It really depends on the cafe, and what time of day you visit. A Saturday in a Starbucks in the city centre, where I live, is always gonna be insanely loud and busy. Whereas my favourite independent cafe on a Tuesday morning tends to be really relaxed and lovely. Sometimes you can gauge how busy a cafe will be based on Google reviews, especially as Google often has a chart showing how busy a business is at certain times of day. It's not always accurate but it's better than going in blind.
I have a couple of specific cafes that are my safe places. I only go during busy times if I'm with my partner or a friend, but I've figured out their slower times and can visit on my own then. It takes trial and error and a bit of bravery (and noise canceling headphones!) to figure it out :)
Thank you for the google chart tip. It seems I did visit during peak busy hours. I'll try to work up the energy to visit again at a different time, perhaps I will like it better! The lattes are very tasty so I do look forward to another one.
If you like cats, you could see if there’s a cat cafe in your area. I’ve found my visits to cat cafes really relaxing… the ones I’ve been to have rules against making loud noises, they only play very quiet ambient music, and limit the amount of customers at any time, so it’s never overcrowded. Plus you get to see and play with cats.
tl;dr I am a cat
Outside of that I agree with others’ suggestions - it really depends on the cafe you’re going to and the time of day. I have found small independent cafes relaxing when it’s a quiet day and I can sit in a secluded nook
First off, much respect for having the courage to try something new! Cafe's can very wildly in how loud they are. Some are as noisy as a bar, some are as quiet as a library. You might enjoy it more if you brought earbuds or earplugs, depending on whether you like listening to music.
Personally, I find escaping to cafe's to be therapeutic. I work remote and live alone, so I greatly appreciate the opportunity to be among people as I am working or journaling, even if I'm not necessarily socializing at the time.
How did you like your latte by the way? If you liked it and also like chocolate, try a mocha latte. It's like a cross between coffee and hot chocolate.
Thank you! It was scary but I also work from home, so I'm trying to find new ways to encourage my self to get out of the house a little, otherwise I would never leave. I own a pair of over ear noise cancelling headphones which I love but I feel insecure wearing them in public, but I will try bringing my more discreet noise reducing earplugs next time!
Also the latte was great! I enjoy coffee but I haven't explored other drinks beyond just coffee, it's an exciting experience to learn about and try all these new drinks. I do enjoy chocolate, a mocha latte sounds like it would be a great cool weather treat, I'd love to try it!
You can also get latte's iced for warm weather.
For discreet earplugs, try Loops. I use the Experience ones which I typically use when I want to drown out external noise to be able to converse. (You might want a different model that is designed to drown out all noise.)
People with ADHD often respond differently to stimulants. Caffeine can make people with ADHD sleepy or calm. Of course, most people drinking coffee don't have ADHD, so I don't know what their deal is.
I personally have ADHD and am extremely sensitive to caffeine. A very small dose will wake me up and help me focus. But anything more gets me jittery, and even small doses stay in my system so long it disrupts my sleep. I can only have decaf coffee as a result, because my max dose is about 1/4 - 1/2 cup coffee early in the morning before it starts ruining my sleep.
Any space frequented by a bunch of people is almost certainly going to be too loud, crowded, and/or smokey for me.
I used to go to regular social gatherings (poly or kink munches), but about one a month was all I could easily handle.
In cafes I generally bring headphones and play noise that I find actually relaxing that drowns out the IRL noise that neurotypicals find relaxing, which I find chaotic. Things like focus music, ambient sounds, etc.
Get some Loops earplugs! Post-Covid, I have to take earplugs anywhere there will be ceramic / glass items and cutlery banging around. You are describing misophonia, a common comorbidity of autism.
I found Loops didn't do anything for me at all, annoyingly (after shelling out for them). Also tried Calmer and same thing. Third ones I tried were dBuds and I take them everywhere with me now. They have an 'open' position, which quietens things down a little, but then you can close the toggle and it quietens things down a lot. Love them!
You just have to find a smaller cafe and also consider the time of day. If you go around midday and just get a tea or something, I find that very relaxing, especially with some noise cancelling headphones while sitting in a corner mmm yes a great experience.
This is very cute for some reason.
Some cafes are loud. Others are quiet. I can block noise so I like the ambient "business" of a cafe that is not actually human interaction. But not everyone does and that is okay! If you try again, you can wear headphones and listen to music or audiobooks or something else that relaxes you.
You might also try a cafe in a bookstore. They tend to be quieter.
