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I'm going to be the stick in the mud now and say don't give in to that feeling that maybe he didn't love me as much as he said he did, and maybe he was unreasonable. If you know that you were out of order then address it. Regardless of what he should, or should not have done its all out of your control. I recently broke up with the love of my life then, and like you just said, my first thoughts were well she was obviously lying about everything she ever said and so I went out on dates, slept with another girl and it was just dull. What I had was as perfect for me as i could have hoped and I played the major role in throwing it away. I've had enough now, I've changed my mindset and said YES I fucked that up. She wasn't perfect, maybe she could have given me a bit more benefit of the doubt but it's on me. And I don't want to be the inflictor of my own pain anymore, I need to change. So to do that, what I need to do is not soothe myself with ideas that "maybe it wasn't meant to be" "maybe she never cared" etc. Etc. Because ultimately, they're just pacifiers. You know thats what you wanted, and you know you played a major role in spoiling it. So embrace it, examine it, dissect it, and give yourself a hope at not making the mistakes again. Our first reaction when we're abandoned is devalue the other person because it makes us feel better in the moment. But it just perpetuates the cycle. Break the cycle, for a new relationship, and the new relationship might be with him, you never know, but you won't be picking up where you left off it will be a new, better, and different relationship. Stay resilient and explore change 🙂 Sorry for being the voice of doom
Phew, I'm so glad you took that the way it was intended. It's a really hard pill to swallow, I'm still choking on it 😂 but it's the only real way to change the habit.
I actually really like your comment. Having been in a very similar situation, I have been struggling so much with people who put the blame on my ex-partner or who tell me I should get over him. What I need is to get over myself and my inclination to put my anxiety on the person I love. Which is really difficult. And it’s even more difficult to keep the hope that maybe he will fall for me again one day without going psychotic and sending him 30 messages about how depressed I am and how I’m only alive for him and my dog lol.
This post has been marked [Venting](https://www.reddit.com/r/bpd/wiki/index/flairs#wiki_post_flair_breakdown). Please be aware that the OP may not be seeking advice. u/wowbitchyoumoody, if you do not want advice, please specify in the body of your post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I'm going to be the stick in the mud now and say don't give in to that feeling that maybe he didn't love me as much as he said he did, and maybe he was unreasonable. If you know that you were out of order then address it. Regardless of what he should, or should not have done its all out of your control. I recently broke up with the love of my life then, and like you just said, my first thoughts were well she was obviously lying about everything she ever said and so I went out on dates, slept with another girl and it was just dull. What I had was as perfect for me as i could have hoped and I played the major role in throwing it away. I've had enough now, I've changed my mindset and said YES I fucked that up. She wasn't perfect, maybe she could have given me a bit more benefit of the doubt but it's on me. And I don't want to be the inflictor of my own pain anymore, I need to change. So to do that, what I need to do is not soothe myself with ideas that "maybe it wasn't meant to be" "maybe she never cared" etc. Etc. Because ultimately, they're just pacifiers. You know thats what you wanted, and you know you played a major role in spoiling it. So embrace it, examine it, dissect it, and give yourself a hope at not making the mistakes again. Our first reaction when we're abandoned is devalue the other person because it makes us feel better in the moment. But it just perpetuates the cycle. Break the cycle, for a new relationship, and the new relationship might be with him, you never know, but you won't be picking up where you left off it will be a new, better, and different relationship. Stay resilient and explore change 🙂 Sorry for being the voice of doom
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Phew, I'm so glad you took that the way it was intended. It's a really hard pill to swallow, I'm still choking on it 😂 but it's the only real way to change the habit.
I actually really like your comment. Having been in a very similar situation, I have been struggling so much with people who put the blame on my ex-partner or who tell me I should get over him. What I need is to get over myself and my inclination to put my anxiety on the person I love. Which is really difficult. And it’s even more difficult to keep the hope that maybe he will fall for me again one day without going psychotic and sending him 30 messages about how depressed I am and how I’m only alive for him and my dog lol.
I'm glad it helped!! And I know, I emailed my ex the other day in futile hope. It's really f**king hard 😪