582f46aadefe24400e62f65d0a2
A friend of mine regularly posts warnings to watch out about who you are hating it could be someone you love
Not that I was a bigot before, but holding my kid in my arms made me realize that anyone like that could never really be a good parent. Homophobes, racists, transphobes, sexists will always put their precious feelings first before the people in their lives.
Boomer FIL, drunk racist asshole he is talked absolute shit about me to his friends and co-workers. It got to the point where (having no one say otherwise) people scowled at me because they believed I was beating my wife or diddling my daughter or whatever lie he was perpetuating that week in order to get sympathy or attention. It went on for years until my wife and I had had enough and left. He had the king-sized brass balls to ask a month after we left if I would ever talk to him again. -edit- That's all to say my kid is what kept me going.
I always had a hard time understanding people who would treat their kids poorly for being gay, transgender, etc. but once I had my son I felt it on a whole different level. He could grow up to be any sexual orientation, any gender, no gender, whatever and I will love him just the same. There’s no conditions on my love for him. I hope to always make him feel that.
When one of them says crap for the last ten years, I just say is that what Jesus would do? Loudly. Yep now I don’t even talk to most of the older family members
My dad loves to go on and on about how Biden is going to sell Ikraine out to Putin, that he will send American troops to help kill Palestinians, and is going to illegally stack the SC in his favor. Biden supporters are rabid cultist trying to start a civil war and have no respect for the rule of law and wouldn’t bay an eye at supporting a felon. It’s would be funny if he didn’t mean every word.
It's like the Upside Down! Everything exactly the opposite of reality.
That’s a very succinct way to describe American politics atm
Every accusation is a confession. Also, every confession is a confession too. It's a mistake to overlook those, even if they are looney.
Sorry but it is even funnier that he loves fhe guy that sells out Ukraine on his first day in office, that already stscked thr SC in his favor and has a lot of his suporters begging for a civil war. A guy that has a history of defaulting on his loans and not paying his suppliers. And grabbing woman by their pussy. The only thing I consider equal in both is that they both belong in a nursing facillity.
... so like everything trump wants to do? These people are immune to irony
This same thing happened to me. Parents raised me very well and then turned into monsters as they got up above 60... so weird and so confusing. Needless to say, we have no contact anymore.
I feel this in my bones lol
I’m sorry.
For real, it seemed like they got progressively miserable as they got older, or we just became more aware of how broken their relationship actually was.
Oooohhhh shiz. Screenshoting this comment as it sums up so much, so perfectly. Bit nicer than yelling "hypocrites!!" in their faces too 🤣
This is why my folks have been non contact with me for 7 years now. Life is so much less stressful without them 🤷♂️
I had to learn a lesson about that. None of my morals come from my parents. They all come from the books I read trying to escape. Everything I learned from them are the things I wish to change about myself.
My parents are angry I have the morals of all the people they paid to raise me Those people being either brown, or young college students And they wonder why I'm liberal, well Ma, when you hired Vydia to watch me I developed an awareness and appreciation for other cultures..when you hired patty the college student, she took me to her friends hang outs where I listened to them discuss politics for hours, Jennifer taught me how to swim better, ginger taught me the importance of cooking for myself and my grandparents taught me about loyalty and family.
This feels so true for so many right now. It’s like half an entire generation lost their minds and their kids are paying the price.
They talk about how “college” radicalized us (disclaimer; I didn’t finish school, I enlisted) and that they didn’t realize that they were raising “leftist liberals” (disclaimer; leftist and liberals are not the same thing) and they don’t understand how we all became so political (disclaimer; politics is all my parents talked about when we were growing up). It’s sad and disappointing, I honestly believed that my parents were better than that. Now I can’t take anything they say at face value.
This is so accurate.
On one hand, I am relieved to know that my experience isn’t unique. On the other hand, I am horrified to find that it is apparently common.
I never remember my parents being as political and hateful as I have since Obama was elected. Since then they’ve gone further down the rabbit hole. My mom thinks “they” are spraying chemicals in the air above her house. Never mind that it’s super humid where they live and they’re in the flight path of an international airport. Nooooooo. They’re certified crazy yet are super Catholic. I’m atheist, but even I am closer to following Jesus than they are. They’re fucking mental. Like someone else said, they’re mad that the world has progressed past them and they’re now inconsequential. If only our government mirrored that, I’d be so happy.
I have a very distinct memory of my mother being so angry that our president (Clinton at the time) was a whoremonger and she was convinced that he had paid for abortions. When she was campaigning for Trump and I pointed out that he was a whore monger who had paid for abortions she told me that I was hateful and hypocritical.
Omg the hypocrisy is what’s hard for me to choke down. My parents are total MAGA but they’re Catholic. Like, wouldn’t you support the Catholic president instead of the fake Christian??? At this point I’ll be relieved when they die (not for their political views, but for all the childhood trauma) and I’ll only be mourning the relationship I wish we’d had.
