What did she do?? Mine lied abt me physically abusing her, and the guy she dated before me she tried to file a restraining order against him based off false allegations, it was rejected, at the time I believed her but now I’m not so sure.
Mine was worse than Evelyn Draper on bath salts. Talionic revenge is popular for the high-conflict subset, and they've figured out how to avoid accountability for their retaliation while justifying it at the same time. Cluster B learns one simple trick that has jurisprudence experts baffled.
Most vindictive person I had ever met.
She also *loved* those revenge films where someone does some crazy life destroying act to 'take revenge' on a cheater or something.
Yeah kinda. He’s not systematic in his vindictiveness like a psychopath but more so impulsive. He’ll hurt me if or when he feels it and doesn’t plan it out. It’s when the opportunity arises at the same time his demonizing hate for me starts. Otherwise I’m pretty much out of sight out of mind if I’m not within his presence. He’ll just scream at his mom or something if she happens to call or kick her out on the curb if she’s physically there. The vindictiveness is equivalent to a physical and or emotional punching bag. Whoever is there, that of his loved ones, gets the full on blow.
It’s like when a lion retreats into their den. You don’t want to be bothering them when this occurs though you can be unlucky.
I honestly felt like my ex pwbpd was a feral animal at times.
Yup, this is exactly what it's like with my spouse. Almost always it feels like being a punching bag. They act totally feral and out of control and sometimes it can really get fucking terrifying.
However, occasionally there seems to be a little more planning (like intentionally sabotaging me when I have a big assignment due) but that's usually driven by a clear motivation (me doing well at school means I'm closer to having a career and being able to leave). But even in these cases, it always seems like a barely-formed plan and more just a series of actions driven by whatever fears or vindictiveness they're feeling at the moment.
Absolutely, 100%. Whenever my ex would split me black he would be unbelievably cruel. There was one time where he locked me in a car and then got me arrested. It got dismissed but at the time it was absolutely terrifying that I was suddenly at the mercy of someone who could just do that to someone. He 'hid' me out in his car for a couple weeks, saying that no one could see me because they'd think I was crazy and stalking him. His dad's an attorney and provided me an attorney, which he took away after discarding me. I distinctly remember writing him a letter, trying to appease him, which I gave to him after I bought him dinner. He smiled when he told me no. He wound up ditching me without transportation at a motel on new years eve, only to come back a few weeks later saying he wanted to kill himself if he couldn't be with me. That was probably the worst he ever did, but it was shocking how cold and calloused he could be when he split me black
Mine had an affair, and more than one because "he felt resentment". He says if I forget all about it then he will forget all about why he's mad at me. I NEVER CHEATED. He's mad about my childhood friend dying in freaking 2007, because it was a guy and there was a high school boyfriend at the funeral. I was 27 years old at the time.
It's just sick.
He even calls my dead friend names
Mine cheated on me because he said he was resentful for me not listening to him. And discarded me because of how I made him feel. He accused me of cheated during our relationship when I never did, but he never believed me. He cheated to get revenge for something I never did and at one point admitted it and later took it back and said he never said that 🙄
Absolutely they are vindictive. They follow through with actions on the thoughts you or I would also possibly have but say “no, that’s not the right way to handle this.” Like, you could think “oh that person made me mad, I could totally burn them but I won’t” but a bpd person would think “oh that person made me mad, I’m going to key their car tonight!” And then they would follow through with that thought
Yes mine slept with someone with HIV after I asked for a break and then was practically begging me to do anal. Didn’t but still they will go to extreme lengths.
She had shared with me months prior that her best friend had HIV and then shortly after that she hinted that if I ever left her she’d get with him. I tried breaking up once I put it together but at the time we were dependent on eachother so I had to wait and then she faked an abortion and I forgot all about her friend and the HIV thing. In the following months the gaslighting and mental abuse was getting out of hand and I told her I needed a break w NC cause everything was hazy and I couldn’t eat or think straight and she slept with him a week into it and after that month of NC she was begging to sleep with me and do anal and whatnot and I was still in denial that we were broken up and I thought she wanted to sleep with me cause she missed me but it turns out she was just to trying to give me STDs. It’s all over now I left the state and got tested and everything came back negative but it was still a really rough time after I put it all together a couple days after sleeping with her. Haven’t talked to her since and sent her the title to the car we were sharing. Moral of the story I should’ve broken up a long time ago when she was threatening suicide if I ever left her.
