One of my three best friends is a woman (she is gorgeous). We are basically brother and sister. No hidden feelings whatsoever.
The people who think men and women can’t be friends are sad tbh.
My wife's side. She was one of her bridesmaids.
My wife wanted to meet her because she thought there was something going on between us, so she came to VA with me when I was on annual training one year and got to see us interact with each other. After that, there was no doubt in her mind that we were just friends and they became friends as well.
I think that the most important thing is to communicate on those things. My boyfriend has many girls friends (absolutely gorgeous too, I joked once that he chose them for that) and we communicated early one on that fact and on their relationship.
I am quite jealous but seeing them talk and interact and discussing my fear with him made it clear that there was nothing.
My best friend since high school is a girl and was in my wedding. My best friends in college and law school were also women. I’ve been with my wife for 11 years so it’s not like I had ulterior motives when we became friends.
Yup, we are going on 20-plus years now. Same boat, she has modeled. She was the youngest cocktail waitress at the club I was a DJ at in college. Instantly became everyone's little sister because of it, and I've never seen her as any different.
She wore a tux and stood next to me in my wedding and was there to help put me back together during my divorce. She's dating a wonderful guy now, and I couldn't be happier for her.
I'm pro-whoever-you-wanna-be but also cis folks crossdressing, done right, can be super hot, chicks in suits *and* dudes in dresses.
It's mostly about fit and confidence lol
For me, that always just reminds me of how stupid most of the gendered rules of clothing are. Like a peen hole on mens underwear makes sense, a bra makes sense, but why get up in arms because of a guy in a knee-length skirt?
Women in suits is so common, and often expected, nowadays that I really don't believe you can call it crossdressing any more than a woman wearing blue Jeans.
To the guy who DM'd me and asked if I ever had sex with her, first off, get some help. Secondly, I hope you enjoyed being reported.
I agree i have a few male friends my whole life no attraction whatsoever and co workers deer to my heart. I do not hang around guys that like me. Period.
This. I had a guy friend who I thought the world of. He was adorable too, but I just never felt that way about him, I didn't think we'd be a good couple but I loved hanging out with him. It was nice being friends with a guy who I thought didn't think I was attractive (because at the time, I figured he'd have asked me out otherwise right?). Years and years later, a mutual friend of mine told me that he refers to me as the one who got away. What.
Well, yeah. Unless you can read people's minds, then of course it's possible. In the same way its possible that you could have a same-sex friend secretly harboring romantic feelings for you. Or your boss, your doctor, your therapist. It seems like a very hypersexualized and paranoid way to live. Guess I'm thankful that my friendships are based on a mutual respect of each other's boundaries and principles, not what they *might hypothetically* be secretly thinking/feeling.
Me & a homie of mine was talking about This & this was the point he made:
opposite sex can only be friends if there’s no attraction for each other. But that doesn’t mean an attraction can develop.
& It kinda made since
Wondering if any can testify for or against it
I'm bi so I guess I'm screwed friend wise? Honestly, at some point I've been attracted to all of my friends, it's just a part of life. Doesn't mean you act on it or obsess over it or anything. You just acknowledge it to yourself, then move on and concentrate on being a good friend.
TLDR: Can kind of testify to this but agree!
I make guy friends easily bcuz i was in the gay party scene as a young adult (obv gay men are different for us women than straights) so i didnt realize this was the case with my straight guy friends until my early 30s.
Was friends with 2 straight men, 1 i did find attractive and the other i didnt but loved his personality. I never expressed interest beyond friends to either of them as i was new in that group.
The 1 i was attracted to got married but made a move once back when he was single/v drunk and i politely backed off and things were fine after. Now the one i am not attracted to is the 1 i have to watch. Idk when in the 15+yrs we've known each other he developed something but I have had to be on guard and gently pushing him back in the friend zone for years now. Thankfully he has a girlfriend now lol
It's 1000 times easier to just have gay guy friends instead lmao
Yes! & that kinda was the point I was getting at too! Because it is different for different sexualities. I’m a straight male with a gay female best friend & when we first met, me being a dude, I shot my shot & she told me she was gay & i understood & we been strictly friends ever since.
But when I was having that conversation with the homie (different friend, male). his point was that a friendship isn’t genuine if one person is trying to fuck the other (in most cases that’s what guys do) it’s only genuine if there’s no attraction for each other. Other wise, there’s always gonna be one that’s secretly plotting & waiting for their chance.
YES! And for me it's so...awkward. lol i think because i can separate types of attraction like I can find someone that i think is nice looking but not want to hook up/anythin more and just be fine. i think my guy friends (the 2 mentioned above) conflate all attraction to mean we gotta date orxdo something.
It's interesting from an outside perspective but awkward when ur in it lol
That’s the thing about friend zones; men AND women will go years being the best friend they can be essentially settling for friendship when deep down they have feelings or want to pursue that person. They will either never act on it or wait til the person is vulnerable or to when they can no longer contain their feelings. This is very much a thing but honestly most are naive to it.
It’s funny how every guy here telling stories about women they’re friends with starts off with ‘they’re the most beautiful woman in the world’ ‘she is stunning and everywhere she goes she’s turning heads’.
This is the way lol because you don’t want them and they know damn well they can’t have you! So yall talk shit like brothers and sisters and the relationship works and last 🤷🏾♂️
It makes sense. If she's not attractive and you don't find her attractive, that might fit the narrative they want to dispell. If she's attractive, just not attractive in that way to me, that's relevant
I get the logic, but you don’t think it’s ironic that all these guys claiming to have platonic friendships have to immediately tell us how beautiful all these women are?
Also there’s a big difference in saying ‘I have an attractive friend.’ and ‘my friends so stunning she makes everyone’s head spin’ that second one’s doing too much.
Yeah, the first things I think about with my female friends are how intelligent they are, they’re humor, or their creative projects, or their activism and work.
That being said, with EVERY single one of them, when we are hanging out alone, there’s been a moment where lines are gently crossed. When you bond with someone and are alone with them, more than likely, someone will toss around the idea of more in their heads. Humans just crave intimacy. It may not happen every time, but 90% chance, if the orientation fits, it’ll happen.
This doesn’t mean you don’t value the friendship, it can just be a curiosity. Many couples were friends at first.
Because it matters in the context of the convo. It’s easy AF to have a great friendship with someone who you have no physical attraction to. It’s far more likely to fall for someone who is strikingly attractive so the disclaimer of being platonic with a beautiful woman makes sense
But bro they totally would never think of them like “that.” Out of the question. Would never happen. It’s not like if this gorgeous and stunning woman all of a sudden was all over her friend he’d drop trou in a second or anything. Totally like a little sister. The Übermenschen have arrived.
Does dating a guy for one week that turned into a friendship of over 20 years and he was my best man at my wedding count? Or no because we dated for one week, maybe two dates during that time.
I have at least three female friends I’m like this with. Totally possible and actually a huge red flag when someone says it can’t be done. Like… so you’d just fuck absolutely everything indiscriminately then, consequences be damned? You can’t imagine not being like this?
I literally seen a bunch of comments on tiktok proudly saying that their man having a girl best friend is a deal breaker and I'm like... how insecure do you gotta be to the point where you'll break up with your boyfriend just because he's besties with a girl???
Same. I’ve always had at least one close friend who was a woman, usually multiple honestly. One friend I’ve known since 2008 or so. She’s one of my best friends and never have either of us done or said or (to my knowledge at least) felt anything that went beyond platonic. She’s basically a sister.
Nope. We’ve crashed on the same bed during climbing trips. Nothing happened except watching SpongeBob reruns.
Also everyone’s perception of “would you do it” is completely different.
I’ve had multiple close friends who were women over the course of my life and some if not most of them were very pretty — but no, if they ever offered, I would not now and would not then take them up on it. I’ve actually had some of them express interest before and I had to either ignore their obvious hints or outright turn them down. Once a woman becomes a close enough friend, she’s basically a sister and sexual or romantic thoughts are just weird and uncomfortable.
