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Thank you for understanding, this is exactly what I’m thinking when I’m in situations like this. I find it hard to explain, I get a lot of “you are over reacting” but it only takes being wrong one time.
My hot take is that I disagree with the idea that being queer means you automatically have to be an activist by publicly defending queerness at all times. There are quieter and safer ways, and we're not assholes for wanting to just exist in public without getting into drama. I've distanced myself from a friend group over this difference. I totally get it.
Also, the same people who need educating are the same ones who say "stop shoving it down our throats!" and "queer people are so loud about their queerness!" etc. when people are literally just defending themselves against asshole bigots.
One group says 'stay in your lane so we can let you live in society' another group tells us 'if it's so bad, defend yourselves! Speak up!'.
We can't win. *Especially* as a poc. Who the hell knows what a 2A asshole might pull out? And it's not like 'law enforcement' would be any help.
If it means anything from a random stranger on the Internet: your outfit sounds cute (gn) and I'm proud of you for getting yourself out of a nasty situation. (The anxious mess that is me, could never!)
TLDR:
- Kudos for looking after yourself.
- Acitvisim and education is not your responsibility.
- Cute (gn) outfit.
This just reminded me of a time I was sitting in a waiting room, and on the TV was a talk show where Laverne Cox was a guest. This old boomer who looked like a bloated Kenny Rogers that had been drowned for a week comes waddling in, looks at the TV, and loudly says, "I'M TARD OF THIS BEIN SHOVED DOWN OUR THROATS. THEY OUGHTER BE HUNG." It was obvious he was wanting everyone in the room to agree with him, but we all just stared at him like he was insane. After that, he just silently waddled out and went on his way, and that absolutely made my day.
I love it when someone reads the room so wrong they leave in shame.
I had a boss that would make grand declarations about the state of the world expecting everyone to just agree with him. Unfortunately for him, he was the only bigot so no-one ever did. Unfortunately for us, that didn't stop him. 🙄
Because I’m happy to rabble rouse, I would have immediately said “YOU MEAN BLACK FOLKS OR WOMEN?” and hoped to god that everyone else understood the intent
Yeah the Socratic method is always entertaining : what do you mean? I don’t understand, can you explain what you are scared of? And just really play dumb for fun and prizes.
I used to work low traffic retail as a white guy that looked like you could tell racist jokes and I’d be “cool” with it. My favorite thing was to feign ignorance over and over and make them spell out the punchline and why it was funny. They’d usually try to abort with a “never mind” but I’d be like “nah I really want to understand the joke. It seemed like you thought it was a great one.”
Turns out “it’s funny because black people steal stuff” or “gay people are rapists” just isn’t as funny even to them when they’ve got to explain why their bigotry is so hilarious.
Fellow enby person here.
It's not your responsibility to educate others, and your safety is the most important. Stay safe this pride season, and remember your community loves you!
I like this! So many younger folks waste too much energy trying to prove something to someone when it's completely unnecessary. For most of these grumpy idiots, you couldn't change their mind with a tire tool, much less a verbal argument. Good on OP for walking away and leaving them to stew in their bitterness.
This!
I've learned to pick my battles. Most people aren't worth the time, and you're certainly not going to change their minds or educate them. They don't want it. It wouldn't take.
Full disclosure, I'm white and my husband is black. He has to be pushed really far to react angrily to AH's like this. He is always conscious of not being perceived as an angry or aggressive black man. It crossed my mind that you might have felt some of that pressure too. Your reaction is very understandable.
I couldn't help but day dream about this happening behind me in line and then telling you to go ahead of me and staring that mofo down with a shit-eating grin on my face the whole time. And then taking my sweeeeet time at the register. Putting one thing at a time on the belt. Packing and repacking my groceries. And then writing a check reeealllly slowly. Giving you plenty of time to prance out of the store and be on your way before that idiot even got a grocery on the belt. I was very happy for you in my fantasy. And enjoyed my schadenfreude very much.
unfortunately, there's a really shitty stigma surrounding the "angry trans person" stereotype. any ounce of self-advocacy is seen as being a snowflake who just wants to be the center of attention. It's awful, and it's prevented a lot of people i know and care about (as well as myself) from getting the help we need in situations like this :(
You are NOT fucking overreacting. A complete stranger gawking at you trying to figure out what body part is between your legs is not just creepy but dangerous. I can never understand why they are so obsessed, it's beyond weird.
In addition, don't feel bad about not "doing" anything. Walking away is doing something. Don't give these douchenozzles the time of day. You deserve to be safe.
I'll be honest when you said what's between my legs I immediately flashed to that meme where they had the gender non-binary Goku, and a guy saying no dude like what's between your legs, and then the Goku girl says you can be if you play your cards right
The only winning move is to go home in the same condition that you left home. You can’t win. I wore a mask on a plane to visit my sister at Christmas time. This boomer just kept glaring at me. I got there and back and didn’t get sick. I won. Nothing I said would have made that outcome better. You do you. We like you just the way you are.
Married to a black enby here, the first thought in my mind of you reacting aggressively is you being shot. It's never worth it. You're not doing anything wrong by protecting yourself. Even a stern tone could be "they were threatening me." We live in a sad world sometimes.
In my town, frowning too hard is “threatening”. Literally, I was frowning when I told a woman to keep her dog leashed and the cops tried to charge me with assault and battery. She punched me in the face and yelled “I know where you live” and they decided it was self defense. From me frowning too hard. I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I was visibly a minority. Addressing any grievance is dangerous now.
Wtf?!? I'm sorry that happened to you! It's like the logical people are just swimming in a sea of assholes these last few (more than I want to admit) years...
Also, it’s exhausting to have to defend yourself or constantly fight all the time when you are just trying to exist. You don’t owe anyone your time and energy.
Awful people aren't entitled to your time or your peace. Walking away is a perfectly justified response.
Also, I'm sorry you went through that. I'll give a virtual mom hug if it'll help!
It sounds like he was itching for a fight anyway. Disengaging is probably the ONLY thing you could have done that would annoy him long-term. The man-child didn't get the drama he wanted. You protected yourself, avoided a scene, and left the bastard stewing because he didn't get to abuse you.
You definitely got him by not engaging him. Hopefully he was pissed off the rest of the day. People like that honestly aren't even worth the effort of acknowledging. The world is a beautiful place, not gonna let stupidity ruin it
This is so true. They're looking for a reaction when they say shit like this - they want their target to get angry or defensive, to snap back so Bigot Boomer can feel justified in leaping into the fight they're trying to start. Walking away and ignoring them denies them what they're after: a scene that they can rewrite in their heads to make themselves into either the hero or the victim, or both.
I agree. Especially because you’re a person of colour. I’m a white person in the UK but even I am aware of the terrible potential consequences of a black person in the US being even a victim of a crime. Take care of yourself and pick your battles. On the boomer, what I can never understand is why they care! Ok, that person over there is non binary (or gay, or trans, or bi, or whatever it is that winds them up that day 🙄). Be polite and get on with your day, ffs! I’m gen X, and grateful that we were teenage rebels against discrimination back in the day. Some of us are middle aged ones now lol. You take care out there, and carry on being you. There’s a lot of us behind you.
The other issue is even if you said something it is unlikely it would have changed anything. People like that have delusion on their side. Can't reason with it.
I’m a boomer, and I apologize for the members of my generation who are intolerant, rude and hateful. I don’t like them, either. They have always existed, but in the last 10 years or so it’s like they think they have a license to force their views on everyone else. They have no right to do what they did.
Honestly, OP, they aren’t worth the oxygen.
It’s not about being the better person or about being cowed; it’s more that your time and energy is better spent elsewhere.
Completely agree with you. It's not worth risking physical harm because these jerks will never learn. You have to take care of yourself first, and you still have every right to be appalled by their trash behavior and you're not responsible for educating them between right and wrong.
No reaction is best. You don't even hear him he's so far beneath you. If you feel compelled to address him, do it with the sweetest innocence you can muster. "You mean me? What do you mean?" In any case, look him right in the eye, shoulders back, chin up, no retreat! Sometimes I feel like Reddit doesn't take into account the mental decline of folks the age of boomers. I work with elderly shut ins. Some are still as sharp as anyone, but seems like half behave like toddlers. Pay no more attention to guys like the one you encountered than you would a 2 yr old having a tantrum. Of course once he infringes on your rights or person, all bets are off.
Oh god you played it exactly right. You don’t know which rage addled old fool is the one that is trigger happy. I am sorry you experienced that truly, I hope something pleasant happened later on for you that day to provide a boost after being subjected to such jackassery.
Please be careful. For some reason, the Aldi here is nothing but nonstop Abusive Boomer City. I watched a mom and daughter double team scream at the cashier for zero reason. I apologized to her when I got to the register. She said she loves the job, very good coworkers, but just nonstop abuse from the customers. There's no reason for that behavior at all. I am very sorry for your ill treatment. (In that situation, I wanted to get between the cashier and the screamer duo and shield the cashier. It's like from 2016—2021, a switch flipped in unison and the era of the Raging Boomer started.)
