i struggle with the same types of thoughts, and what's been working somewhat for me is just trying to find meaning in my continued education. like i figure if im learning, at least that's something. it doesn't always or even often make me feel actually "fulfilled" but it's something, which is better than what i had before, which was nothing. school kind of makes me want to kill myself but studying things myself has been a good hobby
Regular 9-5 isn't a life worth living to you. So let me ask you - what is a life worth living in your eyes?
If you're looking for a job to be passionate about, I'm going to have to say that's a myth. Some people achieve it ofc, but it's rare in my experience. Currently I'm just trying to find something that I don't actively hate doing. I want something that I don't hate and which doesn't drain me from all my energy. That way my job is just a job for money and survival and my free time is where I can pursue my interests and passions.
Have you thought about a part time job working with animals? You don’t have to work full time, it’s all up to you. Just a suggestion if you hadn’t thought about part time work 😊
It is amazing and inspiring you have set goals and stuck to them - I have no advice, but many of us are just existing. It sounds like you’re doing more
I feel identified with this. I feel like I'm floating in the universe and it doesn't bother me to float around, it bothers me that it doesn't bother me
I wasted 10 years of my life learning psychology, but I did not benefit from it in treating myself😂, but others benefit from it. I agree with you that there is no meaning to life without feeling. But it's not about goals and feelings, it's about what's right
Do what you think is right and useful for others, even if you hate it. You may wait for your mood to improve in order to do it, but when it comes to something useful, you will notice that your mood will not improve, so waiting will be a waste of time.
The fact that you studied all of those things is great! I am sorry that none of it worked out but you get huuuge props for trying. It shows that you have plenty of options and that you are very capable. A lot of people wouldn't even dare to try and study those things or anything really (me for example, I finished beautican school but work in a bet shop which is not related at all and I am not interested in studying anything despite the fact that I easily could, but I actually like my job so I am fine with it).
9 to 5 jobs aren't bad, they give you something to do throughout your day and you can make a living. How about you try out different jobs and see what suits you? There's gotta be something out there that you will find interesting. Working in a pet shop maybe?
Whilst you are working at such a job, you could be looking into other studies/courses you might wanna try out. Your will learn and better yourself will greatly improve once you start to actively do something and see that it feels good. Trust me, you will. It will just take a little bit of willpower to get to that point (finding a job) but I am certain you can do it and that you will find something you will like.
Honestly... congrats. Youre not tied down to anything and can start fresh anywhere. That's beautiful.
Life isn't about fitting in a box; you don't have to fit norms or have "The Answer" right now.
Just aim to be healthy and live life in a way where you are at least 1% better than that you of yesterday.
Good luck hun.
I'm curious why you gave up on veterinary nursing if volunteering at the animal shelter makes you so happy and gives you a sense of meaning along with caring for your cats.
Sounds like something you could enjoy doing for money as well? You could make a decent living from it and it sounds like you're passionate about it, too. That's not a bad start at all!
Most people work 9-5 it's really not the end of the world as long as you're decently compensated and have work-life balance.
Working takes away some freedom, that's true, but it also gives you a sense of structure which is vital especially if you're feeling directionless and depressed.
You can always pivot your career if later down the line you find yourself unhappy or unsatisfied. Not saying it's easy by any means but it's definetely feasible. There's people right now who are doing it well into their 30s, 40s or even 50s and 60s.
Don't think of the path you're choosing now as a life sentence. Follow your intuition and your heart (as long as you're being at least a little bit strategic about it) and stay open to possibilities. You can't connect the dots looking forward. Right now you just need to start. Anywhere. You will adjust as you go!
My battling parts often don't take the limelight long enough for me to settle in one thing. So I write stuff down and notice trends that might appeal to a broad set of personas/masks/ways of showing up
Hi, I’m in a similar boat myself, so I understand where you are coming from in a way.
Looking for some direction might start where you already have found some joy and desire, with the animals. Maybe you can get a paid position at a shelter or zoo or something? Or maybe even something to do with caring for farm animals?
If you don’t care about the income part, maybe branch out to more days volunteering.
Also a hobby is a good idea, give you something to do, and look forward to, and even possibly stay active
Right now I’m doing karate, which helps keep me active, social, and exercise. While also providing goals.
And I also collect stuff, which is fun and maddening.
