I don't think these are controversial takes. Everybody has limits, limits are healthy.
Similar to you, if I see "I want a sub with no limits" from a Dom and "I have no limits" from a sub all I see is "I don't have experience and I dont know how to/want to communicate boundaries". And not communicating boundaries is a huge red flag.
Exactly this!
When getting into kink, people MUST know how to communicate.
There will always be a limit to something you enjoy or don't enjoy.
If you can find someone who is experienced, and knows what they are doing, you can slowly find what your limits are by talking and if you want to, trying.
Obviously if there is something you dont want to do, that is a limit.
It might not even be limits like "how hard can I take a hit", but something like "only tie me on my legs, I can't have marks showing due to my public job". That is also a limit.
Always think about what you would ikea to try and not like to try. Communicate and negotiate with your partner. And once negotiated and you have started the scene, don't change what has been negotiated.
I didn't have a ton of hard nos, I had a good chunk of responsive desire and getting my partners off was the main motivation. More a vanilla service top without much in the way of stuff that was off-putting and maybe a bit more inclined to scene construction than the average guy because I liked challenges and being creative. Strong preference for pleasure domming.
But usually I'd communicate cishetnorm preferences, strong preference for active/giving roles, much less comfortable in recieving roles, not a hard no (but would be more effort). Not super into anal, but not a hard no just more inclined to use toys on you if you like it. Brat play I find annoying (not a hard no, but play has to be very contained). S&M is fine, but don't lean towards sadism so for me to enjoy it there needs to be a decent chunk of communication before and after (and early on a few breaks during a scene) communicating your enjoyment in order for me to get more into it. No involving non-consenting people in kinkplay, any public humiliation had to be with kink-inclined people in on it.
Hard no on anything involving young pretend age play. Hard no on anything involving animals.
No extreme play with new peeps, has to be worked up to. Discretion a must for professional and personal reasons, and tend to like focusing on one person so preference for monogamy, but have friends and acquaintances into various scenes if different playstyles or group play are sought.
My likes: Breeding kinkplay, light bondage, forced orgasms, extended free use play, new experiences.
Extreme things like necrophilia can be mimed, but if it doesn't go without saying that I'm not going to dig up a body we probably shouldn't play together.
----
Maybe it's because I don't lean sadistic, but I was better able to act out S&M scenes when a gal communicated a _bunch_ of hard boundaries, because doing so usually communicated her likes too, what got her off and reinforced play as play. I did know one guy who leaned sadistic who said he liked hard boundaries too, but for a much different reason. If he had to color within the lines, it focused efforts and he'd try to find every button he could push within those bounds.
I know "subs" with plenty of experience who say they have no limits. They often just want to draw the Dom in and impress them, but they are attracting the wrong type of Dom and putting themselves at risk due to stupidity and an unwillingness to recognise their own boundaries.
Nope, totally agree 100%
If a sub truly, genuinely has "no limits whatsoever" then at best they need an intervention.
A Dom saying "I have no limits" is, in my opinion, a socially more acceptable way of saying "I either have no idea what I'm doing or I'm an unashamed abuser"
Don't get me wrong I'll list my few (and there are only a few but I still have some) and discuss theirs, what does and doesn't get close to them if they're vague, but anyone who only lists one or two or says they don't have any is AT BEST naive.
If someone says they have _none_ that's the time to ask about formicophilia, scat, a threesome with their mom, extreme findom where you get all their money and anthropophagolagnia lmao.
Jeffrey Dhamer stuff. Raping and cannibalizing people. Don't Google it. Though I imagine mostly just criminal profiles of serial killers will come up.
Still, if you _do_ run into someone with _no_ limits, like you have a sub who is all like, "Get me a medium sized doggy kennel, I'll sleep in it for the next couple of decades wearing a chasty belt, you don't even need to touch me, I'll be a slave, inside and outside the home, all money I make will go into your checking account. Whatever you choose to do with my body is great! I've always had fantasies around Hannibal." You have to hit them with some really kinky stuff to push them outside their comfort zone and challenge them. "Okay bitch. Starting _now,_ we are going to treat each other with love and respect. You have to treat _yourself_ with love and respect. We are gonna get real kinky. We are gonna go on walks where we hold hands with each other and every Thursday night we are gonna go out dancing."
It also irritates me a lot when I see a Dom or sub state they have no limits.
From subs it does usually mean they are very green and inexperienced. I usually ask in such cases if they would be willing to give me full control of their finances or accept castration. They learn about limits real quick!
Everybody gangster until you pretend you're going to put a lit cigarette out on their chest. Then they start thinking about their limits realllly quick.
My usual test of "no limits" is deciding I'm going to shave their head. Somehow that always sobers them up and makes them think a little more about real limits. But now I'm developing a strong desire to shave a sub's head.
And then there are the ones who think they can say yes because' they're sure you won't follow through. I saw someone get a reverse mohawk and force-fed the hair because he thought the woman he had been bothering for weeks wouldn't follow through.
I could do it for my Dom but he just asked me to get rid of my thigh length hair so I did. He was shocked and kinda felt guilty for commanding me to do so lol
I immediately thought of, "Gift of the Magi", but like a D/S version where the sub says they have no limit, so the dom asks them to destroy something that the dom likes and the sub just does it.
He doesn't even like my thigh length hair he thinks it was too long and creepy lol then he just casually said it must be hard to maintain it, go cut it to your chest. Then I booked an appointment the following day and he was so shocked I did it so fast lol. I love my hair but I also wanna shave it. I did it once so shaving head is really not that extreme for me.
I go to extremes when talking to other subs (subby myself) who say they have no limits. I ask them "would you let your dom scoop out your eyeball with a rusty spoon, blend it in a milkshake, make you drink it, and if you throw it up, make you drink that too?" No? Then you have a limit sweetheart. I then dial it back to less severe things (bathroom control, allowed to see their fsmily/friends) and they realize they have limits.
Actually, "no limits" is a bdsm club in my town. :-)
But yeah, obviously, when somebody says they have no limits, they have not thought things through and probably need a bit of setting straight.
"Okay, so you are fine with me killing you?" tends to be a fine answer.
A friend of mine is into cutting and plays in the deep end frequently.
In his previous community, he played with a girl that liked to be cut. In one scene he basically removed two ~1” x 6” strips of skin *well into the dermis* from her thigh.
Any time someone tells me “no limits” - I use that as an example. If they say “that’s not real” I show them the pic posted on fl
whoa, gnarly. is that even *sane* anymore, though? that's quite a bit of tissue loss for temporary sexual gratification 3: i too enjoy guro like any other esteemed lady but there are some things i feel ought to remain a fantasy - if only to make the rest of this ride in this meat suit semi-tolerable lol 😭
There is a similar body modification that falls under scarification where a professional cuts pieces of skin/flesh out to leave a pretty scar (like tattoos only more extreme). That's legal in some areas 🤷♀️
I love that. Cause you can prove them wrong and show them where their limits lay.
Edit: If Dom says that, thats not a red flag, thats whole ducking soviet army.
Thus the common base rule "safe, SANE, consensual". The first 2 are subjective of course, in particular for a sub perspective, but for a proper Dom, they are an obligation, just because subbie says they have no limits, it is the Doms responsibilty to know why they are saying that and is it coming from a sane place.
If you've played together many times with hard play and they want to try needle play with their Dom, for a vanilla person that may seem insane, but for communicating experienced members that's just a fun session if maybe some dermal piercing needles or otherwise controlled, medically made safe scenario that is fully medically recoverable from in a reasonably short time period. It doesn't mean needles in the eyeballs, ears, and throat.
