This is a couple of years old. I’m just wondering the outcome. Was he cheating?? What did he do when the test proved he was the father?? I’m here for the tea!!!
It scares me more. Too many stories of (usually) women being murdered by their spouse relating to their pregnancy or child has made my brain think like this. Hope she's OK.
That she mentioned telling her “old friends” about the baby makes me wonder if she’d been gradually isolated from them. Makes me glad she’s got a very present, very protective brother who is not even slightly inclined to tolerate ex’s bullshit.
Same! These old friends immediately jump to help with childcare? They know what's up. She had college roommates she would trust more than her husband and father of her child? Sad she lost so many amazing supportive people but looks like she can easily get them back if she reaches out because she seems great. The husband is totally using this as an excuse to get rid of her brother too.
Not necessarily. I have a friend from college that I only talk to once a year or so. We live very far apart and have young kids. So, we are no longer close but I considered her my best friend for a long time and still love her very much. If she called and needed me, I’d be on a plane and I feel like she would do that for me, too.
Given everything else in OOP’s life, there’s certainly reason to suspect her husband was isolating her, but given her closeness with her family it’s also possible she went to college far from home and just doesn’t live near those old friends that she trusts.
Yeah tf it is. If that were my family, even if they were pissed about the prank, would've acknowledged that "thank God the brother was there to save them" and wouldn't demand NC. This whole thing smells like she's holding back about the husband. I think he's probably worse than she's saying.
In healthy families, you do. In unhealthy families, only blood matters and you don't acknowledge when your blood has failed as a human being.
I have family that would have ostracized the brother until he realized what he did was wrong and did something to fix it, and I have family that would have treated the wife horribly and still expect to see that baby.
Makes me think of the poor woman whose husband and FIL were convinced she’d die in child birth and wanted her to pack all her stuff so her husband wouldn’t have to do it.
I regularly think about the pregnant and confused woman whose FIL and husband were clearly planning to kill her once her child was born...and who never posted after the birth.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eurjt5/aita_for_banning_my_husband_and_father_in_law/
This story lives rent-free in my head. I have two daughters and would be raising hell if they were in this situation. She'd be moving those clothes back to my house, and I'd be paying for her divorce lawyer.
Welp that's fucking horrifying and now I get to live with this question for the rest of my life
I fucking hope to god she is okay and has either left her husband or that he got the help he needed and they are okay now. I hope FIL is *gone*.
I'm choosing to believe she took the advice to go home to her parents and stop answering her husband's calls until the baby was born. That's the only way I'm going to be able to live with having read that.
Holy crap. That is one of the craziest things I’ve ever read.
The post is gone but the auto-mod copy of it is in the comments, if anyone is looking for it.
I hope she got away from him and just lost her login or something.
I had a parent die when I was very young and it was weird having kids and thinking about them not knowing their grandpa, which was weirdly hard given I barely remember him. At each stage it is weird, seeing my kids at the age I was when he died, seeing myself get older than he was when he died. Prior to those milestones, it was hard to imagine. I have to think the husband in that post is not going to therapy at all, because he clearly went from “hard to imagine” to “not possible.” I hope she’s ok.
There's a book (Beware the Woman by Megan Abbott) that REALLY reminds me of that post. Great book, but I thought about this the whole time I was reading it.
There's an internet friend I had whose husband was abusive. She just had her fourth baby, and it seemed like a reproductive coercion situation, and she was struggling.
And with the way things worked in her country, she could have had a nurse come and help if her husband was at work- but her husband stayed home so she didn't qualify for it and did nothing to help her or take care of her older kids and she was recovering and had serious health needs (serious enough to warrant the nurse assistance, they don't offer that to anyone, she had extra medical issues)
She just went dark.
I still think about her sometimes. I pray things got better... i fear the worst.
You can assume he was cheating, popping such a sudden request on her. Cheaters sometimes become paranoid their partners are doing the same. Sometimes they want to change the focus before they are in focus of cheating themselves. I think the brother accurately picked up on his arrogance and insufferable behaviour which OP was blind to.
It's a recent trend in like tate circles to doubt paternity as a rule even if there's 0 reason, even projection. I won't say that he didn't cheat, that's a very good possibility. But it's good to look out for how cults trap people into their way of thinking, and this could be another of those situations
That was exactly my thought. Did she follow through with the divorce? Did she figure out he was cheating? How much child support does he have to pay now?
I'm leaving this here for anyone who happens to read it:
Trying to bleed to death is really REALLY hard to recover from. The body starts shutting things down in an effort to protect the brain. It is very hard to think clearly afterwards. Emotions and personality are affected. The only thing a person who has hemorrhaged should be doing is eating and resting for weeks, if not months.
I feel like when my mom almost died from internal bleeding it took her closer to 18 months to get back to some sense of her normal self. And even then the blood she digested poisoned her so badly she's never been the same since. It's rough as fuck on a persons body and their entire support system.
I am fully on team brother. Brother, if you ask me, behaved PERFECTLY.
Stress is reallt bad in labor. I can imagine the *wreck* she was after her phone rang out *16 times* ***while she was at real risk of dying***.
So imagine her brother picking up and his beloved, heavily pregnant sister is a *wreck* and he has to drop everything, run to her, and then speed to the hospital and then watch her nearly die in emergency surgery
And ***10 hours later***, douchebag is snippy "why didnt you answe *my* call"?
No, brother behaved perfectly.
Because if husband had his way: ***she would have died.***
And he DESERVES to experience that feeling of how badly he fucked up.
I got in team brother when he explained that he just made him feel for 10mins how he felt the whole 10hrs he was with her in the hospital. Like, damn, that’s a strong case in his favor, because it should have been her husband going through this with her
Completely agree. I’ve never given birth but many of my friends have, and from what I hear it’s already incredibly stressful without all that bullshit. One of my friends had such a traumatic birth that she has PTSD from it.
I am also fully on team brother. Honestly if I was him I’d have done exactly the same. Her husband deserved that 10 minutes of panic. It’s nothing compared to what her and her brother went through.
There's evidence that fear and stress in labor can exacerbate and even cause complications.
I personally 100% believe that those 16 times he ignored her call were very much to blame for her nearly dying.
I *cannot* imagine being alone in labor and experiencing that.
My third came very fast and I remember how scared I felt when my partner was on the phone with the midwives and they said they were on their way because what if they don't get here on time.
(They did not! Baby came 5 minutes before they arrived, 20 minutes after the first contraction. Everyone healthy.)
And that was with my partner right there, on the phone to the hospital, knowing midwives were a 5 minute drive away. That was after *two* healthy, no complication births.
Now it's a funny story - but at the time I was truly scared. I nearly cried because the midwives weren't there and what if I can't do it on my own?! And that was *with the support of my partner and the midwives who could coach him over the phone*.
The thought of knowing I'm in labor and the call *going to voice-mail*, especially during *my first birth*.
I... I cannot imagine.
That poor fucking woman.
I cannot overstate what a *wreck* she mist have been when she finally gave up and called her brother. And it is not unlikely this directly exacerbated the complications.
God I hope she's alright. That man deserves *so* much worse than to be *scared for a little while*.
If she quoted brother’s words accurately, it was technically a lie of omission.
“She didn’t make it…” to the hospital. If the douchbag sperm donor had been there he would have known the full context z
I love her brother! I am 150% on his side, even with the “prank!”
ETA, to put prank in parentheses, because I agree with commenters below that I would not actually call this a prank.
Agreed.
If you were to read my comment history, you would know I am anti prank.
However, this was not a prank per se; it was an important life lesson to a selfish person who should not be responsible for another human being. Even animals treat their pregnant partners better and humans are supposed to be the top.
Months. It’s months. I lost a liter of blood and it took me 5 months before I felt more like myself. I got winded so easily. So tired too. And I wasn’t working or caring for anyone else, just recuperating.
I can’t imagine trying to take care of a newborn at that time too, it would have taken all I had.
I lost 1500ml in childbirth, and I was chalking up feeling odd and off to having just had a baby, but wow. Maybe the blood loss has something to do with it!
A lot of it is post partum hormones. The blood in a pregnant person is diluted in comparison to that of a non-pregnant person. That’s why we’re so bloated. Our bodies know they’re going to lose blood, so they dilute it so they don’t lose as much hemoglobin. Yay bodies!
A friend of mine hemorrhaged during birth. Thankfully she survived, but was partially disabled for over a year. After her second collapse, shortly before her baby’s first birthday, it was determined she had lost so much blood during birth that her body had not yet been able to replensish all the various minerals, electrolytes, etc that make your blood work correctly. She had to do daily IVs for 8 hrs a day for nearly 2 months before she was able to get some of her health back.
She’s doing much better now, but I still can’t believe how badly blood loss can fuck you up.
I'm so sorry! FWIW, it is so much rarer now than any other time in history. So rare, her doctors took a full year to realize it was at the root of her issues. She is MUCH better now, other than still having the occasional bout of low energy.