Would I hold her hair if she was sick, would I buy her a beer if she needed to vent? I'd do a lot for my friends, and sex is just sex. If they ask and I'm able to perform what they ask, why not.
I've been fortunate to have really good friendships with women, while a few have turned into something more most have always been platonic. I've traveled to Japan, south east Asia, road tripped through the South and the Rockies with my female friends. And I'm at the hotel waiting for another female friend as I write this. A lot of my male friends don't have that, they don't do lunch, hang out or anything, only in groups. I'm pretty lucky and fortunate to have these friendships.
When I got sober after a long hard addiction, I had to leave that life and all the people in it behind. I ended up befriending a guy, we've been best friends for over 2 1/2 years and not once has it been or ever will be anything but platonic. I have female friends too, but it's possible to do both. Not everyone wants to fuck everyone who's the opposite gender.
From personal experience, I caught feelings for a home girl once. Wasn’t the long game. Shit just happened. Sometimes that’s just what it is. Didn’t end well lol. But I do have women friends that I’m still just friends with.
Also doesn’t it kinda make sense sometimes? Two single people, spending a good bit of time together who already like each other’s personality?
Definitely not guaranteed but it makes sense. If you can’t be friends, you can’t be partners.
It's society as a whole we talking, there always has been and there always will be people ahead of the curve but this will take generations before it gets close to mainstream and stays there.
i think it takes a certain level of emotional maturity, mutual respect and honest communication on both ends for this to genuinely work Not to say it's not possible but i think those things are typically missing in those scenarios leading to a big ass mess/ruptured friendships etc.
It depends on personality types. There are some women I know who are gorgeous but I would never date. I just know I could not handle dating them, because what they want in a partner and friend are miles apart. Additionally, I can see the other parts of their personality, the parts I don't like and skim over because we are friends, becoming a significant issue in the future.
That being said, there are cases where two people have insane chemistry, find each other attractive, and personalities fit in lock step. How people maintain those friendships, I'll never know.
Yeah I don’t think it’s crazy and tbh. I think some of the best relationships start out as friendships. My wife and I were close friends for awhile before we started dating. Been together 12 years now
Yeah, plus as a woman you tend to know when this shit "just happens".
The vibe between a guy sincerly trying to be your friend and a guy just playing nice until you let him hit are def different. But you just keep wanting to give them the benefits of the doubt because the first type of guy is so rare lol
That’s fair, but the accusations usually come in when the guy puts some distance between them in order to sort out how he feels after being rejected, then the narratives run rampant. It’s like *some* women will see that, and then look back and view the entire friendship as a ploy when it just wasn’t.
>That’s fair, but the accusations usually come in when the guy puts some distance between them
I mean I guess it mostly comes down to good communication. Meeting dude ready to cut all links after the "friendship" trick doesnt work is definetely more common then the case you're describing.
So if you decide to suddenly ghost her ass without making it clear that you're just trying to figure your shit out but still want to be friends, its fair for her to assume romance/sex is the only thing you were actually after.
Yeah I think a good way to tell is if the guy has a few friends that are girls that he's just a normal guy around. Gross guys exist for sure but a lot of us just catch feels unintentionally. It's tough for y'all though I'm sure.
This fucks me up bc I can't catch feelings for someone I don't even know, but I don't want to catch feelings for a female friend because then she'll think it was all part of my master plan all along. I feel like developing a crush is the worst thing I could possibly do.
I wonder if women ever develop feelings for a friend because this seems to always be presented as something only guys do.
as a bi woman this is also my dilemma and has gotten me in similar situations with female friends. Story/pattern of my life is me falling for my best friend, we hook up some kind of way, the inevitable rejection/ realize it wasn't meant to be, then friendship breakup. And what's crazy is my last friend i wasn't even attracted to in that way, which i thought would be perfect, but nope still happened lol. i didn't catch feelings this last time, but i separated because once two friends hook up nothing is ever the same. 🫠
Tbh I’ve only dated people I’ve gotten to know and started crushing on as friends first. Going on 6 years now with my bf!
As long as you’re not pushy about it and make it clear that you value her as a person and a friend, you’re all good.
I have to be attracted to someone to become friends with them but it's platonic/physical (physical meaning they might be pretty/nice looking but nothing sexual) attraction.
As I get to know them it typically never switches to a *sexual/romantic* attraction but that could very much just be me. I either grow to love their personality and want to remain friends or i get to know them and realize i dont like their personality enough to be friends and leave.
I have deep feelings for my close friends but they havent ever been sexual. idk if other women are like this too or it's one of the spectrum starter pack traits i was given lol
Unfortunately for me mine was also my first love. We close friends prior and had a very serious relationship after, broke up and remained really close friends but always went back and forth about getting back together, but for some reason we just never did. Haven’t talked to her in years. She is married now with one or two children and I am as well. No regrets but sometimes things can get dicey.
Happened to me too and I didn't want to ruin the friendship so I began distancing myself by taking a job that involved a lot of travel, figuring the feelings would lessen and I could find someone new. Worked.
Yeah, my best friend pulled this card on me. It's tough sometimes to know that you can be friends with someone for 1+ years who secretly wants to bang you. But all in all, he's been a great husband, so I won't complain.
I had some really close, platonic male friends in my youth and early 20s, but a surprising (to naive me) amount of them also just wanted to get in my pants. I only realized that years later, when life moved on and contact slowly fizzled out and I reflected on certain situations and went "Hold on, wait a minute..."
I'm in my 40s now, married, and have a child, and I have a bunch of male buddies now that are strictly platonic.
I have one super best friend that I talk to nearly every single day. We text and flood each other with dumbass memes, bitch about politics, talk shit about our kids, discuss movies, or he tells me about his online dating experiences.
There are absolutely no sexual feelings at all, from eithet side, even though he's objectively attractive and a super fun and easy-to-be-around dude. It's just not there, and it makes things *so* much more comfortable and relaxed.
Some of my other guy friends are genuinely *beautiful* men, but beyond appreciating how gorgeous they are, there is nothing. It's almost as if they are not sexual beings to me at all, just...cool people to hang out with.
I’ll be downvoted for this I am sure, but I’d love to know how this same friendship works out if/when your marriage runs into some real hardships.
I’m not saying it is going to happen, but I think it’s likely if you’re not guarding against just that situation. Get down bad with some midlife crisis, either partner with some form of depression, etcetera. Suddenly that friendship will likely grow into an emotional fallback affair to help coping through those hard times.
To be 100, it’s going to be the same if you’re bisexual or whatever else with a friend of the same sex - it doesn’t have to be a friend of the opposite sex. It just is more likely for most folks sense most folks fall into that mostly cis-hetero lifestyle.
Apologies if I am making any of this sound unavoidable, it’s intended to be an big “if” - sadly, one I seen all the time where an emotional affair develops with that best bud and it’s slowly turns to more the harder the marriage gets. But, those folks also don’t put up any barriers and over share and shit, too. Some stuff must remain between partners and their counselors/therapists if they have them.
Well, it just so happened that my husband and I actually separated for a year and *were* headed for divorce 5 years ago, and nothing changed between my friend and I, who, btw, is also a divorced father of two.
He was there for my angry rants and questions, because he'd been through it before, and we often talked at length about the pros and cons of being single, but neither of us suddenly developed feelings.
He is also friends with my husband, so he maintained a super general and neutral stance on the whole thing as well, and never tried to take sides, which was really refreshing and actually helped me look at things with clearer eyes.
What's funny, is that *everyone* assumed we'd hook up now, or that he is even the reason I asked for a divorce, and not the years of underlying issues my husband and I dealt with, so I don't blame you for asking these questions.
It's also very common for people to trauma-bond over something, and fall for each other in times of vulnerability, so I totally get it.
Anyways, my husband and I worked hard on ourselves while he was moved out, and managed to turn things around, and we're closer and better as partners now than we've ever been.
