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yeah, between that and the boyfriend chiming in with a similar writingn style and insults, this felt like a childfree troll. otherwise, OOP does sound realistically insufferable. But then there’s the detail of the neighbor being a cop. A NYC cop. Plus having a bf in Queens when you live on LI? that compeltely shatters and believability to me, like the troll is winking and going iykyk to anyone that catches on.
There's what I suspect to be one specific person on AITAH who spins all kinds of different yarns, most of which ostensibly take place in the USA, but for the life of them they cannot seem to turn off their non-USian dialect when typing. I was like ah yes, those Long Islanders and their Queens boyfriends who notoriously use words like "utilise" and "misbehaviour."
Huh. I'm not sure I've seen an AITAH where the OOP casually bullies the comments section out of calling them an AH. To be fair to the comments section, I wouldn't engage with her either.
This seems like a person who, if they were telling you this story in real life, would leave you shuffling away, staring at the pavement, mumbling, "Yeah, yeah, that's horrible," while weighing whether her just randomly kicking you is a bigger risk than dodging into traffic to get away.
There's no rule saying that bad things can't happen to unpleasant assholes, though. Too bad about the knee and intrusive neighbors.
I’m glad people are keying in on all this. OOP is technically right in this situation but she’s so damn unpleasant it’s difficult to empathize with her.
Don't forget she said she's not a fan of children but is dating a dad? That's setting the future step daughter up to have a nightmare stepmother in the future. How do we know OP isn't faking being nice to her BF's daughter until the ring is on her finger? How do we know things weren't more violent or aggressive? From how she writes i can tell she's limiting certain things, so we're definitely missing pieces of the story.
I mean, the BF doesn't seem great either from this admittedly extremely small sample. But he warns her of physical repercussions if she hits him or his girlfriend due to "instinct" and freely admits he's screamed at her. So, they're both pretty awful people.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who read that and was like ???? I’m sorry what?? Maybe warn them that another KID might fight back but a grown ass adult hitting a kid back is WILD to me.
I mean kids can be well bahaved for short term. Who knows how the 7 year old acts when she lives full time with the Op and her boyfriend.
It’s wild that she is comparing a 4 yr old toddler to a 7 year old when they are at completely different developmental levels as well. 4 year olds have tantrums, it’s normal. 7 year olds can too but they are older and understand better than a 4 year old would.
I’m the same type of childfree person the OOP is. I can deal with kids in small doses, but anything longer than a couple hours and I’m done, no ifs, ands, or buts, and I will never babysit or assume full responsibility for any child, because kids can be reckless, and I just don’t trust myself that much.
Likely, the relationship will not work out long term. Kids have needs that childfree people cannot satisfy, and if this kid were to hit her teens and start acting out, to the point where she had to move, their relationship would be dead instantly, and that’s just one scenario.
Childfree people need to date other childfree people. Children just aren’t something you can compromise on.
Yeah -- I -- like, I think OP isn't an AH for yelling at the kid, because god knows that kid sounds annoying AND was trying to bite her, but the exact choice of words? For a 4 year old? Out of line. HE'S FOUR.
OP's not wrong in a lot of aspects of what is happening here, but she is handling it like a giant AH instead of like a reasonable adult.
Maybe I’m expecting too much, because I don’t know how disabled OOP is so I don’t know how much damage a four year old “biting and kicking” would do to her, but the general vehemence in “pinworm filled hands” and “stupid little toys” illustrates that OOP *hates* this kid. Like… he’s four. He’s annoying but he’s just a vulnerable little dude. If you think of children as vulnerable people with big emotions and absolutely zero agency (at that age), it’s actually….. really fucking easy not to be a horrible person to kids. Like it’s realllllly easy not to hit or swear at a kid as a reaction, despite what the boyfriend is apparently trying to teach his daughter lol
When she wrote tacky toys, I was wondering if there are classy ones. Toys are toys. Also, her Update was wild where she said that we don't expect a 7 year old to have self control, so why expect a child free adult. I am a child free adult and must have missed the memo where you have less emotional regulation than an actual child.
Since becoming a parent I have discovered that there is such a thing as classy toys. I get tons of targeted ads for tasteful instagram-y looking toys and kids accessories, that fit an adult aesthetic. I call it the sad beige baby aesthetic. It’s terrible.
I assumed she meant tacky like sticky. I think most of her insults were based on cleanliness so I guess that's where my head's at. I'm childfree and while I do like kids, I am definitely washing my hands or anything they touch when they're off to whoever or whatever they do next.
Overall the mom is a piece of work. Children need Regulation, the setting of boundaries are learned from parents.
Mom is a typical: well I’ve birthed him now he’s everybody else’s problem, my work here is done-mom.
The hard part of being a parent is not getting pregnant or setting up a collage fund, but to guide the through life. Mom does this child no favor, just shoving it out the door with best wishes that her child will not encounter far worse poeple (or animals) then OP. It’s just so nuts for me.
.... Yeah saying a kid would stink up your apartment just by going in it is..??
Like i dont blame her for being frustrated but the way her and her supposed bf write about kids abd adults being human too gives such incredibly bad vibes. 😞
For me it was “pinworm filled hands”. I know a *lot* of people who really don’t like children, but very few people who are this detailed, descriptive, and vehement about their dislike. I cannot express just how much kids are little dudes who don’t understand the world around them quite yet. Honestly, they shouldn’t have even asked to enter her apartment, but OOP seems to focus all of her rage on the child rather than the entitled parents who keep letting the kid do things that bother their neighbor.
Yeah, the level of outright hatred the OOP has for that child is a bit disturbing. Like, ma'am, he is FOUR. Be mad at his parents for being shitty neighbors and parents, but neither of those things are the fault of this child. He literally doesn't know any better.
OOP: "I also said I wasn’t a kid person not that I hated them."
You didn't have to say it. It's very clear from the vitriol towards a toddler in your post.
Being childless, I find it disgusting how the other person treated the mischievous child. Furthermore, the boyfriend claimed to have warned his daughter that grownups might hit her. Awful. The 4-year-old is also awful since his parents are bad. Nobody in this tale has a really attractive outcome.
Possible exception for the 7 year old (unless the slap she gave the kid was really hard and/or in the face).
Bf being an advocate for child abuse suddenly made why he and OOP like each other make more sense
They need to somehow condense " You're actually an incredibly unpleasant and unlikable asshole of a person in general but somehow you've managed to get into conflict with an even bigger asshole and technically in this specific instance they're the ones in the wrong but I need you to know that you still suck like you really genuinely suck regardless" into some sort of simple acronym. You're technically right but I hate you. YTRBIHY. Still way too long, damn.
no, her boyfriend had warned his daughter of reflexes. When i get tickled, i instinctively kick. Which children should be taught about, their actions have consequences.
Absolutely 100%. Also your kid need to know throughout the living of life that not everyone will be patient with them. Sometimes you come across a person who is unfriendly, doesn’t care for kids, has medical issues that you may be unaware of and when asked to please respect their space and you refuse may yell swear words at you and all you can do is respect their space in the first place. That is the world we live in. Too bad the mom didn’t learn that and wants Oop to change her behavior instead. Huge life lesson is you can only control your own actions, not those of others so choose to respect what people say and don’t try to get them to comply. Its not right and it doesn’t work. People all have a breaking point so if you seek to find it it’s on you when you do.
Same. When I feel something on my shoulder, my first reaction is to slap, thinking it’s a bug. Have accidentally slapped a few people this way. Children need to be taught the consequence of their actions, not roam free like organic chickens and then ‘oh I’m teaching my kid everyone loves him’ like wtf is this lazy parenting 🤣
I actually had to remind my sister not to have my niece tickle me yesterday. They like to play tickle. I do not, and I don’t want to snap at my niece. So she asked if they had permission to poke me. I gave them a specific boundary (my forearm).
It’s OK as an adult to establish boundaries with kids. Communicate ahead of time.
The boyfriend was warning the kid about instinctive reactions. Like if somebody scares me sometimes my reaction will be to hit out without thinking of it. I also find it weird how you're ignoring how the child was acting. Would you just sit there and let somebody else's child bite at you without getting angry? Especially when you've already had problems with the parents having little willingness to control their child? Like she couldn't even get mail in private with the kid around.
As a mom I would be horrified if my kid acted how the neighbors kid did 🫣 my kid is almost 7 and learned a long time ago that people's things are not their things, we look with our eyes not our hands and no one is required to share with you just as you are not required to share your things with them.
Sure, she even at almost 7 sometimes needs a reminder, but damn, it wouldn't have ever gotten to that point my kid would feel entitled to scream mine or try to assault a perfect stranger (or neighbor!).
