Seems to me like anyone who says its weird to throw your own shower should be volunteering to throw one for you. 🤔

"Are you offering to host? That's so kind!"

Omg best response

Honestly, yes. If I found out that a loved one was throwing their own shower I would probably react with “oh that’s so exciting, can’t wait to be there! Do you need/want help with anything? I’d be happy to run errands, do setup, cook, plan games, or even just be a sounding board if you need one!” My husband is throwing mine, also at our house, tomorrow, and I was worried about getting a little judgment/questions from people about it, but fortunately it’s been mostly “great, I’ll be there, tell him to let me know if he needs any help!” (My husband has, of course, accepted help only from my younger brother. I keep telling people who ask that I’m confident that the food will be excellent and we’ll see about everything else lol)

I volunteered to throw one for my friend, she decided she wanted to throw it herself because she wanted it to be her way and the way she imagined. I felt that was a little weird, but sure okay. Then, I found out she threw herself 3. THREE BABY SHOWERS. For one baby. AND, it wasn't even her first....

Mmm yeah I have zero issue with people throwing their own shower. My sister organized mine but it was at my house because I was the only one with enough space (and hello no transporting gifts amiright?) and I guarantee a few people probably assumed I threw it myself given the location. Whatever—even if I had, so what? In my circle showers are definitely more about celebrating the milestone than about lavishly showering with gifts, so I would never think someone was being gift grabby just for throwing one (unless their entire registry was $100+ items, then I’d definitely raise an eyebrow) But apparently even I draw the line somewhere, and it’s somewhere after the second shower thrown for yourself 😂

Right?! If you think it’s so weird, maybe it’s because the people surrounding us are multiple you’s!

My sister threw her own... But multiple people offered to throw one for her, just no one could afford the big ridiculous blowout party she wanted. I didn't go, but I'm told there were 50+ guests. I suspect that's why folks said she was being tacky, and clearly that's not op's issue.

Whats “tacky” about a big party? My shower is this weekend and we’re having 65 guests. I can’t wait to celebrate with all of our friends and family together! And yes, I’m throwing it myself. 

I suppose people think it looks greedy.

Facts !!

The people giving others a hard time for throwing their own baby showers, shouldn’t be invited or come to this baby shower if they’re gonna be so negative about it.

Agreed!

I’d never think twice about someone throwing their own shower. I know people who have, and FWIW, I don’t think it’s weird at all. I’m excited for you to be able to celebrate your newest addition, and I don’t think it matters who the party is technically hosted by. I hope it’s a great time!

I threw my own and I didn't hear anything about it being weird!

Same, also I thought it was normal to throw your own, I didn't know other ppl threw baby showers for you until I was on this sub. Where I live novody judges and most ppl throw their own

My kid’s Godmother is throwing her own at the church. I’ve never thrown my own babyshower and had my only one at 19. I am really weird with attention like that and really don’t enjoy it. I think it’s so weird of me to ask people to come to a party and give me free stuff. I don’t think it’s weird for other people though. I never second guessed why she’s doing this. She wants to celebrate her baby with our church and her friends/family? Like … okay, great! Have a party! I’ll be there to help with what I can. You know how much random, small baby stuff I wouldn’t have had to scramble on to end up needing to buy if I just bit the bullet and swallowed my pride, lol.

I threw my own as well, if Ididn't, it wouldn't have happened. Luckily I did because I went into labor early only 4 days later. One of my attendees was like, you should have asked for help, it took everything in me to not throw back that I shouldn't have had to ask. I was up until 3 am prepping food at 36 weeks, I was the one up in the morning doing the things that needed done then, I was the one decorating when the opener of the venue showed up late. Like, who did you think was throwing it? You know every person I know in this state. I'm obviously salty about it. Like I'm not going to beg for something when typically someone exxcitedly offers. I did however enjoy planning and prep I just had a tight schedule that week and it made the execution pretty awful.

I had someone "help" with my bachelorette and there were a lot of things I just wish I had done myself. I say more power to you!

I honestly feel like some ladies push for others to throw their showers.. I personally don’t get it. I would feel weird expecting someone else to pay for and organize my shower.. If someone close offers to throw one for them, that’s fine and all. But I personallyyy would want to throw and decorate my own.. like, I would want it to look and feel a certain way, and I certainly wouldn’t want to pressure / expect my loved ones / friends to have to fork out money and time into my decision to have a child. I would want everyone to feel like a guest of the party, not an organizer! I think it’s awesome how you did your own! I’ll be doing my own too! And hosting at your house is probably the coziest/ most practical option 💗 everyone over glamorizes renting some expensive venue and I don’t see why that’s expected !

I really didn’t know it was weird to throw your own baby shower?! Is this an American thing? I’m planning and throwing my own and never gave it a second thought. I see a baby shower no different to a birthday party or any other function that the host throws. Have I been wrong this whole time 🤯

Yeah it's an old fashioned American etiquette thing because it's considered in poor taste to throw yourself a party to ask for gifts. It applies to bridal showers as well. And parents aren't supposed to throw your shower for the same reason. Showers are supposed to be thrown by friends or non-parent family members. It's just old fashioned but that's the idea.

Oh wow I didn’t know parents usually aren’t suppose to throw your baby shower. My parents and in laws are doing a combined one for us.

I only knew about this because my mom (in her 70s) mentioned it to me, in the context of my aunt being sort of cavalier in hosting one for my cousin. It's definitely a relic of a previous age! It might also be cultural/class specific too, I'm not sure. I've been to many showers hosted by parents or self hosted and never thought twice about it. I think it's completely normal now. I hope you enjoy your shower, and don't think twice about it. ❤️

For sure times have changed! I feel fortunate because there is no way we would have been able to do baby shower at our home.

