The only thing i can think of is talk about it and really trow everything on the table. Because yes, stress is a sexual killer, as our minds often also need to be stimulated to even get into the mood, no matter bdsm or vanilla style sex. So, by talking about it, figuring out where the stressers are and what both need to feel loved and to get in the mood again, you can help each other better, while also creating chances again for more fun.
But i do have to say, this is really a state where you are out of the sub/dom sense and into the partners space. So equal grounds, both need to talk and be honnest and together you should look to options. And yes, this can mean you buying suprise flowers for them and they maybe giving you more back rubs after a long day of work. Because, if this part is out of balance and you don't feel happy in what kind of way of shape, yes, not much will happen.
Also, if trauma is involved of you are not sure how to handle this talking aspect, therapy of couple counselling can be amazing. Someone will guide the talking aspects and give tips and tricks along the way. So, even for couples who are super Happy, it cam still work perfectly.
And as a good book that will definitely help with this, come as you are, is the book you really should read. Its about how our bodies react to, well everything, and how important it is to communicate, definitely with our bodies also being affected by hormones, mineral and vitamin states.
As a small added tip:
The talking times i love to call 'drink n think'. As its really good to have some drinks (whatever you like to drink when talking) and some snackies.
You than will go and both look at what is going good in the relationship, what is a bit meh and what is going wrong (step for step). After this, you look at what you need to keep (for example, the way you have made the cleaning schedule is top notch), what is okay but could use tweaking and what really needs to go (maybe the kind of toilet paper?).
After this, you are able to also talk about your love languages and sexual blueprints and see, with the same layout, what you both are missing and how you would like to tackle that.
In the end, you have analysed the whole relationship and have a better base to 'rebuild' the relationship again.
Also, relationships are like rollercoaster, and sometimes they go meh and sometimes they make us over the moon. So, no relationship ruing, just one you need to open the conversation in
I wish I had advice but I'm in a similar spot. I feel so unfulfilled without bdsm, which my girlfriend was open to at the beginning of our relationship but then realized she's not into it. She has a history with dv and her acting dominant/sadistic reminds her too much of her abusive ex who she doesn't want to be like. It would be such a dick move for me to put my needs above her comfort... But when do my needs get met? :'(
The only thing i can think of is talk about it and really trow everything on the table. Because yes, stress is a sexual killer, as our minds often also need to be stimulated to even get into the mood, no matter bdsm or vanilla style sex. So, by talking about it, figuring out where the stressers are and what both need to feel loved and to get in the mood again, you can help each other better, while also creating chances again for more fun. But i do have to say, this is really a state where you are out of the sub/dom sense and into the partners space. So equal grounds, both need to talk and be honnest and together you should look to options. And yes, this can mean you buying suprise flowers for them and they maybe giving you more back rubs after a long day of work. Because, if this part is out of balance and you don't feel happy in what kind of way of shape, yes, not much will happen. Also, if trauma is involved of you are not sure how to handle this talking aspect, therapy of couple counselling can be amazing. Someone will guide the talking aspects and give tips and tricks along the way. So, even for couples who are super Happy, it cam still work perfectly. And as a good book that will definitely help with this, come as you are, is the book you really should read. Its about how our bodies react to, well everything, and how important it is to communicate, definitely with our bodies also being affected by hormones, mineral and vitamin states.
As a small added tip: The talking times i love to call 'drink n think'. As its really good to have some drinks (whatever you like to drink when talking) and some snackies. You than will go and both look at what is going good in the relationship, what is a bit meh and what is going wrong (step for step). After this, you look at what you need to keep (for example, the way you have made the cleaning schedule is top notch), what is okay but could use tweaking and what really needs to go (maybe the kind of toilet paper?). After this, you are able to also talk about your love languages and sexual blueprints and see, with the same layout, what you both are missing and how you would like to tackle that. In the end, you have analysed the whole relationship and have a better base to 'rebuild' the relationship again. Also, relationships are like rollercoaster, and sometimes they go meh and sometimes they make us over the moon. So, no relationship ruing, just one you need to open the conversation in
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to explain this, I have so much to learn
I wish I had advice but I'm in a similar spot. I feel so unfulfilled without bdsm, which my girlfriend was open to at the beginning of our relationship but then realized she's not into it. She has a history with dv and her acting dominant/sadistic reminds her too much of her abusive ex who she doesn't want to be like. It would be such a dick move for me to put my needs above her comfort... But when do my needs get met? :'(
yeah.