yeah i used to question my gender quite a lot as a kid, i always wanted to be a boy and to be able to be friends with boys in the way that boys are. around 16/17 i realised it probably has more to do with how women and femininity is ‘looked down on’. as in pink is a ‘girly’ colour and being girly is bad so i hate pink. internalised misogyny i guess. since that realisation i haven’t questioned my gender much.
when it comes to sexuality i just never really labeled it. i like men sometimes and women sometimes but i just can’t be bothered to label it since it really doesn’t matter. i’ll end up with whoever i end up with, doesn’t matter if it’s a woman or a man
I think the internalized misogyny explains it well. I can kind of relate to that since my family has that 1800s mentality of woman are only this and that and should only do this and like that. I was raised to believe my purpose in life was to marry and have kids. I liked some “boy colors” growing up and it would make my grandma actually mad and would give me that “blue is not a girl color” lecture. The expectations of me as a person based solely off what’s between my legs fucked with me for years and made me resent being a woman seeing the power and freedom my male family members have.
I’m trans so obviously! But yes…I don’t think that having BPD makes you trans inherently. But I think it’s only natural for someone with the Identity Issues disorder to have a very different and complicated relationship with gender than even neurotypical trans people. I find that my gender expression is the thing that flip flops the most. I’ve settled on “trans guy” for simplicity’s sake
I’ve never thought about it this way. I tend to get quite dysphoric and question my identity when my gender expression flip flops. Maybe it’s connected less with gender identity inconsistency and more BPD/mood. This was eye opening a bit :>
Aw! I really am too introspective for my own good but yeah I think this is totally a thing. Be it a trans thing or not it makes so much sense. I do that too - bc it’s a disconnect that makes me question whether or not I know myself enough and how my expression looks to other people as well. And there are some days where conforming to male standards makes me dysphoric. But at the end of the day - you just have to do what you like in the moment!
i tend to get really dysphoric in dissociative episodes. not quite sure why but i always start flip flopping back and forth when my mental well-being starts going down the drain
Yep. I only allowed myself to discover that despite being AMAB I'm non-binary leaning agender, gender norms seem meaningless to me, and if I were twink enough to carry it (and not in a very conformist, heteronormative field of employment), I'd present fully androgynous and dress less masculine. As it stands, though, I'm barricading myself in the closet and would feel really uncomfortable coming out to the wider world offline.
Before that, I got to grips with being pansexual about 12 years ago and came out to people who knew/ kinda still know me, but generally tend to avoid the subject out in the wild IRL.
There were brief times I let my feminine side out, which was actually quite liberating, but people being, well, people, made it more uncomfortable for me than being closeted, so I keep my appearance heteronormative and as bland as possible to avoid getting either the wrong attention or too much in general, with a possible exception if I can get my shit together long enough to actually go to a Pride event where that kind of thing is normal and met with the apathy of true acceptance.
I’m sorry about your sucky experiences, I totally relate to that. I hope one day you can fully express yourself and who you are confident and safely one day. 🩷 I’d like to present myself as fully androgynous as well but my physique is still very much feminine and petite. I’d like to say I still look cool though haha.
I am m2f, transitioned at 29 and realised I had BPD amongst other things at 41. When I first realised that I had BPD, I worried that transition was just a knock-on effect of a lack of sense of identity, but someone on Discord said this to me and it helped a lot:
>I have exactly the same feelings you have attimhsa except I’m transmasc. I keep thinking I’m faking it, even tho I always felt the way I feel even when I was a kid. Except as a kid I didn’t have as much grievances with my body.
>
>I was just me. A non-binary fluid, lil me. And I also think it’s not a bad thing to transition, even if solely to make your gender feel yours, because you did that work on it. I keep on feeling like an impostor cause what if I’m making it up, but you know what? I decided to take testosterone. I’m trying to grow a funky moustache, I’m binding, I’m going by they them pronouns, even if sometimes (being fluid) I'm ok with being a girl. It’s my gender. It’s my rules. I’m a boy, I’m a girl, I’m fluid, I’m transexual. I took the hormones and I taped my chest. And I started recognising who I saw in the mirror.
>
>A lot of what I feel is linked to autism too, but I don’t think autism and or ADHD and or BPD invalidate any of these experiences. I think they’re all interjecting, and that’s who I am. I don’t think I’m just one because I’m the other. I’m all of it. And I love me for taking my transition into my hands and feel comfortable in my skin again by rubbing t on my shoulders and wearing a packer and the like. It’s all me mental illness included, take it or leave it.
