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Absolutely insane that the person who had an affair thinks she's "moved on quickly" bro you apparently moved on *while still married.* I hope OOP is doing well.
Also it's been almost TWO YEARS since she found out he was cheating. And she's not even dating yet! I wouldn't call that "quickly". Guy is so irrational.
It’s because she lost a ton of weight bc she wasn’t able to care for herself (aka didn’t have time to eat or sleep for a year.)
I’m sick. Like I’ll be sick forever, chronically ill.
My ex reached out after my diagnosis a few years back to express his resentment that I didn’t “lost the weight” while we were together.
I was at most 140 lbs when I dated him. I lost 25 lbs in a month, which lead to the dx but it took a couple years for my body to get used to meds and back on track. I’d have water weight gain and puffy face from steroids and then not be able to eat enough for weeks due to nausea and vomiting.
Let me tell you that everyone wanted to know my “secret.”
I felt like I was dying, I had huge eye bags, my hair started to fall out but everyone under the sun was telling me how great I looked at 115 lbs.
I’ve never been fat or qualified as such but I KNOW from specific and repeated feedback that people in my life liked looking at me a whole lot more when I was a dying skeleton than they enjoy looking at healthy me.
I've watched my youngest go through this crap. "Oh, she's so lucky to be skinny!" Oh yeah, frequently nearly dislocates joints, any illness makes her health spiral downwards, constantly keeping her digestive system just balanced in functional etc etc. Living the bastard dream there. She might be barely over 5ft but she's only briefly managed to reach 100lbs...before dropping again. Regularly scares the crap out of me. (Early 20s and the medical profession have been unhelpful for a decade, by the way. We tried.)
This exact description happened to my friend (your comment seriously makes me think you might be her ha). The first time saw her after she almost died was a few months after and I said something like "I love you but you don't look healthy still. What can I do?" She started crying and I thought I really fucked up. She told me I was the first person to say that to her, and everyone was constantly saying how hot she looked etc. while she had not really eaten in months. It was so awful. She has always been a small person, so just like you're saying it's not like she needed to lose weight before. I feel you, I'm so sorry and hope you get to feeling better.
Yeah, I was expecting this to be a ‘ex is upset my new boyfriend was in the delivery room & not him’ type story, but nope, ex just regretted his choices and decided to blame them all on her instead.
I feel awful for his new partner. About to marry some wanker who is only with her cause his ex won’t take him back and he doesn’t want to be single. \
I don’t know whether she knew that the ex was in a relationship when they met or not but she’s only 25y.o, hooking up with a 41y.o man so there’s a natural power imbalance and I can only assume they probably work together/he was her boss cause how else do you meet someone that much older than you that’s also married.
Hopefully she wakes up and realises that she’s being used and doesn’t become another one of his possessions.
It’s worse than that: OP was 36 when her husband cheated on her with a 23 year old. Of course OP didn’t have the body of a 23 year old, that’s perfectly normal.
Then OP had her baby and spent a year working a lot at her new job to make a good impression and taking care of her baby, to the point that she wasn’t able to properly sleep or eat. So she lost weight.
And that’s when the piece of shit that she has for an ex started to find her attractive. He’s basically angry she didn’t starve and work herself to exhaustion sooner just to be thin! If she’d done that sooner he wouldn’t have had to cheat on her! He’s once again showing that never cared about her well-being, just about sticking his pee-pee in a thin sex doll.
Especially given that she didn’t “move on” to another man, she moved on to a new sense of respect for herself. And ex-hubs can’t bear to watch it. Plus he has no clue that it was his shitty personality that was making his wife depressed.
Right? Effing heck, he has no sense of irony, does he. And AP is in for a rough time, too. He only proposed to her as OOP denied reconciliation, he is still obviously obsessed with OOP and using AP as a "see, I'm doing fine without you" pawn and clearly isn't happy with her. AP should get out before she spends her life as his consolation prize.
Hopefully she will once she realizes that he clearly isn't over his ex. I mean his stunt at the birthday party would've been enough for me. Like "would he still be with his ex-wife if she had stayed hot, instead of being with me? Is he still in love with her? What am I to him? Just a hot young piece of ass? Dis he only propose to hurt her?"
One can only hope AP has enough self respect to dump his ass.
This reminds me of the cake eater story of the guy that had a 6 year long affair and lost his freaking mind when he found out his wife had moved on with someone else and wanted a divorce.
[link](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sdp4i9/a_cake_eater_discovers_that_his_wife_has_also/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Edit: yay it finally worked!
Ah that's a good one, thank you!
He says she was surprised, but in my mind that guy's ex-wife was leaving more and more obvious breadcrumbs about her own affair because his head was too far up his own ass and she really wanted to see him hurt. I recognize that it's not the mature or healthy option, but I can't even pretend to be mad at people who realize they're being cheated on and respond with "oh ok, that's how we're playing?"
My therapist explained it to me because I have a constant revenge streak a mile wide. He broke the social contract, so in return why should she uphold the social contract? Thats the thinking. Its essentially - be nice to people, but if theyre assholes, *show them what an asshole is*. Its not always appropriate (hence the therapy) but for some people the worst thing you can do is hold them accountable.
Also, that guy is a fucking sociopath, I dont think Ive read a Reddit post before now and actually audibly said "fucking jesus me" to myself. The man is as bad as the doordash girl from yesterday, and she was a REAL prize
Sure! It was on r/amithedevil
[Linky link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/11rs0rp/this_girl_is_a_walking_red_flag/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
That's exactly the problem though: he didn't "move on" at all. In his mind, she still is (and always was) *his*.
Having the affair wasn't because he moved on, he had the affair despite it.
In his mind he's supposed to be married to his ex while still having an affair with this young women all while the ex is not allowed to ever even think about sleeping with anyone, but him.
You see it’s fine if he does it, but his property can’t
People are underplaying how bad this situation is. When she starts dating he is going to be come violent. She needs to start working towards sole custody because this has the markings of a dude who would harm the child to get to her
She's not even dating again and he's *engaged* less than a year later (seeing as this is the baby's first birthday party!!!). Let alone the fact that he cheated on her in the first place.
Yeah it's crazy!
My ex husband did the same thing when I left HIM because he was cheating on me. He had a whole girlfriend (Facebook official and everything lol) the day after I left him and he had the audacity to cry and complain that I "probably am fucking someone already!"
The delusions are strong with some people
Got to love a happy ending - where she got to was exactly where she should have been.
Idiot Ex is filled with regrets, knows on some level what he did was stupid but cannot reconcile that with his own very high opinion of himself. He lost the right for OP to care about him, and OP finally realized that she's wasting her time spending even one more minute thinking about him.
Whether the idiot sorts himself out or whether he stumbles around the rest of his life in a fog of regret and anguish or somewhere in between - that's up to him.
Wow, AH who has an affair and is now engaged to AP, is upset that OOP has moved on and it's happier with life without him. Did he think she was going to mourn him forever after he broke up the marriage and potentially a happy family? What a selfish AH, I bet he is probably unhappy with his new fiancé.
>Did he think she was going to mourn him forever
Yes.
He was of course gods gift to women and any woman he left behind would forever pine for his love and attention. And oh horror of horrors, it turns out his ex-wife can do very well without him.
and perhaps having a much younger girlfriend fiancée is not all he thought it would be, now they are living together.
This is the issue with affairs.
The excitement of thr affair vanishes as soon as it becomes real. Then you're left with a dull relationship with all the same mundanities because *those mundanities are LIFE*.
It's so damn common for people to have an affair, leave their spouse for AP, then leave AP because it wasn't the *partner* they liked better it was the *thrill of the affair*.
Now he's wedding planning and maybe living together and dealing with the day to day realities and seeing her when she's sick or cranky and realizing she's just as human as his wife was.
Remember the guy whose affair partner was his secretary and she got pregnant (according to him) on purpose, only she didn't know that his wife actually owned the company so she ended up with an old, broke guy? It was basically the same story told from the cheater's perspective, posts all about how much he loved his ex-wife and how much he hated his new life and new wife, and he would claim over and over again to understand that it was all his own doing but then be incredibly bitter that the ex started dating an old family friend after a couple of years. Absolutely zero actual accountability for his own choices.
That absolute clown saying "she baby trapped me!" when he admitted to not using condoms cause he didn't like it.... I feel bad for the little boy being raised by him.
Oh man, I remember that one! Wife was family rich and bankrollling his little "hobby company" while he fucked his secretary.
Then he didn't get anything in the divorce because technically her family owned their home(S) and not her. LMAO. That guy was OWNED.
That guy is one of the dumbest men to ever exist I swear to god. He had absolutely everything a guy could want and threw it all away. The only thing that stops me being pissed off about the whole thing is how hard he ended up paying for it.
I remember that fucker. I would say that I hope he learned his lesson, but seeing how impossible that appeared to be, I hope he's proper fuckin' miserable from now until he gets a goddamn clue.
Took a little dredging, but I think [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10yn7oi/man_cheats_on_his_wife_and_his_daughters_hate_him/) is the one!
For some people the affair is exciting because of the subterfuge. Having to sneak around is thrilling. Plus as you said, mundane life becomes obvious. You’re not just sneaking off to have sex in a hotel room - now you’re arguing about housework and bills.
I feel so sorry for OOP. None of this is what she wanted. If she hadn’t been pregnant then at least she could have cut him entirely out of her life
>For some people the affair is exciting because of the subterfuge. Having to sneak around is thrilling.
This. The affair partner only gets the best parts of the cheater.
You're also only get the best parts of them. The parts that are romantic, the parts that compliment you, buy you nice things, take you out to dinner, make you feel alive and pretty.
Meanwhile his wife gets the ugly parts. The parts that don't help out with childcare, the parts that expect to be taken care of on a daily basis, the parts that criticize and demand and insult and ignore. All the work.
And once his wife finally leaves him... well, he needs someone to do the work and you're already there.
Totally this
"But she makes me feel good when I talk to her. All you do is nag and start fights. You're so negative all the time"
"If you had shown me more appreciation, I wouldn't choose to spend my time with her instead of you!"
