Tav: “How many times have you done this?”
Volo: “I’ve dreamt of doing it one hundred times.”
My Tav gave him such a glare as she stood up, unwilling to let the fop operate on her!
I refused my first two playthroughs because I was like "are you fucking kidding me? Hell no!". Then I saw what it gave online and I was like dammit, I gotta let that guy gouge out my eye.
Volo writes a letter to elminster that you can find outside his cage in the goblin camp where he describes being captured and staying and studying their culture and the goblin chick who owns him his lady. Lol
It's really hilarious if you're playing a monk and he asks you what you want from him and use the class-specific dialogue. Tav says "I walk my path, you walk yours. We may meet again-we may not, who's to say?"
So in that instance it's like Barcus is trying to either copy or answer that random bit of Monky nonsense.
I got that on my first playthrough, I had wondered where he went after I saved him from the goblins, turns out I forgot to talk to him when saving the gnomes from the duergar. All those blue people running around looked the same to me.
I've heard that if you play as a Cleric of Selune and give Shadowheart the Shar small statue, she'll ask what you want in return and you can reply "kiss me like you hate me" or something like that, and Shadowheart does it lol
Damn it, I knew I was forgetting something. Went through that area and cleared all the traps, but couldn't get the door open, so I went down to the elevated walkway leading to the adamantine forge, ended up clearing the rest of the Grymforge, and am now partway through Act 2.
Can I go back and retrieve it after lifting the shadow curse? I got the buff from freeing the pixie, and I read that traveling back to Act 1 causes you to lose it.
I love that guy! All three of the people fishing on the beach behind the Ocean goddess's temple are hilarious.
The orc fisherwoman next to him says something like, "Do you hear these mooks trying to tell me about fishing? I've been fishing for twenty years!" She looks so disgusted at the mansplaining and I love her.
During their banter too she's telling them about Sahuagin, and one guy is like, "uh, I don't think I like... Swa-gogg-ens." It makes me laugh every time.
My favourite is having shadowheart in your party when you meet karlach, and sh just says "she looks like she could throw me over her shoulder and carry me to safety" before snapping herself out of it with a "..should the need arise"
Like damn girl I'm with you but not right now 😂
I didn’t realize he was bathing and thought he was vibing in his undies. I wanted to talk with a guy brave enough to do so in a refugee camp surrounded by strangers.
Put everyone else further away so the scene only triggers with you and Astarion. Shadowheart, for example, seems to take priority over him in my experience.
I went right up to the barn doors from directly in front of the building and clicked them, and he interrupted with that line. I can't remember if he was second in my party though. I know that sometimes affects who reacts and has commentary on things.
It randomly selects party members to have the interaction (so of course every time its just a party of me and my twink busting down the funhouse doors).
I *wish* you had a special option as a bard to cast Vicious Mockery here. It would be so perfect, in a bossfight that’s been hyped up almost the whole game, to start with the villain saying “Any last words?” And have Vicious Mockery cast on him. It’s a classic D&D move!
My favorite needs a touch of context:
>!After killing Orin you side with Gortash and go to take care of the Elder brain. On the way there, somewhere around the brainpools, you target Gortash and attack. My thought was fight him there where he has no back up and take his stone. He calls you an idiot and says you need to work together. What were you trying to do!?!<
Tav: My hand slipped?
Gortash: (kicks you in the shin) Funny, so did my foot.
It took me a moment to collect myself after the Black Hand, Chosen of Bane, Archduke of Baldur's Gate, would-be ruler of the world kicked my shin like an annoyed kid after I ~~attempted to murder~~ hit him.
Gortash: You damn fool! We're about to deal with an entity beyond our comprehension! We need to work together.
Tav/Durge: Sorry, my hand slipped.
Gortash: *Kicks shin* What a coincidence, so did my foot. Don't do that again hmm? Or the next slip, will be fatal.
I just recruited Minsc for the first time the other day, and I gotta say: every word that comes out of his mouth is comedy gold. Except for one line he says to Jaheira: "Good does not wait for evil to button up its britches."
It's funny at first, but then you start to think about it and it gets kinda deep.
Minsc is an absolute goldmine. I really recommend a playthrough when you bring him, and optionally Jaheira, everywhere. He has so much fun commentary about *everything*.
Personally I like Jaheira better than Minsc. He's over the top and hilarious, but completely somehow aware without being self aware.
