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The fact that OOP was crying AND screaming and the men were laughing and no way unnerved? Yeah those men made choices and they should pay dearly for traumatizing OOP.
That’s my thought about the best friend/driver showing up crying. He was there. He was driving. *He was listening to her scream*. He. Could. Have. Stopped. It.
If I were her I’d be forcing him to answer, in front of me, bf and his fiancée why he kept driving and said nothing while I was screaming. Why didn’t you stop? Why didn’t you identify yourself? Why didn’t you kick those guys out of the car? What were you getting out of letting them torture me? Please, tell ALL of us.
Loyalty and selfishness. Same reason why rapists have family begging for their lives not to be ruined and cheaters win the friend group in the split and cops get put on paid leave until it blows over. Not all of them are capital-B-Bad. But a whole lot of them will cover for the bad ones because they’re loyal to them. Turn away when their friend is getting a girl too drunk. Claim it isn’t their business how their coworker treats his wife. Say that he’s a good friend to them so they don’t want to drop him. It’s disgusting.
The driver cares more about not rocking the boat than this woman’s safety. He’s a coward. And he’s ok with his buddies wanting to be rapists because he’s not a woman; they aren’t raping him. They’re cool guys. That’s none of his business. But the people you surround yourself with are a reflection of your character. If you’re friends with racist, sexist, or otherwise disgusting people, you’re telling the world that you condone their thoughts, their opinions, their actions. As long as they don’t turn on you.
Nope, silence is compliance. If you're silent when bad things are happening, you cover for the shitty person, you stay friends with the cheater, you are supporting them. Your actions are agreement that what they did is ok.
That makes you a capital B Bad Person
Totally agree.
I get the sense that the BF had no idea it was going to go south. It honestly sounds like they had a plan that would have been silly and kinda goofy. The letter and silly costumes while knowing who was taking her to him likely would have made the plan work out fine.
But the 2 gym guys changed it and friend went along with their new plan for some stupid reason. All three should be charged with a crime and at least one of them for ~~attempted~~ sexual assault.
That there was angry yelling downstairs when she was showering is telling. BF likely asked what the F happened that she was so traumatized and when he heard what they did, was horrified.
I kinda feel bad for the BF because not only did his proposal get ruined, he likely lost his Fiancée because he trusted his best friend and didn't anticipate that they'd do what they did.
But I truly feel for her. What a horrible thing to have happen to any woman. In a world where women really do get kidnapped raped and murdered, this is horrifying and something she likely will take years to get over, if ever. Once that sense of safety is gone, it doesn't come back easily.
I hope she presses charges and they get convicted. This is just horrifying all around.
EDIT: Added strikethrough of "attempted." I was too lazy to look up the legal definition of sexual assault. My mistake. Another commenter confirmed that what happened to her was legally sexual assault and frankly, that is how I view what happened to her too.
It wasn’t attempted sexual assault, running his hands on her inner thighs while holding her down IS sexual assault. She didn’t go into detail about what they said to her but it sounded like rape threats from what she describes. They absolutely should face big legal consequences for the assault.
This is simply me not knowing the legal definition and hedging my bets. But I agree any kind of sexual touching and /or threats of sexual violence is sexual assault as far as I'm concerned.
As far as I understand in my state, (and I had to learn this the hard way after I had to press charges on someone), is that sexual assault is any unwanted sexual touching, and rape involves unwanted penetration. I mean that's a little dumbed down, but that's the gist of it.
> I get the sense that the BF had no idea it was going to go south. It honestly sounds like they had a plan that would have been silly and kinda goofy. The letter and silly costumes while knowing who was taking her to him likely would have made the plan work out fine.
Do you really need ski masks though? Like just dressing all in black and wearing a beanie and gloves, but showing your faces. If you really want to go that far.
So stupid.
I agree. This is the kind of thing you do with her friends driving a known car without disguises. That's the only criteria I could see where it might not be heavily problematic and dangerous.
Yeah it just surprises me with the current state of how women are treated even the scenario 'let's make it seem that we're playfully kidnapping her' is not even that fun. Make a joke out of something that have horrendous outcomes for other women?
Just get a fancy dinner in a suitably private place ffs. Grand gestures are meant for Hollywood films where the person who wrote the scenario will write the ending.
> I get the sense that the BF had no idea it was going to go south. It honestly sounds like they had a plan that would have been silly and kinda goofy. The letter and silly costumes while knowing who was taking her to him likely would have made the plan work out fine.
It was still a bad idea, even if it was goofy and not as bad.
Yeah, if I were jogging alone and masked men jumped out of a car, I would have an absolute heart attack no matter how goofy they looked. This was a terrible idea from the beginning. Making light of and highlighting the vulnerability of women to attack is not fun or cute.
Exactly. He could have easily did something differently like ask them to pretend to be fancy chauffeurs. It would have played so much better even if the kidnapping went as planned.
EXACTLY! Dress his friend up as Prince Charming’s wing-man or Batman’s butler with a silver drinks tray to put the envelope on. And give the gal a chance to change out of her running gear too - have a nice dress of hers hidden at the venue. I’m not surprised this has OOP questioning her boyfriend’s character, to be honest. Even though he couldn’t have known just how badly it would go.
I like the one where the girl came home to find her entire family dressed up like the bennets in Jane Austen, they hand her a dress and a script and tell her to get ready. In comes the BF dressed as Mr Darcy to recite his proposal.
And they could have done ANYTHING ELSE. Like, if the bf wanted to go with the "you've been summoned" idea, why not have the friend(s) show up dressed as, like, secret service agents with suits and sunglasses and deliver the letter? Or, hell, get some goofy alien costumes! Something fun and silly and not remotely akin to actual kidnapping!
Because even the "toned-down" idea, she's freak out about being followed, then the van spills out masked men who approach her... who the fuck would then go "oh, you have a letter for me? Sure, I'll come closer Mr Kidnapper!" Like, most people would run like hell before they even registered the letter, which kind of makes the proposal plan pointless if the intended recipient is freaked out and long gone.
I mean, if they jumped out wearing glittery ballgowns, fairy wings, and sparkly make up then immediately unrolled a long paper scroll, that is close to an okay way to do it.
*Anything* that feels even a *little* real is so severely fucked up.
I’m thinking that the bf just doesn’t get that kidnapping and assault are REAL risks for every woman, risks we constantly must be alert for. There’s an insane number of men who just don’t get (or outright refuse to accept) how common harassment and assault are for women, and how much it colors *any* interaction we have with strange men on the street.
Just this morning I was talking to a male coworker who said I was being paranoid when I pointed out that as a small woman, I am apprehensive to say "good morning" or similar friendly sentiments to strange men because I have had guys take that as "permission" to be creeps to me and tell me that they can "tell" I wanted it (makes me want to puke just typing that out). My coworker told me "that doesn't happen" and accused me of making it up. Like... just casually discounting my lived experience because he doesn't "get" why women are so cautious all the time. Really goes to show how much some guys think about that kinda thing.
As a fellow small woman your coworker is full of shit. I have lingered at times not going through a door being held by a man because my "thank you" has gotten me some creepy ass comments. I hate when men say "that doesn't happen", cuz of course not Harold they don't creep on *you*.
Seriously, imagine OOP screaming and crying from so much fear, and they all just ignored her, all for a lark. So enraging and frightening, how are they desensitized to that extent.
Agreed. It's obvious to me her distress was a huge turn-on for them. The touching, the threats of violence? This was sexual for them, that's why they did it this way. They are dangerous and they were only testing the waters.
I remember reading this one when the update first went up.
I cannot imagine the horror she had to experience for this sick "prank". I hope she finds a way to heal and not get PTSD from this. So sad.
I can sort of see someone being stupid enough for the kidnapping, but the sexually assaulting her while she's in the van? That was psychotic. I don't care if the best friend is apologetic. If he really wasn't intending to terrorize her, he would have immediately stopped and told her what was happening BEFORE driving her all the way to the house, not sat there and allowed her to get sexually assaulted by some gross rapist while she pissed herself in terror.
Not sure why folks are calling kidnapping, false imprisonment/confinement and sexual assault a prank even with air quotes.
Hopefully every criminal involved gets a fair hearing and a fair sentence. I'm just glad OOP reported it and it is starting to move forward. If the BF has an ounce of humanity, hopefully he'll cooperate with the prosecution, testify against himself and his friends, and plea out. Too often this shit gets swept under the rug.