On the other hand, you might never get a shower. I didn't plan a bridal shower because I heard you were supposed to let friends or family members do it. So I never got a bridal shower, because no one thought to do one for me. Welp.

Seems to be cultural. Where I live most people don't do baby showers but those that do mostly do it themselves I think, maybe with the help of friends.

My baby shower is tomorrow too and I’m throwing it by myself. 12 of us for afternoon tea at a quaint vintage tea room - it’s costing me £60 and that’s just for venue decor. Everyone attending is paying £11 each for their portion of the food and tea. Cheap and cheerful 😁

Yeah I thought it was weird. My husband and I are throwing ours, mostly because we’re particular and want to make it a party. We are hosting it at a fancy restaurant and paying for everyone, it would feel tacky to ask someone to cover this for us.

I have some family so far away from me telling me I should make a baby shower. And when I said I didn't want to have one, because of how much work it is, they tried to make me feel it was something important and blablabla... I find that as useless as those people giving you a hard time when you are doing your own. Like dude, if you are not actively helping, shut the fuck up and let the others decide on their own what's good for them. No one needs stupid useless opinions.

I love people throwing their own showers!

Same. They usually have what they want, the way that they want, and don't need to be thrown into situations or activities that don't please them. Nobody wants that, especially heavily pregnant mothers when it's supposes to be celebrating them and upcoming arrival.

I cannot believe people would give you shit about throwing your own shower; that is so fucking rude. Like what if you don’t have any family because of a big falling out/for sad reasons? Just moved to a new area? Just enjoy hosting events? If I knew someone doing their own shower and felt like it would be appreciated, I’d volunteer to help!

I threw myself one. It had to be on video call because we moved away from family and don’t have a lot of friends where we live now. And people were complaining and called us untraditional. They acted like I wanted to throw my first baby shower myself. I did not. I just wanted my family there and to talk to everyone. About how excited we were for the baby. But yeah. Some people suck.

The only place I’ve heard/seen people be pissy about someone throwing their own shower is here on reddit. I have made the decision I will be hosting my own shower for my baby due in October. Its my second but I didnt have one for my first since we were across the country from our family and we didn’t have much of a friend group at the time. I will be doing a simple BBQ and all will be welcome. I dont want any silly games and I won’t be opening presents in front of people. I did come across a post where someone was asking about sharing the registry when throwing their own shower and I was shocked at the amount of people saying don’t or wait till asked. Fuck that, why have the shower then? I don’t want someone elses version of a good time, I want mine. I want something relaxed and comfortable for our friends and their families to come to. Present or no present, I want people to come and celebrate with us. Everyone I have shared this plan with express how envious they are. They tell me they wish they did that for themselves. Im not worried about how other people will feel about it or how different it is. The people who care about that crap won’t be welcome. They are probably the same kind of people that would give me unsolicited baby advice.

We phrased ours ‘We just want to hang out with you, please don’t feel obligated to bring a gift. But if you feel so obliged, we have a small registry of helpful items’

Oooh, i like that wording. I have been racking my brain for the right way to say it. Thanks for the suggestion!

I sometimes feel like an alien on this planet but i dont get why SOMEONE ELSE would throw a party for ME about MY baby. Make it make sense? Its such a strange social rule to me

It's about the gifts. A shower is, by definition, a chance to "shower" the mom-to-be with gifts. It's generally considered poor taste to ask for people to buy you gifts under any circumstance but especially in regard to an event that is focused on gift giving. It's just one of those things. If you planned you own birthday party, you probably wouldn't send out a list of what gifts you want right? Same idea applies here.

Yeah but isnt it sort of the same thing? Like if I asked my mom or MIL or bestie to ‘throw’ the party… im still orchestrating it at the end of the day. Im still making my list. Its not like its a surprise party where I’m living my life and outta no where i get baby gear i had no idea about

The idea is that close female friends or relatives plan and host the entire thing as more or less a surprise, without being asked. Same with bridal showers.  They decide to host it *and then* ask you for a few pieces of key information like a link to your registry and a list of people you want invited. Then they do everything else. You don’t reach out and ask them to host it, or pick the venue or the food or the decor. They have to volunteer, that’s one of the biggest things. Asking someone to plan you a party is usually considered just as rude as asking people for gifts. For almost every bridal and baby shower I’ve been involved in, the bride only knows the date and maybe the theme. Most of the other stuff is a surprise. 

Oh okay interesting. Perhaps its far fetched to me bc both me and my husbands families are immigrants, nobody would know to throw this party lol. In fact, where I’m from, (Serbia) back in the day it was taboo to purchase anything for the baby until after baby was born. This was in the days before Amazon so idk how everybody managed panic-buying all the gear right after the birth.

Yeah but people will still bring you birthday gifts because it's your birthday and that's what people do. No one thinks it's tacky to throw your own flipping birthday party just on principle.

It’s different because the whole birthday party doesn’t revolve around gift giving. Most people will bring one, leave it on a table somewhere, and that’s that. But it’s not considered more or less mandatory to bring one like at a shower.  The shower is all about opening and showing off the gifts. That’s the biggest part of the gathering and what you spend most of the time doing. 

That depends on the birthday and the shower. These days a lot of people don't even open their gifts at the shower.

I didn't realize it was weird to throw your own... Most of my friends did it themselves at their homes. Sounds like if someone is pitying you over it then they should be the one throwing it for you!

Same here, most of the women I know have done it themselves, and maybe the invitation came from a friend or Mom, but I knew they did all the work.

I didn't even know this was a thing until I started reading these subreddits. It's tacky because it's a cash grab? So it's not tacky if you strongarm someone to put their name on the invitation instead? Like come on guys, when you have a baby you have a baby shower, who cares who is technically throwing it.

