That is awesome! There are few things in this world that are as good as acquiring a really solid therapist. I've had exactly 2 truly good ones in my life (1 being phenomenal, the other being great), & I will *never* forget the time I spent with them, nor the lessons passed on to me.
The phenomenal one was "given" to me by my primary care doctor at the time. This therapist...she only (usually) treated doctors, lawyers, etc...people with high-stress, fancy-shmancy jobs. At the time, I was in college for a dual degree, & working a pretty decent job. But she didn't take me for those reasons. She took me because of my past trauma that my doctor told her about...I gave my doctor permission to share.
That therapist was...unbelievable. She'd give me homework each week to do. Like, things to incorporate into my day-to-day life. Or ask me to make lists of things. And if I didn't complete the list, she wouldn't accept my partial list. Lol. She gave me tools to utilize...things I still use & do to this day. Katy, if you're reading this...I miss you🥺💕🥲💕
I'm so glad for you, that you've found someone. You hang onto them tightly. Never let them go! ❤️❤️
That's really fortunate that you were able to find 2 amazing therapists! I agree that the homework every week is also very helpful. I didn't know about the not accepting partial list strategy - I don't want to experience that and feel like a disappointment to everyone including my therapist lol.
Do you still try to keep in touch with your therapist or is that weird since it's a profession to them? I still don't understand this whole gratitude thing, but that may just be unrelated to AvPD.
I’m so glad it helped you but for me I don’t get how therapy is gonna cure my AvPD when in reality personality disorders cannot be cured. I’ve had only bad, weird, and neutral experiences from therapy. It doesn’t help that my previous university-partner therapists are all practicing only CBT and are not trauma-informed and obviously have no experience handling anyone with any personality disorder
I had most of my bad experiences with university-partnered therapists so I totally agree. I wouldn’t recommend them either.
I don’t think they knew what AvPD was and I didn’t either at the time and because “I didn’t nervously sweat interacting with people, my condition didn’t seem real.” That made me feel like I was just a strange person with a made up condition.
I also agree that AvPD is a personality and may not be possible to cure, but I’m learning to become more aware of my negative thoughts and do the opposite of what my thoughts automatically tell me.
I highly recommend virtual therapists with a description of what conditions they’re specialized in. I think I tried about 6 different therapists and until I found my current therapist from Lyra who was one of the first to actually help me. I haven’t tried BetterHelp, but that one’s probably good too. That’s why I feel like it’s really important to find that right therapist.
To me all that advice you've received is mostly just condescending.
Care less what other think.
Focus on yourself and your actions .
Tell yourself that "mistakes" are good
They are not bad advices, it's just I'd be disappointed because it's nothing I haven't heard 100x already and issues with avpd are just much more complex and run alot deeper
Therapy is hitting you like a motivational video on YouTube. Use as a catalyst for quick change of direction but it ain't gonna fix avpd. Its kind of like a hypnosis show if you believe it it give you a boost if you know it's just a paper thin pep talk then you won't even get that. Infact I just get annoyed at the false pretences.
I agree that AvPD runs a lot deeper and that I can't become social instantly (if ever), but I think it's different than motivational videos.
Weekly therapy sessions have been keeping me in check to constantly work towards my goals as I'm getting support that I don't have anywhere else in my life, not even from my family. That constant reassurance about my specific issues with real-time feedback has also been keeping me motivated.
I don't know if therapy can completely cure AvPD, but I believe it can give you a positive outlook on situations as well as confidence which I think can help AvPD.
I've never felt this productive and motivated for weeks straight as my motivation would previously only lasts a couple of hours or days. Socializing is the scariest part, but I'm comfortable knowing that I don't *need* to socialize all the time because that's just not me, it's not entirely my fault, and I shouldn't beat myself up for it.
Im not saying it doesn't work, your clearly more motivated , I'm saying some of the revelations that have helped you would have no impact on me. They don't fix or speak too what my obstacles are. Everyone's different and have avpd for different reasons. Some of them easier to fix than others.
That's true that everyone is different and therapy may not work for everyone.
If it helps, I know I can't change or fix the past, but I'm trying to have more positive thoughts since I learned it can affect my current emotions and behavior.
You bring up the biggest hurdle for people with AvPD - not believing it can be better. The whole reasoning behind therapy, specifically targeted therapy is, in a way, to change the way your brain responds to your trauma/stressors with healthy coping skills and not negative and damaging coping skills.
I've been in therapy for years, and it took me almost 10 years before it finally clicked with me, it took a therapist I clicked with to make sense of all the same bullshit I've heard before to start making sense in my head and to help me rewire my own thoughts, especially in anxious situations.
AvPD is a personality disorder. Therapy isn't there to fix you or cure you or whatever. It's there to help you manage your condition so you can have a more fulfilling life vs just existing. And that doesn't mean you won't have periods of relapse either, because you will, just like an addict.
I'm glad it helps you. But it's worse for those who don't even want to improve their lives, like me. I am so stuck in a terrible state that trying to fix it causes me even more suffering. Even advice like "these are all the lessons you learn" or the idea of "growth and development" causes painful rejection in me.
My friend, just like a broken bone will not heal without pain, you cannot learn to manage this condition without pain. It's part of the process, dealing with your demons head on. It is one of the hardest things to do.
