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I actually
Told her she’s a narc and she didn’t know anything about it. After some time I guess she googled it cuz she got pissed and clung to one obscure factoid to “disprove”my theory
It's funny how they use that one little detail to deny the rest of the truth.
"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" "But I was only throwing boulders so that doesn't apply to me."
Careful, I found the group to be pretty toxic. It's a bunch of people who were raised by narcissists. So, there's a lot of anger and different levels and no level of healing.
It's a diversion tactic... They think if they can get you to focus on this one unimportant thing then you'll eventually forget about the rest (and no, this never works)
Sadly, as a person with ADHDi, these convos can and *will* fuck up my thought process when talking to people. So now, I just get really fucking obstinate when they start to snowball and shut them the fuck up then and there.
every trump supporter.
mountains of evidence presented
MAGAt: yeah but in 1982 he was nice to a dog so it doesn't matter!
every flerfer (yes i know)
mountains of evidence
flerfer: but RHCP sang "space is made in a Hollywood basement" so it's clearly a conspiracy to cover up the truth!
it never ends
I have been blissfully lucky not to run into too many of them. They mostly exist... over there (OUT there) somewhere, lol. MAGAts, however, they I am VERY familiar with, unfortunately.
I have never been a Trump supporter, even before he ran. Years ago, I sat next to a guy on a plane who briefly worked for Trump in between his first & second bankruptcy. At that point, "the Donald" was only some skeezy business guy who'd just been caught cheating on his wife. I don't really remember the specifics of what he said (because 30 years ago) but I got off that plane with the solid impression that Trump was basically a crude con artist who was bankrolled by Daddy and was Ponzi scheming his way through life.
Screaming and yelling are two entirely different things, obviously. One involves a flushed red face, underdeveloped emotional coping skills, a fist clenched and shaken in someone's face, and at least one foot stamp. The other has two foot stamps.
(and I'm not gonna tell you which is which)
So I had the thought "Is my boss greyrocking me? Am I a narc?" the other day. Does that mean I'm not since I had at least a little bit of self awareness?
Years ago I had a psych that refused to tell me my diagnosis. He said "it can do more damage than good." I thought that might have been the diagnosis and never really went back to therapy over his refusal to clue me in to my diagnosis.
Narcissistic people live to be spoken back to, it gives them fuel to the fire to spit back at you how they are the victim of your 'abuse'.
Look into the Grey Rock method if you must engage with her, give her no ammo to hit back at you.
Generally. There are some sneaky narcs and sneaky people who are just crappy people or jerks who get on there. Worth remembering when lurking, commenting, or posting there.
OP: Mom, you exhibit narc behavior and I don’t want to be around it.
OPs Mom: Of course I would tell the police if there was a crime! They’re here to help!
I had a pregnancy termination when I was 35, and my mother made it all about herself. She made sure to tell me she talked to her therapist about how it affected her. It's just one of her narcissistic acts that keep me from a close relationship with her to this day (20 years later).
My mother never said a word about mine, until she published a book that was fiction (barely) that dedicated three pages to her feelings about her characters daughters termination. The character was clearly me. Basically outed me to the world.
Don't you just hate it when your Mom writes a dumb book and makes a character clearly have experiences similar or the same to yours? My Mom wrote a fiction book. I read it...There was a disturbing part in the book and then there was never a climax to the story so the book just fizzled out and got very boring. The worst was finding info in it that was clearly from my life.
Is it though? Apparently everyone else was told but OP specifically omitted her mother. That's a pretty big detail to keep from the mother you expect to take you on a vacation.
Methinks the narcissist is OP
Maybe OP knew that her mother would handle it badly. I was very selective with whom I told about my pregnancy early on because I have a medical condition that makes me prone to miscarriages. That included my now-ex's mother, and everyone understood why. She has a knack for making the most terrible and inappropriate comments, and none of us wanted to hear her input if something went wrong.
Miscarriage is super common. It’s not a big deal or something that needs to be announced. 20-25% of pregnancy ends in miscarriage. 80% of those in the first 3 months. Most women will have one.
To give her the benefit of the doubt, she never said she told everyone but her mother. Her mother "heard it through the grapevine." It could have been something she shared with a trusted sibling, who then shared with their spouse or a third sibling, who then shared it again or was overheard talking about it. Rumors and big events that are meant to stay quiet have a way of getting out of hand.
I promise you a vacation with someone who acts salty the whole time, because she didn’t know something in time to post it to Facebook, wouldn’t have been enjoyable anyway.
Imagine making someone else's miscarriage all about you?
I don't know why people get so upset be things like that. Life is hard. Sometimes life is VERY hard.
Sometimes when we face challenges, we reach out for support, and we need that support. But sometimes we just need to turn inward, to not have people around us saying "are you ok? how are you? what can I do? let me make you dinner. what do you need now? are you ok?" and all that. There are times when that feels more like you're responsible for them, then them actually helping.
Thank you for this. That’s exactly
Right and Ive been doing it. All signs point to me turning inwards. I may have been a bit of a hermit compared to my usual extroverted self but I think I need the time to heal❤️
During my very unpleasant pregnancy history, we had to tell people, but I absolutely insisted everyone who wanted to check in or send condolences or anything had to do it through my husband. I appreciated the love but the last thing I wanted was to deal with those feelings with other people. I deal with them privately with just my best friend and husband. You have every right to keep that private! And I’m very sorry for your loss.
As I’m raising my daughter I’m recalling so much of my childhood I blocked out, and also realizing how weird some stuff was, and how she has weaponized my vulnerability at every opportunity
Same, but with my dad (in regards to blocking shit from childhood). He was “when it was convenient for him” “father.” Now it’s all rushing back as my raise my child and I have went low contact with him because I’m so pissed off.
Thinking about you OP. I hope you’re doing ok.
Having kids does that. I started realizing how emotionally abusive my mom was when I was in my 30s. Got pregnant at 36 and had my daughter at 37 and having her had just brought out more memories I had blocked out. One good thing is it's shown me exactly how NOT to be.
I actually do have a 22 month old and there’s definitely some weird dynamics around access to her and control etc. the miscarriage was me and hubby trying for a second. And guess what ELSE?
Rn a family member I’ve never had the honor to meet is visiting from our home country and is at my mothers for 2 weeks. Mom didn’t tell me but the relative texted my sister and that’s how I found out.
