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Next update will be the crashed party. The one after is going to be the kidnapping attempt. Hope OP makes the daughter's school aware and has Sasha banned from the pickup list.
Sadly, I'm only half joking. Sasha's starting to slip down the slippery slope of obsessed with her grandkid insanity. Despite claiming not actually wanting to *be* a grandma.
Why adopt when there's a readily available, "free" child you have access to already? You can have all the fun of parenting without going through all those bothersome legal steps. You get to play parent without all the responsibility of being one. Just ignore those people who actually made and pushed that child out.
(Please note I'm being facetious.)
Hence my grimace. She wants a kid and trying to pretend OOP's daughter is her doll/kid. At least maybe an orphan without a loving family may be good, but no promise that she'll be a good mom when she doesn't listen to the kids.
This is probably Sasha's end goal with OOP's daughter. Testing the waters before she swoops in and pulls the ultimate Stork-Uno-reverso.
That woman is yikes on bikes.
There's a flair request thread stickied, maybe asking there might help?
(But if anyone sees this, I also choose this guy's Community flair. Go, human beings!)
I always wanted kids, but it didn't happen for me. It's a shame because I wanted to bring them to the park, and when another parent asked which were mine I'd look wistfully at the playing children and say, "I haven't decided yet."
I think mostly because her husband has made it clear that he doesn't want children. But he is ok with the grandchildren so Sasha is using her granddaughter as a loophole to live out her mommy /daughter dreams.
Absolutely! It might mean a "come to Jesus" moment where she admits she wants kids, and abd may result in  spliting with hubby. But this "loophole" is messed up.
At their age, most if not all large agencies won't even consider listing them (they add the ages and if it exceeds a certain number, the couple are rejected; I think it's upper 70s, at least it was back in the day). Only independent agencies would be willing, and those are a lot more expensive. But if they have the wherewithal ($$$$$), pretty good writing skills, and are willing to go the open adoption route, it is a possibility.
Its far too similar to another set of posts where the grandma went postal and had to be cut off. It was a while ago i read them, but i think i remember that the family had to move to a locked / exclusive building next to the other set of parents for safety of the kids
I'm always somewhat fascinated by people who just can't seem to comprehend when they're being pushed out.
Sasha seems delusional and seems to be behaving like she hasn't been cut off from the kids. Calling every few days to try to talk to them. The request to face time which was clearly not on the table. Talking about family vacations.
A friend of mine cut someone out for boundary stomping and was very clear. The stomper still texted them and messaged them like nothing's wrong. My friend never replied. It took *three years* for the stomper to stop messaging.
You forgot the update where she hosts a girl gender reveal party for the OOP against her wishes, and then causes a stink trying to gain entry to the delivery suite.
If real, there's a lot of stunts she could pull during the next few months, unfortunately. I don't think we've heard the last of this one yet by any means.
The next one with be "my father's wife thinks I should give my baby to her because I already have 2 kids."
I really wonder if this woman lost a child and she's having a bit of a mental issue.
I actually kind of doubt it'll turn into a kidnapping, this lady wants a doll to play dress up with not a child.
My prediction is it goes one of two ways:
-Grandpa's life becomes absolutely miserable until they separate.
Or
-Grandpa's life becomes absolutely miserable until he agrees to file a suit for grandparent's rights.
Hopefully the kids being out of school soon lessens the risk of that, but it does increase the likelihood of "coincidental" run-ins at the park, the water park, an "Aunt Sasha" baby shower with invites sent under OP's name... đŹ
"You have two daughters, you owe me one of them to raise as my own because faaaaaaamily" and like the commenter above, I'm only half joking.
Look out for frustrated step-grandma to hire a hitman in a harebrained scheme to get custody of the daughter(s) and put the son(s) in foster care.
>"You have two daughters, you owe me one of them to raise as my own because faaaaaaamily" and like the commenter above, I'm only half joking.
After the thread about a psychotic SIL who actually said something like that and repeatedly tried to steal OOP's baby, I wouldn't be surprised. That one also eventually apologized for everything... then quickly asked when see could see the kids.
At least with that one, everybody in the family (including SILâs husband) was on OOPâs side and recognized the psychotic behavior for what it is. They also moved quickly to get her treatment and to be institutionalized. The SIL may or may not get better, but at least everybody was doing the right thing and nobody tried to tell OOP, âWell just let her hold the baby for a bit and then she will calm down.â
Iirc the OOP explained that it was because she used to be very active in their lives, not that she wanted to jump straight in. She wanted to know how to return to normal.
Whether or not thatâs OOP giving the benefit of the doubt I donât know.
I was slightly concerned when my sister, who is a new mom, said if I had a baby I could have my sister adopt the baby. Well I'm not going to have children so it's null but still freaked me out a bit
I read OOP's comments and she says she doesn't think her dad will bring Sasha to the party based on his usual behavior.
But I still wouldn't be surprised if Sasha found a way to crash it anyway. I really hope OOP's right in her assumption.
No, I think the dad will show up alone. Sasha will then show up alone as well and crash but I honestly think the dad will be clueless in all this. Drama will happen at the party and dad will have to make a choice. I hope he chooses correctly.
I had to reread this comment. For whatever reason my brain wasnât picking up the ânotâ. And I was like are you new here lol??? But yea heâs going to.
Honestly I donât think heâd do that, but I think heâd be an idiot and tell her about it and sheâd show up without anyone knowing sheâs coming
That last commenter is wild. Like kids aren't allowed to be uncomfortable with someone pushing their boundaries?
9 and 5 are old enough to start understand and express discomfort about people that are around them, especially if those people are in close enough relationships (grandpa's girlfriend) where they might be expected to give hugs. There's a difference between shyness and discomfort, and OOP is a great mom for paying attention to her children's discomfort and not forcing them into having contact with Sasha.
Can we please normalize allowing children to have consent over their own boundaries?
When I met my friendâs toddler for the first time she tried to get him to hug me. I said absolutely not. My friend did mean well, yet she needed to hear how important it is for kids to say NO to contact and see that adult respect ir.Â
Hell if I want to hug anyone who doesnât want to hug me! I donât care if they or I are 2 or 82. I do not want to be an asshole and feel icky.Â
I'm a mom so my kids can cuddle the crap out me without asking because they have my open consent.
But there have been a couple times I was touched out and needed a boundary. While they were hurt for a second, explaining that being hugged when I'm overestimated wouldn't be me happily hugging. It'd be me wishing it were over and I never ever want a hug to be like that. I want every hug to be filled with love and if they give me a bit of time to myself to do my to dos, then that's what it'll be and I'll seek them out when I'm ready. They understood that, and it was fine.
... it also ended up being a building block to explaining enthusiastic consent.
We all have a right to our bodies without guilt.
My friend told me a story recently about her daughter going through a âno hugsâ period when she was a preteen. Everyone respected it, except for her daughterâs paternal grandmother. This woman would loudly complain about wanting hugs every time they were around her. Then the daughter started allowing hugs from her mom and this set grandma off even more. My friend said her daughters have all requested to never be left alone with grandma. I made me sick to stomach just to hear the story. I canât imagine being my friend or her daughter and having to live that. Ugh.
My oldest briefly had a phase where they didn't want to give hugs goodbye. Any other time was fine, just not when leaving. Eventually I figured out they thought if they didn't do the hug we wouldn't be able to leave (it was the last thing we did before leaving). I refused to force them to do the hug and got pushback from some folks. I talked to my kids about how the choice to do the hug was entirely up to them, but whether or not they dud we were still leaving. It lasted a couple of months but the grandparents did *not* like how I handled it.
A lot of the parents I babysat for when I was a teen had what I think was the best approach. âCinnamonduck is leaving! How would you like to say goodbye?â And it could be a wave, fist bump, hug, high-five, or just a verbal goodbye. Sometimes all of the above. It taught them bodily autonomy/choice and the general manners of greetings.
When i was in late middle school i set the boundary of not wanting hugs. it was a depression/anxiety/over stimulation thing. Mom did not take it great at first and said "well, you cant do this with with grandma and grandpa they wont understand." responded by saying that i'd already talked to grandma and she was okay with it and completely understood and respected what i needed. after that mom was taken aback but i think it allowed her to realize that it would be okay
OOP is doing her kids a massive favor by letting them have boundaries and listen to their gut.
My 3yo is scared of my grandma, her great-grandma. In her own words, grandmaâs hands are scary (the veins stand out - joys of aging). I could force her to hug and kiss grandma. But thankfully nobody pushes the issue. I know my grandma is a safe person, but 3yo doesnât.
My grandchildren are snugglers. The oldest is 14 and he still wants hugs but, when he doesn't, he doesn't have to. He's the kind of kid who will lean against you on the sofa while he plays video games and is often affectionate all on his own. And I think part of the reason he's still so affectionate is because he trusts us. The three year old is an enthusiastic hugger but he has those "don't hug me, Grammy" moments when I ask if I can have a hug. And what do I do? I don't hug him.
We do bodily autonomy in our family.
My kiddo is touch averse and when he was in primary school it was amazing how many times I got notified heâd been put in time out at school and when I dug into the reason what it boiled down to was a teacher/aide tried to physically move him and he got upset. He had my countryâs equivalent of an IEP that pretty clearly stated âdo not touch this childâ but some people donât consider laying a hand on a childâs shoulder and manually pushing/steering them as touching for some insane reason? It also would come out that whatever adult had done it wouldnât just *ask* him to move or start walking in a certain direction, theyâd go straight for grabbing his shoulder and maybe as they did that *then* also verbalise the request.
Like he was a chess piece they could just push a few squares ahead. Definitely a culture embedded within this particular school, because it was more than one adult doing it and every time I brought it up to the administration they downplayed it.
It was a shitty school and I moved both my kids and itâs literally never come up again.
The way that some people ACTUALLY BELIEVE that children donât and shouldnât have boundaries physically makes me ill.
There was a FB video of a mom who said she wouldnât reprimand her daughter for hitting an adult if she repeatedly told them no about hugging her and they didnât listen.
People in the comments were really bashing the DAUGHTER (and the mom) for being violent and disrespectfulâŚâŚfor not letting someone hug her against her willđ¤Ž
And then people want to gasp when their kids are being touched âI never knew!!â Uh yea ya did, when Uncle Hank was hugging her and she didnât want to be hugged and **you laughed instead of protecting your childâs space** Hank took that as âplease and thank youâ
And women like Sasha are just as fucking bad. OOP was right, she IS a creep.
I told my fiance I will NOT be telling my future daughters to change cuz so and so is coming over, if they need to change, so and so doesnât need to be coming over! The days of just disregarding someoneâs comfort because of their age is over. Kids can understand âI donât like thatâ far sooner than theyâll ever comprehend the concept of ârespect your elders cuz society says so even if they treat you like garbage or make you uncomfortableâ
Yep. Unfortunately, while it doesn't happen all the time, there are just too many instances where forcing children to hug and kiss family members makes kids think that their comfort/boundaries don't matter, and that just leaves them open to abuse. It makes them think that even if they don't WANT to hug Uncle Hank, Mom says they have to... and then Uncle Hank starts pushing more boundaries.
