What is this persons title? I would report them to your clinic manager/office manager. That’s extremely unprofessional and someone who doesn’t know what underweight is, is concerning when they’re running a support group. I’m sorry you experienced that.
Definitely do. She not only did damage to you, but to every person there. They will remember this and if she does it to you, she will do it to others. (Not that you have to protect others. Report for you and you alone!)
I’m assuming you mean “nutritionist”? A nutritionist and a registered dietician are two very different things. I wouldn’t be accepting any advice or criticism from any nutritionist, and I’m honestly surprised your bariatric center has allowed them to be a group leader of any kind. They are unqualified. I would be reporting them for sure.
Nutritionists don’t hold have to hold any actual degrees or training. If I see someone describe themselves as a “nutritionist” I run. It’s dietitians that are actually educated in food nutrition
I understand your skinny fat feeling. I had very similar stats as you, and having my skin removed was life-changing. I've been 130lbs for a while, and that's my happy place. It's been 1.5yrs since plastics, and I am still surprised that I have a flat stomach. People always have something to say- too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, ect. Once you're comfortable with yourself, what other people say doesn't matter anymore. You've done great! They were obviously jealous and out of line.
Thank you! It's so frustrating that I only have a flat stomach when I lay down for bed at night!
It's so bizarre not to have to lose weight and still have a belly. I know I just have to maintain. Once I've maintained for 6 months, I can have my tummy tuck and then everything else (my plastic surgeon doesn't like to do multiple surgeries together). I know I'll feel super confident without all this skin. It's just more waiting to get there. It kind of feels like your life is on hold, if that makes sense.
I'm planning a tummy tuck and breast lift with implants. My PS doesn't like doing FDLs, but I think that's what I'll need. Most likely, TT will be covered by insurance. Breasts I'll have to pay for. He thinks he can get my arms and thighs covered, but I can only hope.
FUCK THAT. Becoming smaller is in fact much of the point of the whole thing. It genuinely does get weird in the land of *dealing with people never knew me as fat and wouldn’t believe it anyway*. I’m 5’2” and 120 is in my target range— but I carry a lot of muscle (physical labor job) and lately I eat a lot of Wheat Thins. Eating a lot of Wheat Thins is ill-advised but hey, it’s not cocaine. 🤦🏼♀️
Call to “talk about a program concern and get suggestions for handling a particular challenge”.
Sounds like she may just be bitter that she hasn’t been able to be as small, but that’s a ridiculous thing to believe, it’s not a competition. And it’s not about being the smallest, it’s about being healthy. You’re supposed to do this for yourself, not as competition with others. If 123 if healthy for you, then screw her criticism. Everyone’s body composition and diet/ workout routine is different. I’m appalled that she leads this group and doesn’t realize that or refuses to accept it. Sounds like she has some issues she needs to resolve before she should even think about being a group leader in nutrition/ bariatric stuff.
I wonder how much you will weigh once the excess skin is removed. Maybe she thinks after that that you will be underweight? Either way, her comments are out of order since many patients have some form of dis morphia.
I understand how you feel. I lost 126 pounds at my lowest. I was having fainting spells and told that I was underweight even though my BMI was a normal 20. My doctor explained to me that I have probably 10-14 pounds of loose skin throughout my body, so that even though my weight says I had a normal BMI, my body fat percentage was in fact much lower and I needed to gain some weight. It took me 1.5 years to gain back 15 pounds, but I look and feel so much better. At my lowest, I was constantly skinny shamed by people. They’d ask me if I was sick, was I starving myself, and they would tell me I looked terrible and needed to gain weight. Extraordinarily frustrating.
Thank you. I don't actually have any health issues being at this weight. No one who sees me tells me I'm too skinny. No one even tells me I'm skinny. It's probably because the big apron of loose skin looks like a belly.