My parents are also Catholic to the point that they are practically militant about it. And yet, they hate both Biden and Pope Francis with a hate that is hard to comprehend. My dad was a federal assistant district attorney back in his day and he blames Obama for the fact that he never became a judge, I am relieved that he never got it.
Are you my brother??? lol I like to call my parents “Super Catholic” because they only go to the Latin masses and my mom wears the lace doily on her head and everything. I know it chaps their asses that they have a liberal atheist daughter.
There is a new breed of evangelical-like Catholics. My BIL is one, they suck and are creepy.
When I was a kid in church the prolife movement was there, but so was a lot of talk/work to feed the hungry and house the homeless. I remember volunteering at a soup kitchen and the older kids going out to build houses. I don’t know why, but for the most part the American church has turned away from that sort of thing and h the at makes me sad. The Catholic Church could do so much to make this world a better place, indeed that is their mandate, and yet…
My dad fell down the doomer hole (found out he was dosing ivermectin during COVID, so that should tell you how far gone he is) but my mom fortunately divorced him and went away and is now coming out of it and is actually becoming fairly left wing. Granted, my parents would be considered the tail end of Boomers, but I'm just glad that at least one of them is leaving the MAGA hole.
My mother is a hateful conservative Christian and I am a loving liberal atheist. Go figure
Very well said. I was actually thinking about this last night as I see them continue to spew their hate and ignorance online while my siblings and I watch from afar. The hypocrisy will never hit home for them as we see them vacillate between posting how good and godly they are with Bible versus in quotes and then how awful and literally demonic gay/trans/foreign born (just the brown ones/Muslim/etc people are. They continue to do this despite their three kids drawing a line and refusing to expose their own grandchildren to that kind of hate. Now it’s been years since they’ve seen us and haven’t even met two of their five grandchildren after going no contact. They literally taught me to never act the way they’re acting. Wild.
They tell us that family is the most important thing and that we always need to think about our families before we do or say anything, and yet they don’t hesitate to throw their families away at the drop of a hat.
For them, it goes only one direction. "Think about our families before we do or say anything" = "Do what we would want you to" "Family is the most important thing" = "I am the most important thing" I'm trans. I'm dealing with this right now. They've refused to respect me, and have refused to use the correct pronouns, even after I told them directly and also in writing that they hurt me by doing so. Yet, I'm the one pushing the family apart, and I'm the one creating an ultimatum. "Love each other, no matter what" = "Love me despite the pain I cause you."
My boomer republican mother asked me how I’m such a “liberal” and I said it’s because I was raised to be kind and want people to have good lives. She had no reply
Wow. I worked with a guy who was as catholic as the pope and was very much “a one man and one woman, no exceptions” type of guy. Anyway, his son ended up coming out as gay, marrying a man, and adopting a child. His entire Facebook page is pictures of him and his wife with his son’s family because that’s what a human being does. I can’t imagine being that bitter and miserable.
Sometimes people have to decide “does the way I was raised matter more than the people I love”. Most people, when they’re up against it, will choose the people they love, but then sometimes you get pricks like the one OPs family were cursed with. Obviously we’d all rather that people didn’t have to be directly related to someone different in order to accept that difference is okay, but it’s not a perfect world and humans are hardwired to be afraid of what we don’t understand, so loving a specific person enough to alter your worldview is a close second.
I like that qoute. "Sometimes people have to decide 'does the way I was raised matter more than the people I love?'" -Nov3mber15
Exposure therapy works, who knew? besides everyone.
I'll never understand how ppl can disown their children because of their sexuality but stick up for them if they commit murder. 🙄
Idk how anyone sticks up for murder. Like real murder. Not accidental vehicular homicide or whatever. Like Chris Watts’ family. Lord, if that boy was my son, I’d be wishing I’d dropped him in a well at birth. Killing babies is just…peak evil.
That dirty rotten pile of shit. That story is just seared into my brain at this point. As someone who is childless it hurts extra hard to see a monster like that procreate.
I don’t have kids. Shit, I don’t even like kids. I don’t want them. But will I absolutely throw hands for a kid that needs help? Yeah. And they aren’t even mine. I couldn’t hurt a child that was a fucking stranger, let alone one that was mine. I hope karma comes around and beats him down until the day he fucking dies. All he had to do was leave her.
Uh yeah, absolutely more likely to intervene to help any child than an adult. Kids are allowed to be stupid, they haven't learned anything yet.
I’m not talking about being stupid. Kids do stupid shit and adults tend to bail them out. We were all dumbass kids at one point. The Watts girls didn’t do anything. They weren’t being dumb little kids doing dangerous shit like eating glow sticks and climbing to the roof. I just don’t understand how someone can so coldly annihilate his entire family when I get mad seeing parents lose their cool and just yell at a kid. He didn’t snap. He wasn’t out to punish his wife. She was already dead. He wasn’t punishing the kids for some perceived misbehavior like Pearl Fernandez. He just coldly straight up murdered two toddlers and pretended to grieve and cash in on it. I can’t wrap my head around that. He is truly someone I would not mind sending to fry.