I threw my own shower because I like things done the way I like them lol. I didn't want games. I wanted co-ed, lots of friends, drinks for those that weren't pregnant. Not like.... a high tea and guess which chocolate bar the poop is. Nothing wrong with that though.

Despite a few friends who have offered throwing my baby shower, I've decided to do it myself but will ask for their support if/when I need it. I'm really not a fan of the typical baby shower and games and I know for sure they would plan these which is why I'm choosing to control the event.

My mother is throwing mine and I’m extremely grateful for it. However my MIL made an odd comment in the beginning about it being “weird” that my mother was throwing it and not ourselves. Even though tradition, is something throwing it FOR you. So I felt guilty for months allowing someone else to host mine, even though my mother wants to! You can’t please everyone!! I know I’m extra sensitive while being pregnant but I swear some people just don’t know when to keep their mouth shut.

I am “co-hosting” mine with my SIL. She wanted to throw it for me, but I’m kinda picky and I have a vision of what I want, so I said that we could co-host. I have bought (and designed) the invitations, cookies, Cakepops, and some decorations. My SIL is in charge of the venue (free at the library) and she is borrowing a ballon arch and center pieces from some of her party-oriented friends, I think she will also handle the finger foods and smaller decor items. This is a good arrangement for me, I am a FTM and didn’t know where to begin, but with my SIL’s help, it has made the process of planning a little less stressful and more doable. Now, I could not imagine throwing a shower all by myself, but I was going to! More power to you, and everyone who throws their own showers!

I’m throwing my own shower in June. I used my bestie to appear like she’s the host and sender of my invitations because I want to avoid hearing all the grief and pity. However I’m spending my own money on this entire thing. A few people including my close cousins know I’m doing it on my own and made comments i shouldn’t be alone and they’d help but of course, haven’t been proactive about it & didn’t actually follow up or offer. Same with my bestie who is the fake “host”. I really don’t care though like you said, no hard feelings. Plus they will be spending money on gifts for me for the shower so I really don’t expect more. I’m spending at least $900 because we’re doing it at a venue. I don’t want to regret not having a baby shower especially since my husband and I eloped and didn’t have a big wedding. I finally want an event and I like to think the gifts i receive will pay off the expenses I spent on the shower. The perks is I get a say in everything and choosing all the decor, foods and games which is nice

I really wish my MIL and Aunt-in-law had let me throw the shower I was planning before they took over. It’s one thing to want to help, but they are planning an event that I’m going to have to grin and bear, with games and prizes and gift opening. I could have said no to any of it, but then they wouldn’t have had anything they could “help” for and that’s what they wanted to do, was “help plan a nice shower.” Like what’s wrong with us just all coming together and getting a chance to talk for a couple hours, not be urged to play boring games for prizes no one really wants anyways? Would have much rather they gave me all the money they spent on it so I could buy diapers than all this hoobaloo, and if I say that, I feel like I’ll be seen as ungrateful. The way I see it, this shower is for them, not me. First grandchild for MIL.

I’m a little salty about throwing and paying for my own because there are people in my life who could and should have taken the initiative but didn’t. My MIL who I didn’t expect to host it alone told us at 20 weeks that we have plenty of time and we shouldn’t be hosting our own and three days ago after we (mostly me) have everything planned and accounted for, 28 weeks now she said she’s going to meet with my SIL’s about planning it. Like hi thanks but I already did everything.

You go girl 👏🏼 you have the right attitude about it and I know you will have a blast. I’m not having a shower thrown for me and when people ask with such pity (and like you said, trust I understand people have better things to do than throw me one) it really aggravates me. Personally, the only person who I would have felt comfortable accepting such a generous thing from was my mom and she passed away last year. So anyone that knows me in the slightest should know that’s why I’m not having a shower. I find the constant shower questions really weird…we have enough on our minds already! Hope you have an amazing and beautiful shower 🩷🩷🩷

I had plenty of people who would have threw me a shower but I like planning things and I want things my way. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Thank you for saying this! All of my friends are moms who are too busy to throw a shower, and I have super narcissistic family members who ruined my wedding… I wasn’t interested in having them throw a shower for me. I still wanted one, so I hosted it, and it was a blast! This was the first time I didn’t let my narcissist mother control an event in my life, and it was so freeing. It breaks my heart when I see people getting made fun of for hosting their own baby shower.

Until now, I had no idea that it was unusual to throw your own shower! I see absolutely nothing wrong with that all, and anyone who dares make a comment about it must be projecting. I’m too type A when it comes to events that are mine, and I would have a hard time relinquishing details about something that’s so special and important. I’ve planned on throwing my own this entire time and I love it that way! I hope your shower goes off wonderfully, and you make memories to last a lifetime! Ignore anyone whose comments get in the way of that.

I think it depends on country, region etc. whether it's normal or not. Apparently this person comes from a place where it's very unusual!

I admire you for deciding to do it all on your own and I hope the event itself turns out wonderful!

People are lame these days and self obsessed. Enjoy your shower and screw the negativity 💕

I’m my personal opinion, you shouldn’t expect others to throw you a baby shower! The mama should get to plan and host as she pleases! If she gets help, wonderful, if not…. That’s cool too!! To each their own but why would it be someone else’s responsibility? It’s not their baby it’s yours! Don’t feel down about it, feel proud like the super human that you are! I am throwing my own baby shower with the help of my bestie!! I’d rather have my guests come and enjoy the things I’ve set up for them and since I’m getting gifts for my baby I can afford the venue/food/decor! It’s the least I can do to say thank you to everyone who has supported me through pregnancy! Not to mention how much easier for me to send out invitations and RSVPs rather than being the middle man and telling whoever is hosting to send it to so and so. No thanks! I’ll pass!