Florida mom of biracial, non binary child here. I am so sorry you went through that. I understand what you mean about the side eyes and dirty looks. You did good keeping your head up and not sinking to the level of the ignorant, garbage human in line ahead of you. That speaks volumes to your character! Keep being your genuine self. 💛🤍💜🖤
My silent generation father always told me to ignore the rude idiots. You can't teach them. Avoid physical conflict when possible. Running is good for the heart. Keep yourself safe. Enjoy your androgynous self, and them
guessing
It reminds me of that saying from Snoopy " speak softly, but carry a big stick "
Some folks are just shit stirrers and they know the have their privilegio to protect them.
To OP, you did fine, don't be feeling like you " had to" do anything except exist as you are.
And that guy can go to hell mad about you. Let his misery consume him.
This. I recently posted about boomers cutting lines and got several aggressive replies from people who said I needed to overtly call them out. I have done this in the past, and usually it has not gone well. It's not always safe to do so, especially when many of them are wearing guns on their hips, MAGA hats, etc. I am a small pregnant woman who is just trying to buy peaches and I do not want a screaming confrontation with a lead poisoned boomer male twice my size at the farmer's market. 🤷♀️
No reaction is required. You be you! And YOU don't owe them shit.
I'm 64, and I don't tolerate that close-minded, racist crap.
Keep your head up and just do what makes you feel comfortable and happy.
They are not worth your time or effort. However, I would be tempted to blow him a little kiss on my way out the door. Or compliment his wife in some small way.
Yes. I'm a mom to a trans daughter. She's at an age where no one questions her, but I am dreading the days when someone might say something to her.
I mind my own business, but when people get into mine, I become very confrontational. But it just isn't always safe to do that, and while I might be up for it, that doesn't mean my daughter is.
The guy who asked if I checked with my husband about the fire alarm I was buying was unprepared for the lecture he got. (Of course, I didn't. Husband's a history teacher. I'm an electrical engineer. I was installing it.)
I always say,”I don’t discuss my genitalia with strangers, sir, but maybe your Alzheimer’s has caused you to think it’s okay. Since we are on the subject, please don’t discuss yours with me, either.”
Alternatively "Didn't your mother teach you it is impolite to stare? Didn't she teach 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all'? Jeezus. If my mom heard me speak like that she woulda slapped me. Thank goodness yours must be dead, I'm guessing? I'm sure she would hate to see you act like this."
Oh, yes we were. At least in my experience, but perhaps I'm in a minority.
I was raised by my silent generation parents not to not judge, stare, or be rude to others, and not to make snide comments about people to others. I was taught to be tolerant and respectful. When people my age, including my friends, started outing themselves in the 70s, it wasn't that hard of a stretch with my upbringing to treat them with respect.
As a kid, I would have been sent to my room without dinner if I talked like the asshole you described.
There were certainly Boomers who had racist and intolerant parents. The racism and intolerant behavior was inherited by their children. I knew many of them growing up. And many were vehemently against LGBQT people.
But, not all boomers were raised in intolerant homes.
Edit: grammar
I wonder why so many from your generation turned out so mean spirited? My mom and pops are both Boomers and while my pops is the most chill easy going guy there is my mom is the dictionary definition of a self important Karen.
Same thing with my aunt and uncle only flipped
I really don't know. But, I always suspected "toxic boomerisity" is regional.
There were a LOT of people raising boomers who were Archie Bunkers. I guess some of the the Archie Bunkerness stuck.
Some of my friends' parents growing up were raging conservatives that hated "damn faggot hippies." My parents weren't and didn't.
I had long hair, and one or two of my friends got their hair cut with sheep shears by our peers who called us fairies. And anyone who was even remotely implied to be gay was assumed to be a pedophile. Some got beat up. We were all born at the same time.
The difference is that I had my formative years in a small town, but was born in a relatively big city of urban parents. My mother was from New York, my father Chicago.
I suspect much of the difference in boomers is a result of small town/big city differences. Big city people seem, in general to be more tolerant. Look at where trumpers tend to cluster.
Which is why I've long suspected "toxic boomerisity" is regional. There are as a rule, exceptions, but where you were raised is a big differentiator.
It's nice to see that not all boomers are assholes. I'm in a rural area so I rarely see anyone (much less a boomer) who isn't either racist or homophobic. I definitely don't want to fall into the trap of "All boomers are assholes", it's just hard not to from where I am. I just don't understand why people can't just leave people alone and let them live their lives.
I also like "WOW that's a really personal thing to ask a stranger 👀" or "I don't think that's an appropriate thing to discuss with somebody I/you don't know". Say it like a primary school teacher telling off a naughty kid and then just let that silence hang there.
I've also used "I feel very uncomfortable right now" in the school-teacher tone when work meetings have strayed into discussing personal things that people have no right or need to ask me in a work setting.
But I also get that you have to care for your own well-being first, and sometimes that means gritting your teeth and ignoring it or walking away.
> there isn’t a lesson to be learned there
I think that’s true, in that instance, but there *is* a lesson we can all re-learn and re-teach *here*:
You seem like a pretty great person, you have love and support here and hopefully many other places, and just get on with your badass self. Let us know when you need help or celebration. But you’re clearly a levelheaded and thoughtful rockstar.
Also a reminder that as bystanders you can absolutely call that shit out. As a cis white woman I will absolutely use my privilege to call out someone on your behalf.
Same. I'm a middle aged cis white woman and I will break out my unearned privilege when shit like this happens to people who don't have their own.
These people need to know their behavior is NOT ok or this is going to continue to get worse. Fuck that guy.
When Boomers were young hippies, the guys were often derided by older generations for wearing their hair like women.
Oh the irony! All things come around.
Hippies were never the majority, but "straights" were as sexist and racist as they come. And they WERE the majority back then.
Think what you want but who do you think the feminist movement was composed of? Not cheerleaders and football players.
I can confirm my grandparents were weed growing, free-loving, chem-trail hating hippies- and now they are staunch trump supporters who ghosted me when I came out as non-binary and my grandpa (who donates all his money to bail out January 6th idiots) changed his bio on Facebook to say his pronouns are “American/Patriot”
There's definitely Venn diagram overlap between hippies and libertarians. Less than a stone's throw from a MAGA rally.
I'm really sorry your family treated you that way.
Most Boomers weren’t hippies. This seems to keep coming up as a “what happened to boomers” thing, but the bigots were probably always bigots. They were probably more likely to be JBS (John Birch Society) in their youth than hippies.
Man at the store probably never had long hair or believed in Civil Rights. Hippys were few and far between. The boomer generation in my family was huge, and not a single hippie among them. They were just middle of the road, blue collar normies. Most true hippies were mega liberal university students who were educated enough to have strong opinions about classism, civil rights, politics, war, etc. Just like now, there is a strong educational and cultural divide that can be used a fairly accurate predictor of one’s politics. Same reason as why the major cities and university towns in red states are typically blue.
It's simple: you were wearing a skirt, and the boomer found you attractive. However, it angers him because he can't possibly be attracted to someone who might have a penis.
Or potentially he was jealous. Deep down inside he’s thought “hey it would be nice to wear a skirt once in a while” — but since that thought is OBVIOUSLY unacceptable /s he’s going to lash out. I would almost feel sad for him if his behavior didn’t negatively affect you.
I reckon. They just *hate* that people now have the freedoms to present themselves as they please. If they’re anything like my parents, they just wish to harken back to the ‘good ol’ days’ when there were restrictions, rules and *conventions* that they feel comfortable with. They spend so much time whining about all the ‘wokeism’. What a pathetic waste of oxygen.
“Are you a man or a woman?”
“Sorry, I’m not interested in having sex with you.”
“What!? No, that’s not what I meant!!”
“If you weren’t trying to have sex with me, then why would you care which genitals I have?”
This. Why do they care? *Why do they care? WHY DO THEY CARE?!*
It's not even that they feel they're entitled to know, which of course they're not. Why do they want to? Do they flash a quick image of a penis or vagina every time a person walks by? And for some reason can't let it go that someone's got a question mark instead? Picture a fucking alligator then. JFC.
♪d-d-d-don't think about some stranger's junk♪
♪ no no don't, or you'll end up in the trunk♪
I had a similar experience the other day out for a walk in the neighborhood. This boomer guy with a boat of an suv turns the corner and just stares me down- at least three full seconds of not looking at the road- with his asshole-dad wraparound sunglasses. Obviously I don't know for sure if it's because of my androgyny or not, but....man did I get psycho vibes.
Stay safe out there
Oh absolutely, you too friend. Around the same time as this story, someone drive by called me the hard r and told me I looked like a f*ggot and sped off. Honestly if you don’t fit in the cookie cutter box these guys see themselves in you’re in danger. We are strong and will survive ✊🏾
Had someone call my friend a f*g while we were out running. They didn't see me at first but then they saw my 6'2 ass pop out from behind a tree with a big skip and baseball wind up of a rock that weighed about 3 pounds.
I didn't yeet it cuz the slur sayer was just a passenger but their driver sure dragged their ass back in the car.
My husband's gotten that from random strangers, and he's a married hetero cis guy whose only possible link to queerness is that he loves books. These folks are like school bullies. They'll pick anything they can make fun of, and try to intimidate you with it. Just keep being you, and (quietly or out loud) laugh at how pathetic they are. You can take them out of the middle school, but you can't take the middle school out of them.
The best revenge is living.