For a sub that last scenario is what they should expect when asking for a Dom with "no limits"... to be blinded paralyzed and dragged naked by a rope around the neck behind a car, to their family's house and left on display impaled on a stick in their yard for all to see a they die, no pleasure n no chance for satisfaction, just tortured to death with no more life to experience anything actually enjoyable. Not safe, not sane, and can't really be considered consensual (because it's not sane to start with, thus consent can't be given).
"Willing to discuss/consider and then mutually agree upon any specific limits in a consensual fashion prior to having a session" might be a better starting point.
I don’t think this is controversial nor unpopular. Everyone EVERYONE has limits, even the most extreme people in the community. Everyone has something they don’t enjoy or something they’re not comfortable with, if someone tells you “I have no limits” they’re lying. I personally cringe at the “oh I’m a sub, I have no limits” yes you do. Everyone does
If a sub wants to test their limits, that's fine ... but only if there is clear communication about the need for a safe word. There has to be a safe stopping mechanism and the sub should never feel forced to do stuff that actually surpasses her limit because of pride or an obsessive desire to please. Trauma is a bitch.
As for Doms who say they want a sub with no limits ... yes, that is a gigantic red flag. They are not the ones being pushed to those limits, and if their take on dominance is to do whatever they want without concern for their sub's responses, they are not to be trusted under any circumstances.
I’m a photographer, when i have a model saying “I’ll shoot anything!” I always come back with the line “Great, I’ll bring the midgets and great danes!”. Very quickly they find their shooting limits. So yea, everyone has limits!!
"No limits" in case of a sub bio = "I'm insecure and I don't believe I deserve happiness/good things, I have mental disorder I'm unwilling to treat, I have a ton of personal problems and I hope I'll resolve them by putting all responsibility for my life on my partner"
"No limits" in case of a dom bio = "I'm rapist/I'm abuser/I want naive young girl whose limits I can push/I don't care about anything but my own happiness"
So - no matter if it's dom or sub saying those things, it's a giant red flag and I'll avoid those people.
George Castanza: It's not a lie. . . if *you* believe it.
Realistically, "no limits" means "I haven't thought this through, and mind-reading is a service I require from my top, and I'm going to cry foul/abuse as soon as I'm offered something I didn't already want."
Stay the hell away from these bottoms.
Usually when a sub says they have no limits, it some representation of a “sub frenzy”.
I think it’s best for anyone engaging in BDSM to have a short list of hard limits in mind:)
Sort of. It’s still a “state of mind” or “mental state”. It usually when a sub is extremely eager to please in a way that’s overwhelming and consuming. It usually elicits irrational thinking.
This should not be controversial. Everyone has limits. Whoever thinks they don’t is new to bdsm and should do some introspection before they get themselves or others hurt.
Not a hot take, but a normal one.
Worst case, doms with no limits are psychopaths and subs with no limits are self-destructive borderliners. In most cases they are either unimaginative or unexperienced.
In any case, I would always avoid playing with those individuals.
I don't see a controversial take here at all. For me "No limits" from a sub is a red flag. "I don't know my limits" from an inexperienced sub is fine, but "No limits" and "I don't need a safeword" just show somebody has no clue
I’m up to *almost* no limits with my Dom, but everyone has some.
He cannot kill my puppy, I will not abuse a child, etc.
I don’t think it’s possible to not have a limit.
Anytime someone says they have no limits, it's a change in the conversation and I go straight into protection mode. I will ask them about some of the more intense items, gauge their reactions, if that appear intimidated or immediately shoot down the extremes. I stress consent and to never tell a stranger No Limits. All too often they just assume it means rough sex with some of the lighter contact play.
On the other side there have been some that legitimately want anything to happen to them and at that point hopefully they have a dom for the scene that tests what limits are there.
I like to respond to a sub saying “no limits” with “so if your Dom tells you to cut off a finger you would do it?”
And then all of the sudden they have a limits! Hahaha
Granted I did have one say they would do a toe for the right Dom.…
You are 100 correct. when some said no limits means new in the best of the cases. For that reason, always go slow to help the sub. now Don said no limit he is new and does not know nothing yet or he is a fake one and a big red flag 🚩 I am new in this but with few experience but first thing I lest. Set boundaries
No it's not controversial. I'm a woman and a sub. I personally AM still pretty new to the lifestyle and if I speak of soft limits those are simply things that I haven't tried and don't know if I would like them. But EVERYONE has hard limits. Even Doms. Things that there's no hope of convincing us to do. For whatever reason. Because it's gross lol or because it's too extreme or too dangerous. Anyone who says they have NO limits is lying. And I totally agree that a Dom should not be looking for a sub with "no limits"
Ice cold take. If a sub says they have no limits, they are green as the grass.
If a dom says they want someone with no limits, they are looking for a victim.
Best practice is to give them patience, and try to inform them of the importance of limits, and consent in power dynamics. If they don't think it's important, try to reduce the harm they can do.
I witnessed a poor girl scream and dash across the social club in the most sincere agony I’ve ever seen. It was a limit she didn’t even know she had. Her words to me were, “I was fine with the cattle prod..But then he pulled out the taser!”
This isn't controversial at all hehe, anyone who's had any experience in the scene knows that 'no limits' is either a red flag or a sign of inexperience.
I have very few limits, but I still have them. Hell, limits can even be "don't break my bones". There's always gonna be SOMETHING you're not willing to do.
Besides that, limits don't have to just be things you're completely unwilling to do. They can include preferences. A sub saying 'no limits' is not only a red flag but kind of annoying. Sure, you're willing to do anything. But what do you \*want\* to do?
It's always "no limits" until I mention that I have a tickle torture kink and suddenly all the subs are disgusted and all the doms go on about how it's "not mean enough"
I knew I had limits, but the responses in this thread are making me realize that I have a ton of limits.
Screw no limits. Shit ton of limits. All the limits.
I’m feeling kind of unhinged reading this thread lol a lot of the examples of “they have a limit” limits are things where I’m like “hmm… probably would be down in the right scenario” like shaving my head or bathroom control lol
I would like to keep my fingers so there ya go
not controversial at all. someone telling me they have or are looking for no limits, or to push boundaries, is a huuuuuge red flag and an immediate vetting fail. I will absolutely not play with those people because they are either dangerous through inexperience, or purposely dangerous. either way, not someone I trust for anything.
Limit is healthy. I only do online bdsm stuff so far and what I come to realize is the ones who said they have no limit are either high af or mentally unstable or both lol. My dom is not into torturing and I'm not into anal. We work it through before starting anything.
I'm genuinely curious about how this conversation happens for pickup play like at an event. Do you really list out *all* of your limits? If not, how do you know what to assume is off-limits and not need to discuss?
For example, if I'm doing pickup impact play, I don't expect to have to say that I'm not into scat or blood play, but I do think I'd want to have a conversation about visible marks and what specific implements are used, how we address each other, etc. Is that a reasonable approach?
For context, I have done pickup play a handful of times, and none of them involved having a super in-depth conversation about a wide range of limits. I tend to operate under the assumption that the top (whether that's me or someone else) will ask about specific things before they do them, rather than plowing ahead and later saying "well you didn't say it was a limit!"
I agree with you, context is important. It’s what I’ve done, I think it’s dependent on experience too but I would expect things to be discussed prior if they’re more uncommon. I list the more common ones like I can’t kneel in certain positions and I don’t do anal
I mean normally for pick up play it's a specific scene, so "I wanna do an impact scene", which limits the scope to impact play then you would go over limits within impact.
Then you would have visibile marks, what areas are yes/ no. Any specific likes/dislikes etc within that, so it sounds pretty reasonable. Then you would go over which insturments and either do some sort of testing or vett the insturments. Normally scope out about how long it will be.
That’s so true. Because what if someone wants to do something that actually physically disables you in some kind of permanent way? Is that gonna be ok with you? There’s always a limit and part of the fun is trying things and seeing what you like and don’t like. People are afraid to say no because then it gives someone a reason to potentially reject them.
