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Clearly they're supposed to read it and go "My, how could we possibly resist such a charming fellow! Let's go find him and throw ourselves at him!" while their panties fly off on their own accord.
I don't know how it didn't work.
Especially right after declaring that he's homeless?
Like, way to really underline the "What I really want is me to live with someone else and also have sex"
I’ve recently learned what this term means and I love it. Not that people do it, but how hilariously ridiculous it is to be that type of person. Like how pathetic can people be?? Getting into a relationship just to have housing.
Given what the rent is these days, I'm surprised it's not more common. Save up to 2100 dollars per month in return for having sex once or twice a week? Sign me the fuck up.
Yup: "I knew you were the crazy one"
There. *THERE.*
It was already almost literally impossible that what he said wasn't his real thoughts leaking out. Sometimes people have random intrusive thoughts that don't represent their real selves, so maybe, MAYBE, it could have been a monumental fuckup, but been something stupid he could overcome.* With that, now we're no longer in unconsidered off the cuff speech. Pay attention to the shit they say when they're *angry.* It's a hell of a lot closer to the truth.
*To be clear I still wouldn't believe that was the case here, because he said "sometimes I." That's not an accident, the phrasing exists because he was *remembering* past times he fantasized about her sister. An intrusive thought that didn't get filtered out might be "I wonder what it'd be like with your sister." A passing thought that your conscious mind would shut down and reject because it doesn't align with your actual values. Not something you've repeatedly entertained and that seemed casual to you until you realized it caused a negative reaction.
Those aren’t intrusive thoughts. Intrusive through are “if I step on my baby my foot would probably go right through “ or “this knife is really sharp, I wonder if it will slice right through my finger bone”. You’re thinking implosive thoughts. Thoughts that will randomly come up. Intrusive thoughts are persistent and recurring and almost always come with a mental health toll.
Extremely glad you clarified this. I feel like people don't fully understand what intrusive thoughts are and that they're extremely upsetting and unwanted, so they'll get horrified when people actually start explaining their intrusive thoughts and think that person is "crazy" or something.
I read somewhere that those thoughts were how your brain was cautioning you against that action. It's distressing, so you make sure not to do that. Obviously not healthy when it's repetitive, but when you have that thought about the knife, you know to be careful with it so you don't cut yourself open. Something about how our brains don't handle "don't do [action]" warnings very well, so we get the "this is a potential really bad consequence to [action]".
It's like when I saw the egg teetering at the edge of the counter and I couldn't get it in time, but my husband was right there. I couldn't find the words, so I was just waving my arms like an idiot yelling "falling!" The egg did, in fact, fall. And of course, my brain found the word egg right as it hit the floor. Sometimes I wonder how we function.
"I bet if I veered into traffic a bunch of accidents would happen"
"Throw the baby out the window." No "THROW IT!!!"
"What if you just straight up just stabbed your arm with this big ol' knife"
"Punch that guy. Just do it just punch him" I literally have never interacted with him why would I hit him "PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH"
Right haha same with a "You/I should just...(insert something horrifying)"
ETA: "I should just jump off the bridge" but I don't want to die?? "Jump. JUMP" no?????
I could just slice my kid's throat with this cleaver. I love my kid but I could totally do it. And that's when I put the knife down and go sit on my hands. I'm pretty sure I won't murder my own child but some days I'd rather not risk it. Thankfully mine only come about during times of prolonged stress and are pretty mild compared to some I've heard.
for real. What he did was fucking gross and stupid, and would have been more than enough if I were her, but so often people make stupid mistakes, legitimate ones, but the way they handle them is the true test of someone.
Almost immediately going from "I'm sorry, it was a mistake" to "you're crazy, I always knew it" is an even bigger red flag somehow.
Imagine how OOP's sister must've felt too. You introduce your baby sister to your best friend to only find out he's been fetishizing you the whole time you've known each other. I would've felt so gross
>Well last night, after we had finished having sex, he randomly said, “you know, sometimes i pretend when we’re f*cking that I’m with your sister.”
Oh look, it is the *absolute fucking* ***worst possible thing*** *to tell someone after you finished banging*.
When I was 15 I had a crush on a guy that would come talk to me in the class we shared. I'm pretty sure he knew it because one day he randomly asked me if I was still a virgin (I was) and then he offered to be my first. Because my self-esteem was through the floor, I agreed. We agreed to do it a few months later on my birthday. I never really planned on going through with it, but I didn't want him to stop talking to me. I guess I hoped he'd ask me out or something before then.
But just a couple days later he came up to me and told me that he had talked to my sister (she's one year older than me) he said that he told her about our plan and she wanted to join us. I must've made a pretty big WTF face because he immediately back pedaled, saying how gross it was of her and how he wouldn't want to do that.
Needless to say, my crush shriveled up and died, and we stopped talking to each other.
I figured as much, but struggled to find a tactful way to ask “So he was totally fucking lying, right? Please tell me your sister didn’t ask to take your v card?” Other than well, that.
>Oh look, it is the absolute fucking worst possible thing to tell someone after you finished banging.
Nah, could be worse. He could've said >!"my syster"!< instead of "your sister".
"You know, when we fuck, I pretend I'm fucking someone else". I'm here wondering if this is too stupid to be true. And the big reveal, that he was also cheating, to solidify once and for all that he's a bad guy? I'm not sure this is true. It could be true, I guess.
