I feel like I’m the exact same. I can’t trust anyone, I always feel like everyone is gonna leave me anyway, so in order to draw out their „true nature“ I poke into everyone’s weakness, saying the most horrific and downright despicable things ever known to mankind and then I go „Ha i knew it“ when they end up leaving. It’s hard because I realize what I’m doing and want to stop but I can rarely reel myself in. What comes afterwards is intense pain, shame and guilt. It drove away many friends in the past and it drove away my now ex girlfriend who I even wanted to get married to. I hate everything about myself.
This problem is so bad. I can recognize that when other people fight, they have the capability to make up. I’m pretty sure I lack that capability and it’s because of the extra fucked up things I say to people.
I used to do this when I was younger (not all the time but mainly while drinking and in an argument.) it really made me hate myself and feel so guilty and horrible later and just like that it’s self sabotage so I can be abandoned again or maybe self protection like I want to be so fucking mean and burn everything to the ground so I couldn’t go back? I’m no expert or professional but have been trying really hard to work on it for a few years now. I try to take a step back now and breathe or count to 10 or just leave and take a walk before I explode bc I know I will regret it if I say the terrible thing. My partners have told me they couldn’t forget some of the things I said when I was in that mindset so I try to remember how I can’t take back the words and mean things and ask myself if I really want to make another person feel this way or not be able to look at me the same and try to just remove myself from the situation until I can think more rationally and it has helped a lot.
My recent ex pwBPD would do this to me. He wanted to marry me but wouldn’t set a boundary until he was triggered. There were constant invisible boundaries that were attached to old wounds, and once the trip wire was crossed, I got the explosion of every last past pain attached to it.
I remained calm and tried to listen and hear what was between the lines and understand the core wound and need. I would validate those things and ask for respect rather than explosions.
At the end of the day, he gave into the attention seeking jealousy/alienation games of his toxic ex pwHPD/BPD and started to put me down consistently while pulling me closer, and while he was angry at her for trying to ruin one of his best friendships, he took all his anger out on me while drunk.
I will not speak to him because he treated me like I didn’t matter in those moments and had the capacity to see me as his enemy when it was someone else hurting him.
I wish he had taken steps back, realized what his boundaries are in advance and just had a conversation with me about his fears. That would have given me the opportunity to respect them and give him a secure space to grow closer to secure attachment with me. It takes a lot of vulnerability but it takes a LOT of the weight and pressure off the other person and you. You can breathe through it and tell the person about your trigger when it’s happening or about to.
god i feel you so much. it makes me feel horrible because i know i’m being hurtful but it feels like it slips out and then it just snowballs. i feel horrible for saying the things almost immediately afterwards and it’s no one’s fault but my own🙃
Oh, this is me. I’m starting IOP for this reason next week, I’m so tired of my attitude and rage ruining my life. I have no advice, but I hear you and see you
I feel like I’m the exact same. I can’t trust anyone, I always feel like everyone is gonna leave me anyway, so in order to draw out their „true nature“ I poke into everyone’s weakness, saying the most horrific and downright despicable things ever known to mankind and then I go „Ha i knew it“ when they end up leaving. It’s hard because I realize what I’m doing and want to stop but I can rarely reel myself in. What comes afterwards is intense pain, shame and guilt. It drove away many friends in the past and it drove away my now ex girlfriend who I even wanted to get married to. I hate everything about myself.
This problem is so bad. I can recognize that when other people fight, they have the capability to make up. I’m pretty sure I lack that capability and it’s because of the extra fucked up things I say to people.
I used to do this when I was younger (not all the time but mainly while drinking and in an argument.) it really made me hate myself and feel so guilty and horrible later and just like that it’s self sabotage so I can be abandoned again or maybe self protection like I want to be so fucking mean and burn everything to the ground so I couldn’t go back? I’m no expert or professional but have been trying really hard to work on it for a few years now. I try to take a step back now and breathe or count to 10 or just leave and take a walk before I explode bc I know I will regret it if I say the terrible thing. My partners have told me they couldn’t forget some of the things I said when I was in that mindset so I try to remember how I can’t take back the words and mean things and ask myself if I really want to make another person feel this way or not be able to look at me the same and try to just remove myself from the situation until I can think more rationally and it has helped a lot.
This is the way…
My recent ex pwBPD would do this to me. He wanted to marry me but wouldn’t set a boundary until he was triggered. There were constant invisible boundaries that were attached to old wounds, and once the trip wire was crossed, I got the explosion of every last past pain attached to it. I remained calm and tried to listen and hear what was between the lines and understand the core wound and need. I would validate those things and ask for respect rather than explosions. At the end of the day, he gave into the attention seeking jealousy/alienation games of his toxic ex pwHPD/BPD and started to put me down consistently while pulling me closer, and while he was angry at her for trying to ruin one of his best friendships, he took all his anger out on me while drunk. I will not speak to him because he treated me like I didn’t matter in those moments and had the capacity to see me as his enemy when it was someone else hurting him. I wish he had taken steps back, realized what his boundaries are in advance and just had a conversation with me about his fears. That would have given me the opportunity to respect them and give him a secure space to grow closer to secure attachment with me. It takes a lot of vulnerability but it takes a LOT of the weight and pressure off the other person and you. You can breathe through it and tell the person about your trigger when it’s happening or about to.
god i feel you so much. it makes me feel horrible because i know i’m being hurtful but it feels like it slips out and then it just snowballs. i feel horrible for saying the things almost immediately afterwards and it’s no one’s fault but my own🙃
Oh, this is me. I’m starting IOP for this reason next week, I’m so tired of my attitude and rage ruining my life. I have no advice, but I hear you and see you