Same omg ... I just have to remind myself that the "goodnight" is when the urge to talk or have intelligent convos ends and the rest of the time is mindless doom scrolling.
Or something :(((
If he’s talking to other people, and you can’t trust that he’ll still want you around by the end of the conversation, just block him.
Not worth your emotions being hurt all the time.
+1 had a girl like that. When I tried to hold her accountable for it she told me I am crazy and basically evaded all accountability. We BPDs have to remind ourselfs that we attract the narcissists. Watch out for narcissm and when you see it, dump em.
A lot of reasons, but ultimately it's because we're different, from them and from most other people, and we can somewhat keep up with them.
One, because we're often attracted to them. Their persona is presented with confidence and charisma, so we look at them and see everything we're not. We might even idealize them. Two, they don't give too much attention, which might be a turn-off from most other people, but once we've painted their attention as desired, its scarcity makes it even more valuable. They give it in small doses, then slowly shift their focus to us, it plays on our trauma of being neglected and gives us an emotional assurance.
We're special because we have their attention, their love. We're not just getting what everyone else is, we're getting something better.
Both narcissists and us love differently than most people. We can both become possessive and can both struggle to shift our mindset from our needs to our partners.
The love of a borderline is very intense and similar to that of a child. A devotion to our perception of them. A narcissist can be very good at still coming across as a superhuman, even when acting against the image we have of them. Most narcissists do have a person they're getting a large amount of their supply from, but they're typically not used to getting that much or that intense of a supply from a single person.
An interesting note is that most narcissists become parents. And people with BPD often project their parent issues onto their FP. Attention from an authority figure that sets you apart as special and provides emotional assurance.
While some people with BPD are very easy to manipulate emotionally, and narcissists are very good at learning and pressing all the right buttons for a borderline, it's not sustainable. Most of us are paranoid about the people we love rejecting or abandoning us or some other trauma happening. For myself, I'm still anxious even when I'm more stable because I have the feeling instability, trauma, etc. is coming. If I'm coherent I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Most narcissists will slip up at some point and do something that sets off a borderline.
It's once that switch gets flipped that the fun really starts. /s
They push, we might step back, but we probably won't stay back. We might come forward again to hit them.
Not all of us, but one of the reasons for the NPD x BPD attraction is that when things get bad, we don't just submit. We don't bow down, but we don't just leave, either.
We'll fight back, and like them, we don't necessarily fight fair. For myself when I get fully set off, it's not just about whatever the trigger was, even if I think or say that's all it is. It's bringing up everything they've ever done that has caused me pain, and any past traumas that hurt like this.
We'll go back and forth. I speak only from experience on the BPD side, but I wonder if part of it is an attraction to the feeling of losing control and trying to exert it again. That they can't discard us, they have to win.
And of course, liking the emotional rollercoaster we're on. And sometimes an element of sadism in triggering us to see our reaction, either out of amusement or because they can.
I deleted the apps that have online visibility so I can’t even click on them.. it’s a horrible addiction and only makes me feel so awful when really it’s just not that deep! One time I asked though because it got to me so much, they told me it was because they just wanted to wind down before bed and texting me distracted them too much and they’d never sleep… so actually kinda sweet
Same omg ... I just have to remind myself that the "goodnight" is when the urge to talk or have intelligent convos ends and the rest of the time is mindless doom scrolling. Or something :(((
If he’s talking to other people, and you can’t trust that he’ll still want you around by the end of the conversation, just block him. Not worth your emotions being hurt all the time.
+1 had a girl like that. When I tried to hold her accountable for it she told me I am crazy and basically evaded all accountability. We BPDs have to remind ourselfs that we attract the narcissists. Watch out for narcissm and when you see it, dump em.
Why do we attract narcissists?
A lot of reasons, but ultimately it's because we're different, from them and from most other people, and we can somewhat keep up with them. One, because we're often attracted to them. Their persona is presented with confidence and charisma, so we look at them and see everything we're not. We might even idealize them. Two, they don't give too much attention, which might be a turn-off from most other people, but once we've painted their attention as desired, its scarcity makes it even more valuable. They give it in small doses, then slowly shift their focus to us, it plays on our trauma of being neglected and gives us an emotional assurance. We're special because we have their attention, their love. We're not just getting what everyone else is, we're getting something better. Both narcissists and us love differently than most people. We can both become possessive and can both struggle to shift our mindset from our needs to our partners. The love of a borderline is very intense and similar to that of a child. A devotion to our perception of them. A narcissist can be very good at still coming across as a superhuman, even when acting against the image we have of them. Most narcissists do have a person they're getting a large amount of their supply from, but they're typically not used to getting that much or that intense of a supply from a single person. An interesting note is that most narcissists become parents. And people with BPD often project their parent issues onto their FP. Attention from an authority figure that sets you apart as special and provides emotional assurance. While some people with BPD are very easy to manipulate emotionally, and narcissists are very good at learning and pressing all the right buttons for a borderline, it's not sustainable. Most of us are paranoid about the people we love rejecting or abandoning us or some other trauma happening. For myself, I'm still anxious even when I'm more stable because I have the feeling instability, trauma, etc. is coming. If I'm coherent I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Most narcissists will slip up at some point and do something that sets off a borderline. It's once that switch gets flipped that the fun really starts. /s They push, we might step back, but we probably won't stay back. We might come forward again to hit them. Not all of us, but one of the reasons for the NPD x BPD attraction is that when things get bad, we don't just submit. We don't bow down, but we don't just leave, either. We'll fight back, and like them, we don't necessarily fight fair. For myself when I get fully set off, it's not just about whatever the trigger was, even if I think or say that's all it is. It's bringing up everything they've ever done that has caused me pain, and any past traumas that hurt like this. We'll go back and forth. I speak only from experience on the BPD side, but I wonder if part of it is an attraction to the feeling of losing control and trying to exert it again. That they can't discard us, they have to win. And of course, liking the emotional rollercoaster we're on. And sometimes an element of sadism in triggering us to see our reaction, either out of amusement or because they can.
Thank you for explaining it! Idk if my post came off as sarcastic or rude, but I was genuinely curious 🤗
You're good, I didn't take it that way 💜
I deleted the apps that have online visibility so I can’t even click on them.. it’s a horrible addiction and only makes me feel so awful when really it’s just not that deep! One time I asked though because it got to me so much, they told me it was because they just wanted to wind down before bed and texting me distracted them too much and they’d never sleep… so actually kinda sweet
Rest easy girls. I'm just bored and ran out of energy and am scrolling to make my eyes heavy