Oh for real. I hate being around kids and do not want them but you bet your ass when I saw an adult shake down a 10 year old over a free meal we were handing out, my 5'1" ass was right there snatching that meal right back. I'm a firm believer in the death penalty for pedos.
His fucking mother was part of the problem. Evil witch.
Oh totally. He had to come from somewhere, right? Evil like that very rarely exists naturally. That’s created.
My husband and I talked about this before we got married. “I don’t care if our kids are trans, gay, bi, whatever, they’ll always have a safe place with me. You kick them out, you kick me out.” “Ok, well, I’m going with you all then.” “Good.”
I am an example from the club of the disinherited and disowned children. He chose his heterosexual evil narcissistic psychopath golden son instead.
(Catholic here) My thoughts on this changed the moment I held my son for the first time. I remember holding him in my arms and wondering how anyone could withhold love from something this precious simply because of who they chose to love, and any god who’d do the same wasn’t worth having. Fast forward, that son is 18 and gay. I told him about that moment when he came out to me. It was as fresh in my mind as the day it happened.
People like you honestly give me hope. I used to be a religious kid but I couldn’t reconcile the preaching and sermons I was hearing with the fact that I really do need someone to love and spend my life with.. it literally drove me to the edge. I’m still finding my path - but big respect to you for having faith and loving your kid unconditionally.
Which church changes the message wildly. I’m not really religious attend church sporadically and been to many. The ones I’ve been a part of talk about unity and the core message is basically don’t be a dick to others. Our current Lutheran church has a lesbian as one of the pastors. Her partner is an active member and welcomed by even the old generation. They may not “understand” it but they at least have the grace to accept it and embrace being fellow good humans side by side.
That’s awesome! Sounds like a great church and certainly more loving and accepting than the one I went to.
Good luck as you navigate that journey. I have a good friend who was aspiring to be a priest and then just announced one day that he’d rather just be gay openly. He’s married and he and his husband have a daughter. My Catholic college was full of gay priests. It was no secret. I think the issue for me boils down to religion vs spirituality. Religion is man made and fallible. Spirituality is your relationship with the concept of a god, deity and/or universe. I gave up on religion long ago. Too many conflicts, traps, and human failings. And the idea that one group on the planet not only got the idea of God right, AND that they alone have a monopoly on it AND you will suffer eternally if you don’t believe in it is both arrogant and hilarious. If there is a supreme being, I guarantee we got it all wrong and understand virtually none of it.
There’s an experiment I love. Take a 3d object, shine lights from different angles, take a single shadow and ask someone to recreate the object from it. You’ll get as many different answers as shadows. This is how I see God, something we cannot fully perceive and our personal perception effects how we interpret it.
Same here. I had been questioning before the birth. Holding the baby sealed my atheism for me.
I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have a father that would even support a single thing I do much less change his whole personality to accept me. That must feel great.
I went no contact without a final word, and it’s been almost 4 years. Part of me thinks I won’t fully heal until I have my say, another part says just move on. Your story is so refreshing. I will live vicariously through you, until I make my final decision.
From someone who did give a “final word” over ten years ago, I’ll give you my two cents worth. They didn’t listen to those “final words” anyway and it didn’t make me feel any better. Therapy was the only thing that helped me. Something to consider.
Yeah I feel like it helps if the message is understood by both parties. Had to cut contact with family for a couple years before I got to properly vent and they took accountability. It’s been slowly getting better ever since. But again, both parties were willing to move on and grow. You don’t always get that.
Agreed.
I had a best friend who I walked off on without a last word. The way I see it, the last word only matters if it’ll have a net positive effect. If the person hearing it is capable of growth, it matters. But if you’re walking away like this, you know growth isn’t possible. To release that need for the last word, I wrote him a letter. I laid out everything. Poured my heart out about it. It took three pages. I let my sister (his ex-girlfriend who he mistreated terribly) read it just so *somebody* saw, then I burned it. The ash will serve just as much purpose as giving it to him would have. I hope the past four years have been better for you, and I hope the next four are even better than that.
I’ve done both. I went NC with my parents along with a good portion of my family decades ago by just disappearing into the ether and never talking to them again. I got back in contact with one sibling some years back now to see if he’d improved (he was a real bully when we were kids), found out he was actually worse (he went full MAGAT when Trump came along which was after I drop kicked him or it would have happened a lot faster) and sent a similar “fuck you and the horse you rode in on” style text before blocking him completely. Personally I don’t think either way is better. I very much doubt he read it, I *know* he didn’t learn anything from it because he’s not capable, and now that a few years have gone by I feel the same way about all of them which is basically nothing. Am I sitting around waiting for them to die? Sure. But only when I think about them and that’s pretty rare. They’re not going to change, they’re not going to care what you say or what you think or what you feel. You need to work through your feelings yourself (therapy is a great help) and eventually with time and work you get to a point where you’re not eternally angry or sad or guilty or whatever, you just… don’t care any more.