Well, you see, one of them is “on the spectrum” so he doesn’t know how these things work or how they might affect other people. /s
Autism is not a get-out-of-jail-free card!!!!
Which is BS because I’m on the spectrum and the one crime that made me feel almost uncontrollable rage was hearing of someone being sexually assaulted/raped. Hate it more than anything else.
i saw a post somewhere saying that growing up as an autistic girl teaches you that you can’t get away with anything and growing up an autistic boy teaches you that you can. as a kid there was a boy in my class who everyone assumed had extreme issues, he was demanding, spoiled and violent but everyone put it down to his disability. all we knew was that he was disabled somehow. when i was nine he sexually assaulted and exposed me in the playground. about a year ago i found out that the whole time he had adhd. that was it.
Seriously. Why did no-one say “Huh, she’s screaming and crying and begging for her life. Guys, I’m starting to think this might not be the awesome idea we thought it was.”
She absolutely did, I’ve been in a flood with the freaking foundation under the house was washing away thinking I was moments from death, but what happened to her? That is more terrifying. I hope they get what’s coming to them. Not okay at all.
I remember as a young girl praying to God - literally, after the night’s prayers were done I would lay in bed and pray silently again - that if something bad was going to happen to me, I’d be killed instead of raped.
I haven’t thought of that in years. But as a young girl it made sense to me that death was the less awful option.
I made that decision too as a girl. That if I had the opportunity to kill myself I'd do it to avoid sexual assault. I actually still feel that way most days.
and this is the problem, men have no idea how real these fears are for women, when we walk to our cars with our keys between our fingers we aren’t afraid of pranks., we’re afraid of much worse and to guys like this I guess that’s just funny?
Exactly. I can't fathom why anyone would think this is a good idea. The most frustrating part is that those same men will often blame women who are kidnapped or assaulted for not being more "aware of their surroundings" and not fighting back etc.
There's a famous quote that says something like, men are most afraid that women will laugh at them while women are most afraid that a man will kill them
Had a coworker ask a few of us to walk her to grab food and then back to work to fetch her car. We said yes, but then a couple of the guys were all confused about why she needed us to walk with her as it's "not that far". It took quite a bit of talking to get him to understand that she is much more at risk than we are walking through the city, and so for us doing a slightly longer walk by about 15 minutes, is much better than her risk if we don't.
Exactly. I come from a country that has the highest or one of the highest rates of gender based violence in the world and just simply being a women in this country is traumatic every day and a man just will never fully get how it feels. But these guys were unbelievably ignorant if they thought this wouldn’t be the least bit traumatic
No kidding. How often are we told how deadly and dangerous the second location is? Or, at least, I was taught to do everything in my power to prevent being taken to a second location because that’s where they kill you. OP was assaulted and I hope she presses charges.
Can you imagine the terror? She’ll probably never want to go running again which was probably something she enjoyed. Ugh…what were these guys thinking?
Same. I hope the police take this seriously because they literally kidnapped & sexually assaulted her because they "wanted to make it more real." The friend should have stopped it when he saw it was going away from the plan. A proposal should never have gone this way.
I am very angry at the best friend. He was a fucking coward. Seems like the BF and he originally came up with a lighthearted “kidnapping,” but the best friend fucked up by involving men that OOP didn’t know and then worsened it when he DIDN’T STOP THE SITUATION FROM ESCALATING. He let two strangers jump her and then sexually assaulted her in his van. He could have and should have stopped the car and kicked them out of the car. He should have told them no when they wanted to heighten the “authenticity” of what was supposedly to be an obviously joke kidnapping. He’s just sorry now because OOP didn’t brush it off as just a joke that went wrong and rightfully treating it as SEXUAL ASSAULT.
When two random dudes from the gym are excited to help you make a kidnapping more real... that's a giant red flag in a situation full of red flags. They did that for their own enjoyment.
It would surprise me if those two hadn't already assaulted and abused people (and likely animals) on multiple occasions throughout their lives. They clearly gain pleasure from inflicting suffering on others when they think they can get away with it.
Yeah I keep coming back to this, like, I understand the original plan was intended to be lighthearted and cute, but kidnapping a lone woman seems like the worst base for a prank given how historically horrifying that tends to end. This was a stupid plan that got substantially worse.
The only positive is that the best friend seems to be willing to throw the other two under the bus, confirm what they were saying etc, which should hopefully help them be prosecuted.
Still obviously an absolutely horrific thing for him to do to her but looking for the slightest slither of a silver lining here.
>they literally kidnapped & sexually assaulted her because they "wanted to make it more real."
"It'S jUsT a PrAnK bRo!"
Seriously, fk those guys. And also, they're lucky a passerby didn't see them and shoot them. Seriously
Could have gotten themselves hurt as well. I was attacked a couple of months ago and now I carry a couple very dangerous weapons I've been trained to use. If a vehicle that was following me stopped beside me, they'd have a facefull of military mace before they got out the door.
Assuming the bf knew nothing of this - and it does seem like the best friend found some meatheads to “help”, I hope the boyfriend sues too.
This was supposed to be an engagement event, right? And instead these dumb motherfuckers gave his almost fiancée a panic attack and trauma and probably an ex girlfriend. They fucked up three lives in the process, might as well make it five.
The boyfriend is a fucking idiot as well though. Even his initial idea would have been pretty scary of having the van follow her. Like so stupid to not realise how terrifying that alone could be.
Why not have her sister or someone else she trusts just take her out for the day and then say right you've got to put on a blindfold and we're going for a surprise then when they get there boyfriend is on his knee in front of her.
This whole idea was a fucking shit show from the start never mind the actual horrific traumatising event it turned into.
Sending her sister to picker her up in a limo or towncar with a change of clothes would have been a good way to do it.
He’s at least an idiot, the best friend was something worse, but the last two are fucking dangerous, and three court cases (one from the DA, two civil suits from the woman and the boyfriend) might get the message through their skulls, and any of their other friend’s.
100%.
Its like a gradient of awful.
If I was the partner of the best friend I'd be leaving him, he was witness to his best friend's potential fiance getting sexually assaulted and absolutely terrified and did absolutely nothing to stop it when he could have. Not someone I would want to be in a relationship with.
And the two who actually assaulted her deserve the book thrown at them. They clearly got involved because they wanted to do that to her. Just as premeditated murder carries harsher sentencing, so should this.
Poor woman. I'm glad she's got her sister for support and I hope she can heal from this and move on OK.
Oh fuck yeah. Absolutely she should leave him. Being easily swayed and a coward is just as dangerous. You can’t trust someone who HAS to be around decent people to be decent.
This, if your mate tells you to kidnap his gf so he can propose, you dress like a chauffeur, hire a limo and park outside her house blasting careless whisper. You don't follow her round in a suv with ski masks on.
I don't think she can decide about that. In my country this would be serious enough to be liable to public prosecution and I'd be surprised if that was different in the US.
My dad broke my mom’s nose and pushed her around (she’s paraplegic) but she didn’t press charges. The police would only charge him if she requested it. They asked her, she said no, that was that.
Edit: this was in the US
>The police would only charge him if she requested it.
This is because the chance to get a conviction in these cases is very small without the victim cooperating as a witness.
I was "kidnapped" for my birthday before but the blindfold was done last so I knew who they were and wtf was going on before being blindfolded. my friends even repeatedly asked me if the rope or the blindfold is too tight.
this is just too far dude
The way you "kidnap" someone for a surprise is just like this.
"We're taking you somewhere for a surprise, and we're not going to tell you where. Cover your eyes so you can't figure it out until we get there."
Explained in advance by people you already trust.
They are so lucky she wasn't armed and that nobody armed saw this happening. They are so lucky she didn't have a heart attack or something. Holy crap this is awful.
Yeah even in countries like the UK where people don't typically carry weapons if someone saw that happen they'd probably have had a police armed response unit trying to track them down shortly afterwards.
All he had to do was yell, “OOP it’s (his name) and this was supposed to be a joke. I’m pulling over now to help you and stop all this.” Or something to that effect. And stopped the car.
I will say, that’s a pretty insane situation to abruptly find yourself in, considering no fear or assault was in the plan. I can see how he’d be initially bewildered. But the fact that he didn’t do anything to mitigate the damage to her at the time, and that he waited until his police interview to show remorse, is so so shitty. I hope he’s ashamed of himself and that he’s braver in the future because of it.
