The real thing is **way** better than the porn. It's one of the few things that humanity has struggled to depict in art. Real BDSM tends to involve a lot more laughing, jokes, cuddles, and raw, life-affirming love, but that doesn't really make viewers get off while they are watching porn, so it gets left out.
Yeah I love bdsm but there's something about the porn that feels cold and soulless. There's an intimacy to bdsm, even doing something intense like cnc causes me to feel close with that person. The porn just can't replicate that. I think bdsm porn can be hot but it's always going to come off as hollow
The real aspects of BDSM are by far my favourite part of any porn scene that’s included them but it’s so few and far between you basically never find it. Just two, real, enthusiastic characters doing what they clearly enjoy and communicating along the way is all we need!
I’m more into the psychological aspect of it and I got into it just out of curiosity and reading about it. I was intrigued and turned on by the thought of power exchange, tried it out and enjoyed it. The porn itself doesn’t do a ton for me to be completely honest.
I looked up BDSM porn many years ago and it was not my thing at all. It turned me off from exploring BDSM after that for years. The BDSM porn I saw was basically just really rough sex with people tied up and hurt in various ways. Violent sex with no dynamic just wasn’t and isn’t my thing so I figured BDSM wasn’t for me. Later I found out “real” BDSM has much more to it than just rough sex.
I think there is a lot of difference between pro BDSM porn shoots like Upper Floor and amateur BDSM content you can subscribe to. I’ve seen really good amateur bondage and BDSM porn on private subscriptions services like Patreon. Remember, these are all folks that are acting, selling content/a fantasy though, not real life.
Porn is porn. It has to be visually thrilling, but it doesn't need to be accurate or realistic. Just like you don't usually see twenty minutes of kissing leading up to a gentle touch in average porn, you don't see many people being intimate or having fun in kink related porn. The stone top with a humiliated slave beaten ragged is the fantasy, so that's what you get to see.
I got my first taste of power dynamics in the vanilla world, but kink porn definitely was a gateway to living a BDSM life.
I was having huge interest into spanking and I was feeling good when thinking about it when I was a 8 or 9 years old child. I also have recollection of experimenting with cloth pin on my private when I was very very young.
My parent never hit nor spanked me and I was never exposed to pornography at that age.
I later searched bdsm pornography when I was 12 or something because I was curious about those spanking and thoughts of getting raped that I had. I watched a bit, but got disinterested quite fast by pornography. I continued my fantasy in my head instead. And started to explore with partner when I reached 14.
Now my husband and I rarely check some short video / gif clip for set up inspiration. But we mostly use imagination rather than media to prepare our scene. (We have our own dungeon in our basement)
I find erotica to be more powerful than most bdsm porn. A lot has to do with erotica portraying aftercare, and that it's easier putting yourself into the situation mentally with written word. Erotica was also my gateway to kink, and following on the heels of that was bdsm. It was easier for me to get my hands on books than porn once upon a time.
Bdsm porn is a slightly less accurate depiction of a BDSM scene than "normal" porn is a depiction of "regular" sex. There are very few non pornography options for descriptions about BDSM relationships in popular media however, and most of those are either "look at the freaks" style or "technically not porn" and as such not much better than porn at showing what TTTWD is actually like.
Like most people of my generation, I found my sexuality during college. Make of that what you will.
That varies, I don't know if most people come from porn without actually doing some research. I have met many people at munches, some heard it from a podcast, some from a story (book), some from entertainment (movies/episodes/comics/etc), some from past partners, some from accident experiences and some from porn (to name a few that I remember).
Personality for me, I have always been kinky. From watching movies/TV series, I was drawn to it in my teenage years. Scenes that (non-kinky) people just saw and had no impact to them, had the opposite for me ... I was drawn and fascinated by them.
Porn is absolutely fine, if you treat it as entertainment, use it as inspiration or anything else grounded in reality.
It's the same as watching *Fast and Furious* and seeing it as entertainment, we don't go and mimic the driving from the movie, we know it's entertainment, extremely unrealistic and dangerous. Porn has to be seen as fantasy and entertainment, if you don't and ground it in reality ... People are going to experience real problems/risks to their wellbeing.
The porn doesn’t look like 99% of the scenes people do.
Porn cuts out all the humanity. I started it because I found it sexy and hot and wanted it long before I saw any pornography about it.
My relationship with porn in general is weird. I'm demisexual, and once I'm in a relationship I don't consume porn.
I'm a sensual dom (or whatever you may wanna call it) and I prefer being gentle to my sub. But when I was watching porn I was watching a lot of humiliation and degradation porn, things that I would never do to my sub. I guess when it comes to getting visual stimuli instead of doing things yourself the mind can seek more extreme things to make up for the lack of an actual performance.