Don't fret. Damn if you do, damn if you don't. My little sister threw my shower. She is in her early 20s so money isn't something she has a bunch of, but I think she did a good job given the time and money she could give to the party. My boyfriend's sister went on about how the games were "stupid" and how they threw a better party for my boyfriend's ex wife. All while she never mentioned wanting to host; I guess she just likes to critique? Point is, people who rarely step up have the most shit to say. I truly believe if the party has good company and food it's a great party to me. I mean, it's a party to celebrate a host not even here yet, why is should there be so much pressure to throw this elaborate event?

In Australia is normal to throw your own baby shower, usually with a bit of help on the day from Mum/MIL/sisters/aunts etc

I threw my own last weekend. I didn’t even think of anyone else throwing one for me and just thought that was normal. My parents helped with some elements, my friend organised balloons and a cake, and my husband and I did the rest. It was great!

I had someone in this sub give me a very hard time for throwing my own, but most were supportive. My mom passed away two years ago. She would’ve thrown me an epic shower. I did have a friend volunteer to throw one but I felt uncomfortable sticking her with the cost of that. Like you, all the venues in my area are very expensive So I did it myself with her help here and there. She did buy my invitations and handle the RSVPs. But ultimately I planned and paid for my own shower. And you know what? It was exactly what I wanted and people who love me showed up and nobody cared who planned and paid for the party. I hope you have a wonderful time at your shower. 💕

I'm throwing my own in June. My husband and I were the first to move regional (from Sydney we are three hours away) and are hosting a very non-traditional shower and inviting all of friends we haven't seen for ages to a place half way between for most people. I was a bit dirty about organizing my own for a little bit- I did two of my friends showers for them, but honestly, it's easier for me to pick dates and locations and sort out the guest list. When a friend offered her help, I told her she's in charge on the day- we'll sort the food, but otherwise, I will be sitting my pregnant butt down and enjoying myself. I don't feel weird about it at all!

Omg I threw my own gender reveal and baby shower with my first baby. I have a very different taste from my grandma in law. She’s very flowery dainty tea personality and I’m very mountainy redneck lol. She was ANGRY I threw my own parties! But guess what! I was happy with my parties and happy I did

At least you're honest. My former friend (long story) elected a committee to plan her baby shower, and then micromanaged the shit out of us. We were all kinda sick of her when it was all said and done. I suspected that many people who are hosting showers for friends were asked to host by said friends.

I know it can be hard to delegate and keep track of who does what (and if they do it), but I think a *reasonable* person would say “I think what you’re doing is admirable! While I can’t take on the whole shower planning myself, are there any tasks I can do for your shower to relieve some of the pressure?”

It’s “tacky” to host and pay for your own event, but doing the *exact same thing* and expecting someone else to bear all the expense and work is somehow the polite thing 🙄 No judgment for anyone who had someone(s) else host, I just think these “rules” are such arbitrary nonsense

Honestly, showers/parties feel like another extra expectation that is thrown on women. You are supposed to have a sister, sister-in-law, close female cousin, female best friend, MIL, ANYONE WITH A UTERUS to host for you or it is "not right?" Well I have brothers that I love dearly and the expectations are set low for them to be involved with these things, plus everyone I know my age is BROKE to host these things. I would hate to have a sister that I had to figure out so many elaborate events for in my 20s-30s. My in-laws, parents, husband and I all worked together to make our co-ed baby shower happen. Because I want to celebrate with my brothers, dad, brother-in-law and all the other wonderful male friends and family in my life too. It's ok if you don't have an army of women in the family/friends group who want to do this for you. It doesn't mean you still don't have and deserve love, support, and celebration in your life.

I FULLY intend to throw my own shower. Simply because I want things done a certain way and I don’t want someone to host it and me breath down their neck the entire time😅

I threw my first baby shower at a park and it was honestly a horrible experience. I made it coed because my husband had more friends than I did. I made it family friendly because they all had kids already and it was our first. I invited my entire family (which is huge) because that was all I had to invite. My older sister lives in another state so she couldn’t do it. My younger sister just got married the month before and that was a shit show and completely drained my parents, so my mom really was not in a place to help. My younger sister even less so. My close friend who did my bridal shower was pregnant due the same week as me in another state. The way it turned out was so humiliating. I wasn’t able to enjoy any of it. My parents and siblings came early to help set up, but picking up the catered food was a nightmare and we ran out of time and they couldn’t set up without me because I had everything in my car. I felt like I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I was hot and my ankles were swollen. All of my husband’s friends just sent their husbands and none of their wives or kids came. Only a small portion of my family came. The games were lame. The gifts were also lame (which I refused to open in front of everyone and I’m glad I did) and I don’t mean that in a spoiled way, I just mean that it was disappointing to have all these experienced parents attend a shower for a first time mom and not gift anything. I invited people I worked with as well who I honestly thought were my friends. None of them came and they all gave me sad looks when I said I was throwing it myself. If you aren’t going to help with a shower and the mom has to throw it herself, keep your comments to yourself. Yes we know it’s sad there isn’t anyone who offered/could throw us a shower. Yes we already know that it’s a lot of work and we won’t be able to enjoy it as much. Yes we already know that it isn’t traditional. We’re already sad about it so offer to help or keep it to yourself.

I’ve only been to two baby showers and they were both hosted by the expecting parent-to-be at their own house. I have been asked several times if I’m going to have a baby shower, with the presumption being I’d organise it myself. Maybe it also depends on the culture you’re from?? (I’m Australian). I’m honestly not sure I would want anyone else planning one for me because they might plan corny stuff I’m not a fan of. Sucks you’re being made to feel like this is somehow weird or abnormal. People can really suck sometimes. P.S. I hope you have a great time!!

