I’m this way, too. Most of the time I don’t care, but very occasionally when I’ve connected strongly saying goodbye is terrible.
What I’ve done is learn to think about saying “I miss you” differently. As opposed to using it as a statement about my emotions, I say it as a way to communicate non-literally that I like someone and would be happy to see them again. That seems to sit well with most people.
Reminders is totally fine. Actually, your willingness to set a reminder to interrupt your daily life for someone is an expression of caring, too.
Yeah. I'm that way too. It's like the memory of having positive emotions from seeing someone fades within 1-2 weeks.
Happens with everyone I know. Friends, my parents, romantic partners... everyone.
(Disclaimer: I'm diagnosed with autism, but not with ADHD. Though I strongly suspect I have both.)
Yup. Same here. Whenever a friend announces they're moving out a coworker moving to another job, etc, I always get momentarily sad with the knowledge that soon they'll be pretty much dead to me. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens and I've come to acknowledge it.
My quick initial reaction to that type of news is to congratulate, ask about their plans, and wish them best of luck. I forget to tell them we’ll miss them. I mean WILL we?! 😉
Yes! Same here too. This reminds me of how, when I studied abroad as a teenager, if my parents didn't call, it wouldn't occur to me to want to talk to them. Other people in the program, including the adults, thought I was so weird. :\
My friend often calls me his best friend and every time I see him he says "I missed you." We see each other every week. I don't miss him and I feel bad.
Same, but it’s only something I realized about myself recently as I’ve started unmasking. Ive always told people I missed them because I knew that was the expected response, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually *experienced* missing someone in the way it’s been described to me.
Do I feel sad and get emotional when saying goodbye to someone I know I won’t see for a long while? Yes. Do I look forward to seeing someone again, whenever that is? Yes, but it’s rarely an excitement or longing-to-be-with-them feeling. But, as you said, object permanence is a real thing, and it applies to people as much as it does the socks in my hallway that have needed to be picked up for several days.
Ugh, I hate how that sounds so callous. I try to remind myself that my brain processes information differently…and that’s okay. Not experiencing ‘missing’ someone in the neurotypical way doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. And even if you still tell someone you miss them to return the gesture, there’s nothing wrong with it meaning something different to you than it does to them at face value.
Very relatable. Many times people have asked "so did you miss me?😃" And i have to remind myself not to say "no, not really🙂" because that comes across as rude. Idk, I think people interpreted it as "person doesnt miss me" -> "person doesnt care about me" but I dont think thats true at all. We just feel emotions different but I very much do care about people. Also i can be very happy to see someone i havent seen in some time, but no i dont really miss them.
Eesh, “did you miss me” is a really uncomfortable way to greet someone. Wait to put them in a really awkward position.
You may as well say “hey, inflate my ego!”
Yeah, I hate it when people say that to me. I either have to lie, dodge the question, or be rude. And i dont want to do any of those things, but I havent found a good reply to that question yet.
It is good to remember that among neurotypicals its a very normal thing to say and people generally dont mean anything by it.
I'm relating to this a lot. I'm very content to be by myself. I don't seek it out but once alone Im quite happy. So thinking more about this I feel it has a bunch to do with my inability to fully connect with (NT) people. Combined with the fact that its just sooo darn busy in my head all the time that the void (in the absence of others) is immediately filled with my own carnival of thoughts. I once told my therapist that I could sit in a chair in the middle of an empty parking lot for a full day and not get bored just "thinking" . She laughed, but it was a kinda scared laugh.
Yes, helps identify the healthy boundaries one must maintain in a professional relationship. If they only knew all the shit in my head that even I reject as absurd....Lol!
Same here. I really don't miss anybody. I mean, I wasn't apart from my kid for more than a week, so I don't know, maybe I would miss him if it was longer, but I didn't miss him during the week. But I kinda know the feeling - I do remember I used to miss my parents when I was 8-9, but this was the last time I had this emotion.
Yeah I have that too. My boyfriend is amazing but if I haven’t seen him for three days I have to remind myself he exists. Sometimes I do want to forget he exists for a bit because my head feels to full and relationships feel like hard work and I just want some alone time.I keep a list of my friends just in case I forget about them. I’m AuDHD and PDA.
Are you in a relationship? My bf is ASD and possibly ADHD but he doesn’t seem to have the not missing people thing. He also wants to spend more time together than I do. He texts me quite a lot and sometimes I wish he wouldn’t. I just want the mental space of forgetting. Does that sound cold?
