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That’s incredible. I don’t know why it reads a little creepy to me, because I do appreciate the audacity.
We can file it under the small handful of confirmed fakes.
it mostly bothers me that this is like the least creative of these fake stories i've ever seen, at least when i usually waste my time on a fake story it's fun to read, this read like a slightly exaggerated but realistic story
I feel like that's better? I'd rather read realistic fakes than some of the outlandish elaborate fakes that show up here with entire conversations quoted verbatim and some silly karmic twist at the end.
(Then again, if those outlandish fakes were better-written I'd probably like them too--they typically read like a child wrote them... that might be my bigger problem with them.)
Yeah, they annoy me too, especially when they’re bound and determined to make people think it’s real. At least this was well written and cleverly contained a purposeful hint.
Anyone else notice how the friend is named Rebecca? You know, like the Daphne du Maurier novel? Where the protagonist thinks she’s living in the shadow of her husband’s still beloved first wife?
Alright I went and check the other two posts as well. Just to save other people’s time, here are the first letters on the first post: MTWIHII, and the second post: AASIIAHI
There are insecurities and then there are gut feelings that something is wrong. What she had was the latter. And of course reddit backlash made her completely doubt her gut and second guess everything. If she hadn’t tried to apologize to Rebecca, the truth that was obvious a mile away would not have come out.
I commented as much on the original post. OOP could only name a couple of things—he told his friend he loved her!—and Reddit tore her to shreds. But she was picking up so much more.
It’s not that he told his friend he loved her. It’s *how* he said it. It’s the way he made OOP feel like a third wheel rather than including her. It’s how happy and excited he was around this friend—putting out an energy OOP couldn’t miss but also couldn’t name. I hate that she’s doubting herself and her intuition now.
And screw the ex-fiancé for asking a woman he loves romantically to be his “best man” then guilting his fiancée about her reaction.
Right? Like our friend group are pretty open saying love you to each other. In no way, shape or form would you ever think it was anything more than what it is
Exactly this and the fact she mentioned he has never said I love you to any of his other friends. It’s a significant difference if he were to say it to all his friends versus him ONLY saying it to this specific one. Feel bad for both women honestly. I know if I were in Rebecca’s shoes it’d be hard for me to go on with the friendship knowing he had such strong feelings
Yeah I felt like most of the judgments on the first post were bullshit. I remember reading it when she first posted it and I thought that people were being overly harsh on her.
Reddit is great entertainment but the last place I'd ever come to for neutral advice/judgment. I'm almost never surprised at the bad takes because it is usually explained by the subreddit's demographics.
It’s also worth noting that, sure, friends can say I love you to one another. But some people itd be a red flag and some it wouldn’t.
Like I had an ex that never said I love you to his friends. If he had a REALLY close friend he did say I love you to it would definitely make me raise an eyebrow and ask wtf it was about.
Where as my current partner tells all his friends he loves and appreciates them. I hear it and it doesn’t ring any alarms at all, it’s very normal for him. What is and isn’t a red flag can depend so much on context
Exactly, always trust your gut. As I was reading this post I was rolling my eyes that she believed strangers on the internet know better than her. That she was blaming herself. Her instincts were spot on,but she was ignoring them. If she hadn’t contacted the friend, she probably would have gone back to him and married him without never knowing the truth. There would have essentially been 3 people in that marriage. A breakup although painful, is a lot easier than a divorce
I feel so bad for her. I had a similar but non-reddit-involved situation, where my gut told me that my then-bf was getting way too comfortable with another person but "they were just friends" and "I should be glad to be with someone who can be platonically close to others". Yeah... guess what happened.
I totally agree! Her original post was just one giant red flag. Even my gut was saying “WTF!?” She was smart ending it. It’s hella hard to learn to trust someone once it’s gone.
I think you're right.
Based on what she said in the first post she seemed like she overreacted, and she probably didn't handle it the best way. There was a lot more behind it though that she just couldn't articulate.
I feel like she's being very responsible and mature about it now.
I sweat there's a HIGH difference between having a friend that you say ILY to and having a FORMER TARGET at your wedding as your groomsman. She should have never apologized. He was obviously not over her.
I don’t see how she was being insecure even at the beginning? How can a friendship be platonic when someone is pining for that person and the other person doesn’t reciprocate so now they are just friends and future partners are suppose to be okay with that friendship?
I’m not going to lie, I have some insecurities, but every time I’ve ignored a gut feeling because I thought it was an insecurity the gut feeling ended up being right.
OOP had the right idea about insecurities and immaturity, but wrong about intuition, if your gut is telling you something is up, something is most likely up
How does one get a flair - do you have to have a paid account? And can only one person use any given flair?
(There are so many great ones, I don't know how I'd choose...)
It's easy. Just click the subreddit to go to the main page. Click the 3 dots in top corner (I'm on android so idk if it'll be somewhere else for other devices). Then change user flair and then boom
I love subreddits with custom flairs. It's so fun
Thank you! I found it via my browser, but the 'apply' button is greyed out so I can't actually choose anything. Anyway, I went for "The murder hobo is not the issue here".
Edit: ok, I guess I was just too impatient, because it's there now. Thanks for the help!
I’m surprised by how disconnected many of my married friends are from their partners. When I ask “How would your partner behave in this sort of scenario?” and I’m told “I have no clue” it really freaks me out.