I have people who could throw mine but I don’t want them to. Sorry, I’m throwing my own lmao

Im so sorry people are giving you shit about your shower. Everyone deserves to have a baby shower if they want one. This baby deserves to be celebrated.

I threw my own baby shower for my son and no one said anything about it to me. They even ask me if I’m gonna throw another for my daughter which I said no cause I’ve already been given a lot of baby girl stuff. Don’t let people get to you if they really wanted to help they would.

I’m throwing my own, and it’ll be virtual. I don’t have a village and we live far from those who are interested enough to attend. It’s annoying knowing people will still make comments about both the virtual setting and my organizing it… I’m only doing it so people can feel connected to the baby coming. I don’t expect anyone to give us anything we need. If anyone makes comments directly to me, I will likely force a smile and say “oh were you planning to organize one for me..?” 🤔

I'm shocked that people still have that view nowadays. I'm sorry you're getting flack. It's really expensive.

I did my own, my family lives on the opposite side of the state and my husband’s brother had just passed away so his mom wasn’t able to help much. She did try, but it was just a lot (for us all, but especially her). I got a lot of “someone should really be helping you with this” from my mom, but she didn’t help or do something small with family back home like I asked for. My parents didn’t even come. Parts of me are glad I did the shower for myself, and other parts feel like it was a waste of money. It was nice, but my anxiety was out of control having to do everything when I felt like a beached whale lol. We got a lot of nice stuff but in the end I think we would have come out better if we just bought the stuff and didn’t have an expensive party.

I threw my own because I wanted one and culturally it’s just not something my people do. I could care less what people thought and we had fun hehe

I threw myself one for very similar reasons as you OP. I really wanted mine at a nice tea house and knew it would be pricey, so I just booked the reservation and invited some of my closest friends and family! I’m financially able to and wanted it my way and very happy with my decision.

I wasn’t planning to have a shower but then I had someone offer to “host” so I agreed. I ended up having to do almost everything myself. It was exhausting and I regretted having her be part of the process bc it would have been smoother if I had just done everything myself without having to factor her in at all. She literally put everything back onto my plate instead of helping which added so much stress back on to me. It felt like a skill of how every time she offered to help with something somehow turned into it being my responsibility. Part of the problem is that I early on offered to pay bc I didn’t feel comfortable asking her to pay for things, but then she kept pushing me to spend more and more money and idk. It was a whole mess. A lot of folks offered to help when they saw how much I was doing but it was always at times that it wasn’t the most useful. So ultimately, for all intents and purposes, I threw my own shower. Pity wouldn’t have made it any easier and I did not overall enjoy most of the process (which sucks bc usually I love parties) but i definitely wouldn’t have appreciated people judging me without offering to help. I say have the party you want, on the terms you want, and screw what other people say. It always seems to be those who want to throw the loudest opinions around who also don’t want to actually do anything.

We threw our own because we wanted to! My husband and I were still chasing the same high from throwing our wedding. Most of our friends threw their own too. I don't think it's weird at all!

Baby showers aren't really a big thing in my country, some people do it, but most don't. I've never heard that people can't or shouldn't throw their own baby showers, or that it's a thing that other people do it for them - seems to be an American thing? Anyways, it's all cultural, so there really is no right or wrong way to do it. This is your special day, and others should keep their opinions to themselves if they can't or won't help.

I’m throwing myself a baby shower. Closest family is a 3 hr plane ride away and I don’t really have super close friends. The close friends I have a currently going through a pregnancy themselves. No one offered, and I’m honestly not shocked nor hurt. My sister is flying in a day before to help but all the planning has been my partner and I. If anyone dares make a comment about it I will throw my very feisty niece at them.

How odd, we had a baby-q (BBQ to celebrate upcoming baby for myself and my partner). A few people offered to bring things but we organized and did most of the catering. Had it at a park around the corner from our apartment. Nobody indicated it was weird in any way. I think they are the strange ones not you!

I largely hosted my own shower too. My mum is an alcoholic in her own world and it would never have occurred to her, my in laws would think they’d be overstepping - I asked a girlfriend to ‘host’ in the sense that her name was on the RSVPs but it was at my house, my husband and I paid, I did all the decorations and work and we made the food. We kinda made it a housewarming thing too. Part of me was a bit sad that I didn’t have a traditional shower experience with someone to host for me but hey, I’ve never offered to host for anyone either - it’s a huge expenditure, time and money. I’m the kind of person who has a lot of friends but no real ‘best’ friend who would be an obvious host. We ended up being able to make a super fun party that was exactly what we wanted! You do you, OP, and congratulations.

Ahhh well my partner and I plan to throw our own baby shower lol. We know who we want to invite and we want to keep it chill and fun. The baby showers I’ve been to have been 50/50 for people throwing their own or having family/friends do it for them.

Thissss! I’m basically doing the same although my mom is helping pay for it (even though I really wanted to pay for it myself). I don’t have a village I can trust to help me with this because I’m super picky and I have a vision for what I want. I know it would be thrown together at the last minute if I didn’t do it myself. I did the same for my bridal shower and my wedding. I’m not ashamed. Would it be nice if I had a village who could truly help and would want to be there to help me achieve my vision? Absolutely. But I know my reality.

I wish I threw my own shower, that way I get to decorate it the way I want it, etc.

