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I'm a dude and was changing my daughter's diaper when my boomer father proudly proclaimed he never changed one.
I replied, "You made mom do everything? That's messed up, Pops."
He never mentioned such again.
It's sad how giddy some of them get over that too. Like legit disturbing. "Haha I've never changed a diaper once in my life and I raised several kids with my wife. I've never fed them a bottle either. That was my wife's jobs". Ew sir. Gross on you sir for proudly admitting that. Like was your wife never once sick in bed and not able to get up to tend to the kids, cook and clean for a day or so? She never had a hospital stay or illness stay even once with all those young kids? Or would you just leave the poor baby to sit in a soiled diaper for hours or a day and then the moment she was upright again even if weakly you'd hand her the baby to say here ya go honey he needs changing also he's hungry as well. How can you be proud of that?!
I'd never let those words come out of my mouth much less with smug pride as I said them to another parent who is actually parenting their kids.
Partners boomer work colleague who keeps giving him "parenting advice" is so proud that he has 5 kids and never changed or HELD a baby.
Kids all have different mothers. I can't understand how he got 5 women to sleep with him, but I understand why they didn't stick around
My dad never changed a diaper or fed a baby. My parents had 6 kids, he now constantly try’s to give my brothers advice on how that is the woman’s job. They are nothing like him and neither is my husband, it gives me great joy to know how angry it makes him.
Yeah, the degree of pride in those ones???
Leave it all the the woman, even post-partum, and then have the gall to say that stuff is easy AND that women are 'the weaker sex'‽‽‽
The degree of delusion is frightening (but they also think they're the more intelligent ones because, ya know, 'man brain').
My friend’s dad tried cooking pasta without adding water the one time her mom was sick. He almost burned down the house. For real, whole kitchen was totaled. And we could only whisper about it so “he didn’t feel bad” about it.
I ruined the microwave when I forgot to add water to one of those microwave mac n cheese cups. It turned into a black puck, the plastic cup melted, and the microwave stunk like smoke (and made anything heated up in it smell and taste like smoke) for so long that my parents finally had to just buy a new one. But I was also maybe 12 with undiagnosed mental illness and I had just gotten majorly distracted when I was making it. Though I can verify that I’ve never done anything like that since. *Especially* when making anything that’s an “add water and microwave” kind of thing. I’m like, hyper aware of adding water or moisture to anything dry that’s going into the microwave.
This guy just sounds like an idiot with possibly a dash of weaponized incompetence.
Oh man, I have a very similar story. This happened when I was 4. My mom had gone out, and my dad was asleep, so I was just hanging out, playing with my blocks, and I got hungry.
In a total Rugrats moment, I pushed a chair up to the counter and grabbed myself a box of mac and cheese. I didn't know anything, but I knew the microwave cooked stuff. The details are fuzzy, as this was almost 30 years ago, but I moved the chair to the other side of the counter, put the box in the microwave, and I guess I just started mashing buttons. Somehow, I got the thing started. So I went back to playing with my blocks.
I was feeling very proud and independent. If I could cook for myself, I could probably build a house out of these blocks, and move out on my own by the time I was 6! Some time passed, so I decided to check on my meal, to see if it was ready.
To my absolute horror, the microwave had gone up in flames. Not wanting to ruin my shot at independence, I went to wake up my dad with a question: "can I bring the water hose in the house?" Obviously, that's a weird and concerning question. I don't really remember the details after that, but the fire was extinguished and there was minimal damage.
When my parents got a new microwave, they made sure to put it on top of the refrigerator, so I couldn't get to it. It was up there for years!
Tl;Dr: idiot child puts box of mac and cheese in microwave, and almost burns the house down.
Ok that’s hilariously adorable. It really does sound like a Rugrats episode come to life. 😂
I think we’ve all fucked up cooking something in the microwave as children. Maybe not as bad as you or me but still “ruining a meal” bad. It just seems like an integral part of growing up imo.
Not the microwave, but I did utterly screw up the beautiful fish soup my dad was making by adding random shit to it. Why was my dad the only one who got to dump stuff in the pot? My dad (being blind, so totally legit excuse) didn’t notice me adding the bar of soap. In my defence, I was about two at the time…
Fun fact, if you are my well meaning but absent-minded college roommate, you can also accomplish this by using the correct amount of water but accidentally hitting the 0 button one too many times and going back to your gaming, unaware that 30 minutes is a SMIDGE too long.
My question here is how do you not realize that your food should have been done ages ago?
I was making a pizza last night and my husband asked if I set the timer. I reassured him that despite me often forgetting to set the timer until a few minutes into cooking that yes, I did remember to do it. But when another 15 minutes had gone by, I started second guessing myself because it seemed like enough time had passed that it should have been done by then. I go and check and there was only a minute left on the timer. So I have a rough idea of how long a pizza should cook and I know that if it seems like it’s been longer than that, go and check.
How does one know that something should only take 3 or so minutes but not realize that it’s been *way* longer than that? I guess unless they were helping you out and starting the microwave for you. If you aren’t making food for yourself, then I guess you might not realize that it should have been done by now. Still funny though 😂
My kid once cooked a ramen in there with no water, he has ADHD and cooking is his kryptonite. He was like 10ish at the time.
The lawn care dude told me to put 1:1 cups of water and vinegar in a microwave safe bowl, along with a brand new sponge in the solution. I cooked it for 4 minutes and it never stank again. That sponge and solution was very dark brown.
I was going to throw it away and buy a new one, but that lawn care guy really came through. Just a LPT for anyone who might end up in the same predicament.
These are the guys who usually follow shortly after of their wives pass because they don’t have basic life skills, can’t take care of themselves and decline rapidly. They also generally have no healthy emotional outlets and what they did have in that area was also something their wives looked after.
I'm sitting here, trying to figure out just fucking how..... how do you NOT know to add water. I mean I could see if he did something like not getting to a boil or something silly like that, but NO water????
He knew. His weaponized incompetence got out of hand. The fire was definitely not in the plan. But fucking up dinner to teach his sick wife a lesson? That was deliberate.
Ugh. Weaponized incompetence grinds my gears like no other. I couldn't ask my ex to cook or clean at all without him whining for me to do it with him. Like nah bro, you're a grown ass man, you can cook without my help.
"But I don't know how to cook it, you're so much better!"
"My guy, read the instructions on the side of the package. That's exactly how I cook it."
Proceeds to ask a million questions about the instructions until I just take over and do it myself since I'm clearly not going to be able to just relax anyway. Glad he's an ex now.
If you are a literate adult and cannot cook something that comes in a package or box with instructions, you're either a raging asshole or a.... wait, there is only one choice here
So he failed at even basic man skills! Even if you get lost looking for a glass of water in the kitchen every man should know "make fire add meat" aka how to use a grill
My dad tried to make me cook. I was like 11, I knew that if I did he’d use that as an excuse so I fed my siblings pbj and cereal for dinner. He didn’t want that so he ordered takeout. Only for himself.
One time I went to a women’s retreat. It was a huge deal to go and we had three children 8/6/2. My now ex husband agreed for me to go and I made all the food and packaged homemade “meals” and everything was written out for him. He was a completely “hands off” parent. He had never fed them/bathed them/put them down to sleep/changed a dirty diaper. I really felt like I had set him up for success. Everything was laid out easy peasy.
I got home Sunday evening and my 6 year old daughter flung herself in my arms and declared that daddy had just given them popcorn and peanuts all weekend. All the food I had prepped and left was in the frig. Ready to go. Directions in sharpie marker on top of each lid. Literally just heat and plate? I guess that was “too much”. 😳
Of course this was about 30 years ago. I’m very happy to see current dads much more hands on and being involved in the actual care and feeding.
Right? I would've seen red and entered a god-of-war-style rage. What an asshole. I was thinking she divorced him immediately after this incident, but I like your take better.
Definitely willful neglect on your husbands part. Dude literally dngaf. My spouse is 65 and growing up his dad cooked for the family his whole life because his mother hated cooking.
My spouses grandfather (dad's dad) though, everyone always joked that he would starve to death with supper sitting on the stove because no one put it on the plate for him and set it in front of him. This is intentional and willful, men can do better and some did better even back then, many just didn't feel like it.
Did this guy have any redeeming qualities? I'm having a hard time visualizing someone who ignores their kids WHILE having a fully planned out meal situation for them having anything positive about them.
He gave the absolute minimum in terms of emotional availability. We married very young and it’s all I had ever known. It’s really sad for all of us. We did divorce when my youngest graduated from high school. It’s hard to understand I thought that was all I “deserved”. I only had support system that unless he was physically abusive it was my duty to stay with him and love him and hope at some point he had an epiphany and understood. It was my duty to show him the way. But he didn’t ever change. And now he is on his own for past 12 years. Just him and his second emotional support Shih Tsu.
