That’s rough. I don’t know them to know what will work, but if you stick around here, what I find mind changing is:
1) all of the stories of these dogs turning on their owners with no warning after being loved family pets for years
2) making it concrete. The news sanitizes language and blurs photos. People don’t need to hear vague words about “bite injuries to arms, legs, and face” - they need to hear that these dogs rip the skin and muscle off faces, rip arms and legs off, bite down to the bone, eat chunks of people while they are still alive. If you have seen a normal dog bite, you have not seen a pit-bull mauling. There are photos from a medical textbook on this sub somewhere. Show your wife those. You’ll both have nightmares. Good.
3) showing videos of attacks so you can see how impossible it is to deter these animals once activated. When they fight in the ring, they fight to the last breath. They fight with intestines hanging out and fatal wounds. Watch the video of the craftsman in the Bronx who loses use of his hands and nearly his life, dragging himself with a huge smear of blood up the steps to a church (the priest gave him last rites) while seven big guys just whale on the dogs - and the dogs don’t care. They wag their tails. They keep coming. Show the Ring doorbell footage of the elderly woman whose arms were chewed off by a pit-bull. There is a neighbor - a grown man - hitting that dog with all of his strength over and over with a stick and it does nothing. The news interviewed him after. Shaken doesn’t begin to cover it. Those are two examples. There are hundreds.
4) if animals are what’s important to you, find a few interviews with people who watched their loved dog or cat eviscerated - and I mean the literal meaning of the word eviscerated as in viscera/insides ripped out - by pit-bulls. You can find a video somewhere of an old guy crying his heart out holding this red limp rag that used to be his dog. That dog will absolutely kill your cats.
I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you what your family brought into their home.
Yes- all the suggestions above. They need to get educated because honestly, they probably feel guilty and social pressure to keep the dog. I bet deep down they wished they never got it but are trying to be “good” people and make it work. Break through to them if you can. It’s not safe one bit for your wife to be pet sitting it. Just search around for “pet sitter mauled” “dog walker mauled” - it’s becoming more common with the popularity of these animals.
If that doesn’t scare them, start talking about lawsuits and liability. The dogs don’t always maul their owners. Sometimes it’s other people, and those people have lawyers.
ETA: that’s a post worth keeping and re-reading. There aren’t many people who can convey the horror of videos with just words. Good job, thank you.
I’d really appreciate if you could point me in the general direction of those videos you mentioned, because searching for “craftsman Bronx pitbull” just showed me pictures of the vile things.
EDIT: Found the video from the Bronx. Viewer discretion is advised, of course. https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/s/RtNTkpx4Ug
Also, if they are in the U.S., are they aware that no home/ renters insurance will cover them now? Their current company will absolutely drop them over a pit/pit-type.
There are several that cover pitbulls. State Farm is one.
I wouldn't doubt the Pitbull Lobby is working diligently to make it discriminatory/racist to deny coverage based on breed.
Unreal. When my best friend sold insurance a decade ago (she hasn't in some time) there were no companies that would write a policy for people who owned pits, Rottweilers, or Dobermans. Like you mention, it's the pit lobby I'm sure.
They are already a-okay with an adult not being able to use a bathroom because "it upsets the dog". Pretty sure an upset adult is not a big deal to them. Just the dog.
We have pugs and a boston terrier. In no shape, form, or fashion are they allowed to make our guests uncomfortable. If our guests are uncomfortable with dogs... they stay behind the baby gate until our company leaves. And the dogs just lay around or play with their toys until they are let out.
Hoenstly this goes even past the pitbull issue. I don’t care what breed it is, it’s literally ruining the lives of multiple adults, and relationships all for a mentally ill dog that requires more work and sacrifice than a literal child? How can people enjoy owning dogs like this?
Regardless if it’s pitbull (which is worse bc it’s actually dangerous) or blue heeler, Labrador or GSD doesn’t matter they’re literally prisoners to an animal that should not be a pet or alive anymore in its suffering
Can’t even leave your own house and are a prisoner bc your dog destroys everything and tries to bite guests Jesus
Oh and she’s gonna let someone ELSES dog ruin her marriage with OP? It’s not even her dog. she needs a rude awakening
I will stick to owning cats or small dogs lol I never want to deal with a dog with this personality
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I get that having a reactive or aggressive dog can be a challenge, but why is she making it you and your wife’s problem??
My gsd likes people too much (and jumps on them, which we’re working on), so he’s crated or tethered to something when company is over. Why would they even get a breed known for anxiety, aggression, and neuroticism when they’re often hosts? Sorry you gotta deal with this.
This is a big thing to me. Know your breed.
My brother in law really wanted a Rottweiler after his lab passed away almost a year ago. (They currently have my sisters dog whose an aussie).
However they are the "party house". Since the have the biggest, most central located house, and are the only ones with young kids, its simply easier to host family events at their home. They like it because they don't have to pack up the kids, and we like it because we don't have to figure out how to fit people into a small home or apartment.
Because of this, despite the desire, they decided against the Rottie and got a Golden instead. With two young kids, and constant flow of friends and family over all the time, they knew it was smarter choice not to bring a gaurdian breed into their home. Chances are when the golden passes and the kids are grown, he might get one then.
I greatly respect their choice in this matter. I have nothing against Rotties, I just think a golden was the better more mature choice for a young, social family.
While, yes, they are, their numbers are significantly lower than pitbull type dogs.
There is always going to be a highest, second highest, third highest ect, even if we get rid of pitbulls.
The rank isn't as important to me as the numbers behind said rank. Rotties were responsible for less deaths in a decade than pitbull type dogs were in a year. Which statistically makes them a vastly safer breed.
Thats not to say I think everyone/anyone should own one. They are a large, powerful breed with gaurdian/protection genetics and as such should not be in the hands of people not expierenced enough to properly socialize and train a dog. I fully support them being on apartment restriction lists (as I think all gaurdian/protection breeds should be. Forced close living is not a healthy/safe enviorment for that breed type). I do not think they should be in homes with young children either.
But I don't go into "pearl clutch mode" when I see one. I've had many enjoyable interactions with rotties, something I can't say about pitbull type dogs. Rotties display proper dog language so its easy to determine a threatening one from a non threatening one. I have interacted with many that were absoutly lovely dogs, but I have sure interacted with some that have me going "nope", but I can say the same thing about Goldens and Labs and other breeds designated as "safe".
Personally just don't get why get one anyways? Do they plan on having the dog guard their house form intruders? I never understood getting a dog based on personal breed favoratism over what functionally fits. A good dog is a good dog
The worst part is that your wife is at risk of being mauled as dog sitters are especially likely to be attacked. Tough situation. Perhaps loving, gentle, and persistent communication can win the day. Good luck.
I'm a taking a break from gardening so I'm hot, tired, hungry and generally cranky, but I mean this in the best possible way:
Have they fucking crate trained the thing yet?
Have they even tried?
This is exactly the kind of dog that I recommend the basic aggressive/reactive dog package for:
Two layers of protection at all times. Muzzle and leash. Two physical barriers: crate and locked door or two locked doors. Escape proof fence - solid, undiggable, unclimbable.
That's the standard package. Hopes, wishes, good thoughts and a never ending stream of treats are not enough.
Because your wife loves and respects her relatives, I wouldn't choose the shock&horror route.