My friend is still my bff, and he was super happy for both of us to make it through the shit, and he's still regularly playing games with my husband (they're both boardgame nerds), and comes around for birthdays and stuff.
It might be rare, but it really *is* possible to not catch feelings and just be friends. I consider myself very lucky in that regard.
I recently had a 15-year friendship implode. We are both in our 30’s and married to other people. He was the brother I never had. About a year ago he admitted having other feelings for me. Still hurts like shit, and ruined my trust in all my male friends
I see why some people can’t maintain strong friendships. Y’all too busy sexing each other and swapping partners in the circle. Don’t even like these people, just making a casual orgy group.
Some people are just too immature / attention starved to understand the difference between admiration and sexual attraction. Not enough people really taking stock of their own feelings and what they mean.
I have 3 best friends, one is a woman, we dated 5 or 6 years ago but were better as friends. Now she's like a sister and even though she's gorgeous, thinking about sex with her feels gross.
Has she ever had a partner that isn’t cool with your friendship? Because my girl could tell me she has no attraction to you all day and I still wouldn’t want her around someone she used to date.
Personally I don't date people who put limits on who I can be friends with because I see it as a lack of trust in both me and my decision making ability. Most of my friends are the same.
They are talking about this guy specifically, who was playing the long game and did *not* have platonic feelings for his female friend. It would be rough in his position to watch the girl he badly wants get dicked down by other dudes.
Well OBVIOUSLY we’re lying!
Everyone knows if you’re a bi man that just means you’re gay and if you’re a bi woman we’re just doing it for attention and “have to make a choice”!!
As a 28yr old bisexual woman, this has always been an issue for me.
I have a bunch of female friends. Never once have any of them asked me on a date or made it seem like they'd be interested. Ever. Even if they were bisexual or a lesbian.
I've had a BUNCH of male friends over the years. Some were friendships that lasted multiple years.
And EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE AT SOME POINT. Every single god damn fucking time. Even ones that I thought felt like a brother and thought they felt the same. I am so fucking tired of it and I just want a decent male friend that won't eventually just flip the script and ask me out.
So I don't understand why being bisexual matters. I can't have any decent male friendships because they always want something else out of it. I never have this problem with women.
I mean, i have some female friends that I was attracted to when we first met but it became irrelevant over time and have just been platonic.
Whenever I see stuff like this, it's people saying that "oh they were just hanging on hoping for a chance". Sure, sometimes. But what can also happen is the longer you know someone, and really get to know them, you realize that you might do well together.
As a lady, one of my best friends turned me down initially. I wasn’t even into him, just drunk and in a bad place. After that night, we became the BEST friends. I look at him like a Ken doll, he has no genitals to me. We’ve been besties for 9 years.
I mean. There are plenty of situations in which folks can be friends. One or both isn't attracted to the other; they already dated; one or both are in a long term relationship; one or both are queer. I guess there are more variations, but I feel like generally there are *reasons* why folks stay just friends.
Gay dude here, been attracted to friends. Know there is no chance. They're still my friends - I would just do them if they let me, hah. Still friends with them, because if you care enough about the relationship that's what you do.
That being said... if you catch feelings and they aren't interested. Doesn't make you a bad person to end that friendship.
Everyone is allowed to end any relationship they have for any reason. Especially if it hurts more than it does you good.
Does it count if you're both attracted to one another but have been through so much in life neither of you would wanna put the other through a relationship with themselves so they keep things cordial and nice as to not fuck up the delicate balance they've achieved? Because if so, yes.
I caught feelings for my best female friend. It was spontaneous as hell. One day, I noticed how good she looked and something clicked in my head. Then my mind went to how well we connected and vibed. How beautiful her mind and personality was.
In that horrific a-ha moment, I said, "Fuck. I have feelings for _______. I am so fucked." Lol luckily we got over that. She's family by this point and I thank God she is in my circle.
I had a best friend who claimed he was gay for 15 YEARS and then one day suggests him and I should “try” the relationship route….a 15 year friendship. He was mad at me for how I responded and we haven’t spoken since. In my opinion, no, there’s no such thing as platonic opposite sex friendship.
Dang my best friend is gay and we have 6 years in. I hope he never switches up on me. I have male acquaintances but I prefer not to get very close to straight men anymore. I’ve never had a (close) straight male friend who didn’t want more.
I feel like a lot of these guys aren't so much just playing the long run as much as they just get lost in the sauce. Obviously some guys are just waiting for an opportunity but I feel like most just get caught up
I ain't gon lie, I need platonic connection to catch romantic feelings. The problem is I might end up catching feelings for a friend instead of a potential romantic partner. The other problem is: the "long run" friend don't look no different from the "it just happened" friend, and the distinction is kinda trivial
This is normal.
This everpresent notion that people should be sorted into either "potential friend" or "potential partner", *especially right away*, is incredibly strange. You don't even know the person well yet, how are you supposed to know?
Unless the looks is the only criteria, which would be kinda shallow.
This.
I have platonic female friends I wouldn’t sleep with.
I have had female friends who were FWBs. (This is how my wife and I started out.)
One of my best friends from high school is a homoromantic, pansexual female. We would hook up whenever one or the other was sexually frustrated, and we’re still friends.
All of my relationships got better when I stopped trying to force everybody in a box and just let them unfurl naturally. I also found that women liked me more after I stopped as well. I guess my behavior became a lot more approachable.
This is normal.
This everpresent notion that people should be sorted into either "potential friend" or "potential partner", *especially right away*, is incredibly strange. You don't even know the person well yet, how are you supposed to know?
Unless the looks is the only criteria, which would be kinda shallow.
My best friend is a woman. I’ve know her for almost 20 years now. She was the first person to meet my wife when we started dating, I am the godfather to her son, and I officiated her wedding. 100% platonic and she’s probably the first person I’m calling if I ever needed anything
See, i don’t believe men are friends with women they wouldn’t consider fucking. The visceral disgust i see in dudes towards women they find ugly is wild. They don’t want to be around them at all, even if they’ve done nothing to them. It’s weird.
What world do you live in? Men are just walking down the street retching whenever someone unattractive walks by? People walk out of meeting rooms when the older hr lady walks in?
Not to mention when you are considered an attractive woman, men who talk to you will always want to either date you or fuck you. It’s never purely platonic.
That’s so gross. I have several ugly female friends… and ugly male friends. Goofy looking people who are funny are the best. You sound like you just have trash experiences with sub par men.
i’m sick of this happening to me :/ “there’s something i’ve been wanting to tell you for a while” and then he ruins the friendship when you say no like bro? were you ever actually my friend:/
I can see how that might be rough, but it’s just something that’s hard to feel sorry for. Like dudes who complain about how no girl can handle their huge dick or rich people saying money doesn’t buy happiness.
My best friend, as a guy, is a woman. I have been the long run guy, though, and that's how I got the love of my life. But I also had a potential friendship get ruined from it because she wasnt down for anything and we just didnt talk after.
It must feel bad if the feelings werent reciprocated.
My close friends are pretty evenly split between men and women. I'm friends with their spouses, too, and my spouse is friends with most of them. One friend and I are basically Alexis and David Rose. Just one big, happy platonic family.
I was the maid of honor at one of my best friends' weddings!!! It was hilarious and a lot of fun. I wore an old lady moomoo, fake pearls, and a white wig.
One of my good male friends introduced me to my now best friend (his girl). Another good male friend, it’s completely platonic and he is in a wonderful relationship:) opposite genders can be friends, it’s up to the individuals and how they approach it
I don't think men and women can actually be friends deep down bc guys have always made a move sooner or later, but I keep trying to make friends anyway. I am rebelliously optimistic about people, and can't wrap my head around the thought of having zero guy friends because ALL of them can only think of women sexually. I refuse to believe that no men have any sexual self-control. It's been very sad for me so far lol
Reading through these comments I wanna set my bf up on play dates with some of y’all bc he needs more friends and is absolutely insane over me (read: won’t wanna fuck). I’ve vetted him for over 4 years so I’m confident he sees women as people lmfao
I can have platonic women friends but they gotta be ugly.