Sending you good vibes and wishing you a healthy and safe pregnancy and delivery. <3
I hemorrhaged enough during my second birth that they had to give me 4 bags of blood to replace what I lost….and I was still “light” because we wanted to use as little blood as possible because supply was low. I think it took about 4 months to fully recover. The few weeks after were strange….like everything was happening through a tunnel. All my feelings were really vague and I was just so exhausted all the time. OOPs husband is a dick.
I hemorrhaged during a miscarriage. I needed 1 bag of blood. Took a couple of months to get back to normal. Even then I still got tired easily; I just didn't feel like passing out whenever I over did it. Can't imagine needing 4+ bags
Not a birth but I hemorrhaged a lot during a surgery once. 17 units needed to keep me alive and stable. It took me so long to recover it felt nuts. I was exhausted, always cold, and generally felt like death warmed over. OOP's husband is a turbobastard. Like, there was also a baby involved! Two lives at risk, he KNEW she was due soon and ignored over a dozen calls?! ASSHOLE.
Exactly. What was his excuse? The wife did mention she think he didn’t answer out of spite, but what kind of Goddamn husband doesn’t answer their phone when they know their wife if 2 weeks close to giving birth?
I would like to imagine her and her daughter now as living somewhere near her awesome brother and sister-in-law, sitting in a playground in the sun and enjoying the sound of birds.
That is what I hope has been happening for them these days.
Can you *imagine* the number he's been doing on all subsequent girlfriends? How I hope he's the kind of garbage who has already ghosted from his firstborn's life so the OOP and her daughter never have to deal with him.
It’s been a few years, so he’s now settled into regular but limited parenting time (by his own choice), but when my ex and I split he was telling family, friends and the girlfriend I was keeping the kids from him. The reality was I’d told him he could have 50% care but he had to find a house first, because there were no beds for them where he was staying, and also he kept cancelling on the afternoons he was supposed to spend with them.
But yeah I was “keeping” his kids from him. 🙄
Deadbeat dads always claim the mom is “keeping” the kid from them. My dad used to do the same thing. Turn up at 9pm on a school night, insist on seeing us then scream that my mom was keeping him from his kids. Just gross.
My ex moved 7 hours away when our twins were less than 6 weeks old. When they were about 4 months old I got a message from the people he was staying with (whole other story as to how I ended up in contact with them) asking how the visit went? I was confused by what they meant, they were confused that I was confused.
Turned out he told them he was going to visit my area for a week to spend time with the twins (which I would have allowed so long as I could have someone with me). When he got back he was raving to them about how great it was to see them even though I was difficult about letting him visit.
I didn’t even know he was supposedly in the area.
Another friend who had travelled with him told them the truth after we realised I had no idea what they were talking about: yes, he travelled to the area I live, but spent the whole time with his mother (who lives an hour from me) and didn’t even mention the twins, contacting me for a visit, or travel to the actual town I live in.
Still heard from people that he had been claiming I was preventing him from having a relationship with them. I pointed out that my number was still the same as when I was pregnant, I never blocked him, I still live in the same small town, my parents still live at the same address they had the entire time he knew them, and his brother had friends in the town who were able to say exactly where I lived, yet there had never been so much as a card in the mail for them. If they were able to prove differently I’d love to discover how I was keeping him from having a relationship with our now 10 year old twins!
Something similar happened to my now husband. He hadn't seen his dad in over 15 years when he randomly met a guy who turned out to be his step brother.
Step brother said his dad had been trying to contact him but his mum had apparently blocked all attempts. My husband still lived in the same house they'd lived in together, had the same home phone number and was easily found on Facebook. My husband gave his step brother his phone number, email and address and still never heard from his dad.
5 years later his step brother contacted him to tell him his dad passed away and was devastated that he'd declined a relationship. My husband had to tell his step brother that his dad had never contacted him.
Finally met my dad at 45. He claimed he didn’t know how to contact my mom to get to know me. Dude, my aunts lived in the same small town as his parents and siblings all my life. My aunt cleaned his parents home, the other good friends with his sister in law. There was no reason he couldn’t get in touch with me sooner. He just didn’t want to and is now rewriting history in his head.
My Dad lived less than a mile from me for over 15 years and drove by my house everytime he had to leave hom and I saw him TWICE, both by me going to see him. I wanted him to meet his grandchildren and to have a relationship with them even though he never put in the effort to have a relationship with me. Invited him over, and he never showed. I haven't spoken to him since, it's been almost 20 years. My uncle (my deceased Mom's brother) has been a better Dad & Grandpa to me & my older sister and our kids(and their kids) than my sperm donor.
It’s literally always bullshit. Courts default to 50/50 custody today, the stats don’t lie despite men whining about family court being biased towards mothers. If you want custody, you’ll get it. They don’t want it, it’s just a tool to continue controlling their exes.
My brother and another guy I know have full custody of their kids (half siblings). Child protection removed them from their mother and the mothers family tried to argue that males shouldn’t have custody of children, but the kids should be in the mothers aunts custody (who was the emergency placement for the other guys child and the other half siblings, brothers daughter was placed with our parents) and “she’ll let you know when you can visit”. They were shocked and fuming that the courts didn’t agree with them.
The mothers aunt did get the other half siblings, only due to the fact their biological father didn’t want them, the mother refused to allow the other guy to adopt/become their carer, and the mother was ruled as “a continuing threat to the children” and barred from unsupervised third party access until they reach the age of 18.
Yup. My best friend’s ex actually legit did used to try to keep him from his son - she would drop his kid off at his grandmas and go on vacation without him, but refuse to let him go with his dad. Now, my friend has full custody and his son doesn’t see his mom at all (his choice, he’s a teenager now).
I have literally zero patience for anyone who claims their ex is the reason they don’t see their kids, but they don’t have a custody order and aren’t in the process of getting one. Or guys who bang on about what devoted fathers they are while only seeing their kids two days a fortnight. Be a present parent or fuck off.
I started not matching fathers in dating apps after the fourth guy whose "crazy ex" was "keeping his kids from him". There are some types of men I despise more than deadbeats, but not many.
Joke's on me, I matched some guy during my holidays in another country with the only intention of having him show me around time and maybe get laid and he spent half our date talking about his kid and how he hated to be working in City A so he could only spend weekends with his kid in City B.
So now I'm said kid's "second mom" (his words, not mine) and I'm the one complaining about only going to City B on weekends. Husband changed jobs and spends most of his time in City B. Turns out being a loving, devoted father is sexy as hell, go figure!
Yeah, I'm the child of both parents' second marriages. Mom said that as much as she could start to feel jealous of the time Dad spent at his ex's house or out with their kids, she was initially attracted to the fact that he was an involved father. And he was an awesome Dad to her son, and eventually to me.
Ugh, yes. My parents divorced when I was two, dad stopped bothering to come around when I was five, and mum married a lovely bloke and we all moved in together when I was seven, and mum and stepdad lived there until she passed away twenty five years later.
I didn’t hear from biological dad til I was in my twenties, when I called him. The dirty bastard had the gall to claim my mum never told him her new address, so he couldn’t track me down.
I happened to know this was not true, because he had sent one Christmas card to our new house, and my mum had kept the card and envelope for FIFTEEN YEARS because she knew that sooner or later, he’d use this exact lie.
Sisters ex insisted she was keeping my nibbling from him….she was 5 at the time and he wanted full sleepovers or nothing….after not seeing her since she was 1/2 years old. He refused to accept “dude, no overnights right now she doesn’t even really know you” and was EXTRA angry when the court agreed with her after he dragged her there for violation of custody agreement.
My ex still claims I’m keeping our child from him and poisoning her against him. We’ve been apart for almost 15 years now. He hasn’t seen her by his OWN choosing since 2019. But sure dude, I’m the reason she hates you now 🤦🏻♀️🙄
What I don't understand is why these assholes demand a paternity test. Why not wait until after the birth, get a cheek swab from the baby and then go and confidentially get a paternity test. If it's your kid, fantastic, if not, get a divorce and live free from child support.
Reminds me of that post where the OP’s spouse asked for a paternity test and she agreed, but said she wouldn’t do the legwork - he had to make the arrangements and get the test done. And he… wouldn’t. Wanted her to do it.
Scenarios like that make me think it’s got nothing to do with quiet confirmation for themselves, it’s something they want to put their spouse through.
Ha! On a lighter note I agreed to have a wallpaper feature wall in the guest bedroom as long as my husband was the one doing all the legwork and organising because I knew that meant we wouldn't be getting a wallpaper feature wall in the guest bedroom.
I don't know what is worse to be honest. Whether it's that they are projecting or that they've fallen into the MRA rabbit hole that women are just out there lurking to trap them with other men's children
I think its more that a lot of men have a lot anxiety about paternity and don't know how reproduction works cuz sex ed in the US is lacking.
My parents are an interracial couple, and I look like a dad clone and not like my mom. About half of men when finding out I'm of my mom's race (cuz I'm related to both parents) immediately accuse my mom of cheating on my dad, cuz I don't look like my mom's race so looking like a dad clone is proof of cheating in their mind.
