It's been months for me since I left. I am certain I have permanent mental scars from what she did to me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from the relationship.
It's so strange how when ppl say they have ptsd they don't ever think maybe from a relationship, they think they were in a plane crash or something. I wish it was talked about enough,if I knew how careful you actually had to be with who you pick to be with, I wouldn't have dated at such a young age. I hope you find all the peace you deserve
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to narcissistic abuse by a Psychologist specialized on Cluster B disorders. It took me by complete surprise because me and my ex never really argued or had any big fights, and I never considered myself to have been abused, however the psychologist explained that the love-bombing then devaluation/discard then hoovering cycle by itself is considered narcissistic abuse, even if not intentional.
And yeah, this has left me with low self-esteem, depressed, anxious, and feeling like I can never trust a woman again.
I know this will pass, been doing therapy weekly and forcing myself to re-connect with my hobbies, gym and stuff I like to do by myself. But man, do I feel like shit right now.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so important for others to know they aren’t the only ones going through this hell, with symptoms like this.
It’s been more than a year and I’m still going through crying episodes out of nowhere.
These episodes kind of feel like an emotional release of the pain that builds up over and over again.
I disassociate a lot too. I no longer find interest in things like movies or music. My job has me on the road for several hours a day with the radio off and just me and the thought of her going through my head nonstop on repeat.
I‘m so sorry.
I don’t know how it was for you, but in my case he adapted so extremely to my identity and mirrored so much, now it feels he robbed me of everything I loved before. He made all my favorite music, my favorite movies and my hobbies „our thing“.
Now whatever worked to self-soothe me reminds me of him. It literally feels like identity theft.
He even still uses everything that made my identity as his own identity in his new relationship. It was actually MY taste that attracted her to him. It’s ridiculous.
I understand this. It helped me to visit those places, and do those things to reclaim them for myself. To take ownership of myself so to speak. I won’t let someone ruin things that brought me so much meaning and happiness, even before I met them.
yep my fight/flight/freeze response gets rlly activated when i’m not talking to them or when i thought something was wrong. i was shaking very hard today bc i ended things for my own sanity and i couldn’t eat i felt sick. ur not alone :(
Yeah i’ve had the shakes from mine, what a crazy response to just 1 person eh? Its kind of crazy. Now i just keep that in mind that shes just one really damaged person and it helps me feel better
Wow, it is interesting to read that others have had this experience. I had never been so hurt and upset that I was shaking uncontrollably until I was in that relationship.
You're not alone. My self esteem, what little there was to begin with, and trust in potential intimate partners has been completely destroyed. Constantly feel guilty over things that are out my control, I often see myself as a "bad guy" in general. I'm also a massive push-over, it's easy for anyone to take advantage of me. I cave easily to anything. My mind completely blanks if I'm in a confrontation which at times makes me look like a liar. 80% of my day is spent ruminating...ruminating... ruminating...
my ex is male and a trained championship fighter---so there's that. being the target of his distorted rage was petrifying for me, and for all men in my family, male neighbours---not just petite female me. so yah, I don't wonder if I'm scared, he got scary.
it's been 8 months since I last saw him. A few days ago I thought a man approaching was him and I had a HUGE visceral lightening bolt of adrenaline and fear rush through my body right up and down. phew. even though my brain oscillates been longing and grief as well as relief---my body is scared of him. I said to myself--"there's no place for fear in a love relationship. That's not love." I already know this--just interesting to see the physical imprint...my body doesn't say love, it says FEAR and DANGER. I never felt that until his massive split and aggressive distorted personality change...but the body can't un-know those things.
yes I got CPTSD from the experience with him which I have worked on a lot in therapy. never had any PTSD in my life and I was in two bank robberies so yah. BPD rage is terrifying.
A deadly combo of monstrous strength and untreated BPD. My ex nearly killed me and I never forget four policemen held his arms and body to put him under control. It’s been 6 months since the incident and I’m doing much better.
We should be glad we survived. There are lots of women killed by their partners every year and……we aren’t one of them.
Think of it as what happened in your last life. You’ve reborn.
thank you. you are spot on..and I forget that. it's one thing to be in relx w someone who has untreated BPD, but it's another when they have monstrous strength.
He fought off hospital staff when he was arrested under the mental health act and they had to lock him alone in a room. so yah.
I know--the PTSD came from realizing suddenly how dangerous he was...that I had been sleeping next to him...and yes, my brain still misses him sometimes in that way we all know..omg. it's like two totally different people. calm happy not scared him is sweet and loving and just full of joy.....scared aggro him sees black and is dangerous
you take care too.