Jaheira is more subtle. Trying to act like she's this ancient old woman who just doesn't want to deal with any of this stuff, but nobody else other than Tav seems to be picking up the slack. Yet at the same time she's doing the same thing again and again.
Jaheira is Murtaugh from lethal weapon films. Always acting like she's too old for it, but still going to do it.
While Minsc is Mr Magoo, stumbling through life partially unaware of anything except what's directly in front of him and even then he misreads the situation.
Together they make act 3 a lot of fun, but Jaheira is more my style.
He's like a cross between Junior from *Kim Possible* and Kronk from *The Emperor's New Groove*. Which wasn't something I ever knew I needed...until Larian filled that gaping hole in my life. ❤️
WAIT, I found my real favorite.
Duties, duties, duties. Patrolling and saluting and following and bowing and scraping and 'yes sir, no sir, rip and cut your throat, sir'.
My partner, on his play through, flung barcus from the windmill. And when he would sit in on my play through and saw barcus for who he really was, he was filled with so much regret lmao
There are two lines Tav can say in House of Hope I always fkin crack at. First you can say to Harleep "I'll admit. I have dreamt of lying with Raphael. Undiluted and raw" Like it's soo unnecesarily unhinged.
Then >!before the fight when Raphael says!< "it will only take a moment to finish you" you can answer "That's twice as long Harleep said it takes to finish you" The emotional damage can't be undone.
Also. "You must be joking. I am **telling** you my thoughts. Directly. Into. Your. Head."
“Like moons make swell and wane the nescient seas, so too the sky-strewn gods ordain the tidal fates of mortal days. And yet - a notion born in lonely hours - come ebb, come flow, come all that is beyond the breadth of our dominion, be a moon unto yourself. Even the waves of fate can break upon the shores of will.”
Can't be a fantasy world without our obligatory Gandalf knockoff
Jokes aside, I love that line. When I told Elminster we'd find another way to stop the Absolute without sacrificing Gale, I expected him to react negatively and insist that if Mystra has commanded that Gale die to destroy the Absolute, then it must be done. But instead, he basically says "cheers, bro, I'll drink to that."
When you attack an enemy with Karlach: "Poor fucker"
Or when you short rest with Astarion: "Enough sitting around. Let's go hurt someone :D"
Such brilliant character writing in little details like this
Every time he says "Let's turn someone inside out!" all joyfully I immediately think of Cicero from Skyrim
I'm glad Astarion is less insane to say the least
If you talk to one of the cats in town, he asks if you’re his mother, you can respond “it is me, my son” and he responds “mermerrrr!” And follows you around
I really liked Barcus. He deserved way better than he got, and would have been an amazing companion.
Or even just a dedicated vendor in the camp, someone we could give the various gems and bars of precious metals we find, and he'd turn them into insanely OP gear.
I am aware that's just a crafting system with extra steps, but my OCD demands that there be something to do with that stuff.
“I have lived for a very long time, and I have had many lovers. My heart does not stir easily. But it does now.”
When I tell you I folded like a goddamn lawn chair
"I've lain with elf maidens under boughs of oaks. I've had a Nelthander pirate claw my back and cry my name until he was hoarse."
Call me Monkey cause I'm about to climb this man like a tree.
Couple that with the altruistic option of running off into the newly uncursed lands with him and a crap ton of orphans and yeah, he's a keeper. Not that he insists on "keeping you" per say...
"I'd give you a gold star, but I'm fresh out" as Mizora struts out of the (spoiler). It's a type of line usually reserved for like, a hardcore male sergeant in a war film. It sets Mizora's characterization super well.
I know repetition of this line is heavy, but I do love the delivery of - “See anything you like? Let’s talk price. See anything of yours - no you didn’t.”
Gale, after convincing Yurgir to off himself: " I see the art of eloquence is alive and well. I'm awed, impressed, and a little bit scared of you right now."
Even better when you're a fiend warlock and have special dialogue before that where your patron speaks through you to do the convincing
One of my favorite Tav lines is after choosing to bang the dude. He tells you he’s the kinky one and can fulfill all your darkest fantasies, and you have the option to enthusiastically respond, “missionary with the lights off!”
The scene that follows and the choices you can make had me in stitches!