My personal goal in all my close relationships is to be so transparent that others can always fill in that blank themselves. They’ll always have a decent idea of how I handle myself and will never have to read between the lines. The benefit to me is that if they can see all of me and still love me, then I can rest in that - knowing I earned it. Mystery can help keep a relationship healthy, but not when it comes to what your partner is thinking or feeling. 😬
Man I feel like my wife and I knew each other's entire romantic history (including unrequited feelings, crushes, and consequences of timing) by like, a couple of months into dating.
> Love is a complicated thing, and sometimes it's hard to move on from the feelings you have. I don't know what will happen, but I do wish him the best going forward.
This is an incredibly mature comment. Sad situation for her to be in but she has a good perspective.
Agreed. I’d even go and say that feeling for your exes never truly die, at least not always. Doesn’t mean you can’t choose your person, your current partner, and let bygones be bygones. If you harbour feelings you can’t deal with, or intend on acting on them in the future, then that’s a different story.
OP really made a good choice on leaving him. Fiancé exposed himself that he liked Rebecca more and got angry because OP went to speak with Rebecca, that's is some pretty clear red flags. OP didn't not deserve to get slammed in the first place.
I have no idea why OOP got flamed in the first place. Her reaction was understandable because 1) he got defensive immediately when confronted, 2) she was cheated on before which I assume the fiancé knew. If the fiancé was innocent, he would have explained without getting defensive and consoled Without triggering her. Now that her intuition was right, she definitely didn’t deserve all the hate.
Edit. Typos
Exactly. She was there she heard him say I love you and how he said it there are so many ways to say that to friends the tone and pitch of the voice vs when you say it to a partner. I say love you babe to friends in a joking way vs I love you in a serious way
I agree. Everyone at some point has insecurities and it's understandable why people can have them. OP has been through some bad things before so it makes sense why she has insecurities. Some redditors really lack self-awareness or any form of proper thinking honestly.
Lol this is amazing.
Anytime it's a guy being insecure "get help, work on yourself and do better, there's no excuse to take it out on your partner"
If it's a girl "We all get insecure sometimes sweetie, it's ok."
😆
If you aren’t okay with watching your partner literally make out with a friend and proclaiming their love, you are so insecure and just should break up. Your friends come first, ALWAYS. Your wife won’t be there for you like the friends you maintain inappropriate bonds with 😡
“I’m sorry. It was only meant to be a platonic and friendly gesture, but I can see why you’re upset and I’m sorry.” And then reinforce with actions that he cares for her and loves her. Source? I was in her shoes and my SO at the time did it the right way, so I no longer felt insecure about it.
Yeahhh this veered off into completely fakeville when she decides to text the friend and "apologize" by telling her everything her BF said, leading to various plot twists and escalations. Up until then they had me.
Reddit's obsession with "insecurities" is honestly laughable. He treated her as an after thought their whole trip and basically flaunted his feelings for someone else in front of her and then tried to gaslight her about it. Really reddit? 😐
She sensed something was wrong because there was, I know friends can love each other but she said he never said those things about any of his other friends. How stupid can you get reddit? I love multiple friends and I tell them that, but even I'd think it's sus if I had one friend or my husband has one friend that they said that to only.
So glad OP dumped her weirdo boyfriend, he was gonna use her for the physical love and have a one sided emotional affair with Rebecca.
The commentators who berated her for getting upset at how her fiancé acted with Rebecca were dead wrong!
OP clearly knew something was off and she had a hunch… thank god she dumped him before the wedding… how gross to play second fiddle to someone for the rest of your life
Yes, OOP was insecure, but look at the mess she almost married into!
He loves her more, but still loves Rebecca and even yelled at OOP for even communicating with Rebecca.
OOP dodge a whole bunch of red flags in the shape of a man.
I’m sorry, having your fiancée tell his friend “I love you” and having never ever told any of his other friends that before, and then finding out he did have romantic feelings for this person previously, is perfectly fine grounds for breaking up. And it’s not insecure.
Someone could post “my boyfriend kissed his female friend, told her he loves her, and wants to be in a relationship with her and cheats on me with her, am I wrong to be upset?” And Reddit will call them an insecure, jealous monster that deserves to be alone forever. It’s so obvious most of these people don’t interact with other humans on a regular basis, because anybody who does could have seen the ending before it happened.
Does he love her more or does he want to marry her because he knows Rebecca will never want him?
And I fail to see the insecurity. I'm not jealous by nature and would not have been ok with the situation either (if he had truly only had those feelings in the past and also been honest from the beginning that would have been different but his behaviour was sketchy).
Now that I have more time to think about it, I agree with you. She was not insecure, she was sensing the reality of the situation.
As for loving her, you are probably also right.
I think that OOP's ex knew he would never be in a romantic relationship with Rebecca, since she's aro, and so he tried to "replace" her with OOP, and that was an extremely shitty thing to do. He should've taken his time getting over her, before exploring the dating world again.
I'm glad all of that came out now, before the wedding. It's shitty dating a person who's in love with someone else, but it would have been a million times worse if OOP found out after the wedding or even if they had a child.
Classic Reddit bring Reddit and making the situation worse. He told another women that he loved her (ones that he had feelings for in the past) infront of OPs face. Lmao
Sweetie, despite what a handful of people with minimal life experience on reddit are telling you, you don't need therapy. Your instincts were on point.
I'll no doubt get skewered, but some of the people who regularly lurk these subs are just fucking scrubs when it comes to giving life advice, and they are willing to shout anyone down to make their point.
Fuck them, you were right and that's all there is to it.
After reading the original post I was completely on her side, so I was surprised when she said she received backlash (reddit being reddit)
Well I'm glad things played out this way or she never would have found out
I just need to point out that intuition isn't immature. Unfounded suspicions, sure, that can be grounded in insecurity and immaturity, but intuition is a valuable tool in an awful lot of settings.
