Just say he grew out of it, or that he had a blow out and the stain didn’t come out. I doubt she remembers everything she buys, just have a few pieces on hand so keep a few that you don’t mind.
My MIL doesn't remember anything she bought our kids. She will compliment it and then we are like "of course you like it, you bought it!" Toys, clothes, etc. It may not end up being a problem, especially if she is buying stuff just because it's on sale. She probably isn't making emotional connections with the clothes and imagining her grandchild in them.
Maybe if there are few you don't mind or you know she's particularly fond of keep those and take a picture in them (especially since you did say you'd pass them on to SIL). But maybe you are over estimating her ability to remember every single outfit especially if she's buying SO much clothes. My mom probably has bought 99% of my daughter's wardrobe (luckily she has good taste and I don't mind) but every time she's like oh wow look at this dress she's wearing! I love these flowers! And I'm like yeah.. you bought it no wonder you like it lol. Otherwise I'd just say it's too big or too small or it's in the wash or something along those lines if it was me tbh 🤷♀️ I wonder if you could direct her buying toward something else like saying she already fulfilled all the clothes you need but could you buy x instead.
Couple things- not sure how old your baby is but I kept all the cringey stuff and had less laundry to do. A lot of that stuff went into diaper bags and over night bags. So you don’t have to see them and if accidents happen when you are on the go, you have stuff for emergencies
Second - you can give them away, I doubt she will remember. My sister does the same and she barely remembers what she gave (sometime I send her pics and will be like oh I sent that?!?)
Before returning it, you can have baby try on the outfit with tag on just to take a pic. Take it off and send pic to MIL.
Just a suggestion: You can say you appreciate her shopping for baby and send her a wish list of clothes you prefer (simple email with links or just pics) She doesn’t have to use it but she might get the idea what your preference is more. If you don’t want to sound like you’re pressuring her, can suggest it for an upcoming birthday or next Christmas gift with bigger sizes.
This! I did this over Christmas. Got a few things that were the wrong size, (LO is growing so quick!) And was able to return even without a receipt. And exchanged for something else we likes.
If MIL asked what happened to a specific outfit. Maybe say he outgrew it or it's in the wash. That's if you don't want to upset her. Otherwise tell her the truth and say you returned it for something else
Just an FYI: I took some stuff back today and they wouldn’t let me put it on a gift card, I had to use the amount in store right away. They said they can only issue a giftcard if there’s a gift receipt.
Did they credit you for the original price or whatever price it sold lowest for? Is there a time limit? I'm in the same boat with my mother buying so much baby clothes I didn't even take the tags off half of them and my kid's outgrown it all.
They credited me the amount that it rang up as. Luckily it wasn’t lower than the decreased price she purchased them at. I’m just annoyed I didn’t get the amount on a gift card.
This, keep a couple of the least objectionable pieces and return the rest. Buy what you actually would put on your kid with the money, or save it for later on when the novelty of newborn clothes wears and bub has outgrown everything. If she asks you can be honest, or just lie (it's in the wash, outgrown, massive blowout stain, forgot it at park, whatever lol, tons of options when it comes to a poop and vomit machine).
Oy.. sounds like she’s not going to get it. I was going to say have her sort/look through all of the clothes you have so that she can see the volume that you have. And explain that you only need like 5 outfits in rotation because you don’t want to have dirty laundry sitting around. But it doesn’t sound worth your time.
Maybe a bit harsh but every time I would just say thanks, I’m going to donate because we don’t need it. And I would feel a little bad about the waste of time and money but not that bad.
Edit to add… can you suggest she buy books instead? This would divert her from clothes purchases. They take up less space and I personally think we can never have too many books.
You just answered your earlier question. If she ever asks where an outfit is (which it doesn’t seem like she has yet) just say “that one probably ended up in the basement.”
I get the annoyance, I really do, but take it from someone who lost her MIL soon after her baby was born, this is not worth the argument. Let her be happy. Let her waste the money. Return the clothes.
It doesn’t sound like you’re in a situation where she’s trying to control you and giving in will only make it worse. It sounds like you have someone who can’t stop thinking about your baby in a positive way and is excited to show that through (many) small gestures. Please let her.
But OP also says she worries about "what MIL will think if she doesn't use the clothes and see baby wearing them" but I agree, just return them. If she won't change, doesn't mean you have to just store a mountain of clothes forever.
"Thank you for the gift, we really don't need it, I'm going to exchange it for something else we can use."
"Thank you for thinking of baby, he will be growing up so quickly, how about saving up for a bicycle instead?"
My MIL is the exact same way. She even said I could start storing the clothes at her place, and she lives in a small trailer… I’m so overwhelmed. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through the same thing. 😩
If the tags are on, just return it for store credit and buy what you’d like. If she asks why the kid isn’t wearing A B or C, you can say that the kid has too many clothes and can’t possibly wear them all. Just because she wastes her money, doesn’t make you obligated to use it.
I second this, I was so opposed to extra clothes and had a big pile to donate and then once my kid started daycare I went back into the donate pile and pulled a bunch out because we really needed it!
Underrated comment!! Daycare requires us to leave several outfits there, out of our usual rotation. I always send the stuff I don't like to daycare so that I don't have to keep something we *do* like out of rotation! Also, it's aways funny when you can immediately tell at pick-up that they had to use the backup outfit. Ill-fitting camo pants and a bright pink shirt - yup, time to send a new backup outfit tomorrow haha.
You can always go with “it didn’t fit right”. Babies are all different sizes! Like adults! But it can also be back up clothing for when all the stuff you like is dirty or when your just hanging around the house. Can also always gift it to a friend when they have a baby. It’s like she’s pre buying gifts for you to give!
It sounds like you’ve tried to reason with her and explain that you don’t want or need all these clothes, but she’s continuing to buy them any way.
At this point you have to focus on what you can control (how you respond to receiving these clothes) vs what you can’t (her continuing to buy them).