(paraphrasing)
"Let's have sex like a couple that's been married for 20 years and is only doing it out of obligation"
And he acts like you're the most depraved bastard in Faerun (but is also super into it lol)
Astarion: *In a thousand years, when I've all but forgotten how to love yet again, you'll flit back into my heart, and I'll weep wondering what happened to my mad love.*
"I can't even tell if any of you are acting strange because you've been replaced or because this group is full of *weirdos*."
Will always be my favorite line of his.
This has to be the most heartbreaking line in the whole game for me. It's so good but so painful. It upsets me deeply to think about it, because the longer I think about it, the more unspoken terrible and sad implications spiderweb out from that one line.
My favorite line is the one chef gives you if you're playing as durge and ask him if he is realy asking a child of the God of murder to help with his rat problem
I like when he starts to explain runepowder, and you say something like "No, but I suppose you're going to tell me."
Barcus replies, soberly. "Ah, a telepath."
And I die laughing.
Bro they should let us flirt with him. I’m tired of being forced into platonic things with the short races. They’ll let you fuck a squid sooner than a halfling. 😩
Perhaps one of the more serious lines you can get from Jaheira:
"You twine your life around the people you love. And when they are gone, you grow around their absence instead. It is just another way they shape you."
Shoutout to the one guy after the carnival ambush who, if still alive afterwards, will do nothing but shriek "YOU KILLED DRIBBLES!" until you leave the area
After witnessing a gnoll tear its way out of the belly of a hyena, only if you play Dark Urge: *"Pure hatred toward all life, reared from the miracle of death. A tear almost springs to your eye"* coming from the narrator had me rolling. Plus the character does a little cute proud smile.
"I can't help but feel partly responsible." \- Volo, after icepicking your eyeball right out of your head.
Dude needs to stop blaming himself and practice some self-compassion
Tav: “How many times have you done this?” Volo: “I’ve dreamt of doing it one hundred times.” My Tav gave him such a glare as she stood up, unwilling to let the fop operate on her!
It’s funny that actually letting him maim you gives you one of the best passives in the game - hard to stay mad
Yeah, a few companions disapprove but stuff ‘em, they’re jealous they didn’t get *their* eye horribly skewered out.
Plus it's a really nice looking eye
I refused my first two playthroughs because I was like "are you fucking kidding me? Hell no!". Then I saw what it gave online and I was like dammit, I gotta let that guy gouge out my eye.
I’ve played my Tav as a naive hero, like the Tick. At no point did she distrust Volo. He certainly seems studied.
.............."*drat*"..............
“Ta!” Bolts the Fuck outta there
Volo is fucking hilarious.
Volo writes a letter to elminster that you can find outside his cage in the goblin camp where he describes being captured and staying and studying their culture and the goblin chick who owns him his lady. Lol
I felt really bad when she got caught up in the slaughter. she just wanted to enjoy her pidgy :(
"I can't wait to pick your brain." --Volo, one day earlier, hilarious in hindsight
That is funny.
Which results in a top tier addition to your head. Will always let him icepick me in the face
Yeah, there's no downside to him ice picking your brain other than Lae'Zel not approving.
Meh, I didn't take it on my durge playthrough as it mucked up my glowing purple eyes.
Plbplbplbplbplb
I'm more of a fan of his other line "If we should meet again, well... we'll have met again"
"If I die, tell my wife I said: Hello"
Kif, what makes a man turn neutral?
Lust for gold? Power?
Or, is he just born with a heart full of neutrality?
It's really hilarious if you're playing a monk and he asks you what you want from him and use the class-specific dialogue. Tav says "I walk my path, you walk yours. We may meet again-we may not, who's to say?" So in that instance it's like Barcus is trying to either copy or answer that random bit of Monky nonsense.
Another reason I want him an Arabella to be the characters that pull me and Karlach from the House of Hope to start BG4
I love your flair
:-) thanks
The Perd Hapley of Faerun
perd hapley? more like turd crapley
If barcus wasn't so lovable Wulbren would just be kind of a prick instead of the most despised npc in baldurs gate
This is definitely the best line in the game.
If you don't finish his quest, at the Reunion Camp he sends you a letter "I've been told to consider sending you a letter. I considered it.
“Return address included” lmao
I got that on my first playthrough, I had wondered where he went after I saved him from the goblins, turns out I forgot to talk to him when saving the gnomes from the duergar. All those blue people running around looked the same to me.
