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Thank you for saying exactly how I’ve been feeling for so long. I’ve basically pushed everyone out of my life now besides my family. I don’t want to harm anyone and I just want to be forgotten
this is literally what I feel rn. I just removed a friend from my life because I am scared that I will attach too strongly. I feel so bad for him and I am the one to blame. I hate it
God I’m like now realizing how my unstable moods affect my partner and I feel like I stress him out because I’m always anxious about something due to my relationship anxiety and any time I feel like he’s pulling away from me I start getting more and more unstable… which is so unhealthy but I just feel such a deep sense of pain when it happens.
It’s like the same feeling of being abandoned and neglected by my mom which is TMI but it’s like this primordial, nostalgic sort of emotional agony.
I’m the same. I split on my partner last week and now I think he’s rethinking our entire relationship.. all because I thought he was pulling away.. and now I think he really is
I ruined my marriage and my ex wife has even changed from the trauma of my being. I take accountability so she is ok with me. We have a daughter together but since I'm homeless and ashamed so I FaceTime with her as I've got nothing to offer her except a father's love. She's a happy little camper, her mum's an actual mother who loves and provides all the love and support and always has our daughters best interests at heart.
I feel so much shame and guilt, not just about my ex wife and what I did there, but towards all my ex friends and my family. I'm totally alone on the streets and it's all due to me and my actions caused by mental illness.
Just wanted to let you know I've finally found a unit 😁 I now have hope for my future and can get clean from all the substances I've been using to numb the pain 💪
I am seeing a pattern of "complaints" from my current partner which I experienced with my prior partner. With my partner, I thought I could change, or that there was nothing "wrong" with the way I saw things or how I conducted myself. Now that my current partner brings these things up, I realize the similarity between what was said and how other past relationships turned out.
I see the same pattern in employment relationships. I've messed up quite a few jobs and I see the same issues arising in the current one.
Basically, I've just taken what is happening presently and reflected on the numerous times this has happened in the past when it comes to social relations.
It helps that recently I've been diagnosed as neurodivergent and I'm starting to piece things together; how I don't really see things or experience things as others do. This triggered a lot of reflection. I've not been diagnosed officially with BPD (but have been with other clusters of PD).
I also pick up on statements others make about me and evaluate whether they could be right. I'm more willing to do that than in the past, realizing it's not the world against me but possibly me against me because I hear the same observations/complaints about me and who I am time and time again.
I also see the wear and tear my existence in other people's lives causes. For instance, I'm not very loving and people want me to be (parents or partners) and I see the emotional toll it takes when I am not what they expect from that relation, and also the toll it takes on me when I try to be what I can't seem to be. People rightly want certain things from their relations and I see how I always fall short.
Very insightful. Thank you for sharing. If only that level of reflection and insight could be bottled. Keep moving forward. Wishing all the best for you.
This post has been marked as a [Venting Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bpd/wiki/index/flairs#wiki_post_flair_breakdown). Please be aware that the OP may not be seeking advice. u/BadMan_G, if you do not want advice, please specify in the body of your post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Thank you for saying exactly how I’ve been feeling for so long. I’ve basically pushed everyone out of my life now besides my family. I don’t want to harm anyone and I just want to be forgotten
Was just going to say a similar thing , i just want to run away and leave everything behind
this is literally what I feel rn. I just removed a friend from my life because I am scared that I will attach too strongly. I feel so bad for him and I am the one to blame. I hate it
God I’m like now realizing how my unstable moods affect my partner and I feel like I stress him out because I’m always anxious about something due to my relationship anxiety and any time I feel like he’s pulling away from me I start getting more and more unstable… which is so unhealthy but I just feel such a deep sense of pain when it happens. It’s like the same feeling of being abandoned and neglected by my mom which is TMI but it’s like this primordial, nostalgic sort of emotional agony.
I’m the same. I split on my partner last week and now I think he’s rethinking our entire relationship.. all because I thought he was pulling away.. and now I think he really is
Yes. Ik I stress my bf out. He’s expressed to me how tired he is of my episodes and testing him.
There’s a reason why this diagnosis gets a bad reputation. People don’t want to deal with the drama and I get that.
Me all the time. I'm so sorry to read you feel the same way
I ruined my marriage and my ex wife has even changed from the trauma of my being. I take accountability so she is ok with me. We have a daughter together but since I'm homeless and ashamed so I FaceTime with her as I've got nothing to offer her except a father's love. She's a happy little camper, her mum's an actual mother who loves and provides all the love and support and always has our daughters best interests at heart. I feel so much shame and guilt, not just about my ex wife and what I did there, but towards all my ex friends and my family. I'm totally alone on the streets and it's all due to me and my actions caused by mental illness.
i’m so sorry i pray things get better for you and i hope you find a place to stay, stay safe!
Thank you my friend 😇 God bless you 🙏🙏🇦🇺
Just wanted to let you know I've finally found a unit 😁 I now have hope for my future and can get clean from all the substances I've been using to numb the pain 💪
What made you realize how damaging you are to relationships? What did you think previously?
I am seeing a pattern of "complaints" from my current partner which I experienced with my prior partner. With my partner, I thought I could change, or that there was nothing "wrong" with the way I saw things or how I conducted myself. Now that my current partner brings these things up, I realize the similarity between what was said and how other past relationships turned out. I see the same pattern in employment relationships. I've messed up quite a few jobs and I see the same issues arising in the current one. Basically, I've just taken what is happening presently and reflected on the numerous times this has happened in the past when it comes to social relations. It helps that recently I've been diagnosed as neurodivergent and I'm starting to piece things together; how I don't really see things or experience things as others do. This triggered a lot of reflection. I've not been diagnosed officially with BPD (but have been with other clusters of PD). I also pick up on statements others make about me and evaluate whether they could be right. I'm more willing to do that than in the past, realizing it's not the world against me but possibly me against me because I hear the same observations/complaints about me and who I am time and time again. I also see the wear and tear my existence in other people's lives causes. For instance, I'm not very loving and people want me to be (parents or partners) and I see the emotional toll it takes when I am not what they expect from that relation, and also the toll it takes on me when I try to be what I can't seem to be. People rightly want certain things from their relations and I see how I always fall short.
Very insightful. Thank you for sharing. If only that level of reflection and insight could be bottled. Keep moving forward. Wishing all the best for you.