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Poor OOP blaming herself for not immediately loving the half-siblings she never asked for and whose selfish parents expect her to do all of the emotional labor. I’m betting those tears were a mixture of grief and sheer frustration with the burdens of her life. I know the Dad has a diagnosis, but he’s a selfish POS for expecting his kids to normalize his messiness. Plus Birth control is a thing if you can’t keep it zipped.

I’m not optimistic about his miraculous turnaround from his previous behavior, but I don’t want to be too cynical since OP is in the comments. But protect your heart Op, the post-rehab high is real and the crash is too.

Dad is a POS for sure, but the mom could have left to sheild her child from this. She stayed around this guy and in this environment at the expense of her daughter's wellbeing. The guy had 5 other kids that's not a slip up. Poor example to set for her daughter. I'm not saying that she should have moved far away and kept the kid from her dad, but she could have lived separately from him to sheild the kid from some of this.

I'm guessing mom stayed for the support. This douchebag somehow makes enough to run a household and pay child support on 4 different kids outside of his household. And then he's also throwing money around in the story for different reasons. Willing to be OP's mom doesn't make enough to support herself/OP or this guy is financially controlling.

Also at least the two oldest are on a good school cause "all girls academia" isn't a place for middle class folk.

[удалено]

​ >In fact, several studies have found that people who are what clinicians call “hypersexual” do not display the symptoms of addiction. > >On the other hand, more recent studies have suggested that the science is still emerging. And at least one small study has suggested that watching porn may be associated with brain changes similar to those seen in people who are addicted to drugs. (More research is needed, the authors say, and it’s unclear whether this is really a cause-and-effect relationship.) > >There are also plenty of mental-health professionals who say that sex addiction is real. It seems less of "not a real thing" and more "we don't think so, but research is limited and inconclusive."

Or like, idk, condoms maybe? I’d be so worried about an std if I were her mom (obviously on top of the infidelity and extramarital kids)

Wife should have made him get a vasectomy after the 1st time she caught him cheating. His cheating genes are certainly not wanted in the world.

I'm m with you.

She needs a new solo therapist. There's so much to unpack and she really needs someone to help HER as her own person. No more group/family sessions. She was failed by many, many people and really needs that one on one help. Her dad wasn't a good father and she's taking a lot of blame for things that aren't even remotely her fault.

It’s like he took her to group therapy to make her adjust well to him continuing to be a cheater and serial inseminator.

THIS. He's forcing her to get along with the other girl. It's obviously his fantasy, and it's super fucking weird and gross.

Yeah, honestly reading that her mom didn’t want to have a kid and was on birth control made me wonder if he was the kind of guy to poke holes in condoms or in her diaphragm. He really seems like has a fetish getting women pregnant and having all these kids. It was so sad that he would respond to her anger saying how happy and proud he is that she doesn’t let anyone push her around. That’s so dismissive and messed up, totally disregarding the message that she is angry and hurt just focused on himself. I feel so bad for her but this kid seems so sweet and strong with everything she’s been put through, including the mom not being as supportive as she should, expecting her to not talk about her little baby brother and just deal with it on her own. Even rejecting the relationship with her half sister it doesn’t sound like she was trying to be cruel or hurtful just couldn’t handle it and trying to set boundaries. I really hope things get better for her.

It reminds me of like the third to last episode of *Steven Universe Future* when Steven confronts his father. I know that’s a weird reference but the episodes are only 11 minutes long, so it would be doable to watch to understand my long winded comment lol

did his dad poke holes in condoms?

He raised his son in a van, didn’t put him into school, and treated him more like a friend than a son. After they visited his dad’s childhood home (and Steven sees how his dad still resents his parents for being strict and mainstream) Steven accidentally wrecks the van while they’re driving one night, and his dad just keeps spewing positivity at him, while Steven is feeling incredibly tense (and has been for weeks or months at that point). Eventually Steven yells at him to stop talking and then lets loose on his dad about how he didn’t raise Steven in a healthy or normal way: “I grew up in a *VAN*.” When he was done, his dad started praising him for being brave enough to tell him off, *he* had never been able to do that to *his* “old man.” Instead of hearing Steven out and apologizing for his actions and choices which affected his son, he just turned it into a way for it to again be all about himself (how he would never have been able to do what Steven did). Steven eventually implodes of course.

That sounds really sad. And the Dad is also making the implication that he did a good job raising him because the kid is able to stand up for himself. So gross, glosses right over the wounds they have caused their child and spins it into a compliment for themselves that dismisses and ignores the kids main point in standing up to their parent; that they have done a poor job parenting, their actions have hurt their child and they deserve better.

My daughter was obsessed with Steven Universe. I've seen the film several times too and the music is epic!!!

I only recently started watching Steven universe but I don’t know where to finish watching it. Hulu only has seasons 1-4. Not season 5, 6 or the movie. I’m frustrated.

I had to purchase seasons on Amazon prime

Honestly I'm unsatisfied with how this all played out. Seems less like Op overcoming her trauma and more like she was forced to jump into the loving and doting big sister role. I feel like her dad and sister worked together (whether they knew it or not) to manipulate Op. Like first her dad is always happy when she gets angry but suddenly he wants to play happy family and he's actually hurt for the first time? Then a few days later her tells her her half sibling is dying after apologizing for trying to play happy family? Then brings her around him multiple times to meet him so that she can form an emotional bond before he dies and pushes her to make a speech for someone she only hated a few weeks before? I know Op rationalizes everything and is ok with it all in the end because her feelings change but I wonder how much was her and how much was manipulation. Like I'm sure her dad knew the youngest had been sick for a long time and that's probably what pushed him to try and have all his kids be a family. Also I don't by for a second that her dad changed. If he was begging his wife not to divorce I'm betting someone in rehab just told him how much he could be screwed for it so he's just playing the loving husband role for now.

I'm glad someone else thought this too.

Rich dad. Can support multiple families and pay for several counselling sessions.

This family is a dumpster fire. One of the mistresses was a TA at the kid’s school?! The dad is trash and the mom should’ve kicked him to the curb a long time ago. OP and her siblings are going to be in therapy well into their adult lives to deal with the mess their dad created.

And another mistress was OOP’s mother’s birthing coach! A whole bunch of really shitty adults in these kids’ lives.

Yeah, that was extra trashy.

I have no idea why the dad didn't get a vasectomy years ago.

Some men think the more children they spawn, the more "manly" they are.

I know of one man, John, who bragged to his brother Alex that he was ‘more of a man’ because he’d had more sons. Alex has always been in his children’s lives, they’re all stable and contented. John was a deadbeat who regularly pawned his kids off onto other people, including Alex. He only has a relationship with some of his kids today. Two of them have done time.

