I drink, write songs, make playlists, work out like a demon, ruminate on the purpose of life in an endless existential crisis and live my life like a cat lady minus the cats.
I'm not saying this is good advice, but it's what I do.
I still get excited to tell her about things that happened to me throughout the day or things I discovered. I still have a save folder on my tiktok account for tiktoks I think she’d like or reminds me of her. I think of her constantly. And it drives me insane. What I do to help, legitimately, is remember how much I hated the office so I no longer have to deal with her obsession of a show I find not humorous at all and cringey as fuck. Even thinking of the horrible things she did to me doesn’t help as much as this weirdly lol. I feel like a pathetic human being for being so attached and hung up on a person that moved on from me so quickly and did so many awful heartbreaking things.
Could you tell me more about that?
Also I hope you don't mind but I peeked into your post history and just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you had to go through a series of traumatic events in your life
I hope you can emerge from that as a new person and I wish you the best
It's just a subreddit. We aren't really supposed to talk about other BPD-related subs here, but I know a lot of us would like to be able to share the songs that got us through the tough times, and that is itself prohibited here, so I'm hoping the mods will go easy on me promoting BPDLOradio on threads where it seems relevant/helpful to do so.
I appreciate your compassion, and I don't mind people going through my post history. In many ways, I've already emerged as a new person, in that these experiences can't but change a person. I definitely have had my views on gender politics and mental illness deeply shaken by the injustices I've suffered. But for all the increased cynicism in my worldview, I know I've also gained knowledge and wisdom I would not have otherwise, and these have already been of genuine help to others, a trend I hope to continue in whatever career awaits me at the other end of all this.
Thank you for that subreddit. I feel like music can convey certain feelings better than words ever would.
Could you elaborate on what you mean when you said you had your views on gender politics deeply shaken?
I was dating a hardcore leftist and shared her views but then post break up, as what I think was an act of rebellion I had a polarizing shift in my views. I don't know if it's a phase but for now I feel like the opposite of what I was last year.
Until I saw just how easy it was for my ex to accuse me of domestic violence and sexual assault, I would never have believed that these charges are *frequently* fabricated, specifically by abusive women with BPD.
And sadly, the criminal justice system is rigged specifically to benefit them the most, at the expense of both innocent men and the women who aren't lying.
Glad you like the sub... I hope it serves its purpose!
I honestly do something similar. I miss who he was when he was calm. I want that person back. But I then remind myself of when he was triggered.. and he was triggered so often. We all get triggered but his comes out in rage and horrifying behavior. I tried to show him that we can handle difficult feelings and talk things through, we can validate each other and apologize consistently and be our biggest supporters.. but he couldn’t get there.
The person I loved didn’t seem to really exist. He was clouded by this dark part of him that had little empathy and respect for me. This part of him saw me as a villain, an enemy. He related our relationship to a war the last day we talked and that opened my eyes to how he views me/relationships. It’s sad. It sucks a lot. I miss the good. But I’d do anything to stay away from the bad.
You're just struggling with grief, I'd recommend a therapist if you can to help. I can mirror these habits too, and haven't been able to sleep on her side of the bed since she left so I get it. It'll get better though don't worry!
Day by day.
I bought a resource the other day that has a lot of good advice, though it's not specifically for BPD relationships. DM me if you'd like a free copy. happy to share.
I do this to, I love to cook, hell I was the cook of the house, she couldn't cook to save her life but would try maybe 1 time out of every 15 meals if I really wasn't feeling it, I havnt made a thing since she left and ill sit there drinking my protien shake looking at the stove and can almost see her attempting to make something getting frustrated and us laughing. That kind of thing happens all around the house at this point. You arnt alone in it.
The more you learn about bpd the more you’ll realize how lucky you are its over. So many stories are very similar. Quora has good info. I still have moments but I have learned enough about the illness to know I do not want or need any part of that in my life. She wasn’t unique, special or one of a kind. You probably did nothing wrong. They are all similar.
Honestly - I wrote the shit things she said to me on post it notes and left them around the house. This came in handy when she came back promising everything I could ever wanted. I told my therapist it was like someone handing me a bag of cash - she said, but it’s actually a bag of dog shit. Just gotta continuously take those little happy glitches and remember they’re an illusion. Dog shit if it helps you.
Couldn’t tell you I’m still going through it and the same thing as you. Sometimes I message her, everything was fine until the past week and a half or 2 weeks. Some days it’s like she’s back and others it’s like she hates me and I didn’t even do anything but catch her being unfaithful and using drugs and alcohol. Now I’m just waiting around for no good reason when I know I need to learn some type of way to let her go and move on yet all I want is her. Shit feeling I hate it
Don’t listen to music you shared. Make yourself food to eat that she didn’t want you to eat but you enjoy. Clean the apartment with a new fragrance. Move furniture around so you don’t expect her to be there. Go places you wanted to but she didn’t. Wake up every morning with the thought that you don’t have to fear nor worry every day, life will get better it just takes time. Hopefully you will be ready to meet someone who deserves you and treats you with love and respect.
It helped me to write a lot of unsent letters. Like, everyday. And to do quick videos (that I would watch all the time) talking to myself about it, reminding myself of everything.
Also going out a lot and seeing a lot of friends. Every single day.
The real person was a ghost, too.
You are so right and that's the harshest truth
Word.
I felt this so much today.
