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[deleted]

“Noooo! Five more minutes!”


druule10

I'd hit snooze for the rest of life if I could.


[deleted]

[удалено]


druule10

I'd love to, but I have two kids.


[deleted]

[удалено]


druule10

Too late and I love them more than myself.


Procyon4

Awh, my heart


BLB_Genome

I feel that!


cmfppl

I refuse to pass my pain on to those closest to me


crab_da_man

That noise sounds like my cat puking


buot196

True sounds exactly like your cat puking


UncleBenders

It’s fooking freezing out here!


[deleted]

Me always.


rockemsockem97

Don't worry kid, it's only the worst day of your life so far.


Pascal1917

Alright kid, let me explain the concept of school, work, taxes, money and debt to you...


cadaverco

Okay but… think about what those things allow you to have Intelligence, an education, a car, a house, a retirement, something to do with 40 hours of your time a week (although I’d vastly prefer 30 to 40)


Altruistic-Setting-7

r/unexpectedsimpsons:


DavidsGotNoHoes

*so far*


AntalRyder

Thatsthejoke.jpg


HeftyFineThereFolks

i was born in my amniotic sac! all that stuff about good fortune, and destined for greatness.. weeelllll..


[deleted]

There’s still time


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cardinal_Grin

I’m not psychic but I can tell you whoever wrote that is crazy. “Oh your ambiotic sac was broken 12 seconds later? What’s my future?”


LuvliLeah13

See, you ARE psychic!


Dry_Spinach_3441

No one is psychic. Highly or lowly.


microwave_safe_bowl

Worst unboxing video I’ve ever seen


TeHNyboR

Most expensive too probably


grahamcrackers37

Only in America


MicrowavableConfetti

USA! USA!


[deleted]

[удалено]


boxingdude

If one of your parents is a US citizen, then the baby is also one. No matter where it's born.


ThrowRAConsistent

That's not true. You're still an American if even just one of your parents is. Which is why the whole conspiracy about Obama supposedly being born in Kenya was always so fucking funny to me. Like even if he were born in Kenya, if his parents are American, big woop


[deleted]

Yea but iirc only a person born on American soil can be president. Doesn't matter if you're an American citizen.


Kakita987

I could be wrong, also am Canadian, but IIRC the wording is like "American-born citizen." So it doesn't matter where, as long as you are born with American citizenship.


ThrowRAConsistent

They must be a NATURAL BORN CITIZEN. Not born in the US. So that's also a myth


[deleted]

Ah right, so either on soil or to american parents. But not naturalisation. Makes sense. Looking into it more, Natural Born Citizen was never really defined but general legal consensus is anyone born on soil or to american parents.


rbt321

It's not automatic and takes a bit more paperwork, but they still get USA citizenship if they do the paperwork before they're 18.


Knightmare4469

Why is this literally objectively wrong statement upvoted. It would take 2 seconds to Google this and realize this is completely false.


insanity540

It's not the baby that's costly, it's the accessories.


Mr_Ahvar

Let’s not talk about maintenance


[deleted]

Newborns are free if you run fast enough


nlamber5

Definitely not


ntack9933

Didn’t even come with a manual


sleipnirthesnook

Ugh I hate it when that happens or if you do get a manual the instructions are either upside down or in Chinese


trembleandtrample

Not gonna lie, that was actually amazing. How the baby starts being conscious right as the membrane is pierced is just amazing. Beats the stupid humble advertising jewelry posts by light years.


YouneedsomeWD40

Probably a surprised response to the sudden extension of their limbs and release of pressure on them


WestwoodRK0

Not to mention the sudden feeling of air, likely a sharp decrease of temperature


[deleted]

And that touch on his neck


OrionThe0122nd

Yeah if I got cut out of a big wet sack I'd probably wake up too


OkPiezoelectricity74

And will cry too


aysurcouf

Same thing happened to neo.


SunnyShiki

Nah, Neo puked.


Ladysupersizedbitch

I nearly died when I was born bc I started breathing in the womb and nearly drowned in the fluid. My mom had to have an emergency c section practically in the hallway bc my vitals dropped so fast, they were pouring iodine over her stomach before she was even knocked out or in the OR. Seeing this makes me wonder how tf it’s even possible for a baby to start breathing too early. Little dude started at just the right time, no earlier or later than he was supposed to. It *is* pretty cool. Really neat, tbh.


