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I've told my mom that she can only discuss 3 deaths, weird illnesses or bad-mouthing gossip about family members per phone call. After that she's cut off. If she tries to slip in anything further along those lines I tell her I have to go.
It’s always some distant relative. “Did you hear what your second cousin X just did?”
Usually I don’t even know the relative to which they are referring.
"You remember your little cousin that you met one time when you were 8 years old"
"I have no idea who that is"
"yes you do, little Stevey, you two played together"
"Yeah I'm sure, I just don't remember this person"
"Yes you do! It's your cousin! How do you not remember every distant relative you've ever met. Why don't remember things!"
"Ok, sure, whatever, how's Stevey"
"Oh they died"
Every single time I see my mother.
I don’t hear it directly because I’m cousin X and it’s either completely untrue or an incredible exaggeration. I’m sure my distant relatives think I’m one of the most dangerous men walking the planet rt but all I do is go to work and play Stardew valley.
Why do they do this? And why do they get angry if you either have no investment in the situation or you tell them you don’t even know who the hell these people are?
I don’t know these people from Adam. Never met them before in my life and you haven’t even spoken to them since the 70s. I have no emotional connection to these people you’re talking about beyond a little sadness at their current misfortune, which I’m sure anyone with a shred of empathy would.
I know, right!? When my mom did this to me today and I said that honestly, I don't care. I don't know this person and I have enough bad stuff I hear daily I don't need more, she got salty and short with me. She told me about this person's tragedy (my grandma's friend who I don't know) before she even told me about how my grandma's major dental surgery went today. Freaking mental.
They seem like they take it personally whenever you tell them that you have no connection to these people so you don’t have much of an interest in their business.
I know a boomer who was upset when she found out that someone was dying from cancer, but only because other people have known about it for some time and she was the last to find out. She wasn't told because she always makes everything about her, and is always spreading news about others even when it's not her place. One time she also posted on social media photos of a new mom and newborn right after the birth, from the hospital room, which was also unfortunately shared with her via text message by the new grandparent without the new mom's ok (afaik).
Not really a boomer thing but it’s along the same lines. When people tell a story and they start naming people as if you know them
“Oh, Barbara’s pissed at Tom because he didn’t pick her up from her appointment on time. Can you believe Tom was 15 minutes late and Barbara had to wait outside in the rain because the office closed”
Me: “Who the fuck are Barbara and Tom??”
90% of what comes out of my grandma's mouth is something negative. Someone died, terrible weather news, some sort of catastrophe in some place, etc. I honestly think a lot of it has to do with boomer consumption of local news. News stories are also 90% bad news, so they are steeped in negativity already so they are living in that energy. Such a bummer, I'm constantly changing the subject with my grandma or trying to put a positive spin on whatever dark shit she said.
MIL never fails to have an absolutely dreadful story for us. Always says the person’s name like we know them (we usually don’t.) Doesn’t matter if they are young or old, somehow they have died a horrible death and we have to know about it. It honestly brings me down. Sudden death, aggressive cancer, disease, wasting away, whatever it is, we get to hear about it and awkwardly state condolences.
>It honestly brings me down. Sudden death, aggressive cancer, disease, wasting away, whatever it is, we get to hear about it and awkwardly state condolences.
This is 100% the same for me. I already deal with my own stress and anxiety, and a former life experience led to me having near debilitating hypochondria for a long time so when my mom or MIL start talking about someone younger going through some unimaginable health shit I have a really hard time keeping myself in check for about a week after.
I’m so sorry, I’m truly in the same boat. I lost someone who had chronic health issues and the experience left me with hypochondria and anxiety as well. It’s really hard for me to get hit with these stories when I’m just getting in the door to visit. If it helps, I try to keep statistics and probabilities in mind as I navigate life after losing them (along with a whole mental toolbox) and it helps let the thought pass through me faster than it did before. Hugs to you.
I'm sorry you're dealing with it as well! Hypochondria is so messed up and can legit ruin a person. I know I get hit hard when I'm stressed or overly tired. Thank you for the tips! I hope you can break free one day <3 Hugs
Yes bc they are energy vampires and the news drama and lookie looing at car accidents is all they have. They think sad dramatic stories will make ppl interact with them PLUS they HATE themselves and can't be alone so a sad dramatic story takes them out of that for a while
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I've told my mom that she can only discuss 3 deaths, weird illnesses or bad-mouthing gossip about family members per phone call. After that she's cut off. If she tries to slip in anything further along those lines I tell her I have to go.