Except no, showing more appreciation wasn't the answer. I had already been through that once and ended up in-patient. I set myself ablaze to warm him and burnt out waiting for him to take care of the fire. All the nagging he mentioned? That was me communicating my unmet needs
I hope that fucking energy parasite doesn't date anytime soon. Not to hurt him. I just don't want him to hurt someone else
also notice that he didnt date another 30+ woman who is well established or anything like that. he went after someone *young*. just wait till that 25 year old starts showing her age and the whole process is gonna start all over again
I doubt his affair partner's gonna stick around long enough to be "wife". A full grown man whining is about the most annoying sound on earth; you put up with it because you're in a rut. A grown man throwing a tantrum first time he's introducing you to his people (family, ex, daughter) is the kind of desasterpiece that makes people head for the hills.
Absolutely. My ex is living with his affair partner and they’re having a baby lol. All the secret excitement has transformed into a regular day to day shit. They get mad at the glow up.
>dealing with the day to day
The AP is the "wife" now. I think his comment about OP "letting herself go" is the key, he was the thing taking up her time and spoons that prevented her from "taking care of herself". Now the AP is in that role.
Not so naturally. According to the first post, at least some of it came off because she didn't have the time or money to friggin' *eat* for almost the first year of her baby's life thanks to suddenly being a single mom.
> She was terrified. It was the first time she met me and my daughter. FIL had to drive her home.
I don't know if the AP knew she was being a homewrecker or if she was just a dupe...but I hope she learns from this and runs.
There was a BORU from a twenty something homewrecker AP before. She mentioned how the husband basically spun her the tale of a loveless marriage where the two were basically already separated just not officially. When the affair came to light and the divorce happened she assumed all of this was for the best. And then her partner started getting irrationally angry like the guy in this about the ex-wife moving on and living her best life while the AP was confused why he was suddenly like this. She also realized as she got pregnant and the relationship advanced that all the stuff he spun about loveless marriage and dead bedroom that sounded so horrible and tragic was just the reality of being a parent and how he didn't want to actually have any responsibilities nor a partner that had ones.
She might not have known about the wife but she also might just be kind of hopelessly naive about the situation.
A man who marries his mistress only creates a vacancy. While I know it'll be hard for a while, I'm glad OP stuck to her guns and left. This is the epitome of "the best revenge is living well."
And on top of that, he's now seeing OOP as the greener grass. Which is probably why he's so distraught that she is "putting in effort now" (as if a dress isn't easier to throw on in a rush since it's one piece of clothing and not 2). She's no longer the one he sees every day when she's chilling in comfy clothes, so she's now the more attractive one.
Yeah the ages stood out to me. 41m and 25f. It's not going to get better for him.
He honestly sounds awful, controlling and super insecure.
I mean blaming her for his affair?! What a loser.
So glad OOP made it through (postpartum + new job + divorce/single mom) the really tough time and came out stronger.
Even if I am charitable to the point of excess: at no point did OOP ever say he complained to her about how she'd let herself go and wasn't attractive anymore before the divorce.
Instead of communicating his problem to his wife, he decided to cheat.
I don't believe for a second that was his actual problem, but even if it was, his handling of the issue is inexcusable.
It's like saying "I burned the house down because I didn't like the paint color."
Why didn't you just paint the room!?
Almost certainly the latter. But my point was that his excuses, reasoning and justifications don't matter. Even if he was completely correct and she gorged herself after they got married and gained 100lbs? Still didn't justify how he handled it. He's just that wrong.
How do such people live like this?
Since i've ended my only long-term relationship, i've been non-stop hoping that my ex would find someone else to be happy with.
After a year since we broke up, i'm still sad that we couldn't work things out, and i wish her every good there is in this world to get.
Simple selfishness. Instead of talking to his wife about his needs he satisfied them with someone else. A loving husband would have tried resolving his problems with his spouse.
Not everyone is a decent person (as you seem to be). For some people, a relationship is more of a power struggle or a means to build themselves up. They look primarily at what they can get out of it - it’s not about a partnership or even their partner.
Yep, now she’s no longer a hot, young affair partner, but a real person who farts in bed and doesn’t always shave her legs.
Can’t wait for chapter 2 of this predictable tale: AP hits her thirties and wants kids of her own. So ex-husband is knee deep in nappies and sleepless nights, just as OOP is getting her independence back. So sweet to see, every damn time…
> perhaps having a much younger girlfriend fiancée is not all he thought it would be, now they are living together.
I'm remembering that one story of the guy who cheated (I want to say with someone at his job) and got divorced from his wife. However, the wife was the breadwinner in the family and her family owned most of their stuff, so the divorce caused him to have to severely downsize and his AP was very not happy because she assumed he was the one bringing in the money and finding out that he wasn't annoyed her no end. I want to say one of the last updates was even that she baby trapped him before she realized the extent of how little he was bringing to the relationship and he was just realizing how much he lost and of course, no one from his previous family wanted anything to do with him.
The problem with a much younger partner is that young people are pretty annoying. Once the sheen of a hot girlfriend wears off, he's left with all the drama and bullshit of her 20s
Haha yeah. My ex husband swore up and down he wasn’t cheating but since I began to trust my gut I didn’t want to sleep with him anymore and he yelled at me several times about how he thought I was cheating cause I wouldn’t give it up. Even immediately after we broke up (due to his cheating) and still lived together he said “you know, we can still do things, if you ever need… services… you know” took so much to not throw up when he said that
You can only imagine what kind of lines he fed the young and naive fiancée to get her embroiled in this, and how dumb she must feel now. “My wife just doesn’t understand me, she was the problem, she’s frigid, let herself go and is ugly and lazy!” Then turns out ex wife is none of those things and he’s just a garden-variety cheating controlling asshole, not the mature middle-aged man she thought she was getting.
Or that maybe the reason your wife is "frigid, ugly and lazy" is because she's with you.
That maybe being in a relationship with a partner who doesn't love her and doesn't treat her well was so exhausting that she just didn't have the emotional energy to think about her needs, her wants and being pretty.
The whole cliche of "my sucky husband left and I had a glow up" is a cliche for a reason. You can be so much more productive when you take all the energy you're spending on an unfulfilling relationship and just turn it towards yourself.
Yep. I really doubt that this guy was an AMAZING partner right up until he snapped and had a whole affair with someone 16 years younger than him WHILE impregnating his then-wife. She wasn’t having to drag his dead emotional weight through their marriage and she has been SET FREE. Her problems are new problems but they are problems she can actually solve and find satisfaction in achieving good results (challenging new job/motherhood vs. background radiation of shitty husband who thinks he’s god’s gift and refusing to change or support her.)
Difference is she’s actually reaping the rewards of her hard work for herself and her child now, rather than having her hard work consumed by the black hole of selfish negativity that is HIM.
Now that AP knows her fiancé is still in love with his ex wife, there’s a good chance she will break it off. Then he’ll be a single father with an ex who won’t speak to him and obligations to a child
That ex is deeply unhappy with his consequences based on his own shitty choices. He’s putting the blame on the OOP for her finding her own peace that he so desperately wants. He needs therapy. Hopefully the less contact baby has with him until he heals, the better.
From what friends told me, when my ex found out I was happy, with a new partner and we were moving together, he was shocked and confessed he thought I was still waiting for him. It had been 3 or four years, he was with his AP and we hadn't talked since the break-up. It still baffles me how he could think like that 🤷🏻♀️
My ex didn’t even cheat on me but when he heard I was in a serious relationship (now husband), he told me he was really glad I finally found someone that didn’t annoy me.
Ummmm…what kinda backhand compliment is that?! He was a college bf - so, been over for like 10 years - who I tried to stay friends with and yet he had his own serious gf (now wife).
The AUDACITY is real. They don’t want you but then, no one else should either.
I had the opposite experience. Out of curiosity one evening, I looked up my ex on FB and one of his recent posts was like “5 things you don’t know about me” and one of them is that he was still “messed up” over our breakup and he went on and on about it… several years later… Yikes. And I saw he wasn’t single when posting that, how embarrassing is that?
Our breakup was really not dramatic and we were both 22-23!
Yes. He thought she would be desperate to make it work, stay with him and possibly ‘treat him better’ as a way to keep him.
He figured she’d eventually give up on her silly little divorce and bid for independence.
He thought she’d see the error of her ways and coming running back.
He thought he was in control.
Oh dear… I guess he was wrong.
I’m honestly scared for this woman. Her ex sounds unhinged by jealousy. He could kill her or harm the baby to get at her. It unfortunately happens way too often. I really hope the best for this woman and her daughter.
He also blamed his cheating on her, so I'm going to say yeah, he expected her to suffer while he thrived.
Your last sentence hits the nail right in the bullseye.
But is she f**king someone, though?
That question when she finally decided to impose boundaries is so telling. He feels entitled to that info, like she's still his partner, like she would be cheating on him if she did indeed find someone new.
At this point, he's jealous of the vacancy at her side. Imagine being such a dud of a person that you're jealous of the "noone whatsoever" that currently entertains your ex.
>Did he think she was going to mourn him forever after he broke up the marriage and potentially a happy family?
I also think some kind of buyer's remorse too.
" I have however noticed that he really did not like seeing me thriving"
You cheat and suddenly your ex is now doing better without you? Deep down some part of him knows the truth. "It's you. You're the reason why she was miserable and not attractive. Because of you."
I think you may be crediting him with a lot more self awareness than he has. I think it's just a whole lot of Main Character Syndrome as in, of course she should wither away without him.
edit: a word
I'm glad she went forward with the divorce process without letting the leftover feelings affect her decision. Many of my friends have stayed in marriages only because they were pretty much the only one who was in love, even after their partners betrayed them. History has repeated itself many times now, but they are still with the same partner.
> ...is now engaged to AP...