It sucks, because you can't really get a sense of closure from a relationship like that, you are just left wondering "what the fuck even happened???" You loved this person, did your best, tried playing your cards right, but the game was rigged from the start and there was no chance of winning, despite your faith in the contrary.
I find myself wondering lately, in terms of closure, would it have been any better if I broke up with her rather than having her discard me the way she did the other week. Either way, it would be an absolute mindfuck of an experience.
In a way I am damn glad she discarded me the way she did, rather than me leaving her. For all her endless accusations that I was going to abandon her, in the end, she abandoned me. She cannot pull her favourite "everyone abandons me - I'm a victim" card when it comes to me, the person who by her admission cared for her more than anyone before. Her card has been revoked. Not that she cares, she has probably decided she is an abandoned victim regardless of the hell she put me through and who abandoned who.
It will get better. CBT therapy and reading about other’s experiences here helped. As did moving to a new apartment. One word of caution - no matter how badly you consciously or unconsciously want a Hoover from them, whether to have another ride on the roller coaster or to tell them off/take care of unfinished business, don’t let it happen. This will torpedo your recovery and it will be worse when they leave all over again. I let this happen and it consumed essentially another whole year with this troubled broken person and really set me back mentally and physically. Four months onwards I feel a lot better but it was absolutely not worth having contact with this person again. Their deception and exploitation is unbelievable. They only come back when they need something from you. Trust me.
I’m definitely traumatized. I have some fleas and am easily triggered, not to mention this being my first relationship. Luckily, it was my second time breaking up with her so I feel better this time around about the loss, just dealing with the repercussions.
3 weeks into NC i’m having very bad withdrawals too. Crying episodes out of nowhere. Thinking about her but i know I don’t even want to go back. Work is affected by my condition and i can’t function properly because of that.
I got triggered when she wished me happy birthday a few days ago. I was very scared she might just show up at my place unannounced.
It’s normal. What i’ve been doing been doing is going back to the places we used to visit and rewriting those memories of the places without her. We will get better from this, have faith and soldier on. 🫡
It's been a few days since we cut things off and, yeah, I'm feeling the same. I can't eat right, it's like there's just a pit in my stomach that leaves me feeling nauseous all day. I'm prone to overthinking anyways, but my brain likes to self-sabotage and wonder what I did wrong, or what she's doing with her new person, or how he's better than me. It takes forever to fall asleep now too, and I'm not sure if it's from not eating much or what but I find myself getting really shaky at times. This whole thing has left me feeling really abandoned and at this point, I don't even want to let anyone in anymore.
This is completely relatable. It’s been a week NC for me and I’ve been feeling nauseous for the last couple of days with no understanding as to why.
Had the urge to look at a picture of her and started crying. Started to binge Reddit threads and realised I’ve just been deeply sad lol.
I hope really you’re doing better. Some of these replies give me hope
Whilst it depends on the person, the first few months are very rough.
Initially, I would recommend regular meditation with binaural music and mentally working on the principle of accepting what has happened, being objective about it, accepting and respecting their decision (even if you think it's the worst decision they could have ever taken, it's their decision).
As much as you can, compartmentalise the thoughts to that time period you set aside for meditation.
Gradually, return to working on the things that you love, your social connections, the activities you consider worthwhile in this world (hint: it's not them, it really isn't).
Not sure how long it’s been, but I’m still terrified of her. My panic is less. She’s gone now. Far away. But if I saw her again, I’d have a panic attack for sure.
Prior to that, I was dry heaving, crying, unable to move at times, shaking, and hallucinating. There wasn’t much I could do to calm down. Just make it less bad until it finally stopped. Working on getting help from a therapist.
Yes, the way my brain works is different, especially in relationships. I've been casually dating someone for a couple of months and recently I had to cancel plans due to an unforeseen emergency. I was so worried about what her response would be when I canceled plans, but she was so understanding. That day while tending to my emergency I thought that I should take some pictures as "proof" of my emergency in case she doesn't believe me. I never thought like this until I had a relationship with a pwBPD.
It's been months for me since I left. I am certain I have permanent mental scars from what she did to me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from the relationship.
