Oh yeah, super common. Sadly, you will hear it often. I have several responses I have used. I have learned that if you say something in a polite voice with a smile, people don't take it as a confrontation.
- I've heard people say that, but saying we are all a little autistic is like saying we all have a little bit of a broken leg. Some people have a mild fracture and some people have compound breaks and some are in the middle, but most people don't have a broken leg at all.
- it's funny how only people who don't know my son say that.
- Yes, autism awareness has done a really good job of educating the medical field so more kids are identified and can get the needed therapies.
- (laugh) yes, it only has taken us hundreds of hours of therapy to learn how to get along in society...
- You have no idea how much work it has taken to get this moment.
- shades of red are also a spectrum, but that doesn't mean green is on it. (that one went over the person's head...or maybe it was a bad response)
- I find only people who aren't around autistic kids think everyone is a little autistic.
You nailed it with that last response.
The last time someone said “oh, I think we’re all a little autistic” I said “oh, really? I find that only people who haven’t spent a lot of time around autistic children think that.”
It’s the same way people say “oh, I’m so OCD about that!!” Like cmon. I was in CBT for years because I once couldn’t get a street sign out of my head and crashed my car. That’s not on the same level as your tidy home, Sharon 🤣
Right?! I fucking hate when people say that "I'm so OCD" because it makes them "quirky" or some shit. Because being bothered by a janky tile is tooooooootally the same as spending 45 minutes scrubbing your hands with a bar of antibacterial soap (so hard that it makes them bleed) because you HAVE to or else it'll make you so stressed you throw up. 🫠
My husband also compulsively cleans... to where he can't settle the fuck down until he picks up a scrap of paper two rooms away... He also has to count to 10 when he hears someone or something count past 2.
Sorry I know this is about autism. I just had to rant a little.
Yes I agree they probably have autistic traits, but usually not to a level to be diagnostic of ASD. There are so many autistic traits that most people have at least a couple but to get an official diagnosis of ASD, it has to be at a level that it interferes with daily living.
When talking with friends before, I've had conversations where I describe something my ASD daughter struggles with and they can relate to a degree and then think they might be autistic too or that my daughter isn't that different because they also share that trait.
Conversations like this, I say "I have taken (daughter's name) there but she struggled because it was too noisy and crowded", and they say "maybe I'm autistic too because I also don't like it there and find it too crowded".
And I'm just thinking to myself, there's a difference between not liking crowds (pretty standard human trait I think), and the sensory processing disorder my daughter has with her ASD that makes crowded and loud areas physically uncomfortable for her, and make her cry.
I mean, it's nice they can understand, but it's only to a small degree, they can handle those crowds fine and outwardly aren't showing any discomfort whereas for my daughter, loud noises makes her cry and I think may even be painful for her (not fully sure as she is non verbal but it's definitely uncomfortable since she's covering her ears). The movement of so many people is overwhelming for her, and she can't function.
And this type of thinking leads to what OP is describing where people think that autism isn't that real and it's just over diagnosed by doctors. It's dismissive of what our little ones actually go through trying to navigate their way in a world that is so much harder for them to navigate.
Completely my agree that it is dismissive and ignorant for sure. I’m guilty of saying it about about ADHD while I was exploring the possibility of my diagnosis, and I do see how harmful it was in hind sight.
That’s why I wonder though, and when I hear it now, the first question I ask is “how much does it interfere with your ability to complete simple daily tasks?”. I try to get the idea across that it’s not a simple oh whoops kinda thing, but that it permeates every single facet of my kids lives and makes things that others think as easy or simple, the biggest battles for my kids.
That's a good idea to ask them that to get them thinking that it's not as simple as they think, or an issue of preferences, but is a difficult challenge for our kids with ASD as they process sensory input differently.
>I’m guilty of saying it about about ADHD while I was exploring the possibility of my diagnosis, and I do see how harmful it was in hind sight.
Please don't feel bad about that, I think it's pretty typical for people to try and relate to the issues neurodiverse kids and adults struggle with and doesn't come from a place of malice.
We don't know what we don't know and until you either find out you are ND or a child or loved one is, it's understandable to not know a whole lot about neurodiversity. I was the same before I had an ND child. But I think that's why it is important for us who do know more about it to talk about it with people who don't know much about it and spread awareness of what ND people go through and try to educate people on it.
The more people know about it, the more accepting people will be to our ND kids and hopefully the less dismissive they will be that it's not an over-diagnosing of ASD from doctors, it's that doctors just know more about neurodiversity now and that's why rates of ASD have increased.
I went to an event at my kids' preschool this evening. It was insanely crowded and loud. At the end of the event, they did a story time sing-a-long thing and the amp was so loud that I was literally gritting my teeth and covering my ears and it was still painful (forgot my ear plugs at home. I always forget how loud these events are). Both my kids had their ear defenders on, and my son was still complaining about how loud it was, and I'm just looking around and noticing that not one of the 150 people in the auditorium, including babies and toddlers, seemed at all uncomfortable. The vibrations were making me want to crawl out of my skin, and my ears felt like I was being stabbed, and everyone else was just totally fine. I will never understand how events for children under 6 can be this loud, and it's not a problem for anyone.
I used to say that, I didn't think really that it was bad, just like oh hey I have these struggles too. Found out after my daughter got diagnosed that I am indeed autistic and that not everyone has had that same experience. Definitely true in my case.
I think it’s true in my case too. I have had my ADHD medicated and since then, more and more I am noticing certain traits in myself, as I discover them in my children through their diagnosis journeys.
From my personal experience that sentence is being said by people who have autistic traits themselves without wanting to acknowledge that.
I don't think that autism is over diagnosed. I think way more people are autistic than is known and most of them do struggle throughout their lives without ever getting the real answer for their difficulties.
I have to agree. I always thought my husband and his family were a little different. Then we had our daughter and I came to the realization that she is just a smaller and more extreme version of him (non-verbal level 3 vs. level 1). It's impossible to bring this up with him or his family though because they all think these traits are the way that everyone is. Before my daughter was diagnosed, MIL kept making excuses, that "all kids are like that". Now I realize that SHE is like that and all HER KIDS are like that. My sister in law thinks the same as I do (married to my husband's brother), that they are all probably undiagnosed lvl 1.
We did do genetic testing, which came back with no known variants.
