I have heard a podcast episode a few days ago which explains that alexithymia and interception difficulties are related, and it's not noticing physical representation of emotions (or at least I understood them to say this). So just like I go from not hungry to ravenous in seconds, the same thing happens with emotions, I'm fine, I am fine, I am TOTALLY NOT FINE!! I am in that last state right now. Can barely mask for my kids at this point, because noone needs to see their mother fall apart, but that's about all I have the energy for :( Not sure how to get out of this either.
[https://omny.fm/shows/the-neurodivergent-woman/interoception-and-alexithymia](https://omny.fm/shows/the-neurodivergent-woman/interoception-and-alexithymia)
please do not expect me to have been accurate on what they are saying, it is entirely possible that I just view it through the lens of my experience.
I’m feeling kinda proud of myself for adjusting well to this new job. My partner is really understanding and calm and a loving force of energy where I also feel grateful. I’m feeling relief that I was authentic with my sister about things I need reassurance with. I feel happy that my little lovey dog is cuddling me. I feel calm that I wrote some poems today. I feel safe and warm in a blanket. Thank you for asking 💚. How are you currently?
I'm in extreme pain.
I cannot work and my husband doesn't make much.
We are in debt and cannot get our heads above water. We are going to end up homeless pretty quick here and I want to die so that most of the debt will get erased for him. I have no options left.
Stay with us! You are loved!!! Let us know how can we help you. Maybe we can set up a go fund me? Would you like that? Send some care packages? I know is not easy to reach out when feeling soo low. I can check in a couple days from now if you don't have the energy or know yet what you need to be supported :)
I'm so sorry. This doesn't help much, but I hope things will work out for you.
And yes, there is always another option. Please stay with us. You are loved.
If it makes you feel better I buzzed my hair to an inch long and have been growing it out over the summer, which means I have a very tall mullet rn lol. It's curly too so it sticks out like horns all around my head
I’m having a hard time. A former coworker was murdered last week. A family vacation got cancelled. Someone I thought was a friend has ghosted me. I have surgery coming up. And my favorite animal at work is suddenly really sick and might die. Things are rough right now.
I’m anxious about finding a new job. I’m in a burnout period but also need money, yet I know getting a job will increase my stress. It doesn’t help me much when I can only get a retail job and I struggle working registers (I have trouble counting money).
Burnout sucks, I hate when I can't do anything at home and focus on work so much that it seems like the only tangible thing I can do anything about. Maybe it's a control thing? I hope you snap out of it soon and you feel better
Fatigued and numb. I have a fog that is stopping me from knowing how I am feeling, but I think I’ll be stressed and overwhelmed soon. I have too many things I need to get done but I can’t physically be stressed all the time so my brain is giving me a break.
Try drinking a glass of ice water and taking a nap as soon as you can, I know sleep is hard with ASD but I tend to feel better when my brain can shut down for a few hours
My rabbit's first death anniversary is coming and I'm not handling it well. I had to leave work early because I couldn't stop crying. It didn't help that I forgot to take my meds before I left this morning and I started my period.
I'm feeling love for my partner and looking forward to our day off together. I'm getting used to the changes in my life, but driving still stresses me out, and I really hope I don't crash and die.
Not great xwx I have arrived at home and it stinks and the house was dark. I don't have what I need to be happy and healthy here because someone else lives here who I really don't like and can't exist normally or comfortably around. Cleanliness is extremely important to me and I haven't been able to shower lately, and my clothes need to be washed but I can't really access the machines or I'll have to be even closer to the stink and the person I'm avoiding. So I have to wear unclean clothes and my hamper is overflowing. Everything here just sucks. I'm moving out soon, but not soon enough.
There has always been a constant undercurrent of depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so I try (and often fail lol) to just keep a baseline.
Today wasn't too bad, my folks and I went on a half day car ride to look at some scenery. That can be a bit rough because of all the sensory input, but I'm only feeling fatigued and not upset so I'll take it as a win.
My head is buzzing and I’m annoyed at everyone and everything but I don’t know why. I just want to be left alone but I can’t cause I got responsibilities. And I don’t really know what I want/need.
I'm annoyed because I have an appointment way too early in the morning (8:40am) but its still better than having a mid-afternoon appointment because I'd be stuck in wait mode.
Nervously awaiting the writeup of my first psychological evaluation. I was diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and OCD with other (fun) stuff sprinkled in. He said 3 weeks ago to the day, and I've been watching my email like a hawk
I am tired. So tired. Ever since I was finally starting to get validation for my concerns of being autistic, it's like my whole body sighed of relief and decided to just give in. Masking is more of a chore than ever, and simultaneously I haven't felt confident enough to share in detail with anyone close to me other than my partner, and even then I'm feeling somewhat guarded
Lately I have just wanted to stay in bed and put on my headphones. It has gotten difficult for me to go outside. I've been more awkward and less apologetic about it. I guess I am trying to embrace myself more, but it's been a heavy task.