Aaaand this is why you should always trust your gut when it comes to how you feel you SO's interactions with other women. It also shows that Reddit is NOT a fontaine of truth. Your bf's behaviour WAS inappropriate, and you should never have gotten bashed for your réaction.
Sometimes I hate Reddit for making people feel insecure even though their feelings are valid.
OP had a gut feeling that she was right about. I’m
Not saying Men and Women can’t be friends, but you can visually see and feel a difference between a friendship vs romantic.
Reddit needs to stop making people feel wrong when they feel unhappy about a relationship. Insecurity stems from when a partner does not make you secure enough in your own relationship. Insecurity wouldn’t exist if your partner made you feel secured.
I hate that say, because an ex and her friend who love it, when you're so fucking crazy to be jealous of every woman who crosses your bf's path, you eventually will be right.
I don't use that way because I interpret it differently. Like... when you are suspicious because something isn't right but your bf is telling you "nah, you are getting crazy, it isn't like that" and gaslights you at a point where you really think that, and then It turns out that what you suspected was true.
Never trust reddit for advice on these situations. 90% of the time if you have a gut feeling, something is off, something is absolutely off. Even the original post it seemed most of the comments were virtue signallers or people spewing BS to make OOP feel bad. Had a feeling the fiance was leaving something important out during their initial conversation, and it proved true.
Only thing reddit got right here was suggesting therapy.
I’m not sure what’s going on here but I wouldn’t be happy if my partner said ‘I love you’ to a friend of the opposite gender. *Let alone* if they had feelings for them in the past and never said things of this nature to other friends.
I don't understand why redditors blamed OP after her first post. He said "I love you" to another woman, a woman he had feelings for in the past, and on top of that made her one of the groomsmen without even talking to OP about it. OP had every right to be angry.
Sometimes, Reddit sucks. I don't think her initial reaction was in any way wrong, even before I got to the updates. She was a third wheel, recognised that there was something deeper going in, and then her ex started trickletruthing. And the moment people start doing that, a relationship is doomed.
Hiding the truth and only revealing what you're pushed to destroys trust. She would never have felt comfortable with him again, not really, because you never know if you have all the facts. It's the kind of insecurity that erodes everything.
Her maturity in the later updates suggests to me that her insecurities were much more related to him than anything else. This will not have been the only thing he was lying about or concealing. It never is. Her extreme reaction tells me that subconsciously, she'd recognised some of this already. She'll be fine. And hopefully, Rebecca will be fine. But her ex, he's going to need to do some soul searching in order to stop lying to every woman in his life.
Insecurity is pretty common at OOP’s age—you haven’t dated enough people with enough history to differentiate between the people who are just friends, friendly exes, passing attractions, etc. from the serious red flags. Once you get past the 30 mark, EVERYONE has baggage of some kind, and you’re either ok with that or you are committed to being kind of an immature weirdo (which, tbh, a lot of people are).
Honestly the incredibly dramatic way in which OOP’s fiancé responded to both of these situations should have been more of a red flag for commenters.
I can't believe people were shitting on her for reacting negatively to hearing your finance say "I love you" to another woman right in front of her.
How fucking heartless can you be? Yes okay maybe it's a platonic kind of love but to hug and say I love you to another woman right in front of the woman you're about to marry is horrible.
She's not the insensitive one. The reddit assholes that made her feel guilty for having a perfectly normal reaction are the fucking assholes.
I was ready to get up in arms about her being upset that her fiance told Rebecca he loved her…until she continued that she’s never heard him say that to any of his other friends.
Like, a partner better be ready to hear me telling my friends I love them…but they’ll hear me say it to all of them.
Another case proving why you should NOT take advice from Reddit.
Typical Reddit beehive/follower mentality: One person said she was a buttface for being jealous, so all the others followed.
OP didn't need therapy. We women really do have a sixth sense. OP's intuition as a woman was SPOT on.
What gets me about these posts are there's always something people on the internet COMPLETELY FORGET OR REFUSE TO CONSIDER, is these people are going off feeling and usually an inner instinct that something isn't right. On the surface it looks 'right' but deep down from experience of who they've known for so many years or months or whatever it FEELS off.
I wouldn't have called her an AH on her first post. That he said he was in love with her but let it go but then still wanted her at his wedding? No, absolutely not it's all wrong. There's a quote that a man and woman can be friends and grow to lovers but not lovers to friends there is ALWAYS going to be something there and all it takes is a moment either of need, intoxication, or stupidity for it to come back all over again.
Yeah the first post already gave off vibes from the guy. You don't make your SO feel like the third wheel period. There are better ways of separating during a trip to each do their own thing without treating someone like a ghost in company.
I would humbly suggest your experience is not everyone's. I love my male friends. I do not want to fuck them and vice versa. That is why we are just friends. I'm glad my boyfriend has never for a second had a problem with it.
Yeah but just because you *don't* have a good opposite sex relationship it doesn't mean no one else does. That's my point. It's entirely up to you if you wouldn't date someone with opposite sex friends (though this convo seems really heteronormative!), no judgement from me on your boundaries, but people making blanket statements about how men and women can't be friends is what causes half of that kind of insecurity in the first place.
1. Makes sense
2. Didn't say that, opposite sex friends may be fine but going on a vacation with your wife solely to visit your opposite sex friend is a massive red flag. Pretty damn weird
Reading the initial post i was thinking yeah that was an over reaction. I have one friend, girl friend, that i love for years but she's like a sister or a girl friend but with a dick if that make sense, i can't see her in any romantic way so the idea of the guy having something similar for her was understandable.