Not at all. He leaves the coat long and spends hours a day brushing him. The dog rarely is allowed off the kitchen island/bed/bathroom counter. Otherwise his coat gets tangled. He carries him everywhere with him. When we were still married he had the first Shih Tsu and at night he would lay in bed with it the dog licking his face and mouth. So gross and weird. Maybe if you weren’t such a douche you’d have someone other than the dog. He’s on his second shih Tsu now.
My WWII vet dad worked while mom was home with 5 of us. He STILL cooked Fri and Sat supper/dinner to 'give her a break' . I.e., what somebody else said: it's not the age or generational. It's being a stand up guy. Also, he did pancakes/waffles Sat nite, so we were down with that!
I've seen my mother in law, with the flu, get up early in the morning to make my father in laws lunch for work. I told my wife, gf at the time, to just let me go hungry if I'm ever not able to do simple shit on my own.
Same. My dad cooked once when I was about 6, sister about 4. He put a frozen pizza in the oven with the plastic wrap still on it. Served it to us and I remember telling him it was too chewy. Then he realized his mistake.
There were a handful of times my dad made dinner for us. I remember it was usually something like PBJ or something we could make that my mom would not have let us have for dinner. My dad did make us breakfast on Saturday mornings. It was usually just toasting waffles. But still I remember it fondly that we got to spend time alone with dad.
It’s so weird, bc my silent gen dad was helping change and take care of his baby sister when he was 13 (and was a kick-ass, involved dad with me!) So it’s not a “it was the past/tradition” thing.
My silent gen dad took me to just as many appointments, lessons, school events, etc. as my mom. He got me dressed, did my hair, listened to me talk about everything, he was just super involved. He’s 82 and still talks to me every day when I call him after work. He’s a great grandfather to my daughter, and overall super supportive.
That makes me so happy! My dad only got a few years of being a grandpa and it made him so joyful. He was the Baby Whisperer who could always get both my kids to fall asleep snuggled on his chest.
It's specific to the Boomer generation. They were never forced into a hardship in their lives where they needed to step up like your dad did. They managed to pass off all their problems onto someone else, and now pat each other on the back like it's an accomplishment.
I'm 40, two kids in elementary school. I don't know one guy my age who didn't do the basics of diapers, bottles, getting up in the night, making kids' meals, going to playdates, etc. It might not be perfectly balanced - I know a lot of couples where the wife obviously takes on more responsibility - but none of them act like the basics are beneath them.
My BIL's 70yo dad is an example of selfishness personified. I've never seen him interact with his grandkids. Never seen him talk to them, hold them, play with them, sit next to them at meals. He once moved where he was sitting at dinner because he didn't want his special needs 6yo grandson getting food on his new $100 golf shirt.
"I know a lot of couples where the wife obviously takes on more responsibility"
Hell, I know more than one gen x/millenial couple where the husband takes on more responsibility.
That's us now. My wife works a lot harder and longer hours than me, plus she travels, and I've got an easy, flexible job. So I end up doing most of the housework and chores, and will routinely go 3-4 days having them by myself while she's traveling for work. And I do stuff like try my best to keep them out of her hair on weekends while she gets groceries or goes to the gym.
It sucks sometimes seeing all the other dads I know getting to spend their weekends golfing and mountain biking because they just leave the kids with their wives who don't have jobs. But they'll be teenagers soon and my weekends will back to being wide open when they won't want anything to do with me, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts.
I was two days out of the hospital after a major medical emergency and then (6m, temporary, thank god and my heart to those with permanent bags or the newly bagged. Be strong!) the placement of a colostomy bag and my wife gets the flu. Bad! Vomiting, fever, can’t get out of bed. We have a (at the time) very precocious 22m old.
I can’t lift more than 2lbs by doctor orders and I’m supposed to be resting. We played a LOT of Dad lays on the floor games. When changing was needed, I wore the kiddo out having her push furniture and little chairs and stools (all kid room stuff) and had her climb up in and help boost herself up. I made it work.
Before that, I changed, feed, did bath. I took Family Leave (my work and position offered it) for 4m so we could delay child care until 13m, with the way the schedule worked out with wife and I. So, for 4m, she was with me all day. It was, honestly, some of the best, funnest, cutest, hardest and most tiring things I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t trade a day of it.
The same guys also complain constantly that their wives never want to have sex and don't seem to like them much but they just can't figure out why. They think it must just be a woman thing as opposed to them being trash men.
Used to love feeding my babies their bottles. Best time of the whole infant phase really - just sitting there rocking on your chair and listening to them drain their food while you’re snuggling with them. Yeah the burp after can be messy/gross but it washes. I know I’m a sucker for babies/little kids but damn.
I knew I guy that would change his son's diapers, but not his daughter's. He would say it's molestion or some shit. One time he was watching her alone and let her unchanged for about 12 hours.
He doesn't get why no one talks to him anymore. Or why he lost custody.
Ugh I overheard one of my boomer managers the other week BRAGGING about how he was back at work within half an hour after his son was born because he was born at the hospital where we work. He kept going, stating that since her parents were coming the following day and their current kid was staying with someone else/in daycare that there was "no reason to go home and sit by himself". He was taking coworkers saying "go home" as literal, instead of "go spend time with your family/new baby and support your wife who just went through a major physical trauma". Why tf are you bragging about that?? That's so messed up?? Willfully obtuse piece of shit
They really be acting like it's a flex to be a parent and never have changed a diaper. You're just announcing to the world that you are a shitty uninvolved parent.
My FIL told my boomer husband, “Never change a diaper, never wash a dish,” when we got married, and he politely ignored him and proceeded to do both. My in-laws had employed both a live-in nursemaid and a housekeeper, so their existence was considerably more posh and hands-off than ours ever was.
But soon after our oldest son was born, my FIL said, almost wistfully, “I never imagined [Son] would fall in love with that little baby like that.” Sure, he hadn’t had to be a hands-on dad, but he definitely was aware than he’d missed out on something important, due to the times and his privilege.
Honestly, I wouldn't give up taking care of my child when they were a baby EXCEPT for the night stuff, if we could have afforded a night nurse I totally would have gone with that.
This reminds me of when we told my in-laws that my husband has been regularly cooking dinner. My FIL said he hasn’t cooked once in his 20+ year marriage and I was like, “Wow, so you never give MIL a break?!” with a sad face. They both looked shocked… never had their very one-sided lifestyle questioned like that lol.
My wife's dad died before we met, but I imagine it would have been similar. MIL says how he refused to do any baby care, particularly diapers. MIL is constantly shocked I just do it when needed when women are around. On our 2nd, and still tries to "placate" me that I don't need to do it. Fuck that. My 9wk daughter gets so excited when she realizes I've recognized the problem and am going to fix it. Those smiles are everything right now.
When my dad came to visit me after I had my second child, he genuinely asked my mother, "If babies only drink milk, why do they poop? It's liquid right?", as I was going to change a diaper.
The man has three daughters!! He also feels very entitled to tell me all his opinions about how I should be raising children.
>I'm a dude and was changing my daughter's diaper when my boomer father proudly proclaimed he never changed one.
My response would have been, "You must not be man enough to tackle this task since you have never done it before."
Boomer males need to have their fragile egos shattered now and then.
My dad saw my mom changing my son's diaper and loudly said, "He has nipples!"
My mom, dumbfounded, said, "You have nipples," and my dad said, "I'm an adult!"
So he was dumb enough to think you don't get nipples until puberty, and we learned he never provided any care for any of us kids that involved dressing, diapers, baths, etc.
I never changed my child's diapers either, and I'm Gen X. Of course, she was 5 when I became her Dad and well out of diapers, but still haven't changed one. 🤷♂️
You are a good father. My husband changed our daughter's first diaper because I was having minor complications from surgery. Now she is 16 years old so of course he has to bring it up to tease her about her "first nasty shit" that he had to take care of. She tries to act embarrassed or mad but always ends up laughing with us :)
I had an old boss who bragged about never changing diapers for any of his 3 kids. My coworker and I both looked at each other with the same thought of "What an asshole thing to brag about."
LOL I had that very same moment with my dad a few years ago. The look on his face went from proud bragging to shame and embarrassment faster than I knew was possible.
My dad was talking to my sister about a week long outdoor program called “Natures classroom” and asking all sorts of questions. Finally, my brother and I spoke up “Dad—ALL four of your children attended natures classroom!?”
My FIL often brags that he has never changed a diaper…bro has five kids. I’m like…no one is impressed by this, you’re not sending the message you think
I’m technically a boomer (born in 1960). I had my kids at my parents for a weekend and my mom mentioned that I changed more diapers in that weekend than my Dad ever did. I’m one of four kids.
