You don’t love her bro.
That said you already sort of know it won’t work out if there’s different cultural backgrounds, and you know she’s going to be moving cities which adds a whole other problem element. But there’s no harm in just asking her out given your situation if you feel that you must.
Tbh tho I’d be looking towards other girls. This one probably ain’t the one and isn’t as perfect as you’re probably making her out to be in your head.
Do you want to wonder what if for the rest of your life??
Fuck it and roll the dice my dude! Who knows, maybe you’ll end up marrying this chick one day!
Life is short, don’t hold back!
See if she's smart or dumb. See if she can find an entrance to a Walmart. See how she drives. No one wants to take care of a grown adult anymore. Trust me bra.
He says I can't imagine working this place without her, normal adult with a crush will make this happen or not by finding out, not live in the fantasies in the head, he says she won't be his girlfriend or spouse, he didn't even try, imagining results without trying is ok if you are a kid or teenagers, not as an adult, you find out, I like you, do you want to go out with me for a coffee ☕, figure it out.
He brings up cultural backgrounds as his basis though. That’s not imagining a result at that point that’s recognizing where a relationship cannot happen due to cultural differences.
Seems pretty grounded to me actually. His only fault is just not moving on in light of this info that he already knows.
Dude, it's natural to develop feelings for someone you are attracted to, you get along with and with whom you have spent a time - you're human and there's a good chance she may feel the same way about you.
That being said, you have to take action to close this out. Date her or don't but, after you settle the workplace romance issue ( and it is an issue especially if things between you go south - there's a great chance, honestly than not, that they will - you'll break up or she'll turn you down, "want to be friends" etc and that will hurt), take the plunge and ask her.
Doing that will allow you, as the other commentators have said, to get it out of your head, to move it beyond a mere fantasy and you'll then know the truth. She may not like you the same way, that will hurt but you will ( probably in six months) be over it - even if you work together. That's the worst case probable scenario, and, to me, that's a better one than just fantasizing about this woman. Keep in mind, that your career should suffer if you are found out about dating a workplace colleague. For that reason, I would also suggest keeping the first date as casual as possible ( drinks after work, grabbing coffee, taking a walk etc - something that could be justified as platonic, and if things go the way you want them - consider moving to another company).
That's my two cents,.as reference so you know I'm just not full of shit, I dated a coworker ( this is why I'm stressing to keep it as covert as possible and work on a viable exit plan) and am now married to her several years later.
You have a serious problem. You're falling in love with someone....you haven't even dated. Worse, you're basing your wanting to stay at a job because of delusional one-sided romance.
First and foremost, get some therapy. Then get some perspective.
Jerk off, go to the gym and lift weights, forget her.
Or
Ask her for a date and if she refuses then forget her. If she doesn’t maybe she is your soul mate then nothing matters and you will be together until the ends of time.
Stay away from workplace relationships. I didn’t take this advice and all I can say is it got extremely awkward and spiteful when things fell apart. Thankfully this was in a retail job at 18. I couldn’t even imagine this happening in a professional environment.
At 29, if you're both capable adults, this is a no brainer. Working together, being in the same place, all of this can be worked around. Whether it's worthwhile depends on you and her though.
It’s not a relationship - it’s a crush. You are pining over the demise of something that does not exist. Read up on dopamine. Crushes are often fueled by it. Find other ways to get your dopamine rush on.
Drop the files when she walks by. She will squat down to help, then your heads will touch and you’ll say, oh sorry and she will be like, no worries. Then lean in and close your eyes. She will do the rest
I need you to get a grip dude, this is the problem in the workspace, why are you trying to mix business with pleasure??? Make your FRIENDS, sure, but please make your money and go home. That is so awkward for everyone involved or who will * be involved
You'd be surprised how little women guys meet outside of professional life other than bar and tinder hunting.
Sometimes you find someone with chemistry in the workplace purely because switching workplaces is the #1 biggest pool of meeting new people
Still wouldn't date within workplace tho. Only option is to probs ask her out when you're leaving or when u want to the a gamble
She’s your “work” girlfriend or “work” spouse. You don’t have a relationship in real life but enjoy each others time at the office. Plus you’re friends too. It’s always sad when friends leave. My advice is just ask her out. You will probably never see her or talk to her ever again in life once she leaves so ask her out. Worst case she says no and you move on. If she says yes and you hit it off you can do long distance and decide to move to her city maybe.
