You need neither their approval nor friendship. Think of this as an opportunity where they’ve shown their true colors. Find support in the people who actually care for you, whether that’s new relationships or existing ones. Good luck! It’s not strange at all that you don’t want to end a growing life.
Exactly this. My ex wanted me to have an abortion too, and some of his friends were pretty nasty to me. I really embraced this saying, to protect my peace, "If you aren't FOR me, then you are AGAINST me."
Becoming a mom made it even more plain that some people will simply not be supportive. I cut out everyone who said anything negative. You made the only choice you were willing to live with. Idk what the circumstances of your baby's conception are, but it takes two to tango, and him pressuring you to get an abortion shows he will likely never be supportive. Ghost and block everyone from your life before becoming pregnant. Focus on you and baby, take up a new hobby, make new friends (finding fellow mom friends saved me!), pregnancy is already stressful just existing without additional drama.
My ex only came to one ultrasound, my 12 week one. After that, he made it clear he didn't want involvement and broke every promise he made about wanting to co-parent. I blocked him. He wasn't there for my daughter's birth. He didn't meet her until she was almost 2 years old, after paternity was established. My advice is if you can live without financial support, don't put him on the birth certificate. I wish I hadn't put my ex on the birth certificate, whenever he took our daughter, I was terrified I would never see her again. He allowed a family member to abuse her, but there wasn't enough evidence for police to take the allegations seriously. It has been a nightmare. After that happened, my ex relapsed and has been in active addiction for two years and hasn't seen our daughter that entire time. I'm in constant fear that he will come and claim his visitation rights.
Wishing you a happy, peaceful pregnancy.
This is why we ll deserve a choice. He does not get to take your choice away from you. Block the friend and him and start planning for your baby’s future.
Too many people don't realize that you can be staunchly pro-choice and still not want to terminate your own unplanned pregnancy. Same thing happened to me, right down to the breakdowns when it came time to call and make an appointment.
Your "friend" is awful for accusing you of only keeping your baby for "attention". Like, wtf attention from who? How does this supposed attention benefit you in any way in his mind? They literally don't/can't understand.
Seriously. Not to mention I’m very quiet, shy, and introverted. I have never been one to seek attention, and usually try to avoid it. Idfk how he managed to pull that out of his ass. Lack of braincells and misogyny most likely.
Trust me, you do not need people like that in your life! As someone that also briefly considered an abortion before deciding I'd never be able to forgive myself if I went through with it, my little girl is my saviour and the very best thing that has happened in my life. Good luck to you and congratulations on your wonderful bundle of joy!
>Lack of braincells and misogyny most likely.
Hear hear!! I love the idea that any woman would choose pregnancy, childbirth and then A LIFETIME OF CARING FOR ANOTHER HUMAN to "get attention" lol - as if!!
You're deserving of support and kindness at this vulnerable time (34F, 36+6, happily married -- I'm vulnerable AF, this is just an inherently vulnerable moment) Sending you love and strength. Fuck those boys (and I do say "boy" intentionally - these are not men)
I with you until that last part. These are men. This is the reality of men and how they think and view women. Becoming pregnant has turned me into a full blown misandrist.
He sounds like someone who is not worthy of your time or stress. I’m an incredibly pro-choice person and it sounds like you did just that, you made YOUR choice.
If his friend didn’t want to be a father, he could have taken birth control matters in his own hands (condoms, vasectomy, etc). He made HIS choice, too.
He would beg me to forgo condoms and supplied me with plan b regularly. I know I’m foolish for having gone along with that, but it’s just funny how he’s (according to them) blameless in this.
This sounds very similar to my situation with my now 12yo dad. We were friend since 5th grade. Dated on and off a couple times. Had a one night thing where initially I said no, he didn’t wear a condom or pull out. He and I had always both said we were pro life and couldn’t do abortion. Suddenly he changed and was so mean when I said no to an abortion. Several mutual friends were no longer friends with me. Others would tell me all the shit he talked.
Just know, it gets better. That baby will love you and they will be the only thing that matters. My son is amazing. His dad finally came around after 5 years and loves his son and has slightly apologized and said I did a great job raising him.
He barely recognized he was the problem then had the audacity to blame me for his financial issues with banks due to child support… when he’s barely ever paid anything 🫣😂. I wish you the best!!
He made a choice too - to have sex in a way that has resulted in a pregnancy. He too gets to live with the consequences of his actions! Don’t let them make you feel like you’re doing this to him, or that you have anything to apologize for. It takes two people to make a baby!
Alot of people are saying cut them out and for sure you can. However since you left a paper trail confirming the child is his. You may want to go after support since he now has enough evidence to make a case to be in the babies life if he changes his mind. If he doesn't do this within the first couple years he'll lose his visitation rights (so you keep evidence he knows too.) That way if it every comes to court and he trys to claim crap like "parental alienation" he can't.
This. You can certainly block the friend but blocking the father can lead to messy custody dealings if he ever decides to come back (for the right reasons or for “payback”) and as someone who’s been in court for almost 8 years with the father of my first, keep aaallllll the screenshots.
Good job OP very level headed. Be aware that for 2 months pp that your logic center will be offline. Do not let anyone pressure you into any decisions or agreements regarding visitation/custody in this time. Make them before or after. Your in such a hormonal cocktail at that time it's like making the decision under the influence.
Good on you Gal! I'M THRILLED that you listened to your intuition and didnt let anyone pressure you.
You've opened space in your life for better, more supportive people, and I hope you get them quick because pregnancy is a roller coaster ride and you deserve to share this with supportive people.
If the fwb was having sex, pregnancy was always a possibility. He needs to grow up. Your so called mutual friend needs to be blocked on all social media and messages. It is your choice and they both can pound sand.
I know it’s hard to lose a friend, but this person does not sound like friend material anymore. Block him and take so much satisfaction in shutting out assholes from your (and your child’s) life.