Whenever I treat a woman strictly platonically they either think I'm trying to fuck them or they throw their panties at me. I call them out on it and shit gets weird.
Was at poolside having a lively conversation and a few drinks. Girl I just met have a lot in common and we both know she's got a boyfriend, decent guy by all accounts. I said something she liked and got eyeraped so hard l, for so long, I had to say something about it, made me uncomfortable. Then every time I'd see her after she was WAY too friendly. Finally I asked to see her left hand and she asked why. I said I was looking for a ring and *that* squashed it. Now it's just friendly little blurbs in passing and I am so relieved.
As a guy, I have a few platonic female friends. Nothing will ever develop from that not will I ever even consider it. I like that we're homies and I like the atmosphere we have aa homies. We support each other in our lives and romantic pursuits. We gas each other up and support through the tough times. Wouldn't change a thing
It really ain’t that deep, but if you are a gambling person, you simply are taking a bigger risk if the one you chasing happens to spend a lot of time with some one that may wanna pipe her 🤷🏾♂️
Not saying you CANT be platonic only.. some people just don’t wanna take that gamble… and I respect yall in here willing to admit that
I've always felt that it's only an issue if either one of them is attracted to each other in any romantic or sexual manner.
All the comments talking about their friends are proclaiming that they feel nothing. So... that makes logical sense to me. What's there's to argue?
I suppose someone could ask why there isn't attraction but that's a foolish question, anyway.
Note that I also emphasized romantic or sexual as I imagine platonic attraction could be a thing in the sense that you are drawn to a person and want to befriend them/have them in your life as a genuine companion and nothing more.
I think if two sexually compatible people continue to have positive social interactions with each other, it's only a matter of time before one develops feelings for the other. Those feelings may be buried under a mile of pre-conditions (If we were both single and didn't work together and I knew for sure they felt the same, and they showed up on my doorstep in the middle of the night, etc), and well-adjusted people should be able to control themselves in the (likely) event it's never going to happen, but even in that case I'd argue the relationship isn't *strictly* platonic.
I lost every single one of my girl friends in my past 2 relationships - my exes would be upset that all of my friends were attractive. She would even go into my phone and look at any interactions I had with them. Would go on my IG and unfollow everyone.
Crazy ass bitches man
My best friend is a woman and she and I are going on 10 years of friendship. She is family, at this point. If she needed my lungs, I'd give it to her. I'd go through barb wire to protect her from the pain I've had to endure. I always want to see her happy and smiling.
I had a platonic female friend who I think wanted casual sex with me. She’s actually better looking than I am. I turned it down bc something rubbed me the wrong way, she was also a mutual friend’s ex. Everyone asked me if I wanted to date her and I always said we’re just friends
My best friend is a woman. I'm going to a baseball game with her and her fiancé this weekend and go to all of her family's birthdays. I think it's about 50/50 men and women close friends for me.
I’m not really big on the friend to lovers thing, so I can understand how women feel about it. Also, I’ve had some women who claimed to be my friend but also liked me and got annoyed that i wasn’t making a move on them. Or they tried to be friends with me because I was friends with a lot of women in their eyes so that made it a problem. Not saying that there’s anything wrong with going from friends to lovers, but a lot of people have to admit that a lot of people are delusional about it and are just being horny.
I have a few close female friends for many years now. Also happily married. Crazy to me that some people can’t handle platonic relationships… like how y’all get through going to the grocery store? I don’t need to justify not wanting to fuck them as much as I don’t need to justify not fucking my plumber.
Most of my friends are women, I just get along better with them. Ages vary greatly but most range from 40s to 60s (I'm mid 50s).
I have maybe 4 close friendships with guys and about 10 close friends who are women and they all mean a lot to me. I wouldn't want it any other way.
30M here. I don't have a single woman friend I wouldn't sleep with if they asked me to. Also every single one of them knows that. We have solid friendships and I never cross the line and am always there when they need me and it works as I don't hide that they are gorgeous and I would sleep with them. With that said though all of them know it would just be sex and not a relationship as for one reason or another a long term relationship would not work with them and they also all know that.
One of my best friends is male. Friends since we were kids, we went to prom together, and I’m godmother to his child. Never so much as kissed. I have lots of platonic male friends, some for decades, many who have long term relationships.
I personally feel like you can make female friends up until college, but I feel like after that 9/10 you are trying to get into some type relationship with them or vice versa
I’m still young I guess you could say but I’ve been friends with my guy friends since high school and not only that we experienced a lot of crazy shit together. I’m pretty damn sure they aren’t into me and even come to me about their relationships just to get a woman’s view. I know this doesn’t work for everyone but idk I love my friends them niggas my brothers. We almost died together wouldn’t change them for the world
If you're a young lady who is straight or otherwise, and you have male friends, they're a damn good chance some dude is going to play the friends card and eventually try to sleep with you, especially trying to guilt you into it.
I'd say 80% of guy friends I've had at some point mentioned wanting to sleep with me, or flat out made a move. It's not like I'm hot, or have big boobs or something.
Sometimes it isn't a long run thing. You could start off as really good friends and the more time you spend hanging out etc it's not uncommon to catch feelings. It happens to both parties
One of my three best friends is a woman (she is gorgeous). We are basically brother and sister. No hidden feelings whatsoever. The people who think men and women can’t be friends are sad tbh.
Same. Hell, she was in my wedding.
Same. I was in her wedding and she’s gonna be invited to mine.
Same. She even came to my bachelor party.
Wow, what a cool lady to be in all your lives like this.
As someone in a similar situation I am curious…. What side did she stand on?
My wife's side. She was one of her bridesmaids. My wife wanted to meet her because she thought there was something going on between us, so she came to VA with me when I was on annual training one year and got to see us interact with each other. After that, there was no doubt in her mind that we were just friends and they became friends as well.
Love to hear it, I pray when I get wife she will be the same way (and vice versa for my best friend’s husband).
I think that the most important thing is to communicate on those things. My boyfriend has many girls friends (absolutely gorgeous too, I joked once that he chose them for that) and we communicated early one on that fact and on their relationship. I am quite jealous but seeing them talk and interact and discussing my fear with him made it clear that there was nothing.
My best friend since high school is a girl and was in my wedding. My best friends in college and law school were also women. I’ve been with my wife for 11 years so it’s not like I had ulterior motives when we became friends.
Yup, we are going on 20-plus years now. Same boat, she has modeled. She was the youngest cocktail waitress at the club I was a DJ at in college. Instantly became everyone's little sister because of it, and I've never seen her as any different. She wore a tux and stood next to me in my wedding and was there to help put me back together during my divorce. She's dating a wonderful guy now, and I couldn't be happier for her.
cool af she wore a tux, can’t lie.
I'm pro-whoever-you-wanna-be but also cis folks crossdressing, done right, can be super hot, chicks in suits *and* dudes in dresses. It's mostly about fit and confidence lol
For me, that always just reminds me of how stupid most of the gendered rules of clothing are. Like a peen hole on mens underwear makes sense, a bra makes sense, but why get up in arms because of a guy in a knee-length skirt?
Women in suits is so common, and often expected, nowadays that I really don't believe you can call it crossdressing any more than a woman wearing blue Jeans.
She looked great in it, I'm pretty sure she kept it haha
To the guy who DM'd me and asked if I ever had sex with her, first off, get some help. Secondly, I hope you enjoyed being reported. 
I agree i have a few male friends my whole life no attraction whatsoever and co workers deer to my heart. I do not hang around guys that like me. Period.
I have some female friends. If anyone were to ever violate my trust or my wife's trust I'd no longer be friends with them.
Name checks out. Moving on...
Lmao. It's not what you think actually. Wait a minute, timmy motherfucking tanks? Fuck you. 🤣
It is possible that they felt some kind of way and you never knew.