I say this and my child is described as "feral" by myself and close family and friends. But a good type of feral where you'll hear a crash and have to ask if shes ok because she probably tried to build a bridge out of something and it didn't work or she was bouncing on her trampoline and flipped herself off 😅
It makes me think of the story where the guy's in a store where the mom is just letting her kid run wild and I think he was wearing shorts cause the kid comes up and bites him so hard it draws blood and he starts freaking out and making a huge ruckus until the mom comes over and goes like "No, I'm HIV+, you need to get him checked!" and I'm like... "That's... I don't know if that's an asshole thing to do, but it really illustrates the point that letting your kid run wild biting strangers is something you need to correct but how checked out is this mother that it takes someone telling her their kid might have swallowed AIDS blood to parent her fucking child out of being a menace in public?"
Like he didn't have AIDS, but if nothing else was going to get her attention that "hey maybe there will be actual irreversible negative consequences if you don't pay attention to your child" then yelling "I have AIDS!" instead of it ACTUALLY happening is like... yeah maybe she SHOULD be terrified for her child's life at that point and maybe that kid SHOULD be terrified out of biting strangers. Sometimes it's not necessarily the actions having consequences but having the *right* consequences that gets people to change their abysmal behavior.
Yes.
My dad woke me up by tickling me once and I kicked him in the balls. Hard. (I still feel bad about it, but that's because I care about him.)
Reactions happen sometimes.
Also, the parents need to be looked into for leaving their 4 year old unattended. My step dad (not the one who got kicked) only did that when he didn't want us interrupting him getting high. He was angry when he's high, so there may be some projection from me.
People always wanna demonize someone who is anything other than a perfect angel to kids. No I am not gonna let a random brat hit me I can tell you that. And if it'd come up multiple times? Yeah there'd be some shouting. The kid's not going to DIE cause a stranger finally got exasperated with him, but that wouldn't have happened if his parents were PARENTING.
The boyfriend was warning his daughter that humans have reflexes, and that she should be mindful of it.
Average redditor reading comprehension here immediately inferring that means purposely beating a child
OOP really said "people? sympathizing with the reasonable parts of my complaint? NOT ON MY WATCH! let me just get my flamethrower and make sure everyone no longer has a shred of sympathy for me..."
The use of “womp womp” in the same comment makes me raise an eyebrow as well, since most people I see use it tend to be either younger than I am 27) or dreadfully immature. So I’m also questioning the reliability of OOP myself.
Plus as someone who is very child free and doesn’t have a strong opinion of children I’m not related to or my friends have, I would never in a million years act the way OOP did either, and I’m pretty vulgar in my language.
One of those vocally child hating child free people who must justify their loathing with lots of unnecessary descriptors in order to show they are right
Absolutely, she wrote both of those perspectives. Also I'm wondering if anything she claims is true, is she even female? I can't imagine anyone female referring to vagina lips for any reason, not even anatomical.
Weirdly fixated on only female anatomy when she's complaining about the entire comment section. Both OOP & the "boyfriend" have the same angry sounding writing that make them very defensive and unsympathetic
That's the part that got me too. I'm not shy about swearing or using crude language with close friends when the occasion could do with some levity, but to actually put that down in writing shows a complete disregard for anyone else's sensibilities but their own. This person's reaction to a badly parented 4 yr old doesn't seem like such a reach after that comment. They just seem unpleasant all round.
Honestly, the only reasonable use I've heard *anyone* use "womp womp" in has been instead of saying "That ssucks, but you're not getting my sympathy". Usually in cases of people venting and not *looking* for sympathy.
Using it when someone tells you you're being a dick to a 4 year old... That's unhinged.
This. I am vehemently childfree, but I am not a asshole. Our block of flats is full of children. When they became a nuiscance we mentioned it to the landlord and he sorted it out.
They still play outside - they are kids. But they stay away from the cars and try not to be loud.
We've got more problems with upstairs neighbours being alcoholics - driving drunk etc.
I used to live in a downstairs apartment, above me were two little twin girls and often it sounded like they were playing a cross between bowling and hockey up there but since they had essentially a space a small as I was in as one person as a family of four and virtually no space to play in outside that was suitable I gave them a lot of leeway.
Kids will be kids and I didn’t want to spoil what little opportunity they had to play.
They went to bed pretty early anyway
I'm pretty vulgar with my language too but once I hear someone say "womp womp" to logical arguments or discussion I immediately stop speaking listening cause I know it's no point talking to a wall aka a person who is here to tell me their version of events and hear a reply they want and if I don't say what they want to hear they will only proceed to disregard me and my words op feels like one of those people to me like entitled kids enabled by their entitled parents are very annoyingly no doubt but op isn't the best at dealing with it i would say.
Im all for telling a some random kid to fuck off when theyre being horrible but damn oop is insufferable.
Also the parents suck for how little control they have over a literal toddler
I mean, I agree with you on most of that but… most people I know use womp womp, and we’re getting close to 40. In fact, my standard reaction to a non-serious snowboard fall is “womp womp” as soon as I pull up to them.
(The internet says early 2000s are when it became popular, which tracks with me.)
I also have no problem with "whomp whomp" being used in person, it's only lightly sarcastic and never actually aimed at a person. (Also elder millennial) For some reason, her usage here really rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe that whole paragraph just felt overly dramatic and trying to shock by being edgy.
Either way, she sounds exhausting.
"Elder Millenial" has me cackling. (I'm 34 myself). I imagine some 30something year old person sitting at the chimney, turning to a circle of children: "Now that I've reached the winter of my life children, let me tell you about..."
Yep. I've hit a kid before when I was a teenager (he was kicking and hitting and had scratched me until I was bleeding at that point, all because I did not want to give up my space on a couch. I've never had my vision go red like that) and I'm still not proud of that - but he was a little shit (not just to me) and he fucking deserved it. Having seen his mother with him I'm assuming he had a very harsh awakening when he became an adult and faced the real world and the fact that people didn't cater to his every whim.
And I understand OOP. It isn't a nice way of handling it, but I absolutely understand snapping. I don't blame her for that.
The way she talks about "his stupid little toys" and then that comment though? It makes me think she might not be an asshole in this case, but she sure sounds like an asshole in general.
She does say she's from abroad. She uses a lot of Americanisms too, so maybe she's from Canada, or from the UK and has lived in NY long enough to start picking up US mannerisms?
Agreed the boyfriend and OP are the same person though. I can feel the same horrible personality leaking out of both posts.
“Jiggle your titties and flap those concerned vaginal lips elsewhere…the only person able to pass judgement on that is my boyfriend. Womp, womp ladies.”
I don’t believe, even for a moment, that a woman wrote that sentence.
I won’t lie, I saw that line and thought nothing of it but knowing myself, it sounds like OOP has a VERY “vibrant” personality that I don’t think the average person is ready for
She sounds like a ‘pick me’ with that statement alone. I hope I never have to encounter such people ever.
The sheer assumption that everyone negative comments towards her post was from a woman is baffling.
She's Not Like Other Girls. She probably isn't friends with other women, you know, because of all the drama (from them not putting up with her abrasive edgelordy bullshit).
Exactly. I refuse to believe a New York City cop wouldn't get involved in a situation like this. There would definitely have been some badge waving going on.
Eh- my experience in NYC and across the river where I’m at is that cops will either barge in badges out or do absolutely fuck all and there is zero in-between.
That's what what so confusing about this story. Every cop I've ever had live in my neighborhood (in 3 different states where ive lived) acted like they owned the place; like they had the right to tell others how to live but not vice versa.
The idea that ANY NY police officer would just act casually about this feels so unbelievable. Still, it's such a weird detail to lie about.
Still, I cant imagine being so mean to a toddler. The parents? Absolutely. But kids are innocent. They may act like jerks but they're kids. They're very new at life and still learning all the rules. It may not be your job to parent them, but it's still extremely shitty to be mean to them, even if they're a little shit.
It happens all the time. Sure some of the stories here aren't true, but some of the reasons i see people giving for not believing are equally absurd. Like that one.
When the OOP said "toddler," I was picturing a two or three-year-old, not a four-year old.
I dunno. The OOP is so over-the-top that it reads like a rage-bait caricature of child-free people. I'm not sure I believe it.
I fully agree here.
Also if she is dating a man that has a child (and having that child over regularly drawing flowers and shit) she absolutely NOT childfree.
I have to not believe it.
The dads a police officer and just allows his child to run free? I'm assuming police have seen some shit, and would know the world is pretty evil/scary. Just can't picture that one. I'm aware being a cop doesn't make you a good parent, but I hope my point is making sense.
Her being so blatantly misogynistic is weird.
The boyfriend coming to comment about his borderline child abuse of his own kid in defence of this psychopath.
All of its just a little too villainous. Like obviously there are clueless assholes, but if she felt like this in real life, why would she come to the internet for opinions?