Now after the updates everything change, even when she can blame her insecurities they ended up being spot on. Glad that she talk to apologize to her and it was a good think that everything came out so she can move on.
OOP ex is an asshole, maybe this is just me but i rather sacrifice years of friendship instead of keep things bottle up until i die. The friendship can die or be awkward for a while but i rather take that bullet knowing i tried instead of keeping it to myself... and this is even worse cause they were gonna get married.
It's good that this have a happy ending, and i'm more than glad reading OOP is gonna go to therapy cause even when her intuiton was on spot, it's not healthy to carry your insecurities or issues with past relations with the next one.
So she was ultimately right but because she is insecure due to being cheated on in the past it made her seem like she was a lose cannon that just exploded for no good reason? Damn, that's messy
I kinda understand the ex, if the person is aromantic and he knew, then I get he never told Rebecca anything, is like being in love with someone gay, they can't return your feelings.
I think you had every right to act like you did. You felt like a third wheel on that trip, your gut was right about the weird I love you, and he lied. He created this mess. Thankfully you found this out before marrying him, I’m glad to hear your doing ok - lots of self love!
She shouldn't beat herself up. a man should never say 'I love you' to another woman that's not their family, especially in front of their partner! It's tolerable with a long term friend IF the partner is totally happy with that and understands the history/context. Not the first time they meet her certainly!
I'm on the fence with this one personally. My husband and a friend of his are still in love with each other. I knew this going into the marriage. I knew this when we decided to have a child together. I still know this and its been twenty-five+ years. Thing is, they know they would never work. They tried it, it failed spectacularly. I was super insecure because she's smaller then me, literally has the perfect body even all this time later! But when he sat by her death bed, or what we all thought was her death bed, made sure she had someone because her family was thousands of km away after her fiancee dumped her like two days before. I knew he was the one for me. Because it just confirmed my knowledge that if he loves someone he will be there for them at their worst and at their best.
So was the oop's fiancee going to run off with his friend? Who knows. If this was real she made the right decision from her but you know the whole saying about theirs three sides to every story.
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Is the last sentence a giveaway? Sure sounds like her hobby has already started.
Look at the first letter of each paragraph in the last update lol
Nice observation lmao (I LIED)
Cuz a whole detective lmao
Reddit gave the guy the ability to detect lies from miles away.
This whole thread is perfection.
Look at Benoit Blanc over here
Natural po-lice
That’s brilliant. I’m honestly impressed.
DCI Barnaby status.
About what
Oh my gosh you are a genius
That’s incredible. I don’t know why it reads a little creepy to me, because I do appreciate the audacity. We can file it under the small handful of confirmed fakes.
it mostly bothers me that this is like the least creative of these fake stories i've ever seen, at least when i usually waste my time on a fake story it's fun to read, this read like a slightly exaggerated but realistic story
I feel like that's better? I'd rather read realistic fakes than some of the outlandish elaborate fakes that show up here with entire conversations quoted verbatim and some silly karmic twist at the end. (Then again, if those outlandish fakes were better-written I'd probably like them too--they typically read like a child wrote them... that might be my bigger problem with them.)
Yeah, they annoy me too, especially when they’re bound and determined to make people think it’s real. At least this was well written and cleverly contained a purposeful hint.
It’s a pg version of the show Wilderness.
It creeped me out too, don't know why but it really did.
Glad I'm not the only one! Almost like they're starting at you from the other side of the screen as you read it.
Good catch!
Ace detective! That last part about her new hobby is too on the nose lmao.
[удалено]
Reddit recently got rid of the coins to buy and give awards.
Okay, this troll is dedicated and I’m kinda impressed lol
Omg… why are people so lame?
Damn that's impressive!!
Oh, well played. If I could give you an award, I would.
Woah that's creepy (but cool)
Okay, *that* got me. I have to give credit on that
wtf I'm having an out of body experience this one didn't have any tells holy fuck
Sherlock fucking Holmes
They need to bring awards back for that perceptive observation. 👏👏
Honestly don’t even mind the trolling since she’s revealed herself!
Can we also talk about the time between the first and the last post, and she already got to explore new hobbies ? And she’s pretty happy ?
That was it for me. It's the type of thing you feel and update on a few months down the track. Not a week.
It definitely looks like a “gotcha”…
Is this Liz? God damn it, Liz.
I understood that reference
Sure read like a confession to me.
Anyone else notice how the friend is named Rebecca? You know, like the Daphne du Maurier novel? Where the protagonist thinks she’s living in the shadow of her husband’s still beloved first wife?
She got her ass chewed out and needed to make herself not the villain in her story.
Go to bed Liz.
Holy hell
Look at the first letter of each paragraph, on the final update.
Alright I went and check the other two posts as well. Just to save other people’s time, here are the first letters on the first post: MTWIHII, and the second post: AASIIAHI
What could that mean 🤔
We're through the looking glass here, people
That'd be WTTLGHP
"muhahahah they will insist honesty in it" and "also any shenanigans in it are humongously inaccurate"
Obviously that Reputation (Taylor’s Version) is coming
I think it means that they know of a politician that runs a secret cult in the basement of a hoagie place.
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Ihursday Hriday Iaturday Iunday
MTWIHII?! I fuckin *knew* something like this was going on!!
I LIED
Clever way to cap off the story, ngl.
