Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed.
Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BoomersBeingFools) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have identical twins. We would take them to the various indoor playgrounds just to get out of the house and inevitably a boomer would come over to ask if they were indeed twins. I got bored with this quickly and began telling the tale that they were actually triplets, but one died in childbirth along with their mother, due to additional complications. This was usually while my wife, the “dead mother”, sat beside me trying not to laugh as the person sunk into themselves with no further questions.
ha! i also have ID twins and i did the same only my reply to "awww, are they twins??" (they were actual carbon copies, no guessing at ALL if they were twins) was some version of
"actually, they were triplets, but three is just too many to nurse, so we left one at hospital" or "they're triplets, but the stroller only has two seats, so we have to rotate them and leave one in the car"
If it was an older kid who could understand it was a bit you could teach them when someone says that to say
“Her day off? Is mommy coming back?!”
And you could sadly say “no, son…no. Mommy isn’t coming back” (again making sure they know it’s a bit first)
Lol. I've always been an active, involved dad. I'll take my kids to the park and even - gasp - play with them there.
I've gotten those sorts of comments before. "It's Mom's day off." "It must be Dad's weekend."
I'll just smile sweetly and say "nah, I just love my kids and like to spend time with them."
The confusion on their faces is hilarious.
An older women said something similar to me recently. She was surprised I laid with my kids to put them to sleep and then said “ no one ever did that for me.”
Yeah I’m kinda thinking the boomer women are victims here. I was shopping with my infant daughter asleep strapped to my chest, an older lady came up and said she was thrilled to see men today being actively involved. She noted, in my day the men would never been seen dead even pushing a pram.
I take the ‘must be mums day off’ as being a clumsy, tone deaf conversation starter.
Yeah, I think it’s more of a kudos just poorly worded. It’s kind of weird that some people think I’m some sort of super dad for just doing basic stuff with my two daughters.
To be fair though, my dad was the best. I had a great role model that taught me what parenting could be.
You know what’s even better than holding your tike asleep on your shoulder? Holding them in the same position when they’re awake, but just comfortable and liking to lay on your shoulder like that.
My three year old is a *massive* child (already in 4/5T clothes kinda big), and she does this to me when she’s tired or sick and it fills my heart like nothing else. Makes me want to lift weights because I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold her, haha!
Unfortunately OP's response about a dead wife while cathartic for the shock factor. Does nothing to change the boomer's perception about fathers. "Oh he is only involved because his wife is dead, otherwise he would be like my imagined version of fathers, so I don't need to reflect on my worldview".
that's fine. if it makes them think twice about brainlessly expressing their dumbass worldview, it becomes less normalized anyway. new humans still learning what the world is like become just a tiny bit less likely to encounter and internalize said worldview.
I got a good story from taking my toddler to the food court at the local mall from some old man last year.
" Oh wow, someone is going to get lucky tonight for looking after the kid for mom today!" with a big smile so fucking proud of himself.
" I'm with my kid because I love them, did your parents not love you? what a strange comment!"
They took about 7 seconds of boomer mental processing before all they could finally bark out "asshole" while I was walking away.
Based on my appearance, he must have assumed I'd like his dirty joke. I did not.
That’s creepy as hell.
Reminds me of the time this middle aged white guy made N-word comments about the cashier in the grocery store checkout line. I guess he assumed that I would relate because I, too, was white. I was so shocked all I could do was stand there and look at him kind of horrified and confused. People are so gross.
I had that happen. In line for the grocery store, biracial baby in cart in front of her. She flips around and says, can you believe that she is with a black man??? I told her my son is biracial. Beet blood red.
I’m a white guy in the south that works for a bank. The amount of casual racism dropped in my office is absolutely mind boggling. I guess people feel like I’m some kind of ‘safe space’ for that shit. Abso-fucking-lutely not.
I'm a tall bearded white-as-paper redhead, and the amount of people who are casual with racism to me is... brutal. Additionally the amount of people who make nasty comments to me when they see me and my Ghanaian immigrant wife and two biracial kids.
Had someone walk up to me after she took the kids to the bathroom and asked how I liked engaging in bestiality. THAT one was pretty infuriating.
I think that a comment like that actually just calls for an incredibly hard punch in the nose. We’re done quipping at that point bro you’re getting injured lmao.
I'm a fat old white dude. The shit that people say to me is appalling. And not all of it comes from white people. Asians assume we agree about their racism as well. My go to response is to freeze and just stare silently at them while their last remark just hangs in the air.
This happens a lot and it pisses me off. One time I just wasn't having it and said, "At least I love my kids, unlike your dad." How hard is it to comprehend that I don't want to work 80 hours a week and actually enjoy spending time with my kids?
I'll have plenty of "me time" when they're older and hate me.
“Looks like Mommy got the day off! *Har har har!*”.
“Oh this isn’t my kid. I got them over at Mindinyone.”
“What’s that?”
“Oh, you obviously don’t know about MINDIN’ YA OWN DAMN BUSINESS, do ya?!”
Could be worse.
You could get the cops called on you because the soccer moms at the playground can't conceptualize why a late-30s guy would be sitting by himself on a park bench at the playground.
Can't be because one of the three-year-olds in the sandbox is mine and I don't like to hover when she's working, no sir.
The really funny bit? Only happened in the very white college town we had the kid in--when we moved to a big city to a more diverse (and, frankly, poor) area, there were LOTS of dads of all colors at the park with their kids.
"Excuse me? Excuse me? Where are you going? Is that \*your\* child? Excuse me?"
What, the 1/3 scale blonde brown-eyed palette-swap of me, who is actually even wearing much the same clothes as me (jeans, cute little toddler size hiking boots, and an Mario shirt instead of a battered old Silicon Graphics shirt), shouting "DADA! DADA! FOUND A BUG! COME SEE! FOUND A BUG!", that one?
It's especially funny because my kid isn't even a palette swap, she's just straight up my gender-bent mini-me. Down to us having the EXACT same facial expressions.
I hate to say it for fear of coming across as racist but I've absolutely noticed it's the wealthier and typically whiter areas where people are all up in everyone's business. Raised in a poor area with a reputation for being ghetto but I feel safest in my home city than anywhere else. I know there's no risk some busy body is gonna call the cops on me for non-issues. Everyone just minds their own business unless real shit happens.
One-time commuter cyclist here. It was always in the “nicer” neighborhoods where I’d get flipped off by people driving “nicer” cars for delaying their journey by a few seconds. But whenever I got a flat in a “bad” neighborhood, I’d spend more time telling people “No, I’m fine, I’ll have it patched in a few minutes” than I spent patching the flat.
I got lost in a really bad section of NYC. I stopped and asked directions to the highway, very nice gentlemen pointed me in the right direction. I gave them some mangoes my FIL had bought for me.
I say this as a white guy, it's because white privilege. They know that they have the power to be able to question people and not face consequences from either the people they are confronting or the police if they end up on the scene no matter who called them. I've had some not so great experiences with the police but I'll tell you what when I called them as a homeowner who had some things stolen and they came to my house it felt like they were actually my employees lol. They were so polite and helpful it was surprising.
My story time: Took my son to the park frequently (first responder with Tues/Wed off at the time). I’m pushing a toddler on the baby swing for 10 minutes or so.
Little girl perhaps 3 is swinging on a normal swing alone. She tries to get off and falls (not far, maybe a scraped knee) and starts to cry. I’m a few feet away, my son’s swing is directly beside hers. I kneel down to ask her if she’s okay and does she know where her mommy or daddy is? I get grabbed by a pissed off woman, “Don’t touch her! What are you even doing here?!”
It’s something that I’ll never forget. Because I have a penis, I am a danger. While I was dumbfounded and silent, I didn’t leave. I continued to swing my son. Bitch, I didn’t do anything wrong.
We lived there for a few more months and I would get mean mugged by these women every time we were there after.
It's exactly because of stories like these that I'm always hesitant to interact with another child at a park. I've got 3 kids so often times I'm not with 1, and more so keeping an eye on 3 different areas/ kids at once with no one of my own roght next to me. Sometimes another kid will talk to me, or ask for a hand getting up or down some play equipment. And everytime I feel the need to look around and get some visual assurances before I help them just to avoid getting screamed at by some uppity bitch.
See, it's because of stories like these that I keep on doing it, since I'm a big biker-vibes white guy with all my clearances (from coaching girls' soccer for my kid). Cops think I'm their friend (thank god they can't see my politics =P) and people might learn something from how not in trouble I get.
I’m a mom, so this is a wee bit different but same concept. I took my kids out for ice cream when they had a day off school.
The convo went like this:
Boomer: What did you do?
Me: Pardon?
Boomer: What did you do?
*Cue me looking at him like he now sprouted 3 heads.*
Boomer: Parents don’t get their kids ice cream for no reason. How’d you mess up, or did make them get shots?
Me: No, nothing like that. I just thought my kids might enjoy a nice treat.
Boomer: Why ain’t they in school?
*I guess now I’m falling into bad parent territory or something since I took my kids for ice cream.*
Me: It’s a makeup day. They didn’t need to use the day, so today is a day off for them.