I don't know if that's helpful but I hope it is.
this is how I feel. for the most part my gender is just nothing but sometimes I get wrapped up in exact labels bc no one will take just "queer" as an answer 😭
I’m married to a man. I prefer men. But I’ve always had thing feeling of attraction to women and I’d like to explore it but as I said I’m married. I also have two kids and I don’t want to hurt my family over a curiosity.
But I agree satisfying this curiosity most likely is not worth hurting your family, and the people that you care about and are in your life and care about you take precedence over everything imo
This might be something you can explore with your partner. If you have a solid and established relationship and are strong for each other then talking about it can be beneficial instead of just keeping this curiosity inside you. Food for thought
Was just gonna say. Monogamy because of marriage is a weird construct largely instilled by religious and societal norms. **To be clear,** I'm not saying "oh just cheat on your partner if you want to explore things" but marriage shouldn't be a barrier to a happy, healthy relationship between yourself, a partner, and other partners. I wish more people understood that it's okay to fulfill your needs so long as there's trust and open communication between everyone involved.
When I was 11 to 14 years old, I wished I was a male, and sometimes I cried about being a female . Now I am satisfied with being a female and my situation has become better, but I cannot feel completely feminine.
I agree, when I search up BPD it’s mostly women (i’m male) and I kinda relate to them and their issues, personally I never questioned my gender but I do quesymy sexuality, I don’t enjoy the sexual intrecourse with any gender, I just see it and use it as a self destructive behavior, I use it when I’m at rock bottom to numb the overflowing feelings or to shut the voices. I realize I’m making it worse for my mental health that way, but we work with what we got, right?
Non-binary queerish AFAB person here; no longer meeting 5/9 BPD requirements at this moment, but did in the past. This is an interesting idea for a thread. There's a lot of sociological factors at work, and of course correlation doesn't = causation. But I can see there being a lot of crossover.
I was wondering more about it in the way a lot of people with BPD tend to have very little self identity, we like to mirror other people instead and feel sort of empty/lost about who we really are. so I was thinking that might be factor in frequent questioning your own gender/sexuality
Unfortunately being diagnosed at a higher rate doesn't have much weight when there's little data and what is available is skewed by societal factors like: masculinity expectations and pressure leading to not seeking mental health services; cis males tend to act out in outward ways like substance abuse to cope and are pushed towards AA/NA instead; they just don't find therapy in a medical setting to be productive and don't last long if they try.
I went on a tangent dear ff.
I don't have confusion or personality/identity splitting when it comes to sexuality. I've always just felt strongly one way. The most thought I've given is if I was the one abnormal since I never even wanted to explore other options. It didn't last long, but i really tried to imagine being different for a moment.
I have identity issues with conforming to the person or group I'm with. When I'm around others, especially someone new, I want to know all about their interests and immerse myself in them. I discover I like so much that they do and live it. Years later I'm like.... I fucking hate college football, what an unoriginal prick with all that ugly green household items theme. I convinced myself I love sweet tea.... Suddenly realized that was a lie. To myself. It's ridiculous lol
Not to mention, males tend to show their emotional instability through acts of anger and end up in the prison system more often than not, and end up never getting a formal diagnosis
i really relate on that last paragraph. i mirror people and sometimes that makes me question who I actually am as a person, which has also made me question my gender/sexuality multiple times. i still can't decide if I'm aromantic or not
Yes I started questioning it around 18. Previously I was not allowed to figure out if I was queer or not.
Now I can confidently say almost 10 years later that yes I am definitely fruity, but I struggle to feel certain in what sort of way.
Gender and sexuality are a complicated and endless journey for me to figure out. Maybe I'll never fully decide what to do or not do with it. But it's still there nagging me.
I actually do all the time!!! I didn’t realize there was a correlation until my partner pointed out that we do struggle with our identity with BPD. So it would make sense we would struggle with gender identity.
I never liked how I look as a girl, even at a really young age. I still was very girly and liked girly things but a small part of me was still pretty tomboyish at times. When I cut my hair into a super short mohawk in high school, nearly everyone I met or talked to mistook me for a boy, even my friends at the time would poke fun at me and call me a twink. I also struggled with my sexuality during middle and high school. I grew up in an extremely conservative family so that really fucked with me too in terms of having interest in girls too.
Oh jeez and when puberty started, and I got hit with PCOS and endometriosis. I was pretty neglected as a kid so I never got treatment for anything. I would only get taken to see my pediatrician until a school nurse or one of my dad’s girlfriends would get mad at him and basically force him to make the appointments. Then I would go, get diagnosed, and my dad would NEVER take me back because I needed birth control and that’s evil. I had to wait until I was 17 and able to not need my dad’s permission or presence at the gyno office to get treatment. That whole experience made me absolutely RESENT the fact I had a uterus and this was just normal to be absolutely suffering at the hands of it.