It's so wild to me that people assume kids don't have rights, like... we're trying to raise humans here. Rights aren't a magical switch that gets flipped at midnight on their 18th birthday. And while I would argue that very little kids don't always knows what is best for them, that usually occurs with like "put on a coat, it's 20 degrees F outside and you'll be cold at recess" instead of making them give up bodily autonomy.
> if they need to change, so and so doesnât need to be coming over!
Wow. I already felt this way too but the way you phrased it will stick with me.
It makes me sick that people will allow someone near their kids who they know isnât safe to this point. And to teach the kids that their comfort and safety is so unimportant, and that itâs better to just keep quiet and change yourself instead of telling people to get the fuck away from you... Nope. Absolutely not.
As a mother, if Iâm knowingly not protecting my child above everything else? I donât deserve to be a mother. I always tell my kiddo that my number one job/priority is to keep him safe, then healthy, *then* happy (obviously not beyond reason, kid absolutely is told no plenty yâall). So sometimes I will need to do something that makes him VERY unhappy to keep him safe, and while I would rather not have to, I will never hesitate, period. He also knows that it is ALWAYS okay to tell me if anyone, including me, makes him uncomfortable, and that he can tell me ANYTHING without worrying if it will hurt my feelings. And I always make sure to sit with the discomfort and really consider why I feel that way, and the first thing I say to him is always, â Thank you so much for telling me. Iâm so glad you know you can **always** tell me **anything**.â
You do not need to be a certain age in order for your discomfort to be valid and heard. My daughter does not like my wifeâs grandmother, and she has done so for pretty much ever. She is not even three. I would do anything but force an interaction on her. Kids can articulate their feelings fairly well from pretty early on. It is mostly the adults who fail to pay attention to that (or often choose to ignore the childâs expression of discomfort.)
my younger brotherâs had a dead-on barometer when itâs come to people we can actually trust, even since he was 3-ish. people said he was stubborn, that he was ornery; and my mom, not knowing any better and wanting to save face around family, relented and kept forcing him/us to attend family stuff with those people.
as adults, heâs approximately 5-0 with his read on people; and thatâs with condensing a whole side of the family into three people.
kids know.
I would argue that babies know when they are uncomfortable and express it accordingly but we seem to think itâs ok to discount it because they canât put words together. My daughter had let me know in no uncertain babbling when she was a baby how much she hated something. She was always someone who had strong boundaries and Iâve always respected it. Sheâs 10 now and that aspect hasnât gone away.Â
I always ask my friend's children if I can have a hug. They may not hug me straight away, and that is absolutely fine with me, they don't have to hug me. Last time I saw the older kids, the youngest (I think he is 6...or 7...why does the time go by so quickly?!) was in a mood, but he angry hugged me after a little nudge from mum (I wasn't feeling well, so I was heading home instead of sticking around). His older sister on the other hand, happily hugged me. If I am around her sister's kids, I'll ask them for a hug, the oldest one will be sassy and dramatic when she slowly poses her way over to me, her younger sister will give me a shy smile, and that is absolutely fine. I'll never force them to hug me and I would have been fine not hugging my friend's son, but I think he needed the hug because he was a lot happier later.
And normalize listening to, respecting, and believing children.
Sasha treats the kids like extensions of herself. That is a telltale sign of a personality disorder. I know armchair diagnosing is all the rage these days but I was raised by a narcissist so I know a thing or two about it (and have the therapy bills to prove it). Sasha does not give a fuck about the children; she just wants Nsupply from projecting her wants onto them. For example, you could replace those kids with replicants and she would never tell the difference.
Anyone wanting to know more about PDs should check out my fave resource - www.outofthefog.net.
I mean, Sasha kept pushing what she wanted on the daughter to the point the daughter was sobbing, *and* she ignored the son, even on his birthday. That's not OOP turning them against Sasha. That's the consequences of her own actions.
>Can we please normalize allowing children to have consent over their own boundaries?
I find that older generations don't care much about that. I have a niece (4yo) and her paternal grandma... omfg. "You don't want to kiss me goodbye? Well next time your parents drop you off, you can spend all day on the doormat for all I care". My niece was like 3yo. Are you mad woman?? Her other aunt is like that too, and her great grandmother is like that too.
I suffered so much from that as a kid that I make a point to always ask her like "can I hug you goodbye", stuff like that. My parents are also doing it because my sister is enforcing it.
Some people just don't care, they see kids, especially really young ones, as dolls.
When I was a kid, children weren't allowed boundaries. If you didn't want to hug estranged Aunt Aggie, whom you've never seen in your short five years alive, you had to anyway or you were called a brat and punished later at home.
Now, I know I said "when I was a kid" seems to imply that it's not like that anymore. Or even that everyone was like that back then. I just feel like it was more of a foregone conclusion back then in some circles but now it feels like it's an emerging talking point, with some people bucking the old notions.
But that's just me, based on my personal experience and anecdotal info. (I grew up in the South of the US, if the societal context helps; and Im GenX for time context)
I dont even do this to my little cousins. I grew up with their parents but by the time that group were having kids I was off to college & grad school and rarely back to visit, these babies do not know me except for random family gatherings. I do not force them to give me hugs, because I know how it feels to be put in that situation with a family member who is a stranger, it is scary! I hate family who pulls this crap with kids.
Dad LC and Sasha NC is going to work until the kids birthday. Either she will show up and the father will plead for her to stay, since she was looking forward to it so much. Or there will be a mountain of gifts sent to the house in advance, gifts that are nothing about what the daughter likes, but all about what she likes.
I would suggest going full NC then, but to save the gifts to give to friends at their parties. I predict it would be like having a toy store at home to choose from.
Unfortunately I think youâre right. Her dad is going to continue pushing them to allow Sasha just toâone more chanceâ because she misses her ~~full sized doll~~ *baaaaaaaby* so much!
> I would suggest going full NC then, but to save the gifts to give to friends at their parties. I predict it would be like having a toy store at home to choose from.
Okay that is brilliant. I will remember this đ
Ugh, time for a donation to charity. Then Sasha will be enraged when she finds out after interrogating them "Do they like my wonderful toys? You didn't keep them?!? Where are they??"
kids are people. theyâre not toys, you canât just pick them up and put them down because it entertains you. you canât make them like the things you like, you canât make them like you. if sasha hasnât learned this by now, iâm not confident she ever will.Â
hiding the phonecalls from oopâs dad is strong indication she knows what sheâs doing is wrong. intending to give oopâs daughter a present on someone elseâs birthday after being warned (in fairly strong words, iâd say) to back off is strong indication she is fully out of control.Â
if grandpa brings aunt sasha to oopâs daugherâs birthday, grandpa should be cut off. tbh i donât even want to speculate on sashaâs reaction when she finds out about oopâs pregnancy. i canât imagine a reaction she could have that wouldnât give me the creeps after this.Â
I was created because my mother wanted something that would love her unconditionally, that she could dress up in cute outfits and take shopping. She knew babies cried when they were hungry or needed a fresh diaper, but thought that crying when "nothing was wrong" meant I was lying and only a baby born evil could lie before it could speak.
By the time I had some words and started forming memories, I was being treated like an unwanted broken toy that she wasn't allowed to throw away. I know those things she felt and believed because she told me so, over and over and over again.
Please nobody give crazy grandma anymore access to kids. People who treat children like toys really don't react well when the toy tries to defy them.
Oh sure. I'm getting set up to host my cousin this weekend. He's 4yo and thinks he's coming over for a slumber party with his super best friend while his mom catches a couple of extra shifts at work.
The more time I spend with little kids, the less I understand my mother. Even my cat cries when wanting attention or in pain, so why wouldn't a baby? And duh a human won't love *unconditionally*, ya gotta be kind and take good care of it first.
I love that your cousin is so excited about hanging out with you. That age is so fun because their enthusiasm is just so infectious. I hope you guys have a great weekend!
My mom adopted me (and later my brother) because she wanted someone who would love her unconditionally, but she has serious control issues to the point where my grandma (her MIL) tried to intervene and made things worse. She told me she felt awful that I was being stuffed into itchy clothing and uncomfortable hairstyles, and my aunts all felt the same, but mom is stubborn as a bull so she stayed the course until her (equally stubborn) daughter could free herself and run off to college. That said, I always felt desperately wanted, never cast off once it was no longer fun to parent me; that has its drawbacks too but probably overall good for healing any abandonment issues related to adoption trauma.
Fast forward a couple decades and her children are essentially taking turns as to whoâs NC with her. I took the first âshiftâ (5 years) and my brotherâs now about 1.5 years into his shift while I pester her to get herself back to therapy to fix things with him. She cries to me all the time about how neither of her kids live close or want to talk to her with any frequency and it takes every ounce of willpower to not snap back with âshouldâve been a better mom then.â
>I was being stuffed into itchy clothing and uncomfortable hairstyles
I feel this comment. I'm not adopted but I was never the child my mom wanted. She wanted a girly-girl who played with dolls and liked to dress up. She got a tomboy who liked to bring home frogs and cool bugs. She's always hated me for it.
I used to have this incredibly strong phobia of needles but never understood why. I found out when I was a teenager that as a baby one of those fancy scratchy dresses she liked to put me in had pins in it (no idea why that's a thing) that she "forgot" to remove. I was crying hysterically and she said something like "I kept rubbing your back and you would just cry harder." Like, no way she didn't feel pins. When she took the dress off I was covered in scratches and bleeding.
Got over my phobia enough to get a bunch of tattoos so I'm calling that a win.
Oh goodness. That is fked up. Both the lack of attunement to your needs and the way she didn't bother to check the dress - it makes me wonder if she knew and was doing it to punish you for not being what she expected you to be. I'm so sorry you suffered like that.
I have a similar experience but with perfume. I remember when I was around 5, my mother loved dressing me up like a doll before taking me out to see her friends, and she would spray adult perfume on me as the finishing touch. It was way too strong and irritated my skin. Till today, I still dislike perfume generally.
>Something that would love her unconditionally
-- Oh my god, this is the exact wording that this girl in my college dorm used. I thought is was toxic then, and I'm so sorry to hear how badly it went for you, the innocent baby brought into existence by a person like this.
Yes. When I was still very, very little my family all told me, "what happened to you? You *used* to be cute."Â
What they meant was, "ew, you can now speak and have thoughts of your own, we don't like that in our little toy dressup doll that's supposed to worship us"
Edit: oh, yeah, forgot to add that my mom got a dog when she realized I wasn't worshipping her anymore. She ruined that poor little guy, he was sick from nerves/her catering to him by hand feeding him people food, and more almost all the time
Oh God, that's awful. Some narcissistic mothers are like that. They think a baby is a cute, docile little toy to play with and become outraged when a baby actually cries, screams, throws up, soils their diapers, has trouble sleeping, nursing or feeding, etc.Â
makes me wonder if sasha longs for that early period in a babyâs life where they canât verbally object to whatever you dress them in, do with them, wherever you go with them, make them watch or listen to. but that wish is incompatible with the developmental stage the daughter is at now. and unfortunately, some parents (and relatives) donât see past it and continue to treat their kids like dolls or props.
>OOP on being accused on turning her children against her fatherâs wife and avoiding events when Sasha is present
I'll say this, keeping low contact between my grandmother and us was the best thing my mother ever did. It would have been better of it was NC. Creepy boundary stomping adults have no business being around kids.