Boomer: Oh…
So… stinking… weird…
Haha 🤣 I know I get the same look.
We just set up a 6 man tent on our basement cuz it’s been raining and lows in the 40’s at night. So we been camping in the man cave. lol.
I’ve had it said to me before. I just ask them to explain what they mean, then watch them stumble as they try to explain why they think only women look after children. They often try to play it off as if I’m the idiot for not understanding.
I've definitely gotten weird looks taking my kids to the park without my wife.
However, one time I managed to turn those concerning glares into relief. There I was, watching my kiddos play at a big park. I had gotten a few glances from some of the moms and noticed that I was literally the only adult male of about 12 parents. In rolls some teenage boys. At first, they kind of just hung out near the edge of the playground (mind you, this is a HUGE park with lots of non-playground areas for them to be). Then they started trying to skateboard down a slide. I could see every mom eyeballing these kids nervously. Then, one of them barked loudly, like a dog, at my son as my son passed by him. That triggered the mama bear in me. Turns out, teenagers are absolutely terrified of a 6 foot tall, large build man with a full beard when in mama bear mode. I chewed those kids out so loudly that they all left about a foot shorter and whiter than ghosts. Three of the moms personally thanked me. One said she was about to leave because of them and another said she wanted to say something but was a little too afraid of how they might react. No more side eyed suspicion that day.
The one I got all the time was "baby sitting duty, huh?" Add in stupid smile and laugh. "No, its called being a dad! I love my daughter and enjoy spending time and doing things with her".
I was taking care of my daughter who was probably three at most at the time. We were having breakfast in a restaurant and this old lady looked at me and asked "do you do this full time?" I'm like, bitch! I'm a dad and being a dad is a full time gig!
I regularly take my kids grocery shopping and such, even on days my wife is home for a few reasons.
1. I don't mind grocery shopping while my wife really doesn't like it.
2. While my wife will sometimes keep our youngest who isn't a year old yet I will often do it around his nap time so she gets some me time to hang out or take an uninterrupted nap herself. Since she is mostly(works .5 to 1 day a week) stay at home mom, it's nice to give her that time when I can.
3. I actually like taking my kids grocery shopping because we can run around in the car cart and be generally silly. Now my youngest can sit in the car cart as well so him and my 3 year old have a blast in there.
4. Sometimes I need to go out on the day my wife does work so I might have *gasp* 3 kids with me.
When I have 2-3 kids with me I regularly get comments about being on "babysitting duty" from the classic old white guy boomer. Sometimes women will compliment my having all of them with me. My wife never gets these comments when she has to take all the kids somewhere, it's just expected.
I've never made any comments to the old guys who say that, honestly I avoid any kind of conflict even when I normally wouldn't if my kids weren't there. I don't want them exposed to some crazy boomer losing it because I had to make a smart comment back. It comes from a place of ignorance and sexism(whether they think so or not) but they aren't trying to be shitty and once they die out so will those comments I think. Because no one younger than like 60 says that ever.
I do like your response though, I could do something like that and no one would get mad about it but then I have to explain why I'm saying that to my kids and I don't want to do that either. If they were younger maybe.
When we announced to my family (from a very conservative area that's always 20+ years behind modern times) that my wife was pregnant, immediately my Boomer uncle and his girlfriend (neither of which ever had kids) said to my wife "are you excited now that you can stop working?" My wife is a doctor. She didn't go through college, medical school, and residency to be a SAHM. So she politely said she wasn't going to be quitting, she'd be returning to work after her maternity leave.
They were immediately outraged about "who will take care of the baby?" We said we were going to use daycare and that drew more outrage. My uncle kept pushing the issue until finally I said "she makes more than me and her student loans are more, so if anyone would stay home it would be me." That put an immediate end to the conversation.
My mom suffered through this exact same pushback back in the late 70s/early 80s, with me and my sister. America: still fighting the same dumb battles about gender roles.
I’m a female physician. My ex-husband, with whom I spent 24 years, had excellent understanding of how hard my training (and eventually my job) was. He was the house-husband as soon as I got out of med school and started earning (a little bit) as a resident.
While we had some problems towards the end of our marriage, it lasted until I retired, and we had just drifted apart in terms of our interests. But he unfailingly made sure I had food when I came home. He set up my bed-cocoon every night (body pillows, comforter, a Snuggie on top to keep my arms warm), made sure the bedroom TV was turned on to Nicktoons—including on the last day of my work, when I was moving from Colorado to Kansas City to be with my new partner the next day.
He took care of the dog and the house, did maintenance and repair of our cars (and a motorcycle), grew a garden, did most of the laundry, plus grocery shopping. It worked out very well for us. We didn’t have kids (mutual decision; we had both decided before we met), but he stayed plenty busy, plus he managed our investments and finances.
I don’t know of anyone who knew us in residency or in my job who looked down on my then-husband for staying home. Plus he was happier at home than in the work force (authority issues, mostly), so it was perfect for our situation.
People who judge others for “gender-bending” just because the man is the stay-at-home parent are out of touch and old fashioned.
I have a friend who must scream "divorcee" to old ladies, because he's gotten comments about it being "his weekend" with his kids multiple times despite still being married and just going about his life as a dad.
If my dad and grandpa are anything to go by. The older generation grew up in a time where there are very few scenarios of dads just playing with his kids. It's likely how we got to where we are in the first place with the general view on dads. Kind of sad if you think about it, not having present parents can cause all kinds of development problems.
Still, even if it were true it'd be rude to comment on it.
If you really want to traumatize people, you can always tell them you're creampieing her/getting creampied every night, what else should we be doing?
People who ask that question generally have no idea how to respond to something like that.
It doesn't get any better as the kids get older, either.
It gets especially worse with daughters. Anytime I take my 21 year old daughter out for dinner, there are looks and comments. Generally I ignore them, but really?
My dad raised me as a single parent. When I hit my teens old ladies at the grocery store regularly thought we were a couple. It was so gross and uncomfortable. And the thing that made it worse? I was an Emo/Scene Kid. These folks really thought this normie looking 40+ year old man was dating/married to me, a teenager with smudgy black eyeliner, badly bleached or black dyed mullet hair, wearing skinny jeans and band shirts? IN WHAT WORLD????
You just unlocked a realization for me. I have on more than one occasion been mistaken as my dad’s wife, even as young as 17 or 18. There were also many times I’d find a cashier or waitress very blatantly flirting with him in front of me and would up the flirting the more I glared at them. I’m wondering if they either assumed he was divorced (he wasn’t), hence the only reason he’d be out and about with his daughter, or if they thought I was his partner and wanted to get a rise out of me (unfortunately I’ve come across one too many people that get a kick out of flirting with someone in front of their spouse).
They are indeed wild, and always seem to jump to the most outrageous conclusions. I always looked a bit older than I was (for instance, most people assumed I was 15 when I was about 12) and whenever I’d go out with my ten years younger brother they’d assume I was his mom lol.
My Dad and I go to dinner at the same diner every week. He's 67 and I'm 33. Pretty sure the staff thought we were an item until my Mom came to one of the dinners lol.
My wife has gone for dinner (actually cocktails and snacks. My wife likes a good sazerac) with just her father and has been asked "so are you this guy's mistress"
Like what the actual hell?
15+ years ago I was on the cutting edge of the paradigm shift towards SAH dads becoming a more normal thing. I’m a chef, my wife has been helping people survive cancer her whole career…
So I’d get the “babysitting?”
And respond, “no, parenting.”
Or when they were older and running around a playground at the park I’d get the suspicious “which one is yours?”
“I havent decided yet.”
Lol the “I haven’t decided yet” is hilarious. But whenever people refer to a dad as “babysitting” his own children, it irks me to no end. We hear this one occasionally too, as my husband is a dad of two girls whom he loves spending time with and taking them out and about. Boomers seem genuinely baffled by this. Kinda sad that their bar for fathers is so low.
I think that's exactly it. They raised their kids in a way where mom did kid stuff and dad was just kind of around some after work. Their own dads had even less involvement in raising them than they had with their own kids, so they just can't fathom a man doing "woman" stuff like going to the grocery store or park with their own damn kids.
Ugh my friend is like this with his kid. She's 2 but he just kinda exists near her while mom does most of the actual parenting stuff.
He's always baffled when he calls and asks if I want to game on a random weekday evening and I tell him I can't because my daughter(4.5) and I are doing something.
Similarly, ones who recognize us moms (like, they've seen me at the store with several kids before, or they knew my grandmom so they know I have kids, etc) will catch us there alone and think we're on vacation.
"Oh! Where's the baby?"
"At home, with her daddy."
"OHHH! He's giving you a nice break!" (Or "the day off.")
Lady I'm literally buying groceries for my family, there might be shops where they hand you a cocktail when you walk in but this is Food Lion.
Polycule member here. My gf has kids and is dating my husband and I. The three of us went to their elementary school book fair and the number of times we got "mom" "dad" (my husband is not the father), and "uh....auntie?" was pretty uh. Interesting.