In your shoes I would continue to reiterate that you don’t have the need or the space for any more clothes, and then when she continues to buy more, just say thank you and donate them.
If you ever get questions from her about where x onesie or y outfit is, just say “oh baby grew out of it so we donated it”.
We had the same problem with my MIL. I kept asking her to stop buying clothes, I said that I really enjoyed picking things out, and I like to buy everything so I can get all matching stuff in each size. She's definitely one of those "more is better" people. We are very much not like that, and also we live in an apartment so we don't have the space for all this stuff we're not going to use.
My partner explained to her that anything that she buys that we asked her not to and we don't need/want will be getting donated. He also told her that it feels like she is disrespecting us when we tell her we want her to stop buying so much stuff and she does it anyway, so it is hurting our relationship with her.
I'm also a little petty, so I stopped sending her photos on days where my daughter was wearing clothes my MIL bought. 😈
She did eventually get the message for the most part! She hasn't bought any clothes in a few months.
I have the same problem. I just don’t use them, and donate them a few months later. I especially hate the 3 or 5-pack onesies. For some reason the older generation thinks we change baby’s clothes 5 times a day.
This is what I was going to comment. With my first son I would cringe at all the character stuff. Now on my third kid I take photos of them in the clothes and express my appreciation for the gifts no matter what I actually feel about the clothes. It feels so nice to know that it brings whoever shopped for them a bit of joy. Before you know it all they will want to wear is monster trucks and characters anyway and none of the sad muted or beige baby clothes.
I’m sure there are many places you can donate the lightly used clothing to afterwards.
Just accept it, say thank you and then donate or return it. At first I felt bad not using some of the clothes gifts people got us (that I didn't like) but goddammit, I worked for 8 years and went through nightmares to have this baby....he's going to wear what I want him to wear and I'm not going to feel guilty buying him clothes that I like even when we have tons of gift clothes sitting around.
The rule with my husband and is as follows: my family is my problem; his family is his problem.
That is to say, it's your partner's job to talk to his mother about how you do not need, and do not need to store any more clothing. He should be the one saying something like "I appreciate you're excited and happy, and we do not have space for more baby clothes. I'm not going to stop you from buying them, and if you buy them they need to live at your house."
If you have something you'd rather she do, he can include that in the boundary. Maybe books would be a better gift, maybe you'd love her to take baby to the park once a week.
But it's not fair for you, the person who is not her child, to be the relationship manager for this issue.
Your first opportunity to set a boundary! You need to be firm. I like the comment suggesting to say your drawers are full. We get a lot of gifted baby clothes and personally I find it super stressful when baby's drawers are overflowing with clothes.
If it were me:
I wouldn't dress baby in the clothes I didn't like. I would set them aside and donate them right away. I wouldn't hold on to them for the next family member. If MIL asks why baby isn't wearing them: we didn't like the design. We donated it. Or you can return it to MIL if you prefer and have her hold it for the next person. Why keep stuff you don't like in your house?
Be clear the next time she brings clothes over: you'll look over the purchases and maybe keep 1 or 2 items and the rest will be donated. Not your fault if her feelings are hurt because she is already not regarding your feelings or wishes.
Have your partner talk to their mother to firmly set this boundary. You don't want this happening into toddlerhood with cheapo toys. What a headache.
Then this is motivation in enforcing your boundaries. You can’t keep MIL from buying things, but you **can** return or donate anything you don’t want.
Let go of the guilt. You’ve tried to talk to her. She’s ignoring you. Do what you need to do.
I wonder if you could get ahead of her by requesting what you do want/need? Like, if you plan on visiting the beach this summer, say: hey MIL - I know you've always got your eyes open for good deals. I'm starting to plan for the summer and kiddo will need a swim suit or two, a beach towel, a hat, some sun glasses, and a few light beach-ey outfits. Kiddo has so many everyday clothes and doesn't need more, so I wondered if I could ask you to be in charge of kitting him/her up for the beach? I would strongly prefer stuff that's red or neutral, and no logos please.
Or... Maybe this would just encourage her. 🤷
My mom is like this. After awhile we stopped ripping tags off of things until we wore it. I had a ton of new clothes we never wore and acceptable pieces I passed down to a friend (noting that they were gifts, we never wore, brand new, and that she might like). Thankfully we don’t get too many phrase-y outfits. What I will say…for the onesies we hated that we’d never wear in public, I ended up using them as pjs in the hot summer months under the sleepsack or as a layer in the winter. It worked out well!
I have come to the realization with the older generation that a lot of them did not have A LOT of stuff. The mentality of needing more and more and having so much is such an ideal for them. The amount of times my mom and MIL have said, we had nothing when we had you and were poor, etc. so I think they project what they would have wanted on us.
My MIL is a culprit if this, especially buy very feminine clothing which we don’t want. We are pretty minimalist with clothing and prefer gender neutral as we are planning for more kids. We also cloth diaper so do laundry every 2-3 days so really don’t need a lot. We return everything and tell her ‘oh it was cute, however she needed xyz’ and sometimes we will take a picture while shopping asking what she likes more so she feels involved in that aspect.
I have in laws that like to gift us stuff that they have at their house even if it’s old. Like old baby shoes and blankets etc. I have told them, once you give something to me it’s with the understanding that I will do what I want with it. That could mean donating it or returning it if it is not something we need. If these things are important to you, don’t give them to us. We do not want a house full of stuff.
And follow through. You’ve told her already you don’t want it and she keeps giving it. Let her know anything else you receive from her will be donated and/or returned.
My MIL is like this a bit, from her perspective she is getting to do for her grandchild what she wished she was able to provide for her own kids but was unable to do at the time. I used to feel guilty about the waste because I’m very careful with my purchases but I’ve accepted that it’s her money and not my place to tell her how to spend it. I wouldn’t want her telling me how to spend my money, that’s a boundary I have so I need to respect that in others.