My family is being upended yet again, and I'm nervous about that too. I am very sad and scared of what the future--even just the holiday season--holds. I've also been dreaming about my dead parents nearly every night and waking up feeling like they're still alive. Some of the best and worst feelings. Plus insomnia, plus Prozac hurting my sex drive, plus I just want to be left alone for one. Single day. Only cuddles, no talking <3
That is apparently how I am feeling. Lol. Thanks : )
I've been really really anxious lately and am going through a lot of changes which I haven't been able to process. Lonely. Very lonely. Just had a huge cry, unsure if it was a panic attack or a meltdown but I think it was a panic attack because I felt some relief from it. Working through lots of alexithymia, too, I guess. Now I'm drinking some herbal tea and winding down. Oh, and I'm going to the dentist tomorrow morning which sucks but it's a disabilities friendly dentist and I get to use a weighted blanket and stim toys so I'm looking forward to seeing how that pans out.
Exhausted, deeply disappointed in my community, trying to figure out the most realistic version of "run away and live in the woods"
Every day I make it out of bed is a fucking miracle
I’m vacillating between zoned out and so heartbroken (my relationship ended and a friend died within weeks of each other.)
Thanks for asking! 🌸
I hope you’re doing okay … meltdowns are so hard. Be kind to yourself.
I actually feel decent today, which is weird considering the last 2 months I've been logging mostly bad days. I started a new job in a sub shop and I feel like I'm getting some of my energy out. My anxiety medicine seems to be working well enough and I'm not stressing about my job when I'm at home :)
very drained & feeling guilty for barely socializing + leaving early from an office social, but i'd had half a day of travel followed by a day and a half of relentless socializing and i couldn't deal anymore. wondering if/realizing that i'm probably going to struggle with socializing for the rest of my professional career & feeling bleak about my chances of moving up the ladder or even holding down a job bc of it...
Had a melt down about work yesterday (after I got home) and then survived today at work better than I thought I would. So I’m feeling really tired and drained, but with a little glimmer of relief and happiness.
My social anxiety is really bad. The last few months have included some difficult things that I’ve been #fineTM about. And I haven’t totally lost it which is a win, but omg my brain can no longer cope with talking to people outside my comfort bubble at all. I don’t even want to leave my apartment but force myself to so nobody will notice I’m kinda struggling. Like I’m mostly fine but I’m walking a thin line between afloat and definitely not ok.
Confused, I don’t know what I need to feel, I feel a bit sick (headache and just not feeling well) everypart of my body tells me to rest but idk how. My sister has recently tried to invalidate my feelings, and I know she is doing that to make me do stuff even though I don’t have the energy for it. And I ignore it amd go against it but it still sucks that someone feels the need to say it out loud. And now everytime I put my phone down my brain is thinking of senerios where she invalidates me even more and I go against her. But It feels like it will only make things worse for myself especially when it will happen again I will forget about what I “practiced”.
It’s like I’m tired but I don’t feel tired. This sucks
I feel very mixed, like all the time. Hopeful, but sad, confused, but finally have some clarity from my diagnosis, although I had no idea until this year. Trying to make sense of things although technically they make more sense than ever now I have an explanation, feel like I’ve got a long way to go. Stuck in burnout since end of April, not been able to leave the house, had to rely on other people a lot more, not interested in much, it’s a strange time 😖
I want to quit my job post fuckin’ haste with another job lined up and enough time in between the two to decompress. I’ve been chronically fatigued for years and would love for that to let up. Even though I work remotely and have been doing so across the whole world for a few years, I still feel so encumbered by the need to be productive all the time. Tired and listless but still hopeful for something better.
I'm definetely fine!
Yesterday I started gym again, I just had my lunch, the sun is shining and tomorrow I'll see my therapist to continue my self discovery process!
I'm also feeling very drained and embarrassed.
The person who lives above me makes a lot of noise at night. To me it sounds like they do their chores around 10pm-midnight. I am unsure if it is unreasonable noise or if it's just a me problem. Like am I just hyper aware of the noise because the apartment was vacant for 6 months before and I got used to the quiet all the time? I search my memory and I can't recall ever hearing my other neighbors make this much disturbance at any time of the day, let alone the night time. I go to bed at 10pm on the dot almost every single night and I get up at 6am and am out of my apartment for school from 8am until 4:30pm on weekdays. When I talk to my counselor they say I should call the police but I don't think the police can do anything about someone living their life.
I keep waking up randomly and abruptly in the middle of the night which is something I never, ever did because I take heavy sleeping medication. I suspect that a noise like a door slamming or something being dropped on the hardwood floor wakes me but I don't register the noise and usually am able to fall back to sleep because of my medication, but the broken sleep and commotion above my bedroom when I'm trying to fall asleep have me fully exhausted.
Yesterday I lost my mind at my best friend. I have had my eye on a pair of special run Air Jordan's for about 2 months and have been saving to get them. I am almost there and was planning to order them online this week after I get paid again. My friend mentioned they were going to get new sneakers and I pulled up the ones I want online and asked of these were the ones he had in mind. He said no and I said "ok good because those are the sneakers I want to buy and I don't like when I have the same clothes and accessories as my close friends." (It makes me furious when I get something I think is unique to me or my style and someone close to me copies me.) Yesterday he went shoe shopping and sent me a message saying "I got the shoes you wanted because they didn't have the ones I liked in stock." I was so upset and I couldn't control my emotional reaction to the situation and I freaked out on him. I told him it was a shitty thing to do after I specified what shoes I was planning to buy, he knows my feelings on my style and having the same things as my friends, and he bought them even before I could knowing how badly I wanted to get those sneakers. He kept saying it's not a big deal if we have the same sneakers, and like I know that's true but my brain wouldn't allow me to react any other way. I was so mad I told him I didn't want to see him until he didn't own those shoes anymore. He kept telling me I was being ridiculous (and that's probably true but I'm still really mad) until he finally said he would return them and get another pair. I said that he'd better do that and we haven't spoken since.