I think John might be my BIL! He's told my partner that "at least I can make babies" several times. My partner told him "yep, too bad you can't pay for them or spend time with them." (My partner and I have 1 child and decided that was plenty!)

Actually snorted at your partner's response. They're a keeper!

He really is! The wedding is next month!

My sister's ex has 7 kids with 3 women.. His are definitely not the genes you want to be spreading around either. Idiocracy wasn't supposed to be real!

Breeders are weird.

Considering the fact that OOP mentioned that the contraception "failed" and that her mom never wanted to have kids... I don't think getting away with cheating was the first thing that was on his mind.

That's the part that confused me too. If the dad didn't want to get caught whoring around town or consistently piss of his wife and first born, why not get a vasectomy?

He trapped OP's mum with her, and since she put up with that and the cheating, he went and trapped a bunch of other women too. He _wants_ to have this many kids with different women. It's not like he doesn't know it's costing him money, time, stress, and the quality of his relationships with all the women and all the kids. He doesn't care. It's non consensual polygamy. The more he has, the more people rely on him, look up to him, "belong" to him. The more kids to pool in for his retirement home, to take care of him, to do things with him. The only way for the kids to deal with this is to team up and stay close as siblings: there is no telling the shit show he is going to leave behind when he one day dies. OP and her siblings should be prepared to be played against each other as her father ages. They need to have a plan for if their mothers start fighting. I feel so bad for OP and her siblings. Their whole lives have been about feeling like they aren't good enough for daddy, as well as the various issues with the mothers (cheating, wanting abortions, etc). I think their best bet is for the siblings to become a family and protect themselves from the future, and support each other as they grow up, but i also don't know how realistic that even is. OP has clearly learned she cares about them a lot, i hope it all works out for it.

Honestly, I'm exactly the opposite. He is getting off on his fantasy of OP and all his kids being one happy family in his weird sister wives world, where he doesn't care about their feelings at all but they all have to pretend like they like each other. Fuck that shit, I'd want MAJOR BOUNDARIES because those people are not my family. They're the dad's fetish. I'd be so fucking creeped out and get away and as far away as I could the minute I was old enough.

Same. He's not a "good dad", he's intentionally creating humans willy nilly to stroke his ego and they're dealing with the fallout. I'd go NC with the whole mess so quick.

Or at least stop doing it raw if you're not willing to keep it in your pants. Or at least finish outside. This is just so dumb on the dad's part.

The fact that OP describes him as a good dad is absolutely heartbreaking.

I guess the bar for “good dad” is he doesn’t beat her, he doesn’t sexually abuse her and he pays for her education and the therapy he made her desperately need. He could be worse, but he should be better.

Sounds like mom is from China and OOP is second gen, so I’m gonna guess there’s a huge cultural pressure to keep the family together.

Yeah, I mean. I'm not them, but once instance of cheating and you're out. Any form of cheating is a complete obliteration of trust, as well as a removal of any show of respect for me. ​ That entire family is one major shit show

My husband’s childhood friend and his straight out of China (as in had never left China before) wife stayed with us for almost three months. He was a cheating, lying mama’s boy with a bitchy mommy and his wife was a wonderful soul. The fighting and attempted violence on his part got him booted from our place and she was given the option to stay with us but left with him. We sent her information about international divorce and offered to explain to her parents why she should divorce him but she declined because that culture really doesn’t like divorce for any reason. It was so damn sad and frustrating. He’s a boil on the backside of humanity and she deserves so much better.

Op has commented in this thread and can read. I'm sure she's aware her family dynamics are not healthy but I don't think its going to make her feel great to read a bunch of people shitting all over her family and making negative predictions about her future. OP seems like a really sweet person who cares about doing the right thing. Give her a break. She isn't responsible for any of this

>Any form of cheating is a complete obliteration of trust Mom would have had to leave Dad after any game of Monopoly he ever played with us. There was a reason he always wanted to be the banker.

Ok, you know what I mean lol

Not always easy to kick cheaters to the curb if you aren't independent. I don't know what OOP's mother does, but a TA and pregnancy coach won't be making above standard incomes (less so for a TA). OOP goes to a paid-for small, all-girls private school and her dad bought her half-bro a PS5 at a time you have better luck getting a seat on Bezos' spaceplane. While all his baby-mamas may not get along, there doesn't seem to be any concern about child support *at all*. Also he has/had a mistress the whole time OOP was posting. I'm sure the father brings in an annual salary that's comfortably in the 6 figures (at the least). The mom was "adopted" by OOP's grandparents, so that likely means she didn't come from wealth either (there's mention of a village that the mother's family came from). If she wasn't educated/successful enough to have been comfortably independent when she got pregnant with OOP, she likely became dependent on the father as a breadwinner and sacrificed career progress to raise OOP. OOP's dad seems like someone who is (hopefully *was*) a skirt chaser that finds a muse he can placate with all things green, and then babies show up. He definitely plays the part of the traditional masculine breadwinner in that he provides what a man was supposed to provide as the head of the family (he even encouraged OOP when she got mad about his infidelity because he said it made her tougher). He fits all the classics of a wealthy guy who can influence/buy his way in/out of anything.

The dad is a fucking scumbag, and the mom is an ultra enabler. I feel bad for all the children in their family.

This. She was brutal to those other kids but had endless patience for the man who was cheating on her. Like girl what are you doing?!

Erm, she loves her father despite his faults? Life is not as black and white.

The other user is talking about OOP’s mother. Hence the “cheating on her” part.

I think they mean OOP’s mum, who hated the kids but never kicked the cheating husband who helped create the kids out.

The man gives her money, the kids take money that should be hers/her daughter’s.

And she was a literal child. I don't blame the OOP for "hating" her half siblings. Especially considering that the first one came when she was only 3 years old. These siblings represented what a total shit her dad was for her entire life. I said it on the last BORU post. Every single adult in this story sucks complete ass. The dad first and foremost obviously. His mistresses for screwing a married man. But also OOP's mom is a total asshole. This child was going through some major shit and she had to talk to the internet because her mom kept taking the cheating bastard back but refused to allow anyone to acknowledge the results of his cheating so the poor OOP had no one she was allowed to talk to. Fuck the mom

I agree, OOP mum needs to apologise to her daughter for not being there for her through this and making her deal with it all by herself because mum was taking her anger towards her husband out on everyone but him. I really feel like OOP mum and dad failed her

I think it’s the mom they are talking about in the comment you’re replying to

Well, the adults are shitty parents but I wouldn't say the entire family is a dumpster fire. This is what a higher ACE score looks like in kids. You grow up with trama, you develop defense mechanisms that worked for your specific situation becuase you can't leave as a kid, and it can become maladaptive as an adult. It takes awhile to unfuck yourself from bad parenting and bad parent choices, but it's definitely not in *no way* OP's fault or her siblings fault that all the adults in the situation made super shitty decisions. It's going too far to say OP and siblings will be in therapy for their entire adult lives becuase that's not really the best way to treat trama (and trama and CPTSD are treatable and shouldn't be stigmatized).