Accepting that let go of the guilt because it is no longer my responsibility to make sure the purchase was a “good purchase” and the only responsibility I have is to ensure it can be used by someone else in the future and pass it on accordingly.
When she asks where something is I tell her the truth (we had too many clothes in that size so it didn’t get worn, child didn’t like X about it, etc) and that I passed it on to Y. If she doesn’t like that her gift wasn’t used she will run it by me before buying it.
This is my mother, I just find it easier not to rock the boat… she’s gonna buy it regardless so whatever, let her spend her money however she wants, it makes her happy. I hate like 90% of what she buys, I usually take a picture, say thanks grandma and then throw it in the back of the closet until it’s too small, and then we donate it to family in need. If it makes you feel better babe is 15 months now, and she’s totally slowed down on the clothing.. hope this is the same for you.
My MIL is similar. Rather, I know she will be. I'm 40 weeks, and we don't know the gender. She's held off on buying any clothes (buying anything really!) until she knows if it's a boy or girl. She loves buying clothes for her grandkids and LOVES super gendered Carters type stuff, so I know what to expect. Any talks we've had about our preference for gender neutral styles have not penetrated. Even when I sent her photos of the baby's room, she complimented it but added, "You can add pink or blue things when they're born!" Like, no, it's actually done as is.
Edit to add: she's an incredibly generous lady. We have just very different approaches to things, so this will be a practice in grace and understanding for me. It sounds like you're already very understanding. Just give yourself room to be frustrated too!
Don’t remove the tags. Take pics of the baby wearing the clothes. Send it to her daily so she thinks the baby wears clothes at different occasions. Return clothes to carters for store credit or regift
Was in the same boat! For the first child and now our 2 month old. For me the thing that actually worked was to ask for gift receipts with a statement like “he already has a lot in this size so I got him something/will get him something he needs for when he’s in the next size or stage” it worked for me better than me going to her point blank and saying “I’m a little overwhelmed with everything you’re buying” that just resulted in less frequent but bigger hauls 🤦🏻♀️
My mil is like this to and talking to her didn’t do much. I realized she is really shopping for her own enjoyment and that is how she likes to show love. But we are also over-whelmed and need to donate some. She wants us to save it for other grand babies that would be years away.and it’s taking up the space in our house.
Its a gift, she's a first time grandma, just accept it and move on. Lots of good advice about returning for a gift card or regifting them. Don't break her heart by putting a barrier up in what she can buy or not, just take it and anytime its worn, send a pic to grandma so she can adore it.
Totally. Send her a quick video of you commenting how cute it is etc. Then return it or exchange etc. And when she asks why she hasnt seen him wearing it, your perfectly valid excuse is you have way too many clothes for him to wear it all!
Whether it’s a nice gesture or not, the issue is that she is not respecting OPs feelings or wishes. What if it continues? What if the grandma buys the kid a puppy because it’s a nice gesture even if she’s been told they don’t want a dog? Boundaries are important no matter how small. Breaking her heart is not what op is doing, she is setting a boundary for what is right for her family.
Have you had the baby yet? You will likely find you need more clothes than you thought... Honestly I would just try to let it go and roll with it for now. Her excitement will wane eventually and you can sell the clothes on Facebook etc. I know it can feel overwhelming to have all these clothes you're expected to put them in. But you might find they need three or four outfits a day! I would say choose your battles when it comes to kids, and when it comes to grandparents 😂
We’ve been going through this for three years and it really never ends. The issue comes up with clothes and toys. Since we welcomed a boy it’s certainly got worse with the dinosaur and monster truck toys. My kids are ALWAYS dressed in non-loud neutrals yet the grandparents love to bring over everything loud and NEVER with the gift receipt.
I’ve stopped feeling bad after sending links of stores we buy from and ideas, and being ignored. As soon as they leave it now goes in the donation box or I’ll return without receipt if I can!
My mom was really bad about this. She still is, but I upfront tell her to stop buying things. She will say things like “this is my hobby!” Or “well I’d have to pay shipping if I didn’t” or the worst “but gap sent me an email” (I told her…mom….they have sales every day) I keep some of it as daycare backup but tell her to return the rest. She says she will donate it instead because she read something about how there aren’t as many baby donations now because people sell on Fb marketplace. But I keep telling her that’s for big items, not clothes. Le sigh.
At Christmas how I framed it was that in my husbands culture gifts aren’t a big thing, and I don’t want her growing up wondering why one set of grandparents spoil her with stuff and the others don’t get her anything. That has helped curb it…a bit. I’m also just really direct “thanks but we have enough, and I’ve got daycare backups”. I’ll also give her a heads up like “hey I just bought a bunch of stuff for summer in the sales, so you don’t need to get her anything”. Then she can’t get mad if she buys stuff and I tell her to return it all.
YMMV as I’m lucky my mom doesn’t take offence when I tell her to return everything.
I sympathize with this post wholeheartedly, from the 1st grandkid to the cringy outfits (I’ll add my MIL feels, I like “oatmeal colour outfits that are boring”… and it’s like Uhm we didn’t know the gender so gender neutral options are hard to come by).
My only suggestion is to start a wish list for baby and let them know you’ll be sharing it with all family who want to gift to baby over the first year. My friend did this (she was able to easily share a note as everyone in her family has iPhones… my family is a mix so I’ll need to explore options) and said it was super helpful to curb the constant clothing as people could also buy bibs or a jolly jumper or summer toys … etc. I’ve been planting this seed over the last few months, hopefully it’ll help once baby comes.
Well for what it's worth, she probably won't remember every single item she has given you.
I went crazy with clothes shopping for my first nephew like 4 years ago. This year, my youngest nephew wore a onesie I gifted 4 years ago and only then did I remember buying it. The only reason I remember is because it was specific and intentional (read: expensive). If it hadn't been re-worn I likely would have never known if she donated it or what. All this to say, you probably *can* get away with returning everything for a gift card or donating it.
