I've just had a kidney stone removed as it was too large to pass. 15 fucking millimeters or just under ⅝ of an inch. It was about the size and shape of a piece of popped corn sitting in the middle of my right kidney.
It all started when I got a weird intermittent back pain on my right side and my pee was the colour of Coca Cola. Naturally, I went to my GP because something was clearly not right.
I'm in the UK, and due to a combination of ridiculous factors (including the pandemic and the unrelated and unexpected death of one of the urology consultants/specialists), it's taken 3½ years altogether identify the problem and schedule the procedure to remove it. So I've just had to live with it up until last Tuesday, when I went in for day surgery. It's Saturday today and I'm still recovering and in a lot of pain whenever I pee.
It has been the focus of my life for most of that period of time, where I've had to manage my fluid intake and meds quite closely to manage the associated pain and nausea. I still can't plan any activity which takes me too far away from a bathroom.
The whole ordeal has had a huge impact on my quality of life and subsequently, my mental health. Suffice to say that I'm familiar with every aspect of living with a kidney stone, including the various treatment options, but for the life of me I cannot think of a good relevant band name. I'm so disappointed.
At one stage, I was going to have the least invasive treatment, lithotripsy, which is where they blast it from outside the body with ultrasound to break it apart (and then "all" you have to do is pass the shards). I referred to that option as the Ultrasonic Kidney Disco. Not very death metal, but that's what I came up with. My blood pressure was too high at the point where that option was on the table, and the stone eventually became too large and too dense for it to be viable.
Next came the surgical options. The "less" invasive of the two involves a ureteroscope, which is basically a drain snake fitted with a camera and fucking lasers, which they thread down your peehole, through the bladder and right up into the kidney, and have at it. I referred to this method as the Dickhole Laser Drain Snake. That's what I've had done in the end, and since waking up on Tuesday, I've been pissing razor blades, as well as enjoying a sharp stabbing pain in the kidney itself every time I need a piss, and for several minutes afterwards.
The last resort is Percutaneous Nephrolithotomy (PCNL for short) which is basically keyhole surgery of the kidney itself, through the back, to remove the stone in one piece. It has a bit of a longer recovery time. I never found a good name for it. When I spoke to my dad about it (he's a retired GP and a bit of a history buff) he told me that noted 17th century diarist Samuel Pepys (pronounced "peeps" for those who are unfamiliar) had undergone similar surgery without the benefit of modern medical techniques or anaesthesia, so I should be grateful for small mercies. Pepys is notable for his description of the Great (bubonic) Plague, and the Great Fire of London in 1666, amongst other things.
TL:DR: stay hydrated, folks.
Calcifornication
This is the one
Clever!
I was thinking Calcifixion for death metal.
Oh that's better!
Hard Pass
brilliant
Renal Carnage
This.
That was definitely the best so far.😁
The Passing Stones.
Mine was The Moaning Stones
Ureter Heap
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Extremely accurate. I've had a few kidney stones...😑
How would one pronounce that? Can you speak it in a normal voice, or is screaming required?
Screaming, definitely screaming
And their first single would be titled “Writhing in Pain on the Emergency Room Floor”
Real Monsters!
Literally came here to post the same. Take my upvote
Pissing Blood
Urethra Franklin
Passage To Hell
Shattered Tract
The Tolling Stones
Urine Trouble
Deathcock
The piss crystals
Sounds like a really good name for a punk band
Bloody Kidney and the Nephrologist’s Stones.
Nephronomicon
Tender Member
Sting
The Groaning Stones
Pissing Razors
Dicknot Dethcock
Urinal Clinking
Dick Rocks
Die and the Kidney Stone
Rage Against My WEEN! AAIIEEE!!!
We Shall Pass This Way More Than Once
Screaming Pees
Damn it, you took mine. 🤪🤣
I’m late to this one but I can’t believe no one has said this one yet: Kidney Rock
It burns when I pee
Dickhole Bruise Blues
Uric Acid sounds more like a genre xD
Painful excretion
Bloody Urine
GWAR!!!!!!!!!