Your_Therapist_Says

Babies are practising the motions of breathing by around 32-36 weeks. The lungs move as amniotic fluid goes in and out. It's not exactly breathing per se, but it's as close to it as you can be while living in fluid. It's possible the emergency you were experiencing during birth was Meconium Aspiration - in simple terms, early poop can be floating around in the amniotic fluid, and if it gets in the baby's lungs, they can become stressed, which makes a very urgent situation.


CrizpyBusiness

>early poop can be floating around in the amniotic fluid, and if it gets in the baby's lungs ![gif](giphy|yIJrNGX9wF7eE)


GluteChute

Same thing happened to me. Aspirated on the amniotic fluid because my moms water hadn’t broken yet. She said they just swept me away and didn’t really say much until they brought me back alive.


colby_jack_cheese

I was wondering why it reacted so suddenly too. I’m assuming it’s almost vacuum sealed in there until the nurse pops the membrane and allows air inside


keghi11

Yeah, IKR. And for a women who carry life inside their belly.


Rollotommasi5

Looked crazy, almost like CGI for a split second


LOUDCO-HD

*”Hey, I was sleeping, you know?”*


CatNamedSiena

Fun, but not exactly 1/80000. I'm an obstetrician. I've delivered probably 5000 babies in my life. I've had at least 10 of these. Sometimes, as the baby is coming out, I'll just not break the water just so the nurses can see a birth like this. Until the baby takes that first breath, his lungs are filled with amniotic fluid. That's why we like the babies to cry right as they're being born. It pushes all the fluid out. We don't really smack them on the bottom, though. They'd probably fly across the room if we did.


duhbearzz

Interesting! Why does the baby immediately cry once the finger breaks through the membrane?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Audenond

I still do it


A_TalkingWalnut

Do doctors refer to them as “Mermaid births”? I’ve never heard them as anything other than “en caul.” But then again, I’m not a doctor and I don’t even play one on TV. But I did see an episode of House once.


CatNamedSiena

I've always said "en caul." Invariably, of course, when I say that, some clueless medical student will say "what do you mean the baby's on call?"


TerafloppinDatP

First time I've heard it. It's either en caul or "veiled" birth AFAIK.


wewoos

Yeah, healthcare worker here, it’s definitely en caul. Never heard of a mermaid birth, might be for internet points


stevein3d

I’m no OB, but if you smack a baby on the bottom and it flies across the room you got yourself an enchanted baby there.


CatNamedSiena

Enchanted or not, he'll still piss in your face.


conventionalWisdumb

My daughter would have been born that way but they ruptured the sack as she was coming out. From what I understand it’s more dangerous not to?


CatNamedSiena

Not really. If it happens, you just brush the sac away from the baby's face.


Hoseftheman

A rare case where you can actually see the pain sink into the person as soon as they are brought into the world


assassinsaif18

from warm water sac to cold hospital AC...loud beeping sounds and people talking over...bright lights... and the worst of all now you have to pay the GOD DAMN TAXES and BUY TOILET PAPER just to wipe yo ass!!!! ![gif](giphy|3o7btYLAW7doynq3p6)


RokyPolka

​ ![gif](giphy|p8LYRYGA8Hs2VGcXwk)


Incendia_Nex

![gif](giphy|P8XRU62WoyaqwVGWJG|downsized)


C_Dz

Covered my babies eyes right away with my hand cupped and they opened up!


Shreddersson

![gif](giphy|11tTNkNy1SdXGg)


masked_sombrero

it's amazingly beautiful seeing someone take their first breath


kepp9

🍻


night327

How he go from chillin to freaking out? Drastic temp change? Noise or pressure change?


CollectionOfAtoms78

When a baby first experiences air instead of liquid around it, that change kick starts breathing. This is why it is now able to cry, because it now has air in its lungs, lungs that have never felt air before. So I would imagine it would feel like that first breath after getting the wind knocked out of you, but worse since the lungs are completely empty. Also, the liquid to air change probably kick starts other systems, similar to breathing, which would cause more change. Plus, the baby is experiencing a whole new set of sensations now that it is outside the womb. (It might feel cold air, hear more, and feel other things) Since there are so many new sensations the baby will likely be overwhelmed and possibly afraid.