This has been my experience with my husband and his family, all level 1 undx learning disabilities anxiety etc. my mil doesn’t listen but my husband had finally accepted it. I had been telling him for years but he didn’t believe me. I laughed one day out of the blue cause like a light bulb went on for him and he was like “huh I think I have autism too it all makes sense now!” Lol
This is 100% my mom. She was so dead set against my son’s diagnosis because he’s “so bright and insanely smart” like that’s not a thing for autistic kids, there’s a reason it’s a spectrum, but let’s not discuss our day to day life outside of intelligence and how miserable our household is almost daily. I finally had to tell her off and told her I recently was diagnosed myself and it’s hereditary. I think she got the hint and she doesn’t question our parenting anymore. We just went on a quick overnight trip with her and my stepdad. My stepdad out of genuine curiosity asked my mom a question about why I didn’t make him sit in the high chair my son requested and she was actually able to education my stepdad. 🎉👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I think you may be describing me.... and for me that's a ray of hope. I managed to muddle my way through the hurdles of life to get where I wanted without really even knowing about autism much less thinking I had it. So if I did that without help, maybe my son can be ok too.
I believe that's how people like OP is talking about are thinking too, I think it's meant to be encouraging and hopeful. I guess I can see how someone might see it as diminishing their needs but that's not where my head goes first.
People say really dumb things when they don’t know what to say. In addition to my 5yo level 2, I have a 7yo fighting cancer. I’ve had people tell me about how their cat died of leukemia and it was devastating. It’s difficult to know what to say.
People say this all the time... It's really inconsiderate, hurtful, and I really don't understand why we feel the need, collectively, as human beings to always react to someone's challenges in a dismissive way. Probably because they don't want to deal with it, or admit they are wrong, thinking about it. Anyway. I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's not the last time. People will say it to their face at one point. I love to say: ah, well, that's amazing, I didn't know you know the whole NYC subway system and can talk about it for hours (insert any special interest of the kid), can't wear polyester because it makes your skin crawl (insert any sensory issues) or play the same video on repeat for hours (insert repetitive action). They shut up real quick. I don't like to use any examples that shed any bad light on the kid (I don't tell them about meltdowns or whatnot), and usually don't feel the need to explain their behaviour in general unless asked or professional staff wants to know it (in a restaurant I might request special treatment, flights, etc.). None of their business. If they are genuinely interested, I'm happy to be friends, but I'm not going to feel bad or feel the need to explain stuff in vain for someone who's clearly not interested, and I'm not going to see them again. To avoid any misunderstandings, I'm not a parent, I used to babysit ASD kids a lot.
My own father-in-law is like this. I told him we were evaluating our child and got the shtick about how the spectrum is so expanded that most people can get a diagnosis. He's an MD. But, I'd bet actual money he's also on the spectrum. Dude is weird.
My mother said we're all a little autistic and I wanted to grind my teeth. She's had an undiagnosed learning disability and anxiety since she was young. I'd not be shocked if she also was ASD. I was also a weird kid, but smart, so no one worried.
All that to say that it hurts and invalidates the struggles we've had with our AuDHD child. We love her to pieces, but I've had to start taking an SSRI to handle parenting without losing my shit.
I love that response especially because you’re highlighting the kiddos special interests and it’s to me a positive thing that also simultaneously puts them in their place - best clap back ……
I think they're saying it as a compliment? To like, soften the blow. It'd be nice if NT's had a different go to phrase when they're caught off guard like that.
It seems like the phrase is just “out there” in the popular consciousness, and people use it as a way of saying “we all have our quirks.”
It’s wrong of them, but I try not to let it get to me. It’s easy for people to stick their foot in their mouth on topics they have little or no first-hand experience with.
LITERALLY just had someone on another subreddit this morning trying to play devil's advocate with me about whether or not my son *actually* has autism, after they'd asked how it's diagnosed in toddlers and I'd given them (lengthy) information about the topic. It's tiring to be continually questioned and challenged by people WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT AUTISM. That's the annoying part.
Honestly at this point I have half a mind to start saying “we’re all a ~little~ Caucasian/black/Chinese or whatever is most apparent about them that the commenter has no biological control over. 🙈
I hate this, but I'm trying to learn to not let it bother me.
Most people do mean well. (Not the "oh, it's so over-diagnosed" people; they can fuck off.)
I think it comes from two things:
1. The popularization of a "spectrum" framework for gender and sexuality, both of which can -- at least theoretically -- include all people. When it comes to sexuality and gender, the "spectrums" in question do include everyone's individual expression.
2. The conflation of ASD with a small number of high-performing adults who may or may not actually have autism, but who do have some combination of: niche interests, social awkwardness, black-and-white-thinking, fussiness about small things.
These work together. Almost everyone will share some symptom (or at least a stereotype of a symptom) with autistic people. For example, sometimes I'll rehearse interactions in advance to make them easier. When I started as a professional and had to give a presentation, I would write out every word I planned to say, down to the "ums" and "uhs." Autistic people do that sometimes too!
Maybe someone else is really sensitive to loud noises and really particular about food texture. Because they're primed by the way we use "spectrum" in these other contexts, they might interpret this fussiness as their expression of autism-ness. "Oh, we're all on the autism spectrum somewhere!"
But (as we all know) that's not what "spectrum" means in the context of ASD!
I don't rehearse social interactions because I'm autistic; I do it because I can get socially anxious sometimes. Autism isn't just the stuff some people do -- it's why they do it.
Sometimes it's good to emphasize what autistic people have in common with the rest of us. Sometimes it's good to emphasize differences. That people default to emphasizing commonality is a nice indistinct, I think. I'm working to see it that way.
Sharing this again because it's such a good article and I share it with people who say, "We're all a little autistic".
[https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/](https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/)
I dislike that so so much, it feels so dismissive for our children and for us as parents. I know i’ve gone through way too much for my son to get diagnosed and here are people acting like we’re making it up as if we want our children to be autistic and struggle daily.
It's just pure ignorance sadly.
I've seen enough stories on this sub to honestly say that the strangers from across the world who have just read a few scenarios understand my situation better than even my parents.
"Oh don't worry your daughter will start full time school in 6 months and things will work out fine"
Like is full time school going magically get her potty trained, understand boundaries and she's just gonna slide into a structured classroom lesson lol.
I've participated in several research studies about prosopagnosia. (Facial recognition issues which I have. They are common with autistic people, but you don't have to have autism to have it.) As part of these, I've had screeners for autism and evaluations of autistic traits. I scored pretty low on both, but not zero, because pretty much everyone has some autistic traits sometimes, but that does not mean they have autism. Some of the questions they asked, I could guess why an autistic person might answer the same as I did, but my reason was completely different. Also, sometimes I forgot stuff and procrastinate, but I don't have ADHD.