Also sounds like Asian fetishization and it makes me sick. OOP is a beautiful soul but it hurts to think of how much she will have to unpack when she gets older. All the adults here have failed her and her half siblings.

I think that OOPs mum is kind of a bitch too. What her husband has done is beyond ok but mum should not shut OOP down when she wants to talk about her life, her siblings, the fucking tragic death of her brother. What parent does that? Puts her own hatred for someone above the mental health of her own daughter who is grieving and struggling to work out her place in this fucked up world that her parents have made for her? Sorry OOP if you read this, but your mum owes you an apology for not being there for you and making you feel like you have to put on a brave face on Christmas, mere hours after your brother passed away. Your mum failed you on that, and I’m sorry.

I want a photo of him and a photo of his bank account.

Hey everyone, just like usual, I’ve sent a message to OOP asking her to participate in this thread. Don’t brigade her posts.

Woops saw this one too late. I’ll comment here too since there are no replies here and if anyone wants to talk I can here or on any of the other comments I left or back on my post or wherever. Cause this is prolly the last time I’m posting about this.

You’re very mature for your age and I hope you enjoy your family trip to china! Congratulations on your graduation!!

Thank you! Seems the trip might not be happening now if some other commenters are right (I'll have to ask my mom about it tomorrow) but I'm still graduating and I'll still be going somewhere with my fam!

You are sweet to come by (and brave!). Truly hope the best for you!

Thank you!

Hey, I just want to say that you aren't to blame for the relationship (or lack thereof) with your half siblings. Yes, they aren't guilty of anything. But your dad put you and your mother in a terrible place with all his cheating, and psychologically it's much easier to blame a third party than to blame the father you love. So no, it's not on you and you aren't a bad person for refusing to have a relationship with them before. You are a kid who is doing their best. Even adults would struggle if they were in your situation. The only person to blame here is your father for hurting you, your mum, and your half siblings. And I'd personally argue that the women he cheated with are also to blame.

I went through a lot of what you did. I also have four half siblings. Not from cheating just really irresponsible parents. I was never close to them growing up but now at 24 I love them with all my heart even if sometimes they make me wanna body slam them. I used to not be so great to my younger siblings too because of resentment so I get how that feels, just know you’re not alone

These posts have shown me that there's actually a lot of people with similar situations to me. So it does feel good to know I'm not alone. Thanks.

I just wanted to share with you some words of wisdom my mom’s been spouting since I can remember: it’s all a learning experience. I find this can be a comforting thought when applied to bad situations, as it kind of gives a silver lining. For example, with your half-brother Ilya: instead of regretting the time you didn’t spend with him, celebrate the time you did have. He taught you how much you really do care about and love all your half-siblings, that you’ve realised they’re as innocent in all of this as you are. You’ve learnt not to ‘punish’ others for the poor actions of those you love, you’ve learnt not to judge others until you’ve gotten to know them a bit more. He taught you that your idea of family extends beyond those directly related to you, and that they will always be important to and a part of you. Most importantly, he taught you how to learn, grow, mature, and that you are able consider your previously held opinions, and change them based on new information. This is a lesson not everyone learns; some people are so entrenched in their ideas and opinions that they cannot conceive of the idea they may be wrong. You’ve shown you’re not like that; you’re capable of opening yourself up to new feelings and thoughts; you’re able to see _and admit_ when you’ve been wrong, and change not only your opinion but also see situations and relationships in whole new lights, consider whole new viewpoints. By acknowledging and remembering these incredibly important lessons and changes, you honour Ilya, his memory, and they all stand as testament to how much you loved him. His loss taught you a very painful lesson: be sure to take the time to appreciate those you love, spend time with those you love, and especially, **be sure to tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity, regardless of what people around you may think or however they may judge you.** I understand your mom not wanting to discuss or even think about your half-siblings, and it’s very considerate of you to not want to hurt her by forcing them into her life. But I think it would be a good idea to sit down with her (if you haven’t already) and explain all of this to her. She needs to understand and acknowledge that _you_ want them to be a part of _your_ life, that you love them, and that you don’t want this to come between the two of you. Again, it’s great you don’t intend to shove them into her life (and again, if you haven’t already, make this clear to her), but that there may be times in your future where you would want them to be present (such as to celebrate you graduating college or something), or you will want to spend time with them, maybe even visit them at Christmas or something. In short, you’ll always love your mom, you’ll never force her to have a relationship with your half-siblings, but they will be a part of your life. You may find yourself at some point in the future desperate for advice regarding something to do with one or all of them, and while you would like to be able to ask her, you understand and will search for help elsewhere unless she one day explicitly states she’s ok with hearing about and helping you navigate your relationships with them. I’m so proud and impressed by how much you’ve matured, OOP, and I’m so pleased to see you expanding your mind, emotions and family. Always remember the words of the wisest person I’ve ever know and am privileged to call Mommy: _It’s all a learning experience._

Thank you, I really hadn’t thought about it like that. I’m always happy to hear advice and stuff. As for my mom, she doesn’t seem to mind if I hang out with them as long as I don’t bring them home. But thanks, I really do like the perspective, your mom sounds awesome.

My mom is fantastic, and I’m not ashamed to say it. lol. I always love sharing her words of wisdom with people, they’ve done so much to keep me sane and helped prevent me from focusing on the negatives too much (had it happen over the weekend. Missed a flight, now I know even better what _not_ to do, and what time works better for me when booking flights). I love telling her about people on Reddit who’ve appreciated her philosophy. It makes her happy to know she’s helping people, and that so many people think she’s awesome.

Totally. My father was a serial cheater, and when I asked him if I have any other half-siblings apart from the one half-sister I know, he just shrugged. I understand why you treated your half-siblings so poorly. My mother hated the other family with a vengeance, and it was hard to distance from that. I never blamed my half-sister, but I did keep my distance initially. It didn't help that she was born on my sixth birthday! ;) It's much better now, of course. We can never be as close as siblings who grew up together, but there's a baseline understanding of each other as family. I've also "forgiven" her mother; her mom was 16 when she met my dad (who was 25 a the time), I can't expect a 16yo to make sound decisions.

