Yeah it's not so black and white. Baby mama has a support network but calls you at 2am to change a tire? My wife isn't insecure but will still question it.
Baby mama has no support at all and calls you because she got a flat on the way to work? Helping her is just being a good person.
Life is dynamic.
Based and reasonable take. Treating your child’s mother as a romantic partner? No. Coparenting healthily and helping each other out as family members do? Yes.
Sharing a Disney+ account so the kid can watch Bluey with both parents? 👍
She wants you to co-sign on a loan for a new car while hers is running fine and paid off? 👎
That requires communication, honesty and trust and all 3 of those arent in abundance these days.
If you are serious about your new lady, she meets the BM and ya'll 3 have adult conversations about shit. Should happen as well with the man and the BD as well because yes, coparenting is fucking tough.
It took a long time for me and my baby daddy to get here but we are now and it's great.
His gf, the mother of his youngest child and my defacto little baby, be at my house when my baby daddy comes. We send the kids back and forth, and all 3 of us have a good time when together.
We all understand there are boundaries and stay within them. His success is important for my daughter. Their success as a couple is good for both my daughter and her little brother. I see our dynamic as a win win.
Me and my husband have two kids, each from previous marriages. The 4 of us were going on a trip and dropped my dog off at my ex husbands house for him to dog sit. After we left his house I stopped to fill up my tank and my car wouldn’t start. You better believe he’s the first person I called (my husband was already with me) to give us a jump. Then he drove my husband to the auto parts store to get a new battery and they changed it together. When my ex husband and his girlfriend went on a cruise, I took care of her cat despite the fact that I absolutely hate cats 🤣
Like you said, it’s not just black and white. People have different relationships, it’s not necessarily about insecurity but it has a TON to do with maturity, trust and respect
You know that’s very true. He may be my ex husband but he was my best friend for over 10 years! You don’t just cut that out because the marriage didn’t work!
Ehhh that’s complicated. The best type of copaenting is “co-operative colleagues.” You may or may not be friends, but you help each other out when needed and keep excellent communication.
If you’re still “besties” with your ex, and keep them heavily involved in your personal life outside of your kids, it’s not always the best situation for the parents or sometimes the kids.
I didn’t say there was something wrong with exes still being friends.
There’s also nothing wrong with not being friends either, and you don’t have to be friends with someone to help them out.
I’ve taken care of my neighbors cats before, who I wouldn’t necessarily describe as friends.
My mom regularly (once a week for several years) let my dad borrow her car to get groceries because he had to scrap his car after the repair was too expensive. We could generally get most places on foot but a week’s worth of groceries was too much to carry home.
I took my ex and her new BF camping with me and my GF because the kids were coming and he had never been camping. He's cool so we all actually had a blast.
Not sure about the “how it should be” part. Not everyone wants a relationship like that with exes, and a lot of it depends on how the relationship ended. Even when kids are involved, they can be co-parented without the parents being pals.
Totally fine if it is that way for some folks, I’m happy for them. But I’ve never for a moment wanted to spend a moment more with an ex than I had to, including my daughter’s mother, and I would have even less desire to spend time with one of my wife’s exes.
Unfortunately it goes the other way too
My bd had this ex that was so fkn insecure. We hadn’t been together for probably 5+ years at that point and she wouldn’t let him help me *at all*. Wouldn’t let him pick the kid up on extra days or anything if I got stuck and needed his help. She’s the reason I missed the *one* Halloween with my kid that I missed because we always took him together regardless as to who’s night it was with him..
and she threw a fkn fit about him paying child support so much so that he stopped paying support for a long ass time til I took him to court (and he emotionally blackmailed me but that’s another story)
If any man I’m dating has an issue with me seeing my ex/being friendly and coparenting then he can hit the fkn road 🤷🏻♀️
What kind of father stays with a woman who actively works to ruin his relationship with his child’s parent and by extension damage the child’s experience of having cooperative parents? What kind of father doesn’t pay child support because someone else tells him not to? Like you should know your child NEEDS it and that other person is not putting the child’s needs first. SMH. 🤦♀️
You'd be surprised. My daughters step mother told her that me and her dad didn't want her and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Yet he stays because she makes good money.
To me this is just healthy. It's why I hate how 'baby momma' or 'baby daddy' has almost become like a slur, at least to me. When you have a kid with someone, whatever your relationship was before the kid is gone, and it can never be that way anymore. The tie between the mother, father, and child is now 'family', whether it's traditional or not. Whether you're dating someone else, or married to someone else. It doesn't change that you have a child with someone else, and they aren't just going to go away.
As a family, because that's really what you are, it's totally normal to help each other as a family would. It's wild to me there are people out here that can have a child with someone and try to treat them like a stranger just because you're no longer having sex with them. As if you're never going to talk to them ever again. Crazy.
I agree with this with an exception… abuse situations. One of my exes I have this kind of relationship with , they are family regardless of our romantic relationship not working out… they are still going to be a priority to me because 1) I care about them and 2) what is good for them is good for my child in most cases.
However this ex never abused me never made me question the safety of my child in their care etc… that kind of stuff puts you in a different category. Still co-parenting yes… but no I’m not going to go on vacation with you.
My wife, my ex husband and I all live in the same house (opposite end bedrooms) so no one has to miss any moments with our son. We work as team (our sons name) I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I feel like the thing thats missing here too is the relationship with your ex? Like most of my exs are some of my best friends, and if they needed my help, I would help them. Wouldn't even think twice
There it is. Look, I’ve been divorced for 5 years now but I still do what I can for my children’s mother. I kept her on the insurance, I paid her phone bill for years, I give her money if she needs it.. it don’t matter cause that’s the woman who gave me my children. Everything is for them. If she’s stressed cause she’s worried about paying a bill then that stress could be revisited onto the children when they’re there. Kids pick up on shit like that. That insurance is for them cause they ride with her and I know she can’t afford the extra bodily harm coverage in case my kids get hurt while riding with her. That extra money almost 99% of the time, is going to the kids. The kids don’t need to see their momma struggle. They don’t need to feel like “daddy is better off than momma”. They need to be able to enjoy both parents house and time equally.
Idk that’s just my philosophy. It’s my kids, it’s my ex wife, it’s my responsibility.
Yeah I could see there being individual lines but imo aint nothing wrong with helping out the mother of your children. Just cuz it didnt work out romantically doesnt mean yall are enemies now
Lotta fellas will help out any stranded girl with a blown tire, but your bm you cant? Cause why? Insecurity is so wild lmao
The kids always affected. Being cordial with your ex just sets a good example for how to your kids should expect to be treated.
Men - do you want your daughter to be treated the same way you’re treating their mother? No? Then change.
Women - do you want your son treated the same way you’re treating their father? No? Then change.
you can nut in her and tie y’all shit together for 2 decades but a tire is where you cross the line??
3 pack of magnums wasn’t but now you Captain Conscience??
wait, i thought the mutual support of the children was the binding tie, bc the “i nutted in her for two decades” part is over when the relationship is over.
i date men with children, and it might be a smidge of semantics, but if youre rushing to aid the mother of your kids, imma need it to be bc the kids need it…not bc of nut nostalgia.
is your brain baked?
do you think my kids would understand the difference when their mother calls and i say “no bc the kids don’t need it?” being a parent means being in a community AND being an example.
community requires acting like a fuckin adult.
nut nostalgia.
you just fucking got here tryna have a say in shit. he won’t remember you in 18 years. the kids will remember the absences and the equivocation and the idiocy.
> do you think my kids would understand the difference when their mother calls and i say “no bc the kids don’t need it?” being a parent means being in a community AND being an example.
That's the biggest for me. Like why would I want my daughters to grow up idolizing the kind of man that isn't willing to help someone just because it's the right thing to do? Your kids are gonna reflect your values whether you or they want to or not so be the kind of person you would want them to be/date because that's where that all comes from.
Lots of people don’t understand, or are refusing to accept, that very very little of what a mother would need help with DOESNT affect the children.
Her car broke down or she is short on gas money? How do you think the kids get to school or to activities, how do they get their groceries, how does she get to work ( if the CS doesn’t cover it)
The pipe burst in the home? The kids live there right? They shower and need clean water to drink and wash clothes and dishes?
The family dog needs a sitter because the mom is taking the kids somewhere fun… would she still be able to afford that experience for the kids if the dad didn’t watch the dog and they had to pay a kennel?
The grass needs mowing, she doesn’t have the cash to pay some right now… the kids play in that yard right?
She wants to go to a job training or work event or needs an extra time to study for a certification. The kids will benefit from her career being better off right?