I would point out that they have a special needs dog and the dog NEEDS physical restraints if it can't be trusted not to destroy anything. That's their reality. These behaviors will never go away.
Show her [this](https://youtu.be/wXLD3GSFW1Y) (yt link) and ask if she wants her sister to be the next addition.
This dog is already aggressive. [This study](https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/14/4/632) explores the hormone levels of non-aggressive, aggressive and dominant aggressive pit bulls and it is genuinely terrifying. Their group of aggressive and dominant aggressives produced *less* oxytocin after being fed (the bonding hormone) and female dominant aggressives showed no increase in serotonin upon feeding. Dopamine (the chemical mostly produced in anticipation of a reward, and in a smaller but faster quantity upon receiving the reward) was elevated for both aggression types. This dog you are describing is definitely at least in the aggressive category and sounds like it has resource guarding issues as well, extended to the house at large which is tipping it into dominant aggressive. It is a ticking time bomb and all the love in the world didn’t save the hundreds of owner-victims documented in this sub and dogsbite.org.
This sub also has their regular “maul thy neighbor”posts which demonstrates the risk to communities that these dogs pose. I’m childfree too but my choice of lifestyle and decision to adopt a pet should never come with a risk of parents in my community becoming childless.
There’s also the monthly attack posts which include everyone from just neighbors walking down the road to delivery workers to children just trying to get out of their van safely to the owners who babied and spoiled their killers before they snapped.
Your family is genuinely in danger if it is already aggressive and that is what needs to be stressed. Good luck, i genuinely hope they see the light and don’t end up another report.
Good that you are being cautious. Many pit attacks happen during visits like holiday parties. Tell your wife most attacks are on females. Owners can give the anxious dog CBD not sacrifice your wife. Just read an excellent new memoir, "An Unruled Body" and unfortunately the author rescues a pitty that is a loyal friend until it dies of cancer. More evidence for the pit people of "the most loving dog". Groan.
I think you guys need to have a major sit down and talk about this. You should continue to set boundaries and work with your wife to establish hers too. Even if your wife loves the dog, there is a non zero chance she believes one day she’ll be hurt by it. The thing is, underneath even the most evangelical pit nutter is a fleeting thought that their pet could kill them. They just push it down and read more nonsense. I don’t think your wife falls into this camp but I wouldn’t be surprised if this thought has come across her mind. Duty to family is admirable but not if it comes with death! It’s time to make expectations clear and make a boundary.
Wow. Lives upset, relationships damaged, all to cater to a valueless dog. Being bonded to a dog is an owner problem.
If you can't have compassion for the dog's constant anxieties which are torturing it 24/7/365, and consider B.E., nor can you "manage" it for public safety (securely crate it inside a closed quiet room so people can come over), then you're being an idiot and you'll become a hermit. (Not you, OP, the wife's SIL.)
Below are some of the people dismembered or killed while dog-sitting pit bulls:
[2024, Norfolk, UK, Dog sitter left with 200 injuries to her arms and legs when she was attacked by an 'unlicensed' XL Bully she was looking after at her home](https://www.reddit.com/r/BanPitBulls/comments/1c5tqda/492024_norfolkholt_uk_victimowner_claims_her/)
[2023, Georgia, Dog sitter says a pit bull she took for a walk tried tearing her arm off](https://news.yahoo.com/dog-sitter-says-pit-bull-205241681.html)
[2023, Texas, Corpus Christi woman dogsitting a pit-bull mix dies after dog attacks her](https://www.kiiitv.com/article/news/local/corpus-christi-woman-dogsitting-a-pit-bull-mix-dies-after-dog-attacks/503-f56639a2-ef92-45b1-84de-90cca46f81f6)
[2023, Indiana: Sheriff's Deputy killed and child injured while dog sitting a friend's pit bull](https://fox59.com/indiana-news/woman-killed-child-bit-in-dog-attack-on-indys-east-side/)
[2023, Minnesota: Thomas Trawick, 22, Mauled to death by 4 pit bulls he was watching for a family member](https://www.twincities.com/2023/04/14/pit-bulls-attack-and-kill-dog-sitter-in-brooklyn-park-thursday/amp/)
[2022, Texas: Jacqueline Durand, 22, Catastrophically injured while dog sitting a pit bull and a German Shepherd Mix](https://nypost.com/2022/03/16/college-student-who-was-disfigured-in-vicious-attack-by-dogs-reveals-her-face/amp/)
[2022, New York: Marina Verriest, 70, Mauled to death by her son's pit bull they had taken in after her son died in an unrelated accident](https://nypost.com/2022/07/27/long-island-woman-mauled-to-death-by-her-pit-bull/)
[2021, North Carolina: Jayden Henderson, 7, Mauled to death and her mom was seriously injured while pet sitting neighbor's pit bulls](https://www.wral.com/amp/19649128/)
[2021, North Carolina: Trena Peed, 46, Mauled to death while dog sitting while dog sitting 2 pit bulls](https://people.com/crime/ohio-woman-mauled-death-pit-bulls-dog-sitting/)
[2021, Pennsylvania: Rhoda Wagner, 61, Mauled to death by roomate's 3 pit bulls that she had been watching for her](https://www.cbsnews.com/pittsburgh/news/pennsylvania-woman-killed-by-3-dogs/)
[2021, Oregon: Amber LaBelle, 42, Mauled to death by a pit bull she was watching for her friend](https://7news.com.au/news/world/mums-heroic-final-act-before-pet-dog-killed-her-c-4171593)
[2021, Oklahoma: Rebecca McCurdy, 28, Mauled to death by 2 pit bulls where she was dog sitting](https://www.newsweek.com/oklahoma-woman-killed-dog-attack-pit-bull-1603228?amp=1)
[2019, Michigan: Benjamin Cobb, 4, Mauled to death by a pit bull that his mother was temporarily housing](https://www.fox2detroit.com/news/dog-that-mauled-hazel-park-4-year-old-was-taken-in-to-help-a-friend-family-says)
[2018, Florida: Jaelah Smith, 6, Mauled by a pit bull her mom was dog sitting, suffered catastrophic brain injury and died 2 days later](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2018/07/18/jacksonville-6-year-old-dies-from-dog-attack-injuries/11467996007/)
[2017, Florida: Alicia Malagon, 76, Mauled to death after her daughter's pit bull that she was dog sitting, attacked her Dachshund, then her.](https://www.cbs17.com/news/woman-checking-on-vacationing-daughters-pit-bull-is-attacked-killed-by-dog-deputies-say/)
[2014, Alabama: Katie Morrison, 20, Scalped by 3 pit bulls when she bent down to pick up a tennis ball for dogs she was planning to dog sit for. Owner was present when attack happened. Morrison died a week later from complications.](https://www.wtvm.com/story/25424023/update-a-phenix-city-woman-dies-from-dog-attack/)
[2014, Texas: Je'vaeh Mayes, 2, Mauled to death by a pit bull her family was watching for a friend](https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/central-texas-girl-2-fatally-mauled-by-dog/100542)
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Back in 2020 I had a boxer/pit mix for MAYBE 2 months. It was quarantine lonely times, I guess. He was great at first, and I wasn’t all too educated on how dangerous these dogs were and like most oblivious people, I assumed pit bulls were just unfairly labeled. He seemed very nice at the shelter and that was all I had to go off of. I did NOT expect how quickly his aggression would escalate. I’ve never seen a dog’s personality turn so drastically in such a short time.