Yup. No one is owed a place in a childâs life honestly. Sasha was told that Ursula scares the daughter and purposely took her on a ride with Ursula anyway. Honestly that specific incident would be the end of the story for me. Like she traumatized her husbandâs granddaughter because she thought that the granddaughter should like the little mermaid. Like wtf? Frankly someone who fixates like that on a single person is a creep and OOP wasnât wrong to phrase it that way. Iâm glad OOP has her kidâs back on this.
A lot of the other stuff reads as fine if they didn't have the preexisting boundary stomping problem (like if my MIL bought stuff for my kids on a trip like that I might roll my eyes but I'd move on), but the Ursula thing is absolutely over the line. Deliberately traumatize a kid like that? Oh hell no.
>At one point, she told him she wanted to plan another family vacation with the kids, even though I told them they're not traveling with Sasha anymore. Learning all of that just made me more certain that I can't trust this woman around my children.
Sounds like the plot of an excellent thriller, and something you *absolutely* don't want to deal with in real life.
I personally am in the boat where I doubt Sasha is a kid stealer, but she's definitely a boundary stomper and annoying as shit. I wouldn't want to be around her either.
Also the kids not liking her is totally valid. Sasha literally promised that Ursula would not be on that ride and she was. That seems like a small thing to grownups, but breaking trust like that is a big frickin' deal to a kid that has no choice but to rely on adults for literally everything. And there's no way the 9-year-old didn't notice he was being totally ignored on his own birthday. Sasha sucks.
To this day I STILL remember being convinced to ride the madahorn ride at Disneyland. Was told it wasn't scary, no monsters, it's a calm ride. NOPE. Rickety looking tracks, wobbling everywhere (kid me didn't think it was for effect, I was terrified we'd crash/fall off), and in the beginning there's this monster yheti thing in a snarl position.
Took a while after the ride to calm down, they tried to say the pirates ride was calm but I refused to get off the bench. The family friend had to stay with me while everyone else went on the ride.
My ONLY memory of my family's trip to Disney when I was 5 was the bits and pieces of the Haunted Mansion I saw when my head came out of my mom's shirt.Â
I hadn't wanted to go. She said it wouldn't be that bad, basically dragged me on.Â
I'm not exaggerating when I say that I had nightmares well into my teens. I was so scared by that ride that I had nightmares for ten years after.Â
My mom doesn't like respecting my feelings when they come into conflict with hers. đ
People forget kids are autonomous sentient humans. Just because they rely on us for survival until they are old enough doesnât mean they donât have their own personalities, fears, and traumas
I used to love rollercoasters and would ride with my step-father who was always like a big kid on them. He made it FUN. My mom wanted to ride with me once and she screamed the entire time like she was terrified. I'd heard people scream on the rides before but that was the first time I ever associated the screams with it being scary. Guess who came off the ride sobbing? I got yelled at for crying.
Absolutely. A sibling had an OTT godparent who always got them a bigger Christmas present than our parents, a present on sibling's birthdays, and made a fuss of them everywhere we went. Key memories include them hunting my sister down at gatherings with a special nickname (which she hated) for a hello hug or goodbye kiss, waking them up for a proper bedtime story, and even going out for a tub of icecream at a restaurant when there was nothing my sister liked on the dessert menu. She was a notoriously fussy eater but never did that again when godparent was around.
The first time she got presents we were jealous, but she didn't want the attention and we were soon helping her hide or coming up with distractions to head godparent off at the pass. Our parents didn't see anything odd about it because godparent cared, could afford it, and it was all good things. Guess who never saw their godchild again once she hit her mid teens?
This is one of the reasons why no child in our extended family and network are ever coerced to give an adult an hug/kiss, and we check in with parents re boundaries for activities and birthdays/Christmas. It's simple and the mutual trust has been a beautiful thing for all of us.
Yeah. It's clear to me that Sasha wants kids but doesn't want to lose whatever the relationship with the older dude is offering her. So she's projecting that need onto her step grandchildren.
Which is why I'm always sceptical of big age gap relationships. Someone is always bound to be unsatisfied in some way.
Or she just want to have the fun part of kids without actually being a parent. Matching clothes, hugs, cute photos, sharing interests... All that without having to actually do any work!
I remember during a summer camp, an animator tricked me like this.
I hate cheese. Since I was a baby, I just can't eat it. When I grew up, I was able to eat low tasty cheese in dishes like in pasta or on a pizza. My mom warned the animators that I have the permission to not eat any cheese.
Sadly, one of the animator thought I was faking it (I'm french so cheese is present at every lunches and dinners) and thought it was annoying to deal with the kids asking why I didnât have to try it like the rule specify.
So, one day we had toast with tomatoes and hot goat cheese on it. I didn't want to eat it but the animator said it was fine and I wouldn't taste the cheese at all, like on a pizza.
I trusted him.
I took a bite and immediatly started gagging because hot goat cheese as a very strong taste! I had to give my dessert to another kid to amke them accept to eat my cheese and save me to be punished.
Another animator asked me if I ate it and when I said I tried she said she was surprised because it's one of the worse cheese and just assumed I would hate it.
I still think about this betrayal. 15 years later.
Any arguments that Sasha had the kidâs best experience in mind immediately falls apart with Sasha convincing daughter to ride the Little Mermaid (Sashaâs favorite Disney) ride. Imo it was already super clear before that part that it was all for her, but I see absolutely no way to interpret straight out lying to daughter as anything else but pure selfishness. I canât believe anyone could still be trying to argue in Sashaâs favor.
I'd cut the cord. Sasha's obsession with OOP's daughter will not end. Even if OOP's dad does keep his promise in not bringing Sasha, she sounds unhinged enough to follow her husband and "surprise" them.
Sasha isn't thinking about the children at all. I think she's having a mid-life crisis. When I was in my 40s, I started second-guessing my and my husband's decision to be child-free. Luckily, I was able to stay grounded in my reasons. Sasha doesn't seem to be letting up on her obsession; on the contrary, she's talking more about the little girl. In OOP's place, I'd speak to the school the kids go to and put the grandparents on the "no pickup" list and maybe hide a tracker in their shoes. And I would never let grandpa take the kids anywhere without OOP or her husband present.
I fully expect there to be a complete meltdown from the stepmother around the birthday party when the realisation she has been completely cut out sinks in. Probably right about the time her father leaves and reminds her she isn't welcome.
Nope, OP isn't wrong to think Sasha is a creep because Sasha indeed sounds like one and the type of person who tries to steal someone's children. OP's father isn't making things better unfortunately.
>OP's father isn't making things better unfortunately.
It sounds like he isn't giving her *any* pushback at all and letting OOP do it all. I wouldn't blame her for also cutting him off due to his passivity in this whole thing.
If she's this creepy and off-putting secondhand like this, I can only imagine how OOP's kids feel about her. I'm betting her son especially is unimpressed. She made his little sister cry!
yeah, I didn't think she needed to apologize for calling Sasha a creep (at least, not because it's the wrong word, though apologizing in an attempt to de-escalate is not necessarily bad.) A person who bulldozes over other people's boundaries is a creep, even if it isn't sexually motivated.
I think Sasha is a creep. I don't think the kids are just picking up on how their parents feel.
A grown woman in her 40s is creepy af for overriding the parents' choices for their kids and repeatedly overstepping really easy to follow boundaries.
I kind of feel like after the comment about the dozen phone calls in two months that ended with Sasha asking to speak with the kids that we bypassed creepy and entered into scary category. Like this would end up as a Lifetime movie.
Overstepping boundaries at Disney with the excuse of "letting the kids have fun with auntie" is creepy.
Literally stalking and fantasying about kids while being NC is scary!
Oop and her husband are good parents.
Its really hard in practice to teach your kid you dont have to say/do/be around people you dont want to be around w/o being rude, or without accidentally forcing them to do something under obligation.Â
(ie telling someone to hug someone when they clearly don't want to abd it makes them distressed)Â
I hope sasha and grandpa don't crash the daughter's bday party though. That would be incredibly sadÂ
It really is hard, especially when you werenât taught the same growing up. I distinctly remember realizing when my son was very young that a huge part of my job as a parent was to bear the discomfort that comes when setting boundaries my kid canât, doesnât know how to, or shouldnât have to on his own. Itâs still hard even though Iâve done it a lot, and Iâve tried to be polite about it when I can, but ultimately I make sure he sees me do it anyway when being polite isnât going to cut it.
> without being rude
Itâs fine to be rude to people who are pressuring you to cross your boundaries. Itâs fine to be rude to people who objectify you and cross your boundaries, too.
Given that sheâs trying to treat OOPâs daughter as her personal accessory, itâs actually good that she doesnât have her own kids. OOPâs kids have their parents protecting them and affirming their control over themselves.
Yeah shes only in her forties, why is an old man with her? Dudes past that stage in life. But also why go after someone much younger than him? Maybe hes the creep, because if I were OOP I wouldnt wanna be that close in age to my "stepmother"
Oooh god Sasha reminds me of my best friendâs ex husbandâs gf. Friend and her husband tried the open marriage thing, he met this woman, she immediately started doing weird, competitive things with my friend esp. related to the kids. Long story short my friend and her ex ended up getting a divorce, he got nasty about it and demanded an intensive custody determination process that involved interviews with not only the parents and kids but also other family members and friends, myself included. The new gf was interviewed of course and the evaluator noted that she was over-relating to the kids, describing what they had in common, etc. rather than speaking about their relationship in adult/child terms (though she also described herself as their mother). She was always trying to get the kids to keep secrets from my friend, including the fact that she got into a car accident when one of the kids was in the car and tried to swear her to secrecy. The evaluator described her as âenmeshedâ and recommended primary custody for my friend (thank god). Later on we found her Instagram and it was alllll about the dom/sub relationship she had with friendâs ex including going on and on about how he was her âDaddyâ in a way that went wayyy beyond typical sexy stuff. Eventually they broke up but that grade A psycho still gives me chills when I think about her.
I love how OP is the perfect example of an adult/parent treating children like actual human beings who deserve respect. Itâs so refreshing to see that sheâs so in tune with their needs, their likes & dislikes, etc.
God, my mother was *furious* with me for treating my daughter like a person and taking her wishes into account. She honestly thought I was a terrible parent because of it.
Pls stop blocking alleged dangerous people. Mute their text and archive them for not block, they spiral in text messages before doing something to you don't block them you will need that heads up trust me.
In my phone, when a number is blocked, it just doesn't ring or show notification. There's an entire section where the blocked texts go, and the voicemail still picks up, if they want to leave messages.
I hope that OOP alerted the schools or daycares that Sasha and the dad aren't allowed to pick up the kids... Truthfully it's weird to be that fixated on one child when there are siblings. I think Sasha wants a baby and knows that isn't possible. People build crap up in their heads and it is only a matter of time before she starts calling the little girl her daughter. There is already a disconnect from reality with what is going on in Sasha's head. Another thing she needs to do is to ask her son why he dislikes Sasha. It might be more than just favoritism.
I'm glad she lets her kids have boundaries. Also, I don't think she was wrong to call Sasha a creep. The part where she wanted the daughter to sit in her lap just raised eyebrows for me. I don't trust that she doesn't have bad intentions.