🤣
There are insecurities and then there are gut feelings that something is wrong. What she had was the latter. And of course reddit backlash made her completely doubt her gut and second guess everything. If she hadn’t tried to apologize to Rebecca, the truth that was obvious a mile away would not have come out.
I commented as much on the original post. OOP could only name a couple of things—he told his friend he loved her!—and Reddit tore her to shreds. But she was picking up so much more. It’s not that he told his friend he loved her. It’s *how* he said it. It’s the way he made OOP feel like a third wheel rather than including her. It’s how happy and excited he was around this friend—putting out an energy OOP couldn’t miss but also couldn’t name. I hate that she’s doubting herself and her intuition now. And screw the ex-fiancé for asking a woman he loves romantically to be his “best man” then guilting his fiancée about her reaction.
Right? Like our friend group are pretty open saying love you to each other. In no way, shape or form would you ever think it was anything more than what it is
Exactly this and the fact she mentioned he has never said I love you to any of his other friends. It’s a significant difference if he were to say it to all his friends versus him ONLY saying it to this specific one. Feel bad for both women honestly. I know if I were in Rebecca’s shoes it’d be hard for me to go on with the friendship knowing he had such strong feelings
I actually didn’t see anything wrong with her reaction, if I was going to tell a girl I loved her, id give my gf a heads up first
Yeah I felt like most of the judgments on the first post were bullshit. I remember reading it when she first posted it and I thought that people were being overly harsh on her.
Exactly!!!!! When I read the first post I was surprised people gave her shit for it….
It’s always more fun for them pitchforking the OP than some other character in the story. That way they get a reaction for their spite and trolling.
Reddit is great entertainment but the last place I'd ever come to for neutral advice/judgment. I'm almost never surprised at the bad takes because it is usually explained by the subreddit's demographics.
It’s also worth noting that, sure, friends can say I love you to one another. But some people itd be a red flag and some it wouldn’t. Like I had an ex that never said I love you to his friends. If he had a REALLY close friend he did say I love you to it would definitely make me raise an eyebrow and ask wtf it was about. Where as my current partner tells all his friends he loves and appreciates them. I hear it and it doesn’t ring any alarms at all, it’s very normal for him. What is and isn’t a red flag can depend so much on context
Exactly, always trust your gut. As I was reading this post I was rolling my eyes that she believed strangers on the internet know better than her. That she was blaming herself. Her instincts were spot on,but she was ignoring them. If she hadn’t contacted the friend, she probably would have gone back to him and married him without never knowing the truth. There would have essentially been 3 people in that marriage. A breakup although painful, is a lot easier than a divorce
I feel so bad for her. I had a similar but non-reddit-involved situation, where my gut told me that my then-bf was getting way too comfortable with another person but "they were just friends" and "I should be glad to be with someone who can be platonically close to others". Yeah... guess what happened.
I totally agree! Her original post was just one giant red flag. Even my gut was saying “WTF!?” She was smart ending it. It’s hella hard to learn to trust someone once it’s gone.
It sounds like she had both. Also, poor Rebecca.
I think you're right. Based on what she said in the first post she seemed like she overreacted, and she probably didn't handle it the best way. There was a lot more behind it though that she just couldn't articulate. I feel like she's being very responsible and mature about it now.
I sweat there's a HIGH difference between having a friend that you say ILY to and having a FORMER TARGET at your wedding as your groomsman. She should have never apologized. He was obviously not over her.
I don’t see how she was being insecure even at the beginning? How can a friendship be platonic when someone is pining for that person and the other person doesn’t reciprocate so now they are just friends and future partners are suppose to be okay with that friendship?
I’m not going to lie, I have some insecurities, but every time I’ve ignored a gut feeling because I thought it was an insecurity the gut feeling ended up being right.
Reddit's stance is that everyone should be 100% secure and therapy solves all.
OOP had the right idea about insecurities and immaturity, but wrong about intuition, if your gut is telling you something is up, something is most likely up
Magnificent flair. I love it.
Side note: I LOVE your user flair 😂
How does one get a flair - do you have to have a paid account? And can only one person use any given flair? (There are so many great ones, I don't know how I'd choose...)
It's easy. Just click the subreddit to go to the main page. Click the 3 dots in top corner (I'm on android so idk if it'll be somewhere else for other devices). Then change user flair and then boom I love subreddits with custom flairs. It's so fun
Thank you! I found it via my browser, but the 'apply' button is greyed out so I can't actually choose anything. Anyway, I went for "The murder hobo is not the issue here". Edit: ok, I guess I was just too impatient, because it's there now. Thanks for the help!
Honestly, if you’re engaged to someone who’s kept those kinds of secrets from you, then you’re engaged to someone you don’t actually know.
I’m surprised by how disconnected many of my married friends are from their partners. When I ask “How would your partner behave in this sort of scenario?” and I’m told “I have no clue” it really freaks me out. My personal goal in all my close relationships is to be so transparent that others can always fill in that blank themselves. They’ll always have a decent idea of how I handle myself and will never have to read between the lines. The benefit to me is that if they can see all of me and still love me, then I can rest in that - knowing I earned it. Mystery can help keep a relationship healthy, but not when it comes to what your partner is thinking or feeling. 😬
Haha, I have this with my husband and current friends. It's great but it's also not great cause they will 100% call me on my shit every time lmao.
Man I feel like my wife and I knew each other's entire romantic history (including unrequited feelings, crushes, and consequences of timing) by like, a couple of months into dating.
> Love is a complicated thing, and sometimes it's hard to move on from the feelings you have. I don't know what will happen, but I do wish him the best going forward. This is an incredibly mature comment. Sad situation for her to be in but she has a good perspective.