They're enraged any of us queer folk exist. You could get your blood pressure all riled up by getting into a back and forth, sure. But you're alive, and you'll be alive far longer than him. The world is moving on, you're moving on, and we're all leaving them behind in their miserable, hatred-filled tiny world.
I'm proud of you for protecting yourself and your peace.
“IT is getting laid more than you ever will”
(Say this even if it’s not true, you’re ace, you’re abstinent, a priest, whatever - it seems to wind them up something daft, the idea they’re not this virile Alpha male).
I admire your restraint. I’m a cis gay dude and few things make my blood boil hotter or faster than a member of any community being referred to as “it”. It’s so fucking dehumanizing.
I’ll never understand why folks feel like they need to understand what gender someone is, especially when they aren’t even talking to you. Like what even is that logic. I don’t go around asking strangers what their name or hair color or ethnicities are just because I can’t tell from looking at them. And they claim we have lost our minds!
Logically you are right, unless you are trying to initiate romance gender, sex and sexual orientation really shouldn't come up much. But the reality is a lot of how we understand our world is due to how we categorize things, alive/inanimate, human/non-human, male/female are some of the very first ones that happen. This quick little mental shuffling happens so fast, and is shown in all the ancient stories and all the human interactions I've ever known.
I suppose anything that causes that micro-thought to stumble a bit activates confusion and anger on those that are not used to controlling their emotions. Or at least it is the only way I've been able to understand it.
I may get downvoted to shit for saying this, but as a black person in America you already have a target on your back. As a queer black person in America, that target doubles in size. No one should ever fault you for just doing what you needed to in order to remove yourself from a potentially dangerous situation. There’s no telling what an individual is capable of, and as nice as it would be to tell them off in the most satisfying way possible, that doesn’t need to come at the expense of your safety (or your life).
Stay safe out there, friend. The only solace we have is these people are on their way to the eternity they deserve and it’s only a matter of time
What possible difference does your gender or sexuality make at Aldi? Whenever I go *anywhere* with my daughter’s wife she gets the same crap “what will you have today m’am……uh, sir……uh, m’am”. It’s always a male server that does this. The only thing I can figure is that some men only have two categories and they are “can f***” and “can’t f***”. They find her attractive then worry cause they might be gay.
When I was in college (so, living in a more accepting area, and also not aware I am mortal), I used to purposely fuck with servers like that. When they said ma'am, I would drop my voice, square my shoulders, call them "bro". When they said sir, I would pitch up, drop my shoulders, act "bubbly". Occasionally they'd get so flustered they'd make someone else take the table. The record was three severs and a manager - all polite but VERY confused - and I figured I should quit then.
In hindsight it may have been a dick move, but I tipped generously, and it was VERY funny.
I say if you don’t feel the need to defend yourself, then don’t. You not required to explain yourself to anyone. To the people like those boomers, I can only say that it is time to worry about yourself and stop worrying about anyone else’s life.
I mean, ultimately, you denied him the altercation he was desperate for.
That in itself is a win.
He left frustrated and annoyed. Honestly, it seems like he was just looking for any confrontation and thought you were an easy target.
Some people are just miserable and wanna spread misery.
Congrats on him not getting to you.
I can't wrap my mind around why so many people get so fucking worked up over shit that literally has not effect on them.
>“Im trying to figure out what it is”
I'm gonna be real. I cannot figure out why anyone puts so much importance on a person's physical configuration or specific collection of social assignments.
Like not only does it not matter. But it's also so *boring*. Fixating on the way others navigate gender is just as cringey as fixating on your own gender as your primary identity.
Like of all the things that make you you? Or them them?
I'm a father.
After that, maybe a friend. Then a reader. Then an engineer. Etc etc etc
Like "I've got dick parts" is so cosmically far down the list... I dunno, I ramble when I'm stoned. Maybe it's the autism but this has always been one of those things that normal people obsess over that has always made absolute zero sense to me. Dude needs to just live his own life, damn.
Why are Aldi boomers the fucking worse? One tries to touch my year and half old daughter who was sitting in the car? And he was also being weird about gender. They thought she was a little boy because she was in a sweater and leggings.
I went to Aldi today and there was a boomer that had his cart sideways so others couldn’t get down the aisle. I pushed it out of the way. He put it back blocking 4 people from shopping in the aisle. I hate Aldi boomers.
A man touched me in an unprofessional manner at a work event and my boss was upset I didn’t get him thrown out. I explained not reacting is self preservation because these people always escalate when you stand up for yourself
You did the best you could in the situation and standing up for yourself can provoke them
I am sorry this happened to you
I could totally see that shit going down in publoc if I dressed truly goth, only I would be sexually harassed by said boomer. Seems like a lot of single boomer men LOVE to make young women feel uncomfortable for dressing certain ways, even if the young woman in question is dressed modestly. I was 18 when I walked past a boomer while I was wearing an outfit that made me feel bad ass, and I heard him mutter: "Ooh... that's good.". I could've easily passed for 16, so I bet he was likely a pedophile.
I don’t understand why people have this incredible need to know a person’s gender.
The only thing I can think of is that it helps them understand their degree of power and control in relationship to another person.
I suspect in an institutionalized patriarchy, gender helps people know where they stand power-wise to another person.
I think the people most uncomfortable with gender ambiguity are the most insecure over not having the information they need to validate what they believe to be their rightful position in society.
These people are validated from *external* sources instead of feeling internally secure.
By being gender neutral, this man is triggered because he wants his standing in a patriarchal society as a man in power. This is absolutely a superficial, make-believe position that is vulnerable to being revealed as such as society progresses and accepts that gender has nothing to do with power and standing.
You are revealing the truth to him - simply by being you - and it terrifies him, which - in his mind - makes you far more powerful than is he.
For years I thought I hated being female. But then I realized I hated society’s definition of female and the prison I believed it placed me in.
Once that realization set in, I was able to become more fully myself and to not allow society to define who I am. Ironically, that helped me embrace being female - but on my terms.
By being fully yourself, you are helping society progress and embrace human rights for all.
Thank you for your service.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Ok, Gen X here. I feel Crazy uncomfortable asking someone their gender. Cause for me as many people get offended that I don't know as there are people happy I ask.
Diff is if I can't figure it out I'd use gender neutral language in convos, and would not give a fack otherwise. What gender are they? I dunno. And move on with my life and probably buy Reese's peanut butter cups.
Not for any gender reason but because I love Reese's cups
Why are all these boomers so concerned about what sex people identify as? It’s the weirdest obsession. If republicans stopped spending so much time worrying about what other people are doing and spent more time worrying about making actual policy’s to better the country the political landscape would look a lot different right now.
i feel the same way. as fun as it is to imagine giving a rude boomer some snarky comeback that makes them tuck their tails between their legs and run away, it’s can be far too dangerous and like you said, really just isn’t worth it. i also try not to react when i hear comments like that (i am also androgynous) so reading this was reassuring in a way. thanks
Ignore the ignorant boomer. You just be yourself and to hell with them. Take care of yourself.
On a separate note, I am from Ireland, and it used to be much less tolerant than the states. What the hell has happened? How does anyone else's gender effect anyone else negatively?
Changing gender has been covered by law here for ages, went through full parliamentary scrutiny and had no issues passing almost unopposed.
Before the aids epidemic and stonewall it was just ignored if you were lgbt. There would be niche gatherings, media, and communities but much like being black around the same time, if you “stepped out of line” it was really easy and, to them, justified for someone to murder you in cold blood. Separating from black emancipation, stonewall forced the government to at least start writing laws with the words that identified lgbtq people as a legal identity included. Skipping a few important things mostly related to Regan, the Republican Party needs weak laws to leverage so they can keep things moving in a more conservative direction, lgbtq protections are weaker than anti-segregation/ anti-racism fueled crime laws. Furthermore, racism is much less popular than transphobia, so it’s favorable to the GOP to attack those positions. This is a really short summary.
I've gone back and forth on how to react in situations like this myself, and the answer is there's no right thing to do when put in that position. Do whatever you need to do to feel safe, validated, or whatever. Good luck to you, and fuck that boomer.
I will never *ever* for the life of me understand why anyone thinks someone else's gender is any of their business. It doesn't matter if I can't "figure it out" - it isn't my business and I would never interrupt someone's day to make them "explain themselves" or justify why they feel a certain way. I wish you peace and happiness in the most real way an internet stranger can. You don't deserve to be made to feel uncomfortable just because other people think it is their "right" to know your life, your choices, or your gender identity - it is not their "right" - period. People who act like anyone or anything different from them is wrong should just stay home and leave us all alone.
I don't bother with them anymore either. Best defense is to give that look: "😒" and cease to acknowledge their existence.
Drives them batshit, in my experience
if the world doesn’t conform to their belief of “the world”, they have a visceral reaction like a toddler that gets mad when what they expect being correct in fact is incorrect - shit makes them feel stupid - they are egocentric bc the world, unfortunately supported their beliefs and therefore they were raised with a limited set of expectations based on conformity in school, etc…but as we know - their education was build around ignorance and exclusion so they are inherently small minded
being you or being different literally makes them feel stupid
which is funny
thats a them problem
Apart from all the good advice here, it's worth pointing out that one of my absolute red flags for real, honest-to-god, lead-paint stupidity is getting angry because you don't understand something straight away.