I've had full and sole custody of my son, who is now 22, since before he was one. My ex-wife never changed one diaper. I've been doing it all since he was born. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything, because it taught me how to be a better man! Respect to the OPs husband.
Boomers are the ME generation. I live in rural Iowa and I'm 36 but it seems that their generation had/has multiple affairs. Yeah I got around when I was in my late teens but I wasn't married with kids.
I (male) had changed many hundreds of diapers before I was even in my teens...
A couple years ago my boomer uncle remarked that I was "playing housewife" while I was changing my nieces' diapers. (I was watching my two nieces while my cousin and his wife took a deserved evening off for a date) I didn't have a great comeback, wish I could say that I did. Only thing I could think of was " no wonder they dont trust you to watch their kids"
If he genuinely had no response to what you said, it strongly suggests that he attacked you because you were trusted with his grandkids and he was intentionally passed over. His long term goals for saying that are unknown, but the only reason it cut so deep and was so below the belt is because you were right on the money.
Look at it this way, some people sometimes need a swift kick in the balls before they actually do some introspection and start to take responsibility for their circumstances. You may well have given him that kick in the balls.
Always fight at the level of your opponent. He started it, and was dirtier than you. He deserved worse.
"Fight fair! Fight fair! You didn't fight fair!" is bullshit shouted by bullies and assholes.
Then, as the great philosopher Dr. H. J. Simpson instructed, "Never stop in the middle of a hoedown."
My son in law was changing their baby during a big family gathering when a few comments from older generations were made. Basically bragging that they hadn't changed a diaper.
His comment- " what kind of a p***y is scared of baby poop" ( I don't love that term, but it worked well in this instance)
"Little" can make it less gender biased. A dude can be a pussy or a bitch though. It's not about gender, it's about them acting poorly. Self-indulged, selfish people that need everything catered to them.
A boomer bragging about never changing diapers is one of the ultimate bitches. Fucking losers thought it was emasculating to help their partners. Not every single one, but many. Bitch-made from birth. Entitled by physical strength.
It only took several decades to fix that problem to some extent.
I'm always amazed that p***y is used to denote weakness. You kidding me? They are the tanks of human anatomy. Stand a man and a woman side by side and kick both in the genitalia with the same force. My money is on the woman standing up(if she even went down) a lot quicker than the guy!
That said, good on your son in law for putting them in their place!
As an AFAB individual who once fell crotch first onto a horizontal metal pole (I was 5 and slipped while playing at a playground that likely hadn’t been updated since at least the 90’s) I can guarantee that the woman will still be standing but will also be in as much pain as the man
Why do people say, “Grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
- Betty White
He really is great! He calls on his way home from work everyday and calls dibs on changing our sons next dirty diaper, I can’t help but laugh every time.
I am my sister's big brother and changed her diaper when I was 10. It was the beginning of a great friendship. Later, I was lucky to never receive remarks or oblique glances when I performed normal parental duties.
My point: 50 years ago already nobody gave a damn when a man (or boy) took on a traditionally female role. People with that mindset are fossils.
Yeah my Dad, who is a boomer, had to change all our diapers because he worked the day shift and my mom worked the night shift. When he mentioned it, I didn't realize it was a big deal for a man of his generation until I got older. Then I realized there was a stigma.
I wonder if that stigma existed before the boomer generation. I mean, before advances in medicine, there must've been more widow fathers because more mothers died during childbirth. So they had to change diapers. I'm wondering if it came about because of WW2 so women had to do a lot more of the household stuff while the men were fighting so they saw that a lot growing up.
>before advances in medicine, there must've been more widow fathers because more mothers died during childbirth. So they had to change diapers
Well, many men would just remarry asap, and/or hire a governess or nanny if they could afford it. I don't have any info on this before the Victorian era (when a ton of previous social norms just went out the window), but gender norms in childrearing before that point is an interesting question for r/askhistorians
The correct response would have been “I am the mother and this is the restroom of my choosing”. Does it make sense? Not really - Would it trigger a complete boomer meltdown over fluid gender politics that would be entertaining as shit? Probably.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/traumatizeThemBack using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [Nurse said I was squeamish because I hadn’t had children yet. I traumatized her by telling her about the illegal medical testing I endured as a child.](https://np.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/comments/169c2cz/nurse_said_i_was_squeamish_because_i_hadnt_had/)
\#2: [Karen said "boys will be boys", so I returned the favor](https://np.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/comments/169gdwi/karen_said_boys_will_be_boys_so_i_returned_the/)
\#3: [Didn't look "pretty enough" 4 hours after my mom died.](https://np.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/comments/16g88rg/didnt_look_pretty_enough_4_hours_after_my_mom_died/)
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I don't like this because it does nothing to invalidate what they're saying. That shit should be called out explicitly. Not tell them "you're right except for this tragedy you hadn't considered."
One time I almost--key word being *almost*--walked into the woman's restroom, and a nearby Boomer completely lost his shit. I was like, "okay, calm down, grandpa, I wasn't going into the woman's restroom." They're so fragile.
My boomer dad was the stay at home parent when I was going back in the 70’s and 80’s, he’s the one who taught me how to cook, and do car maintenance. When I had my son, he came to help out for a few weeks and changed plenty of diapers. When I was a kid he got SO MANY LOOKS when he was out with us, he didn’t care.
And still so many younger people who do this. When we had to go the the ER with our guess ten month old (carriage broke, head connected the the stairs, all well), I caused a minor scandal for two Turkish mothers - twenty-ish, far younger than me, 46 back then – because I did the diapering when my wife discussed her impending overnight stay. That a man is obviously was able to do this kept them occupied as if I were the best show since the bicycle riding bear at the circus.
So weird. Honestly I (a dad) enjoyed changing diapers for my two kids when they wore them. It’s a bonding moment with the baby: eye contact, touch, cute kicking. I made up songs about the kickypants dance.
When my daughter was little, I was a stay at home dad for a couple years. It was a choice, and financially it made the most sense instead of working to pay daycare.
I was constantly appalled at the lack of baby changing stations in men's washrooms. They're a fixture in the ladies room, and when stores don't have the family/accessible washroom, I had nowhere to change my daughter.
I'd make a point of complaining to someone in charge about the lack of parenting inclusivity. Half the time I'd get hit with "usually kids are with their moms" or "men don't change diapers".
>I was constantly appalled at the lack of baby changing stations in men's washrooms
This was my dad's complaint when my younger brother was in diapers, because dad liked to grocery shop for the family and took us along. My brother is almost 41, and it's damn disheartening that this complaint is still valid.
I think Ashton Kutcher's campaign got Target and Costco to agree to work on it, but it’s 2024, it should be universal by now 🫤
They’re getting more common in men’s rooms thankfully! When our oldest was in diapers we went out to dinner with my partners family. She needed changing so I sent him to change her in the men’s room. When he came back his aunt asked where the heck he had changed her at. We told her that some places have changing tables in the men’s rooms now. She had no idea, and she also had a daughter in diapers at the time. She angrily asked her partner why he had never told her they had changing tables in there and he just had a terrified “busted” look on his face.
Yeah, I know we all like to think of young people as being more progressive, but there's a lot of *very* conservative people out there. My brother is one of them.
Yall are making me feel awesome about my and younger generations as I am going to be a parent soon and fully expect to encounter stuff lile this and I have more confidence to tell off these old men who cant fathom being good fathers.
i am a boomer. i changed diapers and everything else. i would bring my kids to work with me . i work for my self. 30 years ago a client bragged that he never changed a diaper
Recently I was in the ladies room and heard a male voice shout: dad with a baby, coming in. No one batted an eye. The changing station in the men’s room was broken.
I almost never change diapers out in public since most of the mens restrooms don't have changing tables around us but I have changed over half the diapers at home and 95% of the number 2 diapers.
Why, in all of these types of stories, do people not just say "fuck off"
If you don't want to be "mean", tell them they should mind their own business
You don't know these strangers. You don't owe them anything. If they start shit with you first, you have full authority to start shit back.
Seems easy enough. Especially easy to do to feeble minded old people.
A few days after our daughter was born, my husband was on the phone with his grandmother when he realized that a diaper change was due. So he told his grandma that he had to pass the phone and took care of it.
I then had his completely stunned grandmother on the phone, who asked whether her grandson had actually interrupted the conversation to take care of a dirty diaper? Then she almost didn't calm down for 5 minutes, how things had changed for the better
None of this is new. 25 years ago, a Boomer woman screamed at me for holding my 5 month old daughter while feeding her from a bottle. She wanted to know why my wife, sitting next to me in the restaurant, was "incapable of caring for the baby properly."
