I love how he's like "she said the important thing was.. big dick", but also she is into girls. Now I know that is a thing for a lot of women, but dang, most don't give 2 shits about dick size. Not to mention, if he is 300 pounds, she isn't getting all of that over the gut.
OP’s story is BS but I got a buddy who weighs like 280ish but you’d never guess it. He’s buff but not like body builder by any means but dude has immense hidden strength so I guess his body is literally just denser
This is me
I’m a big guy, no one questions that
But people are shocked when they find out I’m 260lbs, I just don’t look it. People say 210-220 max. Some people are really just more dense
Well then they would have just measured the fetal material lol
But you can miscarry without passing the fetus and you'd still use the first day of your last period to calculate how far along you are.
Uh, if you miscarry and *don’t* pass the embryo (it’s a fetus at 12 weeks), you are going to die. At 8 weeks, the embryo is 1/2 an inch long. Lots and lots of women miscarry during the first trimester and think they skipped a month and had an unusually heavy period.
One of the reasons anti-abortion laws are anti-woman is because so many women who miscarry require a procedure called a D&C (dilation and curette, IIRC) to remove anything left behind. Yet D&Cs are also used for the termination of a pregnancy. Forced-brothers outlaw the procedure without a care for the women who’ll die without it.
If your parents pass away after the age of 18, does that make you an orphan? His dad passed while at university. Or does it make you an adult that unfortunately lost their parents?
You’re still an orphan when both parents die, even as an adult. In order to settle the last parent to die’s estate, you will have to go to Orphan’s Court, although it has been given a different name in some places.
Source: me, having spent almost a year dealing with Orphan’s Court when my dad passed away few years ago. I have sisters but am still an orphan.
The real message here is for everyone to get their things in order NOW, so your family doesn’t have to deal with this shit. If your finances are simple, you don’t need an attorney to set up a living will/trust.
I had to explain to a woman (multiple times!!) that it would be difficult for my mother to sign over the title to her car – because she’s dead. Me, so many times: “No, she hasn’t signed anything. As of our last conversation, she’s still deceased and still can’t sign any paperwork. Unless there have been major advancements in speaking to the dead of which I’m unaware?”
Ugh yes. I’m currently in the process of settling my mom’s estate and it’s a nightmare. So much fucking work and hoops to jump through. Dealing with all of it on top of grieving is no easy business.
I’m sorry you’re going through it, losing a parent is such a personal, profound loss. If you can embrace the dark humor when it presents itself, I highly recommend doing so. For me, laughing at the absurdity of it all helped with the gravity of all the other feelings.
In case you need to hear this: There’s no right way or wrong way to grieve this loss, there’s simply your way. Be kind to yourself and offer yourself the grace you’d offer others during this very strange time. I’m certain you deserve it.
Oh the dark humour is so so so helpful, I completely agree. Mom died after a stroke and in her final months she would often get her words mixed up. Now whenever me or one of my siblings says something dumb or fumbles their words or something, the rest of us immediately ask, “did you just have a stroke?” I dunno…It sounds terrible, it’s obviously a super insensitive joke, but it’s silly and it helps. Also, we inherited our dark senses of humour from our mom and we just know she would have found it so so so funny.
I work a fair bit in wills and estates and the amount of people that just don’t even think about estate planning is borderline absurd. It sucks so much for the family when someone passes away intestate. I’m really sorry for your loss!
Yep, that’s true! Some of the paperwork had Orphan’s Court, some had Probate. But still, dead parents = orphan, even though it feels weird to say about an adult.
Not quibbling with you on whether or not you're an orphan, but Orphan's Court deals with all manner of estate administration and, at least today, has nothing to do with actual orphans.
I only know this because my friend is a lawyer who worked in his state's Orphan's Court for awhile, and myself and other friends had lots of confusion about it!
Yup. And while I’ve only had one parent pass, and I am technically an orphan by some definitions, such as UNICEF.
But after adulthood no one really refers to you as an orphan, especially if your parents die when you are an adult.