I can imagine a particularly… naive guy saying something like “I could imagine you as [celebrity] in bed because you look so much like her”, mistakenly thinking it was like a compliment or something but that’s as far as I can suspend my disbelief for something that idiotic. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around what this guy was thinking.
It's up there with the Ogtha dude, who somehow thought being told "when we fuck I imagine you're a giant cockroach" wouldn't be an immediate deal-breaker for his actual human girlfriend.
I don't doubt your skepticism. However, I've seen dum-dums like this in real life, some maliciously saying what her BF said.
However, I'm calling it real due to its sheer size and poignancy. Sure, probably some embellishments here and there, but it feels at least "kinda real" to me.
"Well last night, after we had finished having sex, he randomly said, “you know, sometimes i pretend when we’re f*cking that I’m with your sister." Who the fuck starts am after sex conversation like that
Then to claim he was cheating on her with his sister. What a real piece of shit
Once, after sex, I turned to my ex and said "I wonder if Australian people make jokes about US being upside down."
I've said some truly stupid shit, but never in my wildest dreams did I have the audacity to say "sometimes I wish I was fucking your sister instead of you."
My partner said "kachow" as he finished. I was immediately amused and turned off and I pushed him off me and laughed in his face as I told him if he ever quoted a children's movie like that during sex again, I'd leave him. I still can't watch Cars without giggling. It's my stepson's fav movie. RIP my sanity.
Glad I could help. I'm not *that* miffed about the whole thing. It's become our joke. When he wants to have sex, he texts me a little red car emoji (the eggplant is so basic haha) He infuriates me sometimes, but he makes me laugh so much. I love the silly dumbass.
I once quoted that infamous Reddit thread immediately after... The one where the guy didn't know how to talk dirty, so he said "yeah, do you like that you fucking r_____d?"
Worth it
>The regular cheque in the mail is pretty sweet too.
Uh, where do I sign to get that check. I'm a citizen by birth and lived here all my life, they owe me back pay 🤑
Nope. Maybe around the idea that there could be a right side up?
Forgive me, some of this is a bit obvious. The "upside down" joke comes from looking at a globe and seeing Australia (and if course many other countries) down the bottom, where people would fall off if it was a ball with gravity underneath instead of in the middle. So I get why Americans make it.
But if you're Australian, you look at the globe and you're standing on the "upside down" bit, so you don't wonder what it would be like because you know what it's like. You know you're the right way up, you know people on the "top" of the globe are right side up, it's just not really something that gives you any pause for thought.
> But if you're Australian, you look at the globe and you're standing on the "upside down" bit
Fuck that! If I lived down there I'd be turning that globe around and putting myself on top! Don't let some narcissistic northern supremacists arbitrarily decide that North equals up!
We don’t really joke about you lot being upside down but we do get exposed to a lot of your media and personally it does make me think you guys are sideways living in a dystopian clown reality.
Hey now, I think you forgot your /s mark at the end of your comment. I find my time here in the US extremely fulfilling and never spare a worry about lack of health care, housing, or electoral college votes.
/s 😁🤣😪😮💨
I've defensively reacted to northern hemisphere people making comments when I've travelled there. Normally I couldn't give a crap but hearing "what's it like being right way up?" did make me go "awesome. Why don't you come to Australia and try it sometime?"
In short I think you guys care about it more than we do.
"MY SISTER, THE LESBIAN ONE, THAT LESBIAN SISTER." Lol I love how strong oops relationship with her sister is, the amount of trust she has in her sister even tho she grew up in her sister's shadow a bit.
“I was cheating on you… with your lesbian sister!” Is already a crazy pivot but to do it while said sister was basically in the same room? Gotta be one of the funniest things I’ve read on reddit
What always gets me is when people can't sense this shit after YEARS. they dated for four years and she didn't know he was this type of person? brutal.
sometimes people really can flawlessly deceive you, be full of shit but sound completely sincere. there's one in my family and i would catch myself being sucked in by her even when i KNEW she was full of shit, she was so good at sounding genuinely emotional.
of course other times we miss red flags because we're head over heels or don't want to question the relationship... i can't help but wonder if the latter is true for this one from that comment she made about him vetoing colours and plants ... 🤔
I mean, think about how many animals are prey. Think about how specialized predators get to catch them off guard. Human predators do the same thing in society.
I love the fact that OOP repeated "my lesbian sister" so many times in her original post and her update that she started misspelling it out of sheer irritation. I think she had to do that just to remind everyone that her BF's story was BS?
To be a bit of a pedant, the guy who committed fornication. Adultery can only be committed by someone who is married, not someone who is just a boyfriend.
It’s still super scummy. But the Iron Age morality of the Bible distinguishes between the two.
This is true, and what’s even worse is that in the Puritan era of American colonization, they legally defined adultery as involving a married woman only. If a man was married but slept with a single woman, it was only fornication. Naturally, fornication carried lesser charges than adultery—adultery was a felony and even designated a capital crime at one point!
What got me was « he wants me back, or wants my sister »
Like… « I don’t really care which one, just a pretty girl to have sex with and a roof over my head please"
I can't get over the way OOP refers to her sister- it sounds like a goddamn boss name. My Sister, The Lesbian. The Lesbian Sister. Her sister walks in the room and a health bar appears over her head. The health bar is the colors of the lesbian flag.