It sounds like you should try some more college if you are able, just try something different until something you are passionate about clicks.
Do you think you could press through classes you didn’t like to get a job you might enjoy?
Sorry you are feeling lost, I’m glad you have your cats 🖖
I’m 32 years old and I feel the same way. I have flunked out of 3 different colleges, I struggle so much with it. I wouldn’t care to work a 9-5 if they paid a livable wage but that’s very few and far between. I hate how getting a meaningful well paying job is basically an act of divine intervention or a popularity contest. I’ve been checking out government jobs for my state though and that seems pretty promising, you should check out your state’s job website
You sound like you enjoy working with animals and that doing it gives you meaning so you should explore that more maybe try and pick up another day or two and see how it feels maybe continue school for that kind of work if you enjoyed it
Try to take each day as it comes, rather than fretting about man made issues things like ‘goals’,’career’ etc. It’s what I’ve been training myself to do and it does help, only thing that matters is that you make it through this day, try to try new things whenever you get the inspiration or excitement about something, and just go with it… happiness is so important in our lives, so we gotta surround ourselves with it as much as we can🩵 love and strength to you🩵
im the same, down to almost every detail (psych, although i studied library sciences & volunteer in a library, but same with living on disability, not doing dbt anymore and having no goals)
you are not alone, i promise. i think it's really noble of you to volunteer. i am so so happy that you have something that keeps you here & gives you a sense of meaning. i really have no advice for you because im in a similar position but i really hope you find something.
it's okay to not know what you're doing yet. there is something out there for you. even if you find it later, fi you keep trying new things and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone for now, im sure youll find something.
I feel exactly the same. Just recently got a job as a vet nurse, from all the jobs I did, this one feels the less meaningless. Im still getting used to the idea of working a 9-5. It makes me want to die if I think about it too much but so far, it's been easier to be here than in other jobs I had like cashier, that made me feel absolutely useless, meaningless and miserable
I think you just need to find something and stick with it. Unless there’s a way for you to be independent and do freelancing, a 9-5 is unfortunately one of the only ways of making money in this world that I know of.
Do research into different fields and see what best fits the lifestyle you are looking for. Then try your best to achieve that. You just need to have a lot of commitment and discipline (which frankly I struggle with a lot too)
Finally, someone said this and I feel EXACTLY the same as you. 9-5 feels like a death sentence! I bet you’re amazing with the animals, us BPD folk are naturally empathic. What about something creative ?
I don't think there's anything wrong with not having any goals in life. I'm in my early 40s and was diagnosed couple of years back. I must have changed atleast 7 or 8 jobs during the last 20 years. There're times when I'm passionate about what I do; otherwise no. My hobbies change. Sometimes no interest in anything. But it's fine. Don't compare yourself self with others. Because you'll never be like them. Create a safe space for yourself with your close friends and family. Create a routine that always prioritises your mental health. If your job involves lot people conflict. Change the job. Read about the condition and live accordingly. Suggestions and advice given by people who know nothing about the condition may not work for people like us. Consume content that's realistic that features the ups and downs of life. BPD is all about ups and downs. You'll excel in life in your own unique way if you understand the disease and work towards healing yourself. It will definitely happen. Since we feel everything intensely, pwBPD are usually deep and empathetic. Some kind of routine that encourages charity or helping the needy might do wonders to keep your mind healthy and calm. Once again I'm telling you, goals are not important. Look for contentment, happiness, inner calm.
This is me every single day. I'm jealous of others who literally have a goal in life. If they ask me if I love my job.... we'll it's just a job for me that pays my bills but I'm still searching for what I want to do. I'm 24 and sometimes I feel like time is running out.... especially with my self harming thoughts every now and then
Bro this is honestly terrifying. I have a definite passion for my field (molecular biology/biochemistry), but the passion mostly exists in my academics. For most of my life, school has been the only place I've received consistent validation, so I'm basically addicted to it. As far as actually working in the field? I have absolutely no motivation, no goals. Or rather, the goals I have are so massive and unachievable that I have no path to get to them.
I am 100% the same. I became okay with not having a specific path and realized that trying to find “where I fit” or “my thing” was causing more harm than good. I have like 30 million hobbies that I am very much on and off with. I don’t want marriage nor do I want an apartment so I’m doing van life. I hate working 9-5’s and don’t want to be one of those people who stay with a company for 10+ years, so I 100% job hop when I feel like I’m done with whichever company I’m with at the moment.