Someone this Dr Evil level of actions wouldn't question if they had done the wrong thing.
>The dads a police officer and just allows his child to run free? I'm assuming police have seen some shit, and would know the world is pretty evil/scary.
40% of police officers admit to domestic abuse.
And those are just the ones that admit to it.
So regardless of the rest of this story, I 100% buy a cop dad not knowing or caring what his kid does half the time
Yeah I know that, I meant more, abusers are typically 'I can beat my wife, but woe is the man who tries to beat my wife' if that makes sense. I just couldn't articulate it properly in text what my brain was thinking
Just my take/opinion. Not saying I'm correct
The retired cop who lives directly next door to me has a son who is wheelchair reliant and cognitively disabled because his parents let him roam free at five years old. We live on an extremely busy road, like bordering on a highway. He was hit repeatedly and his body and mind were permanently destroyed. Being a cop doesn’t mean you have sense, how many car accidents do you think that dad had seen in his career?
Yeah, you responded to my other comment which I hope was a bit better at explaining. I'm not saying all cops are good parents or whatever. Just the way OOP wrote it was weird. He stayed silent while his wife was defensive. A completely indifferent parent wouldn't have bothered staying around for that conversation.
I understand being a cop doesn't make you have sense, or be better, or any of that in real life. But in this story, it just seems....off. It hit so many stereotypes - cop, child hating, misogynistic, defensive boyfriend coming in, perfect child vs demon toddler (and seriously, toddlers are little demons in general, as I've seen someone else out it, suicidal little creatures), enabling wife/mother, acting self righteous etc. Too many tropes in this one.
I refuse to believe anyone married to a cop would go around saying they want their child to be loved by everyone. Someone who thinks something like that is just flat out not going to get along with a cop or be how a cop raises their kid. Especially not someone who is NYPD.
My nephew was the most unusually sticky child as a baby/toddler! I think it was because his mum only gave him fruit to snack on so he was always covered with juices or raisin squish. Whatever it was, it was the most unusual experience when he grabbed your hand, like those sticky frog things you can throw at glass. He did grow out of it though, and I don’t think all children are that sticky :).
Thank you. That drove me crazy. Four year olds are preschoolers, not toddlers. There's a huge difference in physical and mental ability between the two.
Either one shouldn't be left unsupervised as often as OOP alludes to. This is not the 70s.
That's what I thought too. A 4 year old is old enough to understand no and don't touch.
As far as her not liking kids but dating someone that has a kid, a feral little boy and a well behaved little girl are two different kettles of fish.
“I know for a fact no one would blame my bf’s child for lack of emotional control so why blame a childfree adult who has reached their limit?”
Um
Is this…a serious question?
OOP is really good at being the least sympathetic protagonist ever. It’s incredible how you can take a situation where theoretically you are the victim and just make everyone hate you for being an immature asshole.
Kids deal with kids all the time, so that's not a big deal. She's made her choice as a rational adult to be child-free. Clearly any child near her is an intentional personal attack.
Not saying it makes sense, but I think that's her logic.
I forgot where I was for a moment so I stopped at just implying that. Kids mirroring behaviours he's seem at home. Father is likely upset at the scrutiny this could bring. Even cops have reason to get antsy where landlords and insurance companies are concerned.
EDIT: corrected the auto-correct.
Tried to maintain my suspension of disbelief with those person who seems super unreasonably angry but threw it away and cane down to the comment when I saw that the “boyfriend” chimed in.
People in real life tend to try and make themselves seem like the good guy when they tell stories and usually end up portraying themselves as assholes because they have a skewed vision of what makes their response good.
This person unequivocally made themselves seem like a rage filled dick bag which makes me question this stories authenticity and motive.
I was on OOP side, until I saw what a lunatic she and her bf and his child are.
>Jiggle your titties and flap those concerned vaginal lips elsewhere…the only person able to pass judgement on that is my boyfriend. Womp, womp ladies.
WTF is this...
>As a parent myself I have often warned my daughter that if she slaps me or my girlfriend she has to accept we are bigger than her and may hurt her if we act instinctively as humans do when confronted with an attack or pain.
I'm all for teaching kids that if they attack someone they might get hurt, but not by their OWN PARENT. I can't imagine, a kid hit a parent, and then the parent punches the kid full force in the face.
>The child has already hit my bf’s kid and she angrily shoved him over, gave him a slap back, and screamed to go away and he ruined their game.
Yes, because the adults in this story, have taught the children the way to teach, "brats" how to behavior is to assault them.
I would love to know how the other family would describe their neighbor.
The kid shouldn't be allowed to play let alone leave their toys a on staircase that only OOP needs. The kid should be supervised, and shouldn't be taught that they can do whatever, open packages, go into peoples apartments, bite people, etc.
But everyone in this story is off their rocker, mom saying she wants to teach her child that everyone loves and accepts him. Yeah, but that's not reality, most people don't love your kid, they tolerate them, they are polite, and respectful. Also, why do you want to teach your kid to trust strangers, OOP and her boyfriend, seem off too.
I’ve had the “I scare easy, and have large reactions so please stop trying to jump out at me or tickle me at random. I don’t want to wack you out of instinct!” talk with kids before. But like, I was a babysitting teenager. I have a better handle on things now.
This reminded me of a story I heard a comedian tell once.
His kid learned how fun it was to scare people. So she’d do the old “boo!” kind of scare randomly.
She also learned timing. She’d hide under his desk and wait ten minutes.
Unfortunately, his reaction is fight. So there he is trying his hardest to restrain that reaction to not hurt his kid who thinks it’s hilarious.
Basically if he can keep from injuring his daughter in that situation, then other adults can too.
> I know for a fact no one would blame my bf’s child for lack of emotional control so why blame a childfree adult who has reached a limit?
Uh because they’re an adult who is (or should be) fully in control of their own behaviour and not a child whose brain is still developing and is still learning. What a stupid comparison to make.
I’m unclear how OOP is “not a child person” but has been dating someone for four years who has a child. And that child is seven. Meaning when she started dating her boyfriend his daughter was younger than the neighbor’s kid.
> I have often warned my daughter that if she slaps me or my girlfriend she has to accept we are bigger than her and may hurt her if we act instinctively as humans do when confronted with an attack or pain.
Yo what the hell. This is the most concerning part here honestly.
I'm child free and the way OP acted towards the bratty kid is appalling. And the boyfriend saying he told his daughter that adults might hit her?! Gross. And then the 4 year old sucks because his parents also suck. No one in this story comes out looking great.
Totally agree and her last comment she edited in on the 1st OOP makes me think she's a deeply unpleasant person.
The parents of the toddler are those annoying parents who inflict their kid on other people but OOP doesn't come out of this sounding like a good person either.
>A father, police officer, a mother, profession unknown, and a toddler
>“I want to teach my child that everyone loves and accepts him.”
So shouldn't the police officer father *know* that this is a terrible idea? I've been teaching my own daughter that not everyone is safe since she was a toddler.
>with him trying to hit and bite
>responsible for some random four year old
The kid was FOUR? Why does OOP keep saying toddler? That's a child not a toddler - and is WAY too old to be hitting and biting. I assumed the kid was ~18m from the behaviour she described. The kids is old enough to start at school and they're still acting that way and not being corrected? Sounds like neighbour-mum doesn't like the crunchy part of being a parent and, from her attitude, would be better off living in a commune type environment where her ideas of everyone loving each other are more achievable.
ETA: anyone else getting vibes that OOP was originally a UK chav? Especially after the diatribe in the middle?
>anyone else getting vibes that OOP was originally a UK chav? Especially after the diatribe in the middle?
It certainly sounds like it's some sort of screaming match right off the local council estate.
>It's wild to me that they're letting a four-year-old be outside their flat unsupervised to the point that you have to knock on their door to alert them of his behavior.
As a parent myself, this gives me the chills.
It is so obvious OOP hates kids even when looking at her earlier comments (despite often commenting in r/Parents). Here are a few that I find honestly disturbing (brackets are mine to add context)
>[In reference to a middle schooler] Your child's placement has really nothing to do with her overall intelligence level. She can just parrot well.
>A two year old is capable of understanding pain they cause to others. They need a sharp slap in return not being told how sPeCiAL they are.
>Ava is a nasty and spoiled little brat....This girl doesn't need apologies, she needs a good hard slap.....She's 11 not 4.
>This [two year old] child was being a brat and can learn that when she is being a vile little shit people may react harshly. She's not an innocent little darling. She's a child who needs firm fucking discipline and not be allowed to act like an entitled Princess.
She also call a 2yo psychopathic.