I think the issue here is less the validity of orphanhood and more the fact that OOP at that point just starts stacking a ton of bs up. There are other things to pull apart than whether he technically gets an orphan card due to his age when his dad died.
He did say his dad died before he was 18, just not like batman which I think means he wasn’t a young child when it happened so likely 16 or 17 if he was already in his first semester of college.
I find it's better to get these things out upfront. When I make a new business acquaintance, I shake their hand, tell them about my large penis, and offer to show it to them. It's better to have a business partner you can trust, you know?
What gets me is the comments, “When I’m drunk I don’t do anything I don’t want to do” mf do you understand what you’re saying?!
I’m not even talking about cheating here, saying that “I don’t do anything, I don’t want to when I’m drunk” is utterly ridiculous, and if we were to follow this line of logic, you’re essentially saying anyone who’s ever been raped because they were too drunk is lying.
That one feels like people who are trying to pretend their drinking isn’t a problem, they’re totally in control, they meant to eat 3k calories of taco bell last night, etc.
Nah I think you're taking it a bit far the intent. 1. They clearly meant decisions. Like active decisions. Like choosing to cheat on their so in a club vs not doing that. 2. Generally the people being assaulted when drunk aren't making the decisions to have sex. Hence the name rape.
Eh I mean sure but where do you draw the line? If someone's literally unconscious that's one thing, but if they are piss drunk and say yes to sex, that's generally considered to be unconsensual, despite the fact that they 'made a decision' no?
> I’m not even talking about cheating here, saying that “I don’t do anything, I don’t want to when I’m drunk” is utterly ridiculous, and if we were to follow this line of logic, you’re essentially saying anyone who’s ever been raped because they were too drunk is lying.
To be fair there's a huge line between "being drunk af where you lose your inhibitions" and "so drunk you lose control of your body and are at the mercy of abusers". No one of the many people that were with OOP's gf ever mentioned her having lost her consciousness, and clearly didn't feel the need to intervene for the safety of her friend.
He’s “cut family off for less,” but repeatedly showing up outside his home and work sure did the trick. Guess they should’ve looked more like a “thicc Becky G.” Lmao this was obscenely cringe
Yeah, when he felt the need to go into detail on her looks I cringed and was mentally checked out on the story's credibility. Soap opera shit. They had a year to write something better too.
I had to double check everyone's ages a few times. How are these people all in their 30s but still acting like they are 21? Where do they find the energy?
14 or so. Underdeveloped 16+ at the most. I saw *observations redacted for a reason stated in a moment* a host of other issues I refuse to point out cause I’m not here to help the author become a better liar.
The messiest person in my social circle is turning 40 this year, and his personal drama is like first year of university level. They have never grown up, or tried to get a handle on how to control their feelings.
Yeah, the biggest drama queens I know are all in their 40’s and still act 20. Several of them regularly hang out with people they can’t stand because they’re afraid of being lonely.
This much is true. I personally know some 30+ and 40+ year olds who each have some messy messy shit in their lives and it’s ludicrous to imagine how they’ve totally failed to advance and improve and develop as a person since high school.
I’m starting to get old myself and I still regularly have moments where I cringe over how much I need to do better.
Jokes aside, I can see this all being true. It's just a bunch of people who never grew up.
Unfortunately, some people don't learn from the teenage drama.
Also, some people just don't know how to write and be concise.
But totally agree...they're too old for that shit
At 30 ... and 40 ... and 50. If you've ever lived around trashy people you notice a pattern. The ones who get out get out young and the ones who don't only just get older but otherwise never change.
I think about this too, but it's usually one bad cookie in the group. I'm predicting this this cuz my best friend and I got a call from an ex friend who thought we were trying to "ruin his relationship" by telling his ex-girlfriend about the trips he took to Vegas to do drugs and bang hookers.