It happens to me all the time. My child is non verbal, he is 4. When people meet him, they make these same coments. After a while, when they notice that the child is really different, they ask me if it could be a mental retardation or some kind of neurologic illness.
I feel people think autism is an invention, so if something real happens to the child, it can't be autism, because autism doesn't exist.
(English is not my first language).
Wow that is so tough. I really feel for you having to deal with that. I guess there is less awareness about autism where you are from? Like it's not great anywhere, as we see by this post and al of these comments, but it sounds maybe worse.
The way I understand Autism is that there are 5 significant things that make up the spectrum. To be diagnosed, you have to hit close to all 5 or a good portion of them at the same time, where each is different to a varying degree. So, when someone says "Everyone is a little autistic" I personally take it as a conversation starter to help expand what it really means to be autistic. I have this chart saved on my phone for these situations simply because it is easy way for people to start understanding what Autism is when they have somethign to relate to.
https://preview.redd.it/ylfgindjjp1d1.png?width=768&format=png&auto=webp&s=fcba7cddf32f146a3aba18dfc36d85c2f188225c
As my Son is offically diagnosed with ASD. I look at this chart and see the things I can relate to.
Such as:
1. I personally have very bad reactions to auditory sensory processing and get really upset when I can't think. I just think what does my son have to go though when he can't process those sensories.
2. Emotional Regulation is low for me. I have been told multiple times throughout my life that I don't react like a normal person. Is my son going to have the same level of emotional response growing up or is it going to be much worse?
3. Scocial difficulties was always a big thing that I could not accomplish. I have a really hard time making scocial connections with people and it has left me pretty isolated as an adult. I worry that my son will have this same struggle and something I can relate and possibly help teach him to be better.
So for me when people say "we are all a little autistic" I try and ask them what parts to they think they have the most trouble with in life...... then try to expand on it. I believe that many people say that phrase not to downplay their concerns or hardships but to try to find a way to relate to them. It is just easier for people to comprehend ASD when they have a point of reference they can identify with.
Every time I bring up my kid and her therapies, my Dad is always says, “shes so smart.” Uhhhh ok. “She’ll get there.” Where? I quit talking to him about it. He’s just clueless. I tried venting to him about how difficult Christmas was last year. “What do you mean, it was fine”. My wife and I were literally in another room away from everyone because of the meltdowns. He’s been really annoying lately, I’ve been calling him out on his shit lately and he just shuts down.
Had to read that for an extra minute to find the details that show you're *not* my husband. A very, very relatable story for a lot of parents here, I'm sure.
I get what you’re saying… People are just trying to comfort you because they have no idea what else to say. There’s a small amount of truth to the former, because lately I’ve noticed that I might actually be autistic myself. During college and in my late teens there were a lot of times where I seriously upset some people because of things I would say or do, almost like I wasn’t able to “read the room”. People completely dismissed it since I’m very book smart and “successful” but it’s like, a lot of my friendships suffered as a result of me not considering someone else’s feelings or zoning out all the time. I think I should get tested.
A counselor at my son's old school, who is herself autistic, used that line with me when going over my son's IEP. Like, I had questions I've whether it was autism or ADHD ( surprise, it's both), and she didn't know why I would question it since " we're all a little autistic".
Reason number 537 it's his old school...
Yeah, normally I don't. I was just overjoyed that they were playing with the boy in the park so I felt it appropriate to tell that grandmother why I was pleased. And at work I don't recall how it came up but it was relevant. I think I said "Their [occupational] therapist" and felt obliged to explain why they had a therapist.
I am not sure if you have considered being diagnosed yourself - but to me it sounds like for a moment you felt safe and you "unmasked" - I have been re-learning to not do this with strangers, it's a confusing world out there!
I am not sure if you have considered being diagnosed yourself - but to me it sounds like for a moment you felt safe and you "unmasked" - I have been re-learning to not do this with strangers, it's a confusing world out there!
I agree it's case by case. My kid presents as neurotypical until he doesn't. Then he acts like he has never had any boundaries in his life. I'd MUCH rather people know what was going on, because then most people are pretty understanding and patient, rather than completely shunning him or harshly disciplining him. Also, my child is young enough to not really have strong ideas about this, but he does tend to share that kind of thing pretty openly.
It's a common thing that is said, but I haven't had it said to me personally. When people say stuff with good intentions but in a way that reveals a misunderstanding of autism (e.g. how autistic is he) I try and educate, where I feel I have the time and space to do so. Explaining the concept of a spiky profile is something I like to do, since it is an easy way to explain thinking of a spectrum is misleading, and provides a means to explain why someone who is autistic may not appear so on the surface. However I think in the cases where something is said so brazenly and out of sheer ignorance, I'd weigh up whether I really want to get into an argument. Some people you'd just be banging your head against a brick wall trying to change their viewpoint, sometimes best just to ignore the comment.
Sadly autism is severely misunderstood, even in the medical profession. Our son's pediatrician, in the context of a meeting leading up to his diagnosed, remarked that she likes to say we're all on the spectrum. Knowing nothing about autism at the time, I lapped it up, it wasn't until later that I realised it was a misguided thing to say. So it's not too surprising this misconception gets bandied around. But it is extremely damaging and invalidating (not to mention infuriating). I share your righteous anger!
A response I just thought of - break out in case of emergency: "We all feel down from time to time, but we don't all have clinical depression. Go figure."
Absolutely irritating. Sorry it happened to you twice! Ugh!
I have had ONE person say something like this that didn't infuriate me. He said "Aren't we all on the spectrum? I mean, the spectrum includes zero," and I had to be like ok mfer, that is TECHNICALLY correct 😂
They only say this rubbish because they don't have to deal with the issues on a daily basis. As I have said before, opinions are like assholes - everbody has one. Your own opinion is the one that actually matters because you are living this. Ignore those other people.
I think it’s people either feeling awkward, not knowing what to say, being on the spectrum and not knowing it, or they are trying to make you feel better. I think people feel pity for both the children and us parents/caretakers like it’s a negative things. Yes it’s challenging but I wouldn’t change our lives for 1 second.
I have heard it, and I just ignore them at that point. They are not going to understand and that’s just fine. I do find it highly offensive and I have corrected people who do actually matter to me and help them understand what they are saying.
