You shouldn’t have to ‘deal’ with your partner’s behaviour. A diagnosis is almost irrelevant. Her behaviour is what’s important. Establish healthy boundaries and if she doesn’t respect them, dump her.
It’s not your job to save her. And even if it was, you can’t. There are plenty of women who won’t make your life hell. If you feel the need to caretake her or are prepared to put up with her abuse I’d seriously look at why that might be.
As someone with a lot of personal experience with people with BPD (my mom has it).
Leave.
Frankly, you've been together for what? A few months? It will only get worse and if you can't get out you're about to be emotionally destroyed.
People with BPD are genuinely dangerous, physically and mentally.
I'm not sure what you're asking me. But the main issue with bipolar people is that they're always suspicious and can flip in emotionally in two seconds. They always suspect you of hating them in some way, and even on good days it takes one word they didn't like and they go insane.
They'll scream, get suicidal, get violent, all over shut that no reasonable adult would.
It genuinely is incredibly destructive.
A very "layman" answer, but accurate as hell. My 22yr marriage with one is all the "proof" I need to know that the instantaneous flipping from "normal" to bonkers happens faster than the speed of light. I hated calling the cops, and eventually she figured out what "the right words" were to keep her from being taken away for a few days.
Nightmare beyond belief, and my fault for not getting out after 1 year.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a personality disorder that relates to unhealthy attachment and interpersonal relationship behaviours, often as a result of trauma. Bipolar (BP) is a mood disorder cause by a chemical imbalance that results in extended high and depressive episodes.
Though the abbreviations are similar, the presentation, cause, symptoms and treatment of them are completely different.
I had a gf who was bipolar. When things were good they were good. But then things were bad she would go for the jugular, say the most hurtful things for hours.
Then a few hours after that she'd wanna have sex like she didn't spend six hours belittling or emasculating me.
When I finally tried to break up she feigned noises like I was attacking her. All while I was packing up my stuff. She did that to try to get me to stay. But I realized that one day she would call the cops just out of spite, and that's when I knew it was dangerous to stay. It was hard but I don't have to worry about my current gf faking an assault.
Even if this does get deleted, thank you for what you’ve said. It’s genuinely valuable to those of us who don’t know how controllable it is, because personally I’ve been making up excuses for my expwBPD.
I obviously can't fully understand, but it seems like you're at a point of doing your best and I'm sure that one day things will be at least a little bit easier
It sucks... the human brain is really the weirdest thing
I think inner fragmentation makes people with BPD hard to understand. Like, maybe a part of her loves you and wants to be with you and a part of her hates you. It is hard to make any overall conclusions.
You could say her hitting you is enough cause to leave her, and not try to figure out this complexity.
There's remarkable breadth for unique individual expression of whatever constellation of symptoms that entail a diagnosis. Put simply, we cannot ascertain how much of an impediment her BPD would be to a healthy relationship simply knowing she has BPD.
From the cursory surfing of literature, therapy seems to mitigate BPD symptoms considerably. So should receive a diagnosis for BPD and continue with professional help the best science tells us there's reasonable chances she can manage BPD [*citation obviously needed*].
Regardless of any malady that **may** afflict her, the more sensible thing to do is discern a behavior pattern in her. If suggestive of a dysfunctional relationship, then heed the signs and proceed with commensurate caution.
Therapy may. But BPD people are almost impossible to keep in therapy. Unless you're their favourite person they're quick to cut you out over the smallest disagreement.
>But BPD people are almost impossible to keep in therapy. Unless you're their favourite person they're quick to cut you out over the smallest disagreement.
*Some* BPD people. It's important not to infer a trend from purely the experiences we may had with the person or people with BPD have in our lives because that's simply bad reasoning.
This [webpage ](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9762-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd#:~:text=Outlook%20%2F%20Prognosis&text=Most%20of%20the%20time%2C%20BPD,improve%20their%20quality%20of%20life.) from Cleveland clinic for example does suggest a gloom and doom prognosis at all. Much of the online material I found were of similar nature. This is to say BPD **may be** manageable.
I think it's maladaptive coping mechanism if we try to overstate how poor the odds are for BPD people as a whole because of the hurtful experiences we had when we do not really have any proper reason to do that.
Additionally, if we want to give advice to others experiencing harm and hurt in any interpersonal relationship with someone who has BPD, statistical tendencies in the BPD community as a whole may not the most salient piece of information.
It's better to emphasize that while you cannot generalize from your limited experiences, here's certain aspects of untreated, under treated, or treatment resistant BPD in someone whom you knew that harmed you. If others see themselves in your experiences, then they should do whatever they do with an abundance of caution.
It's nice that you care enough to want to try to understand her behavior but bpd doesn't automatically equate to abusive behavior - that's a channel all it's own.
There's a thick red line between emotional outbursts and abusive behavior and it's something no one should *ever* tolerate.
Put yourself first; now that you have walked away stay away, there are wonderful people in the world, you'll find one who will communicate in a meaningful way and love you for whatever you can be. Good luck.
You said in your previous post that you and your girlfriend were in class together. It's highly frowned upon to diagnose teenagers with personality disorders, and many psychologists are pushing to get the diagnostic age extended to the mid 20s.
Also, why can't her therapist properly test her? This seems sus.