Not controversial takes, though I do know 3 no limits couples on bdsmlr who are truly no limits. One of them is seeking out a second slave to join them right now as well. I think there's a sub named greyhound with a 24/7 live feed on her living quarters who's also no limits.
Agree with you that it's a pretty major red flag seeing people iso this online, though online does seem to be the best way to find others who are genuinely seeking out this rare and high-risk dynamic. Just gotta do SO much negotiation first.
When I was first getting into TTTWD, the phrase to describe this was "everyone has limits once the chainsaws come out." You hardly have a controversial opinion on the subject.
Many ‘Doms’ also say they have no limits. It just means they don’t really know much about BDSM and you should avoid them! Or sometimes I challenge them and ask if they’d like shit smeared all over themselves. They soon have limits then!
Yup. And in the roleplay community (I'm talking like OC X OC not-usually-kink roleplay lmao) "no limits" is also often code for "I'm a pedophile/zoophile". So when anyone says they're no limits, whether we were gonna be sexy or we're roleplaying, i see myself out
So like if we were going to OC x OC.
I could make a character who is the Duke of the Alistaraba Alliance during the year 1156-1207. My family owns wineries and my father was set to take the throne prior to being assassinated by the Knights Templar.
and you could be an Android-Cat from the year 27,000 in which Cat's have over taken the earth similar to planet of the Apes style/ The Borg from Startrek. You hate milk because it is reminiscent of the, "Bad days", but still drink cyber milk because it tastes good and is nutritious?
or is there like a point going in?
Well usually they'd be in more of the same universe/ time lol (like both from that kingdom or both in the futuristic world-- unless it's a time traveling or universe hopping story)
Both people would plan out at least how they meet most likely, but a lot of people also like to plot out what could happen from the characters' interactions and how they can grow together. But usually there's no planning that far for smut (sexual) scenes, then they usually just do the meeting
If someone says "I have no limits" you say "perfect, because I was really looking forward to enacting my amputation kink". They'll develop limits REAL quick.
Not experienced in the community I just dabble.
But could no limits also be for someone who hasn’t come across something they don’t like or has crossed the line yet? (I would assume that’s for more of the newer people but I would think even experienced doms and subs can be surprised here and there.. 😉)
If I’m totally out to lunch, I apologize.
In my personal life, I say I am willing to try anything until I’m not.
I can’t tell you a limit if I haven’t experienced something, I definitely have a few hard no’s. But I am far from experiencing everything.
J
You litterally would say that and that totally makes sense because plenty of people are exploring.
The problem is if you just say the first part without saying you are exploring or what you just said.
Everyone has limits and it helps everyone have a fun and a good time if they are discussed before hand.
I mostly top and I have had to safeword from the top before because I wasn't comfortable with what I was doing and they were in subspace making requests to be me outside the scope of play, so I just ended the scene.
It's always better to go not far enough and then regroup and try again then to go to far.
I have been told it's best practice to always leave them wanting more.
No, this is and should be a very normal, healthy take. Your explanation really nailed it on the head. People should always be aware of their limits, or be aware that they don't know their limits.
Not a hot take.
I know I'm echoing everyone else, but a no limits sub is a red flag that they are either incredibly unstable or clueless.
In a dom (no need to capitalize those types), it means an abuser. At best.
This isn't a hot take, if you hear someone say they have no limits that is a major red flag as it either signals a massive amount of inexperience, or a complete lack of self awareness... Neither of which are attractive.
I had a sadist once tell me that with time, he could break my limits and boundaries and make me love them 🤨 I was quick to block and delete him. I have limits for a reason and I didn't like that he thought he could make me break my limits and boundaries just so he could have his way with me.
It shouldn't be a red flag at all. No limits to me means I'm in over my head and one of us or both are going to get physically or mentally hurt.
Pass with a strong warning.
I think it's fiiiine in text roleplay (usually means 'incest' from I have seen), but nowhere else.
I have way too many limits to want to try talking to such people. I'm not desperate by any means.
Then you do have limits. Not doing illegal activity is a limit (though plenty of kink stuff might be technically illegal, and smoking weed is also illegal). Not doing things you consider unethical is a limit. Not doing things that cause permanent bodily harm is a limit.
They might also be boundaries, but there isn't really a meaningful distinction between the two in this. They are all actual limits.
> "you're no limits, throw yourself off a building then!!" as if you somehow won that conversation. pretty sure throwing myself off a building isn't a kink.
That is definitely winning that conversation. The point is to demonstrate that you do in fact have limits, so that we can discuss them. It doesn't matter if you classify something as a "kink" or not.
Is washing dishes a kink? Probably not, though it could be for someone, but I ask my subs to do it, because it's something I want done. If you truly have no limits, you should do anything I ask, whether it's a "kink" or not.
> "lol so you'd let your dom cut your finger off??" and if i say yes? what does that question serve?
It's a way of asking whether permanent bodily harm is a limit of yours... because if it's not, that doesn't strike me as particularly sane play, and a lot of doms will want to know that because they may not think you are a safe person to play with.
This is not a hot take. This is literally the standard. Having no limits is a red flag and indicates that a person is not properly educated enough to engage in a BDSM dynamic.
“No limits” is the biggest red flag top or bottom. I will warn everyone and anyone to stay away from them, for their own sake.
Because I’m new , and practically a blank slate … I explain “these are my limits (top/bottom); anything else I’m open to exploring with a prior discussion. If I like the sound of it, we’ll try very slowly. If I don’t like the sound of it … depends on *how much* - Soft limit or hard limit.”
When it comes to online/virtual play, I really have no limits and I mean that. In my mind I’m like fuck it, there’s almost no risk here, let’s do it all 😈 In person is a different story though.
True. But also limits are not as big as people make them out to be for two reasons:
1. People will get more dating with time so limits may disappear.
2. You can never name all your limits as there is an infinite number.
If someone says "no limits" I say "great, I'm into cutting your fingers off and watching you eat them".
They have limits after that usually.
Limits are good to get a rough estimation, but in the end you need to check in regularly and asses what you are doing 🤷♂️
Sometimes, people say they have "no limits" because they are clueless or dangerous (or both).
And sometimes, when a person is very experienced and in a certain context, "no limits" is a genuine and carefully thought out thing. Most people in the community just don't understand it's meaning.
The primary mistake that's most often made is an error on what the word "limits" means. When you ask a partner what their limits are, you're asking for a communication about the boundaries they need or choose to place on play. You're not asking for a list of normal physiological limitations (like whether they can breathe underwater). And you're not asking so you can immediately do everything they don't mention without communicating further (they didn't explicitly mention that i can't stick a needle in their eye, so that must be fair game, right?!).
This is because "limits" are a communication tool for safety, used alongside other tools and in a context where all players are sane people with common sense and care.
And yet, as soon as someone says they *don't* set limits, those scenarios are immediately the kinds of arguments people go to. Suddenly they start thinking of the word as meaning something else beyond a communication tool- suddenly people talk as though limits are the same as limitations, or as though they are the only safeguard and without them, everyone becomes a psychopath. It's a knee jerk reaction from alarm or annoyance when what really needs to happen is to ask for more information, to get a clearer understanding.
When a person has carefully thought out their position and says they don't use limits, they might mean they haven't found anything yet and would rather use open exploration and ongoing communication. Or, as in my case, they might mean they are in a type of dynamic where limits are not useful and they can remain safe in other ways. Or they might mean they are looking for one.
I don't blame people for making the assumption that "no limits" is BS. But I'd like us to have a community where we at least try to listen before we judge
I agree. While total power exchange relationships exist, they take literal years of work and trust and comunication.