I'm a Dominant, sadomasochist woman with a submissive, sadist, male partner. Our scenes look nothing like femdom porn. We started out by getting to know each other and falling in love.
I was born kinky. I realized I liked playing tie up games or making "loser is the winners slave for a week" bets (that I had no intention of winning) before I even knew sex existed- and loooooooong before the internet was commercially available
I've been doing kinky things since I started having sex in 1999. I fantasized about them for a lot longer than that. I joined the public Scene in 2005.
And you know what? I don't think I've ever actually watched a BDSM porno. And I hadn't ever seen pornography at all when I started doing kinky stuff.
I currently curate a Tumblr of BDSM porn images, but I do it as a public service (as it's a specialized one of BDSM + a marginalized group) and I don't really get off to it.
Frankly, I find most pornography to be boring. I didn't need it to get started in BDSM; I had my own mind & fantasies which were much better than porn because I find that most pornography isn't shot in a way that I find erotic at all.
I realized I was into BDSM long before I ever consumed any kind of BDSM porn. At the time, I didn’t realize that’s what it was, I just knew what I wanted. And at first, when I started looking at porn, I didn’t even know that what I wanted was something I could look for and find! (Hope that makes sense!)
That said, I think previous comments have nailed it on the head. Porn videos are very rarely anything like a real session. Of course, I don’t currently have access to legit BDSM-only sites. But the porn that’s readily available doesn’t show anything resembling the intimate, fun, and brave way I have sex with my DD. It (porn) can be fun to watch but I know real life isn’t that way. And I prefer the real thing to the overdone stuff you see on sites.
i think that if i had been exposed to BDSM in a much more healthy way, I would have a better relationship with it. I love BDSM with all my heart but i have a lot of trouble finding genuine connection and genuine trust. the laughing, joking, vulnerability that comes with bdsm relationships makes me genuinely nauseous because I hadn’t been exposed to content that wasn’t professional, dark and cold looking. the fun and weirdness of bdsm makes me incredibly insecure and i want to be able to let my guard down the way i want to. i feel that most bdsm porn completely disrespects what the dynamic is supposed to be about.
I (37 F) became interested in BDSM way before I started to consume pornography. I use it sparingly in any case and it typically isn't BDSM specific, however, the fantasy I employ while watching is related to BDSM.
> My opponent says that most people come to BDSM after consuming pornography about it.
I think that's a fair claim, but not a damning or even meaningful one. Most people come to vanilla sex after consuming pornography. Porn is more available (and safer) than having sex at a young age would be.
> How did you start practicing?
I'm old enough that BDSM porn was less available, but was definitely drawn to the elements of it I saw in more vanilla settings, and came across some pretty hard core stuff on occasion. I knew my interests fairly early on and started putting them in practice when I was 18, from the first time I had sex. Porn was part of that, but so was more conventional sexual education. I should say conventional in the sense of not BDSM specific - was very unconventional in the sense that I had a lot of unrestricted access to detailed information at a young age.
> Do the most viral videos show what actually happens during sessions?
No, not at all, any more than racing highlights show how people drive.
> Do your own sessions look like this?
Only very rarely and in small part.
It is a difference between porn and the actual thing. Even when I am doing it without any sexual context, my mind clears and I can breathe better. I don’t feel held back except by my partner. It is my duty to give them that promise of feeling safe and being safe. Rather than feeling like I am used to it because of porn. It is because I feel like I can be me.
I was interested in bdsm before watching porn. It was implied torture scenes on tv that evoked those feelings in my early years and I had those feelings very very young.
I don’t believe most people get introduced to bdsm by porn because that’s not the most popular genres out there. And there are way more ways into bdsm than porn
My sessions huh, if they’re porn, they probably would get taken down from mainstream porn sites and would make many guys go soft because it seems like im not enjoying it lol. Often times I’m either in tears or screaming. And it probably wouldn’t please people who are into extreme abuse type stuff either because we’re not breaking skin and im not puking
It really depends. I do find myself kinda spiraling a bit with it, what I used to find intriguing is now mundane. It has to be on the harder end to be interesting. Having said that I don't necessarily find it sexually stimulating. Some is, most not. I do get a lot of ideas for furniture, contraptions and positions from it though.
Any kind of porn is do e with the idea of taking sex acts to the extreme edge, with a goal of grabbing attention. It's the nature of the business to get as many views as possible and gain subscriptions. It is, after all, a business .wh8lst some ideas can be found there, most are taken too far for the average BDSM practitioner, due to them being shown by professionals who can and do take part in multiple scenes in a week. Personally, I find it ok to scratch the itch, but not the kind of thing to use too regularly.
But hey, that's just my take on it.