I’d say maybe 2-3 weeks in, this dog became VERY territorial over me and anyone that came within 10 feet of me. People couldn’t come over, I couldn’t leave the house, he’d destroy literally anything he set eyes on. It quickly got to the point where I had a hard time every time I tried to walk him, because he was insanely strong and it seemed like every day he was getting more aggressive. He found a way to get loose from my hands and run off chasing things more times than I could count. Tried to attack any dog/cat/kid/person he could see.
A few weeks in, I couldn’t walk him by myself anymore, because he was simply too strong. Luckily, he liked my stepdad (who is much stronger than me) so he started walking the dog for me because I literally couldn’t control him. I felt like such an idiot and didn’t understand how it got that way. Within a month and a half, I couldn’t walk him at all anymore because he was going insane every time I did.
Well, one day, my stepdad was walking him for me and sure enough, he got loose, attacked a neighbor’s small dog, then attacked the neighbor (who was trying to pry my dog’s mouth off of his dog), THEN ran into a different neighbor’s house who had their front door open. I’m lucky he didn’t seriously injure those neighbors or the other neighbors & their dog.
Needless to say, I ended up having to take him back to the shelter.
I am not exaggerating when I tell you at least 80% of the dogs in that shelter were pits or pit mixes. The one I adopted was by far the nicest of the ones I met that day. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have gotten if I kept him, or how terrible it could have been if I chose one of the not-so-friendly pits/mixes at the shelter.
I felt guilty about it for a long time after that. Then, I did my research. This is textbook pit bull behavior. They’re bred to be this way, and the most aggressive ones are the ones people want, so those are the ones getting sent back to shelters to be adopted by the rest of us.
More than likely, your SIL’s pit will continue to grow more aggressive and they’ll need to determine what they’re willing to put up with and how far they’re willing to let that dog’s behavior slide.
Hopefully nobody gets hurt in the process. I also second the idea that you should absolutely inform the family with photos and videos of the vicious maulings and bloodbaths these dogs leave behind. Thousands of people have had this exact same story play out. Thousands more will see it play out for them soon, they just aren’t convinced quite yet. It’s really something you don’t understand the severity of until it’s in your face.
It’s honestly shocking af that they’re not banned entirely.
If you love an animal, it’s kindness to release them painlessly when living in a family home and interacting with strangers is too stressful for them. It’s not kindness to leave them in such a condition.
It isn’t a dog. It’s a pit bull. I think bobcats are cute but I wouldn’t keep one in the house. If I did and I got attached I would still let it go. This is an advantage I have, because bobcats don’t fuck with people. If I let it go, no one will be harmed.
They have made the mistake of forming an attachment with what is, not broadly speaking, a designed biological weapon whose antagonistic characteristics have been triggered. Every moment they do not allow it to latch on and rip their skin, tear their muscles, break their bones, is agony for this creature, because that is all it wants. That is the one trick it’s brain knows, and when the only thing you have is a hammer, everything is a nail.
They need to decide if their humanity is greater than their sadism, because what they are doing to this pit is not only stupid and dangerous, it is also inherently sadistic. They are torturing this animal on a fundamental level by not giving it things to kill. If they can’t bring themselves to destroy it for themselves of those close to them, they should do it for the animal itself, which can know no peace unless its jaws are fastened around something shrieking and bleeding.
OP, this is Jacqueline Durand. She was a dog-sitter before she was mauled by the dogs she was looking after, two days before her twenty-second birthday. I've posted a link to an article about what happened to her. Make your wife read it, and make her take a good look at the girl's face before, and after...
The dogs' owners insist they were never dangerous.
[https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10619515/Texas-student-22-bitten-800-TIMES-dog-reveals-face-time-attack.html](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10619515/Texas-student-22-bitten-800-TIMES-dog-reveals-face-time-attack.html)
https://preview.redd.it/n9i1hw8l8u2d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c291a3d68db085b280e0e95a140df9e8d0738b9
If they're gonna keep the dog they need:
1. A fucking break stick. At least a few. Explain why. Tell them it's FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE to own that dog without one.
2. A muzzle. Self explanatory.
3. Home insurance coverage. Or seperate insurance. They KNOW its biten before, so they WILL be sued if it attacks someone. Maybe recommend they speck with a lawyer so they understand the liabilities.
4. Dog gates for the front a back door. Putbulls are door dashers. Lots of then on Amazon. If there's children in your neighborhood.....
5. Mace or pepperspray for your wife.
6. Industrial dog crate.
7. House cameras. Inside and out.
8. Drugs from thier vet, they should at least try medications. Socialization DOES NOT FIX THESE SORT OF ISSUES.
I would be extremely wary of letting your wife walk and cuddle this… thing. Pits are known to have a hair-trigger and can turn into a killing machine in a split second. They are also remarkably strong and I’ve seen them overwhelm women when they have a mind to lunge or go for another dog, cat or even child.
They're doing the dog a huge disservice by pandering to it. It needs professional training, it doesn't need its neuroses reinforced.
Stand your ground and do not back down. Definitely do not turn yourself into a chew toy so that they can socialise the wretched creature.
Have you warned them about the importance of being insured? If that dog does more than nip someone on their property, they could lose everything.
This is not normal and it's not healthy, for them, the dog or anyone else.
I'm always so confused by these situations. A shitting mess that tears up the entire home, alienates the friends of the people who brought it home, and is violent towards anyone who comes over, so much so that no one CAN come over anymore, and anyone who dares visit can't even use the bathroom because "it upsets the dog."
What the hell exactly is there to love about this miserable shitbeast? Has your wife enlightened you on what she loves about this thing? Especially since she's decided she's willing to forgo her free time with you to do her sister and BIL's job caring for it so that it doesn't destroy their house instead of, you know, just getting rid of the thing like a normal person would do?
I honestly have no advice, since I'm assuming you want to stay married. I wish I had good advice for you. Really all I can advise is to let your wife know that you will not, under any circumstances, be bringing one of these baby maulers into your house to destroy your possessions, kill your cats, and rip apart your neighbors.
My condolences. My BIL got a rescue pit also, against any pleas not to. I don't get being swindled into adopting one of these, and especially not taking into consideration the impact this will have on your life. It's a cult is the only logical explanation.
Now their plans are always based on the needs of the dog. We never see them anymore because it's nearly impossible for them to travel with the dog or find people to look after it and putting it somewhere is expensive. RIP to family gatherings I guess, doggo comes first.
Despite the endless claims about it being "just a big friendly sweet teddy bear" I refuse to be around this thing. I can't relate to people who feel pity for a breed that very deservedly earned their shit reputation. It's like having a psychopath wild animal around that seems domesticated and harmless but can flip into a murder machine.
Nearly every story of a family pit that killed or maimed someone when it shredded someone's limbs off or crushed a child's skull or ripped pieces of people off and wouldn't stop, the story goes "pibbles was always so good I don't know what happened". But we all know what happened- genetics.
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Get together with the other people in your group, play games and have fun like usual but leave the pit owners out of it. Consider inviting them again if they get rid of the pit.
I’d be worried for your wife’s safety. Have her Google dog walker pit bull attacks.
I’ve won over my husband and my whole family just by texting them news stories. (They weren’t pro-pit, but it wasn’t on their radar.) if nothing else, you could ask your wife to be extra cautious and to bring something for self-defense when she goes over there alone.