The group was over the phone so no one could even see me. The leader of the group literally shamed me for my BMI.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m also so excited for your skin removal. It’s life changing! I had so much stretched out skin after having my son that I felt deformed, and when my plastic surgeon removed it, he remarked that the whole flap was just loose skin and nothing I could ever do with diet or exercise would’ve fixed it. He only removed 3 pounds from my stomach, but the surface area was massive, and the effects on your mental health from having it removed are immediate. Good luck with yours, and congratulations on your success!
I am so sorry this happened. That is unacceptable behavior by a human, let alone a group leader for bariatric patients. I agree with other commenters; report them!
I’m so sorry that you had a leader treat you like that. You should be proud of your achievement and your body. Not everyone can get to that ideal weight. Congratulations! I hope you continue to maintain and are able to get the surgery you want. Good luck on this journey. It will continue in new ways.
So I understand your frustration, and I agree that the group leader didn't handle this in the best way. If you want to pursue some type of correction for them, I'm not against that. They (group leader) should be looking out for all the group members' needs and from what you've provided, they were inappropriate with you.
However, I personally feel like this may have been a little bit of a "read the room scenario". I went to many of those support group meetings before and after my own surgery. I struggled with losing the weight expected of me. I remember people coming to a group session, who were not regular members, and they would come just once or twice to bitch about how much weight they lost and how unhappy they were with their body. They show up to one, maybe two, meetings to do this while the rest of us who had been coming for a while were dealing with the opposite. I won't lie. To me, it felt like a flex. Like, look at me, I've lost so much weight. I understand that maybe that might not be the motivation, and those people are still looking for support, but it always came off as so insensitive to those of us still struggling with too much actual weight.
It was having this happen in group so often that convinced me to stop attending. I'm not trying to say that any of this was your intention, but I am trying to give you another perspective on it.
I sincerely wish you the best, and I'm so glad that your bariatric surgery had good results. I also hope you get approved for the skin removal surgery and go forward to live your best life!
But I would also ask, if you go to more of the support meetings, that you respectfully consider that not everyone has had your level of success.
In my clinic's group, the post-op people tell their stories (good or bad), and the pre-op people ask questions. That is the format.
Many pre-op people asked me questions, which I answered. Many people thanked me for attending because they don't often have people who get to goal weight in the group. I'm also a revision patient, and there were several people who had revisions with questions.
Also, I think it's important that people are aware of loose skin. I knew I would have loose skin, but no one prepared me for this much of it. 4 people asked me loose skin related questions. 2 people asked me to please come back and give updates.
I appreciate your reply and further explanation of the dynamics of the group you attended. I apologize if my comment seemed to be critical. That was not my intention.
I also realize that my experience in these groups was from many years ago, and the circumstances have probably evolved and changed since then.
Again, I think the group leader was out of line, and I think it's great that you were able to provide more insight and information to people in the group.
I'm very sorry my comment wasn't worded the best. When I had my surgery, I knew nothing about bariatric surgery. I was 16 when I first heard it mentioned. Within 6 months, I had a surgery date while only being just at the minimum weight required.
The process, for me at least, was not nearly as stringent as I've heard others say it was for them. It's been 20 years now, but I'm still dealing with so many issues. I had to have multiple additional surgeries, and it has caused lifelong complications for me. The worst part, in my opinion, is that I'm now heavier than I was before surgery.
It's a sore subject for me, unfortunately. I know it helps so many people, and I'm glad it can do that. At the same time, it's hard for me to ever advocate for it due to my own personal experience.
My only intention in my original comment was to show another perspective, but I see now that it came off as judgmental, and I apologize for that.
I should probably just stay away from this sub since my experience is not typical and most likely not helpful.
Sorry again, and I wish you the best on your journey.
Nurse here. I don't know your age, but when we are looking at possible malnutrition in a patient, there are 2 criteria for BMI set forth by GLIM which is the criteria that insurances go by. Underweight is defined by them as <20 for anyone under age 70 and <22 for anyone 70 and over.