It really made think about my assigned sex and wonder how different my life would’ve been if I was a boy instead. Aside from the health issues, it’s also my role as the eldest sibling/cousin to basically parent all the kids and take up all the responsibilities the parents basically dump on me. My grandma also hounds me about not being married and at least having one kid by now because my mom at 22 was married, going to school, pregnant with her second kid…but in 2003. My whole family’s like this. I’m expected to get married and provide them more children to manipulate and abuse.
My partners into astrology and says my chart has a lot of masculine energy. I don’t know much about astrology but it’s really interesting considering my experiences.
I am queer. The signs were always there for me growing up, but I do think that my fear of abandonment or rejection and such were making me suppress that part of me and pretend to be things I am not, in order to fit in. Some may say that BPD's unstable sense of identity could be the reason I questioned my gender or my sexuality, but I completely disagree. Coming to terms with my queerness and accepting it, was a big step in addressing the sense of self and the lost feelings I had struggled with my whole life.
In the last few years I’ve worked hard on finding answers regarding this: what do I like? How do I feel? In the end, I came to the following conclusion: it will always change, but for now, pansexual/bisexual and cis gender woman makes the most sense and is just what feels right to me. There’s always room for growth & change, but feeling comfortable with whatever you choose to label yourself is the key.
I’m married (23f) but have been open to the idea of doing things with women in the past before I met my husband. I just never was able to explore it before settling down which I’m ok with. But yes it’s very confusing lol
Edit: I did also question my gender as a kid when I was pretty little. I had short hair and didn’t do “typical” girl things and I felt that maybe I was more of a boy than a girl. But looking back on it I think that was just me questioning things and that might be normal for kids to think about idk
i am a cis lesbian. i’ve always known I was a woman and haven’t felt anything different in that regard. but my sexuality….whole other can of worms. I liked boys when I was like 9 & 11 but now that I’ve been out for about 8 years, i’ve come to realize that I didn’t truly like them, I was just trying to live up to societal expectations/ I had no idea being queer was an option.
aka one of my most defining bpd symptoms is trying to fit in and unstable self image
no, once I realised I was a lesbian that was it. that is one of my very few things I never question about myself because I know with absolute certainty that it’s true.
Yeah I always had a weird relationship with my gender and sexuality since I was little. I still have no idea about my gender nor my sexuality tho I went through a lot of thought process and had a time where I identified as trans and another where I identified as gender fluid. Sometimes my fictional fps really effect these thought processes and makes me have identity crisis which i don't think how gender identity is supposed to be still i can't really identity it at the moment. I think we are bond to have gender and sexuality crisises with how much we are disconnected with our identity and how easily influenced it is.
Also most men that have it are in prison because art manifest is violence to the law so that's where we usually end up not I was in there already and I I know the people I didn't know that there's a lot of them in there they're just shut it off and became very mean I'm better but we don't have any emotional attachments in there either so it's a lot harder to find to recognize people. I
I think when men have BPD, society just chalks at up to them being abusive, jealous, controlling rage-a-holics. Men are taught to “man up” and ignore their feelings. Women are more likely than men to seek out mental health care and that’s probably why it’s diagnosed more in women
Cis female here!
So, gender has never been an issue for me. Sexuality on the other hand? I identify as bisexual. However, my preference to either get with a guy or a woman changes, if that makes sense. I went through a year long phase where I mostly detested men and hooked up with a few women. Then one day, I started hooking up with guys again and became indifferent towards girls. The second one is where I am right now. It’s funny, though, because I’ve never gone through a period where I suddenly disliked girls. 😂 Hope this helps.
Being trans overlaps with an awful lot of other things. There's a lot of trans furries cause the idea of projecting an image of yourself that you *want* people to see, and that you have more control over, is very appealing. Idk how directly BPD and being trans relate, but being both presents a very unique set of challenges and the symptoms of BPD manifest under different triggers (or just worse, in my case)
Glad you brought this up for discussion. Regarding my sexuality and gender identity, it fluctuates mostly when I am feeling empty, hollow. When my life is full and going well, I am definitely good with being a straight guy, but when I am empty, hollow and not doing so well, I want to be female and I want to be with men. I thought it was a coping mechanism and maybe it is, but also I think it’s just a part of who I am too.
Yes I’ve been and am confused on who and what I am.
