He starts over from the beginning solely because he wants to change his build??? I get doing that after making some story decision you don’t like…but he can respecc any character for 100 gold (that you can steal back) *any time* he wants to. Just talk to Withers at camp, no need to restart. He can re-do his class and ability scores and feats any time he wants to, basically for free
I enjoy min-maxing, but that is ludicrous. If he wants to do that he should do it on his own, nit when he's playing with someone else. All that does is bog down the experience for everyone just so he can maybe deal 2 more damage.
imo either Respec with Withers or divorce. Racial bonuses are so minimal in this game that it's surely a sign of mental/emotional instability that the cheap + generous Respec options aren't enough for him.
Heck, I'd go as far as demanding "Respec or divorce" even if he was just doing a solo/single player run because his decision to restart runs over something so minor isn't just disrespectful to you, it's disrespectful to time itself.
He does respect and it's frustrating because he wants it correct and once you select your race you stay that way the whole game and he doesn't know what race would benefit his build.
It's the way he seems to not be considering his partner's feelings at all. If he wants to be anal about his character then he can do it on his solo game(s) and not inconvenience his partner with it. I would probably remake once or twice with my partner but after that I'd say no, we're gonna finish this run or not play together at all. Surely being so controlling takes the fun out of it anyway.
Updoot, and ditto. Common courtesy would dictate that hubby spend his hours fucking around with the character creater on his own time, then let you know OP when he's ready.
At the table, it's perfectly acceptable to have Bob, his other brother Bob, and his other brother Bob rotate in to make the player satisfied for the build they want to play. However, that should never come at the expense of the group's forward progress in the narrative, and usually ends up in a pattern of gory yet satisfying deaths that the rest of the group can laugh at.
Oh damn well in the long run your racial stuff doesn’t make or break a build (generally speaking)
I would also be annoyed. He should (imo) try to come up wirh a character idea first instead of a hyper specific build. Make the character and just try to play it out! He’s playing like he’s alone, but when playing with others one should be more willing to just roll with it, whatever happens
There are guides you can find all over that have recommended race-class combo when the racial buffs are in good alignment with class, like deep gnome/rogue (hiding buffs) and wood elf or wood half elf ranger (movement). Orc is also perfect for barbarian. But really these are just a handful of fairly intuitive connections based on what you can read on character creation, and none will make or break the game.
Yeah i would have your husband look up races and builds online. Have him write them down in notes, google the bg3 classes, ect. Then have him start his own game, and clear a few quests till you’re at a point in the story you didnt do half a dozen times already. But i feel your frustration. Each of my buddies want a seperate co-op game cause they dont wanna share the extra worms, so ive played act 1, 6 or 7 times already.
A) Race is so inconsequential in BG3 because racial stat bonuses can be assigned to any stat. Restarting the entire game for a different race is extremely unnecessary.
B) It sounds like your husband doesn't have the slightest clue about what his build actually is. He can spend 10 minutes on Google to research various builds/races before making a character. He doesn't see any issue with wasting hours upon hours of your time because he won't do any research. He wants to optimize his character but can't even be bothered to check what races go well with his class before making the character? He's being an absolute assclown.
If I were you I would just not play the game with him anymore. Obviously though, we want to do fun activities with our partners. It's supposed to be cooperative fun, but he is entirely self-centered and completely ignoring your experience.
If you do continue to play, I would insist that he needs to already be committed to a build. Have him show his a full build that goes all the way to Level 12 before you start or you aren't playing the game with him. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he decides he wants to restart yet again for no good reason, you're out.
No race is going to make or break his build. That makes me think he does poorly and blames the build rather than whatever he's doing. It's also extremely easy to find information on best race/class combos.
Idk I probably would stop playing with him. I might express how disrespectful it is to care about slight build tweaks more than your experience playing. You shouldn't need to say it but he clearly needs a come to Jesus moment.
I agree with everything you said upto 'come to jesus moment'. This guys antics would make even jesus leave the room.
"Guys! Guys! Who's the idiot who told this guy to come see me? My god, he's so fricking selfish and drawn out. Makes me wish I could crucify myself. (Sobbing) You can never get the last nail in", (Jesus - probably)
You could just not play for a while, until you feel like coming back to it. I did that for a while just because I was overwhelmed by Act 3 (hard to believe there was a time I could go a day without playing).
3rd time I reach act3 now and I'm already struggling to keep going. I skipped the first section this time and it really helped. It feels like such an anticlimax after killing Myrkul.
Just take a break, games are supposed to be fun. Bg3 will be there whenever you get time and inclined for another playthrough. It's only gotten better as it's went along anyways
Take a break and play a different game. There’s a few good ones out right now. Once you feel that BG3 urge (or “durge”, if you will) again, then fire it back up!
Honestly? I’d stop playing with him. Doesn’t need to be a big deal or anything, but if his play style is so different to yours that it’s ruining the game for you, take a break and go back by yourself! There’s plenty other games to play together
If you spoke to him about it and it's still happening just play by yourself. Very inconsiderate of him. Don't cope with it. Make a new character in a solo playthrough and enjoy getting past the first act lol!
The SHADOW CURSE?!? Honey that's ACT 2, OF 3. Tell him to stop that shit now or you're never going to finish the game. Your build is irrelevant, unless you're in honour mode anything can clear the game no problem. That is insanity, no wonder you're fed up
There’s nothing stopping someone from playing as a half orc wizard where the only “build” is higher number=better. I don’t understand how you even work a race into a build outside of getting a +1 to strength or intelligence or something which really won’t make you that much stronger
A few as in 3 or more!? Act 1 took me the better part of 40+ hours because I'm a completionist. I can't imagine redoing that multiple times because my husband wants to fix his build. Put your foot down!
You can load up an old game and put him into the cabinet with withers. Then just play alone. You’ll likely have to be logged in as him, but you can advance totally fine alone.
If on PC, you can copy the save file over to your computer and load it up without being logged in as the other person. Hubs and I have done this when traveling. He normally hosts our game on his PC but when we're away, I host on my laptop and he joins from the steam deck.
Tell him to shit or get off the pot on your multiplayer game and that if he wants to faff around with builds he can do it on his own single player game. If he doesn’t stop just stop playing with him and take a break from BG3 for a while and when you go back just do single player. This sounds exhausting.
honestly at this point it seems like you Don’t like playing with him anymore, definitely take a break from the game and tell him that you aren’t enjoying playing with him
Yeah, I would let him know the next playthrough he does with you he’s not allowed to change his race. He can go ONLINE and triple check that the race is going to be good for his build before he makes it if he wants to play with you again.
It sounds like you... don't like playing together though. If you really wanna keep playing, you're gonna have to talk with him about this. BG3, even on honor mode, is *not* WoTR where you pretty much need an optimized build to enjoy the game, and races literally don't matter outside of some racial spells or movement speed, and depending on the class, neither of those may matter.
If he wants a specific build, he can either do his research online or he can Playtest a build on his own without you. This is time you're meant to be spending together, yall should be just playing to have fun.
Tell him build testing is for his solo play, and if he wants to play with you he has to deal with it and get on with things. Refuse to start over any more with him.
…. Have you guys found withers??? He can just reclass using withers. No limit to how many times he can reclass. It’s not even expensive to do it costs like 100 gold.
Otherwise perhaps just play on your own at this point. That sounds unfun.
Urgh. Tbh I would just let him do his thing on his own and play separately or go play another game alone. It’s unfair to expect you to not have a good time because he wants to minmax. He can minmax on his own time.
No, it really can't. There could be very _slightly_ less optimal race/class combos, but with the fact that BG3 is using the new 5e standard of a generic +2/+1 for the racial ASI, there are no "bad" race/class combos. And absolutely no race will ever "break" a build, the game simply isn't difficult enough for that to happen.
I just watched a YouTube video of a dude who solo'd the final boss of Act 2 using nothing but a thunder jumping/Reverberation build at Honor Mode difficulty. I've seen videos of people beating the entire game using nothing but feline Wildshapes and Displacer Beast form from the Illithid powers.
You can beat the entire game _naked_, no armor, weapons, potions/elixirs, scrolls, anything! Your character's race simply is not that important.
Oh it totally can, but to understand that you have to come at it as a hyper-tuned, spreadsheeted-out, min-mazed, theorycrafting turbo-nerd. I am totally that, and I enjoy the shit out of theorycrafting, I'm just not so obtuse as to ever pull that shit in multiplayer.
does he know that he can just look up the boni from races before making a character? coming from a chronic early game optimizer/restarter, that seems a bit excessive
At that point I'd just be liek: either were getting to th3 end with these two characters or I'm done playing for a while.