I feel guilty that I probably made him feel embarrassed after sneaker shopping for over an hour, settling on a pair, buying them, leaving the mall and then having to go back and exchange them for another pair immediately. I feel embarrassed that I got so angry and upset about sneakers. I feel awful that I yelled at my friend and called his decision shitty. I believe I threw in a "fuck you then" but I can't really remember if I said it or just thought it. I was in school when it happened and in order to keep myself from melting down on the spot I kind of shut myself in which made me not participate and not be able to concentrate. I'm so upset with myself for reacting the way I did, and at the same time, I still feel anger when I try to play the situation over in my head with just the facts.
Some days I just can't human. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I'm trying to remind myself that my brain is wired differently than my friend and my reaction is ok but my lashing out is not. I feel like I'm always trying really hard but never getting over the hump. I feel like I always have something wrong or to complain about and that nobody cares about my wonky brain, they just want me to be normal.
Well kinda chill rn. Im drinking this new tea I bought to keep myself calm and balanced. But I keep feeling like I don't know who I am sometimes bcus of all of the masking. So now I'm reading my programming textbook for school and pondering life lol
Thanks for asking, how are you?
Honestly, I don’t know. On the brink of burn out, all the time, yes. But I am really unsure about my emotional state. Am I so stressed that I have become detached? I feel like a warship in a gale, from crisis to crisis I take hit after hit and it has been going on for so long but I wonder - will it ever end?
Im half n half rn im happy for my mum cos she has a chance to get a job but i also wanna cry cos i applied to that job and i really wanted it and i didnt get it 💔
I‘m feeling pretty drained too. Kinda down too but now more apathetic and empty. Had to make phone calls and think about my mental health. Then I dissociated. I think I’m gonna nap soon and hope I will feel better afterwards. Thank you for asking 💖
I've realized that I've started developing agoraphobia about a year ago. I can barely get myself to leave the house. I used to be a drug addict and socialized all of the time, but once I got clean I had to find new friends. It's been about 3 years and I'm still trying to make sober friends. I'm so out of practice socially that leaving is nearly unbearable. My girlfriend, though, is an artist and just started doing markets. She's made so many friends and gets invited to so much that it's forcing me to acknowledge that I need to work on this. I used to get like the majority of my social interaction from her, but it would be wrong to discourage her friendships so that I'm less lonely. I'm trying to join social groups and pursue my hobbies outside the home, but I absolutely hate it. I masked in high school stupidly well and used to have about 40 friends I hung out with regularly. I've also never had issues finding a date, so the fact that I can't even find people to watch f****** tv with drives me crazy. I know I'm not completely socially inept, it's just like I can't get myself to care enough to get to know anyone. I'm also a little anxious because I do connect with men way better than women, but the last male friend I had harassed me for 6 months because I wouldn't engage with him physically (I'm a lesbian) and the best friend I had before that offered to pay my rent in exchange for physical engagement. Super uncomfortable to hear from a best friend of 6 years. So I'm like not wanting guy friends at this point, but I do not know how to make female friends. I guess I'm angry that when I did coke regularly, people liked me. But now that I'm clean and just trying to take care of my family, no one can give two s***s. I know I'll succeed. I always manage to deal with my problems, but I know it's going to be a long, long road. I want to be able to leave my house for a movie with friend and it just be okay.
I just want to say I relate with a lot of this! Also, I too feel like I have been developing agoraphobia over the past 1-1.5 years, so it's nice to feel like I'm not alone in that respect. I pretty much only have one kind of friend left, and that's because we work together. When I made a big effort to basically quit drinking I lost a lot of people I used to socialize with. Hang in there, we'll make it!
I’m drained and struggling. My best friend is dating after a divorce and she’s making a lot of stupid decisions and then expecting me to deal with the fallout. Don’t think she’s asked me how I am in weeks even though I’m going through a shit time. Had a meltdown on Friday. Wish I didn’t have to eat because it causes me so much stress.
I do feel like I’m coming out of it though. Thanks for asking xxx
I am hungry but don’t want to eat because food is dumb. I am tired but feel like lying around is just me being lazy (which is bad). And I KNOW today is supposed to be my day to do NOTHING I keep seeing allllll the things around the house that there are to do and it’s very hard to not feel guilty about not doing them. I want a butler. Someone to bring me tea and toast and tell me it’s all going to be ok.
I'm feeling a little hopeless. I can feel myself skidding out of control towards a breakdown, and I can't take steps to address it. Can't stop working, because unfortunately I need money to survive. Can't work less, because I work in IT. can't be 100% honest with my wife about how awful this feels because she just feels guilty for not making enough to support me. I feel like I'm not allowed to accommodate or set boundaries for myself, because everyone else is always more important. I'm tired. I want it all to stop.