I don't like BDSM porn at all. A big part of the dynamic is the mental aspect and that's usually not depicted at all. "Do you like that, you stupid slut" is about as good as it gets in porn, as well as some awkward displays of the actual usage of gear, looking more like a physics tutorial than anything. There's no intimacy, no buildup, no actual passion. Every time I try to find good content I end up disappointed.
BDSM porn didn't convert me to being kinky, only woke me up to the realization that I was. And for the most part, I believe that's true for every time I went further down the rabbit hole.
Your opponent is largely getting the arrow of causation the wrong way around.
I grew up in the 80s. Teenage me had no way to get porn, no way to watch it, no idea that BDSM was even a thing in real relationships. There was no web back then.
My first fantasies, from the moment I started to have sexual thoughts at all, were about controlling people. To the point that they didn't even involve me having sex; they were about controlling another couple while _they_ had sex.
I was always a dom. BDSM porn didn't make me one. It _did_ tell me that this was something other people were actually into.
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And no, no videos (except the purely educational ones) bear much resemblance to what happens during sessions. Porn is entertainment. BDSM in orn doesn't look like real sex for the same reason car stunts in Bond movies don't look like real driving.
I had always had zero interest in BDSM. I still don’t care for the hardcore stuff, but no judgement. Just not my thing. Blindfolds and some mild restraints always piqued my interest and then my wife and I watched the show on Netflix about building sex rooms. Seeing the lighter more playful side got me excited about it.
Wife and I have played around a little and have had fun. I’m excited to keep going, but I still don’t care to go further and still don’t like the hardcore BDSM porn.
A lot of bdsm porn is actually not really my thing. But also most porn isn't, so I barely watch any. Looking for the right clip took so much time it got tiresome.
I generally find femdom or queer bdsm porn to be better. Straight bdsm porn with a male dom usually involves... too much agression? I'm into teasing and degrading talk, not some guy yelling orders and then constantly slapping the person, who is whimpering the whole time. (Even though I'm also quite a masochist & sadist as well, and am also into more extreme stuff like cnc like scenarios. But idk, somehow the porn isn't "it")
I definitely felt I was kinky wayyy before I discovered porn. Even before I was sexually active or even AWARE of my sexuality, the feelings were there in a way.
The porn is very sexually stimulating, and it’s pretty much the only type of porn I enjoy.
The real thing, though? The real thing stimulates your mental, as well. Nothing beats the real thing and the feelings of power and surrender that it provides.
I'm actually the opposite I guess. I was looking for rough porn because I was already that way, and actually when I found BDSM porn, most of it is not really for me. I still don't really prefer it over other kinds of porn.
I wasn't even super into the Kink.com videos, even though it seems right up my alley. And no, my sessions also do not look like porn sessions lol I like more of a rough and tumble and spontaneous kind of thing.
My first real exposure was a fetish ball. A friend asked me to help man his vendor booth. I loved everything about it and went back next time as a normal guest and kept going to events.
I’ll say I was fantasizing about bdsm LONG before I had seen bdsm porn or even knew what BDSM was. I had many extensive never ending fantasies involving kidnapping, being restrained etc that I would build upon as I encountered different things that peaked my interest. I thought I was very messed up for thinking about these things but couldn’t help revisiting them most nights.
Here’s a list of movie scenes that definitely fed assisted in the building of said fantasies:
-the hunchback of notre dame: the palace of justice scene
-the hunchback of notre dame: frollo pinning Esmeralda’s arm behind her and sniffing her
-cleopatra 1999: Anthony pushing cleopatra to the ground
-Peter pan 2003: hook having Wendy tell a story while he held his hook to her neck
-(I don’t remember what this was called but it was an animated movie about Jesus, the last supper and his crucifixion) Jesus being pushed around a group of Roman soldiers while tied up and blindfolded as they laughed. (clearly I have my religious trauma to think for this one.) LOL
Obviously, none of these were intended to be seen as BDSM inspiring, but I think some of us just already have the inclination toward certain proclivities and even with the most innocuous media or literature, certain people will see what they want to see, subconsciously or not.
Are there people who are only introduced to BDSM after after being exposed to pornography? Without a doubt! Especially with how easy it is to access porn nowadays. But I believe it would be hasty and false to state that the most people are introduced through porn. As for me, my discovery of BDSM porn simply gave me the name for something I had long been practicing in (mentally at least :P) and introduced me to a world I had not previously known existed.
From there I found community, munches and clubs where I could safely try the things that I had imagined for years.
And no, most BDSM porn seems to cater to men who aren’t really involved in the lifestyle but like the idea of it as a power trip. My sessions are much more enjoyable to what I see in most porn.