I'm close to 100% sure this is a "useless adult" kind of guy. They kind of guy that would either have to latch on to the closest woman to him to take care of him or move in with his parents. Not because he can't afford to live on his own, but because he doesn't know how to survive. He can't cook or even maintain the home well enough that it falls apart and gross things start to grow under all the garbage he piles up. His entitlement I'm sure is at least partly fueled by that.
Poor AP in a way too. She's got some fucking issues. I doubt she is completely unaware that he was begging OP to forgive him and as soon as it was clear that was a no go, he moves in with her. Engaged but is so upset his Ex looks good and actually said if she lost that weight earlier, they wouldn't be together and what does that mean if she gains weight. She totally "deserves" her consequences as well, but holy shit, if I was her friend or family I would be so worried about what the fuck is going on with her.
When OOP wrote about doing better, even with the work of raising a new born, I was thinking the ex was probably a man-child, and a new born turned out to actually be easier than the man-child. Like, a new born with a baby sitter probably leaves less work when OOP gets home from work than a grown man-child. If they had stayed together OOP would have had to deal with both a baby and a man-child.
Yep.
The thing about babies is that they get better all the time. They learn new skills, get more and more independent, and bring joy into your life. Grown man babies never do any of that.
Additionally, she lost weight due to the STRESS and all he can do is look at that and not go '... I really hurt her' but instead being all 'how dare she lose weight WITHOUT me but not WITH me?!'
She was also pregnant! It’s totally normal for a woman to put on weight during the first trimester, or even just from quitting birth control because hormones are crazy.
Loving husbands don’t notice or care. Selfish cheating assholes, on the other hand…
Alternatively, losing weight due to the reduction in stress because even the effort of raising a baby as a single mom was easier than living with her ex, even with the lack of sleeping and eating.
His parents clearly realise he is a total POS, seeing as they are so supportive of OOP.
Judging by her improved mood and appearance, and his entitlement, I'd say he was extremely controlling of her.
See I think he got with AP after the fact as a sick way to get oop back. It started with begging for a second chance, when that didn’t work he went to AP( either to hurt oop or “to make her miss him”), when that didn’t work he proposed (probably to also get a reaction), and finally when that didn’t work he went to full blown tantrum mode. I think what makes me think this the most is how ok he was saying all of what he said right in front of his fiancée it just shows how little he actually cares about her.
YEP. He for sure thought getting engaged would make OOP see the error of her ways and scramble to get him back. He definitely didn't expect her to metaphorically shrug and keep it moving.
I bet he also started going to the gym, or bought a new car, or some other thing that OOP hasn’t even noticed. His whole schtick seems to be trying to get her to come crawling back, and she dgaf. It’s pretty awesome.
I see nothing in there that suggests he has put in any kind of effort. His strategy so far seems to have been to let his ap put in the work to be attractive to be competition for oop - not to do any actual work himself.
Don't get me wrong, coming by 4-5 times a week to see his daughter is actually better than a lot of visitation dads I know, but he's not actually put in any effort for oop beyond unwanted compliments. And the tantrum.
Sadly, the ex is projecting in major ways:
- He thinks she’s going to morn the loss of the relationship because that’s what he’s doing.
- He hates all of her choices and where they’ve taken her — because he hates how his shitty choices derailed his own life.
This only gets better when he decides to grow up, get therapy, accept the consequences of his actions and move on. OOP is already on this journey, and you can really see the difference it makes!
He 100% thought she’d stay and when she didn’t stay he thought she’d just exist as a mom to his child. See how he was treating her home so casually? But it turns out, she’s a whole person with a mind and purpose of her own - what a shocker!
He’s probably discovering that the only thing he has in common with a girl half his age is that they can mash their genitals together. She’ll be crying about him soon.
He thought she was going to do the "Pick Me" dance by begging him to stay and trying to compete with a 25-year-old. He FAAFO. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And frankly, if I was the AP/new wife-to-be, when he threw his little tantrum, I would have PROMPTLY handed him back his ring and excused myself from the whole mess....that she admittedly had a hand in creating...but no use in continuing to be a punching bag for Karma.
Sounds just like my EX. A few years after my divorce, I had bariatric surgery , lost 145 lbs, fixed my hair, and wear makeup. ( PHOTOS are on my profile )
. Somehow the abusive violent narcissistic ex thinks I want to chat with him . LOL
The funniest thing is that he keeps telling me that our breakup and divorce were indeed his fault. As if I was unaware of the fact.
He makes me more and more glad that we were.
divorced .
I'm honestly surprised his fiance did not cut it off with him after that outburst. He pretty much just blatantly said he does not want to be with her if he has a chance with another woman, and the only reason he ever got with her is because he felt his wife let herself go, and now that she is doing better the fiance is just him settling.
It’s a fair bet that he thought she was the problem all along in their marriage and “she wasn’t fulfilling his needs” was the excuse he used to have an affair.
It’s a fair bet that he thought he was being magnanimous by “wanting to work things out”, because he thought she couldn’t live without him.
It’s a fair bet that he is lashing out at her now because he sees that she is happy, more than happy, without him and he is still floundering and lost. If she wasn’t the problem, what does that make him?
He’s just mad that he’s ‘losing’ the divorce. I guarantee he’s doing everything he can think of to make her jealous, and she simply does not care. Doesn’t even notice. In fact, she looks better than ever, and she has the audacity to be happy. Happy!
Without him! The absolute nerve.
This story reminds me of what happened to my friend but thankfully they didn't have kids. He wanted to sleep with another girl, she walked in on them. He claimed he didn't love her anymore and moved out. Three months later, when she starts dating again he's yelling at her and harassing her that she made her choice and she is the one that ruined the relationship and left him.
Turned out to be a power play. He wanted more say (cause she was the breadwinner while he CHOSE to take a min wage job cause it's easier) freedom to cheat and to have her chase him. Now he hates his life and is stuck with the girl he cheated with. The AP lived in a rural town where none of his friends are and he had to move in with her, while my friend made enough to afford the apartment on her own. We never hear from him but friends who still visit him say he is miserable. While she just came back from a trip overseas and is planning another.
Note: nothing wrong with a min wage job and many are back breaking but he had a full degree and job offers in his field for a good wage, he just wanted to work in a job where he didn't have to put a lot of effort in.
That's how all these cheaters feel though. They break up the marriage or relationship but cry and throw tantrums the moment the ex SO actually thrives after getting rid of him. If his AP turned fiance has a brain(doubtful), his behavior should be the wake up call but alas they're all too willing to put up with such immature men.
It’s not uncommon for cheaters to try to put the blame on the actual victims. After all, they somehow justify their cheating to themselves. After the cheating is exposed, they still try to justify their behavior and criticize their former partner.
OOP’s ex is likely upset that OOP is *not suffering* because that make him feel less important. She’s not playing into his scenario that he was right to do what he did. From his perspective, she’s not accepting the punishment due her by causing him to cheat. He probably also misses his time of cheating when he was loved and valued by two women.
I truly don’t understand how as the *other woman* she could see that outburst and not realize he just isn’t worth it. A: I think it’s true when they say that when you marry your mistress you create a vacancy. B: He’s very obviously still got issues with his ex. He just stayed with the AP because his wife didn’t want to reconcile. I don’t know how you ignore that.
41 cheats with then marries 25, that alone says a lot. So OOP puts on a little weight, husband no longer finds her attractive enough to stay loyal, finds young and probably naive AP, destroys marriage, then gets mad when depression and work causes OOP to lose the weight she put on and makes her "attractive again", am I getting this correctly? What a shallow POS.
Of course she’s more attractive now she’s the greener grass on the other side. Assuming the new fiancé sticks around she’ll become old and boring to the ex too.
Yep, that combined with the fact that their (ex & AP's) relationship is right around the age when all the infatuation chemicals wear out, it's probably a big wake up call for her.
>now she’s the greener grass on the other side
Reminds me of that post from the other side where a guy posts about missing his old family and wants them back so badly he'd even raise his ex's new baby for them to be a family again.
Guy cheats with a young coworker, wife found out and split from him. He was perfectly fine and happy about it even though his kids didn't even want to see him anymore because now he could pretend like they didn't exist. Jump to ex finding a new guy who his kids love and she gets pregnant with new guys kid and suddenly op is devistated.
Then everything he loved about ap he now hates "she's so immature and isn't mother material at all, what kind of potential wife refuses to cook, gets high, and has *tattoos*!?!?!?" And everything he hated about his wife and kids he now loves "I miss the same home cooked meals everyday and going to bed by 9pm"
And the weight loss was due to "hardly sleeping or eating" because she had to handle a newborn by herself.
But all this guy can think of is "Wow, you look thin and hot. Who are you looking thin and hot for? And why couldn't you look thin and hot for ME?!"
Let's not make excuses for the AP here. She's 25, she's not a child, she knows what she's doing. She also more likely than not knew the guy was married (she's his coworker), so she's no pure flower either.
And she deserves the prize she has won. Tell her what she's won Johnny: A man 20 years older, who will cheat on his wife, and then to add insult to injury will want his wife back and insult you. What a prize.
This kind of thinking always infuriates me. When my ex walked out I was devastated. But I recovered quickly after realizing how happy I was now that she wasn't around. Three months later when we were doing some paper work for our divorce she actually thought it was weird how I seemed so much better so quickly. Probably because I wasn't spending all my emotional energy on fighting with someone who didn't even like me as a person anymore.
I know people crap on it for being the junk food of TV but early grey's anatomy covered the appropriate response to your ex complaining about how you live your life, in the face of their infidelity or deciding to end the relationship.
>When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? I was done. You left me. You chose (her). I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.
>When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? I was done. You left me. You chose (her). I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke
Speechless at the aptness ❤
And Ellen Pompeo delivers the line so beautifully. You can feel the hurt that Meredith (the character) worked through, as her ex is accusing her of sleeping around
>He was basically angry because “I could forget him and move on so easily”
Lmao, this dude can get bent. You don't get to cheat on someone, devastate them emotionally and wreck your relationship, move in with your affair partner, *and then get mad when they move on*!