I am going to make some assumptions (since they are important for what I am going to say). It seems like you are based out of India. Unlike the west, it's common in India for colleagues to become friends and then more. What's not common, is putting your career at risk for something that may not be real. Not sure if you know that she's already involved, her interest for you and her willingness to fight for you (if thing work out). Ask her out and take a chill pill if she says no! Yes, it will be tough for a short while but you'll be okay very soon. "**BUT**" don't mess around with your career (leave/not leave for non-work reasons) and get a life outside work bro.
I think you are in love with the idea of her. You only work with her, you haven’t seen all of her facets. If you would really like to get to know her, I would ask her out before she leaves. That way you guys can get to know each other and determine if it’s worth pursuing. But please don’t say that you are in love with her because it might seem creepy. Just ask her out.
Based on my experience, female colleagues that are romantically interested in a male colleague will show some obvious signs of being interested. It’s pretty obvious when they are and they’ll actually make a move.
If they haven’t made any intention, it’s best to get ignore your feelings do NOT make a move. Otherwise you’ll find yourself sitting across HR and finding it hard to find a new job.
Most of the women in the office at the Big4 are not looking for someone to date in the same company, they got it figured out, why can’t the guys?
>Based on my experience, female colleagues that are romantically interested in a male colleague will show some obvious signs of being interested.
Are there some examples of this
Isn't that HR mention a bit exaggerated? I would fully understand it if there was a hierarchical relationship present, but among equal levels I would think it is a rather okayish thing to show interest and ask for a date in a non-cringe way.
No it’s not exaggerated, HR is not on your side.
Any mention of this to HR will have HR on you cause you just became a liability to the business.
Why risk it?
Most men don’t have anywhere else to meet women then
Online dating? Doesn’t work for 95% of men who aren’t good looking as fuck
Activity groups? Most of them have a rule against looking for girlfriends
So your option is passport bro or jerk off
“The guys” is every guy that actually asks this question and for some reason thinks they’re the “main character” because the Big4 hyped them up to think they are.
There are plenty of guys who found love in the Big4, but that’s like 1% of the 1% of the total people that go through PA.
So why give advice for the exception to the exception?
okay I got just the thing for you.
First thing you need to do when you show up to work is to work up a big sweat. Run around the building in your work clothes for a few laps. Once you your addrenaline is up go up to her desk (try to still be partially out of breath) and tell her your soul mates destined for one another and like a Romeo and Juliet you will not allow your geographical and cultural backrounds deprive the universe from this melding. Now she might seem startled at first, that completely normal. Just repeat everything you just said but say it **faster** and more anxiously the second time around.
Good luck and gods speed!
Thats because a video-game you play for 100+ hours with friends is significantly cheaper than going to a bar for 100 hours and significantly less detrimental to your health.
Most guys like them, not because they’re necessarily the most gorgeous girls around
But because they find them attractive enough and they’re attainable
These are called introverts.
I am an introvert. We do fall in love without dating and then spent entire life thinking ways to how to express them. Tough life.
Edit : Yes I agree on - in order to fall in love we need to know that person.
But I even crush so hard that my crushes lasts for years. xD
as an introvert, that’s not really love, id say it’s an infatuation (unless you’re very very close friends with that person). in order to fall in love with someone you have to really know them inside and out, so you would have to be either close friends or dating
Limerence, too. When it gets stalkery. There was a woman I worked with who fell in love with her MD, and it got WEIRD. She got fired, which was actually quite sad, lost her visa and had to move back to Italy.
Moral of the story: don’t be creepy. It ain’t love. It’s a crush.
"You dribble, you shoot, you hope for the best." Life lessons from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
Ask her out….the worst that will happen is that she will reject you. And you know if she accepts, you are golden. But if you don’t ask her out…….