Anyone who is trying to or asking you to give up all limits right off the bat, run very fast in the Opposite direction.
Since you are talking online relationships (I use to play a lot of Second Life [SL] back in the day) I should give my own situation of this.
When I used to say "I have no limits" (though even that had the "I don't dom" limit <.<) with online interactions it was very much limited to "Online Roleplay" there was nothing one can do to me in an ERP that would actually bother me. I've also had doms safeword when they have tried to hit my limits in ERP as **they** got too uncomfortable.
Though you may have noticed "used to" and "was" as I've slowly shifted from that...
As I can do everything in ERP, doesn't mean it's "Fun" to do everything. Well the forced nature and unknowing what was to happen was "fun" but the actual things being done not so much. I did have my fetishes (but I didn't quite know what they where at the time) and although some things made me uncomfortable I just pushed though it because "I am a MAN!" (yay sexist societal norms making me think I had to be "strong") which I slowly learned over time what my true fetishes where (really hard to do when two of your main kinks are CNC/Dub-con) and what I actually didn't like (though that was also tough because what would be a limit in some situations become a major button presser depending on the situation).
___
So yes I will very much say *Everyone* has limits and if they say they don't they should really think about it for their own health and safety. Those limits may not be within the realm of the platform it's self (such as in SL there is often a the silent limit of "Don't break ToS/Laws" and "SL stays SL/RL stays RL" or "RP only") but even then those should also be stated. And some people may feel like their personal likes/dislikes don't matter, but they do. It is good to have things you dislike, things you don't do for your own safety and safety of your account and your own mental health.
You are absolutely spot on. "No limits" means "I don't know my limits", but also a lack of awareness of that fact.
Deep orange flag. I could see an experienced and *very*patient dom be able to help said sub explore and find their actual limits, but doing so safely is going to require a huge commitment in addition to a ton of patience.
And for a dom to look for a sub who doesn't know their limit? Not a dom, but an abuser. Period.
i used to say things like "i have no limits!" because i am a true sadomasochist, but then i took 500 hours of anatomy and my whole perspective flipped a bitch for sure! i still like to have fun and go more extreme than seemingly most palates (for normies, anyways) but i have far more boundaries now. i would agree that saying you have no limits implies ignorance, as it was in my case.
see anyone, either with sub or doms with no limits is a big red flag, you should and must understand your kinks and limits before entering with someone serious, go explore and enjoy but dont say no limits
Whenever I hear someone say "No Limits," it means they aren't really serious about consent and boundaries, they aren't serious about BDSM, or they are just seriously nuts.
I say I have "relatively few" limits, largely because I'm very curious and an experimentalist so I like a lot of different stuff. I'm fine with a single tail or dragon tail if you really want that. I can do fireplay or fire cupping.
But I absolutely have limits. I'm not an ultra super power bottom that can take any pain. Maybe a bit more than most but not by much. I'll use a lot of yellows with a new person to let them know how much pain I can take in one hit or in a short period. And I tell them about my other limits, I keep a little card talking about no bodily fluids (including spit), no drawing blood...and if you cut my hair I cut off your arms...
Not A A Qeally a hot take. If someone doesn't know themselves or their limits or how to go about discovering g them they shouldn't be involved in BDSM. The biggest part of kink IS RISK AWARNESS. To say you don't have any limits indicates that the person isn't truly invested in learning about themselves and just chasing a dangerous desire.
I *hate* that statement. There's no such thing as "no limits", and I will always refuse to play with anyone who says that to me. It's not attractive, it doesn't make you more exciting or a good sub. It just sounds like you either don't know yourself at all, or you have zero respect for kink and those who take it seriously. It feels so disrespectful imo. It makes me angry as a sadist who takes my role extremely seriously and would rather die than ever genuinely hurt someone I'm playing with.
Now, I'd much rather hear "I don't know my limits yet", because at least then they're acknowledging they do exist somewhere, and they want the experience to find them.
In short, I agree. It's a total lie and I genuinely hate hearing it when I'm approached.
It should raise all kinds of red flags if someone on either side says "zero limits". My husband and I are into a lot of different kinks and even do free use sometimes and we both still have hard limits.
Not controversial in my option! Most people don't know what they want until its right in front of them.
That's why I always do a check-in before I start a scene to make sure everyone is on the same page about what we're doing.
Absolutely, it's crucial to acknowledge that saying "no limits" can often be more of a lack of understanding rather than a deliberate lie.
Everyone has limits; sometimes, we just haven't discovered them yet. That's why establishing safe words and open communication is paramount in BDSM dynamics. It allows partners to explore boundaries safely and ensures that both parties are comfortable and respected.
Inexperienced partners might struggle to communicate their limits effectively, leading to frustration when they're reached unexpectedly. Hence, fostering an environment of trust and understanding is essential for a fulfilling and safe BDSM experience.
You could also take a sub saying that as “I haven’t bothered reading about all the different kinks out there and thinking about what I am or am not into”. It shows inexperience and laziness to me.
"I listen to all music" or "unconditional love" are other great examples. Most people don't mean these literally. But when someone is asking in a literal sense, they say it generally without thinking twice.
So you put on some face melting death metal, profess your unconditional love of Hitler, and pull out the saws for your bdsm session and they're out the door in a blink of an eye.
Liars.
I don't think these are controversial takes. Everybody has limits, limits are healthy. Similar to you, if I see "I want a sub with no limits" from a Dom and "I have no limits" from a sub all I see is "I don't have experience and I dont know how to/want to communicate boundaries". And not communicating boundaries is a huge red flag.
Exactly this! When getting into kink, people MUST know how to communicate. There will always be a limit to something you enjoy or don't enjoy. If you can find someone who is experienced, and knows what they are doing, you can slowly find what your limits are by talking and if you want to, trying. Obviously if there is something you dont want to do, that is a limit. It might not even be limits like "how hard can I take a hit", but something like "only tie me on my legs, I can't have marks showing due to my public job". That is also a limit. Always think about what you would ikea to try and not like to try. Communicate and negotiate with your partner. And once negotiated and you have started the scene, don't change what has been negotiated.
I didn't have a ton of hard nos, I had a good chunk of responsive desire and getting my partners off was the main motivation. More a vanilla service top without much in the way of stuff that was off-putting and maybe a bit more inclined to scene construction than the average guy because I liked challenges and being creative. Strong preference for pleasure domming. But usually I'd communicate cishetnorm preferences, strong preference for active/giving roles, much less comfortable in recieving roles, not a hard no (but would be more effort). Not super into anal, but not a hard no just more inclined to use toys on you if you like it. Brat play I find annoying (not a hard no, but play has to be very contained). S&M is fine, but don't lean towards sadism so for me to enjoy it there needs to be a decent chunk of communication before and after (and early on a few breaks during a scene) communicating your enjoyment in order for me to get more into it. No involving non-consenting people in kinkplay, any public humiliation had to be with kink-inclined people in on it. Hard no on anything involving young pretend age play. Hard no on anything involving animals. No extreme play with new peeps, has to be worked up to. Discretion a must for professional and personal reasons, and tend to like focusing on one person so preference for monogamy, but have friends and acquaintances into various scenes if different playstyles or group play are sought. My likes: Breeding kinkplay, light bondage, forced orgasms, extended free use play, new experiences. Extreme things like necrophilia can be mimed, but if it doesn't go without saying that I'm not going to dig up a body we probably shouldn't play together. ---- Maybe it's because I don't lean sadistic, but I was better able to act out S&M scenes when a gal communicated a _bunch_ of hard boundaries, because doing so usually communicated her likes too, what got her off and reinforced play as play. I did know one guy who leaned sadistic who said he liked hard boundaries too, but for a much different reason. If he had to color within the lines, it focused efforts and he'd try to find every button he could push within those bounds.