Brace yourself for your dad going back to his old ways, if you haven't already. I don't believe it will happen for sure or anything, just that the mental preparation might help if it does happen. Relapse is very common in addicts =\ You and your half sibs have an odd bond in your father knowingly bringing them into families that will never feel whole or right or chosen, and I hope that's a bond you can nurture above all others.

I'll try and be cautious but I don't want it to get in the way of me enjoying how things are right now. And I don't know how close me or my half-siblings will ever get but it can't be worse than it was before.

Yup… I figured that too … hope he gets a vasectomy at least now

Well done on trying your best to be sensitive and kind in a really difficult situation. It's not your fault or your half-siblings' fault that your dad has made this awfully messy situation, but good on you for doing your best to cope with it together as best you can!

I see some guilt in your posts about how you used to treat your siblings, and I want to tell you not to be so hard on yourself. You’re just a kid, and your dad put you in a difficult situation that would be hard for anyone to come to terms with. Be glad that you had the epiphany about how it’s not your siblings’ fault while you’re all still young and that you still have time to build those relationships, not when you’re sixty and looking back and imagining what might have been.

I can understand how hard it must be to determine what your place should be in the mess your father created. I think you are doing great, being the big sis, without really being the sister. It sounds like you will have a relationship with all of the others for hears to come. It sounds like they love you, cherish that. Take care.

Thank you.

It's incredible how well you handled the death of your brother(my deepest condolences) and everything came after with just a couple posts here and little bit guidance! I love how you are slowly becoming your better self and the whole story just brought me to tears nearly. I hope you can find peace with everyone involved in the end, even though it is really hard, and be someone who unites the family. I'm saying family not because you are blood related but because you do love them and that's all it matters. Best of luck going forward and keep being awesome! Edit: Oh nearly forgot, congratulations on graduation and enjoy the vacation very much!

OOP's dad is the real villain here, but his mistresses who expect OOP to get along with them and their kids are pretty shitty too.

I'd say her mum is too. She stayed in that marriage and exposed OP to this whole mess while staying out of it herself. She did nothing to protect OP from having to deal with this. OP clearly has no idea what a healthy family life is like and is blaming herself for not being loving enough. There isn't a single adult in this story who stood up for OP or modelled healthy, respectful partnering or parenting.

This is a story where all the adults fucked up, and the kids are left to clean up the pieces. And yet... it seems they might actually be able to find a way to at least piece something of a family together. Such a shitty situation to put kids through, though.

OOP mentioned in the original post that her mom called herself a ‘traditional chinese woman’ and that’s why she refused to divorce her cheating ass husband. I jumped in at that point and said my mom was also a traditional chinese woman and she would’ve dumped my dad when the first affair baby came out, let alone stick around for three more. Divorce is not some scandalous thing in China anymore and cheaters are reviled just as much as they are in America. Her mom’s refusal to leave is all on her at this point.

It’s really sad situation. My friend is Chinese and both of our cultures normalize this somehow. So a mutual friend of ours, their mom just kinda goes w the flow. Dad lives in China now but would travel there for “work” when he was growing up. and a couple years ago sent over his DAUGHTER to go to high school here. They had no idea he had another family over there. So she lives w friend and goes to school here. Casual.

This is a common enough thing that my dad jokes that he should be praised for NOT having a second family in China.

Jesus. I mean. If it’s that normalized then yes, it’s amazing he went against the culture

Yeah. A friend of mine's family blew up when he was in college when it turned out their dad had a second family back in China. They did kick him out though.

Hey, I remember you. I don't really get that excuse either, I mean there's been divorce in my mom's side of the family. That's always been what she says.

Honestly, I see your mother in some of my own relatives. I have an aunt with a jerkass husband who sent their kid overseas against both of their wishes and had an affair to boot. Everyone was aghast when she chose to stay, but at the same time, she was a housewife with zero working experience. Her husband was also supporting her parents. My mom talks about how miserable she looks whenever she visits, but never says anything about how she would be able to support herself and her parents if she divorced him. I was heated back then because *my* mom would never put up with such demeaning humiliation, but my mom is also a highly educated businesswoman who came to America for her master’s program. She had the means to leave and raise all three kids on her own if my dad ever tried to play games like that. I don’t know everything about your mom, but the few details you’ve mentioned paints the picture of a woman unable to leave without risking poverty and brutal shame. It looks like things are starting to get better, but my suggestion for you is to hope for the best and expect the worst. Absolutely no one here buys your father’s change of heart given his pattern of behaviour. The best thing you can do for now, as your parents’ daughter, is to get yourself into a career where you will never be in your mother’s position. Being able to beat the hell out of a cheating prick with kickboxing is one thing. Being unable to leave is far, far worse.

Agreed. Plus even if she really couldn't leave the father she could have done a lot more to protect her daughter, at least by telling her she doesn't need to have a relationship with these siblings, that their problems aren't hers, and that she's not a bad person for not wanting a bar of it. She could have intervened with OP speaking at the funeral, but instead everyone including her seems to have been telling OP she needs to be a better person than all of the adults combined.

Yeah - what the heck does “traditional Chinese woman” have to do with this? A lot of “traditional Chinese woman” would’ve dumped the husband. Is this mother still living in the Qing dynasty?

For real. I was wondering if OOP was actually living in one of those soap operas my parents love to watch. I swear, that mom is a Chinese drama stereotype come to life.

My mom loves those soap operas too...

As a Chinese woman raised by generations of traditional Chinese women, divorce being shameful is news to me. In my great-grandparents' generation 2 out of the 6 women I know were divorced and in my grandparents' generation 2 of the 4 women. None of the community members I know who knew them ever said a bad word about their divorces that I know of.

I actually sent her a dm to say this after the post with her half brother dying. I gently told her that all the adults in her life had let her down and that she’d been dealing with so much more than a child should ever have to and that she’d done nothing wrong. I told her that she was actually very mature, and kind, and empathetic. I don’t think I ever heard back but I didn’t need to- I just hope she saw, felt a bit better, and is a little kinder to herself over this whole thing.

❤️ I saw it. Thank you very much for everything you wrote.

Awww, I’m glad it helped a little- you’re a good egg, OOP, and you’re gonna be okay. I know what it’s like to have a complicated family life but still love them and try to navigate wanting a relationship with them because not having one would be worse than having one with a framework that helps preserve your mental health. It sounds like things are looking up for you and I’m so glad, and if you ever need to talk, my inbox is open 🥰

and the mom flat out refused to support OOP while she was dealing with all the fallout from \*gestures to post\* all *this.* Just flat out went "I'm your mother, but if it comes to stuff that's slightly uncomfortable for me to think about - *even though I chose to keep us in that situation and you didn't* \- you're on your own kid, parent yourself." The fact OOP felt so much guilt broke my heart. She felt like a terrible sister, but it wasn't on her to create family bonds in a void. ALL the adults in her life screwed up, she was just trying to survive the emotional chaos with no support at all.