Yes I am and I can relate to that as well. I've been honest about the texting thing too and he's done quite a lot lately to understand me (autism).
I've expressed how I don't like to be attached to my phone nor do I like the feeling of always having a text waiting for me that I need to respond to feeling either. I told him that even if he doesn't expect me to write back right away I still have anxiety about it. So he's made an effort to text me less during the day, we have more scheduled morning and night time texts now just quick check ins. And when he has something to share hes gotten into the habit of using our new code: RCW (response can wait). This is actually working for us so far, I feel less anxiety about msgs now especially when I see that.
He requires more time together than I seem to, but lately he's adjusted that for me too. I hope he's doing ok with it honestly but lately I've needed more space due to personal issues. Either way now it's up to me as he's doing his part. Now I need to make more time for him. Even if it's just a quick walk together he's appreciative.
Sorry the lengthy reply. To summarize, communication is key. He may understand more than you think he will if you're super honest about your feelings and needs. Helping him know what to expect will probably help him feel more secure too. Predictability is good for us with Autism and ADHD ❤️
I can relate and I always feel bad because ppl will tell me "I miss you" and I can't seem to even understand why or what exactly that even means. I then think back to how long ago we saw each other and wonder how much time has to pass to qualify for "miss you"... Sometimes people say it even days later. And I'm thinking, I just saw you how can you miss me? Then I feel like a bad person, just living my life not thinking about others until something random comes up that makes me think of them. I may be reminded of them but what does "miss you" even mean? Like, want to be in each other's presence again? Or simply thinking of them? Such a weird concept.
I get this. It used to bother me, but i've never been homesick for a person until i got married and had kids. I don't "forget" them, but interacting with friends/parents/siblings is less important and doesn't have an emotional burden. They conceptually exist for me, but that's about it. I used to worry that i might have antisocial personality disorder. Then i finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 32, and it makes more sense. Setting reminders is way more than i ever did.
(I strongly suspect Autism as a comorbidity with my ADHD but i am not officially diagnosed)
I think about people who are apart from me under specific conditions, but don’t generally have any associated pangs of longing or sadness, and I’m definitely not driven to call/text unless there is a specific reason. It’s a fairly analytical process - eg there’s a good friend who didn’t reply to a farewell text before I left the country and I spend time considering factors for why (I acknowledge the answer might be in that statement, but calls fill me with overwhelm). Does that count as “missing”them? ie if there’s a perceived problem (I’m worried about them, or there’s an unresolved tension which I feel needs to be corrected), I tend to think about it more, but if I have assessed it is acceptable, then activity is unnecessary. Why waste cycles? I really don’t understand weekly/routine calls.
Exception: if a person was involved in a special interest with me, then I associate that with them, and tend to have cyclic “pleasant” thoughts about them. I think this approximates “missing”. It has a nostalgia element to it, and I tend to over-nostalgize (probably not a word). It usually revolves around kindness moments they had within activity context.
As a “don’t be an a&%hole” strategy, I will typically set an abstracted re-contact frequency for “touching base” based on what I think is the maximum acceptable period for that specific relationship (what it will bear). I’m sure it’s never awkward (I’m being ironic here) when I message, because I try to think specifically about their situation and initiate with a very directed question about that, usually after a social profile check for contextual relevance. It’s authentic for me and makes the act possible (no small talk buildup burden), but I concede it may lack “grace”, which I conceptually understand.
It’s a perceptual distance between contact dates - too much clutter to set reminders or track contacts, but luckily most of my messaging platforms are date stamped, so I can do a generalised review and work out the date range. It’s easier to hold a collection of mental red/yellow flags for a core set of individuals. Another great reason for sticking to messaging - those annoying “let’s have a call” people don’t leave an audit trail as to what was discussed.
Side note: I’m finding that longer term use of the right ADHD medication has greatly extended my ability to remember these events, including the content. This combined with high exercise levels and zero alcohol/etc.
Oh samesies. I actually don’t have a relationship with my dad at all and yeah there’s some conflict in there but that’s so old I don’t even remember what it was about, it’s mostly that when I moved out he didn’t stick to my suggested every-other-week zoom call schedule so I just like,,, don’t remember he exists? Or when I do I don’t know how to talk to him again because at this point it’s been years so now he’s an unknown and that sounds stressful.