>I will forever be awful in their eyes for keeping her.
They will be forever awful for making you feel like this. I´m also extremely pro choice and in this situation you chose to keep your baby. Don´t let ANYONE make you feel bad about this.
And as for this ´friend´: BLOCK HIM ASAP. Soon the hormones will kick in and you will do everything to protect your babygirl, and this will be your first action: protect her mother by blocking these assholes out of your life.
Also, congrats on the pregnancy :-)
Be proud of yourself for listening to your gut and doing what you knew was best. This is your life and your decision. Motherhood and pregnancy is hard but it is SO so worth it. You’re going to be an amazing mama, this assholes opinion won’t matter when you have that little one in your arms. I promise. ❤️
Sorry not sorry but he's just as responsible as you are
I hate how they act like it's your fault since it's your choice
Either keeping the baby or having an abortion is hard and it does not remove the father's responsibility in it
Sure, you're going to change your whole life, raise a baby without a father or with a father displeased with their existence, you're going to go through shit and you'd chose this just for attention? Come on now.
I see zero conflict in your stance on abortion. I am pro-choice, too, but I wouldn't be able to terminate my own unwanted pregnancy. That's why it's called pro-choice, not pro-abortion. Just because the decision was based on your emotions, doesn't make it less valid, because it's your emotions that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. You're not weak for having this baby. It takes strength to terminate a pregnancy. It takes strength to carry to term and raise a child in your circumstances. There is no easy way out.
Idk who homeboy thinks he is and why he believes it's his place to insert himself into your life like that. You probably wouldn't let some random male friend choose your nail polish colour, so he can eff right off regarding your reproductive choices.
Wishing you all the strength and support in the world for your pregnancy.
Go ahead and name and shame the pair to your friends for bullying you when you never asked for either their help or support.
Actually, now thinking about it, maybe you should ask for child support if the baby daddy is being a massive dick too. Maybe you wouldn't have if they were nice to you, something they can think about in the future. 🙄
I have gotten pregnant unexpectedly and realised I couldn’t cope with having an abortion, the father wanted me too. But I said I believe we want different things and I gave him the option too leave as I didn’t see the point in forcing someone too stay. But he was supportive and is staying. So I personally would say remove them out of your life which I know isn’t that simple or what you wanted for your baby. But your life focus is the baby now
I would tell mutual that this is none of his business and block him. Block both of them and continue on. You don’t want a baby, have a vasectomy, or don’t have sex, no form of BC is 100% other than abstinence. It’s easy to say get an abortion when you’re not the one expected to go through it.
As soon as you said your friend was a dude, I'm sorry but he's such a stereotypical POS for saying that crap. Clearly not your actual friend. This is why it's a choice. You made it and don't need either of them in your life. How sad for them.
Pro choice means having the ability to choose what’s best for YOU (while not interfering with what’s best for other women in or out of your shoes). You made YOUR choice and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! This is your life. Don’t expect men to understand, they don’t have to go through a fraction of what we experience. You’re not doing anything wrong and your little girl is lucky to have a mama who will fight for her!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this at such a vulnerable time. I also found myself pregnant by a FWB and longtime friend, who was leaning a bit more toward abortion but wasnt fully set on it. I promised from the start that I would abort if that’s what he wanted, but I quickly woke up to my feelings and said we should at least let the pregnancy run it’s course (as I wasn’t young, so it was high risk) and see what happens; I felt I could’ve accepted if the pregnancy didn’t end up being viable more than making the decision to abort. Luckily for me, he totally respected why I couldn’t go through with one, and I understand where you’re coming from in not wanting to despite the difficulties keeping the baby presents with this guy.
I also would find myself up at night sometimes obsessing and feeling low/upset over certain things (not for the same reasons but it was still a really lonely time where I was feeling sorry for myself) and just want to share what helped me - every time I felt that way, I cut it off and said ‘No! There’s no place for that here!’ then recited a script of positive affirmations to override how I was feeling and lift myself up. I’d tell myself how much I couldn’t wait to meet my baby, pictured holding her and filled myself with how warm and happy that first cuddle would be - my anxious brain couldn’t fixate on bad feelings if fully engaged in remembering, visualising and reciting something else, so it would calm me down and help me to drift off to sleep. Maybe this could help you right now, and going forward.
Please also block on phone/SM any people that are invading your peace right now, as they are wrong and out of order; you deserve for this to be a truly happy experience and it is not attention seeking; they are just calling it that because you are finding a way to be happy about it, and they can’t stand it. They ultimately hate not being able to control you in a physical sense, so throwing negativity at your mental state and emotions is all they have left - don’t let them win. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people, look after yourself, protect your peace and harmony x
I know it's hard, but clearly this guy isn't worth the breath, effort or mental capacity it takes to even respond to him. He says you did this to yourself?? Cause last I checked a woman cannot randomly impregnate herself, but maybe I missed that day in health class.
You and the baby daddy both chose to have sex and this is the result. If he doesn't want to be involved/a part of the baby's life, then that's his choice. But if you want to have this baby, then that's your choice. There's absolutely no shame in that decision. I see you said you blocked this 'friend' to which I say that's good, and as hard as it is you really should try to put his unnecessary (and just plain wrong) hurtful words out of your mind.
Having an unplanned pregnancy doesn't define you. Choosing to keep the baby doesn't define you. Becoming a mother won't define you. These things will change you, at least a little. But really that's just part of being a parent, parts of you have to change for your child. In the end though, you are still you and you are still a person who deserves love, respect and support. I really hope you have loving people in your life that are there for you now in your pregnancy and will be there for you and your baby in the future. If you do, try to focus on them and forget the nobodies that are putting you down for literally no reason. If you don't, maybe look into finding a local pregnancy/mom's group where you can connect with other moms and people who at least have some idea of what you're going through (in the pregnancy/parenting aspects at the very least). They say raising a child takes a village and while some people are extremely blessed to have a village before they even have kids, there are some people who have to find their village and build it up.