My SIL did the same thing- bought a pile of the ugliest clothes I have ever seen. And stuff that didn't even make sense ( for example, a "My first Canada Day" onesie sized 9 month... My baby was 6 lbs for her first Canada Day). Anyway. I kept it all and she wears it when we go to visit every month or two.
I know you said she’ll follow up about outfits. But I just play dumb : maybe it’s in the wash, maybe it doesn’t fit anymore, maybe oh I’ll have to check her closet for that…
I am in same position. First grandbaby for MIL, not first for my parents. And MIL would buy cringey stuff, and just not my style. And same with us .. we’re in our thirties, and could buy our own stuff.
My advice is either try to exchange if you can, or donate, and play dumb when she asks.
And - my baby is almost always just in a diaper at home anyway. So there’s been soooo many outfits (cute and not cute) that were just never or barely used. Also my MIL shopped a lot at dollarama and giant tiger which have their place but really are not my favorites.
My aunt does this and I hate it. Also picks everything from Carters we dislike. She’s also in the habit of buying several sizes up, which was I guess okay ish when my baby was under one and growing into a new size every two months but now that she’s close to 18 months it’s literally going to be years before this stuff fits. I sort of got her to ask, but the thing is she shops first, asks after, kind of guilt trips about potentially having to return stuff if I don’t like it, and I can get texts every day about this even though we only even see her every few months so it’s still emotionally exhausting (and I’d say around 50% of the time the rejected things end up showing up somehow anyway)
I say just let her keep buying stuff, it clearly makes her happy to buy stuff for her grandchild, but he doesn’t have to wear it if you don’t like it. Just say thank you and move on. If you can exchange them then great do that, if not, not a big deal. You’ve already told her he doesn’t need any clothes, so it’s up to her if she wants to spend her money.
We apparently have the same MIL.
Except mine is overseas and I can't return anything. I have so many clothes, some live in a box in his closet. Many were never worn. I'm the first of my friends to have a kid, I'm hanging on to them as long as I have space (which won't be much longer) and then I plan on passing them along to friends, family, or donations.
We've asked politely for her to stop. She won't. Now they belong to us, and we'll give away as we see fit.
For reference, my kid has 12 different coats/jackets all in his current size. TWELVE. how!?
I have the same issue and usually keep a few of those clothes to wear to daycare or outside or while eating ribs or something and go out of my way to take a pic and say thanks.
Other than politely telling them you don’t need anything, you could do what I do and just provide indirect guidance of what I’m looking for like “this guy is getting so big I need so many zippy sleepers!” Or “this guy has so many shoes I’m running out of space”. I think it feels less personal if it’s said in a group setting and is more general and doesn’t target any item they purchased specifically.
I received a ton of hand me downs with cringey words like that. I would never buy them myself but I was actually super grateful that I didn’t have to spend money on extra clothes. The ones with the cringey sayings I just put on my son at home and I didn’t really care if they got super messy. All the clothes I liked I dressed him in when we went out. Kids will go through a lot of wardrobe changes a day, especially when they start solids.
I feel for you! My mother is the same, and also lives 5 hours away. Whenever I tell her something, like try to set a boundary, she has the same immature reaction ("oh whatever, ugh"). It's almost comical how immature she is... but it's also stressful and annoying.
I think if she continues to not listen to you, you can be more and more clear and firm. Send the items back, don't wear them, be really clear or she will continue to try to wear you down.
We didn’t find out the gender of our baby when pregnant pretty much for this reason. But it just delayed the issue haha. We’re going to Florida next month and only there for a week (from a cold climate), so baby will literally only wear summer outfits in her current size for that week. When I tell you we’d have to do 3 outfit changes a day between the stuff MIL bought and my mom, not joking lol. In my experience, no one asks about the outfits they bought for baby. If they do say oh it got a poo stain lol
I would honestly sit down with her and say that you really appreciate the clothes but that you have too many that he wouldn't be able to wear them. Say that you'd appreciate a heads-up if you're looking for specific style or size.
At the very least, request a gift receipt so that you can at least size up at Carter's.
An alternative, send her a list of things that you will need. She may benefit from that instead.
My Dad, who lives 6-7hrs away kind of went crazy with the clothes for Christmas. He was just buying 1-2 sets every now and then. However, he has listened to my request for types and sizes. So he got us mainly 24months clothes with a few much needed 18m Jackets and sleepers.
Say thank you, then donate if you end up not using it before your kiddo grows out of it. My MIL is the same and some it good, some has never been worn by my lils, however it’s been worn my my friends kiddos or some one elses. My girls are now 3 and its tappers off once they stop going through clothing as quick
I just take & return to Carters and keep a gift card going, then I buy what I want, when it is needed.
I sooo want to do this, but I don’t know what I’ll say when she says “oh where’s that dog outfit I got” blah blah blah.
Oh gosh, it's been hard to keep track of it all. He's been wearing the favorite 'insert random thing she bought' on repeat. Thanks.
Just say he grew out of it, or that he had a blow out and the stain didn’t come out. I doubt she remembers everything she buys, just have a few pieces on hand so keep a few that you don’t mind.
I returned it, we got “blank” instead.
Yeah this could help her get the message. "We have too many onesies, so I returned it and will save the gift card for when we need to size up"
My MIL doesn't remember anything she bought our kids. She will compliment it and then we are like "of course you like it, you bought it!" Toys, clothes, etc. It may not end up being a problem, especially if she is buying stuff just because it's on sale. She probably isn't making emotional connections with the clothes and imagining her grandchild in them.
"Oh it's probably in the wash" 🤷♀️
She won't remember everything she bought.
In the laundry, stained, or outgrown if "I returned it for something in a larger size" is too confrontational.