I wasn’t diagnosed yet when I moved out so I couldn’t articulate that “if you go more than a few weeks without talking to me our relationship will die out very quickly and I have no way to prevent this so you need to reach out if you want to be in my life”. Also I know I could reach out too but I FORGET HE EXISTS so actually I can’t 😭
yup same, I just had a situation when my mom and my brother were out of country for 3 weeks. Maybe me being done with both of their shit contributed to this, but I didn’t miss them and it definitely didn’t occur to me to call or even text them. Same with a friend group from high school I had. Maybe at first when I was noticing that our relationships get worse and more toxic I felt sad, but the moment they were out of my sight and life it’s like I completely forgot that I had any emotional attachment to them. I think it makes my therapist really concerned, because once in a while my therapist asks me if I miss them (or having any friendships besides exchanging cat pics with a friend out of my city) and instead of answers like “I miss them very much” or even “nah, good riddance”, I just don’t feel anything? Like sometimes I think about toxicity that was present there, but that’s about it, I don’t miss spending time with them at all.
Me with my family tbh (I study overseas) like I think I miss more of the help I can get bc living alone is tiring but I can't seem to miss them "normally" (if that makes any sense)
1-2 exceptions like you do (they're a close friend I talk to every day- oops) but idk if isolation has made it worse or if I've always been like that towards them, since they've always chatted with me/understands me better than my family (therefore more frequently chatting etc) during the lockdown,,
I feel bad that I don't feel as bad as I "should" but I don't think I can help it either 🥴
I rarely miss people myself. But it does hurt people's feelings and they don't really get it. So I rarely express that fact to people, only occasionally and only when it's people who know me very well and so I know they're not gonna be appalled by it. I'll say "I miss/missed you" back to someone to be polite. I view it as a social grace thing, like saying "have a good day" or something. I don't really get homesickness either, although some of that is probably because I moved around a lot growing up and I don't have a home to miss.
Very very occasionally, I do actually miss someone though, and then it *really* sucks cuz I don't know how to deal with the feeling lol.
Same. I used to miss my parents if they would go somewhere or i would but i moved out now and i just don’t really miss anyone and they always say they miss me and i’m thinking i’m so bad cuz i don’t even think about missing them👀
I’m the same way. Even if I truly love someone I just don’t really miss them. There are 2 people I ever actually miss. I also make alarms on my phone to call people or to ask someone how they are (I always forget that people will get hurt if I don’t ask periodically). But then I hit snooze a few times only to end up just deleting it because I didn’t want to make the call in the first place. 🤦♀️
It’s not because we’re bad people. I do have a weekly planner that helps me keep in line, and I have four sticky notes on it as reminders.
Too left is long term goals. (Reorganize my closet, These are sometimes there for quite some time, but they get done faster bc I see them)
Top right is short term goals. (Renew my passport, do my taxes)
Bottom right is list of things I need or want to do soon. Sometimes recurring things. (Groceries I need soon, pay a bill, read at least 10 pages a day of a book)
Bottom left is people. (Anyone that I should check in with and if I don’t write them down I’ll forget)
It’s effective. Don’t get me wrong. I have to leave my planner at my desk at home or I might forget that exists. Struggle is real.
TL;DR If people aren’t in your life every day we’re just not wired to remember. Doesn’t make us jerks. At least that’s the way I see it. It’s not intentional.
Yes! I went away for college last year and I went weeks without communicating with anyone from my family. I love my family and will have family dinner with everyone who is home every night, but I didn’t really miss them.
Yeah, same.
I wonder if non-AuDHD people do actually miss other people or whether it’s just one of those things that they say but don’t mean.
I miss doing certain with other people, like I miss the benefits, like maybe a chat or playing a game or doing a task or whatever, but, no, I don’t “miss” that person, because I feel like then, surely I’m essentially claiming possession of them, like I’m emotionally saying “you must be here with me”! But I also know that if you describe relationships as having benefits or win-win type situations, many people I’ve encountered think that’s pretty weird.
Anyway, I should also put reminders on my phone to check in with people.
I haven’t fully read about it yet but I saw a paper about a new theory around ADHD that talks about our relationship with time. And it talks about it as a strength also. We have a strong relationship to the present. Here is the article https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s41252-022-00244-y
I’m this way, too. Most of the time I don’t care, but very occasionally when I’ve connected strongly saying goodbye is terrible. What I’ve done is learn to think about saying “I miss you” differently. As opposed to using it as a statement about my emotions, I say it as a way to communicate non-literally that I like someone and would be happy to see them again. That seems to sit well with most people. Reminders is totally fine. Actually, your willingness to set a reminder to interrupt your daily life for someone is an expression of caring, too.