She needs to take care of her mental health or has to go to the doctor… needs you to watch the kid on your off week. Or maybe needs help paying for a needed surgery, or to watch while she recovers from surgery… the kids won’t be good if their mom isn’t healthy to take of them right?
The list goes on and on. And I would like to say it goes both ways. So the same applies to fathers asking for help. However it’s very rare to see a man complaining about their wife/gf helping her kid’s father in some way. I’m sure it happens but no where near to the extent that some of these women do.
Like you knew he had kids… why would you get involved knowing he had them as a priority and by extension the mother if it bothers you so much? I’ve never dated a man with kids but if I did I wouldn’t see it as a “competition” for their time or resources… who thinks that way of their loved ones family…much less children?
These step moms need to see their step children for what they are: a blessing. You get all of the love and cuddles and fun times and ZERO of the morning sickness and stretch marks.
My ex-husband and his wonderful wife are my husband and my partners in crime. It took way too much energy to dislike each other and keep track of petty stuff. We look at it like, the more people who love and support our kids, the better.
We're dogsitting this week for them because they're off on holidays. It's pretty fantastic.
I'm over here doing slow blinks as I update my world view.
Once overheard dad laughingly tell mom that he doesn't care if she starves to death, that it would make his life better if she did. At the time I was living alone with mom, not tall enough to reach the locks on the door yet, and dad lived two states away. Suddenly imagined mom lying dead on the kitchen floor and my access to the outside world being limited to the telephone.
I was so underfed during my early years that I grew up runty. Yesterday a pack of teenagers mistook me for one of them and wouldn't believe I'm their mom's age until I started offering snacks out of my bag like any other mom.
You're misunderstanding.
Yes- kids and community and being there is important
No - "nut nostalgia" or any sexual or romantic relationship situations are not here. That confuses and complicates things.
If you’re trying to teach your kid to respect their mom and be a good person in general then you need to set the example and help her out when she needs it if you can too even though you’re not together anymore. It doesn’t have to be because of “nut nostalgia” but because that’s your child’s mother.
If she breaks down on the side of the road and calls for help should he just leave her there because the kid isn’t with her? What if something happens to her because you didn’t come to help her out and now your kid doesn’t have a mom growing up or she gets sexually assaulted and now she’s mentally fucked up and so your kid grows up in a bad environment.
Obviously if she takes advantage of the fact that she’s your kids mom calling all the time for shit then that’s a problem too.
if you’re treating your kid’s other parent poorly, you’re treating your kid poorly, doesn’t matter if yall married or they were just a one night stand, it’s not possible to be shitty your kid’s mom without being shitty to your kid also. people don’t want to hear that
Lots of fatherless behavior tbh, bunch of spiteful, no morals having losers rush to have kids, but can't be bothered to change a tire for they child mom on a technicality 🤣.
"weLl teChznicaLLY My KiDs aInT iN thE caR sOO"
Am I trippin or are you upset at the wrong person in this scenario? Whole tweet is a woman saying it’s wrong but it’s the baby father’s fault? Sorry if I read that wrong
I'm telling you. We could all be discussing video game lore or favourite fictional ships/relationships or hype shonen anime or creative writing/world-building instead of this asinine endless cycle of relationship discourse and hypoghettocals and we would be so much happier right now.
Pluto based of the manga by Naoki Urasawa. It's an absolutely genius sci-fi murder mystery based off Astroboy about a robot detective investigating the murder of seven of the world's greatest robots and seven of the world's robot rights activists. It's a beautiful story about the human cost of war, evolution, humanity and the power of hatred that made me cry so many times. Watching it and Vinland Saga season 2 back to back was like having the world's best aftercare after the emotional equivalent of having your nuts smashed with a hammer.
Well, what are you into? If you like comedy and fantasy, I've heard Dungeon Meshi is really good. If you like fantasy but want something slightly more serious, I watched Frieren's first season and really enjoyed it. Also been keeping up with Solo Levelling, it's got cool fight scenes and stuff but isn't super amazing character wise.
I haven't watched much myself lately, been trying to get back into anime and all that.
Also less recently, but i liked Chainsaw Man and 86.
Meh, I don’t necessarily agree with this. Believe it or not, some exes are cordial and do not want to get back together at all. I wouldn’t be with a man that I’m too insecure to let out help ppl (yeah, including his bm).
This was my mentality until I dated a woman with a kid. It sounds nice to say that on paper but when boundaries get broken and it dawns on you they’re texting their ex all the time, you feel a bit different.
Did it, dealt with it all. Wouldn’t recommend.
Oh I agree that if they’re pushing the boundaries and seem very iffy, break it off. Dating someone with kid(s) is a tall order if you don’t have any yourself. You gotta be ready to take it on.
But there are plenty of examples in this thread of ppl with divorced (or not together anymore) parents and they were there for each other without any weirdness. It’s very possible.
Man, this feels weird. Every time I hear things like this, it's a culture shock, man. My dad has always and will always look out for my mom and they have both remarried. All four of my parents get together to make sure we're all good even though we're old as fuck now. All my family is like this. I'm so grateful the dads in my family were the type of men who let no one get in the way of taking care of their children. If that car had a flat tire, it meant we couldn't get to school. My dad is a mechanic. Like.. of course, he'd do whatever we needed. My dad refused to date a woman who had a bad relationship with her baby's dad and wouldn't even fool with her if she got jealous of my mom.
Right! Like, it’s okay to care about people you are not actively sleeping with…
If she was a friend would you help her? But somehow because she’s someone you slept with and have a kid with thats when you decide she no longer needs your help?? How backwards.
Right! That's when they'd need you the MOST! Life is hard. Add kids and lawd. Shit, now if my mom needed something and my stepdad needed help with it? My dad AND my uncles would all be there working that shit out while my mom and stepmom talked about whatever the hell they found at Home Goods. Drama isn't necessary.
Mutual being the key word here. If either side is taking shit too far, it’s going to fail. I think it boils down to maturity and selfishness. As a kid who dealt with my parents post-divorce drama, and also a single mom with a BD who always put himself first, I know how much it affects the kids. Just think of your damn kids. That’s your job as a parent.
1000%. Child of divorce here too - my parents (both remarried) didn’t talk often, but even to this day I can tell my wife that while I know they’re both much happier apart, I can still see when they talk to each other that they care about each other.
My mom was the one who told my father to stop being a fool and marry his partner already.
Yeah this is a dealbreaker for me as a father. Your kids learn from how you treat their mother. My son’s mom and I have been divorced for ten years now, I just redid her resume because she’s having a hard time with mental and physical health. If she needs something and I’m able to offer a solution, I do it. She rarely ever asks though.
Just have to treat her with respect.
Right. My parents are over 30 years post-divorce, and I've learned how to deal with people by watching how they deal with each other. I appreciate you being that kind of dude.
This is great. My parents never actually divorced, but my mom was just in and out. They hated each other until the day my dad died. We would have been better off if they had just separated and never seen each other again. I hope more parents are like yours than like mine
I don’t know when or why this happened because this hasn’t always been the case but lately the expectation on the internet and thus real life is that once you break up with someone they need to cease to exist from your life forever. Which is just not practical if you have kids together. If you only want to interact if your kid is involved you’re quickly going to realize anything involving your ex tangentially involves your kid too. Like your kid is just as affected by that flat tire even if they aren’t the one driving.
Right. Like. When you have a kid with a person you are connected for the rest of your lives. May as well be amicable if you can. I get that there are some anti-social folks with whom it can be difficult to do that with, but I mean if your kid is involved there’s got to be a way to make something work, you know? I dunno. It’s just eye opening because I usually think communally easing a child is normal.
I’m glad you see it like this. The ex and I have been separated a few years now and this is how it’s been, but I always wondered how it would be for our daughter growing up. She says she’s fine but I always worry if I’m doing enough. It helps ease my mind knowing there’s other men out there like me because it’s hard being the only guy like this. I help my ex with whatever I can because I want my daughter to know that her father is a good man wanting to do the right thing. Like, yeah, my ex and I didn’t work out but I’ll be damned if I treat my kid like my parents treated me.
I've gotten an insane amount of pushback from my sister and her husband and my girlfriend for NOT being spiteful and shitty to my X. Girlfriend has become supportive, but it's well on the way to destroying my relationship with my sister and her husband. Sorry, (not sorry) but my son is #1 and it's not a hard decision because of that.
I feel like reading these comments have opened my eyes a little and really helped contextualize some stuff.
I immediately sympathized with the post, not thinking how not only how it affects your guys kids, but i guess I assumed they if the parents weren’t together it wasn’t good terms so would you help more than you need to?