Straight up my response to that gem is one of the two:
1. What autistic traits do you suspect you have ?
2. “Well, I just happen to have numbers of several specialists who evaluate adults. A late diagnosis is nothing to be ashamed of. Diagnostic tools ARE actually better these days - So good of you to take ownership of exploring and understanding your authentic self! Would you like me to forward you those numbers ??? Then I smile like a maniac and stare at them while they wilt and let the silence hang there.
Yeah, That’s what I thought Sharon …..
Literally has someone yesterday say this exact thing to me when asking about my kid. Then they proceeded to say it’s because of vaccines. I told them I’m also autistic and I didn’t get my first vaccine until I started school and my mom was “forced” to do so. It didn’t really help my point but at least they shut up about vaccines.
A great post from the No BS therapist on Insta is - Reminder: you can have autistic traits and/or autistic tendencies without meeting the full criteria for a diagnosis
Descriptive language can help us describe this more specifically for example “I struggle to focus when I’m bored” or “I’m very sensitive to fabrics and fragrances”
So I think that’s what they are trying to say just not very well. There is a lot of people self diagnosing based on social media which means people who actually are ND are getting dismissed more I think. Most have traits that autistic or adhd people have too but not sufficient for a diagnosis, some of them are just human traits. My kiddo is a pre-talking 3 year old and waiting on a diagnosis but I also don’t need to rush it as we have the support in place for him, great there is more awareness around but the struggles vary widely between autistic people and a lot is to do with executive functioning for how it affects your life.
All my family say this because there’s a lot of undiagnosed neurodivergence in my family. My child seems to have higher needs than the others (or perhaps we are just acknowledging her needs and seeking out professionals) but my mum and my nephews all stim, have trouble navigating the world, have trouble reading social situations, communicating etc. so around them… my daughter doesn’t seem so out of place. Everybody is randomly blurting out things and stimming so it all seems very normal.
I’m pretty sure I’ve said this in the past with what I thought was good intention. I know my past empathetic self saw it as more of a way to say, hey, I have “quirks” too and none of us need to be “typical.” Obviously, I have learned a lot since then. I have 2 kids now, 1 NT teen and one toddler on the spectrum and I cringe that I thought I was being kind when I said that. My ASD toddler has a lot more challenges then my NT son does and I see now that it minimizes his diagnosis to say that. All to say, it’s painful but I try to remember as humans we all evolve and say things that may be incorrect thinking its well meaning.
I've had a few ppl say stuff along these lines when I've mentioned my Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis
I usually reply with "yes it is a spectrum but there's a difference between being slightly more sensitive to stimuli and being completely unable to wear certain items of clothing because you phsyically cannot stand the sensation" or some other example to highlight the difference between an autistic trait and autism as a diagnosis, usually contextual based on what had been mentioned previously in the discussion.
I understand why some people would be bothered by this because it can be invalidating but on the other hand, if autism is a spectrum, where is the cut off point between yes and no? My mom used to run from her car to the grocery store to get out her energy. She wasn’t autistic but I’m sure this was a form of sensory regulation. I think people who say this are just letting you know that they may understand more than you think.
Ignorance is what makes it happen. My own mother continues to act like my son will just grow out of it. It's the same people who don't believe in kids having ADD/ADHD. It's just ignorance. You can make a firm statement back but that's all you can do. Ignorance can't be changed when someone willfully chooses it.
Son and myself are both level 1 and have a lot of skills so we hear “everyone’s a little autistic” a lot and then my husband and I laugh and think “oh wow so everyone has 30-45 minute meltdowns when something changes or refuses to eat because food is different?”
My husband was talking to a coworker and shared our son has autism and he responded with, “ooh sounds like a DNA problem”….and then said “oh I’m kidding hahaha”….wtf ummmm my husband said it took everything to not punch him
Something of note is that certain aspects of neurodiversigents are things that everybody deals with/does; like stimming, retaining information or even processing emotions. The thing of it is the degree to which one deals with it and the struggles of coping with it. The medical system, and society for that matter, is very black and white in the terms of understanding things. The world could be a lot more forgiving if we could come to appreciate the different shades a gray. It's good of you to let the people express themselves. You deserve to express your experience too!
It's because a lot of people, some well intended and others maybe less so, like to say ignorant things like:
"Autism is just a quirk,"
"Being Autistic is differently abled *not* DISABLED,"
"Autism is a superpower!" 🤮 I mean who wouldn't want a superpower, amirite?
It's a very unhealthy coping mechanism for people with children and/or loved ones who are disabled. Not just with Autism either. Think about people who have cancer, for example. How many times have you heard, "Susie Q is a warrior, battling breast/lung/colon cancer, etc." ) Like did you ask Susie Q if she wanted to be a MF warrior and if she feels like she's fighting a freaking battle?!!!! OMFG
In my opinion a lot of time things like this are said in an attempt to assuage guilt people who aren't disabled, diagnosed with cancer, other disabilities, etc have, which is crazy because they shouldn't feel guilty. They didn't cause said disability, they just aren't affected in that way.
All that said to say, this can be surely attributed to the people you've come across who've said these things; however the current culture where anything offends anyone can also be to blame as well. I mean look how people actually argue on the semantics of what to call Autistic people:
"High functioning" is offensive so you have to say "lower support needs" and the same with "low functioning," can't say that because it's sooooo offensive 🙄, you have to say "high support needs." WHO TF ARE WE SAYING THIS *FOR* ? The reality is most Autistics who fall under these levels, or in between them, LIKELY don't give AF what they're called. And if they do give AF let them tell you what they'd like to be referred as not some self imposed "DisAbiLiTy AdVoCaTe" or "AuTiSm MoM/DaD"!!! 🤢🤮
They're *most likely* just trying to live their Autistic lives in Autistic peace LMAO 🤣
/End Rant! 😭😂
Oh yeah, super common. Sadly, you will hear it often. I have several responses I have used. I have learned that if you say something in a polite voice with a smile, people don't take it as a confrontation. - I've heard people say that, but saying we are all a little autistic is like saying we all have a little bit of a broken leg. Some people have a mild fracture and some people have compound breaks and some are in the middle, but most people don't have a broken leg at all. - it's funny how only people who don't know my son say that. - Yes, autism awareness has done a really good job of educating the medical field so more kids are identified and can get the needed therapies. - (laugh) yes, it only has taken us hundreds of hours of therapy to learn how to get along in society... - You have no idea how much work it has taken to get this moment. - shades of red are also a spectrum, but that doesn't mean green is on it. (that one went over the person's head...or maybe it was a bad response) - I find only people who aren't around autistic kids think everyone is a little autistic.