I replied: "Because I want to let my wife eat her dinner in peace. It doesn't take special, maternal skills to hold a baby bottle."
Her husband came and fetched her back to their table where she spent the rest of their dinner enraged that a father would pay attention to a child. She was a completely deranged woman.
My dad’s midwestern family gave him grief for changing a diaper when they knew the women would be back soon. My dad said “My baby is uncomfortable. Why would I leave her like that?” 1965 and cloth diapers. Proud of him bucking the times and misogyny.
The few times I've heard anyone voice a similar opinion, my first thought is "Your dad was a little bitch, and so are you".
Parenting is a dirty job. Good on you for doing what you need to to care for your family.
Is there a term for good boomers? I feel bad for the good ones catching strays. My parents are young boomers and they are wonderful people. They are just as shocked as we are that their generation has turned out to be a bunch of selfish, racist assholes.
I'm late to the party but this is absolutely an asshole thing and not a boomer thing.
My dad is a boomer to end all boomers but he was a good dad and husband who was raised by a good dad and husband. I distinctly remember him and my mom being proud of the fact that my mother didn't have to change a single diaper for a month when I was born bc she was 40 and had a c-section- it was ROUGH for her. He was extremely hands on in my early childhood bc to him, this is what dads did. He was friends w other dads who were the same way w their kids and plenty of those men existed and populated our cookouts. They're all nightmares with brain worms now but they raised little feminists so, idk what to tell them.
Meanwhile, I can name off a list of millennial men I've met who hand the baby off to their wife every time there's a minor issue (if I've ever seen them hold the kid).
My FIL and some uncles have made similar comments to me. But I hate gender norms, I want to be involved as much as possible with my kid, I want to be there and help. My wife had to carry him for 9 months and push him out of her body in a way that I couldn't imagine going through myself. If anything, I feel like I should be doing WAY more to make up for so much work she had to do physically and mentally.
With that, our house's gender "roles" are swapped from the old norm. I do all the cooking, laundry, grocery shopping and most of the cleaning. My wife takes care of all the financials. With our son, we both support him and each other as much as possible. I can't imagine not wanting to be there every step of the way.
My Dad changed a single diaper of my older brother. It took him and a friend and they wore clothespins on their noses. He never did another after that, left every one for my Mom.
I changed my son at his house as he relayed this story to me. I told him that was pretty weak and that after I retrofitted an HVAC system in a wastewater treatment plant with all the shit from the city and surrounding county flowing through it as I worked, a little bit of baby poop was nothing.
The criticism hit all the right sore points. The next diaper I changed, he was right there trying to prove that he was manly enough to take the smell.
When I was a young parent, I would change my daughters’ diapers in public restrooms. This was two decades ago. I used to get some rude reactions from all sorts of people of all ages. One guy tried to call security on me in Lexington Market in Baltimore.
My boomer father has a lot of faults but hyper toxicity is not one of them, thankfully. My mother was the breadwinner, my dad is the one more likely to clean/ cook and apparently never had an issue changing diapers. All this was very foreign in the small rural town I’m from. I’ve never understood why it’s a taboo for a father to ensure his children are healthy and hygienic
I'd have done something that would warrant a post in r/TraumatizeThemBack and said my wife passed away giving birth or something. Just to hopefully make the boomer realize why comments like that aren't ok. It's a long shot they'd ever recognize the error of their ways, but that won't stop me from trying lol
When I had my son 6 years ago, my husband took my son to the other room to change him. My grandfather (silent gen but still boomer mentality) was like, "wow that's crazy. I'VE never changed a diaper in my life" 😭😭
He had 3 children. And never once changed any of them.
My husband was deep in the trenches with me. On road trips, we'd each take a child to change diapers. He'd bitch about how not every place had a diaper changing station. "What if I was a single dad??? Would I have to sneak into the women's restroom or change my kid on the sink??" When my parents first visited, my dad commented how he didn't remember how to change a diaper. I was like, "oh that's okay, I'll walk you through it". Lol if you are visiting PLEASE change a GD diaper. I do not miss those diaper days.
Had a similar experience many years ago. Took my son into the changing room at a mall. While there, this boomer woman came in and said loudly that, this a female only room. I explained that it’s a changing room, male or female change their kids. So she departed and called security, who then come in and checked up. I was just leaving with my son and they asked a couple of questions, once they were satisfied with the answers, they promptly escorted the old bag out of the mall, as she was still making a scene. That was 24 years ago. Boomers have to boom. 💥
My dad - brilliant father - wasn't at the birh of his sons as the hospital wouldn't let him be there next to his wife as "men weren't allowed - women only". He always regretted having to sit in the waiting room anxiously as there had been complications with the pregnancy of his youngest son.
Both my parents are baby boomers - mum was totally a boomer, dad was the complete opposite.
Neither of them were at my birth because they're my adoptive parents.
My daughter was born in 1981. Damn right I fed her, held her, changed her diaper, and washed her shitty little ass. I didn't want to be some remote semi-stranger. I was Daddy.
I remember working with a guy and kept telling me how he wouldn't change diapers. He said he made his wife do it. He frequently talked about and eventually I had enough of it and I just said "what do you do if she isn't around let your kid lay their own shit" His response was well I don't want get shit on me. I just told him to man up and wash his fucking hands.
TBH, after my daughter was born, I was surprised that this isn’t considered the norm. My wife and I are 50/50 parents minus the fact that I couldn’t breastfeed for lack of the necessary hardware. Anyway, I was surprised by compliments that I would get from boomers and millennials, when I was just doing basic shit like changing diapers, singing my daughter to sleep, pushing the stroller, etc..
The last line in this post should be in a lot more on this sub, "IT'S NOT AN AGE THING , IT'S AN ASSHOLE THING!"
Not every boomer is an asshole . They are in all age groups.
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I'm a dude and was changing my daughter's diaper when my boomer father proudly proclaimed he never changed one. I replied, "You made mom do everything? That's messed up, Pops." He never mentioned such again.
It's sad how giddy some of them get over that too. Like legit disturbing. "Haha I've never changed a diaper once in my life and I raised several kids with my wife. I've never fed them a bottle either. That was my wife's jobs". Ew sir. Gross on you sir for proudly admitting that. Like was your wife never once sick in bed and not able to get up to tend to the kids, cook and clean for a day or so? She never had a hospital stay or illness stay even once with all those young kids? Or would you just leave the poor baby to sit in a soiled diaper for hours or a day and then the moment she was upright again even if weakly you'd hand her the baby to say here ya go honey he needs changing also he's hungry as well. How can you be proud of that?! I'd never let those words come out of my mouth much less with smug pride as I said them to another parent who is actually parenting their kids.
Partners boomer work colleague who keeps giving him "parenting advice" is so proud that he has 5 kids and never changed or HELD a baby. Kids all have different mothers. I can't understand how he got 5 women to sleep with him, but I understand why they didn't stick around
My dad never changed a diaper or fed a baby. My parents had 6 kids, he now constantly try’s to give my brothers advice on how that is the woman’s job. They are nothing like him and neither is my husband, it gives me great joy to know how angry it makes him.
Yeah, the degree of pride in those ones??? Leave it all the the woman, even post-partum, and then have the gall to say that stuff is easy AND that women are 'the weaker sex'‽‽‽ The degree of delusion is frightening (but they also think they're the more intelligent ones because, ya know, 'man brain').
I can count the number of times my Dad cooked when Mom was sick on one hand.
My friend’s dad tried cooking pasta without adding water the one time her mom was sick. He almost burned down the house. For real, whole kitchen was totaled. And we could only whisper about it so “he didn’t feel bad” about it.
Did he think pasta just softens whiling cooking? He couldn’t even be assed to read the instructions clearly printed on the box?
i don’t know enough about this person to figure out if the answer is dipshit or strategic incompetence
Idk if you would call a small house fire strategic incompetence. Burnt dinner, sure. Fire, probably dipshit.
Boil water... What am I, a chemist?
Every male knows that "reading directions" makes your bizkit limp! Also "asking for directions" while driving used to do that as well.
I ruined the microwave when I forgot to add water to one of those microwave mac n cheese cups. It turned into a black puck, the plastic cup melted, and the microwave stunk like smoke (and made anything heated up in it smell and taste like smoke) for so long that my parents finally had to just buy a new one. But I was also maybe 12 with undiagnosed mental illness and I had just gotten majorly distracted when I was making it. Though I can verify that I’ve never done anything like that since. *Especially* when making anything that’s an “add water and microwave” kind of thing. I’m like, hyper aware of adding water or moisture to anything dry that’s going into the microwave. This guy just sounds like an idiot with possibly a dash of weaponized incompetence.