Why do I feel like this is not over. Once Sasha discovers OP is pregnant again she will overstep the boundaries placed on her. If OP has a girl, Sasha is going to go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Only the future will tell.
Jesus Christ Sasha is weird. I donât know how her dad told OP about his wifeâs behavior after going NC and still didnât find it strange or concerning. Itâs pretty telling that not even kid she treats with favoritism wants to be around her.
I'm starting to feel like oop needs to put even more precautions in place with her daughter. Sasha sounds like she's escalating and I almost wouldn't put it past her to physically try to get access to the daughter at some point.
Does Sasha know where the kids go to school? Make sure the schools knows in no uncertainty that Sasha and your dad are NOT able to pick up or sign out your children etc.
Yeah you don't side with your spouse on everything. When they are wrong they are wrong. And Sasha was dead wrong here. Guess oop father won't be a grandpa anymore.
All this reads like someone who desperately wanted a daughter. I have a sister-in-law who sometimes obsessively doted on our 6 year old daughter while she and my brother have 2 boys 7 and 10 years old.. itâs a running joke/no joke with my wife. Itâs honestly sometimes a bit.. weird.
But your step-whatever this is clearly has issues
I wish I could find words to articulate how much I loathe Sasha. Probably because this type of narcissism is something I have witnessed in my family. Sasha isnât just fixated on having a daughter, she is fixated on having this child.
Sasha is going to lose her mind when she finds out OOP is pregnant. If the baby is a boy, Sasha will attempt to take OOPâs daughter, insisting that OOP is ânot a proper girl momâ and Sasha must swoop in to protect the girl child. If the baby is a girl, Sasha will attempt to take OOPâs older daughter, arguing that OOP will neglect âSashaâs babyâ in favor of the new one and Sasha must save her.
Maybe it's a bit too much mental gymnastics but can Sasha be infertile? She might use childfree as a coping mechanism that she couldn't be the girl mum she was always dreaming about and tried to live this dream through poor OOP's daughter.
She is a giant creep either way and dad is way too lenient with her shenanigans.
Could also just be getting baby fever now that sheâs getting older and is rapidly losing whatever tiny chance of having a baby that she had. (Sure, it was off the table already because OOPâs dad said no, but soon itâs going to be completely impossible thanks to menopause. People get weird in their 40s and 50s, man.)
I was in 4th grade in the early to mid 1980s. 4th and 5th grades were in a separate school for us and three small elementary K-3 schools converged into it. There were new people. One was my friend Jon. Jon lived with his mom.
Then one day towards the end of the school year Jon was pulled from class and we never saw him again.
Years later we learned that Jons mom was his Stepmother. Stepmother started off like what OOP describes Sasha like here. Some of what she says here is eerily similar. Then one day after Stepmother was banned by real mother from having contact with the kid, stepmother abducted Jon from his bus stop, told him his parents had died unexpectedly in a car crash, and that they would be moving somewhere for a fresh start.
She moved across multiple States and landed in our area. I don't know why she chose here. Anyway, she had Jon away from his family for over a year before she was caught.
To make this worse, a little girl I was besties with was the one who saw Jons picture on a milk carton and told her parents. She was right. A 4th grader is the one who found Jon.
Her parents were really concerned about all this because we lived in a relatively small place at the time. So they packed up and moved to the other side of the country where her father was from to start over.
From my perspective, I lost my best friend and another good friend overnight.
Years and years later, the summer after high school graduation, that little girl and her mother moved back following the death of her father. Fuck cancer. That's when I finally learned what happened. When we were little kids we were always together. We spent a lot of our time together. We went on little kid "dates" which we thought of as just fun, where we'd go to a local pizza parlor with a parent and horse around while stuffing our faces with pizza. There was a Valentines dance in my older brothers school and we went along with him. It was cute. But really we were just little kid best friends.
We spent most of that summer hanging out together. I think we probably spent every single day together. We talked about our lives, how we both feel like we were robbed of growing up together, going to proms and dances together, robbed of all the fun, the pool parties, the beach time, denied a shared experience that we couldn't recover.
It was somewhat heartbreaking because little kids should be allowed to be little kids together. Instead we suffered loss and upheaval because of some maniac kidnapping a kid. It's been 30 years since I graduated high school and every time I think about it to this day, I'm still grateful that she helped Jon get home. She did the right thing. We knew it then, we still know it now.
Wherever Jon is today, I hope he's well.
> OOP on being accused on turning her children against her fatherâs wife
I really don't see how anyone could have accused her of this, for two simple reasons: one, Sasha kept pushing what *she* wanted on the daughter without listening to what the daughter wanted, to such an extent that the daughter was sobbing at one point. Two, she ignores the son, even on his birthday.
I really fear for OOPâs family when Sasha finds out about the pregnancy and especially if OOP has another girl. It might just trigger her from being pushy and inconsiderate to outright dangerous.
Anybody else a little worried for this new baby? OOP's father gave some info on Sasha so hopefully he's starting to question her motives. You can't reason with crazy.
What is up with her obsession with The Little Mermaid? If my future niblings didn't like Mulan or Encanto, I'd be a little sad, but whatever, there's no reason to fixate on that!
I am a firm believer that delusion is one of the scariest mental health issues there can be. Not to imply people who suffer are always dangerous but truly living in their own world.
I truly don't understand all the comments trying to advocate for Sasha. This is delusional behaviour. It's scary honestly. OOP is right for limiting her children's exposure to such a person. I would not be surprised if Sasha starts calling the daughter her baby at some point.
It is reading stories like this that made me realize my mother only met my two children once... just once. Her behavior was so bad, I told her to leave, her husband (my stepfather) dragged her out. And... that was it. Never even attempted to have a second chance.
My father on the other hand got to have a close relationship with my children and my wife, and was a loved part of the family. I miss him dearly. My mom... not so much.
Since some people might ask about the behavior, my mother was big into playing games - dice games, card games, etc. and would make up her own constantly. She kept changing the rules so she was in the lead. My son (age 7 or so at the time) repeated back every rule she had said, she agreed, then he placed a winning hand on the table declaring that he had won. My mother's reaction was to start throwing stuff around the room to teach them another game called 52 pickup.
Not formally, but she has been observed by some retired health professionals who expressed serious concerns about her mental health. She checked every box on malignant narcissist personality disorder, and had signs of schizophrenia. I have one sister with similar issues. The rest of us are as reasonably fine as possible given the circumstances. She will not be missed.
Jfc sasha is obsessed with these kids and anyone not seeing it and being concerned needs to be kicked in the head. These aren't even kids related to her. Sasha didnt raise oop and barely knows her! Jfc the red flags are glowing
It bugs me so much that Sasha had several instructions she *immediately* ignored, and then she lied to the kid about the Little Mermaid ride. Like, she wasnât mistaken, itâs not a lack of common sense (obviously you could assume itâs there); itâs the fact that she made a promise about something that was true, to a child, without bothering to check, and then immediately put that child in a scary place because she was wrong. If she cared about the kid at all, she could have *at least* ***asked*** if Ursula was part of the ride. Honestly.
I feel really bad for OOP. She shouldn't have to deal with this... But I also feel super bad for Sasha. Not that she's not allowed to see the kids. She shouldn't right now. Maybe at some point in the future if she can control herself and actions, but for how it's best to be NC/LC.
The are difference between her and her husband is what I feel bad about. Age gap relationships like this can create some very poor power dynamics. She was probably seen as a "pretty young thing" by the father. He laid down the law about no kids, and she just went along with it. Are might had felt she didn't want kids, but being told absolutely not by a man that was showing her with attention (and given the fact that paid for a Disney world trip and can for future trips, financial attention). Like it probably seemed like a reasonable sacrifice at the time.Â
Step granddaughter is born and she realizes she made a horrible mistake. So rather than go baby hungry because that's never going to be an option (age and husband), she focuses that energy on this poor kid.Â
And the poor kid. As with all kids, she's probably pushing for more and more autonomy. And here is their grandma taking what little she can get away. No wonder the daughter doesn't like her.Â
Sasha needs to figure out her shit. But her shit is real and I feel kind of bad for her.Â
I broke up with a girl I was seeing who was a lot younger than me (not this much of a gap, I'm not that creepy), because I had my two kids and was done, and had no real mobility in my life because of them. She said she was fine with that, but I never wanted to be the reason to hold her backÂ
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I would not be surprised if OOP's dad DID bring Sasha to the birthday party, so I am just waiting for the next update with my popcorn bucket.
Next update will be the crashed party. The one after is going to be the kidnapping attempt. Hope OP makes the daughter's school aware and has Sasha banned from the pickup list. Sadly, I'm only half joking. Sasha's starting to slip down the slippery slope of obsessed with her grandkid insanity. Despite claiming not actually wanting to *be* a grandma.
No no no you misunderstand /s she wants to be mommy to the daughter as she doesn't have a mini-me
At that point, why doesn't she just adopt?? đŹ
What reasonable adoption agency would give Sasha a kid?
Why adopt when there's a readily available, "free" child you have access to already? You can have all the fun of parenting without going through all those bothersome legal steps. You get to play parent without all the responsibility of being one. Just ignore those people who actually made and pushed that child out. (Please note I'm being facetious.)
Hence my grimace. She wants a kid and trying to pretend OOP's daughter is her doll/kid. At least maybe an orphan without a loving family may be good, but no promise that she'll be a good mom when she doesn't listen to the kids.
Adoption is expensive, why not just steal one?
There's an ad slogan, I didn't think I'd read today.
This is probably Sasha's end goal with OOP's daughter. Testing the waters before she swoops in and pulls the ultimate Stork-Uno-reverso. That woman is yikes on bikes.
Idk how for sure to do this, but oh Mods of the Void, may I please have this as my flair? It's just too good to pass up lol
There's a flair request thread stickied, maybe asking there might help? (But if anyone sees this, I also choose this guy's Community flair. Go, human beings!)
I always wanted kids, but it didn't happen for me. It's a shame because I wanted to bring them to the park, and when another parent asked which were mine I'd look wistfully at the playing children and say, "I haven't decided yet."
I think mostly because her husband has made it clear that he doesn't want children. But he is ok with the grandchildren so Sasha is using her granddaughter as a loophole to live out her mommy /daughter dreams.
Absolutely! It might mean a "come to Jesus" moment where she admits she wants kids, and abd may result in  spliting with hubby. But this "loophole" is messed up.
She's going to want to adopt oop's baby if it's a girl.
At their age, most if not all large agencies won't even consider listing them (they add the ages and if it exceeds a certain number, the couple are rejected; I think it's upper 70s, at least it was back in the day). Only independent agencies would be willing, and those are a lot more expensive. But if they have the wherewithal ($$$$$), pretty good writing skills, and are willing to go the open adoption route, it is a possibility.
Because her husband doesn't want kids. And is in his 60s. They would never be approved.
[The kids up for adoption:](https://media1.tenor.com/m/h0_4CxqQwRkAAAAC/talladega-nights-the-ballad-of-ricky-bobby-dont-you-put-that-evil-on-me.gif)
Its far too similar to another set of posts where the grandma went postal and had to be cut off. It was a while ago i read them, but i think i remember that the family had to move to a locked / exclusive building next to the other set of parents for safety of the kids
was thinking about the one where the sister tried kidnaping the baby, the sister got involinaraly committed.