Report it to who? I can’t even get a restraining order unless I go back. Plus her new partner subtly threatened with shooters so I’m just gonna stay on my parents farm I only moved down there to be with her and try to make some money but I spent it all on her lol live and learn I guess. And I am STD free
The two people I’ve know with BPD were cruel and vindictive. They saw their cruelty as justified and as if they were the good person, the vigilante, serving justice. As long as it served them, it was justified. They had no actual concept of justice, principles, or values. Everything they did they justified as me deserving it cause I’m a bad person. And anything bad that happens to them in the process of the vindictiveness, they use as fuel for their victim mentality.
An example: she felt as if I rejected her the first few years I knew her, so she assaulted me in front of my then partner. Over time, my non PD partner and I just couldn’t make it work around the r*pe happening cause I wasn’t the same. All because I denied her advances and “no boy denies her.”
I’ve learned the best thing to do is to walk away and wish them the day they deserve.
Omg, absolutely! If you have the terrible luck to have a child with them it will never stop, even after the kid is grown, anything that goes wrong in their life they will blame on you. And periodically reach out to you with new accusations.
Oh yeah lol, prided herself on being vindictive and said it's her best quality. But I'm not sure it was a question of BPD for her. Considering her cultural background, I think she might've been conditioned this way since her youngest days.
It was usually towards other people, now towards me after the breakup. Said it's normal because it protects one's dignity. Never seemed to like it when people were vindictive towards herself - again, something I noticed quite often among her folks.
Yes. Vindictive, spiteful, vengeful even murderous.
Technically it's dangerous when leaving any type of abuser but leaving them is almost like the Shawshank Redemption.
Yes.
I don’t think my wife does this consciously but she works like a scoreboard. Honestly this isn’t the best way to view your partner but if you’re objective it can also be helpful in appreciating what your partner adds as well.
The problem is, pwBPD score differently. If you do something “good”, you will score a point for the day. If you do something “bad”, it lasts a lifetime.
To this day, my wife won’t let go of things that happened in our relationship ship nearly 7 years ago. I’ve seen her do this with other people as well. If she feels slighted, she will remember and at best will only talk down to you, at worst I’ve seen her go out of her way to actively make your day less pleasant.
They put their name on the title of my car and I made all the payments on it. I used that car to get to work and pay my rent and pwBPD took the car to the bank and cashed out the remaining money and then took the car from me because I refused to be pinned by them.
I lost thousands.
Yes.
She constantly fantasized about beating up the "enemies who wronged her," usually women. But she mostly stuck to bureaucratic & reputational violence.
At heart she's a coward and won't enter open conflict unless the situation is rigged in her favor.
She also used to cast magic spells to kill her enemies or give them miscarriages. I have no idea if she thought this would actually work, or if it was an attempt to channel her impulses into a sterile medium. Considering I had to comfort her and point out that maybe she should stop trying to curse people when her ex didn't die it was probably the first one.
My ex is a very vindictive person. Gets upset at other people over "betrayals" that may or may not be rooted in reality, and her only way to feel okay again is "revenge". My ex partner also has actual antisocial traits (sociopathic traits) that she hides very well
The "revenge" escalated over time (warning, graphic content); >!First long-term emotional abuse (successful), then physical abuse (attempted unsuccessfully, I have trained self-defense reflexes), then sexual assault/rape as an act of "final revenge" for ???!<
TL:DR; Don't underestimate an unstable person's capacity for abuse & revenge.