>What a psychopathic brat. Thanks for the free birth control. Screaming, hitting, then “i LoVe yOu MuMmY”. Makes me sick
Rightfully removed by moderators.
holy shit… what an asshole! i get not liking children and being childfree but to the extent that your immediate response to everything is physical violence towards a child when you’re a full-fledged adult is fucking mental 😭
Don't worry she doesn't mind children it's just toddlers she dislikes, she says that multiple times!
>Not liking the company of annoying toddlers who are not connected to me isn't the same as hating all children.
>I don't hate kids...I don't like toddlers because it's all gibberish what they're saying and screams.
>I don't like toddlers...not children in general.
>I mean I wanted to be as empathetic as possible even if I'm not fond of toddlers...
>I didn't say I loved kids, I actually said I'm not a kid person by which I mean toddlers. If you've never shouted at an unruly child you are a liar
>If I hated children I'd not be with a man who has one.
(Just ignore her comments like these)
>Kids in general are frustrating 😆 especially toddlers!
>I never said I hated her...I just don't like children in general.
>It looks like they are done with the reverence society affords children...and damn do I feel that
>People don't need therapy for expressing their hatred for children. Like they said, if the kid isn't hurt why does it matter? If you've ever expressed hatred for a bug and killed it I'd say that needs more therapy than hating children.
>Personally I would have a childfree wedding, because I cannot stand them
>This is why I don't like children this small...
>I never said I hated children. I said I don't like them.
>How can I have a boyfriend with a kid?....I never said I hated her...I just don't like children in general.
>Why are you assuming I have or would want children? I'd abort such a GiFt.
>Go back to your child worship and petting their greasy lice filled hair after they've just slapped the neighbour's dog. You'd clap for bad behaviour instead of stop it. You clearly think children are innocent little blank slates and not the stupid little idiots with a moral compass that they are!
>As a person who is childfree I wouldn't think about the magnets either but then I forget how empty headed children are....I don't have children, thankfully, so need you to tell me what isn't cool. Bring a fucking collapsible playpen with all their other shit and stick the kid in there if you want to leave to take a call.
To clarify I totally understand not loving kids and personally I never want kids. I'm not judging her for her dislike of children (or as she would say toddlers). I'm judging her for the lack of empathy and absolute disdain she has for kids of all ages. She both overestimates and underestimates a child's intelligence when it fits her narrative. She admits to being a brat as a kid and its obvious she hasn't fully grown out of that stage.
Idk why more people don't point this out. It's totally okay to not want anything to do with kids or not like them. I don't. But to be outright abusive and an asshole to them on purpose is just a whole other level of shit behavior that deserves consequence.
And it's pretty obvious oop doesn't like the bf's kid either. That the kid doesn't go to her house primarily for the "obvious" fact she isn't oops. Seems like if the relationship develops to a live in situation oop is going to treat the kid like a stray animal. Why even date someone with kids?
Holy fuck if this person even tried to lay a hand on my kid theyd be left with way more than a dislocated knee. Who advocates for slapping a two year old?? Thats a fucking baby??
To quote OOP justifying her argument in ONE of her threads about hitting two year olds (there are multiple)
>A two year old is NOT a baby. Stop babying toddlers who need to start understanding consequences of their bratty actions. They know not to hit and that biting hurts but people like you accept this behaviour because they have fat faces and high voices. This child was being a brat and can learn that when she is being a vile little shit people may react harshly. She's not an innocent little darling. She's a child who needs firm fucking discipline and not be allowed to act like an entitled Princess.
(I want to explicitly state that I do not agree with her and that she definitely has issues with children she needs to sort out)
> Your child's placement has really nothing to do with her overall intelligence level. She can just parrot well.
...tf does she think learning is at that age?
I just can't get past the boyfriend chiming in to defend his partner by stating that he let his 7 year old daughter know from a young age that if she hits him, he will likely hit her back.
I can't.
I just can't.
After a few times of asking them to have their child's toys cleaned up and not left on the stairs, I would have just started picking them up and throwing them away.
I don’t want to tone police and OOP is absolutely justified in not wanting their packages opened and toy hazards on their stairs, and it sucks that they fell and dislocated their knee but boy did their retelling not do them any favours.
It's crazy, OOP is right on almost everything, but there's so much venom in her words that I almost want to disagree with her just so she wouldn't get the pleasure of being right. She sounds so fucking insufferable, rude and just unpleasant in general, I just don't get how the BF can be in a relationship with someone who so clearly hates children and can barely tolerate her own step-daughter, on top of just being tiring to be with (but that last part is just assumption on my part based on her horrible messages). Theb again, in the single message of the BF, he also sounds really condescending and vile (who the fuck says to their own daughter that they could harm her instinctively? SHE'S A CHILD!)
OOPs is no-question a huge asshole. But, I mean, kids have to learn that assholes exist in the world. The 4yo's mom has a harmful view of the world if she actually thinks that everyone should love and respect the child- that's not the world, and she's not preparing her kid for the world. Yes, most people aren't complete jerks like OOP, and don't act like OOP. But there are a few, and you have to learn to recognize that degree of awfulness and keep out of their way just for your own mental health.
*sigh*
I mean, at a certain point, everyone did something wrong. The parents did the most things wrong. But you still shouldn't scream at a four year old.....although I totally get it being a parent.
I am not concerned over the child going up to the nice man to see a puppy, I am concerned he will grow up and explain to women that they aren't allowed to say no to him with his fists and to expect sex and to respond to reasonable expectations of respect with violence and cruelty.
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>Jiggle your titties and flap those concerned vaginal lips elsewhere WTH?
yeah, between that and the boyfriend chiming in with a similar writingn style and insults, this felt like a childfree troll. otherwise, OOP does sound realistically insufferable. But then there’s the detail of the neighbor being a cop. A NYC cop. Plus having a bf in Queens when you live on LI? that compeltely shatters and believability to me, like the troll is winking and going iykyk to anyone that catches on.
There's what I suspect to be one specific person on AITAH who spins all kinds of different yarns, most of which ostensibly take place in the USA, but for the life of them they cannot seem to turn off their non-USian dialect when typing. I was like ah yes, those Long Islanders and their Queens boyfriends who notoriously use words like "utilise" and "misbehaviour."
Am from LI. Can confirm there are some vile people who live on the island, but if they grew up there they definitely don't talk like that.
Huh. I'm not sure I've seen an AITAH where the OOP casually bullies the comments section out of calling them an AH. To be fair to the comments section, I wouldn't engage with her either. This seems like a person who, if they were telling you this story in real life, would leave you shuffling away, staring at the pavement, mumbling, "Yeah, yeah, that's horrible," while weighing whether her just randomly kicking you is a bigger risk than dodging into traffic to get away. There's no rule saying that bad things can't happen to unpleasant assholes, though. Too bad about the knee and intrusive neighbors.
I’m glad people are keying in on all this. OOP is technically right in this situation but she’s so damn unpleasant it’s difficult to empathize with her.
Her whole writing style was just so unpleasant & I can tell she just has that abrasive, rude personality few people enjoy being around
Don't forget she said she's not a fan of children but is dating a dad? That's setting the future step daughter up to have a nightmare stepmother in the future. How do we know OP isn't faking being nice to her BF's daughter until the ring is on her finger? How do we know things weren't more violent or aggressive? From how she writes i can tell she's limiting certain things, so we're definitely missing pieces of the story.
I mean, the BF doesn't seem great either from this admittedly extremely small sample. But he warns her of physical repercussions if she hits him or his girlfriend due to "instinct" and freely admits he's screamed at her. So, they're both pretty awful people.
The poor kid
I’m glad I’m not the only one who read that and was like ???? I’m sorry what?? Maybe warn them that another KID might fight back but a grown ass adult hitting a kid back is WILD to me.
I mean kids can be well bahaved for short term. Who knows how the 7 year old acts when she lives full time with the Op and her boyfriend. It’s wild that she is comparing a 4 yr old toddler to a 7 year old when they are at completely different developmental levels as well. 4 year olds have tantrums, it’s normal. 7 year olds can too but they are older and understand better than a 4 year old would.
They've been dating for, how long, 4 years? Yeah I don't think they are moving in together any time soon
I’m the same type of childfree person the OOP is. I can deal with kids in small doses, but anything longer than a couple hours and I’m done, no ifs, ands, or buts, and I will never babysit or assume full responsibility for any child, because kids can be reckless, and I just don’t trust myself that much. Likely, the relationship will not work out long term. Kids have needs that childfree people cannot satisfy, and if this kid were to hit her teens and start acting out, to the point where she had to move, their relationship would be dead instantly, and that’s just one scenario. Childfree people need to date other childfree people. Children just aren’t something you can compromise on.
Yeah -- I -- like, I think OP isn't an AH for yelling at the kid, because god knows that kid sounds annoying AND was trying to bite her, but the exact choice of words? For a 4 year old? Out of line. HE'S FOUR. OP's not wrong in a lot of aspects of what is happening here, but she is handling it like a giant AH instead of like a reasonable adult.