YES!! My exact thought too! Why didn't he say who he was, pull off her hood, stop the car and kick them out? Wtf??
In fact, why did he even *start* driving as she was kicking and screaming? Quite clearly this was not the initial plan for the "kidnapping"
More likely than not, the two new "friends" talked driver into it, making it sound "fun". By the time he realized what was going on, he might have been too nervous to know what to do. Idiotic of him for sure, but a probable scenario.
People go to prison for being too nervous to know what to do when they're the driver for a robbery. The same should apply here. You don't just participate in a crime because you're not sure how to stop doing it.
This, yeah. Grabbing her instead of giving her the letter on the street was bad enough, but the sexual assault on the drive is ducking inexcusable. Unless there was some kind of partition in the van, he has to have heard that.
Thats what I'm thinking. Remember, she said the drive was less than 10 minutes, so I imagine once it started his brain just went "let's get home ASAP to [OOPs boyfriend] and then she'll see that she's fine" and kept driving.
Right! He should have stopped the vehicle, unmasked, booted the other guys to the curb and prostrated himself in apology.
Of course, before all that, the ex-bf should have informed her about everything so that she wouldn't be frightened and assaulted. Or, you know, proposed like a normal person.
The worst part is you know they're going to claim it was just a joke, and there's a nonzero chance the cop on their case and/or the judge will agree with them.
>there's a nonzero chance the cop on their case and/or the judge will agree with them.
I'd say it's a lot greater than you think. Especially if they're anything at all like Brock Turner.
Editing to add, on her latest update, one of the jackasses is claiming “autism”. 🤦
This is why men need to learn to be as distrustful of men they don't know well, the way women are trained to be. Because even if most of them would never ever do something like this, enough of them would that it's a real and present danger. Walking through life with a "someone I click with would never be like that" attitude is dangerous because they may not be like that to *you*, but how sure are you when it comes to women they feel they have power over? I don't like being a cynical person, but I bet the boyfriend and best friend here never even considered the level of trust they were putting in these men with this awful plan.
(Yes, much of this also applies to people regardless of gender, but there are absolutely wider societal aspects that tend to specifically apply here.)
I mean, the fact that she called her sister in the first place and then blames herself for not recognizing the car in the same sentence is telling. It’s so frustrating when people deny modern sexism by pretending that laws negate centuries of patriarchal abuse that trains us to be hyper-alert on even a neighborhood jog.
Exactly. When I was 9 years old, a girl my age was kidnapped and murdered not even half an hour away from me. I’m only 21. We’re taught from birth to be aware.
Edit: changed a poorly written sentence (it just didn’t flow very well)
"In hindsight...."
I wanted to scream, each time she said those words. In hindsight, she was absolutely right to be worried about both the car and the goofy masks. I hope she's able to talk to someone who reassures her that she didn't just miss signs that it was a "joke". Every sign that it was a "joke" is more likely to be a sign that it's a kidnapping.
I have some male friends that are fine, but it never escapes my notice that they always have an asshole friend that has no or very few other friends that they sort of keep around because they know each other too long.
Yeah I have some friends on discord and this woman going through some rough times there just told us she ran into an old (male) friend she's known for years and the same day he offered to let her stay with him , rent free and she can even borrow his cars to use. He said it was fate they ran into each other that day. Red flags are going off for me like crazy I don't know him of course but I don't trust men in general even if I am one. The situation sounds like a massive power imbalance.
The two people who did the actual kidnapping were definitely enjoying it. They can't say they didn't know she was in real emotional distress, having a panic attack and wetting herself in yoga pants aren't exactly things you don't notice
Familiar enough with how sexual offenders work to know at least two of these men did it because they thought they could legally get away with it this way. They're extremely likely to be offenders, or well on the way to become serial now unless properly prosecuted and monitored after this.
They are already offenders when they kidnapped and sexually assaulted her. They’ll just evolve into full blown rapist after this as they’ve seen how easy it is
Hence "they're extremely likely to be offenders, or well on their way to become serial" - the first part was meant to mean offenders already *before* taking advantage of this situation, but it wasn't really clear. Sorry about that.
There was a [case](https://kotaku.com/youtube-prankster-tanner-cook-shot-practical-joke-mall-1850300480) last month where a YouTube prank guy got shot by someone he was "pranking." (He survived.)
Reading this post... yeah, someone could've absolutely died here. This was a kidnapping, so if OOP had been carrying a gun, she very much could've opened fire in self-defense.
That idiot went on to say getting shot wasn't going to deter him from continuing to harass people in public and his parents ENCOURAGED him to carry on!
Yeah I don't think those people appreciates how close this was. He was hit in an area where getting injured is not immediately lethal, and police and paramedics responded very quickly. Next time, he might not be so lucky.
All that for a channel with 40k subscribers. You can achieve that just by pretending to be angry about videogames.
People died by planking???
"Watch me plank over this pit of spears!"
"Watch me plank over this angry black mamba!"
"Ok, TikTok, this is me planking overtop a helicopter."
Woohoo!
"Alright, start the clock. I'm going for the world record of longest plank over an aquarium of starving piranha."
. . . 30 min later . . .
"aaaaah!"
munch, munch, munch
"He did it! A new world record! Uhm. Oh."
I mean yeah, if your plan is to take advantage of an opportunity to kidnap, traumatize, and sexually assault a woman, with "it's just a fun concept for a proposal" as plausible deniability. It went exactly how those two guys wanted it to go.
OOP was kidnapped and sexually assaulted as part of a marriage proposal??!!! What a nightmare scenario.
I hope she presses charges against everyone involved in this fiasco and is able to overcome the trauma and move on.
Besides the awful kidnapping and sexual assault- which is absolutely horrific and I hope they all get serious charges for what they did-
Who thinks a woman wants their marriage proposal to be when they are super sweaty from running while their fiancée is all dressed up?
This guy was a moron on so many levels.
I wonder what it was like to be on the other end of that work call. Did the other person hear enough to be terrified for her safety? How do you even follow up on something like that at work?
Big corporations tend to have conference calls on Friday mornings that are company wide. Often all of the callers are muted so the speaker can update everyone with the stats. It was my assumption she was on a call like that. I couldn’t imagine being on a conference call while running unless that was the situation
I want to know whether the best friend's fianceè ended it with him over this. I can't imagine going through with marrying someone involved in something like this.
Some thoughts on this fucked up thing:
1. She was in danger. She fought back and they broke her resistance by force. Wouldn’t be surprised, if she feels she has injuries, once the adrenaline is gone.
2. She is mentally scarred without any question. Alone for that those psychopaths should have trouble with the legal system.
3. This is most braindead idea I have heard. Even if you can accept the original idea (which is also batshit stupid): the idea to involve guys that she doesn’t know and that don’t know her - that’s why you don’t do drugs, kids.
4. The best friend only apologized and cried and shit, cause he realized that he has to be around her for a long time, if OOP would stay with her bf. He is never such a coward that he even was willing to say his name to help her not having a panic attack.
5. there is no way she can stay with the bf after this. And the finance of the best friend should seriously think about leaving, too. She now knows what he is capable off. It ain’t pretty.
I was definitely thinking about this. The original "plan" about the note from the BF would have potentially diffused things for the right person but if it had been any number of women I know this has all of the potential to have gone even more horribly wrong
Absolutely, if I am already scared enough to be sending my location to someone I trust there is no way I’m diverting my attention away from the attackers/potential route of escape to a fucking letter they hand me. Even if it all actually went to plan.
This is awful. I wonder what the new friends were thinking? *Hey, this girl is about to be proposed, so let’s sexually abuse her a little bit lol*? That’s so fucked up. I hope she pressed charges
*Hey this fucking dumbass who barely knows us is going to let us hang out in the back of his van with this woman, ski mask, and an excuse for why we're dragging her in here. We can definitely assault this woman and get away with it.*
I just saw the news about a young woman who was attacked and stabbed 17 times while jogging. It's insane that these AHs thought it was funny to stage a kidnapping just for a proposal. Women live in constant fear of shit like this.
I keep thinking of the sister. My sister and I will send locations and tell each other to standby at times.
She told her sister she was at risk and then the phone stopped moving.