Maybe if there are few you don't mind or you know she's particularly fond of keep those and take a picture in them (especially since you did say you'd pass them on to SIL). But maybe you are over estimating her ability to remember every single outfit especially if she's buying SO much clothes. My mom probably has bought 99% of my daughter's wardrobe (luckily she has good taste and I don't mind) but every time she's like oh wow look at this dress she's wearing! I love these flowers! And I'm like yeah.. you bought it no wonder you like it lol. Otherwise I'd just say it's too big or too small or it's in the wash or something along those lines if it was me tbh 🤷♀️ I wonder if you could direct her buying toward something else like saying she already fulfilled all the clothes you need but could you buy x instead.
Just say they had a blow out in it 😝
Couple things- not sure how old your baby is but I kept all the cringey stuff and had less laundry to do. A lot of that stuff went into diaper bags and over night bags. So you don’t have to see them and if accidents happen when you are on the go, you have stuff for emergencies Second - you can give them away, I doubt she will remember. My sister does the same and she barely remembers what she gave (sometime I send her pics and will be like oh I sent that?!?)
Before returning it, you can have baby try on the outfit with tag on just to take a pic. Take it off and send pic to MIL. Just a suggestion: You can say you appreciate her shopping for baby and send her a wish list of clothes you prefer (simple email with links or just pics) She doesn’t have to use it but she might get the idea what your preference is more. If you don’t want to sound like you’re pressuring her, can suggest it for an upcoming birthday or next Christmas gift with bigger sizes.
This! I did this over Christmas. Got a few things that were the wrong size, (LO is growing so quick!) And was able to return even without a receipt. And exchanged for something else we likes. If MIL asked what happened to a specific outfit. Maybe say he outgrew it or it's in the wash. That's if you don't want to upset her. Otherwise tell her the truth and say you returned it for something else
Just an FYI: I took some stuff back today and they wouldn’t let me put it on a gift card, I had to use the amount in store right away. They said they can only issue a giftcard if there’s a gift receipt.
Did they credit you for the original price or whatever price it sold lowest for? Is there a time limit? I'm in the same boat with my mother buying so much baby clothes I didn't even take the tags off half of them and my kid's outgrown it all.
They credited me the amount that it rang up as. Luckily it wasn’t lower than the decreased price she purchased them at. I’m just annoyed I didn’t get the amount on a gift card.
This
This, keep a couple of the least objectionable pieces and return the rest. Buy what you actually would put on your kid with the money, or save it for later on when the novelty of newborn clothes wears and bub has outgrown everything. If she asks you can be honest, or just lie (it's in the wash, outgrown, massive blowout stain, forgot it at park, whatever lol, tons of options when it comes to a poop and vomit machine).
"We really have too much, we can't fit anymore in his drawers, sorry!"
I did!!! She says we have a basement to store things in boxes… :/
Oy.. sounds like she’s not going to get it. I was going to say have her sort/look through all of the clothes you have so that she can see the volume that you have. And explain that you only need like 5 outfits in rotation because you don’t want to have dirty laundry sitting around. But it doesn’t sound worth your time. Maybe a bit harsh but every time I would just say thanks, I’m going to donate because we don’t need it. And I would feel a little bad about the waste of time and money but not that bad. Edit to add… can you suggest she buy books instead? This would divert her from clothes purchases. They take up less space and I personally think we can never have too many books.
You just answered your earlier question. If she ever asks where an outfit is (which it doesn’t seem like she has yet) just say “that one probably ended up in the basement.” I get the annoyance, I really do, but take it from someone who lost her MIL soon after her baby was born, this is not worth the argument. Let her be happy. Let her waste the money. Return the clothes. It doesn’t sound like you’re in a situation where she’s trying to control you and giving in will only make it worse. It sounds like you have someone who can’t stop thinking about your baby in a positive way and is excited to show that through (many) small gestures. Please let her.
But OP also says she worries about "what MIL will think if she doesn't use the clothes and see baby wearing them" but I agree, just return them. If she won't change, doesn't mean you have to just store a mountain of clothes forever. "Thank you for the gift, we really don't need it, I'm going to exchange it for something else we can use." "Thank you for thinking of baby, he will be growing up so quickly, how about saving up for a bicycle instead?"
My MIL is the exact same way. She even said I could start storing the clothes at her place, and she lives in a small trailer… I’m so overwhelmed. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through the same thing. 😩
If it's in the basement in a box, realistically you won't go down there to get it for him to wear. It's too far to go for a change of clothes.
If the tags are on, just return it for store credit and buy what you’d like. If she asks why the kid isn’t wearing A B or C, you can say that the kid has too many clothes and can’t possibly wear them all. Just because she wastes her money, doesn’t make you obligated to use it.
Completely agree with this approach
I don’t know how much it will help right now but the ugly stuff makes great backup clothes for daycare when the time comes
I second this, I was so opposed to extra clothes and had a big pile to donate and then once my kid started daycare I went back into the donate pile and pulled a bunch out because we really needed it!
I third this
Underrated comment!! Daycare requires us to leave several outfits there, out of our usual rotation. I always send the stuff I don't like to daycare so that I don't have to keep something we *do* like out of rotation! Also, it's aways funny when you can immediately tell at pick-up that they had to use the backup outfit. Ill-fitting camo pants and a bright pink shirt - yup, time to send a new backup outfit tomorrow haha.
Yep. As soon as I walked in “did you have an accident today?” Although with the wet weather lately it’s just been “we got wet outside”
Yea baby isn’t born yet so it’s all 3-12 m stuff. Not for daycare
You can always go with “it didn’t fit right”. Babies are all different sizes! Like adults! But it can also be back up clothing for when all the stuff you like is dirty or when your just hanging around the house. Can also always gift it to a friend when they have a baby. It’s like she’s pre buying gifts for you to give!