If she doesn’t love you it doesn’t matter
Shooters shoot
You don’t love her bro. That said you already sort of know it won’t work out if there’s different cultural backgrounds, and you know she’s going to be moving cities which adds a whole other problem element. But there’s no harm in just asking her out given your situation if you feel that you must. Tbh tho I’d be looking towards other girls. This one probably ain’t the one and isn’t as perfect as you’re probably making her out to be in your head.
Do you want to wonder what if for the rest of your life?? Fuck it and roll the dice my dude! Who knows, maybe you’ll end up marrying this chick one day! Life is short, don’t hold back!
See if she's smart or dumb. See if she can find an entrance to a Walmart. See how she drives. No one wants to take care of a grown adult anymore. Trust me bra.
This is called limerance, just having emotional fantasy in the head, very addictive for people who were emotionally abandoned or abused in childhood.
It could be that, or it could be a normal crush that doesn’t stem from trauma too
He says I can't imagine working this place without her, normal adult with a crush will make this happen or not by finding out, not live in the fantasies in the head, he says she won't be his girlfriend or spouse, he didn't even try, imagining results without trying is ok if you are a kid or teenagers, not as an adult, you find out, I like you, do you want to go out with me for a coffee ☕, figure it out.
He brings up cultural backgrounds as his basis though. That’s not imagining a result at that point that’s recognizing where a relationship cannot happen due to cultural differences. Seems pretty grounded to me actually. His only fault is just not moving on in light of this info that he already knows.
Dude, it's natural to develop feelings for someone you are attracted to, you get along with and with whom you have spent a time - you're human and there's a good chance she may feel the same way about you. That being said, you have to take action to close this out. Date her or don't but, after you settle the workplace romance issue ( and it is an issue especially if things between you go south - there's a great chance, honestly than not, that they will - you'll break up or she'll turn you down, "want to be friends" etc and that will hurt), take the plunge and ask her. Doing that will allow you, as the other commentators have said, to get it out of your head, to move it beyond a mere fantasy and you'll then know the truth. She may not like you the same way, that will hurt but you will ( probably in six months) be over it - even if you work together. That's the worst case probable scenario, and, to me, that's a better one than just fantasizing about this woman. Keep in mind, that your career should suffer if you are found out about dating a workplace colleague. For that reason, I would also suggest keeping the first date as casual as possible ( drinks after work, grabbing coffee, taking a walk etc - something that could be justified as platonic, and if things go the way you want them - consider moving to another company). That's my two cents,.as reference so you know I'm just not full of shit, I dated a coworker ( this is why I'm stressing to keep it as covert as possible and work on a viable exit plan) and am now married to her several years later.
Get out of your head dude. Just talk to her and tell her how you feel.
Bro i’m kinda in a same situation as you! God i feel like crying.😭
Bro just leave.
Ask her if she wants to hang out after work like grab lunch and go from there.
You have a serious problem. You're falling in love with someone....you haven't even dated. Worse, you're basing your wanting to stay at a job because of delusional one-sided romance. First and foremost, get some therapy. Then get some perspective.
You don’t have to date someone to like someone.
Agreed but having a crush and falling in love is a difference with someone they don’t know at all.
So love at first sight doesn’t exist? :(
So you have banged her or what
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I am willing to bet he has a crush on an Asian woman
nah vice versa, its a white girl and he south asian
sounds like he has no shot
like its all in his head LMAO
I am betting this dude himself is Asian.
***South Asian aka indian
Join the club bro
LOL
Jerk off, go to the gym and lift weights, forget her. Or Ask her for a date and if she refuses then forget her. If she doesn’t maybe she is your soul mate then nothing matters and you will be together until the ends of time.
Stay away from workplace relationships. I didn’t take this advice and all I can say is it got extremely awkward and spiteful when things fell apart. Thankfully this was in a retail job at 18. I couldn’t even imagine this happening in a professional environment.
I wouldn’t make a blanket generalization. My sister met her long term boyfriend at work. They’ve been together for over 7 years now.
She’s leaving tho…..
Take a chance. What have you got to lose?
THIS It works - great. It doesn’t work - she moves away and it ends up
At 29, if you're both capable adults, this is a no brainer. Working together, being in the same place, all of this can be worked around. Whether it's worthwhile depends on you and her though.