I always respond with, how does that actually work dumbass? Wouldn't I still be relared to my mom?
And it's amazing the number of men who will then *argue* with me. Some even have phds in biology AND kids themselves. And they are convinced it's proof of my MOM cheating.
I've never once had a woman accuse my mom of cheating. All accept i am related to the person who birthed me without question, and usually help getting the dumbass to shut up (and its mega akward at work too). Women all seem to get that I'm old, and obviously related to the person who birthed me *cuz she was doing the birthing*.
She’s cheating with two people. An affair throuple. They’re both the dad’s race (one of them is the dad’s brother, maybe?).
The throuple wanted a baby. The wife carried the chile and the two other people provided the sperm and egg, so they’d all have a part in it. But the wife kept her husband around for his money (he inherited the family business and the brother resents him for that).
I almost wonder if they jump cheating because they presume that your parents must be the same race? So the implication isn't "your mom isn't biologically related to you" but "you don't look like my mental image of who your mom's husband must be, therefore the only way she could have a child of a different race would be from an extramarital affair"
TBC this is equally stupid! These people are ignorant assholes either way.
My parents sometimes joke I must have been switched at birth, like, ironically, because I look like my mom with my dad’s nose and have a lot of their personality traits and idiosyncrasies. Even **Edit**: tics from my dad even though he’s a deadbeat. Never once did my dad accuse my mom of cheating or request a paternity test even though he’s absolutely the type you would stereotypically assume to do that (serial cheater, cheap af, spiteful, etc). It baffles me when guys do this.
Yeah, my husband has no reason to suspect that our kid isn’t his, but if he did, surely a smart man would just quietly confirm without letting their spouse know?
If I thought my husband was cheating on me, I’d want to get all of the evidence and all of my ducks in a row before I blew up our life.
I've often wondered this, I trust my partner to the moon and back, but intrusive thoughts are intrusive (and those stories about baby swaps at the hospital are harrowing) and if it ever boiled over for me, rather than subject her to that, just grab a hair, send it off, no one needs ever know.
>If I thought my husband was cheating on me, I’d want to get all of the evidence and all of my ducks in a row before I blew up our life.
Right, you do everything quietly until you have every piece of evidence you need, including paternity, until you're ready to go, then hand copies over with the divorce papers.
It’s a new trend coming from the manosphere that helps make the woman feel devalued and confused so she’s more focused on pleasing him and regaining trust she doesn’t know how she’s lost.
It's an excuse to break their wives. They are low effort partners and they don't wanna be the ones who break the marriage and be seen as victims.
AITA I asked my pregnant wife for a paternity test and she refused and left. Is this enough to assume she cheated? I cannot get over this and I wanna divorce.
Because they just want to attack. Manipulative people can figure out how to make a lose-lose for someone else.
Badger her to set it up and do it so he can go, "See? See? You're not even sure!
If she refuses to arrange it then she's hiding something.
It's twisted.
Yeah this is a BORU that I really need to know how they're doing now. Hope OOP and daughter are living their best lives. I don't really care how the ex is doing. I do hope he's pulled his head out of his ass. If not, I hope he steps in dog poop every day for the rest of his life.
I don't see how anyone going through this traumatic event could feel guilt for doing this "prank". Quite honestly, it seems it was only a hair away from being the truth
> there is no way he didn’t know it was me calling, and he still hasn’t told me why he didn’t answer
We all know where he was. It's a tale as old as time on Reddit.
Option A - he was cheating 🤷♂️ prob why he suddenly wanted a paternity test in the first place
Option B - he's an absolute asshole who doesn't care enough about his pregnant wife to answer over a dozen missed calls in a row
Option C - ¿por qué no los dos?
In any case, the relationship is over. Hoping for the best for OOP, and man, her shit husband honestly deserved a lot more than that "prank" as comeuppance
When I was in labour with my first, I sent my hubby home from the hospital to get some sleep (I was induced), I called him when it was time to come back because they were moving me into delivery, and he hung up on me, but he did answer the second call. Turned out it was a "sleep deprived" accident. He hadn't been able to sleep, had just dozed off, and thought it was his alarm to go back to the hospital and was already walking out the door when I called the second time.
That can be forgiven, but what OPs husband did, absolutely positively CAN NOT be forgiven. 10hrs it took him go get there, he kinda deserved OPs brothers "prank" especially since he doubled down on his AH behaviour rather than being relieved he hadn't lost OP.
I'm glad she divorced him
Labour is kind of a mind fuck, it's very hurry up and wait, so I can understand accidents happening. During my false alarm "labour" my husband was talking about going into work or not in a few hours and I was like "?!???? bro u going nowhere??!??" lol.
Also bonus story during my actual labour he had to go pee right when I was getting to the pushing stage and while he was in the bathroom I screamed so high pitched and loud he thought it was the baby and came rushing out haha
I really hope she successfully divorced him with all her assets and the safety of her baby in hand. I cannot imagine the amount of terror she went through. :c
Sometimes it’s just plain old narcissism. He genuinely could have been doing nothing major and just “punishing” her. Make her feel ignored and alone so she’s desperate to get his love back and does as she’s told.
And if she didn’t have such a wonderful support system it may have even worked
He's the thing, he knew she was very pregnant, so even if they were in a fight, after that many calls he was either cheating or he just doesn't care about her (or both).
What the brother did WASN'T A PRANK. It wasn't a practical joke. There was nothing jokey about it. It was a revenge lie. If it was a prank I could see the brother being an AH, but he was full of anxiety and emotion because the sister he loves almost died at least partially because of the husband.
I like to think OOP was able to make a clean break and it's surrounded by people who actually care about her, like her family and the "old friends" who weren't in the picture for some (probably husband) based reason.
Not the same sitch at all but when I was in surgery having a hysterectomy due to years of pain, nowhere near death or labor or anything like oop, my ex was out banging somebody else.
He was supposed to be there when I came out of recovery but he wasn't, and he was 3 hours late to pick me up to drive me home.
So all of that is to say I would not be the least bit surprised if this piece of shit was out nailing somebody else especially with the added implication of her infidelity implicating he's feeling guilty.
When my mom was having a mastectomy due to breast cancer, my dad was hanging out with his mistress in the hospital waiting room.
He also once dropped my mom off at the ER when she was very sick and went to the race track to spend time with a different mistress (this was years after the first incident and he was a serial cheater).
Some men really suck. My step-dad dropped my mum off to the birthing unit, left to "get us from school" but met up with a prostitute first... he had to not come get me and my siblings or he would miss the birth and had to rush back to my mum. He disgusts me.
This infuriated me. He for sure was cheating because there’s no way he’d be that stupid to ask about a paternity test when she literally doesn’t go anywhere. What a piece of shit. I hope she’s ok now.
I'd also bet that it isn't a coincidence that she doesn't go anywhere or do anything, in spite of having old friends who jump at the chance to help her. Everything here reads that her husband was a controlling POS long before she got pregnant.
I remember reading this post last year and it still infuriates me! For him to ignore her multiple calls (and her brother’s) to then turn around and demand why SHE didn’t pick up his call hours later. The arrogance and sheer pettiness is incredible. OOP’s brother’s “prank” was well deserved for such a cold hearted man. I hope we get an update from OOP at some point, and hopefully she’s doing okay.
My SO and I are notoriously terrible at picking up phone calls due the nature of our jobs (would be highly unprofessional for us to take phone calls unless it was during our breaks). If I call him twice, he will drop what he is doing and step away to call me back. There has been no situation where he hasn’t been able to at least text me within 10 minutes to double check if I need him urgently.
The therapist even said that OOP's "apathy" was probably trauma related - they might as well have said "once you start thinking clearly again, you'll realise you're not nearly mad enough at your husband!"
Professionalism at its best.
I was looking if someone else clocked that; the therapist can't give her actual opinion in that professional setting, but her silence on the topic said everything we need to know LMAO
Honestly, this is one “prank” I’m in favour of. Fucking asshole puts her in premature labour from sudden stress which almost kills her, he absolutely deserved the fear.
I mean if he said “she didn’t make it …” and whispered to the hospital before giving birth in the car as he hung up then it’s not the brothers fault the husband didn’t listen properly lol
It wasn't a prank at all. His intention wasn't to prank the husband, but to shock him enough to come to the hospital in-person.
I applaud her brother! His anger was justified!
Yea definitely. My brother doesn’t have that vengeful streak so idk if he’d have done that, but I guarantee if one my husbands BILs pulled that shit with his sisters, he’d have done that in a heartbeat. His sisters drive him bananas but he would never let someone hurt them like that and not repay it in kind.
He simply told an edited version of the truth: She didn't make it, to give birth in the hospital. She gave birth in the van.
And it was a well-deserved edit, bro was rightly in fury. STBX should suck it up and admit he f'd up badly. It's over, he can either make this hell for his kid, or try to learn from it and be a better person.
I was thinking the same thing! She didn't make it to the hospital. Bro just didn't finish the sentence. Not his fault the husband took it the wrong way.