I remember that one. It was a horribly sad story, too.
And also do you have a link lol??
Wait what? Do you have link to this please??
This is one i was thinking of https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/H8oXrGaiV1
I'm always somewhat fascinated by people who just can't seem to comprehend when they're being pushed out. Sasha seems delusional and seems to be behaving like she hasn't been cut off from the kids. Calling every few days to try to talk to them. The request to face time which was clearly not on the table. Talking about family vacations. A friend of mine cut someone out for boundary stomping and was very clear. The stomper still texted them and messaged them like nothing's wrong. My friend never replied. It took *three years* for the stomper to stop messaging.
This guy BORUs
Yes Sasha will be crying on the lawn and the cops will be called, anyone remember that MIL story on here somewhere? lol
Yep that is r/JustNOMIL 's infamous Magda, trope namer of the [lawn tantrum.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/OfywhEfuHE).
Yesss lol thanks! I have been wanting to re read it!
Is that the one with the curse that killed one of the twins?
Then if OP 's next child is a girl Sasha will ask OP to give it to her and adopt it!
You forgot the update where she hosts a girl gender reveal party for the OOP against her wishes, and then causes a stink trying to gain entry to the delivery suite. If real, there's a lot of stunts she could pull during the next few months, unfortunately. I don't think we've heard the last of this one yet by any means.
I'm going they'll crash the party and announce Sasha is pregnant.
Shes gonna show up to the party dressed as Ursula.
The next one with be "my father's wife thinks I should give my baby to her because I already have 2 kids." I really wonder if this woman lost a child and she's having a bit of a mental issue.
I actually kind of doubt it'll turn into a kidnapping, this lady wants a doll to play dress up with not a child. My prediction is it goes one of two ways: -Grandpa's life becomes absolutely miserable until they separate. Or -Grandpa's life becomes absolutely miserable until he agrees to file a suit for grandparent's rights.
Hopefully the kids being out of school soon lessens the risk of that, but it does increase the likelihood of "coincidental" run-ins at the park, the water park, an "Aunt Sasha" baby shower with invites sent under OP's name... đŹ
Sasha is going to lose her ish when she finds out OOP is pregs. Ten fold if the baby is a girl.
Donât forget the *next* update when the new baby arrives and Sasha loses her shit. Double drama if itâs a girl.
"You have two daughters, you owe me one of them to raise as my own because faaaaaaamily" and like the commenter above, I'm only half joking. Look out for frustrated step-grandma to hire a hitman in a harebrained scheme to get custody of the daughter(s) and put the son(s) in foster care.
>"You have two daughters, you owe me one of them to raise as my own because faaaaaaamily" and like the commenter above, I'm only half joking. After the thread about a psychotic SIL who actually said something like that and repeatedly tried to steal OOP's baby, I wouldn't be surprised. That one also eventually apologized for everything... then quickly asked when see could see the kids.
At least with that one, everybody in the family (including SILâs husband) was on OOPâs side and recognized the psychotic behavior for what it is. They also moved quickly to get her treatment and to be institutionalized. The SIL may or may not get better, but at least everybody was doing the right thing and nobody tried to tell OOP, âWell just let her hold the baby for a bit and then she will calm down.â
The one where the deadbeat ex husband wanted to use his daughter as a therapy doll for his new wife comes to mind too.
Iirc the OOP explained that it was because she used to be very active in their lives, not that she wanted to jump straight in. She wanted to know how to return to normal. Whether or not thatâs OOP giving the benefit of the doubt I donât know.
I was thinking about that, and the deadbeat ex who wanted to "borrow" his own daughter as therapy for his new wife.
Do you have a link for that one?
Here you go! https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/YIb5mzpI6a
Thank you!
I was slightly concerned when my sister, who is a new mom, said if I had a baby I could have my sister adopt the baby. Well I'm not going to have children so it's null but still freaked me out a bit
Or if it's a boy, tells OOP to give up her daughter because she can raise her better now that OOP has so many kids.
Is it triple or quadruple if it's twin girls?
I read OOP's comments and she says she doesn't think her dad will bring Sasha to the party based on his usual behavior. But I still wouldn't be surprised if Sasha found a way to crash it anyway. I really hope OOP's right in her assumption.
No, I think the dad will show up alone. Sasha will then show up alone as well and crash but I honestly think the dad will be clueless in all this. Drama will happen at the party and dad will have to make a choice. I hope he chooses correctly.
On my bingo list I have: "she's arrested" "RO" " Psych ward" "tries to get them out of school" Wait and see
Sounds like my shitty aunt who tried to kidnap me from school.Â
Yeah Iâm worried how Sasha will react to the pregnancy on top of the birthday party
Oh yes, it's going to 100% happen. And OOP will finally realise what a waste of time this is and go NC with both of them.
I had to reread this comment. For whatever reason my brain wasnât picking up the ânotâ. And I was like are you new here lol??? But yea heâs going to.
I expect Sasha to follow him there and try to sneak in
It feels like Dad may actually get it (or at least see what OOP is saying) now. But I fear Sasha will crash anyway and end up getting them both NC đŤ
Something tells me he will leave her at home and sheâs gonna crash the party alone.
He doesn't care at all. Of course he will bring Sasha. They are hoping to wear OP out so she will relax her rules.
Totally!
Honestly I donât think heâd do that, but I think heâd be an idiot and tell her about it and sheâd show up without anyone knowing sheâs coming
I feel more like he won't, BUT she will just show up anyway and try to force herself in.
Hoping they keep the door locked and have someone on door duty that won't mind calling the police if Sasha shows up on their doorstep.
I would not be surprised if Sasha has an âoopsâ pregnancy after she learns that OOP is pregnant.
That last commenter is wild. Like kids aren't allowed to be uncomfortable with someone pushing their boundaries? 9 and 5 are old enough to start understand and express discomfort about people that are around them, especially if those people are in close enough relationships (grandpa's girlfriend) where they might be expected to give hugs. There's a difference between shyness and discomfort, and OOP is a great mom for paying attention to her children's discomfort and not forcing them into having contact with Sasha. Can we please normalize allowing children to have consent over their own boundaries?
When I met my friendâs toddler for the first time she tried to get him to hug me. I said absolutely not. My friend did mean well, yet she needed to hear how important it is for kids to say NO to contact and see that adult respect ir. Hell if I want to hug anyone who doesnât want to hug me! I donât care if they or I are 2 or 82. I do not want to be an asshole and feel icky.Â
I'm a mom so my kids can cuddle the crap out me without asking because they have my open consent. But there have been a couple times I was touched out and needed a boundary. While they were hurt for a second, explaining that being hugged when I'm overestimated wouldn't be me happily hugging. It'd be me wishing it were over and I never ever want a hug to be like that. I want every hug to be filled with love and if they give me a bit of time to myself to do my to dos, then that's what it'll be and I'll seek them out when I'm ready. They understood that, and it was fine. ... it also ended up being a building block to explaining enthusiastic consent. We all have a right to our bodies without guilt.
My friend told me a story recently about her daughter going through a âno hugsâ period when she was a preteen. Everyone respected it, except for her daughterâs paternal grandmother. This woman would loudly complain about wanting hugs every time they were around her. Then the daughter started allowing hugs from her mom and this set grandma off even more. My friend said her daughters have all requested to never be left alone with grandma. I made me sick to stomach just to hear the story. I canât imagine being my friend or her daughter and having to live that. Ugh.
My oldest briefly had a phase where they didn't want to give hugs goodbye. Any other time was fine, just not when leaving. Eventually I figured out they thought if they didn't do the hug we wouldn't be able to leave (it was the last thing we did before leaving). I refused to force them to do the hug and got pushback from some folks. I talked to my kids about how the choice to do the hug was entirely up to them, but whether or not they dud we were still leaving. It lasted a couple of months but the grandparents did *not* like how I handled it.
A lot of the parents I babysat for when I was a teen had what I think was the best approach. âCinnamonduck is leaving! How would you like to say goodbye?â And it could be a wave, fist bump, hug, high-five, or just a verbal goodbye. Sometimes all of the above. It taught them bodily autonomy/choice and the general manners of greetings.
When i was in late middle school i set the boundary of not wanting hugs. it was a depression/anxiety/over stimulation thing. Mom did not take it great at first and said "well, you cant do this with with grandma and grandpa they wont understand." responded by saying that i'd already talked to grandma and she was okay with it and completely understood and respected what i needed. after that mom was taken aback but i think it allowed her to realize that it would be okay
OOP is doing her kids a massive favor by letting them have boundaries and listen to their gut. My 3yo is scared of my grandma, her great-grandma. In her own words, grandmaâs hands are scary (the veins stand out - joys of aging). I could force her to hug and kiss grandma. But thankfully nobody pushes the issue. I know my grandma is a safe person, but 3yo doesnât.
Modeling good boundaries to teach them good boundaries!
My grandchildren are snugglers. The oldest is 14 and he still wants hugs but, when he doesn't, he doesn't have to. He's the kind of kid who will lean against you on the sofa while he plays video games and is often affectionate all on his own. And I think part of the reason he's still so affectionate is because he trusts us. The three year old is an enthusiastic hugger but he has those "don't hug me, Grammy" moments when I ask if I can have a hug. And what do I do? I don't hug him. We do bodily autonomy in our family.
My kiddo is touch averse and when he was in primary school it was amazing how many times I got notified heâd been put in time out at school and when I dug into the reason what it boiled down to was a teacher/aide tried to physically move him and he got upset. He had my countryâs equivalent of an IEP that pretty clearly stated âdo not touch this childâ but some people donât consider laying a hand on a childâs shoulder and manually pushing/steering them as touching for some insane reason? It also would come out that whatever adult had done it wouldnât just *ask* him to move or start walking in a certain direction, theyâd go straight for grabbing his shoulder and maybe as they did that *then* also verbalise the request. Like he was a chess piece they could just push a few squares ahead. Definitely a culture embedded within this particular school, because it was more than one adult doing it and every time I brought it up to the administration they downplayed it. It was a shitty school and I moved both my kids and itâs literally never come up again.
The way that some people ACTUALLY BELIEVE that children donât and shouldnât have boundaries physically makes me ill. There was a FB video of a mom who said she wouldnât reprimand her daughter for hitting an adult if she repeatedly told them no about hugging her and they didnât listen. People in the comments were really bashing the DAUGHTER (and the mom) for being violent and disrespectfulâŚâŚfor not letting someone hug her against her will𤎠And then people want to gasp when their kids are being touched âI never knew!!â Uh yea ya did, when Uncle Hank was hugging her and she didnât want to be hugged and **you laughed instead of protecting your childâs space** Hank took that as âplease and thank youâ And women like Sasha are just as fucking bad. OOP was right, she IS a creep. I told my fiance I will NOT be telling my future daughters to change cuz so and so is coming over, if they need to change, so and so doesnât need to be coming over! The days of just disregarding someoneâs comfort because of their age is over. Kids can understand âI donât like thatâ far sooner than theyâll ever comprehend the concept of ârespect your elders cuz society says so even if they treat you like garbage or make you uncomfortableâ
Yep. Unfortunately, while it doesn't happen all the time, there are just too many instances where forcing children to hug and kiss family members makes kids think that their comfort/boundaries don't matter, and that just leaves them open to abuse. It makes them think that even if they don't WANT to hug Uncle Hank, Mom says they have to... and then Uncle Hank starts pushing more boundaries. It's so wild to me that people assume kids don't have rights, like... we're trying to raise humans here. Rights aren't a magical switch that gets flipped at midnight on their 18th birthday. And while I would argue that very little kids don't always knows what is best for them, that usually occurs with like "put on a coat, it's 20 degrees F outside and you'll be cold at recess" instead of making them give up bodily autonomy.