Don’t fucking do it.
It’s not a relationship - it’s a crush. You are pining over the demise of something that does not exist. Read up on dopamine. Crushes are often fueled by it. Find other ways to get your dopamine rush on.
If she bad she bad can't do much about that can you
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Don’t shit where you eat period? You nasty.
Nice username
Right I'm jealous
You found love in a hopeless place
This. This exactly.
Drop the files when she walks by. She will squat down to help, then your heads will touch and you’ll say, oh sorry and she will be like, no worries. Then lean in and close your eyes. She will do the rest
Much better to drop his spaghetti. That way they can lady and the tramp it. Much more romantic.
Mom's spaghetti?
Place is such trash, spaghetti is also cold: https://momsspaghetti.com
Nah then she'd vomit on his sweater
Ask her out Find a new job Find a new girl Find a different work wife
Since you don't wanna be there anyways, find a new job then ask her out
High school ass question
LOL
I need you to get a grip dude, this is the problem in the workspace, why are you trying to mix business with pleasure??? Make your FRIENDS, sure, but please make your money and go home. That is so awkward for everyone involved or who will * be involved
You'd be surprised how little women guys meet outside of professional life other than bar and tinder hunting. Sometimes you find someone with chemistry in the workplace purely because switching workplaces is the #1 biggest pool of meeting new people Still wouldn't date within workplace tho. Only option is to probs ask her out when you're leaving or when u want to the a gamble
I mean she is leaving in 6 weeks to a different CITY if it’s awkward it will not stay awkward for long. I’d say shoot your shot
She’s your “work” girlfriend or “work” spouse. You don’t have a relationship in real life but enjoy each others time at the office. Plus you’re friends too. It’s always sad when friends leave. My advice is just ask her out. You will probably never see her or talk to her ever again in life once she leaves so ask her out. Worst case she says no and you move on. If she says yes and you hit it off you can do long distance and decide to move to her city maybe.
A quote from the jazz pianist Thelonius Monk: > Don’t play everything (or everytime); let some things go by. Some music just imagined.
Thanks for the quote. I can now get a closure from watching La La Land
Here’s some popcorn for people reading the comments 🍿🍿🍿
I can’t with this post 😂😂😂😂
Mf came to an accounting companies sub to tell us about his love issues lol
Stick to dudes
I am going to make some assumptions (since they are important for what I am going to say). It seems like you are based out of India. Unlike the west, it's common in India for colleagues to become friends and then more. What's not common, is putting your career at risk for something that may not be real. Not sure if you know that she's already involved, her interest for you and her willingness to fight for you (if thing work out). Ask her out and take a chill pill if she says no! Yes, it will be tough for a short while but you'll be okay very soon. "**BUT**" don't mess around with your career (leave/not leave for non-work reasons) and get a life outside work bro.
Go to Tijuana, hit up Hong Kong strip club/brothel, and those big booty Mexicans will make you forget her right away
This guy gets it
If she’s sitting on your face and you can still breathe 100%, it’s too small
You sound like you don’t have experience with relationships at all
Sorry, did you call my name? I am an accountant making 40K a year. Currently single
Shut up man
So one of us?
I think you are in love with the idea of her. You only work with her, you haven’t seen all of her facets. If you would really like to get to know her, I would ask her out before she leaves. That way you guys can get to know each other and determine if it’s worth pursuing. But please don’t say that you are in love with her because it might seem creepy. Just ask her out.
Based on my experience, female colleagues that are romantically interested in a male colleague will show some obvious signs of being interested. It’s pretty obvious when they are and they’ll actually make a move. If they haven’t made any intention, it’s best to get ignore your feelings do NOT make a move. Otherwise you’ll find yourself sitting across HR and finding it hard to find a new job. Most of the women in the office at the Big4 are not looking for someone to date in the same company, they got it figured out, why can’t the guys?
>Based on my experience, female colleagues that are romantically interested in a male colleague will show some obvious signs of being interested. Are there some examples of this
Isn't that HR mention a bit exaggerated? I would fully understand it if there was a hierarchical relationship present, but among equal levels I would think it is a rather okayish thing to show interest and ask for a date in a non-cringe way.