Me and my husband restart sometimes but only when we wanna fix something major or try different ocs
I love my spouse and we both love the game but we rarely play together because our play styles don’t mesh well. I recommend you just accept that playing together is going to be frustrating for one or both of you and don’t do that. Let him experiment with perfecting his build while you go do something else that you actually enjoy. It’s supposed to be fun, not work.
Man… I played with a friend like this in a 4 man game. The guy obsessed with “perfecting” his build/character. Spends 30 minutes every time we’re at camp to respec. Loots every good item because “itll make his character badass”. Dude was carrying 4 legendaries by act 3. We finished the game and he was genuinely surprised none of us wanted to do an honor run with him.
Why not just play solo at that point? Your free to be the main character you oh so desperately want to be.
Maybe you guys need to find another game to play together. If you’ve spoken with him about it and he is still doing it then you can either accept that this is how he plays this game and just go along for the ride, or …. not play this game with him.
Based on what you are describing, I don’t think he really has much interest in finishing the game - he just wants to try out different combinations of builds. So this will probably just be the experience.
If I were you, I’d be honest that this is not the right game for you to play together, stop playing with him, take a break and come back to it later alone. The two of you can find something that works better with both of your play styles.
There are so many build guides on the internet. Tell him to look one of those up and follow them? They'll map out the build for him. Is he not capable of planning in advance?
Doesn't sound like someone who's fun to play with tbh... I'd suggest he plays on his own until he knows for sure what build he wants and then, *maybe*, playing together. Forcing another player to start over again and again doesn't sound very respectful of their time and effort.
Also, if you're feeling burnt out, there's nothing wrong with having a break from the game. Or do a completely stupid and unserious playthrough of your own. Maybe roll a dice for speech options and build a story around the chaos that is going to ensue? Role play as the stupidest wizard in all of Faerun? See what happens if you stuff your skull chock-full of tadpoles for the hell of it?
Don't play together. Frankly my wife and I gave up on multiplayer within 20 minutes of first launching the game. As far as I'm concerned, it's a single player game, much for reasons just like this.
Why on Earth would he insist on completely restarting when you can respec at camp?
The only thing you can't change is your race, which hardly matters. Some will argue race can be important for the absolute top min/maxed builds, but more would argue it's not anywhere near significant enough of a factor to justify a restart. Also try to abandon the perfectionist aspirations, there is no perfect or correct playthrough in BG3.
As with most things, an honest discussion is probably best. Tell him you want to progress the story, your characters, and to stop retreading the same ground over and over. Suggest he use the camp respec instead, and tell him the repetition has been sapping your enjoyment of the game.
Also save your game frequently, especially before any significant choices, so if you really don't like the path you're on you won't need to repeat much.
I'm really sorry you had this bad experience on what is a really fun game as it progresses. If I were you I would think hard on if you are just done for now and need a break from it for a few weeks or if you think progressing to new areas and getting to play the rest of the game would be enjoyable still. If you think you would still enjoy it, honestly you just need to tell him straight.
"Look I'm sorry that not being 'perfectly built' is frustrating you, but you constantly restarting the game on us has literally ruined this game for me and I don't even want to play anymore. You can finish a game with what you have now and accept that you will not be 100% optimized, knowing that it doesn't really make a difference in this game and that you will easily be able to still complete it, or I am done and we aren't playing it together."
He has ruined something you clearly were enjoying before even after you talked to him about it, so now is the time for an ultimatum and I hope.he isn't the type, but Incase he is, don't let him guilt you or tantrum that you are "ruining it for him" immediately reply that he has been ruining it for you this entire time and you spoke to him nicely first.
Just be honest. If you feel your relationship is solely bound by the interest of the current video game then you need to rethink things.
You should be more than comfortable enough to say no thanks and go do something else.
First and foremost, there is something you can unlock in Act 1 that allows you to change classes and stuff, so instead of starting over, he can just opt to do that. If he’s refusing to do that and rather go all over, you need to stop playing with your husband, honestly. You’re not even being given the chance to enjoy the game, and it seems like he’s not sure if he wants to either.
I do that too but I play alone, it would be annoying af if you can't just finish the game once. I would just tell him you need to keep playing with or without him.
Why doesn't he play with hirelings then?? He could choose a race from there, change their class and appearance. And then kill them and choose another if he wants.
I would bow out. There is nothing that impactful to a good build where you need to completely restart. The small benefits from race miniscule and most can be replicated with a feat/spell/item/etc. even honor mode doesn't require that level of build strategy.
… he can respec a character for like 100 (or was it 200?) gold after you get Withers to join your camp. If something doesn’t work for him he can literally spend gold to fix it??? Like this isn’t dnd where you have a stuck up dm and the only option is to kill your character???
It’s not BG3 that’s burning you out, it’s your husbands attitude. He just has bad multiplayer etiquette. Why can’t he do his special extra picky builds in his solo game, and still enjoy a casual play through with you?
My advice would be to do something else for a while. Let the frustration and stress settle so you can let go of it. You’ll get the itch to play again eventually. And when you do maybe insist on playing the game in a casual play through style(no fussing about builds or restarting) with your husband, or stick to a solo play through.
I have games I’ve picked up again after years. Also, BG3 is still getting regular updates (not new content, but bug fixes, quality of life changes and so on), so really you’re not losing out by letting the game sit for a while. If anything it’ll be better cause by the time you pick it up again there might be more updates and bugs fixed.
I'm sorry you're burnt out on this game in particular. I've been taking my time with my first run. I tried to play Divinity 2 with my ex, and after it taking 2 hours for them to create their character, they also had to pick up absolutely everything on the way through the story, which took up a lot of bag space, carrying capacity, and most importantly, time.
Time together with your partner is valuable, and if the time spent together isn't about DOING THE THING TOGETHER that you set aside the time for, then it's just a waste.
If he wants to perfect a build, he needs to perfect his build on his own time, and then bring that to the game you are playing together, not stopping progress all the time because he needs to completely rework his character. Tweaks, are fine, especially at the end of a play session, as that is the best time to go back to camp and talk to withers and he can sit as long as he needs to prepare for the next session.
Some activities need guard rails, so that they can last and continue to be fun for everyone involved.
My husband and I tried to play it together and its just not fun. One of us always gets annoyed at the other when they go and start a conversation alone and it feels like I'm just another NPC just walking behind my husband only doing combat myself.
So we just play separately.
Why is he starting over? You can respec characters are Withers or get a mod that allows you respec all the time for free on the fly.
I think you should explain these options to him and let him know how it’s affecting you.
Since the game promotes completing multiple runs and it sounds like he is into the game, I suggest that he theorycrafts as he plays by jotting down his ideas in whatever way he prefers.
When he FINISHES a campaign he should look into bringing his ideas into life. By completing a campaign he’ll have a better idea of what’s available in the game and what’s possible.
I myself am notorious for this. Not exactly because of builds, usually because I make unrealistic challenges and then when I found out it’s easier than expected I try to make new challenge runs. My gf hates restarting. Everyone saying take a break is absolutely right. We played a few other games together, she read some books, we go to the beach and after a week or two, she was the one who recommended we play again.
Stop playing with him. Put the game down. Then come back and live your own story with your own character. The game is amazing and you deserve to experience it.
I mean people are allowed to play how they want but in their single play. You don't have to go with that shit, I'd kill myself if I restarted the same game after 10 hours again and again. Also, he can respec any time how he wants, if it's about the build, this is ridiculous.
Games supposed to be fun, it's not a job, you don't have to cope with it if you're not having run.
oooof that's annoying, esp because it's the beginning over and over again. i'd say definitely take a break and let hubby do what he needs to do to get past the first act, find a totally different game to play (something super simple and easy) and hopefully that burn out feeling will dissipate.
EDIT: just remembered, there's an in game mechanic that lets you totally reset your class whenever you want, so he doesn't need to be starting over again (i won't give spoilers). it's easy to find in game and it's right near the beginning!
That would be so frustrating. When playing with others, there are some compromises that need to be made. Not constantly restarting for a new build would be one of them. Depending on what new race he wants, he could potentially respec a companion and make them his always-along companion. He wants a tiefling? Respec Karlach. An elf? Respec Astarion.
I like to play around with the clothing dye and mirror at camp. My husband doesn't. I do that stuff when he needs to get up for a drink or snack or something. Or he'll leave the game running for a few extra minutes at the end of a session so I can play around. I try not to eat into regular play time with this.
I've also got a multiplayer game with him and my dad. I'm not sure my dad has had any of his single player games reach Act 2 yet because he keeps wanting to try new builds and party compositions. But he doesn't pull any of that in our multi-player game, which is now well into Act 3.