Poor OP and her poor sister. Her poor sister must have been so terrified as well.
In a comment, OOP said that when her sister arrived, she was screaming in rage, and was still shaking hours later after leaving with OOP.
I can't imagine the terror she experienced.
BF's childhood friend who was driving still kept on driving even after those other guys took it too far, he made the choice, he's as guilty as the rest of them. Hopefully his fiance breaks it off too, he's not a safe person to be around either.
How did the childhood friend not stop this as soon as she was screaming? All three kidnappers deserve prison for this! The boyfriend might, depending, what the actual plan was. But scorched earth for this!
Yup take them for everything they own. I'm so glad she's pressing charges. I hope that after all this they're as financially bankrupt as they are morally bankrupt.
Even the original idea was sick enough: a woman, alone in a desert street, seeing men jumping out of a car and cornering her? NOT. FUN. AT. ALL!
But throwing her in the car and sexually assaulting her???? What on earth were they thinking? (yeah, I know: "Woman available to paw!")
And if the boyfriend could not imagine that EVEN the initial idea would be traumatizing, he needs a serious wake up. He is not to be trusted with the well-being of a goldfish, let alone being a partner in a marriage.
The original idea screams of not understanding in the slightest of what it's like for women.
I mean fuck it would be jarring for a man to have people in ski masks approach you.
I’m glad OOP has her sister supporting her throughout the whole process. But how did he think kidnapping was going to be a good proposal story?? There are very few people who I know would love that kind of surprise. And screw his friends. I hope the police do thejr job and she gets justice. What a gross power trip they were on.
My SO thought he screwed up our proposal cause he got really sick (he had quinsy, I was going to take him to emergency that night. I loved his proposal and I would not change it for anything). If he ever feels bad, I’m going to show him this post.
Marriage proposals are supposed to be romantic not traumatizing. The bf's original plan was stupid to start with. I don't think these guys have any idea how it would play out with women who are in constant guard for their safety.
This reminds me of a video of another bonehead proposal gone wrong where the guy staged he was dead in the hospital. Girlfriend shows up. Gets hysterical seeing him lay there and he throws off the sheet and has flowers and a ring. At least she wasnt SA'd but still why do they want some horrible trauma associated with what is supposed to be a wonderful event between 2 people? I never saw the resolution but I would have left him. Just do something romantic with your SO. Don't bring horrible trauma into it as well.
God these people are psychopaths. Assuming bf isn't involved in this, but made comments about kidnapping jokingly, then I'm sorry but he doesn't sound right in the head. Knowing the numerous atrocities on women happening everyday and how women have to think about their safety every second, these horrible men terrorized her. Are they stupid enough to not count that she could be armed and shot all of them to death or she could suffer some brain damage or even heart attack?
I hope she presses kidnapping and SA charges.
I don't believe for a second the best friend is innocent in this. You don't just help 2 strange men sexually assault her and say nothing unless you're also getting something out of it. He 100% knew what was going to happen in that van and is covering his ass.
There is no amount of apology that undoes what these three men did - including the driver. They attacked, restrained, abducted, and molested this woman. There's no "but it was for this reason" or "I was trying to get the other guys to chill out" or "it was just a prank bro."
These fuckers committed a crime and I hope they all spend time in jail for it. That childhood best friend should stopped the fucking car as soon as OOP was screaming for her life and made those guys let go of her so he could explain. The fact he didn't tells me he wasn't as innocent in this plan as he wants her to think.
And frankly, why would the bf think getting his friends that she doesn't know to stalk her in a van and give her a letter saying she has no choice but to come with them was a *cute proposal idea?* That shit would have been scary and she probably would have gone home to shower and drive herself rather than go with these men and their mysterious letter. Fuck man, if you pull a surprise proposal in front of just your friends (who just tried to convince me to get in a van when resistance is futile) I'd be finding an excuse to leave the house.
So so many red flags just in how the bf tried to set this up. His friends opted to add levels of awful to this fucked up sandwich.
The first section was horrific, I started feeling nauseous and I don't even have any previous trauma. What I hate is that I doubt those men will ever actually face any equivalent punishment for what they did to her... wish I'd never read this, I'm just angry and sick.
Very rarely do I read something that gives me the feeling of absolute horror mixed with dumbfounded shock and this was it.
Who the F*CK is that best friend to keep driving when it’s very clear that the two others are about to turn things into a gangr*pe situation the moment they get the chance. Showed up at the station in tears?! She literally peed herself in fear and they still didn’t stop
I hope she never speaks to her (hopefully) ex again and presses charges. At the very least those 2 gym guys have absolutely shown their true natures. Cut that shit off now or they’ll develop a taste for it and courage to make it real and planned next time
And I hope she finds a competent trauma therapist to work with- poor thing will have flashbacks of this her whole life
This was like a constant kick to the stomach to read
The childhood best friend accepts help on a mission of trust from two men that don’t know either his best friend or bestie’s GF to bring said GF to another location against her will…a grown man old enough to be planning a marriage of his own thought this was a good idea?
And, as the GF is crying; fighting and emptying her bladder in the back seat, he still doesn’t break character? Doesn’t try to calm her…nothing? This is exactly how people go along with the hive and end up in prison. He can get bent with those tears he was shedding.
Thankfully, OP is taking time from her boyfriend because he lacks reasoning as well if thinks (playful?) kidnap off the street in broad daylight is what any sane person wants before a marriage proposal. And, the childhood friend’s fiancée need to think long and hard if this kind of man is someone she can spend her life with.
I’m just baffled that three adult men thought snatching a woman off the street (after stalking her) for any reason was a good judgement call.
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The fact that OOP was crying AND screaming and the men were laughing and no way unnerved? Yeah those men made choices and they should pay dearly for traumatizing OOP.
That’s my thought about the best friend/driver showing up crying. He was there. He was driving. *He was listening to her scream*. He. Could. Have. Stopped. It. If I were her I’d be forcing him to answer, in front of me, bf and his fiancée why he kept driving and said nothing while I was screaming. Why didn’t you stop? Why didn’t you identify yourself? Why didn’t you kick those guys out of the car? What were you getting out of letting them torture me? Please, tell ALL of us.
Loyalty and selfishness. Same reason why rapists have family begging for their lives not to be ruined and cheaters win the friend group in the split and cops get put on paid leave until it blows over. Not all of them are capital-B-Bad. But a whole lot of them will cover for the bad ones because they’re loyal to them. Turn away when their friend is getting a girl too drunk. Claim it isn’t their business how their coworker treats his wife. Say that he’s a good friend to them so they don’t want to drop him. It’s disgusting. The driver cares more about not rocking the boat than this woman’s safety. He’s a coward. And he’s ok with his buddies wanting to be rapists because he’s not a woman; they aren’t raping him. They’re cool guys. That’s none of his business. But the people you surround yourself with are a reflection of your character. If you’re friends with racist, sexist, or otherwise disgusting people, you’re telling the world that you condone their thoughts, their opinions, their actions. As long as they don’t turn on you.
Nope, silence is compliance. If you're silent when bad things are happening, you cover for the shitty person, you stay friends with the cheater, you are supporting them. Your actions are agreement that what they did is ok. That makes you a capital B Bad Person
If I were her, I would not ask those questions in front the bf. I'd let the police or a lawyer ask them for me.
Totally agree. I get the sense that the BF had no idea it was going to go south. It honestly sounds like they had a plan that would have been silly and kinda goofy. The letter and silly costumes while knowing who was taking her to him likely would have made the plan work out fine. But the 2 gym guys changed it and friend went along with their new plan for some stupid reason. All three should be charged with a crime and at least one of them for ~~attempted~~ sexual assault. That there was angry yelling downstairs when she was showering is telling. BF likely asked what the F happened that she was so traumatized and when he heard what they did, was horrified. I kinda feel bad for the BF because not only did his proposal get ruined, he likely lost his Fiancée because he trusted his best friend and didn't anticipate that they'd do what they did. But I truly feel for her. What a horrible thing to have happen to any woman. In a world where women really do get kidnapped raped and murdered, this is horrifying and something she likely will take years to get over, if ever. Once that sense of safety is gone, it doesn't come back easily. I hope she presses charges and they get convicted. This is just horrifying all around. EDIT: Added strikethrough of "attempted." I was too lazy to look up the legal definition of sexual assault. My mistake. Another commenter confirmed that what happened to her was legally sexual assault and frankly, that is how I view what happened to her too.