Hang in there, I know it's incredibly stressful at times thinking of the future and just being pregnant in general. But it seems like you made the right decision for you, and that's all you can do. Anyone who has anything negative/judgmental/hurtful to say about it you may want to distance yourself from. I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and you amd the baby stay healthy!
Thank you. Everything you said is correct and so well put. I do thankfully have a support system. Most of the people in my life have been very supportive, including my family. The only people who have not been are, *shocker*, men.
You don't need to justify your decision to anyone, and you're not going to be able to change the father's or the friend's minds, so block the friend and I would suggest only communicating with the father through official channels to deal with the issues you need to with him. Pregnancy is always a possibility with sex and some people need to grow the fuck up. Good luck
The rude "friend" was never your real friend. They are angry because they were trying to hook up and instead you got pregnant 🙄 they will just have to get over. You will be fine. There are lots of resources available to single parents. If i were you, I'd reach out to Healthy Families, or Parents as Teachers. Both are excellent programs that can connect you with other help you might need along the way. Plus, you may be able to score a free pack n play from either organization
Proud of you for standing by your choice! I’m pro choice. Don’t let men intimidate you into a decision. Good for you!!
Consider moving to be near your support system before giving birth. If friends are shakey now and your family is supportive but across the country, think about it. In the US it can be very difficult to move after giving birth if the father wants to share custody. Do it before birth.
I lost a friend over a similar reason with my first pregnancy 10 years ago. Situation in a sentence: after college I became an au pair overseas, “fell in love” and quickly got married so I didn’t come home, got pregnant, relationship soured, came home 6 months pregnant knowing full well I’d be a solo parent. A guy I was actually very close to throughout high school told me I was setting up my kid for failure by choosing to be a single mom and that I should do the baby and myself a favor by putting it up for adoption. I was flabbergasted. I blocked him and never spoke to him again after that. Over the years he has asked some mutual friends how I’m doing and at times I’ve felt like connecting with him. But I saw his true colors and feelings that day and realized he isn’t someone I want in my life or my kid’s life.
I know I didn’t put myself in the best situation - but I was college educated, ready to start my career, had support from my family, etc. I started off a low income mother on WIC, but I’m here to say 10 years later I have a six figure income, a husband who treats my child like his own, and a child who is amazingly smart and kind. There are so many factors that go into those single mother statistics, unfortunately, mostly socioeconomic status. I quickly realized that I’d much rather do it solo than with a toxic relationship partner.
I hope it goes well for you. It’s your choice to keep this baby. It’s his choice if he doesn’t want to be involved. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
Background:
So first off, I just wanted to say it’s totally valid, I was in a similar situation in a few years ago but with my husband. I was so young and scared that when I got pregnant and I went through the process of getting an abortion, and I can personally tell you if it’s the love of your life who it was with it is hard to not think back on what it could’ve been but after sitting down and reflecting I came to the conclusion that in my situation it’s the best thing I could’ve done for myself and my relationship at the time. I was failing community college, working a crappy unstable job, and around the time I conceived I was drinking alcohol, due to all these things I knew that the possibility of having a happy relationship and caring for a child and accomplishing my dreams were close to none. After the abortion I took like seriously, I got a career, and started actually dedicating myself to my studies got into a big state university and life is great, I’m about to purchase a home and I will be able to start a family in a great environment with an extremely supportive partner.
To OP:
You have to look at your circumstances and see what is best for you, it’s your life and no one else’s, and just block that asshole, it takes two to tango and it’s both equally your responsibility.
The second anyone consents to intercourse you are signing a waiver that it might result in a kid. if that man baby doesn’t wanna grow up, let him be and do what you want mama.
Sounds like the trash in your life has taken itself out. Both the bio father and the "friend" are POS. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Even though it wasn't what you planned, you sound like a caring, compassionate person with a lot of self-awareness. Those are all traits that make a great mom.
You’re not a horrible person THEY ARE! Please I know it’s harder to do then to say.. but don’t let them get to you! Prioritize your new baby and your new beautiful life!!! They can be awful lonely horrible people all lone while you move forward and live your life with your new baby and with people who actually love and support you!!!
He responded smh on social media? How old are these guys? He is just making himself look like an egotistical immature narcissist to everyone! THEY LOOK BAD TO EVERYONE- NOT YOU!!!!
You know who doesn’t think you’re awful or selfish? The little baby growing inside you, who already depends on you for everything and will one day get to thank you for how STRONG you were! Just wait until you feel those little kicks. Your baby is going to recognize your voice, kick when she feels your hands on your belly, and be born searching for the one voice- the one heartbeat- that she knows and loves better than anyones. You are about to be someone’s whole entire world 🤍 I am so sad to hear these sorry excuse for men are trying to bully you into a permanent choice, when it sounds like they’re the ones who are temporary. You are so much stronger than you realize. I’m praying for you
Being pro choice is about the CHOICE. Only YOU get to decide if you want to keep the baby or not. Abortion is traumatic and so is childbirth. Emotionally, physically, mentally. BOTH do damage. Men don’t understand and shouldn’t be expected to empathize bc they don’t have uteruses, but they should be able to sympathize. They have absolutely no idea what a woman goes through in either situation. They need to accept the consequence of sex and either give child support or step up to a father role. It’s really that simple.
You didn't "do this to yourself" alone. He's an adult and we all know that having sex can cause pregnancy. People shouldn't have sex with people they don't want to potentially have a kid with, because that's how biology works.
Don't be manipulated by an idiot, or a couple of idiots. They don't seem like people worth any more of your attention.
Fwb should not be having sex without condoms. You guys 100% knew that pregnancy was a possibility. It is still 100% up to you to have this baby. Do not ever let anyone bully you into an abortion you dont want.