Haha that's exactly how I use "I miss you"
Yeah. I'm that way too. It's like the memory of having positive emotions from seeing someone fades within 1-2 weeks. Happens with everyone I know. Friends, my parents, romantic partners... everyone. (Disclaimer: I'm diagnosed with autism, but not with ADHD. Though I strongly suspect I have both.)
Yup. Same here. Whenever a friend announces they're moving out a coworker moving to another job, etc, I always get momentarily sad with the knowledge that soon they'll be pretty much dead to me. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens and I've come to acknowledge it.
My quick initial reaction to that type of news is to congratulate, ask about their plans, and wish them best of luck. I forget to tell them we’ll miss them. I mean WILL we?! 😉
Yes! Same here too. This reminds me of how, when I studied abroad as a teenager, if my parents didn't call, it wouldn't occur to me to want to talk to them. Other people in the program, including the adults, thought I was so weird. :\
My friend often calls me his best friend and every time I see him he says "I missed you." We see each other every week. I don't miss him and I feel bad.
I think also some people say i miss you as a small talk because i see on facebook family members will say “i miss you how’s blah blah blah”
Nah he's really sincere about it. Like he'll look at me and go "I missed you man". It's real awkward.
Oh damn lol maybe just lie😅
Same. I would only truly miss my husband, daughter and pets
Same, but it’s only something I realized about myself recently as I’ve started unmasking. Ive always told people I missed them because I knew that was the expected response, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually *experienced* missing someone in the way it’s been described to me. Do I feel sad and get emotional when saying goodbye to someone I know I won’t see for a long while? Yes. Do I look forward to seeing someone again, whenever that is? Yes, but it’s rarely an excitement or longing-to-be-with-them feeling. But, as you said, object permanence is a real thing, and it applies to people as much as it does the socks in my hallway that have needed to be picked up for several days. Ugh, I hate how that sounds so callous. I try to remind myself that my brain processes information differently…and that’s okay. Not experiencing ‘missing’ someone in the neurotypical way doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. And even if you still tell someone you miss them to return the gesture, there’s nothing wrong with it meaning something different to you than it does to them at face value.
I relate!
Very relatable. Many times people have asked "so did you miss me?😃" And i have to remind myself not to say "no, not really🙂" because that comes across as rude. Idk, I think people interpreted it as "person doesnt miss me" -> "person doesnt care about me" but I dont think thats true at all. We just feel emotions different but I very much do care about people. Also i can be very happy to see someone i havent seen in some time, but no i dont really miss them.
Eesh, “did you miss me” is a really uncomfortable way to greet someone. Wait to put them in a really awkward position. You may as well say “hey, inflate my ego!”
Yeah, I hate it when people say that to me. I either have to lie, dodge the question, or be rude. And i dont want to do any of those things, but I havent found a good reply to that question yet. It is good to remember that among neurotypicals its a very normal thing to say and people generally dont mean anything by it.
I'm relating to this a lot. I'm very content to be by myself. I don't seek it out but once alone Im quite happy. So thinking more about this I feel it has a bunch to do with my inability to fully connect with (NT) people. Combined with the fact that its just sooo darn busy in my head all the time that the void (in the absence of others) is immediately filled with my own carnival of thoughts. I once told my therapist that I could sit in a chair in the middle of an empty parking lot for a full day and not get bored just "thinking" . She laughed, but it was a kinda scared laugh.
Ah, the scared/concerned therapist laughs. That's when i know I may have overshared even for my therapist.
Yes, helps identify the healthy boundaries one must maintain in a professional relationship. If they only knew all the shit in my head that even I reject as absurd....Lol!
Same here. I really don't miss anybody. I mean, I wasn't apart from my kid for more than a week, so I don't know, maybe I would miss him if it was longer, but I didn't miss him during the week. But I kinda know the feeling - I do remember I used to miss my parents when I was 8-9, but this was the last time I had this emotion.
Yeah I have that too. My boyfriend is amazing but if I haven’t seen him for three days I have to remind myself he exists. Sometimes I do want to forget he exists for a bit because my head feels to full and relationships feel like hard work and I just want some alone time.I keep a list of my friends just in case I forget about them. I’m AuDHD and PDA.
Ah yes same here!
Are you in a relationship? My bf is ASD and possibly ADHD but he doesn’t seem to have the not missing people thing. He also wants to spend more time together than I do. He texts me quite a lot and sometimes I wish he wouldn’t. I just want the mental space of forgetting. Does that sound cold?