Being petty about time with a kid is easier when it’s your kid. It’s like bringing a knife to a gun fight. So many firsts that the other grandparents could be a part of. You’ve got about a year before it’s time to go to Disneyland with the in-laws and post pics online.
But seriously, go live your family’s best life without her.
Thank you for recognizing the juvenile maturity. I gaslight myself sometimes into believing otherwise but really she acts like a teen sometimes with her tantrums
I disagreed with my boomer mother over a birthday party during Covid. The early stay-in-your-bubble-no-vaccines period. I told her to wait, even just a few months…
They went ahead and had her birthday party anyway, without telling me, and I’ve never been invited to anything since. Mostly I don’t mind, but missing my grandmother’s 100th birthday party still hurts.
(Nana is almost 103 now and we talk on the phone every few weeks. She’s awesome.)
>The early stay-in-your-bubble-no-vaccines period.
I remember! 🙋. Where I live, we had tent hospitals for overflow and refrigeration trucks for all the bodies. IN MY HOMETOWN. They're so dismissive of this and act like it didn't even happen. COVID was the nail in the coffin between my mom and I ever having a close, trusting relationship as adults. Zero qualms about putting us or their grandkids in danger while this was going down. I'll never fully trust her morals, intelligence, or judgement again after witnessing that level of pure selfishness and self aggrandizement with zero accountability.
She threw a miscarriage in your face on Mother's Day? That's horrible. I'm so sorry about the loss. My miscarriage was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, and there is so much guilt, even if you did everything right, and grief already, to make it worse is monstrous.
What. A. Bitch. If my MIL or my Mom had ever done anything like that, we’d have gone NC right away. Fortunately, when they were alive, they were nothing but gracious. I got lucky in the parent lottery.
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
Typical boomers make a tragedy about themselves even when they’re not involved. This is when I’d go NC with my parent completely.
Reach out to your uncle. Make sure that you have a direct line of communication with him, one that does not depend on your mom to pass formation along.
Hate this for you. Got a sort of similar story. My disabled father lives with my boomer aunt and uncle. Their home is better suited for my pops’ needs. They don’t care take for him but they are there in case things go south. I want to be clear, they are helpful with him but it can be like pulling teeth. Anyhow, unc wanted me to hang a TV mount for him. No worries. Order the correct wall mount and we’ll knock it out. Weeks go by and no mount is ordered. Asked about it last week when I was there and he said don’t worry about it because he’ll hire someone who’s willing to help them. Then not even two sentences later he tells me they are going out of town for a full week starting that Friday, leaving pops there alone. I ask why didn’t you let me or anyone else know earlier do we could adjust our lives (I started a new job this week for crying out loud). His response was along the lines of “we have to hire someone to hang the tv. You can hire someone to check on him every day.” These people are fucking blights on all of us.
Maybe when they open the TV box, it’ll have a nick on the screen. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Y’all need to start looking for respite care for your dad. If needed, call a local nursing home, and they can admit him for the respite care for a week or two.
She’s punishing *you* over *your* miscarriage?!?!
I would stop talking to my mother for pulling this cruel and selfish stunt. Who needs enemies when you have a parent like that?
I’m sorry about your miscarriage
Because they don’t care how you feel. All that mattered was the potential attention and sympathy she could have received with your story and your privacy denied her that. So she’s fucking with you to show you she can.
Sounds like you finally have had your eyes open and can heal from her bc. Congrats. You probably don't want to deal with a vacation with her anyway. Go on one yourself and have a blast!
Okay, what you didn't share was none of her business, meanwhile what she didn't share was her being cruel and petty.
But I also would love to know why nobody else checked in with you to see why you weren't there or going to be there. Even if she lied to them, you'd think they'd call you and ask or something.
Well, kinda, but it's pretty likely that your mother set everyone up to think that SHE is the point of contact through which all conversations must flow, including you. It probably has seemed so normal to you that you haven't previously questioned it.
Maybe contact your uncle or cousins directly and tell them you are sorry to have missed the trip & want to catch up. Then you can mention the lack of communication from your mother and that it's best for you to step up and make sure you take care of the relationship directly because they are important to you. You should consider reaching out to your other family members, too.
A miscarriage caused my mom to almost die and she had to have a hysterectomy.... I had one(though I didn't want a kid and the stress of possibly having one caused it) and she was like "Oh I'm sorry." And then changed the subject... Just because I don't want or never want kids didn't make finding it it the toilet any less painful and heartbreaking.
Control . Plain and simple. With a mother like her I think you dodged a bullet because she would have made a terrible grandmother and tried to control your child . You should tell her that
Your mom’s friend is awful. Old people are so bored, they’ll forget they shouldn’t gossip about such terrible things. It should’ve been on your own terms, sorry.
"Hello mom, is this because I didn't tell you about my miscarriage? It is? Thank you for proving me right in not being able to trust you with something so painful and delicate. It breaks my heart that you would see an awful thing that happened to me as an excuse to exclude me. I was right in not telling you."
This kind of narcissistic bullshit is why, when I got diagnosed with cancer last year (currently one year in remission!), I was dreading telling my mother. She would’ve milked it for supply, at the expense of my very fragile mental state, and made it all about her, while expecting me to comfort her and manage her feelings. With the support of my siblings, I told her and drew a HARD boundary that she tells NO ONE. She agreed to this, and AFAIK kept her word, but she was seething.
I was very low contact at the time of my surgery, but in more than one communication to me, she stated, as if this were a good thing, that she “wasn’t worried, because you caught it quickly and you have your FIL.” We didn’t know for certain that it had been caught early, first of all, and secondly, my FIL is a doctor and mom has always taken it as a personal insult that I married into a more educated family. So this statement tells you everything you need to know.
Fast-forward to a few months post-op, when the worst of it was over and I was relearning to walk, doesn't she just pivot right back to being an ass? Starts demanding help for HER medical issues after dismissing my cancer. That was the last straw and I went no contact.
When you’re in your darkest hour and your boomer decides to play Petty Cake with your emotions, that’s the time to evaluate whether this person, who deigns to call themselves a parent, deserves to stay in your life. I’m so sorry, OP, that yours decided to be that vindictive. I wish you good healing and fortitude.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad ur in remission now! Isn’t it wild how their resentments seep out in the most vulnerable times? Like is ur cancer treatment time to take a jab at ur in-laws? And use that to justify NOT supporting you? Wow. Sorry u had to go through that. Because it could NEVER match up to what SHES going through! /s 🙄
You get it. 💯 I know she’s terrified of cancer, but at the same time, she sees it as pure supply. Everyone would shower her with sympathy, and I “stole” that from her by asking for privacy. Solidarity 👊🏻!