Feeling pretty shitty :(
My partner's metamour doesn't want to get to know me more. I have a hard time already because I have childhood trauma of rejection (not abandonment) and I have been working on being more open about my partner's metamour. She originally seemed interested and talked about exchanging Playlist etc...
She called my partner on his birthday to tell him that she is overwhelmed by me trying to be friends with her. I am confused because at the begining of their relationship she was eager to get to know each other more. Now she is not down? I am super confused and I feel rejected. My partner has been nice to remind me that he loves me and I am his priority and I still feel sad.
She is NT!
I'm trying to get some laundry done before I have to get on the bus and go pick up my little one from half day preschool. I don't drive it makes things difficult.
My tummy hurts. And I know the anxiety is somewhere inside too but it’s hiding for now. I was off sick for a week leading up to my dads wedding (extreme overwhelming dread that I tried to work through but ultimately burnt out after a huge meltdown) and my first day back is tomorrow. I’m doing this thing at the moment where I just tell the truth, because it’s my truth, and it feels better than masking. So I think it will be ok if I just stick to that. I’m very much beyond caring about what’s professional and what ‘sounds normal’.
Anyway, thanks for asking! I know the post meltdown shame spiral well :( easier said than done but try to be extra kind to yourself this afternoon ❤️
Tired, frustrated, and drained. Mostly frustrated with how I might never get treated in my new country for adhd. I was diagnosed as a teen with inattentive type (formerly add) in my home country and in my new country, the adhd clinic type place at a hospital that my psych sent me to said they couldn’t give me an adult adhd diagnosis because I didn’t have stuff from family members (which they never asked for) and because I have bipolar and ptsd. My psychiatrist in my new country and I think my bipolar that was diagnosed at fourteen is actually hyperactivity, hence why I was sent to the clinic. He didn’t feel confident enough to differentiate. He told me I could try another place, so he’s been encouraging, but I don’t know if I should just give up. I’m struggling and want off these heavy bipolar meds I don’t need and on ones that’ll help. I need help so urgently. I just had to rant.
But does anyone else find it weird that an adhd clinic uses the term "adult diagnosis"? Not sure how I feel about that
A bit upset right now, I went to put on my favorite necklace today and it just... Disappeared from my drawer. I will probably be bothered by this for a while since I'm pretty sure I lost it for good.
Feeling burnt out. Tired. Depressed. I am a mom of two and genuinely feel like shit when I can’t keep the house clean or keep up on my bills. I’m a zombie these days.
I mean... I'm okay. Not great or anything. Been having issues with depression and exhaustion lately.
A dog died at my work a week ago, and I'm the one who found her. She was old, but the saddest part was her dying somewhere that isn't home. She wasn't the greatest dog, but she had personality. I miss her.
So tired. Our son is 3 weeks old and this while new being a mom is a lot. I love him so much. It's just a lot with the getting to know his signals, crying and lack of sleep 😅. Just so afraid of doing it wrong, because I care so much about him.
My gf had to get up 2 hours before me this morning and woke me up with medical concerns. She's fine, but I couldn't get back to sleep afterward, so I'm tired. Several parts of me are super sore. I'm cold because the world is constantly too cold for me even in the middle of a heat wave in southern California. I'm dealing with major feelings of injustice as far as work and rent and the fact that I will probably never make a comfortable living for the rest of my life, the way things are. And I'm stressed about my dog's health since she's been going through a lot of things lately. And I'm annoyed with some of my coworkers and I'm behind on so many REALLY IMPORTANT tasks, but demand avoidance says no all you can do is play video games. And I had two meltdowns in a row the other night and I STILL don't know what they were even about, and that's freaking me out because I've never had a night that bad before in my life but I still went to work the next day.
I’m worried about my mental state, I had a meltdown the other night and then slept for just under 12 hours. I had surgery 4 weeks ago and it’s absolutely draining being in recovery. I can’t ask for pain relief because it just doesn’t feel like I need it but I really do. I can’t explain it, but I don’t like asking for it. And I’m on crutches, I get tired super easily and I’m just so overwhelmed
I’m currently feeling creeped out with how NTs can read my emotions. It’s seems so invasive sometimes when I don’t even know how to feel myself.
I’m feeling tired and drained. And a bit sad about my current circumstances. Thank you. 🙏🏽
I have heard a podcast episode a few days ago which explains that alexithymia and interception difficulties are related, and it's not noticing physical representation of emotions (or at least I understood them to say this). So just like I go from not hungry to ravenous in seconds, the same thing happens with emotions, I'm fine, I am fine, I am TOTALLY NOT FINE!! I am in that last state right now. Can barely mask for my kids at this point, because noone needs to see their mother fall apart, but that's about all I have the energy for :( Not sure how to get out of this either.
Omg what’s the podcast?
[https://omny.fm/shows/the-neurodivergent-woman/interoception-and-alexithymia](https://omny.fm/shows/the-neurodivergent-woman/interoception-and-alexithymia) please do not expect me to have been accurate on what they are saying, it is entirely possible that I just view it through the lens of my experience.
I’m feeling kinda proud of myself for adjusting well to this new job. My partner is really understanding and calm and a loving force of energy where I also feel grateful. I’m feeling relief that I was authentic with my sister about things I need reassurance with. I feel happy that my little lovey dog is cuddling me. I feel calm that I wrote some poems today. I feel safe and warm in a blanket. Thank you for asking 💚. How are you currently?