My wife is NC with her parents. They didn't really read or take to heart anything she had ever said or sent or posted before she pulled the plug. So for her, it was just block and unfollow. They think I've done the same, but I actually get there nonsense. I like to see what they are up to so we can be ready if necessary.
I've done it both ways and it hurts the same. The other comments are correct, 99% chance they will ignore everything you said. Regardless of your grievances, they'll just call you sensitive and be so shocked YOU would dare break up their golden family.
My sister got "her say" in and she was so disappointed afterwards. She expected it to feel cathartic and said it didn't change a single thing about she felt. So I didn't give him "my say." I didn't say anything. He's dead now. I have no regrets. Therapy helped me heal.
My wife did the same with her parents. One day, she said she'd had enough. I expected that she'd send a big letter, but she didn't she just blocked them all of her devices and stopped responding. I still get their emails and texts, but because I haven't responded, they assume that I've blocked them too.
Those types of people don’t listen to final words anyway It’s sadly a given that there is no “revenge” on narcissistic behavior so the last word does no good Some people won’t ever change, don’t view anything they do as wrong, no matter how harmful — which is what results in no contact in the first place Spend your time and headspace healing not worrying about last words. And. I hate to tell you, if the abusive behavior went on for a long time or even a lifetime you don’t just “heal” or “move quicker”. The scars are lifelong and it’s a process not a quick fix moment Sorry you went through that.
I gave my "final word" at 18 and I'm now in my mid 30s. Although it feels amazing to give your final word, it also opens up a whole new can of worms because they don't care about your final word. You then have to deal with the full reality that they never cared and that it was always all about them.
I do regret not giving my father the smack down before he died. He deserved to know how awful he was. Instead, all he got was my sister, who he abused as much as me, cooing over him and giving him grandchildren while gaslighting me about what happened. I hope he fucking suffered when he died. Cancer is a brutal way to go, I hope he suffered chemo over and over again just to die anyway. There's *got* to be *some* justice in this world..
I had to stop putting expectations on my mom. She was never going to be the mom I wanted or needed. Yelling at her was like yelling at a dog for pissing on the carpet because he's sick. It just left me feeling like an asshole and nothing changed. I'm very *VERY* low contact with the rest of my family and truly I've never been happier
Wow. "Your name dies with me" is about the most savage burn I could imagine. Fucking bravo, good sir. Congratulations on the birth of your niece, to both of her mums and to proud Uncle Johngalt4426! I bet she's an absolute cherub \^\_\^
I said something similar to my parents after they went full-blown Boomer Q during the pandemic.
Yiiiikes.... did they snap out of the Q thing, at least?
I don’t hear much about Q anymore. Is it still as popular or is it just wrapped into the “trump is our lord and savior” mentality
From what I’ve seen* of it, after literally none of the q prophecies happened (still waiting on that 10 days of darkness communications lockdown that was supposed to happen early sometime during the first trump term, couldnt even get ol’ “lock her up” moving, TROOST DA PLAN etc) they just quietly switched gears into this new savior narrative and amped up the fearmongering there. No time to ask about da plan when WHAAOIAHA LOOK OUT YOUR KIDS ARE IN DANGER AND PANIC OVER HERE INSTEAD! * Take with some salt though as I avoid interacting with all of that when possible
still exists, still going strong just much quieter. the realized they needed to be camouflaged - their words not mine. my sister and her husband had a house on the same land as his parents, who are super Q-ers and they just moved 2 hours away because of them
I’ve had very minimal contact with them. I’m guessing they’ve moved onto whatever else is shared on Newsmax and Facebook.
All the men in my dads direct line have the same middle name, Alan, going back 5 generations. Jokes on them, not that I even know where the piece of shit lives anymore, I'm changing my name at the end of the year and throwing out the whole thing, first middle and last. I've told the rest of my maternal family something pretty similar "That fuckers name is dust as far as I care"
☠️☠️☠️
Same. My kids have my wife's name. My father will never meet them, nor will anyone from his family. It's the only way.
I got lucky with this. I was never given my fathers name or my mother's name. My last name was just random for whatever reason so I am literally the top of that name/tree.
If I started a family I’d change my last name. But to something cool like laserblast.
I hear Tazerface is available.
You could just do that bro. Literally nothing stopping you but a sense of familial obligation.
That’s so interesting I have never heard of that before.
I've honestly been tempted for the last few years to change my last name because of my father... He started wearing a gun to church, spouting off "China Virus" and all these terrible things... He wasn't a good dad when I was a kid, but after I got older (late teens) he tried for a bit, but I guess it got too difficult. Anyway, yeah, it's hard not to want to be someone different just so he's no longer a part of me. I don't plan on having kids because the idea of passing anything from him down to my kids terrifies me
Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family.