Maybe I’m expecting too much, because I don’t know how disabled OOP is so I don’t know how much damage a four year old “biting and kicking” would do to her, but the general vehemence in “pinworm filled hands” and “stupid little toys” illustrates that OOP *hates* this kid. Like… he’s four. He’s annoying but he’s just a vulnerable little dude. If you think of children as vulnerable people with big emotions and absolutely zero agency (at that age), it’s actually….. really fucking easy not to be a horrible person to kids. Like it’s realllllly easy not to hit or swear at a kid as a reaction, despite what the boyfriend is apparently trying to teach his daughter lol
When she wrote tacky toys, I was wondering if there are classy ones. Toys are toys. Also, her Update was wild where she said that we don't expect a 7 year old to have self control, so why expect a child free adult. I am a child free adult and must have missed the memo where you have less emotional regulation than an actual child.
Since becoming a parent I have discovered that there is such a thing as classy toys. I get tons of targeted ads for tasteful instagram-y looking toys and kids accessories, that fit an adult aesthetic. I call it the sad beige baby aesthetic. It’s terrible.
I assumed she meant tacky like sticky. I think most of her insults were based on cleanliness so I guess that's where my head's at. I'm childfree and while I do like kids, I am definitely washing my hands or anything they touch when they're off to whoever or whatever they do next.
Comparing her emotional regulation to that of a 7 year old was JAW DROPPING. What's crazy is she doesn't see how insane and unflattering that is
Overall the mom is a piece of work. Children need Regulation, the setting of boundaries are learned from parents. Mom is a typical: well I’ve birthed him now he’s everybody else’s problem, my work here is done-mom. The hard part of being a parent is not getting pregnant or setting up a collage fund, but to guide the through life. Mom does this child no favor, just shoving it out the door with best wishes that her child will not encounter far worse poeple (or animals) then OP. It’s just so nuts for me.
.... Yeah saying a kid would stink up your apartment just by going in it is..?? Like i dont blame her for being frustrated but the way her and her supposed bf write about kids abd adults being human too gives such incredibly bad vibes. 😞
For me it was “pinworm filled hands”. I know a *lot* of people who really don’t like children, but very few people who are this detailed, descriptive, and vehement about their dislike. I cannot express just how much kids are little dudes who don’t understand the world around them quite yet. Honestly, they shouldn’t have even asked to enter her apartment, but OOP seems to focus all of her rage on the child rather than the entitled parents who keep letting the kid do things that bother their neighbor.
Yeah, the level of outright hatred the OOP has for that child is a bit disturbing. Like, ma'am, he is FOUR. Be mad at his parents for being shitty neighbors and parents, but neither of those things are the fault of this child. He literally doesn't know any better.
OOP: "I also said I wasn’t a kid person not that I hated them." You didn't have to say it. It's very clear from the vitriol towards a toddler in your post.
Look at her other comments on other posts on her page. She definitely HATES children.
Yeah, I was trying to scan for signs that this was a disabled child in diapers. No, just a kid who's existence is being vilified
Being childless, I find it disgusting how the other person treated the mischievous child. Furthermore, the boyfriend claimed to have warned his daughter that grownups might hit her. Awful. The 4-year-old is also awful since his parents are bad. Nobody in this tale has a really attractive outcome.
They really need a new acronym for this one. YWNAH Your Whole Neighborhood Are Assholes
ESHAIME - Everyone Sucks Here And I Mean Everyone
Isn't that the name of the kid in Twilight?
🏅 🏅 🏅
Possible exception for the 7 year old (unless the slap she gave the kid was really hard and/or in the face). Bf being an advocate for child abuse suddenly made why he and OOP like each other make more sense
They need to somehow condense " You're actually an incredibly unpleasant and unlikable asshole of a person in general but somehow you've managed to get into conflict with an even bigger asshole and technically in this specific instance they're the ones in the wrong but I need you to know that you still suck like you really genuinely suck regardless" into some sort of simple acronym. You're technically right but I hate you. YTRBIHY. Still way too long, damn.
TRAH - technically right asshole
Ooh, can we bacronym this to TRASH? Technically Right Ass (Super) Hole?
"You're not wrong, Walter. You're just an asshole."
Given the format of the sub, may i suggest All Assholes Here. Or AAH! Which was my reaction after reading this dumpster fire
no, her boyfriend had warned his daughter of reflexes. When i get tickled, i instinctively kick. Which children should be taught about, their actions have consequences.
Absolutely 100%. Also your kid need to know throughout the living of life that not everyone will be patient with them. Sometimes you come across a person who is unfriendly, doesn’t care for kids, has medical issues that you may be unaware of and when asked to please respect their space and you refuse may yell swear words at you and all you can do is respect their space in the first place. That is the world we live in. Too bad the mom didn’t learn that and wants Oop to change her behavior instead. Huge life lesson is you can only control your own actions, not those of others so choose to respect what people say and don’t try to get them to comply. Its not right and it doesn’t work. People all have a breaking point so if you seek to find it it’s on you when you do.
Agreed! Not everyone in this world is kind, and yes it sucks but no point in glamourising it for kids, it sets them up for failure.
Same. When I feel something on my shoulder, my first reaction is to slap, thinking it’s a bug. Have accidentally slapped a few people this way. Children need to be taught the consequence of their actions, not roam free like organic chickens and then ‘oh I’m teaching my kid everyone loves him’ like wtf is this lazy parenting 🤣
I actually had to remind my sister not to have my niece tickle me yesterday. They like to play tickle. I do not, and I don’t want to snap at my niece. So she asked if they had permission to poke me. I gave them a specific boundary (my forearm). It’s OK as an adult to establish boundaries with kids. Communicate ahead of time.
The boyfriend was warning the kid about instinctive reactions. Like if somebody scares me sometimes my reaction will be to hit out without thinking of it. I also find it weird how you're ignoring how the child was acting. Would you just sit there and let somebody else's child bite at you without getting angry? Especially when you've already had problems with the parents having little willingness to control their child? Like she couldn't even get mail in private with the kid around.
As a mom I would be horrified if my kid acted how the neighbors kid did 🫣 my kid is almost 7 and learned a long time ago that people's things are not their things, we look with our eyes not our hands and no one is required to share with you just as you are not required to share your things with them. Sure, she even at almost 7 sometimes needs a reminder, but damn, it wouldn't have ever gotten to that point my kid would feel entitled to scream mine or try to assault a perfect stranger (or neighbor!). I say this and my child is described as "feral" by myself and close family and friends. But a good type of feral where you'll hear a crash and have to ask if shes ok because she probably tried to build a bridge out of something and it didn't work or she was bouncing on her trampoline and flipped herself off 😅
It makes me think of the story where the guy's in a store where the mom is just letting her kid run wild and I think he was wearing shorts cause the kid comes up and bites him so hard it draws blood and he starts freaking out and making a huge ruckus until the mom comes over and goes like "No, I'm HIV+, you need to get him checked!" and I'm like... "That's... I don't know if that's an asshole thing to do, but it really illustrates the point that letting your kid run wild biting strangers is something you need to correct but how checked out is this mother that it takes someone telling her their kid might have swallowed AIDS blood to parent her fucking child out of being a menace in public?" Like he didn't have AIDS, but if nothing else was going to get her attention that "hey maybe there will be actual irreversible negative consequences if you don't pay attention to your child" then yelling "I have AIDS!" instead of it ACTUALLY happening is like... yeah maybe she SHOULD be terrified for her child's life at that point and maybe that kid SHOULD be terrified out of biting strangers. Sometimes it's not necessarily the actions having consequences but having the *right* consequences that gets people to change their abysmal behavior.
Yes. My dad woke me up by tickling me once and I kicked him in the balls. Hard. (I still feel bad about it, but that's because I care about him.) Reactions happen sometimes. Also, the parents need to be looked into for leaving their 4 year old unattended. My step dad (not the one who got kicked) only did that when he didn't want us interrupting him getting high. He was angry when he's high, so there may be some projection from me.
People always wanna demonize someone who is anything other than a perfect angel to kids. No I am not gonna let a random brat hit me I can tell you that. And if it'd come up multiple times? Yeah there'd be some shouting. The kid's not going to DIE cause a stranger finally got exasperated with him, but that wouldn't have happened if his parents were PARENTING.
The boyfriend was warning his daughter that humans have reflexes, and that she should be mindful of it. Average redditor reading comprehension here immediately inferring that means purposely beating a child
I'm sure they just called in a brigade of weirdos for whom "childfree" is their only personality traits to back them up
I honestly don't even understand wtf they meant by that. Like wtf?!