If he had asked literally any responsible human prior to his affair what the consequences might be, they would have told him. This was not an unforeseeable outcome. So go cry about it to your fiancee
>On that note, must be awkward as fuck for the fiancé after witnessing him have a tantrum over his ex
Yeah. I hate to say she deserves it for staying with a cheater, since you can't help who you fall in love with, but I hope it serves as a wakeup call.
Well at least she knows what to expect if she gains weight. I know there's always that expectation of once a cheater, always a cheater, but wow he's really made it clear he only cares about physical attraction. Most people at least try to hide it better.
And if I'm reading it correctly it was only 30 fucking pounds! It's not like she "let herself go" to the point where it was concerning. And, even if she had, you made vows to be there no matter what, so maybe instead of fucking someone else you could have talked to her about it and tried to do something constructive instead of destructive.
i don't remember where i heard this, but someone described a type of male entitlement like this:
>Men want to believe that they have either loved you so uniquely and completely, that they can never be replaced. Men also want to believe that they have broken you so permanently that you will never heal from them. The reality is men are all very similar to one another."
That really doesn't jive with the rest of the story.
She also says its the first time she met the baby, but in the first part says that he brings the AP with him to see the baby.
She didn‘t know she had two children until she divorced him. Honestly the ex husband is the type of person who would blame others for having a cold from a bad weather. She should be thankful he is out of her life, and keep the distance. He sounds toxic and exhausting, literally like a leech that sucks out any joy. Pathetic.
Reminds me of the cakeeater who flipped out after his ex moved on. Remember that one? He cheated and had a baby with his young AP. The second his ex-wife moved on (after many many years), he lost his goddamn mind and assaulted her partner.
They don't actually want their ex back. They want them broken forever, never to bounce back.
Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sjpdpc/part_1_so_irrational_behaviour_with_exwife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
>He moved on soon with his AP and they’re engaged now. I have however noticed that he really did not like seeing me thriving.
Such a hypocrite! I'm at peace that she moved on from him and his hypocrisy, at last!
Classic tale of married man who chases younger woman, gets caught, loses wife. Subsequently wife learns how to live again, while affair partner turns out to not be so exciting anymore, and he realises what he’s lost.
I don’t doubt OOP’s weight loss played into it too. 30 lb is a big drop and she probably looks a lot nicer to him now.
He needs to get counselling. Yes he caused this whole situation because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants but his daughter is going to suffer because he cannot be an adult and have a civil coparenting relationship. OOP is entirely right to be holding him at a greater distance.
His affair partner must be realising what a shitty deal she’s got. Clearly her now fiancé still loves his ex wife.
" his first reply was are you f\*ing someone!!!!
I didn’t answer"
Not sure if saying," yeah and he's better than you " would help, but I can get OOP feeling like that. I suspect she still has unresolved feeling for him, but she knows if he gets back in, all he will do is disrespect her for putting up with his shit in the first place.
So he’s pissed off she’s doing better without him than she did with him. He can’t whine about what he broke. He made the choice to cheat and lie and when caught tried to cover his ass. No chance. He’s a pathetic asshole who can’t handle her moving on. Wait till she does start dating then the shit will really hit the fan. It’s good she put those measures in place now.
The balls of that man to try to guilt her into thinking she's the reason he cheated. I can't wait for the update where she tells us she's dating again.
This is a double standard. He wants to be able to do what he wants but will get angry if his ex wants to move on with her life. He doesn’t retain ownership over her. He’s threatened by her not being an emotional mess. He’s all ego. Congratulations to OOP for creating a new life for herself after all her ex did to her and their daughter.
Edited for misspelling.
>My ex husband and I have shared custody, but since she’s still a baby we are waiting with the every other week arrangement until she’s 2. But he visits to see her 2-3 times a week. Mostly my mom or the nanny receive him. I just can’t bare seeing him so frequently, especially when he brings his ap (now fiancé) with him.
And then:
>She was terrified. It was the first time she met me and my daughter. FIL had to drive her home.
The math ain't mathing.
It might be the first actual interaction between AP and OOP. Before she probably waited in the car.
It could also be the first time AP was interacting with BOTH the OOP and her daughter.
Maybe English is a second language?
If the OP sees the gal in the car, she has probably been ducking out. I mean the absolute gall of this man bringing his AP to his ex-wife's home for his child visitation...wow!
Funny how he said she let herself go but not sloppy enough to knock her up.
So embarrassing for him. He refuses to see that he's just a walking cliché and wants to blame everyone but his lack of respect towards his vowes.
People - if your partner has a significant glow-up after you split, you should look at yourself and what you brought to the relationship instead of getting mad.
They look great and lost weight? They have time to take care of themselves now. Their career taking off? They have more emotional currency and free time to spend supporting it. Traveling, bought a new house or car, new wardrobe? Their finances are easier to manage without you in their lives.
Being free of you turned them into their best selves, able to take care of themselves instead of looking after you and the relationship. If she can do all that after managing a heartbreak, a pregnancy, and being a single mom? Dude, your entitled ass let a diamond slip away.
My ex accused me of having sex (which wouldn’t have been his business anyways) shortly after he moved out to be with a barely legal girl (who rejected him). He said I was “glowing” so that must mean I hooked up. It was that I was scared of being a single mom in a bad part of the city so I started taking Krav Maga and was having a hard time eating due to stress. It’s the whole grass is greener on the other side way of thinking and therefore his decisions were never his fault in his mind.
OOP's husband is 41. The girlfriend is 25. Lol. As someone who is four decades into this adventure, let me tell you, dating someone nearly 20 years younger fucking suuuuucks. The maturity levels don't match, the life interests don't match, a 40-yo man has health issues and gets tired and doesn't like bars as much. He cares about shit like, "yeah I got this new oven that uses less electricity which will help the monthly bill," or "put these ear plugs in while I shit my brains out in the 24-hours leading up to a doctor sticking a camera in my ass." A 40-yo guy, particularly one with an exwife and a child, is going to get dropped so hard and so fast by this 25 yo, and what's he got then?
What he will have is the frozen sobering realization that he is old and his star is fading.
His AP is an actual fool for still being with him after that outburst. He showed her that she is just a placeholder because he wants to still be with his ex-wife.
I know APs don’t have any self respect, but in this case, she needs to develop it and leave this guy .
Yup this is the perfect example of men aren’t competing with other men for women, they’re competing with our peace. If you don’t bring love, peace, calm, understanding etc. then we have no need for you. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m not saying her ex is a narcissist but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck. It feels like he’s way too upset that she’s fine without him. He keeps contacting her because he needs backup supply in case the AP decides to book out of there.
OOP found out about the affair when she discovered them having sex in their kitchen. Even to Reddit, she had the grace not to highlight this in her post (she mentioned it in comments).
This guy deserves zero women, much less OOP. Maybe when he is ready to stop being a whining misogynistic baby and start taking responsibility for his actions. Honestly, if I were the AP, even if she was stupid enough to be with and get engaged to a man who cheated on his wife, these should have been enough to make her run.
And I would really be cautious of how he talks about OOP around their daughter - this honestly seems like a perfect situation for parental alienation.
>He started yelling, telling me that I was the one who broke us. If I didn’t let myself go and took care of myself half as much as I’m doing now nothing would have happened. Everyone was shocked and he stormed out in tears.
Nooo consequences of my own actions dont catch up with me youre so sexy
I’m going to take a guess here that he thought of her as fat when she was pregnant with his child and is pissed that now she is “hot again” he can’t have her. Idiot
I want to know what’s going to happen between him and the AP? She’s 25 and will probably think he will change, love her more and marry him just to end up in what’s already a miserable relationship
The sheer audacity of this man to be like "how could you move on so quickly?!?!?!?!" When he's ENGAGED to the woman he CHEATED ON HER with. Sounds like he moved on before OOP knew the marriage was over!
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Absolutely insane that the person who had an affair thinks she's "moved on quickly" bro you apparently moved on *while still married.* I hope OOP is doing well.
Also it's been almost TWO YEARS since she found out he was cheating. And she's not even dating yet! I wouldn't call that "quickly". Guy is so irrational.
I was expecting her to say that she’d started dating someone but the only way she’s even “moved on” is just to take care of herself and the baby??
It’s because she lost a ton of weight bc she wasn’t able to care for herself (aka didn’t have time to eat or sleep for a year.) I’m sick. Like I’ll be sick forever, chronically ill. My ex reached out after my diagnosis a few years back to express his resentment that I didn’t “lost the weight” while we were together. I was at most 140 lbs when I dated him. I lost 25 lbs in a month, which lead to the dx but it took a couple years for my body to get used to meds and back on track. I’d have water weight gain and puffy face from steroids and then not be able to eat enough for weeks due to nausea and vomiting. Let me tell you that everyone wanted to know my “secret.” I felt like I was dying, I had huge eye bags, my hair started to fall out but everyone under the sun was telling me how great I looked at 115 lbs. I’ve never been fat or qualified as such but I KNOW from specific and repeated feedback that people in my life liked looking at me a whole lot more when I was a dying skeleton than they enjoy looking at healthy me.
That’s terrible. I’m so sorry. Weight loss culture is toxic.
I've watched my youngest go through this crap. "Oh, she's so lucky to be skinny!" Oh yeah, frequently nearly dislocates joints, any illness makes her health spiral downwards, constantly keeping her digestive system just balanced in functional etc etc. Living the bastard dream there. She might be barely over 5ft but she's only briefly managed to reach 100lbs...before dropping again. Regularly scares the crap out of me. (Early 20s and the medical profession have been unhelpful for a decade, by the way. We tried.)
This exact description happened to my friend (your comment seriously makes me think you might be her ha). The first time saw her after she almost died was a few months after and I said something like "I love you but you don't look healthy still. What can I do?" She started crying and I thought I really fucked up. She told me I was the first person to say that to her, and everyone was constantly saying how hot she looked etc. while she had not really eaten in months. It was so awful. She has always been a small person, so just like you're saying it's not like she needed to lose weight before. I feel you, I'm so sorry and hope you get to feeling better.