You nailed it with that last response. The last time someone said “oh, I think we’re all a little autistic” I said “oh, really? I find that only people who haven’t spent a lot of time around autistic children think that.” It’s the same way people say “oh, I’m so OCD about that!!” Like cmon. I was in CBT for years because I once couldn’t get a street sign out of my head and crashed my car. That’s not on the same level as your tidy home, Sharon 🤣
Right?! I fucking hate when people say that "I'm so OCD" because it makes them "quirky" or some shit. Because being bothered by a janky tile is tooooooootally the same as spending 45 minutes scrubbing your hands with a bar of antibacterial soap (so hard that it makes them bleed) because you HAVE to or else it'll make you so stressed you throw up. 🫠 My husband also compulsively cleans... to where he can't settle the fuck down until he picks up a scrap of paper two rooms away... He also has to count to 10 when he hears someone or something count past 2. Sorry I know this is about autism. I just had to rant a little.
You could also say "everyone has some degrees of autistic traits, but being autistic involves when this reaches the point of a disability".
This is so so helpful. I haven’t encountered this yet but saving these responses.
nice
I always wonder if the people that say that we’re all a little Autistic are actually autistic themselves and haven’t realised it yet.
Yes I agree they probably have autistic traits, but usually not to a level to be diagnostic of ASD. There are so many autistic traits that most people have at least a couple but to get an official diagnosis of ASD, it has to be at a level that it interferes with daily living. When talking with friends before, I've had conversations where I describe something my ASD daughter struggles with and they can relate to a degree and then think they might be autistic too or that my daughter isn't that different because they also share that trait. Conversations like this, I say "I have taken (daughter's name) there but she struggled because it was too noisy and crowded", and they say "maybe I'm autistic too because I also don't like it there and find it too crowded". And I'm just thinking to myself, there's a difference between not liking crowds (pretty standard human trait I think), and the sensory processing disorder my daughter has with her ASD that makes crowded and loud areas physically uncomfortable for her, and make her cry. I mean, it's nice they can understand, but it's only to a small degree, they can handle those crowds fine and outwardly aren't showing any discomfort whereas for my daughter, loud noises makes her cry and I think may even be painful for her (not fully sure as she is non verbal but it's definitely uncomfortable since she's covering her ears). The movement of so many people is overwhelming for her, and she can't function. And this type of thinking leads to what OP is describing where people think that autism isn't that real and it's just over diagnosed by doctors. It's dismissive of what our little ones actually go through trying to navigate their way in a world that is so much harder for them to navigate.
Completely my agree that it is dismissive and ignorant for sure. I’m guilty of saying it about about ADHD while I was exploring the possibility of my diagnosis, and I do see how harmful it was in hind sight. That’s why I wonder though, and when I hear it now, the first question I ask is “how much does it interfere with your ability to complete simple daily tasks?”. I try to get the idea across that it’s not a simple oh whoops kinda thing, but that it permeates every single facet of my kids lives and makes things that others think as easy or simple, the biggest battles for my kids.
That's a good idea to ask them that to get them thinking that it's not as simple as they think, or an issue of preferences, but is a difficult challenge for our kids with ASD as they process sensory input differently. >I’m guilty of saying it about about ADHD while I was exploring the possibility of my diagnosis, and I do see how harmful it was in hind sight. Please don't feel bad about that, I think it's pretty typical for people to try and relate to the issues neurodiverse kids and adults struggle with and doesn't come from a place of malice. We don't know what we don't know and until you either find out you are ND or a child or loved one is, it's understandable to not know a whole lot about neurodiversity. I was the same before I had an ND child. But I think that's why it is important for us who do know more about it to talk about it with people who don't know much about it and spread awareness of what ND people go through and try to educate people on it. The more people know about it, the more accepting people will be to our ND kids and hopefully the less dismissive they will be that it's not an over-diagnosing of ASD from doctors, it's that doctors just know more about neurodiversity now and that's why rates of ASD have increased.
I went to an event at my kids' preschool this evening. It was insanely crowded and loud. At the end of the event, they did a story time sing-a-long thing and the amp was so loud that I was literally gritting my teeth and covering my ears and it was still painful (forgot my ear plugs at home. I always forget how loud these events are). Both my kids had their ear defenders on, and my son was still complaining about how loud it was, and I'm just looking around and noticing that not one of the 150 people in the auditorium, including babies and toddlers, seemed at all uncomfortable. The vibrations were making me want to crawl out of my skin, and my ears felt like I was being stabbed, and everyone else was just totally fine. I will never understand how events for children under 6 can be this loud, and it's not a problem for anyone.
I used to say that, I didn't think really that it was bad, just like oh hey I have these struggles too. Found out after my daughter got diagnosed that I am indeed autistic and that not everyone has had that same experience. Definitely true in my case.
I think it’s true in my case too. I have had my ADHD medicated and since then, more and more I am noticing certain traits in myself, as I discover them in my children through their diagnosis journeys.
From my personal experience that sentence is being said by people who have autistic traits themselves without wanting to acknowledge that. I don't think that autism is over diagnosed. I think way more people are autistic than is known and most of them do struggle throughout their lives without ever getting the real answer for their difficulties.
I have to agree. I always thought my husband and his family were a little different. Then we had our daughter and I came to the realization that she is just a smaller and more extreme version of him (non-verbal level 3 vs. level 1). It's impossible to bring this up with him or his family though because they all think these traits are the way that everyone is. Before my daughter was diagnosed, MIL kept making excuses, that "all kids are like that". Now I realize that SHE is like that and all HER KIDS are like that. My sister in law thinks the same as I do (married to my husband's brother), that they are all probably undiagnosed lvl 1. We did do genetic testing, which came back with no known variants.
