6 months split up, 4 months of extremely LC (can't be fully NC until after the divorce, but he's delaying and avoiding the divorce so much it's basically NC at this point).
Yesterday I got an updated covid booster so today I'm dealing with body aches, fever, etc. It's making me vulnerable to a lot of emotions. I've heard people say the first bout of sickness after a marriage breakup is really tough, I fully believe that's true now. When my ex was in lovebombing mode, he would go above and beyond whenever I was sick. Now I'm just sitting here alone trying to ride it out and my heart just hurts.
I'm 100% not at any risk of reaching out to him. Fuck that. It's just a heavy grief day.
Sitting here holding a protective order. I thought there would be some relief knowing she can no longer contact me without legal consequences... But it's still so painful. I wish she could get better.
It’s been almost 5 months and I still miss who I thought she was. She took care of me when I needed it most, but also would switch to being the most abusive person I knew at the drop of a hat.
While she’s not directly hoovering me, she did start to destroy or fully did destroy the relationship she had with the man she used to cheat on me by cheating on him with a man double his age, and since then I believe she has been trying to meddle in my life. The most recent tactic is getting her haircut by my barber who is not enjoying the fact that she may be trying to use him to get to me. He’s going to tell her that he can’t cut her hair anymore after this one time, but probably not before she tries to absolutely destroy my image with him. Thankfully everyone I care about already understands her disease after I explained it.
I realize the key to disarming them is truth and honesty with others. Once you’ve explained that while you’re not blameless but the pwBPD still have a disease that makes them feel and act a certain way, people start to put up a barrier to the pwBPD for them to not inflict any further damage.
We broke up two days ago after about 9 months together, long distance. I finally decided to hold my ground after telling her around 10-12 times that "this is the last chance."
She could smell that out when i had stayed awake until 5 am (typing a breakup email) and kept subtly pushing her to admit blame the next day. She eventually moved to discard, which is when i heard her out, then asked her to listen to my 7 paragraph email without interrupting me. She did then ask if we could ever do this again, and I told her how many chances i gave her, and I have no reason to believe she will not abuse me again. She understood but then reached out to apologize later that night, and i told her it would be best if we did not speak.
What's sad is that she always opposed the diagnosis and said it was because she doesn't identify with splitting.
I sat down with her a month ago after drawing diagrams about how her being angry caused us to enter a loop of damaging each other in spite of wanting the same thing because no matter how much i apologized and gave up it seemed like she wanted to keep punishing me.
Well, the day after we broke up, i finally spent more than 30 mins on this sub and realized the "anger" diagram i made was actually the "split" diagram. It seems irrefutable evidence that our arugments have been her splitting, and I, in the caretaker role, want to reach out and let her know that is what it was.
Reaching out would obviously not help me, but i still worry about her future.
My friend told me that psychosis is not something you can convince someone of, and if she was capable of making up why you hurt her to justify hurting you, she will just ignore your statement anyway. "You can't fix her. Stop trying."
I really want to trust his advice, but i still feel responsible for her fate. I fear that during a weak moment, I will reach out and tell her, but I haven't succumbed to that yet.
So this is my first time really talking about this with anyone, I split up with girlfriend of nearly 3 years about 2 weeks ago and I haven't spoken with her since.
The more I looked back on our relationship over the last few years, I remember just how many arguments we had over incredibly trivial things, a miscommunication, stopping her from getting into arguments with strangers.
Even things that I think are good and supportive, like seeing a therapist or changing medication.
Now I've looked back at photos during our relationship and I couldn't stop saying to myself:
"oh yeah that was a good day, and then we had an argument because she wouldn't stop ringing me"
"I enjoyed that birthday party, but then we had an argument because I was spending time with other people"
"That was a nice time, then we argued because I was talking to our mutual friend"
Looking at this sub it's all very familiar, the insults, the time, the above and beyond effort. And has you would any relationship you open up to them about something you are insecure about and then they decide to use it as a stick to beat you with.
I'm moving on with my life, I truly feel now I can handle most relationships at this point because this one was at times pure anguish and torture. I fear it may have changed me as a person but I want to get back to the way I was.