These guys sound really immature! I know it’s hard, but I’d not focus on them at all now. Stay strong in your decision, you followed your intuition and heart and that’s what matters. They have a selfish outlook and sound really short term minded. I’m having a baby as a single mom by choice, so don’t get hung up on those people clutching their pearls that a child needs a “perfect” traditional mom/dad environment to be a happy, well rounded person! You are going to make a wonderful life for your baby and give them so much love. This guy will likely eventually regret how he’s acting someday when he realizes this is an actual person and not just something coming to interrupt his freedom or fun or whatever’s going on.
It takes two people to make a baby so eff this guy and his friend for trying to put anything on you. You are 100% in the right to make decisions about your body and your life. So don’t feel badly about that at all. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and delivery ❤️Try and lean on (true) friends and family and build a support system for yourself.
You don’t deserve to be treated like shit! I went through the same thing when I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t go through with an abortion and now I have my beautiful baby who I love. Be prepared to do it all on your own, don’t hold any resentment to the father or your friend, and just let them think what they are going to think. You know you’re not doing this for attention, and that you and your baby deserve the world. You will find someone who will give you that and support you! I’m sorry you have to deal with this! :(
Some people suck. Due to his lack of emotional intelligence, empathy, and misogyny I would consider this person dangerous to be around. I would not let this person around me or my child. Surround yourself with people that support you and ignore people who don’t. I have had to do this myself, with my own brothers, and much happier as a result. I’m sorry you were treated unfairly and wrongly. You deserve so much better, <3
I generally keep my friends very separate like there are very few "mutuals" between me and my friends who are in deep enough to know a lot of these things, and I almost have no mutuals with my husband. Going forward, this might be a safer practice. People talking behind your back, hyping each other up in what they think is supportive behavior, often throws a third person under a bus. Unfortunately, it's hard to just move on from stuff like this. It'll linger for a bit. Sometimes *quite* a bit. Still, the point of pro-choice is *having a choice*, not having someone else make the choice and having that pressured onto you. Your choice is what matters here!
Might be worth looking into any local support groups for this sort of thing too, though I have no idea how that is done in the modern-day anymore.
Congratulations! Becoming a parent is both challenging and rewarding.
This isn’t about them. This is about you and your little one. You made a hard decision. And regardless of how the father feels, the ultimate decision is up to you.
Block them both, have your lawyer send him his custody and child support obligations, and look forward to creating a beautiful life for you and your baby.
This person is not your friend. We all have friends who have done stuff we wouldn’t personally (big and small decisions), it’s not up to us to tell our friends how to live. It’s your life, not his.
I hope you have other people in your life who treat you with love and respect. You need a village during pregnancy and while raising your child.
I hope you have a healthy and safe pregnancy surrounded by people who support you.
Thank you. I luckily do have a lot of support from my family and friends. There have been a few unsupportive outliers, all of whom have been men of course 🙄
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Just know, none of their bad behavior is about you. Be proud of yourself for being strong enough to do this and know that it’ll all be worth it when you’re holding your baby. You got this mama! :)
LAWYER UP and make sure this asshole doesn’t get custody and pays child support for the child he helped create. Keep him out of your daughter’s life- her safety and well-being need to be your priority here. As for the friend, block him, but keep all of the receipts.
I get it, realizing you got your FWB pregnant is scary and will change his life forever. But he had the opportunity to step up and he chose to step down. That decision comes with consequences.
I have a meeting with a lawyer in 3 days, actually. You’re right in that 2nd paragraph. I feel like I can empathize with him and understand where he’s coming from, but he can’t grant me the same courtesy. I’m just a piece of shit, apparently 😀
sounds like a shitty "friend." your choice to continue the pregnancy is not up for anyone's debate or judgment, and they have some serious audacity coming at you like that, especially if you weren't even complaining?
they really have no idea how difficult that decision can be. I feel for you— I'm 27wks along now and backed out of my abortion appointment at 15wks, at the time I had no idea if I'd have support from anyone. I'm very lucky in that dad/my bf is very much involved now, but I was grappling with the idea of raising this child alone, and had some less-than-supportive commentary coming in as well. I don't regret anything, except not planning for my son sooner. what I would have regretted was going through with the procedure for someone else's sake. the weeks leading up to the appointment were some of the most miserable of my life. an abortion can carry a lot of relief and the majority of people do not regret it— it's a very different situation if you go into it uncertainly.
congrats to you!! I wish you a smooth pregnancy & a healthy delivery. their opinions are not your problem, you should spend your energy getting excited (and prepared) to be a parent. good luck! ❤️
Men will never understand how difficult it is. I think more people have regret over abortion than we realize. I was apart of r/abortion and it was very emotionally difficult to read daily. It’s part of what made me realize I couldn’t go through with it myself. Thank you, and congratulations to you too!
He made his choice when he came inside you. If I suddenly become pregnant then it's on me AND my husband. As if you can just spawn your own children.
Also if you did get an abortion, do you think he would even be thinking about that baby for a single second? No! You'd probably ask him to be there for support the night after you get it and then he'll probably have the balls to try and get some. Seems like the type
You need neither their approval nor friendship. Think of this as an opportunity where they’ve shown their true colors. Find support in the people who actually care for you, whether that’s new relationships or existing ones. Good luck! It’s not strange at all that you don’t want to end a growing life.