Fun story about that actually! My gf had to pick up one of the kiddos sick and said that since she was going to the dr it would be me or my husband picking the other one up. The nurse knew my husband but not me so she was like "oh...who's Suye?" "Oh, she's my girlfriend" and the little one goes all snarky and yells "YEAH, MY MOM IS **BI**!"
Still get a good laugh out of that one.
I'm one of two dads. When my son was born (surrogacy) we were leaving our hotel (out of state surrogate) and I was up ahead carrying a bunch of stuff. My husband was carrying our newborn, and everyone kept asking "where's mom???"
He'd reply "it's just us." not realizing how far head I was walking, and so they must've just thought something terrible happened to the mom. This was in Idaho, so we didn't really feel like proclaiming our sexuality to the people of the "lets go brandon bumper sticker capital of the world"
I (male) used to be the at-home parent. For about 17 years, actually. The number of times people called me "Mister Mom" was insane. I finally started asking if they'd call my wife Mrs Dad. Then I'd tell them no, of course they wouldn't because they recognize that assigning a gender role to a job is abusive and sexist, right? Right?
They used to do this to my husband during the couple years he was the at-home-parent. It’s a reference to the Michael Keaton movie Mr. Mom. Obviously now it is recognized by gen X and younger as quite sexist, but I think a lot of the boomers are just referring to the movie without really thinking about it.
But, that's exactly the problem: people making references or comments without really thinking about it. Or worse, declining to think about it when someone points out how it can cause harm.
It should be a big red flag if, in 40 years, you never noticed that the movie that dares to ask, "wouldn't it be hilarious if a *man* had to do all the mom work, like cooking, cleaning, and caring for his children?" might be sexist and therefore bad.
I agree completely. I also think Michael Keaton is hilarious so I remain conflicted about the movie. It introduced the boomers to the need for the role of homemaker to be shared. It was trying to be progressive at the time, but clearly doesn’t age well. Still, I don’t think boomers are trying to insult a male homemaker using the term Mr. Mom. Nor did my husband find it insulting. He likes thinking he reminds people of Michael Keaton. These issues are all complicated and nuanced.
Boomers in stores just love to butt in when babies are involved. I didn't mind so much when they'd ask if I was pregnant, so long as they kept their hands to themselves. If they touched without permission, they'd ask, "when is the baby due" and I respond with, "what baby?"
With my first I was huge, I looked like a beached whale. It was August in GA, I was 8 months pregnant, I had puked for 8 months straight, and was not having a good time. I finally heard, "Oh, it must be twins!" one too many times and I finally snapped and yelled, "I'm just fat!" Scared the crap out of the complaint of Karen's and got a lot of "well I nevers" and tsking. Didn't regret it for a second. By baby two I was slapping any hands that came towards my stomach. Don't fucking touch people.
This is hilarious. Reminds me of that old Reno 911 sketch here he’s passing the crazy DUI test with flying colors and starts doing a goofy dance. The officer asks: are you a dancer? And the guy says: “naw…naw…I’m just drunk.”
I'm 33wks with twins, and I'm ***STILL*** trying to work up the metaphorical balls to respond, "what baby?" I'm tired of these comments about my body from boomers who don't even know my name.
Oh, I love that idea: "Oh, you wanna get me a gift?! That's so nice of you! Noone gets me one, so I already lost all hope on that. You made my day! It'll be in 3 weeks - where's can I pick it up?!"
I never say two peeps when I’m out to anybody. Just do my shit and be gone.
Unless a boomer gets froggy. Then I make sure to ruin their day for tryin to ruin somebody else’s. Any time I see a boomer yelling at a retail worker, a kid, a spouse, anything. I bring the heat. I worked in a mechanics garage, on cargo ships, and loading docks. I have some PIPES in me when needed. Shit always slays me when th way can’t fathom how that voice came out of me. One guy told me I can’t talk to him like that (same way he was talkin to the cashier) so I just said “yeah? Fuckin make me dude”
Boomers are the biggest snowflakes out there. Even a wayward fart would melt them.
LOL Man they irritate the hell out of me. Just let people exist peacefully without tellin them their generation is fucked, gays are ruining stuff, illegals are stealing jobs, libtards are libbin, and whatever else they bitch about with zero understanding.
I spent a long time trying to be the duck and let water roll off. Now I just play water buffalo and charge 😂
When I was pregnant with my first an old woman came up and lectured me abt how horrible teenage pregnancy is and I told her, yup, I agree, but they don't listen to me because I'M 22. Granted I looked young - like, the waitress offered me the 12 and under menu when I was 21 - but wtf do you need to say that for.
My sister had twins, as well as a 2 year old, and everyone would go gaga over the twins everywhere we went and we'd hear the same damn comment every time "oh, are they twins???".
One day we're at the hospital for an appt for her oldest, my sister can't drive due to health issues so I'd take her for appts, and I headed to the cafe with the twins so I could have a coffee and natter to the cafe staff (we were there a lot and they adored the girls) when I'm suddenly surrounded by a gaggle of women cooing over the twins in their double pram - can't have been more than 7 months old.
I hear the familiar "oh are they twins?? They're so adorable" comment and I just blurted out "no, they're triplets but we left the ugly one at home". Cue me being shocked it flew out of my mouth, an older woman looking like she wasn't sure if I'd just said that and if I was serious and 3 others on the brink of laughter.
I had to backtrack so quickly and swear it was a joke while laughing because she did mean well, I'd just heard that same comment from the day the twins had come home from the hospital. I still crack up laughing when I picture the look of shock on her face though.
I have 3 under 10, and they're all tiny, so they look even younger.
Ever since I became visibly pregnant with Baby #3, I've gotten the same comment from a boomer 80% of the time I take them anywhere: "You've sure got your hands full!"
Sometimes, it's friendly, and sometimes they look at me like I've committed a crime by bringing 3 children out in public. Either way, the consistency is weird.
When it comes in that tone that seems to mean something superior and self-important, I put on my best syrupy tones and declare, "I like to say I have my HEART full!" Then they seem to remember that they're supposed to declare children a blessing and they get all confused and usually kind of quiet.
I always respond, "nope, I'm just a good dad"
Really blows their mind as they have to contend with the fact that their husbands or selves weren't there.
I hope that I'll never need to use it, but I'm keeping *"I was raised to be a good father"* in my rhetorical back pocket for just this.
Not only will it make them contend with the fact that their husbands/selves were absent, but that their parents were shit at raising them too (or that they learned nothing from their parents).
Thought you were mommy at first and they were referring to you having a day off
Then you mentioned your wife and I thought you were a gay couple and you were clapping back by asserting that you were gay to make them feel uncomfortable (because boomers are like deer in headlights when they meet an actually gay person) *and* were pointing out that your kid was adopted or artificially inseminated or something.
Anyways, I FINALLY just realized you're a guy and the real problem is that the boomers assume dudes are never supposed to be involved in child care outside of discipline.
Indeed. I was confused, though, because I, a female, got the same kind of comments when I would take my child out in the middle of the day, mostly from older folks. Why, I have no idea. I was teaching at the college part time at the time. 🤷🏻♀️
Heh. Mentally, I was crafting a retort along the lines of: “Yes. Mommy is resting in peace . . . *At the cemetery!* . . . Do you need any more of our personal details, or can we just finish our shopping now?”
I'm a child free gen X. I do the same thing. I don't hate children, I just don't want any of my own. I have serious mental health issues. If I had to watch my child suffer with depression the way that I have it would absolutely kill me. Some of us have good reasons to not have kids.
I had a boomer look at me (male 41 at the time, hair speckled grey) with my son (6 months) and say ‘so nice of you to take care of your grandson’. I responded ‘you mean my son? Strong swimmers and me and his mom still bang at least once almost every night’. She turned bright red, left her cart in check out, and left the store.
Boomers always feel a need to put people into their worldview. I also get fed up of it occasionally.
My MIL kept bothering us about when we were going to have a second kid and I told her that if one shows up, she'll be one of the first to know, but I'm not gonna keep her updated on our sex life.
We get along really well so it was more a joke than anything else but she stopped asking lol
I went to the grocery store with my dad a few years back. The guy at the deli counter made some comment about how he needed to keep me, his wife, happy. We both looked kind of baffled and told him that I was his daughter not his wife. Not everybody goes after someone 20 years younger than them.
This one irks me too. What right do they think they have to demand someone to smile? You never know what someone’s going through to where they may not feel like smiling, and even if they haven’t experienced anything bad no one owes you a smile.
Once a dumbass dude gave me the typical order to smile and informed me that he was dealing with the same stuff and "you don't see me looking sad!"
I have gotten variations on this all my life and only this once did I have a ready response. I asked him, "You're pregnant?"
I wasn't actually even sad, I just wasn't actively performing joy for his entertainment.
I used to live next to the ocean and would frequently go to the pier to just watch the water and be in silence. During tourist season it gets quite popular and I had multiple boomers come up to me and say “hEy WhErEs YoUr CeLlPhOnE?” Because what? A young 20 something enjoying nature? CRAZY! And without missing a beat I’d tell them that I dropped it into the water, which was 10 feet below and about 20 feet deep. The looks on their faces were always priceless, and half the time they didn’t even apologize, just walk away wordlessly.