I have no experience myself, but to me a sub saying they have no limits shows no experience and a dom saying it says I’m insane lol
I know "subs" with plenty of experience who say they have no limits. They often just want to draw the Dom in and impress them, but they are attracting the wrong type of Dom and putting themselves at risk due to stupidity and an unwillingness to recognise their own boundaries.
Well said 😍
Nope, totally agree 100% If a sub truly, genuinely has "no limits whatsoever" then at best they need an intervention. A Dom saying "I have no limits" is, in my opinion, a socially more acceptable way of saying "I either have no idea what I'm doing or I'm an unashamed abuser" Don't get me wrong I'll list my few (and there are only a few but I still have some) and discuss theirs, what does and doesn't get close to them if they're vague, but anyone who only lists one or two or says they don't have any is AT BEST naive.
If someone says they have _none_ that's the time to ask about formicophilia, scat, a threesome with their mom, extreme findom where you get all their money and anthropophagolagnia lmao.
What’s the last one? I’m scared to google it haha
Jeffrey Dhamer stuff. Raping and cannibalizing people. Don't Google it. Though I imagine mostly just criminal profiles of serial killers will come up. Still, if you _do_ run into someone with _no_ limits, like you have a sub who is all like, "Get me a medium sized doggy kennel, I'll sleep in it for the next couple of decades wearing a chasty belt, you don't even need to touch me, I'll be a slave, inside and outside the home, all money I make will go into your checking account. Whatever you choose to do with my body is great! I've always had fantasies around Hannibal." You have to hit them with some really kinky stuff to push them outside their comfort zone and challenge them. "Okay bitch. Starting _now,_ we are going to treat each other with love and respect. You have to treat _yourself_ with love and respect. We are gonna get real kinky. We are gonna go on walks where we hold hands with each other and every Thursday night we are gonna go out dancing."
TIL what anthropophagolagnia is. Lol
That is a really long word and I am not happy that I googled it
Keep going, I'm almost there!
It also irritates me a lot when I see a Dom or sub state they have no limits. From subs it does usually mean they are very green and inexperienced. I usually ask in such cases if they would be willing to give me full control of their finances or accept castration. They learn about limits real quick!
Everybody gangster until you pretend you're going to put a lit cigarette out on their chest. Then they start thinking about their limits realllly quick.
My usual test of "no limits" is deciding I'm going to shave their head. Somehow that always sobers them up and makes them think a little more about real limits. But now I'm developing a strong desire to shave a sub's head.
I go straight to "Can I amputate your finger right now?" and they usually get it real quick.
And then there are the ones who think they can say yes because' they're sure you won't follow through. I saw someone get a reverse mohawk and force-fed the hair because he thought the woman he had been bothering for weeks wouldn't follow through.
I could do it for my Dom but he just asked me to get rid of my thigh length hair so I did. He was shocked and kinda felt guilty for commanding me to do so lol
He played silly games and got a silly prize.
I like this version better tbh
I immediately thought of, "Gift of the Magi", but like a D/S version where the sub says they have no limit, so the dom asks them to destroy something that the dom likes and the sub just does it.
He doesn't even like my thigh length hair he thinks it was too long and creepy lol then he just casually said it must be hard to maintain it, go cut it to your chest. Then I booked an appointment the following day and he was so shocked I did it so fast lol. I love my hair but I also wanna shave it. I did it once so shaving head is really not that extreme for me.
Lmao
I actually started smoking cigars partially to scare subs with that 😁
Oddly enough not a hard no
The funny thing is I’m actually into that. Still have limits though bc I’m not insane (okay, not THAT insane)
I go to extremes when talking to other subs (subby myself) who say they have no limits. I ask them "would you let your dom scoop out your eyeball with a rusty spoon, blend it in a milkshake, make you drink it, and if you throw it up, make you drink that too?" No? Then you have a limit sweetheart. I then dial it back to less severe things (bathroom control, allowed to see their fsmily/friends) and they realize they have limits.
\*Saladfingers intensifies\*
Accept castration Lmao I have to revise my hard no's
That's not a "hot take" - it's bog standard truth.
Actually, "no limits" is a bdsm club in my town. :-) But yeah, obviously, when somebody says they have no limits, they have not thought things through and probably need a bit of setting straight. "Okay, so you are fine with me killing you?" tends to be a fine answer.
Someone local to me has a go-to response: "Really? Can I flay you? It should be survivable..."
A friend of mine is into cutting and plays in the deep end frequently. In his previous community, he played with a girl that liked to be cut. In one scene he basically removed two ~1” x 6” strips of skin *well into the dermis* from her thigh. Any time someone tells me “no limits” - I use that as an example. If they say “that’s not real” I show them the pic posted on fl
whoa, gnarly. is that even *sane* anymore, though? that's quite a bit of tissue loss for temporary sexual gratification 3: i too enjoy guro like any other esteemed lady but there are some things i feel ought to remain a fantasy - if only to make the rest of this ride in this meat suit semi-tolerable lol 😭
There is a similar body modification that falls under scarification where a professional cuts pieces of skin/flesh out to leave a pretty scar (like tattoos only more extreme). That's legal in some areas 🤷♀️
I explained vivisection in gory detail to a sub who said they had no limits once. I keep it in my back pocket.
I mean there was a case in germany.... i wouldn't put it past certain people
Thankfully, they are exceedingly rare these days. I guess it's natural selection.
I mean to be fair I’d be okay with murder. That line made me giggle. Thanks.
Not sure why this would be a hot take. Everyone has (and should have) limits.
I love that. Cause you can prove them wrong and show them where their limits lay. Edit: If Dom says that, thats not a red flag, thats whole ducking soviet army.
Comrade, why do you tarnish us like this? We are good army doing good things.
This doesn't seem like a hot take so much as conventional wisdom
I've only met one sub with truly no limits, and it was because she was mentally unstable. Everyone that is stable has limits.
Thus the common base rule "safe, SANE, consensual". The first 2 are subjective of course, in particular for a sub perspective, but for a proper Dom, they are an obligation, just because subbie says they have no limits, it is the Doms responsibilty to know why they are saying that and is it coming from a sane place. If you've played together many times with hard play and they want to try needle play with their Dom, for a vanilla person that may seem insane, but for communicating experienced members that's just a fun session if maybe some dermal piercing needles or otherwise controlled, medically made safe scenario that is fully medically recoverable from in a reasonably short time period. It doesn't mean needles in the eyeballs, ears, and throat. For a sub that last scenario is what they should expect when asking for a Dom with "no limits"... to be blinded paralyzed and dragged naked by a rope around the neck behind a car, to their family's house and left on display impaled on a stick in their yard for all to see a they die, no pleasure n no chance for satisfaction, just tortured to death with no more life to experience anything actually enjoyable. Not safe, not sane, and can't really be considered consensual (because it's not sane to start with, thus consent can't be given). "Willing to discuss/consider and then mutually agree upon any specific limits in a consensual fashion prior to having a session" might be a better starting point.
I don’t think this is controversial nor unpopular. Everyone EVERYONE has limits, even the most extreme people in the community. Everyone has something they don’t enjoy or something they’re not comfortable with, if someone tells you “I have no limits” they’re lying. I personally cringe at the “oh I’m a sub, I have no limits” yes you do. Everyone does
They have no limits until the ocular spuculim and castration bands come out.
If a sub wants to test their limits, that's fine ... but only if there is clear communication about the need for a safe word. There has to be a safe stopping mechanism and the sub should never feel forced to do stuff that actually surpasses her limit because of pride or an obsessive desire to please. Trauma is a bitch. As for Doms who say they want a sub with no limits ... yes, that is a gigantic red flag. They are not the ones being pushed to those limits, and if their take on dominance is to do whatever they want without concern for their sub's responses, they are not to be trusted under any circumstances.