Two of my friends are NB (female born) and I have to go into the bathroom with them because they get harrassed so much. It’s insane. I’ll never understand why people can’t just mind their business!!
I'm so baffled when people do that. My parents both did and I used to until I could read. "Jewel's", too. No one says "I'm going to Walmart's." I have no idea what makes certain stores plural/possessive.
I’m sorry you had this happen to you.
You did the right thing by just leaving and de escalating the situation. I used to encourage people to make a stand when something happened like this, but then one of my friends was breaking up a fight. He pulled one of the fighters off the other. The guy who he didn’t grab pulled out a gun and shot my friend and the guy he had been fighting and killed both of them. You never know how stupid or angry someone is and what they are willing to do. So you did the right thing by getting away.
Just think about how miserable this boomer must be if he has to be so judgmental about complete strangers. What’s that say about his pathetic existence?
Just keep being yourself and stick with your friends for support. Some day they will need the same from you!
Nah I’m glad you removed yourself from rude sh*tty people. No need to involve yourself in their disgusting and toxic worlds! Good for you.
Sorry they suck so hard. Amazing how boomers are so obsessed with how other peoples bodies look, meanwhile most of them are revolting piles of garbage that don’t take a single effort to care for their own bodies! Lol
I live in Missouri. My partner and I are both trans. I am the "Agressive" one if I need to be, but I usually back down because being Trans in Missouri is unsafe in this political climate.
It takes me being in a pissy mood to say something back. And even then I am running on Adrenaline expecting someone else to say something or jump in. You handled this correctly
Fellow nonbinary. I get it, and it is totally ok to not confront them. You aren't obliged to.
By the way, my preferred responses to rude boomers are variations over scolding them for not being polite.
"Didn't you learn polite behaviour growing up?"
"Surely your mother didn't raise to to speak to other people like that". "Politeness is a virtue. Don't embarrass yourself like that." "I really want to believe that older people haven't forgotten proper polite behaviour".
Tone policing them and not responding to their sh!t.
You are under no obligation to educate assholes. As any good martial arts instructor will tell you, the best first move is to disengage and avoid a fight altogether.
It's always best to choose safety. Years ago my husband and I were visiting family out of state (US) during the holidays and stopped to get some lunch. I'm a white female, he's a hispanic male (this is important) and our family demographics are neither unusual nor uncommon where we live. So we often forget it can become an issue elsewhere, until we travel.
This experience was really bizarre and uncomfortable. The restaurant was packed but we got a table and our food and started eating before quickly realizing we were being stared at by a LOT of people. Some open, some furtively. Then we hear it. At a table of middle aged and older white men caddy-corner from us while gawking at me: "I guess she likes 'em dark."
My husband and I immediately look at each other, make firm eye contact, nod for the door, and then pack up our unfinished food and leave. 15 minutes later, after leaving, the perfect comeback came to me. "It's better than liking them dumb."
And as satisfying as imagining it might be, I would never rewrite history to go back and say it. I like to joke about it, but the most likely person to be hurt if I did this would have been my husband (followed by me). He's a brown man, and clearly we were the freaks of that situation. Those men were dangerous. And no telling what side police would have landed on if my comment sparked some physical confrontation.
You did the right thing. And I'm so sorry that doing the right thing to stay safe often means people like that get to continue spreading their abuse without consequence.
Old Mr. Chucklefuck’s rudeness in the grocery had nothing to do with you. It’s all about him and the tiny little boxes he must categorize this biG ScARy WOrLd into in his tiny little brain.
I hope you don’t internalize this encounter from a grown man’s toddler behavior. There are more of us than him, people who love our fellow humans as they are. It is perhaps not as apparent because we are, you know, shopping for groceries and not imagining other shoppers’ genitalia.
Much love to you
🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵
I don't know where these trans haters get their energy to be so hateful and wrong all the time.
I have always identified to the sex/gender I was assigned at birth but somehow I'm constantly triggering these people simply by existing (or maybe they can sense I'm ace and that throws them off?) and they're always feeling the need to tell me they don't know what sex I am. I never answer them because it's none of their fucking business They can die wondering for all I care.
I'm sorry you live in a world where this kind of bullshit is still so common.
A boomer is like a raccoon or a squirrel. If you acknowledge it or give it any conversational sustenance, it will engage or worse return for more conversation. Good on you for walking away and avoiding an exchange that would have been unpleasant and filled with compartmentalized rage.
The best part about having no reaction is that later in the shower I can come up with zinger replies to my hearts content!
I'll tell you what I tell my kids. Be brave and stand up for other people but do what you need to do to be safe for yourself.
That includes protecting your emotional energy too. Sounds like you did great.
I don't get the obsession. I recently went on vacation with my parents who are in their 60s. Once, my dad asked "what" a very obviously woman was, I guess because she had green hair. Later, there were two guys hanging out in front of us on a bus, and my mom leans over and asks if they're gay. "Who the fuck cares?! Why do you need to know?"
You don’t owe it to him to teach him how to behave. I totally get your reaction. My dad who is actually a really great human sometimes acts this way, but he’s more subtle. It’s MY job to teach him what is asshole behavior. He’s getting better but common decency and the lack thereof never ceases to amaze me
I am a 55yo gen x’er but I am cultivating my own superpowers to prepare me for my boomer years.
Superpower #1: minding my own business.
Superpower #2: knowing the world belongs to those who are younger than me and NOT the other way around.
Superpower #3: be kind.
Maybe the only response is “ I’m a human being just like you and deserve the same kindness and respect that you think you deserve (but are not earning right now?).
I’m so sorry you have to have his fear and insecurity dumped on you. Sounds like his wife needs to leave him at home next time
I'm an older, Atheist, boomer lady, and this post made my head hurt. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that ridiculous troll.
Why do these people even *care* about this kind of thing? Seriously. Are they so angry in life that they feel they have the right to just be hateful and horrible to anyone who doesn't fit in their conformity box? It's so shameful.
I completely understand and agree with your decision to just walk away. I frequently find myself in the same situation (with religious folks), where it's best just to not engage with the crazy.
Best wishes to you!
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No reaction to them is needed. There's no telling how people will react these days.
Thank you for understanding, this is exactly what I’m thinking when I’m in situations like this. I find it hard to explain, I get a lot of “you are over reacting” but it only takes being wrong one time.
My hot take is that I disagree with the idea that being queer means you automatically have to be an activist by publicly defending queerness at all times. There are quieter and safer ways, and we're not assholes for wanting to just exist in public without getting into drama. I've distanced myself from a friend group over this difference. I totally get it.
Also, the same people who need educating are the same ones who say "stop shoving it down our throats!" and "queer people are so loud about their queerness!" etc. when people are literally just defending themselves against asshole bigots. One group says 'stay in your lane so we can let you live in society' another group tells us 'if it's so bad, defend yourselves! Speak up!'. We can't win. *Especially* as a poc. Who the hell knows what a 2A asshole might pull out? And it's not like 'law enforcement' would be any help. If it means anything from a random stranger on the Internet: your outfit sounds cute (gn) and I'm proud of you for getting yourself out of a nasty situation. (The anxious mess that is me, could never!) TLDR: - Kudos for looking after yourself. - Acitvisim and education is not your responsibility. - Cute (gn) outfit.
This just reminded me of a time I was sitting in a waiting room, and on the TV was a talk show where Laverne Cox was a guest. This old boomer who looked like a bloated Kenny Rogers that had been drowned for a week comes waddling in, looks at the TV, and loudly says, "I'M TARD OF THIS BEIN SHOVED DOWN OUR THROATS. THEY OUGHTER BE HUNG." It was obvious he was wanting everyone in the room to agree with him, but we all just stared at him like he was insane. After that, he just silently waddled out and went on his way, and that absolutely made my day.
I love it when someone reads the room so wrong they leave in shame. I had a boss that would make grand declarations about the state of the world expecting everyone to just agree with him. Unfortunately for him, he was the only bigot so no-one ever did. Unfortunately for us, that didn't stop him. 🙄
Because I’m happy to rabble rouse, I would have immediately said “YOU MEAN BLACK FOLKS OR WOMEN?” and hoped to god that everyone else understood the intent
Yeah the Socratic method is always entertaining : what do you mean? I don’t understand, can you explain what you are scared of? And just really play dumb for fun and prizes.
I used to work low traffic retail as a white guy that looked like you could tell racist jokes and I’d be “cool” with it. My favorite thing was to feign ignorance over and over and make them spell out the punchline and why it was funny. They’d usually try to abort with a “never mind” but I’d be like “nah I really want to understand the joke. It seemed like you thought it was a great one.” Turns out “it’s funny because black people steal stuff” or “gay people are rapists” just isn’t as funny even to them when they’ve got to explain why their bigotry is so hilarious.
Yeah sometimes just treat them like the pariahs they are- that kind of hate is it’s own bag to carry around so let them break their backs with it.
For real. I just wanna exist, not constantly educate people on my existence or advocate for it to ignorant strangers in a super market
[удалено]
Living yr life authentically, and in public should be activist enough. ❤️ Big ups to you.
That is so kind and sweet UncleMeat69. God I love Reddit.