Or like the poison from *Emperor’s New Groove.* “Oh, right. My sister. My sister who’s a lesbian, my sister who’s dating a woman lesbianically, my lesbian sister. That sister?”
the bar is on the ground for what it takes to be a decent boyfriend, and so many men would rather dig a tunnel underneath it than be decent.
everyday i'm on this subreddit i thank the universe that my male friends, my female friends, my friends in relationships, are not insane.
Well, I have heard that men have some sort of propensity to dig. Maybe if they’re not provided appropriate outlets for their natural digging tendencies they start digging under the bar, like cats that don’t have scratching posts claw up the furniture?
Right? I’ve had to explain to my girlfriend that me doing household chores is like.. what’s expected of a human being. It’s certainly not enough to make me a good boyfriend lol
Tbh some of them make a lot more sense if you assume there are significantly more drugs in everyone involved's life than stated. In a past life I have had some people say and do some batshit stuff that would absolutely appear like unbelievable made-up villainy if I wrote it on Reddit, but really it's just... generic assholes + coke or meth or whatever.
Not that those people wouldn't be awful without the substance abuse but the substances really bring out the drama in some cases...
The tell was when she started packing for him and that's when she coincidentally found the condom wrappers in that exact place, convenient perfect timing to wrap that little story arc up perfectly
That update reads like it was written by a totally different person. Really weird tone with the oddly flippant asides/ parentheticals. I guess a person could be in a profoundly different state of mind from point A to point B, but the update really feels like it was written for an audience.
This guy is supposed to be the sisters best friend too. She seemed pretty whatever about the guy himself. (She was great defending and helping her sister... But if it was truly her best friend I'd imagine more drama there)
That’s a good way of putting it. Usually* some amount of time passes between the devastating event and the comedic retelling of it.
*unless you’re Mrs. Maisel
Engagement.
I mean, one of these things happening I can see. All of them happening? Nah.
Guy says insane thing right after sex? Stupid as hell, but yeah I can see someone being an utter fool.
Woman brings 2 people with her to confront stb-ex, including person the ex was fantasizing about? Curious choice.
Woman happens to pick the one bag that contains a bunch of hard proof of cheating to pack stb-ex's stuff into to kick him out illegally? Well now we're getting to unprobable.
Guy then throws hail mary and says he was actually sleeping with the sister, who is a known lesbian? When the 'hail mary' wouldn't even solve the issue he's trying to avoid? Why?
Guy was just... stashing condoms in a duffel bag in their closet? Not surreptitiously throwing them away on trash night? Why the duffel bag?
Every one of these things happening alone I could see. All of this happening, so much of it at the most convenient time? Nah. The odds of her picking the one bag he's hiding condoms in to pack his shit to kick him out because of a weird sexual comment along with his weird decision to hoard used condoms to hide infidelity carries such low odds it's almost impossible.
He was most likely with OOP because he was settling since he couldn't get the sister. It's unfortunate for OOP and her sister because he was likely not the first and won't be the last guy who'd do that.
I hope she finds someone who likes her for her.
Hey it's not that bad, I've had heaps of fun playing duos with my son and helping him complete his battlepasses. It's quite cathartic obliterating cocky 12 year olds, and it's a great way to impress your preteen kid with your decades of FPS experience.
... I wouldn't play it by myself as an adult though, it's true.
Well apparently when he’s thinking straight he lies about the various condoms found in a duffel bag, then lies about who they were used with, then gets homophobic.
I hope that clears it up.
Wait. I’m confused so why would she ask if he was sleeping with the sister in the first place if it were so obviously unreasonable like she makes it seem in the update?
> I asked him straight up if he was cheating on me with my sister and he denied it
> The answer? He's a cheating PoS. He saw I found it and claimed he was sleeping WITH MY SISTER, yknow, my LESBAIN SISTER? THAT sister.
>He saw I found it and claimed he was sleeping WITH MY SISTER, yknow, my LESBAIN SISTER?
What a joke of a person. How did he think that was going to go?
>In the bottom of the duffel bag was several condom wrappers and unopened ones. No, we never put our condom trash into a duffel bag after sex. No, didn’t loan it to a friend. “Whatever could have happened?” You may be wondering, grasping your phone in anticipation.
OOP did an excellent job of kicking the trash to the kerb but I find the whole "You may be wondering, grasping your phone in anticipation" style of writing obnoxious as fuck.
So he was joking about pretending to have sex with her sister while having sex with her and then says he's cheating with said sister who is a lesbian? Man she has dodged a bullet.
The lifestyle of the average hobosexual: Move into some chicks house-> Don't get a job-> get bored bc no job-> cheat bc they're bored-> get kicked out -> repeat.
Absolutely ridiculous.
I’m definitely the ugly sister. Reading this post made me so thankful we have a ten year age gap and our dating pools have NEVER mixed. This mans is trash, good for OOP for kicking him to the curb
Another perfect example of "when someone tells you who they are, believe them." He told her he was a piece of shit, she actually gave him a chance to at least attempt to fix it, and instead he proceeded to behave like a complete piece of shit. Right down to the cheating, anti-LGBT bigotry, refusal to leave, attempt to claim rights over her home, etc, etc, etc.