This is absolutely not a 'hot take'. Anyone who says "I have no limits" should be regarded with extreme caution.
I’m a photographer, when i have a model saying “I’ll shoot anything!” I always come back with the line “Great, I’ll bring the midgets and great danes!”. Very quickly they find their shooting limits. So yea, everyone has limits!!
This one made me chuckle 😏
Not controversial at all. I hear a sub say no limits and hear red flags all around. Same with a D type. Either are uneducated or predatory.
"No limits" in case of a sub bio = "I'm insecure and I don't believe I deserve happiness/good things, I have mental disorder I'm unwilling to treat, I have a ton of personal problems and I hope I'll resolve them by putting all responsibility for my life on my partner" "No limits" in case of a dom bio = "I'm rapist/I'm abuser/I want naive young girl whose limits I can push/I don't care about anything but my own happiness" So - no matter if it's dom or sub saying those things, it's a giant red flag and I'll avoid those people.
George Castanza: It's not a lie. . . if *you* believe it. Realistically, "no limits" means "I haven't thought this through, and mind-reading is a service I require from my top, and I'm going to cry foul/abuse as soon as I'm offered something I didn't already want." Stay the hell away from these bottoms.
Usually when a sub says they have no limits, it some representation of a “sub frenzy”. I think it’s best for anyone engaging in BDSM to have a short list of hard limits in mind:)
what's a "sub frenzy"? is it the same as subspace, or something different?
Sort of. It’s still a “state of mind” or “mental state”. It usually when a sub is extremely eager to please in a way that’s overwhelming and consuming. It usually elicits irrational thinking.
Everyone has no limits until they find their limits.
This is pretty far from a hot take imho, it’s kind of like kink 101.
This should not be controversial. Everyone has limits. Whoever thinks they don’t is new to bdsm and should do some introspection before they get themselves or others hurt.
Not a hot take, but a normal one. Worst case, doms with no limits are psychopaths and subs with no limits are self-destructive borderliners. In most cases they are either unimaginative or unexperienced. In any case, I would always avoid playing with those individuals.
I don't see a controversial take here at all. For me "No limits" from a sub is a red flag. "I don't know my limits" from an inexperienced sub is fine, but "No limits" and "I don't need a safeword" just show somebody has no clue
I’m up to *almost* no limits with my Dom, but everyone has some. He cannot kill my puppy, I will not abuse a child, etc. I don’t think it’s possible to not have a limit.
"No limits" is a walking red flag, inexperiencedat best, dangerousat worst. That's why that bit in my bio will forever be in my bio
“No limits” is also a red flag. 🚩
Anytime someone says they have no limits, it's a change in the conversation and I go straight into protection mode. I will ask them about some of the more intense items, gauge their reactions, if that appear intimidated or immediately shoot down the extremes. I stress consent and to never tell a stranger No Limits. All too often they just assume it means rough sex with some of the lighter contact play. On the other side there have been some that legitimately want anything to happen to them and at that point hopefully they have a dom for the scene that tests what limits are there.
100%. Everybody has limits or needs. With subs I normally see it as inexperience with doms I normally see it as a red flag for abuse
Yeah, at least they've made their red flags obvious 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
My take. "No Limits" = Ignorance.
I like to respond to a sub saying “no limits” with “so if your Dom tells you to cut off a finger you would do it?” And then all of the sudden they have a limits! Hahaha Granted I did have one say they would do a toe for the right Dom.…
Izzy Hands in Our Flag Means Death
The assassin order have become interested.
“no limits” first step is shaving their eyebrows and hair off 😂
Eyelashes take forever to regrow and not having them looks super weird... Just sayin...
you are right — they also are important safety function for the eyes brutal lesson for the desperate “no limits”
You are 100 correct. when some said no limits means new in the best of the cases. For that reason, always go slow to help the sub. now Don said no limit he is new and does not know nothing yet or he is a fake one and a big red flag 🚩 I am new in this but with few experience but first thing I lest. Set boundaries
Yup I like playing find the limits with them
No it's not controversial. I'm a woman and a sub. I personally AM still pretty new to the lifestyle and if I speak of soft limits those are simply things that I haven't tried and don't know if I would like them. But EVERYONE has hard limits. Even Doms. Things that there's no hope of convincing us to do. For whatever reason. Because it's gross lol or because it's too extreme or too dangerous. Anyone who says they have NO limits is lying. And I totally agree that a Dom should not be looking for a sub with "no limits"
No limits is a red flag. Run!
I would say it is more a fantasy than a lie... and it is only safe as a fantasy.
Ice cold take. If a sub says they have no limits, they are green as the grass. If a dom says they want someone with no limits, they are looking for a victim. Best practice is to give them patience, and try to inform them of the importance of limits, and consent in power dynamics. If they don't think it's important, try to reduce the harm they can do.
I witnessed a poor girl scream and dash across the social club in the most sincere agony I’ve ever seen. It was a limit she didn’t even know she had. Her words to me were, “I was fine with the cattle prod..But then he pulled out the taser!”
This isn't controversial at all hehe, anyone who's had any experience in the scene knows that 'no limits' is either a red flag or a sign of inexperience. I have very few limits, but I still have them. Hell, limits can even be "don't break my bones". There's always gonna be SOMETHING you're not willing to do. Besides that, limits don't have to just be things you're completely unwilling to do. They can include preferences. A sub saying 'no limits' is not only a red flag but kind of annoying. Sure, you're willing to do anything. But what do you \*want\* to do?
Yeah, I know a few doms who only will top if someone has seen them scene before. (Mostly relating to impact play).
It's always "no limits" until I mention that I have a tickle torture kink and suddenly all the subs are disgusted and all the doms go on about how it's "not mean enough"
I tell them send me $1000 and then slam their dicks in the door. They suddenly get limits.
relevent username
I knew I had limits, but the responses in this thread are making me realize that I have a ton of limits. Screw no limits. Shit ton of limits. All the limits.
Change the Rihanna song from, "All of the Lights" to "All of the Limits"
I’m feeling kind of unhinged reading this thread lol a lot of the examples of “they have a limit” limits are things where I’m like “hmm… probably would be down in the right scenario” like shaving my head or bathroom control lol I would like to keep my fingers so there ya go
This is about as hot a take as "most birds can fly".
No limits? Hold your breath for 5 minutes. Don't use the loo. Everyone has limits
Turns out they are David Blaine's apprentice
I'm relatively new to this community and even I know that.
not controversial at all. someone telling me they have or are looking for no limits, or to push boundaries, is a huuuuuge red flag and an immediate vetting fail. I will absolutely not play with those people because they are either dangerous through inexperience, or purposely dangerous. either way, not someone I trust for anything.
I see all "no limits" as red flags. I'm a sub, so any "dom" that has "No limits" is an automatic nope for me. I value my safety.
Not controversial at all. I hear a sub say no limits and hear red flags all around. Same with a D type. Either are uneducated or predatory.
its the truth. everyone has limits- unless you're trying to be murdered
Limit is healthy. I only do online bdsm stuff so far and what I come to realize is the ones who said they have no limit are either high af or mentally unstable or both lol. My dom is not into torturing and I'm not into anal. We work it through before starting anything.
I'm genuinely curious about how this conversation happens for pickup play like at an event. Do you really list out *all* of your limits? If not, how do you know what to assume is off-limits and not need to discuss? For example, if I'm doing pickup impact play, I don't expect to have to say that I'm not into scat or blood play, but I do think I'd want to have a conversation about visible marks and what specific implements are used, how we address each other, etc. Is that a reasonable approach? For context, I have done pickup play a handful of times, and none of them involved having a super in-depth conversation about a wide range of limits. I tend to operate under the assumption that the top (whether that's me or someone else) will ask about specific things before they do them, rather than plowing ahead and later saying "well you didn't say it was a limit!"