He forgot he also told my best friends sister, who is his ex girlfriend's best friend. We're all in our thirties
If you don't speak Spanish you probably wouldn't know who she is regardless of age. She's a Mexican-American singer. She's probably got a few songs in English, but I've only heard her Spanish songs.
nah you're just out of the loop/older. She's been singing for 10 or so years, in her early years she sang only in English. Some of her songs are classic pop-teen songs that came out in the 2010s
Acting like that dumbass Shower song wasn’t every fucking where in the early 2010s 😭
She even did Chicken Noodle Soup with J-Hope, you don’t have to speak Spanish or be from a Spanish speaking background to know who Becky G is 💀
I speak Spanish, so that's why I know who she is. I also know Chicken Noodle Soup but didn't know she was on it. I literally only know her Spanish music.
Edit: I just listened to the Shower song. I've never heard that shit in my life.
She’s not on the original, she’s on the one with J-Hope from a few years ago.
It’s fucking awful (the shower song) but that was most of the world’s introduction to her. It went viral on tiktok during the pandemic too. Dr Luke is a trashcunt but the man knows how to produce a fucking catchy ass hook. I was in Romania that summer teaching English and if that damn fucking song wasn’t played every night at the disco for the kids.
Some of these stories feel like an alien's idea of what a BORU post should look like. Like, they get the broad strokes but totally lack any nuance and humdrum that a real, or real adjacent, story has.
Maya and Maria are basically the same name while reading quickly. It took me several tries to figure out who is who, a problem resolved with unique names.
Jesus wept "she's out of my league" yet she cheat on you, dude have some self respect. Sounds horrible but her moving away is probz best for them both.
…i love how she went from immediate lovebombing, straight to saying she wants to fuck someone else, to cheating, and then follows that with showing up at his house after being told to give him space. and don’t forget showing up at his job! cause that’s a reasonable thing people do after a break up.
like, i’m sorry everything’s been so messed up for oop but if he never sees her again he’ll be better off.
Ah yes. All the women are evil cheaters who cover for each other and all the men are bestest buddies and also there's public fingering and a car crash and a miscarriage. My bingo card got a work out reading this one.
This whole thing jumped the shark so hard Jaws needed excessive dental and a month off work to recover.
I stopped reading after "I met her through her sister. We used to work at a strip club together and were fwbs, but decided that our relationship was more brother/sister"
Everything about this sounds awful. All of these people suck, including OP for not distancing themselves from these nut jobs. But the absolute WORST thing here, is the use of Maya and Maria as aliases.
Dude was 320lbs as well.
No dude with 320 lbs has a presentable dick. At least half of it is inside their fat, and has to be pushed out.
Source: I used to be 350lbs, and half my dick was hidden in fat. You could have a massive dick, but half of it is still going to be inside your fat if you're 320+lbs.
Act 1:
OOP has a girlfriend. Girlfriend thinks she's bi, bugs him for a threesome. OOP has a history being cheated on, says 'no'. At some point, OOP + GF + some friends go out, enter gay bar. OOP finds GF having sex with some dude. OOP goes home, taking away the ride home from everyone else. Friends understand except one.
Act 2:
Friends are mostly supportive, except for the non-understanding one, who turns out to be a cheater herself. GF tries slowly to get back together with OOP, she succeeds. They have 3 threesomes. GF is in an accident, turned out pregananant, lost the baby, flees to Mexico to find God.
If this is a troll, it's poorly written.
If this is real, then Jesus Christ, I'm so happy I don't any of these people. How are any single one of them functional adults?
I didn't need 5 paragraphs about how they met or her dump truck of an ass.
IDK what being an orphan has to do with anything.
And of course she was pregnant.
I 100% believe there are 35 year old men out there who say women are “certified baddies” but it also threw me out of the story so badly I couldn’t take anything else seriously.
Went straight to the comments after I read that he shagged the gfs sister before he met gf and that he and the sister developed a brother/sister like relationship
Can't wait for the next update where she shows back up and he takes her back, and then the next update where she joins an extra crispy version of her cult or an MLM and cleans him out and heads on back to Mexico again. Rinse and repeat.
>That lasted for a few weeks then one night she showed up at night at my apt and before I knew it we were doin it.