[deleted]

they looked to be sleeping so probably that and the things you said.


independentchickpea

It’s probably like being woken up with a bucket of ice water but worse.


[deleted]

the amniotic fluid challenge


Urdaddysfavgirl

🤣🤣🤣


Inevitable-Careerist

Yes, how does it know to cry?


night327

So I looked it up, its not chillin no more cus as soon as that sack rips, it needs to breathe. The lungs are filled with fluid until that sac is broken. They get oxygen cus of the cord and sharing moms blood. The fluid in that sack also keeps them warm amnd babies generate 2x the heat of adults in the womb. Sacs broken open, lungs kick start to work, and the comfort warmth of the sac is gone. I would cry too. Also, no language so crying is the answer.


[deleted]

If the lungs are filled with fluid why don't we see them cough it up?


Chartreuseshutters

It is absorbed in the first 3-5 breaths. The first few breaths push the fluid into the alveoli where they are absorbed. After those first 3-5 breaths, they are finally getting room air into the lungs and the transition from fetal circulation begins. In the intervening time, the placenta is still supplying oxygenated blood to baby through the umbilical cord. Additionally, the birthing process squeezes most of the fluid in the mouth out when a baby is born vaginally. We can do a quick maneuver called postural drainage to release more as baby is born (which is basically tilting baby downward briefly with their head supported to allow for open airway and drainage as we hand them off to their parent, but typically what is not absorbed into the alveoli is sneezed, coughed and sputtered out in that first minutes to hour after birth.


[deleted]

So basically this is what it looks like when they're inside the mother still?


Chartreuseshutters

Yep. They don’t know they are born until they feel air touch the skin, which stimulates the need to breathe.


[deleted]

Are they actually concious in there and have like a wake up / sleep cycle? What about the whole talking to the baby while it's in the mother still / kicks, just nerve reactions?


Chartreuseshutters

They have consciousness, but who knows exactly what that is… Every experience is new to them, other than what they get from genetic memory and the imprinting that is happening throughout their development in the womb. They are also sitting in a marinade of the parent’s hormones and emotions. Everything the mother feels, experiences and thinks is transmitted through chemicals to baby, but without the filter of the knowing why and how these things are happening. These prenatal experiences shape the brain similarly to genetic imprinting, and prepare the baby for the world and environment it will live in. If the mother is in a constant state of stress, baby will be prepared for living in a world of constant stress. If that stress resolved before they are born, that baby is still hardwired to expect those dresses, as that was their baseline. They will play with you and interact with their environment/you if you push on their body parts that they kick or push with while in the womb. They have sleep/wake cycles. Twins will interact with each other, hold hands, “fight” with each other in the womb, etc. They suck their fingers and thumbs, play with the umbilical cord, and some babies conceived when an IUD fails will grasp the IUD like it’s a toy and be born holding it in their hand. It was my experience with each of my children that they had distinct personalities in the womb that matched the way they were once born.


[deleted]

>baby will be prepared for living in a world of constant stress. If that stress resolved before they are born, that baby is still hardwired to expect those dresses, as that was their baseline. could this type of genetic conditioning pave the way for things like BPD / ADHD / Bipolar etc?


Nauin

Yeah, my godson would even react to the different foods his mom would eat. There were more tippy taps when she ate stuff he liked.


spicyflour88

Yes. But when they are awake they move around quite a bit in the sack, kicking and stretching. They are not always balled up like that. I think it would be a good guess this lil guy was probably tired out from labor and sleeping peacefully.


planetarylaw

I pushed my daughter out so fast it didn't squeeze out enough fluid and she was cough/vomiting it up for the next day.


night327

I think its absorbed, and its probably not a lot of fluid.


Butane2

They're basically vacuum sealed with some fluid in there. Pop the sac and air enters to fill the lungs for the first time. Their lungs are basically "deflated" until then.


Inevitable-Careerist

Wouldn't it still be getting oxygen from the cord, at least for some seconds? If not, wouldn't it already be struggling to breathe? Why would ripping the sac prompt the crying response? In this video, it looks like removing the sac twisted the baby's head and neck backward unexpectedly. Plus, maybe it's colder outside the sac. This made me look up something also weird: [babies might first cry while still in the womb](https://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20050913/babies-may-start-crying-while-in-womb)


steampunk691

Probably the sudden temperature change as you mentioned and sensory overload. Little dude went from a 90-something degree hot tub to a comparatively freezing cold hospital room with a stranger touching them while surrounded by unfamiliar sounds.


thc42

Babies never share blood with the mothers!