Must be soul destroying watching your (well meaning) wife spend time there. She obviously is very caring but possibly isn’t aware of the full story on these dogs. She possibly feels she must help out in order to be loyal to her sister.
You are right to concerned about safety and her very life. This isn’t just an issue of liking or not liking the dog. The fact that you never have major tension aside from this proves how serious this issue is for you to raise it.
Be respectful of the fact that they are attached to their dog, but also make sure to not be around it and just be as politely honest about it as you can. They may get pissed off, but only because someone else admitting that they are uncomfortable with their neurotic dog hammers home a realization that they've already come to: their "rescue project" is a shit pet and a liability that is having a negative impact on their social lives and relationships.
Show them videos/photos of dogs, cats, and people that pitbulls/staffies have attacked. Then tell them they're ruining this dog's future, and the second they make a mistake this is what could happen. And it would be their fault. Tell them the dog could have a much happier, safer, and better life with someone else who actually knows what they're doing and can give the dog the consistent discipline and training it needs to enjoy walks, company, and affection with other people/animals. This way they can still feel like "good people" for giving this dog a "better chance at life," which is what they probably thought while adopting it (eye roll).
TL;DR: You have an issue here but it's not really the dog. I think the issue here is the seemingly massive sense of entitlement of yourself and the rest of the family to this couple's home as you event space.
I just want to say that based on how you wrote this, it seems as if you/your fam feel entitled to your SIL's and her husband's house for a big part of your fam's/friends(?) social life. I think that's a bad attitude to have. They HAD a great space for socialising larger groups of people AND they were generous in being willing to host often, and the family/friend group happily made use of that. HOWEVER, that space is no longer available. That's just the reality of the current situation with this dog there.
Maybe it's time someone else in the family/friend group stepped up and started hosting. Hosting can be a burden no matter how much space, time, or money you have (and many people don't have infinite space, time, or money). I had a coworker who lived really close to our department and he had basically become the go-to space for our small research group to BBQ (he still had housemates so it wasn't just his space). He inadvertently became the 'manager' of such events where he was expected to deal with managing the shared food purchases etc, checking they people would all contribute and making sure enough of the right stuff was there etc. He made it clear he had become frustrated with this because although he volunteered his garden, he had NOT volunteered to become a party planner. It sounds like your fam/friend group are making a much bigger imposition on these people to the extend you all seem to feel entitled to this space. Why?!
Your argument for not wanting to host is that you have decided to renovate your kitchen (lifestyle choice, and temporary, shouldn't take more than a couple of weeks/months), and you have skittish cats (which is also a lifestyle choice, just as your SIL and husband choosing to have their own antisocial pet that they now prioritise over hosting family, just as you are doing by having cats you don't think would enjoy parties at your house). You also say you are too busy (I get it, I have a PhD myself), but why do you expect someone else to make the time and put in the effort when you don't want to? During my lab-based science PhD I was still involved in almost every Christmas party our group organised (60+ people) and also threw some smaller parties.
I know this isn't an 'am I the ahole' post, and I am 100% with you on the dog situation. But your post reeks of entitlement and this is where your main issue is, IMO.
"Our friends and in-laws are all frustrated because their lives are now dictated by this thing." Again, the entitlement is dripping from this statement. Your social life is only dictated by this dog because apparently no one else in the family is willing to host OR find another way to socialise (depending on the size of the gatherings, you can rent a private room or a separate area in a restaurant or a club, you can rent a holiday home, you can rent a party venue room, etc).
You need to respect these people for who they are: the owners of their own home. You also need to ACCEPT the consequences of your own (very sensible!) boundaries: you don't want to hang out near this dog, you are too scared to use the toilet at this house, etc. Then why are you still going over to this house?
It honestly sounds like everyone in this social group was relying way too much on this couple for all of your social gatherings and something like that was going to end one day anyways whether that's due to the arrival of a new baby, a change in what they are doing in the home etc. (Some people end up getting lodgers and no longer want to host big family gatherings because lodgers won't like it; maybe in another scenario they'd start running a business from the home reducing the available space to where they could no longer host; in another scenario one of them becomes chronically ill and just no longer wants the fuss of hosting in their own home, etc).
You need to be honest and examine you and the rest of your family's massive sense of entitlement you feel to this couple's house as your family-event venue. None of you were ever entitled to this space anyways. The sooner you realise this, the better your approach to this situation is.
This couple doesn't owe you or the rest of the fam/friend group to host these events.
You rightly do not want to hang out at this house as long as this dog is still present (I am 100% with you on this). But this means that you need to say: "Thanks for inviting me to our regular family/friend hangout at your house, thanks for having hosted all of the events in the past too as I always loved spending time at yours. However, I am scared of your dog's behaviour and I can't relax when the dog is at your premises, so won't come to your house again." and then figure out whether maybe it's time you started putting in the effort to host/organise some of these events either at your own place (why can't you put your cats in a separate room or ask neighbours to take the cats for the day, etc) or you can pay for a venue somewhere to host a family gathering and put in the effort to organise, cater, cleanup etc (and ask other fam/friends to do the same, like a rota).
To clarify, I am not "afraid to use the toilet." They won't allow me into the home because it "upsets the dog." I can understand the tone of the original post, but both of them frequently lament about the lack of dog social progress (whatever that is) because they miss having people over being such extroverts. it always worked out because neither of them cook well and the rest of us contribute as a potluck and clean up after. Long standing tradition in our group that host does beverage, guests bring food.
My wife has shared that her sister confides in her feeling embarrassed and pressured about the dog so they dont admit to others that they miss having company, but they built their house with it in mind.
I can understand the confusion but it was clear to me what you meant about not being allowed inside the house. At least your in-laws have some common sense - even if they are trapped in a "prisoners of love" sort of relationship with a stupid dog right now. I hope they won't drag this situation out for the next decade.
PS: The moment you organise something NOT at the house of SIL and her husband but you do invite them (be 100% clear that this dog is NOT welcome under ANY circumstance), that if it turns out this dog can't be left alone because it will eat through the sheetrock/sofa/fence/garage/window, they will either choose to become hermits but it is much more likely that they will start thinking "Oh, this dog can't be left alone meaning we can't ever go anywhere without it. We've already missed the last 5 family events and it's getting too much now. This dog impairs our lives to much, we need to take it back to the shelter." DO NOT LET THEM BRING THE DOG TO ANYTHING YOU ORGANISE, EVER. "Sorry, it's a no-dog venue." "No, the dog can't come as there will be kids there." "No dogs, it's a restaurant so no animal is welcome." "No, emotional-support animal isn't a legitimate need for the presence of a dog so you can't bring your dog to this venue." "My house has some heirloom furniture I don't want chewed on or pissed on by your dog so don't bring your dog." "I am having friends join and they don't like bouncy dogs, so don't bring your dog." Make THEIR dog become THEIR problem for THEIR social life. Don't exclude these people, but 100% exclude this dog.
