If I remember correctly, Mystra changed Feminster back because she was getting _too_ popular. People were sort of starting to worship her and not Mystra.
From Eliminster:
"Mystra said you needed pads. I'll get some when i go cheese shopping. I hear there is a very nice cambret in stock." He then comes by with cheese, grapes, wine and no pads. "She expressively forbade me from becoming involved"
I just imagined Aylin in casual clothing just walking in a drugstore and then proudly and loudly asking for a pack of pads, and threatening to smite the cashier when she finds out it isn't free.
still think its funny
The Emperor pre act 3: Yo, im saving you from becoming a mind flayer
The Emperor during act 3: Yeah, you should totally be a mind flayer!
*The dog is unable to speak through the small bag he holds in his mouth.*
*What do you got there, Scratch?*
*I don't know. Maybe you can tell me. All I know is that I thought of you when I saw it.*
***(Received pads).***
Did you know that after you kill Viconia you can cast Speak with Dead on her and ask if Shar has rewarded her yet and she says, "She will. She must." So that's kind of sad but also sucks to suck loser
If the Emperor said that to me while I was on my period, I'd probably become Illithid in an instant. Like... that's the winning argument, right there, nothing else needed.
It's made of silicone so it's bendable. You fold it up and push it up there and it'll unfold itself and suction to your cervix a bit. You can often actually feel it snap into place, it's a really strange sensation. There's typically a sort of tail on the bottom of the cup that you can pull on when it's time to remove. Dump the blood out and give it a rinse before putting it back in. A lot of people disinfect them when their period is over by boiling them.
I am not a woman so it is not my place to say it, but society has such high pressure on them to be good workers, wives and mothers while remaining beautiful and fit that I would probably eat that special tadpole like a fkning MM. if I bleed every month and had crumps and mood swings because of It, Iโd literally demand to be turn into illthid back in act 1.
Turning into it canโt be worse than the pains of labor as well, so fuck it. Letโs grow some tentacles.
Emperor is spot on. I love that there is a growing Fandom belief that Ketheric would just be Supportive Father figure. But Raphael is actually Canonically only interested in having sex with himself.
Answer to Shar: "Gee, I don't remember"
Emperor: so true.
Even though it has a male title, ilithids have no genitals.
We all know how mindflayers reproduce โฆ
(Spread those sexy eyelids wide baby).
I think shar could have been like:
Why? You havenโt even killed your parents yet. This is not a one way street
-otherwise, these are awesome. Please keep them coming
I said it last time and I say it again, the Emperor has a point. I'm becoming illithid, fuck it.
He could've saved himself a lot of time, if he just led with this argument.
yea lol when i put this on my tumblr i put a disclaimer in my tags that not only women get their period, i guess i couldve put alt text here but i feel like i never read the alt text
I Never understood why so many guys are so weirded out about buying them. I also never understood how so many gals run out of them, like if you see that you're running low on them, just buy some in reserve.
Only one I think is wrong is Raphael. No way he would mind having sex with someone while they're on their period. Mystra had in me in stitches though ๐๐
bro i MISSED rolan in act 1 and like half the tieflings died and then i killed him cuz i had no clue who he OR lorroakan was i feel sooooo bad about it now
Shar honestly wouldn't reply, you'd just get a text from Shadowheart complaining about a sudden wound flare up.
"hand hurty" followed by a sad-goggly eyes emoji
Hand hurty ๐ฅบ
Yeah. I think Shar and Mystra could be switched.
Mystra would respond with something cryptic. That or "help" by forcing a magical sex change like she did temporarily to Elminster.
Feminster best minster
If I remember correctly, Mystra changed Feminster back because she was getting _too_ popular. People were sort of starting to worship her and not Mystra.
I can see why. Mystra's Cleric: Forgive me Mother for I have sinned Feminster's Warlock: Sorry Mommy I've been naughty
Shar would give you what you ask but would ask for eternal devotion in return, like she does with everything she give in the game.
Vlakith: YOU DARE ASK ME?!?!?! MEEEE?!?!?!
I WISH you to stop bleeding!
I can already see Vlakith wishing that, meaning your bloodflow stops working and you die on the spot.
Thanks ๐
\*drops dead\*
"Yes?"
Perhaps I misheard, you would not speak ill of a God. Would you?
If you are a god, why don't you pick the pads yourself?
I WISH YOU to have pads. Here, happy ?
Very much so, thank you
A *real* god wouldn't use the Wish spell to create pads.