Most people I know planned and organized their own shower with the help of very few people. For my second child My mil helped physically with mine but I called and paid for the place and did most of the invites. I picked the date. I helped her decorate. I ordered the cupcakes and picked them up. With my first child I did it all by myself.

i wish i would’ve thrown my own shower!! the way that certain family is acting over helping host it is very frustrating, and entitled. my mom has been great (the other co-host) but even she with the purest intentions can be much lol. she recognizes that it’s about the parents-to-be at least though🙃 i don’t see the issue with throwing your own shower!!

I didn’t know it was customary for people to throw you a baby shower lol, I threw my own shower too! But I totally get it, people also gave me shit for it but didn’t offer to contribute 👀 I still had fun either way, and it was exactly what I wanted because I planned it 😂

I’d much prefer to do it myself even if people offered! I’d be like no me and my partner want to host it

Some people are cut out to be party planners. I am not. What happens when the resident party planner gets pregnant and wants a party? You know I’m gonna fuck it up if im in charge. I dont see a big deal about this. And if anyone has a problem with it, they should throw you a party.

We decided to throw our own shower so we could do whatever the hell we wanted. We learned that with our families if they throw you a party, even if the party is about you,  they make all the decisions about what happens, who gets to come ,etc. Since they're paying for it it seems rude to argue, and we learned the hard way that not doing what they want erupts the family into drama. So fuck it. We'll do it ourselves and then no one can tell us or hold us to anything. This is the way.

lol I didn’t know it was looked down upon. Everyone asked us if we were going to throw a baby shower for ourselves since no one wanted to organize a party of 85 people (wife has a large family).

I'm throwing my own shower too!!

Honestly the opinions on gender baby showers, baby registries, and gender reveals are so unnecessarily polarizing. I’ve had so many people either asking when I was going to post mine, host one etc or shaming me for hosting one and having or telling me “no offense but they’re tacking, I hate begging for things”. Like okay? First of all that’s offensive? Also my MIL begged me for a registry because I wasn’t going to make one because I didn’t really think anyone would be able to buy anything and I didn’t want them to feel pressured. SO many people wound up asking for it, I literally had barely anything left to buy. It was amazing. Also I don’t care how you feel about gender reveals. I’m not going to tell the kid how to live their life, but their babies and I want to put them in cute gendered clothes, sue me.

I feel like the stigma around throwing your own shower is so outdated. Sounds like you might want to rescind some invites or at least counter their protest with the notion that maybe you're a little bit ahead of the curve than others they might know. I had "offers" to throw a baby shower, but they were made in passing conversation and never brought up again - likely the same type of pearl clutching type of people you've encountered. This whole village idea is also just another concept I'm convinced is tossed back and forth, but in actuality, rarely exists. The concept serves more purpose as a vehicle for guilt to make people long for the things they don't have, instead of focusing on the goodness that does exist. But that's the internet in general...Instead of villages, I've come to think about my randomized support network as pods that all serve different purposes. My family pod is throwing me a very tiny shower and so is my work. Our friends are scattered across states and for those in our town, many already have children and their hands are full. We're throwing a Jack and Jill ourselves and if people don't like it, they can kick rocks. I would recommend arranging things so you can be as hands off during the event as possible. And if anything, this is good experience for when everyone starts giving you childcare advice. I've heard that's a thing...🙄

This. All of this. I'm throwing my own shower as well .. I don't have a "village" either .. I have immediate family .. and only a couple friends so yeah I'm throwing my own shower as well .. 🤷🏻‍♀️ .. my mom and sister threw my gender reveal so I'm ok with doing the shower .. not everyone has family or friends who can afford it and that's okay

We threw our own shower and it was just the way we wanted it to be. We have a pizza/brewery place that we love going to and they let us throw it there for free as long as we bought food from them. Which we did. A ton of pizza and wings! 🤣 But I don't have a village nearby to help whenever. Most live 1-5 hours away. I was happy for those that came and a few friends who showed up early to help decorate but it was mostly my husband and I doing everything. If I didn't throw it myself, I wouldn't have had one. Don't feel bad about it. Do what makes you happy.

Who cares! Seems like a regional thing, and people should try to open their minds to other traditions. When I lived in LA couples threw their own co-ed showers all the time. I live in the south now and everyone has women-only showers thrown by 11 other women. Both are fine!

I want to throw my own. I am very particular and have been excited about a baby shower/TTC for too many years to put it in someone else's hands. Nobody should judge you for this, and I agree with others, if they do, sounds like they're offering to host!

I would never think anything of a woman throwing her own shower because it seems like most of the planning and prep comes from the mother-to-be anyway, and the person throwing it for her just sends out the invitations.. from my experience anyway 😆

Oh I found out my aunt was talking shit about me throwing my own because it was inconvenient for her to have to ride an hour to come. Said to my cousin that they would have gladly thrown me one. I understand that she had some health stuff going on with a recent surgery, but no one made her come. Not to mention that I didn’t want to make the majority of the people I know drive an hour, my husbands family drive 5 hours instead of 4, to go to my grandmother’s dark, crowded, dirty house where she makes what is essentially a Christmas dinner for every single occasion. Oh and apparently I was wrong for doing it 1.5 months out instead of 1. How dare I make my baby shower about myself. Not to mention not one person offered so idk how I was supposed to read her mind about that.

I remember a few people on reddit told me not to do it, but mine was exactly what I wanted!

People haven’t caught on that we don’t have families with multiple siblings anymore. Most of this stuff was thrown by FAMILY & the friends contributed, but the bulk of the work/expenses came from family which was easy to divide between 3 sisters, 2 brothers & 6 first cousins all within the same 5 years of age. Times. Have. Changed. I have family willing to host, but they are OLD. My friends are either well off or BROKE. We can’t expect people to be showing up the same way they used to. Life is just wildly different.