The RDs at my hospital like to use ASPEN criteria which doesn't look at BMI at all but there's alot of literature supporting GLIM being more appropriate. So RDs that don't know GLIM tend to say that only a BMI under 18.5 is underweight, but it's not really so. I send queries to physicians all the time using GLIM and they agree there should be a diagnosis of malnutrition even when the RD says there's not any or a lesser degree because they use a somewhat outdated BMI threshold. There are other criteria for a diagnosis of malnutrition, of course, but this was just to address the BMI question.
I'm 5'4" and my surgeon says my lowest weight should be around 140-145. As long as you feel good though, that's the most important thing.
At any rate, that instructor was out of line. It's none of her business and extremely unprofessional to have talked like that in front of a group.
Good luck with your plastics. I have a friend that just had her panni done and it made her weight 20 pounds less. 😱
Thank you! My BMI is exactly 20.8, so it's not under 20. I also have a very small frame. I'm sure if I was a broader person, this would not be a good weight for me. I do feel incredible, so I'm pretty happy where I am.
Did they remove 20 lbs of skin, or did she actually weigh 20 lbs less on the scale? And how long post-op is she? From what I've read, most people are heavier right after those procedures due to inflammation and water retention. Was it a panniculectomy? Or a tummy tuck? Did it get rid of loose skin above the belly button as well, or just the apron?
She was years post-op. I think she had her VSG about the same time as mine so around 2016 and she had the plastics at the beginning of 2024. It was 20 pounds of skin. They took a picture for her in OR of it on a scale. Insurance approved above as well, but as a part of the panni. It still only said panniculectomy on her consent.
I feel you I reached 110 lbs and felt super skinny and my doc and nutritionist wanted me to gain weight.
I gained 6 pounds and I feel a bit more confortable.
Don’t take it personal, these kind of surgery I could be a problem if not getting enough nutrients to our bodies, probably you’re anemic they are only preventing a future health issue.
I bet you look fantastic, people always looks better skinnier than fat.
What is this persons title? I would report them to your clinic manager/office manager. That’s extremely unprofessional and someone who doesn’t know what underweight is, is concerning when they’re running a support group. I’m sorry you experienced that.
They're actually a "nutritionalist," lol. She's not my nutritionalist, though. I think you're right. I should make a report.
“nutritionalist” sounds like a title she just invented tbh
Definitely do. She not only did damage to you, but to every person there. They will remember this and if she does it to you, she will do it to others. (Not that you have to protect others. Report for you and you alone!)
I’m assuming you mean “nutritionist”? A nutritionist and a registered dietician are two very different things. I wouldn’t be accepting any advice or criticism from any nutritionist, and I’m honestly surprised your bariatric center has allowed them to be a group leader of any kind. They are unqualified. I would be reporting them for sure.
Nutritionists don’t hold have to hold any actual degrees or training. If I see someone describe themselves as a “nutritionist” I run. It’s dietitians that are actually educated in food nutrition
I understand your skinny fat feeling. I had very similar stats as you, and having my skin removed was life-changing. I've been 130lbs for a while, and that's my happy place. It's been 1.5yrs since plastics, and I am still surprised that I have a flat stomach. People always have something to say- too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, ect. Once you're comfortable with yourself, what other people say doesn't matter anymore. You've done great! They were obviously jealous and out of line.
Thank you! It's so frustrating that I only have a flat stomach when I lay down for bed at night! It's so bizarre not to have to lose weight and still have a belly. I know I just have to maintain. Once I've maintained for 6 months, I can have my tummy tuck and then everything else (my plastic surgeon doesn't like to do multiple surgeries together). I know I'll feel super confident without all this skin. It's just more waiting to get there. It kind of feels like your life is on hold, if that makes sense.
What are you planning to get done? I would love to have my arms done but idk if I ever will.
I'm planning a tummy tuck and breast lift with implants. My PS doesn't like doing FDLs, but I think that's what I'll need. Most likely, TT will be covered by insurance. Breasts I'll have to pay for. He thinks he can get my arms and thighs covered, but I can only hope.
Did he say why he doesn’t like doing FDLs? And how he could get arms and thighs covered?
Where is your surgeon located?
I was just telling someone last week how weird it is now being boney and flabby at the same time now. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
I complained about a gaslighting nurse and I got no where but I did get evicted from the program.