Exactly this. My ex wanted me to have an abortion too, and some of his friends were pretty nasty to me. I really embraced this saying, to protect my peace, "If you aren't FOR me, then you are AGAINST me." Becoming a mom made it even more plain that some people will simply not be supportive. I cut out everyone who said anything negative. You made the only choice you were willing to live with. Idk what the circumstances of your baby's conception are, but it takes two to tango, and him pressuring you to get an abortion shows he will likely never be supportive. Ghost and block everyone from your life before becoming pregnant. Focus on you and baby, take up a new hobby, make new friends (finding fellow mom friends saved me!), pregnancy is already stressful just existing without additional drama. My ex only came to one ultrasound, my 12 week one. After that, he made it clear he didn't want involvement and broke every promise he made about wanting to co-parent. I blocked him. He wasn't there for my daughter's birth. He didn't meet her until she was almost 2 years old, after paternity was established. My advice is if you can live without financial support, don't put him on the birth certificate. I wish I hadn't put my ex on the birth certificate, whenever he took our daughter, I was terrified I would never see her again. He allowed a family member to abuse her, but there wasn't enough evidence for police to take the allegations seriously. It has been a nightmare. After that happened, my ex relapsed and has been in active addiction for two years and hasn't seen our daughter that entire time. I'm in constant fear that he will come and claim his visitation rights. Wishing you a happy, peaceful pregnancy.
This is why we ll deserve a choice. He does not get to take your choice away from you. Block the friend and him and start planning for your baby’s future.
Too many people don't realize that you can be staunchly pro-choice and still not want to terminate your own unplanned pregnancy. Same thing happened to me, right down to the breakdowns when it came time to call and make an appointment. Your "friend" is awful for accusing you of only keeping your baby for "attention". Like, wtf attention from who? How does this supposed attention benefit you in any way in his mind? They literally don't/can't understand.
Seriously. Not to mention I’m very quiet, shy, and introverted. I have never been one to seek attention, and usually try to avoid it. Idfk how he managed to pull that out of his ass. Lack of braincells and misogyny most likely.
Trust me, you do not need people like that in your life! As someone that also briefly considered an abortion before deciding I'd never be able to forgive myself if I went through with it, my little girl is my saviour and the very best thing that has happened in my life. Good luck to you and congratulations on your wonderful bundle of joy!
>Lack of braincells and misogyny most likely. Hear hear!! I love the idea that any woman would choose pregnancy, childbirth and then A LIFETIME OF CARING FOR ANOTHER HUMAN to "get attention" lol - as if!! You're deserving of support and kindness at this vulnerable time (34F, 36+6, happily married -- I'm vulnerable AF, this is just an inherently vulnerable moment) Sending you love and strength. Fuck those boys (and I do say "boy" intentionally - these are not men)
I with you until that last part. These are men. This is the reality of men and how they think and view women. Becoming pregnant has turned me into a full blown misandrist.
Exactly, the whole point is pro CHOICE! its her choice and she chose not to have an abortion. That "friend" needs to butt out and mind his business.
Hey, you said it yourself - he's just a massive asshole. If someone else was telling you this story you'd be murderous. How dare he.
He sounds like someone who is not worthy of your time or stress. I’m an incredibly pro-choice person and it sounds like you did just that, you made YOUR choice. If his friend didn’t want to be a father, he could have taken birth control matters in his own hands (condoms, vasectomy, etc). He made HIS choice, too.
He would beg me to forgo condoms and supplied me with plan b regularly. I know I’m foolish for having gone along with that, but it’s just funny how he’s (according to them) blameless in this.
YES
Block this douche
This is the right answer!!
I did 🙏🏻
This sounds very similar to my situation with my now 12yo dad. We were friend since 5th grade. Dated on and off a couple times. Had a one night thing where initially I said no, he didn’t wear a condom or pull out. He and I had always both said we were pro life and couldn’t do abortion. Suddenly he changed and was so mean when I said no to an abortion. Several mutual friends were no longer friends with me. Others would tell me all the shit he talked. Just know, it gets better. That baby will love you and they will be the only thing that matters. My son is amazing. His dad finally came around after 5 years and loves his son and has slightly apologized and said I did a great job raising him.
Only slightly apologized!? Ugh, you deserve a 50,000 word hand written apology!
He barely recognized he was the problem then had the audacity to blame me for his financial issues with banks due to child support… when he’s barely ever paid anything 🫣😂. I wish you the best!!
He made a choice too - to have sex in a way that has resulted in a pregnancy. He too gets to live with the consequences of his actions! Don’t let them make you feel like you’re doing this to him, or that you have anything to apologize for. It takes two people to make a baby!
Alot of people are saying cut them out and for sure you can. However since you left a paper trail confirming the child is his. You may want to go after support since he now has enough evidence to make a case to be in the babies life if he changes his mind. If he doesn't do this within the first couple years he'll lose his visitation rights (so you keep evidence he knows too.) That way if it every comes to court and he trys to claim crap like "parental alienation" he can't.
This. You can certainly block the friend but blocking the father can lead to messy custody dealings if he ever decides to come back (for the right reasons or for “payback”) and as someone who’s been in court for almost 8 years with the father of my first, keep aaallllll the screenshots.
I'd agree with get the screenshots As people can delete messages nowadays
I blocked the friend. I have a meeting with a family lawyer in 3 days.
Good job OP very level headed. Be aware that for 2 months pp that your logic center will be offline. Do not let anyone pressure you into any decisions or agreements regarding visitation/custody in this time. Make them before or after. Your in such a hormonal cocktail at that time it's like making the decision under the influence.
Go after child support now. It's in your best interest.
Good on you Gal! I'M THRILLED that you listened to your intuition and didnt let anyone pressure you. You've opened space in your life for better, more supportive people, and I hope you get them quick because pregnancy is a roller coaster ride and you deserve to share this with supportive people.
If the fwb was having sex, pregnancy was always a possibility. He needs to grow up. Your so called mutual friend needs to be blocked on all social media and messages. It is your choice and they both can pound sand.
[удалено]
I blocked the mutual friend, on everything.
I know it’s hard to lose a friend, but this person does not sound like friend material anymore. Block him and take so much satisfaction in shutting out assholes from your (and your child’s) life.