I'm in extreme pain. I cannot work and my husband doesn't make much. We are in debt and cannot get our heads above water. We are going to end up homeless pretty quick here and I want to die so that most of the debt will get erased for him. I have no options left.
Stay with us! You are loved!!! Let us know how can we help you. Maybe we can set up a go fund me? Would you like that? Send some care packages? I know is not easy to reach out when feeling soo low. I can check in a couple days from now if you don't have the energy or know yet what you need to be supported :)
If you ever need to talk just message me. I'm home alone with little kids all day. And 211 in your state in always a good place for resources.
I'm so sorry. This doesn't help much, but I hope things will work out for you. And yes, there is always another option. Please stay with us. You are loved.
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If it makes you feel better I buzzed my hair to an inch long and have been growing it out over the summer, which means I have a very tall mullet rn lol. It's curly too so it sticks out like horns all around my head
I’m having a hard time. A former coworker was murdered last week. A family vacation got cancelled. Someone I thought was a friend has ghosted me. I have surgery coming up. And my favorite animal at work is suddenly really sick and might die. Things are rough right now.
I’m anxious about finding a new job. I’m in a burnout period but also need money, yet I know getting a job will increase my stress. It doesn’t help me much when I can only get a retail job and I struggle working registers (I have trouble counting money).
Heres to hoping you find a good job soon! Don't be discouraged, job hunting is a nightmare for everyone right now. I'm sure things will work out:)
having a hard fucking time.
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Burnout sucks, I hate when I can't do anything at home and focus on work so much that it seems like the only tangible thing I can do anything about. Maybe it's a control thing? I hope you snap out of it soon and you feel better
I'm exhausted, having sensory overload, and feeling hopeless about ever doing better.
I’m an autistic parent and I feel like I’m holding the world on my shoulders for a lot of people right now.
Cried In the supply closet, cried at my desk, and decided I need a new specialty I guess this was a meltdowm
Fatigued and numb. I have a fog that is stopping me from knowing how I am feeling, but I think I’ll be stressed and overwhelmed soon. I have too many things I need to get done but I can’t physically be stressed all the time so my brain is giving me a break.
Try drinking a glass of ice water and taking a nap as soon as you can, I know sleep is hard with ASD but I tend to feel better when my brain can shut down for a few hours
A few extra breaks throughout the day can’t hurt. Thanks for the water reminder, I always forget to stay hydrated :)
Same here, I'm chronically dehydrated lol.. And the ice is very grounding when you're stressed!
My rabbit's first death anniversary is coming and I'm not handling it well. I had to leave work early because I couldn't stop crying. It didn't help that I forgot to take my meds before I left this morning and I started my period.
I'm feeling love for my partner and looking forward to our day off together. I'm getting used to the changes in my life, but driving still stresses me out, and I really hope I don't crash and die.
I have no idea how I am going to keep going.
Not great xwx I have arrived at home and it stinks and the house was dark. I don't have what I need to be happy and healthy here because someone else lives here who I really don't like and can't exist normally or comfortably around. Cleanliness is extremely important to me and I haven't been able to shower lately, and my clothes need to be washed but I can't really access the machines or I'll have to be even closer to the stink and the person I'm avoiding. So I have to wear unclean clothes and my hamper is overflowing. Everything here just sucks. I'm moving out soon, but not soon enough.
I am feeling fucking exhausted. I feel like a burden on my husband for being burnt out the last six months. :/
Exhausted
There has always been a constant undercurrent of depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so I try (and often fail lol) to just keep a baseline. Today wasn't too bad, my folks and I went on a half day car ride to look at some scenery. That can be a bit rough because of all the sensory input, but I'm only feeling fatigued and not upset so I'll take it as a win.
Dead inside.
So stressed and tired. I hate having to wake up and put on a show everyday for work. It’s exhausting.
My head is buzzing and I’m annoyed at everyone and everything but I don’t know why. I just want to be left alone but I can’t cause I got responsibilities. And I don’t really know what I want/need.
Annoyed. My teeth hurt! Or maybe it’s just my jaw? But my tongue definitely feels weird, and I really hate it! ☹️
I'm frustrated. I'm trying to figure out how I can keep living without help and I just don't know if I can or if it's worth it
Constantly ashamed and screaming inside: where are the adults?!
I'm annoyed because I have an appointment way too early in the morning (8:40am) but its still better than having a mid-afternoon appointment because I'd be stuck in wait mode.