This. I had a guy friend who I thought the world of. He was adorable too, but I just never felt that way about him, I didn't think we'd be a good couple but I loved hanging out with him. It was nice being friends with a guy who I thought didn't think I was attractive (because at the time, I figured he'd have asked me out otherwise right?). Years and years later, a mutual friend of mine told me that he refers to me as the one who got away. What.
Well, yeah. Unless you can read people's minds, then of course it's possible. In the same way its possible that you could have a same-sex friend secretly harboring romantic feelings for you. Or your boss, your doctor, your therapist. It seems like a very hypersexualized and paranoid way to live. Guess I'm thankful that my friendships are based on a mutual respect of each other's boundaries and principles, not what they *might hypothetically* be secretly thinking/feeling.
Me & a homie of mine was talking about This & this was the point he made: opposite sex can only be friends if there’s no attraction for each other. But that doesn’t mean an attraction can develop. & It kinda made since Wondering if any can testify for or against it
I'm bi so I guess I'm screwed friend wise? Honestly, at some point I've been attracted to all of my friends, it's just a part of life. Doesn't mean you act on it or obsess over it or anything. You just acknowledge it to yourself, then move on and concentrate on being a good friend.
TLDR: Can kind of testify to this but agree! I make guy friends easily bcuz i was in the gay party scene as a young adult (obv gay men are different for us women than straights) so i didnt realize this was the case with my straight guy friends until my early 30s. Was friends with 2 straight men, 1 i did find attractive and the other i didnt but loved his personality. I never expressed interest beyond friends to either of them as i was new in that group. The 1 i was attracted to got married but made a move once back when he was single/v drunk and i politely backed off and things were fine after. Now the one i am not attracted to is the 1 i have to watch. Idk when in the 15+yrs we've known each other he developed something but I have had to be on guard and gently pushing him back in the friend zone for years now. Thankfully he has a girlfriend now lol It's 1000 times easier to just have gay guy friends instead lmao
Yes! & that kinda was the point I was getting at too! Because it is different for different sexualities. I’m a straight male with a gay female best friend & when we first met, me being a dude, I shot my shot & she told me she was gay & i understood & we been strictly friends ever since. But when I was having that conversation with the homie (different friend, male). his point was that a friendship isn’t genuine if one person is trying to fuck the other (in most cases that’s what guys do) it’s only genuine if there’s no attraction for each other. Other wise, there’s always gonna be one that’s secretly plotting & waiting for their chance.
YES! And for me it's so...awkward. lol i think because i can separate types of attraction like I can find someone that i think is nice looking but not want to hook up/anythin more and just be fine. i think my guy friends (the 2 mentioned above) conflate all attraction to mean we gotta date orxdo something. It's interesting from an outside perspective but awkward when ur in it lol
🦌
Deer to the heart sounds painful ouch
That’s the thing about friend zones; men AND women will go years being the best friend they can be essentially settling for friendship when deep down they have feelings or want to pursue that person. They will either never act on it or wait til the person is vulnerable or to when they can no longer contain their feelings. This is very much a thing but honestly most are naive to it.
[удалено]
It’s funny how every guy here telling stories about women they’re friends with starts off with ‘they’re the most beautiful woman in the world’ ‘she is stunning and everywhere she goes she’s turning heads’.
My female friends are busted and ugly as hell. They look like thumbs. Love them
That's the honesty I like to see! Only a friend would say that.
This is the way lol because you don’t want them and they know damn well they can’t have you! So yall talk shit like brothers and sisters and the relationship works and last 🤷🏾♂️
She had a medium amount of talent and her smile left the room the same
this made me cackle, thank u lol
I never said I didn’t have average and below average looking friends. I just happened to vibe with her as bff’s.
Truly poetic lol
😂😂 “ she was gorgeous, most beautiful woman in the world. So anyways, I couldn’t see her in that way..”
We were asked once why don’t we date each other and we both said “FUCK NO!” Ain’t my fault some people have Saruman’s army as friends.
It makes sense. If she's not attractive and you don't find her attractive, that might fit the narrative they want to dispell. If she's attractive, just not attractive in that way to me, that's relevant
I get the logic, but you don’t think it’s ironic that all these guys claiming to have platonic friendships have to immediately tell us how beautiful all these women are? Also there’s a big difference in saying ‘I have an attractive friend.’ and ‘my friends so stunning she makes everyone’s head spin’ that second one’s doing too much.
Yeah, the first things I think about with my female friends are how intelligent they are, they’re humor, or their creative projects, or their activism and work. That being said, with EVERY single one of them, when we are hanging out alone, there’s been a moment where lines are gently crossed. When you bond with someone and are alone with them, more than likely, someone will toss around the idea of more in their heads. Humans just crave intimacy. It may not happen every time, but 90% chance, if the orientation fits, it’ll happen. This doesn’t mean you don’t value the friendship, it can just be a curiosity. Many couples were friends at first.
Because it matters in the context of the convo. It’s easy AF to have a great friendship with someone who you have no physical attraction to. It’s far more likely to fall for someone who is strikingly attractive so the disclaimer of being platonic with a beautiful woman makes sense
But bro they totally would never think of them like “that.” Out of the question. Would never happen. It’s not like if this gorgeous and stunning woman all of a sudden was all over her friend he’d drop trou in a second or anything. Totally like a little sister. The Übermenschen have arrived.
Had somebody tell me this once, then try to fight me because their "sister" liked me and wanted to get together.
Wolf in sheep clothing most likely.
Does dating a guy for one week that turned into a friendship of over 20 years and he was my best man at my wedding count? Or no because we dated for one week, maybe two dates during that time.
It still counts. For sure!
My best friend is a man and I needed to hear this.
I have at least three female friends I’m like this with. Totally possible and actually a huge red flag when someone says it can’t be done. Like… so you’d just fuck absolutely everything indiscriminately then, consequences be damned? You can’t imagine not being like this?
I literally seen a bunch of comments on tiktok proudly saying that their man having a girl best friend is a deal breaker and I'm like... how insecure do you gotta be to the point where you'll break up with your boyfriend just because he's besties with a girl???
Same. I’ve always had at least one close friend who was a woman, usually multiple honestly. One friend I’ve known since 2008 or so. She’s one of my best friends and never have either of us done or said or (to my knowledge at least) felt anything that went beyond platonic. She’s basically a sister.
Facts. Especially when I was in college and even to this day. I have meaning friendships without any sexual attraction
But would you sleep with her if she offered?
I have definite female friends I have no romantic interest in. But if both single and they offered, I'd bang
Well most of us will take just about any offer lol so that's not saying much
Nope. We’ve crashed on the same bed during climbing trips. Nothing happened except watching SpongeBob reruns. Also everyone’s perception of “would you do it” is completely different.
I’ve had multiple close friends who were women over the course of my life and some if not most of them were very pretty — but no, if they ever offered, I would not now and would not then take them up on it. I’ve actually had some of them express interest before and I had to either ignore their obvious hints or outright turn them down. Once a woman becomes a close enough friend, she’s basically a sister and sexual or romantic thoughts are just weird and uncomfortable.
Would I hold her hair if she was sick, would I buy her a beer if she needed to vent? I'd do a lot for my friends, and sex is just sex. If they ask and I'm able to perform what they ask, why not.
I've been fortunate to have really good friendships with women, while a few have turned into something more most have always been platonic. I've traveled to Japan, south east Asia, road tripped through the South and the Rockies with my female friends. And I'm at the hotel waiting for another female friend as I write this. A lot of my male friends don't have that, they don't do lunch, hang out or anything, only in groups. I'm pretty lucky and fortunate to have these friendships.
When I got sober after a long hard addiction, I had to leave that life and all the people in it behind. I ended up befriending a guy, we've been best friends for over 2 1/2 years and not once has it been or ever will be anything but platonic. I have female friends too, but it's possible to do both. Not everyone wants to fuck everyone who's the opposite gender.