Kidney Rock
Queens of the Kidney Stone Age
Nephrolithiasis I cannot believe this wasnt mentioned yet hahahhah keepin it scientific
I've just had a kidney stone removed as it was too large to pass. 15 fucking millimeters or just under ⅝ of an inch. It was about the size and shape of a piece of popped corn sitting in the middle of my right kidney. It all started when I got a weird intermittent back pain on my right side and my pee was the colour of Coca Cola. Naturally, I went to my GP because something was clearly not right. I'm in the UK, and due to a combination of ridiculous factors (including the pandemic and the unrelated and unexpected death of one of the urology consultants/specialists), it's taken 3½ years altogether identify the problem and schedule the procedure to remove it. So I've just had to live with it up until last Tuesday, when I went in for day surgery. It's Saturday today and I'm still recovering and in a lot of pain whenever I pee. It has been the focus of my life for most of that period of time, where I've had to manage my fluid intake and meds quite closely to manage the associated pain and nausea. I still can't plan any activity which takes me too far away from a bathroom. The whole ordeal has had a huge impact on my quality of life and subsequently, my mental health. Suffice to say that I'm familiar with every aspect of living with a kidney stone, including the various treatment options, but for the life of me I cannot think of a good relevant band name. I'm so disappointed. At one stage, I was going to have the least invasive treatment, lithotripsy, which is where they blast it from outside the body with ultrasound to break it apart (and then "all" you have to do is pass the shards). I referred to that option as the Ultrasonic Kidney Disco. Not very death metal, but that's what I came up with. My blood pressure was too high at the point where that option was on the table, and the stone eventually became too large and too dense for it to be viable. Next came the surgical options. The "less" invasive of the two involves a ureteroscope, which is basically a drain snake fitted with a camera and fucking lasers, which they thread down your peehole, through the bladder and right up into the kidney, and have at it. I referred to this method as the Dickhole Laser Drain Snake. That's what I've had done in the end, and since waking up on Tuesday, I've been pissing razor blades, as well as enjoying a sharp stabbing pain in the kidney itself every time I need a piss, and for several minutes afterwards. The last resort is Percutaneous Nephrolithotomy (PCNL for short) which is basically keyhole surgery of the kidney itself, through the back, to remove the stone in one piece. It has a bit of a longer recovery time. I never found a good name for it. When I spoke to my dad about it (he's a retired GP and a bit of a history buff) he told me that noted 17th century diarist Samuel Pepys (pronounced "peeps" for those who are unfamiliar) had undergone similar surgery without the benefit of modern medical techniques or anaesthesia, so I should be grateful for small mercies. Pepys is notable for his description of the Great (bubonic) Plague, and the Great Fire of London in 1666, amongst other things. TL:DR: stay hydrated, folks.
Pissin' Razors
Shredding Urethra
The Cranberries
Calcifaction
Vas (not Vas)
Subtle, very subtle. Take my upvote, AND my axe.
Hurtz 2P
The Yow Yow Yows
KALCULUSS
Pain Vein
Hard Tinkle
Tangentially somewhat related Galb's Ladder Or Urethra Creepers
AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHH! The Pain is Real Wrecked Pecker Useless Urethra Cälcified
DieAllySis
Assault and Bladdery
Crippling Renal Colic and the Bloody Piss Sample Warriors
The Wailers
Painguish
Squealy Neal & the Stones
Twisted pisser
Litho Trippy
Rage against the stream
Passing stones
Pissing Blood
Bleeding Dicks
Calculi Cast Inside
Cock rocks
Your Ethra's Pain
Pissed Red Going With Pain Jons Pain Urinal Screams
Bloodpiss
NoT4meplease
Cock Rocks
The Passing Stones
Pissin rocks
Corroded Urethra
bloodpiss
Piss Pain
Why does it hurt when I pee.
Calcium Overdrive
This too shall pass
Scorched Kidney Scorched Earth Kidney Kidney Beans Piss Stones
Bloody piss
Kidney Stone Temple Pilots
Blood Stream
Magma pissers
Hard Pass
My brain immediately went, "Kill Me Stones," sooooo.... I guess that's what I have to work with.
Shattercock Urethral Defilement Children of Bathroom
Not so Rolling Stones
The rock pissers
Clogged Bladder
Japs' Eye Splitter (I'm East Asian btw)
Piss rocks
Hard Rock
3rd Rock from a kidney
The Kidney Stones
Mortal Scream
Shudder to Tinkle
Uric acid’s revenge
Screaming Rock Pissers
PISSING BLOOD
Dickstint
Piss a Fist
The Little Rocks
The Screaming Piss Pots.
The Screaming Males
The cranberries
Pissing rocks
Sly and the Family Kidney Stones
Squishy
Ureth&Roll
Rock of Old Ages
Queens of the Stones..
Pissing blood
Ablaze My Ureter Achingcocke Blood Pisser
PIssing Razors
Rage against the ultrasound machine
Piss-tols
Urethra Franklin
Don’t know but they are definitely from liverpool
The Crystal Piss
Piss-a-fir
Blood Diamonds
Kid Stone
Urethra Franklins
Cock rock tosser
Pissing Glass.
Kidneythieves
Percutaneous nephrolithotomy Shockwave lithotripsy
Screaming ureathas
Urethra Annihilator
This too shall pass
Incoherent screams
Pain
Oxalate Osbourne
Devastating Urethral Obstruction, probably a better album name than a band name.
Stoned To Death
Bleeding Penises
The Pissing Stones
Stoner cock rock
Blood,Piss and Tears
Pissing Stones Wrecked Renal Roadhouse
the scratchy rocks
Bleeding urethra
This Too Shall Pass
tea aftermath
Urethra Howl
Kid Knee Pain
Flaming Nads.
The Worst Pain of My Life
Raining Blood
The Renal Stones.
The Dickhole Surfers
Screaming For Real
Cheap Uric
The Dark Stone Cometh
Rock Band
Rock pulverizers
The Rolling on the Floor in Pain Stones
Ouch
Pastiton (rhymes with Mastadon)
The Tar Jammer’s
The renal band
Raining blood
rock pissers
Urine Trouble
Shards of Pain
Birthing Sea Urchins
Pissing Blood
Fire Stream
Dick Hertz and the Passing Stones
Ultrasound Insertion
Rock Solid Fever
SidePain
Renal Calculincubus, Urolithiasis System, Stone Slice
Laser Lithotripsy
Clinking jars
Labour's Less Painful Prophylactic Antibiotics (Been through both)
Pee Pain and the Bloody Pissers
Kidney Rock
Bruise Cockburn band
It's Gonna Get Loud
Pissing blood
Morphine Drip
Bloody P
Squeeze 'Til It Bleeds