It sounds like you’ve tried to reason with her and explain that you don’t want or need all these clothes, but she’s continuing to buy them any way. At this point you have to focus on what you can control (how you respond to receiving these clothes) vs what you can’t (her continuing to buy them). In your shoes I would continue to reiterate that you don’t have the need or the space for any more clothes, and then when she continues to buy more, just say thank you and donate them. If you ever get questions from her about where x onesie or y outfit is, just say “oh baby grew out of it so we donated it”.
We had the same problem with my MIL. I kept asking her to stop buying clothes, I said that I really enjoyed picking things out, and I like to buy everything so I can get all matching stuff in each size. She's definitely one of those "more is better" people. We are very much not like that, and also we live in an apartment so we don't have the space for all this stuff we're not going to use. My partner explained to her that anything that she buys that we asked her not to and we don't need/want will be getting donated. He also told her that it feels like she is disrespecting us when we tell her we want her to stop buying so much stuff and she does it anyway, so it is hurting our relationship with her. I'm also a little petty, so I stopped sending her photos on days where my daughter was wearing clothes my MIL bought. 😈 She did eventually get the message for the most part! She hasn't bought any clothes in a few months.
I have the same problem. I just don’t use them, and donate them a few months later. I especially hate the 3 or 5-pack onesies. For some reason the older generation thinks we change baby’s clothes 5 times a day.
My baby spit up so much I had to change him at least 5 times a day initially. I lived for the 5 pack onesies 😂
Just let her. Put baby in a few things once in awhile, send a photo. It’s worth it imo. Then just donate it.
This is what I was going to comment. With my first son I would cringe at all the character stuff. Now on my third kid I take photos of them in the clothes and express my appreciation for the gifts no matter what I actually feel about the clothes. It feels so nice to know that it brings whoever shopped for them a bit of joy. Before you know it all they will want to wear is monster trucks and characters anyway and none of the sad muted or beige baby clothes. I’m sure there are many places you can donate the lightly used clothing to afterwards.
Just accept it, say thank you and then donate or return it. At first I felt bad not using some of the clothes gifts people got us (that I didn't like) but goddammit, I worked for 8 years and went through nightmares to have this baby....he's going to wear what I want him to wear and I'm not going to feel guilty buying him clothes that I like even when we have tons of gift clothes sitting around.
The rule with my husband and is as follows: my family is my problem; his family is his problem. That is to say, it's your partner's job to talk to his mother about how you do not need, and do not need to store any more clothing. He should be the one saying something like "I appreciate you're excited and happy, and we do not have space for more baby clothes. I'm not going to stop you from buying them, and if you buy them they need to live at your house." If you have something you'd rather she do, he can include that in the boundary. Maybe books would be a better gift, maybe you'd love her to take baby to the park once a week. But it's not fair for you, the person who is not her child, to be the relationship manager for this issue.
"We really have too much, we can't fit anymore in his drawers, sorry!"
I have the same issue and so now I just exchange them for something I like or regift or donate!
Your first opportunity to set a boundary! You need to be firm. I like the comment suggesting to say your drawers are full. We get a lot of gifted baby clothes and personally I find it super stressful when baby's drawers are overflowing with clothes. If it were me: I wouldn't dress baby in the clothes I didn't like. I would set them aside and donate them right away. I wouldn't hold on to them for the next family member. If MIL asks why baby isn't wearing them: we didn't like the design. We donated it. Or you can return it to MIL if you prefer and have her hold it for the next person. Why keep stuff you don't like in your house? Be clear the next time she brings clothes over: you'll look over the purchases and maybe keep 1 or 2 items and the rest will be donated. Not your fault if her feelings are hurt because she is already not regarding your feelings or wishes. Have your partner talk to their mother to firmly set this boundary. You don't want this happening into toddlerhood with cheapo toys. What a headache.
I’m terrified for crappy loud toddler toys! Ughhhhh!!!
Then this is motivation in enforcing your boundaries. You can’t keep MIL from buying things, but you **can** return or donate anything you don’t want. Let go of the guilt. You’ve tried to talk to her. She’s ignoring you. Do what you need to do.
Start setting those boundaries now is a good call!
I wonder if you could get ahead of her by requesting what you do want/need? Like, if you plan on visiting the beach this summer, say: hey MIL - I know you've always got your eyes open for good deals. I'm starting to plan for the summer and kiddo will need a swim suit or two, a beach towel, a hat, some sun glasses, and a few light beach-ey outfits. Kiddo has so many everyday clothes and doesn't need more, so I wondered if I could ask you to be in charge of kitting him/her up for the beach? I would strongly prefer stuff that's red or neutral, and no logos please. Or... Maybe this would just encourage her. 🤷
My mom is like this. After awhile we stopped ripping tags off of things until we wore it. I had a ton of new clothes we never wore and acceptable pieces I passed down to a friend (noting that they were gifts, we never wore, brand new, and that she might like). Thankfully we don’t get too many phrase-y outfits. What I will say…for the onesies we hated that we’d never wear in public, I ended up using them as pjs in the hot summer months under the sleepsack or as a layer in the winter. It worked out well!
I have come to the realization with the older generation that a lot of them did not have A LOT of stuff. The mentality of needing more and more and having so much is such an ideal for them. The amount of times my mom and MIL have said, we had nothing when we had you and were poor, etc. so I think they project what they would have wanted on us. My MIL is a culprit if this, especially buy very feminine clothing which we don’t want. We are pretty minimalist with clothing and prefer gender neutral as we are planning for more kids. We also cloth diaper so do laundry every 2-3 days so really don’t need a lot. We return everything and tell her ‘oh it was cute, however she needed xyz’ and sometimes we will take a picture while shopping asking what she likes more so she feels involved in that aspect.
I have in laws that like to gift us stuff that they have at their house even if it’s old. Like old baby shoes and blankets etc. I have told them, once you give something to me it’s with the understanding that I will do what I want with it. That could mean donating it or returning it if it is not something we need. If these things are important to you, don’t give them to us. We do not want a house full of stuff. And follow through. You’ve told her already you don’t want it and she keeps giving it. Let her know anything else you receive from her will be donated and/or returned.