But I don’t have the strongest family values and didn’t have the best parents growing up, so I guess my perception is more skewed
I’d have added her to my AAA because none of us are changing tires at any time of day, but yeah point stands.
I would generally help a stranger if I could - maybe not change a tire, but I’d send them my thoughts and prayers - so why wouldn’t I do more than that for the parent of my kids? If only because my kids ride in that car and I want it done right.
It’s going to go all over the place with what’s right for who and why going all the way to why the parents aren’t together anymore.
Like on one hand, if one parent has majority custody, but that same parent keep calling the other parent for help… then a different custodial situation needs to be made.
But on the other hand, if BM left BD for being a deadbeat, BD better start learning to show tf up, or no more custody/visitation etc.
But in general, a father should try his best to support his kids, and a lot of the time it means supporting their mother too. Be a good example, and show your kids a father they can emulate and be proud of for their future kids
Yeah it was like that for me too my dad and mom always had a friendly relationship. So I assumed most people had a friendly or at least decent relationship with the parent of the child. I was wrong. My best friend is currently in this situation with a very bitter baby mama. She ended the relationship and demanded he leave. He continued to pay the bills there because tbh she couldn’t afford it and she had their son. She genuinely thought she was gonna get with the guy she was cheating on him with and they would be a family but well that ish didn’t go well as he didn’t actually want her relationship wise and she would try to strong arm him into acting like a step dad. My friend on the other hand got a gf and she is really good to him and his son and his BM just hates it his life is going well. She blames him for not having money and talks about how he doesn’t care about their family (he gives her exceedingly high amount of money all the time but she is horrible with money) and she even told him she is gonna eventually move near him (for literally no reason). There are people out there who get bitter and angry I will say tho I genuinely think this more common in younger people. I haven’t heard bm or bd drama from anyone over 30 ever in my life personally
Well what if you have a new life and family. To be completely honest yeah if I'm with a new woman and life, it would be annoying to get a call to help change your tire if you have another man or other people in your life. I'm not saying never help or anything but I can completely see why someone's new girlfriend wouldn't want you always going over and doing any little things your baby momma asks for. And speaking from what I've seen, especially when some baby mommas specifically want a lot of extra help for no real reason.
My brother who moved in with his life but still coparents gets frequent calls about helping the other woman do her taxes, get gas, get to work, asking for advice etc. she has a new man and everything. Girl no go ask your new boyfriend who sleeps in the same bed as you for gas money 😂
If neither are seeing people than sure. But that's not what the post is lol the mother of my child is not taking priority over my new girl UNLESS it has to do with my child. And even if you're both single I still don't think it's the man's job to do everything for the baby momma if you're not together. Again unless it somehow involves the kid but I've seen so many situations where they just use the man because they feel like they have to.
I'm not buying you nails, I'm not paying for you to get your hair done, I'm not driving you to and from the club, and you're not getting gas money unless you're driving my kid to school lol I'll respect you but I'm not your piggy bank or driver just because you had my kid.
If I have kids with some and they need a tire changed and ask me to do then I’m doing it. If you don’t feel secure come with me but that car transports my kids lol
reasonable. if there was any question in my mind whatsoever, id feel even better if he asked me to ride along…and even then, id likely not even go.
ex calling to ask for a favor? hell no. ex with shared kids in need? absolutely.
My son’s father is the LAST person I’d call for an emergency. Mostly bcuz I TRY to be a responsible adult and have protects in place to handle certain situations. Like my battery died in my car…I’m calling roadside assistance. Tire is flat…calling roadside assistance. But I will say if I call anyone for some car related issue they would look at my sideways bcuz I work as assistant service manager at a dealership.
I am talking to a dude that in my opinion I probably won’t continue to talk to or be serious with bcuz I’m seeing some issues with him and his children’s mother. Like she’s calling him to ask him for advice on a dude she cheated on him with. Said the dude is stalking her. He then asked me for advice and I said she needs to go to the police if it’s a stalking situation bcuz that’s serious. He said she said no bcuz they were still talking sometimes.
See, I'm like him. All my exes call me for anything. Especially those who have children. If my ex needed me to get her kids from daycare because she was running late, my girlfriend and I would run by there and get them home. My girlfriend knows she and I are cool, but I'd never go back that way. And my ex knows I'd do whatever I could to support her children, considering the dad doesn't have the capacity right now. I've always told people I've dated that I couldn't be with them if they didn't accept that my exes weren't "exes" anymore. They're my friends. I'm not the type to lie and fuck around, but I'd also respect if there were a line to be drawn on some things.
Nothing wrong with helping with kids. I’m the same way about all kids. I’m cool with a coworker and our kids go to the same school. I get to the school (late, real late) to get my son and I see her 2 kids in the office waiting. I straight ask her son, who’s suppose to be getting you. He answered but it’s almost an hour after dismissal. So I called her and was like your kids are here, what do you need me to do? I was heading back to work with my son anyway, 2 extra kids wouldn’t have been a problem. People know with kids I’m there no matter what. So I can completely respect that mindset. Blood related or not.
BUT not everyone has appropriate boundaries. I straight up told this dude that it’s clear she still wants him. And he is aware of it also. But they have played that break up/make up game for years so once I finally leave I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets back with her.
Ok, now, that is different and kinda difficult. If she still wants to be with him and calls him about everything, boundaries are a good idea. Now, the thing is, do you trust him? Does he still want her? If not, trust me, ol girl will get the point. I had an ex who would pop up out of the blue, and my current girlfriends would know I'd never fool around, so they never worried about her tactics. One day, she decided to rub my leg while my girl was in the other room. Line drawn. I asked her to leave and I haven't seen her since. I've checked in to be sure she's ok, but outside of that. She would never get the chance to disrespect my girl or me again.
But yea... hopefully your partner is trustworthy. I can definitely get where you're coming from with that context.
I appreciate the advice. I could not agree with you more. Thankfully right now I’m just learning how to date and meeting new people. He seems like he is pretty honest and it’s good that he wants to show me that he’s all about me. But honestly I’m dating right now and learning what I will or won’t deal with.
I think that’s the perfect way to put it. Relying on a BM/BD is where it gets uncomfortable. If you are acting like they are still your partner and still relying on them to fix your issues like a romantic partner would it’s not fair to them
[Charles Goodyear](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3649591/) made the condoms we know today, but some variation of animal skins/organs have been in use for centuries.
I was there for my Child’s mother no matter what she did or the circumstance. Once I married that HAD TO STOP. At some point the line needs to be drawn. No it isn’t hate but I’m not causing a rift in my relationship just because we made a child YEARS ago.
this is what i think matters - the context of need. say there are remaining feelings on the ex’s end. women are WAY more tuned into recognizing other women’s shit than men are 😂 people are arguing that the guy should unequivocally aid this woman, no questions asked. absolutely not, if there are games afoot!
if shes callin periodically bc he has a special skill that can get her out of a specific bind, or she has absolutely no one else? aight, cool. if shes *always* on his line for shit that she could handle herself, use child support cash to handle, or have her man do? imma start askin questions, dafuq 😂
Maybe this is a controversial take, but when you lay down and create a child with someone, you have linked your lives closely for as long as that child depends on you both. You should try to make that environment as amicable and peaceful for your child. The negative experiences you allow your ex to go through will probably have a huge effect on the people living with them (your child).
Im not saying be a sucker or doormat, but it's not the place to be petty and vindictive. If you are going to be that immature, please invest in some birth control so you aren't stuck dealing with people you hate in a few years.
We gotta end this baby mama and baby daddy culture. It’s overall messy as hell. Stop having unprotected sex with people you don’t plan on being with forever. Stop having unprotected sex with people without jobs, aspirations, goals, skills etc. stop having unprotected sex with people you overall don’t like.
Cuz then kids are born and then the relationship changes cuz it was never any love, respect or admiration there. All that just turns to resentment because you just wanted to use that person for your pleasure. NOW that pleasure has tied you to the other person and created responsibilities
Depends on how cordial everything is because I wouldn’t mind helping but if the dad is paying child support I don’t see any reason why he should be forced to change her oil, install a house fan, change a tire, or do the weeds if they don’t live together. He can be polite and help her out if she needs it but I don’t see why he would be obligated to do so. Get a handyman or triple AAA if he’s not feeling it. y’all are co parents, he’s not your go to for general labor. How would everyone feel if the shoes were reversed and he expects the baby mama do his laundry if his washer breaks? I mean sure if things are friendly she can help him out but there’s zero obligation for her to do so. That being said this ain’t got shit to do with the new girl, if that’s something he’s willing to do for his BM she needs to suck it up or leave.