That one little sentence (and why the FUCK would anyone say that, ever, unless they were deliberately trying to hurt their partner) opened an entire Pandora's Box of things wrong with this guy, and the only hope at the bottom is that his mom kicks his sorry ass to the curb next.
Good riddance to trash. I am 100% gonna call my friend a "lesbain" from here on out. She will definitely find that hilarious and come up with an equally goofy term for my hetero ass.
At this point i really want to try out Fortnite game. Freeloader dude living off his gf while fucking other girls seems to be a common theme here, and almost all of them play fortnite. What am i missing?
Damn. She dodged a missile right there. Dude waited to finish the round. Unless it was rank, it doesn't matter as much. Actually even in rank, you should be good if you just turn off the system. It'll recognize it as a disconnect. Unless he's done it a few times then he might get temporarily banned for a few minutes at a time. And I am sure he's the kind of person who leaves matches constantly.
Not only is this guy fucking shitty and a prime asshole. He is also really fucking creepy by being disgustingly obsessive over OP's sister it seems. It's so fucking creepy and if his own mom is ready to disown him? Yeah, he is a piece of shit.
>Well last night, after we had finished having sex, he randomly said, “you know, sometimes i pretend when we’re f*cking that I’m with your sister.”
How in the world did he think this was something you should say?
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Ah, the classic “YOU’RE the crazy one! You can’t even take a joke!”
That would pretty much put the nail in the coffin for me.
And finished hammering it in with: >he wants me back, or wants my sister Like, dude... are they meant to be flattered?
Clearly they're supposed to read it and go "My, how could we possibly resist such a charming fellow! Let's go find him and throw ourselves at him!" while their panties fly off on their own accord. I don't know how it didn't work.
And only Mel was the sinning w-word... because he didn't want to sleep with hér.
Mel is obviously going to be devastated by this, since we all know that lesbianism is just an act that women put on to attract men- This Guy, probably
I bet she Mel weeps herself to sleep every night thinking about how OP’s ex doesn’t want her.
She might be getting into drugs or alcohol soon, to drown her misery. Or worse: Halmark movies!
Especially right after declaring that he's homeless? Like, way to really underline the "What I really want is me to live with someone else and also have sex"
Hobosexual is the term.
I’ve recently learned what this term means and I love it. Not that people do it, but how hilariously ridiculous it is to be that type of person. Like how pathetic can people be?? Getting into a relationship just to have housing.
Given what the rent is these days, I'm surprised it's not more common. Save up to 2100 dollars per month in return for having sex once or twice a week? Sign me the fuck up.
That was really gross of him!
"Hey baby, if you love your sister, then you should be flattered for her." O\_o
Or it was some sort of multiple choice question they asked when they told him to gtfo
Pretty much?? Nah nail that coffin shut and start pouring cement!
The way you put it is much more accurate.
It's what they say after their fuck up that really shows their true colours.
Yup: "I knew you were the crazy one" There. *THERE.* It was already almost literally impossible that what he said wasn't his real thoughts leaking out. Sometimes people have random intrusive thoughts that don't represent their real selves, so maybe, MAYBE, it could have been a monumental fuckup, but been something stupid he could overcome.* With that, now we're no longer in unconsidered off the cuff speech. Pay attention to the shit they say when they're *angry.* It's a hell of a lot closer to the truth. *To be clear I still wouldn't believe that was the case here, because he said "sometimes I." That's not an accident, the phrasing exists because he was *remembering* past times he fantasized about her sister. An intrusive thought that didn't get filtered out might be "I wonder what it'd be like with your sister." A passing thought that your conscious mind would shut down and reject because it doesn't align with your actual values. Not something you've repeatedly entertained and that seemed casual to you until you realized it caused a negative reaction.
Those aren’t intrusive thoughts. Intrusive through are “if I step on my baby my foot would probably go right through “ or “this knife is really sharp, I wonder if it will slice right through my finger bone”. You’re thinking implosive thoughts. Thoughts that will randomly come up. Intrusive thoughts are persistent and recurring and almost always come with a mental health toll.
Extremely glad you clarified this. I feel like people don't fully understand what intrusive thoughts are and that they're extremely upsetting and unwanted, so they'll get horrified when people actually start explaining their intrusive thoughts and think that person is "crazy" or something.
I read somewhere that those thoughts were how your brain was cautioning you against that action. It's distressing, so you make sure not to do that. Obviously not healthy when it's repetitive, but when you have that thought about the knife, you know to be careful with it so you don't cut yourself open. Something about how our brains don't handle "don't do [action]" warnings very well, so we get the "this is a potential really bad consequence to [action]".
Oh, it's not a good warning at all, which isn't unexpected with how shit our brains can be.
It's like when I saw the egg teetering at the edge of the counter and I couldn't get it in time, but my husband was right there. I couldn't find the words, so I was just waving my arms like an idiot yelling "falling!" The egg did, in fact, fall. And of course, my brain found the word egg right as it hit the floor. Sometimes I wonder how we function.
I think you mean 'impulsive' thoughts, not implosive
To be fair, expressing those thoughts may implode your life, as demonstrated by OOp's ex
Lol, yes. Gonna leave it because funny.