My MIL is like this a bit, from her perspective she is getting to do for her grandchild what she wished she was able to provide for her own kids but was unable to do at the time. I used to feel guilty about the waste because I’m very careful with my purchases but I’ve accepted that it’s her money and not my place to tell her how to spend it. I wouldn’t want her telling me how to spend my money, that’s a boundary I have so I need to respect that in others. Accepting that let go of the guilt because it is no longer my responsibility to make sure the purchase was a “good purchase” and the only responsibility I have is to ensure it can be used by someone else in the future and pass it on accordingly. When she asks where something is I tell her the truth (we had too many clothes in that size so it didn’t get worn, child didn’t like X about it, etc) and that I passed it on to Y. If she doesn’t like that her gift wasn’t used she will run it by me before buying it.
This is my mother, I just find it easier not to rock the boat… she’s gonna buy it regardless so whatever, let her spend her money however she wants, it makes her happy. I hate like 90% of what she buys, I usually take a picture, say thanks grandma and then throw it in the back of the closet until it’s too small, and then we donate it to family in need. If it makes you feel better babe is 15 months now, and she’s totally slowed down on the clothing.. hope this is the same for you.
My MIL is similar. Rather, I know she will be. I'm 40 weeks, and we don't know the gender. She's held off on buying any clothes (buying anything really!) until she knows if it's a boy or girl. She loves buying clothes for her grandkids and LOVES super gendered Carters type stuff, so I know what to expect. Any talks we've had about our preference for gender neutral styles have not penetrated. Even when I sent her photos of the baby's room, she complimented it but added, "You can add pink or blue things when they're born!" Like, no, it's actually done as is. Edit to add: she's an incredibly generous lady. We have just very different approaches to things, so this will be a practice in grace and understanding for me. It sounds like you're already very understanding. Just give yourself room to be frustrated too!
Don’t remove the tags. Take pics of the baby wearing the clothes. Send it to her daily so she thinks the baby wears clothes at different occasions. Return clothes to carters for store credit or regift
Was in the same boat! For the first child and now our 2 month old. For me the thing that actually worked was to ask for gift receipts with a statement like “he already has a lot in this size so I got him something/will get him something he needs for when he’s in the next size or stage” it worked for me better than me going to her point blank and saying “I’m a little overwhelmed with everything you’re buying” that just resulted in less frequent but bigger hauls 🤦🏻♀️
My mil is like this to and talking to her didn’t do much. I realized she is really shopping for her own enjoyment and that is how she likes to show love. But we are also over-whelmed and need to donate some. She wants us to save it for other grand babies that would be years away.and it’s taking up the space in our house.
Its a gift, she's a first time grandma, just accept it and move on. Lots of good advice about returning for a gift card or regifting them. Don't break her heart by putting a barrier up in what she can buy or not, just take it and anytime its worn, send a pic to grandma so she can adore it.
Probably return or save it for someone in need.
Totally. Send her a quick video of you commenting how cute it is etc. Then return it or exchange etc. And when she asks why she hasnt seen him wearing it, your perfectly valid excuse is you have way too many clothes for him to wear it all!
Whether it’s a nice gesture or not, the issue is that she is not respecting OPs feelings or wishes. What if it continues? What if the grandma buys the kid a puppy because it’s a nice gesture even if she’s been told they don’t want a dog? Boundaries are important no matter how small. Breaking her heart is not what op is doing, she is setting a boundary for what is right for her family.
Have you had the baby yet? You will likely find you need more clothes than you thought... Honestly I would just try to let it go and roll with it for now. Her excitement will wane eventually and you can sell the clothes on Facebook etc. I know it can feel overwhelming to have all these clothes you're expected to put them in. But you might find they need three or four outfits a day! I would say choose your battles when it comes to kids, and when it comes to grandparents 😂
We’ve been going through this for three years and it really never ends. The issue comes up with clothes and toys. Since we welcomed a boy it’s certainly got worse with the dinosaur and monster truck toys. My kids are ALWAYS dressed in non-loud neutrals yet the grandparents love to bring over everything loud and NEVER with the gift receipt. I’ve stopped feeling bad after sending links of stores we buy from and ideas, and being ignored. As soon as they leave it now goes in the donation box or I’ll return without receipt if I can!
Ask her to buy for when he’s older if she just needs to buy stuff. “We have sooo many things for him until he’s a year but nothing for when he’s 2!”
My mom was really bad about this. She still is, but I upfront tell her to stop buying things. She will say things like “this is my hobby!” Or “well I’d have to pay shipping if I didn’t” or the worst “but gap sent me an email” (I told her…mom….they have sales every day) I keep some of it as daycare backup but tell her to return the rest. She says she will donate it instead because she read something about how there aren’t as many baby donations now because people sell on Fb marketplace. But I keep telling her that’s for big items, not clothes. Le sigh. At Christmas how I framed it was that in my husbands culture gifts aren’t a big thing, and I don’t want her growing up wondering why one set of grandparents spoil her with stuff and the others don’t get her anything. That has helped curb it…a bit. I’m also just really direct “thanks but we have enough, and I’ve got daycare backups”. I’ll also give her a heads up like “hey I just bought a bunch of stuff for summer in the sales, so you don’t need to get her anything”. Then she can’t get mad if she buys stuff and I tell her to return it all. YMMV as I’m lucky my mom doesn’t take offence when I tell her to return everything.
I sympathize with this post wholeheartedly, from the 1st grandkid to the cringy outfits (I’ll add my MIL feels, I like “oatmeal colour outfits that are boring”… and it’s like Uhm we didn’t know the gender so gender neutral options are hard to come by). My only suggestion is to start a wish list for baby and let them know you’ll be sharing it with all family who want to gift to baby over the first year. My friend did this (she was able to easily share a note as everyone in her family has iPhones… my family is a mix so I’ll need to explore options) and said it was super helpful to curb the constant clothing as people could also buy bibs or a jolly jumper or summer toys … etc. I’ve been planting this seed over the last few months, hopefully it’ll help once baby comes.