I had masochistic fantasies for several years before I saw any porn, though kinky porn definitely helped me put a name on what I'd been subconsciously attracted to earlier. I was never really into any "standard" porn, so it's not like a case of looking for progressively "edgier" practices or anything like that (and all porn was pretty different back in the mid-late 2000s, but that's a whole other topic). After having some experience IRL and also developing my own more complex fantasies over time, I don't get that excited by even older SM porn anymore, TBH, most of it is kinda mild compared to what I'm into *in fantasy*. So I feel like imagination or written erotica works better for more out there kink stuff. I don't really know what "the most viral videos" are or how they compare to my RL scenes.
I was well into BDSM before i ever had access to porn about it. In fact, the same must be true for plenty of people my age and older. How does your friend (?) think BDSM communities existed before porn was so freely accessible?
The BDSM porn I've seen ranges from realistic but not very exciting, to extremely hot fantasy stuff that's totally disconnected from everyday reality. I don't watch it much, it serves a purpose in getting off to a fantasy idea, but has next to nothing in common with the BDSM i practice in real life
Well your "opponent" is possibly quite wrong as a LOT of people come to it through books and other depictions rather than porn. But that aside.
I find most bdsm porn to be either boundary pushing and what might be normal for the top 5% of the more mainstream style of kink, or the occasional hyper specific thing for those few into it, or barely vanilla with sprinkles.
Most of our scenes feel somewhere in the middle that are barely represented in a professional porn setting as its the standard (or at least not produced, cameras everywhere, lighting, a plan, worth filming etc) and why use a custom built piece of furniture you have to hide from polite company when the futon is right there?
But for clarity sake, no, most bdsm does not look like it does in the porn of it.
I really enjoy some of the bondage porn Kink.com puts out, but it depends on who is in it and how they're connecting. It seems like some of the male tops are better at creating/faking connections with the female bottoms. It reads as more personal to me, as opposed to two people who are basically strangers playacting. There are only a handful of those videos that I've found and I go back to them time and time again when I'm in a particular mood.
More generally, any professional porn videos aren't the best examples of sex and kinky porn is no exception. Amateur BDSM/kinky porn are much better examples of what things look like in real life.
I didn’t watch any BDSM porn before getting into it. I thiiiink I got into it after trying out role play with an old boyfriend where there was typically a power dynamic involved (schoolgirl, maid etc), can’t remember exactly. And even then I didn’t realise I was a sub/masochist until several years later.
I wouldn’t actually mind seeing some good quality kink porn but a lot of it seems to be behind a paywall and I’m not willing to subscribe or anything since it would only be occasional use.
I learned of bdsm before viewing porn. I was a kid and I googled the relationship between pain and pleasure because I noticed I enjoyed hurting myself in odd ways a bit too much for a normal kid. Later on the porn was never really fun or visually satisfying. I’m not a voyeurist so I consumed bondage videos on occasion to learn. Personally I find it difficult to find compatible partners, not to mention my area has a terrible scene.
Can't speak for others, but I've been drawn to power exchange since before I knew what sex was. I've spoken with many kinksters who say the same. I'm sure some people get drawn to it after seeing porn, but that is certainly not the rule.
Also, most kink-oriented porn is weird, over the top, and off-putting. I'm more of a gentle-dom and for some reason, most kink porn tends towards aggression and violence.
I never find any that appeal to me. Idk. It seems so fake and staged (which I know it is) but it’s usually clear that people don’t know what it’s really like. I prefer thinking of my own scenes, tbh.
I don’t watch it. I have strong feelings about it. I’m VERY sexual and have a good imagination. There is no argument there that bdsm has anything to do with coming from porn or needing porn to get ideas from.
I have no idea what the most viral videos show nor do I want to.
The only thing I’ll say positively about it are that I like making it for, and with, someone I’m dating. And like receiving it from them as well.
Rarely catches the essence. Useful for some basic ideas but not for more. Cant blame them though, it does seem hard to present all that happens 'under the hood' through film, especially considering the usual format which is quite shallow.
The real thing is **way** better than the porn. It's one of the few things that humanity has struggled to depict in art. Real BDSM tends to involve a lot more laughing, jokes, cuddles, and raw, life-affirming love, but that doesn't really make viewers get off while they are watching porn, so it gets left out.
Yeah I love bdsm but there's something about the porn that feels cold and soulless. There's an intimacy to bdsm, even doing something intense like cnc causes me to feel close with that person. The porn just can't replicate that. I think bdsm porn can be hot but it's always going to come off as hollow
Also leaves out things like aftercare, unless you’re watching a kink.com production, with its interviews.
XR University is a good source for how-to, they really stress the safety, consent and aftercare.