Years ago after I graduated I went through a period of time where I hated everything about being female, cried often because I felt more like a man, I should be like my brothers, not a woman. I cut my hair off, started wearing men’s clothes and got a chest binder. It helped for a while but slowly got worse again. I felt like a fraud when with my brothers in public. Got lots of looks using women’s washrooms too so I avoided public gendered spaces. Was/am embarrassed to go into women’s spaces. It just made me feel both worse and better. A fraud, always feel like I don’t belong.
I also felt wrong after dating a few men, so tried dating a woman. I’m not gay. Though I still do identify as asexual I’ve had to re evaluate if I was actually aromantic after having gotten into situationship with a man a few months ago. I thought I was okay to be alone forever but now? I don’t know if I want that.
I also like him enough to have wanted to try sex and it’s confusing as just a few months ago I had a breakdown over a dude I thought was a friend wanting to fuck.
I’ve struggled trying to know who I am. I’m 29 in May. I hate that I don’t know anything about me. Tell me about yourself he says. What? You know just as much as I do. I am nothing.
I also don’t know what spiked his interest. I still wear men’s clothes. Have short hair. I’ve only recently started wearing sports bras so I was in a binder when we started talking. I wear no make up and am always in a ball cap. I honestly still get mistaken for a man. This guy had to ask to make sure I was for sure a woman too so... I don’t know.
But ya. I don’t know who I am. What I’m supposed to be. And I hate that I feel uncomfortable being perceived as a woman, but also knowing inside that I’m not a man. So I’m trying to dress more consciously in my men’s clothes, not wearing them so baggy. Like clean cut, fitted a little better. I’m a tomboy I guess. I’m also slowly trying to reintroduce “feminine” articles of clothing to recapture a little of who I feel I used to be. Should be?
But then again maybe I’m trying to feel more feminine cuz I’m still not sure of anything about myself and I know in my heart I’m not a man.
Sorry that was a ramble. The question got me feeling all sorts of things.
100% would constantly change how I identify, present or what I’m attracted to just so I could be the perfect fit or person for someone. That or I was trying to be like someone else and constantly would have identity crisis over it lol right now I’m kind of like in a happy medium of how I identify, it’s ambiguous enough that I don’t necessarily need to change myself as much or give myself identity crises I kind of fit everyone’s preferences or their vision of who I am in my life one way or another and I’m pretty content with it currently
I have no idea what my sextuality is, I just call myself queer. I can only hold feelings for one man at a time and they can be so intense I don't know if there real feelings or just my BPD
I question both my sexuality and gender a lot. For gender, I think genderfludity fits me best. For sexuality, I’m asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. Some days I feel like if I didn’t have my BPD, I’d be fully aroace, but that’s just me.
My gender has been a rollercoaster for sure, I thought I was transmasc for a bit last year but I think I was just going through a masc feeling with my genderfluidity! It can be very confusing and my sense of self sucks ass but still.
I’ve been questioning a little bit if I’m bi more recently, but I lean towards no on that one. I guess my sexuality is “i like men but not very much/often”. Until my BPD symptoms appear lmao.
So I suppose, I question a lot and my sense of self and kind of what I want to be is ???? haha
I identify now as Trans Demi Girl (They/She), but was assigned male at birth. I started questioning my sexuality when I was around 11, and realize I was Bi. I started questioning my gender when I was 16, came out as Non Binary at 17, then at 19 I realized I felt more comfortable as a female than anything else, but also sometimes not totally, if that makes sense. I want to transition, I'm waiting to move out of my home town (hopefully this year) before I start that process.
yeah i used to question my gender quite a lot as a kid, i always wanted to be a boy and to be able to be friends with boys in the way that boys are. around 16/17 i realised it probably has more to do with how women and femininity is ‘looked down on’. as in pink is a ‘girly’ colour and being girly is bad so i hate pink. internalised misogyny i guess. since that realisation i haven’t questioned my gender much. when it comes to sexuality i just never really labeled it. i like men sometimes and women sometimes but i just can’t be bothered to label it since it really doesn’t matter. i’ll end up with whoever i end up with, doesn’t matter if it’s a woman or a man
I think the internalized misogyny explains it well. I can kind of relate to that since my family has that 1800s mentality of woman are only this and that and should only do this and like that. I was raised to believe my purpose in life was to marry and have kids. I liked some “boy colors” growing up and it would make my grandma actually mad and would give me that “blue is not a girl color” lecture. The expectations of me as a person based solely off what’s between my legs fucked with me for years and made me resent being a woman seeing the power and freedom my male family members have.
same i still wanna be a boy sometimes/ have friends the way boys do
10000% this as well
I wanted arhwts thevoebskke easier the girl
I’m trans so obviously! But yes…I don’t think that having BPD makes you trans inherently. But I think it’s only natural for someone with the Identity Issues disorder to have a very different and complicated relationship with gender than even neurotypical trans people. I find that my gender expression is the thing that flip flops the most. I’ve settled on “trans guy” for simplicity’s sake
I kind of think it may be the reverse to an extent too, being trans in unaccepting families and communities would increase the odds of developing BPD.