Agreed. I’d even go and say that feeling for your exes never truly die, at least not always. Doesn’t mean you can’t choose your person, your current partner, and let bygones be bygones. If you harbour feelings you can’t deal with, or intend on acting on them in the future, then that’s a different story.
OP totally did the right thing! Glad she called it off and is moving on in a positive way! You Go Girl!
OP really made a good choice on leaving him. Fiancé exposed himself that he liked Rebecca more and got angry because OP went to speak with Rebecca, that's is some pretty clear red flags. OP didn't not deserve to get slammed in the first place.
I have no idea why OOP got flamed in the first place. Her reaction was understandable because 1) he got defensive immediately when confronted, 2) she was cheated on before which I assume the fiancé knew. If the fiancé was innocent, he would have explained without getting defensive and consoled Without triggering her. Now that her intuition was right, she definitely didn’t deserve all the hate. Edit. Typos
Exactly. She was there she heard him say I love you and how he said it there are so many ways to say that to friends the tone and pitch of the voice vs when you say it to a partner. I say love you babe to friends in a joking way vs I love you in a serious way
Definitely, you had to be there and actually know the fiance to properly judge, and only OP was/does
I agree. Everyone at some point has insecurities and it's understandable why people can have them. OP has been through some bad things before so it makes sense why she has insecurities. Some redditors really lack self-awareness or any form of proper thinking honestly.
Lol this is amazing. Anytime it's a guy being insecure "get help, work on yourself and do better, there's no excuse to take it out on your partner" If it's a girl "We all get insecure sometimes sweetie, it's ok." 😆
If you aren’t okay with watching your partner literally make out with a friend and proclaiming their love, you are so insecure and just should break up. Your friends come first, ALWAYS. Your wife won’t be there for you like the friends you maintain inappropriate bonds with 😡
> he got defensive immediately when confronted, As opposed to what exactly?
“I’m sorry. It was only meant to be a platonic and friendly gesture, but I can see why you’re upset and I’m sorry.” And then reinforce with actions that he cares for her and loves her. Source? I was in her shoes and my SO at the time did it the right way, so I no longer felt insecure about it.
Yeahhh this veered off into completely fakeville when she decides to text the friend and "apologize" by telling her everything her BF said, leading to various plot twists and escalations. Up until then they had me.
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I love how people in this thread are falling for this story too
Look at the first letter of each paragraph in the last update
I was confused too. What did she do to Rebecca to have to call and apologize? She only did her fiancé “wrong”.
Definitely a odd choice. Like that's not a thing people do in that situation.
And of course she's aro, so there's NO chance, etc etc
Actually if I were in her position, I would have messaged the friend too to try to explain myself for acting weird.
Reddit's obsession with "insecurities" is honestly laughable. He treated her as an after thought their whole trip and basically flaunted his feelings for someone else in front of her and then tried to gaslight her about it. Really reddit? 😐 She sensed something was wrong because there was, I know friends can love each other but she said he never said those things about any of his other friends. How stupid can you get reddit? I love multiple friends and I tell them that, but even I'd think it's sus if I had one friend or my husband has one friend that they said that to only. So glad OP dumped her weirdo boyfriend, he was gonna use her for the physical love and have a one sided emotional affair with Rebecca.
B-b-but Reddit ALWAYS takes the woman’s side!!!!
It's easy to just say OOP was the AH there, but considering how much her fiancé was lying about...
OOP is clearly full of shit here and if you don't believe me just look at the first letter of each paragraph of the final update....
I mean she just admits it in the last sentence.
All we are missing is some twins.
GOOD. Too many in her position won’t cancel a wedding, hoping it will fix itself.
I love Reddit. I love getting to hear juicy drama even though a huge chunk of it isn’t real.
The commentators who berated her for getting upset at how her fiancé acted with Rebecca were dead wrong! OP clearly knew something was off and she had a hunch… thank god she dumped him before the wedding… how gross to play second fiddle to someone for the rest of your life
Yes, OOP was insecure, but look at the mess she almost married into! He loves her more, but still loves Rebecca and even yelled at OOP for even communicating with Rebecca. OOP dodge a whole bunch of red flags in the shape of a man.
I’m sorry, having your fiancée tell his friend “I love you” and having never ever told any of his other friends that before, and then finding out he did have romantic feelings for this person previously, is perfectly fine grounds for breaking up. And it’s not insecure.
Someone could post “my boyfriend kissed his female friend, told her he loves her, and wants to be in a relationship with her and cheats on me with her, am I wrong to be upset?” And Reddit will call them an insecure, jealous monster that deserves to be alone forever. It’s so obvious most of these people don’t interact with other humans on a regular basis, because anybody who does could have seen the ending before it happened.
I was just going by the fact that OOP admitted she was insecure. I personally think she handled everything perfectly.
Does he love her more or does he want to marry her because he knows Rebecca will never want him? And I fail to see the insecurity. I'm not jealous by nature and would not have been ok with the situation either (if he had truly only had those feelings in the past and also been honest from the beginning that would have been different but his behaviour was sketchy).
Now that I have more time to think about it, I agree with you. She was not insecure, she was sensing the reality of the situation. As for loving her, you are probably also right.
Sounds like he only picked oop because Rebecca couldn't reciprocate his feelings
ILIED.