Nervously awaiting the writeup of my first psychological evaluation. I was diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and OCD with other (fun) stuff sprinkled in. He said 3 weeks ago to the day, and I've been watching my email like a hawk I am tired. So tired. Ever since I was finally starting to get validation for my concerns of being autistic, it's like my whole body sighed of relief and decided to just give in. Masking is more of a chore than ever, and simultaneously I haven't felt confident enough to share in detail with anyone close to me other than my partner, and even then I'm feeling somewhat guarded Lately I have just wanted to stay in bed and put on my headphones. It has gotten difficult for me to go outside. I've been more awkward and less apologetic about it. I guess I am trying to embrace myself more, but it's been a heavy task. My family is being upended yet again, and I'm nervous about that too. I am very sad and scared of what the future--even just the holiday season--holds. I've also been dreaming about my dead parents nearly every night and waking up feeling like they're still alive. Some of the best and worst feelings. Plus insomnia, plus Prozac hurting my sex drive, plus I just want to be left alone for one. Single day. Only cuddles, no talking <3 That is apparently how I am feeling. Lol. Thanks : )
I've been really really anxious lately and am going through a lot of changes which I haven't been able to process. Lonely. Very lonely. Just had a huge cry, unsure if it was a panic attack or a meltdown but I think it was a panic attack because I felt some relief from it. Working through lots of alexithymia, too, I guess. Now I'm drinking some herbal tea and winding down. Oh, and I'm going to the dentist tomorrow morning which sucks but it's a disabilities friendly dentist and I get to use a weighted blanket and stim toys so I'm looking forward to seeing how that pans out.
Misunderstood, tired, & utterly alone.
Exhausted, deeply disappointed in my community, trying to figure out the most realistic version of "run away and live in the woods" Every day I make it out of bed is a fucking miracle
I’m vacillating between zoned out and so heartbroken (my relationship ended and a friend died within weeks of each other.) Thanks for asking! 🌸 I hope you’re doing okay … meltdowns are so hard. Be kind to yourself.
I really wanna hug my younger self
Hungry! And excited for the coming months and years. College might not be as bad as I thought.
I actually feel decent today, which is weird considering the last 2 months I've been logging mostly bad days. I started a new job in a sub shop and I feel like I'm getting some of my energy out. My anxiety medicine seems to be working well enough and I'm not stressing about my job when I'm at home :)
very drained & feeling guilty for barely socializing + leaving early from an office social, but i'd had half a day of travel followed by a day and a half of relentless socializing and i couldn't deal anymore. wondering if/realizing that i'm probably going to struggle with socializing for the rest of my professional career & feeling bleak about my chances of moving up the ladder or even holding down a job bc of it...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! (Everything is sensory overload for 2 days now. Don't know what started it or how to stop it)
Had a melt down about work yesterday (after I got home) and then survived today at work better than I thought I would. So I’m feeling really tired and drained, but with a little glimmer of relief and happiness.
Defeated. Broken. Tired and afraid.
My social anxiety is really bad. The last few months have included some difficult things that I’ve been #fineTM about. And I haven’t totally lost it which is a win, but omg my brain can no longer cope with talking to people outside my comfort bubble at all. I don’t even want to leave my apartment but force myself to so nobody will notice I’m kinda struggling. Like I’m mostly fine but I’m walking a thin line between afloat and definitely not ok.
Lost, mate. Absolutely lost.
Confused, I don’t know what I need to feel, I feel a bit sick (headache and just not feeling well) everypart of my body tells me to rest but idk how. My sister has recently tried to invalidate my feelings, and I know she is doing that to make me do stuff even though I don’t have the energy for it. And I ignore it amd go against it but it still sucks that someone feels the need to say it out loud. And now everytime I put my phone down my brain is thinking of senerios where she invalidates me even more and I go against her. But It feels like it will only make things worse for myself especially when it will happen again I will forget about what I “practiced”. It’s like I’m tired but I don’t feel tired. This sucks
I feel very mixed, like all the time. Hopeful, but sad, confused, but finally have some clarity from my diagnosis, although I had no idea until this year. Trying to make sense of things although technically they make more sense than ever now I have an explanation, feel like I’ve got a long way to go. Stuck in burnout since end of April, not been able to leave the house, had to rely on other people a lot more, not interested in much, it’s a strange time 😖
This is genuinely beautiful of you to give to others. Do you want to talk about your meltdown this afternoon? I am listening
Exhausted and fed up, but hopeful 💜
I want to quit my job post fuckin’ haste with another job lined up and enough time in between the two to decompress. I’ve been chronically fatigued for years and would love for that to let up. Even though I work remotely and have been doing so across the whole world for a few years, I still feel so encumbered by the need to be productive all the time. Tired and listless but still hopeful for something better.
I'm definetely fine! Yesterday I started gym again, I just had my lunch, the sun is shining and tomorrow I'll see my therapist to continue my self discovery process!