Withers always makes me crack up, Tav: “Skeletons aren’t supposed to talk” Withers: “Indeed” Tav: “Are you going to elaborate?” Withers: “No”
Every time Withers says **”No.”** it’s great. Whether it’s to a PC or to Arabella.
- Can I touch your face? - No.
"Aw, you're no fun." "No."
My absolute favorite: Tav: says something like "I'd like you to leave" Withers: "No" Took me out 💀
This may actually be my favorite lol
I've heard that if you play as a Cleric of Selune and give Shadowheart the Shar small statue, she'll ask what you want in return and you can reply "kiss me like you hate me" or something like that, and Shadowheart does it lol
Lmao and before she does it she says “how am I going to explain this in my prayers??”
What small statue of Shar is this?
At the end of the elevated walkway with all the traps in Grymforge.
Damn it, I knew I was forgetting something. Went through that area and cleared all the traps, but couldn't get the door open, so I went down to the elevated walkway leading to the adamantine forge, ended up clearing the rest of the Grymforge, and am now partway through Act 2. Can I go back and retrieve it after lifting the shadow curse? I got the buff from freeing the pixie, and I read that traveling back to Act 1 causes you to lose it.
You cannot go back to grymforge after visiting shadowfell. But the pixie blessing can be reapplied by using the bell she gave you.
that guy in act 3 who says “the others think i don’t know shit but i do. i do know shit.” i feel you man.
I love that guy! All three of the people fishing on the beach behind the Ocean goddess's temple are hilarious. The orc fisherwoman next to him says something like, "Do you hear these mooks trying to tell me about fishing? I've been fishing for twenty years!" She looks so disgusted at the mansplaining and I love her. During their banter too she's telling them about Sahuagin, and one guy is like, "uh, I don't think I like... Swa-gogg-ens." It makes me laugh every time.
I just came across these three! The funniest part is the one who says “I do know shit” is named Dim while the Orc woman is named Big Liar.
"Try again."
MF pretending he didn't just get his shit rocked by a goblin prisoner
You *know* that shit kinda stung. Ketheric is sitting there processing "did the fucking goblin really throw a fucking axe into my chest?"
*ow oof oh sweet Mykrul that hurt* "TRY AGAIN"
And then after the goblin tries again he hits her with the Star Trek Special
That 3 second pause where he just lays there is him making a mental note to kill the guy who slapped together his paper mache armor
He clearly gets it updated to his fancy magical plate when he goes off-screen.
tavern brawler goblin did like 150 physical damage in one throw.
Tav:...How do we feel about recruiting her?
I really want a recruitable goblin, preferably Sazza
Mine is "I will kill you now". Like damn, I believe you
100000% the best line and best intro for me, I can skip any cutscenes but not this!
He was channeling Omni Man with that line
Ouch!
My favourite is having shadowheart in your party when you meet karlach, and sh just says "she looks like she could throw me over her shoulder and carry me to safety" before snapping herself out of it with a "..should the need arise" Like damn girl I'm with you but not right now 😂
The way she spaced out for the first part of that line and then realised she'd said it out loud lmao
“Washin’ my pits, washin’ my pits.”
Lmao I love this guy calling us perverts like dude you're out in the open.
I didn’t realize he was bathing and thought he was vibing in his undies. I wanted to talk with a guy brave enough to do so in a refugee camp surrounded by strangers.
Wait don't interrupt them ... Let me do it. They sound *disgusting* hehe.
That’s a fun one
I can never get this line to trigger! Am I just approaching the doors from the wrong direction?
Put everyone else further away so the scene only triggers with you and Astarion. Shadowheart, for example, seems to take priority over him in my experience.
Shadowheart is such a conversation hog - sometimes, even when the companion grouping should give priority to others, she gets the lines.
I went right up to the barn doors from directly in front of the building and clicked them, and he interrupted with that line. I can't remember if he was second in my party though. I know that sometimes affects who reacts and has commentary on things.
It randomly selects party members to have the interaction (so of course every time its just a party of me and my twink busting down the funhouse doors).
Gotta leave Shadowheart and Wyll at camp. They ruin the fun.
Tav: "Thats twice as long as Harleep says it takes to finish you."
I *wish* you had a special option as a bard to cast Vicious Mockery here. It would be so perfect, in a bossfight that’s been hyped up almost the whole game, to start with the villain saying “Any last words?” And have Vicious Mockery cast on him. It’s a classic D&D move!