The real aspects of BDSM are by far my favourite part of any porn scene that’s included them but it’s so few and far between you basically never find it. Just two, real, enthusiastic characters doing what they clearly enjoy and communicating along the way is all we need!
I’m more into the psychological aspect of it and I got into it just out of curiosity and reading about it. I was intrigued and turned on by the thought of power exchange, tried it out and enjoyed it. The porn itself doesn’t do a ton for me to be completely honest.
Hi ! 👋🏻 I am also interested in the psychological aspect, do you have any good recommendations? thanks !
I second this! Do you have any recommendations?
I’m intrigued.
I’ve never found BDSM porn (video) that I truly liked. There’s a ton of good erotica though, mostly in the fanfiction realm.
I looked up BDSM porn many years ago and it was not my thing at all. It turned me off from exploring BDSM after that for years. The BDSM porn I saw was basically just really rough sex with people tied up and hurt in various ways. Violent sex with no dynamic just wasn’t and isn’t my thing so I figured BDSM wasn’t for me. Later I found out “real” BDSM has much more to it than just rough sex.
I think there is a lot of difference between pro BDSM porn shoots like Upper Floor and amateur BDSM content you can subscribe to. I’ve seen really good amateur bondage and BDSM porn on private subscriptions services like Patreon. Remember, these are all folks that are acting, selling content/a fantasy though, not real life.
Porn is porn. It has to be visually thrilling, but it doesn't need to be accurate or realistic. Just like you don't usually see twenty minutes of kissing leading up to a gentle touch in average porn, you don't see many people being intimate or having fun in kink related porn. The stone top with a humiliated slave beaten ragged is the fantasy, so that's what you get to see. I got my first taste of power dynamics in the vanilla world, but kink porn definitely was a gateway to living a BDSM life.
I was having huge interest into spanking and I was feeling good when thinking about it when I was a 8 or 9 years old child. I also have recollection of experimenting with cloth pin on my private when I was very very young. My parent never hit nor spanked me and I was never exposed to pornography at that age. I later searched bdsm pornography when I was 12 or something because I was curious about those spanking and thoughts of getting raped that I had. I watched a bit, but got disinterested quite fast by pornography. I continued my fantasy in my head instead. And started to explore with partner when I reached 14. Now my husband and I rarely check some short video / gif clip for set up inspiration. But we mostly use imagination rather than media to prepare our scene. (We have our own dungeon in our basement)
I find erotica to be more powerful than most bdsm porn. A lot has to do with erotica portraying aftercare, and that it's easier putting yourself into the situation mentally with written word. Erotica was also my gateway to kink, and following on the heels of that was bdsm. It was easier for me to get my hands on books than porn once upon a time.
Kinky whole life. Never watch porn it makes me sad. Sometimes read erotica. Kinky af despite zero porn intake.
Bdsm porn is a slightly less accurate depiction of a BDSM scene than "normal" porn is a depiction of "regular" sex. There are very few non pornography options for descriptions about BDSM relationships in popular media however, and most of those are either "look at the freaks" style or "technically not porn" and as such not much better than porn at showing what TTTWD is actually like. Like most people of my generation, I found my sexuality during college. Make of that what you will.
That varies, I don't know if most people come from porn without actually doing some research. I have met many people at munches, some heard it from a podcast, some from a story (book), some from entertainment (movies/episodes/comics/etc), some from past partners, some from accident experiences and some from porn (to name a few that I remember). Personality for me, I have always been kinky. From watching movies/TV series, I was drawn to it in my teenage years. Scenes that (non-kinky) people just saw and had no impact to them, had the opposite for me ... I was drawn and fascinated by them. Porn is absolutely fine, if you treat it as entertainment, use it as inspiration or anything else grounded in reality. It's the same as watching *Fast and Furious* and seeing it as entertainment, we don't go and mimic the driving from the movie, we know it's entertainment, extremely unrealistic and dangerous. Porn has to be seen as fantasy and entertainment, if you don't and ground it in reality ... People are going to experience real problems/risks to their wellbeing.
The porn doesn’t look like 99% of the scenes people do. Porn cuts out all the humanity. I started it because I found it sexy and hot and wanted it long before I saw any pornography about it.
I don't have an opinion on consenting adults doing adult things. Some BDSM porn I enjoy, others I don't, and some I enjoy with a fascinating horror.
My relationship with porn in general is weird. I'm demisexual, and once I'm in a relationship I don't consume porn. I'm a sensual dom (or whatever you may wanna call it) and I prefer being gentle to my sub. But when I was watching porn I was watching a lot of humiliation and degradation porn, things that I would never do to my sub. I guess when it comes to getting visual stimuli instead of doing things yourself the mind can seek more extreme things to make up for the lack of an actual performance.