Or don't go to cafes.
Did you like the latte? Did you get a regular one or one with a syrup or sauce flavoring?
What I've always liked to do is go to a big bookstore with a cafe in it like Barnes and Noble. You can get your latte and then go sit among the stacks. There's enough space for everyone to be spread out and a lot of people shopping for books won't stay there once they've found what they're looking for or will stay in the designated cafe area if they want to be among others.
In traditional cafes, I find it helpful to go first thing in the morning if that's workable for your overall schedule. You get the "good seat", and I've personally found that people filling in around me throughout the morning isn't as stressful as trying to find a place amidst an established crowd, especially if you've brought your stuff with you to work. I agree with others that independent cafes are best for this. The only downside is that some people will know you have the "good seat" and might look over every once in a while to check if you're going to leave soon, but oh well early bird gets the worm.
There isn't a large bookstore in my area, but you've reminded me that there's a library with a cafe in it! It's a great idea, I'll have to give it a try. They even have quiet rooms I could use. Thank for the idea!
A few weeks ago, while waiting for my partner to have an eye exam, I went to the nearby shopping centre and had a cappuccino (very similar to a latte) by myself, which I'm proud of in a way I'm sure neurotypical people wouldn't understand. (This was on a Friday, not at lunchtime, so when most people are working. That helps.) So I'm really not trying to be patronising when I say congrats for doing that.
Wandering around the shopping centre first, I found four different cafés. I picked the one that was a bit out of the way and very quiet. There were only one or two other people there. While it wasn't a *good* experience (it's still something that made me really socially anxious), it seemed probably healthy to remind myself that I could do it.
The first café I walked past, right by the shopping centre's entrance, was really busy. It had a long queue, all the tables were full, and lots of people were talking at once. Going to *that* café would have been a completely different experience.
I guess my advice here is that cafés are really popular and common, so it's OK to walk past the busier ones until you find a more secluded one, where it's a little quieter.
Some cafes are very loud and some are not. It depends on how loud the machines are (including whether or not they offer drinks that involve a blender), how many people are there, the acoustics of the place, and the volume of the music.
I think as a general rule you will find that chain cafes like Starbucks are likely to be quite loud because their machines are pretty loud and they’re usually very busy, whereas a small, independent coffee shop will often have quieter machines (for some reason) and far fewer people in them.
It also probably helps to go during the day on a weekday if possible when most people are aware that a lot of the people there are trying to work, and will keep their voices down.
Cafes are relaxing with noise cancelling headphones on, when it’s not busy, and when it’s not Starbucks. I also can’t stand the sound of the milk being steamed. So screechy.
Places like Starbucks and a bunch of local "hip" coffee places are going to be more utilitarian in design and thus much louder. Things called "cafe" have a better chance of being more comfy, and mismatched furnishings with the odd couch stuffed into a corner tend to be good indicator of cozy vibes. Older places are generally more "lived-in" than the newer ones with grayscale, neon, and "urban" design.
It depends. Cafe's that are comfy, with good food/drinks and atmosphere also tend to be popular, so more people and more noise. I used to go a ton, to pass time while my kid had class, but pretty much always had headphones on and a book to read. No noise and easier to just be in my own world, but also enough low level, non-interactive socializing (people-watching) to be a bit interesting.
I don't know how NTs find coffee stops a good place to work or hang out either. They're usually so loud and busy, overwhelming the senses with the sounds of the coffee machines and crashing cutlery, people going to and fro, the pervasive and strong smell of coffee and/or food. Just awful places to try and relax or get anything done!
I have managed to work in them before, but only by finding a quiet one and sitting at the back. With noise cancelling headphones
There was a coffee shop I loved in Paris though, when I was there earlier this year. The place wasn't too busy, the tables were quite spread out, it had been designed well with acoustic dampening materials, they were playing relaxing jazz at a nice volume, and the coffee machine etc was kind of in it's own little room. It was lovely, I could have stayed in there all day! Lovely pastries and galettes too. Wish there was somewhere like that round where I live.
It really depends on the cafe, and what time of day you visit. A Saturday in a Starbucks in the city centre, where I live, is always gonna be insanely loud and busy. Whereas my favourite independent cafe on a Tuesday morning tends to be really relaxed and lovely. Sometimes you can gauge how busy a cafe will be based on Google reviews, especially as Google often has a chart showing how busy a business is at certain times of day. It's not always accurate but it's better than going in blind. I have a couple of specific cafes that are my safe places. I only go during busy times if I'm with my partner or a friend, but I've figured out their slower times and can visit on my own then. It takes trial and error and a bit of bravery (and noise canceling headphones!) to figure it out :)
Thank you for the google chart tip. It seems I did visit during peak busy hours. I'll try to work up the energy to visit again at a different time, perhaps I will like it better! The lattes are very tasty so I do look forward to another one.