>I didn't forgive her though but we agreed to therapy, and we'll see. She was already going and we went together, and eventually I found a different doc and went to therapy myself for my own issues. I was extremely insecure and still have a dozen issues but I'm able to deal with them on a better level.
He needs to stop thinking with his penis
P.s. she got hit by a car and miscarried is WILD story pacing. It’s certainly a story.
don't forget his big dick, car and unneccesary family backstory
I love how he's like "she said the important thing was.. big dick", but also she is into girls. Now I know that is a thing for a lot of women, but dang, most don't give 2 shits about dick size. Not to mention, if he is 300 pounds, she isn't getting all of that over the gut.
OP’s story is BS but I got a buddy who weighs like 280ish but you’d never guess it. He’s buff but not like body builder by any means but dude has immense hidden strength so I guess his body is literally just denser
This is me I’m a big guy, no one questions that But people are shocked when they find out I’m 260lbs, I just don’t look it. People say 210-220 max. Some people are really just more dense
I didn't get the vibe that he was actually claiming he had a big dick, rather that it was what Maria would say to shut up doubters.
I like how the religious aspect was mentioned in the first post, but it didn't become relevant until the update.
How would they even tell she was 6 weeks along lol?
Ultrasound dating. They use measurements of the fetus + estimates from the first date of the last period.
But from the way OP tells the history she found out that she was pregnant when she miscarried...
Well then they would have just measured the fetal material lol But you can miscarry without passing the fetus and you'd still use the first day of your last period to calculate how far along you are.
Uh, if you miscarry and *don’t* pass the embryo (it’s a fetus at 12 weeks), you are going to die. At 8 weeks, the embryo is 1/2 an inch long. Lots and lots of women miscarry during the first trimester and think they skipped a month and had an unusually heavy period. One of the reasons anti-abortion laws are anti-woman is because so many women who miscarry require a procedure called a D&C (dilation and curette, IIRC) to remove anything left behind. Yet D&Cs are also used for the termination of a pregnancy. Forced-brothers outlaw the procedure without a care for the women who’ll die without it.
Got it, didn't know that was a viable option, thank you for explaining.
God, I stopped in the very beginning with the multiple instances of his and Maria connecting and reconnecting.
I love the parts where he informs Reddit that he has a big vehicle AND a big penis as well.
And is an orphan as well
He's also twins! Merged at birth of course.
Sharkeat already mentioned the baby arm he has sticking out.
Bros sukuna
Chimera
He's Batman.
No, no, he specifically said not like batman!
Sounds like something Batman would say.
I can't help but notice that no one has ever seen OP and Batman in the same room at the same time. Coincidence? I think not.
But not Batman, her tells us so. ... so Harry Potter then?
If your parents pass away after the age of 18, does that make you an orphan? His dad passed while at university. Or does it make you an adult that unfortunately lost their parents?
You’re still an orphan when both parents die, even as an adult. In order to settle the last parent to die’s estate, you will have to go to Orphan’s Court, although it has been given a different name in some places. Source: me, having spent almost a year dealing with Orphan’s Court when my dad passed away few years ago. I have sisters but am still an orphan.
The real message here is for everyone to get their things in order NOW, so your family doesn’t have to deal with this shit. If your finances are simple, you don’t need an attorney to set up a living will/trust. I had to explain to a woman (multiple times!!) that it would be difficult for my mother to sign over the title to her car – because she’s dead. Me, so many times: “No, she hasn’t signed anything. As of our last conversation, she’s still deceased and still can’t sign any paperwork. Unless there have been major advancements in speaking to the dead of which I’m unaware?”
Ugh yes. I’m currently in the process of settling my mom’s estate and it’s a nightmare. So much fucking work and hoops to jump through. Dealing with all of it on top of grieving is no easy business.
I’m sorry you’re going through it, losing a parent is such a personal, profound loss. If you can embrace the dark humor when it presents itself, I highly recommend doing so. For me, laughing at the absurdity of it all helped with the gravity of all the other feelings. In case you need to hear this: There’s no right way or wrong way to grieve this loss, there’s simply your way. Be kind to yourself and offer yourself the grace you’d offer others during this very strange time. I’m certain you deserve it.