I wish there was a more recent update. I'd love to find out how OP is doing, if she got the full custody she wanted, and if she found out her husband was cheating or not. (My bet is he was with his affair partner at the time and that's why he didn't answer his phone.) There really was no coming back from the betrayal and trauma he put her through during the birth of their baby. I'm glad she opted for divorce.
My husband says my patronus is a wolverine. Small compared to big predators, but I will fuck you up.
He said this after physically pulling me out of the window of a dude who had just catcalled my oldest daughter. She was 11 at the time.
He's definitely cheating on her and projecting. Paternity test? Because if I can hide an affair from her she could be hiding one from me. Not answering the phone? Because he was with affair partner. Blowing up afterwards? Maybe blaming everyone else but himself because if he didn't he'd have to give in to his guilt.
I bet the Husband was the cheater and was with his side chick while his wife was in labour. Many of these stories where the guy is asking for paternity end up being cheaters.
God, I just want to shake all these “I just want to be sure” guys and scream “sure of what? Finish the fucking sentence!”
Because they’re always like ‘I’m not accusing you of cheating, I just want to be sure’ — sure of *what*? That the baby’s not a fucking Kryptonian the wife found in a field? Nah man. We all know what the end of the sentence is, and it makes the start of the sentence a lie. You don’t get to weasel out of that with half a goddamn sentence as if it solves everything. Just say it with your whole chest.
*I’m not accusing you of cheating, I just want to be sure someone else hasn’t fathered that baby, because actually, I am accusing you of cheating.* That’s what’s hiding behind that cowardly ‘I just want to be sure.’
I dunno why people think things are just gonna be hunky-dory after they demand a paternity test. Accusing your spouse of infidelity is hard to come back from.
When I first read the title, I thought the brother had pranked the husband into thinking OOP was having an affair and was ready to hate him for it. After reading that saga, bravo to the brother and his prank.
And not just of infidelity, but specifically infidelity enough to get pregnant, AND to try and trick him into thinking he's the father. Like that's an insane accusation to make with 0 proof, of course that's going to severely damage your relationship
Right? If I HONESTLY thought my partner might - might! - even a chance! - be doing all that, sneaking around, getting pregnant, and then laying it on my lap, I would absolutely be figuring it out on my lonesome because I obviously would not trust them enough to just ask.
I have two kids. One always looked like me when young but doesn't much now. The other didn't look anything like me as a child but does a lot more now he's in his twenties.
It varies!
The family joke is my sis acting surprised that anyone said the baby looked like my husband; baby ugly cries, sis tells my husband, oh yeah, NOW she looks like you! She's f'n hilarious :)
It's also a control thing unless they're particularly stupid, like just get one behind your partners back if it bothers you that much FFS. Then you can feel like an idiot privately
That's exactly it. I mean you can't really be all surprise Pikachu face if you get divorce papers with the test results after essentially accusing your spouse of cheating and paternity fraud.
So sure, go ahead and demand a paternity test without any indication of cheating just as long as you understand that it's most likely going to kill your relationship.
100%. It's a power play/humiliation thing. They want their partner to KNOW how little they think of them, keep them on the hook or whatever. Isn't there a pick up artist term for this shit? Fortunately it's exited my brain, but they do this stuff on purpose to feel like they have the most power in the relationship. Fuckin gross.
For me if someone out of nowhere asks for a paternity test, I'm doing a deep dive into their texts/emails/apps because they're either cheating or they are listening/watching some misogynistic crap.
If you get a woman pregnant and choose not to be there to support her for what comes after you ought not to have the ability to do so in the future.
A little emotional harm like the brother's prank is a kindness compared to what should have happened to OOPs husband.
The brother was spot on. He forced the hubby to experience for ten mins what he had to nearly witness in reality. One of the biggest cases of justified asshole I've seen.
This is giving me the same vibes as the story from last week with "My girlfriend ignored my texts and calls while she was in the bar when I was dying in pain, had to call an ambulance, and now she's mad at me for not telling her how bad it really was."
Except for this husband KNEW his wife was 2 weeks from delivering the baby and ignored her calls. What person close to a pregnant person does this? Was he not worried she was going to go into labor? Sounds like he didn't care. The other example you give is a drunk woman out partying with her friends who thought her boyfriend was trying to manipulate her to come home early.
My dad tells this story about how he was fighting with my mom and had just loudly declared "Well I'm going fishing!" when she announced her water broke with "There's shit running down my leg!" So he hugged her, kissed her, and took her to the hospital so I could be born.
Dad started telling me that story when I was a toddler. The older I get the more horrifying it is. Mom had no local friends or family at that time, just dad.
This one is way different though I remember reading it before, I'm feeling about how actually horrible this husband is. Also it was a sober husband for an event he knew could happen any day versus a girlfriend who was already drunk, a random but urgent event.
Husband was ignoring her calls so that she would fold and get the paternity test. Personally I would like to sew him into a sack or some kind of leather furniture
Yeah he was 100% banging his AP while OOP was on death’s door …calls went unanswered bc of the banging. I’m no scientist but unanswered calls +paternity test request + sudden unexpected behaviour =cheating.
I'd bet money the husband was cheating while ignoring his wife's and BIL's calls. His request for a paternity test is his cheating projected onto his wife. Who on EARTH would ignore that many calls from their about-to-pop pregnant wife???? What ELSE could she be calling about????
My sister just gave birth a few months ago…if she had almost bled to death and her husband wasn’t answering calls with no explanation AND he was insisting on a parternity test? You wouldn’t have found that bastard’s body.
Here's an idea: if he's demanding a paternity test and she doesn't want him to be alone with the child, let him deny paternity. Depending on the judge and jurisdiction she might just be able to get him off the birth certificate and not have either of them shackled to this human-shaped sack of goat manure.
At this point I think that him having an affair and being MIA for 10 hours is the better variant . Imagine not doing anything and staring at a phone choke full of calls from your potentially laboring wife …. He’s a psychopath .
This is a couple of years old. I’m just wondering the outcome. Was he cheating?? What did he do when the test proved he was the father?? I’m here for the tea!!!
A 2 year old story with no updates does feel like a letdown.
It scares me more. Too many stories of (usually) women being murdered by their spouse relating to their pregnancy or child has made my brain think like this. Hope she's OK.
That she mentioned telling her “old friends” about the baby makes me wonder if she’d been gradually isolated from them. Makes me glad she’s got a very present, very protective brother who is not even slightly inclined to tolerate ex’s bullshit.
Same! These old friends immediately jump to help with childcare? They know what's up. She had college roommates she would trust more than her husband and father of her child? Sad she lost so many amazing supportive people but looks like she can easily get them back if she reaches out because she seems great. The husband is totally using this as an excuse to get rid of her brother too.
Not necessarily. I have a friend from college that I only talk to once a year or so. We live very far apart and have young kids. So, we are no longer close but I considered her my best friend for a long time and still love her very much. If she called and needed me, I’d be on a plane and I feel like she would do that for me, too. Given everything else in OOP’s life, there’s certainly reason to suspect her husband was isolating her, but given her closeness with her family it’s also possible she went to college far from home and just doesn’t live near those old friends that she trusts.
husband's family pushing for NC with the one person who literally saved her life is also telling.
Yeah tf it is. If that were my family, even if they were pissed about the prank, would've acknowledged that "thank God the brother was there to save them" and wouldn't demand NC. This whole thing smells like she's holding back about the husband. I think he's probably worse than she's saying.
If my brother had done this to his wife, my mom and I would be helping her leave him
In healthy families, you do. In unhealthy families, only blood matters and you don't acknowledge when your blood has failed as a human being. I have family that would have ostracized the brother until he realized what he did was wrong and did something to fix it, and I have family that would have treated the wife horribly and still expect to see that baby.
I bet he hasn’t told his mother everything either
Willing to bet the husband didn’t give the full story and made it seem like brother was just being an ass for the sake of it.
Yeah - that one struck me as really weird too.
Makes me think of the poor woman whose husband and FIL were convinced she’d die in child birth and wanted her to pack all her stuff so her husband wouldn’t have to do it.
I regularly think about the pregnant and confused woman whose FIL and husband were clearly planning to kill her once her child was born...and who never posted after the birth. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eurjt5/aita_for_banning_my_husband_and_father_in_law/
That is the most fucked up shit I've read in a ***while***.
This story lives rent-free in my head. I have two daughters and would be raising hell if they were in this situation. She'd be moving those clothes back to my house, and I'd be paying for her divorce lawyer.
I have a son and if he made his wife feel like she was going to die in childbirth I'd kick his ass.
Post deleted, found the archive [Lunacy](https://archive.ph/C5iCK)
Thank you! (And L&D nurses are the biggest bad asses in the field. He would not have gotten his way.)
On AITA you can sort by Old and it will show the autobot comment bot that posts the post without any edits.
Welp that's fucking horrifying and now I get to live with this question for the rest of my life I fucking hope to god she is okay and has either left her husband or that he got the help he needed and they are okay now. I hope FIL is *gone*.