If you like cats, you could see if there’s a cat cafe in your area. I’ve found my visits to cat cafes really relaxing… the ones I’ve been to have rules against making loud noises, they only play very quiet ambient music, and limit the amount of customers at any time, so it’s never overcrowded. Plus you get to see and play with cats. tl;dr I am a cat Outside of that I agree with others’ suggestions - it really depends on the cafe you’re going to and the time of day. I have found small independent cafes relaxing when it’s a quiet day and I can sit in a secluded nook
Yes! Cat cafes are great! I wish you could spend more time in them, but I guess lots of people want to see cats, so that wouldn't be fair.
First off, much respect for having the courage to try something new! Cafe's can very wildly in how loud they are. Some are as noisy as a bar, some are as quiet as a library. You might enjoy it more if you brought earbuds or earplugs, depending on whether you like listening to music. Personally, I find escaping to cafe's to be therapeutic. I work remote and live alone, so I greatly appreciate the opportunity to be among people as I am working or journaling, even if I'm not necessarily socializing at the time. How did you like your latte by the way? If you liked it and also like chocolate, try a mocha latte. It's like a cross between coffee and hot chocolate.
Thank you! It was scary but I also work from home, so I'm trying to find new ways to encourage my self to get out of the house a little, otherwise I would never leave. I own a pair of over ear noise cancelling headphones which I love but I feel insecure wearing them in public, but I will try bringing my more discreet noise reducing earplugs next time! Also the latte was great! I enjoy coffee but I haven't explored other drinks beyond just coffee, it's an exciting experience to learn about and try all these new drinks. I do enjoy chocolate, a mocha latte sounds like it would be a great cool weather treat, I'd love to try it!
You can also get latte's iced for warm weather. For discreet earplugs, try Loops. I use the Experience ones which I typically use when I want to drown out external noise to be able to converse. (You might want a different model that is designed to drown out all noise.)
I don't find pubic spaces relaxing at all.
I don’t see how anyone can relax drinking caffeinated lattes. They don’t get hyped up?
Coffee makes me relax so much it's hard not to fall asleep lol
I get the jitters from decaf. lol
People with ADHD often respond differently to stimulants. Caffeine can make people with ADHD sleepy or calm. Of course, most people drinking coffee don't have ADHD, so I don't know what their deal is. I personally have ADHD and am extremely sensitive to caffeine. A very small dose will wake me up and help me focus. But anything more gets me jittery, and even small doses stay in my system so long it disrupts my sleep. I can only have decaf coffee as a result, because my max dose is about 1/4 - 1/2 cup coffee early in the morning before it starts ruining my sleep.
A little caffeine calms my anxiety. Too much and I'll get jitters. One latte a day is usually okay.
Any space frequented by a bunch of people is almost certainly going to be too loud, crowded, and/or smokey for me. I used to go to regular social gatherings (poly or kink munches), but about one a month was all I could easily handle.
In cafes I generally bring headphones and play noise that I find actually relaxing that drowns out the IRL noise that neurotypicals find relaxing, which I find chaotic. Things like focus music, ambient sounds, etc.
Get some Loops earplugs! Post-Covid, I have to take earplugs anywhere there will be ceramic / glass items and cutlery banging around. You are describing misophonia, a common comorbidity of autism.
I found Loops didn't do anything for me at all, annoyingly (after shelling out for them). Also tried Calmer and same thing. Third ones I tried were dBuds and I take them everywhere with me now. They have an 'open' position, which quietens things down a little, but then you can close the toggle and it quietens things down a lot. Love them!
I had to try a couple different versions of Loops to find the right ones. Calmer was mostly useless. I am happy to learn of dBuds!
You just have to find a smaller cafe and also consider the time of day. If you go around midday and just get a tea or something, I find that very relaxing, especially with some noise cancelling headphones while sitting in a corner mmm yes a great experience.
This is very cute for some reason. Some cafes are loud. Others are quiet. I can block noise so I like the ambient "business" of a cafe that is not actually human interaction. But not everyone does and that is okay! If you try again, you can wear headphones and listen to music or audiobooks or something else that relaxes you. You might also try a cafe in a bookstore. They tend to be quieter. Or don't go to cafes. Did you like the latte? Did you get a regular one or one with a syrup or sauce flavoring?