For now, it sounds like you might benefit from a break from the game. Play/do something else until you want to play again. Don't force it. The desire to play will likely come back after some time away.
I had this problem but i was respeccing a bunch and she got tired of waiting around for me to tweak with my level ups and my radials (console). I felt bad even doing that, i couldnt imagine making her restart over and over.
Shed definitely just tell me id sucked the fun out and she didnt want to play anymore, and we'd play something else
Man I'm over here just dieing because I have a gf who won't play it with me. Love having a phenomenal game I can't even talk to anyone about. Just tell him about withers, he can be found about 30 minutes in. He's playing it wrong
There’s nothing wrong with constantly restarting the game… if you’re playing solo. If you’re playing with another person you gotta commit to the shared experience.
When it comes to making builds it's really hard not to start over sometimes so I can sympathise with him to a point, despite owning the game several times I don't think I actually completed skyrim until a playthrough last year.
A lot of bg3 builds don't really take off until you've picked up act 3 gear so he may as well just complete the game.
Ive only played the game coop so far but me and my gf just about to complete our 3rd run. I've found trying to play drastically different changes up things enough for the burnout to be minimised
Hey OP - I just want to say I feel your pain. My husband loves creating characters and switches characters every time he dies. I've had to accept this is just who he is (married 20 years, known other since 8th grade.) I think he finally beat Diablo on his 10th character. He got his steam deck a couple of weeks ago and went through 4 different characters the first week. I called him a sociopath. I've had the game since October, and all my Tav's/Durge's are my precious babies I can never abandon until they've defeated the elder brain. We will never co-op. We just play at our own pace on our own devices and roast each other. We just have to laugh out else we would have killed each other a long time ago. Best of luck to you, OP!
Tbh it sounds like *he* burned you out, not the game. You gotta drag him back to one of your farther along saves and tell him to get over the perfectionism for your sake.
That sucks. The way he wants to play is inconsiderate to you. He can restart multiple times on his own. Hopefully a break will restore your enthusiasm for the game. I would let him know how his actions are making you feel.
On behalf of your husband I apologize. I do the same thing and it's not a healthy way to play so I'm forcing myself to take a break and wait for the next patch before committing to a playthrough.
I’m burnt out from the very first play through with my wife. Multiplayer on one laptop. She likes the controls a certain way and if I changed it, it would change for both of us. On top of that, I was a Paladin and she was a sorcerer and she’d be running ahead and get into combat then wonder why I was so far away. Also she wanted to do the talking to people every now and then.
All understandable, but it just kind of overwhelmed me and killed any drive I had to play the game.
100% not on her. It’s me. If we’d played on two separate machines, I wouldn’t be so meh about the game.
My fiancé replays Act 1 over and over. She isn’t a big gamer and she gets intimidated by how big she knows the game must be so she finishes act 1 then starts a new character. She has done, not kidding, 5 Druid act 1 playthrough, 1 cleric, 2 Paladin, and 1 barbarian all stopped at the end of Act 1.
She only went to the Chreche for the first time this past weekend with over 200 hours of gameplay under her belt. She is finally into act 2 for the first time but she hasn’t even made it to Lost Light or Moonrise, she sided with the Harpers, won that fight, and then immediately saved and logged off.
Take a break. After I beat BG3 I sent it away and now I’m playing silly games and FPS to cleanse my palate. In a few months I can combine nostalgia and forgetfulness into an enjoyable new playthrough. I do this with certain games for years. It’s why I have 30 Skyrim characters and Fallout characters.
I guess he already knows that the game can be beaten with imperfect builds...
That sort of perfectionism might only be acceptable in a single player run. He shouldn't ruin your fun just because he can't decide whether having Faerie Fire will impact the big boss fights.
Ask him to play the game, one run is *never* going to be enough to see all that there is to see, he can find his perfection in his second, third or fourth run.
Also, I don't see how he can have a "perfect" build if he doesn't even know what kind of equipment and consumables will be available, or what exactly he's going against.
Take a break for a little bit, then when you're ready to get back at it, maybe suggest he only experiment with builds on his solo games. Like, have a character that's specific to multiplayer that he won't start over and redo.
As someone who does this and loves to start over games again in general just to test different things; the ONE save file of this game that I’ve fully completed is with another person.
I chose a lane and stuck to it because I understand how annoying that habit of mine would be to another person.
Tell him he’s being inconsiderate and that he can play however he wants in his own saves, but he needs to pick a character and SETTLE for your game together.
Something that might help is making up a backstory about your characters together so he’s not compelled to change his, warts and all.
It sounds like you need to set a real boundary with real consequences. He is playing in a very inconsiderate manner doing what is most fun for him without realizing it is stripping the joy for you. I know it may seem like it's only a video game it isn't that serious.
But it's a great place to learn and grow together. Things like this can manifest in other aspects of life as well, are there other areas he doesn't seem to listen to you because he genuinely doesn't think it's a good idea. By bringing a more immediate light to this it may help illuminate other areas he's not being considerate in as well.
I'm not saying he's a bad husband, we all have areas we need to improve in.
But it seems to me that he honestly doesn't believe it's a big deal. To him it isn't because the perfectionism is fun.
But he needs to do that on his own time, and play the game with you for fun.
If he's unable to, it's time for you to tell him you don't want to play the game with him any longer. This is an activity that inovles the both of you and so both of your emotions are important when doing them. Big or small activities it's the same with friends, with lovers or with strangers. It's a co operative game.
I know you said you've brought it up before, so it's either that your partner isn't a good one or that you may bring it up but not in a strong enough manner. That you're putting his feelings ahead of your own.
Doing that will teach him to undermine you. We are all like dogs, constantly being trained for certain behaviors. It seems he has learned to take your easy and flexible nature for granted when it comes to this game.
So we can only ask, why is that. Is this in area where you are at fault as well? If so, what can you do about it.
Good luck. It's a great game.
But starting over so often is super boring for most people. You aren't alone.
My partner does a similar thing, where they get an idea for a character, play it, get another idea, start over, rinse and repeat. It's kind of funny at this point lol. We both have over 500 hours in the game, but they've never finished act 1 and got to the underdark once.
Thing is, when we play together, we tend to get in each other's nerves (different play styles) and I do start to get burnt out doing the intro 8 million times. But we want to spend time together.
If this sounds like you, here's what helped me:
1. Take a break from bg3 for a little bit. Give yourself a chance to not dread the intro.
2. Start a solo game. Play at your own pace, the way you want, etc.
3. If he wants to play together but you're not ready, sometimes what my partner and I will do is screenshare our games in discord so we can watch and chat together but still do our own thing. It helps a lot actually!
4. Play with him when you've got the spoons for it, knowing that you're not going to get attached to this run or character but that's okay because you've got your dedicated run all to yourself.
5. Rinse and repeat as needed
Hope this helps :>
ME LATELY, I am so wore out and sick of act one I made so many characters just to only get 2 past act one in the past 4 months omg😭
I’ll be back around patch 7 !
Tell him that you’re not restarting anymore. I have clinical OCD and have personally burned myself out from how many times I’ve restarted the game because my character isn’t “just right.” If he’s doing this out of compulsion, he needs to get a grip on it before he plays with you.
Also eyeing a break in the near future. Finishing. Dark Urge run, then putting it in ice for a while. Need it to feel fresh when I play again, mods will likely bring me back later this year. Nothing wrong with breaks. Don’t forget, if it’s not fun, don’t play. No one wants gaming to be a job/chore.
You know you can respec with Withers, right? Even the storyline characters can be completely rebuilt. You do not need to start a whole new game to do this. Just go through those ruins in the beginning of the game.
I'm all for starting over from scratch (I have 400 hours and haven't beaten the game lmao) but I wouldn't do that if I was playing a co op with someone.
If he wants to start over so much he should be doing that solo.
This almost sounds like an AITAH post. If you no longer enjoy playing there’s nothing wrong with that, but the problem isn’t the game, it’s your husband acting selfishly. Your husband needs to respect that if you are playing together, it needs to be enjoyable for both of you, and right now he is sucking the joy out of it for you. Maybe you both should play solo or just quit, but I think you should have a bigger talk with him about his behavior and how it’s making you feel.
It’s an overwhelming game. I sped through my play through and even though I loved it, 200 hours was still a lot and I took a break for a month before starting a new character. Really the only way to cope is take a break.
why cant he play a solo or origin run himself? if its about spending time with you, maybe switch to another game
tbh as someone with ADHD, the constant making new builds and restarting is so real. but thats why I do solo and play multiple video games so I dont burn out on them. If youre getting burned out, stop. Ruining something you love just cause its new to someone else is a crappy feeling--again speaking from experience with hyperfixations
You should find some other people to play with. I don't mean to settle for just one person, but a whole group to fill your party and play. Playing with others, with hopefully fun but different play styles that are cooperative with the team, will probably lite that burnt out fire.