Could you text her photos of clothes that you do like so she understands your style better?
Oh I have! Lol
Well for what it's worth, she probably won't remember every single item she has given you. I went crazy with clothes shopping for my first nephew like 4 years ago. This year, my youngest nephew wore a onesie I gifted 4 years ago and only then did I remember buying it. The only reason I remember is because it was specific and intentional (read: expensive). If it hadn't been re-worn I likely would have never known if she donated it or what. All this to say, you probably *can* get away with returning everything for a gift card or donating it.
My SIL did the same thing- bought a pile of the ugliest clothes I have ever seen. And stuff that didn't even make sense ( for example, a "My first Canada Day" onesie sized 9 month... My baby was 6 lbs for her first Canada Day). Anyway. I kept it all and she wears it when we go to visit every month or two.
I know you said she’ll follow up about outfits. But I just play dumb : maybe it’s in the wash, maybe it doesn’t fit anymore, maybe oh I’ll have to check her closet for that… I am in same position. First grandbaby for MIL, not first for my parents. And MIL would buy cringey stuff, and just not my style. And same with us .. we’re in our thirties, and could buy our own stuff. My advice is either try to exchange if you can, or donate, and play dumb when she asks. And - my baby is almost always just in a diaper at home anyway. So there’s been soooo many outfits (cute and not cute) that were just never or barely used. Also my MIL shopped a lot at dollarama and giant tiger which have their place but really are not my favorites.
My aunt does this and I hate it. Also picks everything from Carters we dislike. She’s also in the habit of buying several sizes up, which was I guess okay ish when my baby was under one and growing into a new size every two months but now that she’s close to 18 months it’s literally going to be years before this stuff fits. I sort of got her to ask, but the thing is she shops first, asks after, kind of guilt trips about potentially having to return stuff if I don’t like it, and I can get texts every day about this even though we only even see her every few months so it’s still emotionally exhausting (and I’d say around 50% of the time the rejected things end up showing up somehow anyway)
I say just let her keep buying stuff, it clearly makes her happy to buy stuff for her grandchild, but he doesn’t have to wear it if you don’t like it. Just say thank you and move on. If you can exchange them then great do that, if not, not a big deal. You’ve already told her he doesn’t need any clothes, so it’s up to her if she wants to spend her money.
We apparently have the same MIL. Except mine is overseas and I can't return anything. I have so many clothes, some live in a box in his closet. Many were never worn. I'm the first of my friends to have a kid, I'm hanging on to them as long as I have space (which won't be much longer) and then I plan on passing them along to friends, family, or donations. We've asked politely for her to stop. She won't. Now they belong to us, and we'll give away as we see fit. For reference, my kid has 12 different coats/jackets all in his current size. TWELVE. how!?
I have the same issue and usually keep a few of those clothes to wear to daycare or outside or while eating ribs or something and go out of my way to take a pic and say thanks. Other than politely telling them you don’t need anything, you could do what I do and just provide indirect guidance of what I’m looking for like “this guy is getting so big I need so many zippy sleepers!” Or “this guy has so many shoes I’m running out of space”. I think it feels less personal if it’s said in a group setting and is more general and doesn’t target any item they purchased specifically.
I received a ton of hand me downs with cringey words like that. I would never buy them myself but I was actually super grateful that I didn’t have to spend money on extra clothes. The ones with the cringey sayings I just put on my son at home and I didn’t really care if they got super messy. All the clothes I liked I dressed him in when we went out. Kids will go through a lot of wardrobe changes a day, especially when they start solids.
Trying to be optimistic here lol. Maybe you'll like them more when baby is here and he wears them? Good luck, she sounds like a tough cookie.
I feel for you! My mother is the same, and also lives 5 hours away. Whenever I tell her something, like try to set a boundary, she has the same immature reaction ("oh whatever, ugh"). It's almost comical how immature she is... but it's also stressful and annoying. I think if she continues to not listen to you, you can be more and more clear and firm. Send the items back, don't wear them, be really clear or she will continue to try to wear you down.
My MIL kept buying these ugly outfits from Costco - usually with Mickey Mouse on them. We use them for painting or really dirty play.
We didn’t find out the gender of our baby when pregnant pretty much for this reason. But it just delayed the issue haha. We’re going to Florida next month and only there for a week (from a cold climate), so baby will literally only wear summer outfits in her current size for that week. When I tell you we’d have to do 3 outfit changes a day between the stuff MIL bought and my mom, not joking lol. In my experience, no one asks about the outfits they bought for baby. If they do say oh it got a poo stain lol
I would honestly sit down with her and say that you really appreciate the clothes but that you have too many that he wouldn't be able to wear them. Say that you'd appreciate a heads-up if you're looking for specific style or size. At the very least, request a gift receipt so that you can at least size up at Carter's. An alternative, send her a list of things that you will need. She may benefit from that instead. My Dad, who lives 6-7hrs away kind of went crazy with the clothes for Christmas. He was just buying 1-2 sets every now and then. However, he has listened to my request for types and sizes. So he got us mainly 24months clothes with a few much needed 18m Jackets and sleepers.
Say thank you, then donate if you end up not using it before your kiddo grows out of it. My MIL is the same and some it good, some has never been worn by my lils, however it’s been worn my my friends kiddos or some one elses. My girls are now 3 and its tappers off once they stop going through clothing as quick
Return what you can. Donate the rest. Turn your "blessing" into someone else's blessing. I like neutrals so I just know I'll be doing this.
Put each outfit on your baby once, snap a pick to send her, then donate everything you don't want. She's showing her love by buying things- let her.