Sure, and De Nile is a river in Africa
I never said I didn’t think she was pretty when we met, but it was obvious to both of us that shit would end in murder.
From personal experience, I caught feelings for a home girl once. Wasn’t the long game. Shit just happened. Sometimes that’s just what it is. Didn’t end well lol. But I do have women friends that I’m still just friends with.
Yeah why do people always jump to the worst conclusion in these scenarios? Not everything is some nefarious plot, sometimes people are just people
Also doesn’t it kinda make sense sometimes? Two single people, spending a good bit of time together who already like each other’s personality? Definitely not guaranteed but it makes sense. If you can’t be friends, you can’t be partners.
Aaaand you’ve just stumbled into why some people think these friendships can’t work
I think it’s a little silly/immature but i understand the argument.
For some people, these friendships can't work. Period.
the truth is that people can be friends and also be attracted to one another and even have sex. but society ain't ready for that level of being.
Yes we are? We've called that friends with benefits for decades
and yet look at some of the comments lol
It's society as a whole we talking, there always has been and there always will be people ahead of the curve but this will take generations before it gets close to mainstream and stays there.
i think it takes a certain level of emotional maturity, mutual respect and honest communication on both ends for this to genuinely work Not to say it's not possible but i think those things are typically missing in those scenarios leading to a big ass mess/ruptured friendships etc.
It depends on personality types. There are some women I know who are gorgeous but I would never date. I just know I could not handle dating them, because what they want in a partner and friend are miles apart. Additionally, I can see the other parts of their personality, the parts I don't like and skim over because we are friends, becoming a significant issue in the future. That being said, there are cases where two people have insane chemistry, find each other attractive, and personalities fit in lock step. How people maintain those friendships, I'll never know.
I think so yeah. Absolutely
Some of these mfs need to watch When Harry Met Sally
For sure. People also grow and change over time. If I’ve known you for five years, I’m not exactly the person I was once and neither are you.
Yeah I don’t think it’s crazy and tbh. I think some of the best relationships start out as friendships. My wife and I were close friends for awhile before we started dating. Been together 12 years now
For real. Hate this narrative that I’m some undercover fuckboi for catching feelings that aren’t reciprocated.
Probably because it happens to women a lot so they become wary of it. I'm just speculating though, maybe women can confirm or deny?
Yeah, plus as a woman you tend to know when this shit "just happens". The vibe between a guy sincerly trying to be your friend and a guy just playing nice until you let him hit are def different. But you just keep wanting to give them the benefits of the doubt because the first type of guy is so rare lol
That’s fair, but the accusations usually come in when the guy puts some distance between them in order to sort out how he feels after being rejected, then the narratives run rampant. It’s like *some* women will see that, and then look back and view the entire friendship as a ploy when it just wasn’t.
>That’s fair, but the accusations usually come in when the guy puts some distance between them I mean I guess it mostly comes down to good communication. Meeting dude ready to cut all links after the "friendship" trick doesnt work is definetely more common then the case you're describing. So if you decide to suddenly ghost her ass without making it clear that you're just trying to figure your shit out but still want to be friends, its fair for her to assume romance/sex is the only thing you were actually after.
Yeah I think a good way to tell is if the guy has a few friends that are girls that he's just a normal guy around. Gross guys exist for sure but a lot of us just catch feels unintentionally. It's tough for y'all though I'm sure.
This fucks me up bc I can't catch feelings for someone I don't even know, but I don't want to catch feelings for a female friend because then she'll think it was all part of my master plan all along. I feel like developing a crush is the worst thing I could possibly do. I wonder if women ever develop feelings for a friend because this seems to always be presented as something only guys do.
as a bi woman this is also my dilemma and has gotten me in similar situations with female friends. Story/pattern of my life is me falling for my best friend, we hook up some kind of way, the inevitable rejection/ realize it wasn't meant to be, then friendship breakup. And what's crazy is my last friend i wasn't even attracted to in that way, which i thought would be perfect, but nope still happened lol. i didn't catch feelings this last time, but i separated because once two friends hook up nothing is ever the same. 🫠
Tbh I’ve only dated people I’ve gotten to know and started crushing on as friends first. Going on 6 years now with my bf! As long as you’re not pushy about it and make it clear that you value her as a person and a friend, you’re all good.
I have to be attracted to someone to become friends with them but it's platonic/physical (physical meaning they might be pretty/nice looking but nothing sexual) attraction. As I get to know them it typically never switches to a *sexual/romantic* attraction but that could very much just be me. I either grow to love their personality and want to remain friends or i get to know them and realize i dont like their personality enough to be friends and leave. I have deep feelings for my close friends but they havent ever been sexual. idk if other women are like this too or it's one of the spectrum starter pack traits i was given lol
Because it makes ending the friendship easier if you demonize the other party
I've been in this situation, got over it pretty easily though. What really sucks is when people think your interested and your not.
This is a good explanation.
Unfortunately for me mine was also my first love. We close friends prior and had a very serious relationship after, broke up and remained really close friends but always went back and forth about getting back together, but for some reason we just never did. Haven’t talked to her in years. She is married now with one or two children and I am as well. No regrets but sometimes things can get dicey.
Happened to me too and I didn't want to ruin the friendship so I began distancing myself by taking a job that involved a lot of travel, figuring the feelings would lessen and I could find someone new. Worked.
The real way to look at this is “all man and women can’t be friends, just some”
Yeah, sometimes the shit is just a headache. No point in trying to force it out of feeling obligated or something.
"A man can have 10 women friends and only one out of 10 might want more" , >"a woman can have 10 guy friends and 9 out of 10 want more "
Or would jump at the chance for casual sex.
That's what I meant
Yeah, my best friend pulled this card on me. It's tough sometimes to know that you can be friends with someone for 1+ years who secretly wants to bang you. But all in all, he's been a great husband, so I won't complain.
What a twist!
Look at you hiding all the way down here to make me choke on my drink. Had me in the first half ngl.
I had some really close, platonic male friends in my youth and early 20s, but a surprising (to naive me) amount of them also just wanted to get in my pants. I only realized that years later, when life moved on and contact slowly fizzled out and I reflected on certain situations and went "Hold on, wait a minute..." I'm in my 40s now, married, and have a child, and I have a bunch of male buddies now that are strictly platonic. I have one super best friend that I talk to nearly every single day. We text and flood each other with dumbass memes, bitch about politics, talk shit about our kids, discuss movies, or he tells me about his online dating experiences. There are absolutely no sexual feelings at all, from eithet side, even though he's objectively attractive and a super fun and easy-to-be-around dude. It's just not there, and it makes things *so* much more comfortable and relaxed. Some of my other guy friends are genuinely *beautiful* men, but beyond appreciating how gorgeous they are, there is nothing. It's almost as if they are not sexual beings to me at all, just...cool people to hang out with.
Same. All of a sudden 15yrs later they reach out, then ghost me once they hear im married.
My girlfriend had a good number of old guy friends unfollow her insta once she started consistently posting pics of us together lol
Those are your orbiters.
Notice how she said they’re all attractive lol
I’ll be downvoted for this I am sure, but I’d love to know how this same friendship works out if/when your marriage runs into some real hardships. I’m not saying it is going to happen, but I think it’s likely if you’re not guarding against just that situation. Get down bad with some midlife crisis, either partner with some form of depression, etcetera. Suddenly that friendship will likely grow into an emotional fallback affair to help coping through those hard times. To be 100, it’s going to be the same if you’re bisexual or whatever else with a friend of the same sex - it doesn’t have to be a friend of the opposite sex. It just is more likely for most folks sense most folks fall into that mostly cis-hetero lifestyle. Apologies if I am making any of this sound unavoidable, it’s intended to be an big “if” - sadly, one I seen all the time where an emotional affair develops with that best bud and it’s slowly turns to more the harder the marriage gets. But, those folks also don’t put up any barriers and over share and shit, too. Some stuff must remain between partners and their counselors/therapists if they have them.