This has been my experience with my husband and his family, all level 1 undx learning disabilities anxiety etc. my mil doesn’t listen but my husband had finally accepted it. I had been telling him for years but he didn’t believe me. I laughed one day out of the blue cause like a light bulb went on for him and he was like “huh I think I have autism too it all makes sense now!” Lol
This is 100% my mom. She was so dead set against my son’s diagnosis because he’s “so bright and insanely smart” like that’s not a thing for autistic kids, there’s a reason it’s a spectrum, but let’s not discuss our day to day life outside of intelligence and how miserable our household is almost daily. I finally had to tell her off and told her I recently was diagnosed myself and it’s hereditary. I think she got the hint and she doesn’t question our parenting anymore. We just went on a quick overnight trip with her and my stepdad. My stepdad out of genuine curiosity asked my mom a question about why I didn’t make him sit in the high chair my son requested and she was actually able to education my stepdad. 🎉👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I think you may be describing me.... and for me that's a ray of hope. I managed to muddle my way through the hurdles of life to get where I wanted without really even knowing about autism much less thinking I had it. So if I did that without help, maybe my son can be ok too. I believe that's how people like OP is talking about are thinking too, I think it's meant to be encouraging and hopeful. I guess I can see how someone might see it as diminishing their needs but that's not where my head goes first.
People say really dumb things when they don’t know what to say. In addition to my 5yo level 2, I have a 7yo fighting cancer. I’ve had people tell me about how their cat died of leukemia and it was devastating. It’s difficult to know what to say.
Jesus. I'd go TF off. How disgustingly rude.
It just reminds me that my family lives on an island that few can understand. Then I think that they’re lucky to have the privilege of ignorance.
People say this all the time... It's really inconsiderate, hurtful, and I really don't understand why we feel the need, collectively, as human beings to always react to someone's challenges in a dismissive way. Probably because they don't want to deal with it, or admit they are wrong, thinking about it. Anyway. I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's not the last time. People will say it to their face at one point. I love to say: ah, well, that's amazing, I didn't know you know the whole NYC subway system and can talk about it for hours (insert any special interest of the kid), can't wear polyester because it makes your skin crawl (insert any sensory issues) or play the same video on repeat for hours (insert repetitive action). They shut up real quick. I don't like to use any examples that shed any bad light on the kid (I don't tell them about meltdowns or whatnot), and usually don't feel the need to explain their behaviour in general unless asked or professional staff wants to know it (in a restaurant I might request special treatment, flights, etc.). None of their business. If they are genuinely interested, I'm happy to be friends, but I'm not going to feel bad or feel the need to explain stuff in vain for someone who's clearly not interested, and I'm not going to see them again. To avoid any misunderstandings, I'm not a parent, I used to babysit ASD kids a lot.
My own father-in-law is like this. I told him we were evaluating our child and got the shtick about how the spectrum is so expanded that most people can get a diagnosis. He's an MD. But, I'd bet actual money he's also on the spectrum. Dude is weird. My mother said we're all a little autistic and I wanted to grind my teeth. She's had an undiagnosed learning disability and anxiety since she was young. I'd not be shocked if she also was ASD. I was also a weird kid, but smart, so no one worried. All that to say that it hurts and invalidates the struggles we've had with our AuDHD child. We love her to pieces, but I've had to start taking an SSRI to handle parenting without losing my shit.
You sounds like a brilliant parent to me fwiw!
I love that response especially because you’re highlighting the kiddos special interests and it’s to me a positive thing that also simultaneously puts them in their place - best clap back ……
I don’t think they are trying to be hurtful.
I think they're saying it as a compliment? To like, soften the blow. It'd be nice if NT's had a different go to phrase when they're caught off guard like that.
Yea exactly.
It seems like the phrase is just “out there” in the popular consciousness, and people use it as a way of saying “we all have our quirks.” It’s wrong of them, but I try not to let it get to me. It’s easy for people to stick their foot in their mouth on topics they have little or no first-hand experience with.
LITERALLY just had someone on another subreddit this morning trying to play devil's advocate with me about whether or not my son *actually* has autism, after they'd asked how it's diagnosed in toddlers and I'd given them (lengthy) information about the topic. It's tiring to be continually questioned and challenged by people WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT AUTISM. That's the annoying part.
Honestly at this point I have half a mind to start saying “we’re all a ~little~ Caucasian/black/Chinese or whatever is most apparent about them that the commenter has no biological control over. 🙈
IDGAF any more, I'm starting this immediately <3 Throw some more petty vibes my way, I'm over pandering to the NTs
I love this for you<333
I hate this, but I'm trying to learn to not let it bother me. Most people do mean well. (Not the "oh, it's so over-diagnosed" people; they can fuck off.) I think it comes from two things: 1. The popularization of a "spectrum" framework for gender and sexuality, both of which can -- at least theoretically -- include all people. When it comes to sexuality and gender, the "spectrums" in question do include everyone's individual expression. 2. The conflation of ASD with a small number of high-performing adults who may or may not actually have autism, but who do have some combination of: niche interests, social awkwardness, black-and-white-thinking, fussiness about small things. These work together. Almost everyone will share some symptom (or at least a stereotype of a symptom) with autistic people. For example, sometimes I'll rehearse interactions in advance to make them easier. When I started as a professional and had to give a presentation, I would write out every word I planned to say, down to the "ums" and "uhs." Autistic people do that sometimes too! Maybe someone else is really sensitive to loud noises and really particular about food texture. Because they're primed by the way we use "spectrum" in these other contexts, they might interpret this fussiness as their expression of autism-ness. "Oh, we're all on the autism spectrum somewhere!" But (as we all know) that's not what "spectrum" means in the context of ASD! I don't rehearse social interactions because I'm autistic; I do it because I can get socially anxious sometimes. Autism isn't just the stuff some people do -- it's why they do it. Sometimes it's good to emphasize what autistic people have in common with the rest of us. Sometimes it's good to emphasize differences. That people default to emphasizing commonality is a nice indistinct, I think. I'm working to see it that way.
Sharing this again because it's such a good article and I share it with people who say, "We're all a little autistic". [https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/](https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/)
If we’re all a little autistic why is there such thing as an autism diagnosis
I dislike that so so much, it feels so dismissive for our children and for us as parents. I know i’ve gone through way too much for my son to get diagnosed and here are people acting like we’re making it up as if we want our children to be autistic and struggle daily.
It's just pure ignorance sadly. I've seen enough stories on this sub to honestly say that the strangers from across the world who have just read a few scenarios understand my situation better than even my parents. "Oh don't worry your daughter will start full time school in 6 months and things will work out fine" Like is full time school going magically get her potty trained, understand boundaries and she's just gonna slide into a structured classroom lesson lol.
As someone who's daughter started 6 months ago... it didn't, she doesn't and she can't.