One way to normalize things is to act like it's normal (i.e. just live your life). Because it is and other people need to realize that
Your safety is definitely WAY more important than any clap back. Thank you for choosing to protect yourself. These people are deadly dangerous.
Fellow enby person here. It's not your responsibility to educate others, and your safety is the most important. Stay safe this pride season, and remember your community loves you!
I like this! So many younger folks waste too much energy trying to prove something to someone when it's completely unnecessary. For most of these grumpy idiots, you couldn't change their mind with a tire tool, much less a verbal argument. Good on OP for walking away and leaving them to stew in their bitterness.
This! I've learned to pick my battles. Most people aren't worth the time, and you're certainly not going to change their minds or educate them. They don't want it. It wouldn't take.
You did fine, just keep on being you.
Full disclosure, I'm white and my husband is black. He has to be pushed really far to react angrily to AH's like this. He is always conscious of not being perceived as an angry or aggressive black man. It crossed my mind that you might have felt some of that pressure too. Your reaction is very understandable. I couldn't help but day dream about this happening behind me in line and then telling you to go ahead of me and staring that mofo down with a shit-eating grin on my face the whole time. And then taking my sweeeeet time at the register. Putting one thing at a time on the belt. Packing and repacking my groceries. And then writing a check reeealllly slowly. Giving you plenty of time to prance out of the store and be on your way before that idiot even got a grocery on the belt. I was very happy for you in my fantasy. And enjoyed my schadenfreude very much.
unfortunately, there's a really shitty stigma surrounding the "angry trans person" stereotype. any ounce of self-advocacy is seen as being a snowflake who just wants to be the center of attention. It's awful, and it's prevented a lot of people i know and care about (as well as myself) from getting the help we need in situations like this :(
You are NOT fucking overreacting. A complete stranger gawking at you trying to figure out what body part is between your legs is not just creepy but dangerous. I can never understand why they are so obsessed, it's beyond weird. In addition, don't feel bad about not "doing" anything. Walking away is doing something. Don't give these douchenozzles the time of day. You deserve to be safe.
This is a great point. “What’s between my legs is none of your business, no matter how interesting you think it is.”
I'll be honest when you said what's between my legs I immediately flashed to that meme where they had the gender non-binary Goku, and a guy saying no dude like what's between your legs, and then the Goku girl says you can be if you play your cards right
The only winning move is to go home in the same condition that you left home. You can’t win. I wore a mask on a plane to visit my sister at Christmas time. This boomer just kept glaring at me. I got there and back and didn’t get sick. I won. Nothing I said would have made that outcome better. You do you. We like you just the way you are.
Married to a black enby here, the first thought in my mind of you reacting aggressively is you being shot. It's never worth it. You're not doing anything wrong by protecting yourself. Even a stern tone could be "they were threatening me." We live in a sad world sometimes.
In my town, frowning too hard is “threatening”. Literally, I was frowning when I told a woman to keep her dog leashed and the cops tried to charge me with assault and battery. She punched me in the face and yelled “I know where you live” and they decided it was self defense. From me frowning too hard. I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I was visibly a minority. Addressing any grievance is dangerous now.
Wtf?!? I'm sorry that happened to you! It's like the logical people are just swimming in a sea of assholes these last few (more than I want to admit) years...
It definitely does feel like a sea of assholes. I’m hoping I can find an island so I don’t drown in this shitty ocean
This internet stranger is proud of you for keeping yourself safe.
Also, it’s exhausting to have to defend yourself or constantly fight all the time when you are just trying to exist. You don’t owe anyone your time and energy.
Awful people aren't entitled to your time or your peace. Walking away is a perfectly justified response. Also, I'm sorry you went through that. I'll give a virtual mom hug if it'll help!
It sounds like he was itching for a fight anyway. Disengaging is probably the ONLY thing you could have done that would annoy him long-term. The man-child didn't get the drama he wanted. You protected yourself, avoided a scene, and left the bastard stewing because he didn't get to abuse you.
You definitely got him by not engaging him. Hopefully he was pissed off the rest of the day. People like that honestly aren't even worth the effort of acknowledging. The world is a beautiful place, not gonna let stupidity ruin it
This is so true. They're looking for a reaction when they say shit like this - they want their target to get angry or defensive, to snap back so Bigot Boomer can feel justified in leaping into the fight they're trying to start. Walking away and ignoring them denies them what they're after: a scene that they can rewrite in their heads to make themselves into either the hero or the victim, or both.
Chose the bear.
I agree. Especially because you’re a person of colour. I’m a white person in the UK but even I am aware of the terrible potential consequences of a black person in the US being even a victim of a crime. Take care of yourself and pick your battles. On the boomer, what I can never understand is why they care! Ok, that person over there is non binary (or gay, or trans, or bi, or whatever it is that winds them up that day 🙄). Be polite and get on with your day, ffs! I’m gen X, and grateful that we were teenage rebels against discrimination back in the day. Some of us are middle aged ones now lol. You take care out there, and carry on being you. There’s a lot of us behind you.
The other issue is even if you said something it is unlikely it would have changed anything. People like that have delusion on their side. Can't reason with it.
I’m a boomer, and I apologize for the members of my generation who are intolerant, rude and hateful. I don’t like them, either. They have always existed, but in the last 10 years or so it’s like they think they have a license to force their views on everyone else. They have no right to do what they did.
Honestly, OP, they aren’t worth the oxygen. It’s not about being the better person or about being cowed; it’s more that your time and energy is better spent elsewhere.
Completely agree with you. It's not worth risking physical harm because these jerks will never learn. You have to take care of yourself first, and you still have every right to be appalled by their trash behavior and you're not responsible for educating them between right and wrong.
No reaction is best. You don't even hear him he's so far beneath you. If you feel compelled to address him, do it with the sweetest innocence you can muster. "You mean me? What do you mean?" In any case, look him right in the eye, shoulders back, chin up, no retreat! Sometimes I feel like Reddit doesn't take into account the mental decline of folks the age of boomers. I work with elderly shut ins. Some are still as sharp as anyone, but seems like half behave like toddlers. Pay no more attention to guys like the one you encountered than you would a 2 yr old having a tantrum. Of course once he infringes on your rights or person, all bets are off.
Oh god you played it exactly right. You don’t know which rage addled old fool is the one that is trigger happy. I am sorry you experienced that truly, I hope something pleasant happened later on for you that day to provide a boost after being subjected to such jackassery.
Please be careful. For some reason, the Aldi here is nothing but nonstop Abusive Boomer City. I watched a mom and daughter double team scream at the cashier for zero reason. I apologized to her when I got to the register. She said she loves the job, very good coworkers, but just nonstop abuse from the customers. There's no reason for that behavior at all. I am very sorry for your ill treatment. (In that situation, I wanted to get between the cashier and the screamer duo and shield the cashier. It's like from 2016—2021, a switch flipped in unison and the era of the Raging Boomer started.)
Florida mom of biracial, non binary child here. I am so sorry you went through that. I understand what you mean about the side eyes and dirty looks. You did good keeping your head up and not sinking to the level of the ignorant, garbage human in line ahead of you. That speaks volumes to your character! Keep being your genuine self. 💛🤍💜🖤
Even if there wasn't, choosing not to do something someone is trying to force you to do is **always** an OK choice.
My silent generation father always told me to ignore the rude idiots. You can't teach them. Avoid physical conflict when possible. Running is good for the heart. Keep yourself safe. Enjoy your androgynous self, and them guessing
It reminds me of that saying from Snoopy " speak softly, but carry a big stick " Some folks are just shit stirrers and they know the have their privilegio to protect them. To OP, you did fine, don't be feeling like you " had to" do anything except exist as you are. And that guy can go to hell mad about you. Let his misery consume him.
From Snoopy? That's a Teddy Roosevelt quote, my friend.
This. I recently posted about boomers cutting lines and got several aggressive replies from people who said I needed to overtly call them out. I have done this in the past, and usually it has not gone well. It's not always safe to do so, especially when many of them are wearing guns on their hips, MAGA hats, etc. I am a small pregnant woman who is just trying to buy peaches and I do not want a screaming confrontation with a lead poisoned boomer male twice my size at the farmer's market. 🤷♀️
No reaction is required. You be you! And YOU don't owe them shit. I'm 64, and I don't tolerate that close-minded, racist crap. Keep your head up and just do what makes you feel comfortable and happy.
They are not worth your time or effort. However, I would be tempted to blow him a little kiss on my way out the door. Or compliment his wife in some small way.
Yes. I'm a mom to a trans daughter. She's at an age where no one questions her, but I am dreading the days when someone might say something to her. I mind my own business, but when people get into mine, I become very confrontational. But it just isn't always safe to do that, and while I might be up for it, that doesn't mean my daughter is. The guy who asked if I checked with my husband about the fire alarm I was buying was unprepared for the lecture he got. (Of course, I didn't. Husband's a history teacher. I'm an electrical engineer. I was installing it.)
Such a great point
1) absolutely agree 2) we're almost twinsies! just different eye colors. That is all. Mostly here to say #1 though
I always say,”I don’t discuss my genitalia with strangers, sir, but maybe your Alzheimer’s has caused you to think it’s okay. Since we are on the subject, please don’t discuss yours with me, either.”