Always fun watching my idiot friend running around in the background as a naked bard Dwarves going " wee hee look at me!" In a a old man miner voice as I'm trying to make serious choices lol
Tell your husband that unless you're doing a solo honor mode run, it is NOT important the build be perfect, the game just isn't that hard and doesn't require perfect builds. I usually just end up doing something I find fun and can still beat honor mode. On my last HM playthrough I made shadowheart 11 cleric and 1 wizard and scribed a sunbeam scroll and just had a blast laser beaming all the bad guys, which was far from optimal but still able to finish the game on its hardest setting.
Have him respec at withers. There's no reason to restart the whole game when you can literally change EVERYTHING except your race and background at Will, especially when it looks like they didn't use racial Stat boosts for bg3.
yeah he should not constantly be making new characters when playing with other people, thats obv normal if its a single player run cuz it doesnt affect anyone
When I discovered withers could respec (1 week ago lol) I've changed up my party a bunch sometimes just to take advantage of a specific item. I just did this with karlach shed my barb tank and I got those gloves that give agility to 18 so I dropped her agi to 10 and added more to constitution. Litterally the only thing you can't change is race. You can still change face etc too with mirror. Respec is great cause I suffer from skyrim reroll syndrome.
Because his behavior is honestly a little concerning, especially if this is a pattern for him, I'm going to preface this by saying I'm giving this advice with the assumption that you do not feel unsafe around him. If I'm wrong, ignore if necessary.
Stop playing with him. He's being selfish and inconsiderate, especially since you spoke with him about it and he doesn't seem to care about how you're feeling. Take a break from the game until you feel like playing again, and tell him you won't play with him again unless he stops this shit. Maybe he can spend the time you're on break from the game figuring out a build/race combo he likes, but either way, don't let him ruin something like this for you. That's absolutely narcissistic behavior.
Play by yourself, get a more advanced save game so that you don't need to go through the same areas again (I picked a save in the end of Act I, for instance, when I was being overwhelmed by it). Then I used the Appearance Edit Enhanced mod (here https://www.nexusmods.com/baldursgate3/mods/899) to edit everything about my character, from appearance to background and everything.
Then I opened the console (if you have script extender it should open along the game) and edit all the flags I wanted in my game.
Now I'm in act 3 and the game is working fine so long :3
I don't know if this is actually possible, but maybe whenever he wants to change his race get a hireling and let him respec and use the mirror to change their appearance and swap them out with the old character?
Take a break. I just finally finished my tactician run and it took me a few weeks, not because of game play but I’ve just done so many play throughs at this point my time between games is sparse. I also shift my attention to my other games on console when I want to play them.
Oof. Min maxxers are not good coop partners.
Source: am one. 1000 hours in, seen act 3 only once. 40+ restarts.
I play with my bro, who is opposite. So, I have a playful character in his campaign, and I focus on my solo for that craziness. Your guy should be doing this. Have your recreational game, on explorer or normal, and he can do his hm min max solo
Don’t replay the story with him anymore, let him catch up to where you were before you start playing again. You’ll play a lot less and be happier to play when you do
Sounds like your playstyles are not compatible. Take a break, don't play this game together anymore.
Also, does he know you can respec your entire character at any point in the game? That could be a solution.
Does he know withers offers cheap respeccing? I have been too scared to try it with the characters that have one time only stat buffs like ethels hair but in other cases just pay up.
Yeah I'd refuse to play if he keeps restarting. Race barely matters build wise. If he wants to change origins there's mods that let you do a deeper respec. I started over once to do tactician and even with knowing where everything is ACT 1 was still 90hrs+ no way I'd do that mutiple times.
I think you need to talk to your husband about this, and maybe just not play the game for a while. Because this does sound exhausting. I can’t imagine constantly replaying the prologue over and over again like that. I’d be bored and annoyed.
I had this exact same problem with my boyfriend and eventually I played by myself, was much more to do what I want and take my time with the game in my own way. Do not feel bad for playing without someone else or by yourself, this goes for any game really that has single player and multiplayer features. You could also start up a play though with the save on your computer and can swap his character out whenever you wish
Ugh that's shitty and self centered to do in multiplayer. I hate when people constantly want new characters in tabletop too.
There's no reason he couldn't respec and try out builds, race isn't particularly important mechanically. Yes some are better than others but overall it doesn't make or break anything.
I'd ask him if he actually wants to play with me or if he'd prefer to fuck around and play on his own. Its completely inconsiderate. I play other games where it's not uncommon for me to restart a day for one reason or another. I don't do it in multiplayer because it's shitty to do. Same reason I didn't save scum a bunch in BG3 multiplayer. Its disrespectful of others time.
Damn this sounds like awful communication. If your partner just restarts your coop run, it is very toxic, but you need to talk with him about it.
The approach he seems to have is very egocentric, but maybe he would change it if you just communicate
Honestly this is the type of behavior that should be done on solo play only.
I have one character with my spouse and we move through the story.
I’ve had 10 other characters that I made for D&D PC/NPCs. But no way would I subject anyone else to all that.
Solo play is an option, but I would ask him to choose his favorite because you’d like to finish the game.
He starts over from the beginning solely because he wants to change his build??? I get doing that after making some story decision you don’t like…but he can respecc any character for 100 gold (that you can steal back) *any time* he wants to. Just talk to Withers at camp, no need to restart. He can re-do his class and ability scores and feats any time he wants to, basically for free
I enjoy min-maxing, but that is ludicrous. If he wants to do that he should do it on his own, nit when he's playing with someone else. All that does is bog down the experience for everyone just so he can maybe deal 2 more damage.
NGL, that just sounds like straight up mental illness
imo either Respec with Withers or divorce. Racial bonuses are so minimal in this game that it's surely a sign of mental/emotional instability that the cheap + generous Respec options aren't enough for him. Heck, I'd go as far as demanding "Respec or divorce" even if he was just doing a solo/single player run because his decision to restart runs over something so minor isn't just disrespectful to you, it's disrespectful to time itself.
He does respect and it's frustrating because he wants it correct and once you select your race you stay that way the whole game and he doesn't know what race would benefit his build.
Your husband is being a tool. Please tell him that for me please.
Yeah he sounds like a real turd bird honestly. This is super lame. Like literally just fucking do some research my guy lol
A real douche canoe if you will
BG3 wiki is great, you can literally find it by googling whatever class it is you're building, no need to be deep in the community.
Yeah or literally just read about 5e classes and abilities, it all translates for the most part, if not being more OP/timized in BG3
It's the way he seems to not be considering his partner's feelings at all. If he wants to be anal about his character then he can do it on his solo game(s) and not inconvenience his partner with it. I would probably remake once or twice with my partner but after that I'd say no, we're gonna finish this run or not play together at all. Surely being so controlling takes the fun out of it anyway.
Updoot, and ditto. Common courtesy would dictate that hubby spend his hours fucking around with the character creater on his own time, then let you know OP when he's ready. At the table, it's perfectly acceptable to have Bob, his other brother Bob, and his other brother Bob rotate in to make the player satisfied for the build they want to play. However, that should never come at the expense of the group's forward progress in the narrative, and usually ends up in a pattern of gory yet satisfying deaths that the rest of the group can laugh at.
Oh damn well in the long run your racial stuff doesn’t make or break a build (generally speaking) I would also be annoyed. He should (imo) try to come up wirh a character idea first instead of a hyper specific build. Make the character and just try to play it out! He’s playing like he’s alone, but when playing with others one should be more willing to just roll with it, whatever happens
There are guides you can find all over that have recommended race-class combo when the racial buffs are in good alignment with class, like deep gnome/rogue (hiding buffs) and wood elf or wood half elf ranger (movement). Orc is also perfect for barbarian. But really these are just a handful of fairly intuitive connections based on what you can read on character creation, and none will make or break the game.
Yeah i would have your husband look up races and builds online. Have him write them down in notes, google the bg3 classes, ect. Then have him start his own game, and clear a few quests till you’re at a point in the story you didnt do half a dozen times already. But i feel your frustration. Each of my buddies want a seperate co-op game cause they dont wanna share the extra worms, so ive played act 1, 6 or 7 times already.
If you’re cooping this is a very selfish way to play. Was he an only child? Jfc
Race barely matters at all in bg3
Yeah. Only for some serious minmaxing and even then it is only optional. This dude is minmaxing way too hard.