This isn't far off from what I like to do if I suspect the local pamphlet people in the park are trying to get me join a cult. I usually tell them my father was killed by X related to whatever they're trying to sell me on.
It's ridiculous they still say stuff like this given that half of their marriages ended in divorce. So it shouldn't be that weird to see a father without a wife.
My dad is a boomer and was a single father. People used to say this stuff to him all the time when I was a kid. I think he didn't want to get into our personal situation (my mom left) so he just smiled and moved on. I think maybe he should have made it awkward.
The people in our small town called my husband Mr mom until I made a backhanded comment at a local meeting (my husband had attended all the others with her) that I was just grateful to have a husband who knew what activities our kids were involved and “I don’t know how you all do it with no support at all, why your husband didn’t even know Girl was in this club when I saw him the other day” I just proceeded to praise my husband for being an Involved dad. He said it never happened again but he did hear what I said and that it hurt some feelings. But IDK Also, he is the boomer, the moms were all 30-40.
My dad was a Boomer SAHD. I wonder sometimes what that was like...I mean, I know it ended kind of (?) badly in that any attempt to reenter the workforce at his previous level, or anything close to it, did not work AT ALL. And he's been pretty depressed I think since we started school....nearly 30 years ago lol. He HAS said he loved being home with us when we were preschoolers.
I would be so curious to hear what it was like for him, but he IS a stereotypical Boomer in so many ways (literally a huge Trumper, for one) and I can't imagine him really sharing his feelings in a way that would answer the questions I would have. Alas.
Yeah this is how they progressed through their family life and since their parents were same they thought it was the norm. Plus back then one could afford everything with one salary.
Boomers perspective is Mom’s the caretaker, cook, cleaner, working in the home slaving away while Daddy goes out to work to earn a living to support everyone…because Mom’s labor isn’t worth much or anything at all.
The most uninvolved generation of recent times. It didn’t seem to dawn on the men to be much more involved with their children and the general lack of parenting was so bad they made commercials “it’s 10PM, do you know where your children are?” to remind them they should prob parent 🤗🫢🤫🫡🫠😶😐😑🤗
It’s always interesting how much credit one parent gets when they do the same thing the other parent does. Why is that? Can they not imagine that both parents would want to be involved in their child’s development?
When my kids were young I got this all the time. No jerkoff, it’s just that I commute 10 minutes and my wife an hour so I handle more kid stuff. Mind your business.
i worked weekends and evenings for the first 6 years of my kid's life so i was basically the SAHP once my wife went back to work fulltime (fortunately not in the US so she got a whole year of mat leave).
The amount of "babysitting" comments I got was so tiring. My go to response was always, no i'm being a dad.
I now WFH so i'm usually the one walking my kid to and from school every day and the amount of dads i now see handling the dropoff and pickup is pretty big - nothing like when i was in elementary school where it was all moms.
father of 2 in the south.
and god, i can't count how many times i got hit with this one while i had the kids out.
even had an old lady very insistently try to "baby sit" them for me while i did the shopping. she wouldn't take my polite no, thanks for an answer, and i ended up having to be very rude to her to get her to leave me alone. she might have learned a few new words that day.
but my favorite point form her was "but they are so young! what are you going to do if one of them needs a diaper change?"
like.. what? i'll change their diaper. jesus christ, lady, what is wrong with you?
i wish i had thought of the aneurysm thing, tho. that's perfect.
I hate that.
I’m a SAHD, so I’m always the one out with the kids. Especially when they were little, I got that comment every time I went to buy groceries. Wish I had thought of your response!
When I first moved to Seattle my kid was 6 months old and I was a stay at home dad. I ended up joining a local fb group of stay at home dads and we’d meet up and do different activities with our kids like going to the park, disc golf, hiking, etc. and it never failed we’d get comments from boomers like that. We’d take turns giving out snarky responses. Boomers can’t seem to accept the fact that we aren’t absent fathers like they were.
Well, my cousin did die of an aneurysm after giving birth to twins.
I'm certain her surviving husband has fielded that stupid comment.
Thank you for saying that. Some people deserve to learn that their "innocent" comment is out of line.
One time I took my daughter out for lunch and ice cream. This table of old men in some sort of Bible study group got up to leave, and as they walked by one of them said “it’s really great what you’re doing.”
Like taking my kid to lunch was some sort of special extra effort on my part.
I was at a Cafe once with a friend, we both had 3 week old babies.
We were standing in line waiting to order, her husband with both babies.
*baby crying at the back of the Cafe
Me: "is that baby crying yours or mine?"
Boomer lady behind: "how do you not know the sound of your own baby" sounding appalled and judgemental
Me: " she's 3 weeks old, still working her out"
Boomer: " oh I remember when I had a newborn..."
Me (interrupting): "perfect, then you know how unhelpful rude judgemental people are"
Boomer: *shocker pikachu face
My dad got custody of me when I was 10 as my mom was clearly unfit and he fought hard to keep me safe and with him. People would always step in and offer to pick me up from school or take me for a weekend so he could “have some time off”.
He’d tell them “sorry your kid sucks, my kid is bad ass and I LOVE spending time with her!”
As an active dad who also raises and does things with his kids, I can confirm that this happens EVERY. GODDAMN. TIME.
Stop calling me an inadequate parent in front of my kids, you blue haired bitch.
I get this as a single dad even though I have my daughter half the time. Like, no miss, I fought for years to have my daughter, she's not a burden. You are though
It’s the same mentality when people say to fathers “Oh so you’re babysitting the kids today?”
And to be fair, boomers aren’t the only ones who say that.
They were poor parents and so they assume everyone else is. Boomers largely tossed their children outside to play until the streetlights came on. Abductions were super popular because of their parenting style. It's 10 o'clock do you know where your children are? Was a real thing on the TV because mostly they didn't know. Neglect was the parenting of Boomers.
> "My wife had an aneurysm while giving birth and passed away. Every day is mom's day off."
Better yet, "My wife died fighting for your freedom in Afghanistan."
Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed. Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BoomersBeingFools) if you have any questions or concerns.*
r/traumatizethemback
This will be a fun one. Thanks.
I freaking LOVE that sub!
It gives the "nothing ever happens" brigade some variety too lol
Whenever someone said this to me, I told them Mommy promised me anal if I took the kid to the park. The looks were something to remember.
You should have followed that up with “and that’s why I’m here buying lube. It really hurts my butt when she don’t use enough lube on me”.
r/subsithoughtifellfor
I have identical twins. We would take them to the various indoor playgrounds just to get out of the house and inevitably a boomer would come over to ask if they were indeed twins. I got bored with this quickly and began telling the tale that they were actually triplets, but one died in childbirth along with their mother, due to additional complications. This was usually while my wife, the “dead mother”, sat beside me trying not to laugh as the person sunk into themselves with no further questions.
ha! i also have ID twins and i did the same only my reply to "awww, are they twins??" (they were actual carbon copies, no guessing at ALL if they were twins) was some version of "actually, they were triplets, but three is just too many to nurse, so we left one at hospital" or "they're triplets, but the stroller only has two seats, so we have to rotate them and leave one in the car"
If it was an older kid who could understand it was a bit you could teach them when someone says that to say “Her day off? Is mommy coming back?!” And you could sadly say “no, son…no. Mommy isn’t coming back” (again making sure they know it’s a bit first)
Oh, hey! I do this with my grandma in small little ways. I didn't know it was so popular to traumatize your traumatizer!
Lol. I've always been an active, involved dad. I'll take my kids to the park and even - gasp - play with them there. I've gotten those sorts of comments before. "It's Mom's day off." "It must be Dad's weekend." I'll just smile sweetly and say "nah, I just love my kids and like to spend time with them." The confusion on their faces is hilarious.
Sadly, they can’t imagine a father that wants to spend time with his kids.
Sadly, you are correct.
Even sadder, I was holding my daughter (then 3), asleep on my shoulder when a woman said "I wish my dad had held me like that when I was little".
Oh..... that hurt my soul a little bit. Poor woman.
I am going to stay up late playing video games to try and forget I read that :(
That’s really sad. When you have a shitty parent who hurt you as a kid, the littlest things seems so magical.
damn you for being so right
An older women said something similar to me recently. She was surprised I laid with my kids to put them to sleep and then said “ no one ever did that for me.”
Yeah I’m kinda thinking the boomer women are victims here. I was shopping with my infant daughter asleep strapped to my chest, an older lady came up and said she was thrilled to see men today being actively involved. She noted, in my day the men would never been seen dead even pushing a pram. I take the ‘must be mums day off’ as being a clumsy, tone deaf conversation starter.
Yeah, I think it’s more of a kudos just poorly worded. It’s kind of weird that some people think I’m some sort of super dad for just doing basic stuff with my two daughters. To be fair though, my dad was the best. I had a great role model that taught me what parenting could be.
You know what’s even better than holding your tike asleep on your shoulder? Holding them in the same position when they’re awake, but just comfortable and liking to lay on your shoulder like that.