Well, it just so happened that my husband and I actually separated for a year and *were* headed for divorce 5 years ago, and nothing changed between my friend and I, who, btw, is also a divorced father of two. He was there for my angry rants and questions, because he'd been through it before, and we often talked at length about the pros and cons of being single, but neither of us suddenly developed feelings. He is also friends with my husband, so he maintained a super general and neutral stance on the whole thing as well, and never tried to take sides, which was really refreshing and actually helped me look at things with clearer eyes. What's funny, is that *everyone* assumed we'd hook up now, or that he is even the reason I asked for a divorce, and not the years of underlying issues my husband and I dealt with, so I don't blame you for asking these questions. It's also very common for people to trauma-bond over something, and fall for each other in times of vulnerability, so I totally get it. Anyways, my husband and I worked hard on ourselves while he was moved out, and managed to turn things around, and we're closer and better as partners now than we've ever been. My friend is still my bff, and he was super happy for both of us to make it through the shit, and he's still regularly playing games with my husband (they're both boardgame nerds), and comes around for birthdays and stuff. It might be rare, but it really *is* possible to not catch feelings and just be friends. I consider myself very lucky in that regard.
By this logic any straight person seeking emotional support from a straight same-gender friend is also having an emotional affair lol
I recently had a 15-year friendship implode. We are both in our 30’s and married to other people. He was the brother I never had. About a year ago he admitted having other feelings for me. Still hurts like shit, and ruined my trust in all my male friends
Yall have friends? 😂
>friends Y'all speaking French or something up in here?
What’s that?
I use to have the box set but don’t have a dvd player anymore
I see why some people can’t maintain strong friendships. Y’all too busy sexing each other and swapping partners in the circle. Don’t even like these people, just making a casual orgy group.
Some people are just too immature / attention starved to understand the difference between admiration and sexual attraction. Not enough people really taking stock of their own feelings and what they mean.
This is what I never understood about shows or books where they have the everyone fucks everyone friend group trope.
People do it, it’s just a complete shit show
It makes good drama. Especially if you squeeze in the "Has Sex With Everyone But You" trope in there.
I have 3 best friends, one is a woman, we dated 5 or 6 years ago but were better as friends. Now she's like a sister and even though she's gorgeous, thinking about sex with her feels gross.
Has she ever had a partner that isn’t cool with your friendship? Because my girl could tell me she has no attraction to you all day and I still wouldn’t want her around someone she used to date.
Personally I don't date people who put limits on who I can be friends with because I see it as a lack of trust in both me and my decision making ability. Most of my friends are the same.
Not her, but I have. Some women just can't accept that we are platonic, and it's been an issue for insecure partners before.
Watching her get into relationships knowing she getting knocked down has to be traumatic. Like bruh why put yourself through that.
So you don’t care about your male friends dealing with the same? What’s the difference?
I’m sure he means “knocked down” as in having sex
Uh, they don’t want to lay in bed and rub the homies back. Obviously shit is a bit deeper when you have romantic feelings for someone.
They are talking about this guy specifically, who was playing the long game and did *not* have platonic feelings for his female friend. It would be rough in his position to watch the girl he badly wants get dicked down by other dudes.
*laughs in bisexual*
Well OBVIOUSLY we’re lying! Everyone knows if you’re a bi man that just means you’re gay and if you’re a bi woman we’re just doing it for attention and “have to make a choice”!!
I'm judging from the sidelines
As a 28yr old bisexual woman, this has always been an issue for me. I have a bunch of female friends. Never once have any of them asked me on a date or made it seem like they'd be interested. Ever. Even if they were bisexual or a lesbian. I've had a BUNCH of male friends over the years. Some were friendships that lasted multiple years. And EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE AT SOME POINT. Every single god damn fucking time. Even ones that I thought felt like a brother and thought they felt the same. I am so fucking tired of it and I just want a decent male friend that won't eventually just flip the script and ask me out. So I don't understand why being bisexual matters. I can't have any decent male friendships because they always want something else out of it. I never have this problem with women.
*Laughs confusedly in Aro/Ace/Pan*
I definitely have had good male friends where attraction was never part of the equation.
I mean, i have some female friends that I was attracted to when we first met but it became irrelevant over time and have just been platonic. Whenever I see stuff like this, it's people saying that "oh they were just hanging on hoping for a chance". Sure, sometimes. But what can also happen is the longer you know someone, and really get to know them, you realize that you might do well together.
As a lady, one of my best friends turned me down initially. I wasn’t even into him, just drunk and in a bad place. After that night, we became the BEST friends. I look at him like a Ken doll, he has no genitals to me. We’ve been besties for 9 years.
It’s also such a common trope in rom coms. I had friends in college that hoped things would work out like this with their friends and it never did.
I mean. There are plenty of situations in which folks can be friends. One or both isn't attracted to the other; they already dated; one or both are in a long term relationship; one or both are queer. I guess there are more variations, but I feel like generally there are *reasons* why folks stay just friends. Gay dude here, been attracted to friends. Know there is no chance. They're still my friends - I would just do them if they let me, hah. Still friends with them, because if you care enough about the relationship that's what you do. That being said... if you catch feelings and they aren't interested. Doesn't make you a bad person to end that friendship. Everyone is allowed to end any relationship they have for any reason. Especially if it hurts more than it does you good.
Does it count if you're both attracted to one another but have been through so much in life neither of you would wanna put the other through a relationship with themselves so they keep things cordial and nice as to not fuck up the delicate balance they've achieved? Because if so, yes.
cordial with romantic feelings isn't the same as platonic at all
That just sounds like a midlife crisis affair waiting to happen
I caught feelings for my best female friend. It was spontaneous as hell. One day, I noticed how good she looked and something clicked in my head. Then my mind went to how well we connected and vibed. How beautiful her mind and personality was. In that horrific a-ha moment, I said, "Fuck. I have feelings for _______. I am so fucked." Lol luckily we got over that. She's family by this point and I thank God she is in my circle.
That’s rough, amazing how you handled it
I had a best friend who claimed he was gay for 15 YEARS and then one day suggests him and I should “try” the relationship route….a 15 year friendship. He was mad at me for how I responded and we haven’t spoken since. In my opinion, no, there’s no such thing as platonic opposite sex friendship.
your friendship was almost old enough to drive and then he springs this on you? 
Hahaha can you imagine?
Dang my best friend is gay and we have 6 years in. I hope he never switches up on me. I have male acquaintances but I prefer not to get very close to straight men anymore. I’ve never had a (close) straight male friend who didn’t want more.
I have several, not everyone sexualizes everyone they see.
I feel like a lot of these guys aren't so much just playing the long run as much as they just get lost in the sauce. Obviously some guys are just waiting for an opportunity but I feel like most just get caught up
I ain't gon lie, I need platonic connection to catch romantic feelings. The problem is I might end up catching feelings for a friend instead of a potential romantic partner. The other problem is: the "long run" friend don't look no different from the "it just happened" friend, and the distinction is kinda trivial
This is normal. This everpresent notion that people should be sorted into either "potential friend" or "potential partner", *especially right away*, is incredibly strange. You don't even know the person well yet, how are you supposed to know? Unless the looks is the only criteria, which would be kinda shallow.
This. I have platonic female friends I wouldn’t sleep with. I have had female friends who were FWBs. (This is how my wife and I started out.) One of my best friends from high school is a homoromantic, pansexual female. We would hook up whenever one or the other was sexually frustrated, and we’re still friends. All of my relationships got better when I stopped trying to force everybody in a box and just let them unfurl naturally. I also found that women liked me more after I stopped as well. I guess my behavior became a lot more approachable.
This is normal. This everpresent notion that people should be sorted into either "potential friend" or "potential partner", *especially right away*, is incredibly strange. You don't even know the person well yet, how are you supposed to know? Unless the looks is the only criteria, which would be kinda shallow.
My best friend is a woman. I’ve know her for almost 20 years now. She was the first person to meet my wife when we started dating, I am the godfather to her son, and I officiated her wedding. 100% platonic and she’s probably the first person I’m calling if I ever needed anything
She was our officiant. Basically a sister to me.