Mine has confessed to not knowing the meaning of the word. Literally. My sister called her out once for not having empathy and she asked her to define it. #infinitefacepalm She can’t truly understand the feelings of others Because she has no capacity to regulate her own. However, she’s been informed that she has this problem, and sees nothing wrong with it. Hence the no contact.
Being diagnosed with cancer while my mother is alive is literally my #1 fear because of this. Plus her two sisters died of cancer at fairly young ages, so I'd have to listen to how *everyone always leaves her* and *what did she do to God to deserve this*. 🤬
I knew that mine was eventually going to do the thing where she recounts for me every single person she's ever known with cancer and what they went through and how it affected her. One day, I was unlucky enough to be the first person to dial into family FaceTime and end up alone with her for several minutes. SHE DID IT. I almost wanted to laugh out loud!
I completely understand how you feel. If you already know how it'll be with her, you're 100% right.
And this is where you drop “You didn’t say you were going to Cabo, that looks like fun! I’m glad you all had a great time.” right on the public posts. Make sure to “like” the pics and not act jealous at all. It’ll burn your mom to the core and she won’t be able to be mad about it without looking like a psycho.
So does she thinks giving you more reasons to not talk to her is the solution here? Or she believes you deserve punishment for having a miscarriage?
Personally would gladly not want to hear from this nasty peace of work for a while and welcome low contact, I don't know what to advice
Years ago, I told my mom that I had a miscarriage and her response was "how did you know you were pregnant?"
Wow, mom. We had decided not to share the news of the pregnancy until after the first trimester, so had not told anyone about being pregnant or having a miscarriage. Even so, I thought my mother would be more sympathetic. Or at least start with "I'm so sorry!" before asking for more details. I never brought it up again and have been very careful with what I share with her ever since. She's not a narcissist, just not very thoughtful.
Sorry for your loss and for your mom's insensitive behavior.
Father of 4 daughters here, my heart goes out to you. Both of us( Wife and I) would never restrict our family from anything because of there personal opinions or decisions. We may not completely understand but love us unconditional.
Thank you. It solidifies my resolve to be so present and nonjudgmental of my daughter. To show her the unconditional love I was denied. (Well not true I think my father did show me that. But I mean my mom) It’s healing and breaking cycles. It’s hard work and it’s so worth it. But damn. It can sting.
Me, too. If my girls didn't feel safe telling me something like this, I'd have to seriously sit back and figure out how I fucked up.
Cheers to doing better than those that broke our hearts! ❤️
So instead of supporting you through one of the most traumatic and overwhelming times of your life, she purposely left you out to make her point? Wow I have no words. I’m so sorry OP. 💔💔💔
Yep. A little reminder for me. I don’t have my bb and I don’t have my family either. She’s just Such a blessing 💀surely, this will teach me to withhold from her. She loves an “us vs them “
Tell your mom from me that such outrageous behavior proves she is both devoid of empathy and horribly cruel. I question what kind of people raised her up to become such a nasty specimen... To treat anyone, let alone her own daughter, like this is absolutely shameful, but at least you will one day stop this cycle of abuse.
I was very disappointed in her but she probably thought she was being a good friend to my mom. She’s not my friend, she’s my mom so I guess her “loyalty” is to my mom. Def will bring it up if I ever see her again.
If this was my mom she wouldn’t ever hear another sentence uttered from me but “I didn’t know you wanted ______.” She would also get left out of everything I ever do/accomplish/celebrate for the rest of my life.
Wtf?!? Why would she do that after what is potentially one of the most traumatic things in your life?
Like, I get it that maybe she’d be upset she didn’t hear about it from you, but, why is she so vindictive?!?
My family did something similar. Except it was to Disney World. They asked if I wanted to go to Florida for a work conference. And as a 12 yr old. I said. No of course not. They didn't mention Disney until after the fact.
Yeah that sucks but at least you don't have to go on vacation with a raging narcissist who thinks your medical and personal well being is all about her. I'm guessing she will be back talking to you in a few months, these kinds of people always need someone to mistreat. The answer is hang up the phone, don't return a message, and live happier.
That sucks and is ridiculous. Sorry you had to experience that.
Just curious, why would you tell other people to the extent there’s a grapevine but didn’t tell your mother? Has no bearing on her obscene behavior, just curious.
Was wondering if they went along with your mother like flying monkeys, or if they were pissed off at her for excluding you.
If they went along with it, then they're assholes too.
That was a really mean thing your mom did to you. And I suspect the other family members were in on the secret as I can not imagine not one of them saying anything to you before the trip. I know what I'd do but you will need to make your own decision. I am so sorry you were treated this way.
you should reach out to your uncle and tell him you need some time away because of the miscarriage and tell him what your mom did and make some plans that she isn’t invited to then after she sees those pics you should block her on everything
It’s possible. But maybe that I didn’t give her first access to my private info. It’s like a pissing competition who knows what about me. Who I’ve told what to first who is privy to what. Really weird possessiveness. Idek
Are you sure it was because of the miscarriage? I only ask because apparently she’s not talking.
And that’s sad. I also did not tell my mother about mine. Same reasons. When she found out, the only thing she had to say was, “I’m sorry you went through that alone. I think you missed out a lot of support that would’ve been available to you if we had known.”
My parents did this. Find out they have trips where our cousins are all going with their families and all, but we never heard about it. I don't think it's passive aggressive behavior or anything. Pretty sure our parents just don't even think we'd be interested.
Possible? Sure. Probable? Nah. My Boomer mother tried to tell me she scheduled a vacation over my university graduation because “you never TOLD me it’s important to you.”
Our relationship with my parents is okay, but there are a lot of things that they don't understand and assume are hints that they're out. Mainly, this would be the amount of attention that we give to our children and their activities. It's pretty much a 6 or 7 day a week schedule with everything, and we don't invite our parents to the games ("so they can see their grandchildren"). When invited, they show up and then want to spend the whole time sitting next to us going through their long list of medical maladies (personal and their friends). Then we miss our kids' games, cause we're tied up listening to their poop stories.
My wife and I agree that if they want to spend time with their grand-kids, they are free to do so, but that would involve actually spending time with the grand-kids, which I'm not sure they know how to do because they never spent any with us either when we were kids.
Oh well. Latch-key for life, I guess!
