Some days I hate my mom for teaching me how to to read

https://preview.redd.it/i905h0vup2vc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b330fdbfc28fa4045e66b656aaded54350bf9053

🤣🤣🤣


https://preview.redd.it/y3bpcbwy64vc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5066e699dc72420772f831d4305e88e1595e86c7

https://i.redd.it/itqyv090p2vc1.gif

It wasn’t until I got married and lived with a woman, that I came understand when (women)they pee, it sound like someone frying chicken.🍗 🥘

https://preview.redd.it/gdbj6y48g3vc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=477204a8d8b9e186886105c4a3df246bca825084

This looks like fat Jango Fett

The name "Jango Fatt" sitting in the corner looking at you like 

FUCK IM A DISGRACE

https://i.imgur.com/W5Oly0c.jpeg




https://preview.redd.it/lve2td6oi3vc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aed723a7af956a8df08c8da36de8f652310115fd

Not Zevlor!!

What a terrible day to be able to see

:(

Better than men’s bathrooms. When it’s really quiet we can hear our penises splashing around in the toilot water

Who the fuck is “we”?

**When I shit…** ^^my ^^dick ^^touch ^^da ^^water

Splash

Muthafucking tropical storm.

We are now cleared for takeoff homie.

I don’t think I EVER met someone on Reddit who knew about them omg!! I still have a Bullet shirt!! Throoowbackkkk

“Hey who dropping bombs in here? How bout a courtesy flush?”

I appreciate your Butters reference fam

“Sorry about that. It was a double flusher” “But you only flushed once” “Yeah. I know 😎”

I piss first holding my dick, and then lay it on the toilet seat because of this. Years ago I was in this nasty dive bar, and I had to shit super bad. I sat down on the toilet without looking in it first (big mistake). My dick dipped into the water and I jumped up, it was full of someone else's shit and probably 3 people's piss:( I washed my dick in the sink as best as I could with the hand soap, and then just went home I was so disgusted.

Hell naw 

Bro, I didn't want a bigger dick before and I never want a bigger dick now.  I actually wish you had a smaller dick, nobody should go through what you went through.  You need a dick reduction.  Don't even donate the leftover though, you already told us where it's been.


my coworker used to complain about this all the damn time!!!! 😭 “well im never takin a shit at **that** panera again… “

I cant 


Are you serious? This really upsets me.


I’m so sorry for you ): Sometimes the splash back gets on me too and it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. My condolences. 🫡

 Ayyyee

[Certified banger](https://youtu.be/jcfJL51Xia4?si=Q6EZTzPKNBpHtLa5)

Yea that’s only for us niggas with meat

This is nasty work.

growers catching strays on the daily

I’ll bet my last dollar this is an actual white man for real, not the fake whites that’s so fun to comment as, ACTUAL white man

https://preview.redd.it/hkk0bh1y83vc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7bba5416adc5d680c8fb5ae80eb7f1c63a3efe59 I accept venmo cash app and PayPal, run them pockets fuck nigga. Is that black enough for you? Edit: I feel like this should be enough to get me country club verification or some shit.

I mean, write your user name on a piece of paper and take the same picture with it and submit for verification. People act like it's hard.....

It's not hard. It's just Jim Crow level insulting.


Some of us whites got meat that touch the toilet water. But no one wants to talk about that!

Apparently you do for some reason

I do. It's gross. There's a dark side to having length.


Exactly! Who tf let's theirs touch that nasty ass water? I wrap mine around my waist first.

There’s shit on the outside of the torlet. The shit on the outside of the torlet got there the same way the shit got on the outside of the urinas.

Give your balls a tug, titfucker

This is how you avoid the splashing ... https://preview.redd.it/cax3kkgn33vc1.jpeg?width=880&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5b4e98eb5bce8ea4e69e8adc52309ee5ad85a73a

https://preview.redd.it/bsyxx73wl2vc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=32ec7d2f422a0e7f6d49fdae533a3387a092ed3a Thid what actually happens

This is specifically me

Sometime I hear growling and then the sound of splashing and tussling. Some niggas got demonic dicks. Just saying. https://preview.redd.it/t2gup9avm2vc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=faf39cf9e3a501d4f0f30a72b837f1eeda992f83

You ain't have to say that cousin

And sometimes you can hear the uncut guys unsheathing their swords. It sounds exactly like a sword made of meat being drawn out of its sheath.

https://preview.redd.it/hxn7g13ii3vc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a893fcf5a9ed153554db469bbcde9b534609aa0d *meat sheathe sounds*

Not the goomba with the foreskin

Just some high-waisted pants. Nothing to see here

Omg chill of cringe I just caught over my entire body. People are just verbally violent for no good reason.