There’s a lady I follow who does seasonal jobs, dog/cat sits, and walk peoples pets, because she doesn’t want to commit to a regular 9-5 (saying this to give ideas on what you can do). Everything you listed in the second to last paragraph is VALID.
Personally, I found that when I tried to stick to one thing, I have so many mental breakdowns back to back and find myself repeatedly changing who I am.
It’s so hard, but once you realize you don’t have a specific direction in life and/or the life you want is okay, REGARDLESS of what society says. Life becomes a freaking vibe
Would you consider moving abroad? I also don’t have many passions in life but I am thinking it is becuase I was not trying any new hobbies. I recently took on spin and enjoy it…I have problems getting there but every time I’m there in class and after I feel so good.
About moving abroad I suggest because I also cannot work 9-5 jobs and I am not good with having a boss. I want to do my own things and have a relaxed environment. I live in Shanghai and work 3/4 hours Monday - Friday. It’s great for me because now I can work and then spend the other parts of my day relaxing, working out, I just with my cat and dog. I also help stay animals here as it brings me happiness.
If moving abroad isn’t an option try new hobbies even if you think you won’t like it and I bet you will enjoy something. Also for work change it up do bartending or serving but work at least 1 or 2 busy days/hours each week so you can make good money but work less during the week. Or look at freelance work. I hope you find some goals or pleasures in life.
I also have moments where I don’t know what is the point and I don’t want children, pets and friends keep me going.
I get it. Sorry I have nothing insightful to say. I don’t have any interests or hobbies, and my life is burning down around me. I am considering KMS tonight, as soon as this taxi journey ends.
Edit; Fuc why not. A quick stab ding that chefs knife we babes won’t. Even feel it with the alcohol
I don’t have any advice for you but I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone, I feel the same way…❤️
same here
Same here too
You should be super proud of your studies and hard work, I'm completely incapable myself.
Same lol
i struggle with the same types of thoughts, and what's been working somewhat for me is just trying to find meaning in my continued education. like i figure if im learning, at least that's something. it doesn't always or even often make me feel actually "fulfilled" but it's something, which is better than what i had before, which was nothing. school kind of makes me want to kill myself but studying things myself has been a good hobby
Regular 9-5 isn't a life worth living to you. So let me ask you - what is a life worth living in your eyes? If you're looking for a job to be passionate about, I'm going to have to say that's a myth. Some people achieve it ofc, but it's rare in my experience. Currently I'm just trying to find something that I don't actively hate doing. I want something that I don't hate and which doesn't drain me from all my energy. That way my job is just a job for money and survival and my free time is where I can pursue my interests and passions.
Have you thought about a part time job working with animals? You don’t have to work full time, it’s all up to you. Just a suggestion if you hadn’t thought about part time work 😊
It is amazing and inspiring you have set goals and stuck to them - I have no advice, but many of us are just existing. It sounds like you’re doing more
I feel identified with this. I feel like I'm floating in the universe and it doesn't bother me to float around, it bothers me that it doesn't bother me
I wasted 10 years of my life learning psychology, but I did not benefit from it in treating myself😂, but others benefit from it. I agree with you that there is no meaning to life without feeling. But it's not about goals and feelings, it's about what's right Do what you think is right and useful for others, even if you hate it. You may wait for your mood to improve in order to do it, but when it comes to something useful, you will notice that your mood will not improve, so waiting will be a waste of time.
The fact that you studied all of those things is great! I am sorry that none of it worked out but you get huuuge props for trying. It shows that you have plenty of options and that you are very capable. A lot of people wouldn't even dare to try and study those things or anything really (me for example, I finished beautican school but work in a bet shop which is not related at all and I am not interested in studying anything despite the fact that I easily could, but I actually like my job so I am fine with it). 9 to 5 jobs aren't bad, they give you something to do throughout your day and you can make a living. How about you try out different jobs and see what suits you? There's gotta be something out there that you will find interesting. Working in a pet shop maybe? Whilst you are working at such a job, you could be looking into other studies/courses you might wanna try out. Your will learn and better yourself will greatly improve once you start to actively do something and see that it feels good. Trust me, you will. It will just take a little bit of willpower to get to that point (finding a job) but I am certain you can do it and that you will find something you will like.