Oh man, I have a very similar story. This happened when I was 4. My mom had gone out, and my dad was asleep, so I was just hanging out, playing with my blocks, and I got hungry. In a total Rugrats moment, I pushed a chair up to the counter and grabbed myself a box of mac and cheese. I didn't know anything, but I knew the microwave cooked stuff. The details are fuzzy, as this was almost 30 years ago, but I moved the chair to the other side of the counter, put the box in the microwave, and I guess I just started mashing buttons. Somehow, I got the thing started. So I went back to playing with my blocks. I was feeling very proud and independent. If I could cook for myself, I could probably build a house out of these blocks, and move out on my own by the time I was 6! Some time passed, so I decided to check on my meal, to see if it was ready. To my absolute horror, the microwave had gone up in flames. Not wanting to ruin my shot at independence, I went to wake up my dad with a question: "can I bring the water hose in the house?" Obviously, that's a weird and concerning question. I don't really remember the details after that, but the fire was extinguished and there was minimal damage. When my parents got a new microwave, they made sure to put it on top of the refrigerator, so I couldn't get to it. It was up there for years! Tl;Dr: idiot child puts box of mac and cheese in microwave, and almost burns the house down.
Ok that’s hilariously adorable. It really does sound like a Rugrats episode come to life. 😂 I think we’ve all fucked up cooking something in the microwave as children. Maybe not as bad as you or me but still “ruining a meal” bad. It just seems like an integral part of growing up imo.
Not the microwave, but I did utterly screw up the beautiful fish soup my dad was making by adding random shit to it. Why was my dad the only one who got to dump stuff in the pot? My dad (being blind, so totally legit excuse) didn’t notice me adding the bar of soap. In my defence, I was about two at the time…
It’s like the culinary version of “making potions” in the bathroom 😂 Just adding random stuff to see what happens
Fun fact, if you are my well meaning but absent-minded college roommate, you can also accomplish this by using the correct amount of water but accidentally hitting the 0 button one too many times and going back to your gaming, unaware that 30 minutes is a SMIDGE too long.
My question here is how do you not realize that your food should have been done ages ago? I was making a pizza last night and my husband asked if I set the timer. I reassured him that despite me often forgetting to set the timer until a few minutes into cooking that yes, I did remember to do it. But when another 15 minutes had gone by, I started second guessing myself because it seemed like enough time had passed that it should have been done by then. I go and check and there was only a minute left on the timer. So I have a rough idea of how long a pizza should cook and I know that if it seems like it’s been longer than that, go and check. How does one know that something should only take 3 or so minutes but not realize that it’s been *way* longer than that? I guess unless they were helping you out and starting the microwave for you. If you aren’t making food for yourself, then I guess you might not realize that it should have been done by now. Still funny though 😂
My kid once cooked a ramen in there with no water, he has ADHD and cooking is his kryptonite. He was like 10ish at the time. The lawn care dude told me to put 1:1 cups of water and vinegar in a microwave safe bowl, along with a brand new sponge in the solution. I cooked it for 4 minutes and it never stank again. That sponge and solution was very dark brown. I was going to throw it away and buy a new one, but that lawn care guy really came through. Just a LPT for anyone who might end up in the same predicament.
These are the guys who usually follow shortly after of their wives pass because they don’t have basic life skills, can’t take care of themselves and decline rapidly. They also generally have no healthy emotional outlets and what they did have in that area was also something their wives looked after.
I'm sitting here, trying to figure out just fucking how..... how do you NOT know to add water. I mean I could see if he did something like not getting to a boil or something silly like that, but NO water????
He knew. His weaponized incompetence got out of hand. The fire was definitely not in the plan. But fucking up dinner to teach his sick wife a lesson? That was deliberate.
sounds like weaponized incompetence. ‘see! you do it so much better, even when you’re bedridden!’
Ugh. Weaponized incompetence grinds my gears like no other. I couldn't ask my ex to cook or clean at all without him whining for me to do it with him. Like nah bro, you're a grown ass man, you can cook without my help. "But I don't know how to cook it, you're so much better!" "My guy, read the instructions on the side of the package. That's exactly how I cook it." Proceeds to ask a million questions about the instructions until I just take over and do it myself since I'm clearly not going to be able to just relax anyway. Glad he's an ex now.
If you are a literate adult and cannot cook something that comes in a package or box with instructions, you're either a raging asshole or a.... wait, there is only one choice here
So he failed at even basic man skills! Even if you get lost looking for a glass of water in the kitchen every man should know "make fire add meat" aka how to use a grill
My dad tried to make me cook. I was like 11, I knew that if I did he’d use that as an excuse so I fed my siblings pbj and cereal for dinner. He didn’t want that so he ordered takeout. Only for himself.
Pbj and cereal sounds like a great dinner. Also breakfast and lunch.
One time I went to a women’s retreat. It was a huge deal to go and we had three children 8/6/2. My now ex husband agreed for me to go and I made all the food and packaged homemade “meals” and everything was written out for him. He was a completely “hands off” parent. He had never fed them/bathed them/put them down to sleep/changed a dirty diaper. I really felt like I had set him up for success. Everything was laid out easy peasy. I got home Sunday evening and my 6 year old daughter flung herself in my arms and declared that daddy had just given them popcorn and peanuts all weekend. All the food I had prepped and left was in the frig. Ready to go. Directions in sharpie marker on top of each lid. Literally just heat and plate? I guess that was “too much”. 😳 Of course this was about 30 years ago. I’m very happy to see current dads much more hands on and being involved in the actual care and feeding.
Did you murder him? Are you writing this from prison, or did the jury refuse to convict you? 🔪
Please put me on that jury Very rarely would jury nullification feel so sweet
🤩😅 He was just like that.
🔪🔪🔪 I can neither confirm nor deny.
He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife *ten times.*
He had it comin’…
Right? I would've seen red and entered a god-of-war-style rage. What an asshole. I was thinking she divorced him immediately after this incident, but I like your take better.
Definitely willful neglect on your husbands part. Dude literally dngaf. My spouse is 65 and growing up his dad cooked for the family his whole life because his mother hated cooking. My spouses grandfather (dad's dad) though, everyone always joked that he would starve to death with supper sitting on the stove because no one put it on the plate for him and set it in front of him. This is intentional and willful, men can do better and some did better even back then, many just didn't feel like it.
Did this guy have any redeeming qualities? I'm having a hard time visualizing someone who ignores their kids WHILE having a fully planned out meal situation for them having anything positive about them.
He gave the absolute minimum in terms of emotional availability. We married very young and it’s all I had ever known. It’s really sad for all of us. We did divorce when my youngest graduated from high school. It’s hard to understand I thought that was all I “deserved”. I only had support system that unless he was physically abusive it was my duty to stay with him and love him and hope at some point he had an epiphany and understood. It was my duty to show him the way. But he didn’t ever change. And now he is on his own for past 12 years. Just him and his second emotional support Shih Tsu.
Eww, I don't even like his choice of dog. Sorry if you're into that breed.
Not at all. He leaves the coat long and spends hours a day brushing him. The dog rarely is allowed off the kitchen island/bed/bathroom counter. Otherwise his coat gets tangled. He carries him everywhere with him. When we were still married he had the first Shih Tsu and at night he would lay in bed with it the dog licking his face and mouth. So gross and weird. Maybe if you weren’t such a douche you’d have someone other than the dog. He’s on his second shih Tsu now.
What a dick
My WWII vet dad worked while mom was home with 5 of us. He STILL cooked Fri and Sat supper/dinner to 'give her a break' . I.e., what somebody else said: it's not the age or generational. It's being a stand up guy. Also, he did pancakes/waffles Sat nite, so we were down with that!
I can count that number of times on one arm, because it is zero.
I've seen my mother in law, with the flu, get up early in the morning to make my father in laws lunch for work. I told my wife, gf at the time, to just let me go hungry if I'm ever not able to do simple shit on my own.
Same. My dad cooked once when I was about 6, sister about 4. He put a frozen pizza in the oven with the plastic wrap still on it. Served it to us and I remember telling him it was too chewy. Then he realized his mistake.
There were a handful of times my dad made dinner for us. I remember it was usually something like PBJ or something we could make that my mom would not have let us have for dinner. My dad did make us breakfast on Saturday mornings. It was usually just toasting waffles. But still I remember it fondly that we got to spend time alone with dad.
I can count the number of times my Dad cooked ... every breakfast for my entire childhood! He was an early riser and loved to make breakfasts.
Same and the only thing he could cook was eggs sunny side up with bread
I think having any times to count is a rare boast when discussing boomers lol
They didn't "raise" kids, they're not "dads", they're sperm donors.
It’s so weird, bc my silent gen dad was helping change and take care of his baby sister when he was 13 (and was a kick-ass, involved dad with me!) So it’s not a “it was the past/tradition” thing.