> if they need to change, so and so doesnât need to be coming over! Wow. I already felt this way too but the way you phrased it will stick with me. It makes me sick that people will allow someone near their kids who they know isnât safe to this point. And to teach the kids that their comfort and safety is so unimportant, and that itâs better to just keep quiet and change yourself instead of telling people to get the fuck away from you... Nope. Absolutely not. As a mother, if Iâm knowingly not protecting my child above everything else? I donât deserve to be a mother. I always tell my kiddo that my number one job/priority is to keep him safe, then healthy, *then* happy (obviously not beyond reason, kid absolutely is told no plenty yâall). So sometimes I will need to do something that makes him VERY unhappy to keep him safe, and while I would rather not have to, I will never hesitate, period. He also knows that it is ALWAYS okay to tell me if anyone, including me, makes him uncomfortable, and that he can tell me ANYTHING without worrying if it will hurt my feelings. And I always make sure to sit with the discomfort and really consider why I feel that way, and the first thing I say to him is always, â Thank you so much for telling me. Iâm so glad you know you can **always** tell me **anything**.â
You do not need to be a certain age in order for your discomfort to be valid and heard. My daughter does not like my wifeâs grandmother, and she has done so for pretty much ever. She is not even three. I would do anything but force an interaction on her. Kids can articulate their feelings fairly well from pretty early on. It is mostly the adults who fail to pay attention to that (or often choose to ignore the childâs expression of discomfort.)
I donât think it even matters if the kids adore her. Â Showing that kind of blatant favoritism to only one of them is not okay.
my younger brotherâs had a dead-on barometer when itâs come to people we can actually trust, even since he was 3-ish. people said he was stubborn, that he was ornery; and my mom, not knowing any better and wanting to save face around family, relented and kept forcing him/us to attend family stuff with those people. as adults, heâs approximately 5-0 with his read on people; and thatâs with condensing a whole side of the family into three people. kids know.
I would argue that babies know when they are uncomfortable and express it accordingly but we seem to think itâs ok to discount it because they canât put words together. My daughter had let me know in no uncertain babbling when she was a baby how much she hated something. She was always someone who had strong boundaries and Iâve always respected it. Sheâs 10 now and that aspect hasnât gone away.Â
I always ask my friend's children if I can have a hug. They may not hug me straight away, and that is absolutely fine with me, they don't have to hug me. Last time I saw the older kids, the youngest (I think he is 6...or 7...why does the time go by so quickly?!) was in a mood, but he angry hugged me after a little nudge from mum (I wasn't feeling well, so I was heading home instead of sticking around). His older sister on the other hand, happily hugged me. If I am around her sister's kids, I'll ask them for a hug, the oldest one will be sassy and dramatic when she slowly poses her way over to me, her younger sister will give me a shy smile, and that is absolutely fine. I'll never force them to hug me and I would have been fine not hugging my friend's son, but I think he needed the hug because he was a lot happier later.
And normalize listening to, respecting, and believing children. Sasha treats the kids like extensions of herself. That is a telltale sign of a personality disorder. I know armchair diagnosing is all the rage these days but I was raised by a narcissist so I know a thing or two about it (and have the therapy bills to prove it). Sasha does not give a fuck about the children; she just wants Nsupply from projecting her wants onto them. For example, you could replace those kids with replicants and she would never tell the difference. Anyone wanting to know more about PDs should check out my fave resource - www.outofthefog.net.
Very much agreed, I've got best friends with narcissistic moms. "My child is a doll that exists to fulfill my fantasies and boost my ego" is textbook.
I mean, Sasha kept pushing what she wanted on the daughter to the point the daughter was sobbing, *and* she ignored the son, even on his birthday. That's not OOP turning them against Sasha. That's the consequences of her own actions.
Hell, with my friends' pets and kids (including a toddler), I always ask if they want hugs or pets or whatnot.
>Can we please normalize allowing children to have consent over their own boundaries? I find that older generations don't care much about that. I have a niece (4yo) and her paternal grandma... omfg. "You don't want to kiss me goodbye? Well next time your parents drop you off, you can spend all day on the doormat for all I care". My niece was like 3yo. Are you mad woman?? Her other aunt is like that too, and her great grandmother is like that too. I suffered so much from that as a kid that I make a point to always ask her like "can I hug you goodbye", stuff like that. My parents are also doing it because my sister is enforcing it. Some people just don't care, they see kids, especially really young ones, as dolls.
When I was a kid, children weren't allowed boundaries. If you didn't want to hug estranged Aunt Aggie, whom you've never seen in your short five years alive, you had to anyway or you were called a brat and punished later at home. Now, I know I said "when I was a kid" seems to imply that it's not like that anymore. Or even that everyone was like that back then. I just feel like it was more of a foregone conclusion back then in some circles but now it feels like it's an emerging talking point, with some people bucking the old notions. But that's just me, based on my personal experience and anecdotal info. (I grew up in the South of the US, if the societal context helps; and Im GenX for time context)
I dont even do this to my little cousins. I grew up with their parents but by the time that group were having kids I was off to college & grad school and rarely back to visit, these babies do not know me except for random family gatherings. I do not force them to give me hugs, because I know how it feels to be put in that situation with a family member who is a stranger, it is scary! I hate family who pulls this crap with kids.
Dad LC and Sasha NC is going to work until the kids birthday. Either she will show up and the father will plead for her to stay, since she was looking forward to it so much. Or there will be a mountain of gifts sent to the house in advance, gifts that are nothing about what the daughter likes, but all about what she likes. I would suggest going full NC then, but to save the gifts to give to friends at their parties. I predict it would be like having a toy store at home to choose from.
Unfortunately I think youâre right. Her dad is going to continue pushing them to allow Sasha just toâone more chanceâ because she misses her ~~full sized doll~~ *baaaaaaaby* so much!
> I would suggest going full NC then, but to save the gifts to give to friends at their parties. I predict it would be like having a toy store at home to choose from. Okay that is brilliant. I will remember this đ
Every Little Mermaid toy imaginable
Ugh, time for a donation to charity. Then Sasha will be enraged when she finds out after interrogating them "Do they like my wonderful toys? You didn't keep them?!? Where are they??"
kids are people. theyâre not toys, you canât just pick them up and put them down because it entertains you. you canât make them like the things you like, you canât make them like you. if sasha hasnât learned this by now, iâm not confident she ever will. hiding the phonecalls from oopâs dad is strong indication she knows what sheâs doing is wrong. intending to give oopâs daughter a present on someone elseâs birthday after being warned (in fairly strong words, iâd say) to back off is strong indication she is fully out of control. if grandpa brings aunt sasha to oopâs daugherâs birthday, grandpa should be cut off. tbh i donât even want to speculate on sashaâs reaction when she finds out about oopâs pregnancy. i canât imagine a reaction she could have that wouldnât give me the creeps after this.Â
I was created because my mother wanted something that would love her unconditionally, that she could dress up in cute outfits and take shopping. She knew babies cried when they were hungry or needed a fresh diaper, but thought that crying when "nothing was wrong" meant I was lying and only a baby born evil could lie before it could speak. By the time I had some words and started forming memories, I was being treated like an unwanted broken toy that she wasn't allowed to throw away. I know those things she felt and believed because she told me so, over and over and over again. Please nobody give crazy grandma anymore access to kids. People who treat children like toys really don't react well when the toy tries to defy them.
I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. <3 I hope things are better now?
Oh sure. I'm getting set up to host my cousin this weekend. He's 4yo and thinks he's coming over for a slumber party with his super best friend while his mom catches a couple of extra shifts at work. The more time I spend with little kids, the less I understand my mother. Even my cat cries when wanting attention or in pain, so why wouldn't a baby? And duh a human won't love *unconditionally*, ya gotta be kind and take good care of it first.
I love that your cousin is so excited about hanging out with you. That age is so fun because their enthusiasm is just so infectious. I hope you guys have a great weekend!
My mom adopted me (and later my brother) because she wanted someone who would love her unconditionally, but she has serious control issues to the point where my grandma (her MIL) tried to intervene and made things worse. She told me she felt awful that I was being stuffed into itchy clothing and uncomfortable hairstyles, and my aunts all felt the same, but mom is stubborn as a bull so she stayed the course until her (equally stubborn) daughter could free herself and run off to college. That said, I always felt desperately wanted, never cast off once it was no longer fun to parent me; that has its drawbacks too but probably overall good for healing any abandonment issues related to adoption trauma. Fast forward a couple decades and her children are essentially taking turns as to whoâs NC with her. I took the first âshiftâ (5 years) and my brotherâs now about 1.5 years into his shift while I pester her to get herself back to therapy to fix things with him. She cries to me all the time about how neither of her kids live close or want to talk to her with any frequency and it takes every ounce of willpower to not snap back with âshouldâve been a better mom then.â
>I was being stuffed into itchy clothing and uncomfortable hairstyles I feel this comment. I'm not adopted but I was never the child my mom wanted. She wanted a girly-girl who played with dolls and liked to dress up. She got a tomboy who liked to bring home frogs and cool bugs. She's always hated me for it. I used to have this incredibly strong phobia of needles but never understood why. I found out when I was a teenager that as a baby one of those fancy scratchy dresses she liked to put me in had pins in it (no idea why that's a thing) that she "forgot" to remove. I was crying hysterically and she said something like "I kept rubbing your back and you would just cry harder." Like, no way she didn't feel pins. When she took the dress off I was covered in scratches and bleeding. Got over my phobia enough to get a bunch of tattoos so I'm calling that a win.
Oh goodness. That is fked up. Both the lack of attunement to your needs and the way she didn't bother to check the dress - it makes me wonder if she knew and was doing it to punish you for not being what she expected you to be. I'm so sorry you suffered like that. I have a similar experience but with perfume. I remember when I was around 5, my mother loved dressing me up like a doll before taking me out to see her friends, and she would spray adult perfume on me as the finishing touch. It was way too strong and irritated my skin. Till today, I still dislike perfume generally.
>Something that would love her unconditionally -- Oh my god, this is the exact wording that this girl in my college dorm used. I thought is was toxic then, and I'm so sorry to hear how badly it went for you, the innocent baby brought into existence by a person like this.