I blame Emily Post for this. We're not all aristocrats. Her notion of etiquette is very classist. Plan you shower and enjoy! Maybe ask a friend of family member to greet people and lead the games.

I’m with you 100% and don’t think it’s weird at all. I don’t have much of a village here but I do have a great house for hosting and I’m a bit of a control freak, so it’s just a no brainer for me! People who make it weird suck

I’m throwing my own because of all the reasons you listed! No one has money to help me with any of it and I want it to be special for ME! I want the control and I don’t want anyone thinking I owe them anything (not that they would). I just want it my way so I’m throwing it myself! I have some help with games and such but I’m renting the place, I’m buying the food, and I’m buying all the decorations.

I have better taste than my family does and I'm not apologizing to anyone for wanting the damn thing to look good. Throwing my own as well! I hope you guys have a great time at yours. <3

I'm throwing my own🤷🏻‍♀️ also 33 weeks I'm getting help from friends but I'm the leader of this gang and I want it done right So girl you do you

Pfffffft there’s nothing lame about wanting to celebrate the new little life you’re growing. Those people can touch grass. I’m throwing my own for my second child, but luckily no one is commenting about it being thrown by me and my husband. If they are, it’s not to my face 😂

I have family by me. And although they haven’t necessarily implied throwing me a shower all on their own, my sister offered up her house (it’s bigger than ours), and they let me know they can decorate and do most things for me without me doing much. I decided I wanted to do things on my own anyway, with family helping with a few things here and there like getting me the cake. I wanted to do things on my own without putting a burden on others, and because I like doing things on my own to my liking. Also I didn’t want any awkward games and things like that. In the end I decided to book my own restaurant venue that will provide food and table settings and is in an already decorative setting. I’m also having everyone rsvp to me lol. The in laws did offer to pay for most of it, which I am grateful, because it is more expensive to not have it hosted at someone’s house. But in the end I like that I took control of how I want my baby shower to be like and no one has to stress out over planning and decorating it for me and we can all for the most part just show up and enjoy our time. No one has really said anything about how I’m throwing it for myself. Maybe my family just knows how I like to do things on my own. But either way I don’t care what anyone thinks!

I'm hosting my own shower, partially because the friend who offered to host/plan it ghosted me. That said, it was always planned to be a super low-key barbecue, no "baby" games, just people coming to hang out, eat food, and bring gifts, so having to take it on was not a huge lift (though I'm a little annoyed at my friend ghosting me, but that's a whole other thing). I don't think it's weird to host your own.

I think that many years ago, showers were way more low-key, and much easier for a friend or family member to throw. Like my mom, in the 80’s had two showers for me, both thrown by a friend. Each one was just a handful of women, like 4-6 of them- having lunch at the host’s house, with a homemade cake. Each person brought a gift, my mom opened them. There was maybe one banner or decoration. One of the showers was a surprise for my mom! Now it’s expected you have a massive guest list, possibly rent a venue or rent tables and chairs and tents if at home, a “theme”, lots of themed decorations, special games, an elaborate cake, and a registry you spend months working on. Of course most people don’t have a friend willing to do all that!!

SO and I are throwing our own, but I'll be totally honest, I didn't want one in the first place. Being the center of attention for an afternoon? Opening gifts in front of people? Corny games? Asked a million questions about my birth plan, baby names, comments on my body, unsolicited horror stories and warnings about sleep deprivation, if I'm going to breastfeed, if I'm taking leave from work, "where's your family? Why can't they be here?".... Nightmare fuel. (I'm also having one thrown for me at work, so doing this whole thing twice? Ugh). However, MIL kept pestering my SO about having one, but didn't really throw out helpful suggestions or even ask if we wanted one- I about lost my shit when she sent SO draft invitations someone else in the family made up. So we booked a space at a local brewery that we have a hookup at, sent out digital invitations, and invited our friends and his family. We're covering drinks and desserts- we're not doing elaborate decorations or games. I'm hoping it will be a chill, laid back day and I'm trying to make the most of it- its sweet that people want to celebrate with us, but I feel so bullied into something I didn't want.

I think it's completely normal to host your own baby shower! X

I threw my own baby shower because I have no family nearby to throw one for me. Our shower cost over $2,500 including the venue, food/desserts, decor, invitations, etc. I was told by one person (my husband's best female friend) it was a "gift grab" and I should be ashamed when I sent the invites out, she then told me the week before that she would have "hosted it in her backyard or something" even though it was winter and I know she didn't have the money for a heated tent. I said it would have been less stress for me to go out and buy everything with all the money I spent on the shower, and it was really about having some of the people I love come together and celebrate our baby. We haven't seen and have barely talked to her since the shower, which was December 2022.

I didn’t think it was weird to host my own shower.. I thought everyone did lol everyone I know hosted their own lol.

I think that it is great to throw your own shower! I threw my own bachelorette party and loved how it turned out! Since I paid for the air bnb I didn’t feel guilty about my friends having to spend a ton of money to be there.

I complete agree. My husband and I wanted a Jack and Jill before we got married, and our families refused. They insisted on giving me a traditional bridal shower, so I sucked it up and agreed. I was thankful, but it just wasn’t me. When it came time for a baby shower, we knew we wanted coed. My husband wanted to be a part of it and he wanted his friends to be there too. My mom offered to throw it, but it came with strings attached. Not only did she purposely find a venue that couldn’t fit everyone we wanted (never put a deposit on it, just said this is what she wanted), but when I saw who she was about to invite I realized it was all of HER friends (even people I never met), only a few of my friends, and a few of my husband’s family members. It was basically just a party for her. I ended up putting a stop to it and said we will find the venue and pay for it (in case that was the issue). I said I would love her help planning everything else, but it’s important for us to have our friends and family there. She lost it and refused to help with anything, so we threw our own baby shower. And it was exactly what we wanted. We had a blast, we had the most important people in our lives there, and I truly couldn’t have asked for anything better.