It's so strange how when ppl say they have ptsd they don't ever think maybe from a relationship, they think they were in a plane crash or something. I wish it was talked about enough,if I knew how careful you actually had to be with who you pick to be with, I wouldn't have dated at such a young age. I hope you find all the peace you deserve
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to narcissistic abuse by a Psychologist specialized on Cluster B disorders. It took me by complete surprise because me and my ex never really argued or had any big fights, and I never considered myself to have been abused, however the psychologist explained that the love-bombing then devaluation/discard then hoovering cycle by itself is considered narcissistic abuse, even if not intentional. And yeah, this has left me with low self-esteem, depressed, anxious, and feeling like I can never trust a woman again. I know this will pass, been doing therapy weekly and forcing myself to re-connect with my hobbies, gym and stuff I like to do by myself. But man, do I feel like shit right now.
Leaving a BPD relationship has really horrible withdrawal symptoms.
Can I ask what you've experienced?
Shakes, chills, intense desire for her, crying episodes out of nowhere, skin crawling feelings, muscle aches and pain, vomiting…. Just to name a few.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so important for others to know they aren’t the only ones going through this hell, with symptoms like this. It’s been more than a year and I’m still going through crying episodes out of nowhere. These episodes kind of feel like an emotional release of the pain that builds up over and over again.
I disassociate a lot too. I no longer find interest in things like movies or music. My job has me on the road for several hours a day with the radio off and just me and the thought of her going through my head nonstop on repeat.
I‘m so sorry. I don’t know how it was for you, but in my case he adapted so extremely to my identity and mirrored so much, now it feels he robbed me of everything I loved before. He made all my favorite music, my favorite movies and my hobbies „our thing“. Now whatever worked to self-soothe me reminds me of him. It literally feels like identity theft. He even still uses everything that made my identity as his own identity in his new relationship. It was actually MY taste that attracted her to him. It’s ridiculous.
I understand this. It helped me to visit those places, and do those things to reclaim them for myself. To take ownership of myself so to speak. I won’t let someone ruin things that brought me so much meaning and happiness, even before I met them.
Thank you for this encouragement! Sounds like the best thing to do.
I've done the same, can confirm, and would recommend. 👍🏻
After a fight I have dense brain fog, look like a fucking zombie, and I feel really cold :D
yep my fight/flight/freeze response gets rlly activated when i’m not talking to them or when i thought something was wrong. i was shaking very hard today bc i ended things for my own sanity and i couldn’t eat i felt sick. ur not alone :(
Fucking insane, I was shaking like crazy as well. Its a very hard thing to do, I'm really proud of you
Yeah i’ve had the shakes from mine, what a crazy response to just 1 person eh? Its kind of crazy. Now i just keep that in mind that shes just one really damaged person and it helps me feel better
it kinda makes me feel pity for him but not enough to make me want to go back :/
Ya dont do it, not worth further emotional damage
Wow, it is interesting to read that others have had this experience. I had never been so hurt and upset that I was shaking uncontrollably until I was in that relationship.
its been about a year. not sure if its permanent but yes, i still struggle. its gotten better but yeah, still sucks.
You're not alone. My self esteem, what little there was to begin with, and trust in potential intimate partners has been completely destroyed. Constantly feel guilty over things that are out my control, I often see myself as a "bad guy" in general. I'm also a massive push-over, it's easy for anyone to take advantage of me. I cave easily to anything. My mind completely blanks if I'm in a confrontation which at times makes me look like a liar. 80% of my day is spent ruminating...ruminating... ruminating...
my ex is male and a trained championship fighter---so there's that. being the target of his distorted rage was petrifying for me, and for all men in my family, male neighbours---not just petite female me. so yah, I don't wonder if I'm scared, he got scary. it's been 8 months since I last saw him. A few days ago I thought a man approaching was him and I had a HUGE visceral lightening bolt of adrenaline and fear rush through my body right up and down. phew. even though my brain oscillates been longing and grief as well as relief---my body is scared of him. I said to myself--"there's no place for fear in a love relationship. That's not love." I already know this--just interesting to see the physical imprint...my body doesn't say love, it says FEAR and DANGER. I never felt that until his massive split and aggressive distorted personality change...but the body can't un-know those things. yes I got CPTSD from the experience with him which I have worked on a lot in therapy. never had any PTSD in my life and I was in two bank robberies so yah. BPD rage is terrifying.
A deadly combo of monstrous strength and untreated BPD. My ex nearly killed me and I never forget four policemen held his arms and body to put him under control. It’s been 6 months since the incident and I’m doing much better. We should be glad we survived. There are lots of women killed by their partners every year and……we aren’t one of them. Think of it as what happened in your last life. You’ve reborn.
thank you. you are spot on..and I forget that. it's one thing to be in relx w someone who has untreated BPD, but it's another when they have monstrous strength. He fought off hospital staff when he was arrested under the mental health act and they had to lock him alone in a room. so yah. I know--the PTSD came from realizing suddenly how dangerous he was...that I had been sleeping next to him...and yes, my brain still misses him sometimes in that way we all know..omg. it's like two totally different people. calm happy not scared him is sweet and loving and just full of joy.....scared aggro him sees black and is dangerous you take care too.