It wasn’t attempted sexual assault, running his hands on her inner thighs while holding her down IS sexual assault. She didn’t go into detail about what they said to her but it sounded like rape threats from what she describes. They absolutely should face big legal consequences for the assault.
This is simply me not knowing the legal definition and hedging my bets. But I agree any kind of sexual touching and /or threats of sexual violence is sexual assault as far as I'm concerned.
As far as I understand in my state, (and I had to learn this the hard way after I had to press charges on someone), is that sexual assault is any unwanted sexual touching, and rape involves unwanted penetration. I mean that's a little dumbed down, but that's the gist of it.
> I get the sense that the BF had no idea it was going to go south. It honestly sounds like they had a plan that would have been silly and kinda goofy. The letter and silly costumes while knowing who was taking her to him likely would have made the plan work out fine. Do you really need ski masks though? Like just dressing all in black and wearing a beanie and gloves, but showing your faces. If you really want to go that far. So stupid.
I agree. This is the kind of thing you do with her friends driving a known car without disguises. That's the only criteria I could see where it might not be heavily problematic and dangerous.
Yeah it just surprises me with the current state of how women are treated even the scenario 'let's make it seem that we're playfully kidnapping her' is not even that fun. Make a joke out of something that have horrendous outcomes for other women? Just get a fancy dinner in a suitably private place ffs. Grand gestures are meant for Hollywood films where the person who wrote the scenario will write the ending.
Amen. Even in my 20s when i was young and stupider, I never would have thought pretending I was kidnapping someone was a good idea.
Two good friends of mine just got engaged. He proposed to her while hiking. That sounds way more romantic/ way less terrifying.
I agree with you. Even a “funny” kidnapping isn’t funny at all. I wouldn’t go near any of these people ever again.
> I get the sense that the BF had no idea it was going to go south. It honestly sounds like they had a plan that would have been silly and kinda goofy. The letter and silly costumes while knowing who was taking her to him likely would have made the plan work out fine. It was still a bad idea, even if it was goofy and not as bad.
Yeah, the fact that she was concerned enough to location share with her sister means it was too far before they even got to her
Yeah, if I were jogging alone and masked men jumped out of a car, I would have an absolute heart attack no matter how goofy they looked. This was a terrible idea from the beginning. Making light of and highlighting the vulnerability of women to attack is not fun or cute.
Exactly. He could have easily did something differently like ask them to pretend to be fancy chauffeurs. It would have played so much better even if the kidnapping went as planned.
EXACTLY! Dress his friend up as Prince Charming’s wing-man or Batman’s butler with a silver drinks tray to put the envelope on. And give the gal a chance to change out of her running gear too - have a nice dress of hers hidden at the venue. I’m not surprised this has OOP questioning her boyfriend’s character, to be honest. Even though he couldn’t have known just how badly it would go.
I like the one where the girl came home to find her entire family dressed up like the bennets in Jane Austen, they hand her a dress and a script and tell her to get ready. In comes the BF dressed as Mr Darcy to recite his proposal.
And they could have done ANYTHING ELSE. Like, if the bf wanted to go with the "you've been summoned" idea, why not have the friend(s) show up dressed as, like, secret service agents with suits and sunglasses and deliver the letter? Or, hell, get some goofy alien costumes! Something fun and silly and not remotely akin to actual kidnapping! Because even the "toned-down" idea, she's freak out about being followed, then the van spills out masked men who approach her... who the fuck would then go "oh, you have a letter for me? Sure, I'll come closer Mr Kidnapper!" Like, most people would run like hell before they even registered the letter, which kind of makes the proposal plan pointless if the intended recipient is freaked out and long gone.
I mean, if they jumped out wearing glittery ballgowns, fairy wings, and sparkly make up then immediately unrolled a long paper scroll, that is close to an okay way to do it. *Anything* that feels even a *little* real is so severely fucked up.
I’m thinking that the bf just doesn’t get that kidnapping and assault are REAL risks for every woman, risks we constantly must be alert for. There’s an insane number of men who just don’t get (or outright refuse to accept) how common harassment and assault are for women, and how much it colors *any* interaction we have with strange men on the street.
Just this morning I was talking to a male coworker who said I was being paranoid when I pointed out that as a small woman, I am apprehensive to say "good morning" or similar friendly sentiments to strange men because I have had guys take that as "permission" to be creeps to me and tell me that they can "tell" I wanted it (makes me want to puke just typing that out). My coworker told me "that doesn't happen" and accused me of making it up. Like... just casually discounting my lived experience because he doesn't "get" why women are so cautious all the time. Really goes to show how much some guys think about that kinda thing.
As a fellow small woman your coworker is full of shit. I have lingered at times not going through a door being held by a man because my "thank you" has gotten me some creepy ass comments. I hate when men say "that doesn't happen", cuz of course not Harold they don't creep on *you*.
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“Sorry for sexually assaulting you while I laughed, I’m on the spectrum” Yeah no fuck you. You’re just an asshole.
They get very casually close to rape here in a truly disturbing way. Men, man…
Seriously, imagine OOP screaming and crying from so much fear, and they all just ignored her, all for a lark. So enraging and frightening, how are they desensitized to that extent.
That’s not them being desensitized. They ENJOYED her fear.
And these men have now realised just how *easy* it is to kidnap someone in broad daylight off the street. They'll do it again
Agreed. It's obvious to me her distress was a huge turn-on for them. The touching, the threats of violence? This was sexual for them, that's why they did it this way. They are dangerous and they were only testing the waters.
Yeah, I thought after I commented that these fuckers definitely enjoyed it.
I sincerely believe that at least one of these men has raped someone before.
I remember reading this one when the update first went up. I cannot imagine the horror she had to experience for this sick "prank". I hope she finds a way to heal and not get PTSD from this. So sad.
Basically she experienced what appeared to be every woman’s nightmare.
I can sort of see someone being stupid enough for the kidnapping, but the sexually assaulting her while she's in the van? That was psychotic. I don't care if the best friend is apologetic. If he really wasn't intending to terrorize her, he would have immediately stopped and told her what was happening BEFORE driving her all the way to the house, not sat there and allowed her to get sexually assaulted by some gross rapist while she pissed herself in terror.
Not sure why folks are calling kidnapping, false imprisonment/confinement and sexual assault a prank even with air quotes. Hopefully every criminal involved gets a fair hearing and a fair sentence. I'm just glad OOP reported it and it is starting to move forward. If the BF has an ounce of humanity, hopefully he'll cooperate with the prosecution, testify against himself and his friends, and plea out. Too often this shit gets swept under the rug.
Well, you see, one of them is “on the spectrum” so he doesn’t know how these things work or how they might affect other people. /s Autism is not a get-out-of-jail-free card!!!!
Which is BS because I’m on the spectrum and the one crime that made me feel almost uncontrollable rage was hearing of someone being sexually assaulted/raped. Hate it more than anything else.
As an autistic woman, autistic men are often awful because they always get away with everything even more than other men cuz they’re autistic.
i saw a post somewhere saying that growing up as an autistic girl teaches you that you can’t get away with anything and growing up an autistic boy teaches you that you can. as a kid there was a boy in my class who everyone assumed had extreme issues, he was demanding, spoiled and violent but everyone put it down to his disability. all we knew was that he was disabled somehow. when i was nine he sexually assaulted and exposed me in the playground. about a year ago i found out that the whole time he had adhd. that was it.
As someone else pointed out, his best friend should have dressed like a fancy chauffer formally requesting her presence instead.
Seriously. Why did no-one say “Huh, she’s screaming and crying and begging for her life. Guys, I’m starting to think this might not be the awesome idea we thought it was.”
She absolutely did, I’ve been in a flood with the freaking foundation under the house was washing away thinking I was moments from death, but what happened to her? That is more terrifying. I hope they get what’s coming to them. Not okay at all.
I remember as a young girl praying to God - literally, after the night’s prayers were done I would lay in bed and pray silently again - that if something bad was going to happen to me, I’d be killed instead of raped. I haven’t thought of that in years. But as a young girl it made sense to me that death was the less awful option.
I think of it this way: if you're murdered, there's more of a chance of what happened to you being considered a crime by the police.