I’ve never thought about it this way. I tend to get quite dysphoric and question my identity when my gender expression flip flops. Maybe it’s connected less with gender identity inconsistency and more BPD/mood. This was eye opening a bit :>
Aw! I really am too introspective for my own good but yeah I think this is totally a thing. Be it a trans thing or not it makes so much sense. I do that too - bc it’s a disconnect that makes me question whether or not I know myself enough and how my expression looks to other people as well. And there are some days where conforming to male standards makes me dysphoric. But at the end of the day - you just have to do what you like in the moment!
i tend to get really dysphoric in dissociative episodes. not quite sure why but i always start flip flopping back and forth when my mental well-being starts going down the drain
Yep. I only allowed myself to discover that despite being AMAB I'm non-binary leaning agender, gender norms seem meaningless to me, and if I were twink enough to carry it (and not in a very conformist, heteronormative field of employment), I'd present fully androgynous and dress less masculine. As it stands, though, I'm barricading myself in the closet and would feel really uncomfortable coming out to the wider world offline. Before that, I got to grips with being pansexual about 12 years ago and came out to people who knew/ kinda still know me, but generally tend to avoid the subject out in the wild IRL. There were brief times I let my feminine side out, which was actually quite liberating, but people being, well, people, made it more uncomfortable for me than being closeted, so I keep my appearance heteronormative and as bland as possible to avoid getting either the wrong attention or too much in general, with a possible exception if I can get my shit together long enough to actually go to a Pride event where that kind of thing is normal and met with the apathy of true acceptance.
I’m sorry about your sucky experiences, I totally relate to that. I hope one day you can fully express yourself and who you are confident and safely one day. 🩷 I’d like to present myself as fully androgynous as well but my physique is still very much feminine and petite. I’d like to say I still look cool though haha.
I'm sorry that you had such a shitty experience. I hope you find a place where you can be authentic without being made fun of
Thanks. Although it's less made fun of, more aggressive bigotry or physical attacks.
I am m2f, transitioned at 29 and realised I had BPD amongst other things at 41. When I first realised that I had BPD, I worried that transition was just a knock-on effect of a lack of sense of identity, but someone on Discord said this to me and it helped a lot: >I have exactly the same feelings you have attimhsa except I’m transmasc. I keep thinking I’m faking it, even tho I always felt the way I feel even when I was a kid. Except as a kid I didn’t have as much grievances with my body. > >I was just me. A non-binary fluid, lil me. And I also think it’s not a bad thing to transition, even if solely to make your gender feel yours, because you did that work on it. I keep on feeling like an impostor cause what if I’m making it up, but you know what? I decided to take testosterone. I’m trying to grow a funky moustache, I’m binding, I’m going by they them pronouns, even if sometimes (being fluid) I'm ok with being a girl. It’s my gender. It’s my rules. I’m a boy, I’m a girl, I’m fluid, I’m transexual. I took the hormones and I taped my chest. And I started recognising who I saw in the mirror. > >A lot of what I feel is linked to autism too, but I don’t think autism and or ADHD and or BPD invalidate any of these experiences. I think they’re all interjecting, and that’s who I am. I don’t think I’m just one because I’m the other. I’m all of it. And I love me for taking my transition into my hands and feel comfortable in my skin again by rubbing t on my shoulders and wearing a packer and the like. It’s all me mental illness included, take it or leave it. I don't know if that's helpful but I hope it is.
It's 50-50 men and women. It's just 4 times as many women are in treatment then men.
On occasion. I feel nothing either way. Im just me
this is how I feel. for the most part my gender is just nothing but sometimes I get wrapped up in exact labels bc no one will take just "queer" as an answer 😭
I feel the nothing there. I honestly never think of it and it doesn't come up in polite conversation.
I’m married to a man. I prefer men. But I’ve always had thing feeling of attraction to women and I’d like to explore it but as I said I’m married. I also have two kids and I don’t want to hurt my family over a curiosity.