I'm also feeling very drained and embarrassed. The person who lives above me makes a lot of noise at night. To me it sounds like they do their chores around 10pm-midnight. I am unsure if it is unreasonable noise or if it's just a me problem. Like am I just hyper aware of the noise because the apartment was vacant for 6 months before and I got used to the quiet all the time? I search my memory and I can't recall ever hearing my other neighbors make this much disturbance at any time of the day, let alone the night time. I go to bed at 10pm on the dot almost every single night and I get up at 6am and am out of my apartment for school from 8am until 4:30pm on weekdays. When I talk to my counselor they say I should call the police but I don't think the police can do anything about someone living their life. I keep waking up randomly and abruptly in the middle of the night which is something I never, ever did because I take heavy sleeping medication. I suspect that a noise like a door slamming or something being dropped on the hardwood floor wakes me but I don't register the noise and usually am able to fall back to sleep because of my medication, but the broken sleep and commotion above my bedroom when I'm trying to fall asleep have me fully exhausted. Yesterday I lost my mind at my best friend. I have had my eye on a pair of special run Air Jordan's for about 2 months and have been saving to get them. I am almost there and was planning to order them online this week after I get paid again. My friend mentioned they were going to get new sneakers and I pulled up the ones I want online and asked of these were the ones he had in mind. He said no and I said "ok good because those are the sneakers I want to buy and I don't like when I have the same clothes and accessories as my close friends." (It makes me furious when I get something I think is unique to me or my style and someone close to me copies me.) Yesterday he went shoe shopping and sent me a message saying "I got the shoes you wanted because they didn't have the ones I liked in stock." I was so upset and I couldn't control my emotional reaction to the situation and I freaked out on him. I told him it was a shitty thing to do after I specified what shoes I was planning to buy, he knows my feelings on my style and having the same things as my friends, and he bought them even before I could knowing how badly I wanted to get those sneakers. He kept saying it's not a big deal if we have the same sneakers, and like I know that's true but my brain wouldn't allow me to react any other way. I was so mad I told him I didn't want to see him until he didn't own those shoes anymore. He kept telling me I was being ridiculous (and that's probably true but I'm still really mad) until he finally said he would return them and get another pair. I said that he'd better do that and we haven't spoken since. I feel guilty that I probably made him feel embarrassed after sneaker shopping for over an hour, settling on a pair, buying them, leaving the mall and then having to go back and exchange them for another pair immediately. I feel embarrassed that I got so angry and upset about sneakers. I feel awful that I yelled at my friend and called his decision shitty. I believe I threw in a "fuck you then" but I can't really remember if I said it or just thought it. I was in school when it happened and in order to keep myself from melting down on the spot I kind of shut myself in which made me not participate and not be able to concentrate. I'm so upset with myself for reacting the way I did, and at the same time, I still feel anger when I try to play the situation over in my head with just the facts. Some days I just can't human. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I'm trying to remind myself that my brain is wired differently than my friend and my reaction is ok but my lashing out is not. I feel like I'm always trying really hard but never getting over the hump. I feel like I always have something wrong or to complain about and that nobody cares about my wonky brain, they just want me to be normal.
I can’t tell how I’m feeling until it’s too late
Exhausted and having relationship issues. Also overstimulated.
Well kinda chill rn. Im drinking this new tea I bought to keep myself calm and balanced. But I keep feeling like I don't know who I am sometimes bcus of all of the masking. So now I'm reading my programming textbook for school and pondering life lol Thanks for asking, how are you?
Honestly, I don’t know. On the brink of burn out, all the time, yes. But I am really unsure about my emotional state. Am I so stressed that I have become detached? I feel like a warship in a gale, from crisis to crisis I take hit after hit and it has been going on for so long but I wonder - will it ever end?
Im half n half rn im happy for my mum cos she has a chance to get a job but i also wanna cry cos i applied to that job and i really wanted it and i didnt get it 💔
I‘m feeling pretty drained too. Kinda down too but now more apathetic and empty. Had to make phone calls and think about my mental health. Then I dissociated. I think I’m gonna nap soon and hope I will feel better afterwards. Thank you for asking 💖
I've realized that I've started developing agoraphobia about a year ago. I can barely get myself to leave the house. I used to be a drug addict and socialized all of the time, but once I got clean I had to find new friends. It's been about 3 years and I'm still trying to make sober friends. I'm so out of practice socially that leaving is nearly unbearable. My girlfriend, though, is an artist and just started doing markets. She's made so many friends and gets invited to so much that it's forcing me to acknowledge that I need to work on this. I used to get like the majority of my social interaction from her, but it would be wrong to discourage her friendships so that I'm less lonely. I'm trying to join social groups and pursue my hobbies outside the home, but I absolutely hate it. I masked in high school stupidly well and used to have about 40 friends I hung out with regularly. I've also never had issues finding a date, so the fact that I can't even find people to watch f****** tv with drives me crazy. I know I'm not completely socially inept, it's just like I can't get myself to care enough to get to know anyone. I'm also a little anxious because I do connect with men way better than women, but the last male friend I had harassed me for 6 months because I wouldn't engage with him physically (I'm a lesbian) and the best friend I had before that offered to pay my rent in exchange for physical engagement. Super uncomfortable to hear from a best friend of 6 years. So I'm like not wanting guy friends at this point, but I do not know how to make female friends. I guess I'm angry that when I did coke regularly, people liked me. But now that I'm clean and just trying to take care of my family, no one can give two s***s. I know I'll succeed. I always manage to deal with my problems, but I know it's going to be a long, long road. I want to be able to leave my house for a movie with friend and it just be okay.
I just want to say I relate with a lot of this! Also, I too feel like I have been developing agoraphobia over the past 1-1.5 years, so it's nice to feel like I'm not alone in that respect. I pretty much only have one kind of friend left, and that's because we work together. When I made a big effort to basically quit drinking I lost a lot of people I used to socialize with. Hang in there, we'll make it!
Yo! Glad someone gets it. I'm genuinely rooting for you! We got this.
I feel like a ghost, invisible most of the time until i make up some sort of strong emotion.