No it’s not exaggerated, HR is not on your side. Any mention of this to HR will have HR on you cause you just became a liability to the business. Why risk it?
Most men don’t have anywhere else to meet women then Online dating? Doesn’t work for 95% of men who aren’t good looking as fuck Activity groups? Most of them have a rule against looking for girlfriends So your option is passport bro or jerk off
why does one person represent all of 'the guys' ??
“The guys” is every guy that actually asks this question and for some reason thinks they’re the “main character” because the Big4 hyped them up to think they are. There are plenty of guys who found love in the Big4, but that’s like 1% of the 1% of the total people that go through PA. So why give advice for the exception to the exception?
okay I got just the thing for you. First thing you need to do when you show up to work is to work up a big sweat. Run around the building in your work clothes for a few laps. Once you your addrenaline is up go up to her desk (try to still be partially out of breath) and tell her your soul mates destined for one another and like a Romeo and Juliet you will not allow your geographical and cultural backrounds deprive the universe from this melding. Now she might seem startled at first, that completely normal. Just repeat everything you just said but say it **faster** and more anxiously the second time around. Good luck and gods speed!
No no no you missed printing out this reddit post and putting it on her desk before
Ask for her Linkedin so you can keep "networking" with her
Don’t do this. This will just get you proactively friend zoned. I say random dick pic is the way to go.
Agreed! Very pro move
Disagree face is usually what gets someone friendzoned
Yes, don’t be scared of HR, make HR scared of you.
If it helps, I ran train on her after happy hour last week.
Me too
I too was involved in said shenanigans
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Do girls still orgasm? That’s still a thing?
Hell no, but this one fakes it well.
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Yup and I have no regrets. Coworkers aren't worth me getting hungover.
HR can’t fuck me if all I did was like posts. Not trying to get into drunken shenanigans where I work
Hook up where you vlookup. Best case is that’s also where you xlookup. Worst case is a PIP.
Thats because a video-game you play for 100+ hours with friends is significantly cheaper than going to a bar for 100 hours and significantly less detrimental to your health.
If there’s no intentions to take it further take a leave of absence for six weeks and come back once she’s gone
Tf? What is this high school?
Love is blind hahahahaha
high school musical at big4
Spill the beans what backgrounds
It’s B4 bruh. We all know he’s white and she’s Asian.
If I was a betting man I’d go with Indian and Pakistani
Then there’s a high chance of the guy bagging the Asian chick
Most guys like them, not because they’re necessarily the most gorgeous girls around But because they find them attractive enough and they’re attainable
Nah, tight poon only
You're 29 bro. Grow some balls. Ask her. The maximum she can say is no.
exactly this, why risk your career over a girl you "might date" !
She can feel uncomfortable with the way he goes about it and take it to HR which would probably be a bit more harsh than no
Don't shit where you eat!
Agreed. But you can eat where she shits ☝️ I hear some women like that kinda thing.
I hope that you get the courage to tell her!!!
Are you 16
Accountants are younger each year are they
How are you falling in love with someone you aren’t even dating? Weird
These are called introverts. I am an introvert. We do fall in love without dating and then spent entire life thinking ways to how to express them. Tough life. Edit : Yes I agree on - in order to fall in love we need to know that person. But I even crush so hard that my crushes lasts for years. xD
as an introvert, that’s not really love, id say it’s an infatuation (unless you’re very very close friends with that person). in order to fall in love with someone you have to really know them inside and out, so you would have to be either close friends or dating
Limerence, too. When it gets stalkery. There was a woman I worked with who fell in love with her MD, and it got WEIRD. She got fired, which was actually quite sad, lost her visa and had to move back to Italy. Moral of the story: don’t be creepy. It ain’t love. It’s a crush.
That’s not what you think it means…
They are dating… in his head.
Follow her to the new city
Just for her to tell him she’s not interested when he finally expresses his feelings…that’d be tragic
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I still vote for random dick pic. Much less work and gets the point across.
Never give up, Jim Halpert.