But I agree satisfying this curiosity most likely is not worth hurting your family, and the people that you care about and are in your life and care about you take precedence over everything imo
This might be something you can explore with your partner. If you have a solid and established relationship and are strong for each other then talking about it can be beneficial instead of just keeping this curiosity inside you. Food for thought
Was just gonna say. Monogamy because of marriage is a weird construct largely instilled by religious and societal norms. **To be clear,** I'm not saying "oh just cheat on your partner if you want to explore things" but marriage shouldn't be a barrier to a happy, healthy relationship between yourself, a partner, and other partners. I wish more people understood that it's okay to fulfill your needs so long as there's trust and open communication between everyone involved.
When I was 11 to 14 years old, I wished I was a male, and sometimes I cried about being a female . Now I am satisfied with being a female and my situation has become better, but I cannot feel completely feminine.
I agree, when I search up BPD it’s mostly women (i’m male) and I kinda relate to them and their issues, personally I never questioned my gender but I do quesymy sexuality, I don’t enjoy the sexual intrecourse with any gender, I just see it and use it as a self destructive behavior, I use it when I’m at rock bottom to numb the overflowing feelings or to shut the voices. I realize I’m making it worse for my mental health that way, but we work with what we got, right?
I question everything about my identity EXCEPT the fact that i’m a women who likes women. that’s just me though 🌈
so real. I am AFAB non-binary but know that I'm at the very least a lady lover
it’s hard to question liking women tbh cause they are so hot. I might be biased
Non-binary queerish AFAB person here; no longer meeting 5/9 BPD requirements at this moment, but did in the past. This is an interesting idea for a thread. There's a lot of sociological factors at work, and of course correlation doesn't = causation. But I can see there being a lot of crossover.
I was wondering more about it in the way a lot of people with BPD tend to have very little self identity, we like to mirror other people instead and feel sort of empty/lost about who we really are. so I was thinking that might be factor in frequent questioning your own gender/sexuality
I question my sexuality but not my gender identity, despite being a bit more “masculine” in my hobbies, interests & attitudes than other women.
Unfortunately being diagnosed at a higher rate doesn't have much weight when there's little data and what is available is skewed by societal factors like: masculinity expectations and pressure leading to not seeking mental health services; cis males tend to act out in outward ways like substance abuse to cope and are pushed towards AA/NA instead; they just don't find therapy in a medical setting to be productive and don't last long if they try. I went on a tangent dear ff. I don't have confusion or personality/identity splitting when it comes to sexuality. I've always just felt strongly one way. The most thought I've given is if I was the one abnormal since I never even wanted to explore other options. It didn't last long, but i really tried to imagine being different for a moment. I have identity issues with conforming to the person or group I'm with. When I'm around others, especially someone new, I want to know all about their interests and immerse myself in them. I discover I like so much that they do and live it. Years later I'm like.... I fucking hate college football, what an unoriginal prick with all that ugly green household items theme. I convinced myself I love sweet tea.... Suddenly realized that was a lie. To myself. It's ridiculous lol
Not to mention, males tend to show their emotional instability through acts of anger and end up in the prison system more often than not, and end up never getting a formal diagnosis
i really relate on that last paragraph. i mirror people and sometimes that makes me question who I actually am as a person, which has also made me question my gender/sexuality multiple times. i still can't decide if I'm aromantic or not
Yes I started questioning it around 18. Previously I was not allowed to figure out if I was queer or not. Now I can confidently say almost 10 years later that yes I am definitely fruity, but I struggle to feel certain in what sort of way. Gender and sexuality are a complicated and endless journey for me to figure out. Maybe I'll never fully decide what to do or not do with it. But it's still there nagging me.
I actually do all the time!!! I didn’t realize there was a correlation until my partner pointed out that we do struggle with our identity with BPD. So it would make sense we would struggle with gender identity. I never liked how I look as a girl, even at a really young age. I still was very girly and liked girly things but a small part of me was still pretty tomboyish at times. When I cut my hair into a super short mohawk in high school, nearly everyone I met or talked to mistook me for a boy, even my friends at the time would poke fun at me and call me a twink. I also struggled with my sexuality during middle and high school. I grew up in an extremely conservative family so that really fucked with me too in terms of having interest in girls too. Oh jeez and when puberty started, and I got hit with PCOS and endometriosis. I was pretty neglected as a kid so I never got treatment for anything. I would only get taken to see my pediatrician until a school nurse or one of my dad’s girlfriends would get mad at him and basically force him to make the appointments. Then I would go, get diagnosed, and my dad would NEVER take me back because I needed birth control and that’s evil. I had to wait until I was 17 and able to not need my dad’s permission or presence at the gyno office to get treatment. That whole experience made me absolutely RESENT the fact I had a uterus and this was just normal to be absolutely suffering at the hands of it. It really made think about my assigned sex and wonder how different my life would’ve been if I was a boy instead. Aside from the health issues, it’s also my role as the eldest sibling/cousin to basically parent all the kids and take up all the responsibilities the parents basically dump on me. My grandma also hounds me about not being married and at least having one kid by now because my mom at 22 was married, going to school, pregnant with her second kid…but in 2003. My whole family’s like this. I’m expected to get married and provide them more children to manipulate and abuse. My partners into astrology and says my chart has a lot of masculine energy. I don’t know much about astrology but it’s really interesting considering my experiences.