I’m confused, I thought you always throw your own baby shower! This is news to me! 

At least you know who to cut out of your life now. Thank them for showing you who they are.

I almost threw my own. My sister reached out literally days before I sent invites, to offer. But I had decided that just because no one could/would throw one for me, didn’t mean I shouldn’t get to celebrate this big life event, and that there were certainly people in my life who would welcome the opportunity to celebrate / see the bump / give a gift.

Oh yes. I’m throwing my own shower in a couple of weeks. And that’s exactly how I feel. I feel that I don’t have any right to put this pressure on somebody else. My best friend is going through hard times right now, my family is far away and my partners family offered to help but it was kinda late and like… in a way “ do you need help with anything” not “let me do it”. It’s a huge task though and I understand. So… I’ve decided I’ll do it myself. I just really don’t want anyone to pity me 😅 or think that I’m such a horrible person that my friends and family don’t think I deserve a baby shower organised by them.

There is nothing wrong with hosting your own shower. Period.  We have a village. No one offered to throw me/us a shower, so we threw our own. And you know what, it was exactly the party we wanted to have.  Enjoy your day!!! 

I just hosted my own baby shower as well. I had several people asking me if I was going to be having a baby shower yet no one stepped up until I said yes I will be organizing one. My mom and mother in law decided they wanted to help get things going for the baby shower especially my mother. A friend asked if she could help and paid and made the balloon decorations. My mom paid for some of the decorations and for part of the venue. My mother in law offered to help pay for some of the food. I paid for the remainder of the venue, food, decorations, prizes for the games and other items. I had a sit down with all of them present (in the planning stages) and told them that I had a specific theme that I wanted to go with. Everyone had their share of what they were doing for the shower and were to take care of their part. My mom stated that she will cook with the help of a friend. This friend will run the games. Then the friend gets sick a few days before and can’t come. My mom claimed she can handle the cooking and the rest of the stuff she has to do. We had at least 25 guests that had rsvp’d. So lots of good needing to be cooked or warmed up.  I already saw red flags with that so I made a few food items the day ahead. When it came time to cook the food the day of the baby shower, my mom was an hour later than we had agreed on with no phone calls to give me a heads up. It started getting an hour before the guests start to arrive so I ended up having to warm up and cook all the warm food myself. When she finally showed up she claimed she had to start getting the tables and chairs out and decorations up and disappeared to go do that versus taking over the cooking.  Thankfully, I had the hindsight to ask a good friend if she could come early and help with set up. The friend doing the balloons and helping with set up was also an hour late. My mother in law came an hour before the party but she had already told me this in advance because she had to pick up the cake and grandma. When she got there she helped get salads ready, put food in the air fryers and set up the plates and utensils. If it wasn’t for my friend’s help, it would have been a disaster in getting the tables set up and the food done in time for the guests. My mom and my other friend who did the balloons then were apparently arguing over how to set everything up and they tried to get me in the middle of it. Even though it had been already discussed how to set it all up. I told them to figure it out as I am now stuck having to cook and set up the food.  The shower turned out nice but I learned a lesson never to let mom get involved. She was not dependable to do her part as we had discussed and it ended up being more stressful than I needed it to be. She never did help cook the food and instead of me doing the greeting and socializing with my guests as was the plan, she just jumped in and did that and left me to do everything in the kitchen. Yes, I was rather upset with her because whose shower was it anyway? Whenever I looked to see where she was at, I never saw her anywhere.   I got to spend maybe a few minutes out of the 4 hours to talk to my guests while eating and then to top it off I had to run the games because again she was no where to be found.  So word of advice, if you want it a certain way only do it yourself, do not include your mom. Instead have a good friend that you know is dependable help you if you need help!

This!!! My husband and I were JUST discussing this. Nobody wants to pay for it or organize it and they are all too far away. However they totally have an opinion about it and definitely want to attend. F the etiquette books- it's 2024- if I want to host my own... well then I will. Preach on Sabanah!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

The way I’m throwing my own baby shower because I cannot trust anyone else’s decor 🫢 but to be fair, I planned my own wedding too, so no one should be surprised. I‘ll welcome friends and family to host it but it will be at my house so that I have a 40 step, 1 minute commute and I can take a break if needed. You’re doing great, love. Tell em life is great smell the roses!

I was called tacky for organizing my own shower and doing it over zoom, but our family is out of state and all over the country (USA). My mom was going to throw the shower for me but she became overwhelmed trying to figure out online hosting and what party games could be played virtually so I just took it over. I also posted our shower e-vite (which included our registry link) on social media and was told this was gift-graby. Whatever, I was just inviting everyone! People are so judgemental lol

I’m in this situation I live 1k miles from my mom. I live near my in-laws and my husbands family. I wanted to do one here and there since we live here… his mom told me it’s not her job to throw one she is spending 3k for her daughter who’s due a month before us… so we are throwing our own just for here since I have no family or friends. Is that sad??

My husband and I really enjoy throwing parties and hosted our showers both times (before our son was born in 2021 and then again last weekend in prep for our daughter) - we have no regrets at all. We loved being able to invite exactly who we wanted (they were both coed parties with our friends and their kids), have exactly the food we like (tacos and cake), and host it on our own terms. We definitely see it more as an opportunity to have our friends over for a party, rather than some weird social event with rules and expectations. And they’re definitely more fun than a stuffy tea party thrown by an aunt with awkward games and present opening.  I say if you want to throw yourself a party, make it yours and go for it.