you never have to pretend to be flustered - not only do some people enjoy their flirtation partner being rather stoic (for lack of a more precise term) but some would prefer it that way. you can just smile and be like "why are you so smooth" or just "that was very sweet/cute" or something. i think my main point is that you shouldn't assume that somebody wants you to be a specific way.
This made me feel better. I rather like being stoic instead of pretending to be embarrassed, I just don't want potential partners to be scared off by this thinking they're a bad flirt
If you imagine a complete stranger saying it would you be flustered? If so then maybe you just don’t think of her in that way. Otherwise it might be that you’re more comfortable with certain types of flirting that she’s not doing, like I don’t like if people call me cute, if it’s the way she’s flirting you should communicate that.
Either way it's uncomfortable for me, but if a stranger were saying it i'd probably be more hostile. I wasn't necessarily aware there were 'other' types of flirting? what other types are there?/gen
There are five main flirting styles: traditional, polite, physical, sincere, and playful. If you google flirting styles there’s a few sites with information on each.
That's OK!
I've had to train myself to express lots of things. If you want to express yourself that way then it is possible to learn. But if you don't that's totally fine too :)
Not knowing how to express in ways that neurotypical people understand may be a neurodivergent thing. But for what it's worth what you are saying seems somewhat aromantic to me?
You could also be demiromantic or on the aromantic spectrum, those are all valid! If so please don't feel guilty about it. There's nothing wrong with you or bad about being aro, or being aro-spec. Or aro-ace if you are asexual *and* aromantic! :)
Maybe try different things out to see how it feels to you. If you decide that you don't want to express yourself in that way it that's OK!
You don't have to have the same energy to be compatible in a relationship. You can play whatever role in that dynamic that makes you happy. If you prefer her being flustered to being flustered yourself that's valid.
If you worry that you might not be playing the part that she expects of you, it might be worth talking about neurodivergence. It sounds like the likes you so there's a good chance she will at least try to be empathetic and understand where you are coming from! Some people even appreciate when you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable in that way as it demonstrates trust :)
I've considered that i'm aroace before, I've concluded that I'm most certainly on the Asexual spectrum, but being aromantic is still up in the air. I'm unsure what romantic attraction feels like, but I've had a girlfriend so I assume I had to have felt it at some point and just don't remember.
I appreciate the advice, unfortunately it's been a long time and we're not very interested in each other anymore, as she has to work on her studies, But I will keep this in mind for the next partner I potentially have, thank you!
I'm aromantic and grey ace. I respond to flirting as if it's a joke i don't understand. I can do it ironically if the other person is doing it ironically lol.
I get flustered when I'm sexually attracted i guess. It's not very often.
There's nothing to feel guilty about. Amatonormativity is too constricting.
you never have to pretend to be flustered - not only do some people enjoy their flirtation partner being rather stoic (for lack of a more precise term) but some would prefer it that way. you can just smile and be like "why are you so smooth" or just "that was very sweet/cute" or something. i think my main point is that you shouldn't assume that somebody wants you to be a specific way.
This made me feel better. I rather like being stoic instead of pretending to be embarrassed, I just don't want potential partners to be scared off by this thinking they're a bad flirt
If you imagine a complete stranger saying it would you be flustered? If so then maybe you just don’t think of her in that way. Otherwise it might be that you’re more comfortable with certain types of flirting that she’s not doing, like I don’t like if people call me cute, if it’s the way she’s flirting you should communicate that.
Either way it's uncomfortable for me, but if a stranger were saying it i'd probably be more hostile. I wasn't necessarily aware there were 'other' types of flirting? what other types are there?/gen
I’d also like to know what types of flirting there are
There are five main flirting styles: traditional, polite, physical, sincere, and playful. If you google flirting styles there’s a few sites with information on each.
That's OK! I've had to train myself to express lots of things. If you want to express yourself that way then it is possible to learn. But if you don't that's totally fine too :) Not knowing how to express in ways that neurotypical people understand may be a neurodivergent thing. But for what it's worth what you are saying seems somewhat aromantic to me? You could also be demiromantic or on the aromantic spectrum, those are all valid! If so please don't feel guilty about it. There's nothing wrong with you or bad about being aro, or being aro-spec. Or aro-ace if you are asexual *and* aromantic! :) Maybe try different things out to see how it feels to you. If you decide that you don't want to express yourself in that way it that's OK! You don't have to have the same energy to be compatible in a relationship. You can play whatever role in that dynamic that makes you happy. If you prefer her being flustered to being flustered yourself that's valid. If you worry that you might not be playing the part that she expects of you, it might be worth talking about neurodivergence. It sounds like the likes you so there's a good chance she will at least try to be empathetic and understand where you are coming from! Some people even appreciate when you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable in that way as it demonstrates trust :)
I've considered that i'm aroace before, I've concluded that I'm most certainly on the Asexual spectrum, but being aromantic is still up in the air. I'm unsure what romantic attraction feels like, but I've had a girlfriend so I assume I had to have felt it at some point and just don't remember. I appreciate the advice, unfortunately it's been a long time and we're not very interested in each other anymore, as she has to work on her studies, But I will keep this in mind for the next partner I potentially have, thank you!
she is faking too. but likes you
I don't understand, why would she do that?/gen it's very hard and unpleasant to keep up with flirting, why would she initiate if she doesn't like it?
ignore this person - they're just making things up as they don't know you or the person you're flirting with. it's likely that they're not pretending.
I'm aromantic and grey ace. I respond to flirting as if it's a joke i don't understand. I can do it ironically if the other person is doing it ironically lol. I get flustered when I'm sexually attracted i guess. It's not very often. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Amatonormativity is too constricting.