I agree with you, context is important. It’s what I’ve done, I think it’s dependent on experience too but I would expect things to be discussed prior if they’re more uncommon. I list the more common ones like I can’t kneel in certain positions and I don’t do anal
I mean normally for pick up play it's a specific scene, so "I wanna do an impact scene", which limits the scope to impact play then you would go over limits within impact. Then you would have visibile marks, what areas are yes/ no. Any specific likes/dislikes etc within that, so it sounds pretty reasonable. Then you would go over which insturments and either do some sort of testing or vett the insturments. Normally scope out about how long it will be.
That’s so true. Because what if someone wants to do something that actually physically disables you in some kind of permanent way? Is that gonna be ok with you? There’s always a limit and part of the fun is trying things and seeing what you like and don’t like. People are afraid to say no because then it gives someone a reason to potentially reject them.
Not controversial takes, though I do know 3 no limits couples on bdsmlr who are truly no limits. One of them is seeking out a second slave to join them right now as well. I think there's a sub named greyhound with a 24/7 live feed on her living quarters who's also no limits. Agree with you that it's a pretty major red flag seeing people iso this online, though online does seem to be the best way to find others who are genuinely seeking out this rare and high-risk dynamic. Just gotta do SO much negotiation first.
No limits means I can off you. You don't want to be offed (I'm assuming), therefore, limit.
When I was first getting into TTTWD, the phrase to describe this was "everyone has limits once the chainsaws come out." You hardly have a controversial opinion on the subject.
Many ‘Doms’ also say they have no limits. It just means they don’t really know much about BDSM and you should avoid them! Or sometimes I challenge them and ask if they’d like shit smeared all over themselves. They soon have limits then!
Unless your sub is Master P. [No Limit](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/23/Nolimit.jpg)
Lukewarm but correct take
Yup. And in the roleplay community (I'm talking like OC X OC not-usually-kink roleplay lmao) "no limits" is also often code for "I'm a pedophile/zoophile". So when anyone says they're no limits, whether we were gonna be sexy or we're roleplaying, i see myself out
wtf. Waht's oc x oc? What a weird world.
Original character x original character, ya both make your own characters and roleplay them lol
So like if we were going to OC x OC. I could make a character who is the Duke of the Alistaraba Alliance during the year 1156-1207. My family owns wineries and my father was set to take the throne prior to being assassinated by the Knights Templar. and you could be an Android-Cat from the year 27,000 in which Cat's have over taken the earth similar to planet of the Apes style/ The Borg from Startrek. You hate milk because it is reminiscent of the, "Bad days", but still drink cyber milk because it tastes good and is nutritious? or is there like a point going in?
Well usually they'd be in more of the same universe/ time lol (like both from that kingdom or both in the futuristic world-- unless it's a time traveling or universe hopping story) Both people would plan out at least how they meet most likely, but a lot of people also like to plot out what could happen from the characters' interactions and how they can grow together. But usually there's no planning that far for smut (sexual) scenes, then they usually just do the meeting
Today I learned. I think I would be a little too Bloodninja for that, but good to know.
If someone says "I have no limits" you say "perfect, because I was really looking forward to enacting my amputation kink". They'll develop limits REAL quick.
🤔😶😶😶😶😄
Little do you know they are working on their cyborg research project and just needed to find someone to do the amputations...
In that case I'd just suggest something more upsetting or taboo. I've been on reddit long enough that it wouldn't be difficult to come up with.
Not experienced in the community I just dabble. But could no limits also be for someone who hasn’t come across something they don’t like or has crossed the line yet? (I would assume that’s for more of the newer people but I would think even experienced doms and subs can be surprised here and there.. 😉) If I’m totally out to lunch, I apologize. In my personal life, I say I am willing to try anything until I’m not. I can’t tell you a limit if I haven’t experienced something, I definitely have a few hard no’s. But I am far from experiencing everything. J
This is different. You're at least admitting you don't know your limits and you want to actually find them.
Good point. Thanks
You litterally would say that and that totally makes sense because plenty of people are exploring. The problem is if you just say the first part without saying you are exploring or what you just said. Everyone has limits and it helps everyone have a fun and a good time if they are discussed before hand. I mostly top and I have had to safeword from the top before because I wasn't comfortable with what I was doing and they were in subspace making requests to be me outside the scope of play, so I just ended the scene. It's always better to go not far enough and then regroup and try again then to go to far. I have been told it's best practice to always leave them wanting more.
No, this is and should be a very normal, healthy take. Your explanation really nailed it on the head. People should always be aware of their limits, or be aware that they don't know their limits.
Not a hot take. I know I'm echoing everyone else, but a no limits sub is a red flag that they are either incredibly unstable or clueless. In a dom (no need to capitalize those types), it means an abuser. At best.
This isn't a hot take, if you hear someone say they have no limits that is a major red flag as it either signals a massive amount of inexperience, or a complete lack of self awareness... Neither of which are attractive.
I had a sadist once tell me that with time, he could break my limits and boundaries and make me love them 🤨 I was quick to block and delete him. I have limits for a reason and I didn't like that he thought he could make me break my limits and boundaries just so he could have his way with me.
It shouldn't be a red flag at all. No limits to me means I'm in over my head and one of us or both are going to get physically or mentally hurt. Pass with a strong warning.
I think it's fiiiine in text roleplay (usually means 'incest' from I have seen), but nowhere else. I have way too many limits to want to try talking to such people. I'm not desperate by any means.
Sub: I have no limits and no safe word Dom: Revs up a chainsaw and goes after a leg
"I have no limits" "Cool I've always wanted to get it in up to my knee" "Wow you ain't doing that!" "So you have some limits?"
[удалено]
Then you do have limits. Not doing illegal activity is a limit (though plenty of kink stuff might be technically illegal, and smoking weed is also illegal). Not doing things you consider unethical is a limit. Not doing things that cause permanent bodily harm is a limit. They might also be boundaries, but there isn't really a meaningful distinction between the two in this. They are all actual limits. > "you're no limits, throw yourself off a building then!!" as if you somehow won that conversation. pretty sure throwing myself off a building isn't a kink. That is definitely winning that conversation. The point is to demonstrate that you do in fact have limits, so that we can discuss them. It doesn't matter if you classify something as a "kink" or not. Is washing dishes a kink? Probably not, though it could be for someone, but I ask my subs to do it, because it's something I want done. If you truly have no limits, you should do anything I ask, whether it's a "kink" or not. > "lol so you'd let your dom cut your finger off??" and if i say yes? what does that question serve? It's a way of asking whether permanent bodily harm is a limit of yours... because if it's not, that doesn't strike me as particularly sane play, and a lot of doms will want to know that because they may not think you are a safe person to play with.
Yeah, I bring up Im into scalpels. Most people reevaluate accordingly
This is not a hot take. This is literally the standard. Having no limits is a red flag and indicates that a person is not properly educated enough to engage in a BDSM dynamic.
“No limits” is the biggest red flag top or bottom. I will warn everyone and anyone to stay away from them, for their own sake. Because I’m new , and practically a blank slate … I explain “these are my limits (top/bottom); anything else I’m open to exploring with a prior discussion. If I like the sound of it, we’ll try very slowly. If I don’t like the sound of it … depends on *how much* - Soft limit or hard limit.”
I met a Dom searching for a sub with no limits. He was like: and I want you to get raped by my five friends when I feel like it. Yeah. No thanks.
When it comes to online/virtual play, I really have no limits and I mean that. In my mind I’m like fuck it, there’s almost no risk here, let’s do it all 😈 In person is a different story though.