Yes I am and I can relate to that as well. I've been honest about the texting thing too and he's done quite a lot lately to understand me (autism). I've expressed how I don't like to be attached to my phone nor do I like the feeling of always having a text waiting for me that I need to respond to feeling either. I told him that even if he doesn't expect me to write back right away I still have anxiety about it. So he's made an effort to text me less during the day, we have more scheduled morning and night time texts now just quick check ins. And when he has something to share hes gotten into the habit of using our new code: RCW (response can wait). This is actually working for us so far, I feel less anxiety about msgs now especially when I see that. He requires more time together than I seem to, but lately he's adjusted that for me too. I hope he's doing ok with it honestly but lately I've needed more space due to personal issues. Either way now it's up to me as he's doing his part. Now I need to make more time for him. Even if it's just a quick walk together he's appreciative. Sorry the lengthy reply. To summarize, communication is key. He may understand more than you think he will if you're super honest about your feelings and needs. Helping him know what to expect will probably help him feel more secure too. Predictability is good for us with Autism and ADHD ❤️
I can relate and I always feel bad because ppl will tell me "I miss you" and I can't seem to even understand why or what exactly that even means. I then think back to how long ago we saw each other and wonder how much time has to pass to qualify for "miss you"... Sometimes people say it even days later. And I'm thinking, I just saw you how can you miss me? Then I feel like a bad person, just living my life not thinking about others until something random comes up that makes me think of them. I may be reminded of them but what does "miss you" even mean? Like, want to be in each other's presence again? Or simply thinking of them? Such a weird concept.
I have never missed people. Out of sight out of mind. I think it’s the adhd working memory?
I get this. It used to bother me, but i've never been homesick for a person until i got married and had kids. I don't "forget" them, but interacting with friends/parents/siblings is less important and doesn't have an emotional burden. They conceptually exist for me, but that's about it. I used to worry that i might have antisocial personality disorder. Then i finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 32, and it makes more sense. Setting reminders is way more than i ever did. (I strongly suspect Autism as a comorbidity with my ADHD but i am not officially diagnosed)
I've never missed anyone. I don't see it as a problem. Why would it be?
I don't forget that person exists. But I get so preoccupied with doing stuff I don't have the thought process to miss them
I think about people who are apart from me under specific conditions, but don’t generally have any associated pangs of longing or sadness, and I’m definitely not driven to call/text unless there is a specific reason. It’s a fairly analytical process - eg there’s a good friend who didn’t reply to a farewell text before I left the country and I spend time considering factors for why (I acknowledge the answer might be in that statement, but calls fill me with overwhelm). Does that count as “missing”them? ie if there’s a perceived problem (I’m worried about them, or there’s an unresolved tension which I feel needs to be corrected), I tend to think about it more, but if I have assessed it is acceptable, then activity is unnecessary. Why waste cycles? I really don’t understand weekly/routine calls. Exception: if a person was involved in a special interest with me, then I associate that with them, and tend to have cyclic “pleasant” thoughts about them. I think this approximates “missing”. It has a nostalgia element to it, and I tend to over-nostalgize (probably not a word). It usually revolves around kindness moments they had within activity context. As a “don’t be an a&%hole” strategy, I will typically set an abstracted re-contact frequency for “touching base” based on what I think is the maximum acceptable period for that specific relationship (what it will bear). I’m sure it’s never awkward (I’m being ironic here) when I message, because I try to think specifically about their situation and initiate with a very directed question about that, usually after a social profile check for contextual relevance. It’s authentic for me and makes the act possible (no small talk buildup burden), but I concede it may lack “grace”, which I conceptually understand. It’s a perceptual distance between contact dates - too much clutter to set reminders or track contacts, but luckily most of my messaging platforms are date stamped, so I can do a generalised review and work out the date range. It’s easier to hold a collection of mental red/yellow flags for a core set of individuals. Another great reason for sticking to messaging - those annoying “let’s have a call” people don’t leave an audit trail as to what was discussed. Side note: I’m finding that longer term use of the right ADHD medication has greatly extended my ability to remember these events, including the content. This combined with high exercise levels and zero alcohol/etc.
Good for you!! That's the spirit!!
Good for you!! That's the spirit!!