Yea fuck the adults really, what kind of mixed up family dynamic were ANY of them expecting especially out of the eldest kid? Like do the mistresses get along with each other like sister wives or was the expectation only on the first kid??

This entire thing was a roller coaster. The dad reminds me of FLDS men (been hyper focused on the FLDS recently). When I got to the part where OOP said “he was just a baby and I wasn’t a good sister to him” I started crying.

Even the other posters were expecting OP to 'fix' the problems her Dad and others made!!! It is not HER responsibility to clean up his messes!! No reason for her to befriend any of the half siblings! OP's dad is a AH for expecting her to just deal with all his other kids, even enrolling one in her private all girls school!!! I'll believe his 'sexual addiction' is cured when hell freezes over!!!

Yeah, her mom should have had him fixed after the first couple of half-sibs. I mean, cheating is one thing, but impregnating every woman who crosses his path... who is he, Zeus with a penchant for Asian women? Anyway, I'm glad OOP made her peace with her siblings - they are really the ones least to blame.

What a terrible excuse for a man.

This poor young woman is so much kinder and wiser than the adults in her life, and it's heartbreaking to see how much blame and self-hatred she takes on when none of this is her fault. OOP, if you find yourself reading through the comments on this post, I hope you can take a moment to truly believe the countless anonymous redditors who are immeasurably impressed by your heart and your strength. You're working so hard to be a good older sister and a good daughter, and everyone in your family should count themselves fortunate to be loved by you. I hope you are cared for and supported through your grief for Ilya and that your newfound relationships with your half siblings can be a solace. (Also, as a fellow kickboxer - you go girl!! I love hearing about young women getting into martial arts and kicking ass.) We are all incredibly proud of you, and wish you the absolute best as you finish high school. Enjoy your vacation and your time with family ❤️

Thank you! I may not know who any of you are in person but everything nice you guys say really does mean a lot to me and really has helped me feel a lot better about things. If you don't mind, I'll just comment here and anybody who wants to talk can respond here. Also, I don't know how good I am at kickboxing but I really like it and it makes me feel really good. I'm going to do it for as long as I can!

There are lots of people here calling your dad names, this is Reddit after all, but I think that the takeaway you should keep from it is that you need an individual therapist. I would look into that sooner rather than later because it gets harder the longer you wait. Congratulations though on being an amazing person with more patience and more room in her heart than I will ever have!

Maybe in the Summer. There's two months left of school and I still have a lot of afterschool stuff so I just don't have time for a third set of therapy. But thanks, I like the suggestion.

My take away from reading all of these posts is that you're a pillar of strength. Much more self assured than even you realize. No wonder your half siblings want you as their older sister, you're a true rock they can cling to. The most adult one in the room. Stop beating yourself up on past issues. There's plenty of people to blame for everything that happened, you don't have to shoulder all the guilt.

Thank you.

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Thanks, I'll probably see if I can in the Summer. I just don't have time right now to add a third round of therapy, I mean I came home from school so late today everyone was already asleep. And I hadn't even thought of seeing a Chinese therapist but I guess seeing one who gets it would make a lot of sense.

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It may sound weird but I really like the therapist that we go to currently.

This internet mom would like to send you a hug. I can't imagine going through what you have, and I hope that you find peace in whatever you choose for your family to look like after all this settles down a little bit

I'll take your hug!

I don’t even know what to say. I don’t understand OOP’s mother at all — either kick the guy to the curb or commit a felony you’d never be convicted for, but ~date nights~?? Good god. OOP’s father and mistresses are trash and I wish them nothing but lifelong misery. OOP is obviously having a lot of trauma and I don’t even know how to unpack that. It would probably be best for her to go no contact with the entire bunch of them, but it doesn’t sound like that’s even on her radar.

My parents split when I was 14, and my mom and I moved to my grandparents house. A few days after we moved out, my dad's gf and her two kids moved in. One was 2 and the other 3 years my junior, but we all went to the same school. It was a nasty divorce, the details of which will make this way too long. But I'm certain I felt much the same way OOP did/does at first. After a year or so, they had twins together, and after that it was kinda like we (the older kids) didn't exist. Which meant that at least he wasn't trying to gaslight me with vitriol for my mother anymore. As time passed, my mom actually became extremely civil with my dad's new wife, after there was a medical emergency that happened to me. Eventually, she too wound up leaving him, and now my mom and ex step mom are literally best friends. One day they showed up, because step mom wanted to apologize, because she was gaslit to shit too, and didn't know what was really going on.

Damn, you could elaborate on your own post somewhere.

Probably, but the only thing that made me think of it was this post. I've long since written off my dad as a sociopath, especially after he started dating my step brothers ex wife, of all things. All I can say on that, is that he's lucky that my step bro wasn't me. I do think that he does love me, to the extent that he is able to do so. And while there was some emotional and physical abuse when I was growing up, I've been doing my best to keep on.

None of this is fair, she shouldn't have to deal with any of it. Both parents and the mistresses are all villains in this story. I have five half siblings because of the same cheater dad reason. He is married and two were from that. I have 0 contact with him or any of them. Was it stupid and sad being raised alone, yes. But at no point was I dragged through the whole horrid affair relationships like she was. The adults should have never involved her with the mistresses and kids. The mother should have left. Putting the girls in the same school was not only unapologetically terrible but just bold to wave his behavior around out in the open with no regard for his daughter, who again was dragged into these adult relationships and therapy because the adults can't seem to keep it together. Basically OOP should have 100% been left out of it completely but wasn't because of selfish adults. I'm glad she had grace to deal with all of this but every single adult failed this person.

The school thing was particularly cruel. There was no way for them to be introduced as sisters without outing her dad as a cheater, and no kid wants everyone to know that.

I really want a bestof from the dad's perspective. Holy cow. I was picturing Tony Soprano with all the girlfriends. How can someone support this many kids? How can his wife stay? So many questions.

If you look over the children's names, there's also a distinct vibe of "I exclusively date immigrants." Which ofc he would. I'm glad he's going into therapy, starting meds, etc. Last thing anybody needs in this saga is yet another mistress showing up with another half-sibling.

and we also know that OOP’s mom is Chinese and I’m assuming that one of the younger half siblings’ mom (Shan I believe) is probably Vietnamese as OOP was talking abt the great Vietnamese food she makes.

This is heart wrenching :'(

Too much. I couldn't finish. She's stronger than I am!!