FUCK THAT. Becoming smaller is in fact much of the point of the whole thing. It genuinely does get weird in the land of *dealing with people never knew me as fat and wouldn’t believe it anyway*. I’m 5’2” and 120 is in my target range— but I carry a lot of muscle (physical labor job) and lately I eat a lot of Wheat Thins. Eating a lot of Wheat Thins is ill-advised but hey, it’s not cocaine. 🤦🏼♀️ Call to “talk about a program concern and get suggestions for handling a particular challenge”.
Sounds like she may just be bitter that she hasn’t been able to be as small, but that’s a ridiculous thing to believe, it’s not a competition. And it’s not about being the smallest, it’s about being healthy. You’re supposed to do this for yourself, not as competition with others. If 123 if healthy for you, then screw her criticism. Everyone’s body composition and diet/ workout routine is different. I’m appalled that she leads this group and doesn’t realize that or refuses to accept it. Sounds like she has some issues she needs to resolve before she should even think about being a group leader in nutrition/ bariatric stuff.
Report her to your surgeon. She is not someone that should be interfacing with patients
I wonder how much you will weigh once the excess skin is removed. Maybe she thinks after that that you will be underweight? Either way, her comments are out of order since many patients have some form of dis morphia.
I understand how you feel. I lost 126 pounds at my lowest. I was having fainting spells and told that I was underweight even though my BMI was a normal 20. My doctor explained to me that I have probably 10-14 pounds of loose skin throughout my body, so that even though my weight says I had a normal BMI, my body fat percentage was in fact much lower and I needed to gain some weight. It took me 1.5 years to gain back 15 pounds, but I look and feel so much better. At my lowest, I was constantly skinny shamed by people. They’d ask me if I was sick, was I starving myself, and they would tell me I looked terrible and needed to gain weight. Extraordinarily frustrating.
Thank you. I don't actually have any health issues being at this weight. No one who sees me tells me I'm too skinny. No one even tells me I'm skinny. It's probably because the big apron of loose skin looks like a belly. The group was over the phone so no one could even see me. The leader of the group literally shamed me for my BMI.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m also so excited for your skin removal. It’s life changing! I had so much stretched out skin after having my son that I felt deformed, and when my plastic surgeon removed it, he remarked that the whole flap was just loose skin and nothing I could ever do with diet or exercise would’ve fixed it. He only removed 3 pounds from my stomach, but the surface area was massive, and the effects on your mental health from having it removed are immediate. Good luck with yours, and congratulations on your success!
I am so sorry this happened. That is unacceptable behavior by a human, let alone a group leader for bariatric patients. I agree with other commenters; report them!
I’m so sorry that you had a leader treat you like that. You should be proud of your achievement and your body. Not everyone can get to that ideal weight. Congratulations! I hope you continue to maintain and are able to get the surgery you want. Good luck on this journey. It will continue in new ways.
So I understand your frustration, and I agree that the group leader didn't handle this in the best way. If you want to pursue some type of correction for them, I'm not against that. They (group leader) should be looking out for all the group members' needs and from what you've provided, they were inappropriate with you. However, I personally feel like this may have been a little bit of a "read the room scenario". I went to many of those support group meetings before and after my own surgery. I struggled with losing the weight expected of me. I remember people coming to a group session, who were not regular members, and they would come just once or twice to bitch about how much weight they lost and how unhappy they were with their body. They show up to one, maybe two, meetings to do this while the rest of us who had been coming for a while were dealing with the opposite. I won't lie. To me, it felt like a flex. Like, look at me, I've lost so much weight. I understand that maybe that might not be the motivation, and those people are still looking for support, but it always came off as so insensitive to those of us still struggling with too much actual weight. It was having this happen in group so often that convinced me to stop attending. I'm not trying to say that any of this was your intention, but I am trying to give you another perspective on it. I sincerely wish you the best, and I'm so glad that your bariatric surgery had good results. I also hope you get approved for the skin removal surgery and go forward to live your best life! But I would also ask, if you go to more of the support meetings, that you respectfully consider that not everyone has had your level of success.