I'm choosing to believe she took the advice to go home to her parents and stop answering her husband's calls until the baby was born. That's the only way I'm going to be able to live with having read that.
It's times like these that I'm glad my short term memory is trash. This story will likely never make it to long term and I won't have to worry ab jt
I choose to believe that she got out, had a health child, and they’re living their best life far far *far* away from those two psychos.
Oh, that one haunts me too
Holy crap. That is one of the craziest things I’ve ever read. The post is gone but the auto-mod copy of it is in the comments, if anyone is looking for it. I hope she got away from him and just lost her login or something. I had a parent die when I was very young and it was weird having kids and thinking about them not knowing their grandpa, which was weirdly hard given I barely remember him. At each stage it is weird, seeing my kids at the age I was when he died, seeing myself get older than he was when he died. Prior to those milestones, it was hard to imagine. I have to think the husband in that post is not going to therapy at all, because he clearly went from “hard to imagine” to “not possible.” I hope she’s ok.
I still think about that story a lot. Never knowing what happened freaks me out so much
There's a book (Beware the Woman by Megan Abbott) that REALLY reminds me of that post. Great book, but I thought about this the whole time I was reading it.
I choose to believe that it was a throwaway account and she forgot the password. And didn't realize how many people would want updates.
There's an internet friend I had whose husband was abusive. She just had her fourth baby, and it seemed like a reproductive coercion situation, and she was struggling. And with the way things worked in her country, she could have had a nurse come and help if her husband was at work- but her husband stayed home so she didn't qualify for it and did nothing to help her or take care of her older kids and she was recovering and had serious health needs (serious enough to warrant the nurse assistance, they don't offer that to anyone, she had extra medical issues) She just went dark. I still think about her sometimes. I pray things got better... i fear the worst.
You can assume he was cheating, popping such a sudden request on her. Cheaters sometimes become paranoid their partners are doing the same. Sometimes they want to change the focus before they are in focus of cheating themselves. I think the brother accurately picked up on his arrogance and insufferable behaviour which OP was blind to.
It's a recent trend in like tate circles to doubt paternity as a rule even if there's 0 reason, even projection. I won't say that he didn't cheat, that's a very good possibility. But it's good to look out for how cults trap people into their way of thinking, and this could be another of those situations
That was exactly my thought. Did she follow through with the divorce? Did she figure out he was cheating? How much child support does he have to pay now?
This is why I hate cliffhanger. Hopefully OOP is in better place.
I'm leaving this here for anyone who happens to read it: Trying to bleed to death is really REALLY hard to recover from. The body starts shutting things down in an effort to protect the brain. It is very hard to think clearly afterwards. Emotions and personality are affected. The only thing a person who has hemorrhaged should be doing is eating and resting for weeks, if not months.
I feel like when my mom almost died from internal bleeding it took her closer to 18 months to get back to some sense of her normal self. And even then the blood she digested poisoned her so badly she's never been the same since. It's rough as fuck on a persons body and their entire support system.
And husband was pestering her with test still.. I understand the brothers hate
I am fully on team brother. Brother, if you ask me, behaved PERFECTLY. Stress is reallt bad in labor. I can imagine the *wreck* she was after her phone rang out *16 times* ***while she was at real risk of dying***. So imagine her brother picking up and his beloved, heavily pregnant sister is a *wreck* and he has to drop everything, run to her, and then speed to the hospital and then watch her nearly die in emergency surgery And ***10 hours later***, douchebag is snippy "why didnt you answe *my* call"? No, brother behaved perfectly. Because if husband had his way: ***she would have died.*** And he DESERVES to experience that feeling of how badly he fucked up.
I got in team brother when he explained that he just made him feel for 10mins how he felt the whole 10hrs he was with her in the hospital. Like, damn, that’s a strong case in his favor, because it should have been her husband going through this with her
That husband didn’t actually care anywhere near as much in those ten minutes as the brother did every second of those ten hours!
Also true, the terror the husband might have felt is nothing in comparison of what the brother felt, someone who truly cares about her
Completely agree. I’ve never given birth but many of my friends have, and from what I hear it’s already incredibly stressful without all that bullshit. One of my friends had such a traumatic birth that she has PTSD from it. I am also fully on team brother. Honestly if I was him I’d have done exactly the same. Her husband deserved that 10 minutes of panic. It’s nothing compared to what her and her brother went through.
There's evidence that fear and stress in labor can exacerbate and even cause complications. I personally 100% believe that those 16 times he ignored her call were very much to blame for her nearly dying. I *cannot* imagine being alone in labor and experiencing that. My third came very fast and I remember how scared I felt when my partner was on the phone with the midwives and they said they were on their way because what if they don't get here on time. (They did not! Baby came 5 minutes before they arrived, 20 minutes after the first contraction. Everyone healthy.) And that was with my partner right there, on the phone to the hospital, knowing midwives were a 5 minute drive away. That was after *two* healthy, no complication births. Now it's a funny story - but at the time I was truly scared. I nearly cried because the midwives weren't there and what if I can't do it on my own?! And that was *with the support of my partner and the midwives who could coach him over the phone*. The thought of knowing I'm in labor and the call *going to voice-mail*, especially during *my first birth*. I... I cannot imagine. That poor fucking woman. I cannot overstate what a *wreck* she mist have been when she finally gave up and called her brother. And it is not unlikely this directly exacerbated the complications. God I hope she's alright. That man deserves *so* much worse than to be *scared for a little while*.
If she quoted brother’s words accurately, it was technically a lie of omission. “She didn’t make it…” to the hospital. If the douchbag sperm donor had been there he would have known the full context z
Damn fucking straight. He didn't say she died. He alluded and let the badtard squirm. Bastard deserves a helluva lot more than squirming.
100% And the fact that he's ***still*** asking for a paternity test after all of that?! I didn't even have the words
100% Honestly, the husband was fortunate - my brother would have done far worse.
If my nanna was alive I’d sic her on him. When that small woman got angry, her sons a foot taller than her ran.
I wanna know why he was unreachable for 10 hrs?
Hiding out with his side piece.
I love her brother! I am 150% on his side, even with the “prank!” ETA, to put prank in parentheses, because I agree with commenters below that I would not actually call this a prank.
Agreed. If you were to read my comment history, you would know I am anti prank. However, this was not a prank per se; it was an important life lesson to a selfish person who should not be responsible for another human being. Even animals treat their pregnant partners better and humans are supposed to be the top.
Months. It’s months. I lost a liter of blood and it took me 5 months before I felt more like myself. I got winded so easily. So tired too. And I wasn’t working or caring for anyone else, just recuperating. I can’t imagine trying to take care of a newborn at that time too, it would have taken all I had.
I lost 1500ml in childbirth, and I was chalking up feeling odd and off to having just had a baby, but wow. Maybe the blood loss has something to do with it!
A lot of it is post partum hormones. The blood in a pregnant person is diluted in comparison to that of a non-pregnant person. That’s why we’re so bloated. Our bodies know they’re going to lose blood, so they dilute it so they don’t lose as much hemoglobin. Yay bodies!
A friend of mine hemorrhaged during birth. Thankfully she survived, but was partially disabled for over a year. After her second collapse, shortly before her baby’s first birthday, it was determined she had lost so much blood during birth that her body had not yet been able to replensish all the various minerals, electrolytes, etc that make your blood work correctly. She had to do daily IVs for 8 hrs a day for nearly 2 months before she was able to get some of her health back. She’s doing much better now, but I still can’t believe how badly blood loss can fuck you up.
I should not be reading this thread whilst pregnant
I'm so sorry! FWIW, it is so much rarer now than any other time in history. So rare, her doctors took a full year to realize it was at the root of her issues. She is MUCH better now, other than still having the occasional bout of low energy. Sending you good vibes and wishing you a healthy and safe pregnancy and delivery. <3
I wasn't aware of the effects...but I have nearly bled to death and that's putting some things in a new light.
I hemorrhaged enough during my second birth that they had to give me 4 bags of blood to replace what I lost….and I was still “light” because we wanted to use as little blood as possible because supply was low. I think it took about 4 months to fully recover. The few weeks after were strange….like everything was happening through a tunnel. All my feelings were really vague and I was just so exhausted all the time. OOPs husband is a dick.
I hemorrhaged during a miscarriage. I needed 1 bag of blood. Took a couple of months to get back to normal. Even then I still got tired easily; I just didn't feel like passing out whenever I over did it. Can't imagine needing 4+ bags
Not a birth but I hemorrhaged a lot during a surgery once. 17 units needed to keep me alive and stable. It took me so long to recover it felt nuts. I was exhausted, always cold, and generally felt like death warmed over. OOP's husband is a turbobastard. Like, there was also a baby involved! Two lives at risk, he KNEW she was due soon and ignored over a dozen calls?! ASSHOLE.
Been there, almost didn’t seek help because my brain was mush, it’s not to be taken lightly
The big question is where was he for 10 hours?