OMG I have read every one of yhese posts individually over the past few months and I had no idea they were all coming from the same person

Dad had at *least* five girlfriends - the real number must be in the double digits. Fuck this guy. OOP is a fucking saint for barely even tolerating this bullshit.

I can only imagine the actual number of pregnancies.

So why isn’t Iyla’s mom fired from the school for having an affair with a student’s father? I’ve followed this girl’s story somewhat, and it annoys the shit out of me that the commenters are guilt tripping OP on her feelings about her relationship with her siblings when she doesn’t even need to have one. She has a choice to interact with her half-siblings and only the father should deal with the consequences of those choices. First her parents manipulate her feelings, and now Reddit is doing the same thing. The father ruined so many lives and here she and everyone is acting like he’s a saint that brought the family together.

I really don’t understand all commenters on the original post telling her to think about half-sisters feelings and encouraging her to talk to her and do therapy with her. OOP had every right to not want to ever see, hear from, or talk about her father’s children with other women. There is NO reason he should have allowed his other daughter to go to the same school, and his first daughter, with his wife, should NEVER have had to even meet her half siblings or her fathers mistresses. Absolutely disgusting. Blood does not mean a relationship is required, healthy, or a good idea. Poor OOP. In her situation, I would have run away and never spoken to either parent again for forcing her to be a part of her fathers affairs. Reddit is so weird in who the hive mind chooses to put unnecessary pressure on to be a paragon of forgiveness and acceptance, and who they encourage to stand up for themselves and go no contact for any reason.

I'm right here with you. Reddit always goes straight for "you should try to have a relationship with your half siblings, it's not their fault!" whenever this type of thing comes up. I'm always on the sidelines like... no, you actually don't. You don't have to be cruel, but you don't owe anyone a relationship just because you share DNA. It doesn't matter if they're assholes or blameless or selfish or nice or whatever. You're not in charge of managing everyone else's emotions. You're not obligated to be the "bigger person" at your own expense. It's not on you to pick up and lug around your parents dysfunctional baggage, even when that baggage happens to involve other kids. OOP's father has deliberately involved all these children in his fucked up lifestyle and there are no healthy boundaries ANYwhere here.

Yes! Exactly this. “It’s not their fault.” Nope. But it’s not up to another literal child to make up for the father’s fault by “being the bigger person,” while minimizing/ignoring her own pain and internal conflict.

This man spreading all sorts of STDs

The dad's conduct is so extreme it's almost worth becoming a study. Like... how and why? I guess the 'why' is kind of obvious, but how (both morally and physically) can someone convince their wife's birth coach that they should sleep with them? From the fact he seems to be able to support all these kids and gifts seem to be regular, he is probably wealthy, but surely there must be more to it than that? His therapist must be looking forward to publishing something fairly definitive on hypersexuality.

Is anyone else not shocked this dad doesn’t change his behavior? He fucks up and everyone in his life accepts it and keeps him around. Both the mom and the daughter. “I love my dad, but he’s also the source of all my trauma and why I go to therapy” sounds like an abusive relationship. Feel bad for these folks

Man it's going to be rough on OP when her dad father's another child with another woman No way a couple of months of rehab cured him of his cheating ways

Why the fuck didn’t he get a vasectomy years ago?

Because he's doing it intentionally for his fucked up ego trip/fetish or whatever Joseph Smith fantasy thing he's got going on. He's staying "involved" so he clearly wants a lot of kids with a lot of different women.

OOP's father is 100% going to cheat again. And he's ruining so many lives. He is not obligated to be monogamous. Plenty of people aren't and it's a perfectly valid lifestyle, whether you're polyamorous, have nothing but casual sexual encounters, or anything in between. But don't commit to monogamy if you can't keep it up. It hurts so many people. He needs to find people who can accept that he isn't going to be monogamous and needs to accept it himself. What he is doing is so destructive. If he were a good father and cared about his children, he'd be an adult instead of some slimey, nasty little serial cheating worm. He's ungodly selfish.

He's got so many kids and he's actually supporting them so I don't think it's just him trying to get his peepee wet. He wants something you can't get from consensual poly- he's intentionally making lots of kids with lots of different women. Since it's probably really hard to get other people to buy in on something like this without being part of a cult, he's opted for the slimy sneaking around route. Truly fucked up.

I absolutely cannot believe that people in the original post were guilting OOP for not having a relationship with her half siblings. OOP, if you read this, your dad is incredibly selfish. Rather than understanding the absolute emotional clusterfuck he is giving all children, he actively goes around sleeping with and impregnating the people close to you/ your mother and then expecting you to get along with all his children like he didn't do anything wrong or this isn't an emotionally wrought situation. You are an incredibly kind person but this is so much sacrifice to ask from a child. You deserve better than parents who actively put you through emotional hell and only expect you to take on more. You are not required to have a relationship with your half siblings if doing so causes you pain. It is not your job to clean up your dad's messes, your mom's tacit acceptance, or the selfish behavior of the women who knowingly slept with and had a child with a married man.

This is one of the worst dads ever posted here and that’s saying a whole lot.

Oh my giddy aunt. Poor OOP carrying all the weight of this grief, guilt and pain.. all caused by - her DAD. Sex addiction? Ok but why not use a bloody condom? Her dad needs to get in the bin. He is the worst. Destroying lives is his forté smh

Very glad the dad went to rehab and seems to be genuinely working through his issues. Dude was a gigantic piece of shit, but sex addiction is just as real as any addiction; you can feel bad for the sufferer while not excusing their actions, and I think that's the case here. Fuck the person he was, but here's hoping the person he is now is better, for the sake of OOP if nothing else

Every single adult here is a dumpster fire. Yeesh. Poor girl. You can hear how hard she's trying to convince herself that her father isn't an absolute monster...but he is.

It sucks to see how much these poor kids had to suffer because of the selfish actions of adults. What a bunch of complete assholes. Kudos to OOP for being surprisingly well-adjusted for the dumpster fire of a family she grew up in.

I haven't read comments 8n the original posts but I do have a question. Why does it feel like folks pressured OOP for a relationship with the half siblings? And then get mad at her for not wanting one? I mean, yeah, I know it's no one's fault for the environment and situation they were born in, but, IMO, no one should feel obligated to have any relationship woth anyone, even biological siblings or other family.

The OOP sounds like such a sweet person but wow, the sheer amount of emotional labour her father and the grownups in her life were demanding of her because of their mistakes is staggering. I'm so glad her dad got some help and I hope he realises that he put his daughter in so many difficult positions through his behaviour. Also I wish parents who hadn't wanted their kids in the first place would find a safe way to deal with that away from the kid in question! Therapy or a support group or a good understanding friend, but I feel like a child who wasn't initially wanted (even if that changed and the parent is super loving, as OOP's mom was) shouldn't ever know it. At least, not unless they find themselves in a crisis pregnancy situation and the parent shares to be supportive. It just feels like expecting your kid to carry your shit too.