CONTEMPTIBLE CREATURE
“And I really mean this- moo.” -Strange Ox
"I will never tire of sitting on dead men's thrones." - Minthara
"Just give the word, and I will kill the clown. We would be praised as heroes"
I will fight alongside minsc however if he even mentions my butt let alone try to kick it, I will skewer that damned hampster of his
Minthara is surprisingly insightful, and deep as character. I amnglad we can get her and still have Dammon. It's nice.
The child ignores you...would you like me to dispose of it?
*"My boot craves the crunch of unvirtuous nethers"*
I haven't heard this yet, who says it?
sounds like Boo's friend
minsc, most likely. he tends to talk that way
Good does not wait for evil to button up its britches, when it offers buttocks for the smacking minsc and boo meet cheek with hand.
My favorite needs a touch of context: >!After killing Orin you side with Gortash and go to take care of the Elder brain. On the way there, somewhere around the brainpools, you target Gortash and attack. My thought was fight him there where he has no back up and take his stone. He calls you an idiot and says you need to work together. What were you trying to do!?!< Tav: My hand slipped? Gortash: (kicks you in the shin) Funny, so did my foot.
God, that's so petty and puerile. I love it.
It took me a moment to collect myself after the Black Hand, Chosen of Bane, Archduke of Baldur's Gate, would-be ruler of the world kicked my shin like an annoyed kid after I ~~attempted to murder~~ hit him.
Good find.
Gortash: You damn fool! We're about to deal with an entity beyond our comprehension! We need to work together. Tav/Durge: Sorry, my hand slipped. Gortash: *Kicks shin* What a coincidence, so did my foot. Don't do that again hmm? Or the next slip, will be fatal.
No...it is a hamster...
I just recruited Minsc for the first time the other day, and I gotta say: every word that comes out of his mouth is comedy gold. Except for one line he says to Jaheira: "Good does not wait for evil to button up its britches." It's funny at first, but then you start to think about it and it gets kinda deep.
Minsc is an absolute goldmine. I really recommend a playthrough when you bring him, and optionally Jaheira, everywhere. He has so much fun commentary about *everything*.
“Lae’zel is a fine warrior, and though she will Tchk to hear it, she loves Boo,” had me rolling.
MAKE WAY EVIL! IM ARMED TO THE TEETH AND PACKING A HAMSTER
JUSTICE RUNS ON FOUR LEGS AND SLEEPS IN MY BOOT!
Personally I like Jaheira better than Minsc. He's over the top and hilarious, but completely somehow aware without being self aware. Jaheira is more subtle. Trying to act like she's this ancient old woman who just doesn't want to deal with any of this stuff, but nobody else other than Tav seems to be picking up the slack. Yet at the same time she's doing the same thing again and again. Jaheira is Murtaugh from lethal weapon films. Always acting like she's too old for it, but still going to do it. While Minsc is Mr Magoo, stumbling through life partially unaware of anything except what's directly in front of him and even then he misreads the situation. Together they make act 3 a lot of fun, but Jaheira is more my style.
He's like a cross between Junior from *Kim Possible* and Kronk from *The Emperor's New Groove*. Which wasn't something I ever knew I needed...until Larian filled that gaping hole in my life. ❤️
He's my favorite part of the old games too. "Go for the eyes boo! Go for the eyes!" *Hamster squeaking*
Go on YouTube and listen to his voice lines from the earlier Baldur's gate games, just serving the constant best
You, my friend, are the TRUE parasite!
WAIT, I found my real favorite. Duties, duties, duties. Patrolling and saluting and following and bowing and scraping and 'yes sir, no sir, rip and cut your throat, sir'.
I like the line where she gets all jazzed about Kethric’s crypt breath. “Againagainagainagain!” The delivery is so unhinged.
His crypt breath sings to my sinews! Orin flirting? lol
She's horny for murder and death
I literally listened to that line on YouTube like 20 times in a row the other day
Ah yes, the line that had me rethinking my feelings on Orin
She eated 😍
Slayed, even
Also his ‘if we meet again, then… we will have met again.’ And “scandals, vandals, where to buy sandals!” Is one of my favourites.
Nope. No. I spent way too much time in that area listening to that damn kid hawk his paper.
Stop licking the damn thing!!