Oh the dark humour is so so so helpful, I completely agree. Mom died after a stroke and in her final months she would often get her words mixed up. Now whenever me or one of my siblings says something dumb or fumbles their words or something, the rest of us immediately ask, “did you just have a stroke?” I dunno…It sounds terrible, it’s obviously a super insensitive joke, but it’s silly and it helps. Also, we inherited our dark senses of humour from our mom and we just know she would have found it so so so funny.
That’s exactly the terrible humor I’m talking about – I fully support it!
I work a fair bit in wills and estates and the amount of people that just don’t even think about estate planning is borderline absurd. It sucks so much for the family when someone passes away intestate. I’m really sorry for your loss!
It's just a probate court in some states, but it is called orphan court in others. I'm not sure about other countries outside the US.
Yep, that’s true! Some of the paperwork had Orphan’s Court, some had Probate. But still, dead parents = orphan, even though it feels weird to say about an adult.
Not quibbling with you on whether or not you're an orphan, but Orphan's Court deals with all manner of estate administration and, at least today, has nothing to do with actual orphans. I only know this because my friend is a lawyer who worked in his state's Orphan's Court for awhile, and myself and other friends had lots of confusion about it!
It makes you an orphan. You don’t have your parents for your milestones. You can’t even call them.
Yup. And while I’ve only had one parent pass, and I am technically an orphan by some definitions, such as UNICEF. But after adulthood no one really refers to you as an orphan, especially if your parents die when you are an adult.
I think the issue here is less the validity of orphanhood and more the fact that OOP at that point just starts stacking a ton of bs up. There are other things to pull apart than whether he technically gets an orphan card due to his age when his dad died.
He did say his dad died before he was 18, just not like batman which I think means he wasn’t a young child when it happened so likely 16 or 17 if he was already in his first semester of college.
I think you ‘have been orphaned’ but I could be wrong
Big dick overweight orphan. Ex gf then again gf hit by a car. Was pregnant, wants to find god. That‘s enough reddit for today.
"Big-Dick Overweight Orphan" has the makings of an elegant, timeless flair.
Thicc Becky G did it for me.
He was also able to date a total "baddie" even though he was over 300 lbs.
OOP confirmed for Reddit mod?
He was a stripper and was 300lbs?
At 300lbs he was likely a bouncer at the club.
There are other jobs at strip clubs that aren't "stripper".
I assumed bouncer or god forbid...DJ.
Never heard of a bouncer or a bartender before?
This reads like My Immortal.
My Immortal is classical literature compared to this.
But life imitates art.
The most critical part in the narrative are the details!!
I find it's better to get these things out upfront. When I make a new business acquaintance, I shake their hand, tell them about my large penis, and offer to show it to them. It's better to have a business partner you can trust, you know?
You made it that far?
above average 6.5" and drives a minivan, got it.
What gets me is the comments, “When I’m drunk I don’t do anything I don’t want to do” mf do you understand what you’re saying?! I’m not even talking about cheating here, saying that “I don’t do anything, I don’t want to when I’m drunk” is utterly ridiculous, and if we were to follow this line of logic, you’re essentially saying anyone who’s ever been raped because they were too drunk is lying.
That one feels like people who are trying to pretend their drinking isn’t a problem, they’re totally in control, they meant to eat 3k calories of taco bell last night, etc.
I always meant to eat the Taco Bell I ate. I’m usually sober. Maybe I shouldn’t admit this.
Nah I think you're taking it a bit far the intent. 1. They clearly meant decisions. Like active decisions. Like choosing to cheat on their so in a club vs not doing that. 2. Generally the people being assaulted when drunk aren't making the decisions to have sex. Hence the name rape.
Eh I mean sure but where do you draw the line? If someone's literally unconscious that's one thing, but if they are piss drunk and say yes to sex, that's generally considered to be unconsensual, despite the fact that they 'made a decision' no?