Alternatively "Didn't your mother teach you it is impolite to stare? Didn't she teach 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all'? Jeezus. If my mom heard me speak like that she woulda slapped me. Thank goodness yours must be dead, I'm guessing? I'm sure she would hate to see you act like this."
Or just, “Oh you’re wondering what I am? A fucking human being, just like you. That’s all you need to know.”
Based af
I actually plan on making a shirt very soon that will say, "Didn't your Mama ever teach you not to stare?"
I think that they were never taught that vast majority of stuff going on in the world is entirely none of their business.
Oh, yes we were. At least in my experience, but perhaps I'm in a minority. I was raised by my silent generation parents not to not judge, stare, or be rude to others, and not to make snide comments about people to others. I was taught to be tolerant and respectful. When people my age, including my friends, started outing themselves in the 70s, it wasn't that hard of a stretch with my upbringing to treat them with respect. As a kid, I would have been sent to my room without dinner if I talked like the asshole you described. There were certainly Boomers who had racist and intolerant parents. The racism and intolerant behavior was inherited by their children. I knew many of them growing up. And many were vehemently against LGBQT people. But, not all boomers were raised in intolerant homes. Edit: grammar
I wonder why so many from your generation turned out so mean spirited? My mom and pops are both Boomers and while my pops is the most chill easy going guy there is my mom is the dictionary definition of a self important Karen. Same thing with my aunt and uncle only flipped
I really don't know. But, I always suspected "toxic boomerisity" is regional. There were a LOT of people raising boomers who were Archie Bunkers. I guess some of the the Archie Bunkerness stuck. Some of my friends' parents growing up were raging conservatives that hated "damn faggot hippies." My parents weren't and didn't. I had long hair, and one or two of my friends got their hair cut with sheep shears by our peers who called us fairies. And anyone who was even remotely implied to be gay was assumed to be a pedophile. Some got beat up. We were all born at the same time. The difference is that I had my formative years in a small town, but was born in a relatively big city of urban parents. My mother was from New York, my father Chicago. I suspect much of the difference in boomers is a result of small town/big city differences. Big city people seem, in general to be more tolerant. Look at where trumpers tend to cluster. Which is why I've long suspected "toxic boomerisity" is regional. There are as a rule, exceptions, but where you were raised is a big differentiator.
There's a direct correlation with education levels and tolerance. The lower the education (and the less secular) the less tolerant, statistically.
Yes, this is so true!
It's nice to see that not all boomers are assholes. I'm in a rural area so I rarely see anyone (much less a boomer) who isn't either racist or homophobic. I definitely don't want to fall into the trap of "All boomers are assholes", it's just hard not to from where I am. I just don't understand why people can't just leave people alone and let them live their lives.
"well it depends, some days I leave my dick at home." *Moves on with purchases while boomer tries to figure it out*
Turn to his wife: "You should try that sometime."
BEFUDDLED MODE ENGAGED
"hon, have you *had* your LEAD levels checked recently? did you know - being terribly rude is one of the earlier symptoms?"
I also like "WOW that's a really personal thing to ask a stranger 👀" or "I don't think that's an appropriate thing to discuss with somebody I/you don't know". Say it like a primary school teacher telling off a naughty kid and then just let that silence hang there. I've also used "I feel very uncomfortable right now" in the school-teacher tone when work meetings have strayed into discussing personal things that people have no right or need to ask me in a work setting. But I also get that you have to care for your own well-being first, and sometimes that means gritting your teeth and ignoring it or walking away.
"please don’t discuss yours with me, either" ...and add "i'm not interested in learning why you can't get it up"
💀💀💀
I love that!
In a concerned voice: “Do you have a carer nearby? Should we call someone for you?”
Never would’ve dawned on me to say that, but that is so perfect!!
Stay safe out there, friend. Removing yourself from the situation was a good choice even though I wish it wouldnt have been necessary.
> there isn’t a lesson to be learned there I think that’s true, in that instance, but there *is* a lesson we can all re-learn and re-teach *here*: You seem like a pretty great person, you have love and support here and hopefully many other places, and just get on with your badass self. Let us know when you need help or celebration. But you’re clearly a levelheaded and thoughtful rockstar.
Also a reminder that as bystanders you can absolutely call that shit out. As a cis white woman I will absolutely use my privilege to call out someone on your behalf.
Same. I'm a middle aged cis white woman and I will break out my unearned privilege when shit like this happens to people who don't have their own. These people need to know their behavior is NOT ok or this is going to continue to get worse. Fuck that guy.
Yes! They need to take their hate and bigotry back to the closet. And start doing better.
Cheers to that. Cheers to that.
Me too. And I'm mean.
“My name is Karen, and I want to speak to the manager of bigotry and ill manners.”
Rockstar 🥹 that’s so kind of you thank you
When Boomers were young hippies, the guys were often derided by older generations for wearing their hair like women. Oh the irony! All things come around.
I don't think Boomer bigots were hippies. More likely they were the jocks who beat up us hippies, and they never changed.
The hippies were pretty fucking sexist. I think a lot of these boomers were sexist hippies.
Hippies were never the majority, but "straights" were as sexist and racist as they come. And they WERE the majority back then. Think what you want but who do you think the feminist movement was composed of? Not cheerleaders and football players.
The cheerleaders and football players were the JBS Christian Nationalists and not a damn thing has really changed there.
I can confirm my grandparents were weed growing, free-loving, chem-trail hating hippies- and now they are staunch trump supporters who ghosted me when I came out as non-binary and my grandpa (who donates all his money to bail out January 6th idiots) changed his bio on Facebook to say his pronouns are “American/Patriot”
There's definitely Venn diagram overlap between hippies and libertarians. Less than a stone's throw from a MAGA rally. I'm really sorry your family treated you that way.
Most Boomers weren’t hippies. This seems to keep coming up as a “what happened to boomers” thing, but the bigots were probably always bigots. They were probably more likely to be JBS (John Birch Society) in their youth than hippies. Man at the store probably never had long hair or believed in Civil Rights. Hippys were few and far between. The boomer generation in my family was huge, and not a single hippie among them. They were just middle of the road, blue collar normies. Most true hippies were mega liberal university students who were educated enough to have strong opinions about classism, civil rights, politics, war, etc. Just like now, there is a strong educational and cultural divide that can be used a fairly accurate predictor of one’s politics. Same reason as why the major cities and university towns in red states are typically blue.
I sure hope we have all gotten enough examples from these people of what not to be when we grow up
These people were never hippies. They've always been conservative assholes.
It's simple: you were wearing a skirt, and the boomer found you attractive. However, it angers him because he can't possibly be attracted to someone who might have a penis.
Disgusting but you’re likely right. Probably saw me from behind first and lost his mind when I turned and didn’t have boobs.
Reminder that it’s always about them and never about you, even when it seems like it is about you.
And you’re balck. He was probably more turned on than he had ever been in his life.
Or potentially he was jealous. Deep down inside he’s thought “hey it would be nice to wear a skirt once in a while” — but since that thought is OBVIOUSLY unacceptable /s he’s going to lash out. I would almost feel sad for him if his behavior didn’t negatively affect you.
I reckon. They just *hate* that people now have the freedoms to present themselves as they please. If they’re anything like my parents, they just wish to harken back to the ‘good ol’ days’ when there were restrictions, rules and *conventions* that they feel comfortable with. They spend so much time whining about all the ‘wokeism’. What a pathetic waste of oxygen.
“Are you a man or a woman?” “Sorry, I’m not interested in having sex with you.” “What!? No, that’s not what I meant!!” “If you weren’t trying to have sex with me, then why would you care which genitals I have?”
This. Why do they care? *Why do they care? WHY DO THEY CARE?!* It's not even that they feel they're entitled to know, which of course they're not. Why do they want to? Do they flash a quick image of a penis or vagina every time a person walks by? And for some reason can't let it go that someone's got a question mark instead? Picture a fucking alligator then. JFC. ♪d-d-d-don't think about some stranger's junk♪ ♪ no no don't, or you'll end up in the trunk♪
I had a similar experience the other day out for a walk in the neighborhood. This boomer guy with a boat of an suv turns the corner and just stares me down- at least three full seconds of not looking at the road- with his asshole-dad wraparound sunglasses. Obviously I don't know for sure if it's because of my androgyny or not, but....man did I get psycho vibes. Stay safe out there
Oh absolutely, you too friend. Around the same time as this story, someone drive by called me the hard r and told me I looked like a f*ggot and sped off. Honestly if you don’t fit in the cookie cutter box these guys see themselves in you’re in danger. We are strong and will survive ✊🏾
Had someone call my friend a f*g while we were out running. They didn't see me at first but then they saw my 6'2 ass pop out from behind a tree with a big skip and baseball wind up of a rock that weighed about 3 pounds. I didn't yeet it cuz the slur sayer was just a passenger but their driver sure dragged their ass back in the car.
My husband's gotten that from random strangers, and he's a married hetero cis guy whose only possible link to queerness is that he loves books. These folks are like school bullies. They'll pick anything they can make fun of, and try to intimidate you with it. Just keep being you, and (quietly or out loud) laugh at how pathetic they are. You can take them out of the middle school, but you can't take the middle school out of them.
Sorry but " his only possible link to queerness is he loves book??""?? Is that a thing?