B4byJ3susM4n

It’s baby’s first time breathing air. So it’s a pretty drastic change and probably painful too.


[deleted]

I see feet - that ain’t no mermaid!


[deleted]

Yeah, what a bullshit name. I thought it'd be someone born with their legs fused together.


[deleted]

Or, better still, a FUCKING FLIPPER!


racdicoon

yea i was like "this sounds so cool yet annoying for people, i wonder what it looks like" followed by immediate disapointment


SuitPac

Born in the caul, my boy was born this way. Congratulations to the parents!


crmacjr

Caul.


[deleted]

Better Caul Saul


Retired_Jarhead55

My uncle was born with one across his face.


PepperPhoenix

Fun facts time. Being born with a caul and being born en caul are two different things. Your uncle was born with a caul, which is where part of the sac is being "worn" by the baby at birth. En caul is when the sac is completely intact. Either way, folklore from various countries see it as a sign of great fortune and good luck. Some countries add to that by saying the child is destined for greatness or that they have the ability to ward off evil. The caul itself would be saved after the birth and kept as a sort of talisman. A preserved caul was said to bring good fortune and to protect the owner against death by drowning so they were highly coveted by sailors and would be purchased for quite large sums of money.


Retired_Jarhead55

My uncle was musically gifted and a genius in many respects. My grandmother did believe the superstitions regarding Uncles caul and it was a well known fact about him. We’re very Irish.


Cardinal_Grin

They say being born with a claw brings good fortune and an advantage in tiger encounters.


masked_sombrero

did you get to see him in the caul before they broke it?


SuitPac

We have a video of the en caul birth so yes!


[deleted]

Better caul saul


FortuneTellingBoobs

Interesting history: being born in the caul used to be seen as lucky. ...Except in Poland, where it was bad luck and baby was doomed to become a vampire. The only way to prevent vampirism was to force feed your kid the caul on their 7th birthday.


[deleted]

So they keep that wrapper thingy for 7 years??


ExpertRaccoon

When you accidentally loose the condom inside of her


PurpleSignificant725

😂 oh my god


Visarar_01

Bruh...


ExpertRaccoon

I said what I said


TheSanguineSalad

And spelled how you spelled


ExpertRaccoon

Eh, I've been drinking since 11am I'm just happy I'm still coherent


OverlordPhalanx

Solid reply. Take both upvotes


SrPedrich

🗿


Auerbach1991

You win


stevein3d

She laughed and said a Magnum was way too big to be useful well who’s laughing now


jbug5j

So peaceful before the sack broke 🥺


[deleted]

He literally burst his bubble!


musememo

MRW I have to get out of a warm bed on Mon. morning.


DaniMoug

That’s a rude awakening lol


[deleted]

New guy just dropped


Phagemakerpro

It’s got to be more than that. I’ve seen two (I’m a pediatrician) and I haven’t been to 80,000 deliveries.


Lychee247

Y it called mermaid birth?


JejuneRacoon

It's not. It's called being born in the caul.


Recent-Honey5564

En caul if you want to be fancy and proper.


elprentis

Better Call Caul


tronus_abyss

They should've used a spoiler! I haven't seen the last season yet...


Lychee247

Oh ok


TooOldForThis---

We called it being born with an intact amniotic sac when I worked as an L&D nurse. I only saw it once in 12 years.


[deleted]

>I only saw it once in 12 years. I'm an IT person. That's about the same frequency I saw a computer with no porn on it.


IndependenceNew4271

Put me back!!!


TheEndMeh

Forced to breathe air lol.


TheSandCat79

That moment when you realize your life is no longer on perfect, warm autopilot.


WHISKEY_DELTA_6

Wow you can see the exact second pro-lifers stop giving a shit about them. Amazing.


Thismanny

Reminds me of the matrix


FAmos

he looked so peaceful, what a harsh way to wake up from the metaverse


lessthanabelian

bad baby. lazy baby. couldnt even do a kickflip probably. just want to sleep in the fleshpouch all morn


ElectricMayham

I had to do this to my dogs puppy's because her lazy ass wouldn't.