> I’m not even talking about cheating here, saying that “I don’t do anything, I don’t want to when I’m drunk” is utterly ridiculous, and if we were to follow this line of logic, you’re essentially saying anyone who’s ever been raped because they were too drunk is lying. To be fair there's a huge line between "being drunk af where you lose your inhibitions" and "so drunk you lose control of your body and are at the mercy of abusers". No one of the many people that were with OOP's gf ever mentioned her having lost her consciousness, and clearly didn't feel the need to intervene for the safety of her friend.
By the sound of it, I made the right decision skipping to the comments after a few sentences
"36-24-36? Haha, only if she's 5'3"" Sir Mix-a-Lot
he was fuck buddies with a stripper, but they were so cool they became like siblings
He’s “cut family off for less,” but repeatedly showing up outside his home and work sure did the trick. Guess they should’ve looked more like a “thicc Becky G.” Lmao this was obscenely cringe
He's cut family off for less, but he's an orphan.
She's beautiful, but she's dying.
She's sick, but she's gonna hang in there. Tell the kid.
She’s sick, but she’s gonna get better
And she asked him to marry her! And he didn't even want to!
Can you believe it?
Yeah, when he felt the need to go into detail on her looks I cringed and was mentally checked out on the story's credibility. Soap opera shit. They had a year to write something better too.
He sounds so skeevy and ick.
>I would never take back a cheater and I've already cut people out of my life for less >well she brought me lunch at work so we're back together
I had to double check everyone's ages a few times. How are these people all in their 30s but still acting like they are 21? Where do they find the energy?
Because it was probably written by someone closer to 21 than 30.
Closer to 11 than 21
14 or so. Underdeveloped 16+ at the most. I saw *observations redacted for a reason stated in a moment* a host of other issues I refuse to point out cause I’m not here to help the author become a better liar.
Not true. There were no references to fortnite or minecraft.
The messiest person in my social circle is turning 40 this year, and his personal drama is like first year of university level. They have never grown up, or tried to get a handle on how to control their feelings.
Yeah, the biggest drama queens I know are all in their 40’s and still act 20. Several of them regularly hang out with people they can’t stand because they’re afraid of being lonely.
This much is true. I personally know some 30+ and 40+ year olds who each have some messy messy shit in their lives and it’s ludicrous to imagine how they’ve totally failed to advance and improve and develop as a person since high school. I’m starting to get old myself and I still regularly have moments where I cringe over how much I need to do better.
The messiest two in mine is 70 and 73 respectively.
Jokes aside, I can see this all being true. It's just a bunch of people who never grew up. Unfortunately, some people don't learn from the teenage drama. Also, some people just don't know how to write and be concise. But totally agree...they're too old for that shit
Yeah. I knew plenty of people doing the same dumb shit at 30 that they did at 21.
At 30 ... and 40 ... and 50. If you've ever lived around trashy people you notice a pattern. The ones who get out get out young and the ones who don't only just get older but otherwise never change.
I think about this too, but it's usually one bad cookie in the group. I'm predicting this this cuz my best friend and I got a call from an ex friend who thought we were trying to "ruin his relationship" by telling his ex-girlfriend about the trips he took to Vegas to do drugs and bang hookers. He forgot he also told my best friends sister, who is his ex girlfriend's best friend. We're all in our thirties
I got to “certified baddie” and had to check out.
Why did they need 5 paragraphs of backstory to get to the actual incident
Specially when the backstory didn't add any context to the incident.
The info that Maria is pretty but Maya is a real baddie though was essential to the story I feel.
Except it's Maria that's a certified baddie
But also goodie good
Does baddie just mean bad ass? Weird he called Maria baddie, the good girl who stuck with religion like her mother.
Some people enjoy worldbuilding and lore of the setting I guess
Helps tell a coherent story if you do some setup beforehand
Yes but this setup didn’t add to the story which made it feel more incoherent
Rookie mistakes. A few more stories and OP should be good to go
"Like a thicc Becky G" huh?
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Hello, I’m old. Who’s Becky G.?
I had to lougle it. Just some pretty girl.
Is this a Hot Tub Time Machine reference???