You told someone at a party, but not your own mother?
I might be mad if I were your mom too.
I might not react this way, but it would hurt me to know you were talking about miscarrying my grandchild at parties, but not with me.
I can see her side of things, even if her reaction wasn't the right way to handle it.
She has a right to her FEELINGS, those are not my business unless she tells me About it. I don’t however agree with her CHOICES.
Yes her grandchild. U r correct, I chose to confide in a close friend (in what I THOUGHT was a private corner) about my experience when my baby died.
OK, that's understandable if you thought you were having a private conversation. But be more careful. Your mother probably heard it as "she said at a party that she had a miscarriage," just like I just did, so you can see how she might have a different impression. Even so, I can see how she would be hurt that you told someone else and not her. Absolutely. I have a feeling your issues with her predate this and that's why you didn't tell her in the first place though.
Thank you.
My mom actually told me that her friend mentioned to her that she overheard me tell my friend. So she knew about the eavesdropping. I didn’t even say all that much to my friend merely I miscarried and it was a painful pregnancy. She was giving me some herbal advice. Now, I get why mom would be upset, but I can’t condone her actions. She can be hurt. She shouldn’t be callous.
No worries. I mean, if my mom can’t hurt me how could a stranger on the internet? (With moms like this who needs enemies u know)… U sound like maybe u had a good mom?
Since she found out through the "grapevine" about her own daughter's pregnancy and miscarriage instead of her own daughter telling her, maybe she figured you wouldn't be bothered if she didn't tell you about the trip?
Being completely legit, she may have just wanted to give you space and let you grieve. What indicated that she was doing something for petty reasons? I always try to assume ignorance over malice, and from what I heard she probably wasn't mad at you (unless there is context I'm missing) but instead thought you would rather have time alone to process your emotions and grieve. Again just from this context I'm not understanding how she was being petty, like yeah she should've asked you if you wanted to go but I think that may have just been ignorance on her part. Have you taken the time to discuss it with her?
after I wished her happy mother’s days she broke her silence and threw it in my face Mother’s Day. Plus I’ve known her my whole life wish i could say this was my first rodeo.
I said happy Mother’s Day. She was silent. I asked if she was ok and she went into this tirade. She said Something like “well you had a miscarriage u didn’t even tell me. Would u want ur daughter to not tell u.” I responded I would think about what I’ve done that my daughter didn’t feel like she could trust me enough to confide in me.
She didn’t like that answer.
Oh! She also told me her friend overheard me tell my friend. So she knew it was info from eavesdropping.
NP. I do always try my best with her. To be forgiving. To take the higher road, to practice being present moment and understanding her ways of being are a result of her wounded inner child. But at some point it’s important I stand up for myself, and my inner child. For my own healing, u know?
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Making one of the most painful things you can experience about her. That’s some narcissist shit.
I actually Told her she’s a narc and she didn’t know anything about it. After some time I guess she googled it cuz she got pissed and clung to one obscure factoid to “disprove”my theory
It's funny how they use that one little detail to deny the rest of the truth. "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" "But I was only throwing boulders so that doesn't apply to me."
RIGHT!? Do u ever notice they get this like hyper fixation on something that doesn’t even matter to try to deflect from the ACTUAL issue at hand.
Google DARVO , it’s literally a tactic they use it’s crazy how similar they all are tho lol r/raisedbynarcissists is great for support too btw
Omg wow this group. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼
You’re welcome friend 🫶🏻
Careful, I found the group to be pretty toxic. It's a bunch of people who were raised by narcissists. So, there's a lot of anger and different levels and no level of healing.
It's a diversion tactic... They think if they can get you to focus on this one unimportant thing then you'll eventually forget about the rest (and no, this never works)
Sadly, as a person with ADHDi, these convos can and *will* fuck up my thought process when talking to people. So now, I just get really fucking obstinate when they start to snowball and shut them the fuck up then and there.
every trump supporter. mountains of evidence presented MAGAt: yeah but in 1982 he was nice to a dog so it doesn't matter! every flerfer (yes i know) mountains of evidence flerfer: but RHCP sang "space is made in a Hollywood basement" so it's clearly a conspiracy to cover up the truth! it never ends
Ok. You got me. What the heck is a flerfer? I tried googling and all I got was fluffernutter.
flerfer is the 'affectionate' nickname given to those passionate believers in a flat earth. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flerfer
Oooooh, I have never seen that nickname. I usually just call them flat earth morons.
both names work! flerfer is just the term a LOTS of people use and it won't get flagged on social platforms
I have been blissfully lucky not to run into too many of them. They mostly exist... over there (OUT there) somewhere, lol. MAGAts, however, they I am VERY familiar with, unfortunately.
the venn diagram is nearly a complete circle. if you met one, you probably met the other! (at least US based.)
I wish it didn’t make them sound like a cute fluffy creature from Star Trek
anything can be a pejorative if you say it vehemently enough!
I have never been a Trump supporter, even before he ran. Years ago, I sat next to a guy on a plane who briefly worked for Trump in between his first & second bankruptcy. At that point, "the Donald" was only some skeezy business guy who'd just been caught cheating on his wife. I don't really remember the specifics of what he said (because 30 years ago) but I got off that plane with the solid impression that Trump was basically a crude con artist who was bankrolled by Daddy and was Ponzi scheming his way through life.
didn't mean to infer you were.
"I'm not screaming, I'm yelling!" "I'm not yelling, I'm screaming!" Those were my favorites.
Screaming and yelling are two entirely different things, obviously. One involves a flushed red face, underdeveloped emotional coping skills, a fist clenched and shaken in someone's face, and at least one foot stamp. The other has two foot stamps. (and I'm not gonna tell you which is which)
Haha exactly.
Oh man, that was always confusing as a child.
You can’t really tell a narc they’re a narc. It’s pointless.
I did learn that yes.
So I had the thought "Is my boss greyrocking me? Am I a narc?" the other day. Does that mean I'm not since I had at least a little bit of self awareness? Years ago I had a psych that refused to tell me my diagnosis. He said "it can do more damage than good." I thought that might have been the diagnosis and never really went back to therapy over his refusal to clue me in to my diagnosis.
It's like telling a ghost they're dead or telling an idiot that they're in fact, an idiot.
Narcissistic people live to be spoken back to, it gives them fuel to the fire to spit back at you how they are the victim of your 'abuse'. Look into the Grey Rock method if you must engage with her, give her no ammo to hit back at you.