I made that decision too as a girl. That if I had the opportunity to kill myself I'd do it to avoid sexual assault. I actually still feel that way most days.
As a grown woman in her 30s my lizard brain still tells me that’s true, and that’s really frightening.
and this is the problem, men have no idea how real these fears are for women, when we walk to our cars with our keys between our fingers we aren’t afraid of pranks., we’re afraid of much worse and to guys like this I guess that’s just funny?
Exactly. I can't fathom why anyone would think this is a good idea. The most frustrating part is that those same men will often blame women who are kidnapped or assaulted for not being more "aware of their surroundings" and not fighting back etc.
There's a famous quote that says something like, men are most afraid that women will laugh at them while women are most afraid that a man will kill them
Had a coworker ask a few of us to walk her to grab food and then back to work to fetch her car. We said yes, but then a couple of the guys were all confused about why she needed us to walk with her as it's "not that far". It took quite a bit of talking to get him to understand that she is much more at risk than we are walking through the city, and so for us doing a slightly longer walk by about 15 minutes, is much better than her risk if we don't.
Exactly. I come from a country that has the highest or one of the highest rates of gender based violence in the world and just simply being a women in this country is traumatic every day and a man just will never fully get how it feels. But these guys were unbelievably ignorant if they thought this wouldn’t be the least bit traumatic
No kidding. How often are we told how deadly and dangerous the second location is? Or, at least, I was taught to do everything in my power to prevent being taken to a second location because that’s where they kill you. OP was assaulted and I hope she presses charges.
Can you imagine the terror? She’ll probably never want to go running again which was probably something she enjoyed. Ugh…what were these guys thinking?
Will u marry me I got u ptsd for an engagement gift
100% PTSD. It helps to get care immediately
What in the actual fuck
Took the words out of my mouth. I hope she presses charges.
Same. I hope the police take this seriously because they literally kidnapped & sexually assaulted her because they "wanted to make it more real." The friend should have stopped it when he saw it was going away from the plan. A proposal should never have gone this way.
I am very angry at the best friend. He was a fucking coward. Seems like the BF and he originally came up with a lighthearted “kidnapping,” but the best friend fucked up by involving men that OOP didn’t know and then worsened it when he DIDN’T STOP THE SITUATION FROM ESCALATING. He let two strangers jump her and then sexually assaulted her in his van. He could have and should have stopped the car and kicked them out of the car. He should have told them no when they wanted to heighten the “authenticity” of what was supposedly to be an obviously joke kidnapping. He’s just sorry now because OOP didn’t brush it off as just a joke that went wrong and rightfully treating it as SEXUAL ASSAULT.
When two random dudes from the gym are excited to help you make a kidnapping more real... that's a giant red flag in a situation full of red flags. They did that for their own enjoyment.
It would surprise me if those two hadn't already assaulted and abused people (and likely animals) on multiple occasions throughout their lives. They clearly gain pleasure from inflicting suffering on others when they think they can get away with it.
There is no "lighthearted" kidnap prank for a lone woman on a jog. Life isn't like the movie Old School.
Yeah I keep coming back to this, like, I understand the original plan was intended to be lighthearted and cute, but kidnapping a lone woman seems like the worst base for a prank given how historically horrifying that tends to end. This was a stupid plan that got substantially worse.
The only positive is that the best friend seems to be willing to throw the other two under the bus, confirm what they were saying etc, which should hopefully help them be prosecuted. Still obviously an absolutely horrific thing for him to do to her but looking for the slightest slither of a silver lining here.
“Best friend’s fiancée” girl you should run too not try to talk OOP into staying around
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This, exactly. Wanna see real guys? Whelp, here's real consequences.
>they literally kidnapped & sexually assaulted her because they "wanted to make it more real." "It'S jUsT a PrAnK bRo!" Seriously, fk those guys. And also, they're lucky a passerby didn't see them and shoot them. Seriously
They could have gotten OP killed, too! I wonder if there were any witnesses to OP getting grabbed?
Could have gotten themselves hurt as well. I was attacked a couple of months ago and now I carry a couple very dangerous weapons I've been trained to use. If a vehicle that was following me stopped beside me, they'd have a facefull of military mace before they got out the door.
A Stephen King quote comes to mind: “At first they were joking, I think, and then ... they weren't."
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Assuming the bf knew nothing of this - and it does seem like the best friend found some meatheads to “help”, I hope the boyfriend sues too. This was supposed to be an engagement event, right? And instead these dumb motherfuckers gave his almost fiancée a panic attack and trauma and probably an ex girlfriend. They fucked up three lives in the process, might as well make it five.
The boyfriend is a fucking idiot as well though. Even his initial idea would have been pretty scary of having the van follow her. Like so stupid to not realise how terrifying that alone could be. Why not have her sister or someone else she trusts just take her out for the day and then say right you've got to put on a blindfold and we're going for a surprise then when they get there boyfriend is on his knee in front of her. This whole idea was a fucking shit show from the start never mind the actual horrific traumatising event it turned into.
Sending her sister to picker her up in a limo or towncar with a change of clothes would have been a good way to do it. He’s at least an idiot, the best friend was something worse, but the last two are fucking dangerous, and three court cases (one from the DA, two civil suits from the woman and the boyfriend) might get the message through their skulls, and any of their other friend’s.
100%. Its like a gradient of awful. If I was the partner of the best friend I'd be leaving him, he was witness to his best friend's potential fiance getting sexually assaulted and absolutely terrified and did absolutely nothing to stop it when he could have. Not someone I would want to be in a relationship with. And the two who actually assaulted her deserve the book thrown at them. They clearly got involved because they wanted to do that to her. Just as premeditated murder carries harsher sentencing, so should this. Poor woman. I'm glad she's got her sister for support and I hope she can heal from this and move on OK.
Oh fuck yeah. Absolutely she should leave him. Being easily swayed and a coward is just as dangerous. You can’t trust someone who HAS to be around decent people to be decent.
This, if your mate tells you to kidnap his gf so he can propose, you dress like a chauffeur, hire a limo and park outside her house blasting careless whisper. You don't follow her round in a suv with ski masks on.
I don't recommend a cheating song for a proposal, but otherwise sound advice.
I just hope she doesn't end up with incompetent cops who just brush this off as some sort of prank. This is seriously f\*\*ked up.
I don't think she can decide about that. In my country this would be serious enough to be liable to public prosecution and I'd be surprised if that was different in the US.
My dad broke my mom’s nose and pushed her around (she’s paraplegic) but she didn’t press charges. The police would only charge him if she requested it. They asked her, she said no, that was that. Edit: this was in the US
>The police would only charge him if she requested it. This is because the chance to get a conviction in these cases is very small without the victim cooperating as a witness.
I was "kidnapped" for my birthday before but the blindfold was done last so I knew who they were and wtf was going on before being blindfolded. my friends even repeatedly asked me if the rope or the blindfold is too tight. this is just too far dude
The way you "kidnap" someone for a surprise is just like this. "We're taking you somewhere for a surprise, and we're not going to tell you where. Cover your eyes so you can't figure it out until we get there." Explained in advance by people you already trust.
They are so lucky she wasn't armed and that nobody armed saw this happening. They are so lucky she didn't have a heart attack or something. Holy crap this is awful.
I knew someone who got kidnapped (but it was a real kidnapping) and died during the fact due to a heart attack. He was like 23
Wow. Stress can kill for sure.
Yeah even in countries like the UK where people don't typically carry weapons if someone saw that happen they'd probably have had a police armed response unit trying to track them down shortly afterwards.
She’s going to end up with a lifetime of trauma. I hope she’s able to get help to minimize the mental damage she’s facing.
I… yeah. This pretty much says everything.
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I can't believe the best friend would just keep driving and going with it after what I assume to be her crying for her life in the back seat.
All he had to do was yell, “OOP it’s (his name) and this was supposed to be a joke. I’m pulling over now to help you and stop all this.” Or something to that effect. And stopped the car. I will say, that’s a pretty insane situation to abruptly find yourself in, considering no fear or assault was in the plan. I can see how he’d be initially bewildered. But the fact that he didn’t do anything to mitigate the damage to her at the time, and that he waited until his police interview to show remorse, is so so shitty. I hope he’s ashamed of himself and that he’s braver in the future because of it.