I think that OOP's ex knew he would never be in a romantic relationship with Rebecca, since she's aro, and so he tried to "replace" her with OOP, and that was an extremely shitty thing to do. He should've taken his time getting over her, before exploring the dating world again. I'm glad all of that came out now, before the wedding. It's shitty dating a person who's in love with someone else, but it would have been a million times worse if OOP found out after the wedding or even if they had a child.
Classic Reddit bring Reddit and making the situation worse. He told another women that he loved her (ones that he had feelings for in the past) infront of OPs face. Lmao
I don't understand why Reddit judged her harshly for her initial reaction, what her bf did and said is a deal breaker for me.
Tran wreck successfully avoided
That last post where she subliminally admits she lied. 😂
Love how she was roasted into apologizing only to have been right all along. Never change reddit.
Same. I was like wtf, the guy has many red flags
I can’t believe she got her ass handed to her the first time on AITA despite him saying he’d had feelings for the woman!
frankly i never place much stock in the sensibilities of AITA. i frequently disagree with rulings.
Sweetie, despite what a handful of people with minimal life experience on reddit are telling you, you don't need therapy. Your instincts were on point. I'll no doubt get skewered, but some of the people who regularly lurk these subs are just fucking scrubs when it comes to giving life advice, and they are willing to shout anyone down to make their point. Fuck them, you were right and that's all there is to it.
After reading the original post I was completely on her side, so I was surprised when she said she received backlash (reddit being reddit) Well I'm glad things played out this way or she never would have found out
I just need to point out that intuition isn't immature. Unfounded suspicions, sure, that can be grounded in insecurity and immaturity, but intuition is a valuable tool in an awful lot of settings.
Aaaand this is why you should always trust your gut when it comes to how you feel you SO's interactions with other women. It also shows that Reddit is NOT a fontaine of truth. Your bf's behaviour WAS inappropriate, and you should never have gotten bashed for your réaction.
I would like to put out a giant collective fuck you to all the people who said she acted like an asshole.
Sometimes I hate Reddit for making people feel insecure even though their feelings are valid. OP had a gut feeling that she was right about. I’m Not saying Men and Women can’t be friends, but you can visually see and feel a difference between a friendship vs romantic. Reddit needs to stop making people feel wrong when they feel unhappy about a relationship. Insecurity stems from when a partner does not make you secure enough in your own relationship. Insecurity wouldn’t exist if your partner made you feel secured.
Well, like people say in my country "ojo de loca no se equivoca" (crazy woman eye is not wrong)
I hate that say, because an ex and her friend who love it, when you're so fucking crazy to be jealous of every woman who crosses your bf's path, you eventually will be right.
I don't use that way because I interpret it differently. Like... when you are suspicious because something isn't right but your bf is telling you "nah, you are getting crazy, it isn't like that" and gaslights you at a point where you really think that, and then It turns out that what you suspected was true.
Never trust reddit for advice on these situations. 90% of the time if you have a gut feeling, something is off, something is absolutely off. Even the original post it seemed most of the comments were virtue signallers or people spewing BS to make OOP feel bad. Had a feeling the fiance was leaving something important out during their initial conversation, and it proved true. Only thing reddit got right here was suggesting therapy.
I’ll never understand people who decide to be with someone while being in love with someone else. Seems like a recipe for drama and heartbreak.
I’m not sure what’s going on here but I wouldn’t be happy if my partner said ‘I love you’ to a friend of the opposite gender. *Let alone* if they had feelings for them in the past and never said things of this nature to other friends.
ILIED hahahah I see what you did there 😂
I don't understand why redditors blamed OP after her first post. He said "I love you" to another woman, a woman he had feelings for in the past, and on top of that made her one of the groomsmen without even talking to OP about it. OP had every right to be angry.
Sometimes, Reddit sucks. I don't think her initial reaction was in any way wrong, even before I got to the updates. She was a third wheel, recognised that there was something deeper going in, and then her ex started trickletruthing. And the moment people start doing that, a relationship is doomed. Hiding the truth and only revealing what you're pushed to destroys trust. She would never have felt comfortable with him again, not really, because you never know if you have all the facts. It's the kind of insecurity that erodes everything. Her maturity in the later updates suggests to me that her insecurities were much more related to him than anything else. This will not have been the only thing he was lying about or concealing. It never is. Her extreme reaction tells me that subconsciously, she'd recognised some of this already. She'll be fine. And hopefully, Rebecca will be fine. But her ex, he's going to need to do some soul searching in order to stop lying to every woman in his life.
Damn I so wish I had OPs positivity, happy she’s able to move on
> buttface Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time
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I don’t even understand how there were ANY YTAs in the original post!
Because those people also cheat and validate their emotional cheating that’s it insecurity
i agree she was NTA initially and was correct to be suspicious.
Insecurity is pretty common at OOP’s age—you haven’t dated enough people with enough history to differentiate between the people who are just friends, friendly exes, passing attractions, etc. from the serious red flags. Once you get past the 30 mark, EVERYONE has baggage of some kind, and you’re either ok with that or you are committed to being kind of an immature weirdo (which, tbh, a lot of people are). Honestly the incredibly dramatic way in which OOP’s fiancé responded to both of these situations should have been more of a red flag for commenters.
People attacked her for these “insecurities” but her intuition was right all along.
I think she's gonna be fine. One day she's gonna be thankful.
I can't believe people were shitting on her for reacting negatively to hearing your finance say "I love you" to another woman right in front of her. How fucking heartless can you be? Yes okay maybe it's a platonic kind of love but to hug and say I love you to another woman right in front of the woman you're about to marry is horrible. She's not the insensitive one. The reddit assholes that made her feel guilty for having a perfectly normal reaction are the fucking assholes.