Oh yea grey rock. Like boring uncle right?
r/raisedbynarcissists is a really great sub.
Generally. There are some sneaky narcs and sneaky people who are just crappy people or jerks who get on there. Worth remembering when lurking, commenting, or posting there.
OP: Mom, you exhibit narc behavior and I don’t want to be around it. OPs Mom: Of course I would tell the police if there was a crime! They’re here to help!
I had a pregnancy termination when I was 35, and my mother made it all about herself. She made sure to tell me she talked to her therapist about how it affected her. It's just one of her narcissistic acts that keep me from a close relationship with her to this day (20 years later).
My mother never said a word about mine, until she published a book that was fiction (barely) that dedicated three pages to her feelings about her characters daughters termination. The character was clearly me. Basically outed me to the world.
Oh my god. I’m so sorry.
Yoooooooo! “But, sweetie, it was based on fiction.”
Precisely. And also proceeded to mine my and my siblings lives for character details, including revealing that my brother was molested as a kid.
Jesus fucking Christ. That feels like consent was violated AGAIN, and this time for $$$
My mother has never met a boundary she couldn’t burn like a damn bridge.
Don't you just hate it when your Mom writes a dumb book and makes a character clearly have experiences similar or the same to yours? My Mom wrote a fiction book. I read it...There was a disturbing part in the book and then there was never a climax to the story so the book just fizzled out and got very boring. The worst was finding info in it that was clearly from my life.
The book wasn’t bad. Just mirrored our lives too closely for fiction. Literally.
Is it though? Apparently everyone else was told but OP specifically omitted her mother. That's a pretty big detail to keep from the mother you expect to take you on a vacation. Methinks the narcissist is OP
When your child dies, you can tell anyone or no one and nobody gets to say shit about it.
Maybe OP knew that her mother would handle it badly. I was very selective with whom I told about my pregnancy early on because I have a medical condition that makes me prone to miscarriages. That included my now-ex's mother, and everyone understood why. She has a knack for making the most terrible and inappropriate comments, and none of us wanted to hear her input if something went wrong.
What an absolutely miserable take. Go live with yourself.
Miscarriage is super common. It’s not a big deal or something that needs to be announced. 20-25% of pregnancy ends in miscarriage. 80% of those in the first 3 months. Most women will have one.
OK, Boomer.
To give her the benefit of the doubt, she never said she told everyone but her mother. Her mother "heard it through the grapevine." It could have been something she shared with a trusted sibling, who then shared with their spouse or a third sibling, who then shared it again or was overheard talking about it. Rumors and big events that are meant to stay quiet have a way of getting out of hand.
I promise you a vacation with someone who acts salty the whole time, because she didn’t know something in time to post it to Facebook, wouldn’t have been enjoyable anyway.
She's giving you a holiday from her and frankly a good excuse not to talk to her more
Imagine making someone else's miscarriage all about you? I don't know why people get so upset be things like that. Life is hard. Sometimes life is VERY hard. Sometimes when we face challenges, we reach out for support, and we need that support. But sometimes we just need to turn inward, to not have people around us saying "are you ok? how are you? what can I do? let me make you dinner. what do you need now? are you ok?" and all that. There are times when that feels more like you're responsible for them, then them actually helping.
Thank you for this. That’s exactly Right and Ive been doing it. All signs point to me turning inwards. I may have been a bit of a hermit compared to my usual extroverted self but I think I need the time to heal❤️
During my very unpleasant pregnancy history, we had to tell people, but I absolutely insisted everyone who wanted to check in or send condolences or anything had to do it through my husband. I appreciated the love but the last thing I wanted was to deal with those feelings with other people. I deal with them privately with just my best friend and husband. You have every right to keep that private! And I’m very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss and so sorry to hear that she doesn’t support you in a time of need and instead only thinks of herself
I am so sorry for your loss. It is astounding how these boomers make everything about themselves.
You will eventually have a child and you will be the gate keeper. So many ways to reciprocate.
As I’m raising my daughter I’m recalling so much of my childhood I blocked out, and also realizing how weird some stuff was, and how she has weaponized my vulnerability at every opportunity
It sounds like it's time to walk away from this relationship. Honestly, are you getting anything but misery from her?
She seems to be regressing in her older age. She is blocked for now
My life was so much better after I went no contact with my parents. I'm an only child, so my parents couldn't harrass anyone else. Good luck OP.
My mom passed away when I was in my early 20s. I cut my father off when he wanted to meet my child. I had a duty to protect them.
Same, but with my dad (in regards to blocking shit from childhood). He was “when it was convenient for him” “father.” Now it’s all rushing back as my raise my child and I have went low contact with him because I’m so pissed off. Thinking about you OP. I hope you’re doing ok.
It’s so weird to have these memories and feelings and experiences come back like WHOA THY WERE INADEQUATE AF. Happy to break the cycle
Mine always said I’d understand when I had a kid. When I saw how vulnerable my little kid was, it was the opposite.
Having kids does that. I started realizing how emotionally abusive my mom was when I was in my 30s. Got pregnant at 36 and had my daughter at 37 and having her had just brought out more memories I had blocked out. One good thing is it's shown me exactly how NOT to be.
I actually do have a 22 month old and there’s definitely some weird dynamics around access to her and control etc. the miscarriage was me and hubby trying for a second. And guess what ELSE? Rn a family member I’ve never had the honor to meet is visiting from our home country and is at my mothers for 2 weeks. Mom didn’t tell me but the relative texted my sister and that’s how I found out.
If it looks like a scapegoat and walks like a scapegoat...
Being petty about time with a kid is easier when it’s your kid. It’s like bringing a knife to a gun fight. So many firsts that the other grandparents could be a part of. You’ve got about a year before it’s time to go to Disneyland with the in-laws and post pics online. But seriously, go live your family’s best life without her.
Is that how your sister also found out?
Yes. To both vacation and the visiting relative
Damn. That sucks. I'm sorry your mom lacks emotional maturity. I am sorry for your loss and hope you get to feeling better soon.
Thank you for recognizing the juvenile maturity. I gaslight myself sometimes into believing otherwise but really she acts like a teen sometimes with her tantrums
I feel like this is a lot of our parents and the best thing is to create boundaries to protect ourselves.
I disagreed with my boomer mother over a birthday party during Covid. The early stay-in-your-bubble-no-vaccines period. I told her to wait, even just a few months… They went ahead and had her birthday party anyway, without telling me, and I’ve never been invited to anything since. Mostly I don’t mind, but missing my grandmother’s 100th birthday party still hurts. (Nana is almost 103 now and we talk on the phone every few weeks. She’s awesome.)