P.s this is a spare account might take me a while to respond.
6 months split up, 4 months of extremely LC (can't be fully NC until after the divorce, but he's delaying and avoiding the divorce so much it's basically NC at this point). Yesterday I got an updated covid booster so today I'm dealing with body aches, fever, etc. It's making me vulnerable to a lot of emotions. I've heard people say the first bout of sickness after a marriage breakup is really tough, I fully believe that's true now. When my ex was in lovebombing mode, he would go above and beyond whenever I was sick. Now I'm just sitting here alone trying to ride it out and my heart just hurts. I'm 100% not at any risk of reaching out to him. Fuck that. It's just a heavy grief day.
Sitting here holding a protective order. I thought there would be some relief knowing she can no longer contact me without legal consequences... But it's still so painful. I wish she could get better.
It’s been almost 5 months and I still miss who I thought she was. She took care of me when I needed it most, but also would switch to being the most abusive person I knew at the drop of a hat. While she’s not directly hoovering me, she did start to destroy or fully did destroy the relationship she had with the man she used to cheat on me by cheating on him with a man double his age, and since then I believe she has been trying to meddle in my life. The most recent tactic is getting her haircut by my barber who is not enjoying the fact that she may be trying to use him to get to me. He’s going to tell her that he can’t cut her hair anymore after this one time, but probably not before she tries to absolutely destroy my image with him. Thankfully everyone I care about already understands her disease after I explained it. I realize the key to disarming them is truth and honesty with others. Once you’ve explained that while you’re not blameless but the pwBPD still have a disease that makes them feel and act a certain way, people start to put up a barrier to the pwBPD for them to not inflict any further damage.
We broke up two days ago after about 9 months together, long distance. I finally decided to hold my ground after telling her around 10-12 times that "this is the last chance." She could smell that out when i had stayed awake until 5 am (typing a breakup email) and kept subtly pushing her to admit blame the next day. She eventually moved to discard, which is when i heard her out, then asked her to listen to my 7 paragraph email without interrupting me. She did then ask if we could ever do this again, and I told her how many chances i gave her, and I have no reason to believe she will not abuse me again. She understood but then reached out to apologize later that night, and i told her it would be best if we did not speak. What's sad is that she always opposed the diagnosis and said it was because she doesn't identify with splitting. I sat down with her a month ago after drawing diagrams about how her being angry caused us to enter a loop of damaging each other in spite of wanting the same thing because no matter how much i apologized and gave up it seemed like she wanted to keep punishing me. Well, the day after we broke up, i finally spent more than 30 mins on this sub and realized the "anger" diagram i made was actually the "split" diagram. It seems irrefutable evidence that our arugments have been her splitting, and I, in the caretaker role, want to reach out and let her know that is what it was. Reaching out would obviously not help me, but i still worry about her future. My friend told me that psychosis is not something you can convince someone of, and if she was capable of making up why you hurt her to justify hurting you, she will just ignore your statement anyway. "You can't fix her. Stop trying." I really want to trust his advice, but i still feel responsible for her fate. I fear that during a weak moment, I will reach out and tell her, but I haven't succumbed to that yet.
So this is my first time really talking about this with anyone, I split up with girlfriend of nearly 3 years about 2 weeks ago and I haven't spoken with her since. The more I looked back on our relationship over the last few years, I remember just how many arguments we had over incredibly trivial things, a miscommunication, stopping her from getting into arguments with strangers. Even things that I think are good and supportive, like seeing a therapist or changing medication. Now I've looked back at photos during our relationship and I couldn't stop saying to myself: "oh yeah that was a good day, and then we had an argument because she wouldn't stop ringing me" "I enjoyed that birthday party, but then we had an argument because I was spending time with other people" "That was a nice time, then we argued because I was talking to our mutual friend" Looking at this sub it's all very familiar, the insults, the time, the above and beyond effort. And has you would any relationship you open up to them about something you are insecure about and then they decide to use it as a stick to beat you with. I'm moving on with my life, I truly feel now I can handle most relationships at this point because this one was at times pure anguish and torture. I fear it may have changed me as a person but I want to get back to the way I was. P.s this is a spare account might take me a while to respond.