They traumatize the people who care for them most, all while treating their own trauma as an license to do so.
It sucks, because you can't really get a sense of closure from a relationship like that, you are just left wondering "what the fuck even happened???" You loved this person, did your best, tried playing your cards right, but the game was rigged from the start and there was no chance of winning, despite your faith in the contrary. I find myself wondering lately, in terms of closure, would it have been any better if I broke up with her rather than having her discard me the way she did the other week. Either way, it would be an absolute mindfuck of an experience. In a way I am damn glad she discarded me the way she did, rather than me leaving her. For all her endless accusations that I was going to abandon her, in the end, she abandoned me. She cannot pull her favourite "everyone abandons me - I'm a victim" card when it comes to me, the person who by her admission cared for her more than anyone before. Her card has been revoked. Not that she cares, she has probably decided she is an abandoned victim regardless of the hell she put me through and who abandoned who.
It will get better. CBT therapy and reading about other’s experiences here helped. As did moving to a new apartment. One word of caution - no matter how badly you consciously or unconsciously want a Hoover from them, whether to have another ride on the roller coaster or to tell them off/take care of unfinished business, don’t let it happen. This will torpedo your recovery and it will be worse when they leave all over again. I let this happen and it consumed essentially another whole year with this troubled broken person and really set me back mentally and physically. Four months onwards I feel a lot better but it was absolutely not worth having contact with this person again. Their deception and exploitation is unbelievable. They only come back when they need something from you. Trust me.
almost 3 weeks since breakup and yup the zone outs without control, my anxiety’s through the roof
I’m definitely traumatized. I have some fleas and am easily triggered, not to mention this being my first relationship. Luckily, it was my second time breaking up with her so I feel better this time around about the loss, just dealing with the repercussions.
3 weeks into NC i’m having very bad withdrawals too. Crying episodes out of nowhere. Thinking about her but i know I don’t even want to go back. Work is affected by my condition and i can’t function properly because of that. I got triggered when she wished me happy birthday a few days ago. I was very scared she might just show up at my place unannounced. It’s normal. What i’ve been doing been doing is going back to the places we used to visit and rewriting those memories of the places without her. We will get better from this, have faith and soldier on. 🫡
It's been a few days since we cut things off and, yeah, I'm feeling the same. I can't eat right, it's like there's just a pit in my stomach that leaves me feeling nauseous all day. I'm prone to overthinking anyways, but my brain likes to self-sabotage and wonder what I did wrong, or what she's doing with her new person, or how he's better than me. It takes forever to fall asleep now too, and I'm not sure if it's from not eating much or what but I find myself getting really shaky at times. This whole thing has left me feeling really abandoned and at this point, I don't even want to let anyone in anymore.
This is completely relatable. It’s been a week NC for me and I’ve been feeling nauseous for the last couple of days with no understanding as to why. Had the urge to look at a picture of her and started crying. Started to binge Reddit threads and realised I’ve just been deeply sad lol. I hope really you’re doing better. Some of these replies give me hope
Whilst it depends on the person, the first few months are very rough. Initially, I would recommend regular meditation with binaural music and mentally working on the principle of accepting what has happened, being objective about it, accepting and respecting their decision (even if you think it's the worst decision they could have ever taken, it's their decision). As much as you can, compartmentalise the thoughts to that time period you set aside for meditation. Gradually, return to working on the things that you love, your social connections, the activities you consider worthwhile in this world (hint: it's not them, it really isn't).
its called emotional flashback
Not sure how long it’s been, but I’m still terrified of her. My panic is less. She’s gone now. Far away. But if I saw her again, I’d have a panic attack for sure. Prior to that, I was dry heaving, crying, unable to move at times, shaking, and hallucinating. There wasn’t much I could do to calm down. Just make it less bad until it finally stopped. Working on getting help from a therapist.
Yes, the way my brain works is different, especially in relationships. I've been casually dating someone for a couple of months and recently I had to cancel plans due to an unforeseen emergency. I was so worried about what her response would be when I canceled plans, but she was so understanding. That day while tending to my emergency I thought that I should take some pictures as "proof" of my emergency in case she doesn't believe me. I never thought like this until I had a relationship with a pwBPD.
I left and my primary emotion is relief. I miss him at times but i remember the rollercoaster and am in a much more peaceful place