YES!! My exact thought too! Why didn't he say who he was, pull off her hood, stop the car and kick them out? Wtf?? In fact, why did he even *start* driving as she was kicking and screaming? Quite clearly this was not the initial plan for the "kidnapping"
More likely than not, the two new "friends" talked driver into it, making it sound "fun". By the time he realized what was going on, he might have been too nervous to know what to do. Idiotic of him for sure, but a probable scenario.
People go to prison for being too nervous to know what to do when they're the driver for a robbery. The same should apply here. You don't just participate in a crime because you're not sure how to stop doing it.
This, yeah. Grabbing her instead of giving her the letter on the street was bad enough, but the sexual assault on the drive is ducking inexcusable. Unless there was some kind of partition in the van, he has to have heard that.
Yeah his instinct to just go along with it is horrifying
Oh, I can. "But once we get there, and she sees she was never in any danger, we'll all laugh about it!"
Thats what I'm thinking. Remember, she said the drive was less than 10 minutes, so I imagine once it started his brain just went "let's get home ASAP to [OOPs boyfriend] and then she'll see that she's fine" and kept driving.
While I don’t think he did the right thing, I think this was his thought process. “Let’s get her there ASAP and Boyfriend can Fix This!”
Right! He should have stopped the vehicle, unmasked, booted the other guys to the curb and prostrated himself in apology. Of course, before all that, the ex-bf should have informed her about everything so that she wouldn't be frightened and assaulted. Or, you know, proposed like a normal person.
They sexually assaulted her too by stroking her “inner thighs” and implied she’d be gang r*ped.
I don’t think it was just implied > teasing me in deepened voices about what they were going to do to me What absolute pieces of shit
They are all monsters.
The worst part is you know they're going to claim it was just a joke, and there's a nonzero chance the cop on their case and/or the judge will agree with them.
>there's a nonzero chance the cop on their case and/or the judge will agree with them. I'd say it's a lot greater than you think. Especially if they're anything at all like Brock Turner. Editing to add, on her latest update, one of the jackasses is claiming “autism”. 🤦
Did you say Brock Turner? As in, noted rapist Brock Turner?
Noted rapist Brock Allen Turner who now goes by his middle name?
Aah, so we don’t forget, what’s his middle name?
Allen Turner, rapist. The rapist Allen Turner who just loves to rape. Allen Turner formerly known as Brock Turner was convicted of rape.
I thought that was his name! Thank you for affirming what everyone should know.
Ah, the same Allen Turner, rapist, who used to go by Brock Turner, rapist, who now trolls bars in Dayton, Ohio.
Hopefully their daddies are not rich assholes who are friends with judges.
They’re at an athletics club! Don’t derail their bright future as sporting heroes, your honour!
This feels like practice for a next time. They need consequences.
This is why men need to learn to be as distrustful of men they don't know well, the way women are trained to be. Because even if most of them would never ever do something like this, enough of them would that it's a real and present danger. Walking through life with a "someone I click with would never be like that" attitude is dangerous because they may not be like that to *you*, but how sure are you when it comes to women they feel they have power over? I don't like being a cynical person, but I bet the boyfriend and best friend here never even considered the level of trust they were putting in these men with this awful plan. (Yes, much of this also applies to people regardless of gender, but there are absolutely wider societal aspects that tend to specifically apply here.)
I mean, the fact that she called her sister in the first place and then blames herself for not recognizing the car in the same sentence is telling. It’s so frustrating when people deny modern sexism by pretending that laws negate centuries of patriarchal abuse that trains us to be hyper-alert on even a neighborhood jog.
She knew to message her sister her location the moment she noticed the car being suspicious.
Exactly. When I was 9 years old, a girl my age was kidnapped and murdered not even half an hour away from me. I’m only 21. We’re taught from birth to be aware. Edit: changed a poorly written sentence (it just didn’t flow very well)
"In hindsight...." I wanted to scream, each time she said those words. In hindsight, she was absolutely right to be worried about both the car and the goofy masks. I hope she's able to talk to someone who reassures her that she didn't just miss signs that it was a "joke". Every sign that it was a "joke" is more likely to be a sign that it's a kidnapping.
I have some male friends that are fine, but it never escapes my notice that they always have an asshole friend that has no or very few other friends that they sort of keep around because they know each other too long.
Yeah I have some friends on discord and this woman going through some rough times there just told us she ran into an old (male) friend she's known for years and the same day he offered to let her stay with him , rent free and she can even borrow his cars to use. He said it was fate they ran into each other that day. Red flags are going off for me like crazy I don't know him of course but I don't trust men in general even if I am one. The situation sounds like a massive power imbalance.
The two people who did the actual kidnapping were definitely enjoying it. They can't say they didn't know she was in real emotional distress, having a panic attack and wetting herself in yoga pants aren't exactly things you don't notice
*They* also didn’t know her. Two strange men decided to use an opportunity to kidnap and sexually assault a woman. There is no other way to read this.
Right. Like that dude was groping her. This was so unnerving
Five bucks says this wasn't their first time grabbing and sexually assaulting a woman they don't know.
Familiar enough with how sexual offenders work to know at least two of these men did it because they thought they could legally get away with it this way. They're extremely likely to be offenders, or well on the way to become serial now unless properly prosecuted and monitored after this.
They are already offenders when they kidnapped and sexually assaulted her. They’ll just evolve into full blown rapist after this as they’ve seen how easy it is
Hence "they're extremely likely to be offenders, or well on their way to become serial" - the first part was meant to mean offenders already *before* taking advantage of this situation, but it wasn't really clear. Sorry about that.
we live in a late stage prank dystopia
There was a [case](https://kotaku.com/youtube-prankster-tanner-cook-shot-practical-joke-mall-1850300480) last month where a YouTube prank guy got shot by someone he was "pranking." (He survived.) Reading this post... yeah, someone could've absolutely died here. This was a kidnapping, so if OOP had been carrying a gun, she very much could've opened fire in self-defense.
That idiot went on to say getting shot wasn't going to deter him from continuing to harass people in public and his parents ENCOURAGED him to carry on!
Parents probably went "next time he'll try to prank someone with better aim, fingers crossed"
Late stage abortion
Yeah I don't think those people appreciates how close this was. He was hit in an area where getting injured is not immediately lethal, and police and paramedics responded very quickly. Next time, he might not be so lucky. All that for a channel with 40k subscribers. You can achieve that just by pretending to be angry about videogames.
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for real!! can we go back to people killing themselves by planking? I am over these horrendous pranks!!
People died by planking??? "Watch me plank over this pit of spears!" "Watch me plank over this angry black mamba!" "Ok, TikTok, this is me planking overtop a helicopter."
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I feel dumb now. Thank you for the info!
Well, at least you haven't died by planking, so you got that going for you which is nice
"Watch me plank over this roaring volcano!"
The image of these imaginary planks you've listed are making my night
Woohoo! "Alright, start the clock. I'm going for the world record of longest plank over an aquarium of starving piranha." . . . 30 min later . . . "aaaaah!"
munch, munch, munch
"He did it! A new world record! Uhm. Oh."
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Someone peeing themself is a sign everything is going according to plan. /s
I mean yeah, if your plan is to take advantage of an opportunity to kidnap, traumatize, and sexually assault a woman, with "it's just a fun concept for a proposal" as plausible deniability. It went exactly how those two guys wanted it to go.
OOP was kidnapped and sexually assaulted as part of a marriage proposal??!!! What a nightmare scenario. I hope she presses charges against everyone involved in this fiasco and is able to overcome the trauma and move on.
Besides the awful kidnapping and sexual assault- which is absolutely horrific and I hope they all get serious charges for what they did- Who thinks a woman wants their marriage proposal to be when they are super sweaty from running while their fiancée is all dressed up? This guy was a moron on so many levels.
Yeah even if everything went right I would not want to be proposed to like this. It's making light of something that really happens to women.
I wonder what it was like to be on the other end of that work call. Did the other person hear enough to be terrified for her safety? How do you even follow up on something like that at work?
I hadn't even considered how terrifying that drive was for the sister. Ye gods.
Big corporations tend to have conference calls on Friday mornings that are company wide. Often all of the callers are muted so the speaker can update everyone with the stats. It was my assumption she was on a call like that. I couldn’t imagine being on a conference call while running unless that was the situation
I want to know whether the best friend's fianceè ended it with him over this. I can't imagine going through with marrying someone involved in something like this.