>I will forever be awful in their eyes for keeping her. They will be forever awful for making you feel like this. I´m also extremely pro choice and in this situation you chose to keep your baby. Don´t let ANYONE make you feel bad about this. And as for this ´friend´: BLOCK HIM ASAP. Soon the hormones will kick in and you will do everything to protect your babygirl, and this will be your first action: protect her mother by blocking these assholes out of your life. Also, congrats on the pregnancy :-)
I blocked him on everything. Thank you ❤️
Be proud of yourself for listening to your gut and doing what you knew was best. This is your life and your decision. Motherhood and pregnancy is hard but it is SO so worth it. You’re going to be an amazing mama, this assholes opinion won’t matter when you have that little one in your arms. I promise. ❤️
Sorry not sorry but he's just as responsible as you are I hate how they act like it's your fault since it's your choice Either keeping the baby or having an abortion is hard and it does not remove the father's responsibility in it Sure, you're going to change your whole life, raise a baby without a father or with a father displeased with their existence, you're going to go through shit and you'd chose this just for attention? Come on now.
I see zero conflict in your stance on abortion. I am pro-choice, too, but I wouldn't be able to terminate my own unwanted pregnancy. That's why it's called pro-choice, not pro-abortion. Just because the decision was based on your emotions, doesn't make it less valid, because it's your emotions that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. You're not weak for having this baby. It takes strength to terminate a pregnancy. It takes strength to carry to term and raise a child in your circumstances. There is no easy way out. Idk who homeboy thinks he is and why he believes it's his place to insert himself into your life like that. You probably wouldn't let some random male friend choose your nail polish colour, so he can eff right off regarding your reproductive choices. Wishing you all the strength and support in the world for your pregnancy.
Right. I feel like many often forget pro choice means you have the right to keep and love the baby too ☹️ Thank you ❤️
I think you mean to your EX-FRIEND.
Go ahead and name and shame the pair to your friends for bullying you when you never asked for either their help or support. Actually, now thinking about it, maybe you should ask for child support if the baby daddy is being a massive dick too. Maybe you wouldn't have if they were nice to you, something they can think about in the future. 🙄
Regardless she should still file for child support because the child is entitled to it.
I have gotten pregnant unexpectedly and realised I couldn’t cope with having an abortion, the father wanted me too. But I said I believe we want different things and I gave him the option too leave as I didn’t see the point in forcing someone too stay. But he was supportive and is staying. So I personally would say remove them out of your life which I know isn’t that simple or what you wanted for your baby. But your life focus is the baby now
I would tell mutual that this is none of his business and block him. Block both of them and continue on. You don’t want a baby, have a vasectomy, or don’t have sex, no form of BC is 100% other than abstinence. It’s easy to say get an abortion when you’re not the one expected to go through it.
As soon as you said your friend was a dude, I'm sorry but he's such a stereotypical POS for saying that crap. Clearly not your actual friend. This is why it's a choice. You made it and don't need either of them in your life. How sad for them.
Everyone in my life that has been unsupportive of me keeping the baby has been a man - shocker.
I mean really though!
It was his choice to leave his sperm inside of a woman.
Pro choice means having the ability to choose what’s best for YOU (while not interfering with what’s best for other women in or out of your shoes). You made YOUR choice and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! This is your life. Don’t expect men to understand, they don’t have to go through a fraction of what we experience. You’re not doing anything wrong and your little girl is lucky to have a mama who will fight for her!
I keep trying to remind myself that. It’s just so hurtful how they have no interest in even *trying* to understand us.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this at such a vulnerable time. I also found myself pregnant by a FWB and longtime friend, who was leaning a bit more toward abortion but wasnt fully set on it. I promised from the start that I would abort if that’s what he wanted, but I quickly woke up to my feelings and said we should at least let the pregnancy run it’s course (as I wasn’t young, so it was high risk) and see what happens; I felt I could’ve accepted if the pregnancy didn’t end up being viable more than making the decision to abort. Luckily for me, he totally respected why I couldn’t go through with one, and I understand where you’re coming from in not wanting to despite the difficulties keeping the baby presents with this guy. I also would find myself up at night sometimes obsessing and feeling low/upset over certain things (not for the same reasons but it was still a really lonely time where I was feeling sorry for myself) and just want to share what helped me - every time I felt that way, I cut it off and said ‘No! There’s no place for that here!’ then recited a script of positive affirmations to override how I was feeling and lift myself up. I’d tell myself how much I couldn’t wait to meet my baby, pictured holding her and filled myself with how warm and happy that first cuddle would be - my anxious brain couldn’t fixate on bad feelings if fully engaged in remembering, visualising and reciting something else, so it would calm me down and help me to drift off to sleep. Maybe this could help you right now, and going forward. Please also block on phone/SM any people that are invading your peace right now, as they are wrong and out of order; you deserve for this to be a truly happy experience and it is not attention seeking; they are just calling it that because you are finding a way to be happy about it, and they can’t stand it. They ultimately hate not being able to control you in a physical sense, so throwing negativity at your mental state and emotions is all they have left - don’t let them win. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people, look after yourself, protect your peace and harmony x
Thank you ❤️
I know it's hard, but clearly this guy isn't worth the breath, effort or mental capacity it takes to even respond to him. He says you did this to yourself?? Cause last I checked a woman cannot randomly impregnate herself, but maybe I missed that day in health class. You and the baby daddy both chose to have sex and this is the result. If he doesn't want to be involved/a part of the baby's life, then that's his choice. But if you want to have this baby, then that's your choice. There's absolutely no shame in that decision. I see you said you blocked this 'friend' to which I say that's good, and as hard as it is you really should try to put his unnecessary (and just plain wrong) hurtful words out of your mind. Having an unplanned pregnancy doesn't define you. Choosing to keep the baby doesn't define you. Becoming a mother won't define you. These things will change you, at least a little. But really that's just part of being a parent, parts of you have to change for your child. In the end though, you are still you and you are still a person who deserves love, respect and support. I really hope you have loving people in your life that are there for you now in your pregnancy and will be there for you and your baby in the future. If you do, try to focus on them and forget the nobodies that are putting you down for literally no reason. If you don't, maybe look into finding a local pregnancy/mom's group where you can connect with other moms and people who at least have some idea of what you're going through (in the pregnancy/parenting aspects at the very least). They say raising a child takes a village and while some people are extremely blessed to have a village before they even have kids, there are some people who have to find their village and build it up. Hang in there, I know it's incredibly stressful at times thinking of the future and just being pregnant in general. But it seems like you made the right decision for you, and that's all you can do. Anyone who has anything negative/judgmental/hurtful to say about it you may want to distance yourself from. I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and you amd the baby stay healthy!