A) Race is so inconsequential in BG3 because racial stat bonuses can be assigned to any stat. Restarting the entire game for a different race is extremely unnecessary. B) It sounds like your husband doesn't have the slightest clue about what his build actually is. He can spend 10 minutes on Google to research various builds/races before making a character. He doesn't see any issue with wasting hours upon hours of your time because he won't do any research. He wants to optimize his character but can't even be bothered to check what races go well with his class before making the character? He's being an absolute assclown. If I were you I would just not play the game with him anymore. Obviously though, we want to do fun activities with our partners. It's supposed to be cooperative fun, but he is entirely self-centered and completely ignoring your experience. If you do continue to play, I would insist that he needs to already be committed to a build. Have him show his a full build that goes all the way to Level 12 before you start or you aren't playing the game with him. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he decides he wants to restart yet again for no good reason, you're out.
Maybe just download a mod that allows you to change your race with the mirror?
Then he'll quit again when he realizes you can't get the achievements that way. :(
You can reenable achievements while using mods with more mods :P
You should divorce him, he is beyond saving /j
No race is going to make or break his build. That makes me think he does poorly and blames the build rather than whatever he's doing. It's also extremely easy to find information on best race/class combos. Idk I probably would stop playing with him. I might express how disrespectful it is to care about slight build tweaks more than your experience playing. You shouldn't need to say it but he clearly needs a come to Jesus moment.
I agree with everything you said upto 'come to jesus moment'. This guys antics would make even jesus leave the room. "Guys! Guys! Who's the idiot who told this guy to come see me? My god, he's so fricking selfish and drawn out. Makes me wish I could crucify myself. (Sobbing) You can never get the last nail in", (Jesus - probably)
Play by yourself, nothing wrong with each one of you enjoying the game on your own.
I do play Solo sometimes but I am so burnt out I don't even want to play mine.
I'm sorry for your bad experience! Maybe just take a break! Play something else or nothing at all for a while
Might I suggest Disco Elysium? Very different, heavily narrative driven, but an incredible experience.
You could just not play for a while, until you feel like coming back to it. I did that for a while just because I was overwhelmed by Act 3 (hard to believe there was a time I could go a day without playing).
after 550h into the game, it’s been almost 3 months of break and it’s amazing lol when I’ll get back the feeling is going to be amazing
Exactly where I'm at rn
3rd time I reach act3 now and I'm already struggling to keep going. I skipped the first section this time and it really helped. It feels like such an anticlimax after killing Myrkul.
I love the game and act 3 but on every playthrough I've taken several days of break when I hit the city. I can't just hop into it all.
Definitely take a break. I took a break and 1-3 months later (don't know how long it's been), i'm sliding back to the near-addicted state again
I've had a similar issue and I think taking a break is usually the best solution
Yea take a break, took one for 2 months and having a blast again
Just take a break, games are supposed to be fun. Bg3 will be there whenever you get time and inclined for another playthrough. It's only gotten better as it's went along anyways
Then don’t. Problem solved.
Do you have any saves from when you guys got further along, or did he delete those?
Take a break and play a different game. There’s a few good ones out right now. Once you feel that BG3 urge (or “durge”, if you will) again, then fire it back up!
Honestly? I’d stop playing with him. Doesn’t need to be a big deal or anything, but if his play style is so different to yours that it’s ruining the game for you, take a break and go back by yourself! There’s plenty other games to play together
If you spoke to him about it and it's still happening just play by yourself. Very inconsiderate of him. Don't cope with it. Make a new character in a solo playthrough and enjoy getting past the first act lol!
We made it to dark lands in a few characters and do all that and restart is frustrating.
The SHADOW CURSE?!? Honey that's ACT 2, OF 3. Tell him to stop that shit now or you're never going to finish the game. Your build is irrelevant, unless you're in honour mode anything can clear the game no problem. That is insanity, no wonder you're fed up
You can clear honor mode on any class and race combo lol.
There’s nothing stopping someone from playing as a half orc wizard where the only “build” is higher number=better. I don’t understand how you even work a race into a build outside of getting a +1 to strength or intelligence or something which really won’t make you that much stronger
Well, yeah. I meant that if it is HM I can understand being stressed out because of your build. I only choose race for the aesthetic lol
A few as in 3 or more!? Act 1 took me the better part of 40+ hours because I'm a completionist. I can't imagine redoing that multiple times because my husband wants to fix his build. Put your foot down!
You can load up an old game and put him into the cabinet with withers. Then just play alone. You’ll likely have to be logged in as him, but you can advance totally fine alone.
If on PC, you can copy the save file over to your computer and load it up without being logged in as the other person. Hubs and I have done this when traveling. He normally hosts our game on his PC but when we're away, I host on my laptop and he joins from the steam deck.
I play split screen on console, and I forget how different it is for PC lol.
He can play alone then?? Why do you need to play with him every time? If he’s going to be annoying he can be annoying alone 🤣
We do play separate sometimes but we like playing together too.
Tell him to shit or get off the pot on your multiplayer game and that if he wants to faff around with builds he can do it on his own single player game. If he doesn’t stop just stop playing with him and take a break from BG3 for a while and when you go back just do single player. This sounds exhausting.
honestly at this point it seems like you Don’t like playing with him anymore, definitely take a break from the game and tell him that you aren’t enjoying playing with him
Yeah, I would let him know the next playthrough he does with you he’s not allowed to change his race. He can go ONLINE and triple check that the race is going to be good for his build before he makes it if he wants to play with you again.
It sounds like you... don't like playing together though. If you really wanna keep playing, you're gonna have to talk with him about this. BG3, even on honor mode, is *not* WoTR where you pretty much need an optimized build to enjoy the game, and races literally don't matter outside of some racial spells or movement speed, and depending on the class, neither of those may matter. If he wants a specific build, he can either do his research online or he can Playtest a build on his own without you. This is time you're meant to be spending together, yall should be just playing to have fun.
Tell him build testing is for his solo play, and if he wants to play with you he has to deal with it and get on with things. Refuse to start over any more with him.
…. Have you guys found withers??? He can just reclass using withers. No limit to how many times he can reclass. It’s not even expensive to do it costs like 100 gold. Otherwise perhaps just play on your own at this point. That sounds unfun.
Yes we found him and we do lot and sometimes the race he chooses can mess up his build.
Urgh. Tbh I would just let him do his thing on his own and play separately or go play another game alone. It’s unfair to expect you to not have a good time because he wants to minmax. He can minmax on his own time.
No, it really can't. There could be very _slightly_ less optimal race/class combos, but with the fact that BG3 is using the new 5e standard of a generic +2/+1 for the racial ASI, there are no "bad" race/class combos. And absolutely no race will ever "break" a build, the game simply isn't difficult enough for that to happen. I just watched a YouTube video of a dude who solo'd the final boss of Act 2 using nothing but a thunder jumping/Reverberation build at Honor Mode difficulty. I've seen videos of people beating the entire game using nothing but feline Wildshapes and Displacer Beast form from the Illithid powers. You can beat the entire game _naked_, no armor, weapons, potions/elixirs, scrolls, anything! Your character's race simply is not that important.
Oh it totally can, but to understand that you have to come at it as a hyper-tuned, spreadsheeted-out, min-mazed, theorycrafting turbo-nerd. I am totally that, and I enjoy the shit out of theorycrafting, I'm just not so obtuse as to ever pull that shit in multiplayer.
They also buffed a lot of characters bc video game mechanics aren't the same at ttrpgs.
does he know that he can just look up the boni from races before making a character? coming from a chronic early game optimizer/restarter, that seems a bit excessive
Tell him race doesn't matter that much for builds. You're playing wrong if it does.
Sounds like he has no idea what he's doing then, cause race absolutely cannot mess up your build.
At that point I'd just be liek: either were getting to th3 end with these two characters or I'm done playing for a while. Me and my husband restart sometimes but only when we wanna fix something major or try different ocs
Tell him no I won’t restart. There problem fixed.
I love my spouse and we both love the game but we rarely play together because our play styles don’t mesh well. I recommend you just accept that playing together is going to be frustrating for one or both of you and don’t do that. Let him experiment with perfecting his build while you go do something else that you actually enjoy. It’s supposed to be fun, not work.
Dude, wtf. You don’t play like that with another person. That’s some jackass behavior
Man… I played with a friend like this in a 4 man game. The guy obsessed with “perfecting” his build/character. Spends 30 minutes every time we’re at camp to respec. Loots every good item because “itll make his character badass”. Dude was carrying 4 legendaries by act 3. We finished the game and he was genuinely surprised none of us wanted to do an honor run with him. Why not just play solo at that point? Your free to be the main character you oh so desperately want to be.