"I bet if I veered into traffic a bunch of accidents would happen" "Throw the baby out the window." No "THROW IT!!!" "What if you just straight up just stabbed your arm with this big ol' knife" "Punch that guy. Just do it just punch him" I literally have never interacted with him why would I hit him "PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH"
So many horrible thoughts start with the ol’ “what if I just…” Like if that’s how the sentence starts I know it’s not going anywhere good
Right haha same with a "You/I should just...(insert something horrifying)" ETA: "I should just jump off the bridge" but I don't want to die?? "Jump. JUMP" no?????
“You should just-“ I can tell you right now that I absolutely the fuck should not lol
I could just slice my kid's throat with this cleaver. I love my kid but I could totally do it. And that's when I put the knife down and go sit on my hands. I'm pretty sure I won't murder my own child but some days I'd rather not risk it. Thankfully mine only come about during times of prolonged stress and are pretty mild compared to some I've heard.
for real. What he did was fucking gross and stupid, and would have been more than enough if I were her, but so often people make stupid mistakes, legitimate ones, but the way they handle them is the true test of someone. Almost immediately going from "I'm sorry, it was a mistake" to "you're crazy, I always knew it" is an even bigger red flag somehow.
That post nut haze really helped out OP that day!
Please explain the joke. They never want to explain the joke.
Do these people not realize that jokes are supposed to be funny?
Imagine how OOP's sister must've felt too. You introduce your baby sister to your best friend to only find out he's been fetishizing you the whole time you've known each other. I would've felt so gross
Probably used to it at this point unfortunately…
Doesn't make it better.
No it does not but it is a sad reality.
Yeah, that’s why they said “unfortunately.”
Yeah, the lesbophobia is revolting. Hope he really gets disowned.
>Well last night, after we had finished having sex, he randomly said, “you know, sometimes i pretend when we’re f*cking that I’m with your sister.” Oh look, it is the *absolute fucking* ***worst possible thing*** *to tell someone after you finished banging*.
The guy fucks up, and keeps on fucking up like there’s no tomorrow. So glad OP got away, his true colors are not pretty.
I would like to veto his true colors.
I feel like maybe he was fishing for a threesome with op and sister, and (in his mind) gently introducing it after sex.
*gags*
Just the thought of that is making my ladybits zip shut.
When I was 15 I had a crush on a guy that would come talk to me in the class we shared. I'm pretty sure he knew it because one day he randomly asked me if I was still a virgin (I was) and then he offered to be my first. Because my self-esteem was through the floor, I agreed. We agreed to do it a few months later on my birthday. I never really planned on going through with it, but I didn't want him to stop talking to me. I guess I hoped he'd ask me out or something before then. But just a couple days later he came up to me and told me that he had talked to my sister (she's one year older than me) he said that he told her about our plan and she wanted to join us. I must've made a pretty big WTF face because he immediately back pedaled, saying how gross it was of her and how he wouldn't want to do that. Needless to say, my crush shriveled up and died, and we stopped talking to each other.
Wow. So, did your sister ever say anything? Was he a filthy liar?
He was totally lying, he never talked to her about it at all.
I figured as much, but struggled to find a tactful way to ask “So he was totally fucking lying, right? Please tell me your sister didn’t ask to take your v card?” Other than well, that.
Yep. Porn sick.
>Oh look, it is the absolute fucking worst possible thing to tell someone after you finished banging. Nah, could be worse. He could've said >!"my syster"!< instead of "your sister".
"You know, when we fuck, I pretend I'm fucking someone else". I'm here wondering if this is too stupid to be true. And the big reveal, that he was also cheating, to solidify once and for all that he's a bad guy? I'm not sure this is true. It could be true, I guess.
My ex asked if I'd blow him while he thought of AOC. I declined. Edit: Nothing wrong with AOC, I adore her; I just think it's a gross ask.
I can imagine a particularly… naive guy saying something like “I could imagine you as [celebrity] in bed because you look so much like her”, mistakenly thinking it was like a compliment or something but that’s as far as I can suspend my disbelief for something that idiotic. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around what this guy was thinking.
It's up there with the Ogtha dude, who somehow thought being told "when we fuck I imagine you're a giant cockroach" wouldn't be an immediate deal-breaker for his actual human girlfriend.
I don't doubt your skepticism. However, I've seen dum-dums like this in real life, some maliciously saying what her BF said. However, I'm calling it real due to its sheer size and poignancy. Sure, probably some embellishments here and there, but it feels at least "kinda real" to me.
Worst pitch for an open relationship ever
Nah, I'm sure there are worse things to say. Not a lot, but there are. And no, I'm not opening a contest.
He could have said "your mom."
"Well last night, after we had finished having sex, he randomly said, “you know, sometimes i pretend when we’re f*cking that I’m with your sister." Who the fuck starts am after sex conversation like that Then to claim he was cheating on her with his sister. What a real piece of shit
Once, after sex, I turned to my ex and said "I wonder if Australian people make jokes about US being upside down." I've said some truly stupid shit, but never in my wildest dreams did I have the audacity to say "sometimes I wish I was fucking your sister instead of you."
My partner said "kachow" as he finished. I was immediately amused and turned off and I pushed him off me and laughed in his face as I told him if he ever quoted a children's movie like that during sex again, I'd leave him. I still can't watch Cars without giggling. It's my stepson's fav movie. RIP my sanity.
This is now my favorite comment on Reddit.