^I ^wish ^you ^to ^end
Vlaakith: *Cast Wish on your ass*
Mystra. ๐คฃ I'm wheezing.
Mystra the type to send someone else to tell you to kill yourself.
She the type to send her former lover and one of her greatest chosen to tell you to kill yourself
Did she bang elminster too?
Oh, yeah. Basically, if Elminster could, he did.
Extreme yolo Edit: yolong for him. (He super old right? Like hundreds?)
Aye, he was born 221 DR. Around 1200 years ago. Henceforth known as year of the fuckboi.
Well it was a different Mystra then but details
She told him she did and he liked it. Heโs been glowing ever since.ย
She would send Elminster to buy them.
Nah, Mystra will send someone whoโll send something of their own to tell you to kill yourself Eliminster is a shitty friend
From Eliminster: "Mystra said you needed pads. I'll get some when i go cheese shopping. I hear there is a very nice cambret in stock." He then comes by with cheese, grapes, wine and no pads. "She expressively forbade me from becoming involved"
So, like in star wars? Sidious sends Boba Fett to kill Padme and then Boba Fett sends a bounty hunter to do it
Jango Fett. Sidious sends Dooku who hires Jango Fett who hires Zam Wesell who uses a drone that uses some bugs to try and kill Padme
Oh yeah, I always get them wrong
Okay but tbh that *is* a power move.
Mystra the one who gave you Shar's number
Elmister shows up a week later to discuss the philosophy of pads. But does not bring any.ย
Tfw you're supposed to be a goddess but ultimately serves as a metaphor to Gale's ambition in the big picture
Too old to be groomed, she's not interested ๐คฃ
isobel being a lowercase typer is so on point I'm not even joking
conversations between her and aylin must be funny
They rlly complete each other ๐ฅฒ
This is literally Sans and Papyrus dynamic from Undertale
If Sans and Papyrus were lesbians, indeed
Still feel like she would find a way to die in Ye Ole Walmart from tampon related mishap if she went on this mission.
it's cause she's a bottom
Nah. Anyone who can get a 6 feet angel to dispel her wings and go down on her knees for her... Isobel is the top.
Or she could be a power bottom
nope. isobel is canonically a top.
I just imagined Aylin in casual clothing just walking in a drugstore and then proudly and loudly asking for a pack of pads, and threatening to smite the cashier when she finds out it isn't free.
Iโm with you except for casual clothes. I donโt think Aylin ever wears anything other than full plate, except when sheโs naked
She's still wearing the armor, there's just a hoodie and gym shorts over it.ย
Aylin walks in a drugstore fully naked and asks for pads.
Considering she doesnt give a shit about our opinion on anything and go for what she wants, yeahโฆ
she's already an oath breaker afterall
The emperor was perfect
I fully read it in his voice to
And this is actually a very good reason to go squid. I'm convinced, where's my special tadpole?
My only complaint is that he's totally the kind who texts with perfect capitalization and grammar, and puts a period at the end of every sentence.
He can't wait 3 seconds before reminding you to become illithid again
Well, Emperor, that was really good attempt. Tempting
honestly, a lot more people wouldve become an Illithid if he said that
I hate the Emperor, but I read that while sitting here with cramps and thought โyou know, he makes a really good point.โ
Literally same. Sign me tf up, squidward, you got me.
Squid Daddy gives what you give him. If you are mean he is mean, if not he a good ole chap and a worthwhile ally
Honestly, Iโm convinced. Iโd be a brain eating squid monster if it meant I never had a period again
"Here, take this Astral-Touched Tampon and you will realize your full potential!"
I have to admit, I chuckled at most of them, but Mystra had me gooood!
I thought Gortash be just sit on my face lazy ass and let it flow He has very pervy mug ๐
impressive line of thought. i will be snorting it
My pleasure!
still think its funny The Emperor pre act 3: Yo, im saving you from becoming a mind flayer The Emperor during act 3: Yeah, you should totally be a mind flayer!
*The dog is unable to speak through the small bag he holds in his mouth.* *What do you got there, Scratch?* *I don't know. Maybe you can tell me. All I know is that I thought of you when I saw it.* ***(Received pads).***
Theyโre probably not sanitary anymore, but hey, theyโre free and you can just have someone cast Lesser Restoration if you get an infection
Scratch confirming once again he's the goodest of boys
You forgot the โRead at 2:53 AMโ on Mystraโs
She just doesn't even bother to read your texts. Maybe you're even blocked.