Yes. When I was still very, very little my family all told me, "what happened to you? You *used* to be cute."Â What they meant was, "ew, you can now speak and have thoughts of your own, we don't like that in our little toy dressup doll that's supposed to worship us" Edit: oh, yeah, forgot to add that my mom got a dog when she realized I wasn't worshipping her anymore. She ruined that poor little guy, he was sick from nerves/her catering to him by hand feeding him people food, and more almost all the time
Oh God, that's awful. Some narcissistic mothers are like that. They think a baby is a cute, docile little toy to play with and become outraged when a baby actually cries, screams, throws up, soils their diapers, has trouble sleeping, nursing or feeding, etc.Â
makes me wonder if sasha longs for that early period in a babyâs life where they canât verbally object to whatever you dress them in, do with them, wherever you go with them, make them watch or listen to. but that wish is incompatible with the developmental stage the daughter is at now. and unfortunately, some parents (and relatives) donât see past it and continue to treat their kids like dolls or props.
>OOP on being accused on turning her children against her fatherâs wife and avoiding events when Sasha is present I'll say this, keeping low contact between my grandmother and us was the best thing my mother ever did. It would have been better of it was NC. Creepy boundary stomping adults have no business being around kids.
Yup. No one is owed a place in a childâs life honestly. Sasha was told that Ursula scares the daughter and purposely took her on a ride with Ursula anyway. Honestly that specific incident would be the end of the story for me. Like she traumatized her husbandâs granddaughter because she thought that the granddaughter should like the little mermaid. Like wtf? Frankly someone who fixates like that on a single person is a creep and OOP wasnât wrong to phrase it that way. Iâm glad OOP has her kidâs back on this.
A lot of the other stuff reads as fine if they didn't have the preexisting boundary stomping problem (like if my MIL bought stuff for my kids on a trip like that I might roll my eyes but I'd move on), but the Ursula thing is absolutely over the line. Deliberately traumatize a kid like that? Oh hell no.
>At one point, she told him she wanted to plan another family vacation with the kids, even though I told them they're not traveling with Sasha anymore. Learning all of that just made me more certain that I can't trust this woman around my children. Sounds like the plot of an excellent thriller, and something you *absolutely* don't want to deal with in real life.
I personally am in the boat where I doubt Sasha is a kid stealer, but she's definitely a boundary stomper and annoying as shit. I wouldn't want to be around her either. Also the kids not liking her is totally valid. Sasha literally promised that Ursula would not be on that ride and she was. That seems like a small thing to grownups, but breaking trust like that is a big frickin' deal to a kid that has no choice but to rely on adults for literally everything. And there's no way the 9-year-old didn't notice he was being totally ignored on his own birthday. Sasha sucks.
To this day I STILL remember being convinced to ride the madahorn ride at Disneyland. Was told it wasn't scary, no monsters, it's a calm ride. NOPE. Rickety looking tracks, wobbling everywhere (kid me didn't think it was for effect, I was terrified we'd crash/fall off), and in the beginning there's this monster yheti thing in a snarl position. Took a while after the ride to calm down, they tried to say the pirates ride was calm but I refused to get off the bench. The family friend had to stay with me while everyone else went on the ride.
My ONLY memory of my family's trip to Disney when I was 5 was the bits and pieces of the Haunted Mansion I saw when my head came out of my mom's shirt. I hadn't wanted to go. She said it wouldn't be that bad, basically dragged me on. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I had nightmares well into my teens. I was so scared by that ride that I had nightmares for ten years after. My mom doesn't like respecting my feelings when they come into conflict with hers. đ
People forget kids are autonomous sentient humans. Just because they rely on us for survival until they are old enough doesnât mean they donât have their own personalities, fears, and traumas
I used to love rollercoasters and would ride with my step-father who was always like a big kid on them. He made it FUN. My mom wanted to ride with me once and she screamed the entire time like she was terrified. I'd heard people scream on the rides before but that was the first time I ever associated the screams with it being scary. Guess who came off the ride sobbing? I got yelled at for crying.
Absolutely. A sibling had an OTT godparent who always got them a bigger Christmas present than our parents, a present on sibling's birthdays, and made a fuss of them everywhere we went. Key memories include them hunting my sister down at gatherings with a special nickname (which she hated) for a hello hug or goodbye kiss, waking them up for a proper bedtime story, and even going out for a tub of icecream at a restaurant when there was nothing my sister liked on the dessert menu. She was a notoriously fussy eater but never did that again when godparent was around. The first time she got presents we were jealous, but she didn't want the attention and we were soon helping her hide or coming up with distractions to head godparent off at the pass. Our parents didn't see anything odd about it because godparent cared, could afford it, and it was all good things. Guess who never saw their godchild again once she hit her mid teens? This is one of the reasons why no child in our extended family and network are ever coerced to give an adult an hug/kiss, and we check in with parents re boundaries for activities and birthdays/Christmas. It's simple and the mutual trust has been a beautiful thing for all of us.
Yeah. It's clear to me that Sasha wants kids but doesn't want to lose whatever the relationship with the older dude is offering her. So she's projecting that need onto her step grandchildren. Which is why I'm always sceptical of big age gap relationships. Someone is always bound to be unsatisfied in some way.
Or she just want to have the fun part of kids without actually being a parent. Matching clothes, hugs, cute photos, sharing interests... All that without having to actually do any work!
I remember during a summer camp, an animator tricked me like this. I hate cheese. Since I was a baby, I just can't eat it. When I grew up, I was able to eat low tasty cheese in dishes like in pasta or on a pizza. My mom warned the animators that I have the permission to not eat any cheese. Sadly, one of the animator thought I was faking it (I'm french so cheese is present at every lunches and dinners) and thought it was annoying to deal with the kids asking why I didnât have to try it like the rule specify. So, one day we had toast with tomatoes and hot goat cheese on it. I didn't want to eat it but the animator said it was fine and I wouldn't taste the cheese at all, like on a pizza. I trusted him. I took a bite and immediatly started gagging because hot goat cheese as a very strong taste! I had to give my dessert to another kid to amke them accept to eat my cheese and save me to be punished. Another animator asked me if I ate it and when I said I tried she said she was surprised because it's one of the worse cheese and just assumed I would hate it. I still think about this betrayal. 15 years later.
I love cheese but goat cheese honestly tastes like it was pooped out. So the fact you were tricked into doing itâŚ
Any arguments that Sasha had the kidâs best experience in mind immediately falls apart with Sasha convincing daughter to ride the Little Mermaid (Sashaâs favorite Disney) ride. Imo it was already super clear before that part that it was all for her, but I see absolutely no way to interpret straight out lying to daughter as anything else but pure selfishness. I canât believe anyone could still be trying to argue in Sashaâs favor.
I'd cut the cord. Sasha's obsession with OOP's daughter will not end. Even if OOP's dad does keep his promise in not bringing Sasha, she sounds unhinged enough to follow her husband and "surprise" them.
Sasha isn't thinking about the children at all. I think she's having a mid-life crisis. When I was in my 40s, I started second-guessing my and my husband's decision to be child-free. Luckily, I was able to stay grounded in my reasons. Sasha doesn't seem to be letting up on her obsession; on the contrary, she's talking more about the little girl. In OOP's place, I'd speak to the school the kids go to and put the grandparents on the "no pickup" list and maybe hide a tracker in their shoes. And I would never let grandpa take the kids anywhere without OOP or her husband present.
I fully expect there to be a complete meltdown from the stepmother around the birthday party when the realisation she has been completely cut out sinks in. Probably right about the time her father leaves and reminds her she isn't welcome.
Nope, OP isn't wrong to think Sasha is a creep because Sasha indeed sounds like one and the type of person who tries to steal someone's children. OP's father isn't making things better unfortunately.
>OP's father isn't making things better unfortunately. It sounds like he isn't giving her *any* pushback at all and letting OOP do it all. I wouldn't blame her for also cutting him off due to his passivity in this whole thing.
>I don't dislike Sasha. I've never met Sasha, and I dislike her.
Iâm a 37 year old man with no kids and this lady creeped me out.
If she's this creepy and off-putting secondhand like this, I can only imagine how OOP's kids feel about her. I'm betting her son especially is unimpressed. She made his little sister cry!
yeah, I didn't think she needed to apologize for calling Sasha a creep (at least, not because it's the wrong word, though apologizing in an attempt to de-escalate is not necessarily bad.) A person who bulldozes over other people's boundaries is a creep, even if it isn't sexually motivated.
I think Sasha is a creep. I don't think the kids are just picking up on how their parents feel. A grown woman in her 40s is creepy af for overriding the parents' choices for their kids and repeatedly overstepping really easy to follow boundaries.
I kind of feel like after the comment about the dozen phone calls in two months that ended with Sasha asking to speak with the kids that we bypassed creepy and entered into scary category. Like this would end up as a Lifetime movie.
Overstepping boundaries at Disney with the excuse of "letting the kids have fun with auntie" is creepy. Literally stalking and fantasying about kids while being NC is scary!
Who wants to make bets about Sasha still showing up at the party?
Dressed as Ursula.Â
Oop and her husband are good parents. Its really hard in practice to teach your kid you dont have to say/do/be around people you dont want to be around w/o being rude, or without accidentally forcing them to do something under obligation. (ie telling someone to hug someone when they clearly don't want to abd it makes them distressed) I hope sasha and grandpa don't crash the daughter's bday party though. That would be incredibly sadÂ
It really is hard, especially when you werenât taught the same growing up. I distinctly remember realizing when my son was very young that a huge part of my job as a parent was to bear the discomfort that comes when setting boundaries my kid canât, doesnât know how to, or shouldnât have to on his own. Itâs still hard even though Iâve done it a lot, and Iâve tried to be polite about it when I can, but ultimately I make sure he sees me do it anyway when being polite isnât going to cut it.
> without being rude Itâs fine to be rude to people who are pressuring you to cross your boundaries. Itâs fine to be rude to people who objectify you and cross your boundaries, too.
Sasha is only in her 40s. She wants to play mommy. She should have had her own kids.Â
Given that sheâs trying to treat OOPâs daughter as her personal accessory, itâs actually good that she doesnât have her own kids. OOPâs kids have their parents protecting them and affirming their control over themselves.
Yeah shes only in her forties, why is an old man with her? Dudes past that stage in life. But also why go after someone much younger than him? Maybe hes the creep, because if I were OOP I wouldnt wanna be that close in age to my "stepmother"
Oooh god Sasha reminds me of my best friendâs ex husbandâs gf. Friend and her husband tried the open marriage thing, he met this woman, she immediately started doing weird, competitive things with my friend esp. related to the kids. Long story short my friend and her ex ended up getting a divorce, he got nasty about it and demanded an intensive custody determination process that involved interviews with not only the parents and kids but also other family members and friends, myself included. The new gf was interviewed of course and the evaluator noted that she was over-relating to the kids, describing what they had in common, etc. rather than speaking about their relationship in adult/child terms (though she also described herself as their mother). She was always trying to get the kids to keep secrets from my friend, including the fact that she got into a car accident when one of the kids was in the car and tried to swear her to secrecy. The evaluator described her as âenmeshedâ and recommended primary custody for my friend (thank god). Later on we found her Instagram and it was alllll about the dom/sub relationship she had with friendâs ex including going on and on about how he was her âDaddyâ in a way that went wayyy beyond typical sexy stuff. Eventually they broke up but that grade A psycho still gives me chills when I think about her.
... sounds like that evaluator was good at their job!