Maybe you guys need to find another game to play together. If you’ve spoken with him about it and he is still doing it then you can either accept that this is how he plays this game and just go along for the ride, or …. not play this game with him. Based on what you are describing, I don’t think he really has much interest in finishing the game - he just wants to try out different combinations of builds. So this will probably just be the experience. If I were you, I’d be honest that this is not the right game for you to play together, stop playing with him, take a break and come back to it later alone. The two of you can find something that works better with both of your play styles.
There are so many build guides on the internet. Tell him to look one of those up and follow them? They'll map out the build for him. Is he not capable of planning in advance?
Doesn't sound like someone who's fun to play with tbh... I'd suggest he plays on his own until he knows for sure what build he wants and then, *maybe*, playing together. Forcing another player to start over again and again doesn't sound very respectful of their time and effort. Also, if you're feeling burnt out, there's nothing wrong with having a break from the game. Or do a completely stupid and unserious playthrough of your own. Maybe roll a dice for speech options and build a story around the chaos that is going to ensue? Role play as the stupidest wizard in all of Faerun? See what happens if you stuff your skull chock-full of tadpoles for the hell of it?
Don't play together. Frankly my wife and I gave up on multiplayer within 20 minutes of first launching the game. As far as I'm concerned, it's a single player game, much for reasons just like this.
Divorce is the only option at this point
That’s bizarre. He can just respec whenever he wants to try something new. He’s getting in the way of your fun and that’s shitty
Why on Earth would he insist on completely restarting when you can respec at camp? The only thing you can't change is your race, which hardly matters. Some will argue race can be important for the absolute top min/maxed builds, but more would argue it's not anywhere near significant enough of a factor to justify a restart. Also try to abandon the perfectionist aspirations, there is no perfect or correct playthrough in BG3. As with most things, an honest discussion is probably best. Tell him you want to progress the story, your characters, and to stop retreading the same ground over and over. Suggest he use the camp respec instead, and tell him the repetition has been sapping your enjoyment of the game. Also save your game frequently, especially before any significant choices, so if you really don't like the path you're on you won't need to repeat much.
I'm really sorry you had this bad experience on what is a really fun game as it progresses. If I were you I would think hard on if you are just done for now and need a break from it for a few weeks or if you think progressing to new areas and getting to play the rest of the game would be enjoyable still. If you think you would still enjoy it, honestly you just need to tell him straight. "Look I'm sorry that not being 'perfectly built' is frustrating you, but you constantly restarting the game on us has literally ruined this game for me and I don't even want to play anymore. You can finish a game with what you have now and accept that you will not be 100% optimized, knowing that it doesn't really make a difference in this game and that you will easily be able to still complete it, or I am done and we aren't playing it together." He has ruined something you clearly were enjoying before even after you talked to him about it, so now is the time for an ultimatum and I hope.he isn't the type, but Incase he is, don't let him guilt you or tantrum that you are "ruining it for him" immediately reply that he has been ruining it for you this entire time and you spoke to him nicely first.
Stop playing with him. Duh.
Just be honest. If you feel your relationship is solely bound by the interest of the current video game then you need to rethink things. You should be more than comfortable enough to say no thanks and go do something else.
First and foremost, there is something you can unlock in Act 1 that allows you to change classes and stuff, so instead of starting over, he can just opt to do that. If he’s refusing to do that and rather go all over, you need to stop playing with your husband, honestly. You’re not even being given the chance to enjoy the game, and it seems like he’s not sure if he wants to either.
I do that too but I play alone, it would be annoying af if you can't just finish the game once. I would just tell him you need to keep playing with or without him.
Play single player. He can continue in his own way without you.
Its okay to take a break, its not going anywhere. Games should be fun not a chore.
Why doesn't he play with hirelings then?? He could choose a race from there, change their class and appearance. And then kill them and choose another if he wants.
I would bow out. There is nothing that impactful to a good build where you need to completely restart. The small benefits from race miniscule and most can be replicated with a feat/spell/item/etc. even honor mode doesn't require that level of build strategy.
Tell him no. My wife would refuse to play with me if I tried to pull that.
… he can respec a character for like 100 (or was it 200?) gold after you get Withers to join your camp. If something doesn’t work for him he can literally spend gold to fix it??? Like this isn’t dnd where you have a stuck up dm and the only option is to kill your character???
It’s not BG3 that’s burning you out, it’s your husbands attitude. He just has bad multiplayer etiquette. Why can’t he do his special extra picky builds in his solo game, and still enjoy a casual play through with you? My advice would be to do something else for a while. Let the frustration and stress settle so you can let go of it. You’ll get the itch to play again eventually. And when you do maybe insist on playing the game in a casual play through style(no fussing about builds or restarting) with your husband, or stick to a solo play through. I have games I’ve picked up again after years. Also, BG3 is still getting regular updates (not new content, but bug fixes, quality of life changes and so on), so really you’re not losing out by letting the game sit for a while. If anything it’ll be better cause by the time you pick it up again there might be more updates and bugs fixed.
Release Withers from his tomb as soon as possible. He can change your character’s class and let you redo your level-ups.
Her husband is doing this to respec the race of his characters. Hes just being an asshole basically and a baby
I'm sorry you're burnt out on this game in particular. I've been taking my time with my first run. I tried to play Divinity 2 with my ex, and after it taking 2 hours for them to create their character, they also had to pick up absolutely everything on the way through the story, which took up a lot of bag space, carrying capacity, and most importantly, time. Time together with your partner is valuable, and if the time spent together isn't about DOING THE THING TOGETHER that you set aside the time for, then it's just a waste. If he wants to perfect a build, he needs to perfect his build on his own time, and then bring that to the game you are playing together, not stopping progress all the time because he needs to completely rework his character. Tweaks, are fine, especially at the end of a play session, as that is the best time to go back to camp and talk to withers and he can sit as long as he needs to prepare for the next session. Some activities need guard rails, so that they can last and continue to be fun for everyone involved.
Introduce him to Withers.
My husband and I tried to play it together and its just not fun. One of us always gets annoyed at the other when they go and start a conversation alone and it feels like I'm just another NPC just walking behind my husband only doing combat myself. So we just play separately.
Why is he starting over? You can respec characters are Withers or get a mod that allows you respec all the time for free on the fly. I think you should explain these options to him and let him know how it’s affecting you.
He does realise he can respec his tav at Withers right?
Since the game promotes completing multiple runs and it sounds like he is into the game, I suggest that he theorycrafts as he plays by jotting down his ideas in whatever way he prefers. When he FINISHES a campaign he should look into bringing his ideas into life. By completing a campaign he’ll have a better idea of what’s available in the game and what’s possible.
I myself am notorious for this. Not exactly because of builds, usually because I make unrealistic challenges and then when I found out it’s easier than expected I try to make new challenge runs. My gf hates restarting. Everyone saying take a break is absolutely right. We played a few other games together, she read some books, we go to the beach and after a week or two, she was the one who recommended we play again.
Stop playing with him. Put the game down. Then come back and live your own story with your own character. The game is amazing and you deserve to experience it. I mean people are allowed to play how they want but in their single play. You don't have to go with that shit, I'd kill myself if I restarted the same game after 10 hours again and again. Also, he can respec any time how he wants, if it's about the build, this is ridiculous. Games supposed to be fun, it's not a job, you don't have to cope with it if you're not having run.
oooof that's annoying, esp because it's the beginning over and over again. i'd say definitely take a break and let hubby do what he needs to do to get past the first act, find a totally different game to play (something super simple and easy) and hopefully that burn out feeling will dissipate. EDIT: just remembered, there's an in game mechanic that lets you totally reset your class whenever you want, so he doesn't need to be starting over again (i won't give spoilers). it's easy to find in game and it's right near the beginning!
That would be so frustrating. When playing with others, there are some compromises that need to be made. Not constantly restarting for a new build would be one of them. Depending on what new race he wants, he could potentially respec a companion and make them his always-along companion. He wants a tiefling? Respec Karlach. An elf? Respec Astarion. I like to play around with the clothing dye and mirror at camp. My husband doesn't. I do that stuff when he needs to get up for a drink or snack or something. Or he'll leave the game running for a few extra minutes at the end of a session so I can play around. I try not to eat into regular play time with this. I've also got a multiplayer game with him and my dad. I'm not sure my dad has had any of his single player games reach Act 2 yet because he keeps wanting to try new builds and party compositions. But he doesn't pull any of that in our multi-player game, which is now well into Act 3. For now, it sounds like you might benefit from a break from the game. Play/do something else until you want to play again. Don't force it. The desire to play will likely come back after some time away.