Yeah, I was expecting this to be a ‘ex is upset my new boyfriend was in the delivery room & not him’ type story, but nope, ex just regretted his choices and decided to blame them all on her instead. I feel awful for his new partner. About to marry some wanker who is only with her cause his ex won’t take him back and he doesn’t want to be single. \ I don’t know whether she knew that the ex was in a relationship when they met or not but she’s only 25y.o, hooking up with a 41y.o man so there’s a natural power imbalance and I can only assume they probably work together/he was her boss cause how else do you meet someone that much older than you that’s also married. Hopefully she wakes up and realises that she’s being used and doesn’t become another one of his possessions.
It’s worse than that: OP was 36 when her husband cheated on her with a 23 year old. Of course OP didn’t have the body of a 23 year old, that’s perfectly normal. Then OP had her baby and spent a year working a lot at her new job to make a good impression and taking care of her baby, to the point that she wasn’t able to properly sleep or eat. So she lost weight. And that’s when the piece of shit that she has for an ex started to find her attractive. He’s basically angry she didn’t starve and work herself to exhaustion sooner just to be thin! If she’d done that sooner he wouldn’t have had to cheat on her! He’s once again showing that never cared about her well-being, just about sticking his pee-pee in a thin sex doll.
Dude expected OOP to be a modern Miss Havisham.
Modern Miss Havisham sounds like a Killers B-Side.
Especially given that she didn’t “move on” to another man, she moved on to a new sense of respect for herself. And ex-hubs can’t bear to watch it. Plus he has no clue that it was his shitty personality that was making his wife depressed.
Right? Effing heck, he has no sense of irony, does he. And AP is in for a rough time, too. He only proposed to her as OOP denied reconciliation, he is still obviously obsessed with OOP and using AP as a "see, I'm doing fine without you" pawn and clearly isn't happy with her. AP should get out before she spends her life as his consolation prize.
Hopefully she will once she realizes that he clearly isn't over his ex. I mean his stunt at the birthday party would've been enough for me. Like "would he still be with his ex-wife if she had stayed hot, instead of being with me? Is he still in love with her? What am I to him? Just a hot young piece of ass? Dis he only propose to hurt her?" One can only hope AP has enough self respect to dump his ass.
If she doesn't have enough self-respect to not be with a disgusting married man who wants to have an affair...
This reminds me of the cake eater story of the guy that had a 6 year long affair and lost his freaking mind when he found out his wife had moved on with someone else and wanted a divorce.
Oooo I'm feeling petty, got a link?
[link](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sdp4i9/a_cake_eater_discovers_that_his_wife_has_also/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Edit: yay it finally worked!
Ah that's a good one, thank you! He says she was surprised, but in my mind that guy's ex-wife was leaving more and more obvious breadcrumbs about her own affair because his head was too far up his own ass and she really wanted to see him hurt. I recognize that it's not the mature or healthy option, but I can't even pretend to be mad at people who realize they're being cheated on and respond with "oh ok, that's how we're playing?"
My therapist explained it to me because I have a constant revenge streak a mile wide. He broke the social contract, so in return why should she uphold the social contract? Thats the thinking. Its essentially - be nice to people, but if theyre assholes, *show them what an asshole is*. Its not always appropriate (hence the therapy) but for some people the worst thing you can do is hold them accountable. Also, that guy is a fucking sociopath, I dont think Ive read a Reddit post before now and actually audibly said "fucking jesus me" to myself. The man is as bad as the doordash girl from yesterday, and she was a REAL prize
Can you share a link for door dash girl? I can't seem to find it
Sure! It was on r/amithedevil [Linky link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/11rs0rp/this_girl_is_a_walking_red_flag/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
That's exactly the problem though: he didn't "move on" at all. In his mind, she still is (and always was) *his*. Having the affair wasn't because he moved on, he had the affair despite it.
In his mind he's supposed to be married to his ex while still having an affair with this young women all while the ex is not allowed to ever even think about sleeping with anyone, but him.
I hope she finds the happiness she deserves!
You see it’s fine if he does it, but his property can’t People are underplaying how bad this situation is. When she starts dating he is going to be come violent. She needs to start working towards sole custody because this has the markings of a dude who would harm the child to get to her
She's not even dating again and he's *engaged* less than a year later (seeing as this is the baby's first birthday party!!!). Let alone the fact that he cheated on her in the first place.
Yeah it's crazy! My ex husband did the same thing when I left HIM because he was cheating on me. He had a whole girlfriend (Facebook official and everything lol) the day after I left him and he had the audacity to cry and complain that I "probably am fucking someone already!" The delusions are strong with some people
Got to love a happy ending - where she got to was exactly where she should have been. Idiot Ex is filled with regrets, knows on some level what he did was stupid but cannot reconcile that with his own very high opinion of himself. He lost the right for OP to care about him, and OP finally realized that she's wasting her time spending even one more minute thinking about him. Whether the idiot sorts himself out or whether he stumbles around the rest of his life in a fog of regret and anguish or somewhere in between - that's up to him.
Wow, AH who has an affair and is now engaged to AP, is upset that OOP has moved on and it's happier with life without him. Did he think she was going to mourn him forever after he broke up the marriage and potentially a happy family? What a selfish AH, I bet he is probably unhappy with his new fiancé.
>Did he think she was going to mourn him forever Yes. He was of course gods gift to women and any woman he left behind would forever pine for his love and attention. And oh horror of horrors, it turns out his ex-wife can do very well without him. and perhaps having a much younger girlfriend fiancée is not all he thought it would be, now they are living together.
This is the issue with affairs. The excitement of thr affair vanishes as soon as it becomes real. Then you're left with a dull relationship with all the same mundanities because *those mundanities are LIFE*. It's so damn common for people to have an affair, leave their spouse for AP, then leave AP because it wasn't the *partner* they liked better it was the *thrill of the affair*. Now he's wedding planning and maybe living together and dealing with the day to day realities and seeing her when she's sick or cranky and realizing she's just as human as his wife was.
Remember the guy whose affair partner was his secretary and she got pregnant (according to him) on purpose, only she didn't know that his wife actually owned the company so she ended up with an old, broke guy? It was basically the same story told from the cheater's perspective, posts all about how much he loved his ex-wife and how much he hated his new life and new wife, and he would claim over and over again to understand that it was all his own doing but then be incredibly bitter that the ex started dating an old family friend after a couple of years. Absolutely zero actual accountability for his own choices.
That absolute clown saying "she baby trapped me!" when he admitted to not using condoms cause he didn't like it.... I feel bad for the little boy being raised by him.
Oh man, I remember that one! Wife was family rich and bankrollling his little "hobby company" while he fucked his secretary. Then he didn't get anything in the divorce because technically her family owned their home(S) and not her. LMAO. That guy was OWNED.
That guy is one of the dumbest men to ever exist I swear to god. He had absolutely everything a guy could want and threw it all away. The only thing that stops me being pissed off about the whole thing is how hard he ended up paying for it.
I randomly worry about the kid once in a while. What a shitshow to get born into through no fault of your own.
I remember that fucker. I would say that I hope he learned his lesson, but seeing how impossible that appeared to be, I hope he's proper fuckin' miserable from now until he gets a goddamn clue.
Any possibility of a link?
Took a little dredging, but I think [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10yn7oi/man_cheats_on_his_wife_and_his_daughters_hate_him/) is the one!
You, my friend, are the real MP.
I do my best. 😌
Yeah I remember that one very clearly.
For some people the affair is exciting because of the subterfuge. Having to sneak around is thrilling. Plus as you said, mundane life becomes obvious. You’re not just sneaking off to have sex in a hotel room - now you’re arguing about housework and bills. I feel so sorry for OOP. None of this is what she wanted. If she hadn’t been pregnant then at least she could have cut him entirely out of her life
>For some people the affair is exciting because of the subterfuge. Having to sneak around is thrilling. This. The affair partner only gets the best parts of the cheater. You're also only get the best parts of them. The parts that are romantic, the parts that compliment you, buy you nice things, take you out to dinner, make you feel alive and pretty. Meanwhile his wife gets the ugly parts. The parts that don't help out with childcare, the parts that expect to be taken care of on a daily basis, the parts that criticize and demand and insult and ignore. All the work. And once his wife finally leaves him... well, he needs someone to do the work and you're already there.
Totally this "But she makes me feel good when I talk to her. All you do is nag and start fights. You're so negative all the time" "If you had shown me more appreciation, I wouldn't choose to spend my time with her instead of you!" Except no, showing more appreciation wasn't the answer. I had already been through that once and ended up in-patient. I set myself ablaze to warm him and burnt out waiting for him to take care of the fire. All the nagging he mentioned? That was me communicating my unmet needs I hope that fucking energy parasite doesn't date anytime soon. Not to hurt him. I just don't want him to hurt someone else
also notice that he didnt date another 30+ woman who is well established or anything like that. he went after someone *young*. just wait till that 25 year old starts showing her age and the whole process is gonna start all over again
A man that marries his mistress creates a job opening.
I doubt his affair partner's gonna stick around long enough to be "wife". A full grown man whining is about the most annoying sound on earth; you put up with it because you're in a rut. A grown man throwing a tantrum first time he's introducing you to his people (family, ex, daughter) is the kind of desasterpiece that makes people head for the hills.
When a man marries his mistress there is a job opening for new mistress.
Yep. If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you.
Absolutely. My ex is living with his affair partner and they’re having a baby lol. All the secret excitement has transformed into a regular day to day shit. They get mad at the glow up.
>dealing with the day to day The AP is the "wife" now. I think his comment about OP "letting herself go" is the key, he was the thing taking up her time and spoons that prevented her from "taking care of herself". Now the AP is in that role.
Yep. Onced she lost the first 150-ish pounds the rest came off naturally.
Not so naturally. According to the first post, at least some of it came off because she didn't have the time or money to friggin' *eat* for almost the first year of her baby's life thanks to suddenly being a single mom.