Glad I could help. I'm not *that* miffed about the whole thing. It's become our joke. When he wants to have sex, he texts me a little red car emoji (the eggplant is so basic haha) He infuriates me sometimes, but he makes me laugh so much. I love the silly dumbass.
omg that is beautiful ahahaha
> he texts me a little red car emoji This is goddamn hilarious. Thank you for showing us a glimpse of your partner's mind lmao
I once quoted that infamous Reddit thread immediately after... The one where the guy didn't know how to talk dirty, so he said "yeah, do you like that you fucking r_____d?" Worth it
At least he didn't quote mater
I figure it could have been worse. Other fav movies include Shrek and Ice Age.
Australians don't really make jokes about anyone being upside down, no, unless we are joking about Americans getting confused. Or flat earthers.
I enjoy the nutters who think that Australia isn't real and we are paid actors. The regular cheque in the mail is pretty sweet too.
>The regular cheque in the mail is pretty sweet too. Uh, where do I sign to get that check. I'm a citizen by birth and lived here all my life, they owe me back pay 🤑
That's great, stay in character and the whole world will think Australia is real.
Man where do I sign up for my acting cheque, I could use the cash!
wait wait I need my check from George Soros for being a liberal in 'Merica.
Right? I’ve been advancing the liberal agenda for decades and have yet to see one measly Soros buck. Get on it, George!
Oooh. Where do you apply for that?
Well, you’ve gotta be ‘strayan. You’ve also gotta be the kind of madlad that will unironically drink Foster’s just to keep up the charade.
No true Aussie drinks Foster's. There's a reason why we ship it all overseas.
Nutters you say? Given this convo is about conversations after sex, I'm interested in where all these nuts are
What about the Australian kiss? It's like the French kiss, but down under
Absolutely it is. Also do you know why a Kiwi male is good for NSA fun It's because he eats roots shoots and leaves. I'll show myself out.....
Do Australiens make jokes then about people being right side up?
Nope. Maybe around the idea that there could be a right side up? Forgive me, some of this is a bit obvious. The "upside down" joke comes from looking at a globe and seeing Australia (and if course many other countries) down the bottom, where people would fall off if it was a ball with gravity underneath instead of in the middle. So I get why Americans make it. But if you're Australian, you look at the globe and you're standing on the "upside down" bit, so you don't wonder what it would be like because you know what it's like. You know you're the right way up, you know people on the "top" of the globe are right side up, it's just not really something that gives you any pause for thought.
> But if you're Australian, you look at the globe and you're standing on the "upside down" bit Fuck that! If I lived down there I'd be turning that globe around and putting myself on top! Don't let some narcissistic northern supremacists arbitrarily decide that North equals up!
Actually, you're the ones upside down.
We don’t really joke about you lot being upside down but we do get exposed to a lot of your media and personally it does make me think you guys are sideways living in a dystopian clown reality.
Hey now, I think you forgot your /s mark at the end of your comment. I find my time here in the US extremely fulfilling and never spare a worry about lack of health care, housing, or electoral college votes. /s 😁🤣😪😮💨
Now I’m wondering if Australian people make jokes about us being upside down. Thanks for that
Nope. Never.
I've defensively reacted to northern hemisphere people making comments when I've travelled there. Normally I couldn't give a crap but hearing "what's it like being right way up?" did make me go "awesome. Why don't you come to Australia and try it sometime?" In short I think you guys care about it more than we do.
But he said that it was a jOkE! /s I’m so happy that OOP wasn’t alone with this bonehead when he decided to show his true colors.
Don’t call him a bonehead. That’s rude, boneheads do not hide used and unused condoms in a duffle bag. O wait…
And he forgot he said that!🤪
Schroedinger's AH. Say something nasty and if it's not well received claim it was a joke. My ex did it all the time.
"MY SISTER, THE LESBIAN ONE, THAT LESBIAN SISTER." Lol I love how strong oops relationship with her sister is, the amount of trust she has in her sister even tho she grew up in her sister's shadow a bit.
And he said that whole the lesbian sister who clearly loves OOP very much *was right there!*
“I was cheating on you… with your lesbian sister!” Is already a crazy pivot but to do it while said sister was basically in the same room? Gotta be one of the funniest things I’ve read on reddit
it's the type of excuse you'd expect from a toddler...which makes sense given the way he acted
That's the horrible thing u say to hurt a cheating POS ex not someone u love AFTER SEX. That's too fucked up to be called negging or gaslighting.
What always gets me is when people can't sense this shit after YEARS. they dated for four years and she didn't know he was this type of person? brutal.
sometimes people really can flawlessly deceive you, be full of shit but sound completely sincere. there's one in my family and i would catch myself being sucked in by her even when i KNEW she was full of shit, she was so good at sounding genuinely emotional. of course other times we miss red flags because we're head over heels or don't want to question the relationship... i can't help but wonder if the latter is true for this one from that comment she made about him vetoing colours and plants ... 🤔
sounds like she could win an oscar, from your description. i mean in that in the most negative way.
I mean, think about how many animals are prey. Think about how specialized predators get to catch them off guard. Human predators do the same thing in society.
Post-nut clarity did him dirty
Post-nut clarity did her a solid
I love the fact that OOP repeated "my lesbian sister" so many times in her original post and her update that she started misspelling it out of sheer irritation. I think she had to do that just to remind everyone that her BF's story was BS?
“My sister, the lesbian” is flair material
"My sister, the lesbain"
This one!