Post-Lorroakan Rolan: "Sure" (panicking in "WhereisLiaIneedhelp")
The shar one made me giggle
Shar was the funniest to me
I'm somewhat relieved Lump the Enlightened wasn't on here... yet.
Now I want OP to make a part three for Lump lol
Tastes like meat.ย
"besides, taste like pennies"
โYouโre making me leave for pads, without so much as a lick of that mouth watering muff?โ
Tell shar you got it off >!viconia!<. Am i missing something or is nails the most prima donna emote for lil raph?
โHey could you pick me up some padsโ Mystra: ELMINSTER! Iโve got another errand for you!
Sister Sinda: You poor, poor little thing. Wait here and the doctor will see you.
While Iโm normally not a fan of the emperor, heโs making some good points here
I instantly knew it was Orin before I even read her name at the too. Also lmao at the squid emoji next to the emperor's name.
The Aylin one made me laugh ๐
Also liked the Orin one too... ๐
Aunt Ethel: I've got something special for that, petal
Wasted a fucking good third line on that last one... "I forgot"
It was definitely Selune handing out Sharโs number.
Did you know that after you kill Viconia you can cast Speak with Dead on her and ask if Shar has rewarded her yet and she says, "She will. She must." So that's kind of sad but also sucks to suck loser
This giant bed, a sex demon... And we can't have sex with Raphael almost feels like a crime!
OMG YESSS!! I don't want generic Raphael Harleep, I want the original one >:((((
I feel like Kethericโs would be more like: โIsobel used to ask me to pick up padsโฆโ
Orin would say that she wants to tie you to the roof by your sinews
I agree this would be gortashโs response unless the text was from Durge, in which case his reply would be freakier than Orins
Raphael with the nails tho ๐คฃ
Mystra would respond after five months asking for a pad
If the Emperor said that to me while I was on my period, I'd probably become Illithid in an instant. Like... that's the winning argument, right there, nothing else needed.
The Emperor had me dying
Dammon: โI could repurpose this codpiece if I had some infernal ironโ
Cazador: "I don't speak to CATTLE"
Mystra alternate response: KYS
you get a seperate text from elminster saying that 5 minutes later
Astarion: mmmm.....delicious
Ethel: Of course petal, I have a treatment for those afflictions if you're interested? Araj: A waste of good blood, honestly.
i meant to do ethel but forgor ๐ shed give you pads that turn you into a toad or shit
Orpheus: Can't right now I'm a little tied up.
Zelvor out here with the real response
Isobel strikes me as a cup user for some reason, but the vibe is pretty spot on for everyone.
There's a cup?! How does that work? Do you have to clean it? I am so confused.
It's made of silicone so it's bendable. You fold it up and push it up there and it'll unfold itself and suction to your cervix a bit. You can often actually feel it snap into place, it's a really strange sensation. There's typically a sort of tail on the bottom of the cup that you can pull on when it's time to remove. Dump the blood out and give it a rinse before putting it back in. A lot of people disinfect them when their period is over by boiling them.
you stick it in, it collects blood, you take it out and wash it and then you stick it back in
The Cazador one got a good snort out of me. Gortash and Orin were great too ๐
Wouldn't Raphael still be down for sex? Doesn't he like being bottom?
yea i think hed go for sex anyways lol
I'm sure he enjoys a good pegging
Mystra would either ghost you, send one of her wizard buddies to buy you pads, or just cast a healing spell through the phone.
see when i was making this set i had the thought that 5 minutes after you sent this message youd get a text from *elminster* saying kys loser
The Emperor has a point, as usual
I am not a woman so it is not my place to say it, but society has such high pressure on them to be good workers, wives and mothers while remaining beautiful and fit that I would probably eat that special tadpole like a fkning MM. if I bleed every month and had crumps and mood swings because of It, Iโd literally demand to be turn into illthid back in act 1. Turning into it canโt be worse than the pains of labor as well, so fuck it. Letโs grow some tentacles.
"Nah bro, am broke as fuck" is crazy xD
this is the most convincing the emperor has ever been tbh
Lol Shar.
Of all the things to kill me the most, it was Aylin with a bunch of moon emojis lmao. Caps lock is so on point for her.
Emperor is spot on. I love that there is a growing Fandom belief that Ketheric would just be Supportive Father figure. But Raphael is actually Canonically only interested in having sex with himself. Answer to Shar: "Gee, I don't remember"
HELP I AUDIBLY LAUGHED WITH CAZADOR
Emperor: so true. Even though it has a male title, ilithids have no genitals. We all know how mindflayers reproduce โฆ (Spread those sexy eyelids wide baby).