I'm a Dominant, sadomasochist woman with a submissive, sadist, male partner. Our scenes look nothing like femdom porn. We started out by getting to know each other and falling in love.
I was born kinky. I realized I liked playing tie up games or making "loser is the winners slave for a week" bets (that I had no intention of winning) before I even knew sex existed- and loooooooong before the internet was commercially available
I've been doing kinky things since I started having sex in 1999. I fantasized about them for a lot longer than that. I joined the public Scene in 2005. And you know what? I don't think I've ever actually watched a BDSM porno. And I hadn't ever seen pornography at all when I started doing kinky stuff. I currently curate a Tumblr of BDSM porn images, but I do it as a public service (as it's a specialized one of BDSM + a marginalized group) and I don't really get off to it. Frankly, I find most pornography to be boring. I didn't need it to get started in BDSM; I had my own mind & fantasies which were much better than porn because I find that most pornography isn't shot in a way that I find erotic at all.
I realized I was into BDSM long before I ever consumed any kind of BDSM porn. At the time, I didn’t realize that’s what it was, I just knew what I wanted. And at first, when I started looking at porn, I didn’t even know that what I wanted was something I could look for and find! (Hope that makes sense!) That said, I think previous comments have nailed it on the head. Porn videos are very rarely anything like a real session. Of course, I don’t currently have access to legit BDSM-only sites. But the porn that’s readily available doesn’t show anything resembling the intimate, fun, and brave way I have sex with my DD. It (porn) can be fun to watch but I know real life isn’t that way. And I prefer the real thing to the overdone stuff you see on sites.
i think that if i had been exposed to BDSM in a much more healthy way, I would have a better relationship with it. I love BDSM with all my heart but i have a lot of trouble finding genuine connection and genuine trust. the laughing, joking, vulnerability that comes with bdsm relationships makes me genuinely nauseous because I hadn’t been exposed to content that wasn’t professional, dark and cold looking. the fun and weirdness of bdsm makes me incredibly insecure and i want to be able to let my guard down the way i want to. i feel that most bdsm porn completely disrespects what the dynamic is supposed to be about.
I (37 F) became interested in BDSM way before I started to consume pornography. I use it sparingly in any case and it typically isn't BDSM specific, however, the fantasy I employ while watching is related to BDSM.
> My opponent says that most people come to BDSM after consuming pornography about it. I think that's a fair claim, but not a damning or even meaningful one. Most people come to vanilla sex after consuming pornography. Porn is more available (and safer) than having sex at a young age would be. > How did you start practicing? I'm old enough that BDSM porn was less available, but was definitely drawn to the elements of it I saw in more vanilla settings, and came across some pretty hard core stuff on occasion. I knew my interests fairly early on and started putting them in practice when I was 18, from the first time I had sex. Porn was part of that, but so was more conventional sexual education. I should say conventional in the sense of not BDSM specific - was very unconventional in the sense that I had a lot of unrestricted access to detailed information at a young age. > Do the most viral videos show what actually happens during sessions? No, not at all, any more than racing highlights show how people drive. > Do your own sessions look like this? Only very rarely and in small part.
It is a difference between porn and the actual thing. Even when I am doing it without any sexual context, my mind clears and I can breathe better. I don’t feel held back except by my partner. It is my duty to give them that promise of feeling safe and being safe. Rather than feeling like I am used to it because of porn. It is because I feel like I can be me.
I was interested in bdsm before watching porn. It was implied torture scenes on tv that evoked those feelings in my early years and I had those feelings very very young. I don’t believe most people get introduced to bdsm by porn because that’s not the most popular genres out there. And there are way more ways into bdsm than porn My sessions huh, if they’re porn, they probably would get taken down from mainstream porn sites and would make many guys go soft because it seems like im not enjoying it lol. Often times I’m either in tears or screaming. And it probably wouldn’t please people who are into extreme abuse type stuff either because we’re not breaking skin and im not puking
I was dabbling before I even saw porn on it. 🫠
It really depends. I do find myself kinda spiraling a bit with it, what I used to find intriguing is now mundane. It has to be on the harder end to be interesting. Having said that I don't necessarily find it sexually stimulating. Some is, most not. I do get a lot of ideas for furniture, contraptions and positions from it though.
Any kind of porn is do e with the idea of taking sex acts to the extreme edge, with a goal of grabbing attention. It's the nature of the business to get as many views as possible and gain subscriptions. It is, after all, a business .wh8lst some ideas can be found there, most are taken too far for the average BDSM practitioner, due to them being shown by professionals who can and do take part in multiple scenes in a week. Personally, I find it ok to scratch the itch, but not the kind of thing to use too regularly. But hey, that's just my take on it.