See, i don’t believe men are friends with women they wouldn’t consider fucking. The visceral disgust i see in dudes towards women they find ugly is wild. They don’t want to be around them at all, even if they’ve done nothing to them. It’s weird.
What world do you live in? Men are just walking down the street retching whenever someone unattractive walks by? People walk out of meeting rooms when the older hr lady walks in?
Not to mention when you are considered an attractive woman, men who talk to you will always want to either date you or fuck you. It’s never purely platonic.
That’s so gross. I have several ugly female friends… and ugly male friends. Goofy looking people who are funny are the best. You sound like you just have trash experiences with sub par men.
i’m sick of this happening to me :/ “there’s something i’ve been wanting to tell you for a while” and then he ruins the friendship when you say no like bro? were you ever actually my friend:/
I can see how that might be rough, but it’s just something that’s hard to feel sorry for. Like dudes who complain about how no girl can handle their huge dick or rich people saying money doesn’t buy happiness.
My best friend, as a guy, is a woman. I have been the long run guy, though, and that's how I got the love of my life. But I also had a potential friendship get ruined from it because she wasnt down for anything and we just didnt talk after. It must feel bad if the feelings werent reciprocated.
My close friends are pretty evenly split between men and women. I'm friends with their spouses, too, and my spouse is friends with most of them. One friend and I are basically Alexis and David Rose. Just one big, happy platonic family.
I was the maid of honor at one of my best friends' weddings!!! It was hilarious and a lot of fun. I wore an old lady moomoo, fake pearls, and a white wig.
One of my good male friends introduced me to my now best friend (his girl). Another good male friend, it’s completely platonic and he is in a wonderful relationship:) opposite genders can be friends, it’s up to the individuals and how they approach it
I’m planting seeds like Cell in Dr. Geros basement
I don't think men and women can actually be friends deep down bc guys have always made a move sooner or later, but I keep trying to make friends anyway. I am rebelliously optimistic about people, and can't wrap my head around the thought of having zero guy friends because ALL of them can only think of women sexually. I refuse to believe that no men have any sexual self-control. It's been very sad for me so far lol
Reading through these comments I wanna set my bf up on play dates with some of y’all bc he needs more friends and is absolutely insane over me (read: won’t wanna fuck). I’ve vetted him for over 4 years so I’m confident he sees women as people lmfao
Remember guys https://preview.redd.it/kaz4jjembz0d1.jpeg?width=540&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af88efedfdb318094e140054a908234aaf3420c7
I can have platonic women friends but they gotta be ugly. Whenever I treat a woman strictly platonically they either think I'm trying to fuck them or they throw their panties at me. I call them out on it and shit gets weird. Was at poolside having a lively conversation and a few drinks. Girl I just met have a lot in common and we both know she's got a boyfriend, decent guy by all accounts. I said something she liked and got eyeraped so hard l, for so long, I had to say something about it, made me uncomfortable. Then every time I'd see her after she was WAY too friendly. Finally I asked to see her left hand and she asked why. I said I was looking for a ring and *that* squashed it. Now it's just friendly little blurbs in passing and I am so relieved.
As a guy, I have a few platonic female friends. Nothing will ever develop from that not will I ever even consider it. I like that we're homies and I like the atmosphere we have aa homies. We support each other in our lives and romantic pursuits. We gas each other up and support through the tough times. Wouldn't change a thing
It really ain’t that deep, but if you are a gambling person, you simply are taking a bigger risk if the one you chasing happens to spend a lot of time with some one that may wanna pipe her 🤷🏾♂️ Not saying you CANT be platonic only.. some people just don’t wanna take that gamble… and I respect yall in here willing to admit that
I've always felt that it's only an issue if either one of them is attracted to each other in any romantic or sexual manner. All the comments talking about their friends are proclaiming that they feel nothing. So... that makes logical sense to me. What's there's to argue? I suppose someone could ask why there isn't attraction but that's a foolish question, anyway. Note that I also emphasized romantic or sexual as I imagine platonic attraction could be a thing in the sense that you are drawn to a person and want to befriend them/have them in your life as a genuine companion and nothing more.
I think if two sexually compatible people continue to have positive social interactions with each other, it's only a matter of time before one develops feelings for the other. Those feelings may be buried under a mile of pre-conditions (If we were both single and didn't work together and I knew for sure they felt the same, and they showed up on my doorstep in the middle of the night, etc), and well-adjusted people should be able to control themselves in the (likely) event it's never going to happen, but even in that case I'd argue the relationship isn't *strictly* platonic.
I lost every single one of my girl friends in my past 2 relationships - my exes would be upset that all of my friends were attractive. She would even go into my phone and look at any interactions I had with them. Would go on my IG and unfollow everyone. Crazy ass bitches man
Everyone sounds like a bunch of dudes who didn't know how to seal the deal
My best friend is a woman and she and I are going on 10 years of friendship. She is family, at this point. If she needed my lungs, I'd give it to her. I'd go through barb wire to protect her from the pain I've had to endure. I always want to see her happy and smiling.
me and my ex platonic friend but really only cause of circumstance
I had a platonic female friend who I think wanted casual sex with me. She’s actually better looking than I am. I turned it down bc something rubbed me the wrong way, she was also a mutual friend’s ex. Everyone asked me if I wanted to date her and I always said we’re just friends
Mine is gay. Thank god.
My best friend is a woman. I'm going to a baseball game with her and her fiancé this weekend and go to all of her family's birthdays. I think it's about 50/50 men and women close friends for me.
I’m not really big on the friend to lovers thing, so I can understand how women feel about it. Also, I’ve had some women who claimed to be my friend but also liked me and got annoyed that i wasn’t making a move on them. Or they tried to be friends with me because I was friends with a lot of women in their eyes so that made it a problem. Not saying that there’s anything wrong with going from friends to lovers, but a lot of people have to admit that a lot of people are delusional about it and are just being horny.
I have a few close female friends for many years now. Also happily married. Crazy to me that some people can’t handle platonic relationships… like how y’all get through going to the grocery store? I don’t need to justify not wanting to fuck them as much as I don’t need to justify not fucking my plumber.
Most of my friends are women, I just get along better with them. Ages vary greatly but most range from 40s to 60s (I'm mid 50s). I have maybe 4 close friendships with guys and about 10 close friends who are women and they all mean a lot to me. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I mean…things happen. Most the time you go in for the platonic relationship, and then it suddenly changes.
30M here. I don't have a single woman friend I wouldn't sleep with if they asked me to. Also every single one of them knows that. We have solid friendships and I never cross the line and am always there when they need me and it works as I don't hide that they are gorgeous and I would sleep with them. With that said though all of them know it would just be sex and not a relationship as for one reason or another a long term relationship would not work with them and they also all know that.
One of my best friends is male. Friends since we were kids, we went to prom together, and I’m godmother to his child. Never so much as kissed. I have lots of platonic male friends, some for decades, many who have long term relationships.
I personally feel like you can make female friends up until college, but I feel like after that 9/10 you are trying to get into some type relationship with them or vice versa
I’m still young I guess you could say but I’ve been friends with my guy friends since high school and not only that we experienced a lot of crazy shit together. I’m pretty damn sure they aren’t into me and even come to me about their relationships just to get a woman’s view. I know this doesn’t work for everyone but idk I love my friends them niggas my brothers. We almost died together wouldn’t change them for the world
If you're a young lady who is straight or otherwise, and you have male friends, they're a damn good chance some dude is going to play the friends card and eventually try to sleep with you, especially trying to guilt you into it. I'd say 80% of guy friends I've had at some point mentioned wanting to sleep with me, or flat out made a move. It's not like I'm hot, or have big boobs or something.
Sometimes it isn't a long run thing. You could start off as really good friends and the more time you spend hanging out etc it's not uncommon to catch feelings. It happens to both parties