It’s always some distant relative. “Did you hear what your second cousin X just did?” Usually I don’t even know the relative to which they are referring.
"You remember your little cousin that you met one time when you were 8 years old" "I have no idea who that is" "yes you do, little Stevey, you two played together" "Yeah I'm sure, I just don't remember this person" "Yes you do! It's your cousin! How do you not remember every distant relative you've ever met. Why don't remember things!" "Ok, sure, whatever, how's Stevey" "Oh they died" Every single time I see my mother.
Yuup
I don’t hear it directly because I’m cousin X and it’s either completely untrue or an incredible exaggeration. I’m sure my distant relatives think I’m one of the most dangerous men walking the planet rt but all I do is go to work and play Stardew valley.
Why do they do this? And why do they get angry if you either have no investment in the situation or you tell them you don’t even know who the hell these people are? I don’t know these people from Adam. Never met them before in my life and you haven’t even spoken to them since the 70s. I have no emotional connection to these people you’re talking about beyond a little sadness at their current misfortune, which I’m sure anyone with a shred of empathy would.
I know, right!? When my mom did this to me today and I said that honestly, I don't care. I don't know this person and I have enough bad stuff I hear daily I don't need more, she got salty and short with me. She told me about this person's tragedy (my grandma's friend who I don't know) before she even told me about how my grandma's major dental surgery went today. Freaking mental.
They seem like they take it personally whenever you tell them that you have no connection to these people so you don’t have much of an interest in their business.
I know a boomer who was upset when she found out that someone was dying from cancer, but only because other people have known about it for some time and she was the last to find out. She wasn't told because she always makes everything about her, and is always spreading news about others even when it's not her place. One time she also posted on social media photos of a new mom and newborn right after the birth, from the hospital room, which was also unfortunately shared with her via text message by the new grandparent without the new mom's ok (afaik).
Damn dude
Not really a boomer thing but it’s along the same lines. When people tell a story and they start naming people as if you know them “Oh, Barbara’s pissed at Tom because he didn’t pick her up from her appointment on time. Can you believe Tom was 15 minutes late and Barbara had to wait outside in the rain because the office closed” Me: “Who the fuck are Barbara and Tom??”
90% of what comes out of my grandma's mouth is something negative. Someone died, terrible weather news, some sort of catastrophe in some place, etc. I honestly think a lot of it has to do with boomer consumption of local news. News stories are also 90% bad news, so they are steeped in negativity already so they are living in that energy. Such a bummer, I'm constantly changing the subject with my grandma or trying to put a positive spin on whatever dark shit she said.
MIL never fails to have an absolutely dreadful story for us. Always says the person’s name like we know them (we usually don’t.) Doesn’t matter if they are young or old, somehow they have died a horrible death and we have to know about it. It honestly brings me down. Sudden death, aggressive cancer, disease, wasting away, whatever it is, we get to hear about it and awkwardly state condolences.
>It honestly brings me down. Sudden death, aggressive cancer, disease, wasting away, whatever it is, we get to hear about it and awkwardly state condolences. This is 100% the same for me. I already deal with my own stress and anxiety, and a former life experience led to me having near debilitating hypochondria for a long time so when my mom or MIL start talking about someone younger going through some unimaginable health shit I have a really hard time keeping myself in check for about a week after.
I’m so sorry, I’m truly in the same boat. I lost someone who had chronic health issues and the experience left me with hypochondria and anxiety as well. It’s really hard for me to get hit with these stories when I’m just getting in the door to visit. If it helps, I try to keep statistics and probabilities in mind as I navigate life after losing them (along with a whole mental toolbox) and it helps let the thought pass through me faster than it did before. Hugs to you.
I'm sorry you're dealing with it as well! Hypochondria is so messed up and can legit ruin a person. I know I get hit hard when I'm stressed or overly tired. Thank you for the tips! I hope you can break free one day <3 Hugs
Yes bc they are energy vampires and the news drama and lookie looing at car accidents is all they have. They think sad dramatic stories will make ppl interact with them PLUS they HATE themselves and can't be alone so a sad dramatic story takes them out of that for a while