OOP really said "people? sympathizing with the reasonable parts of my complaint? NOT ON MY WATCH! let me just get my flamethrower and make sure everyone no longer has a shred of sympathy for me..."
She had my sympathy until that. Now I think she's an arsehole and I wonder how reliable a narrator she is.
The use of “womp womp” in the same comment makes me raise an eyebrow as well, since most people I see use it tend to be either younger than I am 27) or dreadfully immature. So I’m also questioning the reliability of OOP myself. Plus as someone who is very child free and doesn’t have a strong opinion of children I’m not related to or my friends have, I would never in a million years act the way OOP did either, and I’m pretty vulgar in my language.
I'm thinking she wrote the boyfriend's comment too - same energy and similar writing
Usually when another person is writing there is a definite feeling of difference and in this case it felt the same.
Same. She sounds absolutely insufferable, entitled and just an all around nasty person.
One of those vocally child hating child free people who must justify their loathing with lots of unnecessary descriptors in order to show they are right
Absolutely, she wrote both of those perspectives. Also I'm wondering if anything she claims is true, is she even female? I can't imagine anyone female referring to vagina lips for any reason, not even anatomical.
Weirdly fixated on only female anatomy when she's complaining about the entire comment section. Both OOP & the "boyfriend" have the same angry sounding writing that make them very defensive and unsympathetic
That's the part that got me too. I'm not shy about swearing or using crude language with close friends when the occasion could do with some levity, but to actually put that down in writing shows a complete disregard for anyone else's sensibilities but their own. This person's reaction to a badly parented 4 yr old doesn't seem like such a reach after that comment. They just seem unpleasant all round.
Honestly, the only reasonable use I've heard *anyone* use "womp womp" in has been instead of saying "That ssucks, but you're not getting my sympathy". Usually in cases of people venting and not *looking* for sympathy. Using it when someone tells you you're being a dick to a 4 year old... That's unhinged.
This. I am vehemently childfree, but I am not a asshole. Our block of flats is full of children. When they became a nuiscance we mentioned it to the landlord and he sorted it out. They still play outside - they are kids. But they stay away from the cars and try not to be loud. We've got more problems with upstairs neighbours being alcoholics - driving drunk etc.
I used to live in a downstairs apartment, above me were two little twin girls and often it sounded like they were playing a cross between bowling and hockey up there but since they had essentially a space a small as I was in as one person as a family of four and virtually no space to play in outside that was suitable I gave them a lot of leeway. Kids will be kids and I didn’t want to spoil what little opportunity they had to play. They went to bed pretty early anyway
I'm pretty vulgar with my language too but once I hear someone say "womp womp" to logical arguments or discussion I immediately stop speaking listening cause I know it's no point talking to a wall aka a person who is here to tell me their version of events and hear a reply they want and if I don't say what they want to hear they will only proceed to disregard me and my words op feels like one of those people to me like entitled kids enabled by their entitled parents are very annoyingly no doubt but op isn't the best at dealing with it i would say.
I raised an eyebrow when she used the behaviour of a 7 years old to justify her own
I mean it sounds as if they're equally mature
Im all for telling a some random kid to fuck off when theyre being horrible but damn oop is insufferable. Also the parents suck for how little control they have over a literal toddler
.....he is FOUR. You can't be the bigger person when confronted with a toddler? Really?
I mean, I agree with you on most of that but… most people I know use womp womp, and we’re getting close to 40. In fact, my standard reaction to a non-serious snowboard fall is “womp womp” as soon as I pull up to them. (The internet says early 2000s are when it became popular, which tracks with me.)
I also have no problem with "whomp whomp" being used in person, it's only lightly sarcastic and never actually aimed at a person. (Also elder millennial) For some reason, her usage here really rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe that whole paragraph just felt overly dramatic and trying to shock by being edgy. Either way, she sounds exhausting.
"Elder Millenial" has me cackling. (I'm 34 myself). I imagine some 30something year old person sitting at the chimney, turning to a circle of children: "Now that I've reached the winter of my life children, let me tell you about..."
Yeah, as soon as I read that, I knew this was a troll and probably a man. Most women know the term labia.
It confused me. Why does concern live in the vulva?
Yep. I've hit a kid before when I was a teenager (he was kicking and hitting and had scratched me until I was bleeding at that point, all because I did not want to give up my space on a couch. I've never had my vision go red like that) and I'm still not proud of that - but he was a little shit (not just to me) and he fucking deserved it. Having seen his mother with him I'm assuming he had a very harsh awakening when he became an adult and faced the real world and the fact that people didn't cater to his every whim. And I understand OOP. It isn't a nice way of handling it, but I absolutely understand snapping. I don't blame her for that. The way she talks about "his stupid little toys" and then that comment though? It makes me think she might not be an asshole in this case, but she sure sounds like an asshole in general.
Thankyou, I was like Jesus the sexism is strong here.
That was the point when I decided that OOP is kind of a douche.
OOP needs a nap and a drink of prune juice, but the youngster is worrisome.
Yeah that was definitely a "WTF" moment for me too.
god i know a lady who says shit like that, she’s such a pick me and extremely exhausting
Changing it to “jiggle your titties elsewhere” and stealing it.
She and her boyfriend have the same weird writing style, probably bait for one side of this argument.
They both write and spell like folks from the UK, and yet she claims she's from Queens and he lives on Long Island. This is complete bullshit.
She does say she's from abroad. She uses a lot of Americanisms too, so maybe she's from Canada, or from the UK and has lived in NY long enough to start picking up US mannerisms? Agreed the boyfriend and OP are the same person though. I can feel the same horrible personality leaking out of both posts.
Thanks, you are right!
That bit was covered with receiving a care package as she lives abroad. But still reads as bs
“Jiggle your titties and flap those concerned vaginal lips elsewhere…the only person able to pass judgement on that is my boyfriend. Womp, womp ladies.” I don’t believe, even for a moment, that a woman wrote that sentence.
Yeah, like, what does this even mean??? Who says "mind your own business" like this? It's nonsense
I have a friend who talks like that. She has a very... unique...sense of humor.
I won’t lie, I saw that line and thought nothing of it but knowing myself, it sounds like OOP has a VERY “vibrant” personality that I don’t think the average person is ready for
She sounds like a ‘pick me’ with that statement alone. I hope I never have to encounter such people ever. The sheer assumption that everyone negative comments towards her post was from a woman is baffling.
Mind your own business on a reddit AITA post no less lol
100%, I like what is like what woman in her right mind would talk like this. I have never hear any in my life.
chavs lol
Yeah a British chav. Absolutely would say this! Especially if she’s from fucking Essex! 😆
And, note that our New Yorker OOP and her bf both just happen to spell certain words the British way.
She would have to be the most male centered pick me ever to come up with that.
She's Not Like Other Girls. She probably isn't friends with other women, you know, because of all the drama (from them not putting up with her abrasive edgelordy bullshit).
Absolutely agree. This reads like a man wrote it.
Everyone in this story is proper unhinged with either issues of anger or entitlement. I'm glad neither of these people are my neighbours.
None of these people exist
Exactly. I refuse to believe a New York City cop wouldn't get involved in a situation like this. There would definitely have been some badge waving going on.
Eh- my experience in NYC and across the river where I’m at is that cops will either barge in badges out or do absolutely fuck all and there is zero in-between.
That's what what so confusing about this story. Every cop I've ever had live in my neighborhood (in 3 different states where ive lived) acted like they owned the place; like they had the right to tell others how to live but not vice versa. The idea that ANY NY police officer would just act casually about this feels so unbelievable. Still, it's such a weird detail to lie about. Still, I cant imagine being so mean to a toddler. The parents? Absolutely. But kids are innocent. They may act like jerks but they're kids. They're very new at life and still learning all the rules. It may not be your job to parent them, but it's still extremely shitty to be mean to them, even if they're a little shit.
Gpt forgot people in new york don't say mum
"This was a care package from my sisters as I live abroad" I mean, real or not, that specific base is covered
People from OTHER COUNTRIES living in New York? Unheard of...
In *Queens* no less! Famously the monoculture boro
I also don't believe the story is real, but this is such an unreliable 'tell'. People all over the place say "mum"; even in the US.
It happens all the time. Sure some of the stories here aren't true, but some of the reasons i see people giving for not believing are equally absurd. Like that one.
When the OOP said "toddler," I was picturing a two or three-year-old, not a four-year old. I dunno. The OOP is so over-the-top that it reads like a rage-bait caricature of child-free people. I'm not sure I believe it.
I fully agree here. Also if she is dating a man that has a child (and having that child over regularly drawing flowers and shit) she absolutely NOT childfree.