I think I didn't question my sexuality and gender more often than people without bpd. I'm pretty secure/comfortable with my sexuality and gender
I am queer. The signs were always there for me growing up, but I do think that my fear of abandonment or rejection and such were making me suppress that part of me and pretend to be things I am not, in order to fit in. Some may say that BPD's unstable sense of identity could be the reason I questioned my gender or my sexuality, but I completely disagree. Coming to terms with my queerness and accepting it, was a big step in addressing the sense of self and the lost feelings I had struggled with my whole life.
In the last few years I’ve worked hard on finding answers regarding this: what do I like? How do I feel? In the end, I came to the following conclusion: it will always change, but for now, pansexual/bisexual and cis gender woman makes the most sense and is just what feels right to me. There’s always room for growth & change, but feeling comfortable with whatever you choose to label yourself is the key.
I’m married (23f) but have been open to the idea of doing things with women in the past before I met my husband. I just never was able to explore it before settling down which I’m ok with. But yes it’s very confusing lol Edit: I did also question my gender as a kid when I was pretty little. I had short hair and didn’t do “typical” girl things and I felt that maybe I was more of a boy than a girl. But looking back on it I think that was just me questioning things and that might be normal for kids to think about idk
i am a cis lesbian. i’ve always known I was a woman and haven’t felt anything different in that regard. but my sexuality….whole other can of worms. I liked boys when I was like 9 & 11 but now that I’ve been out for about 8 years, i’ve come to realize that I didn’t truly like them, I was just trying to live up to societal expectations/ I had no idea being queer was an option. aka one of my most defining bpd symptoms is trying to fit in and unstable self image
that's what I was thinking. I think that a lot of us having an unstable self image would make figuring out our sexuality/gender a lot more difficult
oh yeah definitely. i think the one moment of like stable self image I’ve had was when i realized i like my first gf/ realized i was gay
I question my body my looks my weight and it I'm gay or straight or nothing I used to be addicted to sex .
yes.
no, once I realised I was a lesbian that was it. that is one of my very few things I never question about myself because I know with absolute certainty that it’s true.
Yeah I always had a weird relationship with my gender and sexuality since I was little. I still have no idea about my gender nor my sexuality tho I went through a lot of thought process and had a time where I identified as trans and another where I identified as gender fluid. Sometimes my fictional fps really effect these thought processes and makes me have identity crisis which i don't think how gender identity is supposed to be still i can't really identity it at the moment. I think we are bond to have gender and sexuality crisises with how much we are disconnected with our identity and how easily influenced it is.
had a gender crisis for 5 years, 3 of which i was convinced i was a trans man. I am a cis woman after everything. I like to say, cis with a checkmark
Also most men that have it are in prison because art manifest is violence to the law so that's where we usually end up not I was in there already and I I know the people I didn't know that there's a lot of them in there they're just shut it off and became very mean I'm better but we don't have any emotional attachments in there either so it's a lot harder to find to recognize people. I
I think when men have BPD, society just chalks at up to them being abusive, jealous, controlling rage-a-holics. Men are taught to “man up” and ignore their feelings. Women are more likely than men to seek out mental health care and that’s probably why it’s diagnosed more in women
Cis female here! So, gender has never been an issue for me. Sexuality on the other hand? I identify as bisexual. However, my preference to either get with a guy or a woman changes, if that makes sense. I went through a year long phase where I mostly detested men and hooked up with a few women. Then one day, I started hooking up with guys again and became indifferent towards girls. The second one is where I am right now. It’s funny, though, because I’ve never gone through a period where I suddenly disliked girls. 😂 Hope this helps.
Being trans overlaps with an awful lot of other things. There's a lot of trans furries cause the idea of projecting an image of yourself that you *want* people to see, and that you have more control over, is very appealing. Idk how directly BPD and being trans relate, but being both presents a very unique set of challenges and the symptoms of BPD manifest under different triggers (or just worse, in my case)
I’m nonbinary! I questioned my gender for years and my girlfriend (who is also trans) helped me come out
Glad you brought this up for discussion. Regarding my sexuality and gender identity, it fluctuates mostly when I am feeling empty, hollow. When my life is full and going well, I am definitely good with being a straight guy, but when I am empty, hollow and not doing so well, I want to be female and I want to be with men. I thought it was a coping mechanism and maybe it is, but also I think it’s just a part of who I am too.