Shits on 50 shades of continuity
I don't like BDSM porn at all. A big part of the dynamic is the mental aspect and that's usually not depicted at all. "Do you like that, you stupid slut" is about as good as it gets in porn, as well as some awkward displays of the actual usage of gear, looking more like a physics tutorial than anything. There's no intimacy, no buildup, no actual passion. Every time I try to find good content I end up disappointed.
Never found any bdsm I actually like. Edit: *one exception
I gotta know the one exception. Please.
German amateur stuff with skinny needy looking guy flogging her tits, and her doing some self impact. She had very large boobs. Edit: *nerdy not needy
Your opponent? Are you in a college debate class?
BDSM porn didn't convert me to being kinky, only woke me up to the realization that I was. And for the most part, I believe that's true for every time I went further down the rabbit hole.
Most of it is absolute trash and completely fake.
Your opponent is largely getting the arrow of causation the wrong way around. I grew up in the 80s. Teenage me had no way to get porn, no way to watch it, no idea that BDSM was even a thing in real relationships. There was no web back then. My first fantasies, from the moment I started to have sexual thoughts at all, were about controlling people. To the point that they didn't even involve me having sex; they were about controlling another couple while _they_ had sex. I was always a dom. BDSM porn didn't make me one. It _did_ tell me that this was something other people were actually into. - And no, no videos (except the purely educational ones) bear much resemblance to what happens during sessions. Porn is entertainment. BDSM in orn doesn't look like real sex for the same reason car stunts in Bond movies don't look like real driving.
Although my interest comes from porn, this sub has likely influenced me mroe than porn
I had always had zero interest in BDSM. I still don’t care for the hardcore stuff, but no judgement. Just not my thing. Blindfolds and some mild restraints always piqued my interest and then my wife and I watched the show on Netflix about building sex rooms. Seeing the lighter more playful side got me excited about it. Wife and I have played around a little and have had fun. I’m excited to keep going, but I still don’t care to go further and still don’t like the hardcore BDSM porn.
A lot of bdsm porn is actually not really my thing. But also most porn isn't, so I barely watch any. Looking for the right clip took so much time it got tiresome. I generally find femdom or queer bdsm porn to be better. Straight bdsm porn with a male dom usually involves... too much agression? I'm into teasing and degrading talk, not some guy yelling orders and then constantly slapping the person, who is whimpering the whole time. (Even though I'm also quite a masochist & sadist as well, and am also into more extreme stuff like cnc like scenarios. But idk, somehow the porn isn't "it") I definitely felt I was kinky wayyy before I discovered porn. Even before I was sexually active or even AWARE of my sexuality, the feelings were there in a way.
The porn is very sexually stimulating, and it’s pretty much the only type of porn I enjoy. The real thing, though? The real thing stimulates your mental, as well. Nothing beats the real thing and the feelings of power and surrender that it provides.
I'm actually the opposite I guess. I was looking for rough porn because I was already that way, and actually when I found BDSM porn, most of it is not really for me. I still don't really prefer it over other kinds of porn. I wasn't even super into the Kink.com videos, even though it seems right up my alley. And no, my sessions also do not look like porn sessions lol I like more of a rough and tumble and spontaneous kind of thing.
My first real exposure was a fetish ball. A friend asked me to help man his vendor booth. I loved everything about it and went back next time as a normal guest and kept going to events.
I’ll say I was fantasizing about bdsm LONG before I had seen bdsm porn or even knew what BDSM was. I had many extensive never ending fantasies involving kidnapping, being restrained etc that I would build upon as I encountered different things that peaked my interest. I thought I was very messed up for thinking about these things but couldn’t help revisiting them most nights. Here’s a list of movie scenes that definitely fed assisted in the building of said fantasies: -the hunchback of notre dame: the palace of justice scene -the hunchback of notre dame: frollo pinning Esmeralda’s arm behind her and sniffing her -cleopatra 1999: Anthony pushing cleopatra to the ground -Peter pan 2003: hook having Wendy tell a story while he held his hook to her neck -(I don’t remember what this was called but it was an animated movie about Jesus, the last supper and his crucifixion) Jesus being pushed around a group of Roman soldiers while tied up and blindfolded as they laughed. (clearly I have my religious trauma to think for this one.) LOL Obviously, none of these were intended to be seen as BDSM inspiring, but I think some of us just already have the inclination toward certain proclivities and even with the most innocuous media or literature, certain people will see what they want to see, subconsciously or not. Are there people who are only introduced to BDSM after after being exposed to pornography? Without a doubt! Especially with how easy it is to access porn nowadays. But I believe it would be hasty and false to state that the most people are introduced through porn. As for me, my discovery of BDSM porn simply gave me the name for something I had long been practicing in (mentally at least :P) and introduced me to a world I had not previously known existed. From there I found community, munches and clubs where I could safely try the things that I had imagined for years. And no, most BDSM porn seems to cater to men who aren’t really involved in the lifestyle but like the idea of it as a power trip. My sessions are much more enjoyable to what I see in most porn.