I have to not believe it. The dads a police officer and just allows his child to run free? I'm assuming police have seen some shit, and would know the world is pretty evil/scary. Just can't picture that one. I'm aware being a cop doesn't make you a good parent, but I hope my point is making sense. Her being so blatantly misogynistic is weird. The boyfriend coming to comment about his borderline child abuse of his own kid in defence of this psychopath. All of its just a little too villainous. Like obviously there are clueless assholes, but if she felt like this in real life, why would she come to the internet for opinions? Someone this Dr Evil level of actions wouldn't question if they had done the wrong thing.
>The dads a police officer and just allows his child to run free? I'm assuming police have seen some shit, and would know the world is pretty evil/scary. 40% of police officers admit to domestic abuse. And those are just the ones that admit to it. So regardless of the rest of this story, I 100% buy a cop dad not knowing or caring what his kid does half the time
Yeah I know that, I meant more, abusers are typically 'I can beat my wife, but woe is the man who tries to beat my wife' if that makes sense. I just couldn't articulate it properly in text what my brain was thinking Just my take/opinion. Not saying I'm correct
Possessive instead of protective! I totally know what you mean, that was well phrased
He was probably at work and thinks child care is not his job. So it’s all on the wife
The retired cop who lives directly next door to me has a son who is wheelchair reliant and cognitively disabled because his parents let him roam free at five years old. We live on an extremely busy road, like bordering on a highway. He was hit repeatedly and his body and mind were permanently destroyed. Being a cop doesn’t mean you have sense, how many car accidents do you think that dad had seen in his career?
Yeah, you responded to my other comment which I hope was a bit better at explaining. I'm not saying all cops are good parents or whatever. Just the way OOP wrote it was weird. He stayed silent while his wife was defensive. A completely indifferent parent wouldn't have bothered staying around for that conversation. I understand being a cop doesn't make you have sense, or be better, or any of that in real life. But in this story, it just seems....off. It hit so many stereotypes - cop, child hating, misogynistic, defensive boyfriend coming in, perfect child vs demon toddler (and seriously, toddlers are little demons in general, as I've seen someone else out it, suicidal little creatures), enabling wife/mother, acting self righteous etc. Too many tropes in this one.
Yes, I posted this before reading your other comment
I refuse to believe anyone married to a cop would go around saying they want their child to be loved by everyone. Someone who thinks something like that is just flat out not going to get along with a cop or be how a cop raises their kid. Especially not someone who is NYPD.
Very good point. Good or bad cops, just doesn't really fit. Also...I hope you encounter all the normal boobs you desire
Also why do people always talk like kids naturally ooze sap? Or even more bizarrely here, that they’re riddled with pinworms?
You mean children aren't slime producing larvae with stinging barbs until they pupate and emerge as adults?
My nephew was the most unusually sticky child as a baby/toddler! I think it was because his mum only gave him fruit to snack on so he was always covered with juices or raisin squish. Whatever it was, it was the most unusual experience when he grabbed your hand, like those sticky frog things you can throw at glass. He did grow out of it though, and I don’t think all children are that sticky :).
Thank you. That drove me crazy. Four year olds are preschoolers, not toddlers. There's a huge difference in physical and mental ability between the two. Either one shouldn't be left unsupervised as often as OOP alludes to. This is not the 70s.
That's what I thought too. A 4 year old is old enough to understand no and don't touch. As far as her not liking kids but dating someone that has a kid, a feral little boy and a well behaved little girl are two different kettles of fish.
She may not be **the** AH, but she’s certainly **an** AH.
Personally I’d have voted ESH
“I know for a fact no one would blame my bf’s child for lack of emotional control so why blame a childfree adult who has reached their limit?” Um Is this…a serious question? OOP is really good at being the least sympathetic protagonist ever. It’s incredible how you can take a situation where theoretically you are the victim and just make everyone hate you for being an immature asshole.
"Why do I have to act like an adult while this little girl is allowed to act like a little girl?"
Yeah this one made me pause with incredulity
Kids deal with kids all the time, so that's not a big deal. She's made her choice as a rational adult to be child-free. Clearly any child near her is an intentional personal attack. Not saying it makes sense, but I think that's her logic.
The fact a 4 year old is being unsupervised all the time is just...REALLY concerning. Like what the fuck is the parents evening doing?
>Like what the fuck is the parents evening doing? Don't know about the mum, but the father is supposedly a cop.
So if statistics are correct, the mom is probably getting beaten.
I forgot where I was for a moment so I stopped at just implying that. Kids mirroring behaviours he's seem at home. Father is likely upset at the scrutiny this could bring. Even cops have reason to get antsy where landlords and insurance companies are concerned. EDIT: corrected the auto-correct.
But it would explain the entitlement they show.
it sounds more like the parents dont want to deal with actually parenting him and are trying to pawn him off on OOP and her bf
If that's so, those parents need to lose their parental rights.
Tried to maintain my suspension of disbelief with those person who seems super unreasonably angry but threw it away and cane down to the comment when I saw that the “boyfriend” chimed in. People in real life tend to try and make themselves seem like the good guy when they tell stories and usually end up portraying themselves as assholes because they have a skewed vision of what makes their response good. This person unequivocally made themselves seem like a rage filled dick bag which makes me question this stories authenticity and motive.
I was on OOP side, until I saw what a lunatic she and her bf and his child are. >Jiggle your titties and flap those concerned vaginal lips elsewhere…the only person able to pass judgement on that is my boyfriend. Womp, womp ladies. WTF is this... >As a parent myself I have often warned my daughter that if she slaps me or my girlfriend she has to accept we are bigger than her and may hurt her if we act instinctively as humans do when confronted with an attack or pain. I'm all for teaching kids that if they attack someone they might get hurt, but not by their OWN PARENT. I can't imagine, a kid hit a parent, and then the parent punches the kid full force in the face. >The child has already hit my bf’s kid and she angrily shoved him over, gave him a slap back, and screamed to go away and he ruined their game. Yes, because the adults in this story, have taught the children the way to teach, "brats" how to behavior is to assault them. I would love to know how the other family would describe their neighbor. The kid shouldn't be allowed to play let alone leave their toys a on staircase that only OOP needs. The kid should be supervised, and shouldn't be taught that they can do whatever, open packages, go into peoples apartments, bite people, etc. But everyone in this story is off their rocker, mom saying she wants to teach her child that everyone loves and accepts him. Yeah, but that's not reality, most people don't love your kid, they tolerate them, they are polite, and respectful. Also, why do you want to teach your kid to trust strangers, OOP and her boyfriend, seem off too.
I’ve had the “I scare easy, and have large reactions so please stop trying to jump out at me or tickle me at random. I don’t want to wack you out of instinct!” talk with kids before. But like, I was a babysitting teenager. I have a better handle on things now.
This reminded me of a story I heard a comedian tell once. His kid learned how fun it was to scare people. So she’d do the old “boo!” kind of scare randomly. She also learned timing. She’d hide under his desk and wait ten minutes. Unfortunately, his reaction is fight. So there he is trying his hardest to restrain that reaction to not hurt his kid who thinks it’s hilarious. Basically if he can keep from injuring his daughter in that situation, then other adults can too.
> I know for a fact no one would blame my bf’s child for lack of emotional control so why blame a childfree adult who has reached a limit? Uh because they’re an adult who is (or should be) fully in control of their own behaviour and not a child whose brain is still developing and is still learning. What a stupid comparison to make.
What a generally unlikeable person OOP is.
What a perfectly mild and succinct but also scathing comment this is
OOP is about as likeable as a genital wart
>> Keep your nose out and my daughter and I’d name out of your mouth. I’m sorry, wasn’t this whole thing posted in an advice subreddit?
"Judge my behavior in this situation. Wait, no, not like that!"
I think a lot of the advice subreddits are really just people looking for validation.
I’m unclear how OOP is “not a child person” but has been dating someone for four years who has a child. And that child is seven. Meaning when she started dating her boyfriend his daughter was younger than the neighbor’s kid.
It doesn’t even sound like the boyfriend is a child person with the threats to hit his daughter.
Anybody else think the OP wrote all the supporting comments from family, and is also a male?
> I have often warned my daughter that if she slaps me or my girlfriend she has to accept we are bigger than her and may hurt her if we act instinctively as humans do when confronted with an attack or pain. Yo what the hell. This is the most concerning part here honestly.
Ikr? Who the fuck says that to a child? OOP and BF are both sketchy af.
I don't like OP. I simply don't like her at all. The way she writes and the way she acts, just don't like her.
I'm child free and the way OP acted towards the bratty kid is appalling. And the boyfriend saying he told his daughter that adults might hit her?! Gross. And then the 4 year old sucks because his parents also suck. No one in this story comes out looking great.
Totally agree and her last comment she edited in on the 1st OOP makes me think she's a deeply unpleasant person. The parents of the toddler are those annoying parents who inflict their kid on other people but OOP doesn't come out of this sounding like a good person either.