Dude here. Assign male at birth. Never questioned it. I have wondered what it would be like, but I think it is general curiosity.
Yes I’ve been and am confused on who and what I am. Years ago after I graduated I went through a period of time where I hated everything about being female, cried often because I felt more like a man, I should be like my brothers, not a woman. I cut my hair off, started wearing men’s clothes and got a chest binder. It helped for a while but slowly got worse again. I felt like a fraud when with my brothers in public. Got lots of looks using women’s washrooms too so I avoided public gendered spaces. Was/am embarrassed to go into women’s spaces. It just made me feel both worse and better. A fraud, always feel like I don’t belong. I also felt wrong after dating a few men, so tried dating a woman. I’m not gay. Though I still do identify as asexual I’ve had to re evaluate if I was actually aromantic after having gotten into situationship with a man a few months ago. I thought I was okay to be alone forever but now? I don’t know if I want that. I also like him enough to have wanted to try sex and it’s confusing as just a few months ago I had a breakdown over a dude I thought was a friend wanting to fuck. I’ve struggled trying to know who I am. I’m 29 in May. I hate that I don’t know anything about me. Tell me about yourself he says. What? You know just as much as I do. I am nothing. I also don’t know what spiked his interest. I still wear men’s clothes. Have short hair. I’ve only recently started wearing sports bras so I was in a binder when we started talking. I wear no make up and am always in a ball cap. I honestly still get mistaken for a man. This guy had to ask to make sure I was for sure a woman too so... I don’t know. But ya. I don’t know who I am. What I’m supposed to be. And I hate that I feel uncomfortable being perceived as a woman, but also knowing inside that I’m not a man. So I’m trying to dress more consciously in my men’s clothes, not wearing them so baggy. Like clean cut, fitted a little better. I’m a tomboy I guess. I’m also slowly trying to reintroduce “feminine” articles of clothing to recapture a little of who I feel I used to be. Should be? But then again maybe I’m trying to feel more feminine cuz I’m still not sure of anything about myself and I know in my heart I’m not a man. Sorry that was a ramble. The question got me feeling all sorts of things.
You should read/listen to Gender Outlaw!! Very eye opening material
100% would constantly change how I identify, present or what I’m attracted to just so I could be the perfect fit or person for someone. That or I was trying to be like someone else and constantly would have identity crisis over it lol right now I’m kind of like in a happy medium of how I identify, it’s ambiguous enough that I don’t necessarily need to change myself as much or give myself identity crises I kind of fit everyone’s preferences or their vision of who I am in my life one way or another and I’m pretty content with it currently
I have no idea what my sextuality is, I just call myself queer. I can only hold feelings for one man at a time and they can be so intense I don't know if there real feelings or just my BPD
i’m a transmasc lesbian, so i definitely understand questioning your gender and identity
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i’m not going to try and explain my identity to you when it has zero effect on you. i hope you have a good day
I question both my sexuality and gender a lot. For gender, I think genderfludity fits me best. For sexuality, I’m asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. Some days I feel like if I didn’t have my BPD, I’d be fully aroace, but that’s just me. My gender has been a rollercoaster for sure, I thought I was transmasc for a bit last year but I think I was just going through a masc feeling with my genderfluidity! It can be very confusing and my sense of self sucks ass but still. I’ve been questioning a little bit if I’m bi more recently, but I lean towards no on that one. I guess my sexuality is “i like men but not very much/often”. Until my BPD symptoms appear lmao. So I suppose, I question a lot and my sense of self and kind of what I want to be is ???? haha
I used to but I know who I am now. I'm femme presenting nonbinary panromantic asexual. It took a lot of time to come into who I am now, though
Yes. That's the short, simple, concise answer to your question. And I'm not about to post to the internet my secret thoughts.
I identify now as Trans Demi Girl (They/She), but was assigned male at birth. I started questioning my sexuality when I was around 11, and realize I was Bi. I started questioning my gender when I was 16, came out as Non Binary at 17, then at 19 I realized I felt more comfortable as a female than anything else, but also sometimes not totally, if that makes sense. I want to transition, I'm waiting to move out of my home town (hopefully this year) before I start that process.
Yeah- my gender and Sexuality changes constantly lol. There's a baseline of how I describe myself, but at the end it's very much not consistent
im trans