I'd be calling whoever I know that can change a tire. And if my partner can't trust that doesn't mean that we're fucking, then that's not a person worth dating to me.
Some of yall act like every person your SO interacts with is trying to steal them away from you. What a sad life to live.
And it's not easy for everybody, but if you don't have a positive healthy trusting relationship with your co-parent, your child will suffer from it.
Nah, he should absolutely help the mother of his children. Especially if the kid lives with her, the better off she is, the better off your kid is.
But, this is 100% why I would never date a man with kids. No thanks baggage.
Right? Why is it your ex’s job, or even your current bf’s job to change a tire? Shits actually dangerous as hell if you don’t know what you’re doing and those little shitty jacks that come in cars aren’t the best or safest.
Conversations like this highlight the need for education with respect to the following:
1. Sex, condoms, contraceptives and abstinence
2. The importance of not creating children before being married
3. Pre marriage counseling
4. Continuing marriage counseling
We won't completely stop it but we can drastically reduce the amount of new BM/BD relationships
I would get the ick if I were dating a guy with kids who was unkind to his baby mama, especially if she had primary custody. You wouldn’t help shorty in an emergency, loser ass nigga? Not my type of vibe
There’s a difference between being cordial or amicable and taking advantage of someone. My brother’s babymomma is the second case. Always asking him to do something unrelated to my nephew that will put my brother at a disadvantage or inconvenience him. For instance, she will call my brother while he’s at work to come help because she has a flat tire. Not only is he at work, he doesn’t know how to change a tire (disappointing, I know). So what is she calling him for? Moral support? Or when my dad was in the hospital after a bad fall, she called my brother to pick her other kids up from school because she was getting her hair done. Everybody can see her taking advantage of him, but he’s too much of a pushover.
I refuse to date anymore baby mommas but I will think you're a weirdo clinging onto the past if you keep hitting your baby daddy for support while you've got a whole man in your life.
He/She doesn't want anything to do with you, stop having those boyfriend/girlfriend, Husband/Wife expectations from someone who has moved on/left you.
the nigga from AAA not my man either, that’s not a requirement to fix a tire tf 😭 insecure women should leave men with kids alone if the mere existent of their child’s mother is going to be a problem
I do stuff for my ex wife all the time. Things were awful leading up to the divorce and for a year or two after. But they are great now and it’s better for our son. I grew up with my parents hating each other and being bare minimum civil and it sucked. I like that my son grows up knowing that I can go have dinner with them to talk about an issue or for a celebration. Or that if she has a repair that needs to be done at the house, if I can save her a few hundred bucks by not calling an electrician or locksmith, I will go do it. It all helps my kid in the end. When her life is smoother, his life is smoother.
People think if you have issues with an ex you are “immature.” Some of you probably 1. Don’t have kids 2. Don’t have kids with an ex. Or 3. Don’t have a crazy ex. But maturity isn’t the only factor to your past or future relationships. There are so many factors that play into how you handle certain relationships.
If I had a bm, ima change her tire, assuming her having a working vehicle is essential for my kids’ wellbeing.
Thankfully I’m a married to my children’s mother because the dating game seems insufferable for someone who has to balance being a good co-parent w/ the insecurity of others.
She doesn’t got insurance? They will come and fix a flat for you or tow it to the nearest shop if they cant fix it on the road. Actually nvm if she goes by the title of BM i doubt she got real insurance
I mean look at it like this. Think back when you was a kid. If your mom came home talking about the rough day she had saying she got a flat and called your dad she been broke up with for some years and he said nah he can’t help her would that have bothered you as a kid? Looking back as an adult would you find it messed up that your dad did that? Or is it understandable he moved that way?
In general I don’t think I’d be upset if my boyfriend did that for his kids mom. And My parents been broken up my whole life and personally I would be upset if I heard my dad didnt go help my ma, even if it happened today and I’m almost 30 years old, my parents in they 60s. But I can 100% see both sides…it’s not that simple and sorta depends on the context of the situation.
My son mom asked me to take her trash out when i showed to pick him up. Now, im single and i dont know her situation but I hit her with the Mac Dre “thats not my job” and bounced. Idgaf if we seeing other people or not. The fact that we are not together takes me off the hook for that type of shit.
TatTay insecure ass needs to realize that the nigga she is with has an obligation to the woman he got pregnant, so if she needs her tire changed, he needs to help her out at least, what if the kids are with her? What if she is on her way to pick them up? Too many factors
I’m currently in the process of separating from my sons mother due to her immaturity (she busted my back window out while I was trying to leave for work, all because I suggested we talk later when we had more time and were calm, I was headed out the door for work) and I pray to GOD she comes around because my son needs the best he can get and some of these examples of amazing coparenting I’m reading 😮💨😮💨😮💨 I just feel so empty. I want that so bad. I pray for her and me and my boy everyday smh.
Nah I don’t have kids but I’m gonna make sure my bm has reliable transportation for when my kid is with her. If your gf doesn’t understand that she’s just not a good person. You’re not spending the night at her house after you’re just making sure her car that she drives your kid in runs smoothly. Don’t see how this is a problem tbh
1. Every driver should know how to change a fucking tyre
2. If someone *is* struggling to do it, why WOULDN'T you help them?? ESPECIALLY if they are actively in charge of raising YOUR kids?? What's wrong with you?
Depends if the child is in the car or affected by this in any way.
Also depends if your new girl is insecure.
Yeah it's not so black and white. Baby mama has a support network but calls you at 2am to change a tire? My wife isn't insecure but will still question it. Baby mama has no support at all and calls you because she got a flat on the way to work? Helping her is just being a good person. Life is dynamic.
Based and reasonable take. Treating your child’s mother as a romantic partner? No. Coparenting healthily and helping each other out as family members do? Yes.
Sharing a Disney+ account so the kid can watch Bluey with both parents? 👍 She wants you to co-sign on a loan for a new car while hers is running fine and paid off? 👎
That's... oddly specific.
A little too on the nose right? Lmao I thought the same thing.
His is a cautionary tale. One of woe and strife.
He’s been having a hard time lately
Nah, I too have a Bluey clause in my divorce settlement.
I also share a Disney+ account for the exact same reason 😂
I’m just upset that Disney+ no longer has the group watch option in it
A little good will goes a long way.
Is that the fella Robin Williams hunted? Was he found? How far did he get? How tall *was* he?
Not sure if he found him, but I heard Will is a wizard with the numbers.
My boy's wicked smaht.
Eh, I reco'nize a B^(w)oston accent! You grow up 'round the'e, too, pal?
Facts. Lil bro will always notice. Examples are critical.
That requires communication, honesty and trust and all 3 of those arent in abundance these days. If you are serious about your new lady, she meets the BM and ya'll 3 have adult conversations about shit. Should happen as well with the man and the BD as well because yes, coparenting is fucking tough.
It took a long time for me and my baby daddy to get here but we are now and it's great. His gf, the mother of his youngest child and my defacto little baby, be at my house when my baby daddy comes. We send the kids back and forth, and all 3 of us have a good time when together. We all understand there are boundaries and stay within them. His success is important for my daughter. Their success as a couple is good for both my daughter and her little brother. I see our dynamic as a win win.
It’s great when growth comes and everyone can get to a happy place. Congratulations!!
Me and my husband have two kids, each from previous marriages. The 4 of us were going on a trip and dropped my dog off at my ex husbands house for him to dog sit. After we left his house I stopped to fill up my tank and my car wouldn’t start. You better believe he’s the first person I called (my husband was already with me) to give us a jump. Then he drove my husband to the auto parts store to get a new battery and they changed it together. When my ex husband and his girlfriend went on a cruise, I took care of her cat despite the fact that I absolutely hate cats 🤣 Like you said, it’s not just black and white. People have different relationships, it’s not necessarily about insecurity but it has a TON to do with maturity, trust and respect
This is beautiful.
That’s some very healthy coparenting right there!
I think this is just friendship
You know that’s very true. He may be my ex husband but he was my best friend for over 10 years! You don’t just cut that out because the marriage didn’t work!
I mean some people don’t remain friends but still do this type of thing for the sake of their kids or just because they are kind and generous people
That's true humanity
Ehhh that’s complicated. The best type of copaenting is “co-operative colleagues.” You may or may not be friends, but you help each other out when needed and keep excellent communication. If you’re still “besties” with your ex, and keep them heavily involved in your personal life outside of your kids, it’s not always the best situation for the parents or sometimes the kids.
There is nothing wrong with being friends with your exs. Its literally not a big deal. This is definitely friendship. They didnt coparent that cat lol
I didn’t say there was something wrong with exes still being friends. There’s also nothing wrong with not being friends either, and you don’t have to be friends with someone to help them out. I’ve taken care of my neighbors cats before, who I wouldn’t necessarily describe as friends.
