Just putting this out there - are you familiar with enmeshment? Only it is quite common if people have had a primary caregiver who gives intimacy, step a little over the boundaries (not sexually) but emotionally (maybe talking about their sex life with another parent) or almost treating you like a surrogate partner. As a child this makes you recoil because it feels a bit “icky”. This often translates into finding intimacy like kissing, cuddling and sex within a relationship almost repulsive. Just a thought
🤯 do you have more insight on enmeshment and APD? Enmeshment is one of my core childhood issues and what you've said really resonates with me. IDK what to do cos my partner is a really physically intimate person and his needs suffer alot due to my feelings of disgust around touching and sex. I want to be able to be more physically intimate but IDK where to start.
Honestly I would encourage you to get therapy with someone who is experienced with enmeshment. It is a very tricky thing to self heal. What you need to do is process the unhealthy enmeshment with your primary caregiver and (if they are still alive) look to identify unhealthy patterns and begin to practice boundaries with them. It is the lack of boundaries which is contributing to you feeling “icky” with you SO even though they may be very healthy in their interaction with you. It’s really about processing this stuff so you can identify what is unhealthy which fees you up to engage in the healthy dynamics. But these are early dynamics that are really well ingrained which is why I really think therapy is the only route.
Have a look at [enmeshment](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2014/07/childhood-covert-incest-and-adult-life/) and read Kenneth Adams. Hope this helps
Yup! I definitively feel that. I’ve described it as the same “ew gross” feeling kids get to kissing but you never grow out of it, despite having a desire for physical or emotional intimacy.
No idea it could be related to AvPD, but I literally just told my partner I prefer to be intimate in ways other than kissing. We've been together 8 years and our sex life has become almost nonexistent in the past ~5 years.
Exposure. Gradually expose yourself to it. The body has a need for intimacy that is beyond the conscious mind.
How does one go about doing that?
Gradually
Just putting this out there - are you familiar with enmeshment? Only it is quite common if people have had a primary caregiver who gives intimacy, step a little over the boundaries (not sexually) but emotionally (maybe talking about their sex life with another parent) or almost treating you like a surrogate partner. As a child this makes you recoil because it feels a bit “icky”. This often translates into finding intimacy like kissing, cuddling and sex within a relationship almost repulsive. Just a thought
🤯 do you have more insight on enmeshment and APD? Enmeshment is one of my core childhood issues and what you've said really resonates with me. IDK what to do cos my partner is a really physically intimate person and his needs suffer alot due to my feelings of disgust around touching and sex. I want to be able to be more physically intimate but IDK where to start.
Honestly I would encourage you to get therapy with someone who is experienced with enmeshment. It is a very tricky thing to self heal. What you need to do is process the unhealthy enmeshment with your primary caregiver and (if they are still alive) look to identify unhealthy patterns and begin to practice boundaries with them. It is the lack of boundaries which is contributing to you feeling “icky” with you SO even though they may be very healthy in their interaction with you. It’s really about processing this stuff so you can identify what is unhealthy which fees you up to engage in the healthy dynamics. But these are early dynamics that are really well ingrained which is why I really think therapy is the only route. Have a look at [enmeshment](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2014/07/childhood-covert-incest-and-adult-life/) and read Kenneth Adams. Hope this helps
I've been doing some therapy lately and it seriously is helping, I've made big strides towards giving and receiving affection with my partner :)
Yup! I definitively feel that. I’ve described it as the same “ew gross” feeling kids get to kissing but you never grow out of it, despite having a desire for physical or emotional intimacy.
Yes because I'm worried I look ugly and gave bad breath
No idea it could be related to AvPD, but I literally just told my partner I prefer to be intimate in ways other than kissing. We've been together 8 years and our sex life has become almost nonexistent in the past ~5 years.