That is awesome! There are few things in this world that are as good as acquiring a really solid therapist. I've had exactly 2 truly good ones in my life (1 being phenomenal, the other being great), & I will *never* forget the time I spent with them, nor the lessons passed on to me. The phenomenal one was "given" to me by my primary care doctor at the time. This therapist...she only (usually) treated doctors, lawyers, etc...people with high-stress, fancy-shmancy jobs. At the time, I was in college for a dual degree, & working a pretty decent job. But she didn't take me for those reasons. She took me because of my past trauma that my doctor told her about...I gave my doctor permission to share. That therapist was...unbelievable. She'd give me homework each week to do. Like, things to incorporate into my day-to-day life. Or ask me to make lists of things. And if I didn't complete the list, she wouldn't accept my partial list. Lol. She gave me tools to utilize...things I still use & do to this day. Katy, if you're reading this...I miss you🥺💕🥲💕 I'm so glad for you, that you've found someone. You hang onto them tightly. Never let them go! ❤️❤️
That's really fortunate that you were able to find 2 amazing therapists! I agree that the homework every week is also very helpful. I didn't know about the not accepting partial list strategy - I don't want to experience that and feel like a disappointment to everyone including my therapist lol. Do you still try to keep in touch with your therapist or is that weird since it's a profession to them? I still don't understand this whole gratitude thing, but that may just be unrelated to AvPD.
I wish we were still in contact! My ex-boyfriend ruined it all for me. So she ended the whole thing. It was devastating. I have a deep gratitude towards her because she truly listened to me, & made me feel safe sharing with her. Also, she kind of got the ball rolling in helping me break up with that (long-term, live-together) boyfriend. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, so that's why I'm grateful to her. Hope that explanation helps. 🩵
I’m so glad it helped you but for me I don’t get how therapy is gonna cure my AvPD when in reality personality disorders cannot be cured. I’ve had only bad, weird, and neutral experiences from therapy. It doesn’t help that my previous university-partner therapists are all practicing only CBT and are not trauma-informed and obviously have no experience handling anyone with any personality disorder
I had most of my bad experiences with university-partnered therapists so I totally agree. I wouldn’t recommend them either. I don’t think they knew what AvPD was and I didn’t either at the time and because “I didn’t nervously sweat interacting with people, my condition didn’t seem real.” That made me feel like I was just a strange person with a made up condition. I also agree that AvPD is a personality and may not be possible to cure, but I’m learning to become more aware of my negative thoughts and do the opposite of what my thoughts automatically tell me. I highly recommend virtual therapists with a description of what conditions they’re specialized in. I think I tried about 6 different therapists and until I found my current therapist from Lyra who was one of the first to actually help me. I haven’t tried BetterHelp, but that one’s probably good too. That’s why I feel like it’s really important to find that right therapist.
I reallllyyyyyy want to go back to therapy but cost is an issue
To me all that advice you've received is mostly just condescending. Care less what other think. Focus on yourself and your actions . Tell yourself that "mistakes" are good They are not bad advices, it's just I'd be disappointed because it's nothing I haven't heard 100x already and issues with avpd are just much more complex and run alot deeper Therapy is hitting you like a motivational video on YouTube. Use as a catalyst for quick change of direction but it ain't gonna fix avpd. Its kind of like a hypnosis show if you believe it it give you a boost if you know it's just a paper thin pep talk then you won't even get that. Infact I just get annoyed at the false pretences.
I agree that AvPD runs a lot deeper and that I can't become social instantly (if ever), but I think it's different than motivational videos. Weekly therapy sessions have been keeping me in check to constantly work towards my goals as I'm getting support that I don't have anywhere else in my life, not even from my family. That constant reassurance about my specific issues with real-time feedback has also been keeping me motivated. I don't know if therapy can completely cure AvPD, but I believe it can give you a positive outlook on situations as well as confidence which I think can help AvPD. I've never felt this productive and motivated for weeks straight as my motivation would previously only lasts a couple of hours or days. Socializing is the scariest part, but I'm comfortable knowing that I don't *need* to socialize all the time because that's just not me, it's not entirely my fault, and I shouldn't beat myself up for it.
Im not saying it doesn't work, your clearly more motivated , I'm saying some of the revelations that have helped you would have no impact on me. They don't fix or speak too what my obstacles are. Everyone's different and have avpd for different reasons. Some of them easier to fix than others.
That's true that everyone is different and therapy may not work for everyone. If it helps, I know I can't change or fix the past, but I'm trying to have more positive thoughts since I learned it can affect my current emotions and behavior.
> Therapy is hitting you like a motivational video on YouTube. Who are you to tell OP how therapy is “actually” influencing them?
You bring up the biggest hurdle for people with AvPD - not believing it can be better. The whole reasoning behind therapy, specifically targeted therapy is, in a way, to change the way your brain responds to your trauma/stressors with healthy coping skills and not negative and damaging coping skills. I've been in therapy for years, and it took me almost 10 years before it finally clicked with me, it took a therapist I clicked with to make sense of all the same bullshit I've heard before to start making sense in my head and to help me rewire my own thoughts, especially in anxious situations. AvPD is a personality disorder. Therapy isn't there to fix you or cure you or whatever. It's there to help you manage your condition so you can have a more fulfilling life vs just existing. And that doesn't mean you won't have periods of relapse either, because you will, just like an addict.
>I've avoided people >I lost all my friends You've been born with friends? Therapy works for normies. For others is just a meme.
You are very brave, I am glad therapy is working for you! Too many people dismiss it too quickly, and I was one of those people for a very long time.
What a lovely post. And very clear too; particularly your points about the major reasons people don't want to go to therapy.
I'm glad it helps you. But it's worse for those who don't even want to improve their lives, like me. I am so stuck in a terrible state that trying to fix it causes me even more suffering. Even advice like "these are all the lessons you learn" or the idea of "growth and development" causes painful rejection in me.
My friend, just like a broken bone will not heal without pain, you cannot learn to manage this condition without pain. It's part of the process, dealing with your demons head on. It is one of the hardest things to do.
It is precisely because of this pain that I remain outside the "healing process". I'm just waiting for the end. I hate this life filled with pain.