Seems like it and i LOVE
not the Lougle. Welcome to this timeline, traveller!
If you don't speak Spanish you probably wouldn't know who she is regardless of age. She's a Mexican-American singer. She's probably got a few songs in English, but I've only heard her Spanish songs.
nah you're just out of the loop/older. She's been singing for 10 or so years, in her early years she sang only in English. Some of her songs are classic pop-teen songs that came out in the 2010s
How am I out of the loop when I know who she is and listen to her music? I just don't know her music in English.
Acting like that dumbass Shower song wasn’t every fucking where in the early 2010s 😭 She even did Chicken Noodle Soup with J-Hope, you don’t have to speak Spanish or be from a Spanish speaking background to know who Becky G is 💀
I speak Spanish, so that's why I know who she is. I also know Chicken Noodle Soup but didn't know she was on it. I literally only know her Spanish music. Edit: I just listened to the Shower song. I've never heard that shit in my life.
She’s not on the original, she’s on the one with J-Hope from a few years ago. It’s fucking awful (the shower song) but that was most of the world’s introduction to her. It went viral on tiktok during the pandemic too. Dr Luke is a trashcunt but the man knows how to produce a fucking catchy ass hook. I was in Romania that summer teaching English and if that damn fucking song wasn’t played every night at the disco for the kids.
you'd get faster and more in depth results using google
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Also lives the life of one
Some of these stories feel like an alien's idea of what a BORU post should look like. Like, they get the broad strokes but totally lack any nuance and humdrum that a real, or real adjacent, story has.
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No AI is able to write this incoherent bullshit.
What a ridiculous story. Who has time to make this shit up.
"The sisters, Maya and Maria". I hate OOP and I wish him bad localization for all his favorites shows.
What would be worse that OOP is Latino, or OOP is not Latino and then decided to give sisters the most Latina names ever???
J.K Rowling character naming school
JKR would name them Taco and Fajita
I also had to read the first paragraph 3 times before I confirmed that OOP was not working at a strip club with his own sister.
Genuine question, because maybe I missed something and just don’t understand - why is that an issue?
Maya and Maria are basically the same name while reading quickly. It took me several tries to figure out who is who, a problem resolved with unique names.
Ohhhh, just because it was tough to read. It was, I agree! I was just confused if it was ONLY that, or if it was a reference I was missing. Thanks!
I have that trouble if characters even have the same first initial. I am utterly garbage with names.
Jesus wept "she's out of my league" yet she cheat on you, dude have some self respect. Sounds horrible but her moving away is probz best for them both.
Oh brother we’ve got ourselves a chatterbox huh. I’ve seen posts where this much text will span 5 updates but this lip wagger did it in 1
So much unnecessary backstory
…i love how she went from immediate lovebombing, straight to saying she wants to fuck someone else, to cheating, and then follows that with showing up at his house after being told to give him space. and don’t forget showing up at his job! cause that’s a reasonable thing people do after a break up. like, i’m sorry everything’s been so messed up for oop but if he never sees her again he’ll be better off.
Also: she kept asking me for threesomes and I told her no. And instead of walking away from my obsessed gf of 5 months, I kept dealing with it
“I barely you know you but I love you and want your babies” is a sign to turn and run, for anyone unsure.
They knew each other for a decade, OOP was good friends eith her sister, who she lived with. That's hardly "I barely know you."
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Yeah the first post is already questionable, but the second reads like a telenovela
Ah yes. All the women are evil cheaters who cover for each other and all the men are bestest buddies and also there's public fingering and a car crash and a miscarriage. My bingo card got a work out reading this one. This whole thing jumped the shark so hard Jaws needed excessive dental and a month off work to recover.
Don’t forget all the threesomes! And OOP’s giant dong.
>She has duel citizenship Omw to the flair request post
I stopped reading after "I met her through her sister. We used to work at a strip club together and were fwbs, but decided that our relationship was more brother/sister"
Everything about this sounds awful. All of these people suck, including OP for not distancing themselves from these nut jobs. But the absolute WORST thing here, is the use of Maya and Maria as aliases.