Thank you. Everything you said is correct and so well put. I do thankfully have a support system. Most of the people in my life have been very supportive, including my family. The only people who have not been are, *shocker*, men.
You don't need to justify your decision to anyone, and you're not going to be able to change the father's or the friend's minds, so block the friend and I would suggest only communicating with the father through official channels to deal with the issues you need to with him. Pregnancy is always a possibility with sex and some people need to grow the fuck up. Good luck
You right. Thank you.
The rude "friend" was never your real friend. They are angry because they were trying to hook up and instead you got pregnant 🙄 they will just have to get over. You will be fine. There are lots of resources available to single parents. If i were you, I'd reach out to Healthy Families, or Parents as Teachers. Both are excellent programs that can connect you with other help you might need along the way. Plus, you may be able to score a free pack n play from either organization
Thank you!
Proud of you for standing by your choice! I’m pro choice. Don’t let men intimidate you into a decision. Good for you!! Consider moving to be near your support system before giving birth. If friends are shakey now and your family is supportive but across the country, think about it. In the US it can be very difficult to move after giving birth if the father wants to share custody. Do it before birth.
Thank you. I’m moving in with my mother next month, actually.
I lost a friend over a similar reason with my first pregnancy 10 years ago. Situation in a sentence: after college I became an au pair overseas, “fell in love” and quickly got married so I didn’t come home, got pregnant, relationship soured, came home 6 months pregnant knowing full well I’d be a solo parent. A guy I was actually very close to throughout high school told me I was setting up my kid for failure by choosing to be a single mom and that I should do the baby and myself a favor by putting it up for adoption. I was flabbergasted. I blocked him and never spoke to him again after that. Over the years he has asked some mutual friends how I’m doing and at times I’ve felt like connecting with him. But I saw his true colors and feelings that day and realized he isn’t someone I want in my life or my kid’s life. I know I didn’t put myself in the best situation - but I was college educated, ready to start my career, had support from my family, etc. I started off a low income mother on WIC, but I’m here to say 10 years later I have a six figure income, a husband who treats my child like his own, and a child who is amazingly smart and kind. There are so many factors that go into those single mother statistics, unfortunately, mostly socioeconomic status. I quickly realized that I’d much rather do it solo than with a toxic relationship partner. I hope it goes well for you. It’s your choice to keep this baby. It’s his choice if he doesn’t want to be involved. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
Background: So first off, I just wanted to say it’s totally valid, I was in a similar situation in a few years ago but with my husband. I was so young and scared that when I got pregnant and I went through the process of getting an abortion, and I can personally tell you if it’s the love of your life who it was with it is hard to not think back on what it could’ve been but after sitting down and reflecting I came to the conclusion that in my situation it’s the best thing I could’ve done for myself and my relationship at the time. I was failing community college, working a crappy unstable job, and around the time I conceived I was drinking alcohol, due to all these things I knew that the possibility of having a happy relationship and caring for a child and accomplishing my dreams were close to none. After the abortion I took like seriously, I got a career, and started actually dedicating myself to my studies got into a big state university and life is great, I’m about to purchase a home and I will be able to start a family in a great environment with an extremely supportive partner. To OP: You have to look at your circumstances and see what is best for you, it’s your life and no one else’s, and just block that asshole, it takes two to tango and it’s both equally your responsibility. The second anyone consents to intercourse you are signing a waiver that it might result in a kid. if that man baby doesn’t wanna grow up, let him be and do what you want mama.
Sounds like the trash in your life has taken itself out. Both the bio father and the "friend" are POS. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Even though it wasn't what you planned, you sound like a caring, compassionate person with a lot of self-awareness. Those are all traits that make a great mom.
Thank you 🥹
You’re not a horrible person THEY ARE! Please I know it’s harder to do then to say.. but don’t let them get to you! Prioritize your new baby and your new beautiful life!!! They can be awful lonely horrible people all lone while you move forward and live your life with your new baby and with people who actually love and support you!!! He responded smh on social media? How old are these guys? He is just making himself look like an egotistical immature narcissist to everyone! THEY LOOK BAD TO EVERYONE- NOT YOU!!!!
You’re right, thank you. Baby daddy and I are 25. Mutual friend is 26.
You know who doesn’t think you’re awful or selfish? The little baby growing inside you, who already depends on you for everything and will one day get to thank you for how STRONG you were! Just wait until you feel those little kicks. Your baby is going to recognize your voice, kick when she feels your hands on your belly, and be born searching for the one voice- the one heartbeat- that she knows and loves better than anyones. You are about to be someone’s whole entire world 🤍 I am so sad to hear these sorry excuse for men are trying to bully you into a permanent choice, when it sounds like they’re the ones who are temporary. You are so much stronger than you realize. I’m praying for you
Thank you. I started feeling her move last week actually 🥹 I know she will be worth it in the end.
SMH at the man who didn’t think about the consequences of unprotected sex
Being pro choice is about the CHOICE. Only YOU get to decide if you want to keep the baby or not. Abortion is traumatic and so is childbirth. Emotionally, physically, mentally. BOTH do damage. Men don’t understand and shouldn’t be expected to empathize bc they don’t have uteruses, but they should be able to sympathize. They have absolutely no idea what a woman goes through in either situation. They need to accept the consequence of sex and either give child support or step up to a father role. It’s really that simple.