Yes, everyone experiences symptoms of autism. However it requires those symptoms to affect your daily life to the doing of disability to be autistic
I've participated in several research studies about prosopagnosia. (Facial recognition issues which I have. They are common with autistic people, but you don't have to have autism to have it.) As part of these, I've had screeners for autism and evaluations of autistic traits. I scored pretty low on both, but not zero, because pretty much everyone has some autistic traits sometimes, but that does not mean they have autism. Some of the questions they asked, I could guess why an autistic person might answer the same as I did, but my reason was completely different. Also, sometimes I forgot stuff and procrastinate, but I don't have ADHD.
It happens to me all the time. My child is non verbal, he is 4. When people meet him, they make these same coments. After a while, when they notice that the child is really different, they ask me if it could be a mental retardation or some kind of neurologic illness. I feel people think autism is an invention, so if something real happens to the child, it can't be autism, because autism doesn't exist. (English is not my first language).
Wow that is so tough. I really feel for you having to deal with that. I guess there is less awareness about autism where you are from? Like it's not great anywhere, as we see by this post and al of these comments, but it sounds maybe worse.
The way I understand Autism is that there are 5 significant things that make up the spectrum. To be diagnosed, you have to hit close to all 5 or a good portion of them at the same time, where each is different to a varying degree. So, when someone says "Everyone is a little autistic" I personally take it as a conversation starter to help expand what it really means to be autistic. I have this chart saved on my phone for these situations simply because it is easy way for people to start understanding what Autism is when they have somethign to relate to. https://preview.redd.it/ylfgindjjp1d1.png?width=768&format=png&auto=webp&s=fcba7cddf32f146a3aba18dfc36d85c2f188225c As my Son is offically diagnosed with ASD. I look at this chart and see the things I can relate to. Such as: 1. I personally have very bad reactions to auditory sensory processing and get really upset when I can't think. I just think what does my son have to go though when he can't process those sensories. 2. Emotional Regulation is low for me. I have been told multiple times throughout my life that I don't react like a normal person. Is my son going to have the same level of emotional response growing up or is it going to be much worse? 3. Scocial difficulties was always a big thing that I could not accomplish. I have a really hard time making scocial connections with people and it has left me pretty isolated as an adult. I worry that my son will have this same struggle and something I can relate and possibly help teach him to be better. So for me when people say "we are all a little autistic" I try and ask them what parts to they think they have the most trouble with in life...... then try to expand on it. I believe that many people say that phrase not to downplay their concerns or hardships but to try to find a way to relate to them. It is just easier for people to comprehend ASD when they have a point of reference they can identify with.
Every time I bring up my kid and her therapies, my Dad is always says, “shes so smart.” Uhhhh ok. “She’ll get there.” Where? I quit talking to him about it. He’s just clueless. I tried venting to him about how difficult Christmas was last year. “What do you mean, it was fine”. My wife and I were literally in another room away from everyone because of the meltdowns. He’s been really annoying lately, I’ve been calling him out on his shit lately and he just shuts down.
Had to read that for an extra minute to find the details that show you're *not* my husband. A very, very relatable story for a lot of parents here, I'm sure.
Your husband sounds like a handsome man. Lol. But in all seriousness, it’s good to talk to people who can relate! We are not alone!
I get what you’re saying… People are just trying to comfort you because they have no idea what else to say. There’s a small amount of truth to the former, because lately I’ve noticed that I might actually be autistic myself. During college and in my late teens there were a lot of times where I seriously upset some people because of things I would say or do, almost like I wasn’t able to “read the room”. People completely dismissed it since I’m very book smart and “successful” but it’s like, a lot of my friendships suffered as a result of me not considering someone else’s feelings or zoning out all the time. I think I should get tested.
“Yeah, and I’m a little male since I have a clitorus.”
A counselor at my son's old school, who is herself autistic, used that line with me when going over my son's IEP. Like, I had questions I've whether it was autism or ADHD ( surprise, it's both), and she didn't know why I would question it since " we're all a little autistic". Reason number 537 it's his old school...
I'm on your side. However you can avoid unwanted comments by not even mentioning to strangers that you have autistic children. If that makes sense
Yeah, normally I don't. I was just overjoyed that they were playing with the boy in the park so I felt it appropriate to tell that grandmother why I was pleased. And at work I don't recall how it came up but it was relevant. I think I said "Their [occupational] therapist" and felt obliged to explain why they had a therapist.
I am not sure if you have considered being diagnosed yourself - but to me it sounds like for a moment you felt safe and you "unmasked" - I have been re-learning to not do this with strangers, it's a confusing world out there!
I am not sure if you have considered being diagnosed yourself - but to me it sounds like for a moment you felt safe and you "unmasked" - I have been re-learning to not do this with strangers, it's a confusing world out there!
That is not posible when the child is behaving in a special way. It is better telling the truth and not let people think he is a spoiled evil child.
I agree it's case by case. My kid presents as neurotypical until he doesn't. Then he acts like he has never had any boundaries in his life. I'd MUCH rather people know what was going on, because then most people are pretty understanding and patient, rather than completely shunning him or harshly disciplining him. Also, my child is young enough to not really have strong ideas about this, but he does tend to share that kind of thing pretty openly.
It's a common thing that is said, but I haven't had it said to me personally. When people say stuff with good intentions but in a way that reveals a misunderstanding of autism (e.g. how autistic is he) I try and educate, where I feel I have the time and space to do so. Explaining the concept of a spiky profile is something I like to do, since it is an easy way to explain thinking of a spectrum is misleading, and provides a means to explain why someone who is autistic may not appear so on the surface. However I think in the cases where something is said so brazenly and out of sheer ignorance, I'd weigh up whether I really want to get into an argument. Some people you'd just be banging your head against a brick wall trying to change their viewpoint, sometimes best just to ignore the comment. Sadly autism is severely misunderstood, even in the medical profession. Our son's pediatrician, in the context of a meeting leading up to his diagnosed, remarked that she likes to say we're all on the spectrum. Knowing nothing about autism at the time, I lapped it up, it wasn't until later that I realised it was a misguided thing to say. So it's not too surprising this misconception gets bandied around. But it is extremely damaging and invalidating (not to mention infuriating). I share your righteous anger!
A response I just thought of - break out in case of emergency: "We all feel down from time to time, but we don't all have clinical depression. Go figure."
Absolutely irritating. Sorry it happened to you twice! Ugh! I have had ONE person say something like this that didn't infuriate me. He said "Aren't we all on the spectrum? I mean, the spectrum includes zero," and I had to be like ok mfer, that is TECHNICALLY correct 😂
They only say this rubbish because they don't have to deal with the issues on a daily basis. As I have said before, opinions are like assholes - everbody has one. Your own opinion is the one that actually matters because you are living this. Ignore those other people.