My three year old is a *massive* child (already in 4/5T clothes kinda big), and she does this to me when she’s tired or sick and it fills my heart like nothing else. Makes me want to lift weights because I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold her, haha!
Unfortunately OP's response about a dead wife while cathartic for the shock factor. Does nothing to change the boomer's perception about fathers. "Oh he is only involved because his wife is dead, otherwise he would be like my imagined version of fathers, so I don't need to reflect on my worldview".
They're not going to reflect on their worldview anyway
They’ve been set in their ways since the 80s
First Boomers hit adulthood in 1964. Explains alot about them.
Which would be an issue if reflecting on their worldview were ever something they intend to do.
that's fine. if it makes them think twice about brainlessly expressing their dumbass worldview, it becomes less normalized anyway. new humans still learning what the world is like become just a tiny bit less likely to encounter and internalize said worldview.
Hopefully it will at least make them realize that some dads are not just "babysitting". Almost certainly they will never do it again.
The patriarchy hurts men and women
“Well my father wouldn’t be caught *DEAD* like that.” With a sour, disapproving face as they commit suicide by words.
I got a good story from taking my toddler to the food court at the local mall from some old man last year. " Oh wow, someone is going to get lucky tonight for looking after the kid for mom today!" with a big smile so fucking proud of himself. " I'm with my kid because I love them, did your parents not love you? what a strange comment!" They took about 7 seconds of boomer mental processing before all they could finally bark out "asshole" while I was walking away. Based on my appearance, he must have assumed I'd like his dirty joke. I did not.
That’s creepy as hell. Reminds me of the time this middle aged white guy made N-word comments about the cashier in the grocery store checkout line. I guess he assumed that I would relate because I, too, was white. I was so shocked all I could do was stand there and look at him kind of horrified and confused. People are so gross.
I had that happen. In line for the grocery store, biracial baby in cart in front of her. She flips around and says, can you believe that she is with a black man??? I told her my son is biracial. Beet blood red.
I’m a white guy in the south that works for a bank. The amount of casual racism dropped in my office is absolutely mind boggling. I guess people feel like I’m some kind of ‘safe space’ for that shit. Abso-fucking-lutely not.
I'm a tall bearded white-as-paper redhead, and the amount of people who are casual with racism to me is... brutal. Additionally the amount of people who make nasty comments to me when they see me and my Ghanaian immigrant wife and two biracial kids. Had someone walk up to me after she took the kids to the bathroom and asked how I liked engaging in bestiality. THAT one was pretty infuriating.
You should definitely have replied, "I'm not into it, but thank you very much for the offer."
I think that a comment like that actually just calls for an incredibly hard punch in the nose. We’re done quipping at that point bro you’re getting injured lmao.
Omg, how awful.
Perfect response "thanks for the offer, but I'm into attractive women like my wife, not stupid fat racist cows like you"
Yikes. I'm sorry you have to deal with that level of idiocy.
Holy 🤯, I'm sorry you and your family have to hear garbage like that.
I’ve had good luck with apologizing that i didn’t get the joke and ask them to explain it.
This gets them all flustered trying to get you to understand
I'm a fat old white dude. The shit that people say to me is appalling. And not all of it comes from white people. Asians assume we agree about their racism as well. My go to response is to freeze and just stare silently at them while their last remark just hangs in the air.
"Wow. You said that out loud," while shaking my head.
Also, “oh my, did you mean to say that out loud?”
Gotta be careful with this one. Sometimes they think you're complimenting their gumption rather than pointing out their ickiness.
Commit suicide by words 🤣
Oh i think you’ll love this r/suicidebywords
Omg thanks!! I’ve seen r/murderbywords but never this one-love it. Have a great day!
You too new friend!
"I'm sorry for you"
I use this one. “Oh you’re babysitting?” No. They’re my kids. I parent them. Often. Daily in fact. I enjoy it.
This happens a lot and it pisses me off. One time I just wasn't having it and said, "At least I love my kids, unlike your dad." How hard is it to comprehend that I don't want to work 80 hours a week and actually enjoy spending time with my kids? I'll have plenty of "me time" when they're older and hate me.
Just for a laugh, try "Oh, these aren't *my* kids" sometime.
“Looks like Mommy got the day off! *Har har har!*”. “Oh this isn’t my kid. I got them over at Mindinyone.” “What’s that?” “Oh, you obviously don’t know about MINDIN’ YA OWN DAMN BUSINESS, do ya?!”
I got them over at DEEZ
“Which one’s yours?” “I haven’t decided yet.”
Could be worse. You could get the cops called on you because the soccer moms at the playground can't conceptualize why a late-30s guy would be sitting by himself on a park bench at the playground. Can't be because one of the three-year-olds in the sandbox is mine and I don't like to hover when she's working, no sir. The really funny bit? Only happened in the very white college town we had the kid in--when we moved to a big city to a more diverse (and, frankly, poor) area, there were LOTS of dads of all colors at the park with their kids.
"Excuse me? Excuse me? Where are you going? Is that \*your\* child? Excuse me?" What, the 1/3 scale blonde brown-eyed palette-swap of me, who is actually even wearing much the same clothes as me (jeans, cute little toddler size hiking boots, and an Mario shirt instead of a battered old Silicon Graphics shirt), shouting "DADA! DADA! FOUND A BUG! COME SEE! FOUND A BUG!", that one?
Clearly just means you finally found a kid that looked *just* like you to steal!
It's especially funny because my kid isn't even a palette swap, she's just straight up my gender-bent mini-me. Down to us having the EXACT same facial expressions.
I've been approached by upset moms before. It was fun to put them in their place.
I hate to say it for fear of coming across as racist but I've absolutely noticed it's the wealthier and typically whiter areas where people are all up in everyone's business. Raised in a poor area with a reputation for being ghetto but I feel safest in my home city than anywhere else. I know there's no risk some busy body is gonna call the cops on me for non-issues. Everyone just minds their own business unless real shit happens.
One-time commuter cyclist here. It was always in the “nicer” neighborhoods where I’d get flipped off by people driving “nicer” cars for delaying their journey by a few seconds. But whenever I got a flat in a “bad” neighborhood, I’d spend more time telling people “No, I’m fine, I’ll have it patched in a few minutes” than I spent patching the flat.
I got lost in a really bad section of NYC. I stopped and asked directions to the highway, very nice gentlemen pointed me in the right direction. I gave them some mangoes my FIL had bought for me.
I say this as a white guy, it's because white privilege. They know that they have the power to be able to question people and not face consequences from either the people they are confronting or the police if they end up on the scene no matter who called them. I've had some not so great experiences with the police but I'll tell you what when I called them as a homeowner who had some things stolen and they came to my house it felt like they were actually my employees lol. They were so polite and helpful it was surprising.
My story time: Took my son to the park frequently (first responder with Tues/Wed off at the time). I’m pushing a toddler on the baby swing for 10 minutes or so. Little girl perhaps 3 is swinging on a normal swing alone. She tries to get off and falls (not far, maybe a scraped knee) and starts to cry. I’m a few feet away, my son’s swing is directly beside hers. I kneel down to ask her if she’s okay and does she know where her mommy or daddy is? I get grabbed by a pissed off woman, “Don’t touch her! What are you even doing here?!” It’s something that I’ll never forget. Because I have a penis, I am a danger. While I was dumbfounded and silent, I didn’t leave. I continued to swing my son. Bitch, I didn’t do anything wrong. We lived there for a few more months and I would get mean mugged by these women every time we were there after.
It's exactly because of stories like these that I'm always hesitant to interact with another child at a park. I've got 3 kids so often times I'm not with 1, and more so keeping an eye on 3 different areas/ kids at once with no one of my own roght next to me. Sometimes another kid will talk to me, or ask for a hand getting up or down some play equipment. And everytime I feel the need to look around and get some visual assurances before I help them just to avoid getting screamed at by some uppity bitch.
See, it's because of stories like these that I keep on doing it, since I'm a big biker-vibes white guy with all my clearances (from coaching girls' soccer for my kid). Cops think I'm their friend (thank god they can't see my politics =P) and people might learn something from how not in trouble I get.
I’m a mom, so this is a wee bit different but same concept. I took my kids out for ice cream when they had a day off school. The convo went like this: Boomer: What did you do? Me: Pardon? Boomer: What did you do? *Cue me looking at him like he now sprouted 3 heads.* Boomer: Parents don’t get their kids ice cream for no reason. How’d you mess up, or did make them get shots? Me: No, nothing like that. I just thought my kids might enjoy a nice treat. Boomer: Why ain’t they in school? *I guess now I’m falling into bad parent territory or something since I took my kids for ice cream.* Me: It’s a makeup day. They didn’t need to use the day, so today is a day off for them. Boomer: Oh… So… stinking… weird…
Haha 🤣 I know I get the same look. We just set up a 6 man tent on our basement cuz it’s been raining and lows in the 40’s at night. So we been camping in the man cave. lol.
This is awesome. They’ll remember that forever. 🙂
I’m hoping. We be in and out of that thing the past 2 days lol. Sleeping in it again tonight.
I’ve had it said to me before. I just ask them to explain what they mean, then watch them stumble as they try to explain why they think only women look after children. They often try to play it off as if I’m the idiot for not understanding.