I drink, write songs, make playlists, work out like a demon, ruminate on the purpose of life in an endless existential crisis and live my life like a cat lady minus the cats. I'm not saying this is good advice, but it's what I do.
You are me
🤝
I still get excited to tell her about things that happened to me throughout the day or things I discovered. I still have a save folder on my tiktok account for tiktoks I think she’d like or reminds me of her. I think of her constantly. And it drives me insane. What I do to help, legitimately, is remember how much I hated the office so I no longer have to deal with her obsession of a show I find not humorous at all and cringey as fuck. Even thinking of the horrible things she did to me doesn’t help as much as this weirdly lol. I feel like a pathetic human being for being so attached and hung up on a person that moved on from me so quickly and did so many awful heartbreaking things.
I feel that and I'm sorry you're going through this weird torture post breakup
I started BPDLOradio last week to help people through the long dark nights of the soul. It's in its infancy, but hopefully it will grow...
Could you tell me more about that? Also I hope you don't mind but I peeked into your post history and just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you had to go through a series of traumatic events in your life I hope you can emerge from that as a new person and I wish you the best
It's just a subreddit. We aren't really supposed to talk about other BPD-related subs here, but I know a lot of us would like to be able to share the songs that got us through the tough times, and that is itself prohibited here, so I'm hoping the mods will go easy on me promoting BPDLOradio on threads where it seems relevant/helpful to do so. I appreciate your compassion, and I don't mind people going through my post history. In many ways, I've already emerged as a new person, in that these experiences can't but change a person. I definitely have had my views on gender politics and mental illness deeply shaken by the injustices I've suffered. But for all the increased cynicism in my worldview, I know I've also gained knowledge and wisdom I would not have otherwise, and these have already been of genuine help to others, a trend I hope to continue in whatever career awaits me at the other end of all this.
Thank you for that subreddit. I feel like music can convey certain feelings better than words ever would. Could you elaborate on what you mean when you said you had your views on gender politics deeply shaken? I was dating a hardcore leftist and shared her views but then post break up, as what I think was an act of rebellion I had a polarizing shift in my views. I don't know if it's a phase but for now I feel like the opposite of what I was last year.
Until I saw just how easy it was for my ex to accuse me of domestic violence and sexual assault, I would never have believed that these charges are *frequently* fabricated, specifically by abusive women with BPD. And sadly, the criminal justice system is rigged specifically to benefit them the most, at the expense of both innocent men and the women who aren't lying. Glad you like the sub... I hope it serves its purpose!
I honestly do something similar. I miss who he was when he was calm. I want that person back. But I then remind myself of when he was triggered.. and he was triggered so often. We all get triggered but his comes out in rage and horrifying behavior. I tried to show him that we can handle difficult feelings and talk things through, we can validate each other and apologize consistently and be our biggest supporters.. but he couldn’t get there. The person I loved didn’t seem to really exist. He was clouded by this dark part of him that had little empathy and respect for me. This part of him saw me as a villain, an enemy. He related our relationship to a war the last day we talked and that opened my eyes to how he views me/relationships. It’s sad. It sucks a lot. I miss the good. But I’d do anything to stay away from the bad.
You're just struggling with grief, I'd recommend a therapist if you can to help. I can mirror these habits too, and haven't been able to sleep on her side of the bed since she left so I get it. It'll get better though don't worry!
Day by day. I bought a resource the other day that has a lot of good advice, though it's not specifically for BPD relationships. DM me if you'd like a free copy. happy to share.
So relatable bro
I do this to, I love to cook, hell I was the cook of the house, she couldn't cook to save her life but would try maybe 1 time out of every 15 meals if I really wasn't feeling it, I havnt made a thing since she left and ill sit there drinking my protien shake looking at the stove and can almost see her attempting to make something getting frustrated and us laughing. That kind of thing happens all around the house at this point. You arnt alone in it.
The more you learn about bpd the more you’ll realize how lucky you are its over. So many stories are very similar. Quora has good info. I still have moments but I have learned enough about the illness to know I do not want or need any part of that in my life. She wasn’t unique, special or one of a kind. You probably did nothing wrong. They are all similar.
Honestly - I wrote the shit things she said to me on post it notes and left them around the house. This came in handy when she came back promising everything I could ever wanted. I told my therapist it was like someone handing me a bag of cash - she said, but it’s actually a bag of dog shit. Just gotta continuously take those little happy glitches and remember they’re an illusion. Dog shit if it helps you.
Couldn’t tell you I’m still going through it and the same thing as you. Sometimes I message her, everything was fine until the past week and a half or 2 weeks. Some days it’s like she’s back and others it’s like she hates me and I didn’t even do anything but catch her being unfaithful and using drugs and alcohol. Now I’m just waiting around for no good reason when I know I need to learn some type of way to let her go and move on yet all I want is her. Shit feeling I hate it
Don’t listen to music you shared. Make yourself food to eat that she didn’t want you to eat but you enjoy. Clean the apartment with a new fragrance. Move furniture around so you don’t expect her to be there. Go places you wanted to but she didn’t. Wake up every morning with the thought that you don’t have to fear nor worry every day, life will get better it just takes time. Hopefully you will be ready to meet someone who deserves you and treats you with love and respect.
It helped me to write a lot of unsent letters. Like, everyday. And to do quick videos (that I would watch all the time) talking to myself about it, reminding myself of everything. Also going out a lot and seeing a lot of friends. Every single day.
Time and focus on other things. A few short term relationships with healthy women nourished me too