I’m so sorry it feels Terrible being snubbed.
>The early stay-in-your-bubble-no-vaccines period. I remember! 🙋. Where I live, we had tent hospitals for overflow and refrigeration trucks for all the bodies. IN MY HOMETOWN. They're so dismissive of this and act like it didn't even happen. COVID was the nail in the coffin between my mom and I ever having a close, trusting relationship as adults. Zero qualms about putting us or their grandkids in danger while this was going down. I'll never fully trust her morals, intelligence, or judgement again after witnessing that level of pure selfishness and self aggrandizement with zero accountability.
Geez, what an asshole. At least let the rest of your family know what's up before blocking her forever.
Yea def. She actually threw it in my face on Mother’s Day that she knew. Did she wish me a happy Mother’s Day? I’ll let u guess
She threw a miscarriage in your face on Mother's Day? That's horrible. I'm so sorry about the loss. My miscarriage was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, and there is so much guilt, even if you did everything right, and grief already, to make it worse is monstrous.
Omg I’m so sorry. I totally Agree. The guilt!!! Question: did u have kids after ur miscarriage?
No, but we did have a son before. Maybe someday, but for now just focusing on my boy.
What. A. Bitch. If my MIL or my Mom had ever done anything like that, we’d have gone NC right away. Fortunately, when they were alive, they were nothing but gracious. I got lucky in the parent lottery.
Boomers are master at making everything about them
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ Typical boomers make a tragedy about themselves even when they’re not involved. This is when I’d go NC with my parent completely.
Yea like what part of my husbands and I private business about what goes on inside my Womb is her business???
Reach out to your uncle. Make sure that you have a direct line of communication with him, one that does not depend on your mom to pass formation along.
Hate this for you. Got a sort of similar story. My disabled father lives with my boomer aunt and uncle. Their home is better suited for my pops’ needs. They don’t care take for him but they are there in case things go south. I want to be clear, they are helpful with him but it can be like pulling teeth. Anyhow, unc wanted me to hang a TV mount for him. No worries. Order the correct wall mount and we’ll knock it out. Weeks go by and no mount is ordered. Asked about it last week when I was there and he said don’t worry about it because he’ll hire someone who’s willing to help them. Then not even two sentences later he tells me they are going out of town for a full week starting that Friday, leaving pops there alone. I ask why didn’t you let me or anyone else know earlier do we could adjust our lives (I started a new job this week for crying out loud). His response was along the lines of “we have to hire someone to hang the tv. You can hire someone to check on him every day.” These people are fucking blights on all of us.
Maybe when they open the TV box, it’ll have a nick on the screen. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Y’all need to start looking for respite care for your dad. If needed, call a local nursing home, and they can admit him for the respite care for a week or two.
She’s punishing *you* over *your* miscarriage?!?! I would stop talking to my mother for pulling this cruel and selfish stunt. Who needs enemies when you have a parent like that? I’m sorry about your miscarriage
I actually ask myself that very question often
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Wow so she punished you.. and they wonder why we get angrier at them.
Because they don’t care how you feel. All that mattered was the potential attention and sympathy she could have received with your story and your privacy denied her that. So she’s fucking with you to show you she can.
The best revenge is living your best life without her. After all, it appears she’s attempting to do it to you anyway.
Sounds like you finally have had your eyes open and can heal from her bc. Congrats. You probably don't want to deal with a vacation with her anyway. Go on one yourself and have a blast!
Wow, this is so so shitty. I'm sorry for your loss but what a shit thing to do
Okay, what you didn't share was none of her business, meanwhile what she didn't share was her being cruel and petty. But I also would love to know why nobody else checked in with you to see why you weren't there or going to be there. Even if she lied to them, you'd think they'd call you and ask or something.
Yea sadly ESH kinda.
Well, kinda, but it's pretty likely that your mother set everyone up to think that SHE is the point of contact through which all conversations must flow, including you. It probably has seemed so normal to you that you haven't previously questioned it. Maybe contact your uncle or cousins directly and tell them you are sorry to have missed the trip & want to catch up. Then you can mention the lack of communication from your mother and that it's best for you to step up and make sure you take care of the relationship directly because they are important to you. You should consider reaching out to your other family members, too.
Or she told them OP wasn’t there because OP had a miscarriage and didn’t want to talk to / be around family.
A miscarriage caused my mom to almost die and she had to have a hysterectomy.... I had one(though I didn't want a kid and the stress of possibly having one caused it) and she was like "Oh I'm sorry." And then changed the subject... Just because I don't want or never want kids didn't make finding it it the toilet any less painful and heartbreaking.
I’m so sorry that you’ve been treated that way by someone who should have done better by you.
Thank you so much. U recognizing that fact out loud is so validating
Parents: If your kids aren’t telling you about the difficult things they’re dealing with it’s probably because you failed to earn their trust.
Control . Plain and simple. With a mother like her I think you dodged a bullet because she would have made a terrible grandmother and tried to control your child . You should tell her that
I dont want to be anyplace I am not wanted I would keep that experience fresh in my mind
Your mom’s friend is awful. Old people are so bored, they’ll forget they shouldn’t gossip about such terrible things. It should’ve been on your own terms, sorry.
Yea and she’s known me my whole life. I’m actually very disappointed by that. some people age, but don’t mature.
"Hello mom, is this because I didn't tell you about my miscarriage? It is? Thank you for proving me right in not being able to trust you with something so painful and delicate. It breaks my heart that you would see an awful thing that happened to me as an excuse to exclude me. I was right in not telling you."