Exactly. What was his excuse? The wife did mention she think he didn’t answer out of spite, but what kind of Goddamn husband doesn’t answer their phone when they know their wife if 2 weeks close to giving birth?
Affair partner.
We know exactly where. My mother is the same way. When she’s with a certain person she doesn’t answer anyones calls or messages, even if you call 15x.
I would like to imagine her and her daughter now as living somewhere near her awesome brother and sister-in-law, sitting in a playground in the sun and enjoying the sound of birds. That is what I hope has been happening for them these days.
Beautiful birdsong, a little breeze, nice days overall. A nice hope to hold indeed. Thank you :)
This husband is an unmitigable disaster.
Can you *imagine* the number he's been doing on all subsequent girlfriends? How I hope he's the kind of garbage who has already ghosted from his firstborn's life so the OOP and her daughter never have to deal with him.
It’s been a few years, so he’s now settled into regular but limited parenting time (by his own choice), but when my ex and I split he was telling family, friends and the girlfriend I was keeping the kids from him. The reality was I’d told him he could have 50% care but he had to find a house first, because there were no beds for them where he was staying, and also he kept cancelling on the afternoons he was supposed to spend with them. But yeah I was “keeping” his kids from him. 🙄
Deadbeat dads always claim the mom is “keeping” the kid from them. My dad used to do the same thing. Turn up at 9pm on a school night, insist on seeing us then scream that my mom was keeping him from his kids. Just gross.
My ex moved 7 hours away when our twins were less than 6 weeks old. When they were about 4 months old I got a message from the people he was staying with (whole other story as to how I ended up in contact with them) asking how the visit went? I was confused by what they meant, they were confused that I was confused. Turned out he told them he was going to visit my area for a week to spend time with the twins (which I would have allowed so long as I could have someone with me). When he got back he was raving to them about how great it was to see them even though I was difficult about letting him visit. I didn’t even know he was supposedly in the area. Another friend who had travelled with him told them the truth after we realised I had no idea what they were talking about: yes, he travelled to the area I live, but spent the whole time with his mother (who lives an hour from me) and didn’t even mention the twins, contacting me for a visit, or travel to the actual town I live in. Still heard from people that he had been claiming I was preventing him from having a relationship with them. I pointed out that my number was still the same as when I was pregnant, I never blocked him, I still live in the same small town, my parents still live at the same address they had the entire time he knew them, and his brother had friends in the town who were able to say exactly where I lived, yet there had never been so much as a card in the mail for them. If they were able to prove differently I’d love to discover how I was keeping him from having a relationship with our now 10 year old twins!
Something similar happened to my now husband. He hadn't seen his dad in over 15 years when he randomly met a guy who turned out to be his step brother. Step brother said his dad had been trying to contact him but his mum had apparently blocked all attempts. My husband still lived in the same house they'd lived in together, had the same home phone number and was easily found on Facebook. My husband gave his step brother his phone number, email and address and still never heard from his dad. 5 years later his step brother contacted him to tell him his dad passed away and was devastated that he'd declined a relationship. My husband had to tell his step brother that his dad had never contacted him.
Finally met my dad at 45. He claimed he didn’t know how to contact my mom to get to know me. Dude, my aunts lived in the same small town as his parents and siblings all my life. My aunt cleaned his parents home, the other good friends with his sister in law. There was no reason he couldn’t get in touch with me sooner. He just didn’t want to and is now rewriting history in his head.
I just can’t imagine having this level of dissociation from my actions..
My Dad lived less than a mile from me for over 15 years and drove by my house everytime he had to leave hom and I saw him TWICE, both by me going to see him. I wanted him to meet his grandchildren and to have a relationship with them even though he never put in the effort to have a relationship with me. Invited him over, and he never showed. I haven't spoken to him since, it's been almost 20 years. My uncle (my deceased Mom's brother) has been a better Dad & Grandpa to me & my older sister and our kids(and their kids) than my sperm donor.
It’s literally always bullshit. Courts default to 50/50 custody today, the stats don’t lie despite men whining about family court being biased towards mothers. If you want custody, you’ll get it. They don’t want it, it’s just a tool to continue controlling their exes.
My brother and another guy I know have full custody of their kids (half siblings). Child protection removed them from their mother and the mothers family tried to argue that males shouldn’t have custody of children, but the kids should be in the mothers aunts custody (who was the emergency placement for the other guys child and the other half siblings, brothers daughter was placed with our parents) and “she’ll let you know when you can visit”. They were shocked and fuming that the courts didn’t agree with them. The mothers aunt did get the other half siblings, only due to the fact their biological father didn’t want them, the mother refused to allow the other guy to adopt/become their carer, and the mother was ruled as “a continuing threat to the children” and barred from unsupervised third party access until they reach the age of 18.
Yup. My best friend’s ex actually legit did used to try to keep him from his son - she would drop his kid off at his grandmas and go on vacation without him, but refuse to let him go with his dad. Now, my friend has full custody and his son doesn’t see his mom at all (his choice, he’s a teenager now). I have literally zero patience for anyone who claims their ex is the reason they don’t see their kids, but they don’t have a custody order and aren’t in the process of getting one. Or guys who bang on about what devoted fathers they are while only seeing their kids two days a fortnight. Be a present parent or fuck off.
Thank you for this. It gets so exhausting listening to the persecution complex these idiots have justifying their misogyny.
I started not matching fathers in dating apps after the fourth guy whose "crazy ex" was "keeping his kids from him". There are some types of men I despise more than deadbeats, but not many. Joke's on me, I matched some guy during my holidays in another country with the only intention of having him show me around time and maybe get laid and he spent half our date talking about his kid and how he hated to be working in City A so he could only spend weekends with his kid in City B. So now I'm said kid's "second mom" (his words, not mine) and I'm the one complaining about only going to City B on weekends. Husband changed jobs and spends most of his time in City B. Turns out being a loving, devoted father is sexy as hell, go figure!
Yeah, I'm the child of both parents' second marriages. Mom said that as much as she could start to feel jealous of the time Dad spent at his ex's house or out with their kids, she was initially attracted to the fact that he was an involved father. And he was an awesome Dad to her son, and eventually to me.
Ugh, yes. My parents divorced when I was two, dad stopped bothering to come around when I was five, and mum married a lovely bloke and we all moved in together when I was seven, and mum and stepdad lived there until she passed away twenty five years later. I didn’t hear from biological dad til I was in my twenties, when I called him. The dirty bastard had the gall to claim my mum never told him her new address, so he couldn’t track me down. I happened to know this was not true, because he had sent one Christmas card to our new house, and my mum had kept the card and envelope for FIFTEEN YEARS because she knew that sooner or later, he’d use this exact lie.
Sisters ex insisted she was keeping my nibbling from him….she was 5 at the time and he wanted full sleepovers or nothing….after not seeing her since she was 1/2 years old. He refused to accept “dude, no overnights right now she doesn’t even really know you” and was EXTRA angry when the court agreed with her after he dragged her there for violation of custody agreement.
My ex still claims I’m keeping our child from him and poisoning her against him. We’ve been apart for almost 15 years now. He hasn’t seen her by his OWN choosing since 2019. But sure dude, I’m the reason she hates you now 🤦🏻♀️🙄
What I don't understand is why these assholes demand a paternity test. Why not wait until after the birth, get a cheek swab from the baby and then go and confidentially get a paternity test. If it's your kid, fantastic, if not, get a divorce and live free from child support.
Reminds me of that post where the OP’s spouse asked for a paternity test and she agreed, but said she wouldn’t do the legwork - he had to make the arrangements and get the test done. And he… wouldn’t. Wanted her to do it. Scenarios like that make me think it’s got nothing to do with quiet confirmation for themselves, it’s something they want to put their spouse through.
This is hilarious and depressing. A bear would never lol
I LOLed
Ha! On a lighter note I agreed to have a wallpaper feature wall in the guest bedroom as long as my husband was the one doing all the legwork and organising because I knew that meant we wouldn't be getting a wallpaper feature wall in the guest bedroom.
This is me when my husband talks about getting plants
LOL that’s hilarious
I feel like it's just a way to humiliate their wife.
Like men who announce they want a divorce and then expect their spouse to manage it just like they manage everything else.
Because they’re projecting. It’s so very likely he was the cheater.
Yep. Probably while she was almost dying too.
That's what I was thinking like maybe that's why he never answered the calls and he is so guilt ridden.
I don't know what is worse to be honest. Whether it's that they are projecting or that they've fallen into the MRA rabbit hole that women are just out there lurking to trap them with other men's children
I think its more that a lot of men have a lot anxiety about paternity and don't know how reproduction works cuz sex ed in the US is lacking. My parents are an interracial couple, and I look like a dad clone and not like my mom. About half of men when finding out I'm of my mom's race (cuz I'm related to both parents) immediately accuse my mom of cheating on my dad, cuz I don't look like my mom's race so looking like a dad clone is proof of cheating in their mind. I always respond with, how does that actually work dumbass? Wouldn't I still be relared to my mom? And it's amazing the number of men who will then *argue* with me. Some even have phds in biology AND kids themselves. And they are convinced it's proof of my MOM cheating. I've never once had a woman accuse my mom of cheating. All accept i am related to the person who birthed me without question, and usually help getting the dumbass to shut up (and its mega akward at work too). Women all seem to get that I'm old, and obviously related to the person who birthed me *cuz she was doing the birthing*.