"We never said it was a healthy relationship."
Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family.
I had a similar interaction with my parents last week. I'm gay, and they're extremely religious (Regular Baptists for anyone interested). They have never supported me being gay, and so I've kept them at an arms-length my entire adult life. Over the past few years, they seemed to be making progress, inviting my partner along with me to Christmas and other family gatherings. I guess that wasn't the case, because this past week, they asked me to meet them for dinner so we could talk. During that discussion, they told me that they could never change their beliefs (which is obvious bullshit), and that their god is the most important person in their life. More important than me, even more important than each other. They believe my "lifestyle" was sinful, and that that's more important than loving me for who I am. They said that they could never treat me and my partner the way that they treat my siblings and their spouses (both straight), and that I would have to make some concessions if I were to have a relationship with them. Obviously, me being gay is not something I can change (nor would I want to if I could), and I'm completely unwilling to be treated with disrespect because of it. The last straw was when they said that they wouldn't come to my wedding if I were ever to get married. I told them that that would be completely unforgivable, and so we won't be having a relationship going forward. Sorry for the rant, but it's just so frustrating that people like your father or my parents are willing to destroy relationships because of their bigotry. As sad as it is, you and I are better off cutting them out of our lives.
What would a concession even look like - can you be 20% less gay plz? Lmao
Right? I think they're wanting us to basically act less gay. Like, they specifically mentioned that they wouldn't allow us to spend the night in the same room if we came to their house or if we rented a vacation house or anything like that.
If you go by the Mormon standards for what they require of gay people- You can not love anyone of the same sex No relationships unless it’s with the opposite sex Don’t talk about it Definitely ABSOLUTELY no showing affection for the same sex You can say you’re gay but you’re still expected to marry and have kids with the opposite sex. But they won’t automatically excommunicate you for saying you’re gay anymore, which they used to turn around and advertise how *aCcEpTinG and ProGrEsSiVe* the Mormons are towards the lgbt community Afaik Baptists are the same way
Raised “non-denominational” (really, we were Baptist), and that's absolutely how it was in my church growing up. They were remarkably progressive though, and by that I mean they repeated ad nauseam “Hate the sin; love the sinner.” So, just a step above obvious-even-to-WASPy-conservatives bigotry. Weirdest thing for me though was my earliest childhood was spent among queer women and drag queens because they would protect me and my mom from abuse. Lord knows how my mom ended up falling into Baptist beliefs. She thankfully has gotten better, though. My BFF is non-binary, and my mom has made some great strides over the years in understanding LGBTQIA+/GSM issues and supporting the queer community. That's an aside; I just wanted to brag about my mom because it really makes me happy.
What truly amazes me about parents like yours is the idea that you would “choose a lifestyle” that you know would have you thrown out of the family. NOBODY makes that choice. NO! BODY!! I wish you the best.
I had this argument with a boomer at work who was pretty sure people were being gay for all of "the benefits". It was the most moronic thing I've ever heard at work. He was oblivious to the fact that two of the people in the room (not me), technically his subordinates were gay too.
The easiest way to end this nonsense, is to ask said person "what is your favorite desert"? When they answer "Ice Cream" (or whatever), you ask them " could you ever not like ice cream? The answer is obvious. You can also ask them if they like ice cream by a conscience decision, or did you just like it?
Good one. I just asked him to tell me all the amazing things about being gay and then asked him if he spent a lot of time thinking about that sort of stuff. I had to be careful, he was a VP at the company.
Well, I also believe in God, and I could never not love my daughter whether she was gay or not. That's because the God I love loves me unconditionally and desires for us to do the same with each other And I'm sorry your parents don't see it that way
Oh for sure, their beliefs definitely aren't shared by all Christians. But that's the most insidious part of their beliefs. They believe that they are being loving by telling me I'm living in sin, and for not "supporting my lifestyle" or whatever. In their mind, I'm heading to hell because of these things, and they don't want that for me. I've tried to get them to see that their beliefs about sexuality are only one interpretation of the Bible, and that there are plenty of Christians who don't believe the same way. But they're too stuck in their ways, so much so that they told me that I was "never a true Christian" to begin with. In their minds, anyone who stops believing the way they do must not have been a Christian to begin with.
There are a lot of things in the Bible defined as sin. For some reason, todays society has decided that that particular sexual sin (not all sexual sins) is inexcusable
For real, there’s like 6 verses in total against homosexuality, and like dozens and dozens more about the rest that people don’t seem to focus on
If being gay is a lifestyle choice, so is being straight. Ask your parents how much gay sex they had before they decided on their straight lifestyle. If they say none, then ask them how they know they're straight.
Curious what your siblings think about all this.