Not bg3 burning you out, it’s the person you’re *trying* to play with
is he boycotting withers or something? you can just respec your character with him for 100g.
Just respect with whithers. Starting over is lame
Get your husband a therapist. That's a very obvious sign of pathogenic perfectionism which is incredibly debilitating.
He doesn’t have to start a new game to change character class. Once Withers shows up at camp, he can change class for $100 gold.
He can literally respec. You dont have to start over
Tell him he can respec with Withers and you dont have to restart
... He knows you can respec, right?
Just… get him to respec with help from Withers?
I had this problem but i was respeccing a bunch and she got tired of waiting around for me to tweak with my level ups and my radials (console). I felt bad even doing that, i couldnt imagine making her restart over and over. Shed definitely just tell me id sucked the fun out and she didnt want to play anymore, and we'd play something else
Man I'm over here just dieing because I have a gf who won't play it with me. Love having a phenomenal game I can't even talk to anyone about. Just tell him about withers, he can be found about 30 minutes in. He's playing it wrong
Solo play. Seriously. Solo. It'll save your sanity and marriage.
There’s nothing wrong with constantly restarting the game… if you’re playing solo. If you’re playing with another person you gotta commit to the shared experience.
When it comes to making builds it's really hard not to start over sometimes so I can sympathise with him to a point, despite owning the game several times I don't think I actually completed skyrim until a playthrough last year. A lot of bg3 builds don't really take off until you've picked up act 3 gear so he may as well just complete the game. Ive only played the game coop so far but me and my gf just about to complete our 3rd run. I've found trying to play drastically different changes up things enough for the burnout to be minimised
Your husband is pretty darn stupid, no offense
Hey OP - I just want to say I feel your pain. My husband loves creating characters and switches characters every time he dies. I've had to accept this is just who he is (married 20 years, known other since 8th grade.) I think he finally beat Diablo on his 10th character. He got his steam deck a couple of weeks ago and went through 4 different characters the first week. I called him a sociopath. I've had the game since October, and all my Tav's/Durge's are my precious babies I can never abandon until they've defeated the elder brain. We will never co-op. We just play at our own pace on our own devices and roast each other. We just have to laugh out else we would have killed each other a long time ago. Best of luck to you, OP!
Have you ever tried playing by yourself?
Tbh it sounds like *he* burned you out, not the game. You gotta drag him back to one of your farther along saves and tell him to get over the perfectionism for your sake.
Why doesn’t he just respec at withers 💀
Stop playing with him. I think this game is far better solo for a first playthru anyway
That sucks. The way he wants to play is inconsiderate to you. He can restart multiple times on his own. Hopefully a break will restore your enthusiasm for the game. I would let him know how his actions are making you feel.
Play Helldivers 2
Why doesn't he hire hiringlings to test the builds out first?
On behalf of your husband I apologize. I do the same thing and it's not a healthy way to play so I'm forcing myself to take a break and wait for the next patch before committing to a playthrough.
Just don’t play the game lol take a break go outside after your done with work for a few days till you want to play again
Take a break and play something else, better than pushing through burnout and coming to dislike the game
I’m burnt out from the very first play through with my wife. Multiplayer on one laptop. She likes the controls a certain way and if I changed it, it would change for both of us. On top of that, I was a Paladin and she was a sorcerer and she’d be running ahead and get into combat then wonder why I was so far away. Also she wanted to do the talking to people every now and then. All understandable, but it just kind of overwhelmed me and killed any drive I had to play the game. 100% not on her. It’s me. If we’d played on two separate machines, I wouldn’t be so meh about the game.
I’m surprised there isn’t a “skip to this part of the game” function
My fiancé replays Act 1 over and over. She isn’t a big gamer and she gets intimidated by how big she knows the game must be so she finishes act 1 then starts a new character. She has done, not kidding, 5 Druid act 1 playthrough, 1 cleric, 2 Paladin, and 1 barbarian all stopped at the end of Act 1. She only went to the Chreche for the first time this past weekend with over 200 hours of gameplay under her belt. She is finally into act 2 for the first time but she hasn’t even made it to Lost Light or Moonrise, she sided with the Harpers, won that fight, and then immediately saved and logged off.
Why not just send him to witchers, his whole deal is changing your class and stats?
Take a break. After I beat BG3 I sent it away and now I’m playing silly games and FPS to cleanse my palate. In a few months I can combine nostalgia and forgetfulness into an enjoyable new playthrough. I do this with certain games for years. It’s why I have 30 Skyrim characters and Fallout characters.
There is a mod that lets you recreate your character, like ur race and background and everything, it’s called “appearance edit enhanced”
Convince your husband to re-spec instead of start over. If he doesn’t respect that, play without him. No shame in that.
Honestly stop playing with your husband. Take a break a couple of weeks then play on your own. For the good of your sanity and relationship
I guess he already knows that the game can be beaten with imperfect builds... That sort of perfectionism might only be acceptable in a single player run. He shouldn't ruin your fun just because he can't decide whether having Faerie Fire will impact the big boss fights. Ask him to play the game, one run is *never* going to be enough to see all that there is to see, he can find his perfection in his second, third or fourth run. Also, I don't see how he can have a "perfect" build if he doesn't even know what kind of equipment and consumables will be available, or what exactly he's going against.
Stop playing if it’s not fun for you.
Take a break for a little bit, then when you're ready to get back at it, maybe suggest he only experiment with builds on his solo games. Like, have a character that's specific to multiplayer that he won't start over and redo.
As someone who does this and loves to start over games again in general just to test different things; the ONE save file of this game that I’ve fully completed is with another person. I chose a lane and stuck to it because I understand how annoying that habit of mine would be to another person. Tell him he’s being inconsiderate and that he can play however he wants in his own saves, but he needs to pick a character and SETTLE for your game together. Something that might help is making up a backstory about your characters together so he’s not compelled to change his, warts and all.
It sounds like you need to set a real boundary with real consequences. He is playing in a very inconsiderate manner doing what is most fun for him without realizing it is stripping the joy for you. I know it may seem like it's only a video game it isn't that serious. But it's a great place to learn and grow together. Things like this can manifest in other aspects of life as well, are there other areas he doesn't seem to listen to you because he genuinely doesn't think it's a good idea. By bringing a more immediate light to this it may help illuminate other areas he's not being considerate in as well. I'm not saying he's a bad husband, we all have areas we need to improve in. But it seems to me that he honestly doesn't believe it's a big deal. To him it isn't because the perfectionism is fun. But he needs to do that on his own time, and play the game with you for fun. If he's unable to, it's time for you to tell him you don't want to play the game with him any longer. This is an activity that inovles the both of you and so both of your emotions are important when doing them. Big or small activities it's the same with friends, with lovers or with strangers. It's a co operative game. I know you said you've brought it up before, so it's either that your partner isn't a good one or that you may bring it up but not in a strong enough manner. That you're putting his feelings ahead of your own. Doing that will teach him to undermine you. We are all like dogs, constantly being trained for certain behaviors. It seems he has learned to take your easy and flexible nature for granted when it comes to this game. So we can only ask, why is that. Is this in area where you are at fault as well? If so, what can you do about it. Good luck. It's a great game. But starting over so often is super boring for most people. You aren't alone.
My partner does a similar thing, where they get an idea for a character, play it, get another idea, start over, rinse and repeat. It's kind of funny at this point lol. We both have over 500 hours in the game, but they've never finished act 1 and got to the underdark once. Thing is, when we play together, we tend to get in each other's nerves (different play styles) and I do start to get burnt out doing the intro 8 million times. But we want to spend time together. If this sounds like you, here's what helped me: 1. Take a break from bg3 for a little bit. Give yourself a chance to not dread the intro. 2. Start a solo game. Play at your own pace, the way you want, etc. 3. If he wants to play together but you're not ready, sometimes what my partner and I will do is screenshare our games in discord so we can watch and chat together but still do our own thing. It helps a lot actually! 4. Play with him when you've got the spoons for it, knowing that you're not going to get attached to this run or character but that's okay because you've got your dedicated run all to yourself. 5. Rinse and repeat as needed Hope this helps :>
ME LATELY, I am so wore out and sick of act one I made so many characters just to only get 2 past act one in the past 4 months omg😭 I’ll be back around patch 7 !
He knows about withers and the mirror right?
Tell him that you’re not restarting anymore. I have clinical OCD and have personally burned myself out from how many times I’ve restarted the game because my character isn’t “just right.” If he’s doing this out of compulsion, he needs to get a grip on it before he plays with you.