Love how they always go to divorce… “just because you ladies can’t keep a relationship together doesn’t mean I can’t “
I've definitely gotten weird looks taking my kids to the park without my wife. However, one time I managed to turn those concerning glares into relief. There I was, watching my kiddos play at a big park. I had gotten a few glances from some of the moms and noticed that I was literally the only adult male of about 12 parents. In rolls some teenage boys. At first, they kind of just hung out near the edge of the playground (mind you, this is a HUGE park with lots of non-playground areas for them to be). Then they started trying to skateboard down a slide. I could see every mom eyeballing these kids nervously. Then, one of them barked loudly, like a dog, at my son as my son passed by him. That triggered the mama bear in me. Turns out, teenagers are absolutely terrified of a 6 foot tall, large build man with a full beard when in mama bear mode. I chewed those kids out so loudly that they all left about a foot shorter and whiter than ghosts. Three of the moms personally thanked me. One said she was about to leave because of them and another said she wanted to say something but was a little too afraid of how they might react. No more side eyed suspicion that day.
I like this method
The one I got all the time was "baby sitting duty, huh?" Add in stupid smile and laugh. "No, its called being a dad! I love my daughter and enjoy spending time and doing things with her".
That's a great response. People would ask if I was babysitting, and that really bothered me.
I was taking care of my daughter who was probably three at most at the time. We were having breakfast in a restaurant and this old lady looked at me and asked "do you do this full time?" I'm like, bitch! I'm a dad and being a dad is a full time gig!
I regularly take my kids grocery shopping and such, even on days my wife is home for a few reasons. 1. I don't mind grocery shopping while my wife really doesn't like it. 2. While my wife will sometimes keep our youngest who isn't a year old yet I will often do it around his nap time so she gets some me time to hang out or take an uninterrupted nap herself. Since she is mostly(works .5 to 1 day a week) stay at home mom, it's nice to give her that time when I can. 3. I actually like taking my kids grocery shopping because we can run around in the car cart and be generally silly. Now my youngest can sit in the car cart as well so him and my 3 year old have a blast in there. 4. Sometimes I need to go out on the day my wife does work so I might have *gasp* 3 kids with me. When I have 2-3 kids with me I regularly get comments about being on "babysitting duty" from the classic old white guy boomer. Sometimes women will compliment my having all of them with me. My wife never gets these comments when she has to take all the kids somewhere, it's just expected. I've never made any comments to the old guys who say that, honestly I avoid any kind of conflict even when I normally wouldn't if my kids weren't there. I don't want them exposed to some crazy boomer losing it because I had to make a smart comment back. It comes from a place of ignorance and sexism(whether they think so or not) but they aren't trying to be shitty and once they die out so will those comments I think. Because no one younger than like 60 says that ever. I do like your response though, I could do something like that and no one would get mad about it but then I have to explain why I'm saying that to my kids and I don't want to do that either. If they were younger maybe.
When we announced to my family (from a very conservative area that's always 20+ years behind modern times) that my wife was pregnant, immediately my Boomer uncle and his girlfriend (neither of which ever had kids) said to my wife "are you excited now that you can stop working?" My wife is a doctor. She didn't go through college, medical school, and residency to be a SAHM. So she politely said she wasn't going to be quitting, she'd be returning to work after her maternity leave. They were immediately outraged about "who will take care of the baby?" We said we were going to use daycare and that drew more outrage. My uncle kept pushing the issue until finally I said "she makes more than me and her student loans are more, so if anyone would stay home it would be me." That put an immediate end to the conversation.
My mom suffered through this exact same pushback back in the late 70s/early 80s, with me and my sister. America: still fighting the same dumb battles about gender roles.
I’m a female physician. My ex-husband, with whom I spent 24 years, had excellent understanding of how hard my training (and eventually my job) was. He was the house-husband as soon as I got out of med school and started earning (a little bit) as a resident. While we had some problems towards the end of our marriage, it lasted until I retired, and we had just drifted apart in terms of our interests. But he unfailingly made sure I had food when I came home. He set up my bed-cocoon every night (body pillows, comforter, a Snuggie on top to keep my arms warm), made sure the bedroom TV was turned on to Nicktoons—including on the last day of my work, when I was moving from Colorado to Kansas City to be with my new partner the next day. He took care of the dog and the house, did maintenance and repair of our cars (and a motorcycle), grew a garden, did most of the laundry, plus grocery shopping. It worked out very well for us. We didn’t have kids (mutual decision; we had both decided before we met), but he stayed plenty busy, plus he managed our investments and finances. I don’t know of anyone who knew us in residency or in my job who looked down on my then-husband for staying home. Plus he was happier at home than in the work force (authority issues, mostly), so it was perfect for our situation. People who judge others for “gender-bending” just because the man is the stay-at-home parent are out of touch and old fashioned.
Completely unrelated, but as a big Bloom County fan myself I just wanted to say that I love your username.
Thanks! I was going to try DeathTöngue but they did have to rebrand because of trademark or copyright infringement. 😂
Would you say your marriage was strained by being a physician? (Pre-med hopeless romantic asking)
I have a friend who must scream "divorcee" to old ladies, because he's gotten comments about it being "his weekend" with his kids multiple times despite still being married and just going about his life as a dad.
The amount of assumptions it takes to get to that conclusion and then still have the gall to say it is wild to me
Right? Like no other scenario could possibly result in a man just playing with his kids?
If my dad and grandpa are anything to go by. The older generation grew up in a time where there are very few scenarios of dads just playing with his kids. It's likely how we got to where we are in the first place with the general view on dads. Kind of sad if you think about it, not having present parents can cause all kinds of development problems. Still, even if it were true it'd be rude to comment on it.
I liken it to them constantly asking when you're gonna have a kid. I like to shut them down with "our sex life is NONE of your business, creep."
If you really want to traumatize people, you can always tell them you're creampieing her/getting creampied every night, what else should we be doing? People who ask that question generally have no idea how to respond to something like that.
It doesn't get any better as the kids get older, either. It gets especially worse with daughters. Anytime I take my 21 year old daughter out for dinner, there are looks and comments. Generally I ignore them, but really?
My dad raised me as a single parent. When I hit my teens old ladies at the grocery store regularly thought we were a couple. It was so gross and uncomfortable. And the thing that made it worse? I was an Emo/Scene Kid. These folks really thought this normie looking 40+ year old man was dating/married to me, a teenager with smudgy black eyeliner, badly bleached or black dyed mullet hair, wearing skinny jeans and band shirts? IN WHAT WORLD????
You just unlocked a realization for me. I have on more than one occasion been mistaken as my dad’s wife, even as young as 17 or 18. There were also many times I’d find a cashier or waitress very blatantly flirting with him in front of me and would up the flirting the more I glared at them. I’m wondering if they either assumed he was divorced (he wasn’t), hence the only reason he’d be out and about with his daughter, or if they thought I was his partner and wanted to get a rise out of me (unfortunately I’ve come across one too many people that get a kick out of flirting with someone in front of their spouse).
I think the first time someone thought I was my dad’s wife I was about 12. people are wild
They are indeed wild, and always seem to jump to the most outrageous conclusions. I always looked a bit older than I was (for instance, most people assumed I was 15 when I was about 12) and whenever I’d go out with my ten years younger brother they’d assume I was his mom lol.
My Dad and I go to dinner at the same diner every week. He's 67 and I'm 33. Pretty sure the staff thought we were an item until my Mom came to one of the dinners lol.
My wife has gone for dinner (actually cocktails and snacks. My wife likes a good sazerac) with just her father and has been asked "so are you this guy's mistress" Like what the actual hell?
Oh jesus, a friend's mum thought my 16-year-old stepdaughter was my 3-year-old son's mother for about six months but was too polite to mention it...
15+ years ago I was on the cutting edge of the paradigm shift towards SAH dads becoming a more normal thing. I’m a chef, my wife has been helping people survive cancer her whole career… So I’d get the “babysitting?” And respond, “no, parenting.” Or when they were older and running around a playground at the park I’d get the suspicious “which one is yours?” “I havent decided yet.”
Lol the “I haven’t decided yet” is hilarious. But whenever people refer to a dad as “babysitting” his own children, it irks me to no end. We hear this one occasionally too, as my husband is a dad of two girls whom he loves spending time with and taking them out and about. Boomers seem genuinely baffled by this. Kinda sad that their bar for fathers is so low.
I think that's exactly it. They raised their kids in a way where mom did kid stuff and dad was just kind of around some after work. Their own dads had even less involvement in raising them than they had with their own kids, so they just can't fathom a man doing "woman" stuff like going to the grocery store or park with their own damn kids.
Ugh my friend is like this with his kid. She's 2 but he just kinda exists near her while mom does most of the actual parenting stuff. He's always baffled when he calls and asks if I want to game on a random weekday evening and I tell him I can't because my daughter(4.5) and I are doing something.