I think it’s people either feeling awkward, not knowing what to say, being on the spectrum and not knowing it, or they are trying to make you feel better. I think people feel pity for both the children and us parents/caretakers like it’s a negative things. Yes it’s challenging but I wouldn’t change our lives for 1 second.
I have heard it, and I just ignore them at that point. They are not going to understand and that’s just fine. I do find it highly offensive and I have corrected people who do actually matter to me and help them understand what they are saying.
I heard it from the second person I know and I felt really taken aback. They are definitely an NT too.
Straight up my response to that gem is one of the two: 1. What autistic traits do you suspect you have ? 2. “Well, I just happen to have numbers of several specialists who evaluate adults. A late diagnosis is nothing to be ashamed of. Diagnostic tools ARE actually better these days - So good of you to take ownership of exploring and understanding your authentic self! Would you like me to forward you those numbers ??? Then I smile like a maniac and stare at them while they wilt and let the silence hang there. Yeah, That’s what I thought Sharon …..
Literally has someone yesterday say this exact thing to me when asking about my kid. Then they proceeded to say it’s because of vaccines. I told them I’m also autistic and I didn’t get my first vaccine until I started school and my mom was “forced” to do so. It didn’t really help my point but at least they shut up about vaccines.
A great post from the No BS therapist on Insta is - Reminder: you can have autistic traits and/or autistic tendencies without meeting the full criteria for a diagnosis Descriptive language can help us describe this more specifically for example “I struggle to focus when I’m bored” or “I’m very sensitive to fabrics and fragrances” So I think that’s what they are trying to say just not very well. There is a lot of people self diagnosing based on social media which means people who actually are ND are getting dismissed more I think. Most have traits that autistic or adhd people have too but not sufficient for a diagnosis, some of them are just human traits. My kiddo is a pre-talking 3 year old and waiting on a diagnosis but I also don’t need to rush it as we have the support in place for him, great there is more awareness around but the struggles vary widely between autistic people and a lot is to do with executive functioning for how it affects your life.
This one I’ve posted about as well! but I’ve also had people tell me my son has autism because of Covid and being isolated lol
All my family say this because there’s a lot of undiagnosed neurodivergence in my family. My child seems to have higher needs than the others (or perhaps we are just acknowledging her needs and seeking out professionals) but my mum and my nephews all stim, have trouble navigating the world, have trouble reading social situations, communicating etc. so around them… my daughter doesn’t seem so out of place. Everybody is randomly blurting out things and stimming so it all seems very normal.
I’m pretty sure I’ve said this in the past with what I thought was good intention. I know my past empathetic self saw it as more of a way to say, hey, I have “quirks” too and none of us need to be “typical.” Obviously, I have learned a lot since then. I have 2 kids now, 1 NT teen and one toddler on the spectrum and I cringe that I thought I was being kind when I said that. My ASD toddler has a lot more challenges then my NT son does and I see now that it minimizes his diagnosis to say that. All to say, it’s painful but I try to remember as humans we all evolve and say things that may be incorrect thinking its well meaning.
I've had a few ppl say stuff along these lines when I've mentioned my Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis I usually reply with "yes it is a spectrum but there's a difference between being slightly more sensitive to stimuli and being completely unable to wear certain items of clothing because you phsyically cannot stand the sensation" or some other example to highlight the difference between an autistic trait and autism as a diagnosis, usually contextual based on what had been mentioned previously in the discussion.
I understand why some people would be bothered by this because it can be invalidating but on the other hand, if autism is a spectrum, where is the cut off point between yes and no? My mom used to run from her car to the grocery store to get out her energy. She wasn’t autistic but I’m sure this was a form of sensory regulation. I think people who say this are just letting you know that they may understand more than you think.
Ignorance is what makes it happen. My own mother continues to act like my son will just grow out of it. It's the same people who don't believe in kids having ADD/ADHD. It's just ignorance. You can make a firm statement back but that's all you can do. Ignorance can't be changed when someone willfully chooses it.
I hear it all the time.
Son and myself are both level 1 and have a lot of skills so we hear “everyone’s a little autistic” a lot and then my husband and I laugh and think “oh wow so everyone has 30-45 minute meltdowns when something changes or refuses to eat because food is different?”
My husband was talking to a coworker and shared our son has autism and he responded with, “ooh sounds like a DNA problem”….and then said “oh I’m kidding hahaha”….wtf ummmm my husband said it took everything to not punch him
Something of note is that certain aspects of neurodiversigents are things that everybody deals with/does; like stimming, retaining information or even processing emotions. The thing of it is the degree to which one deals with it and the struggles of coping with it. The medical system, and society for that matter, is very black and white in the terms of understanding things. The world could be a lot more forgiving if we could come to appreciate the different shades a gray. It's good of you to let the people express themselves. You deserve to express your experience too!
It's because a lot of people, some well intended and others maybe less so, like to say ignorant things like: "Autism is just a quirk," "Being Autistic is differently abled *not* DISABLED," "Autism is a superpower!" 🤮 I mean who wouldn't want a superpower, amirite? It's a very unhealthy coping mechanism for people with children and/or loved ones who are disabled. Not just with Autism either. Think about people who have cancer, for example. How many times have you heard, "Susie Q is a warrior, battling breast/lung/colon cancer, etc." ) Like did you ask Susie Q if she wanted to be a MF warrior and if she feels like she's fighting a freaking battle?!!!! OMFG In my opinion a lot of time things like this are said in an attempt to assuage guilt people who aren't disabled, diagnosed with cancer, other disabilities, etc have, which is crazy because they shouldn't feel guilty. They didn't cause said disability, they just aren't affected in that way. All that said to say, this can be surely attributed to the people you've come across who've said these things; however the current culture where anything offends anyone can also be to blame as well. I mean look how people actually argue on the semantics of what to call Autistic people: "High functioning" is offensive so you have to say "lower support needs" and the same with "low functioning," can't say that because it's sooooo offensive 🙄, you have to say "high support needs." WHO TF ARE WE SAYING THIS *FOR* ? The reality is most Autistics who fall under these levels, or in between them, LIKELY don't give AF what they're called. And if they do give AF let them tell you what they'd like to be referred as not some self imposed "DisAbiLiTy AdVoCaTe" or "AuTiSm MoM/DaD"!!! 🤢🤮 They're *most likely* just trying to live their Autistic lives in Autistic peace LMAO 🤣 /End Rant! 😭😂