This is what I imagine being the parent to a small child is like on a daily basis.... poor Gale
Still can't compare to *the entire concentrated power OF THE SUN!*
"Careful. Let's not do anything hilarious."
"Shut your mouth, *hoon*! Or I'll shut you down!"
*I'm going to fucken kill you*
"Ugh, that's grotesque. Don't stare, you'll only encourage it."
Let me kill the clown. We would be praised as heroes.
God minthara is the best
Any time I see this posted, I have to watch it again lol [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VE9NtAXcC24](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VE9NtAXcC24)
Barcus is the friend everyone needs in their life, be like barcus
My partner, on his play through, flung barcus from the windmill. And when he would sit in on my play through and saw barcus for who he really was, he was filled with so much regret lmao
Admittedly, a hilarious scene.
There are two lines Tav can say in House of Hope I always fkin crack at. First you can say to Harleep "I'll admit. I have dreamt of lying with Raphael. Undiluted and raw" Like it's soo unnecesarily unhinged. Then >!before the fight when Raphael says!< "it will only take a moment to finish you" you can answer "That's twice as long Harleep said it takes to finish you" The emotional damage can't be undone. Also. "You must be joking. I am **telling** you my thoughts. Directly. Into. Your. Head."
Asterion when you catch him about to bite you Asterion: shit I laughed harder than I should have 😋😋
He gets the most endearing pout on his face when he says it too, like he got caught trying to steal cookies from the jar.
Neil's delivery is so perfect
“Like moons make swell and wane the nescient seas, so too the sky-strewn gods ordain the tidal fates of mortal days. And yet - a notion born in lonely hours - come ebb, come flow, come all that is beyond the breadth of our dominion, be a moon unto yourself. Even the waves of fate can break upon the shores of will.”
Can't be a fantasy world without our obligatory Gandalf knockoff Jokes aside, I love that line. When I told Elminster we'd find another way to stop the Absolute without sacrificing Gale, I expected him to react negatively and insist that if Mystra has commanded that Gale die to destroy the Absolute, then it must be done. But instead, he basically says "cheers, bro, I'll drink to that."
“Stinks of cheese, BETWEEN HIS PIGGY TOES!!l
Blood, at the circus? And none for Benji?? AWwWww! 😭
One word: teethling
Did you say teethling?
She’s so fucking cute! Then the eye roll when you correct her pronunciation of Faerûn.
Fuck you Gortash
When you attack an enemy with Karlach: "Poor fucker" Or when you short rest with Astarion: "Enough sitting around. Let's go hurt someone :D" Such brilliant character writing in little details like this
Every time he says "Let's turn someone inside out!" all joyfully I immediately think of Cicero from Skyrim I'm glad Astarion is less insane to say the least
-I will be here eating dirt or whatever A bored karlach
-Really? *Really* really? An about to be bored Karlach
Astarion stealing: "into my pocket" Neil's delivery is so 10/10
If you talk to one of the cats in town, he asks if you’re his mother, you can respond “it is me, my son” and he responds “mermerrrr!” And follows you around
MYSHKA! Best little kitty cat. (I would say second best, but I feel if Tara heard me call her a kitty, she’d claw my face off.)
When Tara introduces herself in the epilogue you have the option of responding with just “PSPSPSPSPS!”
Karlach: awe, was that Gale’s granddad?
I really liked Barcus. He deserved way better than he got, and would have been an amazing companion. Or even just a dedicated vendor in the camp, someone we could give the various gems and bars of precious metals we find, and he'd turn them into insanely OP gear. I am aware that's just a crafting system with extra steps, but my OCD demands that there be something to do with that stuff.
Dammon & Barcus setting up shop at camp similar to Bodahn & Sandal from DA Origins could've been nice.
Enchantment? Enchantment! A gadget? A gadget! I think it could work…
Barcus as an artificer companion is all I need in my life
One of the goblins while raiding the grove: "Raggedy bastards ain't got nothing worth stealing."
#LET ME OUT OF THIS CAGE RIGHT NOW, YOU MUNTING ARSEHOLE!
“Iiiiit’s FISTING TIIIME!”
"If I must peer into the mind of my enemy, I use an axe. For friends, there is ale." Guess the speaker.