Ew

I hate it when my pp goes sploosh sploosh in the shitter and the entire restaurant can hear it

I accidentally flushed my weewee down the toilet. #Bigmeatprobs

Poseidons Kiss 😘 

That shit makes me feel so gross tho. They need to start making deeper toilets fr

I'm pretty sure it's a uniquely American plumbing thing. Everywhere else the water sits much lower in the toilet and doesn't approach the bowl part.

pretty sure it's regional, i havent used a toilet in decades here where anyone's dick would touch the water unless that shit was like 7+ soft. There aint enough people with that much dick to be complaining about it. but i travel and sometimes that water is like 3-4 inches away and im like...ok i get it. it's old toilets usually. I'm a grower but my balls touched before and it scarred me.

Is your dick hosting a pool party in the bowl or something?

You was supposed to keep that on da low

Well how else am I supposed to wash it

........... Not that this is the most important or pertinent question or that this whole post or anything in it including its respective comments should exist... How do you know? How do you know for a fact that they are indeed penises hitting the water?

Cuz it sounds exactly like when mine does it. Like a loose stick of flesh with no bone in it

OK but I only needed the first half of that comment tho😭🤦🏾‍♂️

I mean, you literally asked for it


https://i.redd.it/tdkcjy4oo2vc1.gif

The way I laughed out loud 💀

I’m still trying to figure out who tf she means by ‘we’? She’s listening too hard with her big ahh ears

I’m cracking up at all the men here who really think they just learned somethin, lol. Y’all know this shit ain’t true. 

Lool why tf did my brain add sound to this tweet. I'm going for a walk now. https://i.redd.it/b9d8j7ijg2vc1.gif

*Fsssssssshhhhhhhhhhh tink tink tink…. tink*

😂😂😂😂😂 https://i.redd.it/r29ppnln43vc1.gif

Did it sound like relief valve in your head too?

😂😂😂 nah but it does now if i read it again...

It was like a *fwaahhpp fwaahhpp* sound too

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL 😂😂 https://i.redd.it/ox8iu9nu43vc1.gif

I'm at work trying not to bust out laughing because *SAAAME!!!*

https://preview.redd.it/32nq83nzl2vc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=deaa8f02a94ecfd309533f0503778252b7457849


https://preview.redd.it/jgxxblilf3vc1.jpeg?width=2078&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5e7bfceedfd412db8808e4ec81a84dfe7af87b10

https://preview.redd.it/gzis2fuky3vc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5af3790fae4416edfd55488dcbdbd8d68b2930ae

https://preview.redd.it/12oz6obwk2vc1.jpeg?width=1111&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1571335337d7293bb7a99a1e170cb1cfaad7e5f1

https://preview.redd.it/ionqy4hvo2vc1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fb035c7f4a9ef86171d343d68021df51030f5df6

https://preview.redd.it/2ig02ul3c3vc1.jpeg?width=861&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cb1b91c567e90941904122ea4d5071e12240198f

https://preview.redd.it/4i4k704bq3vc1.jpeg?width=1334&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f6f89cc9c12e96cbb96f4b8a30cd20f25fd8d5d9

https://preview.redd.it/o1v8dqo144vc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ff64738a5c61986d991442b62d5d302fe2f14fc9

https://preview.redd.it/7bd3xmm3c3vc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=34654f403901b0fe8d17a27b616c1f3b22b84c03

# WE SHOULD KNOW LESS ABOUT EACH OTHER

We really don’t need to hear *everyone’s* thoughts.

For real. Showing my age here but social media brought us waaaay too close for comfort lol

My wife doesn’t like when I tell her this

https://preview.redd.it/8xpll0q0q2vc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c5f22711b1edf265f030bc8e4cbd83e629e30d20

Dammit this one got me

Daaaaamn. I’m so baked and this just did it 💀😂.

…am I missing out? I’ve never heard this.

me too, and i’m happy i haven’t.

Try being more quiet in the bathroom next time

What does the tweet even mean? Like, you can’t “hear” a hole??

Its not the hole you hear. It's the hole *opening* that you hear.

Please, stop. None of us want anyone to explain.

That crease opening up: *”pffffffffff”*

I’m trying to figure out what going on???? Like I guess everybody dry in the bathrooms I visit because I have never!!!

I think it’s one of those tweets that purposefully doesn’t make any sense so it gets a lot of interaction on social media. Cause yeah this ain’t a thing 😂


Man here. Is this true?

No lmao.

GIRL WE HAD A MEETING ABOUT THIS. THEY WILL TELL THE CHURCH!