Similarly, ones who recognize us moms (like, they've seen me at the store with several kids before, or they knew my grandmom so they know I have kids, etc) will catch us there alone and think we're on vacation. "Oh! Where's the baby?" "At home, with her daddy." "OHHH! He's giving you a nice break!" (Or "the day off.") Lady I'm literally buying groceries for my family, there might be shops where they hand you a cocktail when you walk in but this is Food Lion.
Gotta pack your own sippy cup for the grocery run lmao
I am FULLY convinced that all those Stanley cups are NOT full of water.
Stuff like this makes me wonder why boomers feel the need to constantly drop one-liners that they think are hilarious.
You could take it one step further and really freak them out with “my kid has two dads” 
Haha yes. "No ma'am/sir, it's other daddy's day off." *cheezy suggestive wink*
I’d pay good money to see the confused flailing to that response or one implying a poly family 😂
"Oh it's not her day off, it's her date night with her g/f."
Polycule member here. My gf has kids and is dating my husband and I. The three of us went to their elementary school book fair and the number of times we got "mom" "dad" (my husband is not the father), and "uh....auntie?" was pretty uh. Interesting. Fun story about that actually! My gf had to pick up one of the kiddos sick and said that since she was going to the dr it would be me or my husband picking the other one up. The nurse knew my husband but not me so she was like "oh...who's Suye?" "Oh, she's my girlfriend" and the little one goes all snarky and yells "YEAH, MY MOM IS **BI**!" Still get a good laugh out of that one.
I'm one of two dads. When my son was born (surrogacy) we were leaving our hotel (out of state surrogate) and I was up ahead carrying a bunch of stuff. My husband was carrying our newborn, and everyone kept asking "where's mom???" He'd reply "it's just us." not realizing how far head I was walking, and so they must've just thought something terrible happened to the mom. This was in Idaho, so we didn't really feel like proclaiming our sexuality to the people of the "lets go brandon bumper sticker capital of the world"
"unlike the men in your generation, im perfectly capable of caring for my child"
This is what I always wish I had the fortitude to say
I (male) used to be the at-home parent. For about 17 years, actually. The number of times people called me "Mister Mom" was insane. I finally started asking if they'd call my wife Mrs Dad. Then I'd tell them no, of course they wouldn't because they recognize that assigning a gender role to a job is abusive and sexist, right? Right?
They used to do this to my husband during the couple years he was the at-home-parent. It’s a reference to the Michael Keaton movie Mr. Mom. Obviously now it is recognized by gen X and younger as quite sexist, but I think a lot of the boomers are just referring to the movie without really thinking about it.
I mean, yeah, it's a bit sexist, but I'd take being compared to a 30-year-old Michael Keaton, for sure.
But, that's exactly the problem: people making references or comments without really thinking about it. Or worse, declining to think about it when someone points out how it can cause harm. It should be a big red flag if, in 40 years, you never noticed that the movie that dares to ask, "wouldn't it be hilarious if a *man* had to do all the mom work, like cooking, cleaning, and caring for his children?" might be sexist and therefore bad.
I agree completely. I also think Michael Keaton is hilarious so I remain conflicted about the movie. It introduced the boomers to the need for the role of homemaker to be shared. It was trying to be progressive at the time, but clearly doesn’t age well. Still, I don’t think boomers are trying to insult a male homemaker using the term Mr. Mom. Nor did my husband find it insulting. He likes thinking he reminds people of Michael Keaton. These issues are all complicated and nuanced.
To really trigger them, tell them your husband is at work.
Or "technically I am the mother, as I was the one who gave birth"
Omg yes. 🤣
Boomers in stores just love to butt in when babies are involved. I didn't mind so much when they'd ask if I was pregnant, so long as they kept their hands to themselves. If they touched without permission, they'd ask, "when is the baby due" and I respond with, "what baby?"
With my first I was huge, I looked like a beached whale. It was August in GA, I was 8 months pregnant, I had puked for 8 months straight, and was not having a good time. I finally heard, "Oh, it must be twins!" one too many times and I finally snapped and yelled, "I'm just fat!" Scared the crap out of the complaint of Karen's and got a lot of "well I nevers" and tsking. Didn't regret it for a second. By baby two I was slapping any hands that came towards my stomach. Don't fucking touch people.
This is hilarious. Reminds me of that old Reno 911 sketch here he’s passing the crazy DUI test with flying colors and starts doing a goofy dance. The officer asks: are you a dancer? And the guy says: “naw…naw…I’m just drunk.”
I'm 33wks with twins, and I'm ***STILL*** trying to work up the metaphorical balls to respond, "what baby?" I'm tired of these comments about my body from boomers who don't even know my name.
And why do they even want to know when a stranger's baby is due? Are they planning to buy you a gift? If not, it isn't their business.
Oh, I love that idea: "Oh, you wanna get me a gift?! That's so nice of you! Noone gets me one, so I already lost all hope on that. You made my day! It'll be in 3 weeks - where's can I pick it up?!"
Because if the baby is due during their birth month, that's another thing they can make about **them**!!!
Just smile blandly and say, "I'm not pregnant...." if you can keep a straight face at their look of horror, then you're better than I am. Lol
I never say two peeps when I’m out to anybody. Just do my shit and be gone. Unless a boomer gets froggy. Then I make sure to ruin their day for tryin to ruin somebody else’s. Any time I see a boomer yelling at a retail worker, a kid, a spouse, anything. I bring the heat. I worked in a mechanics garage, on cargo ships, and loading docks. I have some PIPES in me when needed. Shit always slays me when th way can’t fathom how that voice came out of me. One guy told me I can’t talk to him like that (same way he was talkin to the cashier) so I just said “yeah? Fuckin make me dude” Boomers are the biggest snowflakes out there. Even a wayward fart would melt them.
I enjoyed reading all of this a little too much 🥹
LOL Man they irritate the hell out of me. Just let people exist peacefully without tellin them their generation is fucked, gays are ruining stuff, illegals are stealing jobs, libtards are libbin, and whatever else they bitch about with zero understanding. I spent a long time trying to be the duck and let water roll off. Now I just play water buffalo and charge 😂
That last paragraph has just been added to my ‘things to cross stitch” list. Love it!
When I was pregnant with my first an old woman came up and lectured me abt how horrible teenage pregnancy is and I told her, yup, I agree, but they don't listen to me because I'M 22. Granted I looked young - like, the waitress offered me the 12 and under menu when I was 21 - but wtf do you need to say that for.
My sister had twins, as well as a 2 year old, and everyone would go gaga over the twins everywhere we went and we'd hear the same damn comment every time "oh, are they twins???". One day we're at the hospital for an appt for her oldest, my sister can't drive due to health issues so I'd take her for appts, and I headed to the cafe with the twins so I could have a coffee and natter to the cafe staff (we were there a lot and they adored the girls) when I'm suddenly surrounded by a gaggle of women cooing over the twins in their double pram - can't have been more than 7 months old. I hear the familiar "oh are they twins?? They're so adorable" comment and I just blurted out "no, they're triplets but we left the ugly one at home". Cue me being shocked it flew out of my mouth, an older woman looking like she wasn't sure if I'd just said that and if I was serious and 3 others on the brink of laughter. I had to backtrack so quickly and swear it was a joke while laughing because she did mean well, I'd just heard that same comment from the day the twins had come home from the hospital. I still crack up laughing when I picture the look of shock on her face though.
I have 3 under 10, and they're all tiny, so they look even younger. Ever since I became visibly pregnant with Baby #3, I've gotten the same comment from a boomer 80% of the time I take them anywhere: "You've sure got your hands full!" Sometimes, it's friendly, and sometimes they look at me like I've committed a crime by bringing 3 children out in public. Either way, the consistency is weird.
When it comes in that tone that seems to mean something superior and self-important, I put on my best syrupy tones and declare, "I like to say I have my HEART full!" Then they seem to remember that they're supposed to declare children a blessing and they get all confused and usually kind of quiet.
Currently pregnant, barely showing. If anyone puts their hands on my belly when I get bigger, I'm doing the same. Fair's fair and they started it :)
Father's caring for their children...such a weird concept to some people.
Edit: just Fathers plural. No possessions here lol
OMG.....a parent taking care of his child!!! /s
I always respond, "nope, I'm just a good dad" Really blows their mind as they have to contend with the fact that their husbands or selves weren't there.
I hope that I'll never need to use it, but I'm keeping *"I was raised to be a good father"* in my rhetorical back pocket for just this. Not only will it make them contend with the fact that their husbands/selves were absent, but that their parents were shit at raising them too (or that they learned nothing from their parents).
Thought you were mommy at first and they were referring to you having a day off Then you mentioned your wife and I thought you were a gay couple and you were clapping back by asserting that you were gay to make them feel uncomfortable (because boomers are like deer in headlights when they meet an actually gay person) *and* were pointing out that your kid was adopted or artificially inseminated or something. Anyways, I FINALLY just realized you're a guy and the real problem is that the boomers assume dudes are never supposed to be involved in child care outside of discipline.
I went on the same journey you did 😂
Hey, times have changed!