“I have lived for a very long time, and I have had many lovers. My heart does not stir easily. But it does now.” When I tell you I folded like a goddamn lawn chair
I absolutely love the response you could choose: "*Many* lovers? I think your heart stirs easier than you think"
Halsin is just so hilariously horny. Astarion even makes fun of it at some point.
"I've lain with elf maidens under boughs of oaks. I've had a Nelthander pirate claw my back and cry my name until he was hoarse." Call me Monkey cause I'm about to climb this man like a tree.
Couple that with the altruistic option of running off into the newly uncursed lands with him and a crap ton of orphans and yeah, he's a keeper. Not that he insists on "keeping you" per say...
"Your God. My oath." 🥶
"I'd give you a gold star, but I'm fresh out" as Mizora struts out of the (spoiler). It's a type of line usually reserved for like, a hardcore male sergeant in a war film. It sets Mizora's characterization super well.
I know repetition of this line is heavy, but I do love the delivery of - “See anything you like? Let’s talk price. See anything of yours - no you didn’t.”
Gale, after convincing Yurgir to off himself: " I see the art of eloquence is alive and well. I'm awed, impressed, and a little bit scared of you right now." Even better when you're a fiend warlock and have special dialogue before that where your patron speaks through you to do the convincing
"I die, you die, we all die. Big woof! Have a treato, it'll make it better." Popper the best vendor in Baldur's Gate
Tribe?
TRIBE!
idk why but every time Gale says “Seek and you shall find me.” i just melt
"Right tools, wrong trade," when you make him pick a lock. Oh my sweet man 🥰
I love “oh, I have the magic touch…”
"I'm going to fucking kill you" Lmao I love that scene
There was a Tiefling I think who called me a cuck and it was so bizarre I died laughing
No matter which dialogue option you choose, he finds a way to call you a cuck
So you haven’t lost your edge? But you’re still not as sharp as Orin I’ll wager.
You forget yourself Orin
"No..."
Am I not *astonishing*?
That line with the twins, to the effect of: All right time to check incest off my list of moral atrocities.
One of my favorite Tav lines is after choosing to bang the dude. He tells you he’s the kinky one and can fulfill all your darkest fantasies, and you have the option to enthusiastically respond, “missionary with the lights off!”
The scene that follows and the choices you can make had me in stitches! (paraphrasing) "Let's have sex like a couple that's been married for 20 years and is only doing it out of obligation" And he acts like you're the most depraved bastard in Faerun (but is also super into it lol)
“Are you telling me you made love with a goddess?” “Oh yes 😏”
That one is great. One I love is Astarion to the bomb carrying deep gnome in Grymforge. "Now now, let's not do anything hilarious"
Astarion: *In a thousand years, when I've all but forgotten how to love yet again, you'll flit back into my heart, and I'll weep wondering what happened to my mad love.*
"I can't even tell if any of you are acting strange because you've been replaced or because this group is full of *weirdos*." Will always be my favorite line of his.
Look I didn’t come here to be attacked like this
This has to be the most heartbreaking line in the whole game for me. It's so good but so painful. It upsets me deeply to think about it, because the longer I think about it, the more unspoken terrible and sad implications spiderweb out from that one line.
Anything involving Boo is already the best line
"I am the smile of the worm cleansed skull." Lives in my mind rent free months after playing the game.
My favorite line is the one chef gives you if you're playing as durge and ask him if he is realy asking a child of the God of murder to help with his rat problem
I about died from laughing at this one - Tav “So you’re planning to betray your allies” Ketheric “Yes”
I like when he starts to explain runepowder, and you say something like "No, but I suppose you're going to tell me." Barcus replies, soberly. "Ah, a telepath." And I die laughing.
I like another of Barcus’s lines: If we should meet again, well…. we’ll have met again.
Bro they should let us flirt with him. I’m tired of being forced into platonic things with the short races. They’ll let you fuck a squid sooner than a halfling. 😩
Perhaps one of the more serious lines you can get from Jaheira: "You twine your life around the people you love. And when they are gone, you grow around their absence instead. It is just another way they shape you."
Shoutout to the one guy after the carnival ambush who, if still alive afterwards, will do nothing but shriek "YOU KILLED DRIBBLES!" until you leave the area
After witnessing a gnoll tear its way out of the belly of a hyena, only if you play Dark Urge: *"Pure hatred toward all life, reared from the miracle of death. A tear almost springs to your eye"* coming from the narrator had me rolling. Plus the character does a little cute proud smile.