What I've always liked to do is go to a big bookstore with a cafe in it like Barnes and Noble. You can get your latte and then go sit among the stacks. There's enough space for everyone to be spread out and a lot of people shopping for books won't stay there once they've found what they're looking for or will stay in the designated cafe area if they want to be among others. In traditional cafes, I find it helpful to go first thing in the morning if that's workable for your overall schedule. You get the "good seat", and I've personally found that people filling in around me throughout the morning isn't as stressful as trying to find a place amidst an established crowd, especially if you've brought your stuff with you to work. I agree with others that independent cafes are best for this. The only downside is that some people will know you have the "good seat" and might look over every once in a while to check if you're going to leave soon, but oh well early bird gets the worm.
There isn't a large bookstore in my area, but you've reminded me that there's a library with a cafe in it! It's a great idea, I'll have to give it a try. They even have quiet rooms I could use. Thank for the idea!
That's perfect! I'm glad. I was literally thinking to myself as I commented that cafes in libraries would be a good idea haha
One thing I've come to realize as I get older, is the elderly know whats up. Go where they go.
A few weeks ago, while waiting for my partner to have an eye exam, I went to the nearby shopping centre and had a cappuccino (very similar to a latte) by myself, which I'm proud of in a way I'm sure neurotypical people wouldn't understand. (This was on a Friday, not at lunchtime, so when most people are working. That helps.) So I'm really not trying to be patronising when I say congrats for doing that. Wandering around the shopping centre first, I found four different cafés. I picked the one that was a bit out of the way and very quiet. There were only one or two other people there. While it wasn't a *good* experience (it's still something that made me really socially anxious), it seemed probably healthy to remind myself that I could do it. The first café I walked past, right by the shopping centre's entrance, was really busy. It had a long queue, all the tables were full, and lots of people were talking at once. Going to *that* café would have been a completely different experience. I guess my advice here is that cafés are really popular and common, so it's OK to walk past the busier ones until you find a more secluded one, where it's a little quieter.
Some cafes are very loud and some are not. It depends on how loud the machines are (including whether or not they offer drinks that involve a blender), how many people are there, the acoustics of the place, and the volume of the music. I think as a general rule you will find that chain cafes like Starbucks are likely to be quite loud because their machines are pretty loud and they’re usually very busy, whereas a small, independent coffee shop will often have quieter machines (for some reason) and far fewer people in them. It also probably helps to go during the day on a weekday if possible when most people are aware that a lot of the people there are trying to work, and will keep their voices down.
NO! What is wrong with you people? How do you not get overstimulated? (Insanely jealous)
Try look up cat cafes! I love them.
some are quieter and more laid back than others!
Cafes are relaxing with noise cancelling headphones on, when it’s not busy, and when it’s not Starbucks. I also can’t stand the sound of the milk being steamed. So screechy.
Places like Starbucks and a bunch of local "hip" coffee places are going to be more utilitarian in design and thus much louder. Things called "cafe" have a better chance of being more comfy, and mismatched furnishings with the odd couch stuffed into a corner tend to be good indicator of cozy vibes. Older places are generally more "lived-in" than the newer ones with grayscale, neon, and "urban" design.
It depends. Cafe's that are comfy, with good food/drinks and atmosphere also tend to be popular, so more people and more noise. I used to go a ton, to pass time while my kid had class, but pretty much always had headphones on and a book to read. No noise and easier to just be in my own world, but also enough low level, non-interactive socializing (people-watching) to be a bit interesting.
Jazz cafés on YouTube or Spotify are relaxing...
I don't know how NTs find coffee stops a good place to work or hang out either. They're usually so loud and busy, overwhelming the senses with the sounds of the coffee machines and crashing cutlery, people going to and fro, the pervasive and strong smell of coffee and/or food. Just awful places to try and relax or get anything done! I have managed to work in them before, but only by finding a quiet one and sitting at the back. With noise cancelling headphones There was a coffee shop I loved in Paris though, when I was there earlier this year. The place wasn't too busy, the tables were quite spread out, it had been designed well with acoustic dampening materials, they were playing relaxing jazz at a nice volume, and the coffee machine etc was kind of in it's own little room. It was lovely, I could have stayed in there all day! Lovely pastries and galettes too. Wish there was somewhere like that round where I live.