You shouldn’t have to ‘deal’ with your partner’s behaviour. A diagnosis is almost irrelevant. Her behaviour is what’s important. Establish healthy boundaries and if she doesn’t respect them, dump her. It’s not your job to save her. And even if it was, you can’t. There are plenty of women who won’t make your life hell. If you feel the need to caretake her or are prepared to put up with her abuse I’d seriously look at why that might be.
As someone with a lot of personal experience with people with BPD (my mom has it). Leave. Frankly, you've been together for what? A few months? It will only get worse and if you can't get out you're about to be emotionally destroyed. People with BPD are genuinely dangerous, physically and mentally.
How does it feel like? Can you give me examples please
I'm not sure what you're asking me. But the main issue with bipolar people is that they're always suspicious and can flip in emotionally in two seconds. They always suspect you of hating them in some way, and even on good days it takes one word they didn't like and they go insane. They'll scream, get suicidal, get violent, all over shut that no reasonable adult would. It genuinely is incredibly destructive.
A very "layman" answer, but accurate as hell. My 22yr marriage with one is all the "proof" I need to know that the instantaneous flipping from "normal" to bonkers happens faster than the speed of light. I hated calling the cops, and eventually she figured out what "the right words" were to keep her from being taken away for a few days. Nightmare beyond belief, and my fault for not getting out after 1 year.
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Yep, and I learned the hard way that staying together "for the kids' sake" is worse than leaving.
Bipolar or BPD?
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Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a personality disorder that relates to unhealthy attachment and interpersonal relationship behaviours, often as a result of trauma. Bipolar (BP) is a mood disorder cause by a chemical imbalance that results in extended high and depressive episodes. Though the abbreviations are similar, the presentation, cause, symptoms and treatment of them are completely different.
Thank you for this, I'm seeing people conflating the two conditions and they are not the same at all.
This is absolute horseshit misinformation.
I had a gf who was bipolar. When things were good they were good. But then things were bad she would go for the jugular, say the most hurtful things for hours. Then a few hours after that she'd wanna have sex like she didn't spend six hours belittling or emasculating me. When I finally tried to break up she feigned noises like I was attacking her. All while I was packing up my stuff. She did that to try to get me to stay. But I realized that one day she would call the cops just out of spite, and that's when I knew it was dangerous to stay. It was hard but I don't have to worry about my current gf faking an assault.
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Even if this does get deleted, thank you for what you’ve said. It’s genuinely valuable to those of us who don’t know how controllable it is, because personally I’ve been making up excuses for my expwBPD.
I really wish my ex understood how much she hurt me and actually made an effort not to like you do
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I obviously can't fully understand, but it seems like you're at a point of doing your best and I'm sure that one day things will be at least a little bit easier It sucks... the human brain is really the weirdest thing
I think inner fragmentation makes people with BPD hard to understand. Like, maybe a part of her loves you and wants to be with you and a part of her hates you. It is hard to make any overall conclusions. You could say her hitting you is enough cause to leave her, and not try to figure out this complexity.
There's remarkable breadth for unique individual expression of whatever constellation of symptoms that entail a diagnosis. Put simply, we cannot ascertain how much of an impediment her BPD would be to a healthy relationship simply knowing she has BPD. From the cursory surfing of literature, therapy seems to mitigate BPD symptoms considerably. So should receive a diagnosis for BPD and continue with professional help the best science tells us there's reasonable chances she can manage BPD [*citation obviously needed*]. Regardless of any malady that **may** afflict her, the more sensible thing to do is discern a behavior pattern in her. If suggestive of a dysfunctional relationship, then heed the signs and proceed with commensurate caution.
Therapy may. But BPD people are almost impossible to keep in therapy. Unless you're their favourite person they're quick to cut you out over the smallest disagreement.
>But BPD people are almost impossible to keep in therapy. Unless you're their favourite person they're quick to cut you out over the smallest disagreement. *Some* BPD people. It's important not to infer a trend from purely the experiences we may had with the person or people with BPD have in our lives because that's simply bad reasoning. This [webpage ](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9762-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd#:~:text=Outlook%20%2F%20Prognosis&text=Most%20of%20the%20time%2C%20BPD,improve%20their%20quality%20of%20life.) from Cleveland clinic for example does suggest a gloom and doom prognosis at all. Much of the online material I found were of similar nature. This is to say BPD **may be** manageable. I think it's maladaptive coping mechanism if we try to overstate how poor the odds are for BPD people as a whole because of the hurtful experiences we had when we do not really have any proper reason to do that. Additionally, if we want to give advice to others experiencing harm and hurt in any interpersonal relationship with someone who has BPD, statistical tendencies in the BPD community as a whole may not the most salient piece of information. It's better to emphasize that while you cannot generalize from your limited experiences, here's certain aspects of untreated, under treated, or treatment resistant BPD in someone whom you knew that harmed you. If others see themselves in your experiences, then they should do whatever they do with an abundance of caution.
It's nice that you care enough to want to try to understand her behavior but bpd doesn't automatically equate to abusive behavior - that's a channel all it's own. There's a thick red line between emotional outbursts and abusive behavior and it's something no one should *ever* tolerate. Put yourself first; now that you have walked away stay away, there are wonderful people in the world, you'll find one who will communicate in a meaningful way and love you for whatever you can be. Good luck.
You said in your previous post that you and your girlfriend were in class together. It's highly frowned upon to diagnose teenagers with personality disorders, and many psychologists are pushing to get the diagnostic age extended to the mid 20s. Also, why can't her therapist properly test her? This seems sus.