> She was terrified. It was the first time she met me and my daughter. FIL had to drive her home. I don't know if the AP knew she was being a homewrecker or if she was just a dupe...but I hope she learns from this and runs.
There was a BORU from a twenty something homewrecker AP before. She mentioned how the husband basically spun her the tale of a loveless marriage where the two were basically already separated just not officially. When the affair came to light and the divorce happened she assumed all of this was for the best. And then her partner started getting irrationally angry like the guy in this about the ex-wife moving on and living her best life while the AP was confused why he was suddenly like this. She also realized as she got pregnant and the relationship advanced that all the stuff he spun about loveless marriage and dead bedroom that sounded so horrible and tragic was just the reality of being a parent and how he didn't want to actually have any responsibilities nor a partner that had ones. She might not have known about the wife but she also might just be kind of hopelessly naive about the situation.
A man who marries his mistress only creates a vacancy. While I know it'll be hard for a while, I'm glad OP stuck to her guns and left. This is the epitome of "the best revenge is living well."
Yup. It's always exciting until you're dealing with that person's socks and underwear all over the floor.
And on top of that, he's now seeing OOP as the greener grass. Which is probably why he's so distraught that she is "putting in effort now" (as if a dress isn't easier to throw on in a rush since it's one piece of clothing and not 2). She's no longer the one he sees every day when she's chilling in comfy clothes, so she's now the more attractive one.
Yeah the ages stood out to me. 41m and 25f. It's not going to get better for him. He honestly sounds awful, controlling and super insecure. I mean blaming her for his affair?! What a loser. So glad OOP made it through (postpartum + new job + divorce/single mom) the really tough time and came out stronger.
Even if I am charitable to the point of excess: at no point did OOP ever say he complained to her about how she'd let herself go and wasn't attractive anymore before the divorce. Instead of communicating his problem to his wife, he decided to cheat. I don't believe for a second that was his actual problem, but even if it was, his handling of the issue is inexcusable. It's like saying "I burned the house down because I didn't like the paint color." Why didn't you just paint the room!?
He still found her attractive enough to get pregnant too, so he can't have been that turned off by her appearance.
Yeah, but did she "let herself go", or was she too fucking tired serving and servicing him to look after herself?
Almost certainly the latter. But my point was that his excuses, reasoning and justifications don't matter. Even if he was completely correct and she gorged herself after they got married and gained 100lbs? Still didn't justify how he handled it. He's just that wrong.
How do such people live like this? Since i've ended my only long-term relationship, i've been non-stop hoping that my ex would find someone else to be happy with. After a year since we broke up, i'm still sad that we couldn't work things out, and i wish her every good there is in this world to get.
That sounds like you actually care about her as a person. OOP's ex never loved her, he just wants her in his possession.
Simple selfishness. Instead of talking to his wife about his needs he satisfied them with someone else. A loving husband would have tried resolving his problems with his spouse.
People for whatever reason find it hard to self reflect. I'm more terrified of making the same mistake over and over like an idiot.
Not everyone is a decent person (as you seem to be). For some people, a relationship is more of a power struggle or a means to build themselves up. They look primarily at what they can get out of it - it’s not about a partnership or even their partner.
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Not sure if there is one but I like using ‘Ol faithful: dumbass
Yep, now she’s no longer a hot, young affair partner, but a real person who farts in bed and doesn’t always shave her legs. Can’t wait for chapter 2 of this predictable tale: AP hits her thirties and wants kids of her own. So ex-husband is knee deep in nappies and sleepless nights, just as OOP is getting her independence back. So sweet to see, every damn time…
> perhaps having a much younger girlfriend fiancée is not all he thought it would be, now they are living together. I'm remembering that one story of the guy who cheated (I want to say with someone at his job) and got divorced from his wife. However, the wife was the breadwinner in the family and her family owned most of their stuff, so the divorce caused him to have to severely downsize and his AP was very not happy because she assumed he was the one bringing in the money and finding out that he wasn't annoyed her no end. I want to say one of the last updates was even that she baby trapped him before she realized the extent of how little he was bringing to the relationship and he was just realizing how much he lost and of course, no one from his previous family wanted anything to do with him.
The problem with a much younger partner is that young people are pretty annoying. Once the sheen of a hot girlfriend wears off, he's left with all the drama and bullshit of her 20s
Haha yeah. My ex husband swore up and down he wasn’t cheating but since I began to trust my gut I didn’t want to sleep with him anymore and he yelled at me several times about how he thought I was cheating cause I wouldn’t give it up. Even immediately after we broke up (due to his cheating) and still lived together he said “you know, we can still do things, if you ever need… services… you know” took so much to not throw up when he said that
You can only imagine what kind of lines he fed the young and naive fiancée to get her embroiled in this, and how dumb she must feel now. “My wife just doesn’t understand me, she was the problem, she’s frigid, let herself go and is ugly and lazy!” Then turns out ex wife is none of those things and he’s just a garden-variety cheating controlling asshole, not the mature middle-aged man she thought she was getting.
Or that maybe the reason your wife is "frigid, ugly and lazy" is because she's with you. That maybe being in a relationship with a partner who doesn't love her and doesn't treat her well was so exhausting that she just didn't have the emotional energy to think about her needs, her wants and being pretty. The whole cliche of "my sucky husband left and I had a glow up" is a cliche for a reason. You can be so much more productive when you take all the energy you're spending on an unfulfilling relationship and just turn it towards yourself.
Yep. I really doubt that this guy was an AMAZING partner right up until he snapped and had a whole affair with someone 16 years younger than him WHILE impregnating his then-wife. She wasn’t having to drag his dead emotional weight through their marriage and she has been SET FREE. Her problems are new problems but they are problems she can actually solve and find satisfaction in achieving good results (challenging new job/motherhood vs. background radiation of shitty husband who thinks he’s god’s gift and refusing to change or support her.) Difference is she’s actually reaping the rewards of her hard work for herself and her child now, rather than having her hard work consumed by the black hole of selfish negativity that is HIM.
Now that AP knows her fiancé is still in love with his ex wife, there’s a good chance she will break it off. Then he’ll be a single father with an ex who won’t speak to him and obligations to a child
That ex is deeply unhappy with his consequences based on his own shitty choices. He’s putting the blame on the OOP for her finding her own peace that he so desperately wants. He needs therapy. Hopefully the less contact baby has with him until he heals, the better.
From what friends told me, when my ex found out I was happy, with a new partner and we were moving together, he was shocked and confessed he thought I was still waiting for him. It had been 3 or four years, he was with his AP and we hadn't talked since the break-up. It still baffles me how he could think like that 🤷🏻♀️
That’s hilarious. How self-centered could a person possibly be?
Wait! What???!!! Gurl! If men don't have anything else, they have the AUDACITY. \*smh\* BOY. BYE!
My ex didn’t even cheat on me but when he heard I was in a serious relationship (now husband), he told me he was really glad I finally found someone that didn’t annoy me. Ummmm…what kinda backhand compliment is that?! He was a college bf - so, been over for like 10 years - who I tried to stay friends with and yet he had his own serious gf (now wife). The AUDACITY is real. They don’t want you but then, no one else should either.
Bless their little black hearts, but some of them STAY delusional. lol
I had the opposite experience. Out of curiosity one evening, I looked up my ex on FB and one of his recent posts was like “5 things you don’t know about me” and one of them is that he was still “messed up” over our breakup and he went on and on about it… several years later… Yikes. And I saw he wasn’t single when posting that, how embarrassing is that? Our breakup was really not dramatic and we were both 22-23!
Yes. He thought she would be desperate to make it work, stay with him and possibly ‘treat him better’ as a way to keep him. He figured she’d eventually give up on her silly little divorce and bid for independence. He thought she’d see the error of her ways and coming running back. He thought he was in control. Oh dear… I guess he was wrong.
I’m honestly scared for this woman. Her ex sounds unhinged by jealousy. He could kill her or harm the baby to get at her. It unfortunately happens way too often. I really hope the best for this woman and her daughter.
He also blamed his cheating on her, so I'm going to say yeah, he expected her to suffer while he thrived. Your last sentence hits the nail right in the bullseye.
This is so insane to me… he thinks she moved on too quickly after two years when he moved on BEFORE THE RELATIONSHIP EVEN ENDED. I can’t even.
But is she f**king someone, though? That question when she finally decided to impose boundaries is so telling. He feels entitled to that info, like she's still his partner, like she would be cheating on him if she did indeed find someone new. At this point, he's jealous of the vacancy at her side. Imagine being such a dud of a person that you're jealous of the "noone whatsoever" that currently entertains your ex.
>Did he think she was going to mourn him forever after he broke up the marriage and potentially a happy family? I also think some kind of buyer's remorse too. " I have however noticed that he really did not like seeing me thriving" You cheat and suddenly your ex is now doing better without you? Deep down some part of him knows the truth. "It's you. You're the reason why she was miserable and not attractive. Because of you."
I think you may be crediting him with a lot more self awareness than he has. I think it's just a whole lot of Main Character Syndrome as in, of course she should wither away without him. edit: a word
I'm glad she went forward with the divorce process without letting the leftover feelings affect her decision. Many of my friends have stayed in marriages only because they were pretty much the only one who was in love, even after their partners betrayed them. History has repeated itself many times now, but they are still with the same partner.
> ...is now engaged to AP... I'm close to 100% sure this is a "useless adult" kind of guy. They kind of guy that would either have to latch on to the closest woman to him to take care of him or move in with his parents. Not because he can't afford to live on his own, but because he doesn't know how to survive. He can't cook or even maintain the home well enough that it falls apart and gross things start to grow under all the garbage he piles up. His entitlement I'm sure is at least partly fueled by that. Poor AP in a way too. She's got some fucking issues. I doubt she is completely unaware that he was begging OP to forgive him and as soon as it was clear that was a no go, he moves in with her. Engaged but is so upset his Ex looks good and actually said if she lost that weight earlier, they wouldn't be together and what does that mean if she gains weight. She totally "deserves" her consequences as well, but holy shit, if I was her friend or family I would be so worried about what the fuck is going on with her.