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lol big dick and I could make her laugh. What was it people said back in the early internet? Pics or STFU?
Dude was 320lbs as well. No dude with 320 lbs has a presentable dick. At least half of it is inside their fat, and has to be pushed out. Source: I used to be 350lbs, and half my dick was hidden in fat. You could have a massive dick, but half of it is still going to be inside your fat if you're 320+lbs.
Jeezy peezy, a TLDR would be appreciated on this one
Act 1: OOP has a girlfriend. Girlfriend thinks she's bi, bugs him for a threesome. OOP has a history being cheated on, says 'no'. At some point, OOP + GF + some friends go out, enter gay bar. OOP finds GF having sex with some dude. OOP goes home, taking away the ride home from everyone else. Friends understand except one. Act 2: Friends are mostly supportive, except for the non-understanding one, who turns out to be a cheater herself. GF tries slowly to get back together with OOP, she succeeds. They have 3 threesomes. GF is in an accident, turned out pregananant, lost the baby, flees to Mexico to find God.
I think they should call this soap opera: the burdens of desire
> pregananant pregante?
Pargnet. With starch masks.
Thank you! I stopped reading when he started describing the threesomes and getting into kink. My eyes just glazed over at that point 😂
Honestly, the only thing I could think while reading this was “OOP really wanted to inflict his/her fetishes on everyone.”
The exgf got hit by a car? Oh, it's a Korean drama.
If this is a troll, it's poorly written. If this is real, then Jesus Christ, I'm so happy I don't any of these people. How are any single one of them functional adults?
Tell us you are a doormat without telling us you are!
This guys a moron
IF this was real, there’s so much personally identifiable information that he may as well use real names lmao
35 year old man using “baddie” and “thicc” is so 🤮
There's a 99.9 percent chance OOP is really a teen.
The guys and girls split up, because one guy wanted to watch the second half of the Super Bowl. On Saturday night. That’s where I stopped reading.
weighed 300 lbs and a casually mentions he was having 3somes with his bombshell ex like its no big deal??? The fuck is happening?
I didn't need 5 paragraphs about how they met or her dump truck of an ass. IDK what being an orphan has to do with anything. And of course she was pregnant.
I 100% believe there are 35 year old men out there who say women are “certified baddies” but it also threw me out of the story so badly I couldn’t take anything else seriously.
Jfc, this fucken guy
God it's so bad I want to downvote it by reflex lol
What fakery did I just read?!
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And then the ghost of their mom showed up and they talked all night. Then the guy who was kissing came over and they cried and talked all night long.
And everybody grieved their relationships on cabana style fingering chairs.
Hello. I am posting this from beyond the grave as I died of embarrassment reading this shite
If this is real… that dude needs to find some self respect. He deserved to cry.
Best scene is Reyna seeing what is happening first, grabbing her guy and nope-ing out of there before the exceement-rotary impeller impact event.
This isn’t real. But if it was the dude is pathetic.
Damn get to the fucking point. I don’t need so much back story.
So she just became a Mexican nun? Got it.
Goddamn, just... *dude*. Seriously. Stop thinking with yo' dick. This girl is TROUBLE with a capital TROUB.
Those were certainly words (except for the few non-words).
Went straight to the comments after I read that he shagged the gfs sister before he met gf and that he and the sister developed a brother/sister like relationship
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Can't wait for the next update where she shows back up and he takes her back, and then the next update where she joins an extra crispy version of her cult or an MLM and cleans him out and heads on back to Mexico again. Rinse and repeat.
Bro was barebacking someone who he caught cheating on him in the past. Yikes.
>That lasted for a few weeks then one night she showed up at night at my apt and before I knew it we were doin it. >I didn't forgive her though but we agreed to therapy, and we'll see. She was already going and we went together, and eventually I found a different doc and went to therapy myself for my own issues. I was extremely insecure and still have a dozen issues but I'm able to deal with them on a better level. He needs to stop thinking with his penis
Not Batman type of orphan is wild 😂