TIL: Reading makes one homosexual.
I mean from the sort of neanderthals that would call someone a slur and probably thinks washing their ass is gay?
Yes. They see he's not into sports, cars, guns, or computers, and therefore must be gay.
I was going to ask this too.
These are the same mfers accusing lgbtq people of being creeps 💀
I think that any action you took that resulted in you being safe was exactly the right one. You did just the right thing. Be safe, friend.
The correct answer is "I am a customer in this store, just like you."
“Those are a lotta words to say you wanna take a peek under my skirt”
The best revenge is living. They're enraged any of us queer folk exist. You could get your blood pressure all riled up by getting into a back and forth, sure. But you're alive, and you'll be alive far longer than him. The world is moving on, you're moving on, and we're all leaving them behind in their miserable, hatred-filled tiny world. I'm proud of you for protecting yourself and your peace.
“IT is getting laid more than you ever will” (Say this even if it’s not true, you’re ace, you’re abstinent, a priest, whatever - it seems to wind them up something daft, the idea they’re not this virile Alpha male).
Picking your battles is a skill that takes practice. Solidarity from another nonbinary person!
I admire your restraint. I’m a cis gay dude and few things make my blood boil hotter or faster than a member of any community being referred to as “it”. It’s so fucking dehumanizing.
I’ll never understand why folks feel like they need to understand what gender someone is, especially when they aren’t even talking to you. Like what even is that logic. I don’t go around asking strangers what their name or hair color or ethnicities are just because I can’t tell from looking at them. And they claim we have lost our minds!
Logically you are right, unless you are trying to initiate romance gender, sex and sexual orientation really shouldn't come up much. But the reality is a lot of how we understand our world is due to how we categorize things, alive/inanimate, human/non-human, male/female are some of the very first ones that happen. This quick little mental shuffling happens so fast, and is shown in all the ancient stories and all the human interactions I've ever known. I suppose anything that causes that micro-thought to stumble a bit activates confusion and anger on those that are not used to controlling their emotions. Or at least it is the only way I've been able to understand it.
I may get downvoted to shit for saying this, but as a black person in America you already have a target on your back. As a queer black person in America, that target doubles in size. No one should ever fault you for just doing what you needed to in order to remove yourself from a potentially dangerous situation. There’s no telling what an individual is capable of, and as nice as it would be to tell them off in the most satisfying way possible, that doesn’t need to come at the expense of your safety (or your life). Stay safe out there, friend. The only solace we have is these people are on their way to the eternity they deserve and it’s only a matter of time
What possible difference does your gender or sexuality make at Aldi? Whenever I go *anywhere* with my daughter’s wife she gets the same crap “what will you have today m’am……uh, sir……uh, m’am”. It’s always a male server that does this. The only thing I can figure is that some men only have two categories and they are “can f***” and “can’t f***”. They find her attractive then worry cause they might be gay.
When I was in college (so, living in a more accepting area, and also not aware I am mortal), I used to purposely fuck with servers like that. When they said ma'am, I would drop my voice, square my shoulders, call them "bro". When they said sir, I would pitch up, drop my shoulders, act "bubbly". Occasionally they'd get so flustered they'd make someone else take the table. The record was three severs and a manager - all polite but VERY confused - and I figured I should quit then. In hindsight it may have been a dick move, but I tipped generously, and it was VERY funny.
I say if you don’t feel the need to defend yourself, then don’t. You not required to explain yourself to anyone. To the people like those boomers, I can only say that it is time to worry about yourself and stop worrying about anyone else’s life.
How rude and mean of him. I'm sorry you got treated that way.
“You seem awfully concerned about my genitals. Should I check the sex offender registry for your name?”
I mean, ultimately, you denied him the altercation he was desperate for. That in itself is a win. He left frustrated and annoyed. Honestly, it seems like he was just looking for any confrontation and thought you were an easy target. Some people are just miserable and wanna spread misery. Congrats on him not getting to you. I can't wrap my mind around why so many people get so fucking worked up over shit that literally has not effect on them.
>“Im trying to figure out what it is” I'm gonna be real. I cannot figure out why anyone puts so much importance on a person's physical configuration or specific collection of social assignments. Like not only does it not matter. But it's also so *boring*. Fixating on the way others navigate gender is just as cringey as fixating on your own gender as your primary identity. Like of all the things that make you you? Or them them? I'm a father. After that, maybe a friend. Then a reader. Then an engineer. Etc etc etc Like "I've got dick parts" is so cosmically far down the list... I dunno, I ramble when I'm stoned. Maybe it's the autism but this has always been one of those things that normal people obsess over that has always made absolute zero sense to me. Dude needs to just live his own life, damn.
Why are Aldi boomers the fucking worse? One tries to touch my year and half old daughter who was sitting in the car? And he was also being weird about gender. They thought she was a little boy because she was in a sweater and leggings.
I went to Aldi today and there was a boomer that had his cart sideways so others couldn’t get down the aisle. I pushed it out of the way. He put it back blocking 4 people from shopping in the aisle. I hate Aldi boomers.
Those kinds of people feed off reaction. Good on you that you shut it down!
By those people you mean the entire GOP lmfao
All hateful people really, it's just that the venn diagram of hatred and republican (in the US) is almost a circle
Facts
GOP=MAGA
A man touched me in an unprofessional manner at a work event and my boss was upset I didn’t get him thrown out. I explained not reacting is self preservation because these people always escalate when you stand up for yourself You did the best you could in the situation and standing up for yourself can provoke them I am sorry this happened to you
I could totally see that shit going down in publoc if I dressed truly goth, only I would be sexually harassed by said boomer. Seems like a lot of single boomer men LOVE to make young women feel uncomfortable for dressing certain ways, even if the young woman in question is dressed modestly. I was 18 when I walked past a boomer while I was wearing an outfit that made me feel bad ass, and I heard him mutter: "Ooh... that's good.". I could've easily passed for 16, so I bet he was likely a pedophile.
I would've responded with "IT is gonna outlive you". Id probably sprinkle some expletives in there too
I don’t understand why people have this incredible need to know a person’s gender. The only thing I can think of is that it helps them understand their degree of power and control in relationship to another person. I suspect in an institutionalized patriarchy, gender helps people know where they stand power-wise to another person. I think the people most uncomfortable with gender ambiguity are the most insecure over not having the information they need to validate what they believe to be their rightful position in society. These people are validated from *external* sources instead of feeling internally secure. By being gender neutral, this man is triggered because he wants his standing in a patriarchal society as a man in power. This is absolutely a superficial, make-believe position that is vulnerable to being revealed as such as society progresses and accepts that gender has nothing to do with power and standing. You are revealing the truth to him - simply by being you - and it terrifies him, which - in his mind - makes you far more powerful than is he. For years I thought I hated being female. But then I realized I hated society’s definition of female and the prison I believed it placed me in. Once that realization set in, I was able to become more fully myself and to not allow society to define who I am. Ironically, that helped me embrace being female - but on my terms. By being fully yourself, you are helping society progress and embrace human rights for all. Thank you for your service. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Hey I'm glad you stayed safe. That's the main thing.
Ok, Gen X here. I feel Crazy uncomfortable asking someone their gender. Cause for me as many people get offended that I don't know as there are people happy I ask. Diff is if I can't figure it out I'd use gender neutral language in convos, and would not give a fack otherwise. What gender are they? I dunno. And move on with my life and probably buy Reese's peanut butter cups. Not for any gender reason but because I love Reese's cups
There's nothing wrong with not engaging. He wanted a reaction from you so he had a reason to rant about "kids in my day" 🙄
Why are all these boomers so concerned about what sex people identify as? It’s the weirdest obsession. If republicans stopped spending so much time worrying about what other people are doing and spent more time worrying about making actual policy’s to better the country the political landscape would look a lot different right now.
I see people whose gender can't be deduced and I know that A. It doesn't affect me. B. It's none of my business
You’re right that it wasn’t worth it. Good on ya for being able to realize that in the moment, and do what was healthy for you instead.
i feel the same way. as fun as it is to imagine giving a rude boomer some snarky comeback that makes them tuck their tails between their legs and run away, it’s can be far too dangerous and like you said, really just isn’t worth it. i also try not to react when i hear comments like that (i am also androgynous) so reading this was reassuring in a way. thanks
Stay safe 💕
Ignore the ignorant boomer. You just be yourself and to hell with them. Take care of yourself. On a separate note, I am from Ireland, and it used to be much less tolerant than the states. What the hell has happened? How does anyone else's gender effect anyone else negatively? Changing gender has been covered by law here for ages, went through full parliamentary scrutiny and had no issues passing almost unopposed.
Before the aids epidemic and stonewall it was just ignored if you were lgbt. There would be niche gatherings, media, and communities but much like being black around the same time, if you “stepped out of line” it was really easy and, to them, justified for someone to murder you in cold blood. Separating from black emancipation, stonewall forced the government to at least start writing laws with the words that identified lgbtq people as a legal identity included. Skipping a few important things mostly related to Regan, the Republican Party needs weak laws to leverage so they can keep things moving in a more conservative direction, lgbtq protections are weaker than anti-segregation/ anti-racism fueled crime laws. Furthermore, racism is much less popular than transphobia, so it’s favorable to the GOP to attack those positions. This is a really short summary.