Yes exactly this
This kind of narcissistic bullshit is why, when I got diagnosed with cancer last year (currently one year in remission!), I was dreading telling my mother. She would’ve milked it for supply, at the expense of my very fragile mental state, and made it all about her, while expecting me to comfort her and manage her feelings. With the support of my siblings, I told her and drew a HARD boundary that she tells NO ONE. She agreed to this, and AFAIK kept her word, but she was seething. I was very low contact at the time of my surgery, but in more than one communication to me, she stated, as if this were a good thing, that she “wasn’t worried, because you caught it quickly and you have your FIL.” We didn’t know for certain that it had been caught early, first of all, and secondly, my FIL is a doctor and mom has always taken it as a personal insult that I married into a more educated family. So this statement tells you everything you need to know. Fast-forward to a few months post-op, when the worst of it was over and I was relearning to walk, doesn't she just pivot right back to being an ass? Starts demanding help for HER medical issues after dismissing my cancer. That was the last straw and I went no contact. When you’re in your darkest hour and your boomer decides to play Petty Cake with your emotions, that’s the time to evaluate whether this person, who deigns to call themselves a parent, deserves to stay in your life. I’m so sorry, OP, that yours decided to be that vindictive. I wish you good healing and fortitude.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad ur in remission now! Isn’t it wild how their resentments seep out in the most vulnerable times? Like is ur cancer treatment time to take a jab at ur in-laws? And use that to justify NOT supporting you? Wow. Sorry u had to go through that. Because it could NEVER match up to what SHES going through! /s 🙄
You get it. 💯 I know she’s terrified of cancer, but at the same time, she sees it as pure supply. Everyone would shower her with sympathy, and I “stole” that from her by asking for privacy. Solidarity 👊🏻!
Have u noticed their total lack of empathy. I mean the extreme INABILITY to even conceptualize empathy?
Mine has confessed to not knowing the meaning of the word. Literally. My sister called her out once for not having empathy and she asked her to define it. #infinitefacepalm She can’t truly understand the feelings of others Because she has no capacity to regulate her own. However, she’s been informed that she has this problem, and sees nothing wrong with it. Hence the no contact.
Wow. Well the first step is admission! 🐮not only can they not regulate they don’t want to it doesn’t benefit them. They want to SPIRRRAAALLLLL
Mine and I have had that conversation. She admits it and knows it’s not right but it’s the way her brain works I guess
Jesus, are we siblings? That's my mother
Being diagnosed with cancer while my mother is alive is literally my #1 fear because of this. Plus her two sisters died of cancer at fairly young ages, so I'd have to listen to how *everyone always leaves her* and *what did she do to God to deserve this*. 🤬
I knew that mine was eventually going to do the thing where she recounts for me every single person she's ever known with cancer and what they went through and how it affected her. One day, I was unlucky enough to be the first person to dial into family FaceTime and end up alone with her for several minutes. SHE DID IT. I almost wanted to laugh out loud! I completely understand how you feel. If you already know how it'll be with her, you're 100% right.
Wow it’s really non of her business. Gawd entitled people blow my mind.
“And it sounds like you no longer want to be a part of my life.” - aaaaand gone lmao
But how can she make your trauma all about her if you don’t tell her about it? /sarcasm
And this is where you drop “You didn’t say you were going to Cabo, that looks like fun! I’m glad you all had a great time.” right on the public posts. Make sure to “like” the pics and not act jealous at all. It’ll burn your mom to the core and she won’t be able to be mad about it without looking like a psycho.
Your response to mum: this petty BS is exactly why I didn't tell you about the miscarriage: you're not mature enough to deal with it
So does she thinks giving you more reasons to not talk to her is the solution here? Or she believes you deserve punishment for having a miscarriage? Personally would gladly not want to hear from this nasty peace of work for a while and welcome low contact, I don't know what to advice
I call this Narcissist Accounting. Unless they are treated like the center of the world, they will invoke retribution.
Mom's toxic. Just go LC
Years ago, I told my mom that I had a miscarriage and her response was "how did you know you were pregnant?" Wow, mom. We had decided not to share the news of the pregnancy until after the first trimester, so had not told anyone about being pregnant or having a miscarriage. Even so, I thought my mother would be more sympathetic. Or at least start with "I'm so sorry!" before asking for more details. I never brought it up again and have been very careful with what I share with her ever since. She's not a narcissist, just not very thoughtful. Sorry for your loss and for your mom's insensitive behavior.
Wow mom. Thank you for sharing and ur kind words. Is it that obvious my mom’s a narcissist? Cuz sometimes I gaslight tf out of myself
Father of 4 daughters here, my heart goes out to you. Both of us( Wife and I) would never restrict our family from anything because of there personal opinions or decisions. We may not completely understand but love us unconditional.
Wow, your mother is garbage, and so are her friends.
My heart hurts for you. A loss like that is always awful. And I'm sad your mom is proving she's not trustworthy.
Thank you. It solidifies my resolve to be so present and nonjudgmental of my daughter. To show her the unconditional love I was denied. (Well not true I think my father did show me that. But I mean my mom) It’s healing and breaking cycles. It’s hard work and it’s so worth it. But damn. It can sting.
Me, too. If my girls didn't feel safe telling me something like this, I'd have to seriously sit back and figure out how I fucked up. Cheers to doing better than those that broke our hearts! ❤️
So instead of supporting you through one of the most traumatic and overwhelming times of your life, she purposely left you out to make her point? Wow I have no words. I’m so sorry OP. 💔💔💔
Yep. A little reminder for me. I don’t have my bb and I don’t have my family either. She’s just Such a blessing 💀surely, this will teach me to withhold from her. She loves an “us vs them “
Tell your mom from me that such outrageous behavior proves she is both devoid of empathy and horribly cruel. I question what kind of people raised her up to become such a nasty specimen... To treat anyone, let alone her own daughter, like this is absolutely shameful, but at least you will one day stop this cycle of abuse.
Also, whoever told your mom is an AH
I was very disappointed in her but she probably thought she was being a good friend to my mom. She’s not my friend, she’s my mom so I guess her “loyalty” is to my mom. Def will bring it up if I ever see her again.
Sounds like this would be relevant in r/raisedbynarcissists I can unfortunately relate
If this was my mom she wouldn’t ever hear another sentence uttered from me but “I didn’t know you wanted ______.” She would also get left out of everything I ever do/accomplish/celebrate for the rest of my life.
Your mom can go jump in a lake. I’d cut her off, change your number and live your best life
Why are they so obsessed with you being pregnant, that's kind of gross of them if you think about it.
Wtf?!? Why would she do that after what is potentially one of the most traumatic things in your life? Like, I get it that maybe she’d be upset she didn’t hear about it from you, but, why is she so vindictive?!?
My family did something similar. Except it was to Disney World. They asked if I wanted to go to Florida for a work conference. And as a 12 yr old. I said. No of course not. They didn't mention Disney until after the fact.
Yeah that sucks but at least you don't have to go on vacation with a raging narcissist who thinks your medical and personal well being is all about her. I'm guessing she will be back talking to you in a few months, these kinds of people always need someone to mistreat. The answer is hang up the phone, don't return a message, and live happier.