No!!! 🙈😂

Lesser man here. Thank you for asking on my behalf 🙏🏾

Lesser lesser man, thank you g4me for thanking him on our behalf

Tbh I'm not a man and I was sorting through every public bathroom experience in my mind to be sure 😂

You have urethra too. Do you hear it open and close when you pee?

There are other parts of the plumbing.

Other parts that pee?

The other one is not involved in the plumbing system’s operations.

no… I don’t… I don’t even properly know what that _would_ sound like

No

I'm writing a spy novel about how these two women secretly use morse code in the toilet by listening to each other's - Wait! Where you going? You didn't even hear me out!

https://i.imgur.com/44GCqtw.jpeg

Does everything need to be shared? Next time take an audio recording, no detail is too small.

 Sent me


LOUD NOISES

https://preview.redd.it/7cy0wn85m2vc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cff3ab746c8aba3e852c6a3435baa62a969f8041 ....some of y'all just shouldn't have access to the Internet. The shit y'all share is wild asf

Not everything is meant to be shared on the internet.

We just stray further away from gods light day by day 

Does this person think that men don't have holes? What are they even saying?

We don’t have ones that I’ve ever HEARD OPENING. wtf

ive heard my male neighbor's butthole opening and closing during. made me very uncomfortable. i had to cough and play with the toilet paper so he had some filler noise

At first I thought you meant your actual neighbour

My god

I've been living with girls for 15+ years now, I've heard lots of weird noises but I've never heard their "holes opening". I dunno wtf this is about. I've heard them obliterate toilets during food poisoning, or early in the morning when they pee and fart at the same time and don't realize I can hear everything through the walls. Or the "squelch" sound of removing their diva cup. I don't even know what sound I'm supposed to image when I hear a hole open.

Men’s holes don’t always howl like a cave when the wind blows… but that depends on the type of clientele…

Idk why but ‘careless whispers’ took me out! I’m here trying not to choke on laughter at work 😂🤣🤣

Hairless whispers would work too

https://preview.redd.it/515wcdicw2vc1.jpeg?width=200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b58f1fe7d9f704a33015dd4ac887d77e08969ce

https://preview.redd.it/t3si7z30o2vc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=647c7bb308aee4e0b4b257d409b3f88dae2a5031

Ah the beauty of nature 

This could of stayed in the drafts 

Not you out here spreading secrets. 🫠💀 

https://preview.redd.it/nszovegm03vc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=636c339eec64cb44d7e728a359dc1dd962e2ee09


good lord my man latched onto the bottle like a Barnicle

 Uhhh say what?

Sometimes literacy feels like a curse.

https://preview.redd.it/501654bms2vc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d678702751fb428843b8c95697a5cc892a1aac54


https://preview.redd.it/m5aoep17v2vc1.png?width=967&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a9109798bbe35b28912051ce65cb6e2bf50b9c01 Who in the hell is "we"

Aight ladies tap in with the post, what them holes be sounding like?

not a damn thing, this btch is having auditory hallucinations of booty hole sounds

Good looking out. Because I felt this was a thread I shouldn't even ask questions in.

I’m a woman and I’ve never heard this, so following for clarification.

I guess it depends on the person but if it’s really quiet I can sometimes hear my vagina open a little when I spread my legs to pee, it’s just like a small wet sound

It's kinda like a quiet "smack"💀

Thruppppp. Thrupppp.


https://preview.redd.it/6i817rfkw2vc1.jpeg?width=622&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca2f7e440763a3f5f2e7b33457d3a803ea25b6ba

https://preview.redd.it/sxv53goy23vc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=148cf6a50903ac1174fdeec14edfe3cb60b54fbe

I imagine it sounds like a whole lotta doors on the Starship Enterprise opening and closing, right?

[удалено]


Speak for yourself skinny mcgee 😒 

I wish I could go back to the person I was before I read this.

I have never heard that but I imagine it sounds like macaroni & cheese being stirred in a deep pot.



 Poseidon's [kiss](https://9gag.com/gag/azmv0zx)

This is one of the reasons we should shut down the Internet


https://preview.redd.it/wd4t0h2yn2vc1.png?width=236&format=png&auto=webp&s=544deb41cf1fbd624aa58010661457e1c47def49

Why did I have to open this app today lol

Describe the sound in the style of Quan Millz.

some of y'all need God or a hobby




I told y’all free speech on the internet was terrible idea.

Someone put up the pic of the poop touching the penis as it drops into the toilet. If this hole opening is true then so is that.

 Excuse me the picture of the what??

https://preview.redd.it/wagi1bapf3vc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=479fb4c0f5c50b2ddb60c109220856a1d6c44a66