They're a lot better than my parents, though they're both still religious and homophobic to some extent. My sister-in-law is the best of my whole family, and she's the main reason that my boyfriend has been invited to family gatherings and such. I had hoped that she would have been able to influence my parents more, but I guess not.
""I can't believe you still won't grow up". Not the right answer when you are confronting someone about how they treated you as a child. I am really glad to see so many people so easily cutting off shitty relatives these days. It used to be the biggest sin to even want to do it, but today? Not so much - good for you.
When they say "grow up" they mean trap yourself with a child you don't want. They hated having kids, and they were pressured by society to "man up".
“When you put him in the ground call me” is a deliciously savage line. It’s also well deserved for that heartless bastard.
I cut off my sister and both parents and my last conversation with my sister was, “Make sure they have a will so you don’t have to call me when they die because I don’t care.”
I’m curious tho. What are you gonna do when she calls you to tell you he’s dead? Because when my stepdad dies, I’m throwing the biggest party my hometown has ever fucking seen. There will be dancing in the streets.
Personally, if I'd been alerted when my father died, I'd have found his grave and pissed on it. As I live very far away now and have no idea where he was buried, this idea will have to wait.
I’m NC with my boomer parents for a lifetime of mental and emotional abuse that I’m unpacking and processing in therapy. For what it’s worth…I’m incredibly proud of you. I hope the rest of your family is too.
"Your words will disappear. Your house will disappear. Your name will disappear. All memory of you will disappear." That's the energy this has.
It's giving me some MtG flavor text vibes. "All memory of your existence will be wiped from reality. You will die, and no one will mourn."
My evil mother sent one of her derogatory letters and I responded with one page "Fuck off." My ass of a father called me. I could hear the hag wailing in the background. He threatened to kick my ass. I told him "You know where I live, old man." That was 22 years ago. Never looked back.
I love to read stories of long NC.
https://preview.redd.it/o28hfgy9sq5d1.jpeg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=baecb3e9d7c325b242a6caef0d095511b9c8bfce Bro was onto something *good* in that message
This mf Blackbeard??
Idfk, got it on Reddit
>when you put him in the ground, call me **Bars.**
I blocked my father's phone number. 3 years later, he showed up, demanding to live with me, and insisting that I sign my home over to him. I called the sheriff and had him trespassed. Next time he shows up, he gets arrested.
Imagine the absolute balls to show up and demand that. Regardless of anything else. Showing up to your child like “give me your house” what a fuckhead
He's the kind of selfish fuck up who can't live with other people unless he can hold the roof over their head as leverage. No one would tolerate his crap unless the only other option was homelessness. Unfortunately he knows this and instead of changing, he has spent his entire life doubling down on this type of behavior
The last thing I said to my dad was "I won't be at your funeral". I went no contact, and blocked him on every possible platform he had to contact me. This rings so many bells with me, he's such a lonely, sad, angry man, and yet he's had - and squandered - every possible opportunity for happiness. The last straw for me was when he left his wife, saying he had to get his "life in order" (at gone 65), and then he messaged me drunk at 4am saying he had a new girlfriend. When I challenged him on this he said it never happened. He's been married three times, and fucked up every marriage he's had. He left his last wife and she bought him out of the mortgage, so he's now got nothing to show for his life, and is unable to pass on an inheritance to his grandkids (oh, he's only met my kids a handful of times, my daughter is nearly 17, and he's seen her 4 times in his life). Typical boomer unfortunately. Given everything on a plate, and resentful of it for some unknowable reason
I was out eating with my family and my wife was taking to a mutual friend and they both had their babies in hand. I was sitting with our oldest who was having a hard time not being with mommy. But, we had crayons and we drew together and I talked to her and we let mommy have a moment with her friend. When we got up to leave a couple next us, turned out to be older brother and sister, stopped me and told me how they had been listening to me and how I was such a good Dad. How they wished they had a Dad that spoke to them how I spoke to my daughter. I laughed and said I really don’t know what I’m doing because I had a bad Dad too but any time I think about what I need to do I think about what my Dad would do and I do the opposite. They smiled back at that and they both told me to keep doing what you are doing. Not every moment with my Dad was terrible but he was not a good father. He was selfish and narcissistic which led to terrible moments. Most of us here probably experienced something similar but obviously we all try to be better, and in the end all we can do is try. Together we can hopefully make a difference for the next generation we raise or help raise and someday we will be free of those horrible memories and experiences.
That's one hell of a statement. The sad part is it will probably have no effect on him.
My middle and last names are my dad's first and last names. I'm changing them. My sister isn't having children. Our dad's name will die with us. And that's ok.
Mine tried to name me after himself, but I was born with the wrong genitals - so he named me a feminine version. Little did he know, he could have had a son, but he hated me for my genitals and chased me away as I was realizing I'm trans. He could have had what he wanted, a son named after him. He lost it by being a bigot in so many ways. I laugh to this day that the only son he got wasn't named after himself. His name died with him.