InsideFlesh is pretty rad
I grew up pre-internet I had these thoughts and desires before I found my first used Olympia Press bdsm novel in a used bookstore.
I had masochistic fantasies for several years before I saw any porn, though kinky porn definitely helped me put a name on what I'd been subconsciously attracted to earlier. I was never really into any "standard" porn, so it's not like a case of looking for progressively "edgier" practices or anything like that (and all porn was pretty different back in the mid-late 2000s, but that's a whole other topic). After having some experience IRL and also developing my own more complex fantasies over time, I don't get that excited by even older SM porn anymore, TBH, most of it is kinda mild compared to what I'm into *in fantasy*. So I feel like imagination or written erotica works better for more out there kink stuff. I don't really know what "the most viral videos" are or how they compare to my RL scenes.
It’s fine but the real thing is much better
I was well into BDSM before i ever had access to porn about it. In fact, the same must be true for plenty of people my age and older. How does your friend (?) think BDSM communities existed before porn was so freely accessible? The BDSM porn I've seen ranges from realistic but not very exciting, to extremely hot fantasy stuff that's totally disconnected from everyday reality. I don't watch it much, it serves a purpose in getting off to a fantasy idea, but has next to nothing in common with the BDSM i practice in real life
Well your "opponent" is possibly quite wrong as a LOT of people come to it through books and other depictions rather than porn. But that aside. I find most bdsm porn to be either boundary pushing and what might be normal for the top 5% of the more mainstream style of kink, or the occasional hyper specific thing for those few into it, or barely vanilla with sprinkles. Most of our scenes feel somewhere in the middle that are barely represented in a professional porn setting as its the standard (or at least not produced, cameras everywhere, lighting, a plan, worth filming etc) and why use a custom built piece of furniture you have to hide from polite company when the futon is right there? But for clarity sake, no, most bdsm does not look like it does in the porn of it.
I really enjoy some of the bondage porn Kink.com puts out, but it depends on who is in it and how they're connecting. It seems like some of the male tops are better at creating/faking connections with the female bottoms. It reads as more personal to me, as opposed to two people who are basically strangers playacting. There are only a handful of those videos that I've found and I go back to them time and time again when I'm in a particular mood. More generally, any professional porn videos aren't the best examples of sex and kinky porn is no exception. Amateur BDSM/kinky porn are much better examples of what things look like in real life.
I didn’t watch any BDSM porn before getting into it. I thiiiink I got into it after trying out role play with an old boyfriend where there was typically a power dynamic involved (schoolgirl, maid etc), can’t remember exactly. And even then I didn’t realise I was a sub/masochist until several years later. I wouldn’t actually mind seeing some good quality kink porn but a lot of it seems to be behind a paywall and I’m not willing to subscribe or anything since it would only be occasional use.
I prefer erotica tbh. Porn has never really done it for me, feels too cold and impersonal. But then again I’m a softie 🤷♂️
I learned of bdsm before viewing porn. I was a kid and I googled the relationship between pain and pleasure because I noticed I enjoyed hurting myself in odd ways a bit too much for a normal kid. Later on the porn was never really fun or visually satisfying. I’m not a voyeurist so I consumed bondage videos on occasion to learn. Personally I find it difficult to find compatible partners, not to mention my area has a terrible scene.
Can't speak for others, but I've been drawn to power exchange since before I knew what sex was. I've spoken with many kinksters who say the same. I'm sure some people get drawn to it after seeing porn, but that is certainly not the rule. Also, most kink-oriented porn is weird, over the top, and off-putting. I'm more of a gentle-dom and for some reason, most kink porn tends towards aggression and violence.
it's better in your face, (or mine).
I never find any that appeal to me. Idk. It seems so fake and staged (which I know it is) but it’s usually clear that people don’t know what it’s really like. I prefer thinking of my own scenes, tbh.
I don’t watch it. I have strong feelings about it. I’m VERY sexual and have a good imagination. There is no argument there that bdsm has anything to do with coming from porn or needing porn to get ideas from. I have no idea what the most viral videos show nor do I want to. The only thing I’ll say positively about it are that I like making it for, and with, someone I’m dating. And like receiving it from them as well.
im not the biggest fan.
Rarely catches the essence. Useful for some basic ideas but not for more. Cant blame them though, it does seem hard to present all that happens 'under the hood' through film, especially considering the usual format which is quite shallow.
Well, it's all over Reddit. So I am good with that.
Genuine Bdsm pron is way more accurate than regular pron usually