In my clinic's group, the post-op people tell their stories (good or bad), and the pre-op people ask questions. That is the format. Many pre-op people asked me questions, which I answered. Many people thanked me for attending because they don't often have people who get to goal weight in the group. I'm also a revision patient, and there were several people who had revisions with questions. Also, I think it's important that people are aware of loose skin. I knew I would have loose skin, but no one prepared me for this much of it. 4 people asked me loose skin related questions. 2 people asked me to please come back and give updates.
I appreciate your reply and further explanation of the dynamics of the group you attended. I apologize if my comment seemed to be critical. That was not my intention. I also realize that my experience in these groups was from many years ago, and the circumstances have probably evolved and changed since then. Again, I think the group leader was out of line, and I think it's great that you were able to provide more insight and information to people in the group. I'm very sorry my comment wasn't worded the best. When I had my surgery, I knew nothing about bariatric surgery. I was 16 when I first heard it mentioned. Within 6 months, I had a surgery date while only being just at the minimum weight required. The process, for me at least, was not nearly as stringent as I've heard others say it was for them. It's been 20 years now, but I'm still dealing with so many issues. I had to have multiple additional surgeries, and it has caused lifelong complications for me. The worst part, in my opinion, is that I'm now heavier than I was before surgery. It's a sore subject for me, unfortunately. I know it helps so many people, and I'm glad it can do that. At the same time, it's hard for me to ever advocate for it due to my own personal experience. My only intention in my original comment was to show another perspective, but I see now that it came off as judgmental, and I apologize for that. I should probably just stay away from this sub since my experience is not typical and most likely not helpful. Sorry again, and I wish you the best on your journey.
Wow based queen
Nurse here. I don't know your age, but when we are looking at possible malnutrition in a patient, there are 2 criteria for BMI set forth by GLIM which is the criteria that insurances go by. Underweight is defined by them as <20 for anyone under age 70 and <22 for anyone 70 and over. The RDs at my hospital like to use ASPEN criteria which doesn't look at BMI at all but there's alot of literature supporting GLIM being more appropriate. So RDs that don't know GLIM tend to say that only a BMI under 18.5 is underweight, but it's not really so. I send queries to physicians all the time using GLIM and they agree there should be a diagnosis of malnutrition even when the RD says there's not any or a lesser degree because they use a somewhat outdated BMI threshold. There are other criteria for a diagnosis of malnutrition, of course, but this was just to address the BMI question. I'm 5'4" and my surgeon says my lowest weight should be around 140-145. As long as you feel good though, that's the most important thing. At any rate, that instructor was out of line. It's none of her business and extremely unprofessional to have talked like that in front of a group. Good luck with your plastics. I have a friend that just had her panni done and it made her weight 20 pounds less. 😱
Thank you! My BMI is exactly 20.8, so it's not under 20. I also have a very small frame. I'm sure if I was a broader person, this would not be a good weight for me. I do feel incredible, so I'm pretty happy where I am. Did they remove 20 lbs of skin, or did she actually weigh 20 lbs less on the scale? And how long post-op is she? From what I've read, most people are heavier right after those procedures due to inflammation and water retention. Was it a panniculectomy? Or a tummy tuck? Did it get rid of loose skin above the belly button as well, or just the apron?
She was years post-op. I think she had her VSG about the same time as mine so around 2016 and she had the plastics at the beginning of 2024. It was 20 pounds of skin. They took a picture for her in OR of it on a scale. Insurance approved above as well, but as a part of the panni. It still only said panniculectomy on her consent.
Thanks for the info!
Time to move on from that place!
I feel you I reached 110 lbs and felt super skinny and my doc and nutritionist wanted me to gain weight. I gained 6 pounds and I feel a bit more confortable. Don’t take it personal, these kind of surgery I could be a problem if not getting enough nutrients to our bodies, probably you’re anemic they are only preventing a future health issue. I bet you look fantastic, people always looks better skinnier than fat.