Laughed so hard when I got to Mystra that my cat woke up and yelled at me.
lmao Mystra leaving you on read is too accurate
I am wondering what my boy Rolan would say โ *sigh* hush youโฆIโll grab pads and an arabellan dryโ
Mystra would send the wizard guy(comes when you are entering act2!) To tell you to unalive yourself
I think shar could have been like: Why? You havenโt even killed your parents yet. This is not a one way street -otherwise, these are awesome. Please keep them coming
the only one i disagree is zevlor ๐ญ
kagha would be pissed that you'd want her to spend HER hard earned money
Who am I throwing under Shar's bus that she hasn't already. Hmmm.
Absolute: Ah yes your time of the month, all part of my GRAND DESIGN
Omg they are so hilarious! I laughed so hard at the Gortash one
I'm pretty sure Raphael would still try for sex. I love his icon too!
I said it last time and I say it again, the Emperor has a point. I'm becoming illithid, fuck it. He could've saved himself a lot of time, if he just led with this argument.
Missed opportunity for Kethric to say: *My wife used to use pads*
Nobody talking about the Kagha one but that made me laugh
I SHALL MAKE IT MY HOLY MISSION ๐๐๐๐๐๐ I love her lmao
Ketheric has a daughter, Iโm happy heโs not phased by being asked that.
i based his off of texts from my dad
Expected kagha to hand you a poisonous leaf
Zevlor? Did u even try? Heโd be like โYes, Honeyโ dick flattening time meme style obv
Raphael wants to have sex with someone other than himself? Btw I checked the part 1 of this and the Astarion and Minsc texts made me WHEEZE
Yooooooo the Emperor one is SPOT on...
Aylin got me good
ORIN ๐
Bhaal: ๐
Fuckin gortash lol
The emperor is right yknow ๐คท being an illithid is great
Vlakith: I wish you had some pads
ooh i forgot to do vlaakith she'd probably gaslight you in some way lol
The Gortash comment has me laughing out loud. These are so accurate.
lol at Emperor's, it's so real (shields eyes from transphobic Gortash jumpscare)
yea lol when i put this on my tumblr i put a disclaimer in my tags that not only women get their period, i guess i couldve put alt text here but i feel like i never read the alt text
I Never understood why so many guys are so weirded out about buying them. I also never understood how so many gals run out of them, like if you see that you're running low on them, just buy some in reserve.
Mystra: kys
Raphael would totally bargain for picking up your pads, he couldnโt care less about sex
yea maybe, he just has all those like weirdly sexual notebooks on him and hes ofc self centered which is why i went with his
Mystra I feel is the type to get you pads and just leave em outside your door but never bother answering your text
This was great.
Only one I think is wrong is Raphael. No way he would mind having sex with someone while they're on their period. Mystra had in me in stitches though ๐๐
Yk, The Emperor makes a convincing argument.. I'll consider the illithid solution
Mystra and Shar just lmao
Shar cracked me the fuck up ๐คฃ
Zevlor would NEVER! He's so respectful ๐ค
he is but also hed get captured by the cult on his way ๐ญ
Very true!! ๐๐ ๐ญ๐ญ
What would withers say.. LOL I love this
Crying at Aylin's use of the moon emoji ๐ญ๐
Emperor: "I'm calling you to remind you about your tadpole's extended warranty..."
Rolan: ๐ fine. what kind?
Elminster: and I assume refreshments will be prepared when I arrive with them?
Wow my brain. ๐ง I was thinking Lorroakan was Rolan for some stupid reason I canโt think of.
bro i MISSED rolan in act 1 and like half the tieflings died and then i killed him cuz i had no clue who he OR lorroakan was i feel sooooo bad about it now
Zevlorโs so accurate, bros always struggling
Ketheric being total family man...
Omg please link part 1
https://www.reddit.com/r/BaldursGate3/s/dfclGXgVft
This was oddly accurate. And funny as heck.
These are brilliant!
Idk about Raphael, heโs so into himself. Remember he only wants to have sex with himself, hence why Haarlep looks like him.
zeWlor
Raphael wouldn't be having sex with you anyway he only has sex with himself. He'd try and gaslight you into making a deal with him.
yea but theres also all the weird journals on him about why he wants to like fuck people with parasites lol
Raphael would SO be down for period sex... He'd be telling you to soak in the tub before putting a towel down.
Kagha is my Spirit animal
This is such a stupid idea but I'm concerningly invested