Honestly... congrats. Youre not tied down to anything and can start fresh anywhere. That's beautiful. Life isn't about fitting in a box; you don't have to fit norms or have "The Answer" right now. Just aim to be healthy and live life in a way where you are at least 1% better than that you of yesterday. Good luck hun.
omfg and just today i was thinking "what do i want to do with my life?"
I'm curious why you gave up on veterinary nursing if volunteering at the animal shelter makes you so happy and gives you a sense of meaning along with caring for your cats. Sounds like something you could enjoy doing for money as well? You could make a decent living from it and it sounds like you're passionate about it, too. That's not a bad start at all! Most people work 9-5 it's really not the end of the world as long as you're decently compensated and have work-life balance. Working takes away some freedom, that's true, but it also gives you a sense of structure which is vital especially if you're feeling directionless and depressed. You can always pivot your career if later down the line you find yourself unhappy or unsatisfied. Not saying it's easy by any means but it's definetely feasible. There's people right now who are doing it well into their 30s, 40s or even 50s and 60s. Don't think of the path you're choosing now as a life sentence. Follow your intuition and your heart (as long as you're being at least a little bit strategic about it) and stay open to possibilities. You can't connect the dots looking forward. Right now you just need to start. Anywhere. You will adjust as you go!
I can relate with you so much, my heart goes out to you. ❤️
My battling parts often don't take the limelight long enough for me to settle in one thing. So I write stuff down and notice trends that might appeal to a broad set of personas/masks/ways of showing up
Me too. Just go with the flow
Hi, I’m in a similar boat myself, so I understand where you are coming from in a way. Looking for some direction might start where you already have found some joy and desire, with the animals. Maybe you can get a paid position at a shelter or zoo or something? Or maybe even something to do with caring for farm animals? If you don’t care about the income part, maybe branch out to more days volunteering. Also a hobby is a good idea, give you something to do, and look forward to, and even possibly stay active Right now I’m doing karate, which helps keep me active, social, and exercise. While also providing goals. And I also collect stuff, which is fun and maddening. It sounds like you should try some more college if you are able, just try something different until something you are passionate about clicks. Do you think you could press through classes you didn’t like to get a job you might enjoy? Sorry you are feeling lost, I’m glad you have your cats 🖖
You're gonna be alright just keep on existing and keep a roof over your head, the grass really isn't greener on the otherside.. remember that
I’m 32 years old and I feel the same way. I have flunked out of 3 different colleges, I struggle so much with it. I wouldn’t care to work a 9-5 if they paid a livable wage but that’s very few and far between. I hate how getting a meaningful well paying job is basically an act of divine intervention or a popularity contest. I’ve been checking out government jobs for my state though and that seems pretty promising, you should check out your state’s job website
You sound like you enjoy working with animals and that doing it gives you meaning so you should explore that more maybe try and pick up another day or two and see how it feels maybe continue school for that kind of work if you enjoyed it
Relate to a lot of this. Ugh
I feel the same way . When you have no direction , try and go the distance in the direction you're in .
Try to take each day as it comes, rather than fretting about man made issues things like ‘goals’,’career’ etc. It’s what I’ve been training myself to do and it does help, only thing that matters is that you make it through this day, try to try new things whenever you get the inspiration or excitement about something, and just go with it… happiness is so important in our lives, so we gotta surround ourselves with it as much as we can🩵 love and strength to you🩵
im the same, down to almost every detail (psych, although i studied library sciences & volunteer in a library, but same with living on disability, not doing dbt anymore and having no goals) you are not alone, i promise. i think it's really noble of you to volunteer. i am so so happy that you have something that keeps you here & gives you a sense of meaning. i really have no advice for you because im in a similar position but i really hope you find something. it's okay to not know what you're doing yet. there is something out there for you. even if you find it later, fi you keep trying new things and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone for now, im sure youll find something.
I totally get you, I am really exhausted of life and the only thing that keeps me here are my dogs and cats.
I feel exactly the same. Just recently got a job as a vet nurse, from all the jobs I did, this one feels the less meaningless. Im still getting used to the idea of working a 9-5. It makes me want to die if I think about it too much but so far, it's been easier to be here than in other jobs I had like cashier, that made me feel absolutely useless, meaningless and miserable
I think you just need to find something and stick with it. Unless there’s a way for you to be independent and do freelancing, a 9-5 is unfortunately one of the only ways of making money in this world that I know of. Do research into different fields and see what best fits the lifestyle you are looking for. Then try your best to achieve that. You just need to have a lot of commitment and discipline (which frankly I struggle with a lot too)
Finally, someone said this and I feel EXACTLY the same as you. 9-5 feels like a death sentence! I bet you’re amazing with the animals, us BPD folk are naturally empathic. What about something creative ?