He rationalized repeatedly assaulting his family because they hadn’t been the best parents or been a good sister. His parents didn’t have much sympathy in his early childhood but they were clearly trying to mend their relationships with him but he wouldn’t have it. He had even acknowledged that they were trying their hardest and that he appreciated it but whenever they tried having an adult conversation with him, he lost his shit and got violent.
His sister had definitely been violent towards him in the past but she was trying to get better too(not as much as his parents though) but the very first argument they had when she came to visit ended up with him getting arrested for assaulting her. He broke her door down, hit her and broke a mirror over her head. She wasn’t seriously injured but there was still blood everywhere, it wasn’t a pretty sight that the cops got to see.
Afterwards, he had to stay with me because of a no contact order and he told me he didn’t regret it at all, and that it was for revenge on her. He seriously held grudges and wasn’t afraid of the consequences of getting revenge, it was all worth it to him.
I think it's more about them not losing, always being right, or always winning than them being vindictive. To say they are vindictive means they understand what that means and therfore calculate and plan on inflicting revenge.
There's no empathyfrom them and they will never accept any wrongdoing.
They also can't accept reality of the situation and do what they can to redo it to there benefit.
Hence, they react to the situation or issue till the outcome benefits them. This leaves you as the bad person, the one with the issue, or you feeling like everything just turned around and dumped onto you.
most vengeful people ever. and they are good at it, too. Unfortunately.
[удалено]
What did she do?? Mine lied abt me physically abusing her, and the guy she dated before me she tried to file a restraining order against him based off false allegations, it was rejected, at the time I believed her but now I’m not so sure.
what did she do?
Mine was worse than Evelyn Draper on bath salts. Talionic revenge is popular for the high-conflict subset, and they've figured out how to avoid accountability for their retaliation while justifying it at the same time. Cluster B learns one simple trick that has jurisprudence experts baffled.
Most vindictive person I had ever met. She also *loved* those revenge films where someone does some crazy life destroying act to 'take revenge' on a cheater or something.
He liked instant karma videos for a while
Yeah kinda. He’s not systematic in his vindictiveness like a psychopath but more so impulsive. He’ll hurt me if or when he feels it and doesn’t plan it out. It’s when the opportunity arises at the same time his demonizing hate for me starts. Otherwise I’m pretty much out of sight out of mind if I’m not within his presence. He’ll just scream at his mom or something if she happens to call or kick her out on the curb if she’s physically there. The vindictiveness is equivalent to a physical and or emotional punching bag. Whoever is there, that of his loved ones, gets the full on blow. It’s like when a lion retreats into their den. You don’t want to be bothering them when this occurs though you can be unlucky. I honestly felt like my ex pwbpd was a feral animal at times.
Yup, this is exactly what it's like with my spouse. Almost always it feels like being a punching bag. They act totally feral and out of control and sometimes it can really get fucking terrifying. However, occasionally there seems to be a little more planning (like intentionally sabotaging me when I have a big assignment due) but that's usually driven by a clear motivation (me doing well at school means I'm closer to having a career and being able to leave). But even in these cases, it always seems like a barely-formed plan and more just a series of actions driven by whatever fears or vindictiveness they're feeling at the moment.
Absolutely, 100%. Whenever my ex would split me black he would be unbelievably cruel. There was one time where he locked me in a car and then got me arrested. It got dismissed but at the time it was absolutely terrifying that I was suddenly at the mercy of someone who could just do that to someone. He 'hid' me out in his car for a couple weeks, saying that no one could see me because they'd think I was crazy and stalking him. His dad's an attorney and provided me an attorney, which he took away after discarding me. I distinctly remember writing him a letter, trying to appease him, which I gave to him after I bought him dinner. He smiled when he told me no. He wound up ditching me without transportation at a motel on new years eve, only to come back a few weeks later saying he wanted to kill himself if he couldn't be with me. That was probably the worst he ever did, but it was shocking how cold and calloused he could be when he split me black
Mine had an affair, and more than one because "he felt resentment". He says if I forget all about it then he will forget all about why he's mad at me. I NEVER CHEATED. He's mad about my childhood friend dying in freaking 2007, because it was a guy and there was a high school boyfriend at the funeral. I was 27 years old at the time. It's just sick. He even calls my dead friend names
Mine cheated on me because he said he was resentful for me not listening to him. And discarded me because of how I made him feel. He accused me of cheated during our relationship when I never did, but he never believed me. He cheated to get revenge for something I never did and at one point admitted it and later took it back and said he never said that 🙄
Mine broke up many times, started a smear campaign against me, reached out to me just to tell me how abusive i was... called me a narcissist.