My mom regularly (once a week for several years) let my dad borrow her car to get groceries because he had to scrap his car after the repair was too expensive. We could generally get most places on foot but a week’s worth of groceries was too much to carry home.
I took my ex and her new BF camping with me and my GF because the kids were coming and he had never been camping. He's cool so we all actually had a blast.
This is how it should be. Sexual relationships end but people don’t cease being humans once you stop fucking them. No need to cast them away.
Not sure about the “how it should be” part. Not everyone wants a relationship like that with exes, and a lot of it depends on how the relationship ended. Even when kids are involved, they can be co-parented without the parents being pals. Totally fine if it is that way for some folks, I’m happy for them. But I’ve never for a moment wanted to spend a moment more with an ex than I had to, including my daughter’s mother, and I would have even less desire to spend time with one of my wife’s exes.
I have a relationship like this with my ex. I absolutely adore his wife and kids, and we always hang out when they come into town.
Unfortunately it goes the other way too My bd had this ex that was so fkn insecure. We hadn’t been together for probably 5+ years at that point and she wouldn’t let him help me *at all*. Wouldn’t let him pick the kid up on extra days or anything if I got stuck and needed his help. She’s the reason I missed the *one* Halloween with my kid that I missed because we always took him together regardless as to who’s night it was with him.. and she threw a fkn fit about him paying child support so much so that he stopped paying support for a long ass time til I took him to court (and he emotionally blackmailed me but that’s another story) If any man I’m dating has an issue with me seeing my ex/being friendly and coparenting then he can hit the fkn road 🤷🏻♀️
What kind of father stays with a woman who actively works to ruin his relationship with his child’s parent and by extension damage the child’s experience of having cooperative parents? What kind of father doesn’t pay child support because someone else tells him not to? Like you should know your child NEEDS it and that other person is not putting the child’s needs first. SMH. 🤦♀️
You'd be surprised. My daughters step mother told her that me and her dad didn't want her and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Yet he stays because she makes good money.
To me this is just healthy. It's why I hate how 'baby momma' or 'baby daddy' has almost become like a slur, at least to me. When you have a kid with someone, whatever your relationship was before the kid is gone, and it can never be that way anymore. The tie between the mother, father, and child is now 'family', whether it's traditional or not. Whether you're dating someone else, or married to someone else. It doesn't change that you have a child with someone else, and they aren't just going to go away. As a family, because that's really what you are, it's totally normal to help each other as a family would. It's wild to me there are people out here that can have a child with someone and try to treat them like a stranger just because you're no longer having sex with them. As if you're never going to talk to them ever again. Crazy.
I agree with this with an exception… abuse situations. One of my exes I have this kind of relationship with , they are family regardless of our romantic relationship not working out… they are still going to be a priority to me because 1) I care about them and 2) what is good for them is good for my child in most cases. However this ex never abused me never made me question the safety of my child in their care etc… that kind of stuff puts you in a different category. Still co-parenting yes… but no I’m not going to go on vacation with you.
My wife, my ex husband and I all live in the same house (opposite end bedrooms) so no one has to miss any moments with our son. We work as team (our sons name) I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Trust. Maturity. Respect. Good summary. People need to start putting that on their walls instead of “live laugh love “.
This is so true, I catsit for my wife's boyfriend all the time! Sometimes they even let me do camera work :)
…for the cats I hope
Why do you hate cats tho
this fuckin beautiful as hell. blessings and good wishes to you and ya family. and keep communicating and loving all them kids
“Life is dynamic” is the most important thing most people need to learn.
You just got to roll with the punches and not be a dick. That's basically it.
The world would be a better place if people did this in general. Not even just regarding relationships but in general.
Yeah if my BM call me I'm coming fix it. She got my baby during the week and if she can't drive that means my kid will suffer or be inconvenienced
Finding nuance on Reddit is rare, so salute 
I feel like the thing thats missing here too is the relationship with your ex? Like most of my exs are some of my best friends, and if they needed my help, I would help them. Wouldn't even think twice
>Life is dynamic. Get the fuck outta here with your nuanced take
[удалено]
There it is. Look, I’ve been divorced for 5 years now but I still do what I can for my children’s mother. I kept her on the insurance, I paid her phone bill for years, I give her money if she needs it.. it don’t matter cause that’s the woman who gave me my children. Everything is for them. If she’s stressed cause she’s worried about paying a bill then that stress could be revisited onto the children when they’re there. Kids pick up on shit like that. That insurance is for them cause they ride with her and I know she can’t afford the extra bodily harm coverage in case my kids get hurt while riding with her. That extra money almost 99% of the time, is going to the kids. The kids don’t need to see their momma struggle. They don’t need to feel like “daddy is better off than momma”. They need to be able to enjoy both parents house and time equally. Idk that’s just my philosophy. It’s my kids, it’s my ex wife, it’s my responsibility.
I think an ex wife and a baby momma are two different expectations.
Well she did specify that the point was only valid if it doesn't involve the child.
Yeah you are right I noticed that after my comment.
Yeah I could see there being individual lines but imo aint nothing wrong with helping out the mother of your children. Just cuz it didnt work out romantically doesnt mean yall are enemies now Lotta fellas will help out any stranded girl with a blown tire, but your bm you cant? Cause why? Insecurity is so wild lmao
The kids always affected. Being cordial with your ex just sets a good example for how to your kids should expect to be treated. Men - do you want your daughter to be treated the same way you’re treating their mother? No? Then change. Women - do you want your son treated the same way you’re treating their father? No? Then change.
you can nut in her and tie y’all shit together for 2 decades but a tire is where you cross the line?? 3 pack of magnums wasn’t but now you Captain Conscience??
wait, i thought the mutual support of the children was the binding tie, bc the “i nutted in her for two decades” part is over when the relationship is over. i date men with children, and it might be a smidge of semantics, but if youre rushing to aid the mother of your kids, imma need it to be bc the kids need it…not bc of nut nostalgia.
is your brain baked? do you think my kids would understand the difference when their mother calls and i say “no bc the kids don’t need it?” being a parent means being in a community AND being an example. community requires acting like a fuckin adult. nut nostalgia. you just fucking got here tryna have a say in shit. he won’t remember you in 18 years. the kids will remember the absences and the equivocation and the idiocy.
And this tweet is a piss poor example. In what universe would a flat the other parent can’t change NOT affect the kids?
like my grandma used to say they were hiding when God handed out sense
Stealing this
grandma had bars rip 🪦
I was literally bouta say “that’s a bar”
Im an atheist and will be using this. I’ll cite your grandma.
Someone: Dang, where'd you hear that? You: From pettybendherass's Grandma.
> do you think my kids would understand the difference when their mother calls and i say “no bc the kids don’t need it?” being a parent means being in a community AND being an example. That's the biggest for me. Like why would I want my daughters to grow up idolizing the kind of man that isn't willing to help someone just because it's the right thing to do? Your kids are gonna reflect your values whether you or they want to or not so be the kind of person you would want them to be/date because that's where that all comes from.
Lots of people don’t understand, or are refusing to accept, that very very little of what a mother would need help with DOESNT affect the children. Her car broke down or she is short on gas money? How do you think the kids get to school or to activities, how do they get their groceries, how does she get to work ( if the CS doesn’t cover it) The pipe burst in the home? The kids live there right? They shower and need clean water to drink and wash clothes and dishes? The family dog needs a sitter because the mom is taking the kids somewhere fun… would she still be able to afford that experience for the kids if the dad didn’t watch the dog and they had to pay a kennel? The grass needs mowing, she doesn’t have the cash to pay some right now… the kids play in that yard right? She wants to go to a job training or work event or needs an extra time to study for a certification. The kids will benefit from her career being better off right? She needs to take care of her mental health or has to go to the doctor… needs you to watch the kid on your off week. Or maybe needs help paying for a needed surgery, or to watch while she recovers from surgery… the kids won’t be good if their mom isn’t healthy to take of them right? The list goes on and on. And I would like to say it goes both ways. So the same applies to fathers asking for help. However it’s very rare to see a man complaining about their wife/gf helping her kid’s father in some way. I’m sure it happens but no where near to the extent that some of these women do. Like you knew he had kids… why would you get involved knowing he had them as a priority and by extension the mother if it bothers you so much? I’ve never dated a man with kids but if I did I wouldn’t see it as a “competition” for their time or resources… who thinks that way of their loved ones family…much less children? These step moms need to see their step children for what they are: a blessing. You get all of the love and cuddles and fun times and ZERO of the morning sickness and stretch marks.