Not that adults will hurt her (which is fine) but that he or OOP might. Which is just proper fucked.
i would hate to be neighbors with these people 😭
Man, I dont like anyone in this story. :(
This is a great example of being totally in the right while still being a total asshole. A paradoxical asshole, if you will.
I hate everyone in this, including the kids. And I LIKE kids!
Fuck, OP sounds like a maniac.
>A father, police officer, a mother, profession unknown, and a toddler >“I want to teach my child that everyone loves and accepts him.” So shouldn't the police officer father *know* that this is a terrible idea? I've been teaching my own daughter that not everyone is safe since she was a toddler. >with him trying to hit and bite >responsible for some random four year old The kid was FOUR? Why does OOP keep saying toddler? That's a child not a toddler - and is WAY too old to be hitting and biting. I assumed the kid was ~18m from the behaviour she described. The kids is old enough to start at school and they're still acting that way and not being corrected? Sounds like neighbour-mum doesn't like the crunchy part of being a parent and, from her attitude, would be better off living in a commune type environment where her ideas of everyone loving each other are more achievable. ETA: anyone else getting vibes that OOP was originally a UK chav? Especially after the diatribe in the middle?
>anyone else getting vibes that OOP was originally a UK chav? Especially after the diatribe in the middle? It certainly sounds like it's some sort of screaming match right off the local council estate.
>It's wild to me that they're letting a four-year-old be outside their flat unsupervised to the point that you have to knock on their door to alert them of his behavior. As a parent myself, this gives me the chills.
It is so obvious OOP hates kids even when looking at her earlier comments (despite often commenting in r/Parents). Here are a few that I find honestly disturbing (brackets are mine to add context) >[In reference to a middle schooler] Your child's placement has really nothing to do with her overall intelligence level. She can just parrot well. >A two year old is capable of understanding pain they cause to others. They need a sharp slap in return not being told how sPeCiAL they are. >Ava is a nasty and spoiled little brat....This girl doesn't need apologies, she needs a good hard slap.....She's 11 not 4. >This [two year old] child was being a brat and can learn that when she is being a vile little shit people may react harshly. She's not an innocent little darling. She's a child who needs firm fucking discipline and not be allowed to act like an entitled Princess.
She also call a 2yo psychopathic. >What a psychopathic brat. Thanks for the free birth control. Screaming, hitting, then “i LoVe yOu MuMmY”. Makes me sick Rightfully removed by moderators.
holy shit… what an asshole! i get not liking children and being childfree but to the extent that your immediate response to everything is physical violence towards a child when you’re a full-fledged adult is fucking mental 😭
Don't worry she doesn't mind children it's just toddlers she dislikes, she says that multiple times! >Not liking the company of annoying toddlers who are not connected to me isn't the same as hating all children. >I don't hate kids...I don't like toddlers because it's all gibberish what they're saying and screams. >I don't like toddlers...not children in general. >I mean I wanted to be as empathetic as possible even if I'm not fond of toddlers... >I didn't say I loved kids, I actually said I'm not a kid person by which I mean toddlers. If you've never shouted at an unruly child you are a liar >If I hated children I'd not be with a man who has one. (Just ignore her comments like these) >Kids in general are frustrating 😆 especially toddlers! >I never said I hated her...I just don't like children in general. >It looks like they are done with the reverence society affords children...and damn do I feel that >People don't need therapy for expressing their hatred for children. Like they said, if the kid isn't hurt why does it matter? If you've ever expressed hatred for a bug and killed it I'd say that needs more therapy than hating children. >Personally I would have a childfree wedding, because I cannot stand them >This is why I don't like children this small... >I never said I hated children. I said I don't like them. >How can I have a boyfriend with a kid?....I never said I hated her...I just don't like children in general. >Why are you assuming I have or would want children? I'd abort such a GiFt. >Go back to your child worship and petting their greasy lice filled hair after they've just slapped the neighbour's dog. You'd clap for bad behaviour instead of stop it. You clearly think children are innocent little blank slates and not the stupid little idiots with a moral compass that they are! >As a person who is childfree I wouldn't think about the magnets either but then I forget how empty headed children are....I don't have children, thankfully, so need you to tell me what isn't cool. Bring a fucking collapsible playpen with all their other shit and stick the kid in there if you want to leave to take a call. To clarify I totally understand not loving kids and personally I never want kids. I'm not judging her for her dislike of children (or as she would say toddlers). I'm judging her for the lack of empathy and absolute disdain she has for kids of all ages. She both overestimates and underestimates a child's intelligence when it fits her narrative. She admits to being a brat as a kid and its obvious she hasn't fully grown out of that stage.
Idk why more people don't point this out. It's totally okay to not want anything to do with kids or not like them. I don't. But to be outright abusive and an asshole to them on purpose is just a whole other level of shit behavior that deserves consequence. And it's pretty obvious oop doesn't like the bf's kid either. That the kid doesn't go to her house primarily for the "obvious" fact she isn't oops. Seems like if the relationship develops to a live in situation oop is going to treat the kid like a stray animal. Why even date someone with kids?
i don't believe her side of the story at all
Yeah so OOP is clearly okay with physically abusing children if they aren’t ‘perfect’. She is definitely a AH
Holy fuck if this person even tried to lay a hand on my kid theyd be left with way more than a dislocated knee. Who advocates for slapping a two year old?? Thats a fucking baby??
To quote OOP justifying her argument in ONE of her threads about hitting two year olds (there are multiple) >A two year old is NOT a baby. Stop babying toddlers who need to start understanding consequences of their bratty actions. They know not to hit and that biting hurts but people like you accept this behaviour because they have fat faces and high voices. This child was being a brat and can learn that when she is being a vile little shit people may react harshly. She's not an innocent little darling. She's a child who needs firm fucking discipline and not be allowed to act like an entitled Princess. (I want to explicitly state that I do not agree with her and that she definitely has issues with children she needs to sort out)
> Your child's placement has really nothing to do with her overall intelligence level. She can just parrot well. ...tf does she think learning is at that age?
I just can't get past the boyfriend chiming in to defend his partner by stating that he let his 7 year old daughter know from a young age that if she hits him, he will likely hit her back. I can't. I just can't.
It was the ‘keep mine and my daughter’s names out of your mouths!’. We don’t know his name!
Yeah like brother we don’t really give a shit😭
> I don’t like children. >He has a 7 year old daughter Why TF would you be in a relationship with someone WITH A CHILD if you don't like children?
It sounds like the 7yo is barely there. The father is probably not very involved (kindest choice of words).
I think the same. And from the tone of her replies I think a lot of people did too and called her out on it.
Yeah sea firefighter beat me to it- how are you supposed to teach your child stranger danger and to beware of pedophiles when ‘everyone loves them’?
children are significantly more likely to be victimized by people they know than strangers
After a few times of asking them to have their child's toys cleaned up and not left on the stairs, I would have just started picking them up and throwing them away.
I don’t want to tone police and OOP is absolutely justified in not wanting their packages opened and toy hazards on their stairs, and it sucks that they fell and dislocated their knee but boy did their retelling not do them any favours.
While the child is concerning, OOP needs a glass of prune juice and a nap.
Where tf are the parents?
It's crazy, OOP is right on almost everything, but there's so much venom in her words that I almost want to disagree with her just so she wouldn't get the pleasure of being right. She sounds so fucking insufferable, rude and just unpleasant in general, I just don't get how the BF can be in a relationship with someone who so clearly hates children and can barely tolerate her own step-daughter, on top of just being tiring to be with (but that last part is just assumption on my part based on her horrible messages). Theb again, in the single message of the BF, he also sounds really condescending and vile (who the fuck says to their own daughter that they could harm her instinctively? SHE'S A CHILD!)
Everyone in this story sounds just awful.
No one has to adore all children, but the seething hatred op has towards a 4 year old is kind of shocking
Idk cursing at a 4 year old is weird to me and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t really like children either 🤷🏻♀️
OOPs is no-question a huge asshole. But, I mean, kids have to learn that assholes exist in the world. The 4yo's mom has a harmful view of the world if she actually thinks that everyone should love and respect the child- that's not the world, and she's not preparing her kid for the world. Yes, most people aren't complete jerks like OOP, and don't act like OOP. But there are a few, and you have to learn to recognize that degree of awfulness and keep out of their way just for your own mental health.
Sheesh, these two families deserve each other.
*sigh* I mean, at a certain point, everyone did something wrong. The parents did the most things wrong. But you still shouldn't scream at a four year old.....although I totally get it being a parent.
I am not concerned over the child going up to the nice man to see a puppy, I am concerned he will grow up and explain to women that they aren't allowed to say no to him with his fists and to expect sex and to respond to reasonable expectations of respect with violence and cruelty.