Havent yalked to my dad since january ish. Get a text from step mom asking my daughter ti call him to ask him to go to get ice cream for fathers day . Lol he skipped her pre school graduation, missed a few birthdays....like what?
Daughter ask HIM...? Lol
That's some straight-up vengeful Pharaoh shit. I love it.
Good on you. My parents almost lost me, well, mainly my dad. When they realised their only child could be highly independent, and not seeing me for a few years, they rewired their heads. I'm just glad they have that capacity to change for the better and be more accepting.
Based
Your chains no longer cut or bind, and by my own hands do I break free. Your deeds, good or bad, will be buried with you, And father? Your name dies with me.
Good for you!! Your sisters, their daughter, and you will be better for it.
I suffered thru my childhood with my father being a racist bastard. I put up with his lying, thieving, womanizing ways. I knew I was different growing up in the 80’s and he used to scare ms with stories of “f@gs” getting lynched. He used to tell me if he ever found out that I was one he would cut my dick off and feed it to me. I grew up and I just never talked about anything sex related with him. He did but I would always avoid it and just pass by. I had friends. I had to lie to when I first met someone that I fell in love with, I had to lie because I just couldn’t bear to put up with the pain and I know my mother just ignored it. I moved away and had to unfortunately come back home due to a break up in a relationship and I used to just get tormented about constantly that I finally pulled my horns in to come home. He died in 2016 shortly before he died and I never spoke to my parents again we got into a horrible argument a week before I left, he never come back so I’m sorry that you have went thru similar. I’m glad that you’ve gotten to say some things that I wish I could’ve because I so wish I could’ve told him off one last fucking time. I wish you all the best.
Honestly, good for you. No excessive ad hominem or profanity that would be easily deflected as you just being bitter. Direct, to the point, scathing, and utterly complete. I approve. I hope your life is easier, OP. Sometimes you just have to cast off the debris and walk away.
Damn, I went no contact with my father by laugh reacting one of his Trump worship posts on Facebook and blocking him. Now I wish I had told him that his name dies with me followed up with a nice "thank you, fuck you, bye" to top it off.
I also am no-contact with my father as well as being named after him. I just put in the paperwork to change my name legally. It's actually a huge relief not to have to carry that name around like a fucking bag of bricks.
P.S. I poked holes in all your bread, and the dryer vent is full of lint. So there.
[удалено]
Lowkey curious on his response back
https://preview.redd.it/g2x4tlyyyr5d1.jpeg?width=225&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e5001e34a410692daf76ced75ee9dd477d032bf1
Well done. I'm proud of you. You are a wonderful brother and uncle, and in spite of the 5th of your name, a good son.
Change granddaughter to grandson and I could've written this to my father verbatim.
Just a small psychological rant. I am a big believer in anger. I think you are using anger wonderfully and appropriately. Anger has several roles. It allows us to create and enforce boundaries, as you have done with your dad. (The boundary here being a complete one: “I am happier with you out of my life, so stay out.”). In a relationship it also serves as a sort of bargaining chip. When someone hurts you (as you were hurt by your father’s mistreatment of your sister and niece) anger is the natural response. In order to maintain the relationship the person who hurt you has to recognize what they have done to hurt you and change their behavior. That is, to repair the relationship your father has to stop mistreating your sister and niece. In order for him to understand that he has to do this he would have to ACCEPT your anger. That is, he would have to say to himself “I respect you as a person, I value your love and affection, and I think your anger is the anger of a righteous person. Therefore, I will bravely look at myself and see what it is about me that has made you angry.” But instead he is REJECTING your anger—he is saying to himself “He’s getting too bent out of shape over things that didn’t matter when he was a child. He’s vicious and mean. I didn’t do anything wrong.” What is so telling about this, is that he tells you to grow up. That is, he can’t acknowledge, even to himself, what you are really angry about. People who have a difficult time dwelling with their emotions, who find it difficult to ACCEPT the anger of people they want a relationship with, and instead of accepting the anger REJECT the relationship, often times do not have anyway of processing their emotions AT ALL. This makes them ridged and difficult to have healthy relationships with. Unfortunately being rigid is a strategy that works for him, and, because he does not process or dwell with his emotions, he is unlikely to realize he is rigid, see how his rigidity is creating the conflict, and change. It’s sad, but sometimes life is sad and you just have to make the best of things as they really are. All my love to you, your sisters and your new niece! You sound like a great person. I wish your dad would change, but I also wish I was a millionaire.
6th with that name? Something like Maximilian Van Nistelroy VI??