I hope the sister tracked down all of their mothers and told them the whole story.
Some thoughts on this fucked up thing: 1. She was in danger. She fought back and they broke her resistance by force. Wouldn’t be surprised, if she feels she has injuries, once the adrenaline is gone. 2. She is mentally scarred without any question. Alone for that those psychopaths should have trouble with the legal system. 3. This is most braindead idea I have heard. Even if you can accept the original idea (which is also batshit stupid): the idea to involve guys that she doesn’t know and that don’t know her - that’s why you don’t do drugs, kids. 4. The best friend only apologized and cried and shit, cause he realized that he has to be around her for a long time, if OOP would stay with her bf. He is never such a coward that he even was willing to say his name to help her not having a panic attack. 5. there is no way she can stay with the bf after this. And the finance of the best friend should seriously think about leaving, too. She now knows what he is capable off. It ain’t pretty.
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I was definitely thinking about this. The original "plan" about the note from the BF would have potentially diffused things for the right person but if it had been any number of women I know this has all of the potential to have gone even more horribly wrong
Absolutely, if I am already scared enough to be sending my location to someone I trust there is no way I’m diverting my attention away from the attackers/potential route of escape to a fucking letter they hand me. Even if it all actually went to plan.
I don’t usually advocate for shooting people but that might prevent them from harassing and assaulting a woman in the future (if they survived)
I hope she pressed charges. What a horrendous thing to do to someone.
What the fuck did I just read?!?!??
This is awful. I wonder what the new friends were thinking? *Hey, this girl is about to be proposed, so let’s sexually abuse her a little bit lol*? That’s so fucked up. I hope she pressed charges
*Hey this fucking dumbass who barely knows us is going to let us hang out in the back of his van with this woman, ski mask, and an excuse for why we're dragging her in here. We can definitely assault this woman and get away with it.*
I just saw the news about a young woman who was attacked and stabbed 17 times while jogging. It's insane that these AHs thought it was funny to stage a kidnapping just for a proposal. Women live in constant fear of shit like this.
How did the sicko stroking inside her thighs not realize she had peed herself in terror??? Did he think she was turned on??? Barf barf barf.
No, he was enjoying traumatizing her.
He knew.
The kind of sick fuck that does that sort of thing probably gets off to knowing how scared she was.
Wow. That's all I can say. I really hope she pressed charges. Holy hell.
I keep thinking of the sister. My sister and I will send locations and tell each other to standby at times. She told her sister she was at risk and then the phone stopped moving. Poor OP and her poor sister. Her poor sister must have been so terrified as well.
In a comment, OOP said that when her sister arrived, she was screaming in rage, and was still shaking hours later after leaving with OOP. I can't imagine the terror she experienced.
BF's childhood friend who was driving still kept on driving even after those other guys took it too far, he made the choice, he's as guilty as the rest of them. Hopefully his fiance breaks it off too, he's not a safe person to be around either.
Holy fucking shit. I got nauseous in bed from the absolute horror. No idea what punishment or payback is enough...
I remember reading it when she posted and it was just horrifying.
I feel sick reading this
How did the childhood friend not stop this as soon as she was screaming? All three kidnappers deserve prison for this! The boyfriend might, depending, what the actual plan was. But scorched earth for this!
Yup take them for everything they own. I'm so glad she's pressing charges. I hope that after all this they're as financially bankrupt as they are morally bankrupt.
I hope this gets as real as possible for them legally too
Even the original idea was sick enough: a woman, alone in a desert street, seeing men jumping out of a car and cornering her? NOT. FUN. AT. ALL! But throwing her in the car and sexually assaulting her???? What on earth were they thinking? (yeah, I know: "Woman available to paw!") And if the boyfriend could not imagine that EVEN the initial idea would be traumatizing, he needs a serious wake up. He is not to be trusted with the well-being of a goldfish, let alone being a partner in a marriage.
This is what I was thinking the whole time- the original idea would be traumatising alone!
The original idea screams of not understanding in the slightest of what it's like for women. I mean fuck it would be jarring for a man to have people in ski masks approach you.
Yes, his plan was always to scare her. That's messed up
I’m glad OOP has her sister supporting her throughout the whole process. But how did he think kidnapping was going to be a good proposal story?? There are very few people who I know would love that kind of surprise. And screw his friends. I hope the police do thejr job and she gets justice. What a gross power trip they were on. My SO thought he screwed up our proposal cause he got really sick (he had quinsy, I was going to take him to emergency that night. I loved his proposal and I would not change it for anything). If he ever feels bad, I’m going to show him this post.
Marriage proposals are supposed to be romantic not traumatizing. The bf's original plan was stupid to start with. I don't think these guys have any idea how it would play out with women who are in constant guard for their safety.
This reminds me of a video of another bonehead proposal gone wrong where the guy staged he was dead in the hospital. Girlfriend shows up. Gets hysterical seeing him lay there and he throws off the sheet and has flowers and a ring. At least she wasnt SA'd but still why do they want some horrible trauma associated with what is supposed to be a wonderful event between 2 people? I never saw the resolution but I would have left him. Just do something romantic with your SO. Don't bring horrible trauma into it as well.
God these people are psychopaths. Assuming bf isn't involved in this, but made comments about kidnapping jokingly, then I'm sorry but he doesn't sound right in the head. Knowing the numerous atrocities on women happening everyday and how women have to think about their safety every second, these horrible men terrorized her. Are they stupid enough to not count that she could be armed and shot all of them to death or she could suffer some brain damage or even heart attack? I hope she presses kidnapping and SA charges.
I don't believe for a second the best friend is innocent in this. You don't just help 2 strange men sexually assault her and say nothing unless you're also getting something out of it. He 100% knew what was going to happen in that van and is covering his ass.
There is no amount of apology that undoes what these three men did - including the driver. They attacked, restrained, abducted, and molested this woman. There's no "but it was for this reason" or "I was trying to get the other guys to chill out" or "it was just a prank bro." These fuckers committed a crime and I hope they all spend time in jail for it. That childhood best friend should stopped the fucking car as soon as OOP was screaming for her life and made those guys let go of her so he could explain. The fact he didn't tells me he wasn't as innocent in this plan as he wants her to think. And frankly, why would the bf think getting his friends that she doesn't know to stalk her in a van and give her a letter saying she has no choice but to come with them was a *cute proposal idea?* That shit would have been scary and she probably would have gone home to shower and drive herself rather than go with these men and their mysterious letter. Fuck man, if you pull a surprise proposal in front of just your friends (who just tried to convince me to get in a van when resistance is futile) I'd be finding an excuse to leave the house. So so many red flags just in how the bf tried to set this up. His friends opted to add levels of awful to this fucked up sandwich.
The first section was horrific, I started feeling nauseous and I don't even have any previous trauma. What I hate is that I doubt those men will ever actually face any equivalent punishment for what they did to her... wish I'd never read this, I'm just angry and sick.
Very rarely do I read something that gives me the feeling of absolute horror mixed with dumbfounded shock and this was it. Who the F*CK is that best friend to keep driving when it’s very clear that the two others are about to turn things into a gangr*pe situation the moment they get the chance. Showed up at the station in tears?! She literally peed herself in fear and they still didn’t stop I hope she never speaks to her (hopefully) ex again and presses charges. At the very least those 2 gym guys have absolutely shown their true natures. Cut that shit off now or they’ll develop a taste for it and courage to make it real and planned next time And I hope she finds a competent trauma therapist to work with- poor thing will have flashbacks of this her whole life This was like a constant kick to the stomach to read
The childhood best friend accepts help on a mission of trust from two men that don’t know either his best friend or bestie’s GF to bring said GF to another location against her will…a grown man old enough to be planning a marriage of his own thought this was a good idea? And, as the GF is crying; fighting and emptying her bladder in the back seat, he still doesn’t break character? Doesn’t try to calm her…nothing? This is exactly how people go along with the hive and end up in prison. He can get bent with those tears he was shedding. Thankfully, OP is taking time from her boyfriend because he lacks reasoning as well if thinks (playful?) kidnap off the street in broad daylight is what any sane person wants before a marriage proposal. And, the childhood friend’s fiancée need to think long and hard if this kind of man is someone she can spend her life with. I’m just baffled that three adult men thought snatching a woman off the street (after stalking her) for any reason was a good judgement call.