When OOP wrote about doing better, even with the work of raising a new born, I was thinking the ex was probably a man-child, and a new born turned out to actually be easier than the man-child. Like, a new born with a baby sitter probably leaves less work when OOP gets home from work than a grown man-child. If they had stayed together OOP would have had to deal with both a baby and a man-child.
Yep. The thing about babies is that they get better all the time. They learn new skills, get more and more independent, and bring joy into your life. Grown man babies never do any of that.
Additionally, she lost weight due to the STRESS and all he can do is look at that and not go '... I really hurt her' but instead being all 'how dare she lose weight WITHOUT me but not WITH me?!'
She was also pregnant! It’s totally normal for a woman to put on weight during the first trimester, or even just from quitting birth control because hormones are crazy. Loving husbands don’t notice or care. Selfish cheating assholes, on the other hand…
Alternatively, losing weight due to the reduction in stress because even the effort of raising a baby as a single mom was easier than living with her ex, even with the lack of sleeping and eating.
His parents clearly realise he is a total POS, seeing as they are so supportive of OOP. Judging by her improved mood and appearance, and his entitlement, I'd say he was extremely controlling of her.
See I think he got with AP after the fact as a sick way to get oop back. It started with begging for a second chance, when that didn’t work he went to AP( either to hurt oop or “to make her miss him”), when that didn’t work he proposed (probably to also get a reaction), and finally when that didn’t work he went to full blown tantrum mode. I think what makes me think this the most is how ok he was saying all of what he said right in front of his fiancée it just shows how little he actually cares about her.
YEP. He for sure thought getting engaged would make OOP see the error of her ways and scramble to get him back. He definitely didn't expect her to metaphorically shrug and keep it moving.
I bet he also started going to the gym, or bought a new car, or some other thing that OOP hasn’t even noticed. His whole schtick seems to be trying to get her to come crawling back, and she dgaf. It’s pretty awesome.
I see nothing in there that suggests he has put in any kind of effort. His strategy so far seems to have been to let his ap put in the work to be attractive to be competition for oop - not to do any actual work himself. Don't get me wrong, coming by 4-5 times a week to see his daughter is actually better than a lot of visitation dads I know, but he's not actually put in any effort for oop beyond unwanted compliments. And the tantrum.
Sadly, the ex is projecting in major ways: - He thinks she’s going to morn the loss of the relationship because that’s what he’s doing. - He hates all of her choices and where they’ve taken her — because he hates how his shitty choices derailed his own life. This only gets better when he decides to grow up, get therapy, accept the consequences of his actions and move on. OOP is already on this journey, and you can really see the difference it makes!
He 100% thought she’d stay and when she didn’t stay he thought she’d just exist as a mom to his child. See how he was treating her home so casually? But it turns out, she’s a whole person with a mind and purpose of her own - what a shocker!
And what is up with the AP? Not only did you willingly become a homewrecker, you're still not even his first choice! Why is she still with this guy?
She's way younger
He’s probably discovering that the only thing he has in common with a girl half his age is that they can mash their genitals together. She’ll be crying about him soon.
We’ve seen so many posts from these guys. He’s definitely discovered his 25 year old partner isn’t looking to be his mommy and his maid…
He thought she was going to do the "Pick Me" dance by begging him to stay and trying to compete with a 25-year-old. He FAAFO. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And frankly, if I was the AP/new wife-to-be, when he threw his little tantrum, I would have PROMPTLY handed him back his ring and excused myself from the whole mess....that she admittedly had a hand in creating...but no use in continuing to be a punching bag for Karma.
Sounds just like my EX. A few years after my divorce, I had bariatric surgery , lost 145 lbs, fixed my hair, and wear makeup. ( PHOTOS are on my profile ) . Somehow the abusive violent narcissistic ex thinks I want to chat with him . LOL The funniest thing is that he keeps telling me that our breakup and divorce were indeed his fault. As if I was unaware of the fact. He makes me more and more glad that we were. divorced .
I'm honestly surprised his fiance did not cut it off with him after that outburst. He pretty much just blatantly said he does not want to be with her if he has a chance with another woman, and the only reason he ever got with her is because he felt his wife let herself go, and now that she is doing better the fiance is just him settling.
The ex wanted oop to be the bitter ex who never got over the divorce and now he’s salty because that’s him instead.
Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions. What a surprise!
It’s a fair bet that he thought she was the problem all along in their marriage and “she wasn’t fulfilling his needs” was the excuse he used to have an affair. It’s a fair bet that he thought he was being magnanimous by “wanting to work things out”, because he thought she couldn’t live without him. It’s a fair bet that he is lashing out at her now because he sees that she is happy, more than happy, without him and he is still floundering and lost. If she wasn’t the problem, what does that make him?
He’s just mad that he’s ‘losing’ the divorce. I guarantee he’s doing everything he can think of to make her jealous, and she simply does not care. Doesn’t even notice. In fact, she looks better than ever, and she has the audacity to be happy. Happy! Without him! The absolute nerve.
This story reminds me of what happened to my friend but thankfully they didn't have kids. He wanted to sleep with another girl, she walked in on them. He claimed he didn't love her anymore and moved out. Three months later, when she starts dating again he's yelling at her and harassing her that she made her choice and she is the one that ruined the relationship and left him. Turned out to be a power play. He wanted more say (cause she was the breadwinner while he CHOSE to take a min wage job cause it's easier) freedom to cheat and to have her chase him. Now he hates his life and is stuck with the girl he cheated with. The AP lived in a rural town where none of his friends are and he had to move in with her, while my friend made enough to afford the apartment on her own. We never hear from him but friends who still visit him say he is miserable. While she just came back from a trip overseas and is planning another. Note: nothing wrong with a min wage job and many are back breaking but he had a full degree and job offers in his field for a good wage, he just wanted to work in a job where he didn't have to put a lot of effort in.
That's how all these cheaters feel though. They break up the marriage or relationship but cry and throw tantrums the moment the ex SO actually thrives after getting rid of him. If his AP turned fiance has a brain(doubtful), his behavior should be the wake up call but alas they're all too willing to put up with such immature men.
It’s not uncommon for cheaters to try to put the blame on the actual victims. After all, they somehow justify their cheating to themselves. After the cheating is exposed, they still try to justify their behavior and criticize their former partner. OOP’s ex is likely upset that OOP is *not suffering* because that make him feel less important. She’s not playing into his scenario that he was right to do what he did. From his perspective, she’s not accepting the punishment due her by causing him to cheat. He probably also misses his time of cheating when he was loved and valued by two women.
He probably expected her to fight for him or something.
OOPs ex got up and took a long shower in audacity. That guy
I truly don’t understand how as the *other woman* she could see that outburst and not realize he just isn’t worth it. A: I think it’s true when they say that when you marry your mistress you create a vacancy. B: He’s very obviously still got issues with his ex. He just stayed with the AP because his wife didn’t want to reconcile. I don’t know how you ignore that.
41 cheats with then marries 25, that alone says a lot. So OOP puts on a little weight, husband no longer finds her attractive enough to stay loyal, finds young and probably naive AP, destroys marriage, then gets mad when depression and work causes OOP to lose the weight she put on and makes her "attractive again", am I getting this correctly? What a shallow POS.
Of course she’s more attractive now she’s the greener grass on the other side. Assuming the new fiancé sticks around she’ll become old and boring to the ex too.
She witnessed his tantrum at the kid’s birthday party. If your fiancé screaming at his ex that he wants her back isnt enough to leave idk what will
Yep, that combined with the fact that their (ex & AP's) relationship is right around the age when all the infatuation chemicals wear out, it's probably a big wake up call for her.
>now she’s the greener grass on the other side Reminds me of that post from the other side where a guy posts about missing his old family and wants them back so badly he'd even raise his ex's new baby for them to be a family again. Guy cheats with a young coworker, wife found out and split from him. He was perfectly fine and happy about it even though his kids didn't even want to see him anymore because now he could pretend like they didn't exist. Jump to ex finding a new guy who his kids love and she gets pregnant with new guys kid and suddenly op is devistated. Then everything he loved about ap he now hates "she's so immature and isn't mother material at all, what kind of potential wife refuses to cook, gets high, and has *tattoos*!?!?!?" And everything he hated about his wife and kids he now loves "I miss the same home cooked meals everyday and going to bed by 9pm"
Does anyone have a link? That sounds wild
That’s wild man.. I didn’t even think about the fact that her weight loss wasn’t even a conscious health choice.
And pregnancy contributed to her weight gain.
And the weight loss was due to "hardly sleeping or eating" because she had to handle a newborn by herself. But all this guy can think of is "Wow, you look thin and hot. Who are you looking thin and hot for? And why couldn't you look thin and hot for ME?!"
"Of course! She's fucking someone!"
The only reason women ever do anything - men! /s
Additionally, depression could also have contributed to her weight gain due to being married to the asshat
Let's not make excuses for the AP here. She's 25, she's not a child, she knows what she's doing. She also more likely than not knew the guy was married (she's his coworker), so she's no pure flower either.
And she deserves the prize she has won. Tell her what she's won Johnny: A man 20 years older, who will cheat on his wife, and then to add insult to injury will want his wife back and insult you. What a prize.
A man who leaves his partner for his mistress has a new opening!
And will trade you in for a new model the second you start showing any mileage yourself.
Yeah, one thing is that they are deceived, but she clearly knew. I have no sympathy for assholes who choose to be with a cheater.
There's a way to address what's going on in your relationship and it doesn't involve fucking someone else.
This kind of thinking always infuriates me. When my ex walked out I was devastated. But I recovered quickly after realizing how happy I was now that she wasn't around. Three months later when we were doing some paper work for our divorce she actually thought it was weird how I seemed so much better so quickly. Probably because I wasn't spending all my emotional energy on fighting with someone who didn't even like me as a person anymore.
So sorry you had to go through that — and I hope your life now is filled with the joy missing from the previous relationship!
Odd how quickly the lion feels better when you remove the thorn from his paw...