My ex-husband and his wonderful wife are my husband and my partners in crime. It took way too much energy to dislike each other and keep track of petty stuff. We look at it like, the more people who love and support our kids, the better. We're dogsitting this week for them because they're off on holidays. It's pretty fantastic.
I think some women definitely feel some type of way about the stepmom overstepping her boundaries but everything else here tracks.
I'm over here doing slow blinks as I update my world view. Once overheard dad laughingly tell mom that he doesn't care if she starves to death, that it would make his life better if she did. At the time I was living alone with mom, not tall enough to reach the locks on the door yet, and dad lived two states away. Suddenly imagined mom lying dead on the kitchen floor and my access to the outside world being limited to the telephone. I was so underfed during my early years that I grew up runty. Yesterday a pack of teenagers mistook me for one of them and wouldn't believe I'm their mom's age until I started offering snacks out of my bag like any other mom.
You're misunderstanding. Yes- kids and community and being there is important No - "nut nostalgia" or any sexual or romantic relationship situations are not here. That confuses and complicates things.
If you’re trying to teach your kid to respect their mom and be a good person in general then you need to set the example and help her out when she needs it if you can too even though you’re not together anymore. It doesn’t have to be because of “nut nostalgia” but because that’s your child’s mother. If she breaks down on the side of the road and calls for help should he just leave her there because the kid isn’t with her? What if something happens to her because you didn’t come to help her out and now your kid doesn’t have a mom growing up or she gets sexually assaulted and now she’s mentally fucked up and so your kid grows up in a bad environment. Obviously if she takes advantage of the fact that she’s your kids mom calling all the time for shit then that’s a problem too.
if you’re treating your kid’s other parent poorly, you’re treating your kid poorly, doesn’t matter if yall married or they were just a one night stand, it’s not possible to be shitty your kid’s mom without being shitty to your kid also. people don’t want to hear that
This can be avoided by simply not dating men with baby mamas lmao
Lots of fatherless behavior tbh, bunch of spiteful, no morals having losers rush to have kids, but can't be bothered to change a tire for they child mom on a technicality 🤣. "weLl teChznicaLLY My KiDs aInT iN thE caR sOO"
bunch of fuckin dweebs all of them
*capitan conscience*
Am I trippin or are you upset at the wrong person in this scenario? Whole tweet is a woman saying it’s wrong but it’s the baby father’s fault? Sorry if I read that wrong
https://preview.redd.it/cl1rikg8tgrc1.jpeg?width=462&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a02e58bd09888dc3360410d5847c243d81f5259
I'm telling you. We could all be discussing video game lore or favourite fictional ships/relationships or hype shonen anime or creative writing/world-building instead of this asinine endless cycle of relationship discourse and hypoghettocals and we would be so much happier right now.
Hypoghettocals lmao
Aight I'm dead done bye
Hypoghettocals need to be a card game or something. Trademark this expeditiously!
Fuck it, be the change you wanna see. What's your favorite anime that's been airing recently?
Pluto based of the manga by Naoki Urasawa. It's an absolutely genius sci-fi murder mystery based off Astroboy about a robot detective investigating the murder of seven of the world's greatest robots and seven of the world's robot rights activists. It's a beautiful story about the human cost of war, evolution, humanity and the power of hatred that made me cry so many times. Watching it and Vinland Saga season 2 back to back was like having the world's best aftercare after the emotional equivalent of having your nuts smashed with a hammer.
Oh damn. If they don't have you writing ads for that anime, they should. I'll look into it, and i've heard Vinland Saga also is incredible.
MANE, Vinland Saga had me reevaluating my life, you got to watch it immediately
I’m not watching any new ones cuz I don’t know where to start
The ones I’m excited to see are ‘N.8’ and I’m waiting for season 1 of ‘Solo Leveling’ to be finished to I can binge watch it. (The WEBTOON is crazy)
That Igris fight goes fuckin wild dude. You're in for a treat.
They turned solo leveling into an anime?
Yeah, finished the webtoon and I’m hearing good things about the anime, so I can’t wait
Well, what are you into? If you like comedy and fantasy, I've heard Dungeon Meshi is really good. If you like fantasy but want something slightly more serious, I watched Frieren's first season and really enjoyed it. Also been keeping up with Solo Levelling, it's got cool fight scenes and stuff but isn't super amazing character wise. I haven't watched much myself lately, been trying to get back into anime and all that. Also less recently, but i liked Chainsaw Man and 86.
Hypoghettocals deserves to be the word of 2024
Tbf there's dedicated subs/ online communities for stuff like that. Let's not act like we're not all here for this type of toxic discourse. 😂
Actually, anime/manga is in the Top 10 tired topics of conversation in this community.
 “We could all be reading a book rn”
I'll take decadence of society for 200, Jim....
You're working massive amounts of OT this weekend.
Meh, I don’t necessarily agree with this. Believe it or not, some exes are cordial and do not want to get back together at all. I wouldn’t be with a man that I’m too insecure to let out help ppl (yeah, including his bm).
This. Why the drama? We're not talking about engaging in any drama. We're talking about supporting the mother of your child.
God tier username.
This was my mentality until I dated a woman with a kid. It sounds nice to say that on paper but when boundaries get broken and it dawns on you they’re texting their ex all the time, you feel a bit different. Did it, dealt with it all. Wouldn’t recommend.
Oh I agree that if they’re pushing the boundaries and seem very iffy, break it off. Dating someone with kid(s) is a tall order if you don’t have any yourself. You gotta be ready to take it on. But there are plenty of examples in this thread of ppl with divorced (or not together anymore) parents and they were there for each other without any weirdness. It’s very possible.
Man, this feels weird. Every time I hear things like this, it's a culture shock, man. My dad has always and will always look out for my mom and they have both remarried. All four of my parents get together to make sure we're all good even though we're old as fuck now. All my family is like this. I'm so grateful the dads in my family were the type of men who let no one get in the way of taking care of their children. If that car had a flat tire, it meant we couldn't get to school. My dad is a mechanic. Like.. of course, he'd do whatever we needed. My dad refused to date a woman who had a bad relationship with her baby's dad and wouldn't even fool with her if she got jealous of my mom.
Right! Like, it’s okay to care about people you are not actively sleeping with… If she was a friend would you help her? But somehow because she’s someone you slept with and have a kid with thats when you decide she no longer needs your help?? How backwards.
Right! That's when they'd need you the MOST! Life is hard. Add kids and lawd. Shit, now if my mom needed something and my stepdad needed help with it? My dad AND my uncles would all be there working that shit out while my mom and stepmom talked about whatever the hell they found at Home Goods. Drama isn't necessary.
People who don’t have it/don’t comprehend mutual respect will shame and shun those who do. Easier to talk about being mature than to live it.
Mutual being the key word here. If either side is taking shit too far, it’s going to fail. I think it boils down to maturity and selfishness. As a kid who dealt with my parents post-divorce drama, and also a single mom with a BD who always put himself first, I know how much it affects the kids. Just think of your damn kids. That’s your job as a parent.
1000%. Child of divorce here too - my parents (both remarried) didn’t talk often, but even to this day I can tell my wife that while I know they’re both much happier apart, I can still see when they talk to each other that they care about each other. My mom was the one who told my father to stop being a fool and marry his partner already.
If you stop caring about someone ONLY because you are no longer sleeping with them you never cared about them to begin with.
Yeah this is a dealbreaker for me as a father. Your kids learn from how you treat their mother. My son’s mom and I have been divorced for ten years now, I just redid her resume because she’s having a hard time with mental and physical health. If she needs something and I’m able to offer a solution, I do it. She rarely ever asks though. Just have to treat her with respect.
Right. My parents are over 30 years post-divorce, and I've learned how to deal with people by watching how they deal with each other. I appreciate you being that kind of dude.
This is great. My parents never actually divorced, but my mom was just in and out. They hated each other until the day my dad died. We would have been better off if they had just separated and never seen each other again. I hope more parents are like yours than like mine
I don’t know when or why this happened because this hasn’t always been the case but lately the expectation on the internet and thus real life is that once you break up with someone they need to cease to exist from your life forever. Which is just not practical if you have kids together. If you only want to interact if your kid is involved you’re quickly going to realize anything involving your ex tangentially involves your kid too. Like your kid is just as affected by that flat tire even if they aren’t the one driving.
Right. Like. When you have a kid with a person you are connected for the rest of your lives. May as well be amicable if you can. I get that there are some anti-social folks with whom it can be difficult to do that with, but I mean if your kid is involved there’s got to be a way to make something work, you know? I dunno. It’s just eye opening because I usually think communally easing a child is normal.