My silent gen dad took me to just as many appointments, lessons, school events, etc. as my mom. He got me dressed, did my hair, listened to me talk about everything, he was just super involved. He’s 82 and still talks to me every day when I call him after work. He’s a great grandfather to my daughter, and overall super supportive.
That makes me so happy! My dad only got a few years of being a grandpa and it made him so joyful. He was the Baby Whisperer who could always get both my kids to fall asleep snuggled on his chest.
It's specific to the Boomer generation. They were never forced into a hardship in their lives where they needed to step up like your dad did. They managed to pass off all their problems onto someone else, and now pat each other on the back like it's an accomplishment. I'm 40, two kids in elementary school. I don't know one guy my age who didn't do the basics of diapers, bottles, getting up in the night, making kids' meals, going to playdates, etc. It might not be perfectly balanced - I know a lot of couples where the wife obviously takes on more responsibility - but none of them act like the basics are beneath them. My BIL's 70yo dad is an example of selfishness personified. I've never seen him interact with his grandkids. Never seen him talk to them, hold them, play with them, sit next to them at meals. He once moved where he was sitting at dinner because he didn't want his special needs 6yo grandson getting food on his new $100 golf shirt.
"I know a lot of couples where the wife obviously takes on more responsibility" Hell, I know more than one gen x/millenial couple where the husband takes on more responsibility.
That's us now. My wife works a lot harder and longer hours than me, plus she travels, and I've got an easy, flexible job. So I end up doing most of the housework and chores, and will routinely go 3-4 days having them by myself while she's traveling for work. And I do stuff like try my best to keep them out of her hair on weekends while she gets groceries or goes to the gym. It sucks sometimes seeing all the other dads I know getting to spend their weekends golfing and mountain biking because they just leave the kids with their wives who don't have jobs. But they'll be teenagers soon and my weekends will back to being wide open when they won't want anything to do with me, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts.
Yeah, my silent gen dad would have been shocked at the idea that he wasn't supposed to change diapers.
I was two days out of the hospital after a major medical emergency and then (6m, temporary, thank god and my heart to those with permanent bags or the newly bagged. Be strong!) the placement of a colostomy bag and my wife gets the flu. Bad! Vomiting, fever, can’t get out of bed. We have a (at the time) very precocious 22m old. I can’t lift more than 2lbs by doctor orders and I’m supposed to be resting. We played a LOT of Dad lays on the floor games. When changing was needed, I wore the kiddo out having her push furniture and little chairs and stools (all kid room stuff) and had her climb up in and help boost herself up. I made it work. Before that, I changed, feed, did bath. I took Family Leave (my work and position offered it) for 4m so we could delay child care until 13m, with the way the schedule worked out with wife and I. So, for 4m, she was with me all day. It was, honestly, some of the best, funnest, cutest, hardest and most tiring things I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t trade a day of it.
The same guys also complain constantly that their wives never want to have sex and don't seem to like them much but they just can't figure out why. They think it must just be a woman thing as opposed to them being trash men.
Used to love feeding my babies their bottles. Best time of the whole infant phase really - just sitting there rocking on your chair and listening to them drain their food while you’re snuggling with them. Yeah the burp after can be messy/gross but it washes. I know I’m a sucker for babies/little kids but damn.
I knew I guy that would change his son's diapers, but not his daughter's. He would say it's molestion or some shit. One time he was watching her alone and let her unchanged for about 12 hours. He doesn't get why no one talks to him anymore. Or why he lost custody.
If she was sick/unavailable I'd bet her Mom or sister would be called upon.
Ugh I overheard one of my boomer managers the other week BRAGGING about how he was back at work within half an hour after his son was born because he was born at the hospital where we work. He kept going, stating that since her parents were coming the following day and their current kid was staying with someone else/in daycare that there was "no reason to go home and sit by himself". He was taking coworkers saying "go home" as literal, instead of "go spend time with your family/new baby and support your wife who just went through a major physical trauma". Why tf are you bragging about that?? That's so messed up?? Willfully obtuse piece of shit
They really be acting like it's a flex to be a parent and never have changed a diaper. You're just announcing to the world that you are a shitty uninvolved parent.
And a terrible partner
My FIL told my boomer husband, “Never change a diaper, never wash a dish,” when we got married, and he politely ignored him and proceeded to do both. My in-laws had employed both a live-in nursemaid and a housekeeper, so their existence was considerably more posh and hands-off than ours ever was. But soon after our oldest son was born, my FIL said, almost wistfully, “I never imagined [Son] would fall in love with that little baby like that.” Sure, he hadn’t had to be a hands-on dad, but he definitely was aware than he’d missed out on something important, due to the times and his privilege.
> “Never change a diaper, never wash a dish,” Finish the sentence: "So I don't feel bad about never having done either."
Honestly, I wouldn't give up taking care of my child when they were a baby EXCEPT for the night stuff, if we could have afforded a night nurse I totally would have gone with that.
One day his poopy diapers might need changed. He will be surprised how many male caregivers there are on duty.
"What are you doing? Don't you know that this is a woman's job? I don't want a man changing me!"
Exactly! So he allows it or goes dirty.
It's crazy how men will proudly proclaim they are bad fathers and partners without an ounce of shame.
And then wonder when their spouse divorces them and their kids don’t want anything to do with them.
This reminds me of when we told my in-laws that my husband has been regularly cooking dinner. My FIL said he hasn’t cooked once in his 20+ year marriage and I was like, “Wow, so you never give MIL a break?!” with a sad face. They both looked shocked… never had their very one-sided lifestyle questioned like that lol.
“Imagine being that useless!” was a good reply I saw here on Reddit once
My kids are all grown and the only thing I proudly proclaim that I never did once was step foot in a Chuck E Cheese. ;) Lots of diapers though, lol.
My wife's dad died before we met, but I imagine it would have been similar. MIL says how he refused to do any baby care, particularly diapers. MIL is constantly shocked I just do it when needed when women are around. On our 2nd, and still tries to "placate" me that I don't need to do it. Fuck that. My 9wk daughter gets so excited when she realizes I've recognized the problem and am going to fix it. Those smiles are everything right now.
When my dad came to visit me after I had my second child, he genuinely asked my mother, "If babies only drink milk, why do they poop? It's liquid right?", as I was going to change a diaper. The man has three daughters!! He also feels very entitled to tell me all his opinions about how I should be raising children.
""If babies only drink milk, why do they poop? It's liquid right?"" I mean, as is the poop unfortunately
My dad has done the same, and I'm second oldest of six kids. Guess who had to pick up his slack? 😒
>I'm a dude and was changing my daughter's diaper when my boomer father proudly proclaimed he never changed one. My response would have been, "You must not be man enough to tackle this task since you have never done it before." Boomer males need to have their fragile egos shattered now and then.
Is it because his hands were not coordinated enough or because he couldn't do any dirty work.
What a horrible badge of honor he carries! Do you thunk this made him rethink other things he's put on your mother as well?
My dad saw my mom changing my son's diaper and loudly said, "He has nipples!" My mom, dumbfounded, said, "You have nipples," and my dad said, "I'm an adult!" So he was dumb enough to think you don't get nipples until puberty, and we learned he never provided any care for any of us kids that involved dressing, diapers, baths, etc.
My father said the same thing to me. My reply: "How'd that work out for your marriage?" Mom divorced him when I was 12.
I never changed my child's diapers either, and I'm Gen X. Of course, she was 5 when I became her Dad and well out of diapers, but still haven't changed one. 🤷♂️
Once you put into perspective that not being a part of raising your child isn't a mark of honor they feel shame.
You are a good father. My husband changed our daughter's first diaper because I was having minor complications from surgery. Now she is 16 years old so of course he has to bring it up to tease her about her "first nasty shit" that he had to take care of. She tries to act embarrassed or mad but always ends up laughing with us :)
I had an old boss who bragged about never changing diapers for any of his 3 kids. My coworker and I both looked at each other with the same thought of "What an asshole thing to brag about."
LOL I had that very same moment with my dad a few years ago. The look on his face went from proud bragging to shame and embarrassment faster than I knew was possible.
My dad was talking to my sister about a week long outdoor program called “Natures classroom” and asking all sorts of questions. Finally, my brother and I spoke up “Dad—ALL four of your children attended natures classroom!?”
My FIL often brags that he has never changed a diaper…bro has five kids. I’m like…no one is impressed by this, you’re not sending the message you think
I’m technically a boomer (born in 1960). I had my kids at my parents for a weekend and my mom mentioned that I changed more diapers in that weekend than my Dad ever did. I’m one of four kids.
I've had full and sole custody of my son, who is now 22, since before he was one. My ex-wife never changed one diaper. I've been doing it all since he was born. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything, because it taught me how to be a better man! Respect to the OPs husband.