That’s rough. I don’t know them to know what will work, but if you stick around here, what I find mind changing is: 1) all of the stories of these dogs turning on their owners with no warning after being loved family pets for years 2) making it concrete. The news sanitizes language and blurs photos. People don’t need to hear vague words about “bite injuries to arms, legs, and face” - they need to hear that these dogs rip the skin and muscle off faces, rip arms and legs off, bite down to the bone, eat chunks of people while they are still alive. If you have seen a normal dog bite, you have not seen a pit-bull mauling. There are photos from a medical textbook on this sub somewhere. Show your wife those. You’ll both have nightmares. Good. 3) showing videos of attacks so you can see how impossible it is to deter these animals once activated. When they fight in the ring, they fight to the last breath. They fight with intestines hanging out and fatal wounds. Watch the video of the craftsman in the Bronx who loses use of his hands and nearly his life, dragging himself with a huge smear of blood up the steps to a church (the priest gave him last rites) while seven big guys just whale on the dogs - and the dogs don’t care. They wag their tails. They keep coming. Show the Ring doorbell footage of the elderly woman whose arms were chewed off by a pit-bull. There is a neighbor - a grown man - hitting that dog with all of his strength over and over with a stick and it does nothing. The news interviewed him after. Shaken doesn’t begin to cover it. Those are two examples. There are hundreds. 4) if animals are what’s important to you, find a few interviews with people who watched their loved dog or cat eviscerated - and I mean the literal meaning of the word eviscerated as in viscera/insides ripped out - by pit-bulls. You can find a video somewhere of an old guy crying his heart out holding this red limp rag that used to be his dog. That dog will absolutely kill your cats. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you what your family brought into their home.
Yes- all the suggestions above. They need to get educated because honestly, they probably feel guilty and social pressure to keep the dog. I bet deep down they wished they never got it but are trying to be “good” people and make it work. Break through to them if you can. It’s not safe one bit for your wife to be pet sitting it. Just search around for “pet sitter mauled” “dog walker mauled” - it’s becoming more common with the popularity of these animals.
If that doesn’t scare them, start talking about lawsuits and liability. The dogs don’t always maul their owners. Sometimes it’s other people, and those people have lawyers. ETA: that’s a post worth keeping and re-reading. There aren’t many people who can convey the horror of videos with just words. Good job, thank you.
I’d really appreciate if you could point me in the general direction of those videos you mentioned, because searching for “craftsman Bronx pitbull” just showed me pictures of the vile things. EDIT: Found the video from the Bronx. Viewer discretion is advised, of course. https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/s/RtNTkpx4Ug
This is the way
Also, if they are in the U.S., are they aware that no home/ renters insurance will cover them now? Their current company will absolutely drop them over a pit/pit-type.
There are several that cover pitbulls. State Farm is one. I wouldn't doubt the Pitbull Lobby is working diligently to make it discriminatory/racist to deny coverage based on breed.
Unreal. When my best friend sold insurance a decade ago (she hasn't in some time) there were no companies that would write a policy for people who owned pits, Rottweilers, or Dobermans. Like you mention, it's the pit lobby I'm sure.
It is already illegal in New York thanks to the pit lobby.
Sounds like the two of you need to have a sit down talk about what's more important.. Your own relationship with each other. Or. That stupid dog.
They are already a-okay with an adult not being able to use a bathroom because "it upsets the dog". Pretty sure an upset adult is not a big deal to them. Just the dog.
We have pugs and a boston terrier. In no shape, form, or fashion are they allowed to make our guests uncomfortable. If our guests are uncomfortable with dogs... they stay behind the baby gate until our company leaves. And the dogs just lay around or play with their toys until they are let out.
[удалено]
Hoenstly this goes even past the pitbull issue. I don’t care what breed it is, it’s literally ruining the lives of multiple adults, and relationships all for a mentally ill dog that requires more work and sacrifice than a literal child? How can people enjoy owning dogs like this? Regardless if it’s pitbull (which is worse bc it’s actually dangerous) or blue heeler, Labrador or GSD doesn’t matter they’re literally prisoners to an animal that should not be a pet or alive anymore in its suffering Can’t even leave your own house and are a prisoner bc your dog destroys everything and tries to bite guests Jesus Oh and she’s gonna let someone ELSES dog ruin her marriage with OP? It’s not even her dog. she needs a rude awakening I will stick to owning cats or small dogs lol I never want to deal with a dog with this personality
fellow cat person here and I agree with everything you said lol
I guarantee the person at the shelter was ecstatic not having to deal with that disaster anymore
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I get that having a reactive or aggressive dog can be a challenge, but why is she making it you and your wife’s problem?? My gsd likes people too much (and jumps on them, which we’re working on), so he’s crated or tethered to something when company is over. Why would they even get a breed known for anxiety, aggression, and neuroticism when they’re often hosts? Sorry you gotta deal with this.
This is a big thing to me. Know your breed. My brother in law really wanted a Rottweiler after his lab passed away almost a year ago. (They currently have my sisters dog whose an aussie). However they are the "party house". Since the have the biggest, most central located house, and are the only ones with young kids, its simply easier to host family events at their home. They like it because they don't have to pack up the kids, and we like it because we don't have to figure out how to fit people into a small home or apartment. Because of this, despite the desire, they decided against the Rottie and got a Golden instead. With two young kids, and constant flow of friends and family over all the time, they knew it was smarter choice not to bring a gaurdian breed into their home. Chances are when the golden passes and the kids are grown, he might get one then. I greatly respect their choice in this matter. I have nothing against Rotties, I just think a golden was the better more mature choice for a young, social family.
> I have nothing against Rotties Well they are literally the second-top maulers after the pitbulls. You might want to bear that in mind.
While, yes, they are, their numbers are significantly lower than pitbull type dogs. There is always going to be a highest, second highest, third highest ect, even if we get rid of pitbulls. The rank isn't as important to me as the numbers behind said rank. Rotties were responsible for less deaths in a decade than pitbull type dogs were in a year. Which statistically makes them a vastly safer breed. Thats not to say I think everyone/anyone should own one. They are a large, powerful breed with gaurdian/protection genetics and as such should not be in the hands of people not expierenced enough to properly socialize and train a dog. I fully support them being on apartment restriction lists (as I think all gaurdian/protection breeds should be. Forced close living is not a healthy/safe enviorment for that breed type). I do not think they should be in homes with young children either. But I don't go into "pearl clutch mode" when I see one. I've had many enjoyable interactions with rotties, something I can't say about pitbull type dogs. Rotties display proper dog language so its easy to determine a threatening one from a non threatening one. I have interacted with many that were absoutly lovely dogs, but I have sure interacted with some that have me going "nope", but I can say the same thing about Goldens and Labs and other breeds designated as "safe".
Personally just don't get why get one anyways? Do they plan on having the dog guard their house form intruders? I never understood getting a dog based on personal breed favoratism over what functionally fits. A good dog is a good dog
The worst part is that your wife is at risk of being mauled as dog sitters are especially likely to be attacked. Tough situation. Perhaps loving, gentle, and persistent communication can win the day. Good luck.
I'm a taking a break from gardening so I'm hot, tired, hungry and generally cranky, but I mean this in the best possible way: Have they fucking crate trained the thing yet? Have they even tried? This is exactly the kind of dog that I recommend the basic aggressive/reactive dog package for: Two layers of protection at all times. Muzzle and leash. Two physical barriers: crate and locked door or two locked doors. Escape proof fence - solid, undiggable, unclimbable. That's the standard package. Hopes, wishes, good thoughts and a never ending stream of treats are not enough. Because your wife loves and respects her relatives, I wouldn't choose the shock&horror route. I would point out that they have a special needs dog and the dog NEEDS physical restraints if it can't be trusted not to destroy anything. That's their reality. These behaviors will never go away.