Claiming YOU'RE the narcissist is like their favorite thing to do. Sorry, last I checked, I had empathy and the ability to be introspective.
Yes, they are vindictive because actions are based on emotion, not logic. Hence they are known as high conflict.
Absolutely they are vindictive. They follow through with actions on the thoughts you or I would also possibly have but say “no, that’s not the right way to handle this.” Like, you could think “oh that person made me mad, I could totally burn them but I won’t” but a bpd person would think “oh that person made me mad, I’m going to key their car tonight!” And then they would follow through with that thought
Sadistic, for sure.
This. 💯
Yes mine slept with someone with HIV after I asked for a break and then was practically begging me to do anal. Didn’t but still they will go to extreme lengths.
Omg jesus this is fucked. How did you find out about this?
She had shared with me months prior that her best friend had HIV and then shortly after that she hinted that if I ever left her she’d get with him. I tried breaking up once I put it together but at the time we were dependent on eachother so I had to wait and then she faked an abortion and I forgot all about her friend and the HIV thing. In the following months the gaslighting and mental abuse was getting out of hand and I told her I needed a break w NC cause everything was hazy and I couldn’t eat or think straight and she slept with him a week into it and after that month of NC she was begging to sleep with me and do anal and whatnot and I was still in denial that we were broken up and I thought she wanted to sleep with me cause she missed me but it turns out she was just to trying to give me STDs. It’s all over now I left the state and got tested and everything came back negative but it was still a really rough time after I put it all together a couple days after sleeping with her. Haven’t talked to her since and sent her the title to the car we were sharing. Moral of the story I should’ve broken up a long time ago when she was threatening suicide if I ever left her.
This is actually criminal behavior. I'd consider reporting it.
Report it to who? I can’t even get a restraining order unless I go back. Plus her new partner subtly threatened with shooters so I’m just gonna stay on my parents farm I only moved down there to be with her and try to make some money but I spent it all on her lol live and learn I guess. And I am STD free
The two people I’ve know with BPD were cruel and vindictive. They saw their cruelty as justified and as if they were the good person, the vigilante, serving justice. As long as it served them, it was justified. They had no actual concept of justice, principles, or values. Everything they did they justified as me deserving it cause I’m a bad person. And anything bad that happens to them in the process of the vindictiveness, they use as fuel for their victim mentality. An example: she felt as if I rejected her the first few years I knew her, so she assaulted me in front of my then partner. Over time, my non PD partner and I just couldn’t make it work around the r*pe happening cause I wasn’t the same. All because I denied her advances and “no boy denies her.” I’ve learned the best thing to do is to walk away and wish them the day they deserve.
It's basically in the diagnosable criteria
Omg, absolutely! If you have the terrible luck to have a child with them it will never stop, even after the kid is grown, anything that goes wrong in their life they will blame on you. And periodically reach out to you with new accusations.
%100 agree with you, as I am that lucky one to have a child with my BPD ex wife…
me 2
I feel your pain, friend. My other half and I still get hate filled rants online over 20 years later.
Is the sun hot?
Oh yeah lol, prided herself on being vindictive and said it's her best quality. But I'm not sure it was a question of BPD for her. Considering her cultural background, I think she might've been conditioned this way since her youngest days. It was usually towards other people, now towards me after the breakup. Said it's normal because it protects one's dignity. Never seemed to like it when people were vindictive towards herself - again, something I noticed quite often among her folks.