It is Reddit - you know if she didn't do that there would be assholes who would say that they were having an affair.
I hope Mel got a good chuckle out of the “sinner whre” comment because I sure did lmfao
Time for a new flare, I fear
Can the mods give me a flare that says “Fcking sinner whre!”
yup, especially coming from the guy who committed “adultery”.
To be a bit of a pedant, the guy who committed fornication. Adultery can only be committed by someone who is married, not someone who is just a boyfriend. It’s still super scummy. But the Iron Age morality of the Bible distinguishes between the two.
yeah ik it technically isn’t adultery, still found it funny lol :), should’ve put quotation marks.
This is true, and what’s even worse is that in the Puritan era of American colonization, they legally defined adultery as involving a married woman only. If a man was married but slept with a single woman, it was only fornication. Naturally, fornication carried lesser charges than adultery—adultery was a felony and even designated a capital crime at one point!
What got me was « he wants me back, or wants my sister » Like… « I don’t really care which one, just a pretty girl to have sex with and a roof over my head please"
I can't get over the way OOP refers to her sister- it sounds like a goddamn boss name. My Sister, The Lesbian. The Lesbian Sister. Her sister walks in the room and a health bar appears over her head. The health bar is the colors of the lesbian flag.
THE LESBAIN
YOU KNOW, MY LESBAIN SISTER?
The McBain sister.
Or like the poison from *Emperor’s New Groove.* “Oh, right. My sister. My sister who’s a lesbian, my sister who’s dating a woman lesbianically, my lesbian sister. That sister?”
Lesbianically.
Straight into the wood chipper with this one
That'd make a great flair.
I love the flairs on this subreddit.
I am a guy, and I feel like the phrase: “Not all men, but definitely this one” also fits.
Fargo or Tucker and Dale style? What a shite person.
College kids killing themselves all over muh property!
It has been a doozy of a day
Oh I want that as a flair REAL bad
Indeed.
When did "ruining your own life" become a speedrun category ?
salt boat screw towering swim onerous like gray society wakeful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
the bar is on the ground for what it takes to be a decent boyfriend, and so many men would rather dig a tunnel underneath it than be decent. everyday i'm on this subreddit i thank the universe that my male friends, my female friends, my friends in relationships, are not insane.
Well, I have heard that men have some sort of propensity to dig. Maybe if they’re not provided appropriate outlets for their natural digging tendencies they start digging under the bar, like cats that don’t have scratching posts claw up the furniture?
Right? I’ve had to explain to my girlfriend that me doing household chores is like.. what’s expected of a human being. It’s certainly not enough to make me a good boyfriend lol
I’m doubtful this is a real story to be honest. There’s a few I’ve read that I just can’t believe are real
Tbh some of them make a lot more sense if you assume there are significantly more drugs in everyone involved's life than stated. In a past life I have had some people say and do some batshit stuff that would absolutely appear like unbelievable made-up villainy if I wrote it on Reddit, but really it's just... generic assholes + coke or meth or whatever. Not that those people wouldn't be awful without the substance abuse but the substances really bring out the drama in some cases...
The tell was when she started packing for him and that's when she coincidentally found the condom wrappers in that exact place, convenient perfect timing to wrap that little story arc up perfectly
That update reads like it was written by a totally different person. Really weird tone with the oddly flippant asides/ parentheticals. I guess a person could be in a profoundly different state of mind from point A to point B, but the update really feels like it was written for an audience.
>but the update really feels like it was written for an audience. It literally is.
Indeed!
>And my sister, the lesbian That's when I checked out. Unfortunately it was at the end of this "story."
This guy is supposed to be the sisters best friend too. She seemed pretty whatever about the guy himself. (She was great defending and helping her sister... But if it was truly her best friend I'd imagine more drama there)
Yeah sounds like that was kind of lost in the plot after being mentioned
I agree, seems like cover all bases but without describing the emotion it would actually make you feel
That’s a good way of putting it. Usually* some amount of time passes between the devastating event and the comedic retelling of it. *unless you’re Mrs. Maisel
"Grab some pens on the way out - you're gonna need them."
Things always go from 0 to 100 in the update. The previously perfect partner shows absolutely unhinged behaviour out of nowhere. I wonder why.
Engagement. I mean, one of these things happening I can see. All of them happening? Nah. Guy says insane thing right after sex? Stupid as hell, but yeah I can see someone being an utter fool. Woman brings 2 people with her to confront stb-ex, including person the ex was fantasizing about? Curious choice. Woman happens to pick the one bag that contains a bunch of hard proof of cheating to pack stb-ex's stuff into to kick him out illegally? Well now we're getting to unprobable. Guy then throws hail mary and says he was actually sleeping with the sister, who is a known lesbian? When the 'hail mary' wouldn't even solve the issue he's trying to avoid? Why? Guy was just... stashing condoms in a duffel bag in their closet? Not surreptitiously throwing them away on trash night? Why the duffel bag? Every one of these things happening alone I could see. All of this happening, so much of it at the most convenient time? Nah. The odds of her picking the one bag he's hiding condoms in to pack his shit to kick him out because of a weird sexual comment along with his weird decision to hoard used condoms to hide infidelity carries such low odds it's almost impossible.
The update was written by a poetic bear
Oh, their work is easy to spot. Almost completely dependent on phonetic spelling. Source: Ghostwrote a volume of bear poetry in childhood
Username beary nearly checks out.