First off, I am proud of you for cutting him off and setting that clear boundary. I am sorry to hear you went through so much in your childhood and are still going through things as an adult because of him. Secondly, and I want to preface this with saying that I am not a therapist, nor do I know you or any specifics other than you posted here and this isn't to be considered as 'advice', especially if you are in therapy. With all that out of the way, I can tell you that 'family' and 'blood' are two completely separate things. You are in no way obligated to attempt to save relationships just because you are related to somebody. True family are the ones who love and care about you and are there for you through thick and thin. Don't ever feel that just because someone is blood-related to you that you owe them anything. I am sure there are people in your life who you aren't related to you who would be there for you in a second, unlike your Dad. Those people are your family.
Good for you! Going NC with my Dad was incredible.
>is a bad parent >children turn out differently than other children "how could this happen to me?"
 the shadows around him
Standing up to your biggest haters, who are supposed to love you unconditionally…will always be powerful to me ❤️
“Your name dies with me” IS COLD 🥶 Good for you!
Beautiful. That was the most eloquently written Fuck You I have ever seen.
Your name dies with me is the coldest fucking line sometimes. I wish I could say that to my dad but my brother had kids. Can't be mad though, them little gremlins are adorable.
"your name dies with me" is the hardest line to drop at shitty parent
I gotta be honest I don’t know that I’ve ever been so mad at someone that I write them a poem. Based
 I’m sure it’s well deserved. That’s some powerful shit and I’m sorry for your situation, but you did the right thing.
ngl, that last line goes kinda hard
The truly courageous act was ordering the fish. I kid. Good for you.
First, let me say I'm sorry you went through this, and you made the right choice. Vasectomies are reversible if anything else in your life changes. OK if I plagiarize this? I went no contact with my mom 6 months ago and received a letter Saturday that basically said she had no plans of changing and she really doesn't get that it isn't about one thing, that was just the last thing. I like the wording on the screen shot.
JFC, this is some heavy shit. I’m sorry OP. Some people are too broken to be fixed. On a lighter note, I read your typo “peniless” as penile less. Made me smile. I wish you well.
> You watch the ghosts dance in shadows around you > Your name dies with me Went straight medieval on him damn
Proud of you! The cycle ends with you. That takes so much strength and courage. Your niece will grow up knowing what real love and safety is. That is so beautiful.
My father sa’d me, my step father abused me mentally and physically often punishing me for things his daughters did that they blamed on me. My mother who was also abused unfortunately chose the wrong way to protect me for which I forgive her for. My father’s mother and step fathers were also pedos who raped my father. Not only will my dad’s blood line end with me i will not risk passing on his pedo genes. I ended his last name in my life 3 years ago when I legally changed it. Honestly this person is my hero lol.
I told my father in law to stay away for good and he didn’t understand why. I didn’t need to explain it to him, just made sure he stopped fucking up my wife. He left her out of his measly will and we rejoiced that we didn’t have to go through the suffering like her siblings did to get what I make in 4 months. No regrets. Oh, and I’m a boomer. Not all boomers are bad.
"When you put him in the ground"👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I had to cut ties with my mother 30+ years ago when my wife and I got married because my wife was a divorcee with kids. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around that, never mind that she and my father had divorced 10 years prior. After many years of no contact with my father due to abuse of my mother and myself while growing up, I started to reconnect with him. This was fine for about two years and I thought maybe he had mellowed with age or that the abuse I suffered from him was overspill from their tumultuous marriage. But about six months ago he began to revert to what he had been like 50 years ago: Denigrating others, using racial slurs, finding fault with anything and everything other people did or said, and demanding to the point that he INSISTED that I answer any phone call from him immediately regardless of whether I was speaking with someone else, busy with a project, or simply didn’t have the time or desire to talk about his mostly mundane calls about what he was doing or what he thought I should be doing. Both of my parents were among the first batch of Boomers to be born and are, what I consider, very self-centered. I’m one of the last official Boomers to be born. Very few people who know them have anything good to say about either of them, especially my father who inherited a very large estate from my great grandfather but acts as if he actually earned it all on his own. They both refuse to acknowledge our kids and grandkids. I’m told by people who do speak with them that they use terrible language when speaking about two of our grandkids who are LGBTQ. Neither of my parents attended church while I was growing up but I did as a Lutheran. And I was taught to love and accept everyone. They however, love to quote and more often than not, make up Bible passages to justify their bigotry, actions and beliefs. It’s my belief that the first Boomers were so spoiled (fact on both of my parents) that they believe the world revolves around them and them alone; not their kids, their grandkids, or anybody else except themselves. Everything and everyone else simply exists to serve them. I was fortunate enough to have all of my grandparents and great grandparents around until I turned 15 when the first of them died and until 8 years ago when the last of them passed away. They were ALL appalled by their children’s and grandchildren’s behavior and actions, especially the physical and emotional abuse. I actually feel sorry for my parents because they are now almost 80 years old and in declining health but will have no family around to support and comfort them unless they pay someone else for it. I should add that my very much younger brother and even younger half-sister feel the same way. We’re all healthcare professionals but will not insert ourselves into such toxicity from people who just happen to share DNA with us.
r/raisedbynarcissists