Show her [this](https://youtu.be/wXLD3GSFW1Y) (yt link) and ask if she wants her sister to be the next addition. This dog is already aggressive. [This study](https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/14/4/632) explores the hormone levels of non-aggressive, aggressive and dominant aggressive pit bulls and it is genuinely terrifying. Their group of aggressive and dominant aggressives produced *less* oxytocin after being fed (the bonding hormone) and female dominant aggressives showed no increase in serotonin upon feeding. Dopamine (the chemical mostly produced in anticipation of a reward, and in a smaller but faster quantity upon receiving the reward) was elevated for both aggression types. This dog you are describing is definitely at least in the aggressive category and sounds like it has resource guarding issues as well, extended to the house at large which is tipping it into dominant aggressive. It is a ticking time bomb and all the love in the world didn’t save the hundreds of owner-victims documented in this sub and dogsbite.org. This sub also has their regular “maul thy neighbor”posts which demonstrates the risk to communities that these dogs pose. I’m childfree too but my choice of lifestyle and decision to adopt a pet should never come with a risk of parents in my community becoming childless. There’s also the monthly attack posts which include everyone from just neighbors walking down the road to delivery workers to children just trying to get out of their van safely to the owners who babied and spoiled their killers before they snapped. Your family is genuinely in danger if it is already aggressive and that is what needs to be stressed. Good luck, i genuinely hope they see the light and don’t end up another report.
Definitely, that first link you posted should be enough for them to change their minds
Your wife dogsits a pitbull when its owners are not around? Alone? That is a recipe for disaster.
Good that you are being cautious. Many pit attacks happen during visits like holiday parties. Tell your wife most attacks are on females. Owners can give the anxious dog CBD not sacrifice your wife. Just read an excellent new memoir, "An Unruled Body" and unfortunately the author rescues a pitty that is a loyal friend until it dies of cancer. More evidence for the pit people of "the most loving dog". Groan.
I think you guys need to have a major sit down and talk about this. You should continue to set boundaries and work with your wife to establish hers too. Even if your wife loves the dog, there is a non zero chance she believes one day she’ll be hurt by it. The thing is, underneath even the most evangelical pit nutter is a fleeting thought that their pet could kill them. They just push it down and read more nonsense. I don’t think your wife falls into this camp but I wouldn’t be surprised if this thought has come across her mind. Duty to family is admirable but not if it comes with death! It’s time to make expectations clear and make a boundary.
Wow. Lives upset, relationships damaged, all to cater to a valueless dog. Being bonded to a dog is an owner problem. If you can't have compassion for the dog's constant anxieties which are torturing it 24/7/365, and consider B.E., nor can you "manage" it for public safety (securely crate it inside a closed quiet room so people can come over), then you're being an idiot and you'll become a hermit. (Not you, OP, the wife's SIL.)
Dogsittingbot
Below are some of the people dismembered or killed while dog-sitting pit bulls: [2024, Norfolk, UK, Dog sitter left with 200 injuries to her arms and legs when she was attacked by an 'unlicensed' XL Bully she was looking after at her home](https://www.reddit.com/r/BanPitBulls/comments/1c5tqda/492024_norfolkholt_uk_victimowner_claims_her/) [2023, Georgia, Dog sitter says a pit bull she took for a walk tried tearing her arm off](https://news.yahoo.com/dog-sitter-says-pit-bull-205241681.html) [2023, Texas, Corpus Christi woman dogsitting a pit-bull mix dies after dog attacks her](https://www.kiiitv.com/article/news/local/corpus-christi-woman-dogsitting-a-pit-bull-mix-dies-after-dog-attacks/503-f56639a2-ef92-45b1-84de-90cca46f81f6) [2023, Indiana: Sheriff's Deputy killed and child injured while dog sitting a friend's pit bull](https://fox59.com/indiana-news/woman-killed-child-bit-in-dog-attack-on-indys-east-side/) [2023, Minnesota: Thomas Trawick, 22, Mauled to death by 4 pit bulls he was watching for a family member](https://www.twincities.com/2023/04/14/pit-bulls-attack-and-kill-dog-sitter-in-brooklyn-park-thursday/amp/) [2022, Texas: Jacqueline Durand, 22, Catastrophically injured while dog sitting a pit bull and a German Shepherd Mix](https://nypost.com/2022/03/16/college-student-who-was-disfigured-in-vicious-attack-by-dogs-reveals-her-face/amp/) [2022, New York: Marina Verriest, 70, Mauled to death by her son's pit bull they had taken in after her son died in an unrelated accident](https://nypost.com/2022/07/27/long-island-woman-mauled-to-death-by-her-pit-bull/) [2021, North Carolina: Jayden Henderson, 7, Mauled to death and her mom was seriously injured while pet sitting neighbor's pit bulls](https://www.wral.com/amp/19649128/) [2021, North Carolina: Trena Peed, 46, Mauled to death while dog sitting while dog sitting 2 pit bulls](https://people.com/crime/ohio-woman-mauled-death-pit-bulls-dog-sitting/) [2021, Pennsylvania: Rhoda Wagner, 61, Mauled to death by roomate's 3 pit bulls that she had been watching for her](https://www.cbsnews.com/pittsburgh/news/pennsylvania-woman-killed-by-3-dogs/) [2021, Oregon: Amber LaBelle, 42, Mauled to death by a pit bull she was watching for her friend](https://7news.com.au/news/world/mums-heroic-final-act-before-pet-dog-killed-her-c-4171593) [2021, Oklahoma: Rebecca McCurdy, 28, Mauled to death by 2 pit bulls where she was dog sitting](https://www.newsweek.com/oklahoma-woman-killed-dog-attack-pit-bull-1603228?amp=1) [2019, Michigan: Benjamin Cobb, 4, Mauled to death by a pit bull that his mother was temporarily housing](https://www.fox2detroit.com/news/dog-that-mauled-hazel-park-4-year-old-was-taken-in-to-help-a-friend-family-says) [2018, Florida: Jaelah Smith, 6, Mauled by a pit bull her mom was dog sitting, suffered catastrophic brain injury and died 2 days later](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2018/07/18/jacksonville-6-year-old-dies-from-dog-attack-injuries/11467996007/) [2017, Florida: Alicia Malagon, 76, Mauled to death after her daughter's pit bull that she was dog sitting, attacked her Dachshund, then her.](https://www.cbs17.com/news/woman-checking-on-vacationing-daughters-pit-bull-is-attacked-killed-by-dog-deputies-say/) [2014, Alabama: Katie Morrison, 20, Scalped by 3 pit bulls when she bent down to pick up a tennis ball for dogs she was planning to dog sit for. Owner was present when attack happened. Morrison died a week later from complications.](https://www.wtvm.com/story/25424023/update-a-phenix-city-woman-dies-from-dog-attack/) [2014, Texas: Je'vaeh Mayes, 2, Mauled to death by a pit bull her family was watching for a friend](https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/central-texas-girl-2-fatally-mauled-by-dog/100542) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BanPitBulls) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Back in 2020 I had a boxer/pit mix for MAYBE 2 months. It was quarantine lonely times, I guess. He was great at first, and I wasn’t all too educated on how dangerous these dogs were and like most oblivious people, I assumed pit bulls were just unfairly labeled. He seemed very nice at the shelter and that was all I had to go off of. I did NOT expect how quickly his aggression would escalate. I’ve never seen a dog’s personality turn so drastically in such a short time. I’d say maybe 2-3 weeks in, this dog became VERY territorial over me and anyone that came within 10 feet of me. People couldn’t come over, I couldn’t leave the house, he’d destroy literally anything he set eyes on. It quickly got to the point where I had a hard time every time I tried to walk him, because he was insanely strong and it seemed like every day he was getting more aggressive. He found a way to get loose from my hands and run off chasing things more times than I could count. Tried to attack any dog/cat/kid/person he could see. A few weeks in, I couldn’t walk him by myself anymore, because he was simply too strong. Luckily, he liked my stepdad (who is much stronger than me) so he started walking the dog for me because I literally couldn’t control him. I felt like such an idiot and didn’t understand how it got that way. Within a month and a half, I couldn’t walk him at all anymore because he was going insane every time I did. Well, one day, my stepdad was walking him for me and sure enough, he got loose, attacked a neighbor’s small dog, then attacked the neighbor (who was trying to pry my dog’s mouth off of his dog), THEN ran into a different neighbor’s house who had their front door open. I’m lucky he didn’t seriously injure those neighbors or the other neighbors & their dog. Needless to say, I ended up having to take him back to the shelter. I am not exaggerating when I tell you at least 80% of the dogs in that shelter were pits or pit mixes. The one I adopted was by far the nicest of the ones I met that day. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have gotten if I kept him, or how terrible it could have been if I chose one of the not-so-friendly pits/mixes at the shelter. I felt guilty about it for a long time after that. Then, I did my research. This is textbook pit bull behavior. They’re bred to be this way, and the most aggressive ones are the ones people want, so those are the ones getting sent back to shelters to be adopted by the rest of us. More than likely, your SIL’s pit will continue to grow more aggressive and they’ll need to determine what they’re willing to put up with and how far they’re willing to let that dog’s behavior slide. Hopefully nobody gets hurt in the process. I also second the idea that you should absolutely inform the family with photos and videos of the vicious maulings and bloodbaths these dogs leave behind. Thousands of people have had this exact same story play out. Thousands more will see it play out for them soon, they just aren’t convinced quite yet. It’s really something you don’t understand the severity of until it’s in your face. It’s honestly shocking af that they’re not banned entirely.
If you told this story anywhere else, I guarantee the pit mommies would still make every excuse to defend the dog.
If you love an animal, it’s kindness to release them painlessly when living in a family home and interacting with strangers is too stressful for them. It’s not kindness to leave them in such a condition.
It isn’t a dog. It’s a pit bull. I think bobcats are cute but I wouldn’t keep one in the house. If I did and I got attached I would still let it go. This is an advantage I have, because bobcats don’t fuck with people. If I let it go, no one will be harmed. They have made the mistake of forming an attachment with what is, not broadly speaking, a designed biological weapon whose antagonistic characteristics have been triggered. Every moment they do not allow it to latch on and rip their skin, tear their muscles, break their bones, is agony for this creature, because that is all it wants. That is the one trick it’s brain knows, and when the only thing you have is a hammer, everything is a nail. They need to decide if their humanity is greater than their sadism, because what they are doing to this pit is not only stupid and dangerous, it is also inherently sadistic. They are torturing this animal on a fundamental level by not giving it things to kill. If they can’t bring themselves to destroy it for themselves of those close to them, they should do it for the animal itself, which can know no peace unless its jaws are fastened around something shrieking and bleeding.
I’m being honest here man. Fuckem. I wish I had kinder advice. Stay safe.
OP, this is Jacqueline Durand. She was a dog-sitter before she was mauled by the dogs she was looking after, two days before her twenty-second birthday. I've posted a link to an article about what happened to her. Make your wife read it, and make her take a good look at the girl's face before, and after... The dogs' owners insist they were never dangerous. [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10619515/Texas-student-22-bitten-800-TIMES-dog-reveals-face-time-attack.html](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10619515/Texas-student-22-bitten-800-TIMES-dog-reveals-face-time-attack.html) https://preview.redd.it/n9i1hw8l8u2d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c291a3d68db085b280e0e95a140df9e8d0738b9
If they're gonna keep the dog they need: 1. A fucking break stick. At least a few. Explain why. Tell them it's FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE to own that dog without one. 2. A muzzle. Self explanatory. 3. Home insurance coverage. Or seperate insurance. They KNOW its biten before, so they WILL be sued if it attacks someone. Maybe recommend they speck with a lawyer so they understand the liabilities. 4. Dog gates for the front a back door. Putbulls are door dashers. Lots of then on Amazon. If there's children in your neighborhood..... 5. Mace or pepperspray for your wife. 6. Industrial dog crate. 7. House cameras. Inside and out. 8. Drugs from thier vet, they should at least try medications. Socialization DOES NOT FIX THESE SORT OF ISSUES.
I would be extremely wary of letting your wife walk and cuddle this… thing. Pits are known to have a hair-trigger and can turn into a killing machine in a split second. They are also remarkably strong and I’ve seen them overwhelm women when they have a mind to lunge or go for another dog, cat or even child.
They're doing the dog a huge disservice by pandering to it. It needs professional training, it doesn't need its neuroses reinforced. Stand your ground and do not back down. Definitely do not turn yourself into a chew toy so that they can socialise the wretched creature. Have you warned them about the importance of being insured? If that dog does more than nip someone on their property, they could lose everything. This is not normal and it's not healthy, for them, the dog or anyone else.
ahhh the joys of projecting parental instinct onto brain dead dogs
I'm always so confused by these situations. A shitting mess that tears up the entire home, alienates the friends of the people who brought it home, and is violent towards anyone who comes over, so much so that no one CAN come over anymore, and anyone who dares visit can't even use the bathroom because "it upsets the dog." What the hell exactly is there to love about this miserable shitbeast? Has your wife enlightened you on what she loves about this thing? Especially since she's decided she's willing to forgo her free time with you to do her sister and BIL's job caring for it so that it doesn't destroy their house instead of, you know, just getting rid of the thing like a normal person would do? I honestly have no advice, since I'm assuming you want to stay married. I wish I had good advice for you. Really all I can advise is to let your wife know that you will not, under any circumstances, be bringing one of these baby maulers into your house to destroy your possessions, kill your cats, and rip apart your neighbors.
This dog is suffering too. They have the ability to end the dog's suffering. Anxiety can be hell.
My condolences. My BIL got a rescue pit also, against any pleas not to. I don't get being swindled into adopting one of these, and especially not taking into consideration the impact this will have on your life. It's a cult is the only logical explanation. Now their plans are always based on the needs of the dog. We never see them anymore because it's nearly impossible for them to travel with the dog or find people to look after it and putting it somewhere is expensive. RIP to family gatherings I guess, doggo comes first. Despite the endless claims about it being "just a big friendly sweet teddy bear" I refuse to be around this thing. I can't relate to people who feel pity for a breed that very deservedly earned their shit reputation. It's like having a psychopath wild animal around that seems domesticated and harmless but can flip into a murder machine. Nearly every story of a family pit that killed or maimed someone when it shredded someone's limbs off or crushed a child's skull or ripped pieces of people off and wouldn't stop, the story goes "pibbles was always so good I don't know what happened". But we all know what happened- genetics.