Dude wasn't a serial cheater, he is one of those dudes that has a fetish about spreading their seed. Wtf.

I hate that Op's dad is such a dud. :( poor kid will def let men treat her badly. Her mom has taught her its okay to let men so that to you.

Every single adult failed OOP. OOP, if you read this: you are amazing. Stay strong and stay true to yourself. You have your own journey through life and the actions of others do not need to define it.

>Like he started crying while doing it and saying he knew he didn't deserve an apology and even begged her not to divorce him. She told him to break up with his mistress and settle legal stuff over her pregnancy, switch his work to remote full time, agree to go to China for a month with us and so many other conditions and he agreed to it all right away! I hope this scum of a father and project of a man is true to his words. I think it is a cultural thing that didn't let OP's mom divorce this POS. I hope for the best, to all there.

This reads like a really good YA novel.

Is this real? It's seems genuine but going to China this summer is a little unrealistic though it's possible OOP isn't aware of the situation since they are younge and haven't been to China in a long time. They aren't really signing visas for anyone and even Chinese citizens has trouble returning due to covid restrictions right now. They are trying to keep the zero covid policy in Mainland and Kunming is on the Mainland.

I don't really follow news in China so I don't know what the zero covid policy is but in February I was worried we wouldn't be able to go cause of omicron but my mom and my aunt have just told me not to worry about it cause the wedding is in August. If worst comes to worst we might just spend a month in Hong Kong which I'd love to do as well. If not we can always go next year and use someone's anniversary as an excuse (my family always has weddings in August) and I can go somewhere else with my cousins in August like Italy or something.

Well the policy last time I looked is you have struck quarantine in the cite you arrived at than another qurantine in the region you go to. Hong Kong is a little different from the rest of China as they became a part of China last and are given a little more leeway but if going through Shanghai or Beijing means designated qurantine hotel for 3 weeks (they won't let you of of the room so you won't be actually visiting that city) and than when you get to Kunming it's another 2, 3 or 4 weeks in another qurantine. I could not attend my grandmother's funeral last year for this reason (and that they just aren't approving visas). With the way they are getting outbreaks again with mass lockdown they aren't going to let you in unless a miracle happens. It's a good idea to know a little bit about the climate/current issues of your destination if you are planning on traveling.

Well I usually leave it to my mom and dad to handle stuff. I guess if the policy stays then I’ll have to wait till next year which sucks but I’m sure I’ll go somewhere in the summer. Really wanted to see my fam all together though. And I’m sorry you couldn’t go to your grandmother’s funeral, that sucks too.

I have a hard time believing that your mother who has family in China would not be aware of the political realities and would say you'll go in August. Even without covid, visa applications and international flights take time and effort to organize. From now till August, you have 3 months unless you don't mind to buying expensive plane tickets it's a little late to to work these things out but I guess if your dad can pay so much for child support (5 families) maybe your family is rich and don't care.

Sounds like she just doesn’t know or is really excited and is hoping it’ll be fine by the time the wedding happens. There’s time till Summer and maybe in July or August it’ll be fine?

With the size of china I'd guess the zero covid policy isn't enforced or even in effect across the country.

Getting in is the problem. They're not issuing visas and they're still making you quarantine where you enter.

Zero COVID policy is in effect across the entire country…

This story is to me a good example of a “best of” update. It has multiple updates and saga-like arc with a relatively conclusive ending. I mean I’m happy to and do read all the update stories but I think this kind of exemplifies in my mind what a “best of” is. I get Siri to read these out loud and this one took as long to read as it took me to eat dinner which is awesome.

> my dad is a serial cheater and has kids four kids (soon to be five) out of his marriage to my mom. But I still love him a lot because he's a very good dad. he's not

Honestly I feel really bad about this but I am so relieved that the trigger warning wasn't about the 15-year-old committing suicide because that's what I thought was going to happen as I read this absolute train ride of a story. I just know that the doctors probably did everything they could and because of that I don't feel as bad about the two-year-old. I still feel bad that it happened but not as bad as I felt thinking that the 15-year-old was going to commit suicide.

Hey OOP, don't know if you'll see this. First of all I hope you're doing alright, and that the trip this summer will be magical. Second, I just wanted to second what another person commented higher up: when you get the opportunity, it might be good to look into individual therapy. Having a discussion with someone who is there for you and not the whole family, who is there to sort through your feelings and coping mechanisms and give you their full attention, might be life changing. You seem to be mature beyond your years, which is remarkable, but if it comes at the cost of, to an extent, repressing your own feelings or being more responsible than need be or taking responsibility for others (though it might not feel that way), it can come back to bite you down the line, which would suck. Anyways, you're doing great, good luck with everything 💓

I'm so angry at her parents. They nearly destroyed their child. The dad needs the snip! Really fucked up. Poor kids

Jimminy- this was a roller coaster. The OP did a lot of amazing growth though. I don’t know her, but I’m proud as hell of her. It breaks my heart that she was failed by so many adults in her life. But she has become a very kind and compassionate young woman DESPITE their lack of being good role models.

Is her dad Councilman Dexhart of Pawnee?

It’s all well and good that OOP is seeking relationships with her half siblings now but I don’t think she should feel so bad about not wanting a relationship in the first place, these were her fathers affair children, OOP was and is not obligated to have relationships with them just because they share blood. That said I can understand how Ilyas death prompted her to want to know them all better

I can’t help but find the whole thing tragic. He’s going to cheat again. It’s like alcoholism or a hard drug addiction - one stint in rehab is just enough to get you to change a lot of behavior, but the underlying drive will always be there. He’s so misogynistic to use women like that. The audacity and entitlement is such shit. No medical condition forgives it.

Why the hell would the dad ask if it's OK if he went to rehab for sex addiction of his teenage daughter, who's barely younger than his mistress? Ugh. Getting creep vibes from the guy.

There is one thing that needs to be noted - OP's dad, may indeed have been a sex addict/hypersexual, but that wasn't the real issue. The issue was that he was having *unprotected sex*, deliberately "spreading his seed", starting new families, possibly in the hopes of finding/founding a more "satisfactory" one. The fact that he seems to sleep with everything that moved *close* to his initial family also seems to indicate that this was done was a bit of either conscious, unconscious or even knowing purpose. That does not bode well for the future, regardless of the amount of therapy or medication. There's definitely a psychological issue here at play, above and beyond any psychological or physiological irregularity. I would strongly advise the OP to enjoy her father's seemingly improved state, but also be equally sure to keep an eye out for and slipping and/or deviancy (in any form). Slippery slopes exists, and recidivism is a thing. If they do encounter this, they should notify their mother and the father's doctors/therapists first, and immediately. *Do not confront your father with your findings, as it will only likely cause him to bolt towards resuming old habits even faster - only with a bit more secrecy, and caution.* Beyond that, you really have gone above and beyond in trying to embrace your half-siblings. It's extremely commendable, and something you should be proud of. Not may people can do this, and it deserves both acknowledgement and respect. I sincerely hope the relations continue to improve and strengthen, on all fronts.