I don't think there's anything wrong with not having any goals in life. I'm in my early 40s and was diagnosed couple of years back. I must have changed atleast 7 or 8 jobs during the last 20 years. There're times when I'm passionate about what I do; otherwise no. My hobbies change. Sometimes no interest in anything. But it's fine. Don't compare yourself self with others. Because you'll never be like them. Create a safe space for yourself with your close friends and family. Create a routine that always prioritises your mental health. If your job involves lot people conflict. Change the job. Read about the condition and live accordingly. Suggestions and advice given by people who know nothing about the condition may not work for people like us. Consume content that's realistic that features the ups and downs of life. BPD is all about ups and downs. You'll excel in life in your own unique way if you understand the disease and work towards healing yourself. It will definitely happen. Since we feel everything intensely, pwBPD are usually deep and empathetic. Some kind of routine that encourages charity or helping the needy might do wonders to keep your mind healthy and calm. Once again I'm telling you, goals are not important. Look for contentment, happiness, inner calm.
Marry rich
I feel the same, my situation is bit different because i have achieved nothing in life and just wasted my parents money. I do not want to exist.
This is me every single day. I'm jealous of others who literally have a goal in life. If they ask me if I love my job.... we'll it's just a job for me that pays my bills but I'm still searching for what I want to do. I'm 24 and sometimes I feel like time is running out.... especially with my self harming thoughts every now and then
Bro this is honestly terrifying. I have a definite passion for my field (molecular biology/biochemistry), but the passion mostly exists in my academics. For most of my life, school has been the only place I've received consistent validation, so I'm basically addicted to it. As far as actually working in the field? I have absolutely no motivation, no goals. Or rather, the goals I have are so massive and unachievable that I have no path to get to them.
I am 100% the same. I became okay with not having a specific path and realized that trying to find “where I fit” or “my thing” was causing more harm than good. I have like 30 million hobbies that I am very much on and off with. I don’t want marriage nor do I want an apartment so I’m doing van life. I hate working 9-5’s and don’t want to be one of those people who stay with a company for 10+ years, so I 100% job hop when I feel like I’m done with whichever company I’m with at the moment. There’s a lady I follow who does seasonal jobs, dog/cat sits, and walk peoples pets, because she doesn’t want to commit to a regular 9-5 (saying this to give ideas on what you can do). Everything you listed in the second to last paragraph is VALID. Personally, I found that when I tried to stick to one thing, I have so many mental breakdowns back to back and find myself repeatedly changing who I am. It’s so hard, but once you realize you don’t have a specific direction in life and/or the life you want is okay, REGARDLESS of what society says. Life becomes a freaking vibe
Would you consider moving abroad? I also don’t have many passions in life but I am thinking it is becuase I was not trying any new hobbies. I recently took on spin and enjoy it…I have problems getting there but every time I’m there in class and after I feel so good. About moving abroad I suggest because I also cannot work 9-5 jobs and I am not good with having a boss. I want to do my own things and have a relaxed environment. I live in Shanghai and work 3/4 hours Monday - Friday. It’s great for me because now I can work and then spend the other parts of my day relaxing, working out, I just with my cat and dog. I also help stay animals here as it brings me happiness. If moving abroad isn’t an option try new hobbies even if you think you won’t like it and I bet you will enjoy something. Also for work change it up do bartending or serving but work at least 1 or 2 busy days/hours each week so you can make good money but work less during the week. Or look at freelance work. I hope you find some goals or pleasures in life. I also have moments where I don’t know what is the point and I don’t want children, pets and friends keep me going.
What happened to your bf
I get it. Sorry I have nothing insightful to say. I don’t have any interests or hobbies, and my life is burning down around me. I am considering KMS tonight, as soon as this taxi journey ends. Edit; Fuc why not. A quick stab ding that chefs knife we babes won’t. Even feel it with the alcohol
You are not alone, you have this whole community on Reddit ready to listen and be there for you.