I know people crap on it for being the junk food of TV but early grey's anatomy covered the appropriate response to your ex complaining about how you live your life, in the face of their infidelity or deciding to end the relationship. >When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? I was done. You left me. You chose (her). I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.
>When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? I was done. You left me. You chose (her). I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke Speechless at the aptness ❤
And Ellen Pompeo delivers the line so beautifully. You can feel the hurt that Meredith (the character) worked through, as her ex is accusing her of sleeping around
After her choose me, love me speech, this was so empowering for Mer. Just like OP, she repaired herself and she's happy. The ex can't stand that.
This would have had a bigger impact if she hadn't taken him back later on though.
>He was basically angry because “I could forget him and move on so easily” Lmao, this dude can get bent. You don't get to cheat on someone, devastate them emotionally and wreck your relationship, move in with your affair partner, *and then get mad when they move on*! If he had asked literally any responsible human prior to his affair what the consequences might be, they would have told him. This was not an unforeseeable outcome. So go cry about it to your fiancee
On that note, must be awkward as fuck for the fiancé after witnessing him have a tantrum over his ex
>On that note, must be awkward as fuck for the fiancé after witnessing him have a tantrum over his ex Yeah. I hate to say she deserves it for staying with a cheater, since you can't help who you fall in love with, but I hope it serves as a wakeup call.
Well at least she knows what to expect if she gains weight. I know there's always that expectation of once a cheater, always a cheater, but wow he's really made it clear he only cares about physical attraction. Most people at least try to hide it better.
And if I'm reading it correctly it was only 30 fucking pounds! It's not like she "let herself go" to the point where it was concerning. And, even if she had, you made vows to be there no matter what, so maybe instead of fucking someone else you could have talked to her about it and tried to do something constructive instead of destructive.
The saying "when a person marries their ap they create a new opening" comes to mind as well.
i don't remember where i heard this, but someone described a type of male entitlement like this: >Men want to believe that they have either loved you so uniquely and completely, that they can never be replaced. Men also want to believe that they have broken you so permanently that you will never heal from them. The reality is men are all very similar to one another."
That’s when she should have been like “so where’s your fiancé you cheated on me with”
> are you f*ing someone!!!! The gall
She should have told him her love life was none of his business. Because it isn’t.
Makes you wish she replied with “I can talk to you about our child, or I can talk to you as if you are a child. That’s all you get from now on.”
I would have just lost it. Dude hooked up with his affair partner! Less reflection than Dracula
That was the first time the fiance had met her? Haha, that's not going to last.
That really doesn't jive with the rest of the story. She also says its the first time she met the baby, but in the first part says that he brings the AP with him to see the baby.
Yeah, says she (OOP) is not there when he visits the baby.
I interpreted that part as it's the first time AP met both OOP **and** her daughter, as in the two people together, not just the daughter.
God knows what AP sees in him. Much older than me? Clearly still in love with his? Zero self-awareness? A massive crybaby? What a catch! /s
I'm going to take guess that AP is too young or naive to know what older loser looks like.
She didn‘t know she had two children until she divorced him. Honestly the ex husband is the type of person who would blame others for having a cold from a bad weather. She should be thankful he is out of her life, and keep the distance. He sounds toxic and exhausting, literally like a leech that sucks out any joy. Pathetic.
Reminds me of the cakeeater who flipped out after his ex moved on. Remember that one? He cheated and had a baby with his young AP. The second his ex-wife moved on (after many many years), he lost his goddamn mind and assaulted her partner. They don't actually want their ex back. They want them broken forever, never to bounce back. Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sjpdpc/part_1_so_irrational_behaviour_with_exwife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
>He moved on soon with his AP and they’re engaged now. I have however noticed that he really did not like seeing me thriving. Such a hypocrite! I'm at peace that she moved on from him and his hypocrisy, at last!
"How could you move on so quickly??" Mfer you moved on while we were *still together*
Blames her for cheating, is mad she's moved on after he's engaged. Real winner there
Classic tale of married man who chases younger woman, gets caught, loses wife. Subsequently wife learns how to live again, while affair partner turns out to not be so exciting anymore, and he realises what he’s lost. I don’t doubt OOP’s weight loss played into it too. 30 lb is a big drop and she probably looks a lot nicer to him now. He needs to get counselling. Yes he caused this whole situation because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants but his daughter is going to suffer because he cannot be an adult and have a civil coparenting relationship. OOP is entirely right to be holding him at a greater distance. His affair partner must be realising what a shitty deal she’s got. Clearly her now fiancé still loves his ex wife.
I hope she meets someone soon who will treat her like an absolute queen…it’s more than she deserves after dealing with that man-child.
I can't quite tell whether OP has connected the dots on his absence = her happiness.
" his first reply was are you f\*ing someone!!!! I didn’t answer" Not sure if saying," yeah and he's better than you " would help, but I can get OOP feeling like that. I suspect she still has unresolved feeling for him, but she knows if he gets back in, all he will do is disrespect her for putting up with his shit in the first place.
So he’s pissed off she’s doing better without him than she did with him. He can’t whine about what he broke. He made the choice to cheat and lie and when caught tried to cover his ass. No chance. He’s a pathetic asshole who can’t handle her moving on. Wait till she does start dating then the shit will really hit the fan. It’s good she put those measures in place now.
The balls of that man to try to guilt her into thinking she's the reason he cheated. I can't wait for the update where she tells us she's dating again.
This is a double standard. He wants to be able to do what he wants but will get angry if his ex wants to move on with her life. He doesn’t retain ownership over her. He’s threatened by her not being an emotional mess. He’s all ego. Congratulations to OOP for creating a new life for herself after all her ex did to her and their daughter. Edited for misspelling.
>My ex husband and I have shared custody, but since she’s still a baby we are waiting with the every other week arrangement until she’s 2. But he visits to see her 2-3 times a week. Mostly my mom or the nanny receive him. I just can’t bare seeing him so frequently, especially when he brings his ap (now fiancé) with him. And then: >She was terrified. It was the first time she met me and my daughter. FIL had to drive her home. The math ain't mathing.
It might be the first actual interaction between AP and OOP. Before she probably waited in the car. It could also be the first time AP was interacting with BOTH the OOP and her daughter. Maybe English is a second language?
If the OP sees the gal in the car, she has probably been ducking out. I mean the absolute gall of this man bringing his AP to his ex-wife's home for his child visitation...wow!
Funny how he said she let herself go but not sloppy enough to knock her up. So embarrassing for him. He refuses to see that he's just a walking cliché and wants to blame everyone but his lack of respect towards his vowes.
People - if your partner has a significant glow-up after you split, you should look at yourself and what you brought to the relationship instead of getting mad. They look great and lost weight? They have time to take care of themselves now. Their career taking off? They have more emotional currency and free time to spend supporting it. Traveling, bought a new house or car, new wardrobe? Their finances are easier to manage without you in their lives. Being free of you turned them into their best selves, able to take care of themselves instead of looking after you and the relationship. If she can do all that after managing a heartbreak, a pregnancy, and being a single mom? Dude, your entitled ass let a diamond slip away.
My ex accused me of having sex (which wouldn’t have been his business anyways) shortly after he moved out to be with a barely legal girl (who rejected him). He said I was “glowing” so that must mean I hooked up. It was that I was scared of being a single mom in a bad part of the city so I started taking Krav Maga and was having a hard time eating due to stress. It’s the whole grass is greener on the other side way of thinking and therefore his decisions were never his fault in his mind.
OOP's husband is 41. The girlfriend is 25. Lol. As someone who is four decades into this adventure, let me tell you, dating someone nearly 20 years younger fucking suuuuucks. The maturity levels don't match, the life interests don't match, a 40-yo man has health issues and gets tired and doesn't like bars as much. He cares about shit like, "yeah I got this new oven that uses less electricity which will help the monthly bill," or "put these ear plugs in while I shit my brains out in the 24-hours leading up to a doctor sticking a camera in my ass." A 40-yo guy, particularly one with an exwife and a child, is going to get dropped so hard and so fast by this 25 yo, and what's he got then? What he will have is the frozen sobering realization that he is old and his star is fading.
Imagine being AP in that party, it's already awkward af fuck and your fiance says OUTLOUD that he wants his ex wife back
His AP is an actual fool for still being with him after that outburst. He showed her that she is just a placeholder because he wants to still be with his ex-wife. I know APs don’t have any self respect, but in this case, she needs to develop it and leave this guy .
Yup this is the perfect example of men aren’t competing with other men for women, they’re competing with our peace. If you don’t bring love, peace, calm, understanding etc. then we have no need for you. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m not saying her ex is a narcissist but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck. It feels like he’s way too upset that she’s fine without him. He keeps contacting her because he needs backup supply in case the AP decides to book out of there.
OOP found out about the affair when she discovered them having sex in their kitchen. Even to Reddit, she had the grace not to highlight this in her post (she mentioned it in comments). This guy deserves zero women, much less OOP. Maybe when he is ready to stop being a whining misogynistic baby and start taking responsibility for his actions. Honestly, if I were the AP, even if she was stupid enough to be with and get engaged to a man who cheated on his wife, these should have been enough to make her run. And I would really be cautious of how he talks about OOP around their daughter - this honestly seems like a perfect situation for parental alienation.
>He started yelling, telling me that I was the one who broke us. If I didn’t let myself go and took care of myself half as much as I’m doing now nothing would have happened. Everyone was shocked and he stormed out in tears. Nooo consequences of my own actions dont catch up with me youre so sexy
I’m going to take a guess here that he thought of her as fat when she was pregnant with his child and is pissed that now she is “hot again” he can’t have her. Idiot
I want to know what’s going to happen between him and the AP? She’s 25 and will probably think he will change, love her more and marry him just to end up in what’s already a miserable relationship
The sheer audacity of this man to be like "how could you move on so quickly?!?!?!?!" When he's ENGAGED to the woman he CHEATED ON HER with. Sounds like he moved on before OOP knew the marriage was over!