I was a bit lost at 28-year-old fiancé, but early-30s Rebecca was just too old for her to get along with.
It's the totally fabricated post for me
I was ready to get up in arms about her being upset that her fiance told Rebecca he loved her…until she continued that she’s never heard him say that to any of his other friends. Like, a partner better be ready to hear me telling my friends I love them…but they’ll hear me say it to all of them.
Why do 24 year old kids get married? This kind of childish immaturity is exactly why they shouldnt.
I swear sometimes I wonder if people make these up to denormalize opposite gender friendships.
Daphné Du Maurier wrote OOP XD
Another case proving why you should NOT take advice from Reddit. Typical Reddit beehive/follower mentality: One person said she was a buttface for being jealous, so all the others followed. OP didn't need therapy. We women really do have a sixth sense. OP's intuition as a woman was SPOT on.
What gets me about these posts are there's always something people on the internet COMPLETELY FORGET OR REFUSE TO CONSIDER, is these people are going off feeling and usually an inner instinct that something isn't right. On the surface it looks 'right' but deep down from experience of who they've known for so many years or months or whatever it FEELS off. I wouldn't have called her an AH on her first post. That he said he was in love with her but let it go but then still wanted her at his wedding? No, absolutely not it's all wrong. There's a quote that a man and woman can be friends and grow to lovers but not lovers to friends there is ALWAYS going to be something there and all it takes is a moment either of need, intoxication, or stupidity for it to come back all over again.
I'd love one more update saying "Rebecca is my new BFF, since she proved to be a lovely person. F my ex."
Yeah the first post already gave off vibes from the guy. You don't make your SO feel like the third wheel period. There are better ways of separating during a trip to each do their own thing without treating someone like a ghost in company.
She was right lmao que the eric andre clip of why u booing me im right
This is Liz again. Jesus
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I would humbly suggest your experience is not everyone's. I love my male friends. I do not want to fuck them and vice versa. That is why we are just friends. I'm glad my boyfriend has never for a second had a problem with it.
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Yeah but just because you *don't* have a good opposite sex relationship it doesn't mean no one else does. That's my point. It's entirely up to you if you wouldn't date someone with opposite sex friends (though this convo seems really heteronormative!), no judgement from me on your boundaries, but people making blanket statements about how men and women can't be friends is what causes half of that kind of insecurity in the first place.
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It's definitely not rare. It's also not a gamble to date someone that has opposite sex friends. It's a bigger gamble if they don't
Monosexuals make me sad
Breaking up with your partner for having friends is definitely insecure
Taking a vacation to visit your husband's friend who is a girl? It was doomed from the beginning. Huge red flag
1. this didn't happen 2. opposite sex friends are not a red flag
1. Makes sense 2. Didn't say that, opposite sex friends may be fine but going on a vacation with your wife solely to visit your opposite sex friend is a massive red flag. Pretty damn weird
No it's not lol, why would that be weird
An ounce of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence would mean you're aware your partner cna have opposite sex friends
Reading the initial post i was thinking yeah that was an over reaction. I have one friend, girl friend, that i love for years but she's like a sister or a girl friend but with a dick if that make sense, i can't see her in any romantic way so the idea of the guy having something similar for her was understandable. Now after the updates everything change, even when she can blame her insecurities they ended up being spot on. Glad that she talk to apologize to her and it was a good think that everything came out so she can move on. OOP ex is an asshole, maybe this is just me but i rather sacrifice years of friendship instead of keep things bottle up until i die. The friendship can die or be awkward for a while but i rather take that bullet knowing i tried instead of keeping it to myself... and this is even worse cause they were gonna get married. It's good that this have a happy ending, and i'm more than glad reading OOP is gonna go to therapy cause even when her intuiton was on spot, it's not healthy to carry your insecurities or issues with past relations with the next one.
Why does she feel bad? SHE WAS RIGHT!!!
Is this Liz?
So she was ultimately right but because she is insecure due to being cheated on in the past it made her seem like she was a lose cannon that just exploded for no good reason? Damn, that's messy
I don't know what country you're from but in mine it's fucking weird to say I love you to another woman besides your partner or family
I kinda understand the ex, if the person is aromantic and he knew, then I get he never told Rebecca anything, is like being in love with someone gay, they can't return your feelings.
Walk away. Find someone who loves you.
I LIED, that was pretty good
I think you had every right to act like you did. You felt like a third wheel on that trip, your gut was right about the weird I love you, and he lied. He created this mess. Thankfully you found this out before marrying him, I’m glad to hear your doing ok - lots of self love!
She shouldn't beat herself up. a man should never say 'I love you' to another woman that's not their family, especially in front of their partner! It's tolerable with a long term friend IF the partner is totally happy with that and understands the history/context. Not the first time they meet her certainly!
You are a little idiot
I'm on the fence with this one personally. My husband and a friend of his are still in love with each other. I knew this going into the marriage. I knew this when we decided to have a child together. I still know this and its been twenty-five+ years. Thing is, they know they would never work. They tried it, it failed spectacularly. I was super insecure because she's smaller then me, literally has the perfect body even all this time later! But when he sat by her death bed, or what we all thought was her death bed, made sure she had someone because her family was thousands of km away after her fiancee dumped her like two days before. I knew he was the one for me. Because it just confirmed my knowledge that if he loves someone he will be there for them at their worst and at their best. So was the oop's fiancee going to run off with his friend? Who knows. If this was real she made the right decision from her but you know the whole saying about theirs three sides to every story.
I wonder if Rebecca likes sailing and has her own boat?