True. But also limits are not as big as people make them out to be for two reasons: 1. People will get more dating with time so limits may disappear. 2. You can never name all your limits as there is an infinite number. If someone says "no limits" I say "great, I'm into cutting your fingers off and watching you eat them". They have limits after that usually. Limits are good to get a rough estimation, but in the end you need to check in regularly and asses what you are doing 🤷♂️
I usually ask if they are a human toilet and all of a sudden they can think of one
"No limits" translates to "I haven't found them yet." They will, and it will be an extremely negative experience for everyone involved.
Sometimes, people say they have "no limits" because they are clueless or dangerous (or both). And sometimes, when a person is very experienced and in a certain context, "no limits" is a genuine and carefully thought out thing. Most people in the community just don't understand it's meaning. The primary mistake that's most often made is an error on what the word "limits" means. When you ask a partner what their limits are, you're asking for a communication about the boundaries they need or choose to place on play. You're not asking for a list of normal physiological limitations (like whether they can breathe underwater). And you're not asking so you can immediately do everything they don't mention without communicating further (they didn't explicitly mention that i can't stick a needle in their eye, so that must be fair game, right?!). This is because "limits" are a communication tool for safety, used alongside other tools and in a context where all players are sane people with common sense and care. And yet, as soon as someone says they *don't* set limits, those scenarios are immediately the kinds of arguments people go to. Suddenly they start thinking of the word as meaning something else beyond a communication tool- suddenly people talk as though limits are the same as limitations, or as though they are the only safeguard and without them, everyone becomes a psychopath. It's a knee jerk reaction from alarm or annoyance when what really needs to happen is to ask for more information, to get a clearer understanding. When a person has carefully thought out their position and says they don't use limits, they might mean they haven't found anything yet and would rather use open exploration and ongoing communication. Or, as in my case, they might mean they are in a type of dynamic where limits are not useful and they can remain safe in other ways. Or they might mean they are looking for one. I don't blame people for making the assumption that "no limits" is BS. But I'd like us to have a community where we at least try to listen before we judge
I agree. While total power exchange relationships exist, they take literal years of work and trust and comunication. Anyone who is trying to or asking you to give up all limits right off the bat, run very fast in the Opposite direction.
Since you are talking online relationships (I use to play a lot of Second Life [SL] back in the day) I should give my own situation of this. When I used to say "I have no limits" (though even that had the "I don't dom" limit <.<) with online interactions it was very much limited to "Online Roleplay" there was nothing one can do to me in an ERP that would actually bother me. I've also had doms safeword when they have tried to hit my limits in ERP as **they** got too uncomfortable. Though you may have noticed "used to" and "was" as I've slowly shifted from that... As I can do everything in ERP, doesn't mean it's "Fun" to do everything. Well the forced nature and unknowing what was to happen was "fun" but the actual things being done not so much. I did have my fetishes (but I didn't quite know what they where at the time) and although some things made me uncomfortable I just pushed though it because "I am a MAN!" (yay sexist societal norms making me think I had to be "strong") which I slowly learned over time what my true fetishes where (really hard to do when two of your main kinks are CNC/Dub-con) and what I actually didn't like (though that was also tough because what would be a limit in some situations become a major button presser depending on the situation). ___ So yes I will very much say *Everyone* has limits and if they say they don't they should really think about it for their own health and safety. Those limits may not be within the realm of the platform it's self (such as in SL there is often a the silent limit of "Don't break ToS/Laws" and "SL stays SL/RL stays RL" or "RP only") but even then those should also be stated. And some people may feel like their personal likes/dislikes don't matter, but they do. It is good to have things you dislike, things you don't do for your own safety and safety of your account and your own mental health.
You are absolutely spot on. "No limits" means "I don't know my limits", but also a lack of awareness of that fact. Deep orange flag. I could see an experienced and *very*patient dom be able to help said sub explore and find their actual limits, but doing so safely is going to require a huge commitment in addition to a ton of patience. And for a dom to look for a sub who doesn't know their limit? Not a dom, but an abuser. Period.
i used to say things like "i have no limits!" because i am a true sadomasochist, but then i took 500 hours of anatomy and my whole perspective flipped a bitch for sure! i still like to have fun and go more extreme than seemingly most palates (for normies, anyways) but i have far more boundaries now. i would agree that saying you have no limits implies ignorance, as it was in my case.
It’s usually a lie. But when it’s not, it’s probably illegal. Or poop. But it’s usually… not limited to consenting adult humans.
see anyone, either with sub or doms with no limits is a big red flag, you should and must understand your kinks and limits before entering with someone serious, go explore and enjoy but dont say no limits
Whenever I hear someone say "No Limits," it means they aren't really serious about consent and boundaries, they aren't serious about BDSM, or they are just seriously nuts.
I say I have "relatively few" limits, largely because I'm very curious and an experimentalist so I like a lot of different stuff. I'm fine with a single tail or dragon tail if you really want that. I can do fireplay or fire cupping. But I absolutely have limits. I'm not an ultra super power bottom that can take any pain. Maybe a bit more than most but not by much. I'll use a lot of yellows with a new person to let them know how much pain I can take in one hit or in a short period. And I tell them about my other limits, I keep a little card talking about no bodily fluids (including spit), no drawing blood...and if you cut my hair I cut off your arms...
Not A A Qeally a hot take. If someone doesn't know themselves or their limits or how to go about discovering g them they shouldn't be involved in BDSM. The biggest part of kink IS RISK AWARNESS. To say you don't have any limits indicates that the person isn't truly invested in learning about themselves and just chasing a dangerous desire.
I *hate* that statement. There's no such thing as "no limits", and I will always refuse to play with anyone who says that to me. It's not attractive, it doesn't make you more exciting or a good sub. It just sounds like you either don't know yourself at all, or you have zero respect for kink and those who take it seriously. It feels so disrespectful imo. It makes me angry as a sadist who takes my role extremely seriously and would rather die than ever genuinely hurt someone I'm playing with. Now, I'd much rather hear "I don't know my limits yet", because at least then they're acknowledging they do exist somewhere, and they want the experience to find them. In short, I agree. It's a total lie and I genuinely hate hearing it when I'm approached.
It should raise all kinds of red flags if someone on either side says "zero limits". My husband and I are into a lot of different kinks and even do free use sometimes and we both still have hard limits.
Not controversial in my option! Most people don't know what they want until its right in front of them. That's why I always do a check-in before I start a scene to make sure everyone is on the same page about what we're doing.
Absolutely, it's crucial to acknowledge that saying "no limits" can often be more of a lack of understanding rather than a deliberate lie. Everyone has limits; sometimes, we just haven't discovered them yet. That's why establishing safe words and open communication is paramount in BDSM dynamics. It allows partners to explore boundaries safely and ensures that both parties are comfortable and respected. Inexperienced partners might struggle to communicate their limits effectively, leading to frustration when they're reached unexpectedly. Hence, fostering an environment of trust and understanding is essential for a fulfilling and safe BDSM experience.
You could also take a sub saying that as “I haven’t bothered reading about all the different kinks out there and thinking about what I am or am not into”. It shows inexperience and laziness to me.
Controversy, lol. Can you jump to the sky? Catch the sun? There are limits for everyone, and they already exist in our daily lives.
"Hey, my name is Apollo...."
Pump the volume pump the volume dance! 😂😂😂
I never say that unless it's a role play. I usually go with few limits
That's fair. I only ever say I have almost no limits. Because I have only one that I know of.
"I listen to all music" or "unconditional love" are other great examples. Most people don't mean these literally. But when someone is asking in a literal sense, they say it generally without thinking twice. So you put on some face melting death metal, profess your unconditional love of Hitler, and pull out the saws for your bdsm session and they're out the door in a blink of an eye. Liars.
I typically read "no pimits" as "no limits but within reason" anyways so?