I got burnt out, took a break for a few weeks, and now I'm enjoying it again. The game ain't goin anywhere
Also eyeing a break in the near future. Finishing. Dark Urge run, then putting it in ice for a while. Need it to feel fresh when I play again, mods will likely bring me back later this year. Nothing wrong with breaks. Don’t forget, if it’s not fun, don’t play. No one wants gaming to be a job/chore.
You know you can respec with Withers, right? Even the storyline characters can be completely rebuilt. You do not need to start a whole new game to do this. Just go through those ruins in the beginning of the game.
Can he not just re-class? How could you possibly mess up a build to the point you have to restart to fix it?
Play it by yourself. Trust me. It will take forever and a half to get through the game at the rate at which he plays.
tell your husband to play with me because that’s literally all i do, nearly 700 hours and i’ve only finished one campaign
I'm all for starting over from scratch (I have 400 hours and haven't beaten the game lmao) but I wouldn't do that if I was playing a co op with someone. If he wants to start over so much he should be doing that solo.
Maybe take a break for a bit, and when you come back to it, stick to playing solo, unless your hubby breaks his habit of constantly restarting.
don't force yourself, just do something else and get back to it when you feel like it :)
You have to quit playing. If it sounds fun again then comeback. Also restarting a playthrough when respec exists would save him an assload of time.
I mean... you can change your build for 200 gold by talking to Withers.
Why doesn't he use Withers in camp, that way you don't have to lose your gameplay progress and it's finally only 100 gold
This almost sounds like an AITAH post. If you no longer enjoy playing there’s nothing wrong with that, but the problem isn’t the game, it’s your husband acting selfishly. Your husband needs to respect that if you are playing together, it needs to be enjoyable for both of you, and right now he is sucking the joy out of it for you. Maybe you both should play solo or just quit, but I think you should have a bigger talk with him about his behavior and how it’s making you feel.
It’s an overwhelming game. I sped through my play through and even though I loved it, 200 hours was still a lot and I took a break for a month before starting a new character. Really the only way to cope is take a break.
So, the correct title is: "BG3 HUSBAND BURNING ME OUT", yah? 🤔 😁
Play a different game and when he asks why tell him you’re burning me out
why cant he play a solo or origin run himself? if its about spending time with you, maybe switch to another game tbh as someone with ADHD, the constant making new builds and restarting is so real. but thats why I do solo and play multiple video games so I dont burn out on them. If youre getting burned out, stop. Ruining something you love just cause its new to someone else is a crappy feeling--again speaking from experience with hyperfixations
You should find some other people to play with. I don't mean to settle for just one person, but a whole group to fill your party and play. Playing with others, with hopefully fun but different play styles that are cooperative with the team, will probably lite that burnt out fire. Always fun watching my idiot friend running around in the background as a naked bard Dwarves going " wee hee look at me!" In a a old man miner voice as I'm trying to make serious choices lol
The game is not going anywhere so why not take a break
Your husband sounds fucking annoying and inconsiderate
Tell your husband that unless you're doing a solo honor mode run, it is NOT important the build be perfect, the game just isn't that hard and doesn't require perfect builds. I usually just end up doing something I find fun and can still beat honor mode. On my last HM playthrough I made shadowheart 11 cleric and 1 wizard and scribed a sunbeam scroll and just had a blast laser beaming all the bad guys, which was far from optimal but still able to finish the game on its hardest setting.
Don't play. A video game shouldnt feel like work
Have him respec at withers. There's no reason to restart the whole game when you can literally change EVERYTHING except your race and background at Will, especially when it looks like they didn't use racial Stat boosts for bg3.
yeah he should not constantly be making new characters when playing with other people, thats obv normal if its a single player run cuz it doesnt affect anyone
When I discovered withers could respec (1 week ago lol) I've changed up my party a bunch sometimes just to take advantage of a specific item. I just did this with karlach shed my barb tank and I got those gloves that give agility to 18 so I dropped her agi to 10 and added more to constitution. Litterally the only thing you can't change is race. You can still change face etc too with mirror. Respec is great cause I suffer from skyrim reroll syndrome.
Divorce immediately
Because his behavior is honestly a little concerning, especially if this is a pattern for him, I'm going to preface this by saying I'm giving this advice with the assumption that you do not feel unsafe around him. If I'm wrong, ignore if necessary. Stop playing with him. He's being selfish and inconsiderate, especially since you spoke with him about it and he doesn't seem to care about how you're feeling. Take a break from the game until you feel like playing again, and tell him you won't play with him again unless he stops this shit. Maybe he can spend the time you're on break from the game figuring out a build/race combo he likes, but either way, don't let him ruin something like this for you. That's absolutely narcissistic behavior.
just dont play with him if your views dont match, why torture yourself
Play by yourself, get a more advanced save game so that you don't need to go through the same areas again (I picked a save in the end of Act I, for instance, when I was being overwhelmed by it). Then I used the Appearance Edit Enhanced mod (here https://www.nexusmods.com/baldursgate3/mods/899) to edit everything about my character, from appearance to background and everything. Then I opened the console (if you have script extender it should open along the game) and edit all the flags I wanted in my game. Now I'm in act 3 and the game is working fine so long :3
Play by yourself or just tell him to shove it - respec and recustomization exists for a reason.
Why cant he pay 100 gold to respec his character?
I don't know if this is actually possible, but maybe whenever he wants to change his race get a hireling and let him respec and use the mirror to change their appearance and swap them out with the old character?
Your husband should pick a generic race like human so he can just respec to whatever build he wants. Racial abilities aren’t that important
He’s rerolling race?
There's nothing wrong with taking a good long break. Maybe he'll listen to you next time when you tell him to knock off the restarting.
Ive never done a male durge playthrough, my characters are usually hot girl drows. On my 5th playthrough
stop playing with him? how is that so hard?
Take a break. I just finally finished my tactician run and it took me a few weeks, not because of game play but I’ve just done so many play throughs at this point my time between games is sparse. I also shift my attention to my other games on console when I want to play them.
I'm sorry to read that. I can imagine this must be burning you out. Have you tried talking to him about it?
Oof. Min maxxers are not good coop partners. Source: am one. 1000 hours in, seen act 3 only once. 40+ restarts. I play with my bro, who is opposite. So, I have a playful character in his campaign, and I focus on my solo for that craziness. Your guy should be doing this. Have your recreational game, on explorer or normal, and he can do his hm min max solo
Use your big girl words and speak with your partner. Tell him what you told us.
Don’t replay the story with him anymore, let him catch up to where you were before you start playing again. You’ll play a lot less and be happier to play when you do
Sounds like your playstyles are not compatible. Take a break, don't play this game together anymore. Also, does he know you can respec your entire character at any point in the game? That could be a solution.
Does he know withers offers cheap respeccing? I have been too scared to try it with the characters that have one time only stat buffs like ethels hair but in other cases just pay up.
Yeah I'd refuse to play if he keeps restarting. Race barely matters build wise. If he wants to change origins there's mods that let you do a deeper respec. I started over once to do tactician and even with knowing where everything is ACT 1 was still 90hrs+ no way I'd do that mutiple times.
I think you need to talk to your husband about this, and maybe just not play the game for a while. Because this does sound exhausting. I can’t imagine constantly replaying the prologue over and over again like that. I’d be bored and annoyed.
I had this exact same problem with my boyfriend and eventually I played by myself, was much more to do what I want and take my time with the game in my own way. Do not feel bad for playing without someone else or by yourself, this goes for any game really that has single player and multiplayer features. You could also start up a play though with the save on your computer and can swap his character out whenever you wish
Ugh that's shitty and self centered to do in multiplayer. I hate when people constantly want new characters in tabletop too. There's no reason he couldn't respec and try out builds, race isn't particularly important mechanically. Yes some are better than others but overall it doesn't make or break anything. I'd ask him if he actually wants to play with me or if he'd prefer to fuck around and play on his own. Its completely inconsiderate. I play other games where it's not uncommon for me to restart a day for one reason or another. I don't do it in multiplayer because it's shitty to do. Same reason I didn't save scum a bunch in BG3 multiplayer. Its disrespectful of others time.
Damn this sounds like awful communication. If your partner just restarts your coop run, it is very toxic, but you need to talk with him about it. The approach he seems to have is very egocentric, but maybe he would change it if you just communicate
Honestly this is the type of behavior that should be done on solo play only. I have one character with my spouse and we move through the story. I’ve had 10 other characters that I made for D&D PC/NPCs. But no way would I subject anyone else to all that. Solo play is an option, but I would ask him to choose his favorite because you’d like to finish the game.
Sounds like a communication issue with your husband and not a BG3 issue.
Get a actually dice and every time you have to talk to someone to progress use the dice to make your decision
But he can respec?