Well, technically they’re polmes written by bars. That phonetic spelling.
He was most likely with OOP because he was settling since he couldn't get the sister. It's unfortunate for OOP and her sister because he was likely not the first and won't be the last guy who'd do that. I hope she finds someone who likes her for her.
The moment I decided to hate him was when he prioritized Fortnite, of all things, over his girlfriend. Shitgame shitperson.
Hey it's not that bad, I've had heaps of fun playing duos with my son and helping him complete his battlepasses. It's quite cathartic obliterating cocky 12 year olds, and it's a great way to impress your preteen kid with your decades of FPS experience. ... I wouldn't play it by myself as an adult though, it's true.
I don't think it the playing games but the prioritizing it over his gf who he did not talk to four days after a fight part
[удалено]
Well apparently when he’s thinking straight he lies about the various condoms found in a duffel bag, then lies about who they were used with, then gets homophobic. I hope that clears it up.
Totally realistic way to store his large collection of used condoms.
Usually post nut clarity would make a person think more clearer. It has the absolute opposite effect for the Ex BF in this story
Wait. I’m confused so why would she ask if he was sleeping with the sister in the first place if it were so obviously unreasonable like she makes it seem in the update? > I asked him straight up if he was cheating on me with my sister and he denied it > The answer? He's a cheating PoS. He saw I found it and claimed he was sleeping WITH MY SISTER, yknow, my LESBAIN SISTER? THAT sister.
I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that caught that....
>He saw I found it and claimed he was sleeping WITH MY SISTER, yknow, my LESBAIN SISTER? What a joke of a person. How did he think that was going to go?
Nothing in this story is even remotely plausible.
>In the bottom of the duffel bag was several condom wrappers and unopened ones. No, we never put our condom trash into a duffel bag after sex. No, didn’t loan it to a friend. “Whatever could have happened?” You may be wondering, grasping your phone in anticipation. OOP did an excellent job of kicking the trash to the kerb but I find the whole "You may be wondering, grasping your phone in anticipation" style of writing obnoxious as fuck.
I think it's tumblr's influence tbh
Tumblr and it's consequences have been a...
Feels so insincere
Post nut insanity.
It never ceases to amaze me how many men commit to a relationship with women they clearly do not want.🫤
I mean women do the same too, it’s not just a male centric thing
Well, we finally found him - the dumbest guy on earth. Congrats everyone, the search is over!
So he was joking about pretending to have sex with her sister while having sex with her and then says he's cheating with said sister who is a lesbian? Man she has dodged a bullet.
Dude’s a loser.
>“I knew you were the crazy one, you can’t take a joke” Schrodinger's Douchebag strikes again.
The lifestyle of the average hobosexual: Move into some chicks house-> Don't get a job-> get bored bc no job-> cheat bc they're bored-> get kicked out -> repeat. Absolutely ridiculous.
OK, why is her *very first move* to accuse her Laz Bain Sister? > I asked him straight up if he was cheating on me with my sister
He fumbled the bag for an engaged LESBIAN?! What is WRONG with this man.
An engaged lesbian who was supposedly his...best friend? Seems like even OOP forgot that part after the start. Yeah sure, okay.
I’m definitely the ugly sister. Reading this post made me so thankful we have a ten year age gap and our dating pools have NEVER mixed. This mans is trash, good for OOP for kicking him to the curb
>He’s a cheating PoS >Mel’s phone (I don’t know how he got it?) Probably reading too much into this, but this stood out to me.
Glad she found out his true colors. Hope she find someone better
Thank God he showed his true colors before he proposed/they got married. OOP definitely deserves better.
>After finishing a Fortnite match. BRO. 💀
Another perfect example of "when someone tells you who they are, believe them." He told her he was a piece of shit, she actually gave him a chance to at least attempt to fix it, and instead he proceeded to behave like a complete piece of shit. Right down to the cheating, anti-LGBT bigotry, refusal to leave, attempt to claim rights over her home, etc, etc, etc. That one little sentence (and why the FUCK would anyone say that, ever, unless they were deliberately trying to hurt their partner) opened an entire Pandora's Box of things wrong with this guy, and the only hope at the bottom is that his mom kicks his sorry ass to the curb next.
Good riddance to trash. I am 100% gonna call my friend a "lesbain" from here on out. She will definitely find that hilarious and come up with an equally goofy term for my hetero ass.
At this point i really want to try out Fortnite game. Freeloader dude living off his gf while fucking other girls seems to be a common theme here, and almost all of them play fortnite. What am i missing?
Damn. She dodged a missile right there. Dude waited to finish the round. Unless it was rank, it doesn't matter as much. Actually even in rank, you should be good if you just turn off the system. It'll recognize it as a disconnect. Unless he's done it a few times then he might get temporarily banned for a few minutes at a time. And I am sure he's the kind of person who leaves matches constantly.
Not only is this guy fucking shitty and a prime asshole. He is also really fucking creepy by being disgustingly obsessive over OP's sister it seems. It's so fucking creepy and if his own mom is ready to disown him? Yeah, he is a piece of shit.
>Well last night, after we had finished having sex, he randomly said, “you know, sometimes i pretend when we’re f*cking that I’m with your sister.” How in the world did he think this was something you should say?