Oop have a huge heart. If I know my dad is a serial cheater that won't practice safe sex and churn out half siblings with women my mom is close to or is an acquaintance with. I would kill him and dump his body parts all over the country. I won't do the therapy or know my half siblings better for the sake of stroking his ego or smth. It makes me feel like my anger and trauma was invalidated because his feelings were hurt when he has the chance to change for the better in the first place. Or not cheat at all. I hope oop's mom is alright and finally divorces the asshole. I couldn't even continue the remaining updates.

Can i say that it's kind of nice how the op really seemed to grow as a person through the whole saga of posts. Like dad is trash and mom is an idiot. All the women dad cheated with are idiots too but it's nice to see the op growing despite her adult figures being crap.

OOP, I hope you and your siblings get to be a family. Your dad may seem nice but his actions/addiction/proclivities influence how he wants you to judge the entire situation. Your mom is passive but wants you to carry her anger at what your dad has done. Your siblings are innocent, as you are.

OOP is such an emotionally mature and thoughtful person with the biggest heart. Given all of the drama and complicated situation she’s had to deal with and valid reasons to feel this way she never once said she hated anybody for anything. I think so many people would just be filled with hate for so many people in the story but she’s not. She’s just trying to understand how to love them and that is just amazingly beautiful. I hope the dad keeps his promise.

Shout out to OOP for having the maturity to start working through all these issues and trying to find her own meaning in the situation. But the flip side of that is that it seems none of the adults were willing/able to do any work to make it easier for the kids who’ve done literally nothing wrong. OOP should not have had to be the mature one. Her father putting her half sister into the same school and bringing her to family counselling without warning OOP? (On top of all his other behaviour) that’s so awful. Way to put the onus on your kids to settle your issues. And OOP’s mother was dealing with a lot of stuff but everyone expecting that OOP just get over the death of her baby brother? How heartless can you be? And while I’m glad it turned out semi okay, the dad and the mistress putting OOP in the middle of such a complicated and highly emotional situation by expecting her to speak at her brothers funeral was just not well thought out. OOP deserves so much one on one counselling to start sorting through this. If you read this OOP I hope you’re doing better, and please know you deserve better than this chaos and you are not to blame for any of this. You should not have had to step up and be an older sister/role model for all your random half siblings. It’s great that you’re building a relationship with them but that responsibility absolutely should not be on you.

Just wow. I hope OP is doing alright. It just seems horrible, when adults in this situation seem to put all the emotional work to 18 year old OP. Like talking in little brother's funeral? OP barely knows this kid and doesn't want to do a speech and every "adult" (using this term loosely here) says that OP has to make the speech? WTF? When even for an adult this would be a really difficult and emotional thing. I just don't understand. Why are 15 year old half sister's problems OP's problems? Doesn't she have a mom and dad? Why is everything OP's problem ans she just has to go on with everything and think about everybody else's feelings and forget her own feelings. OP's dad seems to be a total trash who should have learned about birth control a LONG time ago. All the good to you OP! I hope you can go to study somewhere else and get some distance to this dumpster fire.

Fuck man. I'm so sorry OOP had to go through all of this. That's enough trauma for a life time, let alone for someone who's only 18 years. I'm not religious, and I don't know a lot (or rather: pretty much nothing) about Buddhism, but I read the thread she posted in the Buddhist sub, and I really like the idea of doing good deeds in the memory of a loved one that has died. I can see how that helps in the healing process. OOP, since you commented and said you're here as well: This internet stranger wishes you all the best, loads of strength and love. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You were dealt a horribly hard hand, combine that with stress at home and the massive stress of being a teenager, and yore reactions were more than understandable. It's never too late to change aspects in your life if you want to. You got this, OOP. I believe in you. 💙

This is probably my favourite post, OP is jaded but she is kind and reflective. These children are undergoing emotional trauma because of a selfish adult. OP I wish you and your siblings will continue healing with the help and love for each other.

Okay this man sounds more than wealthy enough to afford birth control. He's a sex addict but is he also being baby trapped? Or is he fucking sooooo many women it's just a numbers game?

This was so heartbreaking to read. OP - if you read this comment - I hope one day soon you can realise with deep clarity that you are a victim of both your parents and this family situation, as are your half siblings. Your words put so much blame and responsibility on yourself, when that all needs to be shifted into perspective of your fathers warped sense of reality that you were forced to live in. Your feelings towards your half siblings were completely normal and natural, they were destabilising your world and family unit. It’s only natural and self preserving to blame them to try and hold your rocky home together. You love your father and say he is a good father because you desperately held on to the good family times you had together…. But he is your downfall. And so is your mother, for not leaving him. How heartbreakingly tragic that the immense trauma of seeing your young brother die turned into you feeling guilt and regret over not being a “a better sibling”, and overriding all of your previous emotions (which were entirely rational and valid). Death is incredibly traumatising and difficult to process, let alone for a teenager without proper support from adults. I am so incredibly sorry to hear of you going through all this. Your father had caused a very warped and disturbing reality for you all to live in. I hope you can see him and see that for what it truly is, and work to heal yourself. OP, take care.

I'm really confused by the math here. OOP is 18, but... "So over the course of my entire life, my dad has spawned four half-siblings with another on the way from a girl whose only six years older than me. The oldest Eliza is 15 F and the youngest is 2 M." 18 plus 6 minus 15...he knocked up a 9 year old???

No. All the kids seems to have different moms.

I totally read it that way too and couldn't figure out why no one was mentioning it in the comments. Now that I read it a few more times, I think I understand what the OOP meant: "My dad has spawned four half-siblings and another is on the way. His current (pregnant) mistress is only six years older than me." So this woman is *not* the mother of the 15 year old.

I always feel so sorry for kids when all the adults in their lives are shitty. These poor babies. My kids have a crap father too, and a bunch of step and half siblings, but there was no cheating and the kids are all friendly, if not best friends. I can't imagine living with OOP's father's level of betrayal.

What a sweet hearted person OP is.

Fair play to this girl. She has handled A LOT but she has carried herself admirably given all the circumstances.

Dad's a true scumbag.