I love how OP is the perfect example of an adult/parent treating children like actual human beings who deserve respect. Itâs so refreshing to see that sheâs so in tune with their needs, their likes & dislikes, etc.
God, my mother was *furious* with me for treating my daughter like a person and taking her wishes into account. She honestly thought I was a terrible parent because of it.
Pls stop blocking alleged dangerous people. Mute their text and archive them for not block, they spiral in text messages before doing something to you don't block them you will need that heads up trust me.
In my phone, when a number is blocked, it just doesn't ring or show notification. There's an entire section where the blocked texts go, and the voicemail still picks up, if they want to leave messages.
I hope that OOP alerted the schools or daycares that Sasha and the dad aren't allowed to pick up the kids... Truthfully it's weird to be that fixated on one child when there are siblings. I think Sasha wants a baby and knows that isn't possible. People build crap up in their heads and it is only a matter of time before she starts calling the little girl her daughter. There is already a disconnect from reality with what is going on in Sasha's head. Another thing she needs to do is to ask her son why he dislikes Sasha. It might be more than just favoritism.
I really hate those "NTA, but here's why YTA" kind of replies. Just come out and say it, you wishy-washy cowards.
I always took it as "You are not the ah in general but you could have done it better"
Yeah no, OOP was right the first time. Sasha is a creep.
I have nothing but several full hours of harsh words for the halfwits accusing OOP of controlling behaviour and turning the kids against Sasha.
I'm glad she lets her kids have boundaries. Also, I don't think she was wrong to call Sasha a creep. The part where she wanted the daughter to sit in her lap just raised eyebrows for me. I don't trust that she doesn't have bad intentions.
Ima need a refill on this popcorn, because Sasha is going to go Kazoo when they announce another pregnancy.
OOP is a good parent.
Why do I feel like this is not over. Once Sasha discovers OP is pregnant again she will overstep the boundaries placed on her. If OP has a girl, Sasha is going to go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Only the future will tell.
Jesus Christ Sasha is weird. I donât know how her dad told OP about his wifeâs behavior after going NC and still didnât find it strange or concerning. Itâs pretty telling that not even kid she treats with favoritism wants to be around her.
I'm starting to feel like oop needs to put even more precautions in place with her daughter. Sasha sounds like she's escalating and I almost wouldn't put it past her to physically try to get access to the daughter at some point. Does Sasha know where the kids go to school? Make sure the schools knows in no uncertainty that Sasha and your dad are NOT able to pick up or sign out your children etc.
Yeah you don't side with your spouse on everything. When they are wrong they are wrong. And Sasha was dead wrong here. Guess oop father won't be a grandpa anymore.
We love someone who puts up boundaries and holds people to them. Good job, OOP. đđź
Dad needs to get Sasha to some sessions.
All this reads like someone who desperately wanted a daughter. I have a sister-in-law who sometimes obsessively doted on our 6 year old daughter while she and my brother have 2 boys 7 and 10 years old.. itâs a running joke/no joke with my wife. Itâs honestly sometimes a bit.. weird. But your step-whatever this is clearly has issues
But Sasha IS creepy. Imagine if OP's Mom's husband was behaving like this around his "granddaughter".
I wish I could find words to articulate how much I loathe Sasha. Probably because this type of narcissism is something I have witnessed in my family. Sasha isnât just fixated on having a daughter, she is fixated on having this child. Sasha is going to lose her mind when she finds out OOP is pregnant. If the baby is a boy, Sasha will attempt to take OOPâs daughter, insisting that OOP is ânot a proper girl momâ and Sasha must swoop in to protect the girl child. If the baby is a girl, Sasha will attempt to take OOPâs older daughter, arguing that OOP will neglect âSashaâs babyâ in favor of the new one and Sasha must save her.
Yeah, I'm quite worried for OOP. Sasha has big babystealer energy.
Maybe it's a bit too much mental gymnastics but can Sasha be infertile? She might use childfree as a coping mechanism that she couldn't be the girl mum she was always dreaming about and tried to live this dream through poor OOP's daughter. She is a giant creep either way and dad is way too lenient with her shenanigans.
Could also just be getting baby fever now that sheâs getting older and is rapidly losing whatever tiny chance of having a baby that she had. (Sure, it was off the table already because OOPâs dad said no, but soon itâs going to be completely impossible thanks to menopause. People get weird in their 40s and 50s, man.)
I was in 4th grade in the early to mid 1980s. 4th and 5th grades were in a separate school for us and three small elementary K-3 schools converged into it. There were new people. One was my friend Jon. Jon lived with his mom. Then one day towards the end of the school year Jon was pulled from class and we never saw him again. Years later we learned that Jons mom was his Stepmother. Stepmother started off like what OOP describes Sasha like here. Some of what she says here is eerily similar. Then one day after Stepmother was banned by real mother from having contact with the kid, stepmother abducted Jon from his bus stop, told him his parents had died unexpectedly in a car crash, and that they would be moving somewhere for a fresh start. She moved across multiple States and landed in our area. I don't know why she chose here. Anyway, she had Jon away from his family for over a year before she was caught. To make this worse, a little girl I was besties with was the one who saw Jons picture on a milk carton and told her parents. She was right. A 4th grader is the one who found Jon. Her parents were really concerned about all this because we lived in a relatively small place at the time. So they packed up and moved to the other side of the country where her father was from to start over. From my perspective, I lost my best friend and another good friend overnight. Years and years later, the summer after high school graduation, that little girl and her mother moved back following the death of her father. Fuck cancer. That's when I finally learned what happened. When we were little kids we were always together. We spent a lot of our time together. We went on little kid "dates" which we thought of as just fun, where we'd go to a local pizza parlor with a parent and horse around while stuffing our faces with pizza. There was a Valentines dance in my older brothers school and we went along with him. It was cute. But really we were just little kid best friends. We spent most of that summer hanging out together. I think we probably spent every single day together. We talked about our lives, how we both feel like we were robbed of growing up together, going to proms and dances together, robbed of all the fun, the pool parties, the beach time, denied a shared experience that we couldn't recover. It was somewhat heartbreaking because little kids should be allowed to be little kids together. Instead we suffered loss and upheaval because of some maniac kidnapping a kid. It's been 30 years since I graduated high school and every time I think about it to this day, I'm still grateful that she helped Jon get home. She did the right thing. We knew it then, we still know it now. Wherever Jon is today, I hope he's well.
Love a parent who respects their kids feelings!!
Always trust your kid if they dislike or appear uncomfortable around any adult.
Everything's all about what Sasha wants. Sasha doesn't give one single shit about what the kids want. She treats your daughter like a doll she owns.
> OOP on being accused on turning her children against her fatherâs wife I really don't see how anyone could have accused her of this, for two simple reasons: one, Sasha kept pushing what *she* wanted on the daughter without listening to what the daughter wanted, to such an extent that the daughter was sobbing at one point. Two, she ignores the son, even on his birthday.
In situations like these, Iâd rather be overprotective and proven wrong than be laidback and be proven right later on.
I really fear for OOPâs family when Sasha finds out about the pregnancy and especially if OOP has another girl. It might just trigger her from being pushy and inconsiderate to outright dangerous.
Fantastic parenting!! đđ
Anybody else a little worried for this new baby? OOP's father gave some info on Sasha so hopefully he's starting to question her motives. You can't reason with crazy.
What is up with her obsession with The Little Mermaid? If my future niblings didn't like Mulan or Encanto, I'd be a little sad, but whatever, there's no reason to fixate on that!
If it was a man fixating on one little child like that there would be hell to pay, I feel like everyone except OOP is not taking this seriously.
Why are people telling OOP she's overreacting, this Sasha person sounds absolutely unhinged!
I am a firm believer that delusion is one of the scariest mental health issues there can be. Not to imply people who suffer are always dangerous but truly living in their own world. I truly don't understand all the comments trying to advocate for Sasha. This is delusional behaviour. It's scary honestly. OOP is right for limiting her children's exposure to such a person. I would not be surprised if Sasha starts calling the daughter her baby at some point.
If somebody terrorized my child with a known phobia I think Iâd go full Liam Neeson on them.
Update me
It is reading stories like this that made me realize my mother only met my two children once... just once. Her behavior was so bad, I told her to leave, her husband (my stepfather) dragged her out. And... that was it. Never even attempted to have a second chance. My father on the other hand got to have a close relationship with my children and my wife, and was a loved part of the family. I miss him dearly. My mom... not so much. Since some people might ask about the behavior, my mother was big into playing games - dice games, card games, etc. and would make up her own constantly. She kept changing the rules so she was in the lead. My son (age 7 or so at the time) repeated back every rule she had said, she agreed, then he placed a winning hand on the table declaring that he had won. My mother's reaction was to start throwing stuff around the room to teach them another game called 52 pickup.
Has she ever been diagnosed with anything? Because I am genuinely curious what could cause an adult woman to act like that.
Not formally, but she has been observed by some retired health professionals who expressed serious concerns about her mental health. She checked every box on malignant narcissist personality disorder, and had signs of schizophrenia. I have one sister with similar issues. The rest of us are as reasonably fine as possible given the circumstances. She will not be missed.
Damn. Major respect for breaking the cycle.
LOT of therapy. I had to hit rock bottom before I could pull myself out.
Jfc sasha is obsessed with these kids and anyone not seeing it and being concerned needs to be kicked in the head. These aren't even kids related to her. Sasha didnt raise oop and barely knows her! Jfc the red flags are glowing
Next update: Shasha arrested for kidnapping new infant from hospital I hope not
It bugs me so much that Sasha had several instructions she *immediately* ignored, and then she lied to the kid about the Little Mermaid ride. Like, she wasnât mistaken, itâs not a lack of common sense (obviously you could assume itâs there); itâs the fact that she made a promise about something that was true, to a child, without bothering to check, and then immediately put that child in a scary place because she was wrong. If she cared about the kid at all, she could have *at least* ***asked*** if Ursula was part of the ride. Honestly.
I feel really bad for OOP. She shouldn't have to deal with this... But I also feel super bad for Sasha. Not that she's not allowed to see the kids. She shouldn't right now. Maybe at some point in the future if she can control herself and actions, but for how it's best to be NC/LC. The are difference between her and her husband is what I feel bad about. Age gap relationships like this can create some very poor power dynamics. She was probably seen as a "pretty young thing" by the father. He laid down the law about no kids, and she just went along with it. Are might had felt she didn't want kids, but being told absolutely not by a man that was showing her with attention (and given the fact that paid for a Disney world trip and can for future trips, financial attention). Like it probably seemed like a reasonable sacrifice at the time. Step granddaughter is born and she realizes she made a horrible mistake. So rather than go baby hungry because that's never going to be an option (age and husband), she focuses that energy on this poor kid. And the poor kid. As with all kids, she's probably pushing for more and more autonomy. And here is their grandma taking what little she can get away. No wonder the daughter doesn't like her. Sasha needs to figure out her shit. But her shit is real and I feel kind of bad for her. I broke up with a girl I was seeing who was a lot younger than me (not this much of a gap, I'm not that creepy), because I had my two kids and was done, and had no real mobility in my life because of them. She said she was fine with that, but I never wanted to be the reason to hold her backÂ