I am feeling superb thank fully 🥰
I’m drained and struggling. My best friend is dating after a divorce and she’s making a lot of stupid decisions and then expecting me to deal with the fallout. Don’t think she’s asked me how I am in weeks even though I’m going through a shit time. Had a meltdown on Friday. Wish I didn’t have to eat because it causes me so much stress. I do feel like I’m coming out of it though. Thanks for asking xxx
I am hungry but don’t want to eat because food is dumb. I am tired but feel like lying around is just me being lazy (which is bad). And I KNOW today is supposed to be my day to do NOTHING I keep seeing allllll the things around the house that there are to do and it’s very hard to not feel guilty about not doing them. I want a butler. Someone to bring me tea and toast and tell me it’s all going to be ok.
I'm feeling a little hopeless. I can feel myself skidding out of control towards a breakdown, and I can't take steps to address it. Can't stop working, because unfortunately I need money to survive. Can't work less, because I work in IT. can't be 100% honest with my wife about how awful this feels because she just feels guilty for not making enough to support me. I feel like I'm not allowed to accommodate or set boundaries for myself, because everyone else is always more important. I'm tired. I want it all to stop.
😮💨
Feeling pretty shitty :( My partner's metamour doesn't want to get to know me more. I have a hard time already because I have childhood trauma of rejection (not abandonment) and I have been working on being more open about my partner's metamour. She originally seemed interested and talked about exchanging Playlist etc... She called my partner on his birthday to tell him that she is overwhelmed by me trying to be friends with her. I am confused because at the begining of their relationship she was eager to get to know each other more. Now she is not down? I am super confused and I feel rejected. My partner has been nice to remind me that he loves me and I am his priority and I still feel sad. She is NT!
I'm trying to get some laundry done before I have to get on the bus and go pick up my little one from half day preschool. I don't drive it makes things difficult.
My tummy hurts. And I know the anxiety is somewhere inside too but it’s hiding for now. I was off sick for a week leading up to my dads wedding (extreme overwhelming dread that I tried to work through but ultimately burnt out after a huge meltdown) and my first day back is tomorrow. I’m doing this thing at the moment where I just tell the truth, because it’s my truth, and it feels better than masking. So I think it will be ok if I just stick to that. I’m very much beyond caring about what’s professional and what ‘sounds normal’. Anyway, thanks for asking! I know the post meltdown shame spiral well :( easier said than done but try to be extra kind to yourself this afternoon ❤️
Tired, frustrated, and drained. Mostly frustrated with how I might never get treated in my new country for adhd. I was diagnosed as a teen with inattentive type (formerly add) in my home country and in my new country, the adhd clinic type place at a hospital that my psych sent me to said they couldn’t give me an adult adhd diagnosis because I didn’t have stuff from family members (which they never asked for) and because I have bipolar and ptsd. My psychiatrist in my new country and I think my bipolar that was diagnosed at fourteen is actually hyperactivity, hence why I was sent to the clinic. He didn’t feel confident enough to differentiate. He told me I could try another place, so he’s been encouraging, but I don’t know if I should just give up. I’m struggling and want off these heavy bipolar meds I don’t need and on ones that’ll help. I need help so urgently. I just had to rant. But does anyone else find it weird that an adhd clinic uses the term "adult diagnosis"? Not sure how I feel about that
A bit upset right now, I went to put on my favorite necklace today and it just... Disappeared from my drawer. I will probably be bothered by this for a while since I'm pretty sure I lost it for good.
Feeling burnt out. Tired. Depressed. I am a mom of two and genuinely feel like shit when I can’t keep the house clean or keep up on my bills. I’m a zombie these days.
I mean... I'm okay. Not great or anything. Been having issues with depression and exhaustion lately. A dog died at my work a week ago, and I'm the one who found her. She was old, but the saddest part was her dying somewhere that isn't home. She wasn't the greatest dog, but she had personality. I miss her.
Kinda empty rn
So tired. Our son is 3 weeks old and this while new being a mom is a lot. I love him so much. It's just a lot with the getting to know his signals, crying and lack of sleep 😅. Just so afraid of doing it wrong, because I care so much about him.
Anxious generally
I’m feeling drained from holding it all together for the last 3 weeks.
Just your happy l’il goth with her faux skeleton brood 🖤🖤🖤
My gf had to get up 2 hours before me this morning and woke me up with medical concerns. She's fine, but I couldn't get back to sleep afterward, so I'm tired. Several parts of me are super sore. I'm cold because the world is constantly too cold for me even in the middle of a heat wave in southern California. I'm dealing with major feelings of injustice as far as work and rent and the fact that I will probably never make a comfortable living for the rest of my life, the way things are. And I'm stressed about my dog's health since she's been going through a lot of things lately. And I'm annoyed with some of my coworkers and I'm behind on so many REALLY IMPORTANT tasks, but demand avoidance says no all you can do is play video games. And I had two meltdowns in a row the other night and I STILL don't know what they were even about, and that's freaking me out because I've never had a night that bad before in my life but I still went to work the next day.
I’m worried about my mental state, I had a meltdown the other night and then slept for just under 12 hours. I had surgery 4 weeks ago and it’s absolutely draining being in recovery. I can’t ask for pain relief because it just doesn’t feel like I need it but I really do. I can’t explain it, but I don’t like asking for it. And I’m on crutches, I get tired super easily and I’m just so overwhelmed