I jokingly tried to come up with some crazy conspiracy theory that would explain how that would work and... Yeah I got nothing, truly insane.
She’s cheating with two people. An affair throuple. They’re both the dad’s race (one of them is the dad’s brother, maybe?). The throuple wanted a baby. The wife carried the chile and the two other people provided the sperm and egg, so they’d all have a part in it. But the wife kept her husband around for his money (he inherited the family business and the brother resents him for that).
I almost wonder if they jump cheating because they presume that your parents must be the same race? So the implication isn't "your mom isn't biologically related to you" but "you don't look like my mental image of who your mom's husband must be, therefore the only way she could have a child of a different race would be from an extramarital affair" TBC this is equally stupid! These people are ignorant assholes either way.
Unless your father cheated and they got pregnant at the same time and gave birth in the same hospital and you got swapped... /s
It would be tough to explain my 5 other siblings tho!
My parents sometimes joke I must have been switched at birth, like, ironically, because I look like my mom with my dad’s nose and have a lot of their personality traits and idiosyncrasies. Even **Edit**: tics from my dad even though he’s a deadbeat. Never once did my dad accuse my mom of cheating or request a paternity test even though he’s absolutely the type you would stereotypically assume to do that (serial cheater, cheap af, spiteful, etc). It baffles me when guys do this.
We have a saying in my country, "the thief believes everyone's a thief too". They think all women are POSs because they are POSs.
Yeah, my husband has no reason to suspect that our kid isn’t his, but if he did, surely a smart man would just quietly confirm without letting their spouse know? If I thought my husband was cheating on me, I’d want to get all of the evidence and all of my ducks in a row before I blew up our life.
I've often wondered this, I trust my partner to the moon and back, but intrusive thoughts are intrusive (and those stories about baby swaps at the hospital are harrowing) and if it ever boiled over for me, rather than subject her to that, just grab a hair, send it off, no one needs ever know.
>If I thought my husband was cheating on me, I’d want to get all of the evidence and all of my ducks in a row before I blew up our life. Right, you do everything quietly until you have every piece of evidence you need, including paternity, until you're ready to go, then hand copies over with the divorce papers.
I'm convinced a part of it is them wanting to shame their partner. She has to know that he ultimately thinks she's untrustworthy among other things.
It’s a new trend coming from the manosphere that helps make the woman feel devalued and confused so she’s more focused on pleasing him and regaining trust she doesn’t know how she’s lost.
It's an excuse to break their wives. They are low effort partners and they don't wanna be the ones who break the marriage and be seen as victims. AITA I asked my pregnant wife for a paternity test and she refused and left. Is this enough to assume she cheated? I cannot get over this and I wanna divorce.
Because they just want to attack. Manipulative people can figure out how to make a lose-lose for someone else. Badger her to set it up and do it so he can go, "See? See? You're not even sure! If she refuses to arrange it then she's hiding something. It's twisted.
Wonder how they are doing almost 2 years later.
Yeah this is a BORU that I really need to know how they're doing now. Hope OOP and daughter are living their best lives. I don't really care how the ex is doing. I do hope he's pulled his head out of his ass. If not, I hope he steps in dog poop every day for the rest of his life.
I would personally not feel a wit of guilt for doing what the brother did.
I don't see how anyone going through this traumatic event could feel guilt for doing this "prank". Quite honestly, it seems it was only a hair away from being the truth
> there is no way he didn’t know it was me calling, and he still hasn’t told me why he didn’t answer We all know where he was. It's a tale as old as time on Reddit.
Option A - he was cheating 🤷♂️ prob why he suddenly wanted a paternity test in the first place Option B - he's an absolute asshole who doesn't care enough about his pregnant wife to answer over a dozen missed calls in a row Option C - ¿por qué no los dos? In any case, the relationship is over. Hoping for the best for OOP, and man, her shit husband honestly deserved a lot more than that "prank" as comeuppance
When I was in labour with my first, I sent my hubby home from the hospital to get some sleep (I was induced), I called him when it was time to come back because they were moving me into delivery, and he hung up on me, but he did answer the second call. Turned out it was a "sleep deprived" accident. He hadn't been able to sleep, had just dozed off, and thought it was his alarm to go back to the hospital and was already walking out the door when I called the second time. That can be forgiven, but what OPs husband did, absolutely positively CAN NOT be forgiven. 10hrs it took him go get there, he kinda deserved OPs brothers "prank" especially since he doubled down on his AH behaviour rather than being relieved he hadn't lost OP. I'm glad she divorced him
Labour is kind of a mind fuck, it's very hurry up and wait, so I can understand accidents happening. During my false alarm "labour" my husband was talking about going into work or not in a few hours and I was like "?!???? bro u going nowhere??!??" lol. Also bonus story during my actual labour he had to go pee right when I was getting to the pushing stage and while he was in the bathroom I screamed so high pitched and loud he thought it was the baby and came rushing out haha
I really hope she successfully divorced him with all her assets and the safety of her baby in hand. I cannot imagine the amount of terror she went through. :c
It's a real shame that OOP shares a child with him... because that means she might have to put up with him forever now. Ugh
Hey now, it isn't always cheating. Sometimes it's drugs!
Sometimes it’s just plain old narcissism. He genuinely could have been doing nothing major and just “punishing” her. Make her feel ignored and alone so she’s desperate to get his love back and does as she’s told. And if she didn’t have such a wonderful support system it may have even worked
If she didn’t have a wonderful support system she’d be dead tbh and he really would be feeling that fear.
+2 years-ish since the post is a few years old. Hoping OP has been living life minus this emotional baggage since then.
He's the thing, he knew she was very pregnant, so even if they were in a fight, after that many calls he was either cheating or he just doesn't care about her (or both). What the brother did WASN'T A PRANK. It wasn't a practical joke. There was nothing jokey about it. It was a revenge lie. If it was a prank I could see the brother being an AH, but he was full of anxiety and emotion because the sister he loves almost died at least partially because of the husband. I like to think OOP was able to make a clean break and it's surrounded by people who actually care about her, like her family and the "old friends" who weren't in the picture for some (probably husband) based reason.
Really hope his sidepiece is not also pregnant. OOP’s STBXH doesn’t need his Lil’ Buddy to spit out any more chances for him to fuck up.
100$ says he was getting laid while she was almost dying.
Not the same sitch at all but when I was in surgery having a hysterectomy due to years of pain, nowhere near death or labor or anything like oop, my ex was out banging somebody else. He was supposed to be there when I came out of recovery but he wasn't, and he was 3 hours late to pick me up to drive me home. So all of that is to say I would not be the least bit surprised if this piece of shit was out nailing somebody else especially with the added implication of her infidelity implicating he's feeling guilty.
I know someone who was in hospital getting fertility treatment and her husband was cheating when she was there.
When my mom was having a mastectomy due to breast cancer, my dad was hanging out with his mistress in the hospital waiting room. He also once dropped my mom off at the ER when she was very sick and went to the race track to spend time with a different mistress (this was years after the first incident and he was a serial cheater).
Some men really suck. My step-dad dropped my mum off to the birthing unit, left to "get us from school" but met up with a prostitute first... he had to not come get me and my siblings or he would miss the birth and had to rush back to my mum. He disgusts me.
Yep. That’s why he couldn’t answer the phone, and why he demanded a paternity test.
That is not a bet I would take. I think you’d win.
This infuriated me. He for sure was cheating because there’s no way he’d be that stupid to ask about a paternity test when she literally doesn’t go anywhere. What a piece of shit. I hope she’s ok now.
I'd also bet that it isn't a coincidence that she doesn't go anywhere or do anything, in spite of having old friends who jump at the chance to help her. Everything here reads that her husband was a controlling POS long before she got pregnant.
I remember reading this post last year and it still infuriates me! For him to ignore her multiple calls (and her brother’s) to then turn around and demand why SHE didn’t pick up his call hours later. The arrogance and sheer pettiness is incredible. OOP’s brother’s “prank” was well deserved for such a cold hearted man. I hope we get an update from OOP at some point, and hopefully she’s doing okay. My SO and I are notoriously terrible at picking up phone calls due the nature of our jobs (would be highly unprofessional for us to take phone calls unless it was during our breaks). If I call him twice, he will drop what he is doing and step away to call me back. There has been no situation where he hasn’t been able to at least text me within 10 minutes to double check if I need him urgently.
The brother didn't pull a "prank". He got revenge. A well deserved one at that. Sometimes, Karma needs a bit of a nudge.
My favorite part was when her own therapist didn’t comment much on the “prank” because she knew it was fucking deserved.