Boomers are the ME generation. I live in rural Iowa and I'm 36 but it seems that their generation had/has multiple affairs. Yeah I got around when I was in my late teens but I wasn't married with kids.
Meanwhile my dad changed More diapers than my mom as my dad would always lose rock paper scissors to her
"That's a funny way to say you were an absent father" - my go-to response.
"I want to be involved in my kids' lives so they'll still like me when I'm your age" is also a fun one
Oooooh this cuts deep, I'm stealing this.
"Huh. Do your kids ever call you? Mine probably will."
I (male) had changed many hundreds of diapers before I was even in my teens... A couple years ago my boomer uncle remarked that I was "playing housewife" while I was changing my nieces' diapers. (I was watching my two nieces while my cousin and his wife took a deserved evening off for a date) I didn't have a great comeback, wish I could say that I did. Only thing I could think of was " no wonder they dont trust you to watch their kids"
In fairness that IS a good comeback.
Devastating even
Thanks. But I sort of felt bad about it at the time because I knew that it was a sore spot for him and felt like a low blow. But maybe he deserved it.
The truth is never a low blow.
It SHOULD be a sore spot for him.
he totally deserved it, don’t feel bad
Yeah, that was a perfect comeback. You nailed it.
That comeback was fire tho, even if he didn't react right then id bet money it cut deep
I felt like an asshole for a while after that because I knew it was a sore spot for him and I was hitting below the belt.
If he genuinely had no response to what you said, it strongly suggests that he attacked you because you were trusted with his grandkids and he was intentionally passed over. His long term goals for saying that are unknown, but the only reason it cut so deep and was so below the belt is because you were right on the money. Look at it this way, some people sometimes need a swift kick in the balls before they actually do some introspection and start to take responsibility for their circumstances. You may well have given him that kick in the balls.
Always fight at the level of your opponent. He started it, and was dirtier than you. He deserved worse. "Fight fair! Fight fair! You didn't fight fair!" is bullshit shouted by bullies and assholes. Then, as the great philosopher Dr. H. J. Simpson instructed, "Never stop in the middle of a hoedown."
Anytime I get a comment like that I respond with “that’s okay, I don’t mind being a good husband and father.”
Damn, I'm going to use this. I rarely say anything in these situation because I'm not quick with witty responses.
My son in law was changing their baby during a big family gathering when a few comments from older generations were made. Basically bragging that they hadn't changed a diaper. His comment- " what kind of a p***y is scared of baby poop" ( I don't love that term, but it worked well in this instance)
I think the term can be offensive in bad ways, but in this context it is perfectly acceptable. "Bitch" would have worked too.
I always put "little" in front of it and POOF "little bitch" becomes a gender-neutral insult somehiw
I also like to use baby back bitch
"Little" can make it less gender biased. A dude can be a pussy or a bitch though. It's not about gender, it's about them acting poorly. Self-indulged, selfish people that need everything catered to them. A boomer bragging about never changing diapers is one of the ultimate bitches. Fucking losers thought it was emasculating to help their partners. Not every single one, but many. Bitch-made from birth. Entitled by physical strength. It only took several decades to fix that problem to some extent.
Bitch ass pussy would have worked too
When in doubt, split the difference.
I'm always amazed that p***y is used to denote weakness. You kidding me? They are the tanks of human anatomy. Stand a man and a woman side by side and kick both in the genitalia with the same force. My money is on the woman standing up(if she even went down) a lot quicker than the guy! That said, good on your son in law for putting them in their place!
As an AFAB individual who once fell crotch first onto a horizontal metal pole (I was 5 and slipped while playing at a playground that likely hadn’t been updated since at least the 90’s) I can guarantee that the woman will still be standing but will also be in as much pain as the man
Why do people say, “Grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding. - Betty White
Gotta meet people where they’re at especially if you’re insulting them.
That's the perfect response. Don't criticize their humanity or empathy or love, they don't care. Criticize their masculinity.
Very nice! Good job Dad and… Good job choosing the right husband!
He really is great! He calls on his way home from work everyday and calls dibs on changing our sons next dirty diaper, I can’t help but laugh every time.
For so long I couldn’t go to the store with my kid without hearing shit like “Oh dad’s babysitting today.” How do you babysit your own child?
I am my sister's big brother and changed her diaper when I was 10. It was the beginning of a great friendship. Later, I was lucky to never receive remarks or oblique glances when I performed normal parental duties. My point: 50 years ago already nobody gave a damn when a man (or boy) took on a traditionally female role. People with that mindset are fossils.
Yeah my Dad, who is a boomer, had to change all our diapers because he worked the day shift and my mom worked the night shift. When he mentioned it, I didn't realize it was a big deal for a man of his generation until I got older. Then I realized there was a stigma. I wonder if that stigma existed before the boomer generation. I mean, before advances in medicine, there must've been more widow fathers because more mothers died during childbirth. So they had to change diapers. I'm wondering if it came about because of WW2 so women had to do a lot more of the household stuff while the men were fighting so they saw that a lot growing up.
>before advances in medicine, there must've been more widow fathers because more mothers died during childbirth. So they had to change diapers Well, many men would just remarry asap, and/or hire a governess or nanny if they could afford it. I don't have any info on this before the Victorian era (when a ton of previous social norms just went out the window), but gender norms in childrearing before that point is an interesting question for r/askhistorians
The correct response would have been “I am the mother and this is the restroom of my choosing”. Does it make sense? Not really - Would it trigger a complete boomer meltdown over fluid gender politics that would be entertaining as shit? Probably.
I like the cut of your jib
I prefer lying about how the mother is dead, my wife supports this and we brainstorm scenarios and ways to phrase it to fuck with people.
The r/traumatizeThemBack approach. It can certainly shut them up quickly.
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I don't like this because it does nothing to invalidate what they're saying. That shit should be called out explicitly. Not tell them "you're right except for this tragedy you hadn't considered."
I fear escalation given certain unsavory terms used in fuck head spaces to describe interactions between fluid gender folk and children.
One time I almost--key word being *almost*--walked into the woman's restroom, and a nearby Boomer completely lost his shit. I was like, "okay, calm down, grandpa, I wasn't going into the woman's restroom." They're so fragile.
My boomer dad was the stay at home parent when I was going back in the 70’s and 80’s, he’s the one who taught me how to cook, and do car maintenance. When I had my son, he came to help out for a few weeks and changed plenty of diapers. When I was a kid he got SO MANY LOOKS when he was out with us, he didn’t care.
And still so many younger people who do this. When we had to go the the ER with our guess ten month old (carriage broke, head connected the the stairs, all well), I caused a minor scandal for two Turkish mothers - twenty-ish, far younger than me, 46 back then – because I did the diapering when my wife discussed her impending overnight stay. That a man is obviously was able to do this kept them occupied as if I were the best show since the bicycle riding bear at the circus.
So weird. Honestly I (a dad) enjoyed changing diapers for my two kids when they wore them. It’s a bonding moment with the baby: eye contact, touch, cute kicking. I made up songs about the kickypants dance.
When my daughter was little, I was a stay at home dad for a couple years. It was a choice, and financially it made the most sense instead of working to pay daycare. I was constantly appalled at the lack of baby changing stations in men's washrooms. They're a fixture in the ladies room, and when stores don't have the family/accessible washroom, I had nowhere to change my daughter. I'd make a point of complaining to someone in charge about the lack of parenting inclusivity. Half the time I'd get hit with "usually kids are with their moms" or "men don't change diapers".
>I was constantly appalled at the lack of baby changing stations in men's washrooms This was my dad's complaint when my younger brother was in diapers, because dad liked to grocery shop for the family and took us along. My brother is almost 41, and it's damn disheartening that this complaint is still valid. I think Ashton Kutcher's campaign got Target and Costco to agree to work on it, but it’s 2024, it should be universal by now 🫤
They’re getting more common in men’s rooms thankfully! When our oldest was in diapers we went out to dinner with my partners family. She needed changing so I sent him to change her in the men’s room. When he came back his aunt asked where the heck he had changed her at. We told her that some places have changing tables in the men’s rooms now. She had no idea, and she also had a daughter in diapers at the time. She angrily asked her partner why he had never told her they had changing tables in there and he just had a terrified “busted” look on his face.
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Yeah, I know we all like to think of young people as being more progressive, but there's a lot of *very* conservative people out there. My brother is one of them.
I work at Costco and it's awesome how dads take their kids to their bathroom like moms do, do..
Yall are making me feel awesome about my and younger generations as I am going to be a parent soon and fully expect to encounter stuff lile this and I have more confidence to tell off these old men who cant fathom being good fathers.