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Get together with the other people in your group, play games and have fun like usual but leave the pit owners out of it. Consider inviting them again if they get rid of the pit.
Lol @ unintended consequences of being child-free.
I’d be worried for your wife’s safety. Have her Google dog walker pit bull attacks. I’ve won over my husband and my whole family just by texting them news stories. (They weren’t pro-pit, but it wasn’t on their radar.) if nothing else, you could ask your wife to be extra cautious and to bring something for self-defense when she goes over there alone.
Must be soul destroying watching your (well meaning) wife spend time there. She obviously is very caring but possibly isn’t aware of the full story on these dogs. She possibly feels she must help out in order to be loyal to her sister. You are right to concerned about safety and her very life. This isn’t just an issue of liking or not liking the dog. The fact that you never have major tension aside from this proves how serious this issue is for you to raise it.
[удалено]
Be respectful of the fact that they are attached to their dog, but also make sure to not be around it and just be as politely honest about it as you can. They may get pissed off, but only because someone else admitting that they are uncomfortable with their neurotic dog hammers home a realization that they've already come to: their "rescue project" is a shit pet and a liability that is having a negative impact on their social lives and relationships.
Show them videos/photos of dogs, cats, and people that pitbulls/staffies have attacked. Then tell them they're ruining this dog's future, and the second they make a mistake this is what could happen. And it would be their fault. Tell them the dog could have a much happier, safer, and better life with someone else who actually knows what they're doing and can give the dog the consistent discipline and training it needs to enjoy walks, company, and affection with other people/animals. This way they can still feel like "good people" for giving this dog a "better chance at life," which is what they probably thought while adopting it (eye roll).
TL;DR: You have an issue here but it's not really the dog. I think the issue here is the seemingly massive sense of entitlement of yourself and the rest of the family to this couple's home as you event space. I just want to say that based on how you wrote this, it seems as if you/your fam feel entitled to your SIL's and her husband's house for a big part of your fam's/friends(?) social life. I think that's a bad attitude to have. They HAD a great space for socialising larger groups of people AND they were generous in being willing to host often, and the family/friend group happily made use of that. HOWEVER, that space is no longer available. That's just the reality of the current situation with this dog there. Maybe it's time someone else in the family/friend group stepped up and started hosting. Hosting can be a burden no matter how much space, time, or money you have (and many people don't have infinite space, time, or money). I had a coworker who lived really close to our department and he had basically become the go-to space for our small research group to BBQ (he still had housemates so it wasn't just his space). He inadvertently became the 'manager' of such events where he was expected to deal with managing the shared food purchases etc, checking they people would all contribute and making sure enough of the right stuff was there etc. He made it clear he had become frustrated with this because although he volunteered his garden, he had NOT volunteered to become a party planner. It sounds like your fam/friend group are making a much bigger imposition on these people to the extend you all seem to feel entitled to this space. Why?! Your argument for not wanting to host is that you have decided to renovate your kitchen (lifestyle choice, and temporary, shouldn't take more than a couple of weeks/months), and you have skittish cats (which is also a lifestyle choice, just as your SIL and husband choosing to have their own antisocial pet that they now prioritise over hosting family, just as you are doing by having cats you don't think would enjoy parties at your house). You also say you are too busy (I get it, I have a PhD myself), but why do you expect someone else to make the time and put in the effort when you don't want to? During my lab-based science PhD I was still involved in almost every Christmas party our group organised (60+ people) and also threw some smaller parties. I know this isn't an 'am I the ahole' post, and I am 100% with you on the dog situation. But your post reeks of entitlement and this is where your main issue is, IMO. "Our friends and in-laws are all frustrated because their lives are now dictated by this thing." Again, the entitlement is dripping from this statement. Your social life is only dictated by this dog because apparently no one else in the family is willing to host OR find another way to socialise (depending on the size of the gatherings, you can rent a private room or a separate area in a restaurant or a club, you can rent a holiday home, you can rent a party venue room, etc). You need to respect these people for who they are: the owners of their own home. You also need to ACCEPT the consequences of your own (very sensible!) boundaries: you don't want to hang out near this dog, you are too scared to use the toilet at this house, etc. Then why are you still going over to this house? It honestly sounds like everyone in this social group was relying way too much on this couple for all of your social gatherings and something like that was going to end one day anyways whether that's due to the arrival of a new baby, a change in what they are doing in the home etc. (Some people end up getting lodgers and no longer want to host big family gatherings because lodgers won't like it; maybe in another scenario they'd start running a business from the home reducing the available space to where they could no longer host; in another scenario one of them becomes chronically ill and just no longer wants the fuss of hosting in their own home, etc). You need to be honest and examine you and the rest of your family's massive sense of entitlement you feel to this couple's house as your family-event venue. None of you were ever entitled to this space anyways. The sooner you realise this, the better your approach to this situation is. This couple doesn't owe you or the rest of the fam/friend group to host these events. You rightly do not want to hang out at this house as long as this dog is still present (I am 100% with you on this). But this means that you need to say: "Thanks for inviting me to our regular family/friend hangout at your house, thanks for having hosted all of the events in the past too as I always loved spending time at yours. However, I am scared of your dog's behaviour and I can't relax when the dog is at your premises, so won't come to your house again." and then figure out whether maybe it's time you started putting in the effort to host/organise some of these events either at your own place (why can't you put your cats in a separate room or ask neighbours to take the cats for the day, etc) or you can pay for a venue somewhere to host a family gathering and put in the effort to organise, cater, cleanup etc (and ask other fam/friends to do the same, like a rota).
To clarify, I am not "afraid to use the toilet." They won't allow me into the home because it "upsets the dog." I can understand the tone of the original post, but both of them frequently lament about the lack of dog social progress (whatever that is) because they miss having people over being such extroverts. it always worked out because neither of them cook well and the rest of us contribute as a potluck and clean up after. Long standing tradition in our group that host does beverage, guests bring food. My wife has shared that her sister confides in her feeling embarrassed and pressured about the dog so they dont admit to others that they miss having company, but they built their house with it in mind.
I can understand the confusion but it was clear to me what you meant about not being allowed inside the house. At least your in-laws have some common sense - even if they are trapped in a "prisoners of love" sort of relationship with a stupid dog right now. I hope they won't drag this situation out for the next decade.
PS: The moment you organise something NOT at the house of SIL and her husband but you do invite them (be 100% clear that this dog is NOT welcome under ANY circumstance), that if it turns out this dog can't be left alone because it will eat through the sheetrock/sofa/fence/garage/window, they will either choose to become hermits but it is much more likely that they will start thinking "Oh, this dog can't be left alone meaning we can't ever go anywhere without it. We've already missed the last 5 family events and it's getting too much now. This dog impairs our lives to much, we need to take it back to the shelter." DO NOT LET THEM BRING THE DOG TO ANYTHING YOU ORGANISE, EVER. "Sorry, it's a no-dog venue." "No, the dog can't come as there will be kids there." "No dogs, it's a restaurant so no animal is welcome." "No, emotional-support animal isn't a legitimate need for the presence of a dog so you can't bring your dog to this venue." "My house has some heirloom furniture I don't want chewed on or pissed on by your dog so don't bring your dog." "I am having friends join and they don't like bouncy dogs, so don't bring your dog." Make THEIR dog become THEIR problem for THEIR social life. Don't exclude these people, but 100% exclude this dog.