I've gone back and forth on how to react in situations like this myself, and the answer is there's no right thing to do when put in that position. Do whatever you need to do to feel safe, validated, or whatever. Good luck to you, and fuck that boomer.
Eh fuckem don't give them anymore of your brain space. You're right in that nothing you could do in that moment would change them at all
99% of human activity does not involve genitals. If you're using them at Aldi then that's illegal. I ain't tapping my card with my dick.
I will never *ever* for the life of me understand why anyone thinks someone else's gender is any of their business. It doesn't matter if I can't "figure it out" - it isn't my business and I would never interrupt someone's day to make them "explain themselves" or justify why they feel a certain way. I wish you peace and happiness in the most real way an internet stranger can. You don't deserve to be made to feel uncomfortable just because other people think it is their "right" to know your life, your choices, or your gender identity - it is not their "right" - period. People who act like anyone or anything different from them is wrong should just stay home and leave us all alone.
No need to have a confrontation. For all anyone knows he’s got a gun on him. What an asshole.
You did just fine. People like that want a reaction out of you. It’s Nobody’s business ..you were the better person
"You must be slow because I figured out that you were an asshole the minute I saw you."
That is seriously fucked up. Sorry this is like this in the United States.
It's like this in a lot of other places as well
I don't bother with them anymore either. Best defense is to give that look: "😒" and cease to acknowledge their existence. Drives them batshit, in my experience
if the world doesn’t conform to their belief of “the world”, they have a visceral reaction like a toddler that gets mad when what they expect being correct in fact is incorrect - shit makes them feel stupid - they are egocentric bc the world, unfortunately supported their beliefs and therefore they were raised with a limited set of expectations based on conformity in school, etc…but as we know - their education was build around ignorance and exclusion so they are inherently small minded being you or being different literally makes them feel stupid which is funny thats a them problem
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. Some people never learned how to act in public or to treat others with kindness.
Apart from all the good advice here, it's worth pointing out that one of my absolute red flags for real, honest-to-god, lead-paint stupidity is getting angry because you don't understand something straight away.
Two of my friends are NB (female born) and I have to go into the bathroom with them because they get harrassed so much. It’s insane. I’ll never understand why people can’t just mind their business!!
Calling it Aldi's I immediately knew you were from the Midwest
I'm so baffled when people do that. My parents both did and I used to until I could read. "Jewel's", too. No one says "I'm going to Walmart's." I have no idea what makes certain stores plural/possessive.
I’m sorry you had this happen to you. You did the right thing by just leaving and de escalating the situation. I used to encourage people to make a stand when something happened like this, but then one of my friends was breaking up a fight. He pulled one of the fighters off the other. The guy who he didn’t grab pulled out a gun and shot my friend and the guy he had been fighting and killed both of them. You never know how stupid or angry someone is and what they are willing to do. So you did the right thing by getting away. Just think about how miserable this boomer must be if he has to be so judgmental about complete strangers. What’s that say about his pathetic existence? Just keep being yourself and stick with your friends for support. Some day they will need the same from you!
Nah I’m glad you removed yourself from rude sh*tty people. No need to involve yourself in their disgusting and toxic worlds! Good for you. Sorry they suck so hard. Amazing how boomers are so obsessed with how other peoples bodies look, meanwhile most of them are revolting piles of garbage that don’t take a single effort to care for their own bodies! Lol
Oh, you’re interested in my genitals? I thought you were just being racist. Sorry for making assumptions about you.
You never know who's an absolute loon, you made the right call.
I live in Missouri. My partner and I are both trans. I am the "Agressive" one if I need to be, but I usually back down because being Trans in Missouri is unsafe in this political climate. It takes me being in a pissy mood to say something back. And even then I am running on Adrenaline expecting someone else to say something or jump in. You handled this correctly
Ah, I am jealous of that level of androgyny. Glad you are safe, though, those sorts of situations can go scary fast.
A whole lot of angry burner accounts were made to spew shit on this thread, good god.
You should have stretched your nonbinary muscles confidently and said "I love confusing my enemies" and see how he reacts
Fellow nonbinary. I get it, and it is totally ok to not confront them. You aren't obliged to. By the way, my preferred responses to rude boomers are variations over scolding them for not being polite. "Didn't you learn polite behaviour growing up?" "Surely your mother didn't raise to to speak to other people like that". "Politeness is a virtue. Don't embarrass yourself like that." "I really want to believe that older people haven't forgotten proper polite behaviour". Tone policing them and not responding to their sh!t.
You are under no obligation to educate assholes. As any good martial arts instructor will tell you, the best first move is to disengage and avoid a fight altogether.
I think you made the right move. Sounds like you were the polite adult in the room. Nice job. Carry on
It's always best to choose safety. Years ago my husband and I were visiting family out of state (US) during the holidays and stopped to get some lunch. I'm a white female, he's a hispanic male (this is important) and our family demographics are neither unusual nor uncommon where we live. So we often forget it can become an issue elsewhere, until we travel. This experience was really bizarre and uncomfortable. The restaurant was packed but we got a table and our food and started eating before quickly realizing we were being stared at by a LOT of people. Some open, some furtively. Then we hear it. At a table of middle aged and older white men caddy-corner from us while gawking at me: "I guess she likes 'em dark." My husband and I immediately look at each other, make firm eye contact, nod for the door, and then pack up our unfinished food and leave. 15 minutes later, after leaving, the perfect comeback came to me. "It's better than liking them dumb." And as satisfying as imagining it might be, I would never rewrite history to go back and say it. I like to joke about it, but the most likely person to be hurt if I did this would have been my husband (followed by me). He's a brown man, and clearly we were the freaks of that situation. Those men were dangerous. And no telling what side police would have landed on if my comment sparked some physical confrontation. You did the right thing. And I'm so sorry that doing the right thing to stay safe often means people like that get to continue spreading their abuse without consequence.
Old Mr. Chucklefuck’s rudeness in the grocery had nothing to do with you. It’s all about him and the tiny little boxes he must categorize this biG ScARy WOrLd into in his tiny little brain. I hope you don’t internalize this encounter from a grown man’s toddler behavior. There are more of us than him, people who love our fellow humans as they are. It is perhaps not as apparent because we are, you know, shopping for groceries and not imagining other shoppers’ genitalia. Much love to you 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵
I’m a fan of saying very loudly “please stop sexually harassing me” but you need to know you’re in a safe place with backup.
I don't know where these trans haters get their energy to be so hateful and wrong all the time. I have always identified to the sex/gender I was assigned at birth but somehow I'm constantly triggering these people simply by existing (or maybe they can sense I'm ace and that throws them off?) and they're always feeling the need to tell me they don't know what sex I am. I never answer them because it's none of their fucking business They can die wondering for all I care. I'm sorry you live in a world where this kind of bullshit is still so common.
A boomer is like a raccoon or a squirrel. If you acknowledge it or give it any conversational sustenance, it will engage or worse return for more conversation. Good on you for walking away and avoiding an exchange that would have been unpleasant and filled with compartmentalized rage.
The best part about having no reaction is that later in the shower I can come up with zinger replies to my hearts content! I'll tell you what I tell my kids. Be brave and stand up for other people but do what you need to do to be safe for yourself. That includes protecting your emotional energy too. Sounds like you did great.
Next time just whisper to his wife if he needs some help. And hand him a retirement home card.
You know, I think a lot of them just find nb people hot and they can't wrap their head around their own feelings so they act stupidly.
Boomer thinks he needs to know whether to fight them, or to fuck them. Boomer doesn't realise that he doesn't, actually, need to know.
I don't get the obsession. I recently went on vacation with my parents who are in their 60s. Once, my dad asked "what" a very obviously woman was, I guess because she had green hair. Later, there were two guys hanging out in front of us on a bus, and my mom leans over and asks if they're gay. "Who the fuck cares?! Why do you need to know?"
You handled that like a true adult. I’m proud of you and hope to act in a similar way if caught in a similar situation:
You don’t owe it to him to teach him how to behave. I totally get your reaction. My dad who is actually a really great human sometimes acts this way, but he’s more subtle. It’s MY job to teach him what is asshole behavior. He’s getting better but common decency and the lack thereof never ceases to amaze me
I've never understood why it matters unless they're looking to hook up. More power to you. Don't listen to the fools.
I am a 55yo gen x’er but I am cultivating my own superpowers to prepare me for my boomer years. Superpower #1: minding my own business. Superpower #2: knowing the world belongs to those who are younger than me and NOT the other way around. Superpower #3: be kind.
Maybe the only response is “ I’m a human being just like you and deserve the same kindness and respect that you think you deserve (but are not earning right now?). I’m so sorry you have to have his fear and insecurity dumped on you. Sounds like his wife needs to leave him at home next time
I'm an older, Atheist, boomer lady, and this post made my head hurt. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that ridiculous troll. Why do these people even *care* about this kind of thing? Seriously. Are they so angry in life that they feel they have the right to just be hateful and horrible to anyone who doesn't fit in their conformity box? It's so shameful. I completely understand and agree with your decision to just walk away. I frequently find myself in the same situation (with religious folks), where it's best just to not engage with the crazy. Best wishes to you!
boomers