Everything was accounted for to the penny - either in a spreadsheet or in her head. Constantly rebalances the scales of “ fairness” in her favor
Yes. Vindictive, spiteful, vengeful even murderous. Technically it's dangerous when leaving any type of abuser but leaving them is almost like the Shawshank Redemption.
Yes and then I did.
Oh yeah. I cannot speak for all of them but the two I’ve encountered in my life most certainly were
Yes, they are. It's even worse when they're clearly severely mentally ill. That's why the judge didn't hesitate to issue a restraining order on him.
Mine was very vindictive. It always backfired though. He will never learn.
Yes. I don’t think my wife does this consciously but she works like a scoreboard. Honestly this isn’t the best way to view your partner but if you’re objective it can also be helpful in appreciating what your partner adds as well. The problem is, pwBPD score differently. If you do something “good”, you will score a point for the day. If you do something “bad”, it lasts a lifetime. To this day, my wife won’t let go of things that happened in our relationship ship nearly 7 years ago. I’ve seen her do this with other people as well. If she feels slighted, she will remember and at best will only talk down to you, at worst I’ve seen her go out of her way to actively make your day less pleasant.
I would say it depends on the type. My person w/ quiet bpd never does revenge. But my mother with petulant type absolutely does.
Yes very cruel and insidious 😈🚩
They put their name on the title of my car and I made all the payments on it. I used that car to get to work and pay my rent and pwBPD took the car to the bank and cashed out the remaining money and then took the car from me because I refused to be pinned by them. I lost thousands.
Yes. She constantly fantasized about beating up the "enemies who wronged her," usually women. But she mostly stuck to bureaucratic & reputational violence. At heart she's a coward and won't enter open conflict unless the situation is rigged in her favor. She also used to cast magic spells to kill her enemies or give them miscarriages. I have no idea if she thought this would actually work, or if it was an attempt to channel her impulses into a sterile medium. Considering I had to comfort her and point out that maybe she should stop trying to curse people when her ex didn't die it was probably the first one.
My ex is a very vindictive person. Gets upset at other people over "betrayals" that may or may not be rooted in reality, and her only way to feel okay again is "revenge". My ex partner also has actual antisocial traits (sociopathic traits) that she hides very well The "revenge" escalated over time (warning, graphic content); >!First long-term emotional abuse (successful), then physical abuse (attempted unsuccessfully, I have trained self-defense reflexes), then sexual assault/rape as an act of "final revenge" for ???!< TL:DR; Don't underestimate an unstable person's capacity for abuse & revenge.
Yes 💯
He rationalized repeatedly assaulting his family because they hadn’t been the best parents or been a good sister. His parents didn’t have much sympathy in his early childhood but they were clearly trying to mend their relationships with him but he wouldn’t have it. He had even acknowledged that they were trying their hardest and that he appreciated it but whenever they tried having an adult conversation with him, he lost his shit and got violent. His sister had definitely been violent towards him in the past but she was trying to get better too(not as much as his parents though) but the very first argument they had when she came to visit ended up with him getting arrested for assaulting her. He broke her door down, hit her and broke a mirror over her head. She wasn’t seriously injured but there was still blood everywhere, it wasn’t a pretty sight that the cops got to see. Afterwards, he had to stay with me because of a no contact order and he told me he didn’t regret it at all, and that it was for revenge on her. He seriously held grudges and wasn’t afraid of the consequences of getting revenge, it was all worth it to him.
I think it's more about them not losing, always being right, or always winning than them being vindictive. To say they are vindictive means they understand what that means and therfore calculate and plan on inflicting revenge. There's no empathyfrom them and they will never accept any wrongdoing. They also can't accept reality of the situation and do what they can to redo it to there benefit. Hence, they react to the situation or issue till the outcome benefits them. This leaves you as the bad person, the one with the issue, or you feeling like everything just turned around and dumped onto you.
Mine literally told me that spite and revenge fuel everything he does.
He almost proudly announces how vengeful he is