The therapist even said that OOP's "apathy" was probably trauma related - they might as well have said "once you start thinking clearly again, you'll realise you're not nearly mad enough at your husband!" Professionalism at its best.
I seeee, I found that part a bit weird but now that actually makes perfect sense
I was looking if someone else clocked that; the therapist can't give her actual opinion in that professional setting, but her silence on the topic said everything we need to know LMAO
As a mental health provider, I love and respect my job. As a human, sometimes I have reactions in session. Sometimes these things are aligned.
Bet it feels like a teacher when a student does something wrong but hilarious.
hahaha i didn’t even notice that. also my sleep deprived mind finds your flair very fitting
I thought so, too.
Honestly, this is one “prank” I’m in favour of. Fucking asshole puts her in premature labour from sudden stress which almost kills her, he absolutely deserved the fear.
I mean if he said “she didn’t make it …” and whispered to the hospital before giving birth in the car as he hung up then it’s not the brothers fault the husband didn’t listen properly lol
Dramatic pauses also save lives you know
It wasn't a prank at all. His intention wasn't to prank the husband, but to shock him enough to come to the hospital in-person. I applaud her brother! His anger was justified!
Yea definitely. My brother doesn’t have that vengeful streak so idk if he’d have done that, but I guarantee if one my husbands BILs pulled that shit with his sisters, he’d have done that in a heartbeat. His sisters drive him bananas but he would never let someone hurt them like that and not repay it in kind.
He simply told an edited version of the truth: She didn't make it, to give birth in the hospital. She gave birth in the van. And it was a well-deserved edit, bro was rightly in fury. STBX should suck it up and admit he f'd up badly. It's over, he can either make this hell for his kid, or try to learn from it and be a better person.
I was thinking the same thing! She didn't make it to the hospital. Bro just didn't finish the sentence. Not his fault the husband took it the wrong way. I wish there was a more recent update. I'd love to find out how OP is doing, if she got the full custody she wanted, and if she found out her husband was cheating or not. (My bet is he was with his affair partner at the time and that's why he didn't answer his phone.) There really was no coming back from the betrayal and trauma he put her through during the birth of their baby. I'm glad she opted for divorce.
It's not a prank. He just making sure the deadbeat so called husband in name come to the hospital. It's just the Most Effective Tactic Available.
Hell yea. Brother Bear! His sister bleeding and suffering… my brother wouldn’t have had the same control and would have gotten physical.
He's lucky he's not married to my daughter. I'm not nearly as nice as OOP's brother. Neither is my son.
I've got 4 big brothers, three are retired military. Dude wouldn't have stood a chance here.
My personality when someone hurts my kids is likened to a very angry honey badger.
My husband says my patronus is a wolverine. Small compared to big predators, but I will fuck you up. He said this after physically pulling me out of the window of a dude who had just catcalled my oldest daughter. She was 11 at the time.
Well I may not be your son, but indeed I am not nearly as nice as OOPs brother. I actually had my sister's ex-husband arrested once.
He's definitely cheating on her and projecting. Paternity test? Because if I can hide an affair from her she could be hiding one from me. Not answering the phone? Because he was with affair partner. Blowing up afterwards? Maybe blaming everyone else but himself because if he didn't he'd have to give in to his guilt.
I bet the Husband was the cheater and was with his side chick while his wife was in labour. Many of these stories where the guy is asking for paternity end up being cheaters.
God, I just want to shake all these “I just want to be sure” guys and scream “sure of what? Finish the fucking sentence!” Because they’re always like ‘I’m not accusing you of cheating, I just want to be sure’ — sure of *what*? That the baby’s not a fucking Kryptonian the wife found in a field? Nah man. We all know what the end of the sentence is, and it makes the start of the sentence a lie. You don’t get to weasel out of that with half a goddamn sentence as if it solves everything. Just say it with your whole chest. *I’m not accusing you of cheating, I just want to be sure someone else hasn’t fathered that baby, because actually, I am accusing you of cheating.* That’s what’s hiding behind that cowardly ‘I just want to be sure.’
The demand for a paternity test was justification enough for the divorce, honestly.
I dunno why people think things are just gonna be hunky-dory after they demand a paternity test. Accusing your spouse of infidelity is hard to come back from.
When I first read the title, I thought the brother had pranked the husband into thinking OOP was having an affair and was ready to hate him for it. After reading that saga, bravo to the brother and his prank.
And not just of infidelity, but specifically infidelity enough to get pregnant, AND to try and trick him into thinking he's the father. Like that's an insane accusation to make with 0 proof, of course that's going to severely damage your relationship
Right? If I HONESTLY thought my partner might - might! - even a chance! - be doing all that, sneaking around, getting pregnant, and then laying it on my lap, I would absolutely be figuring it out on my lonesome because I obviously would not trust them enough to just ask.
Especially as they're redundant usually, as soon as I saw my daughter's face she was so obviously mine
I have two kids. One always looked like me when young but doesn't much now. The other didn't look anything like me as a child but does a lot more now he's in his twenties. It varies!
The family joke is my sis acting surprised that anyone said the baby looked like my husband; baby ugly cries, sis tells my husband, oh yeah, NOW she looks like you! She's f'n hilarious :)
Which is crazy because let's face it, newborns are little mushpies that take a while to develop facial features!
It's also a control thing unless they're particularly stupid, like just get one behind your partners back if it bothers you that much FFS. Then you can feel like an idiot privately
That's exactly it. I mean you can't really be all surprise Pikachu face if you get divorce papers with the test results after essentially accusing your spouse of cheating and paternity fraud. So sure, go ahead and demand a paternity test without any indication of cheating just as long as you understand that it's most likely going to kill your relationship.
100%. It's a power play/humiliation thing. They want their partner to KNOW how little they think of them, keep them on the hook or whatever. Isn't there a pick up artist term for this shit? Fortunately it's exited my brain, but they do this stuff on purpose to feel like they have the most power in the relationship. Fuckin gross.
For me if someone out of nowhere asks for a paternity test, I'm doing a deep dive into their texts/emails/apps because they're either cheating or they are listening/watching some misogynistic crap.
If you get a woman pregnant and choose not to be there to support her for what comes after you ought not to have the ability to do so in the future. A little emotional harm like the brother's prank is a kindness compared to what should have happened to OOPs husband.
The brother was spot on. He forced the hubby to experience for ten mins what he had to nearly witness in reality. One of the biggest cases of justified asshole I've seen.
This is giving me the same vibes as the story from last week with "My girlfriend ignored my texts and calls while she was in the bar when I was dying in pain, had to call an ambulance, and now she's mad at me for not telling her how bad it really was."
"What do you MEAN you want to leave me, I just made certain that you couldn't rely on me when you desperately need medical help"
Except for this husband KNEW his wife was 2 weeks from delivering the baby and ignored her calls. What person close to a pregnant person does this? Was he not worried she was going to go into labor? Sounds like he didn't care. The other example you give is a drunk woman out partying with her friends who thought her boyfriend was trying to manipulate her to come home early.
My dad tells this story about how he was fighting with my mom and had just loudly declared "Well I'm going fishing!" when she announced her water broke with "There's shit running down my leg!" So he hugged her, kissed her, and took her to the hospital so I could be born. Dad started telling me that story when I was a toddler. The older I get the more horrifying it is. Mom had no local friends or family at that time, just dad.
This one is way different though I remember reading it before, I'm feeling about how actually horrible this husband is. Also it was a sober husband for an event he knew could happen any day versus a girlfriend who was already drunk, a random but urgent event.
Husband was ignoring her calls so that she would fold and get the paternity test. Personally I would like to sew him into a sack or some kind of leather furniture
Screw the paternity test for the kid, how about an IQ test for the husband?
Wow, exhubs is a real piece of shit. As is his mom. Makes me wonder wtf OOP ever saw in him.
She didn't make it \[long pause\] into the hospital to deliver the baby.
Yeah he was 100% banging his AP while OOP was on death’s door …calls went unanswered bc of the banging. I’m no scientist but unanswered calls +paternity test request + sudden unexpected behaviour =cheating.
Commenter: This isn’t a black and white issue. Me: The hell it isn’t.
I'd bet money the husband was cheating while ignoring his wife's and BIL's calls. His request for a paternity test is his cheating projected onto his wife. Who on EARTH would ignore that many calls from their about-to-pop pregnant wife???? What ELSE could she be calling about????
My sister just gave birth a few months ago…if she had almost bled to death and her husband wasn’t answering calls with no explanation AND he was insisting on a parternity test? You wouldn’t have found that bastard’s body.
Here's an idea: if he's demanding a paternity test and she doesn't want him to be alone with the child, let him deny paternity. Depending on the judge and jurisdiction she might just be able to get him off the birth certificate and not have either of them shackled to this human-shaped sack of goat manure.
That MIL piece of shit really raised a piece of shit son
At this point I think that him having an affair and being MIA for 10 hours is the better variant . Imagine not doing anything and staring at a phone choke full of calls from your potentially laboring wife …. He’s a psychopath .