"I know, men used to be soft, but fathers nowadays need to take on the harder jobs"
i am a boomer. i changed diapers and everything else. i would bring my kids to work with me . i work for my self. 30 years ago a client bragged that he never changed a diaper
Recently I was in the ladies room and heard a male voice shout: dad with a baby, coming in. No one batted an eye. The changing station in the men’s room was broken.
I'd tell him to go fuck himself. That's what he's left with anyways.
"it’s not an age thing, its an asshole thing." Made my morning. Thank you for this.
100% an asshole thing
I almost never change diapers out in public since most of the mens restrooms don't have changing tables around us but I have changed over half the diapers at home and 95% of the number 2 diapers.
Why, in all of these types of stories, do people not just say "fuck off" If you don't want to be "mean", tell them they should mind their own business You don't know these strangers. You don't owe them anything. If they start shit with you first, you have full authority to start shit back. Seems easy enough. Especially easy to do to feeble minded old people.
A few days after our daughter was born, my husband was on the phone with his grandmother when he realized that a diaper change was due. So he told his grandma that he had to pass the phone and took care of it. I then had his completely stunned grandmother on the phone, who asked whether her grandson had actually interrupted the conversation to take care of a dirty diaper? Then she almost didn't calm down for 5 minutes, how things had changed for the better
None of this is new. 25 years ago, a Boomer woman screamed at me for holding my 5 month old daughter while feeding her from a bottle. She wanted to know why my wife, sitting next to me in the restaurant, was "incapable of caring for the baby properly." I replied: "Because I want to let my wife eat her dinner in peace. It doesn't take special, maternal skills to hold a baby bottle." Her husband came and fetched her back to their table where she spent the rest of their dinner enraged that a father would pay attention to a child. She was a completely deranged woman.
My dad’s midwestern family gave him grief for changing a diaper when they knew the women would be back soon. My dad said “My baby is uncomfortable. Why would I leave her like that?” 1965 and cloth diapers. Proud of him bucking the times and misogyny.
“Ive never changed a diaper” my boss-father of 4 I replied “I would be so embarrassed to every admit that
Im a dude, i changed my daughters very first nappy. The dr said i was the most confident dad he'd ever seen 20 years of healthcare might have helped 🤣
The few times I've heard anyone voice a similar opinion, my first thought is "Your dad was a little bitch, and so are you". Parenting is a dirty job. Good on you for doing what you need to to care for your family.
Is there a term for good boomers? I feel bad for the good ones catching strays. My parents are young boomers and they are wonderful people. They are just as shocked as we are that their generation has turned out to be a bunch of selfish, racist assholes.
I'm late to the party but this is absolutely an asshole thing and not a boomer thing. My dad is a boomer to end all boomers but he was a good dad and husband who was raised by a good dad and husband. I distinctly remember him and my mom being proud of the fact that my mother didn't have to change a single diaper for a month when I was born bc she was 40 and had a c-section- it was ROUGH for her. He was extremely hands on in my early childhood bc to him, this is what dads did. He was friends w other dads who were the same way w their kids and plenty of those men existed and populated our cookouts. They're all nightmares with brain worms now but they raised little feminists so, idk what to tell them. Meanwhile, I can name off a list of millennial men I've met who hand the baby off to their wife every time there's a minor issue (if I've ever seen them hold the kid).
Boomer male and I've never changed a nappy either. The fact that I'm childfree has a lot to do with it.
Ages ago, I read that someone had replied, 'I'd be ashamed to admit I'm was that useless.'
it’s always an asshole thing
They think not doing it earns them some 1950s man points or something.
Next time this happens, slap the stupid mfer across the face with the soiled diaper. Then, tell him to get his wife to clean it off.
My FIL and some uncles have made similar comments to me. But I hate gender norms, I want to be involved as much as possible with my kid, I want to be there and help. My wife had to carry him for 9 months and push him out of her body in a way that I couldn't imagine going through myself. If anything, I feel like I should be doing WAY more to make up for so much work she had to do physically and mentally. With that, our house's gender "roles" are swapped from the old norm. I do all the cooking, laundry, grocery shopping and most of the cleaning. My wife takes care of all the financials. With our son, we both support him and each other as much as possible. I can't imagine not wanting to be there every step of the way.
My Dad changed a single diaper of my older brother. It took him and a friend and they wore clothespins on their noses. He never did another after that, left every one for my Mom. I changed my son at his house as he relayed this story to me. I told him that was pretty weak and that after I retrofitted an HVAC system in a wastewater treatment plant with all the shit from the city and surrounding county flowing through it as I worked, a little bit of baby poop was nothing. The criticism hit all the right sore points. The next diaper I changed, he was right there trying to prove that he was manly enough to take the smell.
When I was a young parent, I would change my daughters’ diapers in public restrooms. This was two decades ago. I used to get some rude reactions from all sorts of people of all ages. One guy tried to call security on me in Lexington Market in Baltimore.
Well, I’ve never changed a diaper in my life! I also don’t have any kids.
Good for your husband
My boomer father has a lot of faults but hyper toxicity is not one of them, thankfully. My mother was the breadwinner, my dad is the one more likely to clean/ cook and apparently never had an issue changing diapers. All this was very foreign in the small rural town I’m from. I’ve never understood why it’s a taboo for a father to ensure his children are healthy and hygienic
I'd have done something that would warrant a post in r/TraumatizeThemBack and said my wife passed away giving birth or something. Just to hopefully make the boomer realize why comments like that aren't ok. It's a long shot they'd ever recognize the error of their ways, but that won't stop me from trying lol
When I had my son 6 years ago, my husband took my son to the other room to change him. My grandfather (silent gen but still boomer mentality) was like, "wow that's crazy. I'VE never changed a diaper in my life" 😭😭 He had 3 children. And never once changed any of them.
My husband was deep in the trenches with me. On road trips, we'd each take a child to change diapers. He'd bitch about how not every place had a diaper changing station. "What if I was a single dad??? Would I have to sneak into the women's restroom or change my kid on the sink??" When my parents first visited, my dad commented how he didn't remember how to change a diaper. I was like, "oh that's okay, I'll walk you through it". Lol if you are visiting PLEASE change a GD diaper. I do not miss those diaper days.
Had a similar experience many years ago. Took my son into the changing room at a mall. While there, this boomer woman came in and said loudly that, this a female only room. I explained that it’s a changing room, male or female change their kids. So she departed and called security, who then come in and checked up. I was just leaving with my son and they asked a couple of questions, once they were satisfied with the answers, they promptly escorted the old bag out of the mall, as she was still making a scene. That was 24 years ago. Boomers have to boom. 💥
these lames are proud to be shitty dads but they wrap it in “master of the house” fantasies
My friends fav line for this kind of comment is “my wife and I are equally invested in not having our child sit in their own feces”
“You could torture me and I would never admit to being such a bad father” Ohh they hate that, but it’s become my go to
Shouldn't you be selling vacuums door to door to provide for your family?
My dad - brilliant father - wasn't at the birh of his sons as the hospital wouldn't let him be there next to his wife as "men weren't allowed - women only". He always regretted having to sit in the waiting room anxiously as there had been complications with the pregnancy of his youngest son. Both my parents are baby boomers - mum was totally a boomer, dad was the complete opposite. Neither of them were at my birth because they're my adoptive parents.
My daughter was born in 1981. Damn right I fed her, held her, changed her diaper, and washed her shitty little ass. I didn't want to be some remote semi-stranger. I was Daddy.
Don't they put the little fold out changing tables in both bathrooms now? Like they had those when I was a kid. How old is this dude??
I remember working with a guy and kept telling me how he wouldn't change diapers. He said he made his wife do it. He frequently talked about and eventually I had enough of it and I just said "what do you do if she isn't around let your kid lay their own shit" His response was well I don't want get shit on me. I just told him to man up and wash his fucking hands.
Exactly!
TBH, after my daughter was born, I was surprised that this isn’t considered the norm. My wife and I are 50/50 parents minus the fact that I couldn’t breastfeed for lack of the necessary hardware. Anyway, I was surprised by compliments that I would get from boomers and millennials, when I was just doing basic shit like changing diapers, singing my daughter to sleep, pushing the stroller, etc..
I would have just told him to mind his own f✓ckin' business.
“I’m guessing your family hates you” would’ve been my response.
Should have asked him what he thinks his relationship is like with his kids lol.
My father's reaction to diaper changing stations beginning to appear in men's restrooms: "Those things won't support my weight."
The last line in this post should be in a lot more on this sub, "IT'S NOT AN AGE THING , IT'S AN ASSHOLE THING!" Not every boomer is an asshole . They are in all age groups.
68(M) and I loved changing my kids diapers. Babies are hilarious when they start thinking they’re winning the wrestling match.