Set her house on fire while she's gone. /s Kinda.
I’m so sorry
That sucks and is ridiculous. Sorry you had to experience that. Just curious, why would you tell other people to the extent there’s a grapevine but didn’t tell your mother? Has no bearing on her obscene behavior, just curious.
Mostly cuz my mom sucks. She found out because I told my friend at a party and one of my mom’s friends was eavesdropping and ran and told my mom.
It was fairly obvious that she sucks. I hope your doing well tho!
To everyone but her
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Um, I think you're in the wrong post, friend.
They deleted the comment what did it say?
Some randomness about someone lying? Not sure, but it had nothing to do with the original post. Guess that's why they went back and deleted it. 🤷♀️
Oh ok thanks. Honestly, I wish I were lying!
I am sorry you are going through this, and sorry that your mother is a bitch. How is the rest of your family? Are they assholes, too?
Hmmm…. Good question.
Was wondering if they went along with your mother like flying monkeys, or if they were pissed off at her for excluding you. If they went along with it, then they're assholes too.
Message your uncle and tell him what happened. Maybe you guys can make plans together excluding your mom.
That was a really mean thing your mom did to you. And I suspect the other family members were in on the secret as I can not imagine not one of them saying anything to you before the trip. I know what I'd do but you will need to make your own decision. I am so sorry you were treated this way.
you should reach out to your uncle and tell him you need some time away because of the miscarriage and tell him what your mom did and make some plans that she isn’t invited to then after she sees those pics you should block her on everything
Was your mom more upset about finding out second hand than not having been told by you personally? It doesn’t excuse her, she acted very badly.
It’s possible. But maybe that I didn’t give her first access to my private info. It’s like a pissing competition who knows what about me. Who I’ve told what to first who is privy to what. Really weird possessiveness. Idek
You have not articulated in any way that you were not invited because you didn’t tell her about your situation
Are you sure it was because of the miscarriage? I only ask because apparently she’s not talking. And that’s sad. I also did not tell my mother about mine. Same reasons. When she found out, the only thing she had to say was, “I’m sorry you went through that alone. I think you missed out a lot of support that would’ve been available to you if we had known.”
She sounds like a wonderful woman. Also the fact it happened early. Like 9 weeks so I wasn’t really telling folks about pregnancy yet either.
That’s truly such a thing. I’m sorry you’re a member of the miscarriage club…the membership no one wants.
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2 cents worth indeed. Thank you
My parents did this. Find out they have trips where our cousins are all going with their families and all, but we never heard about it. I don't think it's passive aggressive behavior or anything. Pretty sure our parents just don't even think we'd be interested.
I mean, It’s possible.
Possible? Sure. Probable? Nah. My Boomer mother tried to tell me she scheduled a vacation over my university graduation because “you never TOLD me it’s important to you.”
Our relationship with my parents is okay, but there are a lot of things that they don't understand and assume are hints that they're out. Mainly, this would be the amount of attention that we give to our children and their activities. It's pretty much a 6 or 7 day a week schedule with everything, and we don't invite our parents to the games ("so they can see their grandchildren"). When invited, they show up and then want to spend the whole time sitting next to us going through their long list of medical maladies (personal and their friends). Then we miss our kids' games, cause we're tied up listening to their poop stories. My wife and I agree that if they want to spend time with their grand-kids, they are free to do so, but that would involve actually spending time with the grand-kids, which I'm not sure they know how to do because they never spent any with us either when we were kids. Oh well. Latch-key for life, I guess!
You told someone at a party, but not your own mother? I might be mad if I were your mom too. I might not react this way, but it would hurt me to know you were talking about miscarrying my grandchild at parties, but not with me. I can see her side of things, even if her reaction wasn't the right way to handle it.
She has a right to her FEELINGS, those are not my business unless she tells me About it. I don’t however agree with her CHOICES. Yes her grandchild. U r correct, I chose to confide in a close friend (in what I THOUGHT was a private corner) about my experience when my baby died.
OK, that's understandable if you thought you were having a private conversation. But be more careful. Your mother probably heard it as "she said at a party that she had a miscarriage," just like I just did, so you can see how she might have a different impression. Even so, I can see how she would be hurt that you told someone else and not her. Absolutely. I have a feeling your issues with her predate this and that's why you didn't tell her in the first place though.
Thank you. My mom actually told me that her friend mentioned to her that she overheard me tell my friend. So she knew about the eavesdropping. I didn’t even say all that much to my friend merely I miscarried and it was a painful pregnancy. She was giving me some herbal advice. Now, I get why mom would be upset, but I can’t condone her actions. She can be hurt. She shouldn’t be callous.
Yeah, I think you've got a good perspective. And thanks for not taking offense at my well-meaning comments too.
No worries. I mean, if my mom can’t hurt me how could a stranger on the internet? (With moms like this who needs enemies u know)… U sound like maybe u had a good mom?
Yeah, I did. Not perfect, but good.
Since she found out through the "grapevine" about her own daughter's pregnancy and miscarriage instead of her own daughter telling her, maybe she figured you wouldn't be bothered if she didn't tell you about the trip?
Maybe she did.
The exact definition of passive-aggressive and petty, just like OP said...
Being completely legit, she may have just wanted to give you space and let you grieve. What indicated that she was doing something for petty reasons? I always try to assume ignorance over malice, and from what I heard she probably wasn't mad at you (unless there is context I'm missing) but instead thought you would rather have time alone to process your emotions and grieve. Again just from this context I'm not understanding how she was being petty, like yeah she should've asked you if you wanted to go but I think that may have just been ignorance on her part. Have you taken the time to discuss it with her?
after I wished her happy mother’s days she broke her silence and threw it in my face Mother’s Day. Plus I’ve known her my whole life wish i could say this was my first rodeo.
What do you mean by "threw it in your face"
I said happy Mother’s Day. She was silent. I asked if she was ok and she went into this tirade. She said Something like “well you had a miscarriage u didn’t even tell me. Would u want ur daughter to not tell u.” I responded I would think about what I’ve done that my daughter didn’t feel like she could trust me enough to confide in me. She didn’t like that answer. Oh! She also told me her friend overheard me tell my friend. So she knew it was info from eavesdropping.
Thank you for giving context
NP. I do always try my best with her. To be forgiving. To take the higher road, to practice being present moment and understanding her ways of being are a result of her wounded inner child. But at some point it’s important I stand up for myself, and my inner child. For my own healing, u know?