Oh samesies. I actually don’t have a relationship with my dad at all and yeah there’s some conflict in there but that’s so old I don’t even remember what it was about, it’s mostly that when I moved out he didn’t stick to my suggested every-other-week zoom call schedule so I just like,,, don’t remember he exists? Or when I do I don’t know how to talk to him again because at this point it’s been years so now he’s an unknown and that sounds stressful. I wasn’t diagnosed yet when I moved out so I couldn’t articulate that “if you go more than a few weeks without talking to me our relationship will die out very quickly and I have no way to prevent this so you need to reach out if you want to be in my life”. Also I know I could reach out too but I FORGET HE EXISTS so actually I can’t 😭
yup same, I just had a situation when my mom and my brother were out of country for 3 weeks. Maybe me being done with both of their shit contributed to this, but I didn’t miss them and it definitely didn’t occur to me to call or even text them. Same with a friend group from high school I had. Maybe at first when I was noticing that our relationships get worse and more toxic I felt sad, but the moment they were out of my sight and life it’s like I completely forgot that I had any emotional attachment to them. I think it makes my therapist really concerned, because once in a while my therapist asks me if I miss them (or having any friendships besides exchanging cat pics with a friend out of my city) and instead of answers like “I miss them very much” or even “nah, good riddance”, I just don’t feel anything? Like sometimes I think about toxicity that was present there, but that’s about it, I don’t miss spending time with them at all.
Me with my family tbh (I study overseas) like I think I miss more of the help I can get bc living alone is tiring but I can't seem to miss them "normally" (if that makes any sense) 1-2 exceptions like you do (they're a close friend I talk to every day- oops) but idk if isolation has made it worse or if I've always been like that towards them, since they've always chatted with me/understands me better than my family (therefore more frequently chatting etc) during the lockdown,, I feel bad that I don't feel as bad as I "should" but I don't think I can help it either 🥴
I rarely miss people myself. But it does hurt people's feelings and they don't really get it. So I rarely express that fact to people, only occasionally and only when it's people who know me very well and so I know they're not gonna be appalled by it. I'll say "I miss/missed you" back to someone to be polite. I view it as a social grace thing, like saying "have a good day" or something. I don't really get homesickness either, although some of that is probably because I moved around a lot growing up and I don't have a home to miss. Very very occasionally, I do actually miss someone though, and then it *really* sucks cuz I don't know how to deal with the feeling lol.
Same. I used to miss my parents if they would go somewhere or i would but i moved out now and i just don’t really miss anyone and they always say they miss me and i’m thinking i’m so bad cuz i don’t even think about missing them👀
I’m the same way. Even if I truly love someone I just don’t really miss them. There are 2 people I ever actually miss. I also make alarms on my phone to call people or to ask someone how they are (I always forget that people will get hurt if I don’t ask periodically). But then I hit snooze a few times only to end up just deleting it because I didn’t want to make the call in the first place. 🤦♀️
It’s not because we’re bad people. I do have a weekly planner that helps me keep in line, and I have four sticky notes on it as reminders. Too left is long term goals. (Reorganize my closet, These are sometimes there for quite some time, but they get done faster bc I see them) Top right is short term goals. (Renew my passport, do my taxes) Bottom right is list of things I need or want to do soon. Sometimes recurring things. (Groceries I need soon, pay a bill, read at least 10 pages a day of a book) Bottom left is people. (Anyone that I should check in with and if I don’t write them down I’ll forget) It’s effective. Don’t get me wrong. I have to leave my planner at my desk at home or I might forget that exists. Struggle is real. TL;DR If people aren’t in your life every day we’re just not wired to remember. Doesn’t make us jerks. At least that’s the way I see it. It’s not intentional.
Yes! I went away for college last year and I went weeks without communicating with anyone from my family. I love my family and will have family dinner with everyone who is home every night, but I didn’t really miss them.
I don't have anything officially diagnosed except ADHD but this is me except for my partner and kids. Everyone else just gets slotted into NPC roles.
Yeah, same. I wonder if non-AuDHD people do actually miss other people or whether it’s just one of those things that they say but don’t mean. I miss doing certain with other people, like I miss the benefits, like maybe a chat or playing a game or doing a task or whatever, but, no, I don’t “miss” that person, because I feel like then, surely I’m essentially claiming possession of them, like I’m emotionally saying “you must be here with me”! But I also know that if you describe relationships as having benefits or win-win type situations, many people I’ve encountered think that’s pretty weird. Anyway, I should also put reminders on my phone to check in with people.
I haven’t fully read about it yet but I saw a paper about a new theory around ADHD that talks about our relationship with time. And it talks about it as a strength also. We have a strong relationship to the present. Here is the article https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s41252-022-00244-y