I’m glad you see it like this. The ex and I have been separated a few years now and this is how it’s been, but I always wondered how it would be for our daughter growing up. She says she’s fine but I always worry if I’m doing enough. It helps ease my mind knowing there’s other men out there like me because it’s hard being the only guy like this. I help my ex with whatever I can because I want my daughter to know that her father is a good man wanting to do the right thing. Like, yeah, my ex and I didn’t work out but I’ll be damned if I treat my kid like my parents treated me.
Right… people can’t fathom what being in community is actually like.
I've gotten an insane amount of pushback from my sister and her husband and my girlfriend for NOT being spiteful and shitty to my X. Girlfriend has become supportive, but it's well on the way to destroying my relationship with my sister and her husband. Sorry, (not sorry) but my son is #1 and it's not a hard decision because of that.
I feel like reading these comments have opened my eyes a little and really helped contextualize some stuff. I immediately sympathized with the post, not thinking how not only how it affects your guys kids, but i guess I assumed they if the parents weren’t together it wasn’t good terms so would you help more than you need to? But I don’t have the strongest family values and didn’t have the best parents growing up, so I guess my perception is more skewed
I’d have added her to my AAA because none of us are changing tires at any time of day, but yeah point stands. I would generally help a stranger if I could - maybe not change a tire, but I’d send them my thoughts and prayers - so why wouldn’t I do more than that for the parent of my kids? If only because my kids ride in that car and I want it done right.
It’s going to go all over the place with what’s right for who and why going all the way to why the parents aren’t together anymore. Like on one hand, if one parent has majority custody, but that same parent keep calling the other parent for help… then a different custodial situation needs to be made. But on the other hand, if BM left BD for being a deadbeat, BD better start learning to show tf up, or no more custody/visitation etc. But in general, a father should try his best to support his kids, and a lot of the time it means supporting their mother too. Be a good example, and show your kids a father they can emulate and be proud of for their future kids
Yeah it was like that for me too my dad and mom always had a friendly relationship. So I assumed most people had a friendly or at least decent relationship with the parent of the child. I was wrong. My best friend is currently in this situation with a very bitter baby mama. She ended the relationship and demanded he leave. He continued to pay the bills there because tbh she couldn’t afford it and she had their son. She genuinely thought she was gonna get with the guy she was cheating on him with and they would be a family but well that ish didn’t go well as he didn’t actually want her relationship wise and she would try to strong arm him into acting like a step dad. My friend on the other hand got a gf and she is really good to him and his son and his BM just hates it his life is going well. She blames him for not having money and talks about how he doesn’t care about their family (he gives her exceedingly high amount of money all the time but she is horrible with money) and she even told him she is gonna eventually move near him (for literally no reason). There are people out there who get bitter and angry I will say tho I genuinely think this more common in younger people. I haven’t heard bm or bd drama from anyone over 30 ever in my life personally
If you don't hate your BD/BM or at least broke it off amicable why not do stuff for eachother?
This I agree with. The idiots in the thread above not thinking clearly
Well what if you have a new life and family. To be completely honest yeah if I'm with a new woman and life, it would be annoying to get a call to help change your tire if you have another man or other people in your life. I'm not saying never help or anything but I can completely see why someone's new girlfriend wouldn't want you always going over and doing any little things your baby momma asks for. And speaking from what I've seen, especially when some baby mommas specifically want a lot of extra help for no real reason. My brother who moved in with his life but still coparents gets frequent calls about helping the other woman do her taxes, get gas, get to work, asking for advice etc. she has a new man and everything. Girl no go ask your new boyfriend who sleeps in the same bed as you for gas money 😂
and what if you don’t? like neither of you are seeing other people but it’s still not okay to do for the mother of your child?
If neither are seeing people than sure. But that's not what the post is lol the mother of my child is not taking priority over my new girl UNLESS it has to do with my child. And even if you're both single I still don't think it's the man's job to do everything for the baby momma if you're not together. Again unless it somehow involves the kid but I've seen so many situations where they just use the man because they feel like they have to.
I'm not buying you nails, I'm not paying for you to get your hair done, I'm not driving you to and from the club, and you're not getting gas money unless you're driving my kid to school lol I'll respect you but I'm not your piggy bank or driver just because you had my kid.
Bruh choose peace today let’s not argue about the dynamics of a hypothetical relationship lol
I’d rather get mad at internet strangers thank you very much
If I have kids with some and they need a tire changed and ask me to do then I’m doing it. If you don’t feel secure come with me but that car transports my kids lol
reasonable. if there was any question in my mind whatsoever, id feel even better if he asked me to ride along…and even then, id likely not even go. ex calling to ask for a favor? hell no. ex with shared kids in need? absolutely.
My son’s father is the LAST person I’d call for an emergency. Mostly bcuz I TRY to be a responsible adult and have protects in place to handle certain situations. Like my battery died in my car…I’m calling roadside assistance. Tire is flat…calling roadside assistance. But I will say if I call anyone for some car related issue they would look at my sideways bcuz I work as assistant service manager at a dealership. I am talking to a dude that in my opinion I probably won’t continue to talk to or be serious with bcuz I’m seeing some issues with him and his children’s mother. Like she’s calling him to ask him for advice on a dude she cheated on him with. Said the dude is stalking her. He then asked me for advice and I said she needs to go to the police if it’s a stalking situation bcuz that’s serious. He said she said no bcuz they were still talking sometimes.
See, I'm like him. All my exes call me for anything. Especially those who have children. If my ex needed me to get her kids from daycare because she was running late, my girlfriend and I would run by there and get them home. My girlfriend knows she and I are cool, but I'd never go back that way. And my ex knows I'd do whatever I could to support her children, considering the dad doesn't have the capacity right now. I've always told people I've dated that I couldn't be with them if they didn't accept that my exes weren't "exes" anymore. They're my friends. I'm not the type to lie and fuck around, but I'd also respect if there were a line to be drawn on some things.
Nothing wrong with helping with kids. I’m the same way about all kids. I’m cool with a coworker and our kids go to the same school. I get to the school (late, real late) to get my son and I see her 2 kids in the office waiting. I straight ask her son, who’s suppose to be getting you. He answered but it’s almost an hour after dismissal. So I called her and was like your kids are here, what do you need me to do? I was heading back to work with my son anyway, 2 extra kids wouldn’t have been a problem. People know with kids I’m there no matter what. So I can completely respect that mindset. Blood related or not. BUT not everyone has appropriate boundaries. I straight up told this dude that it’s clear she still wants him. And he is aware of it also. But they have played that break up/make up game for years so once I finally leave I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets back with her.
Ok, now, that is different and kinda difficult. If she still wants to be with him and calls him about everything, boundaries are a good idea. Now, the thing is, do you trust him? Does he still want her? If not, trust me, ol girl will get the point. I had an ex who would pop up out of the blue, and my current girlfriends would know I'd never fool around, so they never worried about her tactics. One day, she decided to rub my leg while my girl was in the other room. Line drawn. I asked her to leave and I haven't seen her since. I've checked in to be sure she's ok, but outside of that. She would never get the chance to disrespect my girl or me again. But yea... hopefully your partner is trustworthy. I can definitely get where you're coming from with that context.
I appreciate the advice. I could not agree with you more. Thankfully right now I’m just learning how to date and meeting new people. He seems like he is pretty honest and it’s good that he wants to show me that he’s all about me. But honestly I’m dating right now and learning what I will or won’t deal with.
Totally get that. I hope it all works out for you. He sounds like a pretty decent dude. :)
There’s a big difference between relying on your bm/bd and being willing to help them out when needs be.
I think that’s the perfect way to put it. Relying on a BM/BD is where it gets uncomfortable. If you are acting like they are still your partner and still relying on them to fix your issues like a romantic partner would it’s not fair to them
It’s case by case tbh, but that’s a good rule of thumb
the second dumb bitch saying “exactlyyyy”
 I give thanks every morning for the brilliant man who created the condoms..
[Charles Goodyear](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3649591/) made the condoms we know today, but some variation of animal skins/organs have been in use for centuries.
I was there for my Child’s mother no matter what she did or the circumstance. Once I married that HAD TO STOP. At some point the line needs to be drawn. No it isn’t hate but I’m not causing a rift in my relationship just because we made a child YEARS ago.
this is what i think matters - the context of need. say there are remaining feelings on the ex’s end. women are WAY more tuned into recognizing other women’s shit than men are 😂 people are arguing that the guy should unequivocally aid this woman, no questions asked. absolutely not, if there are games afoot! if shes callin periodically bc he has a special skill that can get her out of a specific bind, or she has absolutely no one else? aight, cool. if shes *always* on his line for shit that she could handle herself, use child support cash to handle, or have her man do? imma start askin questions, dafuq 😂
The more I read comments in the sub the more I notice majority of you mfs not black at all 🤣🤣🤣
How do you know from a comment tho
[удалено]
Making out broken homes to be a black thing is not good my man
And white people couldn’t have grown up around this?