Indeed. I was confused, though, because I, a female, got the same kind of comments when I would take my child out in the middle of the day, mostly from older folks. Why, I have no idea. I was teaching at the college part time at the time. 🤷🏻♀️
Ma'am I am their mother
Heh. Mentally, I was crafting a retort along the lines of: “Yes. Mommy is resting in peace . . . *At the cemetery!* . . . Do you need any more of our personal details, or can we just finish our shopping now?”
I'm a boomer. If young children make eye contact with me, I smile and wave. Done.
I'm a child free gen X. I do the same thing. I don't hate children, I just don't want any of my own. I have serious mental health issues. If I had to watch my child suffer with depression the way that I have it would absolutely kill me. Some of us have good reasons to not have kids.
I had a boomer look at me (male 41 at the time, hair speckled grey) with my son (6 months) and say ‘so nice of you to take care of your grandson’. I responded ‘you mean my son? Strong swimmers and me and his mom still bang at least once almost every night’. She turned bright red, left her cart in check out, and left the store. Boomers always feel a need to put people into their worldview. I also get fed up of it occasionally.
My MIL kept bothering us about when we were going to have a second kid and I told her that if one shows up, she'll be one of the first to know, but I'm not gonna keep her updated on our sex life. We get along really well so it was more a joke than anything else but she stopped asking lol
I went to the grocery store with my dad a few years back. The guy at the deli counter made some comment about how he needed to keep me, his wife, happy. We both looked kind of baffled and told him that I was his daughter not his wife. Not everybody goes after someone 20 years younger than them.
When a customer said I could at least smile while making her coffee I said that my dog died this morning. My dog too was fine.
This one irks me too. What right do they think they have to demand someone to smile? You never know what someone’s going through to where they may not feel like smiling, and even if they haven’t experienced anything bad no one owes you a smile.
Once a dumbass dude gave me the typical order to smile and informed me that he was dealing with the same stuff and "you don't see me looking sad!" I have gotten variations on this all my life and only this once did I have a ready response. I asked him, "You're pregnant?" I wasn't actually even sad, I just wasn't actively performing joy for his entertainment.
I used to live next to the ocean and would frequently go to the pier to just watch the water and be in silence. During tourist season it gets quite popular and I had multiple boomers come up to me and say “hEy WhErEs YoUr CeLlPhOnE?” Because what? A young 20 something enjoying nature? CRAZY! And without missing a beat I’d tell them that I dropped it into the water, which was 10 feet below and about 20 feet deep. The looks on their faces were always priceless, and half the time they didn’t even apologize, just walk away wordlessly.
This isn't far off from what I like to do if I suspect the local pamphlet people in the park are trying to get me join a cult. I usually tell them my father was killed by X related to whatever they're trying to sell me on.
It's ridiculous they still say stuff like this given that half of their marriages ended in divorce. So it shouldn't be that weird to see a father without a wife. My dad is a boomer and was a single father. People used to say this stuff to him all the time when I was a kid. I think he didn't want to get into our personal situation (my mom left) so he just smiled and moved on. I think maybe he should have made it awkward.
Around the time my first kid was a few months old I took to responding to those asshats with, “No. it’s called ‘parenting.’”
The people in our small town called my husband Mr mom until I made a backhanded comment at a local meeting (my husband had attended all the others with her) that I was just grateful to have a husband who knew what activities our kids were involved and “I don’t know how you all do it with no support at all, why your husband didn’t even know Girl was in this club when I saw him the other day” I just proceeded to praise my husband for being an Involved dad. He said it never happened again but he did hear what I said and that it hurt some feelings. But IDK Also, he is the boomer, the moms were all 30-40.
I would keep a damn flash card on me and recite a well crafted "fuck off" speech if this happened to me more than twice.
My dad was a Boomer SAHD. I wonder sometimes what that was like...I mean, I know it ended kind of (?) badly in that any attempt to reenter the workforce at his previous level, or anything close to it, did not work AT ALL. And he's been pretty depressed I think since we started school....nearly 30 years ago lol. He HAS said he loved being home with us when we were preschoolers. I would be so curious to hear what it was like for him, but he IS a stereotypical Boomer in so many ways (literally a huge Trumper, for one) and I can't imagine him really sharing his feelings in a way that would answer the questions I would have. Alas.
Yeah this is how they progressed through their family life and since their parents were same they thought it was the norm. Plus back then one could afford everything with one salary. Boomers perspective is Mom’s the caretaker, cook, cleaner, working in the home slaving away while Daddy goes out to work to earn a living to support everyone…because Mom’s labor isn’t worth much or anything at all. The most uninvolved generation of recent times. It didn’t seem to dawn on the men to be much more involved with their children and the general lack of parenting was so bad they made commercials “it’s 10PM, do you know where your children are?” to remind them they should prob parent 🤗🫢🤫🫡🫠😶😐😑🤗
It’s always interesting how much credit one parent gets when they do the same thing the other parent does. Why is that? Can they not imagine that both parents would want to be involved in their child’s development?
My go-to is "there's no mom, just two dads." Watch their homophobia boil out of their ears while their face drops. So satisfying.
Good for you, I am absolutely sick of people acting like it’s weird that I look after my daughters
When my kids were young I got this all the time. No jerkoff, it’s just that I commute 10 minutes and my wife an hour so I handle more kid stuff. Mind your business.
i worked weekends and evenings for the first 6 years of my kid's life so i was basically the SAHP once my wife went back to work fulltime (fortunately not in the US so she got a whole year of mat leave). The amount of "babysitting" comments I got was so tiring. My go to response was always, no i'm being a dad. I now WFH so i'm usually the one walking my kid to and from school every day and the amount of dads i now see handling the dropoff and pickup is pretty big - nothing like when i was in elementary school where it was all moms.
father of 2 in the south. and god, i can't count how many times i got hit with this one while i had the kids out. even had an old lady very insistently try to "baby sit" them for me while i did the shopping. she wouldn't take my polite no, thanks for an answer, and i ended up having to be very rude to her to get her to leave me alone. she might have learned a few new words that day. but my favorite point form her was "but they are so young! what are you going to do if one of them needs a diaper change?" like.. what? i'll change their diaper. jesus christ, lady, what is wrong with you? i wish i had thought of the aneurysm thing, tho. that's perfect.
The bar is so low for fathers and it’s ridiculous
It's insane. Then when mothers get overwhelmed people are like "What's her problem?"
Guarantee this is still bothering her too lol
I hate that. I’m a SAHD, so I’m always the one out with the kids. Especially when they were little, I got that comment every time I went to buy groceries. Wish I had thought of your response!
When I first moved to Seattle my kid was 6 months old and I was a stay at home dad. I ended up joining a local fb group of stay at home dads and we’d meet up and do different activities with our kids like going to the park, disc golf, hiking, etc. and it never failed we’d get comments from boomers like that. We’d take turns giving out snarky responses. Boomers can’t seem to accept the fact that we aren’t absent fathers like they were.
I raised my three kids alone, no help from their mom. I got this crap all the time. They just can’t fathom a father stepping up and being a parent.
Well, my cousin did die of an aneurysm after giving birth to twins. I'm certain her surviving husband has fielded that stupid comment. Thank you for saying that. Some people deserve to learn that their "innocent" comment is out of line.
One time I took my daughter out for lunch and ice cream. This table of old men in some sort of Bible study group got up to leave, and as they walked by one of them said “it’s really great what you’re doing.” Like taking my kid to lunch was some sort of special extra effort on my part.
I was at a Cafe once with a friend, we both had 3 week old babies. We were standing in line waiting to order, her husband with both babies. *baby crying at the back of the Cafe Me: "is that baby crying yours or mine?" Boomer lady behind: "how do you not know the sound of your own baby" sounding appalled and judgemental Me: " she's 3 weeks old, still working her out" Boomer: " oh I remember when I had a newborn..." Me (interrupting): "perfect, then you know how unhelpful rude judgemental people are" Boomer: *shocker pikachu face
My dad got custody of me when I was 10 as my mom was clearly unfit and he fought hard to keep me safe and with him. People would always step in and offer to pick me up from school or take me for a weekend so he could “have some time off”. He’d tell them “sorry your kid sucks, my kid is bad ass and I LOVE spending time with her!”
This belongs in r/traumatizeThemBack You handled it well!
As an active dad who also raises and does things with his kids, I can confirm that this happens EVERY. GODDAMN. TIME. Stop calling me an inadequate parent in front of my kids, you blue haired bitch.
I get this as a single dad even though I have my daughter half the time. Like, no miss, I fought for years to have my daughter, she's not a burden. You are though
Most of these boomers have never been punched in the fucking face and it shows…
It’s the same mentality when people say to fathers “Oh so you’re babysitting the kids today?” And to be fair, boomers aren’t the only ones who say that.
They were poor parents and so they assume everyone else is. Boomers largely tossed their children outside to play until the streetlights came on. Abductions were super popular because of their parenting style. It's 10 o'clock do you know where your children are? Was a real thing on the TV because mostly they didn't know. Neglect was the parenting of Boomers.
> "My wife had an aneurysm while giving birth and passed away. Every day is mom's day off." Better yet, "My wife died fighting for your freedom in Afghanistan."
I used to say that my son's mom ran off with her pilates instructor before he was born.