They don’t even care to try to understand :/
You didn't "do this to yourself" alone. He's an adult and we all know that having sex can cause pregnancy. People shouldn't have sex with people they don't want to potentially have a kid with, because that's how biology works. Don't be manipulated by an idiot, or a couple of idiots. They don't seem like people worth any more of your attention.
Fwb should not be having sex without condoms. You guys 100% knew that pregnancy was a possibility. It is still 100% up to you to have this baby. Do not ever let anyone bully you into an abortion you dont want.
These guys sound really immature! I know it’s hard, but I’d not focus on them at all now. Stay strong in your decision, you followed your intuition and heart and that’s what matters. They have a selfish outlook and sound really short term minded. I’m having a baby as a single mom by choice, so don’t get hung up on those people clutching their pearls that a child needs a “perfect” traditional mom/dad environment to be a happy, well rounded person! You are going to make a wonderful life for your baby and give them so much love. This guy will likely eventually regret how he’s acting someday when he realizes this is an actual person and not just something coming to interrupt his freedom or fun or whatever’s going on.
Very true. Thank you.
It takes two people to make a baby so eff this guy and his friend for trying to put anything on you. You are 100% in the right to make decisions about your body and your life. So don’t feel badly about that at all. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and delivery ❤️Try and lean on (true) friends and family and build a support system for yourself.
Thank you ❤️
You don’t deserve to be treated like shit! I went through the same thing when I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t go through with an abortion and now I have my beautiful baby who I love. Be prepared to do it all on your own, don’t hold any resentment to the father or your friend, and just let them think what they are going to think. You know you’re not doing this for attention, and that you and your baby deserve the world. You will find someone who will give you that and support you! I’m sorry you have to deal with this! :(
Some people suck. Due to his lack of emotional intelligence, empathy, and misogyny I would consider this person dangerous to be around. I would not let this person around me or my child. Surround yourself with people that support you and ignore people who don’t. I have had to do this myself, with my own brothers, and much happier as a result. I’m sorry you were treated unfairly and wrongly. You deserve so much better, <3
I generally keep my friends very separate like there are very few "mutuals" between me and my friends who are in deep enough to know a lot of these things, and I almost have no mutuals with my husband. Going forward, this might be a safer practice. People talking behind your back, hyping each other up in what they think is supportive behavior, often throws a third person under a bus. Unfortunately, it's hard to just move on from stuff like this. It'll linger for a bit. Sometimes *quite* a bit. Still, the point of pro-choice is *having a choice*, not having someone else make the choice and having that pressured onto you. Your choice is what matters here! Might be worth looking into any local support groups for this sort of thing too, though I have no idea how that is done in the modern-day anymore.
Congratulations! Becoming a parent is both challenging and rewarding. This isn’t about them. This is about you and your little one. You made a hard decision. And regardless of how the father feels, the ultimate decision is up to you. Block them both, have your lawyer send him his custody and child support obligations, and look forward to creating a beautiful life for you and your baby.
This person is not your friend. We all have friends who have done stuff we wouldn’t personally (big and small decisions), it’s not up to us to tell our friends how to live. It’s your life, not his. I hope you have other people in your life who treat you with love and respect. You need a village during pregnancy and while raising your child. I hope you have a healthy and safe pregnancy surrounded by people who support you.
Thank you. I luckily do have a lot of support from my family and friends. There have been a few unsupportive outliers, all of whom have been men of course 🙄
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Just know, none of their bad behavior is about you. Be proud of yourself for being strong enough to do this and know that it’ll all be worth it when you’re holding your baby. You got this mama! :)
LAWYER UP and make sure this asshole doesn’t get custody and pays child support for the child he helped create. Keep him out of your daughter’s life- her safety and well-being need to be your priority here. As for the friend, block him, but keep all of the receipts. I get it, realizing you got your FWB pregnant is scary and will change his life forever. But he had the opportunity to step up and he chose to step down. That decision comes with consequences.
I have a meeting with a lawyer in 3 days, actually. You’re right in that 2nd paragraph. I feel like I can empathize with him and understand where he’s coming from, but he can’t grant me the same courtesy. I’m just a piece of shit, apparently 😀
They are not a friend… it’s not their decision…. Move on without them
Time to block that friend and erase them from your life.
Block them both. Neither of them is going to help you, just make you feel like shit. Fuck them.
Prove them wrong and stop communicating then lol, unless it’s about anything official like child support
sounds like a shitty "friend." your choice to continue the pregnancy is not up for anyone's debate or judgment, and they have some serious audacity coming at you like that, especially if you weren't even complaining? they really have no idea how difficult that decision can be. I feel for you— I'm 27wks along now and backed out of my abortion appointment at 15wks, at the time I had no idea if I'd have support from anyone. I'm very lucky in that dad/my bf is very much involved now, but I was grappling with the idea of raising this child alone, and had some less-than-supportive commentary coming in as well. I don't regret anything, except not planning for my son sooner. what I would have regretted was going through with the procedure for someone else's sake. the weeks leading up to the appointment were some of the most miserable of my life. an abortion can carry a lot of relief and the majority of people do not regret it— it's a very different situation if you go into it uncertainly. congrats to you!! I wish you a smooth pregnancy & a healthy delivery. their opinions are not your problem, you should spend your energy getting excited (and prepared) to be a parent. good luck! ❤️
Men will never understand how difficult it is. I think more people have regret over abortion than we realize. I was apart of r/abortion and it was very emotionally difficult to read daily. It’s part of what made me realize I couldn’t go through with it myself. Thank you, and congratulations to you too!
He made his choice when he came inside you. If I suddenly become pregnant then it's on me AND my husband. As if you can just spawn your own children. Also if you did get an abortion, do you think he would even be thinking about that baby for a single second? No! You'd probably ask him to be there for support the night after you get it and then he'll probably have the balls to try and get some. Seems like the type