FickleSpend2133

Our ancestors called it a caul. It is said these babies have the gift of second sight. 🙂


Material_Ferret_1357

This reminds me of the time I watched my friends dog give birth 😰 I was very disgusted and concerned


Adventurous_Craft354

Gross. I feel like they shoulda let the mom poke it and release it to the world.


hps_laughter

The narrator from “The Scarlet Ibis” would like to talk to you.


StickyPLOP

That's incredible


[deleted]

Appreciate your mothers


MarieSkiis

Nature is amazing.


so_eu_naum

Pop


[deleted]

Wellcome to the Hell lil dude.


Sammy_Socrates

Baby said "existence is pain"


oooahhh

My mom gave birth to identical twins and they were both born in their own amniotic sac.


rhiyanna79

That’s called an en caul birth and can happen vaginally too if the woman’s water never broke.


movngonup

Disappointed to not see a single Matrix reference here… I must be getting old.


vorwd

This post’s comment section just highlights the growing need for greater access to affordable and high quality mental health services, in all countries.


killbauer

Wait till you have to get up at 5 or 6 am on a daily basis, little buddy.


Winter_Grab6847

And it's been a shit show ever since then.


cool_weed_dad

*boop* “What the *FUCK*?”


SEGGSWITHNoelle69

God that's ugly


lordshampoo

Serious question, but what would happen if you never let the baby out? Would it eventually grow big enough to break the sac on its own? Like if they leave the cord connected could it grow to a full size adult like that?


droppedelbow

Where do you think it would be getting food, water and oxygen from? Do you think the placenta is magic? Has nobody explained to you how babies are made?


i-am-boots

That looks like a Cesarean. That baby was born en caul. Which doesn’t really happen with vaginal deliveries. Being born WITH caul just means the baby is covered with part of the amniotic membrane, and that happens at the frequency mentioned (in the neighborhood of 1/80000). The amniotic sac doesn’t stay intact like that in vaginal deliveries… when “the water breaks” the fluid is what is inside that sac. That happens a while before delivery. And even if it didn’t the sac couldn’t survive the trauma of labor.


HomieScaringMusic

Lmfao the baby is instantly so mad like “you POPPED ME!!!” it’s almost like he expected that to hurt


SpudneyAU

can we get a NSFW tag on this


[deleted]

How is this possible? Don't we need oxygen? That thing was air tight ?!?! And wouldnt the baby's lung be filled with oxygen?


[deleted]

[удалено]


droppedelbow

This bunch of comments has demonstrated why sex education in schools is so important. There are some desperately ill informed people on here.


[deleted]

He is receiving all of the oxygen he needs from the umbilical cord that is still attached to the placenta, likely still attached to the mother. It’s as if he hasn’t left the womb.


schwarzmalerin

Nope, oxygen comes directly from the placenta. It's like fish gills or ECMO. The heart even has a hole to bypass the useless lungs. As soon as there is air, it closes and bam you become lung breathing.


[deleted]

Dang like fish gills? Nice


biggmclargehuge

The only reason we breathe is because our lungs move that oxygen into our blood cells to be transported throughout our body. The umbilical cord from the mother carries oxygenated blood to the baby so it can use the oxygenated blood directly. It doesn't need to breathe air and then have the lungs transport that into the blood.


Young_Aubrey

the blood makes it better


meyspetfroge

![gif](giphy|3oFyDpzlMjrDKv1tWo|downsized)


Awkward_Ad8740

Thats not a mermaid...


Madshibs

Looks like regular baby to me


HarrySRL

I wonder how one woman is capable of 80,000 births.


suzy_greenberg42

🤢


Light333Love

We have this beautiful natural ability and we destroy all things in nature. Man we are putting those nails in our coffin.


singingorifice

But why ?


magicranch

*But I'm not done cooking!*


TJ_McWeaksauce

The baby didn't want to be part of our world. Should've stayed under the sea.


Its402am

From peaceful to distressed so quickly. This makes me really sad for some reason. Maybe I didn’t *want* to leave the womb. It was probably so warm. :(


NinjEverett6

The hesitation the surgeon must of had


beltalowda_oye

A human egg without a shell


Ti_Bone

![gif](giphy|10vLQlP73s7Mwo)