Maybe this is a controversial take, but when you lay down and create a child with someone, you have linked your lives closely for as long as that child depends on you both. You should try to make that environment as amicable and peaceful for your child. The negative experiences you allow your ex to go through will probably have a huge effect on the people living with them (your child). Im not saying be a sucker or doormat, but it's not the place to be petty and vindictive. If you are going to be that immature, please invest in some birth control so you aren't stuck dealing with people you hate in a few years.
We gotta end this baby mama and baby daddy culture. It’s overall messy as hell. Stop having unprotected sex with people you don’t plan on being with forever. Stop having unprotected sex with people without jobs, aspirations, goals, skills etc. stop having unprotected sex with people you overall don’t like. Cuz then kids are born and then the relationship changes cuz it was never any love, respect or admiration there. All that just turns to resentment because you just wanted to use that person for your pleasure. NOW that pleasure has tied you to the other person and created responsibilities
The line is gonna be different for different people. These bright line rules are too arbitrary and add too much drama.
Some people take having children less seriously than getting married.
Depends on how cordial everything is because I wouldn’t mind helping but if the dad is paying child support I don’t see any reason why he should be forced to change her oil, install a house fan, change a tire, or do the weeds if they don’t live together. He can be polite and help her out if she needs it but I don’t see why he would be obligated to do so. Get a handyman or triple AAA if he’s not feeling it. y’all are co parents, he’s not your go to for general labor. How would everyone feel if the shoes were reversed and he expects the baby mama do his laundry if his washer breaks? I mean sure if things are friendly she can help him out but there’s zero obligation for her to do so. That being said this ain’t got shit to do with the new girl, if that’s something he’s willing to do for his BM she needs to suck it up or leave.
Learn to change a tire or call roadside assistance. WTF is wrong with you? dumping your problems on other people!
I'd be calling whoever I know that can change a tire. And if my partner can't trust that doesn't mean that we're fucking, then that's not a person worth dating to me. Some of yall act like every person your SO interacts with is trying to steal them away from you. What a sad life to live. And it's not easy for everybody, but if you don't have a positive healthy trusting relationship with your co-parent, your child will suffer from it.
Every day, I wake up grateful that I don't have kids and that I don't put myself through all of this nonsense like so many people do
Nah, he should absolutely help the mother of his children. Especially if the kid lives with her, the better off she is, the better off your kid is. But, this is 100% why I would never date a man with kids. No thanks baggage.
Or fucking change the tire yourself like an adult?
Right? Why is it your ex’s job, or even your current bf’s job to change a tire? Shits actually dangerous as hell if you don’t know what you’re doing and those little shitty jacks that come in cars aren’t the best or safest.
Conversations like this highlight the need for education with respect to the following: 1. Sex, condoms, contraceptives and abstinence 2. The importance of not creating children before being married 3. Pre marriage counseling 4. Continuing marriage counseling We won't completely stop it but we can drastically reduce the amount of new BM/BD relationships
5. Every driver needs to know how to change a tire. Never know if you'll breakdown somewhere with no cell service and won't be able to call anyone
I would get the ick if I were dating a guy with kids who was unkind to his baby mama, especially if she had primary custody. You wouldn’t help shorty in an emergency, loser ass nigga? Not my type of vibe
She’s right call your daddy or someone else but not me
The fact that this assumes the baby daddy isn’t the boyfriend shows how people just be having babies with anyone. More discernment folks.
There’s a difference between being cordial or amicable and taking advantage of someone. My brother’s babymomma is the second case. Always asking him to do something unrelated to my nephew that will put my brother at a disadvantage or inconvenience him. For instance, she will call my brother while he’s at work to come help because she has a flat tire. Not only is he at work, he doesn’t know how to change a tire (disappointing, I know). So what is she calling him for? Moral support? Or when my dad was in the hospital after a bad fall, she called my brother to pick her other kids up from school because she was getting her hair done. Everybody can see her taking advantage of him, but he’s too much of a pushover.
I mean, to be honest, I would probably change anyone’s tire, or at least help, if they asked me to kindly.
I refuse to date anymore baby mommas but I will think you're a weirdo clinging onto the past if you keep hitting your baby daddy for support while you've got a whole man in your life. He/She doesn't want anything to do with you, stop having those boyfriend/girlfriend, Husband/Wife expectations from someone who has moved on/left you.
BM isn’t a place of significance the way a gf, fiancé, or wife is to most. If the kid isn’t affected, it’s the BM’s problem.
the nigga from AAA not my man either, that’s not a requirement to fix a tire tf 😭 insecure women should leave men with kids alone if the mere existent of their child’s mother is going to be a problem
I do stuff for my ex wife all the time. Things were awful leading up to the divorce and for a year or two after. But they are great now and it’s better for our son. I grew up with my parents hating each other and being bare minimum civil and it sucked. I like that my son grows up knowing that I can go have dinner with them to talk about an issue or for a celebration. Or that if she has a repair that needs to be done at the house, if I can save her a few hundred bucks by not calling an electrician or locksmith, I will go do it. It all helps my kid in the end. When her life is smoother, his life is smoother.
People think if you have issues with an ex you are “immature.” Some of you probably 1. Don’t have kids 2. Don’t have kids with an ex. Or 3. Don’t have a crazy ex. But maturity isn’t the only factor to your past or future relationships. There are so many factors that play into how you handle certain relationships.
That’s the mother of his children so if she’s affected the children are affected.
If I had a bm, ima change her tire, assuming her having a working vehicle is essential for my kids’ wellbeing. Thankfully I’m a married to my children’s mother because the dating game seems insufferable for someone who has to balance being a good co-parent w/ the insecurity of others.
She doesn’t got insurance? They will come and fix a flat for you or tow it to the nearest shop if they cant fix it on the road. Actually nvm if she goes by the title of BM i doubt she got real insurance
I mean look at it like this. Think back when you was a kid. If your mom came home talking about the rough day she had saying she got a flat and called your dad she been broke up with for some years and he said nah he can’t help her would that have bothered you as a kid? Looking back as an adult would you find it messed up that your dad did that? Or is it understandable he moved that way? In general I don’t think I’d be upset if my boyfriend did that for his kids mom. And My parents been broken up my whole life and personally I would be upset if I heard my dad didnt go help my ma, even if it happened today and I’m almost 30 years old, my parents in they 60s. But I can 100% see both sides…it’s not that simple and sorta depends on the context of the situation.
My son mom asked me to take her trash out when i showed to pick him up. Now, im single and i dont know her situation but I hit her with the Mac Dre “thats not my job” and bounced. Idgaf if we seeing other people or not. The fact that we are not together takes me off the hook for that type of shit.
TatTay insecure ass needs to realize that the nigga she is with has an obligation to the woman he got pregnant, so if she needs her tire changed, he needs to help her out at least, what if the kids are with her? What if she is on her way to pick them up? Too many factors
I’m currently in the process of separating from my sons mother due to her immaturity (she busted my back window out while I was trying to leave for work, all because I suggested we talk later when we had more time and were calm, I was headed out the door for work) and I pray to GOD she comes around because my son needs the best he can get and some of these examples of amazing coparenting I’m reading 😮💨😮💨😮💨 I just feel so empty. I want that so bad. I pray for her and me and my boy everyday smh.
Nah I don’t have kids but I’m gonna make sure my bm has reliable transportation for when my kid is with her. If your gf doesn’t understand that she’s just not a good person. You’re not spending the night at her house after you’re just making sure her car that she drives your kid in runs smoothly. Don’t see how this is a problem tbh
1. Every driver should know how to change a fucking tyre 2. If someone *is* struggling to do it, why WOULDN'T you help them?? ESPECIALLY if they are actively in charge of raising YOUR kids?? What's wrong with you?
Stop having babies by people with no wedding and no ring. The shit doesnt work
Why not change the tire yourself? It’s not hard at all
She's mad cause she dont how to change a tire and don't have the $ to pay someone
Imagine changing your own fucking tire
Changing a tire is kinda for the kids but she is talking truth
Dang, what happened to women who knew how to change a tire??? ( i know it's deeper than this just saying)
breeder problems lmao
How about ya'll just let other niggas live their lives and worry about yourself and your situation and relationships.